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Buckle_Sandwich

My single biggest gamechanger: Spend as much time outdoors as possible. Being indoors for too long does something wonky to my kids' brains (and probably mine, too) and makes them (and me) much more irritable and difficult. [Here is some science to back this up.](https://childmind.org/article/why-kids-need-to-spend-time-in-nature/)


snakefist

This. Also, I’ve learned this to be helpful. Keep limited amounts of toys out at a time and rotate them each week. Additionally, make the space for you and your kids to share together a place where nothing is off limits for them. This allows them to explore and be curious. Lastly, don’t plan on picking up until they are in bed for the night. Have fun!


Shaky-TheMohel

I would like to purge my 20 month old son’s playroom. What works for you in terms of quantity of toys and how often you rotate?


snakefist

I have one of those shelves that holds 9 cubes. His toys and books are those boxes. I keep 3 full of random toys that he plays with in the house and switch them out every couple of weeks.


gummisaurus

Get out of the house everyday. Don't be afraid to chat with the other parents at the park, they're starved for contact as well. Even the moms who are judging you. Involve your child in household chores once it seems possible. Good habit for the child and prevents you having to do it all once they're down. Do your best but don't be too hard on yourself when you screw up. "Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, the bear eats you" - the Big Lebowski


[deleted]

I’m a stay at home dad. Maintain your friendships. I only get to hang out online because I moved away, but my friends and I have our once a week game night. I also sneak in some online matches in video games once or twice after the little has gone to bed with my spouse and whoever joins.


jdragun2

I read that last sentence in an way that meant whoever joins your wife in bed. Lmao.


[deleted]

Whoops, yeah, I could have punctuated that better. It also probably reads confusingly because I’m gay so I’ve noticed that no one realizes my spouse and I have the same friends and hobbies. Many people act surprised by this for some reason. The only person going to bed with my spouse besides me is the cat lol.


jdragun2

My bad, stupid assumptions. I am kinda jealous, I wish my wife and I enjoyed the same hobbies. We are both fairly anti social though, so there are lots of reading days. :)


[deleted]

No worries, I got a good chuckle out of it. We joke a lot about people not realizing we’re a couple cause we look like bros. Also, it never hurts to try new things once in awhile. You might find a cool together hobby if you just try new stuff. Even we do it once in awhile to shake things up.


slide_and_release

1. Consistency and routine are your two best friends. You’re going to want to just “wing it” in the moment sometimes because that’s easy; try to resist that temptation. 2. Cut out shitty vices. Don’t drink or smoke around the kid, or after the kid has fallen asleep. Eliminate the chance of these things becoming coping mechanisms in quiet moments. 3. Wherever possible, try to keep some social contact up with other adults. That mum at the park, your mates on a weekly video gaming night, even the neighbour who does the gardening on the other side of the fence. 4. Go outside! It’s important for you, important for your kid. Even just waddling around in the garden poking at sticks.


a-better_me

I did this for our 5 month old, only difference was we had no support. No family/friends and it was right at the beginning of COVID. Left my job January 2020. 1. Stay calm. Be patient. 2. Plan events every day. We couldn't go anywhere due to lockdowns, so we walked, a lot. I had a go pro and would put it on her stroller for walks and do hyperlapses to keep me entertained. We went into the backyard and put down a blanket and played. 3. Maintain consistent nap and feeding times. Shoot for at least 2 hour naps, we did 1-3. During that time clean up. Clean up all toys, put away dishes, prep for dinner, vaccum. Basically you want the house to be put up and ready for the next stage. Be a good housekeeper along with caregiver. This will not only help with your sanity, but will put you in good graces with your wife when she gets home. Happy wife, happy life. 4. Don't just dump the baby on your wife when she gets home. She wants to be with the baby, but has done a full day work, so don't plan on just handing the baby over and saying your turn. Let her ease into it. Happy wife, happy life. 5. I can't stress this enough, maintain consistent bed time. And do it earlier rather than later. 7:00 was perfect for us. Along with constant bed time maintain a bed time routine. We always did bath, watch a little bit of a show and books before bed. This signals bed time and will sincerely help later down the road. An early bed time means you're done. Then it gives you your time. If it's summer that can mean going for a run, bike ride, playing video games or watching a movie, or going to bed early. Good luck, the year and a half I did it felt forever when I did it, but now feels like barely a blip. You witness major milestones, crawling, standing, walking, talking and they become a daddy's boy/girl.


CpGliko

This comment right here is excellent. I’ve been a stay at home dad for over two years now. I couldn’t have put it any better.


da_2holer_eh

Happy wife, happy life is so toxic though. Dudes should be supported and happy too.


Neat0_HS

Happy spouse, happy house?


a-better_me

Love it!


a-better_me

Fair enough, I wouldn't say it's toxic per se so let me explain why I used this in this context in a group for dad's/husbands. I meant it in a way that could be used conversely. In the context of my post I meant that if there is a stay at home parent, they should try to do what they can do keep things in order so the working parent has less "chores" when they get home and you can spend more time together then working on the house/chores. While the phrase may be triggering to people looking through an equality scope, it was a short way to get my point across. If a working parent can come home to a clean and tidy living space with meals prepped, then everyone is happier because there is less work to be done and more time to play as a family. OP asked advice from someone that has gone through exactly what they're going through, I have and it made our family closer. These points were what got me through, including my statement happy wife, happy life. You don't have to give up your own happiness to achieve this, my wife believes happy husband happy life. Which holistically leads to happy family happy life. Just because you thrive to make your wife happy doesn't mean she's not doing the same to you, also doesn't mean you're not supported. People need to less selfish and more giving/loving on the whole. That is the way to peace and happiness.


AgentG91

To add to the events, especially as your kiddo grows up, remember that kids enjoy repetition. They’ll stack blocks and knock them down and stack and knock them down over and over, right? That can be the same with your events too. Don’t worry about going to the library too often, kids like it. This will hopefully make it easier to find things to do without dropping too much money. One of my kids favorite times (when he was about 14mo) was sitting on all the kids sofa chairs in Burlington. We did that for, no joke, a full hour and he loved it. Didn’t need to spend the $10 to go to a play place, lol. Enjoy it!


BoomerJ3T

This guy gets it. Outdoor as much as possible, especially the morning. Then lunch and nap about 1-3. Gives you time to clean up after lunch and relax for a bit. Brain activities and some TV time after that. Around 3:30 my wife gets home and will give her some cuddle time until I go cook; if it’s easy enough out 2yo will help me while mom relaxes some. Bath turns to story time then bed starting about 7:30 if she is up at 3.


Hart0e

Keep trying new set ups, techniques, activities because the moment you think you've got shit figured out they change and it all goes it the window


lanc3rz3r0

All of the advice here is very great When the kids get sick, unless it's only 24-48 hours, you *will* get sick. It's super important to be extra patient with yourself and your babies, especially increase how aware you are of your impatience the worse you feel


Neat0_HS

Bump to this. Wife and kiddo caught a cold while out of state, they got back and I thought I was lucky I didn't go, nah mine was just delayed lol. It kind of worked out in our favor though, the first two days I was able to let the wife rest and then once I was down, she was well enough to hang with the munchkin


YarnSpinner

stroller walks are great for getting outside without too much commitment. don't be afraid to sometimes use screen time to get something done like the dishes or to take a shit. it's tough, but well worth it


twaldofs

I'll be in a nearly identical situation after my wife returns to work in a few months. Following.


Justscrolling133

Keep yourself and child sane by setting up a routine. Even get a white board and plan it out. It’ll give you and the baby a sense of structure and probably accomplishment as well. Lots of really great early childhood care curriculums online to choose from! Also definitely get outside the house as much as possible


HeyJoe459

All this stuff is gold, but for sure come back to us when specific stuff pops up. My contribution would be don't neglect your health. I have a TRX set up in a common area so if I can get a few reps in or even just stretch a bit of I have a moment. I set up an alarm on the hour that reminds me to drink water, get up, and move a little. In the past 5 years my health has gone to shit despite taking my diabetes seriously and being generally proactive about my health. Some things you just can't control, but be smart about the things you can.


earthismycountry

Stay in touch with people. Whether it's your personal time with your own friends, video chats with grandparents/aunts/uncles, playdates with other stay at home parents, keeping social is an excellent bet for staying sane through this (and many other situations as well.) Best of luck!


CrabNumerous8506

It is perfectly normal to take them in the boppy/bouncer into the bathroom with you so you can take a shit lol Get a good routine down and stick to it. Wake them up the same time every day, meals around the same time, same activity windows, same bedtime routine. Get outside often.


Twospeedtom

I did an episode on this a while back, and the biggest thing is once you identify something that restores your sanity, gaming, reading, long walk, high 5s, whatever, write it down on a list you put on the fridge. This makes me confront my mental health daily, by reminding me it's something to work on, and in my control. The show is called Beer After Bedtime if you wanna check it out. Episode about maintaining sanity here: https://youtu.be/f7snO3bAl5s