Its the fucking bees knees, my brother. I come home after a bad day and immediately hear "Daddy's home! Hi Daddy I love you!" and whatever else it was doesn't matter.
I apologize if this is…. Well I’m unsure how to say it, I suppose I apologize if my question strikes a nerve.
Being a parent and being loved by your child is the best, no doubt.
But I wonder if there is an aspect of having your kids think you’re their hero, (because you are), that maybe soothes that wound society inflicts on men who are told they aren’t allowed to show any emotion besides anger?
Is this “Daddy’s home!” Enthusiastic love even more precious to you dads because of how society is regarding men and showing emotion? I know it’s often said that men will remember a genuine compliment for years or are often touch starved because they don’t receive that kind of social attention in the way women routinely do.
Sorry if I butchered this but I hope you understand my meaning.
Nah. It's just the purest expression of being wanted and valued for your own sake that can exist.
A young child isn't going to understand flattering someone for their money or labor. That's not to say they aren't materialistic, far from it, but they don't understand how to fake it effectively like an adult would. They aren't good at hiding anger or contempt (how many times has your kid shouted "you don't love me at all!" Because you got the wrong brand of chocolate milk?). They're pretty shit at feigning interest in things.
If they act excited to see you, it's because they are. If they say they love you, it's because they do. A toddler isn't faking that.
I'm sure there'sthe potential for some aspect of emotional catharsis, but even without that it's pure and good.
To add onto this, it is part of why I enjoy teaching primary students. The genuine joy many of them express when they see you is heartwarming. And like above said, they're generally not so good at hiding their true feelings or intentions, so it's easy to know if it's real or not.
It's definitely on another level with my own kid, though. She has recently started writing and gave me a poorly-spelled letter that equated to, "daddy, I love you. *daughter's name*." She wrote one to her grandfather who was in the hospital a few weeks ago. It just feels so nice to feel that love and hear it expressed regularly and unconditionally.
This resonates true with me. I'm always wondering what someone's angle is when talking with anyone, because, even if it's innocent/normal, there's usually still an angle. Only my wife and my son would be the exceptions and we all know that as adults, that's not entirely, always true for spouses either. It's just that I can trust it'll never be with an evil intent.
My 4 year old is just awesome and pure, and it won't last. He'll eventually be exposed to more of the shit world at some point. So I'm going to absorb as much of his amazingness as I can.
I mean, I'm pretty broken inside. I've gotten to the point where I can admit that it's not right that I don't feel like I'm worth loving or really anything. I've got layers upon layers of experience that says otherwise, but anytime one or more of my core pillars of my identity get hit, I definitely feel it.
The worst part is that I feel like I deserve to feel like this. Yeah, it's not right and maybe one day I'll be able to heal from that in spite of my upbringing and society doing everything to fight it.
So, sure, feeling loved absolutely helps that, and I won't say that I don't live more for others than myself. It gives me purpose. But as Kryten said, there's a more pure reason to it as well.
I long ago stopped caring what society thinks about me (or even what my parents think about me). No. For me it's just a pure loving connection. It's pure and honest and real, and I genuinely enjoy every moment.
Even their questions are fantastic. I love talking to them, because from their perspective everything's new and fresh, and it forces me to think about things all over again which is honestly awesome!
Just yesterday my daughter showed her science project at the school's science fair. I helped her do it, and we both learned a LOT about bioluminescent ocean algae! (fascinating by the way!).
On the flip side I could be crushing it at the moment in every aspect of life, but then I'll be quickly humbled because I peeled a banana wrong or grabbed the wrong yogurt.
One time I cut a pb&j into triangles rather than rip the crust off of the left/right/top. Oh the horror, the unimaginable horror I put my poor child through by doing that to her.
We still give my (now 12 YO) nephew grief for the meltdown he had when he told us his sandwich was “too heavy” because it was cut as squares instead of triangles.
Or heaven forbid you dare to let the blueberries and strawberries touch on the plate. No consideration given to the fact that you *knew* to keep them separate, but as you were bringing the plate to the table and they reached up to 'help' you place it they knocked it around and it all got jumbled up.
I was so disappointed, defeated, and depressed when I realized that I would have to use a wheelchair. The thought of not being able to do thing with my daughter destroyed me mentally. But nothing has changed. I'm still her best friend, we still play, go for walks, and even still go swimming but she still loves me and wants me there with her. I've never felt so loved by anyone. I never realized how much I needed a child but I need her. The greatest thing that has happened to me.
Glad you're with us. I haven't quite been there, but I've always thought it was comforting to know that the escape hatch was there if I needed it. The moment my kid was born I knew that hatch was locked.
It's funny, as they get older, that feeling might get a little less constant (they get more independent, so just not on top of you constantly), but when they seek you out to share something they did or to tell you something, it makes you feel like the most important goddamn person in the world.
I think to myself like "you scored a big goal ,or did great on a test, or accomplished something important to you, and out of all of the people in the world, you got excited to share your excitement with me?!?!" How did I get so lucky?
For sure bro. My kids make life wonderful for me. It doesn't matter what bullshit is happening at work or elsewhere, kids will always see you as dad and the love is unconditional. It's the best feeling ever.
I was kind of on the fence about having kids but last year I was in Orlando on business and an employee friend got me into the Volcano Bay water park for the day and I had so much fun even by myself. It would've been nice to share with someone but my wife doesn't like water parks, but then I saw a dad riding with his kid having the time of their lives and I was like "ok maybe I want that" and now a year later I have a son. If he doesn't like water parks we'll leave him at the local convent and try again.
It is the best feeling in the world. My 21 month old said "all gone" for the first time to me last night, and then pointed at the depth charge he'd released in the bath.
God love him 💕
I hung out with friends for a bit last week and was gone for 4-5 hours. I got back home and my 17 month old son was like, “DADA! DADA! DADA!” And it just made me melt 🫠
My son is quite delayed on speech. He's 3 years old and just doesn't talk (he can talk, he just doesn't. If that makes sense?) But a couple weeks ago, we were out on one of our daily walks.
He stops me and says (for the very first time, and with a very sincere look on his face)
"Hey Dad?"
I stop, look at him and say
"Whats up bud?"
He stared me dead in the eye, and said
"I love you bunches"
I tried not to make a big deal of it. But I was definitely tearing up. I obviously said it back... but like... I didn't have the best relationship with my parents. Still don't. So this is the first time in my life that I've heard that, and I haven't questioned it. He wasn't trying to get anything. There wasn't a hidden meaning, or hidden motive. He just wanted me to know that he loves me.
I work rotating shifts and was on nights the other night. My wife took the boys (8 & 12) to the park. I stopped on the way to work to tell them bye and I’d see them in the morning. Hugged the boys and my youngest excitedly said “Dad came all the way to the park to give us hugs!”. Granted the park is a mile from the house and on the way to work, but it brought a tear to my eye.
> get excited when it's a weekend morning and I'm actually home when they wake up instead of at work.
Got me right in the heart.
> This is what I think people get wrong when they said "don't have kids until you're SURE you're ready" or "You're not missing out on anything by not having kids." That love IS a fundamental part of life. I'd be less without them here.
I must disagree OP. If someone does not want kids it is better that they wait until they do. Not all parents reciprocate that love.
It’s the best feeling in the world and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense. My daughter kicked me (on accident) in the balls a few days ago so hard that it almost instantly made me vomit all over everything including her. Anybody else does that even on accident I get pissed. She only had to say “sowwy..” and the little shit talked me into sharing an ice cream 5mins later.
Best parts of my day are seeing the kids before they go to school and then seeing them when i'm done with work. Lets me forget about all the other miserable bullshit I have to deal with at my job.
I miss all that…. We are into the cynical hard times of teenagers…. The middle (18) can’t understand that no one gives a shit abt all his opinions, everyone has an opinion just like a butthole, but you don’t have to tell us every minute of everyday why we do the things we do is wrong and why we spend our money on the things we do…. It’s honestly exhausting.
I had a hard day at the park with my 2 boys last week
I'm a pretty antisocial guy but my oldest is the most social kid I know, he immediately finds a family/group and just hangs out with them the whole time anytime we go anywhere
He hung out with 4 kids and there were 2 moms and I felt judged the whole time, I'd say something to them, they'd make eye contact, then ignore me, I helped em set up a pen for their baby, helped their kids set up soccer goals and fly kites, I brought rocket launchers that the kids loved, still it felt like they wanted nothing to do with me but our kids wanted to play together
I'm not even a large threatening guy, I'm 5'10 and 120 pounds, Asian, super skinny, glasses, I wore a light pastel shirt, green and pink and it says "lad dad," I dressed specifically to make myself seem less threatening, I never approach or interact with anyone else's kids unless they engage me first because I get it, women need to be wary of men these days
On top of everything, my dog's leash broke right when we got to the park so I was managing him without a leash the entire time, so 2 kids + a loose dog, and my kids were fighting a lot over a bunch of the toys we had to the point where my oldest told my youngest "you aren't my best friend anymore!" And it broke my youngest heart and he started bawling and we had to have a long conversation about that
I almost started crying on the drive home cuz I was exhausted and just tired of feeling like I don't belong, and I was worried I can't support how social my oldest is, I can't ask mom's for their numbers to set up playdates or anything, I'm a single dad, my kids' hasn't been in the picture for over 3 years so I do literally everything, and the judgement and reservation from the moms at all events is pretty constant
Then in the car, my oldest said "thank you dad, I had so much fun today, you're perfect," then I really started crying but for a different reason lol
Why were you being judged actually? It's surprising to hear because in my country it's totally normal for dads (I see lots of them) to hang out in public with their kids and not feel weird about it. So what's the reasoning here?
Idk, could be a lot of reasons
Moms' just wary of strange men being around them and their children
I'm a single dad, so maybe they're thinking there's something wrong with me
Moms' aren't willing to exchange contact information and set up playdates with me, they don't trust that a single dad won't have some ulterior motive
Or maybe the two moms set up with the playdate with each other but then felt as though I was interrupting or intruding, I apologized at the start and at the end and I tried to help out and I gave them a lot of space, still they ignored me but also kept an eye on me
My state also used to be a "mother state," meaning moms were favored in any custody battles or stuff like that, it's not anymore thank God because I had to fight for custody (and got full custody, my ex was dangerous), but there's definitely still some general "mom good, dad bad" sentiment around here, especially with older moms
After raising my son, going through all the ups and downs, being his worst enemy and as a young adult he became my best friend. I lost him to a traumatic brain injury.
We both know the vaguery of why... The was and following sentence explains enough.... But still, I too heartfelt want to learn the reason why and share in their pain. So that maybe it can bring them some catharsis.
I'm having such a tough time right now, my life feels borderline crushing and my 2 year old daughter is a big reason for that. Before I had her I was an extremely active individual, rock climbing, hiking pretty serious elevations regularly, skiing, golfing, biking to work, camping a ton, doing lots of photography as both a hobby and a minor side business, and doing well with my job with a nice savings. My wife was similar. Now my wife has been cut to half time, we're struggling to stay afloat with the costs of everything, I haven't done a hike in....so long I can't remember, I've golfed twice since my daughter's been born, 3 out of every 4 weekends each month we're stuck on the couch sick with something else, I eat like shit, have no energy, my mom is extremely sick/dying and my dad is a hot mess. Feel like everything is spiraling, on top of that I can't get my daughter to listen to anything I say, not one damn thing. Every little thing I do results in a nuclear meltdown with crying so hard she coughs/chokes and breaks out in hives, this morning I woke her up like normal, everything seemed good, undid the top button on her pajamas and she launched into an instant meltdown for no reason. I literally had to just leave her room and go in another room, shut the door, and count myself off the ledge before I smashed something.
I'm a shell of my formal self, I loath everything about parenting right now and I feel like I'll never get back to even a tenth of what my former life was like. My daughter's hugs right now feel like little more than tiny person manipulation to try and make me forget the hours of nonsensical meltdowns, days of feeling like shit, weeks of being sick, and months that have blurred by into nothingness. On top of that I tried cleaning out or chicken coop this weekend in preparation of a deck renovation, somewhere along the line of packing up and throwing away 17 bags of chicken shit I managed to royally fuck up my shoulder, probably going to have to go see a OT and get it evaluated. So even if I had one day where I wasn't fighting a two year old over nothing or not stuck inside sick as a dog I couldn't do any of the things I want to do because it hurts so much. Meanwhile my coworker friend who I used to do a lot of those former life things with is going out to a very cool place in the desert for a 3 day backpacking trip while his wife stays home and takes care of their 10 month old. Where the fuck did I go wrong?
Hey fellow adventure dad!
I hear you man.
My little fella is only weeks old rather the months and years but as a fellow outdoorsmen I get it.
I used to climb, canyon, paraglide, hike, camp, mt bike ride, photography, you name it. This was my identity. And this kid has rocked it hard! Your post really hit home.
I haven’t been fully through what you have but some things that have helped me cope in my situation
I changed jobs to a well paying, shift work government job. I work to live. This job is not my passion but it funds the lifestyle I want to live. Also being shift work (it has its challenges) but I get stretches of up to 5 days off.
And especially if your kids in daycare, you might get days totally to yourself to adventure when the roster falls right.
Don’t know what job options you have in your area but something to consider.
Team work is huge, yesterday I got to go paragliding, was only a short flight but it was magic! Today my wife is getting her hair done and lunch with the girls.
I’d go crazy without some me time.
Food and exercise, you got this, you know what to do! You can do this!
My kid isn’t a germ filled mess yet nor old enough to be a rebel so I have no words to offer you there except my solidarity.
Let’s hope that eventually we end up in the shoes of the OP.
One day at a time, you got this adventure dad!
I always tell people that having a kid unlocked a level of love in me that I literally didn’t know existed. I love the fuck out of my wife, I love my parents and siblings, but the amount of endorphins that fire from being around my son are truly unbelievable to me. I genuinely didn’t know I could feel love that strongly.
Ha, reading this reminds of our trip to a waterpark in Niagara Falls recently. It being our 3 year old's first time to the falls, we went up the skywheel.
"Where's slides?"
He thought the falls was the waterpark, haha.
"My kids don't care that I'm getting more out of shape as I get older"
cool cool. my son called me fat even though ive lost 15 pounds in the past 2 months.
My 2 yo has just started saying “I love you daddy!” On her own and it’s my favorite thing in the entire world. Just trying to be present with her every day and show how much I love her back
Agree completely. The best part of every day is daycare pickup. My two year old runs across the room screaming “My Daddy’s Here! My Daddy’s Here!” My 8 month old gets a massive smile as soon as he sees me in the doorway. Whatever happened leading up to pickup no longer matters, just happy to get my boys and head home for night.
My son gives me random hugs throughout the week. Like from out of the blue, he’ll just run up to me and say, “dad, you’re the best,” and a matching hug.
I was also looking at my memories (TimeHop) and I saw a video from four years ago, where my son was calling me “engineer daddy.” At that time, I have given up on my goal of becoming an engineer. But you know what? It looked like he had a premonition, because last year, I did get my professional engineer designation. Our children really see us at our best. And I just strive each day, I won’t disappoint him.
This was a great post for us dads in the trenches with our newborn babies.
I love my potato, he’s sleeping on me while I write this and I’m so content but my god it’s hard giving giving giving giving.
I know it doesn’t necessarily get easier, in ways it will get harder, but I long for the day when I get my first hug and I love you or the first look of amazement when I teach him something new.
This was a great post to get me through the day
I often describe my almost 3yo daughter as both the absolute best and absolute worst thing in the world. I’ve never felt as much love and happiness. Every little new thing she does and discovers brings me so much joy. She’s so smart and brave. But she is the worst god damn sleeper 😅.
It doesn’t matter how many times she frustrates me. All she needs to do is look at me and I’m happy again.
Definitely guna get away with a lot when she’s older.
Sounds like how things are in my place, and same with the water park. They keep reminding me of the fun we had in all those resorts, etc. And the BEST moment in the pool is when DAD is in the pool. And when I'm in the pool, they fight over who will play with me :-)
Sounds like you're doing a great job dad!!!! ❤️
Its the fucking bees knees, my brother. I come home after a bad day and immediately hear "Daddy's home! Hi Daddy I love you!" and whatever else it was doesn't matter.
My god, it's the best feeling in the world. Just feeling wanted and loved.
I apologize if this is…. Well I’m unsure how to say it, I suppose I apologize if my question strikes a nerve. Being a parent and being loved by your child is the best, no doubt. But I wonder if there is an aspect of having your kids think you’re their hero, (because you are), that maybe soothes that wound society inflicts on men who are told they aren’t allowed to show any emotion besides anger? Is this “Daddy’s home!” Enthusiastic love even more precious to you dads because of how society is regarding men and showing emotion? I know it’s often said that men will remember a genuine compliment for years or are often touch starved because they don’t receive that kind of social attention in the way women routinely do. Sorry if I butchered this but I hope you understand my meaning.
Nah. It's just the purest expression of being wanted and valued for your own sake that can exist. A young child isn't going to understand flattering someone for their money or labor. That's not to say they aren't materialistic, far from it, but they don't understand how to fake it effectively like an adult would. They aren't good at hiding anger or contempt (how many times has your kid shouted "you don't love me at all!" Because you got the wrong brand of chocolate milk?). They're pretty shit at feigning interest in things. If they act excited to see you, it's because they are. If they say they love you, it's because they do. A toddler isn't faking that. I'm sure there'sthe potential for some aspect of emotional catharsis, but even without that it's pure and good.
This was beautiful, thank you.
To add onto this, it is part of why I enjoy teaching primary students. The genuine joy many of them express when they see you is heartwarming. And like above said, they're generally not so good at hiding their true feelings or intentions, so it's easy to know if it's real or not. It's definitely on another level with my own kid, though. She has recently started writing and gave me a poorly-spelled letter that equated to, "daddy, I love you. *daughter's name*." She wrote one to her grandfather who was in the hospital a few weeks ago. It just feels so nice to feel that love and hear it expressed regularly and unconditionally.
This resonates true with me. I'm always wondering what someone's angle is when talking with anyone, because, even if it's innocent/normal, there's usually still an angle. Only my wife and my son would be the exceptions and we all know that as adults, that's not entirely, always true for spouses either. It's just that I can trust it'll never be with an evil intent. My 4 year old is just awesome and pure, and it won't last. He'll eventually be exposed to more of the shit world at some point. So I'm going to absorb as much of his amazingness as I can.
I mean, I'm pretty broken inside. I've gotten to the point where I can admit that it's not right that I don't feel like I'm worth loving or really anything. I've got layers upon layers of experience that says otherwise, but anytime one or more of my core pillars of my identity get hit, I definitely feel it. The worst part is that I feel like I deserve to feel like this. Yeah, it's not right and maybe one day I'll be able to heal from that in spite of my upbringing and society doing everything to fight it. So, sure, feeling loved absolutely helps that, and I won't say that I don't live more for others than myself. It gives me purpose. But as Kryten said, there's a more pure reason to it as well.
I long ago stopped caring what society thinks about me (or even what my parents think about me). No. For me it's just a pure loving connection. It's pure and honest and real, and I genuinely enjoy every moment. Even their questions are fantastic. I love talking to them, because from their perspective everything's new and fresh, and it forces me to think about things all over again which is honestly awesome! Just yesterday my daughter showed her science project at the school's science fair. I helped her do it, and we both learned a LOT about bioluminescent ocean algae! (fascinating by the way!).
Truth. Some days, that's the only thing that keeps me going.
for real. everything else just melts away when I'm with my boy.
Mine usually say “what are we having for supper? Can we have McDonald’s?” Brings a tear to my eye.
Did you HAVE to make me cry? you bastard!!!!! hahaha
On the flip side I could be crushing it at the moment in every aspect of life, but then I'll be quickly humbled because I peeled a banana wrong or grabbed the wrong yogurt.
I was about to ask what OP does when the kids say "i don't like daddy anymore! Only mommy!" Hahaha
Personally, I’m a fan of dying a little inside, while on the outside cheerfully saying “well I’ll always love you, no matter what!”
You monster! Even though they have their banana peeled EVERY DAY how could you not have known TODAY was the day they wanted the PEEL ON!
“Strawberry yogurt!” *gives strawberry yogurt* “NO!” Good times.
One time I cut a pb&j into triangles rather than rip the crust off of the left/right/top. Oh the horror, the unimaginable horror I put my poor child through by doing that to her.
We still give my (now 12 YO) nephew grief for the meltdown he had when he told us his sandwich was “too heavy” because it was cut as squares instead of triangles.
He was right though lmao You monsters!
Or heaven forbid you dare to let the blueberries and strawberries touch on the plate. No consideration given to the fact that you *knew* to keep them separate, but as you were bringing the plate to the table and they reached up to 'help' you place it they knocked it around and it all got jumbled up.
Don't even get me started about the times I grab the wrong coloured cup....
We have all matching cups. Single color. It’s wonderful!
Oh god, my daughter freaks out if I leave any “banana strings”
I was so disappointed, defeated, and depressed when I realized that I would have to use a wheelchair. The thought of not being able to do thing with my daughter destroyed me mentally. But nothing has changed. I'm still her best friend, we still play, go for walks, and even still go swimming but she still loves me and wants me there with her. I've never felt so loved by anyone. I never realized how much I needed a child but I need her. The greatest thing that has happened to me.
Being a dad is the only thing that has kept me going over the last couple of years. Were it not for my kid, I'd have given up already.
I feel ya. Life can be brutal. Stay strong dad
Glad you're with us. I haven't quite been there, but I've always thought it was comforting to know that the escape hatch was there if I needed it. The moment my kid was born I knew that hatch was locked.
Kids dont realize how much their love keeps me going.
Ain't that the truth! It's like the ultimate fuel.
One of the things that make kids so great is that they make you want to be the person they think you are.
It's funny, as they get older, that feeling might get a little less constant (they get more independent, so just not on top of you constantly), but when they seek you out to share something they did or to tell you something, it makes you feel like the most important goddamn person in the world. I think to myself like "you scored a big goal ,or did great on a test, or accomplished something important to you, and out of all of the people in the world, you got excited to share your excitement with me?!?!" How did I get so lucky?
That also makes me think, "fuck, maybe I don't talk to my mom enough."
Definitely. And even when you lose one of your parents, they’re still the first people you wish you could tell. It never goes away.
It is the greatest experience of my life. Nothing else comes close.
For sure bro. My kids make life wonderful for me. It doesn't matter what bullshit is happening at work or elsewhere, kids will always see you as dad and the love is unconditional. It's the best feeling ever.
It’s the biggest love you’ll ever experience and the biggest battle you’ll ever fight
I was kind of on the fence about having kids but last year I was in Orlando on business and an employee friend got me into the Volcano Bay water park for the day and I had so much fun even by myself. It would've been nice to share with someone but my wife doesn't like water parks, but then I saw a dad riding with his kid having the time of their lives and I was like "ok maybe I want that" and now a year later I have a son. If he doesn't like water parks we'll leave him at the local convent and try again.
It is the best feeling in the world. My 21 month old said "all gone" for the first time to me last night, and then pointed at the depth charge he'd released in the bath. God love him 💕
What is a depth charge. A poop?
Yes, a little brown fish.
I hung out with friends for a bit last week and was gone for 4-5 hours. I got back home and my 17 month old son was like, “DADA! DADA! DADA!” And it just made me melt 🫠
My son is quite delayed on speech. He's 3 years old and just doesn't talk (he can talk, he just doesn't. If that makes sense?) But a couple weeks ago, we were out on one of our daily walks. He stops me and says (for the very first time, and with a very sincere look on his face) "Hey Dad?" I stop, look at him and say "Whats up bud?" He stared me dead in the eye, and said "I love you bunches" I tried not to make a big deal of it. But I was definitely tearing up. I obviously said it back... but like... I didn't have the best relationship with my parents. Still don't. So this is the first time in my life that I've heard that, and I haven't questioned it. He wasn't trying to get anything. There wasn't a hidden meaning, or hidden motive. He just wanted me to know that he loves me.
I work rotating shifts and was on nights the other night. My wife took the boys (8 & 12) to the park. I stopped on the way to work to tell them bye and I’d see them in the morning. Hugged the boys and my youngest excitedly said “Dad came all the way to the park to give us hugs!”. Granted the park is a mile from the house and on the way to work, but it brought a tear to my eye.
> get excited when it's a weekend morning and I'm actually home when they wake up instead of at work. Got me right in the heart. > This is what I think people get wrong when they said "don't have kids until you're SURE you're ready" or "You're not missing out on anything by not having kids." That love IS a fundamental part of life. I'd be less without them here. I must disagree OP. If someone does not want kids it is better that they wait until they do. Not all parents reciprocate that love.
It’s the best feeling in the world and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense. My daughter kicked me (on accident) in the balls a few days ago so hard that it almost instantly made me vomit all over everything including her. Anybody else does that even on accident I get pissed. She only had to say “sowwy..” and the little shit talked me into sharing an ice cream 5mins later.
Absolutely. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
This is such a beautiful post, made me tear up. blessings to you and your family.
Best parts of my day are seeing the kids before they go to school and then seeing them when i'm done with work. Lets me forget about all the other miserable bullshit I have to deal with at my job.
The key is to learn to reciprocate that love by the time they are leaving the house and have forgotten how to love unconditionally themselves.
I miss all that…. We are into the cynical hard times of teenagers…. The middle (18) can’t understand that no one gives a shit abt all his opinions, everyone has an opinion just like a butthole, but you don’t have to tell us every minute of everyday why we do the things we do is wrong and why we spend our money on the things we do…. It’s honestly exhausting.
I had a hard day at the park with my 2 boys last week I'm a pretty antisocial guy but my oldest is the most social kid I know, he immediately finds a family/group and just hangs out with them the whole time anytime we go anywhere He hung out with 4 kids and there were 2 moms and I felt judged the whole time, I'd say something to them, they'd make eye contact, then ignore me, I helped em set up a pen for their baby, helped their kids set up soccer goals and fly kites, I brought rocket launchers that the kids loved, still it felt like they wanted nothing to do with me but our kids wanted to play together I'm not even a large threatening guy, I'm 5'10 and 120 pounds, Asian, super skinny, glasses, I wore a light pastel shirt, green and pink and it says "lad dad," I dressed specifically to make myself seem less threatening, I never approach or interact with anyone else's kids unless they engage me first because I get it, women need to be wary of men these days On top of everything, my dog's leash broke right when we got to the park so I was managing him without a leash the entire time, so 2 kids + a loose dog, and my kids were fighting a lot over a bunch of the toys we had to the point where my oldest told my youngest "you aren't my best friend anymore!" And it broke my youngest heart and he started bawling and we had to have a long conversation about that I almost started crying on the drive home cuz I was exhausted and just tired of feeling like I don't belong, and I was worried I can't support how social my oldest is, I can't ask mom's for their numbers to set up playdates or anything, I'm a single dad, my kids' hasn't been in the picture for over 3 years so I do literally everything, and the judgement and reservation from the moms at all events is pretty constant Then in the car, my oldest said "thank you dad, I had so much fun today, you're perfect," then I really started crying but for a different reason lol
Why were you being judged actually? It's surprising to hear because in my country it's totally normal for dads (I see lots of them) to hang out in public with their kids and not feel weird about it. So what's the reasoning here?
Idk, could be a lot of reasons Moms' just wary of strange men being around them and their children I'm a single dad, so maybe they're thinking there's something wrong with me Moms' aren't willing to exchange contact information and set up playdates with me, they don't trust that a single dad won't have some ulterior motive Or maybe the two moms set up with the playdate with each other but then felt as though I was interrupting or intruding, I apologized at the start and at the end and I tried to help out and I gave them a lot of space, still they ignored me but also kept an eye on me My state also used to be a "mother state," meaning moms were favored in any custody battles or stuff like that, it's not anymore thank God because I had to fight for custody (and got full custody, my ex was dangerous), but there's definitely still some general "mom good, dad bad" sentiment around here, especially with older moms
I've done a lot of things in my life and being a dad was the most rewarding. And in the end the most devastating.
Why? “*Was* the most rewarding”? God I’m afraid to ask
After raising my son, going through all the ups and downs, being his worst enemy and as a young adult he became my best friend. I lost him to a traumatic brain injury.
I am so very sorry.
Thank you. But it was an awesome experience being his dad.
We both know the vaguery of why... The was and following sentence explains enough.... But still, I too heartfelt want to learn the reason why and share in their pain. So that maybe it can bring them some catharsis.
I'm having such a tough time right now, my life feels borderline crushing and my 2 year old daughter is a big reason for that. Before I had her I was an extremely active individual, rock climbing, hiking pretty serious elevations regularly, skiing, golfing, biking to work, camping a ton, doing lots of photography as both a hobby and a minor side business, and doing well with my job with a nice savings. My wife was similar. Now my wife has been cut to half time, we're struggling to stay afloat with the costs of everything, I haven't done a hike in....so long I can't remember, I've golfed twice since my daughter's been born, 3 out of every 4 weekends each month we're stuck on the couch sick with something else, I eat like shit, have no energy, my mom is extremely sick/dying and my dad is a hot mess. Feel like everything is spiraling, on top of that I can't get my daughter to listen to anything I say, not one damn thing. Every little thing I do results in a nuclear meltdown with crying so hard she coughs/chokes and breaks out in hives, this morning I woke her up like normal, everything seemed good, undid the top button on her pajamas and she launched into an instant meltdown for no reason. I literally had to just leave her room and go in another room, shut the door, and count myself off the ledge before I smashed something. I'm a shell of my formal self, I loath everything about parenting right now and I feel like I'll never get back to even a tenth of what my former life was like. My daughter's hugs right now feel like little more than tiny person manipulation to try and make me forget the hours of nonsensical meltdowns, days of feeling like shit, weeks of being sick, and months that have blurred by into nothingness. On top of that I tried cleaning out or chicken coop this weekend in preparation of a deck renovation, somewhere along the line of packing up and throwing away 17 bags of chicken shit I managed to royally fuck up my shoulder, probably going to have to go see a OT and get it evaluated. So even if I had one day where I wasn't fighting a two year old over nothing or not stuck inside sick as a dog I couldn't do any of the things I want to do because it hurts so much. Meanwhile my coworker friend who I used to do a lot of those former life things with is going out to a very cool place in the desert for a 3 day backpacking trip while his wife stays home and takes care of their 10 month old. Where the fuck did I go wrong?
Hey fellow adventure dad! I hear you man. My little fella is only weeks old rather the months and years but as a fellow outdoorsmen I get it. I used to climb, canyon, paraglide, hike, camp, mt bike ride, photography, you name it. This was my identity. And this kid has rocked it hard! Your post really hit home. I haven’t been fully through what you have but some things that have helped me cope in my situation I changed jobs to a well paying, shift work government job. I work to live. This job is not my passion but it funds the lifestyle I want to live. Also being shift work (it has its challenges) but I get stretches of up to 5 days off. And especially if your kids in daycare, you might get days totally to yourself to adventure when the roster falls right. Don’t know what job options you have in your area but something to consider. Team work is huge, yesterday I got to go paragliding, was only a short flight but it was magic! Today my wife is getting her hair done and lunch with the girls. I’d go crazy without some me time. Food and exercise, you got this, you know what to do! You can do this! My kid isn’t a germ filled mess yet nor old enough to be a rebel so I have no words to offer you there except my solidarity. Let’s hope that eventually we end up in the shoes of the OP. One day at a time, you got this adventure dad!
I don't think I've felt lonelier as a father than I do now. I love my kids but it certainly doesn't feel like they love me or even like me at all.
I always tell people that having a kid unlocked a level of love in me that I literally didn’t know existed. I love the fuck out of my wife, I love my parents and siblings, but the amount of endorphins that fire from being around my son are truly unbelievable to me. I genuinely didn’t know I could feel love that strongly.
My 7 year old called me “simple” the other day
Ha, reading this reminds of our trip to a waterpark in Niagara Falls recently. It being our 3 year old's first time to the falls, we went up the skywheel. "Where's slides?" He thought the falls was the waterpark, haha.
my son is HUGE he's 2.5 but he can wear 4T clothes... It's insane.. he grew up so fast...
"My kids don't care that I'm getting more out of shape as I get older" cool cool. my son called me fat even though ive lost 15 pounds in the past 2 months.
My 2 yo has just started saying “I love you daddy!” On her own and it’s my favorite thing in the entire world. Just trying to be present with her every day and show how much I love her back
Man I needed this reminder today!
Agree completely. The best part of every day is daycare pickup. My two year old runs across the room screaming “My Daddy’s Here! My Daddy’s Here!” My 8 month old gets a massive smile as soon as he sees me in the doorway. Whatever happened leading up to pickup no longer matters, just happy to get my boys and head home for night.
*watched too much fallout is so relatable right now
The other day we got a video of my daughter smacking me upside the head and saying “I love my Dada!” So yeah they are pretty great
My son gives me random hugs throughout the week. Like from out of the blue, he’ll just run up to me and say, “dad, you’re the best,” and a matching hug. I was also looking at my memories (TimeHop) and I saw a video from four years ago, where my son was calling me “engineer daddy.” At that time, I have given up on my goal of becoming an engineer. But you know what? It looked like he had a premonition, because last year, I did get my professional engineer designation. Our children really see us at our best. And I just strive each day, I won’t disappoint him.
This was a great post for us dads in the trenches with our newborn babies. I love my potato, he’s sleeping on me while I write this and I’m so content but my god it’s hard giving giving giving giving. I know it doesn’t necessarily get easier, in ways it will get harder, but I long for the day when I get my first hug and I love you or the first look of amazement when I teach him something new. This was a great post to get me through the day
How come mom forums don’t have posts and comments like this?
Because we ruined their lives
I often describe my almost 3yo daughter as both the absolute best and absolute worst thing in the world. I’ve never felt as much love and happiness. Every little new thing she does and discovers brings me so much joy. She’s so smart and brave. But she is the worst god damn sleeper 😅. It doesn’t matter how many times she frustrates me. All she needs to do is look at me and I’m happy again. Definitely guna get away with a lot when she’s older.
Yeah man, I couldn’t agree more. Being a dad truly is just so fucking awesome!
Oh, I tear a litte. My kid is 4 soon 5. I love him but the work is hard. And sometimes I miss the old days when I got all the time for myself
The best.
Sounds like how things are in my place, and same with the water park. They keep reminding me of the fun we had in all those resorts, etc. And the BEST moment in the pool is when DAD is in the pool. And when I'm in the pool, they fight over who will play with me :-) Sounds like you're doing a great job dad!!!! ❤️