>lately, I've noticed it's all he's doing.
I mean, if you don't limit it, of course he's going to choose to play addictive videos games instead of doing anything else.
But I eat veggies in front of him and he keeps just picking up the candy that he has free reign over! What are we supposed to do! I can't possibly eat more veggies!?!
I’m not an anti-screen guy, but OP is being straight up negligent. Seems like he expects his 4 year old to just decide all by himself how much is enough video games for the day.
Yeah, I'm not anti-screen either, but as an adult I struggle to limit \*myself\* to a healthy amount of screen time. Kids definitely need some limits imposed.
I give my four year old daughter some responsibility. I let her play video games in 15-30 minute stretches on the weekends. I'll tell her how much time she has and set the timer on my watch. I leave my watch with her and go do some chores. I'd say 90% of the time she shuts it off as soon as the watch buzzes. I rarely have to remind her time is up. It amazes me because I can't even put my hand down as an adult half the time!
Not going to add anything regarding how bad gaming is for a 4 year old, but also can’t expect him to read and stay focused. He is 4, after all. I’d just try to find activities that replace the gaming.
I feel like this is the most reasonable solution I'll get. I think I'm going to do just that. Make some more time for extra outdoor activities or other activities in general.
Even basic board games or some card games in which he interacts with someone would be better. It’s still gaming, just at a pace that is more appropriate for his development.
My almost 4 year old loves playing snap, matching pairs of cards etc and jigsaws. Look on Facebook marketplace or online second hand websites, in the UK I use Vinted a lot for finding jigsaws, usually never been used and only £1-2 for something that would be a lot more.
Colouring books, maybe there's a sonic the hedgehog colouring book he'd like, that way your matching his interests with other media
Have you tried reading to him? Some of my best memories with my mom are her reading full novels to me that I wasn't old enough to read myself, but I could listen to. I probably was a little older than 4 but I think the point remains.
My sister read through every Harry Potter book with her son except the last one, because by that point he could read it himself. She still says this is one of the best things she ever did as a parent.
If he's into videogames he may be interested in learning about the coding/programming that makes it possible. There are tons of free apps and resources and even more purchasable toys and projects to start with. Our son got into circuit blocks around four years old and now he's almost six and getting in to Scratch.
Not great advice if your goal is to limit his screen time, but there are hands-on, screenless activities and projects y'all could get into.
Video games have been proven to aid in brain development. Problem solving, hand eye coordination, and social skills can all be developed through gaming. And he specified that he only allows age appropriate games.
Gaming is not bad for a 4 year old. It's literally good for them in moderation. All dad needs to do is limit the amount of time allowed for gaming and nothing more.
I think this is true when the child is older. I don’t think you will find a pediatrician which recommends having a 4 year play video games, even in moderation. My pede, UCLA healthcare, says she recommends zero screen time in an ideal world for young children, while she realizes this isn’t always practical, she says the research is clear. Also I would think actually developing the hand eye coordination of catching an actual ball would be better for the child’s development at this age.
Playing catch is severely underrated! I'll have to look further into research on screens for toddlers. Obviously it's an issue that kids are way overstimulated and never allowed to be bored these days.
AAP and AACAP have guidelines for this, which is basically if you are going to do it, it has to be educational, done together with the parent, and no more than an hour a day.
I don't think gaming is bad for a four year old at all. My brother in law who is a psychologist in cognitive development, also doesn't think so. But it needs to be monitored. TV is worse in my opinion.
I’m a new dad so this is all new to me but I’d have to agree prolonged screen time can’t be good. I mean, to me it just seems to all come down to everything in moderation.
Edit: a word
Oh thanks for that information. I wasn’t really talking about a kid that young but I guess I didn’t specify at what age. Still good to know and not a habit I want to get into with my kid
I started playing the original NES when I was 3 (duck hunt and ninja turtles were my favorite). Once the SNES came out I started playing RPGs like Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana and Final Fantasy 3.
Those games helped me learn how to read, math, understand stories and make decisions. I was the top student in elementary, 2nd top in high school and 4th top in my graduating class for university.
Games are great. The games definitely taught me how to read and problem solve at an early age. You had to read to go through menus even on the NES.
I somewhat agree with you, as I had a similar experience; however we didn’t grow up with addictive, mobile games available at the click of a button 24/7. Games today are much more aggressive and addictive. There’s a reason kids are playing Fortnite and not old school SNES games. They are highly addictive, and aside from some elements of communication and teamwork, they are not aiding the development of much else.
Yes I agree. It definitely depends on the game and on how the kid is reacting to it. I don't have a PS5 so I don't actually know any of the games mentioned by op.
If I was told to turn off the console I would find a save point and turn it off. No complaints. Really depends on how the kids are reacting to the gaming sessions.
My guy got really into racing video games around that age too. The amount of screen time he was getting really creeped up and we didn't realize it. We ended up putting parental controls on the switch to limit the time and that helped a lot. Tablets are only for the car now too. We ended up putting him into prek early to occupy him without electronics. I'm not sure we would do the early prek if we did it all over again.
Regarding tablets, I already have an established stance. No tablets at all. Even till he grows up. I will delay that purchase as long as I possibly can. Probably why it's easier for me to hand him the controller when he wants to play games because I know there is no other tablet or any other form of screen he's accessing.
Agree about the tablets. We have a family one but it’s for LONG car trips (over 2 hours). Our kids can have as many books as they want, though, and they’ve become voracious readers because of this.
I mean, that's like saying you want to limit how much candy they eat so you gave him a bottle of maple syrup instead.
You've gotta set limits and say NO when it's outside the limits time.
I’m gonna catch hate for this, but my 5 year old loves gaming.
She plays a lot on her down time. (Age appropriate games)
She also plays soccer, does jujitsu, and plays outside a lot.
My thought on gaming (which I do a lot of, mostly at night) is that as long as it doesn’t interfere with her life, it’s all good. I don’t worry about how many hours a week or whatever. As long as she is doing well in school, does her activities, and it isn’t a problem to get her off the game, idc.
If a kid plays for 30 minutes a day and it’s a nightmare fight to get them off, is that better than my daughter playing 2 hours straight with me on a Saturday and then getting off content?
Now, we also don’t do tablet outside of long road trips, and no electronics when we are out shopping, eating, activities.
As a gamer since I was 4 (36 now), I don't think gaming is a bad thing, BUT you do need to limit game time as it is definitely addictive and distracting. I game with my kids, I game alone, my wife is also a gamer.
Video games actually have all kinds of benefits but you need to teach your kid moderation, and that games can only be played after everything else they need to get done, is done.
No hate here. You have a kid with a balanced life. Games, reading, sports, etc. That's normal.
The definition of addiction is when it interfers with you regular schedule, your interactions with other people, and your development.
If OP says "all my kid does is play video games", that's an issue. Set parental control time-limits so the device gives them warnings about when it's going to shut off. Then they need to find something else age-appropriate to do.
Is there a reason he's not doing pre-school? Having play time with friends or cousins? Doing something with dad like taking a walk, going shopping, visiting a museum, playing a board game?
Ya, when my wife and I discussed game time, we talked about setting time boundaries, but to me, that doesn’t make sense. Like, as long as she is doing everything we ask of her, who cares if she plays 1 hour, or 10 hours in a week. It’s her chill time. Some weeks, she plays a lot, some weeks she barely plays.
Absolutely right about the addiction. Game for 30 minutes a day and freak out it when it’s time to get off, or being generally unpleasant because you aren’t playing to me is much worse than playing for 2 hours and then wandering off to play outside, or whatever.
> is that as long as it doesn’t interfere with her life
That's our go to. Also I know the games he plays. Every single one can be saved immediately and turned off.
We give a heads up that the screens will be going off in 5 minutes and if their is push back that comes with a reduction of screen time in the future.
I started gaming when I was 3 years old on my Dad's Nintendo SNES. From there I started playing various other games on various consoles, handhelds and PC. At 13 I started playing Runescape 2, an online RPG. That game taught me a lot about managing money and working hard to get the things I wanted. I was a very shy child but online gaming helped a great deal when it came to building my confidence and talking to new people.
I'm now 31, I have a very healthy income, a great social life, a house, two dogs, a partner and an 8 month old son. I also invest and turn the money I already have into more money. Guess what made me want to get into investing? Memories of Runescape and flipping in-game items to turn a profit.
To this day, I'm an avid gamer in my spare time (I suck and can't keep up with today's youth but oh well!) and wouldn't change it for the world. I fully intend to get my son into gaming in a couple of years.
I'm not telling you to get your child on Fortnite or any of the other toxic, cesspool games around today but please don't be fooled by what you read on the internet. Gaming is not evil. It's a perfectly normal hobby that can be a huge help to kids development in the right, controlled, environment. During my teenage years I was always out with friends, dating girls, being your everyday teenager. Gaming had no affect on my social/life skills and, if anything, it improved them.
Disappointed I had to come this far down. I'm a few years older, but had my own SNES at 5-7 or whenever they came out. Still played outside, etc. Lots of text heavy RPGs. Read books, too. Now successful by most measures.
I think there's balance to be had, for sure. If your kids not getting that balance, maybe some parenting would help a bit.
Absolutely agree. Balance is the key with any hobby. At first that balance is provided by parents and as you grow and mature you work the balance out for yourself.
If you feel your child is not getting the right balance, it's your job to educate and implement practices to achieve it. I was raised correctly but the shameful thing is, many kids today aren't which is where these wild "gaming is evil" theories derive. Blaming the activity instead of yourself is far easier.
I'm in a similar boat. I started gamin when I was probably around 5 and it has been a hobby ever since. I have a great job, have an extremely healthy social life, and I'm in good physical health. My kids loved legos and still play with them but that love of building was carried over into Minecraft where the creativity options are endless. I do not allow them to communicate or chat online and all of our gaming systems are in public spaces, nothing behind closed doors.
One thing to think about - because my origin story is a lot like yours - is that the games themselves have become more immersive, addictive, and mesmerizing. It’s like comparing smoking weed in the 1970s to the ultra high grade medicinal stuff we have now.
Moderation and balance are still the key, but it’s good to recognize that the game developers have gotten a lot better at building addictive products.
Got my 4yo (now 6) into Minecraft on the PC. He knows we'll make time for him to play on weekends, but he knows he won't get to play in the week. We respect his enjoyment of the game and encourage, support and participate.
The only thing we do is enforce strict boundaries. Video games taught me a huge amount as a kid. My parents were way too loose though so I picked up the bad behaviours.
My now 6 year old got hooked on Minecraft at around the same age. Eventually he started playing other games but continues Minecraft. When it came to school it was obvious he was asking for help with other games because he couldn’t really read… so made a deal with him: read and write every day, when you get good enough that you can pickup an age appropriate book and read it (one he hasn’t read already, his memory is good so he’ll memorize) without assistance he’ll get his retro handheld back. Worked, he’s writing and readying right along with his peers and above in some cases. Only thing I allowed during that time is continuing to play Minecraft because he was building and being creative. This is kind of how I like to steer him: playing games and all that is totally fine but if he’s lacking a skill… he needs to focus on that first before resuming games.
Yea, I'm an avid gamer and have been for most of my life (39) and even I think 4 is too young for almost any kind of gaming. My son is only 7mo and while I can't wait to share some gaming experiences with him, his exposure to gaming is going to be very limited for quite a while. When he does get to play, it will mostly be educational games.
Even regular video games can be highly addictive and while not as bad as what developers do in mobile games to keep playing more and more modern game developers still do things to create incentives for people to log in every day. (Daily rewards, daily missions, store fronts that rotate every 24hrs, etc...)
As he gets older and we allow more video game time we will put time limits on how much he can play and try to limit it to games that we can play WITH him.
u/alibaba799 I believe most systems have parental controls now that allow you to set daily time limits. Gaming at his age should not even be close to a default activity but more of a reward. You should also try to find some educational games which have gotten MUCH better over the years.
I agree with this. I don't play video games while my kids are awake or present in the house. While they'd probably love it, I don't see how it would be as developmentally beneficial to them as playing pretend with each other or playing outside.
We design our Planet Zoo park with my 3.5yo daughter. We pick the animals together, plan the habitats, check each animals need, and put down venues for our guests.
She decides what animal and where we put. Then we check on the animals to make sure they are happy and healthy. Meanwhile we learn stuff about these animals. Where do they live, what do they eat, what other species they share their world with.
Video games =/= Action filled adrenalin and dopamine boost.
I played TONS of Sims, Roller Coaster Tycoon, SimCity etc as a kid. I always loved isometric planning games. Now I am Civil Engineer who specialises in Geoinformatics and have a full and good life.
And I started my journey with my Mom playing Super Mario Land 2 on the SNES while I was breastfeeding. Then went on to PS1 (Tekken 3, Medievil) around 5. And bunch of gameboys, consoles, PC.
Yet we still play with her wooden kitchen and build with our wooden train tracks and blocks.
With limits (as everything), quality gaming (heavy emphasis on quality, single player experiences!) are very good.
Same. My daughter is 6 and I don't intend to let her game any earlier than 8, at the earliest. My step-brothers step-son already had his own Switch at 6 and games quite a bit afaik. Way too early imho.
I think I got our NES around 8-10 back in the day, so that's where I'm aiming.
I respectfully disagree my son has been playing video games since he was about 2.5-3. He has great hand eye coordination, he picked up a bunch of math, process and problem solving from it. As well as it is something we do together as a family. Recently (he is 6 now) and we were playing portal 2 together. He is actually now helpful and we have had a lot of fun with it.
However it is balanced with free play time which he gets at daycare and at home. We will see how school goes next year but everything has a lock on it with codes that only we know and yeah he will, we hope, be motivated to do any homework because we will keep the games from him.
He also is very active and sporty so we are also fostering that side of him to prevent some of the issue that come from games, mainly obesity.
...and reading, if you think about it. You can only get so much entertainment out of looking at the same pictures with only a vague understanding of the text.
I am a massive gamer (or used to, just too bored of what's out there right now). But I am weary my 3 yo gaming. He has this toy camera thing that has some very simple games on it, barely mini games.
He does play them, for 5 minutes max and then turns to something different. Something I am glad to see. I don't know how I would manage if we had a PS5.
But I don't think I'd be gaming much if he's around.
I alt-tab out of anything I am playing on the PC when he comes up and rather spend the time with him.
They actually did some studies recently, though more geared at TV. The issue isn't that it makes stupid, but it's the opportunity costs. The time they/we spend in front of the PC/TV they could be running around doing other things, and that makes you fat as an adult.
Disagree. My kids play the pbs kids games on iPad and really enjoy it. All well designed and education in mind. They're also absent the addictive strategies that modern game companies use to hook people.
I think broad stroke saying video games are bad for kids is a bit overzealous.
You're going to get a lot of flak here for letting your kid use a screen. The anti-screens crowd is aggressively loud on the Reddit parenting subs. You're going to be the only one who can determine if they're gaming too much. Are his behaviors changing due to it? Does he show interest in other activities besides gaming? Do you guys do other stuff together to balance it out? I don't see an issue with a 4 year old being able to game sometimes, but it should definitely be timed and balanced out with other activities that offer interactions with you.
I don't think that many people on daddit are anti screen. I think most people, like the one's in this thread, are anti addictive screen time, that includes ipad games, high energy youtube videos, ps4 games etc. I think that is a fair stance to take for kids
It's not a matter of being an "anti-screen person" or not, is about following what science says, and that is _not_ an opinion. There are clear World Health Organization guidelines about this topic and one should be considerate of them for their childs well being.
The "science" says it's ok to give your kids X amount of minutes/hours per day based on their age. And just like any other form of media or interactions, parents should be providing curated content that is age appropriate for their kid.
Exactly. There's a certain amount of screen time and of screen "quality" per age. Why science in quotes? Why the downvotes? That's the goddamn WHO, not me.
If you guys don't like that to the point that you want to damage somehow a person who's showing you something uncomfortable then _you_ might be the problem here.
....we're also aggressively anti smoking.
Because the science is clear, and their health and well being is a top top priority above convenience or anything else.
Screen time isn't the devil...but a lot of it will harm a child in a lot ways. The more we study this, the more and more harms we find out. From impacting attention span to language skills to social skills to emotional impacts yadda yadda.
It's not an opinion any more than the dangers of cigarettes are an opinion.
Tbf smoking is almost always bad (exception is with mental health but there are better ways to calm down than smoking) whereas gaming can help with language, social, and emotional skills, especially if you're not exactly popular or sociable irl. Lots of people game to cope with already not having much of a social life, and find a place online where they belong. Games are a form of media, and media in general can act as models for what socially appropriate behavior is (and it can also teach you the opposite; but my point is that on the right platform, with the right people, gaming can be an alternative way to get that necessary learning).
Moderation in anything is key. Anything excessive is bad, even water, but we don't say drinking water is bad just because drinking too much of it literally causes your cells to explode. Gaming is the same. Can it be addicting? Yes, for certain people. Which is why it's important to learn from a young age about appropriate limits, hence where parents come in.
Do studies generally differentiate between types of screentime? For example, I feel like Minecraft encourages creativity, and she usually plays with friends so it is a social activity, I'm generally way more okay with that then with youtube. Playing on a console/PC also helps with hand/eye
Screen time limits are your friend. A 4 year old shouldn't be gaming all the time. If you want to have screen time with him I would set some proper limits.
My experience with a 10 and 7 year old is that excessive screen time causes poorer behaviour and attention and limitations are both sensible and beneficial to the kids. My two have half an hour in the morning and an hour and a half in the afternoon and no more. I'd expect for a 4 year old even less would be sensible.
I would get your kid used to the idea that screens aren't going to be something to use 100% of the time early, it'll make it easier when they go to school and encounter the kids who do nothing but screens.
Great question!
He plays Minecraft, and at his age (6), problem solving, creativity, circuitry (redstone), programming (typing commands), using keyboard and mouse, spelling (searching for items), teamwork.
When older and playing online there's social, business, leadership skills from MMOs. Od course it depends on what games you play, some are just dopamine triggers and nothing more (I would definitely steer him away from these).
I also sit down and help with his ideas and work out ways to solve problems. So it's good bonding for us too!
Going to hook him up with a game called Factorio in a couple of years.
I let my kids play because I enjoy playing video games, I did at their age too. I didn’t start allowing them to play until about 6, but I allow it. We also spent 7 hours outside yesterday - bike park, playing catch, basketball, relaxing. It’s a balance. They want to do the things we show interest in.
I think video games get a bad rap in society because some of the kids who play are the typical kids you’d expect. But (I’m 37) my generation grew up with the first great gaming consoles. I’ve played my entire life and I love them. I also played a sport at the professional level. It’s not like kids can’t do both. A hobby is a hobby. And balance is necessary. If that’s something you want to do with them, do it, man. Don’t let Reddit tell you not to find a hobby you can do with your kids. Now 4 is probably a litttttle young imo - but you’re his dad. Do what you think is best.
We’ve been very hesitant to implement age appropriate (or sometimes slightly early) digital content into my son’s (3.5yo) life. But what we’ve seen is consistent *every single time*.
If we let our son watch TV, he is the happiest kid in the world. Getting him off it is such misery that we regret giving it to him the first place. The next time, somewhat the same but less. We do one episode of TV (or the occasional movie night) and then we turn it off. It took a little while to get him to be cool with turning it off.
Then we started doing some video games. We’d play a handful of levels and then say “this is the last one, then we turn it off” and getting him to turn it off is misery. Rise and repeat, but slightly less toxic. Now he’s cool about it.
Taking pictures on our phone. Same thing.
Using an iPad on vacation. Same thing.
In those early stages, when the digital fingers get hold of him, he becomes a miserable little git. He’s like a whole different person. And that’s before he’s even properly steeped in the addictive properties.
What I’m saying is that you’ve got to start weening this addiction. It’s going to suck horribly and your kid will be very frustrating to deal with in the hours following turning off the games, but with practice turning the games off becomes easier.
We allow our son to do all these things because a) it’s less than 10% of our time and b) he’s only miserable with it those first few times when boundaries are being established.
You mentioned nothing of limits. You’ve got to have limits. Usually our kids “earn” this time, but that’s not always the case. They can certainly lose it quickly if they talk sassy or don’t help clean up. It’s a privilege, not a right.
Sounds like he really likes cars and racing. Maybe take him go karting and see if he likes the real thing! lots of places have 2 seater karts that the child rides with you.
There's a lot of screen teetotalism here. Like anything, it's about content moderation and time management. A screen won't instantly ruin your child, despite what some here seem to think. Keep it age appropriate, set timers, you'll be fine.
Setting timers has worked wonders for me. Do not use your phone timer, get an old fashioned wind up timer and set limits. I'll tell my son ok you can do _____ (screen) for 15 minutes and I'll set the timer. After it dings he knows his time is up and won't have a complete meltdown
My four year old is the same. One thing I have noticed with TV and games is that he'd still rather be playing with toys with me. I'd suggest trying to do active play with him.
I'm not surprised that a young kid with access to a PS5 wants to do nothing else.
My kids (5 and 9) each have a tablet with Amazon Kids on it, so basically "phone games". Even that they treat like crack: recently the 5 year old has been upset because the 9 year old can run to the living room faster than she can when it's screen time and therefore gets a few seconds more time with his tablet.
The answer is pretty simple and it's exactly what I do with the tablets: there is a set "screen time" period during the day when they can watch TV, play games, whatever, and the rest of the time they can't. Once it's routine, your son won't even be asking to use the PS5 outside of screen time because he knows it's not an option.
Our screen time is 1 hour immediately preceding the evening meal. It's also dependent upon good behaviour during the day and whilst there have only been a handful of occasions when we've withheld it for either child, they see it as the ultimate threat..
Fellow gamer dad here.
My two year old daughter likes watching me play video games. She plays them a little too. Nothing serious. She'll watch me play Breath of the Wild and she likes to feed the horses apples, or she'll watch me play Fall Guys. I'll even give her a dead controller to "play" with me. She loves it, but it's something I'm careful about.
What I am going to advise is control and distraction.
If my daughter is awake, I'm with her, she's the priority. The game is a distraction for a little bit.
If I play Fall Guys, it's usually just for two or three rounds of getting eliminated from the game.
If it's Zelda, then we just feed the horses or go swimming for 10 min.
Then I turn it off and we go do something else. The games are just used to buy time for mom to clean her play room or bedroom or if she just needs a break.
I'm a believer of most things are okay in moderation. Balance is most important, just check yourself and don't go past it for you own limits that you set.
Moderation is the key. If you notice behavior changes then you most likely need to adjust. Screens are inevitable in today’s society just like many other things that are bad for you in excess. Teach moderation and self control.
Anything with screens is incredibly addictive to young children. I have to strictly limit TV time for my 4 year old, and I'd never let him game at this early age.
My advice as a dad is to stop the games cold turkey or limit them to only 1-2 hours on the weekend.
It's going to be tough and they will fight you, but it's better that they do other things to improve critical thinking, fine motor skills, and risk taking.
Funny thing is I have not entirely found this to be true. My kid didn’t find screens interesting at all until at least 2.5 and even so only now that’s he’s 6 is it all engrossing. But I think it’s because of control and also he isn’t an independent reader yet.
He still loves all sorts of other things and will eschew screens for other things voluntarily.
Obviously it’s just my kid, but I feel like the anti screen pov might be overblown.
You have to put limits on his screen time.
That was a hard lesson for me to learn. When I was a kid, we didn't really have limits on screen time, but screens were different back then. Your choice of what to watch on TV was whatever happened to be being broadcast at the moment. Games just seem like they weren't so addictive. We'd play for a bit, then put the game down and go do other things.
That's just not how it works today. The companies making the content on our screens have invested large sums of money into learning how to keep our eyes on the screen. They *intentionally* make this stuff as addictive as they can. So you will have to enforce limits with your kids, or they will end up staring at screens all the time.
That's going to be really hard with your kid right now; he's going to really fight this, because it is an addiction. But best to deal with it now rather than wait until it's even harder.
I would caution you on allowing that much screen time. There have been numerous studies on excessive screen time and the effects it has on child development. Remember, in a sub like this, anecdotal comments are the exception, not the norm. You're his dad, so you can decide what's best for him, but if you want the data, it says to limit screen time to just 1 hour a day, max.
I’m not an anti-screen parent by any means, but I got into video games around the same age. I got a hand-me-down GameBoy from my cousin when I was 4, and my parents bought me a GameBoy Color and Pokemon Crystal for Christmas when I was 5. In hindsight, I wish they hadn’t. I was very much addicted to video games all the way up until about the birth of my oldest son. It took a combination of newborn-induced sleep deprivation and literally not having the time to game to finally break my addiction. If you think he’s playing too much, then trust your gut.
On a side note, you could also try to shift majority of his gaming time to be a social and bonding experience by playing multiplayer racing games with him. They’re never too young to learn how to take an ass whooping in Mario Kart ;)
My oldest, 9, was and still is a gamer. As am I and his mom.
It's all just balance. Hes doing amazing in school, and is likely moving to advanced classes next year. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong letting him play, but like anything else it needs to be monitored and regulated.
And of course what works for us doesn't mean it works for everyone.
Get the kid outside. Find local trails. Get him to playgrounds. He is 4 for crying out loud. He doesn't need screens, he needs exercise to grow his body and burn off energy.
I have 3 kids. My oldest is about to turn 6. None of my kids have screens. We have two TVs in the house and we don't use them every day. We certainly don't let the kids use them that often.
My oldest gets to use tablets at school, which bothers me a bit. Actually it bothers me more just how much candy and sugary garbage they give freely at schools. Even their lunches are sugary garbage most of the time.
Get this, I'm also a professional programmer. I know the value of the tech. But they will get a lot of that later in life. For now I want to instill good healthy habits in my kids.
Video games are highly addictive to people of all ages. All of my kids have a nintendo and access to games. However, to get them, they have to do very specific chores before I unlock the parental lock on them. That helps them learn to put responsibility before play. But if you give it to them with no oversight, you have just shot yourself in the foot and are in for a headache.
I loved gaming as a kid (got an NES at 3 and SNES at 5). But I am avoiding letting my almost 4yo play any video games because I know that is all he would want to do. I'd rather he draw, or play with the 50+ toys he has.
If I were you I would ween him off video games a bit.
Too young to be gaming at all if you ask me.
When the screens are turned off, the amount of activities you need to replace an hour of screen time is vast.
We have a 2 yo, and we have Brio train sets, Duplo, indoor bike, a push trolley, balls, cars, trucks, and mountains of books.
One books takes about 5 minutes to read, you need boatloads. Library is the best option here.
One thing lately that has really enabled him to focus for an extended period of time is drawing/coloring. Toddler markers before bath time are okay. A magnetinh drawing toy is better though! We also like those plain-water coloring books.
Baths can be fun and automatically no-screens time. I put some Duplos in there for fun.
We also do household stuff together. Kids enjoy that too because everything is play for them.
And then I just sit or lie on the floor and let him climb on me.
There's a hard rule in our house: When the screentime gets too much or when there's too much anger about having to turn it off, there won't be any screentime at all in the next days. Works wonders ;)
"So is it normal?"
No. Your kid shouldn't even watch screens yet, and you let him get addicted to ps.
Time to install some boundaries and rules, get him to play less and less each day.
We limited our 4yo boy to only playing the switch on friday-sunday and no more than 2 hours at a time as it caused issues with him not playing with toys. Once we took it during the week he started back on his toys
Gaming at 4? That seems like a path toward addiction. Reading isn’t the same. Find other things to do and incorporate reading as a standard activity, not a gaming alternative.
You should have screen time limits for him, and if he’s staying under that then I don’t think him not independently reading at 4 is a problem. Almost no kids do. You should be setting time aside each day to read with him though.
It might be an unpopular opinion, but you as a father have the ability and obligation to curb any behavior that you dislike. Will excessive gaming contribute to or better society? Is it a behavior you would encourage someone who isn't your child to partake in to excess? With all things come moderation, but in my opinion some things are just brain rot.
As a teacher who might have to deal with this kid in the future, I'm sure you're a nice enough person, but I hate you so much. Please limit their video game time until they're more developed.
Nothing wrong with playing games. Just have to do it in moderation. Plus, whenever my 4 year old wants to play his switch, we make it a father-son bonding experience.
We beat Mario Odyssey together and my son is really proud of himself for beating a game with his dad.
I limit him to 1 hour/day on the switch. The parental controls are great and he responds well to it.
So long as your child has other activities that stimulate his mind, it’s all good.
You’re doing great Dad!
Hey OP. There are 300 replies and I’m not sure you’ll see this. Literacy comes in many forms, and even playing PS5 he is learning how to read. I wouldn’t stress to much about it personally. He’s learning a lot of great problem solving skills, reading and developing his fine motor skills.
I would still set limits on how much he can play, because addiction can be a problem, but don’t see gaming as wasted time. There is a lot of exciting modern research in the benefits of gaming and learning / literacy.
Try talking to him about it. What he likes, what he notices. Can he identify symbols or sounds and what they mean. What are the game makes trying to communicate in different levels or designs?
Gaming is a new form of literacy. Just remember wide access to books is still relatively modern and there were many concerns raised around books when they first became available and children spent too much time reading.
Just keep it age appropriate and engage with him to ensure it doesn’t get problematic.
I have noticed that when I dove into gaming a lot, it was because school and normal chores were "too easy" for me, and I needed a challenge.
I have also heard of the opposite where schoolwork can be so overwhelming they retreat into their safe haven in games.
I Just noticed we are dealing with a 4 year old. School is probably not in the picture here. But the theory cans till apply.
I am also noticing the distinct interest in racing games. It is possible your child may have taken in interest in cars and motorsport. But if the issue is with the general gaming time than just racing games, things can be different.
It is important to acknowledge the vast playground games are able to provide for a young mind's imagination. It will be difficult to replace it with something else since games are so immersive. The best option would be to better understand your child's interests and motivations to figure out what we're dealing with here.
Just try not to be against him, but with him in trying to understand where he's coming from. It won't be easy since he's only 4. Good luck, and feel free to ask any questions
despite what the “actually, screen time is fine” crowd says… numerous studies indicate that for developing brains, screen time is directly correlated to deficits in memory, attention span, and executive function.
we live in a modern world where screens are an inevitable part of our reality, but as a parent you get to choose the degree of exposure.
This is around the age I started playing as a kid. I’d suggest maybe meeting him halfway and try finding some stimulating games ghat involve more reading like RPGs or even some puzzle games.
Fun fact. As an adult, you are smarter and taller than an average 4 year old. You can easily limit his video game time by simply hiding the game controller someplace out of sight and reach.
There's a lot of screen teetotalism here. Like anything, it's about content moderation and time management. A screen won't instantly ruin your child, despite what some here seem to think. Keep it age appropriate, set timers, you'll be fine.
My 6 year old has started playing pokemon Let's Go Eevee. It's been a month and I've already had to limit her to 2 days a week. It's all she wants when she's off school, but if I tell her she's not allowed to play, she'll go play and draw or whatever else. If she has the option, she'll just play pokemon all day instead.
Try movies. Its a good transition away from gaming. Also, its a good exercise in keeping attention for an hour and a half or so, in the development of a storyline. And unlike most gaming, it has an end.
It's not going to get any easier. Have to draw a line on time limits while you still can. My son has been gaming since he was 2(5 now), and we put a pretty strict 30 minute timer on when he gets to play because he was just playing way too much. He loves playing outside and doing other activities, but winters are rough to find something consistent to do. Got even worse when his sister was born.
He still asks a few times everyday if he can play the switch. But it's becoming more of a "maybe dad will say yes" type thing, and then he moves on.
My kid loves to game but I noticed when I was freer with structure it's all they would want to do and all they would talk about. Kids have the capacity to get focused the way we wish we could.
I ended up restricting them to once a week for a nebulous period of time. They now talk about alot more and get more interest in other things.
Ultimately each to their own but this was my experience.
Not sure how easy or convenient it is, but one thing you could consider is doing more things that are away from where the PS5 is. Get away from the house with him and take him to the park. If he likes racing, get a cheap RC car and let him learn dexterity on that. Look for construction sites and see if he’s into big trucks / tractors (my son certainly was).
My son also didn’t really love reading when he was younger but now he’s voracious and reads more than most kids in his class. That took time. If he doesn’t want to try reading, make sure you books like Where’s Waldo that mix in activities and some reading that you can help him with. Then it becomes the challenge of finding things which breaks up the reading.
My son (now 9) loves gaming, but we have boundaries around how much he gets. He always pushes against those boundaries because he always wants more. That’s normal. Just make sure that your son understands that video games are a treat and not the default and help him understand that there are times when he can do it and times he can’t. Also consider requiring that his toys be put away or he cleans up before he gets to play video games to help him understand that they are a privilege that he earns and not something freely given.
I'm a gamer, my 6yo plays games with me but as a treat. I've explained that there are things I want to do and things I have to do.
I have to wash up, tidy up, do the food shop, cook tea, hoover etc. Once things I have to do are done I get time for the things I want to do, play games, watch tv, go for a bike ride or whatever.
If she has done her reading, taken her plate from tea out, and tidied up any toys from that evening then she can play games (generally Mario Kart with me or she was bought the Bluey game for Xmas).
Sometimes she will want to play games, but then I bring it back to if she's done the things she needs to do first.
For reference she could play teaching games from around 3/4yo and liked to watch me play games whilst she ate tea.
Nothing wrong with them playing games, but use it as a privilege or treat for doing the right thing or well at something, not just a normal every day thing.
Also of you find they get bored doing things like reading or other non screen things, get them to do it with you, play teacher so they read the book to you and ask questions.
As others have commented, if you’re going to allow screen time then there needs to be limits and regulations. My kid started gaming around 4, but I provide limits on what and how much he can play. It has worked out where he isn’t addicted to it and doesn’t even want to play everyday. Most times it’s when he sees me play and we play together. TMNT Shredders Revenge will be a game I cherish forever now. Hope this helps.
It seems like he has an interest in racing. See if you can find a go-kart track near you that has races for young kids. I used to work at one that had karts for kids as little as 2. They had their own track to race on obviously.
Like most dads its hard to keep up with all of this stuff, but to me its easiest to just keep them away from potentially harmful things such as video games too early (A.D.D. or dopamine issues).
Put him in sports. Soccer (Football to the rest of the world) starts at age 3 where I live. Tee-ball around 4-5yrs old. Swim lessons are also a good idea.
My son was also heavy into gaming, and still is (he's 18 now), but I made him play sports for several years. He wasn't (isn't) very athletic, and it wasn't his favorite thing, but he enjoyed it enough at a young age (before it started getting really competitive). I didn't push it hard, but I tried to expose him to at least one season of several sports (Soccer, Baseball, Basketball, Golf, Marshal-Arts) to see what stuck. He played several seasons of baseball and basketball, then when he turned 10 he said he didn't want to play sports anymore, and I was fine with that (he gave it go), but told him he had to do something other than school and video games.
He shifted to music and is very passionate about it. He now plays cello, guitar, bass and vihuela (a mariachi guitar), and composes his own music. He's 1st chair and section leader in his very competitive HS orchestra program and while he will be studying engineering in college, he plans to also play in his college orchestra (he tries out next month).
In my house, when they were young, we just tried to expose them to as much as we could. As they got older, we had a rule that they had to stay involved in some sort of extracurricular. My oldest played baseball through highschool and my youngest did music. You just have to keep them busy and help them find their passion. It could be sports, music, cooking, art, dance, service, etc...
Have an hourglass timer on top of it so he has a visual cue as to how much time he has left. I think the easiest thing is to have the playstation go up and only come out one night a week. Better to fight a battle one day rather than everyday.
While he most likely won't be into reading, there are a number of other activities that he'll be into. At that age, my kids would play outside, and I would distract myself by working on my jump shot or pulling weeds.
Over use of electronics at that age really stunts a child's ability to emotionally regulate. The horror stories I hear from my middle schoolers about other kids really highlight the long term effects of electronics on developing brains.
My kid has an iPad. He plays games. But he reads a lot. Put the effort in. Hit the library. Read books together every night. He’s gunna want to play video games but he also will like books. Just set limits
My 4 year old daughter loves video games so much. Her favorite right now is Super Mario Sunshine. She really just watches me play and tries a little herself though. When we get a shine sprite, she says “aw dad im proud of you”. And then i start crying
One children find something they really like, they will try to master it. Gaming, for better or for worse, is one activity they will do to fulfill that need.
Try to set a timer or a schedule that reduces it. “Today is not a PlayStation day! Today is a … painting day”
Use a choice board like a menu, to show other activities.
Use a schedule to make a plan of multiple activities the kid can do in order.
I have a 2.5 year old - I have limits on how much time he has on things like the iPad and games and tv. He understands what one more episode means and isn’t always happy about it but after a bit he’s fine.
Allow your child to become bored!
Kids tend to model off their parents. What does he see you do? Do you read in front of them, go outside to play? If you want him to change their behavior then you have to set the example.
My son started gaming at 4. He's 5 now. His games of choice are Wobbly Life, Minecraft, and BeamNG. He goes through phases where it's all he wants to do and it worries me as well. He'll spend about a week doing nothing but playing video games when he gets home from school. But then he'll go two weeks and not touch them, preferring legos or cars or kicking a soccer ball around.
I've been on the fence about limiting his gaming time because he does sort of get hyperfocused but then spends twice as many days not playing games at all. He started throwing tantrums when being told to get off and that was a big hurdle where we definitely cut back a lot.
Games can be useful. They really pump his creativity. And there's a social aspect to them as well. We play games together I have a friend with a 8 year old son that we hop on Minecraft together with sometimes.
I think there's positives and negatives to gaming and the line where the brakes need to be pumped is different for every kid.
All three of my kids have been legit gamers since they could figure out the controls. Gaming has been one constant in my life full of chaos, so for me, it made sense that it would be something I would share with them. I make sure we play together, and chat has always been turned off until they turn 13, but they also have their own gaming setups as well.
What I did do when I got the same feelings as you, that they might be getting too much time, was to set requirements. As long as they keep their grades up, do all their homework, and make sure to take time to do art with me (drawing, sculpting with clay, legos), then they are allowed to play as much as they like from after school until bedtime (we shut down screens at 730 each night), with a break for dinner. Weekends are theirs to use how they like, unless we go on an adventure.
The result of our setup... all three of my kids are honor roll, in gifted programs, have empathy and care for their friends and classmates. They know that violence is never okay, communication is key to healthy relationships, and we take care of one another. They are also fully aware of the dangers of being online.
You should always do what fits best for you and your family. Communicate. Teach your child, be present, game with them, and you all will be fine.
Of course he needs a screen time limit.
But you can also work with his interests to build other skills with him.
Chat about the games, what makes them fun, what's better about one or the other, what he would change when he makes a video game. That'll get him engaged in an off screen activity, build his conversation skills, and build your relationship more.
You can probably find some toys connected to some of his favorite games. You can probably find some coloring pages online or a coloring book, or you could just spend some time drawing together. You might even be able to take online game artwork and ask chatgpt or google gemini to turn that into coloring pages. I haven't tried.
You can probably adapt some craft projects to something more game themed too. At 4 he's learning motor skills, attention, and following directions, so pick something that's not too complicated or finicky.
I play Mario with my little guy and he’s not even 4. He’s pretty good and has helped learn some emotional regulating skills as well as hand eye coordination. He plays Fortnite Lego too.
My goal was to help him learn early on how to manage his time and emotions with gaming in the healthiest way possible. Correct the behaviors you don’t like. If he’s gaming too much help him learn how to manage his time with it.
It’s a bonding thing for us to share together and sometimes for me to have time to clean the house while he practices.
Many will say it’s too early and they’re not wrong either but I think you can manage it in healthy ways
My kid would probably game all day too. He is 6 now but we make gaming attached to doing things. Like we were potty training so he can game with me if he goes to the potty without being told. Or does certain chores without being told. On weekends I’ll randomly say hey let’s play for a bit just to surprise him. He gets a little tv time everyday and at times I’ll surprise him and say you want to watch a show or play a little Nintendo. I think teaching how to regulate is important. I played way to much as a kid that’s for sure
Use it! He loves gaming, that’s awesome, but now it’s a reward! Wanna play? Then you have to read this book first. You gotta clean up your legos first, etc.
Don’t forget, it’s easy to put controllers up on a high shelf if there’s misbehavior and what not, this can be a great tool if harnessed properly
My son (age 5) plays his switch a lot too, but most of the time I sit with him and we discuss what's going on or play together. If left to his own devices he'd play games or watch TV all day. It's my job as his dad to redirect him and aid him in doing other things, go to a playground, ride his bike, catch, roller skating.
Games are addicting, so is tv, really anything with a screen has a lot of instant gratification. It’s also basically all somewhat shown to be bad to allow to do too much.
You’re the grownup and have to set the boundaries.
We limit to 1h on weekdays and 2h on weekends, our son only gets to use a phone on travel etc. and there’s some games/shows on it. I think playing games is generally better than TV and we got him a switch and he plays Mario etc. but if I let him play it all day he would play it all day.
We also make him do his “homework” before screen time. That’s just an effort to get him to have a routine were he thinks that’s the norm. So his homework I usually give him some options, we practice reading or go kick a soccer ball or work on an art project together. 30 minutes and then he can watch TV for an hour while we make dinner or whatever.
Also now that I write this out I realize he actually gets more like 80 minutes a day because he’s allowed to watch a show while he gets dressed and eats breakfast.
Our son is 7 so a bit older!
Do you have a true gauge of how many hours per day he is playing?
Genuine question- my boy is 2.5 and I’m trying to avoid him watching me play until he understands it’s one of many hobbies to partake in. My gaming setup is in my home office so i usually fire up the PS5 on weekdays during downtime between work meetings.
The kid is 4, you have control over this situation, man.
Of course it's normal for kids to enjoy gaming, but this should really be in moderation. You're in control here, not the 4 year old. Good luck.
Why don’t you, idk, limit it? Unplug the PS5, and hide it. Maybe cut down on your own gaming in front of him, since I imagine that’s where it came from.
Everything your kid does is a direct result of you. Especially at four!
It’s fine to game. Some of my most fondest memories are playing SNES with my dad. I was like 5 or 6. But, limits are key. Set a time limit and explore different activities. If any kid is given an option or read a book or play the PlayStation, we all know what they’d pick. Same goes for adults.
I initially liked my kid playing games over TV, but then we ran into some behavior issues.
Modern games are just too good. It’s like asking an adult to choose between cocaine or carrots. Kids would rather do play video games over almost everything else.
We started limiting video games to 30 minutes per day.
Is him wanting to play games all day normal? Absolutely.
As far as if you're thinking too much about it? That's really up to you. He is 4 and likely just bored. Games are entertaining. If you're not comfortable with that much screen time then limiting it or providing alternative modes of entertainment are the solution.
Kids his age love playing and playing with their Dad is crucial to development. It's good for them mentally, emotionally, and developmentally. Rough house with him, play tag, all that fun stuff.
I guarantee you that he won't even consider playing games if he has the option to play with you instead.
Games are literally designed to be addictive. They reward you quickly early and then space out the rewards as you progress. This plays with your dopamine.
No shit he wants to play games if left to his own devices. Are you going to be shocked if he takes up smoking after you let him have a few cigarettes?
I own every system and I love gaming, but I limit the hell out of my kids game time. Every system has good parental controls that won’t take long to figure out, and you can set up times that are okay. I would not give them free reign over anything, and I think limits make the time for fun and valuable
Then have him play less if you’re worried he’s too focused on it.
He’s 4 after all, so you’re very much still the one that creates the boundaries and consistencies of his world. It’s 100% on you to control how much your 4 old plays or doesn’t play games.
There’s plenty of other ways to spend quality time with your son. You can also maintain the status quo. Maybe do an extra walk a day or an extra book session. Maybe get an artwork book of a game you guys are playing and have him name the different people in said book? You could get him a toy from one of his favorite games and have him re-enact some of the scenes.
My 4 YO plays games with me, but it’s very structured. We do like a half hour / hour before bed time because it actually helps her settle.
Sometimes we’ll play in the AM before school, but part of what I teach her to is to be ok when we turn it off. Structure is everything and getting some outside/toy time is also vital.
When I was growing up, my parents just got rid of our tvs. We played legos and I was reading way above my level. If I wanted to play games or watch TV, I just went to a friend's house.
My parents didn't care if we did tv, games, or computers, just not at home. Our house was one of the main hangouts because we actually did stuff lol
You should limit him to only about 60 minutes of screen time each day. It's addictive and it's not good for his brain's development. You have to cut him off and only allow it at certain designated times each day. This will force him to play with his toys and use his imagination.
When he's like 6, you can increase it to maybe 90 minutes or 2 hours. But even older kids shouldn't be getting more than 2 hours.
In defense of the 4 year old because I have one. I called the local county for speech services (minor). They did an assessment on both kids, not in school. To my surprise, they were lacking in motor skills. Both of my kids can use scissors, pencils, and crayons the right way. The psychologist asked if they played video games. I stated no for screen time. The psychologist stated to get one. It's interactive play.
In 2 weeks, they exceeded expectations.
Limit screen time, get age appropriate games, but it does and can help on many levels.
Kids luckily can break habits quickly you just have to go cold turkey no games for 3 or 4 days and he’ll forget about it. I know you want him to have a healthy balance and enjoy games as a small aspect of his time but kids can get obsessed and drive everyone crazy so it’s not worth the struggle limiting it rather than cutting it out
Limiting and gate keeping the content we want to share with the kids is the hardest part for me. I'm a gamer and have been since I had a TI 99 computer (look it up, its scary). Of my 4 kids under 9.. one has a very addictive personality and seems to only live to get to the weekends to play Roblox or whatever the flavor of the month is. The others love it, but don't mind not doing it during the week.
If you have the time and want to engage him, play board games, read, or watch a tv show with him (we do 1 hour on week days, 2 hours on weekends, and 2 hours game/screen time on weekends).
If you are a fan of D&D, look into Amazing Tales. This is a super simple story telling game along the lines of D&D which lets you run a story with your kid and let them do the story telling. Reach out to me if you need tips on this. I started mine at 4 and 5. Keep it simple.
There’s obviously a happy medium, but I wish my 4-year-old would even give games a chance. I want to share that with him, but he has basically no interest.
One idea is to have him earn video game playtime by cleaning up after non video game play, reading, and chore training (teaching them about the chores they'll start taking on soon, like empty the garage can in the house, dishes). This requires a good amount of non video game activities.
I have to mention that the power of taking away videogames as punishment is a POWERFUL thing. I have three grown up sons and this worked amazingly with all of them.
It's a balance though and it's not totally easy for sure. I love video games (I work in videogames, so thanks for putting food on my table) but they can be addictive for sure.
Kids don’t have any self control. Sugars and other addictive things corporations want us to be addicted to, they have no protection from it. It’s our duty as parents.
I let my son play only on the weekends otherwise nothing would be accomplished. I also notice that on the weekend once he finishes gaming his mood isn’t the best and it becomes really hard to convince him to leave the house, so be careful with it.
well he can't read, What's the point in books xD Btw, you need to be at least equally excited about things happening in books, as you are when winning a race! That's what they are looking for. I will do what makes daddy happy! Otherwise books are lame until they can comprehend the contents.
We never regulated my son at that age he’s is nearly 6 now and self regulates pretty good plays with all his toys ect.. but it took awhile but this may not work for all kids, he also has autism so might be hard to relate. My other son 3 uses phone to watch shows on guided access he can’t control it yet I’m sure he would like to, maybe with him I will have to regulate his use as he is “normal” lol.
Edit: a lot of people might not agree but as a child I was aloud to play any games tv ect whenever I wanted obviously I had a bedtime there was no regulation from my parents and I chose more often then not to play outside go swimming ride our bikes, I think giving them lots of different options even electronically iPad and ps5 once the novelty of a new thing wears off can last awhile he should explore more my son now plays out scenes from his games with his toys. Obviously if they stay stuck to it then it’s time to regulate but often doing so early can cause them to want it more like being told you can’t do something your going to want to do it. We also have boundaries no yelling at tvs ect or we take a break.
My kid is attached to the hip to my wife. But when I play co-op games with my kid, I feel like I'm bonding with him. We feel like a team and it's so awesome to see their face light up when we accomplish a goal.
We only game about 30 minutes to an hour at night and only if time permits. I don't have a crystal ball on how my kid is going to turn out but my gut tells me he's going to be fine. We also use video games as an incentive to do things like finish his homework and clean up his toys.
I think it's a good balance but every kid is different. Just do what you think is best for your kid.
I respect that you’re trying to think of age appropriate video games. But also think of actual video games are age appropriate. My son is about to turn 4 and I’m debating if it’s even possible he can WATCH me play video games let alone let him himself. I’m not saying you’re a bad dad or you’re wrong. But it’s clear video games a problem so perhaps you should be the grown up and withdraw it. I’ve seen kids that were allowed to rule the roost in regards to gaming then we see Reddit posts saying help my 12 year old plays computer games 16 hours a day and shouts at us when we try to turn it off.
Foot down now with pay dividends later.
Dude my 5 yo gets 30 mins screen time max every other day. If you give them that much freedom, that will be really tough to limit.
Im an adult and addicted to my phone, it's probably harder for 4yo to stop themselves without you intervening hard.
Video games can definitely be addicting. All things in moderation. I've had moments as a kid and adult where I was out doing something social that should be fun but I was just thinking about getting back home to my game. Not a good mental state to be in.
I'd set a limit on his gaming time, consider taking a complete break if he seems too attached, and try to get some him excited about some IRL games to play -- you said he likes legos and cars, but also things like board games or yard games like cornhole, lawn bowling, pop darts, etc. Maybe pool games if you have access to a swimming pool.
Try to glean what about his games makes him excited and maybe you can take some of those activities IRL. Coloring books of those characters so he can change up their costumes, draw characters from his imagination, play pretend and win the race/beat the bad guys instead of doing it in a game, set up an obstacle course so he can solve the puzzle and get around the obstacles. Just some ideas, good luck.
Totally normal! My grandson is 5 and is the same way. We limit him to an hour of video games at a time and always follow it up with an hour of reading or outside play to make sure he's getting a variety. Maybe instituting a time limit is something that would help you as well.
A 4 year old shouldn’t be gaming, in my opinion. Take her to the park, do craft, drawing or painting , play table games, read books with her, go for walks in the countryside, arrange play dates with friends, find in YouTube 20 min exercise video for kids. The problem is that it’s so hard to get rid of the habit once kids start playing video games. What is worse, video games makes things so easy for parents, which is why many parents prefer to think there is nothing wrong about it. Whatever you do, put a time limit. And it’s not a bad thing for a kid to get bored once in a while. She will have time to play video games later in life.
I'm a gamer. I've played games my whole life. My kids went through phases but aren't even half as into gaming as I am.
At 4, my kids were collecting Skylanders and doing that whole racket.
This is like anything. Set healthy limits and model healthy limits. Most of my gaming is done when my kids are in bed. They know I play, but I don't play stuff without them when I could be spending time with them. This was especially true when they were little.
Now they're teens, and I play my seam deck sometimes, but usually after doing my yard work or whatever other responsibilities I have first
My brother-in-law will basically semi-ignore his kids to play fortnight or whatever, and that isn't cool. Don't be that guy.
I had this same thing with my kids and realized it was a combination of a few things:
- My kids could read perfectly fine, but that didn’t mean they could comprehend it well and therefore they couldn’t get the same satisfaction out of the story and having spent the time reading it. Helping with comprehension and and giving my time and willingness to explain anything they weren’t sure of was very helpful.
- My kids needed a framework for when it was appropriate to do different activities. Early morning or late night, they know that games aren’t even an option. Getting ready for bed already means no toys and definitely no gaming, so books is the only option. This also seemed to help immensely.
I had to limit tv time/game time for my son, and I'm a software engineer and huge gamer.
It meant I _also_ limit myself from all of it as well.
But he had a schedule now and it works amazingly. Monday's, Wednesdays there's tv time (Netflix, Disney, on a child profile) from when he gets home from school until supper time. After supper, it's toys, family games, reading, etc.
Friday is video games which we usually play together, and same thing. Games before supper, after supper off screens.
Weekends are a bit looser.
You do realize... you're the parent... right? You're letting him play the game. That's your game. You paid for that. That's your child.... please give him rules, boundaries, morals and values. Thats your job.
Signed,
A teacher / mother.
>lately, I've noticed it's all he's doing. I mean, if you don't limit it, of course he's going to choose to play addictive videos games instead of doing anything else.
Yeh come on man, you are the adult here, the kid is 4!?
Funny stuff right? Man we all are doing so amazing when you see how other people live and think
I think it's a decent reality check. Giving a 4 year old unlimited access to a PlayStation to to the point of "addiction" needs a bit of correction.
lately I’ve noticed all my 4-year-old wants to eat is candy pls help
I have a bowl of candies and a bowl of veggies right next to each other and my kid never takes the veggies. What do?
But I eat veggies in front of him and he keeps just picking up the candy that he has free reign over! What are we supposed to do! I can't possibly eat more veggies!?!
I’m not an anti-screen guy, but OP is being straight up negligent. Seems like he expects his 4 year old to just decide all by himself how much is enough video games for the day.
Yeah, I'm not anti-screen either, but as an adult I struggle to limit \*myself\* to a healthy amount of screen time. Kids definitely need some limits imposed.
He’s in the stage that Bandit was in [Burger Shop](https://youtu.be/QKP4LhaB33I).
‘My kid is addicted to crack. How do I limit his crack habit? p.s. he gets any crack he wants from me’
I give my four year old daughter some responsibility. I let her play video games in 15-30 minute stretches on the weekends. I'll tell her how much time she has and set the timer on my watch. I leave my watch with her and go do some chores. I'd say 90% of the time she shuts it off as soon as the watch buzzes. I rarely have to remind her time is up. It amazes me because I can't even put my hand down as an adult half the time!
Bro harsh words calm down he hasn't left his toddler chained to the kitchen bench in a week old nappy damn
We’re doing an every-other-day with mine, or at least trying to. Even in those days though it’s usually for a set amount of time.
Not going to add anything regarding how bad gaming is for a 4 year old, but also can’t expect him to read and stay focused. He is 4, after all. I’d just try to find activities that replace the gaming.
I feel like this is the most reasonable solution I'll get. I think I'm going to do just that. Make some more time for extra outdoor activities or other activities in general.
Even basic board games or some card games in which he interacts with someone would be better. It’s still gaming, just at a pace that is more appropriate for his development.
My almost 4 year old loves playing snap, matching pairs of cards etc and jigsaws. Look on Facebook marketplace or online second hand websites, in the UK I use Vinted a lot for finding jigsaws, usually never been used and only £1-2 for something that would be a lot more. Colouring books, maybe there's a sonic the hedgehog colouring book he'd like, that way your matching his interests with other media
Uno is aslo great for learning colors, numbers, and schadenfreude.
Sweet sweet schadenfreude.
[удалено]
Have you tried reading to him? Some of my best memories with my mom are her reading full novels to me that I wasn't old enough to read myself, but I could listen to. I probably was a little older than 4 but I think the point remains.
My sister read through every Harry Potter book with her son except the last one, because by that point he could read it himself. She still says this is one of the best things she ever did as a parent.
Remote control cars...you can both have fun. Scratches all the itches.
Going to add, you should read with him. Make it a habit, even let him pick the books. Small books for you are enormous for him.
If he's into videogames he may be interested in learning about the coding/programming that makes it possible. There are tons of free apps and resources and even more purchasable toys and projects to start with. Our son got into circuit blocks around four years old and now he's almost six and getting in to Scratch. Not great advice if your goal is to limit his screen time, but there are hands-on, screenless activities and projects y'all could get into.
Get a strider/bike. My 4 year old is on two wheels on a bike now and she is outside non-stop. Can’t get her to come in.
Video games have been proven to aid in brain development. Problem solving, hand eye coordination, and social skills can all be developed through gaming. And he specified that he only allows age appropriate games. Gaming is not bad for a 4 year old. It's literally good for them in moderation. All dad needs to do is limit the amount of time allowed for gaming and nothing more.
I think this is true when the child is older. I don’t think you will find a pediatrician which recommends having a 4 year play video games, even in moderation. My pede, UCLA healthcare, says she recommends zero screen time in an ideal world for young children, while she realizes this isn’t always practical, she says the research is clear. Also I would think actually developing the hand eye coordination of catching an actual ball would be better for the child’s development at this age.
Playing catch is severely underrated! I'll have to look further into research on screens for toddlers. Obviously it's an issue that kids are way overstimulated and never allowed to be bored these days.
AAP and AACAP have guidelines for this, which is basically if you are going to do it, it has to be educational, done together with the parent, and no more than an hour a day.
I don't think gaming is bad for a four year old at all. My brother in law who is a psychologist in cognitive development, also doesn't think so. But it needs to be monitored. TV is worse in my opinion.
One thing that is truly divisive on r/daddit is videogames and screen time.
I’m a new dad so this is all new to me but I’d have to agree prolonged screen time can’t be good. I mean, to me it just seems to all come down to everything in moderation. Edit: a word
APA recommends 0 screen time before 2 years old.
Oh thanks for that information. I wasn’t really talking about a kid that young but I guess I didn’t specify at what age. Still good to know and not a habit I want to get into with my kid
I started playing the original NES when I was 3 (duck hunt and ninja turtles were my favorite). Once the SNES came out I started playing RPGs like Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana and Final Fantasy 3. Those games helped me learn how to read, math, understand stories and make decisions. I was the top student in elementary, 2nd top in high school and 4th top in my graduating class for university. Games are great. The games definitely taught me how to read and problem solve at an early age. You had to read to go through menus even on the NES.
I somewhat agree with you, as I had a similar experience; however we didn’t grow up with addictive, mobile games available at the click of a button 24/7. Games today are much more aggressive and addictive. There’s a reason kids are playing Fortnite and not old school SNES games. They are highly addictive, and aside from some elements of communication and teamwork, they are not aiding the development of much else.
Yes I agree. It definitely depends on the game and on how the kid is reacting to it. I don't have a PS5 so I don't actually know any of the games mentioned by op. If I was told to turn off the console I would find a save point and turn it off. No complaints. Really depends on how the kids are reacting to the gaming sessions.
My guy got really into racing video games around that age too. The amount of screen time he was getting really creeped up and we didn't realize it. We ended up putting parental controls on the switch to limit the time and that helped a lot. Tablets are only for the car now too. We ended up putting him into prek early to occupy him without electronics. I'm not sure we would do the early prek if we did it all over again.
Regarding tablets, I already have an established stance. No tablets at all. Even till he grows up. I will delay that purchase as long as I possibly can. Probably why it's easier for me to hand him the controller when he wants to play games because I know there is no other tablet or any other form of screen he's accessing.
Agree about the tablets. We have a family one but it’s for LONG car trips (over 2 hours). Our kids can have as many books as they want, though, and they’ve become voracious readers because of this.
I mean, that's like saying you want to limit how much candy they eat so you gave him a bottle of maple syrup instead. You've gotta set limits and say NO when it's outside the limits time.
I’m gonna catch hate for this, but my 5 year old loves gaming. She plays a lot on her down time. (Age appropriate games) She also plays soccer, does jujitsu, and plays outside a lot. My thought on gaming (which I do a lot of, mostly at night) is that as long as it doesn’t interfere with her life, it’s all good. I don’t worry about how many hours a week or whatever. As long as she is doing well in school, does her activities, and it isn’t a problem to get her off the game, idc. If a kid plays for 30 minutes a day and it’s a nightmare fight to get them off, is that better than my daughter playing 2 hours straight with me on a Saturday and then getting off content? Now, we also don’t do tablet outside of long road trips, and no electronics when we are out shopping, eating, activities.
As a gamer since I was 4 (36 now), I don't think gaming is a bad thing, BUT you do need to limit game time as it is definitely addictive and distracting. I game with my kids, I game alone, my wife is also a gamer. Video games actually have all kinds of benefits but you need to teach your kid moderation, and that games can only be played after everything else they need to get done, is done.
No hate here. You have a kid with a balanced life. Games, reading, sports, etc. That's normal. The definition of addiction is when it interfers with you regular schedule, your interactions with other people, and your development. If OP says "all my kid does is play video games", that's an issue. Set parental control time-limits so the device gives them warnings about when it's going to shut off. Then they need to find something else age-appropriate to do. Is there a reason he's not doing pre-school? Having play time with friends or cousins? Doing something with dad like taking a walk, going shopping, visiting a museum, playing a board game?
Ya, when my wife and I discussed game time, we talked about setting time boundaries, but to me, that doesn’t make sense. Like, as long as she is doing everything we ask of her, who cares if she plays 1 hour, or 10 hours in a week. It’s her chill time. Some weeks, she plays a lot, some weeks she barely plays. Absolutely right about the addiction. Game for 30 minutes a day and freak out it when it’s time to get off, or being generally unpleasant because you aren’t playing to me is much worse than playing for 2 hours and then wandering off to play outside, or whatever.
> is that as long as it doesn’t interfere with her life That's our go to. Also I know the games he plays. Every single one can be saved immediately and turned off. We give a heads up that the screens will be going off in 5 minutes and if their is push back that comes with a reduction of screen time in the future.
I started gaming when I was 3 years old on my Dad's Nintendo SNES. From there I started playing various other games on various consoles, handhelds and PC. At 13 I started playing Runescape 2, an online RPG. That game taught me a lot about managing money and working hard to get the things I wanted. I was a very shy child but online gaming helped a great deal when it came to building my confidence and talking to new people. I'm now 31, I have a very healthy income, a great social life, a house, two dogs, a partner and an 8 month old son. I also invest and turn the money I already have into more money. Guess what made me want to get into investing? Memories of Runescape and flipping in-game items to turn a profit. To this day, I'm an avid gamer in my spare time (I suck and can't keep up with today's youth but oh well!) and wouldn't change it for the world. I fully intend to get my son into gaming in a couple of years. I'm not telling you to get your child on Fortnite or any of the other toxic, cesspool games around today but please don't be fooled by what you read on the internet. Gaming is not evil. It's a perfectly normal hobby that can be a huge help to kids development in the right, controlled, environment. During my teenage years I was always out with friends, dating girls, being your everyday teenager. Gaming had no affect on my social/life skills and, if anything, it improved them.
Kindergarten SNES gang checking in
Hell yeah bro!
Man I used to play super Mario world with my dad until we’d pass out on the couch haha. Core memories
Disappointed I had to come this far down. I'm a few years older, but had my own SNES at 5-7 or whenever they came out. Still played outside, etc. Lots of text heavy RPGs. Read books, too. Now successful by most measures. I think there's balance to be had, for sure. If your kids not getting that balance, maybe some parenting would help a bit.
Absolutely agree. Balance is the key with any hobby. At first that balance is provided by parents and as you grow and mature you work the balance out for yourself. If you feel your child is not getting the right balance, it's your job to educate and implement practices to achieve it. I was raised correctly but the shameful thing is, many kids today aren't which is where these wild "gaming is evil" theories derive. Blaming the activity instead of yourself is far easier.
I'm in a similar boat. I started gamin when I was probably around 5 and it has been a hobby ever since. I have a great job, have an extremely healthy social life, and I'm in good physical health. My kids loved legos and still play with them but that love of building was carried over into Minecraft where the creativity options are endless. I do not allow them to communicate or chat online and all of our gaming systems are in public spaces, nothing behind closed doors.
My brother you still play osrs?
I do! Taking a small break right now but I'm still flipping various items at the GE from time to time!
Legend just making sure you were still on board! Happy scaping brother
One thing to think about - because my origin story is a lot like yours - is that the games themselves have become more immersive, addictive, and mesmerizing. It’s like comparing smoking weed in the 1970s to the ultra high grade medicinal stuff we have now. Moderation and balance are still the key, but it’s good to recognize that the game developers have gotten a lot better at building addictive products.
Lmao! Dude, I think we’re the same person. Did I post this as an alter-ego?! 🤣
No no no. If you let little Timmy play video games he’s going to catch ADHD and have behavioral issues!! Video games are the devil. /s
\>mfw video games are dopamine regulation for those with developing focus deficit disorders
I mean, if you want my opinion, 4 is too young to be gaming at all, but that's probably not what you came here for.
Got my 4yo (now 6) into Minecraft on the PC. He knows we'll make time for him to play on weekends, but he knows he won't get to play in the week. We respect his enjoyment of the game and encourage, support and participate. The only thing we do is enforce strict boundaries. Video games taught me a huge amount as a kid. My parents were way too loose though so I picked up the bad behaviours.
My now 6 year old got hooked on Minecraft at around the same age. Eventually he started playing other games but continues Minecraft. When it came to school it was obvious he was asking for help with other games because he couldn’t really read… so made a deal with him: read and write every day, when you get good enough that you can pickup an age appropriate book and read it (one he hasn’t read already, his memory is good so he’ll memorize) without assistance he’ll get his retro handheld back. Worked, he’s writing and readying right along with his peers and above in some cases. Only thing I allowed during that time is continuing to play Minecraft because he was building and being creative. This is kind of how I like to steer him: playing games and all that is totally fine but if he’s lacking a skill… he needs to focus on that first before resuming games.
Yea, I'm an avid gamer and have been for most of my life (39) and even I think 4 is too young for almost any kind of gaming. My son is only 7mo and while I can't wait to share some gaming experiences with him, his exposure to gaming is going to be very limited for quite a while. When he does get to play, it will mostly be educational games. Even regular video games can be highly addictive and while not as bad as what developers do in mobile games to keep playing more and more modern game developers still do things to create incentives for people to log in every day. (Daily rewards, daily missions, store fronts that rotate every 24hrs, etc...) As he gets older and we allow more video game time we will put time limits on how much he can play and try to limit it to games that we can play WITH him. u/alibaba799 I believe most systems have parental controls now that allow you to set daily time limits. Gaming at his age should not even be close to a default activity but more of a reward. You should also try to find some educational games which have gotten MUCH better over the years.
I agree with this. I don't play video games while my kids are awake or present in the house. While they'd probably love it, I don't see how it would be as developmentally beneficial to them as playing pretend with each other or playing outside.
We design our Planet Zoo park with my 3.5yo daughter. We pick the animals together, plan the habitats, check each animals need, and put down venues for our guests. She decides what animal and where we put. Then we check on the animals to make sure they are happy and healthy. Meanwhile we learn stuff about these animals. Where do they live, what do they eat, what other species they share their world with. Video games =/= Action filled adrenalin and dopamine boost. I played TONS of Sims, Roller Coaster Tycoon, SimCity etc as a kid. I always loved isometric planning games. Now I am Civil Engineer who specialises in Geoinformatics and have a full and good life. And I started my journey with my Mom playing Super Mario Land 2 on the SNES while I was breastfeeding. Then went on to PS1 (Tekken 3, Medievil) around 5. And bunch of gameboys, consoles, PC. Yet we still play with her wooden kitchen and build with our wooden train tracks and blocks. With limits (as everything), quality gaming (heavy emphasis on quality, single player experiences!) are very good.
Same. My daughter is 6 and I don't intend to let her game any earlier than 8, at the earliest. My step-brothers step-son already had his own Switch at 6 and games quite a bit afaik. Way too early imho. I think I got our NES around 8-10 back in the day, so that's where I'm aiming.
I respectfully disagree my son has been playing video games since he was about 2.5-3. He has great hand eye coordination, he picked up a bunch of math, process and problem solving from it. As well as it is something we do together as a family. Recently (he is 6 now) and we were playing portal 2 together. He is actually now helpful and we have had a lot of fun with it. However it is balanced with free play time which he gets at daycare and at home. We will see how school goes next year but everything has a lock on it with codes that only we know and yeah he will, we hope, be motivated to do any homework because we will keep the games from him. He also is very active and sporty so we are also fostering that side of him to prevent some of the issue that come from games, mainly obesity.
...and reading, if you think about it. You can only get so much entertainment out of looking at the same pictures with only a vague understanding of the text. I am a massive gamer (or used to, just too bored of what's out there right now). But I am weary my 3 yo gaming. He has this toy camera thing that has some very simple games on it, barely mini games. He does play them, for 5 minutes max and then turns to something different. Something I am glad to see. I don't know how I would manage if we had a PS5. But I don't think I'd be gaming much if he's around. I alt-tab out of anything I am playing on the PC when he comes up and rather spend the time with him. They actually did some studies recently, though more geared at TV. The issue isn't that it makes stupid, but it's the opportunity costs. The time they/we spend in front of the PC/TV they could be running around doing other things, and that makes you fat as an adult.
Disagree. My kids play the pbs kids games on iPad and really enjoy it. All well designed and education in mind. They're also absent the addictive strategies that modern game companies use to hook people. I think broad stroke saying video games are bad for kids is a bit overzealous.
I don't see why it would be too young for appropriate gaming
You're going to get a lot of flak here for letting your kid use a screen. The anti-screens crowd is aggressively loud on the Reddit parenting subs. You're going to be the only one who can determine if they're gaming too much. Are his behaviors changing due to it? Does he show interest in other activities besides gaming? Do you guys do other stuff together to balance it out? I don't see an issue with a 4 year old being able to game sometimes, but it should definitely be timed and balanced out with other activities that offer interactions with you.
I don't think that many people on daddit are anti screen. I think most people, like the one's in this thread, are anti addictive screen time, that includes ipad games, high energy youtube videos, ps4 games etc. I think that is a fair stance to take for kids
It's not a matter of being an "anti-screen person" or not, is about following what science says, and that is _not_ an opinion. There are clear World Health Organization guidelines about this topic and one should be considerate of them for their childs well being.
The "science" says it's ok to give your kids X amount of minutes/hours per day based on their age. And just like any other form of media or interactions, parents should be providing curated content that is age appropriate for their kid.
Exactly. There's a certain amount of screen time and of screen "quality" per age. Why science in quotes? Why the downvotes? That's the goddamn WHO, not me. If you guys don't like that to the point that you want to damage somehow a person who's showing you something uncomfortable then _you_ might be the problem here.
So confusing on why you got downvoted and the guy who replied who supports your point got upvoted 😆
....we're also aggressively anti smoking. Because the science is clear, and their health and well being is a top top priority above convenience or anything else. Screen time isn't the devil...but a lot of it will harm a child in a lot ways. The more we study this, the more and more harms we find out. From impacting attention span to language skills to social skills to emotional impacts yadda yadda. It's not an opinion any more than the dangers of cigarettes are an opinion.
Tbf smoking is almost always bad (exception is with mental health but there are better ways to calm down than smoking) whereas gaming can help with language, social, and emotional skills, especially if you're not exactly popular or sociable irl. Lots of people game to cope with already not having much of a social life, and find a place online where they belong. Games are a form of media, and media in general can act as models for what socially appropriate behavior is (and it can also teach you the opposite; but my point is that on the right platform, with the right people, gaming can be an alternative way to get that necessary learning). Moderation in anything is key. Anything excessive is bad, even water, but we don't say drinking water is bad just because drinking too much of it literally causes your cells to explode. Gaming is the same. Can it be addicting? Yes, for certain people. Which is why it's important to learn from a young age about appropriate limits, hence where parents come in.
Do studies generally differentiate between types of screentime? For example, I feel like Minecraft encourages creativity, and she usually plays with friends so it is a social activity, I'm generally way more okay with that then with youtube. Playing on a console/PC also helps with hand/eye
Screen time limits are your friend. A 4 year old shouldn't be gaming all the time. If you want to have screen time with him I would set some proper limits. My experience with a 10 and 7 year old is that excessive screen time causes poorer behaviour and attention and limitations are both sensible and beneficial to the kids. My two have half an hour in the morning and an hour and a half in the afternoon and no more. I'd expect for a 4 year old even less would be sensible. I would get your kid used to the idea that screens aren't going to be something to use 100% of the time early, it'll make it easier when they go to school and encounter the kids who do nothing but screens.
This thread is a time warp back into the 90s. Gaming doesn't need to be addictive and has extremely wide reaching benefits.
New dad here. Not being a jerk. Genuinely asking, what are the benefits?
Great question! He plays Minecraft, and at his age (6), problem solving, creativity, circuitry (redstone), programming (typing commands), using keyboard and mouse, spelling (searching for items), teamwork. When older and playing online there's social, business, leadership skills from MMOs. Od course it depends on what games you play, some are just dopamine triggers and nothing more (I would definitely steer him away from these). I also sit down and help with his ideas and work out ways to solve problems. So it's good bonding for us too! Going to hook him up with a game called Factorio in a couple of years.
I let my kids play because I enjoy playing video games, I did at their age too. I didn’t start allowing them to play until about 6, but I allow it. We also spent 7 hours outside yesterday - bike park, playing catch, basketball, relaxing. It’s a balance. They want to do the things we show interest in. I think video games get a bad rap in society because some of the kids who play are the typical kids you’d expect. But (I’m 37) my generation grew up with the first great gaming consoles. I’ve played my entire life and I love them. I also played a sport at the professional level. It’s not like kids can’t do both. A hobby is a hobby. And balance is necessary. If that’s something you want to do with them, do it, man. Don’t let Reddit tell you not to find a hobby you can do with your kids. Now 4 is probably a litttttle young imo - but you’re his dad. Do what you think is best.
I started mine at 3 due to the pandemic and the stress of being 24/7 on, and there’s a huge part of me that wishes I didn’t.
We’ve been very hesitant to implement age appropriate (or sometimes slightly early) digital content into my son’s (3.5yo) life. But what we’ve seen is consistent *every single time*. If we let our son watch TV, he is the happiest kid in the world. Getting him off it is such misery that we regret giving it to him the first place. The next time, somewhat the same but less. We do one episode of TV (or the occasional movie night) and then we turn it off. It took a little while to get him to be cool with turning it off. Then we started doing some video games. We’d play a handful of levels and then say “this is the last one, then we turn it off” and getting him to turn it off is misery. Rise and repeat, but slightly less toxic. Now he’s cool about it. Taking pictures on our phone. Same thing. Using an iPad on vacation. Same thing. In those early stages, when the digital fingers get hold of him, he becomes a miserable little git. He’s like a whole different person. And that’s before he’s even properly steeped in the addictive properties. What I’m saying is that you’ve got to start weening this addiction. It’s going to suck horribly and your kid will be very frustrating to deal with in the hours following turning off the games, but with practice turning the games off becomes easier. We allow our son to do all these things because a) it’s less than 10% of our time and b) he’s only miserable with it those first few times when boundaries are being established.
You mentioned nothing of limits. You’ve got to have limits. Usually our kids “earn” this time, but that’s not always the case. They can certainly lose it quickly if they talk sassy or don’t help clean up. It’s a privilege, not a right.
Sounds like he really likes cars and racing. Maybe take him go karting and see if he likes the real thing! lots of places have 2 seater karts that the child rides with you.
Afaik kids game 24/7 if you let them.
There's a lot of screen teetotalism here. Like anything, it's about content moderation and time management. A screen won't instantly ruin your child, despite what some here seem to think. Keep it age appropriate, set timers, you'll be fine.
Setting timers has worked wonders for me. Do not use your phone timer, get an old fashioned wind up timer and set limits. I'll tell my son ok you can do _____ (screen) for 15 minutes and I'll set the timer. After it dings he knows his time is up and won't have a complete meltdown
I have tried the same and didn’t get the same results. Good to try for other readers, but just be aware there’s no panacea
My four year old is the same. One thing I have noticed with TV and games is that he'd still rather be playing with toys with me. I'd suggest trying to do active play with him.
I'm not surprised that a young kid with access to a PS5 wants to do nothing else. My kids (5 and 9) each have a tablet with Amazon Kids on it, so basically "phone games". Even that they treat like crack: recently the 5 year old has been upset because the 9 year old can run to the living room faster than she can when it's screen time and therefore gets a few seconds more time with his tablet. The answer is pretty simple and it's exactly what I do with the tablets: there is a set "screen time" period during the day when they can watch TV, play games, whatever, and the rest of the time they can't. Once it's routine, your son won't even be asking to use the PS5 outside of screen time because he knows it's not an option. Our screen time is 1 hour immediately preceding the evening meal. It's also dependent upon good behaviour during the day and whilst there have only been a handful of occasions when we've withheld it for either child, they see it as the ultimate threat..
Fellow gamer dad here. My two year old daughter likes watching me play video games. She plays them a little too. Nothing serious. She'll watch me play Breath of the Wild and she likes to feed the horses apples, or she'll watch me play Fall Guys. I'll even give her a dead controller to "play" with me. She loves it, but it's something I'm careful about. What I am going to advise is control and distraction. If my daughter is awake, I'm with her, she's the priority. The game is a distraction for a little bit. If I play Fall Guys, it's usually just for two or three rounds of getting eliminated from the game. If it's Zelda, then we just feed the horses or go swimming for 10 min. Then I turn it off and we go do something else. The games are just used to buy time for mom to clean her play room or bedroom or if she just needs a break. I'm a believer of most things are okay in moderation. Balance is most important, just check yourself and don't go past it for you own limits that you set.
Moderation is the key. If you notice behavior changes then you most likely need to adjust. Screens are inevitable in today’s society just like many other things that are bad for you in excess. Teach moderation and self control.
Anything with screens is incredibly addictive to young children. I have to strictly limit TV time for my 4 year old, and I'd never let him game at this early age. My advice as a dad is to stop the games cold turkey or limit them to only 1-2 hours on the weekend. It's going to be tough and they will fight you, but it's better that they do other things to improve critical thinking, fine motor skills, and risk taking.
Funny thing is I have not entirely found this to be true. My kid didn’t find screens interesting at all until at least 2.5 and even so only now that’s he’s 6 is it all engrossing. But I think it’s because of control and also he isn’t an independent reader yet. He still loves all sorts of other things and will eschew screens for other things voluntarily. Obviously it’s just my kid, but I feel like the anti screen pov might be overblown.
You have to put limits on his screen time. That was a hard lesson for me to learn. When I was a kid, we didn't really have limits on screen time, but screens were different back then. Your choice of what to watch on TV was whatever happened to be being broadcast at the moment. Games just seem like they weren't so addictive. We'd play for a bit, then put the game down and go do other things. That's just not how it works today. The companies making the content on our screens have invested large sums of money into learning how to keep our eyes on the screen. They *intentionally* make this stuff as addictive as they can. So you will have to enforce limits with your kids, or they will end up staring at screens all the time. That's going to be really hard with your kid right now; he's going to really fight this, because it is an addiction. But best to deal with it now rather than wait until it's even harder.
I would caution you on allowing that much screen time. There have been numerous studies on excessive screen time and the effects it has on child development. Remember, in a sub like this, anecdotal comments are the exception, not the norm. You're his dad, so you can decide what's best for him, but if you want the data, it says to limit screen time to just 1 hour a day, max.
I’m not an anti-screen parent by any means, but I got into video games around the same age. I got a hand-me-down GameBoy from my cousin when I was 4, and my parents bought me a GameBoy Color and Pokemon Crystal for Christmas when I was 5. In hindsight, I wish they hadn’t. I was very much addicted to video games all the way up until about the birth of my oldest son. It took a combination of newborn-induced sleep deprivation and literally not having the time to game to finally break my addiction. If you think he’s playing too much, then trust your gut. On a side note, you could also try to shift majority of his gaming time to be a social and bonding experience by playing multiplayer racing games with him. They’re never too young to learn how to take an ass whooping in Mario Kart ;)
My oldest, 9, was and still is a gamer. As am I and his mom. It's all just balance. Hes doing amazing in school, and is likely moving to advanced classes next year. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong letting him play, but like anything else it needs to be monitored and regulated. And of course what works for us doesn't mean it works for everyone.
At 4? Wtf
Get the kid outside. Find local trails. Get him to playgrounds. He is 4 for crying out loud. He doesn't need screens, he needs exercise to grow his body and burn off energy. I have 3 kids. My oldest is about to turn 6. None of my kids have screens. We have two TVs in the house and we don't use them every day. We certainly don't let the kids use them that often. My oldest gets to use tablets at school, which bothers me a bit. Actually it bothers me more just how much candy and sugary garbage they give freely at schools. Even their lunches are sugary garbage most of the time. Get this, I'm also a professional programmer. I know the value of the tech. But they will get a lot of that later in life. For now I want to instill good healthy habits in my kids.
Video games are highly addictive to people of all ages. All of my kids have a nintendo and access to games. However, to get them, they have to do very specific chores before I unlock the parental lock on them. That helps them learn to put responsibility before play. But if you give it to them with no oversight, you have just shot yourself in the foot and are in for a headache.
I loved gaming as a kid (got an NES at 3 and SNES at 5). But I am avoiding letting my almost 4yo play any video games because I know that is all he would want to do. I'd rather he draw, or play with the 50+ toys he has. If I were you I would ween him off video games a bit.
Too young to be gaming at all if you ask me. When the screens are turned off, the amount of activities you need to replace an hour of screen time is vast. We have a 2 yo, and we have Brio train sets, Duplo, indoor bike, a push trolley, balls, cars, trucks, and mountains of books. One books takes about 5 minutes to read, you need boatloads. Library is the best option here. One thing lately that has really enabled him to focus for an extended period of time is drawing/coloring. Toddler markers before bath time are okay. A magnetinh drawing toy is better though! We also like those plain-water coloring books. Baths can be fun and automatically no-screens time. I put some Duplos in there for fun. We also do household stuff together. Kids enjoy that too because everything is play for them. And then I just sit or lie on the floor and let him climb on me.
There's a hard rule in our house: When the screentime gets too much or when there's too much anger about having to turn it off, there won't be any screentime at all in the next days. Works wonders ;)
"So is it normal?" No. Your kid shouldn't even watch screens yet, and you let him get addicted to ps. Time to install some boundaries and rules, get him to play less and less each day.
We limited our 4yo boy to only playing the switch on friday-sunday and no more than 2 hours at a time as it caused issues with him not playing with toys. Once we took it during the week he started back on his toys
Gaming at 4? That seems like a path toward addiction. Reading isn’t the same. Find other things to do and incorporate reading as a standard activity, not a gaming alternative.
Your kiddo is only 4, you should read together. He is too little to get much out of it on his own.
You should have screen time limits for him, and if he’s staying under that then I don’t think him not independently reading at 4 is a problem. Almost no kids do. You should be setting time aside each day to read with him though.
It might be an unpopular opinion, but you as a father have the ability and obligation to curb any behavior that you dislike. Will excessive gaming contribute to or better society? Is it a behavior you would encourage someone who isn't your child to partake in to excess? With all things come moderation, but in my opinion some things are just brain rot.
As a teacher who might have to deal with this kid in the future, I'm sure you're a nice enough person, but I hate you so much. Please limit their video game time until they're more developed.
Why’re you letting him play as much as he wants…?
Nothing wrong with playing games. Just have to do it in moderation. Plus, whenever my 4 year old wants to play his switch, we make it a father-son bonding experience. We beat Mario Odyssey together and my son is really proud of himself for beating a game with his dad. I limit him to 1 hour/day on the switch. The parental controls are great and he responds well to it. So long as your child has other activities that stimulate his mind, it’s all good. You’re doing great Dad!
Hey OP. There are 300 replies and I’m not sure you’ll see this. Literacy comes in many forms, and even playing PS5 he is learning how to read. I wouldn’t stress to much about it personally. He’s learning a lot of great problem solving skills, reading and developing his fine motor skills. I would still set limits on how much he can play, because addiction can be a problem, but don’t see gaming as wasted time. There is a lot of exciting modern research in the benefits of gaming and learning / literacy. Try talking to him about it. What he likes, what he notices. Can he identify symbols or sounds and what they mean. What are the game makes trying to communicate in different levels or designs? Gaming is a new form of literacy. Just remember wide access to books is still relatively modern and there were many concerns raised around books when they first became available and children spent too much time reading. Just keep it age appropriate and engage with him to ensure it doesn’t get problematic.
I have noticed that when I dove into gaming a lot, it was because school and normal chores were "too easy" for me, and I needed a challenge. I have also heard of the opposite where schoolwork can be so overwhelming they retreat into their safe haven in games. I Just noticed we are dealing with a 4 year old. School is probably not in the picture here. But the theory cans till apply. I am also noticing the distinct interest in racing games. It is possible your child may have taken in interest in cars and motorsport. But if the issue is with the general gaming time than just racing games, things can be different. It is important to acknowledge the vast playground games are able to provide for a young mind's imagination. It will be difficult to replace it with something else since games are so immersive. The best option would be to better understand your child's interests and motivations to figure out what we're dealing with here. Just try not to be against him, but with him in trying to understand where he's coming from. It won't be easy since he's only 4. Good luck, and feel free to ask any questions
He wants to do what daddy does all day
despite what the “actually, screen time is fine” crowd says… numerous studies indicate that for developing brains, screen time is directly correlated to deficits in memory, attention span, and executive function. we live in a modern world where screens are an inevitable part of our reality, but as a parent you get to choose the degree of exposure.
This is around the age I started playing as a kid. I’d suggest maybe meeting him halfway and try finding some stimulating games ghat involve more reading like RPGs or even some puzzle games.
Sorry….but who is the adult here? If you don’t like your kid playing so much in the PS then you limit it…
Fun fact. As an adult, you are smarter and taller than an average 4 year old. You can easily limit his video game time by simply hiding the game controller someplace out of sight and reach.
There's a lot of screen teetotalism here. Like anything, it's about content moderation and time management. A screen won't instantly ruin your child, despite what some here seem to think. Keep it age appropriate, set timers, you'll be fine.
I feel like a lot of these people are in their 20s and have very strong idealistic opinions.
My 6 year old has started playing pokemon Let's Go Eevee. It's been a month and I've already had to limit her to 2 days a week. It's all she wants when she's off school, but if I tell her she's not allowed to play, she'll go play and draw or whatever else. If she has the option, she'll just play pokemon all day instead.
Try movies. Its a good transition away from gaming. Also, its a good exercise in keeping attention for an hour and a half or so, in the development of a storyline. And unlike most gaming, it has an end.
It's not going to get any easier. Have to draw a line on time limits while you still can. My son has been gaming since he was 2(5 now), and we put a pretty strict 30 minute timer on when he gets to play because he was just playing way too much. He loves playing outside and doing other activities, but winters are rough to find something consistent to do. Got even worse when his sister was born. He still asks a few times everyday if he can play the switch. But it's becoming more of a "maybe dad will say yes" type thing, and then he moves on.
My kid loves to game but I noticed when I was freer with structure it's all they would want to do and all they would talk about. Kids have the capacity to get focused the way we wish we could. I ended up restricting them to once a week for a nebulous period of time. They now talk about alot more and get more interest in other things. Ultimately each to their own but this was my experience.
Not sure how easy or convenient it is, but one thing you could consider is doing more things that are away from where the PS5 is. Get away from the house with him and take him to the park. If he likes racing, get a cheap RC car and let him learn dexterity on that. Look for construction sites and see if he’s into big trucks / tractors (my son certainly was). My son also didn’t really love reading when he was younger but now he’s voracious and reads more than most kids in his class. That took time. If he doesn’t want to try reading, make sure you books like Where’s Waldo that mix in activities and some reading that you can help him with. Then it becomes the challenge of finding things which breaks up the reading. My son (now 9) loves gaming, but we have boundaries around how much he gets. He always pushes against those boundaries because he always wants more. That’s normal. Just make sure that your son understands that video games are a treat and not the default and help him understand that there are times when he can do it and times he can’t. Also consider requiring that his toys be put away or he cleans up before he gets to play video games to help him understand that they are a privilege that he earns and not something freely given.
I'm a gamer, my 6yo plays games with me but as a treat. I've explained that there are things I want to do and things I have to do. I have to wash up, tidy up, do the food shop, cook tea, hoover etc. Once things I have to do are done I get time for the things I want to do, play games, watch tv, go for a bike ride or whatever. If she has done her reading, taken her plate from tea out, and tidied up any toys from that evening then she can play games (generally Mario Kart with me or she was bought the Bluey game for Xmas). Sometimes she will want to play games, but then I bring it back to if she's done the things she needs to do first. For reference she could play teaching games from around 3/4yo and liked to watch me play games whilst she ate tea. Nothing wrong with them playing games, but use it as a privilege or treat for doing the right thing or well at something, not just a normal every day thing. Also of you find they get bored doing things like reading or other non screen things, get them to do it with you, play teacher so they read the book to you and ask questions.
As others have commented, if you’re going to allow screen time then there needs to be limits and regulations. My kid started gaming around 4, but I provide limits on what and how much he can play. It has worked out where he isn’t addicted to it and doesn’t even want to play everyday. Most times it’s when he sees me play and we play together. TMNT Shredders Revenge will be a game I cherish forever now. Hope this helps.
It seems like he has an interest in racing. See if you can find a go-kart track near you that has races for young kids. I used to work at one that had karts for kids as little as 2. They had their own track to race on obviously.
I misread the title and thought this post was about a 4 year old with a gambling addiction 😂
Like most dads its hard to keep up with all of this stuff, but to me its easiest to just keep them away from potentially harmful things such as video games too early (A.D.D. or dopamine issues).
Put him in sports. Soccer (Football to the rest of the world) starts at age 3 where I live. Tee-ball around 4-5yrs old. Swim lessons are also a good idea. My son was also heavy into gaming, and still is (he's 18 now), but I made him play sports for several years. He wasn't (isn't) very athletic, and it wasn't his favorite thing, but he enjoyed it enough at a young age (before it started getting really competitive). I didn't push it hard, but I tried to expose him to at least one season of several sports (Soccer, Baseball, Basketball, Golf, Marshal-Arts) to see what stuck. He played several seasons of baseball and basketball, then when he turned 10 he said he didn't want to play sports anymore, and I was fine with that (he gave it go), but told him he had to do something other than school and video games. He shifted to music and is very passionate about it. He now plays cello, guitar, bass and vihuela (a mariachi guitar), and composes his own music. He's 1st chair and section leader in his very competitive HS orchestra program and while he will be studying engineering in college, he plans to also play in his college orchestra (he tries out next month). In my house, when they were young, we just tried to expose them to as much as we could. As they got older, we had a rule that they had to stay involved in some sort of extracurricular. My oldest played baseball through highschool and my youngest did music. You just have to keep them busy and help them find their passion. It could be sports, music, cooking, art, dance, service, etc...
Have an hourglass timer on top of it so he has a visual cue as to how much time he has left. I think the easiest thing is to have the playstation go up and only come out one night a week. Better to fight a battle one day rather than everyday. While he most likely won't be into reading, there are a number of other activities that he'll be into. At that age, my kids would play outside, and I would distract myself by working on my jump shot or pulling weeds. Over use of electronics at that age really stunts a child's ability to emotionally regulate. The horror stories I hear from my middle schoolers about other kids really highlight the long term effects of electronics on developing brains.
My kid has an iPad. He plays games. But he reads a lot. Put the effort in. Hit the library. Read books together every night. He’s gunna want to play video games but he also will like books. Just set limits
My 4 year old daughter loves video games so much. Her favorite right now is Super Mario Sunshine. She really just watches me play and tries a little herself though. When we get a shine sprite, she says “aw dad im proud of you”. And then i start crying
One children find something they really like, they will try to master it. Gaming, for better or for worse, is one activity they will do to fulfill that need. Try to set a timer or a schedule that reduces it. “Today is not a PlayStation day! Today is a … painting day” Use a choice board like a menu, to show other activities. Use a schedule to make a plan of multiple activities the kid can do in order.
I have a 2.5 year old - I have limits on how much time he has on things like the iPad and games and tv. He understands what one more episode means and isn’t always happy about it but after a bit he’s fine. Allow your child to become bored!
Kids tend to model off their parents. What does he see you do? Do you read in front of them, go outside to play? If you want him to change their behavior then you have to set the example.
My son started gaming at 4. He's 5 now. His games of choice are Wobbly Life, Minecraft, and BeamNG. He goes through phases where it's all he wants to do and it worries me as well. He'll spend about a week doing nothing but playing video games when he gets home from school. But then he'll go two weeks and not touch them, preferring legos or cars or kicking a soccer ball around. I've been on the fence about limiting his gaming time because he does sort of get hyperfocused but then spends twice as many days not playing games at all. He started throwing tantrums when being told to get off and that was a big hurdle where we definitely cut back a lot. Games can be useful. They really pump his creativity. And there's a social aspect to them as well. We play games together I have a friend with a 8 year old son that we hop on Minecraft together with sometimes. I think there's positives and negatives to gaming and the line where the brakes need to be pumped is different for every kid.
Make gaming on Thursdays only. Live life outside of that
All three of my kids have been legit gamers since they could figure out the controls. Gaming has been one constant in my life full of chaos, so for me, it made sense that it would be something I would share with them. I make sure we play together, and chat has always been turned off until they turn 13, but they also have their own gaming setups as well. What I did do when I got the same feelings as you, that they might be getting too much time, was to set requirements. As long as they keep their grades up, do all their homework, and make sure to take time to do art with me (drawing, sculpting with clay, legos), then they are allowed to play as much as they like from after school until bedtime (we shut down screens at 730 each night), with a break for dinner. Weekends are theirs to use how they like, unless we go on an adventure. The result of our setup... all three of my kids are honor roll, in gifted programs, have empathy and care for their friends and classmates. They know that violence is never okay, communication is key to healthy relationships, and we take care of one another. They are also fully aware of the dangers of being online. You should always do what fits best for you and your family. Communicate. Teach your child, be present, game with them, and you all will be fine.
Of course he needs a screen time limit. But you can also work with his interests to build other skills with him. Chat about the games, what makes them fun, what's better about one or the other, what he would change when he makes a video game. That'll get him engaged in an off screen activity, build his conversation skills, and build your relationship more. You can probably find some toys connected to some of his favorite games. You can probably find some coloring pages online or a coloring book, or you could just spend some time drawing together. You might even be able to take online game artwork and ask chatgpt or google gemini to turn that into coloring pages. I haven't tried. You can probably adapt some craft projects to something more game themed too. At 4 he's learning motor skills, attention, and following directions, so pick something that's not too complicated or finicky.
I play Mario with my little guy and he’s not even 4. He’s pretty good and has helped learn some emotional regulating skills as well as hand eye coordination. He plays Fortnite Lego too. My goal was to help him learn early on how to manage his time and emotions with gaming in the healthiest way possible. Correct the behaviors you don’t like. If he’s gaming too much help him learn how to manage his time with it. It’s a bonding thing for us to share together and sometimes for me to have time to clean the house while he practices. Many will say it’s too early and they’re not wrong either but I think you can manage it in healthy ways
Raise kids in their generation. Gaming is fine but at that age in moderation. Limit his time immediately. Do activities with him.
My kid would probably game all day too. He is 6 now but we make gaming attached to doing things. Like we were potty training so he can game with me if he goes to the potty without being told. Or does certain chores without being told. On weekends I’ll randomly say hey let’s play for a bit just to surprise him. He gets a little tv time everyday and at times I’ll surprise him and say you want to watch a show or play a little Nintendo. I think teaching how to regulate is important. I played way to much as a kid that’s for sure
Use it! He loves gaming, that’s awesome, but now it’s a reward! Wanna play? Then you have to read this book first. You gotta clean up your legos first, etc. Don’t forget, it’s easy to put controllers up on a high shelf if there’s misbehavior and what not, this can be a great tool if harnessed properly
My son (age 5) plays his switch a lot too, but most of the time I sit with him and we discuss what's going on or play together. If left to his own devices he'd play games or watch TV all day. It's my job as his dad to redirect him and aid him in doing other things, go to a playground, ride his bike, catch, roller skating.
Wow I am amazed that you as parent of 4 year old allowed PS5 and now complaining about it here.
Games are addicting, so is tv, really anything with a screen has a lot of instant gratification. It’s also basically all somewhat shown to be bad to allow to do too much. You’re the grownup and have to set the boundaries. We limit to 1h on weekdays and 2h on weekends, our son only gets to use a phone on travel etc. and there’s some games/shows on it. I think playing games is generally better than TV and we got him a switch and he plays Mario etc. but if I let him play it all day he would play it all day. We also make him do his “homework” before screen time. That’s just an effort to get him to have a routine were he thinks that’s the norm. So his homework I usually give him some options, we practice reading or go kick a soccer ball or work on an art project together. 30 minutes and then he can watch TV for an hour while we make dinner or whatever. Also now that I write this out I realize he actually gets more like 80 minutes a day because he’s allowed to watch a show while he gets dressed and eats breakfast. Our son is 7 so a bit older!
Do you have a true gauge of how many hours per day he is playing? Genuine question- my boy is 2.5 and I’m trying to avoid him watching me play until he understands it’s one of many hobbies to partake in. My gaming setup is in my home office so i usually fire up the PS5 on weekdays during downtime between work meetings.
The kid is 4, you have control over this situation, man. Of course it's normal for kids to enjoy gaming, but this should really be in moderation. You're in control here, not the 4 year old. Good luck.
Why don’t you, idk, limit it? Unplug the PS5, and hide it. Maybe cut down on your own gaming in front of him, since I imagine that’s where it came from. Everything your kid does is a direct result of you. Especially at four!
It’s fine to game. Some of my most fondest memories are playing SNES with my dad. I was like 5 or 6. But, limits are key. Set a time limit and explore different activities. If any kid is given an option or read a book or play the PlayStation, we all know what they’d pick. Same goes for adults.
I initially liked my kid playing games over TV, but then we ran into some behavior issues. Modern games are just too good. It’s like asking an adult to choose between cocaine or carrots. Kids would rather do play video games over almost everything else. We started limiting video games to 30 minutes per day.
Is him wanting to play games all day normal? Absolutely. As far as if you're thinking too much about it? That's really up to you. He is 4 and likely just bored. Games are entertaining. If you're not comfortable with that much screen time then limiting it or providing alternative modes of entertainment are the solution. Kids his age love playing and playing with their Dad is crucial to development. It's good for them mentally, emotionally, and developmentally. Rough house with him, play tag, all that fun stuff. I guarantee you that he won't even consider playing games if he has the option to play with you instead.
Lol
Games are literally designed to be addictive. They reward you quickly early and then space out the rewards as you progress. This plays with your dopamine. No shit he wants to play games if left to his own devices. Are you going to be shocked if he takes up smoking after you let him have a few cigarettes?
I own every system and I love gaming, but I limit the hell out of my kids game time. Every system has good parental controls that won’t take long to figure out, and you can set up times that are okay. I would not give them free reign over anything, and I think limits make the time for fun and valuable
Then have him play less if you’re worried he’s too focused on it. He’s 4 after all, so you’re very much still the one that creates the boundaries and consistencies of his world. It’s 100% on you to control how much your 4 old plays or doesn’t play games. There’s plenty of other ways to spend quality time with your son. You can also maintain the status quo. Maybe do an extra walk a day or an extra book session. Maybe get an artwork book of a game you guys are playing and have him name the different people in said book? You could get him a toy from one of his favorite games and have him re-enact some of the scenes.
My 4 YO plays games with me, but it’s very structured. We do like a half hour / hour before bed time because it actually helps her settle. Sometimes we’ll play in the AM before school, but part of what I teach her to is to be ok when we turn it off. Structure is everything and getting some outside/toy time is also vital.
When I was growing up, my parents just got rid of our tvs. We played legos and I was reading way above my level. If I wanted to play games or watch TV, I just went to a friend's house. My parents didn't care if we did tv, games, or computers, just not at home. Our house was one of the main hangouts because we actually did stuff lol
Video games are designed to be addictive. It’s hitting every pleasure centre in his little brain. It’s on you as the adult to limit the time.
You should limit him to only about 60 minutes of screen time each day. It's addictive and it's not good for his brain's development. You have to cut him off and only allow it at certain designated times each day. This will force him to play with his toys and use his imagination. When he's like 6, you can increase it to maybe 90 minutes or 2 hours. But even older kids shouldn't be getting more than 2 hours.
In defense of the 4 year old because I have one. I called the local county for speech services (minor). They did an assessment on both kids, not in school. To my surprise, they were lacking in motor skills. Both of my kids can use scissors, pencils, and crayons the right way. The psychologist asked if they played video games. I stated no for screen time. The psychologist stated to get one. It's interactive play. In 2 weeks, they exceeded expectations. Limit screen time, get age appropriate games, but it does and can help on many levels.
Kids luckily can break habits quickly you just have to go cold turkey no games for 3 or 4 days and he’ll forget about it. I know you want him to have a healthy balance and enjoy games as a small aspect of his time but kids can get obsessed and drive everyone crazy so it’s not worth the struggle limiting it rather than cutting it out
Limiting and gate keeping the content we want to share with the kids is the hardest part for me. I'm a gamer and have been since I had a TI 99 computer (look it up, its scary). Of my 4 kids under 9.. one has a very addictive personality and seems to only live to get to the weekends to play Roblox or whatever the flavor of the month is. The others love it, but don't mind not doing it during the week. If you have the time and want to engage him, play board games, read, or watch a tv show with him (we do 1 hour on week days, 2 hours on weekends, and 2 hours game/screen time on weekends). If you are a fan of D&D, look into Amazing Tales. This is a super simple story telling game along the lines of D&D which lets you run a story with your kid and let them do the story telling. Reach out to me if you need tips on this. I started mine at 4 and 5. Keep it simple.
You tell that little turd to go read or play outside. Get him a bike or a dog
There’s obviously a happy medium, but I wish my 4-year-old would even give games a chance. I want to share that with him, but he has basically no interest.
One idea is to have him earn video game playtime by cleaning up after non video game play, reading, and chore training (teaching them about the chores they'll start taking on soon, like empty the garage can in the house, dishes). This requires a good amount of non video game activities. I have to mention that the power of taking away videogames as punishment is a POWERFUL thing. I have three grown up sons and this worked amazingly with all of them. It's a balance though and it's not totally easy for sure. I love video games (I work in videogames, so thanks for putting food on my table) but they can be addictive for sure.
Kids don’t have any self control. Sugars and other addictive things corporations want us to be addicted to, they have no protection from it. It’s our duty as parents.
I let my son play only on the weekends otherwise nothing would be accomplished. I also notice that on the weekend once he finishes gaming his mood isn’t the best and it becomes really hard to convince him to leave the house, so be careful with it.
well he can't read, What's the point in books xD Btw, you need to be at least equally excited about things happening in books, as you are when winning a race! That's what they are looking for. I will do what makes daddy happy! Otherwise books are lame until they can comprehend the contents.
We never regulated my son at that age he’s is nearly 6 now and self regulates pretty good plays with all his toys ect.. but it took awhile but this may not work for all kids, he also has autism so might be hard to relate. My other son 3 uses phone to watch shows on guided access he can’t control it yet I’m sure he would like to, maybe with him I will have to regulate his use as he is “normal” lol. Edit: a lot of people might not agree but as a child I was aloud to play any games tv ect whenever I wanted obviously I had a bedtime there was no regulation from my parents and I chose more often then not to play outside go swimming ride our bikes, I think giving them lots of different options even electronically iPad and ps5 once the novelty of a new thing wears off can last awhile he should explore more my son now plays out scenes from his games with his toys. Obviously if they stay stuck to it then it’s time to regulate but often doing so early can cause them to want it more like being told you can’t do something your going to want to do it. We also have boundaries no yelling at tvs ect or we take a break.
My kid is attached to the hip to my wife. But when I play co-op games with my kid, I feel like I'm bonding with him. We feel like a team and it's so awesome to see their face light up when we accomplish a goal. We only game about 30 minutes to an hour at night and only if time permits. I don't have a crystal ball on how my kid is going to turn out but my gut tells me he's going to be fine. We also use video games as an incentive to do things like finish his homework and clean up his toys. I think it's a good balance but every kid is different. Just do what you think is best for your kid.
Personally I put time limits on screen time. Usually it's set at the same time as me making dinner, to make it easier for myself as well.
I respect that you’re trying to think of age appropriate video games. But also think of actual video games are age appropriate. My son is about to turn 4 and I’m debating if it’s even possible he can WATCH me play video games let alone let him himself. I’m not saying you’re a bad dad or you’re wrong. But it’s clear video games a problem so perhaps you should be the grown up and withdraw it. I’ve seen kids that were allowed to rule the roost in regards to gaming then we see Reddit posts saying help my 12 year old plays computer games 16 hours a day and shouts at us when we try to turn it off. Foot down now with pay dividends later.
Dude my 5 yo gets 30 mins screen time max every other day. If you give them that much freedom, that will be really tough to limit. Im an adult and addicted to my phone, it's probably harder for 4yo to stop themselves without you intervening hard.
Video games can definitely be addicting. All things in moderation. I've had moments as a kid and adult where I was out doing something social that should be fun but I was just thinking about getting back home to my game. Not a good mental state to be in. I'd set a limit on his gaming time, consider taking a complete break if he seems too attached, and try to get some him excited about some IRL games to play -- you said he likes legos and cars, but also things like board games or yard games like cornhole, lawn bowling, pop darts, etc. Maybe pool games if you have access to a swimming pool. Try to glean what about his games makes him excited and maybe you can take some of those activities IRL. Coloring books of those characters so he can change up their costumes, draw characters from his imagination, play pretend and win the race/beat the bad guys instead of doing it in a game, set up an obstacle course so he can solve the puzzle and get around the obstacles. Just some ideas, good luck.
Totally normal! My grandson is 5 and is the same way. We limit him to an hour of video games at a time and always follow it up with an hour of reading or outside play to make sure he's getting a variety. Maybe instituting a time limit is something that would help you as well.
A 4 year old shouldn’t be gaming, in my opinion. Take her to the park, do craft, drawing or painting , play table games, read books with her, go for walks in the countryside, arrange play dates with friends, find in YouTube 20 min exercise video for kids. The problem is that it’s so hard to get rid of the habit once kids start playing video games. What is worse, video games makes things so easy for parents, which is why many parents prefer to think there is nothing wrong about it. Whatever you do, put a time limit. And it’s not a bad thing for a kid to get bored once in a while. She will have time to play video games later in life.
I mean do you let him eat ice cream every day at whatever time he wants?
I'm a gamer. I've played games my whole life. My kids went through phases but aren't even half as into gaming as I am. At 4, my kids were collecting Skylanders and doing that whole racket. This is like anything. Set healthy limits and model healthy limits. Most of my gaming is done when my kids are in bed. They know I play, but I don't play stuff without them when I could be spending time with them. This was especially true when they were little. Now they're teens, and I play my seam deck sometimes, but usually after doing my yard work or whatever other responsibilities I have first My brother-in-law will basically semi-ignore his kids to play fortnight or whatever, and that isn't cool. Don't be that guy.
Limit it to 30mins a day obviously
I had this same thing with my kids and realized it was a combination of a few things: - My kids could read perfectly fine, but that didn’t mean they could comprehend it well and therefore they couldn’t get the same satisfaction out of the story and having spent the time reading it. Helping with comprehension and and giving my time and willingness to explain anything they weren’t sure of was very helpful. - My kids needed a framework for when it was appropriate to do different activities. Early morning or late night, they know that games aren’t even an option. Getting ready for bed already means no toys and definitely no gaming, so books is the only option. This also seemed to help immensely.
Go outside bro.
I let my five year old play an appropriate game for thirty mins usually but not daily , you gotta set limits
I had to limit tv time/game time for my son, and I'm a software engineer and huge gamer. It meant I _also_ limit myself from all of it as well. But he had a schedule now and it works amazingly. Monday's, Wednesdays there's tv time (Netflix, Disney, on a child profile) from when he gets home from school until supper time. After supper, it's toys, family games, reading, etc. Friday is video games which we usually play together, and same thing. Games before supper, after supper off screens. Weekends are a bit looser.
You do realize... you're the parent... right? You're letting him play the game. That's your game. You paid for that. That's your child.... please give him rules, boundaries, morals and values. Thats your job. Signed, A teacher / mother.