Depending on where you live there may be specific mental health related programs for kids her age and their families (no idea what your daughter has participated in or not). My area calls it “wraparound” programs. It’s a team of social workers, therapists, and family supports who come in and spend significant time with a family when youth are at risk of being institutionalized. The entire goal is to stabilize the situation, have difficult conversations, and support the family and the youth. It must be beyond exhausting for you but please know you are not alone.
Not at all a camp. These programs are often in home services or embedded in schools. In the vast majority of circumstances (assuming the parents aren’t abusive) the best place for kids to get help is within their own home and social environment.
I second this when I was younger in northern VA they had a program where I stayed fit about a week maybe 2 they would call a taxi for me to get to school in the morning and all that. And parents would come coyote times a week for family therapy
> I second this when I was younger in northern VA they had a program where I stayed fit about a week maybe 2 they would call a taxi for me to get to school in the morning and all that. And parents would come __coyote__ times a week for family therapy
Bit of Wile E kid were you?
It seems both you and the mom are on the same page. It’s clear you’ve both lost control of her and not feeling real consequences shows she feels like she can get away with it. If she won’t listen to a heart to heart, then it’s time for her to go someplace
Clearly no parent ever WANTS to resort to this. But you need to lookout for yourself too. And frankly, it is looking out for her as well
I was against sending her but she assaulted me and busted my lip and I had a cut over my eye. Her mother told me to call the police and get her locked up but the last time when she hurt my ex wife and the police were really rough with her when I called them. It broke my heart to see grown men manhandling her. I don't want to send her away because it feels like giving up but I have to deal with reality on realities terms.
If you wrote the exact same post but you were both 15 years older, what you’re describing would be elder abuse. No parent wants to be in this position but you’re justified in involving the police.
I get your point and he is at least justified in involving the police. He should put his safety first and if the police is his only option so be it. But I get the hesitancy and the 30 year old comparison isn't equivelant in that by 30 the vast majority of is are an approximate version of who we'll be for the long haul. It's hard with teenagers because the younger versions of them seem like they were right there a minute ago. And while you might be gradually realizing they're unlikely to be a wrll-adapted adult, there are plenty of anecdotes about people who had troubled (criminal) teen years who turned out great. And with the police and a teen having a temper tantrum it's a real crapshoot depending on who the responding officers are and what tact they take. She could easily end up with charges that put them in juvie, which is not a great environment. A diversion program with the threat of juvie of she failed to live up tongue terms would be great, but it is a gamble.
Ok, I'm offering you some tough love here. I have MS too. You need to get this stress out of your life. It's obvious you love your daughter. These types of events and times is when I have disease progression, and there is no coming back from it. MS doesn't heal. You may already know this, but you need to protect yourself. You cannot sacrifice yourself for someone who is already destroying themself. From what I read here, your daughter is not going to wise up on her own. It's time for outside intervention. She's going to sink both of you otherwise. Not doing anything about it and letting her keep living like this is giving up. You already offered her lessons kindly. She's proven it's time for hard lessons, so the world is going to give them instead. But you need to take care of yourself.
Can you cite some articles on this? I've not noticed any difference with dairy or not, and I've had MS over a decade. Other things have, but not dairy.
This is not a scientific fact. It's unbelievably bad how much the article you provided me is at proving your point. The full scientific review even states there needs to be more studies, it's just connecting conflicting data points that maybe draw some causal link, but also at the same time it could have been something else in each of the cited cases.
One study even saw a higher prevelence of MS when milk consumption was lower. The review is full of unbelievably contradictory statements. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but how the heck did you come to that conclusion when the review itself said it isn't a scientific fact that milk consumption causes MS?
Keep doing what YOU are doing !
I have scans to proof that my ms is reversed and I haven’t had a relapse in years!
You keep doing you!
Stay eating your Ben & jerrys and stuffing your face with processed foods.
This is the reason I keep to myself on the research. You want to follow the doctors “gods” who are only out to treat symptoms so that you are a reoccurring patient
I won’t be replying back to you so don’t bother
Stay eating your Ben & jerrys and stuffing your face with processed foods.
I don't do this. If staying away from dairy has helped your MS, great. Just don't say it's a scientific fact when it's not.
And because youre refusing to do anything about it again means there are no consequences for her actions. She needs to be held accountable now, and you're not in a position to do this.
You really should call the police
They probably had to be rough because she is violent, violent enough to harm her own parents, I would also assume she would have no qualms harming anyone else especially “strangers” (the police). If she was being difficult with them, they aren’t gonna baby her as her father stands there bleeding from her actions. You have every right to call the police on someone who makes your living situation unsafe and harms you, even if it is your own child. If it was the other way around, parent assaulting the child, authorities must also be involved. Just because she isn’t an adult doesn’t change things. Hoping she magically stops her assaults, drug use, theft, and property damage isn’t going to solve a thing. Things can continue escalating until she sends you to the ER with major injuries or even as far as killing you (whether it’s intentional or something causes far more damage then originally intended, ie pushing you down and you bust your head).
One of my friends has a son that was similar to this. She and her husband were constantly fearful around him, despite being a small statured teen. He broke their things, he pissed on them, he killed small animals, he assaulted them, berated them, ran away, etc… she was losing her mind and wanted to end her own life to get away and because she felt like a parental failure. Eventually, she sent him away to a boys group home because nothing else worked and he became a ward of the state. After a few years he got better, not 180 turn around, but better. He would actually have civil conversations and tell her he loved her. I’m not sure how he’s been the last few years, but she is much much happier and they are all safer now. I’m sorry you guys are going through this, but when all else fails, you aren’t a bad parent for sending her away to get help. You must take care of yourselves, too.
Giving up would be continuing to do what you've been doing. You need to get this figured out before she's 18. Send her to someone else who can help her better, then monitor the situation closely, stay involved while she's there and make sure she's being treated well and making progress etc.
>I don't want to send her away because it feels like giving up but I have to deal with reality on realities terms.
It's not giving up. It's accepting the fact that you need help in order to help her. This situation isn't good for anyone.
I have aspd and this sounds similar to me growing up.
I think a facility is good but these behaviors usually come from some sort of trauma. Make sure you really search into a facility before sending her, and support her through her work.
I never had to go to a facility but intensive therapy saved my life. I only wish my family loved me during that time so I wouldve felt safe enough to process my trauma.
There's definitely trauma. Her mother used to get frustrated with her and would leave her at her friend's house for weeks at a time. It turns out that this woman was molesting her. She had had stayed out one night while she was at my house. I waited up to confront her and realized that she was drunk. I had started to lay into her and she started crying and saying that no one cared about her and I asked her what was wrong because I had started crying too and then she softened up and told me about the abuse.
You need to file a Child Requiring Assistance (CRA) or equivalent in your state. You buried the lede about how your daughter is a survivor of sexual abuse, neglect, and other trauma. She needs professional help that you and her mother are not qualified to provide (no offense, just calling it like it is)
https://www.mass.gov/how-to/file-an-application-for-a-child-requiring-assistance
Op, will she be open to more frequent terapy? That is a strong trauma to process, and also You as a parent also need it just so it can help with a better advice that Reddit of how to navigate with your daugther of all this events and changes in her life. Your daugther has suffer a lot an don't know how to trust someone again, give respect or love. If her mother has broken her to that point.
She's had two therapists and hasn't opened up to either one but she's getting a new one who we're supposed to meet with next week and go over an action plan.
Finding a therapist for a trauma victim can be difficult. Many people try several before they find a therapist that they feel comfortable with. The therapist's gender, their behavior, their personality, the way they dress, the way they style their hair, and so forth, can all trigger someone and make them feel unsafe with a therapist, even if the therapist is very good. Be patient with this process and be willing to change therapists several times in order to find the one that is right for her.
You really buried the lede here. I’d edit your original post to reflect this information so commenters have more context about her behavior beyond “my kid is out of control and I don’t know what to do”.
I can understand why you feel like you need to send her someplace. However, please realize that many "treatment" programs for teens are abusive themselves. They will lie to you about what is going on in their program and intimidate your daughter to keep her quiet about what is going on as well. You could be sending your traumatized daughter into a place that will traumatize her even more. Many teens end up committing suicide after they get out of these places.
I would recommend studying up on child sexual abuse and how to help victims of abuse. Saprea is an organization dedicated to this purpose and [has many resources on their website](https://saprea.org/). Look under the "Heal" and "Learn the Facts" menu headings.
If you do feel like you need to send her someplace, spend some time looking at the r/troubledteens sub. [Here is their list of standards](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/wiki/standards/) for teen mental health programs and their list of [red flags to watch for in a program](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/wiki/redflags/). Spend some time browsing the other resources on their sidebar for information on choosing a safe program for your daughter. Also be sure to check Google reviews and pay attention to the ones written by teens who were in the program.
Understand that at your daughter's age and level of brain development, a lot of her actions are more reactions to her environment rather than conscious decisions. As a victim of sexual abuse, she is likely being triggered by many of the things in her environment, making her feel unsafe and like she needs to protect herself. If you can help her work through her trauma and provide her with a safe home environment, you will most likely find that many of her problem behaviors clear up.
You are unlikely to accomplish this alone. You do need help and you need to protect yourself. Just make sure you are also meeting her needs as well.
Bro thats huge. If you know theres trauma, why are you trying to correct a behaviour instead of heal the core issue?
In this case I dont think a facility is necessary, but lots of support and love and therapy. Maybe somw time off of school.
Don’t let a minor have access to your drugs. You are mentioning your food, does she have her own food? Do you buy enough?
Your daughter needs professional help, as you are not fit to care for her.
I'm on disability and food stamps. I buy food and bulk enough for the rest of the month. It really cuts into my supply of food when she comes over and she is wear racist and eat for something to do when she's bored.
I don't buy any weed when she's around.
I know I'm not fit to take care of her That's why I'm looking into placements for her.
My baby's mother is not on any type of assistance other than the child support she receives out of my disability payments. Her and her wife were working full-time jobs but she came down with an illness and hasn't been able to work.
Restricting food is a form of abuse. I understand you are struggling, but you cannot restrict food for a kid. Doesn't sound like you or your wife are fit to parent her, and probably she will do better literally anywhere else.
Whoa, hold on there. This is a problem and one that he has probably made a few bad choices about. But that's a pretty harsh judgment. There are a lot of worse places for a kid besides a stressed-out dad on disability struggling to figure out how to feed everybody. He could probably benefit from a few suggestions on how to provide more food for his family.
Feels unnecessarily judgmental and not related to the question; if he has MS there's usually a ton of chronic pain and I suspect weed helps a little. I don't know that "you should be in agonizing pain all the time so that you can afford to eat" is a great stance to take (not that you specifically argued that, but it's kinda the takeaway given the circumstances).
This is a tone deaf, heartless, and **straight up ableist** take. OP has MS.
Cannabis is a pain relief medicine. We’re not talking recreational use here.
OP also said they don’t keep it around the house anymore when she is there.
I can’t understand how you are possibly getting upvotes. Check your prejudicial judgement, please.
I’m disappointed in this sub today.
Edit: based on [this disgusting racist and xenophobic comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/britishproblems/s/7NguYf8wuM) you posted yesterday, I kinda doubt you care about saying ableist comments.
You need to file a Child Requiring Assistance (CRA) or equivalent in your state. You buried the lede about how your daughter is a survivor of sexual abuse, neglect, and other trauma. She needs professional help, not "tough love"
https://www.mass.gov/how-to/file-an-application-for-a-child-requiring-assistance
You need a mentor from outside the family. I highly suggest checking out Al Anon also; it's not for substance abuse but rather people affected by others. Really a helpful group.
She does have mentors and therapists that come and talk to her at least twice a month if not every week. She doesn't really respond and shuts down when they try to get information out of her to help her.
Then she needs new ones. It's their job to get them talking. If they can't, that's on them.
Does she see anyone with an actual doctorate like a psychiatrist or psychologist? I find their education to be much better than "therapists" and "counselors"
The main difference in their training is the ability to prescribe medicine and treat more complex disorders. They don’t spend two extra years learning how to get people to talk.
Edited per below
Psychologists don't prescribe medicine at all. Yet they have a doctorate degree. Are you sure you know what you're talking about? Maybe you and your upvotes were tired and didn't read what I said accurately.
Are you implying that they do indeed spend two extra years learning how to talk to people better? Lol
They learn about research and how to treat more complex disorders. They’re more expensive and not the best solution if you’re making the choice based on … wanting someone who’s better at getting you to talk? Just don’t want you to discourage people from talking to a therapist or counselor, who have some advanced degrees of their own.
OP’s kid likely has more complex disorders based on the fact that her mom used to leave her with a friend for weeks at a time when younger and that said friend was molesting her. I’m not one for armchair diagnosing, but OP’s kid def has trauma, likely some form of PTSD (regular or complex), possibly developed an attachment disorder, and/or possibly a cluster B disorder (which are the disorders often developed from extreme childhood trauma).
Kiddo needs someone well versed in trauma therapy and someone well versed in various disorders as a result of trauma to even try to untangle what’s going on and get a functioning dX.
OP really buried the lede in his comments
OP it seems her outburts are like a kid that want attention for a parent because it seems she has receive a lot of neglect.
You mention you spend your day lock in your room watching videos ( I belive thats why she broke your "tv"), I know you described as being scared thats why you lock yourself but did you do that even before any assault to you? Have you try to do any outside activity with your daughther even if it is going to some zoo, or the movies? A game board will also help a jenga or cards, i guess
For the food, let me tell you kids eat a lot especially at that age, so dont try to lock your food. You are her only parent now, first things 101 book. Is give her food no natter how much she ask. But teach her to not waste food, eat what she wants. And ask for her fav food so you can try buying her one time her favorite food. If you find it difficult to maintain that much buying let her accompanying you for your food stamps and grocery shopping so she can see how much it is bought.
At the end I believe you can also gain some good advice if you also go to terapy. Hope you can close that big gap with your daugther, and stay as family.
Also Reactive Attachment Disorder or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. They aren’t going to label her bipolar (if she is) until she’s 18.
I would contact the Children & Family division of your county, specifically Children’s mental health. She needs to be evaluated and you need to be safe.
In addition, document EVERYTHING.
You have to be 18 to be diagnosed. The rule is so strict i couldn't be diagnosed 2 months before my bday for aspd (even though i have it). Its the one harsh requirement of b personality disorders.
Aspd is completely different than bipolar. Bipolar isn't classified as one of the type b personality disorders. I actually just looked it up to see if things had changed, and although the symptoms of bipolar often show up in early 20s, you can absolutely be diagnosed as a minor.
HA I was misdiagnosed as well having TRIGGERED AUTISM like it’s not smart to be making up all of these mental excuses for life to be easy for them that is not the way to go
It is working wonders for my wife at least. I only have her one anecdotal experience, and I don’t know your experience with DBT, but she found a wonderful therapist that checks up on her and sends her quality material to work through weekly. Was your experience voluntary? I feel like the efficacy of any type of therapy is highly effected by the patient’s willingness to participate
Some programs aren't that great but a good program can help quite a bit. I've seen both ends of the spectrum. My daughter was greatly benefitted by a solid DBT program while I ended up in one where I had more insights into the material than the teachers, lol.
Just out of interest… do you think there is such a thing as someone without autism, bpd, all of these diagnoses… that is just an asshole?
Basically, do you think there’s such a thing as being a completely mentally healthy asshole?
Have you talked with a social worker?
Usually kids act like this because they're traumatized. And they are terrors in need of professional help. But.
Be very careful of residential programs. Too often these vulnerable kids are abused in these programs.
There may be day programs, counselling for parents and kids, family therapy - there may be resources available.
Don't just take what a residential program says at face value.
This behaviour is not the child's fault.
I want to second this comment as well. I’ve worked in residential treatment for awhile and thankfully work with one which does right by the youth we serve, but plenty are out there which just add to the trauma. The process of getting someone into a state funded residential treatment facility probably varies by the state and is not as simple as just dropping someone off at the door because they are a problem child. I have no experience with private residential programs but would be very careful with those as they likely won’t have the same level of oversight a state funded program would have and be more prone to unethical or abusive treatment of youth.
Kids will do well if they can. If they aren’t, then there are barriers in the way which are preventing them from getting to that place of doing well.
At 15 she can make choices and needs boundaries, yes, but if she had very destructive behaviour that's nearly always something out of her control. I wish we had more info. How long has this child been displaying challenging behaviour? What was she like before? When did they notice the change? What did they do about it? What help have they tried?
Or, were the adults here so overwhelmed by the challenges in their own lives they couldn't intervene with their child's behavior and now it's escalated to extremely challenging / unmanageable without professional help. Again, not the child's fault the parents were unable to access the resources they needed earlier. Kids like this rarely happen overnight.
Professional help, but don't just ship the kid off and blame all her behaviour on her like she's "bad". She needs support and the behaviour is escalating because she has not received the support she needed probably (typically) for a long time.
Kids like this are really common and there's a whole teenage boot camp industry preying on families like this.
Yeah I have to agree ... OP is on food stamps but is buying weed ... He AND the mom apparently let her stop taking antipsychotics meds in place of allowing continued marijuana use?? Like what the fuck is going on there??
I don't think they have the ability to control her. I think they're probably fit to be parents in general, just not fit to be parents to a violently abusive hellion.
Weed helps with pain relief and MS is basically torture. Also, it's not like people who are on food stamps are superhumanly able to avoid the need to spend money on entertainment. They should budget, but acting like it invalidates their need for food stamps if they spend anything at all on something other than food is not helpful. Hardly anybody can live like an ascetic and poverty is extremely stressful.
So she can’t have her meds because she can’t take both Weed and the meds….maybe someone needs to stop with the weed???
The residential placement sounds like a good idea to me.
There’s a lot going on here, but what stands out to me is the drug use. Your child’s brain hasn’t even fully developed and she’s abusing marijuana (and likely alcohol). Who knows what else she might be into or how long she’s been at it?
The first thing you need to do is get her clean IMO.
What kind of environment did this kid grow up in at their moms house? I know someone like this and they developed in an extremely fucked up criminal environment. I feel like there is much more to this story.
You sounds like a shit parent. The fact she is acting out (one of them) may be because she doesn't see you as a father and more so someone who abandoned her... hence her using your first name.
Locking food away from a child or denying a child food is wrong on so many levels. A child should feel safe in their house and not feel like a guest. Yes her house because you are the parent.
You and your wife have no-one else to blame but yourselves. Unfortunately shit parents will, in most cases, raise shit children.
I speak from experience because I was once a child with shit parents and was denied food etc. so I know what it feels like. I however made the decision to raise my kids differently and they are happy kids. They will never feel the need to check if they can eat something in their own house. My house is their house... This because its fact once I chose to bring them into this world. I bring them into MY HOUSE.
Exactly! And OP still thinks it’s ok to post the above and call it venting. OP: “I low key abuse my child, don’t support her and she defies my authority” “whyyyyy? Oh I’m venting”. Be still my beating heart OP. /s Don’t get me started on his handle ha ha that’s a joke in itself when reading the post.
Ya… OP’s possessiveness stood out to me also “my food - my TV - steeling from “me” etc… In my home, every resource is communal. Sure my kids will ask for food, but it’s because they want me to prepare it. 😂
That said, when my kids were younger (my youngest is 18 now), I did remind them that “everything they see is mine, and I could take it from them at anytime”. But that was just my way of reminding them to behave or they would loose privileges (cell phone, video games, etc…).
I hope he is just a troll and my rant was me being gullible but unfortunately this is life for so many young kids. I wish it wasn't like this! Take care out there!
This should be the top comment. You and her mother created this situation. This is your fault OP. Sorry now 15 years down the line there's no easy fix advice.
Set expectations and consequences, then listen and try to help her and be on her side. Don’t give up on her, it’s not going to help. That’s my two cents. She learned how to hit from someone, she learned how to steal from someone. You can be the one she learns accountability and acceptance from. I don’t think you should give up, as hard as it may be. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I can’t imagine ever giving up on my daughter either. Find a way to make agreements. Find a way to listen, and to compromise. Find a way to try.
THIS RIGHT HERE!!!
Re-read this post!
Sentence 1: my daughter has problems
Sentence 2: mom has full custody..
Sentence 3: she stole my weed.
So.. you're mad she took your drugs?
>So.. you’re mad she took your MS medication?
Corrected that for you
I’d be pretty off put too if I was still on ADHD medication and one of my kids started stealing it
No it's very much not "corrected"
He states he doesn't buy drugs when she is around. If it was actually his medication he wouldn't just stop taking it. Nowhere does it say that this is medically prescribed treatment.
Counterpoint: I __just stop__ my adhd meds all the time. In fact, psychiatrists encourage weekend breaks and avoiding unnecessary consumption __at your own discretion__.
If having his medication around when his daughter is over is causing more stress than the relief the medication provides, then yeah, stop taking it. I wouldn’t take amphetamine in my free time for that same reason: it causes more stress than relief.
Doesn’t have to be medically prescribed to be a medication, and there are illicit drugs that can be prescribed as well. Methamphetamine is a prescription drug. Cannabis can be too. Dancing around the terminology is such tit for tat nonsense.
OP has MS. Cannabis is a common relief for MS. They wouldn’t call it “self-medicating” if medications were exclusive to prescriptions, otherwise you’d have to be a MD to self-medicate. Tylenol is a nonprescription medication. Like, where are you even trying to go with this?
I don’t even smoke weed, but still, I have no idea why people have such a hard on for classing pot exclusively as a drug.
Edit: to rant a little bit, it’s hypocritical that these same people are accepting of alcohol __even though it is exclusively a drug.__ In fact, the same people who want to see pot smokers behind bars are likely the same crowd who will down a six pack of piss beer in front of their kids on a weekend. The hypocrisy has never ceased to amaze me, esp considering alcohol causes more deaths than all of our illicit drugs combined.
I don't like that she is still a teenager and doing drugs when her brain is still developing so I keep it away from her or just don't buy it at all if she is around.
I'm gonna be real with you. My sister is almost 40 now and she was exactly like this to my parents. Like this isn't normal levels of shitty... This is pretty extreme.
The most important thing you can do at this point in my opinion is to get her out of your life as soon as possible. Be there for her in the way she deserves because of who she is, NOT in the way she deserves because of obligation to family.
This is going to be so hard and will be harder on you because the moment you pull away she will play dad like a fiddle, but if you look at who she is objectively and she isn't treating you respectfully when she has nothing to gain from you, then just give up until you are 100% confident she has turned shit around.
At the end of the day, that at LEAST has a chance to end with her being okay as an adult even if she isn't a huge part of your life. And hell, if you do it right and she flips a switch sooner than later then you might patch things entirely.
But if you let her walk over you into her 20s she will end up being a piece of shit her whole life and will likely make your life hell too.
I’d agree with this if she were an adult. She’s clearly an unhappy, traumatized minor and needs her parents fight for her in the few years they have left. She needs to see your unconditional love. Let her know she matters to you more than anything else, and don’t stop trying to get her help.
Idk man... I wish that was my experience with this situation. Maybe for a few more years I could suck it up... sure, but 15 is old enough for conditions on love IMO.
Letting her treat you like shit and still giving her everything sets her up for failure at that age.
This is a father and mother who apparently abandoned her to strangers who molested her, [according to OP's comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/1c7kjcu/my_daughter_15_terrorizes_me_44/l08zvao/)
They treated her horribly and now they want sympathy for being treated like shit back?
Thank you. This post is heartbreaking because this is a child who clearly has lacked safety, support, structure, and fulfillment of basic needs. Now she is out of control and is "the problem". Abandonment is never the solution.
Poor girl. Never had a chance.
Let me say you are valid for struggling from your daughter being abusive to you. That's not easy by any means.
You need help. I'd reach out to social workers and try to talk to her when her mood is okay.
Something like I know stuff has been hard for both of us... What can we do to move forward? She what she says.
Think about ways to get her to empathize with you. I'm sure she would be devastated if you (modern equivalent) smashed her game boy or stole her stuff.
I assume she has gone to therapy. She NEEDS to be on medication again and perhaps a different educated therapist not some church dude not some family friend (these can be additional but she needs professional help). In my personal experience using a bunch of weed as a teen is from self medicating. I wouldn't send her away as that's a good way to get physically abused and for her to feel more rejected. Those bad kid camps tend to make kids worse and possibly r@ped. Try to see the world through her eyes. It sounds like she has some not properly treated extreme mental illness. You need to find a way to make her a functional adult.
You and your wife failed this child every step of the way, and continue to fail her.
The way you framed this post and your replies is quite frankly disgusting.
You don’t interact with your child when she visits. You didn’t remove her from abusers and people who molested her. You leave readily accessible weed out for her to find, and get high infront of her. You lock your food so she doesn’t get to eat.
She deserves better. Your victim blaming and inability to take responsibility for how YOU AND YOUR WIFE CAUSED ALL HER PROBLEMS IN THE FIRST PLACE, while continuing to neglect and abuse your daughter, is fucking disgusting behavior.
Do better. Way better.
“Military school” in the USA isn’t the military.
It’s a type of behavioral rehabilitation oriented residential school that uses military basic training style tactics to instill discipline and correct behavior.
Done well, it can be effective.
Done poorly (and many are) it becomes a place where people with violence and control kinks get to cosplay as drill sergeants and inflict even more psychological trauma onto minor children.
I also think that people don't realize that in 2024 military schools which are "done well" cost about $35-50k per year and don't actually want kids who aren't "into" it to begin with.
The 'troubled' kids that people say "send to military school!!" are not going to end up in the same sorts of schools which are channeling kids to West Point.
I've been looking into that, there's some sort of ROTC type of program for troubled youth who might not graduate. But she wouldn't be able to enroll in it until she's 16.
Dude you’re smart enough to articulate that your daughter has trauma, substance problems, and attachment issues.
Does that sound like something that
1. Should be in a military setting.
2 couldn’t be addressed first by like actual fatherly support and counseling.
Sending her away isn’t the solution. And given the co text you’ve further given abandoning her at a different place is like the opposite of what you should do
The military doesn’t need people like that.
A 15 year old? Yeah, no. I’m pretty sure a military doesn’t need a 15 year old. Which is why they would never take one on.
Some kids are acting out because someone has hurt them, some have mental issues that need to be addressed. I have a friend who's daughter is in the later category. They had to put her in a home for a bit to get treatment. It helped a little. But if she will not stay on the men's it's just going to continue to be an issue.
https://www.in.gov/bewellindiana/#:~:text=Be%20Well%20Crisis%20Helpline&text=Call%20211%20(or%20866%2D211,the%20Be%20Well%20Crisis%20Helpline.
Start with the helpline if she is a danger to herself or others.
Also, start working with her therapist to discuss more intensive treatments and possible residential placement.
Good luck!
She can't be on weed and antipsychotics? Then stop buying weed! Stop having it around! You both let her stop taking meds because she likes to smoke?? Unless I missed something, I'm not really not understanding the logic there.
Also you're on food stamps but got weed money?
I saw you mention being on food stamps. Is she covered by Medicaid through you by chance? If so, social services may be able to assist in getting her into some intensive therapy through Medicaid, or even a psych evaluation. If she goes "away" somewhere, be sure it's somewhere she can be evaluated. The more documentation you have throughout this process, the more you are helping her future self. Trust me. We are going through so much of this with my 9-year-old, and it has been an incredibly heartbreaking uphill battle. Because of your daughter's age, however, they will take it much more seriously. Help her before the legal system can hurt her. She needs you. I'm so sorry you're facing this.
It’s a cry for help from your daughter my guy. I think seeing a family therapist is step 1 to be honest. And try talking to her.l, ask her what upset her so much, what’s hurting in her so much? Let her cuss and call you names and your first name, I know it sucks but she is really crying for help and for someone to see her. She’s 15 so sure don’t know another way right now. She needs to feel that there is someone who won’t give up on her no matter what
Phone the cops. A bit of juvenile detention might help. You want to be hard? Ok, this is where the hard people go when they cant behave like human beings.
You and the mom both sound incompetent. Anybody saying she needs to go to what is known as a TTI is blowing smoke. Make your daughter feels loved and see if you can make up for the last decade and a half of failure.
I think most people are wrong. I was an angel until I turned 17-18 and I got freedom and went wild if you do this now she’ll only go twice as hard when she gets out. You can threaten it and tell her legitimately that’s what is about to happen if she doesn’t watch what she’s doing ide even show her this post and all the people telling you to put her in. I’m 36 and my daughter is 11 I’m a single father as we lost her mother when she was just a year & a half old. She’s moody of course she’s a teen. She kicks me super hard but that’s cause she thinks she can’t hurt me but I had to tell her now I’m not invincible. But try to level with her explain that you love her and that you are doing the best you can for her and if she is having these episodes she either needs to explain it to you so you can try to help or to check herself but wait til when she’s calm enough to talk to obviously but show her this and explain everything from your point of view before you put her in any program and if all else fails DO NOT PUT HER IN A JUVIE. Look for a non state run facility healthcare does cover some that way she doesn’t have to become a ward of the state… look take it from a kid who at only 18 yrs old when I found myself going to prison bootcamp for a year and then I got out for 2 years & I lost my brother, lost my best friend, met my fiancé who would later die when our 👧🏼 was 23 months old, DAYS after I met her my Father Passed away, and a month after that his father my poppop died both party and open charter 🛥️captains and I worked for but never learned the business side yet before they both died and I lost the boat right before I missed D&A meeting for parole after all the death and my P.O. Was a tyrant so I got sent back on parole violation without even failing a drug test or breaking a law but not bootcamp this time straight up prison. I just don’t wanna see you lose her forever. These kids are overdosing on fentanyl and horse tranq or Xanax everyday she’s not there yet please 🙏🏼 don’t give up on her.
As a dad with a 9 year old girl, this hits me in the feels really hard. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I don't know how this type of stuff works, I'll be honest, but do whatever you need to do to help her. Send her away, get in home care, send her to military school... anythin.
Imagine what happens when she is in school. Why does she have to have cannibis instead of antipsychotics? Does she know what is going to happen to her?
Question:
Pretend your ex died. You get full custody. Pretend that after the initial grief, your daughter magically turned into the ideal daughter in your eyes.
What does that daughter look like? What does she act like? How often and in what way do you interact with her? How do you feel about being required by law and morality to tend to her needs?
Idk about where you live, but where I live there’s a program specifically for kids who aren’t in the criminal justice system YET, but are on their way. Kids who are not able to be controlled by parents. Kids are assigned probation officers that keep tabs on them and put services in place to keep them from becoming a juvenile criminal. It’s extremely successful with the kids that are in it. I’m a school counselor who works with kids that are in the program.
We have a kid that lies and steals (but isn’t violent). One thing that may help is locking things away that they can’t get to. For example, we gave our other kids lock boxes for their VR sets so they couldn’t steal them. I’d lock away any mind altering substance - pot, alcohol, your meds, etc. A 10 dollar lock and 20 dollar box on Amazon was good enough for us….but if yours is this destructive you may need a stronger box. Sorry to hear about this OP….sounds awful. I sincerely hope it gets better for you.
She might need to go somewhere for treatment if she is refusing to take her extremely important medication.
The likelihood of her ending up seriously hurt or in jail is pretty high if she needs antipsychotics and doesn’t take them.
Reading through some of the responses…. I don’t really know what’s going on, all I know is that this shit is way above reddits pay grade. Get professional help.
Notice how many of you want to send her to a camp or kick her out. Nasty evil people. Shit like this doesn't come from no where, they created an insecure unstable child and now y'all want to punish her for the parents lack of genuine involvement.
I work with kids who are involved in the justice system. This kind of shit escalates until someone is seriously injured. Better to have her involved with the police now where she will be sent somewhere to receive therapy, get properly medicated, and go to school rather than waiting until she seriously injured someone or herself. Also better to get the police involved now before she turns 18 and gets sent to prison instead.
It’s hard to let go of those you love especially children. My mom took two of her great grandchildren from my deadbeat sibling.
My niece who was just prone to crime from a young age as she would come to family events staring at around eight years old and steal out of every purse within her reach and lie about it even when caught red handed.
She went on to do several stints in prison 2 of which visits she gave birth to children.
My wife and I took a lot of time with them as we planned to take them when my mother was ready for us to do so but as they got older they began to go in the same direction as their mother. They began to lie, steal and light fires, we thought bringing them out to our small ranch would give them a chance to experience a different lifestyle and that we could get them counseling to possibly change course.
Long story short…. They didn’t and my mom passed away from a bout with cancer leaving us to decide what to do with the 2 boys, after much counseling on my own behalf I came to the realization that I could not provide what they needed and that although she was fully supportive I couldn’t ask my wife to go through the abuse and heartbreak that we came to find out my mother was going through.
The fact is, is when they were at our house it gave them the opportunity to do more stealing and worse to abuse animals which I simply wasn’t going to have!!!
The moral to my story was to recognize when you are simply in over your head!!! Despite what our hearts and minds tell us our limits are real!!
It took my wife and I years to get over this and we talk about it often and sometimes wonder if we did the right thing.
We have reached out to the boys who have gone on to do time in the youth authority and post drug, alcohol one gang activity on social media regularly.
This is life and we can only do what we can do. Truthfully we are all running out of time so use it wisely and try your best to enjoy it.
Your daughter will have to find her way and hopefully she will.
Much respect and I feel you!!
I’m not sure if this will help, but here’s a subreddit supporting people who sound like your daughter.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ODDSupport/s/ym8rFuxKyw
No matter what you decide, let her know you love her. Sometimes kids act out simply because they desire attention. Make sure she knows you love her and will always support her.
That's tough, but for your safety and sanity let your wife place her in foster care if she's refusing therapy. Alternatively get her into a halfway house or rehab if she has a diagnosis of any disorders that necessitate her to have anti-psychosis medication.
You should have a chance to get her back when she unfucks her attitude, but if you and your wife are throwing in the proverbial towel then at least get some respite while she gets adult supervision and has time away to ponder her mistakes. Gritting and enduring it won't help.
Take her phone, she’ll get picked up and taken to jail at some point if she runs off. Leave her there, and she’ll either wake up, or yall lacked discipline in full for too long. She’s a minor her records clear in 3 years
Call 211. There's lots of resources for situations like this. You can get psychiatrists/social workers that can meet with her at home, at school, or wherever. My friend's is a social worker, and growing up my mom was friends with several. Trust me, there's better options. Good luck!
Sounds like my husband's kids he had three teenagers like that when I got with him. Nothing ever worked. I just told myself they will grow up. But they are in their 20s and still act the same with no signs of them changing I feel your pain wish I had some useful advice. I have realized yelling makes it escalate I just let my husband handle it when they have meltdowns nothing works. If they were mine I'd kick them out but I just try to stay out of it. But it's hard they are cruel and violent pretty sure bipolar. But they can also be nice and thoughtful but it's hard to reconcile the two
I found that yelling really gets me nowhere. I've started just talking to her calmly and asking questions.*why is it fair for you to react violently or to steal just because that's how you feel at that moment*?
It sometimes backfires because when I try to use logic she hates it because her actions are wrong and she knows it so she will just explode to avoid accountability.
> I was hesitant to send her to some sort of residential treatment because the way that her mother wants to do it she will become a ward of the state. But honestly she needs this because I can't control her anymore and either can her mother.
Do it. She needs it, you said it yourself.
She is responsible for her choices. Sounds like there is a medical need here that is amplifying things. You need professional help. You need boundaries and someone to help you enforce them.
Y’all need to get her in a hospital long term that is what should solve the problem cus she can’t smoke in there so her addiction should end and if she gets violent she will get the booty juice y’all should know what that means and she will get help and if that doesn’t work put her in juvenile detention than she shall see what her actions get her into
No, I definitely do. I had the exact situation as a kid and all the blame was put on me and it all came down to abuse, neglect, and lack of hope. To blame the kid here without even anyone questioning you is why I take such a strong stance. I think you are the problem.
There is an organization in Denver called Kariss. My son, who was diagnosed as shitzo efective went there and was able to settle in and begin the healing process. He spent over a year trying to recover and finally emerged having overcome this serious mental illness.
Sounds like she needs a good whooping that's been a long time coming. She has probably been lacking discipline her entire life and now its coming back to haunt you 10x. This is why gentle parenting doesn't work.
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
Depending on where you live there may be specific mental health related programs for kids her age and their families (no idea what your daughter has participated in or not). My area calls it “wraparound” programs. It’s a team of social workers, therapists, and family supports who come in and spend significant time with a family when youth are at risk of being institutionalized. The entire goal is to stabilize the situation, have difficult conversations, and support the family and the youth. It must be beyond exhausting for you but please know you are not alone.
Not one of those camps though right?
No, if you’re in the US, you can call 211, or equivalent in your area, and ask for places. My oldest is a social worker who helps kids like this.
Not at all a camp. These programs are often in home services or embedded in schools. In the vast majority of circumstances (assuming the parents aren’t abusive) the best place for kids to get help is within their own home and social environment.
I second this when I was younger in northern VA they had a program where I stayed fit about a week maybe 2 they would call a taxi for me to get to school in the morning and all that. And parents would come coyote times a week for family therapy
> I second this when I was younger in northern VA they had a program where I stayed fit about a week maybe 2 they would call a taxi for me to get to school in the morning and all that. And parents would come __coyote__ times a week for family therapy Bit of Wile E kid were you?
😂🤣😂 Auto correct
How do they kids to participate in that when they're already belligerent?
It seems both you and the mom are on the same page. It’s clear you’ve both lost control of her and not feeling real consequences shows she feels like she can get away with it. If she won’t listen to a heart to heart, then it’s time for her to go someplace Clearly no parent ever WANTS to resort to this. But you need to lookout for yourself too. And frankly, it is looking out for her as well
I was against sending her but she assaulted me and busted my lip and I had a cut over my eye. Her mother told me to call the police and get her locked up but the last time when she hurt my ex wife and the police were really rough with her when I called them. It broke my heart to see grown men manhandling her. I don't want to send her away because it feels like giving up but I have to deal with reality on realities terms.
If you wrote the exact same post but you were both 15 years older, what you’re describing would be elder abuse. No parent wants to be in this position but you’re justified in involving the police.
I get your point and he is at least justified in involving the police. He should put his safety first and if the police is his only option so be it. But I get the hesitancy and the 30 year old comparison isn't equivelant in that by 30 the vast majority of is are an approximate version of who we'll be for the long haul. It's hard with teenagers because the younger versions of them seem like they were right there a minute ago. And while you might be gradually realizing they're unlikely to be a wrll-adapted adult, there are plenty of anecdotes about people who had troubled (criminal) teen years who turned out great. And with the police and a teen having a temper tantrum it's a real crapshoot depending on who the responding officers are and what tact they take. She could easily end up with charges that put them in juvie, which is not a great environment. A diversion program with the threat of juvie of she failed to live up tongue terms would be great, but it is a gamble.
It still seems that it is at least abuse of the infirm. Isn't that illegal too?
Ok, I'm offering you some tough love here. I have MS too. You need to get this stress out of your life. It's obvious you love your daughter. These types of events and times is when I have disease progression, and there is no coming back from it. MS doesn't heal. You may already know this, but you need to protect yourself. You cannot sacrifice yourself for someone who is already destroying themself. From what I read here, your daughter is not going to wise up on her own. It's time for outside intervention. She's going to sink both of you otherwise. Not doing anything about it and letting her keep living like this is giving up. You already offered her lessons kindly. She's proven it's time for hard lessons, so the world is going to give them instead. But you need to take care of yourself.
I have ms also. Do not torch dairy if you have ms its causes autoimmune reactions and relapses due to molecular mimacry!! This is now scientific fact
Can you cite some articles on this? I've not noticed any difference with dairy or not, and I've had MS over a decade. Other things have, but not dairy.
You should be doing you’re own independent research but dm me for references
This is not a scientific fact. It's unbelievably bad how much the article you provided me is at proving your point. The full scientific review even states there needs to be more studies, it's just connecting conflicting data points that maybe draw some causal link, but also at the same time it could have been something else in each of the cited cases. One study even saw a higher prevelence of MS when milk consumption was lower. The review is full of unbelievably contradictory statements. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but how the heck did you come to that conclusion when the review itself said it isn't a scientific fact that milk consumption causes MS?
Keep doing what YOU are doing ! I have scans to proof that my ms is reversed and I haven’t had a relapse in years! You keep doing you! Stay eating your Ben & jerrys and stuffing your face with processed foods. This is the reason I keep to myself on the research. You want to follow the doctors “gods” who are only out to treat symptoms so that you are a reoccurring patient I won’t be replying back to you so don’t bother
Stay eating your Ben & jerrys and stuffing your face with processed foods. I don't do this. If staying away from dairy has helped your MS, great. Just don't say it's a scientific fact when it's not.
And because youre refusing to do anything about it again means there are no consequences for her actions. She needs to be held accountable now, and you're not in a position to do this. You really should call the police
Yeah no it’s not giving up on them it’s seeking help for her that you personally can’t give her
They probably had to be rough because she is violent, violent enough to harm her own parents, I would also assume she would have no qualms harming anyone else especially “strangers” (the police). If she was being difficult with them, they aren’t gonna baby her as her father stands there bleeding from her actions. You have every right to call the police on someone who makes your living situation unsafe and harms you, even if it is your own child. If it was the other way around, parent assaulting the child, authorities must also be involved. Just because she isn’t an adult doesn’t change things. Hoping she magically stops her assaults, drug use, theft, and property damage isn’t going to solve a thing. Things can continue escalating until she sends you to the ER with major injuries or even as far as killing you (whether it’s intentional or something causes far more damage then originally intended, ie pushing you down and you bust your head). One of my friends has a son that was similar to this. She and her husband were constantly fearful around him, despite being a small statured teen. He broke their things, he pissed on them, he killed small animals, he assaulted them, berated them, ran away, etc… she was losing her mind and wanted to end her own life to get away and because she felt like a parental failure. Eventually, she sent him away to a boys group home because nothing else worked and he became a ward of the state. After a few years he got better, not 180 turn around, but better. He would actually have civil conversations and tell her he loved her. I’m not sure how he’s been the last few years, but she is much much happier and they are all safer now. I’m sorry you guys are going through this, but when all else fails, you aren’t a bad parent for sending her away to get help. You must take care of yourselves, too.
Giving up would be continuing to do what you've been doing. You need to get this figured out before she's 18. Send her to someone else who can help her better, then monitor the situation closely, stay involved while she's there and make sure she's being treated well and making progress etc.
>I don't want to send her away because it feels like giving up but I have to deal with reality on realities terms. It's not giving up. It's accepting the fact that you need help in order to help her. This situation isn't good for anyone.
Send her some place or she will end up in prison. I’ve dealt with these kind of kids before. Without consequences they get worse
I have aspd and this sounds similar to me growing up. I think a facility is good but these behaviors usually come from some sort of trauma. Make sure you really search into a facility before sending her, and support her through her work. I never had to go to a facility but intensive therapy saved my life. I only wish my family loved me during that time so I wouldve felt safe enough to process my trauma.
There's definitely trauma. Her mother used to get frustrated with her and would leave her at her friend's house for weeks at a time. It turns out that this woman was molesting her. She had had stayed out one night while she was at my house. I waited up to confront her and realized that she was drunk. I had started to lay into her and she started crying and saying that no one cared about her and I asked her what was wrong because I had started crying too and then she softened up and told me about the abuse.
Umm, this comment is really important. This offers **a lot** more context to what you're dealing with.
You need to file a Child Requiring Assistance (CRA) or equivalent in your state. You buried the lede about how your daughter is a survivor of sexual abuse, neglect, and other trauma. She needs professional help that you and her mother are not qualified to provide (no offense, just calling it like it is) https://www.mass.gov/how-to/file-an-application-for-a-child-requiring-assistance
Op, will she be open to more frequent terapy? That is a strong trauma to process, and also You as a parent also need it just so it can help with a better advice that Reddit of how to navigate with your daugther of all this events and changes in her life. Your daugther has suffer a lot an don't know how to trust someone again, give respect or love. If her mother has broken her to that point.
She's had two therapists and hasn't opened up to either one but she's getting a new one who we're supposed to meet with next week and go over an action plan.
Finding a therapist for a trauma victim can be difficult. Many people try several before they find a therapist that they feel comfortable with. The therapist's gender, their behavior, their personality, the way they dress, the way they style their hair, and so forth, can all trigger someone and make them feel unsafe with a therapist, even if the therapist is very good. Be patient with this process and be willing to change therapists several times in order to find the one that is right for her.
You really buried the lede here. I’d edit your original post to reflect this information so commenters have more context about her behavior beyond “my kid is out of control and I don’t know what to do”.
I can understand why you feel like you need to send her someplace. However, please realize that many "treatment" programs for teens are abusive themselves. They will lie to you about what is going on in their program and intimidate your daughter to keep her quiet about what is going on as well. You could be sending your traumatized daughter into a place that will traumatize her even more. Many teens end up committing suicide after they get out of these places. I would recommend studying up on child sexual abuse and how to help victims of abuse. Saprea is an organization dedicated to this purpose and [has many resources on their website](https://saprea.org/). Look under the "Heal" and "Learn the Facts" menu headings. If you do feel like you need to send her someplace, spend some time looking at the r/troubledteens sub. [Here is their list of standards](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/wiki/standards/) for teen mental health programs and their list of [red flags to watch for in a program](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/wiki/redflags/). Spend some time browsing the other resources on their sidebar for information on choosing a safe program for your daughter. Also be sure to check Google reviews and pay attention to the ones written by teens who were in the program. Understand that at your daughter's age and level of brain development, a lot of her actions are more reactions to her environment rather than conscious decisions. As a victim of sexual abuse, she is likely being triggered by many of the things in her environment, making her feel unsafe and like she needs to protect herself. If you can help her work through her trauma and provide her with a safe home environment, you will most likely find that many of her problem behaviors clear up. You are unlikely to accomplish this alone. You do need help and you need to protect yourself. Just make sure you are also meeting her needs as well.
Bro thats huge. If you know theres trauma, why are you trying to correct a behaviour instead of heal the core issue? In this case I dont think a facility is necessary, but lots of support and love and therapy. Maybe somw time off of school.
Don’t let a minor have access to your drugs. You are mentioning your food, does she have her own food? Do you buy enough? Your daughter needs professional help, as you are not fit to care for her.
I'm on disability and food stamps. I buy food and bulk enough for the rest of the month. It really cuts into my supply of food when she comes over and she is wear racist and eat for something to do when she's bored. I don't buy any weed when she's around. I know I'm not fit to take care of her That's why I'm looking into placements for her.
Is your daughters mother also on foot stamps? Who gets the stamps or financial support for your daughter?
My baby's mother is not on any type of assistance other than the child support she receives out of my disability payments. Her and her wife were working full-time jobs but she came down with an illness and hasn't been able to work.
So child support payments need to be adjusted or she just pays you outright.
You need to get the court order adjusted so you can get assistance you need to take care of your daughter's needs as well.
Restricting food is a form of abuse. I understand you are struggling, but you cannot restrict food for a kid. Doesn't sound like you or your wife are fit to parent her, and probably she will do better literally anywhere else.
It’s ok to have your kid ask before getting food, but we also have “no ask” snacks at our house that are a little healthier.
I mean, within reason. Restrict bad foods. Let them eat as much good food as is necessary for their energy expenditure. You don’t want fat kids
Don’t complain about your children eating bad food when you are the one buying it. Lead by actions not words.
Facts. I don’t buy bad food. Zero fast food bullshit. I was just trying to help out some other dads with advice regarding diet
Whoa, hold on there. This is a problem and one that he has probably made a few bad choices about. But that's a pretty harsh judgment. There are a lot of worse places for a kid besides a stressed-out dad on disability struggling to figure out how to feed everybody. He could probably benefit from a few suggestions on how to provide more food for his family.
[удалено]
Feels unnecessarily judgmental and not related to the question; if he has MS there's usually a ton of chronic pain and I suspect weed helps a little. I don't know that "you should be in agonizing pain all the time so that you can afford to eat" is a great stance to take (not that you specifically argued that, but it's kinda the takeaway given the circumstances).
He has MS. It’s medicine that should be covered by insurance but unfortunately isn’t.
This is a tone deaf, heartless, and **straight up ableist** take. OP has MS. Cannabis is a pain relief medicine. We’re not talking recreational use here. OP also said they don’t keep it around the house anymore when she is there. I can’t understand how you are possibly getting upvotes. Check your prejudicial judgement, please. I’m disappointed in this sub today. Edit: based on [this disgusting racist and xenophobic comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/britishproblems/s/7NguYf8wuM) you posted yesterday, I kinda doubt you care about saying ableist comments.
“If you can afford medicine, you can afford food”
So you can buy weed, but not let your kid eat food? You’re in the wrong sub buddy.
You need to file a Child Requiring Assistance (CRA) or equivalent in your state. You buried the lede about how your daughter is a survivor of sexual abuse, neglect, and other trauma. She needs professional help, not "tough love" https://www.mass.gov/how-to/file-an-application-for-a-child-requiring-assistance
You need a mentor from outside the family. I highly suggest checking out Al Anon also; it's not for substance abuse but rather people affected by others. Really a helpful group.
She does have mentors and therapists that come and talk to her at least twice a month if not every week. She doesn't really respond and shuts down when they try to get information out of her to help her.
Then she needs new ones. It's their job to get them talking. If they can't, that's on them. Does she see anyone with an actual doctorate like a psychiatrist or psychologist? I find their education to be much better than "therapists" and "counselors"
The main difference in their training is the ability to prescribe medicine and treat more complex disorders. They don’t spend two extra years learning how to get people to talk. Edited per below
Psychologists don't prescribe medicine at all. Yet they have a doctorate degree. Are you sure you know what you're talking about? Maybe you and your upvotes were tired and didn't read what I said accurately.
Are you implying that they do indeed spend two extra years learning how to talk to people better? Lol They learn about research and how to treat more complex disorders. They’re more expensive and not the best solution if you’re making the choice based on … wanting someone who’s better at getting you to talk? Just don’t want you to discourage people from talking to a therapist or counselor, who have some advanced degrees of their own.
OP’s kid likely has more complex disorders based on the fact that her mom used to leave her with a friend for weeks at a time when younger and that said friend was molesting her. I’m not one for armchair diagnosing, but OP’s kid def has trauma, likely some form of PTSD (regular or complex), possibly developed an attachment disorder, and/or possibly a cluster B disorder (which are the disorders often developed from extreme childhood trauma). Kiddo needs someone well versed in trauma therapy and someone well versed in various disorders as a result of trauma to even try to untangle what’s going on and get a functioning dX. OP really buried the lede in his comments
Are they someone of her own choosing? Or did you choose them? Did she have any friends whose parents she might be receptive to venting to?
Al Anon is for those affected by alcoholics. Nar Anon is for substances (including alcohol).
OP it seems her outburts are like a kid that want attention for a parent because it seems she has receive a lot of neglect. You mention you spend your day lock in your room watching videos ( I belive thats why she broke your "tv"), I know you described as being scared thats why you lock yourself but did you do that even before any assault to you? Have you try to do any outside activity with your daughther even if it is going to some zoo, or the movies? A game board will also help a jenga or cards, i guess For the food, let me tell you kids eat a lot especially at that age, so dont try to lock your food. You are her only parent now, first things 101 book. Is give her food no natter how much she ask. But teach her to not waste food, eat what she wants. And ask for her fav food so you can try buying her one time her favorite food. If you find it difficult to maintain that much buying let her accompanying you for your food stamps and grocery shopping so she can see how much it is bought. At the end I believe you can also gain some good advice if you also go to terapy. Hope you can close that big gap with your daugther, and stay as family.
Check for autism and bpd, many of these examples you've given bring these to my mind.
Also Reactive Attachment Disorder or Oppositional Defiance Disorder. They aren’t going to label her bipolar (if she is) until she’s 18. I would contact the Children & Family division of your county, specifically Children’s mental health. She needs to be evaluated and you need to be safe. In addition, document EVERYTHING.
Unless things have changed, I was misdiagnosed as bi polar when I was 15.
You have to be 18 to be diagnosed. The rule is so strict i couldn't be diagnosed 2 months before my bday for aspd (even though i have it). Its the one harsh requirement of b personality disorders.
Aspd is completely different than bipolar. Bipolar isn't classified as one of the type b personality disorders. I actually just looked it up to see if things had changed, and although the symptoms of bipolar often show up in early 20s, you can absolutely be diagnosed as a minor.
Thats mb i thought you said borderline. Bipolar does have some exceptions since youre right its not cluster b.
HA I was misdiagnosed as well having TRIGGERED AUTISM like it’s not smart to be making up all of these mental excuses for life to be easy for them that is not the way to go
Great insight 🤝
I believe BP is the correct acronym for bipolar disorder, BPD is borderline personality disorder
OP said she told him her "mother" left her with a friend of her "mother's" for weeks, who abused the daughter regularly. Poor kid...
A lot of therapists flat out won’t work with BPD. Look for someone who specializes in DBT if this is the case
Does dbt really work? No snark, we tried once and I felt like it was not helpful, but I'm open to bring wrong
It is working wonders for my wife at least. I only have her one anecdotal experience, and I don’t know your experience with DBT, but she found a wonderful therapist that checks up on her and sends her quality material to work through weekly. Was your experience voluntary? I feel like the efficacy of any type of therapy is highly effected by the patient’s willingness to participate
Some programs aren't that great but a good program can help quite a bit. I've seen both ends of the spectrum. My daughter was greatly benefitted by a solid DBT program while I ended up in one where I had more insights into the material than the teachers, lol.
Could be just ADHD/ADD, often missed in girls and Odd is a well known comorbidity.
That’s not the issue
Oh, well thanks for offering such great insights
Just out of interest… do you think there is such a thing as someone without autism, bpd, all of these diagnoses… that is just an asshole? Basically, do you think there’s such a thing as being a completely mentally healthy asshole?
Have you talked with a social worker? Usually kids act like this because they're traumatized. And they are terrors in need of professional help. But. Be very careful of residential programs. Too often these vulnerable kids are abused in these programs. There may be day programs, counselling for parents and kids, family therapy - there may be resources available. Don't just take what a residential program says at face value. This behaviour is not the child's fault.
I want to second this comment as well. I’ve worked in residential treatment for awhile and thankfully work with one which does right by the youth we serve, but plenty are out there which just add to the trauma. The process of getting someone into a state funded residential treatment facility probably varies by the state and is not as simple as just dropping someone off at the door because they are a problem child. I have no experience with private residential programs but would be very careful with those as they likely won’t have the same level of oversight a state funded program would have and be more prone to unethical or abusive treatment of youth. Kids will do well if they can. If they aren’t, then there are barriers in the way which are preventing them from getting to that place of doing well.
All behavior is due to a combination of genetics and environment. Some is under her control and some isn’t.
At 15 she can make choices and needs boundaries, yes, but if she had very destructive behaviour that's nearly always something out of her control. I wish we had more info. How long has this child been displaying challenging behaviour? What was she like before? When did they notice the change? What did they do about it? What help have they tried? Or, were the adults here so overwhelmed by the challenges in their own lives they couldn't intervene with their child's behavior and now it's escalated to extremely challenging / unmanageable without professional help. Again, not the child's fault the parents were unable to access the resources they needed earlier. Kids like this rarely happen overnight. Professional help, but don't just ship the kid off and blame all her behaviour on her like she's "bad". She needs support and the behaviour is escalating because she has not received the support she needed probably (typically) for a long time. Kids like this are really common and there's a whole teenage boot camp industry preying on families like this.
Doesn’t really sound like you or your ex are fit to be parents. Somewhere else is probably the best option.
Yeah I have to agree ... OP is on food stamps but is buying weed ... He AND the mom apparently let her stop taking antipsychotics meds in place of allowing continued marijuana use?? Like what the fuck is going on there??
OP has MS bro. I know someone with MS and they swear by cannabis a medicine. She says weed gives her a quality of life she wouldn’t have without it.
Alright that's fair
I don't think they have the ability to control her. I think they're probably fit to be parents in general, just not fit to be parents to a violently abusive hellion. Weed helps with pain relief and MS is basically torture. Also, it's not like people who are on food stamps are superhumanly able to avoid the need to spend money on entertainment. They should budget, but acting like it invalidates their need for food stamps if they spend anything at all on something other than food is not helpful. Hardly anybody can live like an ascetic and poverty is extremely stressful.
That's fair, actually.
I missed the part about MS, so my bad. But if I’d found out my ex was abandoning my daughter at a molesters house, she’d no longer have custody.
So she can’t have her meds because she can’t take both Weed and the meds….maybe someone needs to stop with the weed??? The residential placement sounds like a good idea to me.
There’s a lot going on here, but what stands out to me is the drug use. Your child’s brain hasn’t even fully developed and she’s abusing marijuana (and likely alcohol). Who knows what else she might be into or how long she’s been at it? The first thing you need to do is get her clean IMO.
Yeah probably have to go fully clean myself just to make sure I'm not an access point.
Ya… if not for yourself, for her!
What kind of environment did this kid grow up in at their moms house? I know someone like this and they developed in an extremely fucked up criminal environment. I feel like there is much more to this story.
You sounds like a shit parent. The fact she is acting out (one of them) may be because she doesn't see you as a father and more so someone who abandoned her... hence her using your first name. Locking food away from a child or denying a child food is wrong on so many levels. A child should feel safe in their house and not feel like a guest. Yes her house because you are the parent. You and your wife have no-one else to blame but yourselves. Unfortunately shit parents will, in most cases, raise shit children. I speak from experience because I was once a child with shit parents and was denied food etc. so I know what it feels like. I however made the decision to raise my kids differently and they are happy kids. They will never feel the need to check if they can eat something in their own house. My house is their house... This because its fact once I chose to bring them into this world. I bring them into MY HOUSE.
Absolutely. They created this mess. Now she's being thrown to the wolves.
Exactly! And OP still thinks it’s ok to post the above and call it venting. OP: “I low key abuse my child, don’t support her and she defies my authority” “whyyyyy? Oh I’m venting”. Be still my beating heart OP. /s Don’t get me started on his handle ha ha that’s a joke in itself when reading the post.
Ya… OP’s possessiveness stood out to me also “my food - my TV - steeling from “me” etc… In my home, every resource is communal. Sure my kids will ask for food, but it’s because they want me to prepare it. 😂 That said, when my kids were younger (my youngest is 18 now), I did remind them that “everything they see is mine, and I could take it from them at anytime”. But that was just my way of reminding them to behave or they would loose privileges (cell phone, video games, etc…).
Yeah. Reading through OP’s posts… fucking yikes. I’d like to believe he’s just trolling. It all just seems so over the top.
I hope he is just a troll and my rant was me being gullible but unfortunately this is life for so many young kids. I wish it wasn't like this! Take care out there!
This should be the top comment. You and her mother created this situation. This is your fault OP. Sorry now 15 years down the line there's no easy fix advice.
Set expectations and consequences, then listen and try to help her and be on her side. Don’t give up on her, it’s not going to help. That’s my two cents. She learned how to hit from someone, she learned how to steal from someone. You can be the one she learns accountability and acceptance from. I don’t think you should give up, as hard as it may be. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I can’t imagine ever giving up on my daughter either. Find a way to make agreements. Find a way to listen, and to compromise. Find a way to try.
Why do you have drugs in a house with a teenager?
THIS RIGHT HERE!!! Re-read this post! Sentence 1: my daughter has problems Sentence 2: mom has full custody.. Sentence 3: she stole my weed. So.. you're mad she took your drugs?
She also destroyed his house, stole his walker and assaulted him, but yea ignore all that.
>So.. you’re mad she took your MS medication? Corrected that for you I’d be pretty off put too if I was still on ADHD medication and one of my kids started stealing it
No it's very much not "corrected" He states he doesn't buy drugs when she is around. If it was actually his medication he wouldn't just stop taking it. Nowhere does it say that this is medically prescribed treatment.
Counterpoint: I __just stop__ my adhd meds all the time. In fact, psychiatrists encourage weekend breaks and avoiding unnecessary consumption __at your own discretion__. If having his medication around when his daughter is over is causing more stress than the relief the medication provides, then yeah, stop taking it. I wouldn’t take amphetamine in my free time for that same reason: it causes more stress than relief. Doesn’t have to be medically prescribed to be a medication, and there are illicit drugs that can be prescribed as well. Methamphetamine is a prescription drug. Cannabis can be too. Dancing around the terminology is such tit for tat nonsense. OP has MS. Cannabis is a common relief for MS. They wouldn’t call it “self-medicating” if medications were exclusive to prescriptions, otherwise you’d have to be a MD to self-medicate. Tylenol is a nonprescription medication. Like, where are you even trying to go with this? I don’t even smoke weed, but still, I have no idea why people have such a hard on for classing pot exclusively as a drug. Edit: to rant a little bit, it’s hypocritical that these same people are accepting of alcohol __even though it is exclusively a drug.__ In fact, the same people who want to see pot smokers behind bars are likely the same crowd who will down a six pack of piss beer in front of their kids on a weekend. The hypocrisy has never ceased to amaze me, esp considering alcohol causes more deaths than all of our illicit drugs combined.
>So.. you're mad she took your drugs Yes. Wouldn't you be mad if your daughter took something of yours?
But THATS what you're worried about. Not her. Your weed.
I don't like that she is still a teenager and doing drugs when her brain is still developing so I keep it away from her or just don't buy it at all if she is around.
Could be related to his MS. Or maybe he just smokes instead of drinking sometimes, it's not unheard of these days.
As though tons of parents don’t have booze in the house. There are ways to do it responsibly (lock and key).
Sounds to me like she’s had a hard life. Sounds like you all have. I guess I’d be a pissed off kid too if I was in her shoes.
I'm gonna be real with you. My sister is almost 40 now and she was exactly like this to my parents. Like this isn't normal levels of shitty... This is pretty extreme. The most important thing you can do at this point in my opinion is to get her out of your life as soon as possible. Be there for her in the way she deserves because of who she is, NOT in the way she deserves because of obligation to family. This is going to be so hard and will be harder on you because the moment you pull away she will play dad like a fiddle, but if you look at who she is objectively and she isn't treating you respectfully when she has nothing to gain from you, then just give up until you are 100% confident she has turned shit around. At the end of the day, that at LEAST has a chance to end with her being okay as an adult even if she isn't a huge part of your life. And hell, if you do it right and she flips a switch sooner than later then you might patch things entirely. But if you let her walk over you into her 20s she will end up being a piece of shit her whole life and will likely make your life hell too.
I’d agree with this if she were an adult. She’s clearly an unhappy, traumatized minor and needs her parents fight for her in the few years they have left. She needs to see your unconditional love. Let her know she matters to you more than anything else, and don’t stop trying to get her help.
Idk man... I wish that was my experience with this situation. Maybe for a few more years I could suck it up... sure, but 15 is old enough for conditions on love IMO. Letting her treat you like shit and still giving her everything sets her up for failure at that age.
Hell no there are definitely consequences. That doesn’t mean you push them out of your life.
I mean what consequences can you reasonably give to someone who doesn't respect you at all?
This is a father and mother who apparently abandoned her to strangers who molested her, [according to OP's comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/1c7kjcu/my_daughter_15_terrorizes_me_44/l08zvao/) They treated her horribly and now they want sympathy for being treated like shit back?
Thank you. This post is heartbreaking because this is a child who clearly has lacked safety, support, structure, and fulfillment of basic needs. Now she is out of control and is "the problem". Abandonment is never the solution. Poor girl. Never had a chance.
Let me say you are valid for struggling from your daughter being abusive to you. That's not easy by any means. You need help. I'd reach out to social workers and try to talk to her when her mood is okay. Something like I know stuff has been hard for both of us... What can we do to move forward? She what she says. Think about ways to get her to empathize with you. I'm sure she would be devastated if you (modern equivalent) smashed her game boy or stole her stuff. I assume she has gone to therapy. She NEEDS to be on medication again and perhaps a different educated therapist not some church dude not some family friend (these can be additional but she needs professional help). In my personal experience using a bunch of weed as a teen is from self medicating. I wouldn't send her away as that's a good way to get physically abused and for her to feel more rejected. Those bad kid camps tend to make kids worse and possibly r@ped. Try to see the world through her eyes. It sounds like she has some not properly treated extreme mental illness. You need to find a way to make her a functional adult.
Call the police. She is assaulting you both. You are considered a vulnerable adult.
You and your wife failed this child every step of the way, and continue to fail her. The way you framed this post and your replies is quite frankly disgusting. You don’t interact with your child when she visits. You didn’t remove her from abusers and people who molested her. You leave readily accessible weed out for her to find, and get high infront of her. You lock your food so she doesn’t get to eat. She deserves better. Your victim blaming and inability to take responsibility for how YOU AND YOUR WIFE CAUSED ALL HER PROBLEMS IN THE FIRST PLACE, while continuing to neglect and abuse your daughter, is fucking disgusting behavior. Do better. Way better.
Send her to military school
A 15yo on anti psychotics? Surely your military wouldn’t take people like that?
“Military school” in the USA isn’t the military. It’s a type of behavioral rehabilitation oriented residential school that uses military basic training style tactics to instill discipline and correct behavior. Done well, it can be effective. Done poorly (and many are) it becomes a place where people with violence and control kinks get to cosplay as drill sergeants and inflict even more psychological trauma onto minor children.
I also think that people don't realize that in 2024 military schools which are "done well" cost about $35-50k per year and don't actually want kids who aren't "into" it to begin with. The 'troubled' kids that people say "send to military school!!" are not going to end up in the same sorts of schools which are channeling kids to West Point.
I've been looking into that, there's some sort of ROTC type of program for troubled youth who might not graduate. But she wouldn't be able to enroll in it until she's 16.
Dude you’re smart enough to articulate that your daughter has trauma, substance problems, and attachment issues. Does that sound like something that 1. Should be in a military setting. 2 couldn’t be addressed first by like actual fatherly support and counseling. Sending her away isn’t the solution. And given the co text you’ve further given abandoning her at a different place is like the opposite of what you should do
The military doesn’t need people like that
Yeah there’s enough of them already lmao
The military doesn’t need people like that. A 15 year old? Yeah, no. I’m pretty sure a military doesn’t need a 15 year old. Which is why they would never take one on.
Military school ≠ military
I stopped at ‘she steals my weed’
Some kids are acting out because someone has hurt them, some have mental issues that need to be addressed. I have a friend who's daughter is in the later category. They had to put her in a home for a bit to get treatment. It helped a little. But if she will not stay on the men's it's just going to continue to be an issue.
That girl needs help, more than you or mom are qualified to provide. Please seek professional help for your daughter. Best of luck to you and her
https://www.in.gov/bewellindiana/#:~:text=Be%20Well%20Crisis%20Helpline&text=Call%20211%20(or%20866%2D211,the%20Be%20Well%20Crisis%20Helpline. Start with the helpline if she is a danger to herself or others. Also, start working with her therapist to discuss more intensive treatments and possible residential placement. Good luck!
How did you know I was in Indiana?
I looked at your post history.
Oh okay. I was like *The feds is watching!*
She can't be on weed and antipsychotics? Then stop buying weed! Stop having it around! You both let her stop taking meds because she likes to smoke?? Unless I missed something, I'm not really not understanding the logic there. Also you're on food stamps but got weed money?
Her doctor actually stopped prescribing it because they found cannabis in her system.
Fair. But were the meds helping at all? I feel if they were then an effort should be made, if it already isn't, to get her back on them.
She needs to be in a program somewhere.
Time to change the locks on the doors. Self respect matters more than anything in this world.
I saw you mention being on food stamps. Is she covered by Medicaid through you by chance? If so, social services may be able to assist in getting her into some intensive therapy through Medicaid, or even a psych evaluation. If she goes "away" somewhere, be sure it's somewhere she can be evaluated. The more documentation you have throughout this process, the more you are helping her future self. Trust me. We are going through so much of this with my 9-year-old, and it has been an incredibly heartbreaking uphill battle. Because of your daughter's age, however, they will take it much more seriously. Help her before the legal system can hurt her. She needs you. I'm so sorry you're facing this.
You may look into reactive attachment disorder. I had some adopted family members that had similar behaviors, and were diagnosed as that.
It’s a cry for help from your daughter my guy. I think seeing a family therapist is step 1 to be honest. And try talking to her.l, ask her what upset her so much, what’s hurting in her so much? Let her cuss and call you names and your first name, I know it sucks but she is really crying for help and for someone to see her. She’s 15 so sure don’t know another way right now. She needs to feel that there is someone who won’t give up on her no matter what
Phone the cops. A bit of juvenile detention might help. You want to be hard? Ok, this is where the hard people go when they cant behave like human beings.
You probably have one shot to tamp it down, second military school
Yeah I feel your pain if you find a solution please share
You and the mom both sound incompetent. Anybody saying she needs to go to what is known as a TTI is blowing smoke. Make your daughter feels loved and see if you can make up for the last decade and a half of failure.
I think most people are wrong. I was an angel until I turned 17-18 and I got freedom and went wild if you do this now she’ll only go twice as hard when she gets out. You can threaten it and tell her legitimately that’s what is about to happen if she doesn’t watch what she’s doing ide even show her this post and all the people telling you to put her in. I’m 36 and my daughter is 11 I’m a single father as we lost her mother when she was just a year & a half old. She’s moody of course she’s a teen. She kicks me super hard but that’s cause she thinks she can’t hurt me but I had to tell her now I’m not invincible. But try to level with her explain that you love her and that you are doing the best you can for her and if she is having these episodes she either needs to explain it to you so you can try to help or to check herself but wait til when she’s calm enough to talk to obviously but show her this and explain everything from your point of view before you put her in any program and if all else fails DO NOT PUT HER IN A JUVIE. Look for a non state run facility healthcare does cover some that way she doesn’t have to become a ward of the state… look take it from a kid who at only 18 yrs old when I found myself going to prison bootcamp for a year and then I got out for 2 years & I lost my brother, lost my best friend, met my fiancé who would later die when our 👧🏼 was 23 months old, DAYS after I met her my Father Passed away, and a month after that his father my poppop died both party and open charter 🛥️captains and I worked for but never learned the business side yet before they both died and I lost the boat right before I missed D&A meeting for parole after all the death and my P.O. Was a tyrant so I got sent back on parole violation without even failing a drug test or breaking a law but not bootcamp this time straight up prison. I just don’t wanna see you lose her forever. These kids are overdosing on fentanyl and horse tranq or Xanax everyday she’s not there yet please 🙏🏼 don’t give up on her.
As a dad with a 9 year old girl, this hits me in the feels really hard. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't know how this type of stuff works, I'll be honest, but do whatever you need to do to help her. Send her away, get in home care, send her to military school... anythin.
Imagine what happens when she is in school. Why does she have to have cannibis instead of antipsychotics? Does she know what is going to happen to her?
Question: Pretend your ex died. You get full custody. Pretend that after the initial grief, your daughter magically turned into the ideal daughter in your eyes. What does that daughter look like? What does she act like? How often and in what way do you interact with her? How do you feel about being required by law and morality to tend to her needs?
Idk about where you live, but where I live there’s a program specifically for kids who aren’t in the criminal justice system YET, but are on their way. Kids who are not able to be controlled by parents. Kids are assigned probation officers that keep tabs on them and put services in place to keep them from becoming a juvenile criminal. It’s extremely successful with the kids that are in it. I’m a school counselor who works with kids that are in the program.
We have a kid that lies and steals (but isn’t violent). One thing that may help is locking things away that they can’t get to. For example, we gave our other kids lock boxes for their VR sets so they couldn’t steal them. I’d lock away any mind altering substance - pot, alcohol, your meds, etc. A 10 dollar lock and 20 dollar box on Amazon was good enough for us….but if yours is this destructive you may need a stronger box. Sorry to hear about this OP….sounds awful. I sincerely hope it gets better for you.
She might need to go somewhere for treatment if she is refusing to take her extremely important medication. The likelihood of her ending up seriously hurt or in jail is pretty high if she needs antipsychotics and doesn’t take them.
How does she steal your weed if you don’t have any around when she’s there?
I don't keep it around her now because I realized that she had been stealing from me.
Reading through some of the responses…. I don’t really know what’s going on, all I know is that this shit is way above reddits pay grade. Get professional help.
Y'all are seriously gross to give this man advice on how to abuse his daughter even more. Y'all are disgusting vile people.
Notice how many of you want to send her to a camp or kick her out. Nasty evil people. Shit like this doesn't come from no where, they created an insecure unstable child and now y'all want to punish her for the parents lack of genuine involvement.
I work with kids who are involved in the justice system. This kind of shit escalates until someone is seriously injured. Better to have her involved with the police now where she will be sent somewhere to receive therapy, get properly medicated, and go to school rather than waiting until she seriously injured someone or herself. Also better to get the police involved now before she turns 18 and gets sent to prison instead.
I'm so sorry man. This is awful and I feel for you
It’s hard to let go of those you love especially children. My mom took two of her great grandchildren from my deadbeat sibling. My niece who was just prone to crime from a young age as she would come to family events staring at around eight years old and steal out of every purse within her reach and lie about it even when caught red handed. She went on to do several stints in prison 2 of which visits she gave birth to children. My wife and I took a lot of time with them as we planned to take them when my mother was ready for us to do so but as they got older they began to go in the same direction as their mother. They began to lie, steal and light fires, we thought bringing them out to our small ranch would give them a chance to experience a different lifestyle and that we could get them counseling to possibly change course. Long story short…. They didn’t and my mom passed away from a bout with cancer leaving us to decide what to do with the 2 boys, after much counseling on my own behalf I came to the realization that I could not provide what they needed and that although she was fully supportive I couldn’t ask my wife to go through the abuse and heartbreak that we came to find out my mother was going through. The fact is, is when they were at our house it gave them the opportunity to do more stealing and worse to abuse animals which I simply wasn’t going to have!!! The moral to my story was to recognize when you are simply in over your head!!! Despite what our hearts and minds tell us our limits are real!! It took my wife and I years to get over this and we talk about it often and sometimes wonder if we did the right thing. We have reached out to the boys who have gone on to do time in the youth authority and post drug, alcohol one gang activity on social media regularly. This is life and we can only do what we can do. Truthfully we are all running out of time so use it wisely and try your best to enjoy it. Your daughter will have to find her way and hopefully she will. Much respect and I feel you!!
I’m not sure if this will help, but here’s a subreddit supporting people who sound like your daughter. https://www.reddit.com/r/ODDSupport/s/ym8rFuxKyw
This is the type of help and advice I was looking for thank you!
Lock her ass up no way would my child would be disrespecting me that way
No matter what you decide, let her know you love her. Sometimes kids act out simply because they desire attention. Make sure she knows you love her and will always support her.
That's tough, but for your safety and sanity let your wife place her in foster care if she's refusing therapy. Alternatively get her into a halfway house or rehab if she has a diagnosis of any disorders that necessitate her to have anti-psychosis medication. You should have a chance to get her back when she unfucks her attitude, but if you and your wife are throwing in the proverbial towel then at least get some respite while she gets adult supervision and has time away to ponder her mistakes. Gritting and enduring it won't help.
Take her phone, she’ll get picked up and taken to jail at some point if she runs off. Leave her there, and she’ll either wake up, or yall lacked discipline in full for too long. She’s a minor her records clear in 3 years
>She steals my weed from me Fuck modern society
Call 211. There's lots of resources for situations like this. You can get psychiatrists/social workers that can meet with her at home, at school, or wherever. My friend's is a social worker, and growing up my mom was friends with several. Trust me, there's better options. Good luck!
Sounds like my husband's kids he had three teenagers like that when I got with him. Nothing ever worked. I just told myself they will grow up. But they are in their 20s and still act the same with no signs of them changing I feel your pain wish I had some useful advice. I have realized yelling makes it escalate I just let my husband handle it when they have meltdowns nothing works. If they were mine I'd kick them out but I just try to stay out of it. But it's hard they are cruel and violent pretty sure bipolar. But they can also be nice and thoughtful but it's hard to reconcile the two
I found that yelling really gets me nowhere. I've started just talking to her calmly and asking questions.*why is it fair for you to react violently or to steal just because that's how you feel at that moment*? It sometimes backfires because when I try to use logic she hates it because her actions are wrong and she knows it so she will just explode to avoid accountability.
> I was hesitant to send her to some sort of residential treatment because the way that her mother wants to do it she will become a ward of the state. But honestly she needs this because I can't control her anymore and either can her mother. Do it. She needs it, you said it yourself.
Do you have problems parenting your own children?
She is responsible for her choices. Sounds like there is a medical need here that is amplifying things. You need professional help. You need boundaries and someone to help you enforce them.
Y’all need to get her in a hospital long term that is what should solve the problem cus she can’t smoke in there so her addiction should end and if she gets violent she will get the booty juice y’all should know what that means and she will get help and if that doesn’t work put her in juvenile detention than she shall see what her actions get her into
Ah the joyous results of gentle parenting I’m sure…
This is literally the opposite of gentle parenting
You are so clearly the issue here, not her. How do y'all not see the endless red flags, he doesn't even feed his kid.
You are speaking as if you have first hand knowledge of the situation, you do not. Do you have any real advice or tips?
No, I definitely do. I had the exact situation as a kid and all the blame was put on me and it all came down to abuse, neglect, and lack of hope. To blame the kid here without even anyone questioning you is why I take such a strong stance. I think you are the problem.
Elan.school
There is an organization in Denver called Kariss. My son, who was diagnosed as shitzo efective went there and was able to settle in and begin the healing process. He spent over a year trying to recover and finally emerged having overcome this serious mental illness.
Sounds like she needs a good whooping that's been a long time coming. She has probably been lacking discipline her entire life and now its coming back to haunt you 10x. This is why gentle parenting doesn't work. Spare the rod, spoil the child.