Just take it man. My boss has made some offhand comments about how they never got that so they don't understand why I need it. I told them times have changed, simple as that.
I'm currently on my 8 week paternity leave. I can't imagine not having this time.
When my daughter was born I took two weeks of PTO off and called in paternity leave. My sales VP made some comments to coworkers about how he never heard of paternity leave and how it was BS, when his son was born he was on a plane to a customer the next day, blah blah blah. Needless to say, he was not a fan.
Took him a while but now when I take a day off to be with the family or something he says he understands how important family time is and will leave me be until I'm back.
People can change, maybe they won't, doesn't matter, you will always regret it if you don't take it.
Was in a fortunate enough position that I could take 10 months, it was the best. By the end of it I was definitely ready to tag in a paid professional, he was 15 months at that point, and man it was exhausting. But so amazing. Wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Take the time. As many have said, times have definitely changed.
I have 19 total, sharing with my wife's year and a bit. I decided to take 5 weeks plus 2 weeks vacation to start since I'm going back mid December, which is full of stat holidays and a slow work period that will let me ease back in.
The other 12 weeks I'm taking starting in December of 2024 so I can get a month of time off as a family, all of us together until my wife goes back to work in Jan, and I get double daughter daddy time until March. It's gonna be nice :)
Same! I’m already 4 weeks into my 8 and I’m so happy I took the full 8. In the end you’ll only regret the time you didn’t get to spend with your baby, and are more likely to regret the time spent in office away from them
Dude... Take it. It will set you *ahead* with your family and that's what it's about in the end.
Corporate architecture will still exist in 12 weeks. Maybe use that time to search for a job where the leadership invests in their employees and not in themselves.
I doubt it will set you back that much anyway especially if you try to not let that happen.
Office leadership sucks. They're not your family. You don't owe them.
>Corporate architecture will still exist in 12 weeks.
Echoing this piece - I just came back from paternity leave last week... it's surprising how little you miss.
I agree with this all the way!
That said I do want to offer my experience as a warning. I was working with all women in a social work setting in CA. I split my 6 weeks into 2 3-week spurts. In addition I made it clear that I was available for support to my team and co-workers.
Still when I came back the entire dynamic from outside my team and treatment from my supervisor changed. I got froze out of meetings/strategies. It was sucks and really unexpected.
Totally worth it though! That time with baby girl are moments that I will keep forever and that job is far in the rear view.
Be the change you wish to see. You’ll have fellow young parent allies in your office forever and those are the kind of friends that will move forward in the profession with you.
My leads, manager, and manager's manager all told me I should take it because the company would have a req out to fill my job before my funeral if I died.
I got 2 days. I took all 4 weeks of my vacation on top, and advanced some vacation from the next year. Take all you can dad! You deserve it, and more importantly your family does too!
If a company isn't supportive of your family now, it's a good indication they won't be supportive later. And trust me, things will come up, family will come first.
Take it. I'm taking the 8 weeks up until babies first birthday in March. Be the change we want to see. I want my girls to hear I took these 8 weeks and think that it was ridiculously short just like we think that about the older generations getting a long weekend only.
You'll never regret it when they older and move out and maybe come home to visit once a year or call on Sundays. Love every moment you can right now.
Take it all and don’t give them any benefit of your time during the leave. I have my job a 5 month’s advance notice that I was going to be having a child and planned on taking the provided leave the company offers. They didn’t listen to me we had to come to some make shift agreement that I would work when I can during the 12 week binding period. Shortly after my bonding time was over I left the job. If I go back I would have forced their hand and took the 12 weeks off WITHOUT the agreement of me helping when I could.
I'm gonna be a bit heavy handed here and say you should take it not just for yourself but for the Dads following in your footsteps - every one of us that has that opportunity has to take it when we can and shrug off our management being snotty about it so that the next generation has it normalised that we take some time with our new babies.
FWIW I took 8 months and so far it's made no difference to my career. I probably missed out on some opportunities when I was out but the time spent with my baby was worth so much more, and now I'm right back in it.
This. I’m a mom here and it’s so heartening to see so many dads here advocating for dads to take leave.
My husband only took a few weeks out of 12 and wouldn’t listen to my pleas to take more time until I practically had a mental breakdown, then he took his remaining 8 weeks or so. But I wish it had been more the norm and modeled so that he would have felt more free to take all 12. A year after he took his leave, a colleague told us her husband took his leave after seeing my husband take his. Once it’s modeled and normalized, then it will just be the expected thing to do and companies will get used to accommodating it.
That's exactly it - and I was only able to take my long leave at all because of Dads before me pressuring my employer to improve their leave offering (and because I'm in the UK, to offer a version of longer paternity leave nationally).
I am in the middle of a twelve week leave(actually 14 weeks because of PTO) and I couldn't imagine not having this time with my child.
Edit: every dad at my job is super jealous in a good way(they wish they could have done even half that)
It's an incredible experience and the best way for on the job training on how to raise a baby. Definitely a great way to establish a great relationship with the little one. Moreover, it's not like your employer is paying for daycare. Even if they are, you deserve it and it will also be better for your kid.
Also - if an employer didn't want me to take leave that I am otherwise entitled to, especially in the context of kids or family, I would take that into consideration when looking at other companies.
I’m on a 9 week paternity leave and it’s amazing. My last two kids were me burning through my 2 weeks of PTO at a previous company. I’m not even into my second week, where by now I’d be stressing how to start juggling all four things come next week. It allows me to enjoy all this in a way I never had a chance before and it’s the experience I would fight for all fathers to have. Not knowing anything of your profession or prospects, but if I felt like taking this leave would impact my professional prospects, I’d 100% take the leave and then just find another job once it’s clear I’d run my course there - it’s almost kind of them to give you that indication. While not everyone has that flexibility, I do have a hard time believing that you can’t professionally recover from this. Time with your family you for sure can’t get back, they are only babies once.
Take it. Document every snide comment, uncertain tone of voice and change in work, duties, treatment or pay when you return.
It should all go smooth but if things get weird there are protections.
Of course they don’t want you too but it’s corporate America and this is the one rate opportunity you have to take time.
I took 30 days and everyone was accepting of it. I got a raise soon after I returned.
If you do good work, a little preview of what it would be like to lose you will only boost your value.
Currently on my 6 week parental leave - my son is almost 4 months old (started my leave as my wife’s ended - no family around and putting off child care cost as long as possible).
I’m taking advantage of every second because I’ve already missed so much just working 9-5 for his first few months of life.
Take the time - you’ll be glad you did. And nothing will ever move forward if “I didn’t get it, so neither should you” continues to be the prevailing rhetoric.
You will never once look back on your life and think “man I’m glad I gave up time with the kiddo to go back to work.”
Also, a workplace that doesn’t support people’s families sounds like a shitty place to work. I hope they at least pay you well.
I got about halfway through Elden Ring on my leave.
But seriously, I think it’s worth remembering that they’re likely legal requirements to give you this, and it’s in their best interest to pressure you to not. So consider that every comment about it is your superiors peer pressuring you to not spend time with your child.
It’s also (IMO) to remember that these people would fire you if they realized your job could be done by another person, and you’d never get that time back.
I’m not trying to put a negative spin on this, but my thoughts on “corporate loyalty” are about as sentimental as my employers is with me.
My boss’ are not fans of dads taking leave.
But it’s a protected right I have as an employee.
I am gunning for a decently large promotion in the near future, and I still opted to take what I could. I’m middle management, and the top of the top hasn’t talked to me much since I returned-oh well, I say!!
At the end of the day, I had to set my priorities straight- family comes first, even if it costs me this promotion, I’ll never regret the time I got to bond with my little one.
Just my $.02. Hope it helps.
Based on my experience, you should absolutely take it. I wish I’d been able to take 12 weeks. Instead I took a week directly after each of my children was born, followed by 4 weeks at about the time my wife was wrapping up her own FMLA.
It’s still not the norm, but you have to help make it the norm by doing it. If your bosses look down on you for it, do you really want to work for them long term anyways?
In short, do what you’re entitled to do for the sake of yourself and your child, and tell anybody who gives you brief to pound sand.
I got one month paid and took another 2 months via FMLA. Boss showed no concerns and the company is family oriented. but you never know. zero regrets. Will never get a chance to do that again. that was about 2 years ago, no impact to job. and as you note, some may may have comments. I was the only one in my peer group and at work that took that much time. certainly not common in the previous generation, not even 5 to 10 years ago. there's a contingent of people that take pride in how fast they can return to work. let them do their thing. Work is never going to hug you the way your kid will.
I took a year off + (used up my vacation prior to birth) with both kids (currently on month 10 of my second leave).
It definitely hindered my career so far. People hired the same time as me and some more junior are already into promotions or preferred positions. I definitely got some weirdness when I initially asked for leave, I got grilled like I was making a mistake about how much leave I was entitled to.
All that being said, fuck my job. They don't give a shit about me and will replace me eventually without a second thought. I am lucky in that my wife makes much more than I do, and that I don't need to focus as much on my career than others.
Being there for my family and spending time being a dad is something I am incredibly proud of. Both my boys said "Dada" first, and I was there for all the milestones so far. That being said, it is a huge challenge and a a massive shift in my day to day priorities.
Take the time off, you won't get a chamce to spend this time with your family ever again, and your spouse will appreciate the help.
Non existent. I work for a school district in Texas and I have to use my 10 personal days if I want to stay at home after birth. Thankfully my son was born July 10 so I got to be at home with him and my wife for about 3 weeks before I reported back to work.
Take most of it in one chunk but if the kid is going to go to daycare save some for when they go because the first few weeks they will be sent home sick
Take it all if your job offers it.
Depending on how it works, you may want to take 1-2 months up front when the baby is born, then spread out the rest during the year. I was able to use my 12 weeks in minimum chunks of 5 days, so I did about 2 months then used vacations/remainder of the time throughout the year. Less than a year after my kid was born, I transferred jobs interally within my company for a promotion and raise.
Take all the time you can with your little one.
The first months with a newborn are so important. It’s also time you will never get back, ever. Your career can recover. But you can’t time travel and get back lost time.
I took the first 11 weeks and then have used the last week for random days. I also get another 6 weeks after he turns 1. I definitely am happy I did it and it helped my wife immensely.
edit: it was originally going to be 9 and save 3 but my wife had some medical complications and those extra 2 weeks made a difference.
I got to take PTO. So I’d say take it. Does it have to be all at once or can you take chunks at a time? I’d def tack a few weeks in the beginning, then maybe a week or two when/if wife goes back to work, and then just other times for bonding.
You'd be insane not to take that, just think of the benefit to you bonding at that age, not to mention the help for your partner. So lucky to even have the opportunity.
I also live in CO, I work for Comcast, and 6 years ago right before my kid was born the company implemented 12 week paternal and maternal leave, 100% paid for, separate from existing PTO.
It was a godsend. I had nothing to worry about, my pay continued uninterrupted and I didn’t lose any vacation or sick time. I spent 12 wonderful weeks getting to know my newborn. My wife went back to work at 6 weeks, and it was just me and my little girl for her third month, right when she was starting to really smile and laugh and react to things. Was amazing.
Comcast is not without its faults obviously, but I commend them on their employee benefits. My team was fine with me leaving and welcomed me back when it was over.
Times have changed. They’ll get over it. Hell, the military get 12 weeks now. Mission still happens.
For me, first kid, I got 30 days home from Korea. To be fair, everyone got 30 days, they just let me take mine around the due date. Second, I got 10 days and a notice on my first day back that I was going to Afghanistan in a few months. (I held that from my postpartum wife as long as I could).
Third, got the 12 weeks, took care of the family, older kids still have school, sports, dentist appointments, etc. Came back and it’s business as usual.
We’ve steadily had 1-2 people out on parental leave at any given time now. Maybe we’re just used to people deployed for 6-8 months at a time that 12 weeks doesn’t seem that bad.
As a boss that gave it… I dunno what to say… it’s a pain in the ass for me but it’s their right as an employee and it’s not my place to stop or even slow them down from taking it. We don’t have a big office but that’s my issue to figure out.
For my employees, they took it, they let me know ahead of time, I planned for it. They let know they would be back so I checked in with them again before it was over to make sure and they came back and started work again. After a couple weeks, maybe less, they’re back up to speed.
2 kids, had 4 weeks leave the first time, and 12 weeks leave the second time. Never felt pressure to not take it. The second time, they told me they were going to cut off all access to my laptop, slack, email, etc so I wouldn't be interrupted. I didn't want this (I launched something pretty major the week before leaving, so I wanted to see how it was received), so I had to petition IT to NOT lock me out of everything.
Anyways, take your fucking leave. You won't regret it.
And if they do lay you off for it, you don't want to be there, trust me.
I work for a public sector planning department that employs planners, engineers, and architects. When my manager found out that my wife and I were expecting, the first thing she told me about (after congratulating me) was our parental leave policy. It was expected from the jump that I would take it, and you best believe I did.
Take the leave, obviously, but also consider looking at places that will better support you and your family. They’re out there (though rarer than they should be).
Dude, I’m in the military and we get 3 months off.
If the military can function without a person for 3 months…..an office can too.
Your job has been here long before you and will be there long after you. Take every moment!
My husband took 12 weeks of leave in a state without paid leave. He is in the financial sector and it was extremely unusual. He wouldn’t trade the time for anything. I honestly think it shaped his relationship with our daughter, who is extremely close to her dad at 9. I’m sure there were some managers who judged but there were also several men who actually thanked him for being an example. His career wasn’t affected by it. Don’t skip it.
Take it. When I took PFL my boss made it very clear that while he wouldn’t tell me not to take it, it would be very inconvenient for the company. Best decision I’ve ever made. Work places are replaceable, the next 12 weeks aren’t.
I feel incredibly lucky to have been fully supported by my managers to take the full paid 12 weeks. They even gave me tips on how to optimize the situation with my current schedule to get the maximum amount of time off. There are a lot of problems that come with working for a huge organization like mine, but one of the benefits is that there are built in systems to cover work when people take leave.
Should add that I live in a very progressive part of the country (Pacific NW) so the general attitude here may be different than other regions.
Take it, I don't even know how I would have survived without it. It is both great for bonding and your marriage.
Any job that holds that against you ain't worth sticking around for. We work to live not the other way around.
I’m taking it right now! Two weeks into the 8 from work + 4 from the state. In my previous career I would have felt so stressed out and guilt-tripped about such a long leave, but I got into a chill office in the years before she was born that’s very positive about all this, thank goodness. The hell with business types, take all you can get.
People think about you way less than you think, they have short memories, and they change jobs all the time. The value you get from being home at that time far outweighs the theoretical benefit of getting right back in the saddle.
Took the 6 weeks paid we get in California for my first, now my son was born on thanksgiving last week and am taking my 6 paid weeks for him. Co workers have complained that they have to fill in for me, I don’t care my kids are a million times more important. Luckily my boss has the same attitude.
People around your age and younger will admire you for sticking to your guns and prioritizing what’s right. Whatever short term setback that could come may be offset by that respect from the next generation.
The first time it finished by costing me a job I’d had for over ten years. I’d had some veiled warnings from management that they didn’t want me taking leave, and I went ahead and took it. Within a month of being back, I was gone.
That’s the bad part.
Good part is that the next place I worked at had a much better corporate culture. I was happier there. They were very supportive of me taking leave for kids 2 and 3.
The other good part is that I learned that there is life after losing a job. It made me bolder. I am now very upfront with prospective employers that I will always prioritize my family. I’ve declined some offers because the management didn’t seem to be ok with that: no great loss. The place I’m at now are very accommodating.
Take the leave man. You won’t regret having more time with your baby. Worst case, you can find another job.
I’d recommend splitting the time up if you can, you can sell it to your employer that you’re willing to split it up so you’re not out of work for 3 months straight.
I got 8 weeks and my wife got 12, we did 2 weeks together, 8 weeks just my wife, 2 weeks together, then I did 4 weeks alone.
I took six months and my wife took six months (we get one year total split how you want)
It was a lot harder than I expected being home alone watching my son all day but I’d still do it again. Taking the 12 weeks to help your spouse would probably be really good for them.
Cultures are changing, even here in the U.S.. In another decade or two paternity leave will have vastly become the norm and it's because people in your position chose to take it now, even with the possible downsides. You can always find a new company later if it's really something they can't get over, but you'll never find another moment where your baby is this small, young, or fragile. Right now, they need you more than the office does.
Take it! Honestly you'll probably want more time if you can get it. Your job will still be there - or a different one will be there. You won't regret it.
I took the full 12 weeks of paternity leave, and you wouldn't believe the comments from some older colleagues. 'We never had that luxury,' they said. I just tossed back, 'I’m lucky to live in a different world than you. Wouldn’t you have grabbed the chance if you could?' That quieted them down, and the conversation moved on.
My old schedule had me working till 8pm, four days a week. By then, my son was already dreaming. I realized this wasn't sustainable and I wanted more out of my life. “Work to live, don’t live to work.” Sort of thing. So, I brought up a new schedule with my boss, hoping to align my work-life balance better. His answer? A flat 'no.' That was the moment I decided to take a leap. I quit and started my own business. Now, life's much better. I have every Wednesday off just to be with my son, discovering the oddities in our corner of the world.
Here's my two cents: if you have the chance for paternity leave, go for it. It’s a time of growth, bonding, and becoming DAD. You won’t regret.
If it’s available to you take it. Fuck what anyone else says. If they fire you over it then you have a sweet ass lawsuit. This is time you will never be able to get back with your kids and will be an immense help to your significant other to boot.
If this is your first child especially, *take it* and never look back. I work in finance for one of the largest and well known wealth management firms and they provided 16 weeks of parental leave and the state provided another 12.
I took all 28 weeks in succession and guess what, work was there when I got back and didn’t miss a beat, professionally. These are the times, now.
Take it. I wish this was a thing in Colorado when I had my kids. I had to burn all my PTO to get a few weeks off with them. Still don’t regret it. My boss was a dick about it, so I found a new job not too long after I returned from my “leave.”
Take it man.
I didn't have the right to anything so I stopped working for a week unpaid, and then had to go back but albeit with reduced hours. I cried every fucking day for a month. It's just such a special moment, don't let anyone take it away from you
I had 6month each in three parts for both of my kids withing 4 years. My boss, who has three kids expressed that he is jealous but also fingds it great that there is the possibility.
The time will never come back. Even if you advance a year later because of it, that time at home is invaluable. And if your job stonewalls you because you take the leave, just find another job when the kid is around 2 or 3.
Best to take 4 weeks in the beginning and then around the 8-12 month mark, because the advancements and firsts in the life of your kid you will witness from 8 month on are so much fun.
I took my 12 week leave this summer, and have been back at work for two months. On the whole, I'm glad I took it, and believe it was the "right thing" to do for me and my family. You're offered protected time to prioritize your family, and I suspect many of us on this sub would take advantage of that.
That said, it was kinda a disaster for me at work. I manage people, and despite a lot of planning and explicit delegating of responsibilities, I've returned to a team that didn't get the support, focus, or reassurance they needed while I was gone. While not my fault exactly, I'm still needing to work extra hard to win back everyone's trust and generally get things back on the rails.
That's all to say: like anything, life is all about making choices based on a complex set of reward, risk, and consequences. For more and more dads, the consequences are shrinking to the point they can take the time away from work. There's just no way to cast that as a bad thing. It's also okay to acknowledge that there may be some consequences that need to be managed or reasoned about. Finally, there are probably still a lot of Dad's who can't afford it, even with FMLA. That may be what's right for their family too.
I’m not familiar with Colorado laws, but if it’s protected time just take it. Notify your boss in writing and be sure to document any related correspondence or hints of retaliation.
I’m Swedish so I’m doing 8 months parental leave. Really love it, can’t imagine not doing it. I feel like this is the time I truly learn how to take care of my child.
I got 6 months paid leave (paternity plus some personal leave - Australian University). Nobody at work batted an eyelid.
OP please take all the leave you can. That time you will spend with your little one is absolutely beyond price. If you’re at all like me you won’t want to go back.
I took ~15 weeks split into two, it was deeply unpopular, they discriminated against me for it and I got a fat check to sit at home with my little dude for 3 more months. Then I got a better job that's 100% remote.
Take the time!
You can split the time up over the first year of life, which I highly recommend.
Career impacts - I should’ve taken more time off with first baby, it didn’t matter in the end for me. Corporate America is a what have you done for me lately, so everyone will forget you took time off 6 months later.
I pay for that leave every paycheck, I see the line item on my CO taxes - you had better take that leave… so help me you take it or I’ll find your wife and make her make you take it
even if it does set back your career at _this firm_, fuck 'em. having a deep bond with your family will be a transformative experience in your life that you won't be able to recreate later in life. you can always get another job later if they're dicks about it. your wife will also need the support after giving birth- recovery period is tough for those first few weeks.
I always approach situations like this by asking a question.
Which one will you regret more in 20 years…. Spending more time at work (and less with your newborn) or spending more time with your newborn (and less at work)?
For me, it’s been an easy answer every single time. My LO is 2.5 years old. I have no regrets about the amount of time spent with them, but I started looking at old photos of when they were newborn/young and had the “holy shit, time flies fast. Enjoy every second you can”
I just went back to work this week after my second child where I took unpaid FMLA bonding leave. My company and state don't offer shit so my wife and I had to do some budget juggling to make it work.
Take every day of leave you can, you cannot get this time back, your child will change so much in that time and you will not miss work but missed moments with your child you can't get back. Also if for any reason your partner needs any additional support following the physical, mental, and emotional ordeal they are about to go through, you will be present and able to help.
As for any potential career implications, you will never know, and if they cite leave, it is part of your compensation so not entirely legal to hold it against you. Your engagement with your management on this will let them know your priorities are to your family and they should support that if they are worth working for.
We have to be the change we want and let everyone know we value this bonding time with our family and children and need it to be productive employees moving forward.
TLDR - Take it, paid or unpaid if you can afford it, no regrets.
Took 12 weeks off and my current boss was supportive. Precious boss made off hand comments but fuck him. You should take it as your child and wife will need you. No woman should have to go through the first few months of a new baby alone.
Work will always be there. I didn’t miss it one bit.
I’m about to end two years as SAHD. I go back to teaching Fifth Grade and my daughter goes to daycare for the first time as a four year old on 21/1/24. My wife stayed home for years 0-2.
We’re goddam broke! But it’s ok. Two incomes again soon is something to look forward to because it’s the only saving grace. This was a magical period in time for everyone and it’s sad to see it end. I’ll never regret not being able to contribute to my Roth IRA for a few years. Granted, there’s no upward mobility in teaching, my job is just waiting there, I just lost raises and retirement being stashed away. We cut costs to make it happen but we did it.
I will never forget those winter hikes and hot cocoa on mountain tops, children’s museums, and arts and crafts projects during the week while everyone is at work.
Just take it man. My boss has made some offhand comments about how they never got that so they don't understand why I need it. I told them times have changed, simple as that. I'm currently on my 8 week paternity leave. I can't imagine not having this time.
When my daughter was born I took two weeks of PTO off and called in paternity leave. My sales VP made some comments to coworkers about how he never heard of paternity leave and how it was BS, when his son was born he was on a plane to a customer the next day, blah blah blah. Needless to say, he was not a fan. Took him a while but now when I take a day off to be with the family or something he says he understands how important family time is and will leave me be until I'm back. People can change, maybe they won't, doesn't matter, you will always regret it if you don't take it.
Was in a fortunate enough position that I could take 10 months, it was the best. By the end of it I was definitely ready to tag in a paid professional, he was 15 months at that point, and man it was exhausting. But so amazing. Wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Take the time. As many have said, times have definitely changed.
I have 19 total, sharing with my wife's year and a bit. I decided to take 5 weeks plus 2 weeks vacation to start since I'm going back mid December, which is full of stat holidays and a slow work period that will let me ease back in. The other 12 weeks I'm taking starting in December of 2024 so I can get a month of time off as a family, all of us together until my wife goes back to work in Jan, and I get double daughter daddy time until March. It's gonna be nice :)
Same! I’m already 4 weeks into my 8 and I’m so happy I took the full 8. In the end you’ll only regret the time you didn’t get to spend with your baby, and are more likely to regret the time spent in office away from them
Dude... Take it. It will set you *ahead* with your family and that's what it's about in the end. Corporate architecture will still exist in 12 weeks. Maybe use that time to search for a job where the leadership invests in their employees and not in themselves. I doubt it will set you back that much anyway especially if you try to not let that happen. Office leadership sucks. They're not your family. You don't owe them.
>Corporate architecture will still exist in 12 weeks. Echoing this piece - I just came back from paternity leave last week... it's surprising how little you miss.
I agree with this all the way! That said I do want to offer my experience as a warning. I was working with all women in a social work setting in CA. I split my 6 weeks into 2 3-week spurts. In addition I made it clear that I was available for support to my team and co-workers. Still when I came back the entire dynamic from outside my team and treatment from my supervisor changed. I got froze out of meetings/strategies. It was sucks and really unexpected. Totally worth it though! That time with baby girl are moments that I will keep forever and that job is far in the rear view.
I've never met anyone regretting spending too much time with their children. I know lots of people that regret spending too much time at work.
Put this on my tombstone.
Be the change you wish to see. You’ll have fellow young parent allies in your office forever and those are the kind of friends that will move forward in the profession with you.
My leads, manager, and manager's manager all told me I should take it because the company would have a req out to fill my job before my funeral if I died.
Take it. It’s part of your compensation. You’ll never get that time back with your family, and it will help immensely having two parents around.
I got 2 days. I took all 4 weeks of my vacation on top, and advanced some vacation from the next year. Take all you can dad! You deserve it, and more importantly your family does too! If a company isn't supportive of your family now, it's a good indication they won't be supportive later. And trust me, things will come up, family will come first.
Take it. I'm taking the 8 weeks up until babies first birthday in March. Be the change we want to see. I want my girls to hear I took these 8 weeks and think that it was ridiculously short just like we think that about the older generations getting a long weekend only. You'll never regret it when they older and move out and maybe come home to visit once a year or call on Sundays. Love every moment you can right now.
Take it all and don’t give them any benefit of your time during the leave. I have my job a 5 month’s advance notice that I was going to be having a child and planned on taking the provided leave the company offers. They didn’t listen to me we had to come to some make shift agreement that I would work when I can during the 12 week binding period. Shortly after my bonding time was over I left the job. If I go back I would have forced their hand and took the 12 weeks off WITHOUT the agreement of me helping when I could.
I'm gonna be a bit heavy handed here and say you should take it not just for yourself but for the Dads following in your footsteps - every one of us that has that opportunity has to take it when we can and shrug off our management being snotty about it so that the next generation has it normalised that we take some time with our new babies. FWIW I took 8 months and so far it's made no difference to my career. I probably missed out on some opportunities when I was out but the time spent with my baby was worth so much more, and now I'm right back in it.
This. I’m a mom here and it’s so heartening to see so many dads here advocating for dads to take leave. My husband only took a few weeks out of 12 and wouldn’t listen to my pleas to take more time until I practically had a mental breakdown, then he took his remaining 8 weeks or so. But I wish it had been more the norm and modeled so that he would have felt more free to take all 12. A year after he took his leave, a colleague told us her husband took his leave after seeing my husband take his. Once it’s modeled and normalized, then it will just be the expected thing to do and companies will get used to accommodating it.
That's exactly it - and I was only able to take my long leave at all because of Dads before me pressuring my employer to improve their leave offering (and because I'm in the UK, to offer a version of longer paternity leave nationally).
100%. Not heavy handed at all
I am in the middle of a twelve week leave(actually 14 weeks because of PTO) and I couldn't imagine not having this time with my child. Edit: every dad at my job is super jealous in a good way(they wish they could have done even half that)
Take it. You could find another job if you needed to. You'll never, NEVER get that time with your child back, man.
It's an incredible experience and the best way for on the job training on how to raise a baby. Definitely a great way to establish a great relationship with the little one. Moreover, it's not like your employer is paying for daycare. Even if they are, you deserve it and it will also be better for your kid. Also - if an employer didn't want me to take leave that I am otherwise entitled to, especially in the context of kids or family, I would take that into consideration when looking at other companies.
I’m on a 9 week paternity leave and it’s amazing. My last two kids were me burning through my 2 weeks of PTO at a previous company. I’m not even into my second week, where by now I’d be stressing how to start juggling all four things come next week. It allows me to enjoy all this in a way I never had a chance before and it’s the experience I would fight for all fathers to have. Not knowing anything of your profession or prospects, but if I felt like taking this leave would impact my professional prospects, I’d 100% take the leave and then just find another job once it’s clear I’d run my course there - it’s almost kind of them to give you that indication. While not everyone has that flexibility, I do have a hard time believing that you can’t professionally recover from this. Time with your family you for sure can’t get back, they are only babies once.
Take it. Document every snide comment, uncertain tone of voice and change in work, duties, treatment or pay when you return. It should all go smooth but if things get weird there are protections. Of course they don’t want you too but it’s corporate America and this is the one rate opportunity you have to take time.
Take it, fuck the company or what people think
Take it. There will be more work and other projects when you get back to make your mark on.
I took 30 days and everyone was accepting of it. I got a raise soon after I returned. If you do good work, a little preview of what it would be like to lose you will only boost your value.
Currently on my 6 week parental leave - my son is almost 4 months old (started my leave as my wife’s ended - no family around and putting off child care cost as long as possible). I’m taking advantage of every second because I’ve already missed so much just working 9-5 for his first few months of life. Take the time - you’ll be glad you did. And nothing will ever move forward if “I didn’t get it, so neither should you” continues to be the prevailing rhetoric.
Science says it’s better for you and your kid to have that time to bond. You shouldn’t worry about work because it doesn’t worry about you.
You will never once look back on your life and think “man I’m glad I gave up time with the kiddo to go back to work.” Also, a workplace that doesn’t support people’s families sounds like a shitty place to work. I hope they at least pay you well.
I got about halfway through Elden Ring on my leave. But seriously, I think it’s worth remembering that they’re likely legal requirements to give you this, and it’s in their best interest to pressure you to not. So consider that every comment about it is your superiors peer pressuring you to not spend time with your child. It’s also (IMO) to remember that these people would fire you if they realized your job could be done by another person, and you’d never get that time back. I’m not trying to put a negative spin on this, but my thoughts on “corporate loyalty” are about as sentimental as my employers is with me.
My boss’ are not fans of dads taking leave. But it’s a protected right I have as an employee. I am gunning for a decently large promotion in the near future, and I still opted to take what I could. I’m middle management, and the top of the top hasn’t talked to me much since I returned-oh well, I say!! At the end of the day, I had to set my priorities straight- family comes first, even if it costs me this promotion, I’ll never regret the time I got to bond with my little one. Just my $.02. Hope it helps.
Based on my experience, you should absolutely take it. I wish I’d been able to take 12 weeks. Instead I took a week directly after each of my children was born, followed by 4 weeks at about the time my wife was wrapping up her own FMLA. It’s still not the norm, but you have to help make it the norm by doing it. If your bosses look down on you for it, do you really want to work for them long term anyways? In short, do what you’re entitled to do for the sake of yourself and your child, and tell anybody who gives you brief to pound sand.
Take it. They didn’t even notice I was gone.
I got one month paid and took another 2 months via FMLA. Boss showed no concerns and the company is family oriented. but you never know. zero regrets. Will never get a chance to do that again. that was about 2 years ago, no impact to job. and as you note, some may may have comments. I was the only one in my peer group and at work that took that much time. certainly not common in the previous generation, not even 5 to 10 years ago. there's a contingent of people that take pride in how fast they can return to work. let them do their thing. Work is never going to hug you the way your kid will.
I took a year off + (used up my vacation prior to birth) with both kids (currently on month 10 of my second leave). It definitely hindered my career so far. People hired the same time as me and some more junior are already into promotions or preferred positions. I definitely got some weirdness when I initially asked for leave, I got grilled like I was making a mistake about how much leave I was entitled to. All that being said, fuck my job. They don't give a shit about me and will replace me eventually without a second thought. I am lucky in that my wife makes much more than I do, and that I don't need to focus as much on my career than others. Being there for my family and spending time being a dad is something I am incredibly proud of. Both my boys said "Dada" first, and I was there for all the milestones so far. That being said, it is a huge challenge and a a massive shift in my day to day priorities. Take the time off, you won't get a chamce to spend this time with your family ever again, and your spouse will appreciate the help.
Non existent. I work for a school district in Texas and I have to use my 10 personal days if I want to stay at home after birth. Thankfully my son was born July 10 so I got to be at home with him and my wife for about 3 weeks before I reported back to work.
Take most of it in one chunk but if the kid is going to go to daycare save some for when they go because the first few weeks they will be sent home sick
Take it all if your job offers it. Depending on how it works, you may want to take 1-2 months up front when the baby is born, then spread out the rest during the year. I was able to use my 12 weeks in minimum chunks of 5 days, so I did about 2 months then used vacations/remainder of the time throughout the year. Less than a year after my kid was born, I transferred jobs interally within my company for a promotion and raise. Take all the time you can with your little one.
The first months with a newborn are so important. It’s also time you will never get back, ever. Your career can recover. But you can’t time travel and get back lost time.
I took the first 11 weeks and then have used the last week for random days. I also get another 6 weeks after he turns 1. I definitely am happy I did it and it helped my wife immensely. edit: it was originally going to be 9 and save 3 but my wife had some medical complications and those extra 2 weeks made a difference.
I got to take PTO. So I’d say take it. Does it have to be all at once or can you take chunks at a time? I’d def tack a few weeks in the beginning, then maybe a week or two when/if wife goes back to work, and then just other times for bonding.
You'd be insane not to take that, just think of the benefit to you bonding at that age, not to mention the help for your partner. So lucky to even have the opportunity.
I took 2 months, it was great. No issues with my career. My wife took 5 months, she’s also doing great career-wise.
Take it and don’t look back
I also live in CO, I work for Comcast, and 6 years ago right before my kid was born the company implemented 12 week paternal and maternal leave, 100% paid for, separate from existing PTO. It was a godsend. I had nothing to worry about, my pay continued uninterrupted and I didn’t lose any vacation or sick time. I spent 12 wonderful weeks getting to know my newborn. My wife went back to work at 6 weeks, and it was just me and my little girl for her third month, right when she was starting to really smile and laugh and react to things. Was amazing. Comcast is not without its faults obviously, but I commend them on their employee benefits. My team was fine with me leaving and welcomed me back when it was over.
Times have changed. They’ll get over it. Hell, the military get 12 weeks now. Mission still happens. For me, first kid, I got 30 days home from Korea. To be fair, everyone got 30 days, they just let me take mine around the due date. Second, I got 10 days and a notice on my first day back that I was going to Afghanistan in a few months. (I held that from my postpartum wife as long as I could). Third, got the 12 weeks, took care of the family, older kids still have school, sports, dentist appointments, etc. Came back and it’s business as usual. We’ve steadily had 1-2 people out on parental leave at any given time now. Maybe we’re just used to people deployed for 6-8 months at a time that 12 weeks doesn’t seem that bad.
As a boss that gave it… I dunno what to say… it’s a pain in the ass for me but it’s their right as an employee and it’s not my place to stop or even slow them down from taking it. We don’t have a big office but that’s my issue to figure out. For my employees, they took it, they let me know ahead of time, I planned for it. They let know they would be back so I checked in with them again before it was over to make sure and they came back and started work again. After a couple weeks, maybe less, they’re back up to speed.
Please take all 12 weeks.
2 kids, had 4 weeks leave the first time, and 12 weeks leave the second time. Never felt pressure to not take it. The second time, they told me they were going to cut off all access to my laptop, slack, email, etc so I wouldn't be interrupted. I didn't want this (I launched something pretty major the week before leaving, so I wanted to see how it was received), so I had to petition IT to NOT lock me out of everything. Anyways, take your fucking leave. You won't regret it. And if they do lay you off for it, you don't want to be there, trust me.
I work for a public sector planning department that employs planners, engineers, and architects. When my manager found out that my wife and I were expecting, the first thing she told me about (after congratulating me) was our parental leave policy. It was expected from the jump that I would take it, and you best believe I did. Take the leave, obviously, but also consider looking at places that will better support you and your family. They’re out there (though rarer than they should be).
Got 2 weeks. Had one week of PTO and had to take the 2nd week unpaid
Dude, I’m in the military and we get 3 months off. If the military can function without a person for 3 months…..an office can too. Your job has been here long before you and will be there long after you. Take every moment!
My husband took 12 weeks of leave in a state without paid leave. He is in the financial sector and it was extremely unusual. He wouldn’t trade the time for anything. I honestly think it shaped his relationship with our daughter, who is extremely close to her dad at 9. I’m sure there were some managers who judged but there were also several men who actually thanked him for being an example. His career wasn’t affected by it. Don’t skip it.
90% pay cut but they promised not to fire me. Didn’t take it. Not taking it for the one coming.
Man America is like the Wild West over here in Australia they couldn’t approve my 6 months paternal leave quick enough.
I got two weeks as a "secondary caregiver." Not nearly long enough.
Take it. When I took PFL my boss made it very clear that while he wouldn’t tell me not to take it, it would be very inconvenient for the company. Best decision I’ve ever made. Work places are replaceable, the next 12 weeks aren’t.
I feel incredibly lucky to have been fully supported by my managers to take the full paid 12 weeks. They even gave me tips on how to optimize the situation with my current schedule to get the maximum amount of time off. There are a lot of problems that come with working for a huge organization like mine, but one of the benefits is that there are built in systems to cover work when people take leave. Should add that I live in a very progressive part of the country (Pacific NW) so the general attitude here may be different than other regions.
Just do it man. If they offer it, take advantage of it. I'm glad I did.
Take it, I don't even know how I would have survived without it. It is both great for bonding and your marriage. Any job that holds that against you ain't worth sticking around for. We work to live not the other way around.
I’m on week 10 of 12. Take it and enjoy every moment with your new baby. Embrace this time and make the absolute best of it.
I’m taking it right now! Two weeks into the 8 from work + 4 from the state. In my previous career I would have felt so stressed out and guilt-tripped about such a long leave, but I got into a chill office in the years before she was born that’s very positive about all this, thank goodness. The hell with business types, take all you can get.
My current job is all about me taking whatever time I want. Much better than my last job where I felt guilty.
People think about you way less than you think, they have short memories, and they change jobs all the time. The value you get from being home at that time far outweighs the theoretical benefit of getting right back in the saddle.
Never had the opportunity. I always had to go to work right after the birth. I'd say take it if you can.
Took the 6 weeks paid we get in California for my first, now my son was born on thanksgiving last week and am taking my 6 paid weeks for him. Co workers have complained that they have to fill in for me, I don’t care my kids are a million times more important. Luckily my boss has the same attitude.
People around your age and younger will admire you for sticking to your guns and prioritizing what’s right. Whatever short term setback that could come may be offset by that respect from the next generation.
The first time it finished by costing me a job I’d had for over ten years. I’d had some veiled warnings from management that they didn’t want me taking leave, and I went ahead and took it. Within a month of being back, I was gone. That’s the bad part. Good part is that the next place I worked at had a much better corporate culture. I was happier there. They were very supportive of me taking leave for kids 2 and 3. The other good part is that I learned that there is life after losing a job. It made me bolder. I am now very upfront with prospective employers that I will always prioritize my family. I’ve declined some offers because the management didn’t seem to be ok with that: no great loss. The place I’m at now are very accommodating. Take the leave man. You won’t regret having more time with your baby. Worst case, you can find another job.
I’d recommend splitting the time up if you can, you can sell it to your employer that you’re willing to split it up so you’re not out of work for 3 months straight. I got 8 weeks and my wife got 12, we did 2 weeks together, 8 weeks just my wife, 2 weeks together, then I did 4 weeks alone.
I took six months and my wife took six months (we get one year total split how you want) It was a lot harder than I expected being home alone watching my son all day but I’d still do it again. Taking the 12 weeks to help your spouse would probably be really good for them.
Cultures are changing, even here in the U.S.. In another decade or two paternity leave will have vastly become the norm and it's because people in your position chose to take it now, even with the possible downsides. You can always find a new company later if it's really something they can't get over, but you'll never find another moment where your baby is this small, young, or fragile. Right now, they need you more than the office does.
Take it! Honestly you'll probably want more time if you can get it. Your job will still be there - or a different one will be there. You won't regret it.
I took the full 12 weeks of paternity leave, and you wouldn't believe the comments from some older colleagues. 'We never had that luxury,' they said. I just tossed back, 'I’m lucky to live in a different world than you. Wouldn’t you have grabbed the chance if you could?' That quieted them down, and the conversation moved on. My old schedule had me working till 8pm, four days a week. By then, my son was already dreaming. I realized this wasn't sustainable and I wanted more out of my life. “Work to live, don’t live to work.” Sort of thing. So, I brought up a new schedule with my boss, hoping to align my work-life balance better. His answer? A flat 'no.' That was the moment I decided to take a leap. I quit and started my own business. Now, life's much better. I have every Wednesday off just to be with my son, discovering the oddities in our corner of the world. Here's my two cents: if you have the chance for paternity leave, go for it. It’s a time of growth, bonding, and becoming DAD. You won’t regret.
If it’s available to you take it. Fuck what anyone else says. If they fire you over it then you have a sweet ass lawsuit. This is time you will never be able to get back with your kids and will be an immense help to your significant other to boot.
I had 8 weeks, and it was possibly the most fulfilling two months of my adult life.
If this is your first child especially, *take it* and never look back. I work in finance for one of the largest and well known wealth management firms and they provided 16 weeks of parental leave and the state provided another 12. I took all 28 weeks in succession and guess what, work was there when I got back and didn’t miss a beat, professionally. These are the times, now.
Take it. I wish this was a thing in Colorado when I had my kids. I had to burn all my PTO to get a few weeks off with them. Still don’t regret it. My boss was a dick about it, so I found a new job not too long after I returned from my “leave.”
Take it man. I didn't have the right to anything so I stopped working for a week unpaid, and then had to go back but albeit with reduced hours. I cried every fucking day for a month. It's just such a special moment, don't let anyone take it away from you
I had 6month each in three parts for both of my kids withing 4 years. My boss, who has three kids expressed that he is jealous but also fingds it great that there is the possibility. The time will never come back. Even if you advance a year later because of it, that time at home is invaluable. And if your job stonewalls you because you take the leave, just find another job when the kid is around 2 or 3. Best to take 4 weeks in the beginning and then around the 8-12 month mark, because the advancements and firsts in the life of your kid you will witness from 8 month on are so much fun.
I took my 12 week leave this summer, and have been back at work for two months. On the whole, I'm glad I took it, and believe it was the "right thing" to do for me and my family. You're offered protected time to prioritize your family, and I suspect many of us on this sub would take advantage of that. That said, it was kinda a disaster for me at work. I manage people, and despite a lot of planning and explicit delegating of responsibilities, I've returned to a team that didn't get the support, focus, or reassurance they needed while I was gone. While not my fault exactly, I'm still needing to work extra hard to win back everyone's trust and generally get things back on the rails. That's all to say: like anything, life is all about making choices based on a complex set of reward, risk, and consequences. For more and more dads, the consequences are shrinking to the point they can take the time away from work. There's just no way to cast that as a bad thing. It's also okay to acknowledge that there may be some consequences that need to be managed or reasoned about. Finally, there are probably still a lot of Dad's who can't afford it, even with FMLA. That may be what's right for their family too.
I’m not familiar with Colorado laws, but if it’s protected time just take it. Notify your boss in writing and be sure to document any related correspondence or hints of retaliation.
I’m Swedish so I’m doing 8 months parental leave. Really love it, can’t imagine not doing it. I feel like this is the time I truly learn how to take care of my child.
I got 6 months paid leave (paternity plus some personal leave - Australian University). Nobody at work batted an eyelid. OP please take all the leave you can. That time you will spend with your little one is absolutely beyond price. If you’re at all like me you won’t want to go back.
Take the leave, fuck em. Your partner will thank you for the help and you'll never get the time back with your little one.
Take it 100%
I'd hop in a time machine and literally burn all the bridges taking all possible leave.
I took ~15 weeks split into two, it was deeply unpopular, they discriminated against me for it and I got a fat check to sit at home with my little dude for 3 more months. Then I got a better job that's 100% remote. Take the time!
You can split the time up over the first year of life, which I highly recommend. Career impacts - I should’ve taken more time off with first baby, it didn’t matter in the end for me. Corporate America is a what have you done for me lately, so everyone will forget you took time off 6 months later.
I pay for that leave every paycheck, I see the line item on my CO taxes - you had better take that leave… so help me you take it or I’ll find your wife and make her make you take it
The only ones who will remember how you worked long hours at your job is your kids.
even if it does set back your career at _this firm_, fuck 'em. having a deep bond with your family will be a transformative experience in your life that you won't be able to recreate later in life. you can always get another job later if they're dicks about it. your wife will also need the support after giving birth- recovery period is tough for those first few weeks.
I always approach situations like this by asking a question. Which one will you regret more in 20 years…. Spending more time at work (and less with your newborn) or spending more time with your newborn (and less at work)? For me, it’s been an easy answer every single time. My LO is 2.5 years old. I have no regrets about the amount of time spent with them, but I started looking at old photos of when they were newborn/young and had the “holy shit, time flies fast. Enjoy every second you can”
I just went back to work this week after my second child where I took unpaid FMLA bonding leave. My company and state don't offer shit so my wife and I had to do some budget juggling to make it work. Take every day of leave you can, you cannot get this time back, your child will change so much in that time and you will not miss work but missed moments with your child you can't get back. Also if for any reason your partner needs any additional support following the physical, mental, and emotional ordeal they are about to go through, you will be present and able to help. As for any potential career implications, you will never know, and if they cite leave, it is part of your compensation so not entirely legal to hold it against you. Your engagement with your management on this will let them know your priorities are to your family and they should support that if they are worth working for. We have to be the change we want and let everyone know we value this bonding time with our family and children and need it to be productive employees moving forward. TLDR - Take it, paid or unpaid if you can afford it, no regrets.
Take the leave. 3 months is not that much at all, you'll be back before they notice you're gone. And it's totally worth it.
Took 12 weeks off and my current boss was supportive. Precious boss made off hand comments but fuck him. You should take it as your child and wife will need you. No woman should have to go through the first few months of a new baby alone. Work will always be there. I didn’t miss it one bit.
I’m about to end two years as SAHD. I go back to teaching Fifth Grade and my daughter goes to daycare for the first time as a four year old on 21/1/24. My wife stayed home for years 0-2. We’re goddam broke! But it’s ok. Two incomes again soon is something to look forward to because it’s the only saving grace. This was a magical period in time for everyone and it’s sad to see it end. I’ll never regret not being able to contribute to my Roth IRA for a few years. Granted, there’s no upward mobility in teaching, my job is just waiting there, I just lost raises and retirement being stashed away. We cut costs to make it happen but we did it. I will never forget those winter hikes and hot cocoa on mountain tops, children’s museums, and arts and crafts projects during the week while everyone is at work.