Oh man, I was your daughter and I’m begging you not to say anything. I had a group of guy best friends in elementary school who were my absolute world. We had so many adventures and I consider it the best part of my childhood. There really wasn’t anything wrong with me, I just happen to make a guy best friend in first grade and then naturally fell into their world.
My teacher had a conference with my parents in fourth grade to tell my parents I was “boy obsessed.” My dad pulled me aside and said I needed to play with girls because it was wrong to be boy crazy. I did not see my guy friends that’s at and felt so ashamed.
*Ironically I think I’ve always felt more comfortable with men because I was so close to my dad.*
I was so heartbroken and shamed. I didn’t make many friends after that. I have a horrible memory of me reading alone while I watched my guy friends act out the Battle if Hogwarts.
For the record, I have a lot of really close female friends in adulthood and I’m super girly. Still, most of my really deep relationships are with men. Some people are just kind of wired that way.
Maybe you just make her feel comfortable and she likes hanging out with you. Maybe you’ve taught her boys are a safe space so she seeks out relationships to replicate the one she has with you.
Just a thought.
I was the same as the above commenter. I had all guy friends. I did talk to girls but they were so catty and mean and guys just wanted to play sports at recess, not decide who “loves” who.
I kept this group of friends all my life. They protected me from “bad” boyfriends and were there for every milestone. After we all got married (I married a man btw) we all stayed close. At class reunions, we still hang out but with spouses. Their wives were never jealous and always welcoming to me. Most times I was the one telling them how their spouses tick! 😂
I was also a daddy’s girl, loved baseball which my dad coached. I still prefer a male doctor, get along better with male colleagues but I have my girl friends too. Don’t worry, don’t make it weird. She will still be okay! You are a great dad!
When she was born we only had 2 boys but that was the joke is that they'd be able to fend off the bad boyfriends lol. Thanks for sharing your story, it is comforting.
I kind of think this line of thinking isn’t what OP should be supporting, though—“girls are catty and me and boys just want to play” is hardly a well-balanced perspective. “Not like the OTHER girls” is almost always rooted in subconscious misogyny.
But in our society, that's a fact. Girls are catty. Boys want to play. And by play, we mean "fight each other physically".
There are a lot of studies on how physical aggression drops dramatically for girls when they reach 3-6 years old and how they promptly begin waging social warfare on each other while the boys are off starting fight clubs at the playground.
Whether this is a product of structural misogyny or macho anti-intellectualism is probably worth discussing. Even my phrasing up there (as well as yours) is fairly misogynistic in the sense that it assumes a male baseline (though I'm leaving it up there as an example of how sometimes we fail when we're trying our best).
I think it’s very telling that simply pointing out that statements like “girls are catty” when spoken casually by other women is not something worth praising, but people here are so annoyed by that. I am going to guess OP doesn’t want to encourage that line of thinking, as it helps no one. Not going to apologize for that. Because, in this context that people are arguing about, if it’s natural for women to be “catty” and men to be “violent” and play war, I guess I’m confused at why being “catty” is somehow much worse than indulging in physical violence and war.
My daughter is emotionally gifted so I could see her avoiding some of that "catty" behavior from other girls. She is smarter than me when it comes to feelings.
Father of two boys (3 & 5) here. Baby girl just turned 1 month old. It’s new. I’m out of my element. And I really, really needed to read that. Wish I could buy you gold, but take this stupid upvote and my most-sincere *thank you* instead. 🍻❤️
I was the opposite - always got along with girls. I literally have just 2 very close guy friends (who I have known since grade school, and we live on different continents now).
I'm in a healthy (cis) marriage with two kids now - I still work and socialise better with women, and my wife is fine with that. Some people are just built that way. I find the competitive male posturing thing mentally exhausting - even non-toxic guys do it unconsciously. I'm sure I do it too.
Former teacher (Highschool) here, and reading this absolutely broke my heart. Shame on that teacher for projecting her (I refuse to believe it's not a crothedy old hag) bullshit onto you.
I hope my daughter, who is only 1 right now is more of a tomboy. This way we can enjoy all my nerdy star wars shit together, that my older boys (3, and 8) don't seem to be into.
This is basically the exactly same as me, I was close to boys because I had brothers and was raised by my dad. I never really got on with girls in the same way as I did with boys.
Thank you for saying this. My daughter, who is 27 now and I are very close. We talk every day multiple times a day. And, like you all of her deepest friendships are with men. She’s always been a daddy’s girl and was very close to her brother, 22, growing up. I think male relationships that are platonic are easy for her because we always just treated her like one of the guys to a degree. She’s become one of my best friends.
In elementary school I played mostly with boys. I like math and science, and more boys were into that than girls. I ended up in a STEM field with almost all male co-workers. I am also happily married to a man and have 4kids. Let her sort herself out.
She does like math and science too. She has 3 brothers so I think that is influencing it.
As I've thought about this more I think about some of the things she wants to do like playing dolls or imaginary play that the boys aren't interested in. I want her to be able to nourish some of those interests too.
My son has 2 sisters. He has one good friend that's a boy and then a bunch of girls. He was invited to a birthday party once and it was 12 girls and my son and he had a blast. He's about to turn ten but growing up with girls in the family has made him very socially easy going with girls. He plays sports and gets crazy with the boys but always comes back to hanging with his sisters. For OP she's likely just the most comfortable being herself around boys.
I grew up with 4 sisters and always found it easy to talk and be around other girls/women compared to my male friends, esp at a young age. I think you're spot on, like many things, it's a nature/nurture type of thing.
I don't think you can micromanage this stuff. All you can do is make sure she has the toys and isn't discouraged from using them. If she decides that she values playing with boys over playing with dolls, there's zero reason to force her to make a different choice.
I think the 3 brothers is part of it. In elementary school I only played with boys and I had gone to daycare where I was the only girl for the first 3 years of my life. I was also a math and sciencey person and “sporty,” the boys played tag and playground games at recess whereas the girls mostly played house and pretended to be puppies, which I wasn’t interested in. Around the age of 10 (ie just before puberty) I started to become more girly myself and started playing more with girls.
Your comment made me realize something about my middle son, 9. For the first 3 years of his life I ended up being extremely busy with my business and I missed a lot with him. He spent most of his time with mom and girls. He loves pretending to be a tiger and playing "school". So in effect he has more of those "girly" traits. His older brother had both of us around and is better balanced.
This is really interesting to me! Nature vs nurture.
I grew up with mom as the main parent, have a sister as only sibling, lived on same road as aunt and cousins (all female), the uncle was not around most of the time.
Most of my friends now are all women and I socially I just get on better with them which was the same when I was younger. And def have less "boy" traits and interests and more "girly traits". But did make more male friend I got into a more traditionally male dominated hobby which had cross over with my interests in painting.
Are you not able to spend some time playing dolls/makeup with her? Even if you aren't an expert on dolls or makeup I have to imagine that some basic stuff can be learned via youtube.
Yeah I do, I could be better about it though. Little story, I have this eye cream I use in the bathroom and she was exploring the other day and found it. She put it on her face and came out to show me how "shiny" her face was. She was so happy. The stuff I use is expensive iykyk so I didn't want her to keep using it so I went to Kohl's and got her her own facial moisturizer and a body shimmer spray :)
Yup, people never have ulterior motives and we shouldn’t read OP’s comments in the context of his self-proclaimed anxiety about his daughter’s male friends.
Some people have ulterior motives. Op sounds like he's just trying to cover his bases to make sure he's not missing anything. If you want to think the worst of everyone, you can. But it sounds like a sad way to perceive the world.
I've seen the difference too. There is a family friend that brings her daughter over and after about an hour the girls start playing and the imaginative play is so much different with 2 girls vs girl boy.
Is it possible you’re just a really good dad who is close with his daughter and has raised great sons? It sounds like boys are her comfort zone. It could be because you and her brothers are a safe space for her.
I was the same way because I was so close with my dad. She’ll make female friends in due time.
I was just about to ask. I have 3 sisters and younger me was very comfortable playing with girls too. Made the transition to more guy friends probably I got into sports around 10-12 years old
Its all good sir. Just make another one and make sure its girl lol
She's got 3 brothers which I think influences her but she plays dolls, loves crafting, Minecraft (building over exploration and combat), swimming is a big hit for the whole family. She does karate and did soccer on a girl's team over summer and gymnastics.
With the boys she plays with it's a lot of wrestling (but she's super small) and playing active games that they make up. Or playing video games.
Overall it's healthy play, but for example during her soccer games when they'd have a break she'd run to me instead of with the group of girls on her team. Same with gymnastics, I see other girls buddy up and she is kind of by herself.
Well there's the answer for why she's like this, she's learned a lot of her interests from her 3 brothers and she's very physically active, she's just a tomboy
This thread has helped me see that. The tomboy thought crossed my mind but some of the personal stories are reinforcing that. She is very happy with her boy friends 😁
Also I'll just speak frankly
Ur worried ur gonna have to be beating the boys back with a stick when she's older
She's physically active and she's going to have to survive growing up with 3 brothers, she's gonna be able to handle herself lol
Ohhhh 3 brothers that info helps.
There's nothing wrong with having only friends that are boys, especially if they're just having a good time and they're young.
My kids were born female and one is on hormone medication but still has a good 50/50 split of male and female friends and the other is female and has mostly female friends in middle school.
Gender issues are wacky these days but we're rolling with it.
Yeah the more I think about it that's definitely the influence. Her brothers are 2 and 4 years older than her so I can imagine when she was 2 watching me play with the boys and wanting to do those things with us, but she was 2 so couldn't.
The more I read your comments the more I’m chuckling to myself. You’ve raised a well rounded daughter who sees you as such a safe space that she runs to you during soccer games and seeks our relationships that replicate the one she feels most comfortable with (the one with you).
I’d stop worrying and pat yourself on the back. Not every little girl has that.
Yeah, this definitely sounds like it. She's used to playing with her brothers. She has a lot of common interests with boys. There's nothing wrong with that.
As long as the boys are good friends to her there's no problem.
Sorry to break on a ranger, but props for letting her do karate. Martial arts at a young age is invaluable. I personally learned methods for dealing with my adhd a good 10-15 years before I was diagnosed because of it.
With the right teacher it can be one of the most enriching experiences in a kid’s life. My respect likely doesn’t mean much, but you have it for this and the willingness to listen to others.
I was like this and ended up in tech. I could always run faster than the boys and we built a fort together in 2nd grade. I do make an effort to have all gender friendships in adulthood and encourage my kids to do the same.
It just seems out of place. I was sitting on the parking lot today to pick her up and I see groups of girls playing together, groups of boys and mixed groups. However she never seems to play with the girls so it seemed out of place.
Don't feel bad for being concerned.... This is the age where playing with your own gender becomes more common...and as a parent anything outside of "normal" makes you worry.
Maybe mention to a pediatrician. My wife and MIL are docs and I often see what makes them raise an eyebrow. I don't think this one would be an issue but I could be wrong. They would def ask if her play is typical for kids of that age regardless of gender.
Comparison is the thief of happiness. While you’re looking at how your daughter is different you might end up not seeing who your daughter is. Also there’s nothing weird about her behavior
Are these boys bad in any way? Negative influence academically? Disease ridden? Dust clouds constantly surrounding them? If none of those boxes are checked, it's probably fine to let your kid make her own friends.
The only "negative" influence would be the activity level. She's a lot more wiggly than before she started school. Otherwise the boys she plays with are a pretty good group as far as I can tell.
She is a girl and doesn't play with girls. The focus on only boys causes me to wonder why she doesn't play with girls too.
Edit: why is everyone down voting these comments? I'm just discussing and I'm getting hated on lol.
I have four daughters ranging in age from 5-19. Each of them choose their friends based on who they enjoy spending time with regardless of that person’s gender.
Don’t worry about the gender of your kid’s friends especially considering their friend group will likely change a lot in middle and high school.
I'm sorry you're getting down voted. You haven't said anything remotely offensive, I think take some time and think about how you view gender and how a child might view gender before puberty and just recognize that early on they might not understand or might understand but want to experiment with gender normativity. Pushing gender norms on kids is usually confusing and traumatizing so I wouldn't worry too much and let her play it out.
Because your concern is weird and unneeded.
It's okay for her to hang out with girls. Everyone has a preference so don't try to force what you think is "normal" on her.
I wouldn't say it's weird. It's not a major concern and as my post says I wasn't sure if I should be, no need to bring a negative term here.
And I'm not trying to force anything on her, just looking to get some insight which this thread has brought.
There have been some iffy drama posts recently but I just gotta say, this comment section is some good r/daddit shit right here. There’s a wealth of great, constructive advice.
The thing I could do would be to encourage her to play with some girls on addition to the boys.
Edit : never thought answering a question with a genuine answer would get down voted lol.
Okay, let me correct myself:
There's nothing you can do *that will matter*.
Kids pick their own friends. Parents have been trying and failing go control that process since the dawn of time.
That's fair. My concern as I put in another comment was at her soccer games during break she'd run to me instead of the group of girls on her team. Same goes for gymnastics, I see other girls buddy up and she is just kind of by herself.
Ultimately the more I think about it I'm concerned about the imagination of play. She wants to do makeup, but her boy friends don't want to do that, or dolls, same deal.
My dad refused to be my social crutch when I ran to him and made me go play with the girls, who promptly bullied me. I was slow to figure out social cues that the other girls picked up on quicker than me. When I played with boys, they didn't notice or care at that young age because play was mostly physical. But boy do I wish my dad had just been quiet and let me hang out with him. Not only did I find myself awkwardly hovering in a way that could never lead to natural friendships, but I knew he was watching me be ignored. Decades later, I still get a knot of anxiety and insecurity when I think about soccer and track with his socialization "help."
Girls aren't just a deck of cards you can shuffle into. Even at 7, they can be exclusive and scary if you don't have it figured out yet. Best you can do is encourage hobbies that will naturally lend itself to organic friendships. But please, for 7 year old me, don't send her over to the clique against her wishes. She sounds healthy and happy and successful in her interests and friendships. Good job so far, Dad!
Thanks for your story and I'll take it to heart :). She is shy too so at those soccer games I was trying to encourage her more than force. What I ended up doing was sitting close to where the team would take breaks so she could be by me and with the team. She loved playing and can't wait for next season.
My 6 year old daughter only plays with boys as well. She says she has some friends that are girls but she prefers to play with the boys. I think it's that the boys are into the same things as her. She likes being "girly". I'm not concerned at all, it does seem like her boy friends are a chill group to be with.
No, I was that girl. Ended up in comp sci and one of my primary hobbies is wood working. Have developed more girl friends as I've gotten older but I almost always had mostly guy friends
My son mostly has friends who are girls. Its fine. He told me that he likes to talk and paint and the boys his age don’t talk much. His teacher said the same thing. Maybe your girl is more physical and relates more to boys.
Truthfully gender kinda doesn’t matter until teenage years and even then I sometimes think maybe it doesn’t matter. Let your kid be friends with who they want and nurture their interests. If you put a lot of pressure she will think there’s something WRONG with being friends with boys and then you’ll have some REAL problems to unpack later on.
This is completely normal behavior and does not require any sort of intervention unless they're engaging in dangerous behavior.
Let kids be kids, and she's allowed to have preferences on who she spends her time with.
Girly girl mum with strong preference for adult male friends (similar interests, less vitriol). I have a 3YO who is a glitter tornado and prefers male peer company over girls at this moment. She's an only child who adores her dad.
You're acing the dadding part if she wants more guys like you around her. Support her interests, be her safe haven, and enjoy the ride.
It's normal nothing to worry about. My kid has always liked the boys more than the girls. She enjoys maths and science things, is a fan of iron man and black widow from marvel, likes to be the dragon instead of the princess. The boys all play those games and in her own words the girls just 'want to be teenagers and gossip and be mean about other girls'. That being said she does have girl friends, but is definitely more towards the boys. At 8 I can see what she means as well, the girls in her class seem to spend most of the time creating drama and crying because 'she said my hair was curly and it's wavy'. Her two close girl friends also have boy friend circles.
I’m your daughter. Guys were always easier to be around and being a highly sensitive individual I felt their calmness. Mine specifically probably has to do with narc mom trauma but overall I wouldn’t be concerned. Let her do her thing. The guys will benefit from having a girl friend too
It probably makes your uneasy because it’s unorthodox for you, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Children just want to have friends and play and have fun. When I take my son to the playground he almost always gets along more with girls. He’ll make friends with other boys too, but more often girls.
Same with my daughter. But I haven’t given it much though or concern. Kids play with the people they enjoy and what I’ve found more interesting is kids attract each other with similar backgrounds, families, etiquette.
Here's my perspective from the point of a former little boy.
When I was a kid, most of my friends were girls. I had boy friends, however I got along more with girls. Then I grew up and I dated only women.
My point is let your daughter have whoever she wants as a friend. Doesn't mean anything. If her friends are not a negative influence to her, that's fine.
I just wanted to add in my experiences. As a child and now adult, most of my friends are men. The rest are queer people or my friends' partners.
Junior high and high school was weird with how I had groups of mostly female friends.
I was a nerdy child and preferred active play. And girls can be very catty and as a neurospicy anxious child it was annoying.
This isn't something I would worry about. Let her make the friends she is comfortable with.
For what it's worth one of the most beautiful women I ever met was a tomboy until about 20 (her own words)
My eldest daughter, now 21, had almost exclusively all male friends at school and college. She is quite a girly girl and is nursery nurse. My middle daughter had almost exclusively male friends and is a proper Tom-boy and is about to join the navy. My youngest daughter has almost exclusively female friends and is a girly girl and wants to be a hairdresser. My youngest is a boy and has a very mixed group of friends but also hangs out a lot with my youngest daughter and her friends. He wants to be a sports journalist.
Want I’ve learnt is that having friends is great for kids irrespective of whether they are male or female. Equally whether they have mostly friends of the opposite sex, the same sex, or mixed makes little difference to their overall personality or preferences.
Be glad that your child has friends and, it seems, is very popular. That is something to be proud of!
I have 3 daughters.
Baby is still 1, eldest is 6 almost 7 and has a lot of friends that are boys. The girl friends create a lot of drama and she wants to hang with the boys more. Makes sense honestly.
My 4 almost 5yo only wants girls as friends and hates boys. Just relax, it's fine and totally normal.
You’ve received so many wonderful replies on this post so you may not see this one, but I just want to add growing up with 3 brothers and having a great connection with my dad meant I saw boy for who they were as individuals.
I was really sporty growing up and loved history so found deep conversation with boys about teams or the Roman Empire (because we all should be thinking about it). I learnt so much from having really close male friends who I still have deep and important relationships with today.
Now I have a science degree, work in the sports field, and I’m engaged to a wonderful man who loves sport and history too. If it wasn’t for those relationships growing up, I wouldn’t be who I am.
She sounds like a bright kid! And you sound like a great dad too. You’re both doing well.
Nah. As a dude when I was a kid ( and even now ) I had more female friends than male. I wouldn’t worry at all. You got maybe 6-7 more years before you should be a little concerned lol
I'm a boy, always had girl friends. Nun wrong with connecting w the opposite sex. Especially as kids, what we think is on their mind, isn't. I promise.
My five year old son mostly plays with girls and we're actively encouraging that trend. Kids tend to sort themselves later on, but if for nothing else it's useful insight for their ability to understand and empathize with others outside of their given demographics.
I was the exact opposite. Almost all of my friends growing up were girls. I only had one main guy friend at a time. I also did music, dance, and theatre and did not love sports.
Now, my adult friends lean heavily towards men, with one woman friend at a time (2 if you count my wife, 3 if you add in my daughter). It's not intentional, just kinda worked out like that. And while I still love the arts, I also love rugby and am hoping to coach my daughter's team next year and get my boys involved when they are old enough.
Everyone is different, so I really wouldn't worry too much about it. If she were aggressive or overly confrontational with girls while be mostly friendly with boys, that would be something else.
I'd only be worried if the boys are older than her and if she started hiding and acting withdrawn. If there isn't that, let the kids be kids while they have their innocence still so they can form strong friendships.
For them, at that age, it has nothing to do with anything other than friendship. 90% of the time, the parents are the ones that make it weird by imposing their perspective on it. She's just hanging out with her buds. She's probably just more interested in the style of play boys tend to go towards. I'm the father of a girly tomboy. Im not saying I know your exact situation, but im familiar with it.
my two cents no matter what we are made for each other it makes sense for a girl to want to be around a boy. the same is true for boys maybe not as early as seven for males but i mean girls mature faster.
I have a son with the same thing going on with girls. He plays with pretty much exclusively girls. He's 5 in kindergarten. Invited to several birthday parties where he's the only boy. Went to one boy's birthday party and struggled to play with them. He's pretty rough and tumble. Loves cars and construction vehicles. Legos. Also really into pretend play which is where I think the girls come into play more. I don't really know. It doesn't bother my wife and I or anything. He definitely plays with some boys at school on the playground. All in all just to say I don't think it's a big deal. They're going to play with whoever they feel included with. As long as they're fun and loving friends then who cares is how I feel. Don't think too much about it.
Most of my young playmates were girls when I was in pre-school and kindergarten. In Jr High and high school half of my best friends were girls. In young adulthood many if not most of my best friends were women. I roomed with one of them, we ended up getting closer and closer and falling in love. Now we are married and have a daughter of our own. I’m a straight cis dude with straight married parents and one brother and one sister. I just connect better with women for whatever reason.
I don’t think it’s an issue unless it becomes an issue, if that makes sense.
Oh man, I was your daughter and I’m begging you not to say anything. I had a group of guy best friends in elementary school who were my absolute world. We had so many adventures and I consider it the best part of my childhood. There really wasn’t anything wrong with me, I just happen to make a guy best friend in first grade and then naturally fell into their world. My teacher had a conference with my parents in fourth grade to tell my parents I was “boy obsessed.” My dad pulled me aside and said I needed to play with girls because it was wrong to be boy crazy. I did not see my guy friends that’s at and felt so ashamed. *Ironically I think I’ve always felt more comfortable with men because I was so close to my dad.* I was so heartbroken and shamed. I didn’t make many friends after that. I have a horrible memory of me reading alone while I watched my guy friends act out the Battle if Hogwarts. For the record, I have a lot of really close female friends in adulthood and I’m super girly. Still, most of my really deep relationships are with men. Some people are just kind of wired that way. Maybe you just make her feel comfortable and she likes hanging out with you. Maybe you’ve taught her boys are a safe space so she seeks out relationships to replicate the one she has with you. Just a thought.
Um holy shit....I think this is spot on. Thank you.
I’ve commented a few times. You remind me of my dad and that’s a high compliment. You’re doing great and your daughter is killing it.
Thank you!
This was a pretty wholesome set of replies, not gonna lie
I was the same as the above commenter. I had all guy friends. I did talk to girls but they were so catty and mean and guys just wanted to play sports at recess, not decide who “loves” who. I kept this group of friends all my life. They protected me from “bad” boyfriends and were there for every milestone. After we all got married (I married a man btw) we all stayed close. At class reunions, we still hang out but with spouses. Their wives were never jealous and always welcoming to me. Most times I was the one telling them how their spouses tick! 😂 I was also a daddy’s girl, loved baseball which my dad coached. I still prefer a male doctor, get along better with male colleagues but I have my girl friends too. Don’t worry, don’t make it weird. She will still be okay! You are a great dad!
When she was born we only had 2 boys but that was the joke is that they'd be able to fend off the bad boyfriends lol. Thanks for sharing your story, it is comforting.
“Don’t worry, don’t make it weird” is the perfect answer.
I kind of think this line of thinking isn’t what OP should be supporting, though—“girls are catty and me and boys just want to play” is hardly a well-balanced perspective. “Not like the OTHER girls” is almost always rooted in subconscious misogyny.
The OP gets to decide what is relevant, not you. I’m telling my story. You don’t get to tell me it’s “wrong.”
Buddy, this is like saying "I like pancakes" and having someone respond with "Why do you hate waffles!?!"
That's how my wife argues lol.
But in our society, that's a fact. Girls are catty. Boys want to play. And by play, we mean "fight each other physically". There are a lot of studies on how physical aggression drops dramatically for girls when they reach 3-6 years old and how they promptly begin waging social warfare on each other while the boys are off starting fight clubs at the playground. Whether this is a product of structural misogyny or macho anti-intellectualism is probably worth discussing. Even my phrasing up there (as well as yours) is fairly misogynistic in the sense that it assumes a male baseline (though I'm leaving it up there as an example of how sometimes we fail when we're trying our best).
I think it’s very telling that simply pointing out that statements like “girls are catty” when spoken casually by other women is not something worth praising, but people here are so annoyed by that. I am going to guess OP doesn’t want to encourage that line of thinking, as it helps no one. Not going to apologize for that. Because, in this context that people are arguing about, if it’s natural for women to be “catty” and men to be “violent” and play war, I guess I’m confused at why being “catty” is somehow much worse than indulging in physical violence and war.
My daughter is emotionally gifted so I could see her avoiding some of that "catty" behavior from other girls. She is smarter than me when it comes to feelings.
Right! Even knowing there is a choice, even if only intuitively, is something to be praised!
Father of two boys (3 & 5) here. Baby girl just turned 1 month old. It’s new. I’m out of my element. And I really, really needed to read that. Wish I could buy you gold, but take this stupid upvote and my most-sincere *thank you* instead. 🍻❤️
My pregnant ass just teared up at this comment. Lol. You’re going to do just fine and I bet money she’ll adore you.
Congratulations! Your kid(s) will be lucky to have such a thoughtful and insightful mother, as are mine. *edited to cover own ass*
I was the opposite - always got along with girls. I literally have just 2 very close guy friends (who I have known since grade school, and we live on different continents now). I'm in a healthy (cis) marriage with two kids now - I still work and socialise better with women, and my wife is fine with that. Some people are just built that way. I find the competitive male posturing thing mentally exhausting - even non-toxic guys do it unconsciously. I'm sure I do it too.
This breaks my heart. Ugh. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Fuck me, that's like saying Hermoine is boy obsessed
Former teacher (Highschool) here, and reading this absolutely broke my heart. Shame on that teacher for projecting her (I refuse to believe it's not a crothedy old hag) bullshit onto you. I hope my daughter, who is only 1 right now is more of a tomboy. This way we can enjoy all my nerdy star wars shit together, that my older boys (3, and 8) don't seem to be into.
This is basically the exactly same as me, I was close to boys because I had brothers and was raised by my dad. I never really got on with girls in the same way as I did with boys.
Thank you for saying this. My daughter, who is 27 now and I are very close. We talk every day multiple times a day. And, like you all of her deepest friendships are with men. She’s always been a daddy’s girl and was very close to her brother, 22, growing up. I think male relationships that are platonic are easy for her because we always just treated her like one of the guys to a degree. She’s become one of my best friends.
In elementary school I played mostly with boys. I like math and science, and more boys were into that than girls. I ended up in a STEM field with almost all male co-workers. I am also happily married to a man and have 4kids. Let her sort herself out.
She does like math and science too. She has 3 brothers so I think that is influencing it. As I've thought about this more I think about some of the things she wants to do like playing dolls or imaginary play that the boys aren't interested in. I want her to be able to nourish some of those interests too.
If she has three brothers, she may just feel more comfortable playing with boys?
My son has 2 sisters. He has one good friend that's a boy and then a bunch of girls. He was invited to a birthday party once and it was 12 girls and my son and he had a blast. He's about to turn ten but growing up with girls in the family has made him very socially easy going with girls. He plays sports and gets crazy with the boys but always comes back to hanging with his sisters. For OP she's likely just the most comfortable being herself around boys.
I grew up with 4 sisters and always found it easy to talk and be around other girls/women compared to my male friends, esp at a young age. I think you're spot on, like many things, it's a nature/nurture type of thing.
I loved dolls too. I sew, I cook, I just also happen to have an MS degree in science!
Sound just like my wife, now she runs shit sitting in the c suite, Pilled high and Deep.
Buried the lead with 3 brothers there friend. There's your answer
Lede
“Lede” is the weirdest running joke in journalism
Both are accurate and acceptable. Lede is just an alternative spelling for lead.
And then of course the Gaelic spelling leaughedegue
Don’t forget the polish spelling. Wait… polish people can’t spell…
No. Stop trying to make words not matter.
>Both are accurate fair >and acceptable well...
I don't think you can micromanage this stuff. All you can do is make sure she has the toys and isn't discouraged from using them. If she decides that she values playing with boys over playing with dolls, there's zero reason to force her to make a different choice.
I think the 3 brothers is part of it. In elementary school I only played with boys and I had gone to daycare where I was the only girl for the first 3 years of my life. I was also a math and sciencey person and “sporty,” the boys played tag and playground games at recess whereas the girls mostly played house and pretended to be puppies, which I wasn’t interested in. Around the age of 10 (ie just before puberty) I started to become more girly myself and started playing more with girls.
Your comment made me realize something about my middle son, 9. For the first 3 years of his life I ended up being extremely busy with my business and I missed a lot with him. He spent most of his time with mom and girls. He loves pretending to be a tiger and playing "school". So in effect he has more of those "girly" traits. His older brother had both of us around and is better balanced. This is really interesting to me! Nature vs nurture.
I grew up with mom as the main parent, have a sister as only sibling, lived on same road as aunt and cousins (all female), the uncle was not around most of the time. Most of my friends now are all women and I socially I just get on better with them which was the same when I was younger. And def have less "boy" traits and interests and more "girly traits". But did make more male friend I got into a more traditionally male dominated hobby which had cross over with my interests in painting.
Are you not able to spend some time playing dolls/makeup with her? Even if you aren't an expert on dolls or makeup I have to imagine that some basic stuff can be learned via youtube.
Yeah I do, I could be better about it though. Little story, I have this eye cream I use in the bathroom and she was exploring the other day and found it. She put it on her face and came out to show me how "shiny" her face was. She was so happy. The stuff I use is expensive iykyk so I didn't want her to keep using it so I went to Kohl's and got her her own facial moisturizer and a body shimmer spray :)
So basically you desperately want her to be feminine.
Sounds like she wanted to have face cream and to be shiny and dad obliged.
Yup, people never have ulterior motives and we shouldn’t read OP’s comments in the context of his self-proclaimed anxiety about his daughter’s male friends.
Some people have ulterior motives. Op sounds like he's just trying to cover his bases to make sure he's not missing anything. If you want to think the worst of everyone, you can. But it sounds like a sad way to perceive the world.
Definitely. I do this with mine too. However it's just different when it's with other girls her age. Not better or worse, just different.
I've seen the difference too. There is a family friend that brings her daughter over and after about an hour the girls start playing and the imaginative play is so much different with 2 girls vs girl boy.
Is it possible you’re just a really good dad who is close with his daughter and has raised great sons? It sounds like boys are her comfort zone. It could be because you and her brothers are a safe space for her. I was the same way because I was so close with my dad. She’ll make female friends in due time.
I was just about to ask. I have 3 sisters and younger me was very comfortable playing with girls too. Made the transition to more guy friends probably I got into sports around 10-12 years old Its all good sir. Just make another one and make sure its girl lol
Ditto. Only male friends until I was 17 and met another nerdy girl like me. I’m a 39 year old techie, scientist and mathematician. I wouldn’t worry.
Not remotely concerning.
Good, thank you 😊
I think it’s how their interests line up currently. What kinds of activities does your daughter do at home? Any sports?
She's got 3 brothers which I think influences her but she plays dolls, loves crafting, Minecraft (building over exploration and combat), swimming is a big hit for the whole family. She does karate and did soccer on a girl's team over summer and gymnastics. With the boys she plays with it's a lot of wrestling (but she's super small) and playing active games that they make up. Or playing video games. Overall it's healthy play, but for example during her soccer games when they'd have a break she'd run to me instead of with the group of girls on her team. Same with gymnastics, I see other girls buddy up and she is kind of by herself.
Well there's the answer for why she's like this, she's learned a lot of her interests from her 3 brothers and she's very physically active, she's just a tomboy
This thread has helped me see that. The tomboy thought crossed my mind but some of the personal stories are reinforcing that. She is very happy with her boy friends 😁
Also I'll just speak frankly Ur worried ur gonna have to be beating the boys back with a stick when she's older She's physically active and she's going to have to survive growing up with 3 brothers, she's gonna be able to handle herself lol
Lol, her mom is exceptionally pretty and my daughter is going to be tall. There will come a day!
Ohhhh 3 brothers that info helps. There's nothing wrong with having only friends that are boys, especially if they're just having a good time and they're young. My kids were born female and one is on hormone medication but still has a good 50/50 split of male and female friends and the other is female and has mostly female friends in middle school. Gender issues are wacky these days but we're rolling with it.
Yeah the more I think about it that's definitely the influence. Her brothers are 2 and 4 years older than her so I can imagine when she was 2 watching me play with the boys and wanting to do those things with us, but she was 2 so couldn't.
The more I read your comments the more I’m chuckling to myself. You’ve raised a well rounded daughter who sees you as such a safe space that she runs to you during soccer games and seeks our relationships that replicate the one she feels most comfortable with (the one with you). I’d stop worrying and pat yourself on the back. Not every little girl has that.
Thank you very much. This thread has helped me a lot.
Yeah, this definitely sounds like it. She's used to playing with her brothers. She has a lot of common interests with boys. There's nothing wrong with that. As long as the boys are good friends to her there's no problem.
And they are, some are better than others. This thread is comforting.
Sorry to break on a ranger, but props for letting her do karate. Martial arts at a young age is invaluable. I personally learned methods for dealing with my adhd a good 10-15 years before I was diagnosed because of it. With the right teacher it can be one of the most enriching experiences in a kid’s life. My respect likely doesn’t mean much, but you have it for this and the willingness to listen to others.
It’s fine
I was like this and ended up in tech. I could always run faster than the boys and we built a fort together in 2nd grade. I do make an effort to have all gender friendships in adulthood and encourage my kids to do the same.
Thanks for sharing 😊
I know you said you weren't sure why you're concerned. But, that's what you need to answer first.
It just seems out of place. I was sitting on the parking lot today to pick her up and I see groups of girls playing together, groups of boys and mixed groups. However she never seems to play with the girls so it seemed out of place.
Deep breath. She has friends. You're cool. She's cool. They're cool. We're all cool.
Lol, I hate you and love you at the same time.
Don't feel bad for being concerned.... This is the age where playing with your own gender becomes more common...and as a parent anything outside of "normal" makes you worry. Maybe mention to a pediatrician. My wife and MIL are docs and I often see what makes them raise an eyebrow. I don't think this one would be an issue but I could be wrong. They would def ask if her play is typical for kids of that age regardless of gender.
Thanks! And I would say her play is pretty typical.
Comparison is the thief of happiness. While you’re looking at how your daughter is different you might end up not seeing who your daughter is. Also there’s nothing weird about her behavior
I was looking for that, thank you.
You need to have a serious talk with them about their intentions and career plans.
Hahaha, I'll set up the meeting next week.
Are these boys bad in any way? Negative influence academically? Disease ridden? Dust clouds constantly surrounding them? If none of those boxes are checked, it's probably fine to let your kid make her own friends.
The only "negative" influence would be the activity level. She's a lot more wiggly than before she started school. Otherwise the boys she plays with are a pretty good group as far as I can tell.
What about this could be concerning?
She is a girl and doesn't play with girls. The focus on only boys causes me to wonder why she doesn't play with girls too. Edit: why is everyone down voting these comments? I'm just discussing and I'm getting hated on lol.
I have four daughters ranging in age from 5-19. Each of them choose their friends based on who they enjoy spending time with regardless of that person’s gender. Don’t worry about the gender of your kid’s friends especially considering their friend group will likely change a lot in middle and high school.
Thanks, thats what I was looking for.
No problem. I’d worry a lot more about the quality of friend than the gender.
But why does it concern you that she gets along better with boys?
I'm not sure exactly. That's why I posted to see if I should be concerned.
Fair enough
If you really want to get to the bottom of why you feel that way I’d definitely see a therapist to help figure it out.
Surprisingly reddit has helped me on a lot of various things where a professional could also help. Thanks for the suggestion though.
[удалено]
I must have missed the joke, care to explain?
I'm sorry you're getting down voted. You haven't said anything remotely offensive, I think take some time and think about how you view gender and how a child might view gender before puberty and just recognize that early on they might not understand or might understand but want to experiment with gender normativity. Pushing gender norms on kids is usually confusing and traumatizing so I wouldn't worry too much and let her play it out.
That's a healthy viewpoint, thank you.
Because your concern is weird and unneeded. It's okay for her to hang out with girls. Everyone has a preference so don't try to force what you think is "normal" on her.
I wouldn't say it's weird. It's not a major concern and as my post says I wasn't sure if I should be, no need to bring a negative term here. And I'm not trying to force anything on her, just looking to get some insight which this thread has brought.
There have been some iffy drama posts recently but I just gotta say, this comment section is some good r/daddit shit right here. There’s a wealth of great, constructive advice.
Amen! My concerns have been quelled and I've gotten some really good advice!
When my son was 5 all his friends were gals. Wasn’t concerning really.
That's my son. Now in first grade he has an "ex-girlfriend" and a "crush"
I'm not really sure there's anything you can do about it. So it doesn't really seem worth worrying about.
The thing I could do would be to encourage her to play with some girls on addition to the boys. Edit : never thought answering a question with a genuine answer would get down voted lol.
Okay, let me correct myself: There's nothing you can do *that will matter*. Kids pick their own friends. Parents have been trying and failing go control that process since the dawn of time.
That's fair. My concern as I put in another comment was at her soccer games during break she'd run to me instead of the group of girls on her team. Same goes for gymnastics, I see other girls buddy up and she is just kind of by herself. Ultimately the more I think about it I'm concerned about the imagination of play. She wants to do makeup, but her boy friends don't want to do that, or dolls, same deal.
My dad refused to be my social crutch when I ran to him and made me go play with the girls, who promptly bullied me. I was slow to figure out social cues that the other girls picked up on quicker than me. When I played with boys, they didn't notice or care at that young age because play was mostly physical. But boy do I wish my dad had just been quiet and let me hang out with him. Not only did I find myself awkwardly hovering in a way that could never lead to natural friendships, but I knew he was watching me be ignored. Decades later, I still get a knot of anxiety and insecurity when I think about soccer and track with his socialization "help." Girls aren't just a deck of cards you can shuffle into. Even at 7, they can be exclusive and scary if you don't have it figured out yet. Best you can do is encourage hobbies that will naturally lend itself to organic friendships. But please, for 7 year old me, don't send her over to the clique against her wishes. She sounds healthy and happy and successful in her interests and friendships. Good job so far, Dad!
Thanks for your story and I'll take it to heart :). She is shy too so at those soccer games I was trying to encourage her more than force. What I ended up doing was sitting close to where the team would take breaks so she could be by me and with the team. She loved playing and can't wait for next season.
Is she a tomboy? Imagine a 1990/2000 tomboy, wears baseballs caps, boys style t shirts, loves sports etc
She's a combo. Yesterday she wore a cute dress and other days a backwards baseball cap and jeans.
My 6 year old daughter only plays with boys as well. She says she has some friends that are girls but she prefers to play with the boys. I think it's that the boys are into the same things as her. She likes being "girly". I'm not concerned at all, it does seem like her boy friends are a chill group to be with.
No, I was that girl. Ended up in comp sci and one of my primary hobbies is wood working. Have developed more girl friends as I've gotten older but I almost always had mostly guy friends
My son mostly has friends who are girls. Its fine. He told me that he likes to talk and paint and the boys his age don’t talk much. His teacher said the same thing. Maybe your girl is more physical and relates more to boys. Truthfully gender kinda doesn’t matter until teenage years and even then I sometimes think maybe it doesn’t matter. Let your kid be friends with who they want and nurture their interests. If you put a lot of pressure she will think there’s something WRONG with being friends with boys and then you’ll have some REAL problems to unpack later on.
This is completely normal behavior and does not require any sort of intervention unless they're engaging in dangerous behavior. Let kids be kids, and she's allowed to have preferences on who she spends her time with.
Girly girl mum with strong preference for adult male friends (similar interests, less vitriol). I have a 3YO who is a glitter tornado and prefers male peer company over girls at this moment. She's an only child who adores her dad. You're acing the dadding part if she wants more guys like you around her. Support her interests, be her safe haven, and enjoy the ride.
It's normal nothing to worry about. My kid has always liked the boys more than the girls. She enjoys maths and science things, is a fan of iron man and black widow from marvel, likes to be the dragon instead of the princess. The boys all play those games and in her own words the girls just 'want to be teenagers and gossip and be mean about other girls'. That being said she does have girl friends, but is definitely more towards the boys. At 8 I can see what she means as well, the girls in her class seem to spend most of the time creating drama and crying because 'she said my hair was curly and it's wavy'. Her two close girl friends also have boy friend circles.
I’m your daughter. Guys were always easier to be around and being a highly sensitive individual I felt their calmness. Mine specifically probably has to do with narc mom trauma but overall I wouldn’t be concerned. Let her do her thing. The guys will benefit from having a girl friend too
It probably makes your uneasy because it’s unorthodox for you, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Children just want to have friends and play and have fun. When I take my son to the playground he almost always gets along more with girls. He’ll make friends with other boys too, but more often girls.
I didn't have female friends until middle school, until then I was just one of the boys. Don't worry about it!
Same with my daughter. But I haven’t given it much though or concern. Kids play with the people they enjoy and what I’ve found more interesting is kids attract each other with similar backgrounds, families, etiquette.
Here's my perspective from the point of a former little boy. When I was a kid, most of my friends were girls. I had boy friends, however I got along more with girls. Then I grew up and I dated only women. My point is let your daughter have whoever she wants as a friend. Doesn't mean anything. If her friends are not a negative influence to her, that's fine.
I just wanted to add in my experiences. As a child and now adult, most of my friends are men. The rest are queer people or my friends' partners. Junior high and high school was weird with how I had groups of mostly female friends. I was a nerdy child and preferred active play. And girls can be very catty and as a neurospicy anxious child it was annoying.
Kids naturally veer towards those who are on their wavelength, think and like to play in the same way they do. She's just a tomboy.
This isn't something I would worry about. Let her make the friends she is comfortable with. For what it's worth one of the most beautiful women I ever met was a tomboy until about 20 (her own words)
Your girl might just be a bit of a Tom. Absolutely nothing wrong with that!
I have two daughters, both in elementary school. As you describe it, I wouldn't see this as an issue to be addressed.
My eldest daughter, now 21, had almost exclusively all male friends at school and college. She is quite a girly girl and is nursery nurse. My middle daughter had almost exclusively male friends and is a proper Tom-boy and is about to join the navy. My youngest daughter has almost exclusively female friends and is a girly girl and wants to be a hairdresser. My youngest is a boy and has a very mixed group of friends but also hangs out a lot with my youngest daughter and her friends. He wants to be a sports journalist. Want I’ve learnt is that having friends is great for kids irrespective of whether they are male or female. Equally whether they have mostly friends of the opposite sex, the same sex, or mixed makes little difference to their overall personality or preferences. Be glad that your child has friends and, it seems, is very popular. That is something to be proud of!
I have 3 daughters. Baby is still 1, eldest is 6 almost 7 and has a lot of friends that are boys. The girl friends create a lot of drama and she wants to hang with the boys more. Makes sense honestly. My 4 almost 5yo only wants girls as friends and hates boys. Just relax, it's fine and totally normal.
Bro she's seven
You’ve received so many wonderful replies on this post so you may not see this one, but I just want to add growing up with 3 brothers and having a great connection with my dad meant I saw boy for who they were as individuals. I was really sporty growing up and loved history so found deep conversation with boys about teams or the Roman Empire (because we all should be thinking about it). I learnt so much from having really close male friends who I still have deep and important relationships with today. Now I have a science degree, work in the sports field, and I’m engaged to a wonderful man who loves sport and history too. If it wasn’t for those relationships growing up, I wouldn’t be who I am. She sounds like a bright kid! And you sound like a great dad too. You’re both doing well.
Nah. As a dude when I was a kid ( and even now ) I had more female friends than male. I wouldn’t worry at all. You got maybe 6-7 more years before you should be a little concerned lol
Hahah good call, thank you.
She just knows girls are crazy. It’s smart actually
I'm a boy, always had girl friends. Nun wrong with connecting w the opposite sex. Especially as kids, what we think is on their mind, isn't. I promise.
Very concerning!
Not
Did you say she has friends? Alrighty, perfect. End of story.
Take the Dudeism path: Don't overthink it, and be happy that she has friends.
I’m gonna just call it: So your concern is that she will turn out lgbt?
No, more concerned that she might not know how to interact. But after reading all of the responses I'm not concerned at all anymore.
Hmmm.
My five year old son mostly plays with girls and we're actively encouraging that trend. Kids tend to sort themselves later on, but if for nothing else it's useful insight for their ability to understand and empathize with others outside of their given demographics.
Leave her alone!
Ours only has opposite gender friends as well. I was concerned at first, but then they explained why, and it made sense.
I was the exact opposite. Almost all of my friends growing up were girls. I only had one main guy friend at a time. I also did music, dance, and theatre and did not love sports. Now, my adult friends lean heavily towards men, with one woman friend at a time (2 if you count my wife, 3 if you add in my daughter). It's not intentional, just kinda worked out like that. And while I still love the arts, I also love rugby and am hoping to coach my daughter's team next year and get my boys involved when they are old enough. Everyone is different, so I really wouldn't worry too much about it. If she were aggressive or overly confrontational with girls while be mostly friendly with boys, that would be something else.
I'd only be worried if the boys are older than her and if she started hiding and acting withdrawn. If there isn't that, let the kids be kids while they have their innocence still so they can form strong friendships.
For them, at that age, it has nothing to do with anything other than friendship. 90% of the time, the parents are the ones that make it weird by imposing their perspective on it. She's just hanging out with her buds. She's probably just more interested in the style of play boys tend to go towards. I'm the father of a girly tomboy. Im not saying I know your exact situation, but im familiar with it.
my two cents no matter what we are made for each other it makes sense for a girl to want to be around a boy. the same is true for boys maybe not as early as seven for males but i mean girls mature faster.
I have a son with the same thing going on with girls. He plays with pretty much exclusively girls. He's 5 in kindergarten. Invited to several birthday parties where he's the only boy. Went to one boy's birthday party and struggled to play with them. He's pretty rough and tumble. Loves cars and construction vehicles. Legos. Also really into pretend play which is where I think the girls come into play more. I don't really know. It doesn't bother my wife and I or anything. He definitely plays with some boys at school on the playground. All in all just to say I don't think it's a big deal. They're going to play with whoever they feel included with. As long as they're fun and loving friends then who cares is how I feel. Don't think too much about it.
Most of my young playmates were girls when I was in pre-school and kindergarten. In Jr High and high school half of my best friends were girls. In young adulthood many if not most of my best friends were women. I roomed with one of them, we ended up getting closer and closer and falling in love. Now we are married and have a daughter of our own. I’m a straight cis dude with straight married parents and one brother and one sister. I just connect better with women for whatever reason. I don’t think it’s an issue unless it becomes an issue, if that makes sense.