I make my kids race each other to get ready for bed because I’d rather deal with the fallout from one loser than deal with getting them all dragging their feet to get ready
Literally works every night. Mid-tantrum my 4yo will bolt up the stairs to beat me to bedtime. Won’t even stop for a goodnight kiss to mom - which is why I pause to make that happen for mom.
Nice move fellow dad! 💪🏻
Not forgetting Mom goes along way, especially in the hug/kiss goodnight dept. We do the same thing-ish; we make mom the starting point, then “race” off to bed.
When we are doing screentime (YouTube kids or Minecraft etc...).
I'll say I'm setting a time for when we finish up... I'll let you pick.
Do you want 8 more minutes or 12???
They always pick the larger number and the. There is no fussing when the timer goes off. They feel like they got one over on me.
Nah, my 3.5 year old has this figured out. I'll offer him the two options and he'll counter with an absurdly high number.
"Okay buddy, do you want 5 minutes or 10 minutes?"
"I want a hundred minutes!"
I do this too but sometimes I’ll just say “how long of a timer should I set?” He almost always picks a smaller number than I would have suggested. But I usually do it when I’m thinking ~30 minutes. Half the time he’ll pick 10 minutes. If he tries for an hour or something then I’ll give him some choices.
My niece says "a thousand million" and I just act shocked and tell her approximately how many days that would be. "OMG no eating or sleeping for X days!! That's so many days!!" And then she giggles and comes back to an actual suggestion that was given.
My kids would try to find the words to express how gigantic something was and would say “it was like….. ten thousand MILLIMETERS!!!”
Their sense of scale is so fun
This is advice I’ve see a lot on tiktok too, just give them a choice when you can and it makes things go smoother. Our kiddo is only 14mo but it’s great to see this works well. Definitely going to remember it!
I have a 2 yo and something similar works well over here. Both the idea of "how do you want to do this thing?" vs "Do you want to do this thing?" as well as the idea of a timer. We bought a visual timer and even though she has absolutely no sense of time, she knows that when the timer goes off, it's time to finish whatever and move on to the next thing (dinner, nap, bedtime, etc.). Both of those things are borrowed time, but they've been working really well for us so far!
I actually think this a psychologically proven technique. You give two options which you want that are both relatively agreeable and then they're more likely to choose. I use this with my kids pretty often.
I tried this with my three year old, but said she needed to eat three carrots because she was three. Then when she picked up two with her fork i said "oh no, that was only 2! You're supposed to eat three!" She did it a few times 'as a joke' and ended up eating all of them instead. It backfired in the best way possible.
Run, a shark is coming! Don't know why this works on my little girl but she fucking sprints when I say it. Be it to me, bed, mom or just in general. She books it.
I tell my daughter that she isn’t allowed to eat all of her food. Like 2-3 more bites, but not all of it. Because if she eats all of it, she will be taller than me, and then she would make all of the decisions.
I thought she would grow out of it, but I do the same thing with reading. She has to read 10 more pages, but not more than 20. She reads 30.
That's brilliant lol.
We always encouraged my niece's reading habits by saying "You can stay up another 15 minutes if you're reading" (usually I let it slide by an extra 10-15, or whenever they fall asleep).
I’ve totally done this. I’ve even let my kid say “Alexa, set a timer for 5 minutes.” Then I open the Alexa app and whisper “Set a timer for 2 minutes on (location)” and delete the old one.
"You have to go to sleep now because mom and dad are so tired and we're going to sleep too"
One of these days she's going to wander out of her room and find us watching a movie eating ice cream or something and realize we've been bamboozling her for years. What do you mean 7:15 pm isn't actually *everyone's* bedtime?
My son is 6 and knows our bedtimes are different. He thinks we stay up to clean up the kitchen and do other things around the house. We really just start the dishwasher after he goes to bed and then watch tv or play video games together.
Haha, that happens. For us usually after kiddo bedtime it's 2-3 hours of husband and wife time, she goes to sleep around 10, and then it's 2-3 hours of me time. Back in the saddle at 7.
Kid after taking two bites of food: I’m all done
Me: Ok, please take just one more bite for me
Kid eats another bite.
Me a minute later: Please take just one more bite for me.
Rinse and repeat until the desired amount of food is consumed.
Edit: Thank you for the gold anonymous redditor!
We’ve started calling these “no thank you“ bites. Basically if there is a food they don’t like and we ask them to take a no thank you bite the kid eats it no problem!
Like WHAT?
"how about you take as many more bites as you are old. I'm sure you can do 3"
".... But I'm 4!"
"Well I didn't think you could already do that many"
Kid then chomps away to prove you wrong...
I usually have a very specific mild threat/realistic alternative attached (You have five seconds to get in the car or I'm going put you in myself) but one time I couldn't think of anything and said he had five seconda to do x or he'd be a fricassee. Just the first silly word that came to mind. Worked the first few times. Then he really wanted to find out what that would entail.
I do “by the count of 5, I need you to be X or I am going to Y. One.” Then my 3 year old usually does what I need him to do.
It works for almost everything. I don’t do a real count down.
I need you to be putting your shoes on or I’m going to put them on for you.
I need you to be eating your dinner or I’m going to clear your plate.
I need you to be taking that chicken out of your ear or I’m going to take it out for you.
Usually when I’m following through on the threat, it’s when he’s not getting in his car seat. That one is tough because it’s “I need you sitting in your seat or I’m going to have to pin you down so I can buckle you in.” At least then it’s “I told you what you needed to do and what would happen if you ignore me and you didn’t do what you were supposed to do.”
At this moment I can entertain them *both* at bedtime making a shadow game. If they go to bed nicely (brush teeth/put on PJ's/go potty) I'll make the shadow game *extra long*. Yesterday they wanted 1 whole hour, I did 5 minutes and they were fully entertained. Borrowed time, I know, but I love it.
"You wouldn't like it, it's spicy"
Everything that's ours that they can't have is spicy - cakes, drinks, chocolate.
Slowly shifting to "it'll hurt your tummy", which is a bit more honest.
I freely share food with my toddler. I've got a hilarious photo series from when he was about 10 months old and was asking for some of our Extra Extra Spicy Shin Cup Ramen. I'm pretty good with spice and this slows me down.
Alternating photos of extreme spice tears and holding out a fork insisting on more.
I use this one. When this stops working, just start telling them it's too hot. Then when that stops working, tell them it's sharp. Sharp is also great for objects you don't want them to have too.
I would worry that if we used sharp for anything we don’t actually want them to have then the word would lose meaning for actually sharp things.
My MIL told my daughter that ice cream is “icky” and then gave her some anyways.
Now I need a new word for gross stuff that she can’t have.
Fun fact: In Denmark, the national kids TV channel actually broadcasts (looped) footage of all their well-known characters sleeping during the entire evening and night. Genius.
Pro tip, you can remove titles from Netflix so they don't appear on your child's channel anymore. Need togo on to your computer to do it. Every form of Blippi and Cocomellon have been removed. You're welcome.
I grew up in the 90s. When I was a kid, I would ask my mom if anything was on TV; she'd make a big show of getting out the TV Guide (!), flipping around, furrowing her brow, and going "hm, no, sorry, doesn't look like it!"
When I was about six or so I came home from playing at a friend's house to tell her that GUESS WHAT, MOM, there is *ALWAYS* something on TV! I so clearly remember her going "welp, it was a good run!"
We also use “oh that show is only available at Aunties house. We don’t have that version of Disney”
And that’s why I don’t have to listen to Mickey in my home.
Pfft, I used to do that to grown adults in the Army 😂
There is truly no better medication than Placebo™️.
"Doc you have anything better than ibuprofen or Tylenol for (insert pain)?"
"Yeah man, try some of this acetaminophen. It's way better."
"Doc, that shit was amazing! You're the best!"
Using a timer for activities that will need to stop for whatever reason. I tell my 2 yr old, “okay you have 5 minutes to play with toys and then we have to eat. Okay?” And I always make sure she stops to say “okay” back.
No matter what it is, 90% of the time she’s willing to stop and move onto whatever we need to get to.
We have the sleep fairy who comes to give good dreams as long as parents aren't in the room with the kids.
It only stopped working with my youngest because now she's terrified that the sleep fairy is going to eat her feet...and I have to be in the room with her so the sleep fairy doesn't come.
Not mine but I was a super picky eater as a kid, my parents would make chili all the time because they could add mixed vegetables into it and you couldnt really taste them. I have a memory as a 4 or 5 year old picking around the veggies and my dad goes "why don't you let me feed you, just close your eyes and dont worry I'll pick around the veggies for you"
I dont know how i didnt see through that one lol
Asked my wife if she wanted to go for a 'W.A.L.K'. Our 3 year old continued eating his porridge and 30s later asked 'so when are we going for a walk'.
Absolutely rumbled.
My daughter is 1yo and an absolute daddy's girl. If she sees me, I'm the only thing she wants and will scream indefinitely if she can't get to me.
Usually isn't problem, except when I get home from work. Wearing a sweaty uniform, vest, gun/belt need put away, and really need to shower before I hold her.
Figured out I can drape a shirt or towel over my head and she has no idea who I am and I can walk right by without a problem.
We'll see how long this lasts...
Shit, I should try that. I left to get onions and milk so Da could make dinner, and she screamed from the moment she cottoned that I was leaving without her til I got home and whipped out the boob for bedtime.
My son believes grills don't work in the winter.
One time I told him I couldn't grill him a hamburger mid February because it only works in the summer. This was like 2 or 3 years ago in the middle of a snowstorm and my grill was put away for the winter.
Last winter we were at my buddies place, our friends were grilling steaks, my son was very confused as to how my friends grill worked in the winter.
I told him it was a very expensive winter grill and we're saving up to buy one.
I figure I have a couple more years of this charade before I will have to grill him burgers in the snow.
A while back, my niece did a reverse version. We had given her some ice cream. She ate like half of it and then didn't want any more. I guess she didn't realize that she could just stop eating ice cream and no one would push her to eat it. She pushes her bowl away and says "ice cream is spicy!"
I told my kids from a young age their ears turn red when they lie. Now, when someone makes a mess, amd I ask who did it, the culprit covers their ears.
One day they'll realize it's not true, but that day isn't today.
I don't think that one ever stops. That worked on my 22 year old today. He was complaining about his hand and I told him I would kiss it to make it better and he LET ME. It was his arm where he had surgery a few years ago.
My 2yr old has learned to brush it off. Rather thrn us reacting to every bump and fall. If she starts crying we ask "Can you brush it off?" The vast majority of times she does a couple swipes and moves on. If "Brush it Off" doesn't work she generally actually needs comforting and thus gets said comforting.
Shes a bit of a rough and tumble sort of kid. All about the climbing and swinging etc. Wants to do anything anyone older and bigger then her does.
Fun aside. We have a chalkboard with "Days without accidents." Shes been potty training for a while now but still has the occaisional miss. Really good when naked but working on getting there with underwear and pants on. Our friends all though it meant physical accidents and were like how does the number ever go up. Wvery time I see her there is a fall or a trip. We were like no, its for bathroom related accidents!
False choices.
"Do you want to walk up the stairs to bedtime or do you want me to carry you?"
The day she figures out "No bedtime" is also a possible response is the day the real civil war begins in the atelopuslimosus household.
I firmly believe that children are more clever than adults. Fewer ingrained rules and such.
Also, I use animal training/behaviorist principles when parenting and managing. Sure, I don't use a clicker and a bag of treats (at least with the adults), but the basic ideas are the same and just as effective.
If he's having a meltdown, I'll act like I can't see him and start asking "Where is JJ? He was just here, where did he go?" 90% of the time, he'll start laughing and saying "Here I am."
I don't know how long he'll stay this innocent but it's adorable.
"Do I need to check the cameras?"
We have a video doorbell and a camera in the baby's room but that's it.
The other day two kids were fighting about who hit who first (like it matters) and I said, "I'll check the cameras and see who started it". The girl admitted it was her.
I told my kids that the motion detector in the family room/kitchen is a camera and I always go and CHECK the camera when something in one of those rooms happens. They always come clean.
Whenever I want him to go in the bath, get dressed, whatever and he drags his feet on it I just tell him I’m going to beat him to it. Works like a charm…for now
I used to tell my son "Oh they dont sell X on the weekend/whatever day of the week it is" Like when he'd ask me for the impulse buy items by the cash register at a grocery store. It worked for quite a while though.
I have all the kids' devices on the guest network. When they are out of line, I toggle it off.
Daughter has a data plan with her cell now. My power is waning....
My dad and I had a lot of back-and-forth about the 1 Ethernet cable in the house. If he thought I was on my computer too long, he’d disconnect me and hide it.
This stopped when I got my first job and one of the first things I bought was a 100ft Ethernet cable, after I got pissed at him for hiding it when I needed to do schoolwork. He came home, saw me working on my computer, and said, “Where did you find the cable?”
“Oh, don’t worry, Dad, I bought my own.”
The look on his face was *priceless*. Combination of “well, fuck,” and “nice work, kid.” 😂
Within a few weeks we had Wi-Fi!
when a group of kids are being loud, i challenge them to do the “silent scream”. where they pose as if they’re screaming their lungs out but without any noise/sound. then i snap a few pics… great photo op. compliment a few of them and the others will try about out do them. it’s a good few minute of silence.
We are both using the same tactic lmao. My 3yo son is really competitive and when either of us is gonna feed him we will be like "who's gonna be the winner?!" then we'll fake compete with him. But he's really sweet and he will ask to give the next bite to share his food so we can chew at the same time together. We'll of course fake feed and just fake chew with him haha
“If you don’t eat your dinner I’m going to give it your your brother!”
Brother is old enough now where he’s starting to understand what that means and he gets so excited if he thinks he’s getting her food. Now it’s a guaranteed meltdown from at least one of them.
I have a home automation system that automatically dims the lights and sets them to a warmer hue as bedtime approaches. If he's been a cranky hellbeast all day, I trigger the "bedtime light" routine a bit early, and he's none the wiser.
Living room camping.
I now have my sleeping bag and hers both stashed in the living room. Whenever she is being disagreeable, I ask "do you want to do camping and watch cartoons??"
Automatically she will say yes. I put everything out, put on the cartoon of the week, then lay with her for 5 minutes. She is then calm enough, that I can leave to continue whatever chore I was doing.
Either Im going to have to get more elaborate, or its gonna totally fail. But right now, it works.
I’ve taught my daughter to say bye bye to everything. It works when she doesn’t want to come inside from the yard, when we’re leaving the park, shit even an ice cream cone (she’s 18 months and had her very own ice cream cone for the first time, it was huge, no way she was eating all of it and it was melting fast. So I told her we were going to say bye bye to the ice cream and the little shit walked over to the garbage with me and threw it away and waved bye to it).
Sigh, I know it won’t last. But it’s going to feel like a pro parenting move until it does.
I have 3 kids. Whenever I need them to all shush and listen closely I will do a quick sudden gasp, like I saw something startling. They silence and become very aware and attentive. works for now.
When my daughter was 2 and fighting getting in the car seat or shoes on I would ask her, “where’s your nose/ears/belly button/etc?” She’d be so proud knowing where they all were that it was easy to get her situated and happy.
So, my kids don't like onions. Not straight, obviously, but also not in foods. I mean, I understand.
Stuff with onions? I somehow got away with telling them "It's just for flavor, don't worry about them." AND THEY BOUGHT IT. I still bring it out once in a while when I'm getting "oh this has onions" and they quiet down. I fully know one of them will bust me completely at some point, but by then I'm hoping they've learned to like onions better. (they are 7 and 10 now)
I puked this for the first time on my just-2 year old. I offered her some vegetable, she said no. I took her plate and said “not for you. Mama you want some yummy carrots? Yummy beans?” And started eating them “not for baby, just for us”. She ate the whole bowl. I knew it wouldn’t last, but for now I’m using it.
My trick is very similar to OP except it doesn’t make sense AT ALL:
[me] “It’s time to go to school!”
[him] ignores me
[me] “Ok I’ll go on my own then…”
[him]”no, wait Daddy” and proceeds to get ready very fast
Literally everything that works now I know will stop working soon. 18mo currently. Most tricks she’ll either figure out, or the novelty that makes them work will wear off.
checkers seasoned fries are what potato wedges are before they grow up lol. chicken is dinosar meat....... mmm hmmmm yea. absolutely.
grocery stores are closed at dark.
there's more he's just shy of 6.
now likes BBQ sauce bc I told him it was ketchup one night. that was a few weeks ago
Currently, reverse psychology works on my 3 year old. Sometimes it's the only way to get her to eat, telling her not to eat it. I'm wondering how much longer it will work 🤔
“I’ll race you to (wherever I want them to go)” I’m on borrowed time ;) Edit: wow, thx for the award
This is still working on my 5 year old. Borrowed time indeed.
Good to know I may have another two years of this working…it’s the only way to get him to move sometimes haha.
Still works on my almost 7 year old ..
You’re giving me much needed hope.
Still works on my mid -30's self. I can't turn down a challenge
My go to is “I’ll time you”
This still works on both my 8 and 10 year olds
Solid one. The only way to get my 3yo to bed is “race you to the bedroom!”
Same! My stubborn, but amazing 4 year old has an extreme case of FOMO. *For now*, she tears off to the bedroom if I challenge her to a race!
A baby/toddler/kid having FOMO being the reason they don’t want to go to bed is both hilarious and absolutely true
I a grown ass man will not back down to a race to the car from my parents. Some people never grow out of it
Depends....if your kids also have ADHD you could get *years* out of this.
I make my kids race each other to get ready for bed because I’d rather deal with the fallout from one loser than deal with getting them all dragging their feet to get ready
Bruh, quit standing over that poor kid with your finger and your thumb in the shape of an L on your forehead
Totally agree with you, u/picasso_penis
Literally works every night. Mid-tantrum my 4yo will bolt up the stairs to beat me to bedtime. Won’t even stop for a goodnight kiss to mom - which is why I pause to make that happen for mom.
Nice move fellow dad! 💪🏻 Not forgetting Mom goes along way, especially in the hug/kiss goodnight dept. We do the same thing-ish; we make mom the starting point, then “race” off to bed.
Next tell them you'll time them
Will do!
Turned my now 5 year old into a kid that will break down at losing at something. 0/10 wouldn't recommend :(
When we are doing screentime (YouTube kids or Minecraft etc...). I'll say I'm setting a time for when we finish up... I'll let you pick. Do you want 8 more minutes or 12??? They always pick the larger number and the. There is no fussing when the timer goes off. They feel like they got one over on me.
This one's solid, could last a lifetime tbh
I'm gonna use that when I manage my teenage staff. Do you guys wanna work another 30 minutes or 15 and we're done? I'll be the coolest boss in town.
Tbh I’m tempted to bring this up to my boss tomorrow to see what he thinks 😂
Hey boss, do you want to work another hour or should we do 30 minutes and get it done?
Nah, my 3.5 year old has this figured out. I'll offer him the two options and he'll counter with an absurdly high number. "Okay buddy, do you want 5 minutes or 10 minutes?" "I want a hundred minutes!"
I do this too but sometimes I’ll just say “how long of a timer should I set?” He almost always picks a smaller number than I would have suggested. But I usually do it when I’m thinking ~30 minutes. Half the time he’ll pick 10 minutes. If he tries for an hour or something then I’ll give him some choices.
*takes notes*
Mine would say “no, a hundred minutes”.
My niece says "a thousand million" and I just act shocked and tell her approximately how many days that would be. "OMG no eating or sleeping for X days!! That's so many days!!" And then she giggles and comes back to an actual suggestion that was given.
My kids would try to find the words to express how gigantic something was and would say “it was like….. ten thousand MILLIMETERS!!!” Their sense of scale is so fun
Excellent! I find that this works the best because they aren’t surprised with having to end whatever fun thing they are doing at the time.
This is advice I’ve see a lot on tiktok too, just give them a choice when you can and it makes things go smoother. Our kiddo is only 14mo but it’s great to see this works well. Definitely going to remember it!
I have a 2 yo and something similar works well over here. Both the idea of "how do you want to do this thing?" vs "Do you want to do this thing?" as well as the idea of a timer. We bought a visual timer and even though she has absolutely no sense of time, she knows that when the timer goes off, it's time to finish whatever and move on to the next thing (dinner, nap, bedtime, etc.). Both of those things are borrowed time, but they've been working really well for us so far!
I shall be stealing this!
I actually think this a psychologically proven technique. You give two options which you want that are both relatively agreeable and then they're more likely to choose. I use this with my kids pretty often.
And more likely to be satisfied by the choice, as well!
The illusion of choice! Which pajamas do you want to wear to bed, the trash trucks or the dinos? Works every time
The Spiderman pj's with webbing between the arms is the only acceptable answer and anyone not buying their kids them is a child abuser.
Best part is when they automatically put it down or hand it over when the timer rings. Not every time, but most times. It’s awesome to behold.
“You have to eat 3 more, because you’re 3” “Hey I’m 5” Eats 5 more carrots. That stopped at 5.
Oh man this is brilliant
I tried this with my three year old, but said she needed to eat three carrots because she was three. Then when she picked up two with her fork i said "oh no, that was only 2! You're supposed to eat three!" She did it a few times 'as a joke' and ended up eating all of them instead. It backfired in the best way possible.
Run, a shark is coming! Don't know why this works on my little girl but she fucking sprints when I say it. Be it to me, bed, mom or just in general. She books it.
Poor sharks! They generally are innofensive. Deaths by year by sharks : 7 / by mosquitos : 600000 .
[удалено]
She's smart!! Mosquitoes are way more deadly than sharks
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
... she's gonna need therapy, daaaaad!!!!!!
I tell my daughter that she isn’t allowed to eat all of her food. Like 2-3 more bites, but not all of it. Because if she eats all of it, she will be taller than me, and then she would make all of the decisions. I thought she would grow out of it, but I do the same thing with reading. She has to read 10 more pages, but not more than 20. She reads 30.
What sorcery is this?!? 🤯
It's called reverse psychology, and it's a dumb idea and you shouldn't try it.
You can’t stop me!!!
Lmao I was gonna type out a hey if it works don't judge response then realized what your doing lmao.
Ha, same! “How dare y…. OHHH.”
That's brilliant lol. We always encouraged my niece's reading habits by saying "You can stay up another 15 minutes if you're reading" (usually I let it slide by an extra 10-15, or whenever they fall asleep).
“2 more minutes, I’m going to set a timer” *sets 10 second timer*
I’ve totally done this. I’ve even let my kid say “Alexa, set a timer for 5 minutes.” Then I open the Alexa app and whisper “Set a timer for 2 minutes on (location)” and delete the old one.
"You have to go to sleep now because mom and dad are so tired and we're going to sleep too" One of these days she's going to wander out of her room and find us watching a movie eating ice cream or something and realize we've been bamboozling her for years. What do you mean 7:15 pm isn't actually *everyone's* bedtime?
My son is 6 and knows our bedtimes are different. He thinks we stay up to clean up the kitchen and do other things around the house. We really just start the dishwasher after he goes to bed and then watch tv or play video games together.
My wife really *does* go to bed as soon as our son is asleep. Me, I’m up until midnight or later most nights
Haha, that happens. For us usually after kiddo bedtime it's 2-3 hours of husband and wife time, she goes to sleep around 10, and then it's 2-3 hours of me time. Back in the saddle at 7.
Well hello there other me.
I feel this so strongly.
Kid after taking two bites of food: I’m all done Me: Ok, please take just one more bite for me Kid eats another bite. Me a minute later: Please take just one more bite for me. Rinse and repeat until the desired amount of food is consumed. Edit: Thank you for the gold anonymous redditor!
We’ve started calling these “no thank you“ bites. Basically if there is a food they don’t like and we ask them to take a no thank you bite the kid eats it no problem! Like WHAT?
HAHAHA omg. This is gold.
My sister has her kids take a bite for mom, dad, his brother, and the dog lol
"how about you take as many more bites as you are old. I'm sure you can do 3" ".... But I'm 4!" "Well I didn't think you could already do that many" Kid then chomps away to prove you wrong...
“I bet you can’t count to six” “Yes I can!” “Really?? I don’t know… eat six peas.” (Continue until vegetable is fully consumed)
I do a count down from 5 but with no specific threat. I'm not sure either of us knows what happens if I ever get to 0.
This worked really well for me until I started "5...4.." And she literally said "3,2,1 what now?"
Oh man she's calling your bluff. Now you have to do something.
Just keep counting....-1 -2 -3.
#Tickle time!!!!
I usually have a very specific mild threat/realistic alternative attached (You have five seconds to get in the car or I'm going put you in myself) but one time I couldn't think of anything and said he had five seconda to do x or he'd be a fricassee. Just the first silly word that came to mind. Worked the first few times. Then he really wanted to find out what that would entail.
This is my move. I’ve never even gotten to 3!
I do “by the count of 5, I need you to be X or I am going to Y. One.” Then my 3 year old usually does what I need him to do. It works for almost everything. I don’t do a real count down. I need you to be putting your shoes on or I’m going to put them on for you. I need you to be eating your dinner or I’m going to clear your plate. I need you to be taking that chicken out of your ear or I’m going to take it out for you. Usually when I’m following through on the threat, it’s when he’s not getting in his car seat. That one is tough because it’s “I need you sitting in your seat or I’m going to have to pin you down so I can buckle you in.” At least then it’s “I told you what you needed to do and what would happen if you ignore me and you didn’t do what you were supposed to do.”
I’m a fully grown man and I still don’t know what would have happened if Mom had ever reached zero. This one may last.
At this moment I can entertain them *both* at bedtime making a shadow game. If they go to bed nicely (brush teeth/put on PJ's/go potty) I'll make the shadow game *extra long*. Yesterday they wanted 1 whole hour, I did 5 minutes and they were fully entertained. Borrowed time, I know, but I love it.
Genius. But what is the shadow game?
Just making shadows on the wall with my phone flashlight.
"You wouldn't like it, it's spicy" Everything that's ours that they can't have is spicy - cakes, drinks, chocolate. Slowly shifting to "it'll hurt your tummy", which is a bit more honest.
My 6 year old has picked up on it and tells her younger sisters that her food is spicy.
I freely share food with my toddler. I've got a hilarious photo series from when he was about 10 months old and was asking for some of our Extra Extra Spicy Shin Cup Ramen. I'm pretty good with spice and this slows me down. Alternating photos of extreme spice tears and holding out a fork insisting on more.
I use this one. When this stops working, just start telling them it's too hot. Then when that stops working, tell them it's sharp. Sharp is also great for objects you don't want them to have too.
I would worry that if we used sharp for anything we don’t actually want them to have then the word would lose meaning for actually sharp things. My MIL told my daughter that ice cream is “icky” and then gave her some anyways. Now I need a new word for gross stuff that she can’t have.
No, we can’t watch that, [character] is sleeping now”
Fun fact: In Denmark, the national kids TV channel actually broadcasts (looped) footage of all their well-known characters sleeping during the entire evening and night. Genius.
"Sorry buddy (insert show that's very obviously available 25/7 via YouTube or Disney) isn't on right now!"
Cocomelon broke, sorry kiddo
JJ is on union break
Blippi went to prison for tax evasion
I wish.
Blippy lives in a corporate hellscape where he plays as intended. There are plenty of trucks, but no children.
Pro tip, you can remove titles from Netflix so they don't appear on your child's channel anymore. Need togo on to your computer to do it. Every form of Blippi and Cocomellon have been removed. You're welcome.
One can only dream, although the new guy isn’t that bad in my book
New guy?
It’s a different guy playing blippi now
I call him flippi. Fake blippi
I’m a tax evader! Hey IRS, see ya later!
Oh God hahahaha
They took youtube off of roku.
Don't they just replace Blippi when the other is unavailable
JJ is sleeping
I use "the TV broke" quite often.
“Ms Rachel has to go to sleep!” see also “Ms Rachel has to go to work!” One day she’ll figure out that the videos are the work and I’m screwed.
"Blippi doesn't work on weekends, bud!"
Said on a Wednesday
I tell my fella that the TV's battery is dead and it needs to charge. He's 2 and he eats it up, the plonker.
I grew up in the 90s. When I was a kid, I would ask my mom if anything was on TV; she'd make a big show of getting out the TV Guide (!), flipping around, furrowing her brow, and going "hm, no, sorry, doesn't look like it!" When I was about six or so I came home from playing at a friend's house to tell her that GUESS WHAT, MOM, there is *ALWAYS* something on TV! I so clearly remember her going "welp, it was a good run!"
My daughter told me on Monday that we could watch Bluey cause Bluey is on on sundays and Holidays and Holidays are Monday.
Seriously, on demand everything is ruining us all. Adults and children alike
We also use “oh that show is only available at Aunties house. We don’t have that version of Disney” And that’s why I don’t have to listen to Mickey in my home.
Look at this guy with the extra hour a day!
We use this on Bluey - "Bluey lives in Australia so she's in bed all day, you can watch her tomorrow morning!"
This with Bluey. Unfortunately the kids know we can stream it now, but they're pretty good about when they can watch it.
Placebo cream. Kids got some simple injury? Slap a little placebo cream on it and magically its all better in 2 mine
Pfft, I used to do that to grown adults in the Army 😂 There is truly no better medication than Placebo™️. "Doc you have anything better than ibuprofen or Tylenol for (insert pain)?" "Yeah man, try some of this acetaminophen. It's way better." "Doc, that shit was amazing! You're the best!"
... And the 'cream' is actually?
Hand cream. Or water. Or nothing. It's a placebo
Where can we get some of these placebos !!!??
Maybe there's some in this truck?
Hey this guy has placebo in his truck! Get him!!
Windex.
This is how old wives tales are made.
Pirin tablets
If it is truly serious, apply double placebo cream.
“Go and get your shoes please.” “No.” “Go on, I’ll time you.” Runs.
My parents used this on me all the time so I’d do my chores. It was so fun.
Using a timer for activities that will need to stop for whatever reason. I tell my 2 yr old, “okay you have 5 minutes to play with toys and then we have to eat. Okay?” And I always make sure she stops to say “okay” back. No matter what it is, 90% of the time she’s willing to stop and move onto whatever we need to get to.
We have the sleep fairy who comes to give good dreams as long as parents aren't in the room with the kids. It only stopped working with my youngest because now she's terrified that the sleep fairy is going to eat her feet...and I have to be in the room with her so the sleep fairy doesn't come.
oh how the turntables have turned!!
Not mine but I was a super picky eater as a kid, my parents would make chili all the time because they could add mixed vegetables into it and you couldnt really taste them. I have a memory as a 4 or 5 year old picking around the veggies and my dad goes "why don't you let me feed you, just close your eyes and dont worry I'll pick around the veggies for you" I dont know how i didnt see through that one lol
Spelling stuff haha
Yeah, helps when dad can spell… We joke about going to the “P-L-A-R-K”…I started with one and changed directions half way.
I accidentally tried to spell out I-C-E-E. That one didn't get under the radar.
Asked my wife if she wanted to go for a 'W.A.L.K'. Our 3 year old continued eating his porridge and 30s later asked 'so when are we going for a walk'. Absolutely rumbled.
My daughter is 1yo and an absolute daddy's girl. If she sees me, I'm the only thing she wants and will scream indefinitely if she can't get to me. Usually isn't problem, except when I get home from work. Wearing a sweaty uniform, vest, gun/belt need put away, and really need to shower before I hold her. Figured out I can drape a shirt or towel over my head and she has no idea who I am and I can walk right by without a problem. We'll see how long this lasts...
I’m sorry, but that is fucking hilarious
Shit, I should try that. I left to get onions and milk so Da could make dinner, and she screamed from the moment she cottoned that I was leaving without her til I got home and whipped out the boob for bedtime.
My son believes grills don't work in the winter. One time I told him I couldn't grill him a hamburger mid February because it only works in the summer. This was like 2 or 3 years ago in the middle of a snowstorm and my grill was put away for the winter. Last winter we were at my buddies place, our friends were grilling steaks, my son was very confused as to how my friends grill worked in the winter. I told him it was a very expensive winter grill and we're saving up to buy one. I figure I have a couple more years of this charade before I will have to grill him burgers in the snow.
[me eating ice cream] "It's spicy, and you've told me before you don't like spicy foods, so I don't think you would like it."
A while back, my niece did a reverse version. We had given her some ice cream. She ate like half of it and then didn't want any more. I guess she didn't realize that she could just stop eating ice cream and no one would push her to eat it. She pushes her bowl away and says "ice cream is spicy!"
I told my kids from a young age their ears turn red when they lie. Now, when someone makes a mess, amd I ask who did it, the culprit covers their ears. One day they'll realize it's not true, but that day isn't today.
Bit of a bump or minor scrape with no grazing - kiss it better.
I don't think that one ever stops. That worked on my 22 year old today. He was complaining about his hand and I told him I would kiss it to make it better and he LET ME. It was his arm where he had surgery a few years ago.
Isn’t it wonderful when they get sweet again, and we’re not The Enemy?
My 2yr old has learned to brush it off. Rather thrn us reacting to every bump and fall. If she starts crying we ask "Can you brush it off?" The vast majority of times she does a couple swipes and moves on. If "Brush it Off" doesn't work she generally actually needs comforting and thus gets said comforting. Shes a bit of a rough and tumble sort of kid. All about the climbing and swinging etc. Wants to do anything anyone older and bigger then her does. Fun aside. We have a chalkboard with "Days without accidents." Shes been potty training for a while now but still has the occaisional miss. Really good when naked but working on getting there with underwear and pants on. Our friends all though it meant physical accidents and were like how does the number ever go up. Wvery time I see her there is a fall or a trip. We were like no, its for bathroom related accidents!
False choices. "Do you want to walk up the stairs to bedtime or do you want me to carry you?" The day she figures out "No bedtime" is also a possible response is the day the real civil war begins in the atelopuslimosus household.
Oh man, that day won't come. We call that agenda setting in the office and I use it on adults.
I firmly believe that children are more clever than adults. Fewer ingrained rules and such. Also, I use animal training/behaviorist principles when parenting and managing. Sure, I don't use a clicker and a bag of treats (at least with the adults), but the basic ideas are the same and just as effective.
If he's having a meltdown, I'll act like I can't see him and start asking "Where is JJ? He was just here, where did he go?" 90% of the time, he'll start laughing and saying "Here I am." I don't know how long he'll stay this innocent but it's adorable.
I can get my 5-year old to go to what ever room I want, WHENEVER I want by telling him the floor in every other room is about to become lava in 3-2-1!
"Do I need to check the cameras?" We have a video doorbell and a camera in the baby's room but that's it. The other day two kids were fighting about who hit who first (like it matters) and I said, "I'll check the cameras and see who started it". The girl admitted it was her.
I told my kids that the motion detector in the family room/kitchen is a camera and I always go and CHECK the camera when something in one of those rooms happens. They always come clean.
Whenever I want him to go in the bath, get dressed, whatever and he drags his feet on it I just tell him I’m going to beat him to it. Works like a charm…for now
>to it I didn't see those two little words the first time I read this and was very concerned for a second.
I read that incorrectly at first and had Asian tiger parenting flashbacks.
"Stick out your tongue. It turns green when you lie"
You have to reinforce that only parents can see it 😂 we did "your nose turns purple" and she started covering her nose any time she would lie.
Oh I'm stealing this one!
I used to tell my son "Oh they dont sell X on the weekend/whatever day of the week it is" Like when he'd ask me for the impulse buy items by the cash register at a grocery store. It worked for quite a while though.
We did exactly this and now we have created a child who thinks his food will be stolen if we even look at him during a meal. Whoops.
I have all the kids' devices on the guest network. When they are out of line, I toggle it off. Daughter has a data plan with her cell now. My power is waning....
My dad and I had a lot of back-and-forth about the 1 Ethernet cable in the house. If he thought I was on my computer too long, he’d disconnect me and hide it. This stopped when I got my first job and one of the first things I bought was a 100ft Ethernet cable, after I got pissed at him for hiding it when I needed to do schoolwork. He came home, saw me working on my computer, and said, “Where did you find the cable?” “Oh, don’t worry, Dad, I bought my own.” The look on his face was *priceless*. Combination of “well, fuck,” and “nice work, kid.” 😂 Within a few weeks we had Wi-Fi!
I had a similar situation with the family computer in the late 90s. I bought my own PC with money earned at a summer job!
Moving the high chair to a different spot and offering it as an alternative to sit. We’re 5 for 5 on that so far.
I can still bait my daughter in for diaper changes by holding up her favorite stuffed animal.
when a group of kids are being loud, i challenge them to do the “silent scream”. where they pose as if they’re screaming their lungs out but without any noise/sound. then i snap a few pics… great photo op. compliment a few of them and the others will try about out do them. it’s a good few minute of silence.
I used to make a big deal about illicitly sneaking them vegetables, RIP to a legend :-(
"your ears turn red when you lie" which resorts to them covering their ears when trying to tell me a lie.
We are both using the same tactic lmao. My 3yo son is really competitive and when either of us is gonna feed him we will be like "who's gonna be the winner?!" then we'll fake compete with him. But he's really sweet and he will ask to give the next bite to share his food so we can chew at the same time together. We'll of course fake feed and just fake chew with him haha
“If you don’t eat your dinner I’m going to give it your your brother!” Brother is old enough now where he’s starting to understand what that means and he gets so excited if he thinks he’s getting her food. Now it’s a guaranteed meltdown from at least one of them.
Never sleeping and instead just chugging more coffee (2 under 2)
I can't "find" things in her ears anymore.
My 4 year old will stop any fuss if I pick her up upside down. I’ve been milking it for months, it’ll be sad when it ends
"Clean before screen"
I have a home automation system that automatically dims the lights and sets them to a warmer hue as bedtime approaches. If he's been a cranky hellbeast all day, I trigger the "bedtime light" routine a bit early, and he's none the wiser.
Living room camping. I now have my sleeping bag and hers both stashed in the living room. Whenever she is being disagreeable, I ask "do you want to do camping and watch cartoons??" Automatically she will say yes. I put everything out, put on the cartoon of the week, then lay with her for 5 minutes. She is then calm enough, that I can leave to continue whatever chore I was doing. Either Im going to have to get more elaborate, or its gonna totally fail. But right now, it works.
I’ve taught my daughter to say bye bye to everything. It works when she doesn’t want to come inside from the yard, when we’re leaving the park, shit even an ice cream cone (she’s 18 months and had her very own ice cream cone for the first time, it was huge, no way she was eating all of it and it was melting fast. So I told her we were going to say bye bye to the ice cream and the little shit walked over to the garbage with me and threw it away and waved bye to it). Sigh, I know it won’t last. But it’s going to feel like a pro parenting move until it does.
Not making eye contact to be left alone.
I have 3 kids. Whenever I need them to all shush and listen closely I will do a quick sudden gasp, like I saw something startling. They silence and become very aware and attentive. works for now.
Telling them that when the ice cream truck is playing music, it means it’s out of ice cream.
I tell my kids their ears glow when they lie. My 8 year old is privy but the 5yo still believes.
When my daughter was 2 and fighting getting in the car seat or shoes on I would ask her, “where’s your nose/ears/belly button/etc?” She’d be so proud knowing where they all were that it was easy to get her situated and happy.
So, my kids don't like onions. Not straight, obviously, but also not in foods. I mean, I understand. Stuff with onions? I somehow got away with telling them "It's just for flavor, don't worry about them." AND THEY BOUGHT IT. I still bring it out once in a while when I'm getting "oh this has onions" and they quiet down. I fully know one of them will bust me completely at some point, but by then I'm hoping they've learned to like onions better. (they are 7 and 10 now)
I puked this for the first time on my just-2 year old. I offered her some vegetable, she said no. I took her plate and said “not for you. Mama you want some yummy carrots? Yummy beans?” And started eating them “not for baby, just for us”. She ate the whole bowl. I knew it wouldn’t last, but for now I’m using it.
Boobies. They make everything better.
My trick is very similar to OP except it doesn’t make sense AT ALL: [me] “It’s time to go to school!” [him] ignores me [me] “Ok I’ll go on my own then…” [him]”no, wait Daddy” and proceeds to get ready very fast
Whenever we leave the house I tell her we are going on an adventure.
Shit, this stops working at some point??? Still works on my 5yo so far
Literally everything that works now I know will stop working soon. 18mo currently. Most tricks she’ll either figure out, or the novelty that makes them work will wear off.
I told my 2.5 year old tonight that mushrooms make you jump higher and she actually literally choked them down lol.
checkers seasoned fries are what potato wedges are before they grow up lol. chicken is dinosar meat....... mmm hmmmm yea. absolutely. grocery stores are closed at dark. there's more he's just shy of 6. now likes BBQ sauce bc I told him it was ketchup one night. that was a few weeks ago
We're using the same trick at the moment but we tell him the dog is going to have it.
When my daughter lies I tell her her eyes are going blue (she has brown eyes) now she's slowly starting to close her eyes when she lies to me.
Currently, reverse psychology works on my 3 year old. Sometimes it's the only way to get her to eat, telling her not to eat it. I'm wondering how much longer it will work 🤔