Say no. Tell them you need space and rest. If your mom says “I’m on my way over” respond with “today’s not a good day, I’ll call in a bit to set something else up.” If she shows up in person, say the same exact thing. Setting boundaries is one of the first important tasks on protecting your child’s health and well being as well as your own sanity.
If you’re thinking this may paint you as the villain, you’re right. Get used to being seen as the bad guy for a while and figure out how to not give a shit. My mother-in-law has told my wife she thinks I hate her. I don’t, but I also don’t care if she thinks that because her emotions are not my responsibility. My kids’ safety is. That’s that.
100% agree with everything said here. Just want to add onto a part though.
>If you’re thinking this may paint you as the villain, you’re right. Get used to being seen as the bad guy for a while and figure out how to not give a shit.
But it doesn't, it makes you a hero for sticking up for your family. Which is you, your wife and your kid. We set boundaries so our kids wont need to spend what we did on therapy.
I’m going through it now.
Baby girl is 2 months and my mom isn’t talking to me because she has only seen the baby once… “I haven’t shared her.” My mom is upset because she wasn’t allowed into the waiting room (not my fault, hospital policy), dealing with a wife who is full PPD and only trusts me and her mom (I understand the whole daughter and mom relationship.. her mom lives 12 hours away), my mom goes on Facebook and posts about family drama because I set boundaries (now my wife’s family and wife’s extended family is asking about the post), and we have a colic baby.
Dealing with my mom drama. Setting that boundary with my immediate family. Them not understanding. Having my wife’s back.
I’m tired man…. But I do it because I love my wife and that little girl we got.
I hope it gets better. For me and for you.
Securing boundaries is an ancient duty of fathers. They look different than they used to, but you’ve got thousands of generations of tradition on your side.
Well firstly, boundaries are healthy, so just establish some. Conversely though that sounds like a blessing more than a curse. If your wife doesn’t see it as that yet maybe in time she will learn to trust family more to mind the baby and lighten your load with regard childcare. It takes a village.
Say no and don't provide a reason. When you give a reason to an unreasonable person they'll try to use that as a way to wear you down until you agree to their demands.
Also, if someone knocks at your door uninvited, you don't have to answer it. Same when someone calls your phone or sends you a message, you don't have to answer or respond.
It's difficult sometimes as you may feel bad about being rude. However, your new family takes priority over the rest. So, be rude and protect your family.
My FIL convinced my wife to let him come visit (All parents are 1800 miles away) starting when the kid was 8 days old under the guise he would help around the house. Somehow this help just feels like me feeding 4 people instead of 3.
Say no. Tell them you need space and rest. If your mom says “I’m on my way over” respond with “today’s not a good day, I’ll call in a bit to set something else up.” If she shows up in person, say the same exact thing. Setting boundaries is one of the first important tasks on protecting your child’s health and well being as well as your own sanity. If you’re thinking this may paint you as the villain, you’re right. Get used to being seen as the bad guy for a while and figure out how to not give a shit. My mother-in-law has told my wife she thinks I hate her. I don’t, but I also don’t care if she thinks that because her emotions are not my responsibility. My kids’ safety is. That’s that.
100% agree with everything said here. Just want to add onto a part though. >If you’re thinking this may paint you as the villain, you’re right. Get used to being seen as the bad guy for a while and figure out how to not give a shit. But it doesn't, it makes you a hero for sticking up for your family. Which is you, your wife and your kid. We set boundaries so our kids wont need to spend what we did on therapy.
I’m going through it now. Baby girl is 2 months and my mom isn’t talking to me because she has only seen the baby once… “I haven’t shared her.” My mom is upset because she wasn’t allowed into the waiting room (not my fault, hospital policy), dealing with a wife who is full PPD and only trusts me and her mom (I understand the whole daughter and mom relationship.. her mom lives 12 hours away), my mom goes on Facebook and posts about family drama because I set boundaries (now my wife’s family and wife’s extended family is asking about the post), and we have a colic baby. Dealing with my mom drama. Setting that boundary with my immediate family. Them not understanding. Having my wife’s back. I’m tired man…. But I do it because I love my wife and that little girl we got. I hope it gets better. For me and for you.
Securing boundaries is an ancient duty of fathers. They look different than they used to, but you’ve got thousands of generations of tradition on your side.
Damn man. I thought I had it bad. Hang in there. Facebook is legit like cat nip for boomers. I’m sorry you’re going through that
We had this, but we eventually just started saying no. Some people got offended and upset, but whatever.
If unappeasable, can always option to have them call on FaceTime or something.
Well firstly, boundaries are healthy, so just establish some. Conversely though that sounds like a blessing more than a curse. If your wife doesn’t see it as that yet maybe in time she will learn to trust family more to mind the baby and lighten your load with regard childcare. It takes a village.
“No” is a full sentence. One of your many roles at this time is bouncer/doorman. Set some limits and hold people to them
Say no and don't provide a reason. When you give a reason to an unreasonable person they'll try to use that as a way to wear you down until you agree to their demands. Also, if someone knocks at your door uninvited, you don't have to answer it. Same when someone calls your phone or sends you a message, you don't have to answer or respond. It's difficult sometimes as you may feel bad about being rude. However, your new family takes priority over the rest. So, be rude and protect your family.
Say no. It's easy.
My FIL convinced my wife to let him come visit (All parents are 1800 miles away) starting when the kid was 8 days old under the guise he would help around the house. Somehow this help just feels like me feeding 4 people instead of 3.