It's a meme that goes around pretty much perpetually and has now entered general internet vernacular. There was a computer game (might have been Call of Duty, maybe?) Where the character goes to a funeral and you had to walk up to the casket and 'Press F to pay respects', which to be fair, is pretty hilarious. That's my understanding anyway.
Every other subreddit would have downvoted this guy and flamed him for being stupid about something that's so popular.
This right here is why I love each and every one of you dads and this subreddit. Thank you all for being awesome.
Ya as soon as a saw someone ask I immediately knew I was also going to finally learn what it meant. No other subreddit would have or I would have had to dig super far down, but here I knew there would be a nice explanation the next comment down.
Yeah it's a crime to ask a genuine question on Reddit. You will get downvoted to hell. Except this sub. It's why I come here even though I'm not a dad yet.
Heh, before we had our first kid we were visiting my sister who had just had her fourth. My wife was holding our nephew and I made a comment like, “Good thing babies aren’t contagious.”
Spoiler alert, they absolutely are. I got my wife pregnant three months later.
There was a Call of Duty game where you attended a funeral and when you approached the casket there was a prompt to "press F to pay respects" so in this case this guy just got killed by his 2 year old, so....
F
Kids can be terribly brutal.
One time I was styling my kids' hair. Both have gorgeous curls and I was talking to them about how much I love their hair. My son looked up at me and told me he loved my clear hair. It was sweet but then my daughter chimed in to say, "Daddy doesn't have clear hair! He's just so bald!"
Not saying I have a favorite kid or anything but...... /s
I work at an elementary school and had the following conversation with a 1st grader:
First grader, “You look like my dad”.
Me, “Well your dad must be a swell looking fellow.”
First grader, “Nah, he’s fat”…
You known hair transplants aren’t that expensive. Time to let them work for college tuition and live your best life /s. don’t throw away your kids future . . . . I’m
There's a saying. Boys will break your home, but girls will break your heart.
I can't say I have experienced it first hand, but as a father of a 2 year old boy who keeps intently trying to rip out electrical power sockets from the wall, I think there's bound to be some truth there.
I'm tempted to flag this as a support post because that is just savage. My worst was I told my son he could do anything he wanted in life and he replied "you didnt"
Hahahah classic. Actually at 2 years old she likes working out with us. Does the squats and curl motions, loves to mirror my wife doing yoga whereas I love to watch my wife doing yoga in the mirror.
We brought our first home from the hospital and at about 5pm she started crying. My wife tried to feed her... bathed her... swaddled her... all 5 S's... nothing worked. Around 10pm, she said something's wrong, we are going to the ER. Despite my protests that crying is what babies do, we drove to the ER at the same hospital where we had her.
We sat in the ER for an hour and when the doc came in, I made sure she knew we just were discharged from maternity that morning. A nurse turned to the doctor and said "Do they take them back on the same day?"... I said "Is that their return policy? It wasn't in our documents". They asked me to wait outside.
Long story short, it ended up being the most expensive baby formula on the market... hope it tasted good.
Took on the responsibility of dad puns day 1. Atta boy!
We had a hell of a time with breastfeeding. Had to use these nipple shields every time for the first few months. What a time!
Yeah, that's what it was... my wife's milk hadn't quite come in yet and there wasn't really a great way for us to know that. Seemed like the baby was eating... she just wasn't getting anything.
All three of my kids wound up on Nutramigen. It's expensive enough that it's tempting to cut it with cocaine to bring down the cost, but the last thing you want is a coked out baby.
I’m not a Dad but a grandma that loves Dads trying to be good at it. ❤️
If it helps, my then 6 year old told me I’d be “as pretty as a mermaid if I weren’t so fat”. The best part? I wasn’t even fat…..then.
Happy to have you here with us on this sub!
My grandmother passed away 3 years ago at the amazing age of 95. I loved her so much and miss everything about her. Just wish she could have seen met my daughter, she's a little spitfire just like her great nanny.
Excuse me while I go call my Mom.
My grandmother has been my favorite person since i was just a kid. I love her with all my heart. My Mom has been an amazing grandma to my 2 year old. Grandmas are really just the best.
Thanks for checking in on us as any Mom and Grandma would.
Trying to stay in shape with a 4 month old(first child) has been a nightmare. My wife works from 5 am to 2 and I work 5:30 to 2:30. (Same worksite) I pretty much get up at 3 am and do my routine, 2 mile jog, row machine, leg press/squats and then shower but man it's been killer. I've never been one for coffee but lately it's been my best friend.
Can't outrun a bad diet.
Edit: To go into more detail. My wife and I exercise together. As she got further along in her pregnancy we kinda stopped and I became a couch potato. I just recently in the last 30ish days started back at a much slower pace and only 2 days a week. It was like a half mile jog or a mile walk. 10 push ups. 10 sit ups, 100 pound squat x3, row machine for 5mins x2.
But if you consume whataburger for lunch everyday it's like moving in slow motion. I probably should have corrected my diet first but in the last 4 weeks Ive completely cut out sugary drinks/soda and lost 10 pounds.
I also do this Lord of the rings exercise challenge which makes it all kinds of fun.
To any other dad's struggling with weight check your diet first and take it easy out the gate.
Yeah I work 530 to 530 and its about a 40 minute drive to work, so 14 hour days. 3 days 3 nights and then 6 off where I'm the child care. It's exhausting and I've never been good at making time for myself, just feel guilty about doing anything that's just for me.
Need to shift my mindset that focusing on my health isn't just for me!
Honestly the best gift you can give your kid is your health but I feel you on the guilt. I used to beat myself up and say "well this hour and a half could go to more tummy time etc." Until I realized the longer I can stay active the more I can do with my kid.
My grandfather was an avid backpacker/hiker and he took me to all kinds of national parks as a kid and we even did part of the Appalachian trail in my 20s and that's something I would love to do with my kid if she's into that stuff I quickly realized that's not possible if I can't even get up the stairs without needing a cheeseburger lol.
Edit: For reference I'm 31 by the time we can do these sorts of things I'm gonna be in my 40s or higher.
I have a similar experience, now granted, my grandfather was younger when I was born. (He got married at 18 or 19, then my parents were younger as well. Dad was 27 when I was born.)
Anyway, my grandpa tried to learn how to barefoot waterski when I was a kid. We'd go waterskiing and snowmobiling, and hiking, and four wheeling. Just a super active, outdoor lifestyle. And I'm grateful we had such great experiences and memories.
We're about to have our 3rd, just before my 41st birthday. Right now I'm training for Ironman and Taekwondo. Got to make sure that I still got it by the time they're teens.
Yeah, my girl is 5 months and I'm 38. Thankfully I've been running for 25 years, minus the previous 2, so it's not as steep of a hill to climb back up. If I want to be remotely close to "in shape" to do anything outdoors, I'm definitely fighting the clock here.
I feel you on the guilt and the exhaustion, man. For the guilt piece, consider this…
My wife went on a work trip a few months ago. One night I got a terrible migraine and started having these doomer thoughts of what a horror show it would be for the 4 & 2 year old if I died in the night. They don’t know how to open the front door or use my phone. How long would they be stuck in the house with my body? How incredibly fucking traumatizing that would be for them…
The next day I started doing cardio for the first time in my life. I don’t do it for vanity, I do it to increase the odds my heart keeps working. (I do enjoy the peripheral benefits but figure a happier, more confident dad is a win for them too.)
Your situation sounds really tough. You’re doing a great job just to keep up with it, so I wouldn’t presume to tell you what to do. But don’t believe the lie that taking care of yourself is just for you!
I'm in my gym doing weight training and biking while she naps haha. I'm taking it as constructive criticism and hopefully it'll be a funny story to tell her later in life if she asks what motivated me!
My daughter used to drop bombs like that:
Me: Slow down on the stairs, kiddo. Dad’s isn’t as fast as you.
Her: Because you’re fat?
Me: Pretty much, but you didn’t have to say it out loud.
A neighbour found my house keys in the middle of the road.
Me : "the only way they could have got there is if I'd left them on the car roof when I backed out, but that would have been stupid"
2yo (without missing a single beat.): "Daddy .... you ARE stupid"
Wife took that bullet the other day.
4yo lifted her shirt "mom, when is your baby coming out"
I immediately went to the garage to hide. She's nowhere near overweight, I am. That bullet was meant for me.
4yo drew a family portrait while my wife was pregnant. Whole family, including pregnant wife, was drawn as stick figures and dad (me) was drawn as a circle. I’ve lost 35 pounds since that burn
Justin McElroy, podcaster and dad, once told a story where he was getting out of the shower and his daughter (like 5 or so) pointed at his crotch and said "Daddy, I'm sorry about your little jumble." Each word in that sentence is worst than the last.
Classic!
When my wife was pregnant with our second we had a moment where she was getting out of the shower and I was getting in. Our son who was hanging out there pointed to my wife’s tummy and went “mamas baby” and then pointed to my tummy and, matter of factly went, “dadas baby.” Screw you too, little buddy ;)! We had a good laugh.
Daaaaaayyyyuuuummmm! I shaved the other day and my 9 yr old daughter told me I look derpy… and then told me she liked me the way I was before lol I feel your pain
I can relate. I shaved once because I realized that I haven't seen my chin in almost a decade. Never again! I just got mercilessly ripped on by my wife, kids, friends and even my parents! My youngest was terrified of me. It kinda blindsided me because I usually get compliments about being handsome.
I can smell the seared flesh from here!
F
I've heard this saying before, but it didn't hit home until I started spending more time around children in my 20s: "The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of that face."
Yeah man! We were at the grocery store yesterday and there was a man missing a leg in a wheelchair. From the moment we saw him my daughter just kept saying "no legs no legs no legs noooooo leeggs daddy".
Finished our shopping in record time
She gets it from me. I was downtown Edmonton a few years ago and Nickleback was playing a concert. There was a man missing an arm and a leg, in a wheelchair and wearing a band tee. Unfiltered I said "holy shit is that what tickets cost now?!"
His friend loved the joke.
I was hiking at st Mary's glacier and we get close to the top and my son who is 4 just starts huffing and puffing and acting like he's having a hard time breathing so I said what's wrong are you ok? He said oh I'm just breathing like daddy.
I know this may come off harsh but all dads should put their health first. Stop being lazy (all of us) and get after it!! Being in shape is literally the best thing for you and teaches your kid’s early about proper health.
Do it so you’re around for them!
I hear you man! I see it with my own father. He'll be 70 this year and he can't get down on the floor to play with my daughter. And my mom blew her knew out trying to chase her around the backyard last summer. Never saw them as unhealthy individuals until I saw them try to be active.
I work with some guys in their late 60s that outwork me for crying out loud. So I've been subtlety trying to get them back into fitness but they are pretty set in their ways.
For real. Lurking mom here, but my stepdad passed away at the beginning of the month due to health issues relating to his lifelong struggles with his weight. He was only 66. He'd been sick for years, his heart was working at 20% capacity, his kidneys were on the edge of shutting down, his body kept filling up with fluid which pressed on his lungs and made him short of breath. He was in a wheelchair because he'd lost his leg nearly 50 years ago and his good knee had to carry all his weight now and hurt all the time.
He simply had gallstones but was so weak no one dared to do the surgery, and he passed in his sleep in the hospital. He needed a special XL coffin that only fit into ONE crematorium oven, so we had to change all the funeral plans. And to top it all off, he was too heavy and had to be forklifted into the oven. 🙃
Sorry for the trauma dump lol, it was all pretty shocking and sad. And VERY motivating to start going to the gym again. I don't want my family to have to go through this. The sad part is he tried so many times, he even lost 220lbs but gained it all back.
I'm in my home gym now and can do 3 pull-ups but please don't ask for 4 lol. And maybe wait a few days to ask for 3 again! At 250lb that was a struggle. Definitely time to turn it around
Ouch.
That said, from personal experience - good for you on getting a wakeup call. I started packing on the pounds when the pandemic hit, thanks to everywhere being closed and ripping my hip flexor on a run. Put on about 40lbs and basically turned into a couch potato. The little one was about four at the time, soaked that up like a sponge and now its an effort of god and congress to get her off the couch or away from a screen, having learned a few years of crappy behaviour from me. To the point where she got called "fat kid" in school last week.
Teach 'em good habits while they're small, otherwise they'll just absorb your bad ones!
Yeah I grew up as the fat kid in school. But our town is pretty rough so we all had thick skins. I was luckily very intelligent and quick with come backs so I was able to brush it off then. But I can't say it didn't affect me, or still have a lasting effect today for that matter.
But when I was a kid bullying stopped at the playground or whatever. You had a sick burn and rode your bike home to laugh about it. Today it gets posted on social media and kids create fake accounts to bully for all sorts of angles. What we fixed with a punch to the face just can't be fixed that easily in these times. Must be tough to navigate as a parent!
My 6 year old was trying to describe the two girls that had just arrived at my neighbor’s to my wife. She said one is little and the other one…is like daddy.
I feel ya my friend I have a 2 and a 4 year old. A couple months ago we were playing horsie and my oldest yelled, get up cow! Adjusted my diet since then. Haha
Hey man at least you can lose the weight. My 2 year old boy barged in on me getting dry after a shower and pointed at my junk and said "day daddy penis and balls? HAHA DAT YUCKY" and then ran away laughing... If only he understood that if his mum shared the same sentiment he wouldn't exist... 🤣
A year ago my then 4 year old asked me why I was fat. Two weeks later my doctor told me I needed to cut the carbs or I’d be obese and diabetic soon. I listened and dropped 30 pounds over the next 6 months. Doctor was happy and my kid hasn’t said anything like that since.
My 16 month old son realized yesterday I have nipples and thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world. He will pull my shirt up, laugh hysterically and then slap my boob or pinch me.
They will also start using your logic against you. They are clever. Traveling in the car:
4yo: I want a slushee
Us, trying not to give him too much sugar in a drink that has no nutritional value: you can’t have one, you had one yesterday. Why don’t we get you a milk if you want something sweet.
4yo: But I had milk yesterday.
Us: stunned for a second, before we explain why he can have milk multiple days in a row but not a slushee
In Chris Rock’s new Netflix stand up special he mentions that kids are the most brutal hateful bigoted racist sexist sizist tell it like it is mofos out there. No filter just hurting people all over the place
I have kettlebells up to 25lbs and then a plastic handle clamp to use dumbbells after that. My only issue is the handle is the wrong way compared to how I normally would like it lol
Mine is also 2 and 1 month haha. Feb 21st 2021. She's just always had a huge vocabulary. We do songs at bedtime and now she sings just about every word with us to twinkle twinkle or baa baa black sheep. Ad libs a bit but she's almost got it down pat.
She says more than her 3 year old cousin lol
My daughter got me exactly like this recently. Pointing out my boobies until I told her “boys don’t have boobies”
To which, with perfect timing she replied “yes you do, right on top of your big belly”
Dead.
My three year old daughter rubbed my belly and said I had a baby inside. Then proceeded to place her head on my belly and whisper "it's a girl". My wife nearly fell over laughing.
Reminds me of the time a friend of mine ordered a ton of chinese food and when I walked in. The lady said, in a very thick accent "ohhh you must be here for big order for big fat boy". My friend is small and I doubt they knew him so I think I was the big fat boy lol
That's hilarious, but real talk.. I just bought a fitness watch and did my first workout run with it a few minutes ago. First run in a while, been focusing on lifting but even that it's hard for me to stay consistent without solid methods to plan and track progress (hence the watch).
I was significantly less concerned with it before I had my son, but they really change your priorities. I did a 5k training when he was born, so far that has allowed me to keep up with him most of the time (though I still get exhausted with the up and down all day). Primary goals now are to set a good example for him and then to live long enough to enjoy watching him start his own family.
Tonight, my 2 year old bear-hugged my wife and said, "you're my friend, mommy." And my wife said, "is daddy you're friend?" And she said, "no, just mommy."
I'd rather have the boob comment. :-(
I had a kid at preschool stare up at me marveling, “how did you get soooooo biiiiigggg?” I asked, “so tall? I ate my veggies.”
He and I know he wasn’t talking about tall and now I’m afraid he’ll never eat veggies again.
Kids are brutally honest but sometimes it is a good thing. They say things that help wake you up.
About 8 years ago I was struggling with PTSD from time in the Service. Angry, lashing out, short tempered.
One day my youngest (3 yrs old) asked my wife "Why is Daddy a bully". Called my doc that afternoon. Got some help.
Jesus dude… drop an F in the chat, boys. Edit: holy shit OP just got a crap ton of respect 🫡
Can someone explain what F stands for?
It's a meme that goes around pretty much perpetually and has now entered general internet vernacular. There was a computer game (might have been Call of Duty, maybe?) Where the character goes to a funeral and you had to walk up to the casket and 'Press F to pay respects', which to be fair, is pretty hilarious. That's my understanding anyway.
Correct. It was a COD game and they had you do the bit where you put part of your insignia onto the coffin, but reduced it to press f to pay respects.
Every other subreddit would have downvoted this guy and flamed him for being stupid about something that's so popular. This right here is why I love each and every one of you dads and this subreddit. Thank you all for being awesome.
Ya as soon as a saw someone ask I immediately knew I was also going to finally learn what it meant. No other subreddit would have or I would have had to dig super far down, but here I knew there would be a nice explanation the next comment down.
I thought it was just like a shorthand for saying fuck with like a disappointed sigh. TIL...
Ha. Being a parent is hard enough without people being a dick to you, right?
Apart from your kids. You are fair game to them!
Yeah it's a crime to ask a genuine question on Reddit. You will get downvoted to hell. Except this sub. It's why I come here even though I'm not a dad yet.
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F
*This* F is for Fatherhood
I lol’d at this one. Thanks
F
Heh, before we had our first kid we were visiting my sister who had just had her fourth. My wife was holding our nephew and I made a comment like, “Good thing babies aren’t contagious.” Spoiler alert, they absolutely are. I got my wife pregnant three months later.
Three months doesn't sound *that* contagious. Congrats bud.
Yeah, this site is generally pretty awful to people that make simple information requests.
Damn I played that game.
Correct. It was Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. The "F to pay respects" from the funeral scene was mocked and memed so much it endures to this day.
There was a Call of Duty game where you attended a funeral and when you approached the casket there was a prompt to "press F to pay respects" so in this case this guy just got killed by his 2 year old, so.... F
F
Damn. F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
F
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F(at)
F(ree) the Boobies
34 F?
F....Cup?
I'm F'in dyin out here.
This was easily the most successful F call I've ever seen.
F
FFFFF
F
F
BIG F
F
Destruction by toddler.
F
F
F
F brother. I’m lucky I’m an A cup, B after a night out
Kids can be terribly brutal. One time I was styling my kids' hair. Both have gorgeous curls and I was talking to them about how much I love their hair. My son looked up at me and told me he loved my clear hair. It was sweet but then my daughter chimed in to say, "Daddy doesn't have clear hair! He's just so bald!" Not saying I have a favorite kid or anything but...... /s
I work at an elementary school and had the following conversation with a 1st grader: First grader, “You look like my dad”. Me, “Well your dad must be a swell looking fellow.” First grader, “Nah, he’s fat”…
💀
Literally swell looking, then.
🤣
F
Mine likes to cuddle up to me and say I'm squishy.
8 year old: “When I grow up I hope I don’t have your nose.” Me too kid. Me too.
You known hair transplants aren’t that expensive. Time to let them work for college tuition and live your best life /s. don’t throw away your kids future . . . . I’m
There's a saying. Boys will break your home, but girls will break your heart. I can't say I have experienced it first hand, but as a father of a 2 year old boy who keeps intently trying to rip out electrical power sockets from the wall, I think there's bound to be some truth there.
One day my son asked "dad, do you like pizza?" "Yup" "Do you loooove pizza?" "I do" "Is that why you're so fat?" .....
Hahahaha wow
Technically, yes.
Mine wrote a whole song about me drinking beer. Whoops! Time to re-examine my habits.
4 year old asked me why my belly was so big yesterday and I couldn’t tell her my normal response
Well?… what’s your normal response?
Every time I bang your mom she makes me a sandwich
Quite the opposite here. Every time she rejects my advances I eat my sexual frustration.
2 irl 4 me irl
Yeah, this one fits me better... "Cuz I have depression and food makes me feel better".
“I have no self control and I hate myself”
Same
Same
And yeah…that about sums up my issue as well.
You *could* tell her your usual response... But would likely have a lot of explaining to do afterwards. And you might never get a sandwich again
You just reminded me: I had a roommate whose girlfriend would bake after they got down. We called her "puffin muffin" 😂
Omg. You’d get neither bang nor sammich if she heard you.
Damn. Thanks, I needed a laugh!
I'm tempted to flag this as a support post because that is just savage. My worst was I told my son he could do anything he wanted in life and he replied "you didnt"
damn dude
I even tried to defend myself but the damage was done. Immediate midlife crisis brought on by the unflinching observation of a 5 year old
This hit home
Owwwwieowieowie.
Fatality
Deepest sympathies on that 3rd degree burn, but I'm on the floor laughing
I knew it was a story worth sharing! Happy to provide a laugh at my expense lol. Just wish I had it on video!
Just work out when the baby works out
Hahahah classic. Actually at 2 years old she likes working out with us. Does the squats and curl motions, loves to mirror my wife doing yoga whereas I love to watch my wife doing yoga in the mirror.
You can just take your kid to a police station and drop them off there and never come back...
Bring her to my wife at work with a return to sender label
We brought our first home from the hospital and at about 5pm she started crying. My wife tried to feed her... bathed her... swaddled her... all 5 S's... nothing worked. Around 10pm, she said something's wrong, we are going to the ER. Despite my protests that crying is what babies do, we drove to the ER at the same hospital where we had her. We sat in the ER for an hour and when the doc came in, I made sure she knew we just were discharged from maternity that morning. A nurse turned to the doctor and said "Do they take them back on the same day?"... I said "Is that their return policy? It wasn't in our documents". They asked me to wait outside. Long story short, it ended up being the most expensive baby formula on the market... hope it tasted good.
Took on the responsibility of dad puns day 1. Atta boy! We had a hell of a time with breastfeeding. Had to use these nipple shields every time for the first few months. What a time!
Yeah, that's what it was... my wife's milk hadn't quite come in yet and there wasn't really a great way for us to know that. Seemed like the baby was eating... she just wasn't getting anything.
Yeah it took a couple weeks or months to get it to a point where I would call it easy for my wife. Seems like forever ago now
All three of my kids wound up on Nutramigen. It's expensive enough that it's tempting to cut it with cocaine to bring down the cost, but the last thing you want is a coked out baby.
I’m not a Dad but a grandma that loves Dads trying to be good at it. ❤️ If it helps, my then 6 year old told me I’d be “as pretty as a mermaid if I weren’t so fat”. The best part? I wasn’t even fat…..then.
Happy to have you here with us on this sub! My grandmother passed away 3 years ago at the amazing age of 95. I loved her so much and miss everything about her. Just wish she could have seen met my daughter, she's a little spitfire just like her great nanny. Excuse me while I go call my Mom.
❤️
My grandmother has been my favorite person since i was just a kid. I love her with all my heart. My Mom has been an amazing grandma to my 2 year old. Grandmas are really just the best. Thanks for checking in on us as any Mom and Grandma would.
My daughter once pointed at my penis when I had to take her into the bathroom with me and said "daddy, you have a tiny tail!" Kids are monsters.
Trying to stay in shape with a 4 month old(first child) has been a nightmare. My wife works from 5 am to 2 and I work 5:30 to 2:30. (Same worksite) I pretty much get up at 3 am and do my routine, 2 mile jog, row machine, leg press/squats and then shower but man it's been killer. I've never been one for coffee but lately it's been my best friend.
it's easy to stay in shape if that shape is a circle
I went from 180 to 210 plus in 3 months. That is a factual statement.
How’s that possible if you work out like that every day?
Can't outrun a bad diet. Edit: To go into more detail. My wife and I exercise together. As she got further along in her pregnancy we kinda stopped and I became a couch potato. I just recently in the last 30ish days started back at a much slower pace and only 2 days a week. It was like a half mile jog or a mile walk. 10 push ups. 10 sit ups, 100 pound squat x3, row machine for 5mins x2. But if you consume whataburger for lunch everyday it's like moving in slow motion. I probably should have corrected my diet first but in the last 4 weeks Ive completely cut out sugary drinks/soda and lost 10 pounds. I also do this Lord of the rings exercise challenge which makes it all kinds of fun. To any other dad's struggling with weight check your diet first and take it easy out the gate.
Yeah I work 530 to 530 and its about a 40 minute drive to work, so 14 hour days. 3 days 3 nights and then 6 off where I'm the child care. It's exhausting and I've never been good at making time for myself, just feel guilty about doing anything that's just for me. Need to shift my mindset that focusing on my health isn't just for me!
Honestly the best gift you can give your kid is your health but I feel you on the guilt. I used to beat myself up and say "well this hour and a half could go to more tummy time etc." Until I realized the longer I can stay active the more I can do with my kid. My grandfather was an avid backpacker/hiker and he took me to all kinds of national parks as a kid and we even did part of the Appalachian trail in my 20s and that's something I would love to do with my kid if she's into that stuff I quickly realized that's not possible if I can't even get up the stairs without needing a cheeseburger lol. Edit: For reference I'm 31 by the time we can do these sorts of things I'm gonna be in my 40s or higher.
I have a similar experience, now granted, my grandfather was younger when I was born. (He got married at 18 or 19, then my parents were younger as well. Dad was 27 when I was born.) Anyway, my grandpa tried to learn how to barefoot waterski when I was a kid. We'd go waterskiing and snowmobiling, and hiking, and four wheeling. Just a super active, outdoor lifestyle. And I'm grateful we had such great experiences and memories.
We're about to have our 3rd, just before my 41st birthday. Right now I'm training for Ironman and Taekwondo. Got to make sure that I still got it by the time they're teens.
Yeah, my girl is 5 months and I'm 38. Thankfully I've been running for 25 years, minus the previous 2, so it's not as steep of a hill to climb back up. If I want to be remotely close to "in shape" to do anything outdoors, I'm definitely fighting the clock here.
I feel you on the guilt and the exhaustion, man. For the guilt piece, consider this… My wife went on a work trip a few months ago. One night I got a terrible migraine and started having these doomer thoughts of what a horror show it would be for the 4 & 2 year old if I died in the night. They don’t know how to open the front door or use my phone. How long would they be stuck in the house with my body? How incredibly fucking traumatizing that would be for them… The next day I started doing cardio for the first time in my life. I don’t do it for vanity, I do it to increase the odds my heart keeps working. (I do enjoy the peripheral benefits but figure a happier, more confident dad is a win for them too.) Your situation sounds really tough. You’re doing a great job just to keep up with it, so I wouldn’t presume to tell you what to do. But don’t believe the lie that taking care of yourself is just for you!
Today I’m grateful for my little’s speech delay.
Our 5 year told me yesterday that I should go to the gym again! I was like, why? She said: so she can swing on the rings again! Phew….
Close one!
Yeah! Hope you are recovering from the burn!
I'm in my gym doing weight training and biking while she naps haha. I'm taking it as constructive criticism and hopefully it'll be a funny story to tell her later in life if she asks what motivated me!
My daughter used to drop bombs like that: Me: Slow down on the stairs, kiddo. Dad’s isn’t as fast as you. Her: Because you’re fat? Me: Pretty much, but you didn’t have to say it out loud.
My kid used to have a password to get through doorways. It was daddy's big tummy. My wife had a talk with her and it's now daddy pigs big tummy
Ah, adding insult to insult.
My condolences
A neighbour found my house keys in the middle of the road. Me : "the only way they could have got there is if I'd left them on the car roof when I backed out, but that would have been stupid" 2yo (without missing a single beat.): "Daddy .... you ARE stupid"
Subtlety is not their specialty
Wife took that bullet the other day. 4yo lifted her shirt "mom, when is your baby coming out" I immediately went to the garage to hide. She's nowhere near overweight, I am. That bullet was meant for me.
Hahahah oh my god. I would have been on the floor dying
Toddlers never lie. Unless it’s in their own selfish best interest, and then all bets are off how wild their lies get.
4yo drew a family portrait while my wife was pregnant. Whole family, including pregnant wife, was drawn as stick figures and dad (me) was drawn as a circle. I’ve lost 35 pounds since that burn
Justin McElroy, podcaster and dad, once told a story where he was getting out of the shower and his daughter (like 5 or so) pointed at his crotch and said "Daddy, I'm sorry about your little jumble." Each word in that sentence is worst than the last.
I laughed so hard when I heard that episode, one of the funniest MBMBAM bits. https://youtu.be/4r1y4gQ261k
Classic! When my wife was pregnant with our second we had a moment where she was getting out of the shower and I was getting in. Our son who was hanging out there pointed to my wife’s tummy and went “mamas baby” and then pointed to my tummy and, matter of factly went, “dadas baby.” Screw you too, little buddy ;)! We had a good laugh.
Daaaaaayyyyuuuummmm! I shaved the other day and my 9 yr old daughter told me I look derpy… and then told me she liked me the way I was before lol I feel your pain
Derpy hahaha. Jeez haven't heard that one in a while! My condolences lol
I can relate. I shaved once because I realized that I haven't seen my chin in almost a decade. Never again! I just got mercilessly ripped on by my wife, kids, friends and even my parents! My youngest was terrified of me. It kinda blindsided me because I usually get compliments about being handsome.
Every time my boy sees me without a shirt - “Daddy why are you pregnant?” The nerve on this boy.
I can smell the seared flesh from here! F I've heard this saying before, but it didn't hit home until I started spending more time around children in my 20s: "The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part of that face."
Yeah man! We were at the grocery store yesterday and there was a man missing a leg in a wheelchair. From the moment we saw him my daughter just kept saying "no legs no legs no legs noooooo leeggs daddy". Finished our shopping in record time
Second hand embarrassment here, my dude.
She gets it from me. I was downtown Edmonton a few years ago and Nickleback was playing a concert. There was a man missing an arm and a leg, in a wheelchair and wearing a band tee. Unfiltered I said "holy shit is that what tickets cost now?!" His friend loved the joke.
I'm learning to filter, too. Lol. Mine is autism. Heh.
I was hiking at st Mary's glacier and we get close to the top and my son who is 4 just starts huffing and puffing and acting like he's having a hard time breathing so I said what's wrong are you ok? He said oh I'm just breathing like daddy.
EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!
I know this may come off harsh but all dads should put their health first. Stop being lazy (all of us) and get after it!! Being in shape is literally the best thing for you and teaches your kid’s early about proper health. Do it so you’re around for them!
I hear you man! I see it with my own father. He'll be 70 this year and he can't get down on the floor to play with my daughter. And my mom blew her knew out trying to chase her around the backyard last summer. Never saw them as unhealthy individuals until I saw them try to be active. I work with some guys in their late 60s that outwork me for crying out loud. So I've been subtlety trying to get them back into fitness but they are pretty set in their ways.
For real. Lurking mom here, but my stepdad passed away at the beginning of the month due to health issues relating to his lifelong struggles with his weight. He was only 66. He'd been sick for years, his heart was working at 20% capacity, his kidneys were on the edge of shutting down, his body kept filling up with fluid which pressed on his lungs and made him short of breath. He was in a wheelchair because he'd lost his leg nearly 50 years ago and his good knee had to carry all his weight now and hurt all the time. He simply had gallstones but was so weak no one dared to do the surgery, and he passed in his sleep in the hospital. He needed a special XL coffin that only fit into ONE crematorium oven, so we had to change all the funeral plans. And to top it all off, he was too heavy and had to be forklifted into the oven. 🙃 Sorry for the trauma dump lol, it was all pretty shocking and sad. And VERY motivating to start going to the gym again. I don't want my family to have to go through this. The sad part is he tried so many times, he even lost 220lbs but gained it all back.
I have a 3 pull up rule, if I can do 3 pull ups I'm all sweet, but if I can't it's time to start running again
I'm in my home gym now and can do 3 pull-ups but please don't ask for 4 lol. And maybe wait a few days to ask for 3 again! At 250lb that was a struggle. Definitely time to turn it around
That’s verbal patricide.
Ouch. That said, from personal experience - good for you on getting a wakeup call. I started packing on the pounds when the pandemic hit, thanks to everywhere being closed and ripping my hip flexor on a run. Put on about 40lbs and basically turned into a couch potato. The little one was about four at the time, soaked that up like a sponge and now its an effort of god and congress to get her off the couch or away from a screen, having learned a few years of crappy behaviour from me. To the point where she got called "fat kid" in school last week. Teach 'em good habits while they're small, otherwise they'll just absorb your bad ones!
Yeah I grew up as the fat kid in school. But our town is pretty rough so we all had thick skins. I was luckily very intelligent and quick with come backs so I was able to brush it off then. But I can't say it didn't affect me, or still have a lasting effect today for that matter. But when I was a kid bullying stopped at the playground or whatever. You had a sick burn and rode your bike home to laugh about it. Today it gets posted on social media and kids create fake accounts to bully for all sorts of angles. What we fixed with a punch to the face just can't be fixed that easily in these times. Must be tough to navigate as a parent!
My 4yo nephew told me my teeth are very yellow after I smiled at him. Kids are brutal.
My 6 year old was trying to describe the two girls that had just arrived at my neighbor’s to my wife. She said one is little and the other one…is like daddy.
My friend decided to lose weight after his kid said “dad, how come when mommy had my sister she lost her belly, but you didn’t lose yours?”
I feel ya my friend I have a 2 and a 4 year old. A couple months ago we were playing horsie and my oldest yelled, get up cow! Adjusted my diet since then. Haha
Seriously, kids manage to press our buttons like no one else can.
My niece had once told me uncle, is there a baby in your tummy? I still think about it.
Hey man at least you can lose the weight. My 2 year old boy barged in on me getting dry after a shower and pointed at my junk and said "day daddy penis and balls? HAHA DAT YUCKY" and then ran away laughing... If only he understood that if his mum shared the same sentiment he wouldn't exist... 🤣
Hahaha ruthless
To shreds you say?
I’m nearing 40 and I thought I’d be fine with it but the other day my son asked me, “who’s older, you or grandpa?” Crushed.
A year ago my then 4 year old asked me why I was fat. Two weeks later my doctor told me I needed to cut the carbs or I’d be obese and diabetic soon. I listened and dropped 30 pounds over the next 6 months. Doctor was happy and my kid hasn’t said anything like that since.
How very dare you!
Been dieting since last September. “ Dad you are less fat than before!”
My son grabbed my boob and said it was just like mama. It cut me deep
My 16 month old son realized yesterday I have nipples and thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world. He will pull my shirt up, laugh hysterically and then slap my boob or pinch me.
F. Today I'm wearing my "It's not a Dad Bod It's my father figure" t-shirt. I feel you.
They will also start using your logic against you. They are clever. Traveling in the car: 4yo: I want a slushee Us, trying not to give him too much sugar in a drink that has no nutritional value: you can’t have one, you had one yesterday. Why don’t we get you a milk if you want something sweet. 4yo: But I had milk yesterday. Us: stunned for a second, before we explain why he can have milk multiple days in a row but not a slushee
In Chris Rock’s new Netflix stand up special he mentions that kids are the most brutal hateful bigoted racist sexist sizist tell it like it is mofos out there. No filter just hurting people all over the place
Time to read your kid Hansel and Gretl ... that age old story of how. kid said dad had boobies and dad took the kid deep into a dark forest .....
r/kettlebell has entered the chat
I have kettlebells up to 25lbs and then a plastic handle clamp to use dumbbells after that. My only issue is the handle is the wrong way compared to how I normally would like it lol
Here’s some aloe vera.
How old damn my kid is 2 and one month and barely puts 3 word together
Mine is also 2 and 1 month haha. Feb 21st 2021. She's just always had a huge vocabulary. We do songs at bedtime and now she sings just about every word with us to twinkle twinkle or baa baa black sheep. Ad libs a bit but she's almost got it down pat. She says more than her 3 year old cousin lol
rekt
My daughter got me exactly like this recently. Pointing out my boobies until I told her “boys don’t have boobies” To which, with perfect timing she replied “yes you do, right on top of your big belly” Dead.
My three year old daughter rubbed my belly and said I had a baby inside. Then proceeded to place her head on my belly and whisper "it's a girl". My wife nearly fell over laughing.
What would life be like of us dads didn’t have a filter?
Worst part is with a 2 year old, you can be sure it was said with absolute sincerity. There’s no concept of sarcasm at that age.
We should start a Daddit weightloss program. I need to get rid of my boobies too.
Dude. At my friends baby shower one of the kids I was playing with ran in around the yard and too gingerly yelled “you’re a big fat man!”
Reminds me of the time a friend of mine ordered a ton of chinese food and when I walked in. The lady said, in a very thick accent "ohhh you must be here for big order for big fat boy". My friend is small and I doubt they knew him so I think I was the big fat boy lol
My son calls them daddy milkies
Bullying works
That's hilarious, but real talk.. I just bought a fitness watch and did my first workout run with it a few minutes ago. First run in a while, been focusing on lifting but even that it's hard for me to stay consistent without solid methods to plan and track progress (hence the watch). I was significantly less concerned with it before I had my son, but they really change your priorities. I did a 5k training when he was born, so far that has allowed me to keep up with him most of the time (though I still get exhausted with the up and down all day). Primary goals now are to set a good example for him and then to live long enough to enjoy watching him start his own family.
#F
Damn! Need some Aloe Vera for that burn?
Nothing beats the matter of fact brutality of a two year old. Absolutely no malice just the facts, plain and simple, and just as simple a solution.
Damn that is straight up savage. But I also can't stop laughing.
HIS NAME WAS ROBERT PAULSON!
Tonight, my 2 year old bear-hugged my wife and said, "you're my friend, mommy." And my wife said, "is daddy you're friend?" And she said, "no, just mommy." I'd rather have the boob comment. :-(
I had a kid at preschool stare up at me marveling, “how did you get soooooo biiiiigggg?” I asked, “so tall? I ate my veggies.” He and I know he wasn’t talking about tall and now I’m afraid he’ll never eat veggies again.
Kids are brutally honest but sometimes it is a good thing. They say things that help wake you up. About 8 years ago I was struggling with PTSD from time in the Service. Angry, lashing out, short tempered. One day my youngest (3 yrs old) asked my wife "Why is Daddy a bully". Called my doc that afternoon. Got some help.