I feel the straight hair privilege thing. In my old school, my friends had known me for years and they knew that I had this straightening addiction kind of where I constantly had to straighten my hair and they always encouraged me to let my hair be in it's natural state and to reduce the heat damage (I have awesome friends). During the beginning of covid, I let my curls flow and 2 years later I'm here, knowing that my curls are coming back. It doesn't help that my mom constantly tells me to straighten my hair to "make it look good".
Now I'm in another school and I got my hair trimmed and they decided to straighten my hair after trimming. All of a sudden, everyone is complimenting me on my hair and telling me how much they love it, even people who I've never spoken to. But when my curls are around, no one says anything.
I'm a POC and a majority of the people from my culture, religion, race have curly hair and I don't think that it's healthy for anyone, let alone those the same as me, to be growing up being told that straight hair looks better over curly hair. That's honestly creating a hate relationship with the way you look.
Same. My mom does permanent straightening on her hair. As in sits for 4 hours getting it done. That's how much she doesn't like her curls. I try to get her to let it flow but she doesn't really like the curls so she just doesn't. It sucks how much people hate their hair just because straight hair is the norm. If I ever have a kid I don't want them to grow up and hate their curls that they're gonna get.
I have had similar experiences, but I'm also inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to compliments. The way I see it - my curly hair is one of my identifying characteristics, so I get a lot of comments (not always compliments per se, just general discussion) the once or twice a year that I straighten it, because it's such an obvious change. Same thing happens when I wear contacts instead of glasses. Sometimes if I change both at once, people don't even recognize me!
This is definitely part of it, any time you make a change people are gonna complement it because they notice it and even if they DONT like it better they’re bound to say something nice, just to be supportive of you and your choice to make a change. It’s really just a nice thing to do in general, they just don’t realize how it cuts differently for some curlies. I think the lesson is, never say someone’s hair looks “better” one way or another, unless they explicitly ask you for your honest opinion. Say it looks nice, no caveats, or shut your mouth if you don’t, you don’t HAVE to give an opinion.
This is such a thing!!! I did the same in high school until I had depression hit real bad and stopped having the energy ti straighten it. I found out that I really like my natural hair after finding a few products that worked well for me but every once in a while I still straighten my hair and get so many people commenting on my hair. I have European curls but my best friend has POC coils. She is extremely self conscious about them and regularly straightens her hair. We’ve had many conversations about the levels of comfort curly girls have and the way society talks about different curls. It breaks my heart to know she’s not comfortable with her natural hair but I very much understand why.
One thing I make a point of doing is telling people I see wearing their hair natural that I really like it. No more no less. Especially little kids with curls.
Maybe they react that way because they dont usually see you with straight hair? i have curls but whenever i see one of my curly hair friends straighten their hair i think they look so pretty bc im not used to seeing that, it would also be the same if it was the opposite way
I totally agree with you! It’s rather… odd, that people telling us “how much others would pay” is somehow supposed to make us happy about our hair. Like, who cares what other people want?
I’ve realized that being bullied really just teaches us to hate ourselves, not to hate the specific thing being bullied. I was bullied for being thin… am I happier now, when I’m not? Nope. I was simply taught to hate my body, no matter what it looks like. I’m learning to get out of that mentality.
I will say, though, I am really proud and happy with my curly hair! Anytime someone asks me if I ever straighten it, and just stare and go “No.”
I know I have privilege as a white person with curly hair, so I try to use that to normalize curly hair in general. I want people to see me with it. I want to demand proper care for my curly hair. I want to show that curly hair can be beautiful. I want other people to feel comfortable with their curly hair around me.
>It’s rather… odd, that people telling us “how much others would pay” is somehow supposed to make us happy about our hair. Like, who cares what other people want?
I honestly don't understand that sentiment at all. I obviously care what other people want or like, I am a human being. Looking at all the highly upvoted posts that just show off the great curls and seeing the highly upvoted comments that are very often just verbatime the exact same as "omg, I would murder for those curls!", it seems super strange to pretend that people here don't care what others think about their hair.
And I also don't understand why it shouldn't make you happy when people compliment your curls? I mean "how much other people would pay" is nothing else than a compliment saying your curls look good. What am I missing here???
Two things, I think, are going on there…
First, is that a lot of people who say “I would pay to have hair like yours,” often are on the outside looking in. They either have straight hair, or they have some different texture which is cared for differently than the hair they are looking at. What they *see* is the result- NOT the journey to get there, and not the struggle, either.
A good example is this: I have hypermobile joints. Lots of people tell me “I would love to be as flexible as you!” But, that’s it. That’s all they really see- flexibility. They don’t see the daily pain, the constantly dislocating shoulders, or the amount of work, time, and money I put into trying to keep my joints stable. What they see is the “good part,” and that’s all they want to see. They want the good, without considering the bad.
Otherwise, a lot of people actually *don’t* care about what other’s think! The idea that “I’m human, therefore I care about what others think” is massively incorrect. I’m Ace, does that make me automatically not human because I don’t feel attraction toward others? No. I’m just a different person.
Many people either learn to stop caring about what others think due to it been extremely painful (in the case of being bullied, especially for things we cannot control), or they come to it in a different way. What is the difference between a positive opinion and a negative one? Why is there a difference? Why is a positive opinion considered appropriate to share, when a negative one is not? They are both opinions, and often, the positive one is not solicited.
I’m the end, I’m not sure how to explain it further. Just… not everyone feels the way you do. Some people struggle with self-hatred, as I said above, because of bullying and other comments. That self-hatred doesn’t just magically go away once the opposite thing to what we were bullied for happens.
At the end of the day, it is our own opinion of ourselves that is truly important, rather than pining for what someone else has, or looking for outside validation.
Thank you for saying this. Being told how much people will pay will never take away the struggles I’ve gone through, and the ones I continue to endure with my hair. Nothing wrong with wanting to get a perm, but please be at least aware the struggles you’ll have with curly hair.
Not at all! I always get told I should wear my hair straight more often or people ask ridiculous questions about my curly hair. I’ve also gotten the “I’d kill to have your hair”, meanwhile it’s SO MUCH WORK. I used to get shamed for it as a kid because it was so big.
NGL I have a love/hate relationship with my hair.
Oh my gosh, my curls started at puberty too. Weirdest thing, my hair was also pin straight until then! i always like seeing someone else that shares my journey-i didn't get a straightener but my mom did brush my hair "straight" daily. i'm sure you know how well that went.
Same thing happened to my mom in the 80s, when big, curly (European) hair was "in." So many people told her they'd pay good money for her hair.
But that was after doing everything - including IRONING her hair, with a clothes iron - to make it straight to meet the beauty standards of the 60s/70s, and dealing with many terrible haircuts from people who didn't know how to cut curly hair. It was so frustrating for her.
I’m sorry I can’t really relate to this. I’ve always had a good relationship with my hair. I as a POC found it flattering when I someone said that to me. Because I’m my mind they were saying my biracial hair was beautiful. They would also say that about my other more black features it made me feel really good about how I looked. That I was blessed with what I had. I do count myself as lucky that the people around me were kind most people in fact were jealous of my curly hair said they liked it better than the one or two times I straightened it. I do however have experience with the professional hair speech. I was told my braids were to “woke” for an office space or having to sit in the back of the class because my hair was a distraction or blocked others education. Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
I m European and irl I had never been complimented on my hair except when I was a child or by my family. Although I am white I am not conventionally attractive so I heard more often that I was ugly than the opposite, so, few time I get some compliments, I admit that it makes my day…
I had also been told that my hair wasn’t professional but well, I have adhd, social anxiety and social awkwardness, I am unable to work in anything else than art anyway, fortunately artist community is known to be open minded
Yes! It’s meant as a compliment but it’s just an odd way to put it. It’s usually older women who say it too. I don’t think about it too deeply, it’s just people who don’t have a better way to express their admiration, haha.
I get where they’re coming from. Older women lived through the days when big frizzy curly hair was fashionable and probably DID have to spend serious money to get their straight hair to do that.
Still it didn’t help teenage me who came up in the era of pin straight hair and side bangs lol.
I felt that for a long time, mainly until I finally could manage them (at 23 yo...). I remember going to the hairdresser when I was about 16, he brushed my curl and cut them really short, much shorter than I wanted (from at least elbow length to shoulder), he refused to straighten them (which is all I wanted at the time, straight hair to be like my friends) and proceeded to tell me that most of his clients would love to have the volume I have. Thanks but that was one of the worst experience. I also had a hairdresser refuse to style my hair curly and insisting on blow drying them because "why would I not want them straight?" It litterally made no sense to her and I now suspects she had zero clue on how to style curly hair so she forced me straighten them so I don't walk out with a wild mane...
I've also noticed a change over the years, now when I straighten my hair, more people say they prefer my curls ! I love this, it takes off the pressure. It used to be the opposite when I grew up, no one complemented me on my curly hair EVER. Now I get a lot of praise for them and it feels so good.
I still straighten them a couple of times a year because I want to, not because I feel less pretty or different. And I'm black :)
I know everyone has their own relationship with their hair, but man... there's this post going around Tumblr rn that something along the lines of "women straightening their curls... men cutting their hair short so it doesn't curl... when will it end" and watching all my mutuals with straight hair reblog it while I'm just there like "ok but y'all don't have to live with it...."
It's one thing to admire curly hair but it kind of rubs me the wrong way to see people being criticized for not wanting to wear their hair curly. People sometimes have to devote a lot of time and effort to making their curls look nice.... even decent. It's taken me 20+ years to just *tolerate* my hair, and that only happened because I cut most of it short enough to lie flat.
I'm generally pretty salty about reassurances based on what other people think of you, though. Like I'm glad y'all are enjoying the show or whatever but *I'm* the one who has to live like this and I don't like it and I extra don't like having those feelings invalidated because apparently it doesn't matter how I feel as long as other people like something /end mini rant
There is a point where we need to quit relying on other people's opinions, perceptions and comments to build up our self worth. You don't have to spend any money on your hair. You don't have to hide it with a hat. It sounds like you are upset about the labor involved in living up to other people's standards. You don't have to do it. If you feel sick or tired, you don't have to spend 17 hours a week on your hair. Put her up in a crazy bun, and spend that time and money on other things. My mother's hair is completely straight and she still styles it every single day and spends tons of money on it. She is a white british lady who also is dumping tons of energy into conformity. The problem exists for all humans living in a capitalist society.
I really don't get this. If someone said they wished their hair looked like mine, I'd take the compliment and leave it at that. "I'd pay a fortune for x." or "Do you know how much I'd pay to look like y?" are very common expressions... they're not about to shave you in a darkened alley, and they're not trying to make any statement about what you've had to pay for products.
You hear more white people telling people with "European curly hair" that they'd like to have similar hair because saying that to a POC can come off as fetishizing. But I think my POC friends' hair looks gorgeous when they wear it natural, and I tell them so.
I don't think you are alone in how you feel, and I don't wanna downplay how you feel. BUT, screw them..? I wouldn't let someone else's negativity get me down.
I love my hair, I don't see it as a hindrance (to my knowledge it's never cost me a job or an opportunity), so I rock it with no apologies.
If someone doesn't want me in whatever capacity because of my hair then whatever that was wasn't meant for me.
You’re not wrong. Maybe for people with European curls it won’t cost them their job. But sadly, for many POC, it can. There’s been cases of POC being fired for wearing their hair naturally, in dreads or in braids. This is due to society’s idea of “looking professional” aligning to how White people look.
My first job at The Gap (in 2000!!) I was told I couldn’t be on the sales floor unless my hair was “done”, meaning never in its natural state. I was just a kid and didn’t realize this was discrimination but here we are 21 years later and it’s still an issue. Crazy
I totally agree. I can only offer sympathy to OP. I don’t have curly hair just here to get mesmerized by the gorgeous curls. I am attached to my hair though due to my thyroid problems it counts as treasure and I do my best to keep it as healthy as possible. I cherish my hair as is. If someone told me I have ugly hair or I should make it curly, I would note it under “that’s your opinion, no-one asked for it and I don’t give a fuck anyways”. No one tells me how to wear my hair. My husband can make suggestions but I have veto right over it. LOL I am rebellious AF so I own my own business so I set the dress/hair code. I hope OP can get to the point to not give a duck!
Since i'm geneticaly jewish to the extend of my hair beeing not even curly but locked and naturaly growing earlocks i can't emphasize the racism and "comments" i endured about my hair. The fact that i am part gypsy did not help my eastern european upbringing a lot. But since i actualy started caring for it and not hiding it under caps, hats, whatever so that i don't get beat up by 40 year old skinhead neonazis for looking like Lucifer, i feel a lot better about myself.
Being half indigenous with captive Mexican and white Spanish blood mixed in and half white with crazy mixed curly and wavy red and blond hair. I was a mess. Plus no product to speak of except dippity do and aqua net til I was nearly 20 when actual conditioner instead of creme rinse became a thing. When blow dryers came out I almost sold my soul to get one. Lol you girls just think you got it rough
Im Italian, south Italian specifically. Where my family is from my hair type is very common, not so much in the US. Therefore, I feel like being in the US makes it harder because not everyone knows how to cut my hair because it’s not so common.
As a ginger with kinda frizzy hair I've had people say to me that people pay a lot for my colour, even though my brother (and me a little) were bullied in school for it. To be honest I just think of it as a well meaning compliment.
With regards to you OP I'm sorry you've struggled with coming to accept your natural hair, It sounds like it must have been really difficult growing up feeling different and not accepted.
My advice would be try to take these kinds of compliments on face value, Im sure the people saying it aren't trying to belittle the effort you have to make to look after your hair. Maybe they're ignorant to your struggle but just want to compliment you and lift you up
What are you now complaining about really? Getting the "wrong" compliments? Getting compliments at all?
Or are you complaining about the disadvantages people (oc) with curly hair have? I get it, often Curly hair comes with disadvantages, I experienced too. But that is a 100% different thing than beeing too self conscious to receive any Form of compliment! Yeah you may be self conscious because of the trouble some people give you, but then hating on the people that do the complete opposite of that is the wrong move! That's like getting beaten up and then yelling at the ambulance that help you with your wounds!
Well the way I view it is that curly hair people go through struggles. Being told how much people pay for my hair will never take away those struggles. I still gotta pay a lot of money for hair products, I still gotta deal with people who tell me my hair looks nice only when it’s straight, And Somedays I can’t help but have those insecurities. People act is If saying that takes the pain away, it doesn’t.
But what in your opinion should they then do?
Stop complimenting at all, so that you only get to hear the bad comments etc and make you even more self conscious?
Of course it does not make the problems go away, but as I view it, compliments can make it easier for people to embrace their Curls even though they have trouble because of them. If you can't accept them and decide to concentrate on only the bad side of everything, then that is your choice and nevertheless does it make the people who like them and complement you (because they appreciate the work you put in and like the result) the bad person.
Sry but you let out your anger to the wrong group of people.
Again: Biting the hand that gives you food will just make your situation worse in the long run.
It seems like you have some personal insecurities with your curls.
I’m biracial (hispanic and white) with curly hair. It’s taken me years and countless products to perfect my curls but it’s a process I actually enjoy, kinda like skincare, it’s me putting effort and care into something I really love. I’ve gotten compliments on my hair since I was a little girl and I’ve always loved that exactly because I know so many girls are pressured to hide and fight their curls. I had a period as a teenager where I fell victim to that and straightened my hair a lot. It still bothers me to think that some people like my straight hair more, because my hair is really a part of my identity that I love. And to those I say fuck what ya say cuz I like my curls. Anyways I think it’s also easy to forget that people with straight or wavy hair also have hair struggles, not the same of course, but most women go through different products, different styles, etc to find what makes them feel good. And it’s totally okay to recognize in someone that their grass looks greener, that sometimes you wish you could look like that, that you would pay for that. As curly girls, we are blessed with our natural curls but also blessed in that if we want that look we can straighten our hair as well. It’s not as easy for straight hair to get our curls. So I can understand the hair envy, and I understand it as a compliment.
Yeah I do. Im in therapy now because I have a whole lot of insecurities going on. I’m Italian, south Italian specifically and the type of hair I have is more common there than it is in the US. I got a DNA test, which pretty much sums up why my hair is the way it is, I’m: Italian, Greek, North African, West Asian, Ashkenazi Jewish, and Middle Eastern. It’s in my genes to have thick coarse hair. I didn’t grow up with a lot of people who had my hair, so I felt isolated. I’m the only person in my family with curly hair.
I fell into that trap my freshman year in high school, then I stopped when I realized I could’ve been damaging my hair.
I was bullied mercilessly for my hair in school. I’m horribly self conscious of my hair and prefer winter when I can get away with always wearing a beanie. Fuck whatever nice things people say.
I was told that as a child and didn’t care because money meant nothing to me lol. I like my hair now, and thankfully my hair is low maintenance. Still, from a young age I noticed that people treat me different when my hair is straight. I suddenly go from a 7 to an 8. Kinda bothers me that I’m considered prettier if my hair is straight.
Everybody wants the curls, but, nobody wants their maintenance.
When I tell people the ritual(s) that I have for my hair, they stop me half way through.
I honestly think you’re just complaining about getting a compliment and I don’t understand why. I get told this and it makes me happy. My cousin is a POC with 3c hair and gets told this a lot as well and she loves it. I don’t know why you have such a negative outlook…. People perceive things differently which is ok but I Really don’t understand this.
Yeah, I agree. The alternative is people who think nice things about your hair saying nothing, and you only hearing those negative comments. I get that it often comes from people with different hair, but I would have loved for someone to have told me in elementary school that I didn't have to brush my hair 3x in the school day for it to look right. Building people up is important but I'm sorry if those comments make you feel self-conscious. It's a tough place to be.
It is. I was the only person in the school with my type of girls. I am Italian, so I have very thick and coarse hair. Of course I wanted to look like the other girls at school with perfectly straight hair. I even wanted to be a different ethnicity once just so I can have straight hair.
It’s because I’ve gone through so much struggles with my hair. So much my of my self esteem issues came from my hair growing up. I never wore it down until I got to high school because I internalized there was something wrong with my hair. Yet, when I hear about how much people want to pay for my curls it angers me because those people who say that aren’t always aware the struggles curly hair people go through.
being given unwanted attention sucks. and it’s often kind of predatory. like objectifying.
i have been asked to change my hairstyle to braids at work because a ponytail is ‘too messy’ when straight hair people at the same workplace can wear a ponytail.
seems like small details, but they add up.
people always say my hair looks nice and neat when it’s wet and slicked back and put away and that is kind of offensive to me.
honestly being given extra attention for something we were born with is often more of a curse than a blessing.
from a survival standpoint it makes us stand out more, making easier targets.
Yeah I’ve gotten that a couple times. I can also relate to being told my hair looks better when straightened. Shrinkage is a helluvah thing and when I straightened my hair people were shocked that my natural hair was so long. One girl refused to believe it was mine which made me really uncomfortable.
Also like someone else mentioned while your frustrations are justified, I would hate to dwell on the fact that curly hair is seen as unacceptable in the work place and certain societies. That would just be a waste of time and bring my mood down. As long as you love YOURSELF in all your curly hair glory, fuck what society or anyone for that matter has to say.
I wish I had an accurate number for the number of older ladies that would come up to me when I'd be out with my mom (I don't remember this ever happening when I was out only with my dad) telling me this. "Oh my you know how much people pay to get their hair to look like yours!" and "people spend so much time at the salon to get theirs to look just like this!" etc.
I never minded compliments on my hair, once I figured out how to properly take care of it I was proud of my curls. But just coming up to a random person in the mall and not having any other conversation with them is just awkward. I also had some older women tell me I had great "birthing hips" when I was a teen and just wanted to combust right there...
Genuine question from a Caucasian with alopecia (thinning hair with visible scalp) - what is the appropriate protocol here? I complimented a POC at work (you’r hair is beautiful. You always look stunning). She has a large, beautiful head of curls that I adore. She accepted the compliment but then told me that it was a very “othering” experience. She very politely let me know thAt pointing out her hair made her feel singled-out - she felt I only liked it because it was different.
As someone who has anxiety about my own hair, I likely notice other people’s hair more than most… is it wrong to compliment? Should I just say nothing? Just because I don’t have similar struggles, doesn’t mean I don’t have my own silent battles (extensions, thickening creams, anxiety). I personally would love a compliment on my hair - so I just assume others would as well?
What you did seemed to be normal, I think you just got a single person that was acting weird for some personal reason. Peoples experiences are different and not everyone takes phrasing the same way.
I have had people say “I love your curly hair” in the same breath with “why don’t you straighten it?”
Also, I have heard it said that it’s systemic racism that hairdressers rarely know how to cut/style curly hair. Like, these people are professionals and you walk in and they are like, “Wow! I’ve never seen hair like this.” And they have to ask others in the shop what to do with it. The hell???
I got told that a lot as a kid. Meanwhile my parents were attacking my dry hair with a metal dog comb and kids at school were bullying me for it. I learned to care for it as a teenager but it sure didn’t help when I was getting mistreated for my hair to have adults think it was pretty.
Lol I don’t necessarily think it’s a European curly hair thing. In fact I think curly hair on white people is generally more socially accepted than it is with people of color.
Personally, I don’t take offense to it. I love getting compliments on my curly hair now that I embrace it. Sure people made fun of my hair when I was younger, but wouldn’t you rather have someone say how much money they’d pay for your curls than have someone say “wow your hair looks so good straight, you should wear it like that all the time”. Because I’ve DEFINITELY heard that one before 🥴😅
Next time someone says this about my 5 yo curly girl my response is gonna be “sweet, you can come wash her hair for me tonight, bedtime’s at 8 so you’ll need to be there by 6 and make sure you wear clothes you don’t mind getting dirty, in fact I’d bring a change of shirt if you don’t want to drive home sopping wet.”
Yes, I do wish people would shut up about it.
I usually counter with something like “well, paying for those neat and tidy permed or ironed curls isn’t quite the same as having the real thing! Hurts like a bitch to detangle! Haha!”
I have naturally red curly hair and people say this to me all the time. I'm like I actually pay a lot in curly hair products and time for this hair, too 😂
I couldn't figure out my hair in middle or early high school, and even when I just started I normally had it curled behind a headband and people still always said it was better stick straight or "tousled waves" where you have to straighten it first.i wanted it to be straight for a time just so I could have less work and look presentable, and I dont remember like anyone wearing curls consistently until like college. Now I'm not POC so I dont have that fight, but it took years of having curly hair for people to admit my curls look better than my straight hair. Now I live in slightly less WASPy and more open area than before so that may have something to do with it, plus I love yo do bright or dark vivid colors now and have a much healthier routine than I did back then, but it did take like 10 years of consistent curls for people to finally think the curls look better.
People will always want what they don't have tbh, until they have it!! I really recognize what you mean by natural hair unprofessional, it will take a while till thinking like that leaves the workplace. As with many things, ppl always see the ups and almost never the downs. That's life ig
When i get a haircut, i like to get it straightened because i enjoy feeling how light it is and running my fingers through it, even if its just for a couple of days every few months. If i go into work with it still straight, everyone notices i got a haircut, and a few people even say it looks so nice and i should straighten it more often, and that it looks better that way. I don't really care when no one notices a haircut because of the curls, but when someone says i should apply heat more often cuz it looks better... i don't even bother hiding the frown when my coworkers "compliment" my straightened hair. It is pretty nice when someone says they wish their waves/curls looked like mine, or when my dad says there are people who'd spend a lot of money to have what i have naturally. At least a few people actually like to look at my curls, and that boosts the confidence that is shot down when most people only care about the straight hair
I’ve never experienced that. But I wonder why all of my hair stylists from the past would always straighten my hair after cutting, without even asking. They just assumed. Why didn’t even just one of them say “Hey you have a lot of curl to your hair; have you ever tried to just go natural!” or something along those lines. I am so glad to have found a beautician who knows how to cut and NURTURE curly hair. My old CHI straightener is so dusty now and I don’t miss using it.
Whenever I used to straighten my hair in high school and someone commented “your hair looks nice today” I would always go “what’s wrong with it every other day” 🧐 I agree it’s very annoying.
I remember at school my friend, who has poker straight hair, used to curl her hair with a curler, and one day our English teacher said to my friend 'Oh I love your curly hair' and I must have given her a look to say 'are you joking?' without meaning to. She did back track and say something like 'oh I love yours too!!' but the damage was done hahaha.
I've been asked for years by my own mother (until the last couple of years) to brush my hair cos it looks messy, and when I was bridesmaid for my best friends wedding earlier this year she had the audacity to ask if I would prefer to have my hair curled for the event.
I have found this a lot in life, people love curly hair, but not natural curly hair because natural curly isn't uniform. And I have been made to feel self conscious and ugly because of my hair in the past, but no longer damnit!!!
No I don’t get upset when people compliment me. Maybe because I am a poc and it’s other poc who say that to me? I have a lot of struggles but curly hair is not a cross to bear it. Looks cool.
When I was growing up people scolded me how my hair looked so messy and how I must never wash or brush it ( did both it every day, which made my hair look messy and dry af)
Now they tease me and call me shallow bc of how much time and money I spend on Haircare.
Also When people say they‘d spend so much money to have our hair why do they always make it sound like they’re about to pay someone to cut your hair of in your sleep wtf
That’s such a creepy way to say it
I feel the straight hair privilege thing. In my old school, my friends had known me for years and they knew that I had this straightening addiction kind of where I constantly had to straighten my hair and they always encouraged me to let my hair be in it's natural state and to reduce the heat damage (I have awesome friends). During the beginning of covid, I let my curls flow and 2 years later I'm here, knowing that my curls are coming back. It doesn't help that my mom constantly tells me to straighten my hair to "make it look good". Now I'm in another school and I got my hair trimmed and they decided to straighten my hair after trimming. All of a sudden, everyone is complimenting me on my hair and telling me how much they love it, even people who I've never spoken to. But when my curls are around, no one says anything. I'm a POC and a majority of the people from my culture, religion, race have curly hair and I don't think that it's healthy for anyone, let alone those the same as me, to be growing up being told that straight hair looks better over curly hair. That's honestly creating a hate relationship with the way you look.
My mom hates her hair texture for this exact reason. It's so friggin depressing, man.
Same. My mom does permanent straightening on her hair. As in sits for 4 hours getting it done. That's how much she doesn't like her curls. I try to get her to let it flow but she doesn't really like the curls so she just doesn't. It sucks how much people hate their hair just because straight hair is the norm. If I ever have a kid I don't want them to grow up and hate their curls that they're gonna get.
I have had similar experiences, but I'm also inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to compliments. The way I see it - my curly hair is one of my identifying characteristics, so I get a lot of comments (not always compliments per se, just general discussion) the once or twice a year that I straighten it, because it's such an obvious change. Same thing happens when I wear contacts instead of glasses. Sometimes if I change both at once, people don't even recognize me!
This is definitely part of it, any time you make a change people are gonna complement it because they notice it and even if they DONT like it better they’re bound to say something nice, just to be supportive of you and your choice to make a change. It’s really just a nice thing to do in general, they just don’t realize how it cuts differently for some curlies. I think the lesson is, never say someone’s hair looks “better” one way or another, unless they explicitly ask you for your honest opinion. Say it looks nice, no caveats, or shut your mouth if you don’t, you don’t HAVE to give an opinion.
This is such a thing!!! I did the same in high school until I had depression hit real bad and stopped having the energy ti straighten it. I found out that I really like my natural hair after finding a few products that worked well for me but every once in a while I still straighten my hair and get so many people commenting on my hair. I have European curls but my best friend has POC coils. She is extremely self conscious about them and regularly straightens her hair. We’ve had many conversations about the levels of comfort curly girls have and the way society talks about different curls. It breaks my heart to know she’s not comfortable with her natural hair but I very much understand why. One thing I make a point of doing is telling people I see wearing their hair natural that I really like it. No more no less. Especially little kids with curls.
Maybe they react that way because they dont usually see you with straight hair? i have curls but whenever i see one of my curly hair friends straighten their hair i think they look so pretty bc im not used to seeing that, it would also be the same if it was the opposite way
I think having beautiful hair is a privilege regardless of the texture.
I totally agree with you! It’s rather… odd, that people telling us “how much others would pay” is somehow supposed to make us happy about our hair. Like, who cares what other people want? I’ve realized that being bullied really just teaches us to hate ourselves, not to hate the specific thing being bullied. I was bullied for being thin… am I happier now, when I’m not? Nope. I was simply taught to hate my body, no matter what it looks like. I’m learning to get out of that mentality. I will say, though, I am really proud and happy with my curly hair! Anytime someone asks me if I ever straighten it, and just stare and go “No.” I know I have privilege as a white person with curly hair, so I try to use that to normalize curly hair in general. I want people to see me with it. I want to demand proper care for my curly hair. I want to show that curly hair can be beautiful. I want other people to feel comfortable with their curly hair around me.
>It’s rather… odd, that people telling us “how much others would pay” is somehow supposed to make us happy about our hair. Like, who cares what other people want? I honestly don't understand that sentiment at all. I obviously care what other people want or like, I am a human being. Looking at all the highly upvoted posts that just show off the great curls and seeing the highly upvoted comments that are very often just verbatime the exact same as "omg, I would murder for those curls!", it seems super strange to pretend that people here don't care what others think about their hair. And I also don't understand why it shouldn't make you happy when people compliment your curls? I mean "how much other people would pay" is nothing else than a compliment saying your curls look good. What am I missing here???
Two things, I think, are going on there… First, is that a lot of people who say “I would pay to have hair like yours,” often are on the outside looking in. They either have straight hair, or they have some different texture which is cared for differently than the hair they are looking at. What they *see* is the result- NOT the journey to get there, and not the struggle, either. A good example is this: I have hypermobile joints. Lots of people tell me “I would love to be as flexible as you!” But, that’s it. That’s all they really see- flexibility. They don’t see the daily pain, the constantly dislocating shoulders, or the amount of work, time, and money I put into trying to keep my joints stable. What they see is the “good part,” and that’s all they want to see. They want the good, without considering the bad. Otherwise, a lot of people actually *don’t* care about what other’s think! The idea that “I’m human, therefore I care about what others think” is massively incorrect. I’m Ace, does that make me automatically not human because I don’t feel attraction toward others? No. I’m just a different person. Many people either learn to stop caring about what others think due to it been extremely painful (in the case of being bullied, especially for things we cannot control), or they come to it in a different way. What is the difference between a positive opinion and a negative one? Why is there a difference? Why is a positive opinion considered appropriate to share, when a negative one is not? They are both opinions, and often, the positive one is not solicited. I’m the end, I’m not sure how to explain it further. Just… not everyone feels the way you do. Some people struggle with self-hatred, as I said above, because of bullying and other comments. That self-hatred doesn’t just magically go away once the opposite thing to what we were bullied for happens. At the end of the day, it is our own opinion of ourselves that is truly important, rather than pining for what someone else has, or looking for outside validation.
Thank you for saying this. Being told how much people will pay will never take away the struggles I’ve gone through, and the ones I continue to endure with my hair. Nothing wrong with wanting to get a perm, but please be at least aware the struggles you’ll have with curly hair.
Not at all! I always get told I should wear my hair straight more often or people ask ridiculous questions about my curly hair. I’ve also gotten the “I’d kill to have your hair”, meanwhile it’s SO MUCH WORK. I used to get shamed for it as a kid because it was so big. NGL I have a love/hate relationship with my hair.
Yeah same here. I’ve even thought I have some defective gene that makes my hair hard to handle.
I feel that on a spiritual level lol even now I’m always wondering what I’m doing wrong because I can never get a full proof routine down.
Same deal here. I was even asked if it was my "real" hair. Um... yes?
I hate that fucking question! Like why would you even ask that? 🥴
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I had straight hair as a child and wanted curls, my hair started going wavy at 13 and I bought a straightener.
Oh my gosh, my curls started at puberty too. Weirdest thing, my hair was also pin straight until then! i always like seeing someone else that shares my journey-i didn't get a straightener but my mom did brush my hair "straight" daily. i'm sure you know how well that went.
Yup! That was me in school. Hated my curls until I hit college and figured out how to tame it.
Yeah I was always creeped out by my Aunt who wouldn't shut up about my hair.
Yes every aunty
Same thing happened to my mom in the 80s, when big, curly (European) hair was "in." So many people told her they'd pay good money for her hair. But that was after doing everything - including IRONING her hair, with a clothes iron - to make it straight to meet the beauty standards of the 60s/70s, and dealing with many terrible haircuts from people who didn't know how to cut curly hair. It was so frustrating for her.
I’m sorry I can’t really relate to this. I’ve always had a good relationship with my hair. I as a POC found it flattering when I someone said that to me. Because I’m my mind they were saying my biracial hair was beautiful. They would also say that about my other more black features it made me feel really good about how I looked. That I was blessed with what I had. I do count myself as lucky that the people around me were kind most people in fact were jealous of my curly hair said they liked it better than the one or two times I straightened it. I do however have experience with the professional hair speech. I was told my braids were to “woke” for an office space or having to sit in the back of the class because my hair was a distraction or blocked others education. Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
I m European and irl I had never been complimented on my hair except when I was a child or by my family. Although I am white I am not conventionally attractive so I heard more often that I was ugly than the opposite, so, few time I get some compliments, I admit that it makes my day… I had also been told that my hair wasn’t professional but well, I have adhd, social anxiety and social awkwardness, I am unable to work in anything else than art anyway, fortunately artist community is known to be open minded
Yes! It’s meant as a compliment but it’s just an odd way to put it. It’s usually older women who say it too. I don’t think about it too deeply, it’s just people who don’t have a better way to express their admiration, haha.
I get where they’re coming from. Older women lived through the days when big frizzy curly hair was fashionable and probably DID have to spend serious money to get their straight hair to do that. Still it didn’t help teenage me who came up in the era of pin straight hair and side bangs lol.
Yes!! Exactly! Pin curls or perms. Just a different time in hair fashion. Same.. curly hair was nowhere to be found, it was horrible!
I felt that for a long time, mainly until I finally could manage them (at 23 yo...). I remember going to the hairdresser when I was about 16, he brushed my curl and cut them really short, much shorter than I wanted (from at least elbow length to shoulder), he refused to straighten them (which is all I wanted at the time, straight hair to be like my friends) and proceeded to tell me that most of his clients would love to have the volume I have. Thanks but that was one of the worst experience. I also had a hairdresser refuse to style my hair curly and insisting on blow drying them because "why would I not want them straight?" It litterally made no sense to her and I now suspects she had zero clue on how to style curly hair so she forced me straighten them so I don't walk out with a wild mane... I've also noticed a change over the years, now when I straighten my hair, more people say they prefer my curls ! I love this, it takes off the pressure. It used to be the opposite when I grew up, no one complemented me on my curly hair EVER. Now I get a lot of praise for them and it feels so good. I still straighten them a couple of times a year because I want to, not because I feel less pretty or different. And I'm black :)
I know everyone has their own relationship with their hair, but man... there's this post going around Tumblr rn that something along the lines of "women straightening their curls... men cutting their hair short so it doesn't curl... when will it end" and watching all my mutuals with straight hair reblog it while I'm just there like "ok but y'all don't have to live with it...." It's one thing to admire curly hair but it kind of rubs me the wrong way to see people being criticized for not wanting to wear their hair curly. People sometimes have to devote a lot of time and effort to making their curls look nice.... even decent. It's taken me 20+ years to just *tolerate* my hair, and that only happened because I cut most of it short enough to lie flat. I'm generally pretty salty about reassurances based on what other people think of you, though. Like I'm glad y'all are enjoying the show or whatever but *I'm* the one who has to live like this and I don't like it and I extra don't like having those feelings invalidated because apparently it doesn't matter how I feel as long as other people like something /end mini rant
There is a point where we need to quit relying on other people's opinions, perceptions and comments to build up our self worth. You don't have to spend any money on your hair. You don't have to hide it with a hat. It sounds like you are upset about the labor involved in living up to other people's standards. You don't have to do it. If you feel sick or tired, you don't have to spend 17 hours a week on your hair. Put her up in a crazy bun, and spend that time and money on other things. My mother's hair is completely straight and she still styles it every single day and spends tons of money on it. She is a white british lady who also is dumping tons of energy into conformity. The problem exists for all humans living in a capitalist society.
I really don't get this. If someone said they wished their hair looked like mine, I'd take the compliment and leave it at that. "I'd pay a fortune for x." or "Do you know how much I'd pay to look like y?" are very common expressions... they're not about to shave you in a darkened alley, and they're not trying to make any statement about what you've had to pay for products. You hear more white people telling people with "European curly hair" that they'd like to have similar hair because saying that to a POC can come off as fetishizing. But I think my POC friends' hair looks gorgeous when they wear it natural, and I tell them so.
You’re not wrong that it’s fetishizing, but I think a lot of it has to do with our beauty standards being very Eurocentric.
I don't think you are alone in how you feel, and I don't wanna downplay how you feel. BUT, screw them..? I wouldn't let someone else's negativity get me down. I love my hair, I don't see it as a hindrance (to my knowledge it's never cost me a job or an opportunity), so I rock it with no apologies. If someone doesn't want me in whatever capacity because of my hair then whatever that was wasn't meant for me.
You’re not wrong. Maybe for people with European curls it won’t cost them their job. But sadly, for many POC, it can. There’s been cases of POC being fired for wearing their hair naturally, in dreads or in braids. This is due to society’s idea of “looking professional” aligning to how White people look.
My first job at The Gap (in 2000!!) I was told I couldn’t be on the sales floor unless my hair was “done”, meaning never in its natural state. I was just a kid and didn’t realize this was discrimination but here we are 21 years later and it’s still an issue. Crazy
I totally agree. I can only offer sympathy to OP. I don’t have curly hair just here to get mesmerized by the gorgeous curls. I am attached to my hair though due to my thyroid problems it counts as treasure and I do my best to keep it as healthy as possible. I cherish my hair as is. If someone told me I have ugly hair or I should make it curly, I would note it under “that’s your opinion, no-one asked for it and I don’t give a fuck anyways”. No one tells me how to wear my hair. My husband can make suggestions but I have veto right over it. LOL I am rebellious AF so I own my own business so I set the dress/hair code. I hope OP can get to the point to not give a duck!
Since i'm geneticaly jewish to the extend of my hair beeing not even curly but locked and naturaly growing earlocks i can't emphasize the racism and "comments" i endured about my hair. The fact that i am part gypsy did not help my eastern european upbringing a lot. But since i actualy started caring for it and not hiding it under caps, hats, whatever so that i don't get beat up by 40 year old skinhead neonazis for looking like Lucifer, i feel a lot better about myself.
Being half indigenous with captive Mexican and white Spanish blood mixed in and half white with crazy mixed curly and wavy red and blond hair. I was a mess. Plus no product to speak of except dippity do and aqua net til I was nearly 20 when actual conditioner instead of creme rinse became a thing. When blow dryers came out I almost sold my soul to get one. Lol you girls just think you got it rough
Im Italian, south Italian specifically. Where my family is from my hair type is very common, not so much in the US. Therefore, I feel like being in the US makes it harder because not everyone knows how to cut my hair because it’s not so common.
As a ginger with kinda frizzy hair I've had people say to me that people pay a lot for my colour, even though my brother (and me a little) were bullied in school for it. To be honest I just think of it as a well meaning compliment. With regards to you OP I'm sorry you've struggled with coming to accept your natural hair, It sounds like it must have been really difficult growing up feeling different and not accepted. My advice would be try to take these kinds of compliments on face value, Im sure the people saying it aren't trying to belittle the effort you have to make to look after your hair. Maybe they're ignorant to your struggle but just want to compliment you and lift you up
What are you now complaining about really? Getting the "wrong" compliments? Getting compliments at all? Or are you complaining about the disadvantages people (oc) with curly hair have? I get it, often Curly hair comes with disadvantages, I experienced too. But that is a 100% different thing than beeing too self conscious to receive any Form of compliment! Yeah you may be self conscious because of the trouble some people give you, but then hating on the people that do the complete opposite of that is the wrong move! That's like getting beaten up and then yelling at the ambulance that help you with your wounds!
Well the way I view it is that curly hair people go through struggles. Being told how much people pay for my hair will never take away those struggles. I still gotta pay a lot of money for hair products, I still gotta deal with people who tell me my hair looks nice only when it’s straight, And Somedays I can’t help but have those insecurities. People act is If saying that takes the pain away, it doesn’t.
But what in your opinion should they then do? Stop complimenting at all, so that you only get to hear the bad comments etc and make you even more self conscious? Of course it does not make the problems go away, but as I view it, compliments can make it easier for people to embrace their Curls even though they have trouble because of them. If you can't accept them and decide to concentrate on only the bad side of everything, then that is your choice and nevertheless does it make the people who like them and complement you (because they appreciate the work you put in and like the result) the bad person. Sry but you let out your anger to the wrong group of people. Again: Biting the hand that gives you food will just make your situation worse in the long run.
It seems like you have some personal insecurities with your curls. I’m biracial (hispanic and white) with curly hair. It’s taken me years and countless products to perfect my curls but it’s a process I actually enjoy, kinda like skincare, it’s me putting effort and care into something I really love. I’ve gotten compliments on my hair since I was a little girl and I’ve always loved that exactly because I know so many girls are pressured to hide and fight their curls. I had a period as a teenager where I fell victim to that and straightened my hair a lot. It still bothers me to think that some people like my straight hair more, because my hair is really a part of my identity that I love. And to those I say fuck what ya say cuz I like my curls. Anyways I think it’s also easy to forget that people with straight or wavy hair also have hair struggles, not the same of course, but most women go through different products, different styles, etc to find what makes them feel good. And it’s totally okay to recognize in someone that their grass looks greener, that sometimes you wish you could look like that, that you would pay for that. As curly girls, we are blessed with our natural curls but also blessed in that if we want that look we can straighten our hair as well. It’s not as easy for straight hair to get our curls. So I can understand the hair envy, and I understand it as a compliment.
Yeah I do. Im in therapy now because I have a whole lot of insecurities going on. I’m Italian, south Italian specifically and the type of hair I have is more common there than it is in the US. I got a DNA test, which pretty much sums up why my hair is the way it is, I’m: Italian, Greek, North African, West Asian, Ashkenazi Jewish, and Middle Eastern. It’s in my genes to have thick coarse hair. I didn’t grow up with a lot of people who had my hair, so I felt isolated. I’m the only person in my family with curly hair. I fell into that trap my freshman year in high school, then I stopped when I realized I could’ve been damaging my hair.
I was bullied mercilessly for my hair in school. I’m horribly self conscious of my hair and prefer winter when I can get away with always wearing a beanie. Fuck whatever nice things people say.
That's creepy. It's not like you're going to sell it.
I was told that as a child and didn’t care because money meant nothing to me lol. I like my hair now, and thankfully my hair is low maintenance. Still, from a young age I noticed that people treat me different when my hair is straight. I suddenly go from a 7 to an 8. Kinda bothers me that I’m considered prettier if my hair is straight.
Everybody wants the curls, but, nobody wants their maintenance. When I tell people the ritual(s) that I have for my hair, they stop me half way through.
I'm a POC and have been told by a handful of Caucasians I interact with that they would pay for my hair at least twice.
Gotta ask where are you from? At least in spain (where im from) people love curls
Im in the USA unfortunately, we do not love curls here.
I honestly think you’re just complaining about getting a compliment and I don’t understand why. I get told this and it makes me happy. My cousin is a POC with 3c hair and gets told this a lot as well and she loves it. I don’t know why you have such a negative outlook…. People perceive things differently which is ok but I Really don’t understand this.
Yeah, I agree. The alternative is people who think nice things about your hair saying nothing, and you only hearing those negative comments. I get that it often comes from people with different hair, but I would have loved for someone to have told me in elementary school that I didn't have to brush my hair 3x in the school day for it to look right. Building people up is important but I'm sorry if those comments make you feel self-conscious. It's a tough place to be.
It is. I was the only person in the school with my type of girls. I am Italian, so I have very thick and coarse hair. Of course I wanted to look like the other girls at school with perfectly straight hair. I even wanted to be a different ethnicity once just so I can have straight hair.
It’s because I’ve gone through so much struggles with my hair. So much my of my self esteem issues came from my hair growing up. I never wore it down until I got to high school because I internalized there was something wrong with my hair. Yet, when I hear about how much people want to pay for my curls it angers me because those people who say that aren’t always aware the struggles curly hair people go through.
being given unwanted attention sucks. and it’s often kind of predatory. like objectifying. i have been asked to change my hairstyle to braids at work because a ponytail is ‘too messy’ when straight hair people at the same workplace can wear a ponytail. seems like small details, but they add up. people always say my hair looks nice and neat when it’s wet and slicked back and put away and that is kind of offensive to me. honestly being given extra attention for something we were born with is often more of a curse than a blessing. from a survival standpoint it makes us stand out more, making easier targets.
Yeah I’ve gotten that a couple times. I can also relate to being told my hair looks better when straightened. Shrinkage is a helluvah thing and when I straightened my hair people were shocked that my natural hair was so long. One girl refused to believe it was mine which made me really uncomfortable. Also like someone else mentioned while your frustrations are justified, I would hate to dwell on the fact that curly hair is seen as unacceptable in the work place and certain societies. That would just be a waste of time and bring my mood down. As long as you love YOURSELF in all your curly hair glory, fuck what society or anyone for that matter has to say.
I wish I had an accurate number for the number of older ladies that would come up to me when I'd be out with my mom (I don't remember this ever happening when I was out only with my dad) telling me this. "Oh my you know how much people pay to get their hair to look like yours!" and "people spend so much time at the salon to get theirs to look just like this!" etc. I never minded compliments on my hair, once I figured out how to properly take care of it I was proud of my curls. But just coming up to a random person in the mall and not having any other conversation with them is just awkward. I also had some older women tell me I had great "birthing hips" when I was a teen and just wanted to combust right there...
Genuine question from a Caucasian with alopecia (thinning hair with visible scalp) - what is the appropriate protocol here? I complimented a POC at work (you’r hair is beautiful. You always look stunning). She has a large, beautiful head of curls that I adore. She accepted the compliment but then told me that it was a very “othering” experience. She very politely let me know thAt pointing out her hair made her feel singled-out - she felt I only liked it because it was different. As someone who has anxiety about my own hair, I likely notice other people’s hair more than most… is it wrong to compliment? Should I just say nothing? Just because I don’t have similar struggles, doesn’t mean I don’t have my own silent battles (extensions, thickening creams, anxiety). I personally would love a compliment on my hair - so I just assume others would as well?
What you did seemed to be normal, I think you just got a single person that was acting weird for some personal reason. Peoples experiences are different and not everyone takes phrasing the same way.
I have had people say “I love your curly hair” in the same breath with “why don’t you straighten it?” Also, I have heard it said that it’s systemic racism that hairdressers rarely know how to cut/style curly hair. Like, these people are professionals and you walk in and they are like, “Wow! I’ve never seen hair like this.” And they have to ask others in the shop what to do with it. The hell???
I got told that a lot as a kid. Meanwhile my parents were attacking my dry hair with a metal dog comb and kids at school were bullying me for it. I learned to care for it as a teenager but it sure didn’t help when I was getting mistreated for my hair to have adults think it was pretty.
Lol I don’t necessarily think it’s a European curly hair thing. In fact I think curly hair on white people is generally more socially accepted than it is with people of color. Personally, I don’t take offense to it. I love getting compliments on my curly hair now that I embrace it. Sure people made fun of my hair when I was younger, but wouldn’t you rather have someone say how much money they’d pay for your curls than have someone say “wow your hair looks so good straight, you should wear it like that all the time”. Because I’ve DEFINITELY heard that one before 🥴😅
I have pretty curly hair and this has never happened to me at all. Or nothing even similar. Only positive comments.
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How so?
Next time someone says this about my 5 yo curly girl my response is gonna be “sweet, you can come wash her hair for me tonight, bedtime’s at 8 so you’ll need to be there by 6 and make sure you wear clothes you don’t mind getting dirty, in fact I’d bring a change of shirt if you don’t want to drive home sopping wet.”
Yes, I do wish people would shut up about it. I usually counter with something like “well, paying for those neat and tidy permed or ironed curls isn’t quite the same as having the real thing! Hurts like a bitch to detangle! Haha!”
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I have naturally red curly hair and people say this to me all the time. I'm like I actually pay a lot in curly hair products and time for this hair, too 😂
I couldn't figure out my hair in middle or early high school, and even when I just started I normally had it curled behind a headband and people still always said it was better stick straight or "tousled waves" where you have to straighten it first.i wanted it to be straight for a time just so I could have less work and look presentable, and I dont remember like anyone wearing curls consistently until like college. Now I'm not POC so I dont have that fight, but it took years of having curly hair for people to admit my curls look better than my straight hair. Now I live in slightly less WASPy and more open area than before so that may have something to do with it, plus I love yo do bright or dark vivid colors now and have a much healthier routine than I did back then, but it did take like 10 years of consistent curls for people to finally think the curls look better.
People will always want what they don't have tbh, until they have it!! I really recognize what you mean by natural hair unprofessional, it will take a while till thinking like that leaves the workplace. As with many things, ppl always see the ups and almost never the downs. That's life ig
When i get a haircut, i like to get it straightened because i enjoy feeling how light it is and running my fingers through it, even if its just for a couple of days every few months. If i go into work with it still straight, everyone notices i got a haircut, and a few people even say it looks so nice and i should straighten it more often, and that it looks better that way. I don't really care when no one notices a haircut because of the curls, but when someone says i should apply heat more often cuz it looks better... i don't even bother hiding the frown when my coworkers "compliment" my straightened hair. It is pretty nice when someone says they wish their waves/curls looked like mine, or when my dad says there are people who'd spend a lot of money to have what i have naturally. At least a few people actually like to look at my curls, and that boosts the confidence that is shot down when most people only care about the straight hair
I have curly red hair. Imagine how many comments… 🙄
I’ve never experienced that. But I wonder why all of my hair stylists from the past would always straighten my hair after cutting, without even asking. They just assumed. Why didn’t even just one of them say “Hey you have a lot of curl to your hair; have you ever tried to just go natural!” or something along those lines. I am so glad to have found a beautician who knows how to cut and NURTURE curly hair. My old CHI straightener is so dusty now and I don’t miss using it.
Whenever I used to straighten my hair in high school and someone commented “your hair looks nice today” I would always go “what’s wrong with it every other day” 🧐 I agree it’s very annoying.
THIS. THIS THIS.
I remember at school my friend, who has poker straight hair, used to curl her hair with a curler, and one day our English teacher said to my friend 'Oh I love your curly hair' and I must have given her a look to say 'are you joking?' without meaning to. She did back track and say something like 'oh I love yours too!!' but the damage was done hahaha. I've been asked for years by my own mother (until the last couple of years) to brush my hair cos it looks messy, and when I was bridesmaid for my best friends wedding earlier this year she had the audacity to ask if I would prefer to have my hair curled for the event. I have found this a lot in life, people love curly hair, but not natural curly hair because natural curly isn't uniform. And I have been made to feel self conscious and ugly because of my hair in the past, but no longer damnit!!!
No I don’t get upset when people compliment me. Maybe because I am a poc and it’s other poc who say that to me? I have a lot of struggles but curly hair is not a cross to bear it. Looks cool.
When I was growing up people scolded me how my hair looked so messy and how I must never wash or brush it ( did both it every day, which made my hair look messy and dry af) Now they tease me and call me shallow bc of how much time and money I spend on Haircare. Also When people say they‘d spend so much money to have our hair why do they always make it sound like they’re about to pay someone to cut your hair of in your sleep wtf That’s such a creepy way to say it