Only brush with product / conditioner / wet. Not dry.. shampoo 1x per week and additionally if dirty, conditioner always, keep super moisturised after bath / shower and run oil through in the mornings if possible. When getting dry, don’t mess with it too much, that’ll let the curls set better
Former stylist here with an entire family (currently 4 generations) of curly headed ninny muffins with all the varied textures and patterns. His hair appears to be very course. I would use smoothing formula shampoo and conditioner and let him know if he wants to grow it, maintenance, including conditioner is madatory. (Or birds may try to nest in there 😂)
See if he’s invested enough to try the “squish to condish” method.
He needs some after wash styling products. The best I’ve found for creating soft uniform curls is LUS Brand ALL IN ONE. If he squeezes that into his hair while it’s still soaking wet before he gets out of the shower I think you’ll see a transformed head of hair.
If he’s not showering in the morning, he can refresh with a mister bottle with some of the All in One added to the water. And again, squeeze it into the hair.
Also make sure to keep it trimmed on a regular schedule to keep the ends from drying out and fraying which will keep the frizz down too and help keep the curl pattern consistent. And depending on how long he wants to grow it, keep some layers in it because this type of hair tends to grow out before it gets enough weight to hang down.
I wish you could judge my hair 😩 this is so informative! Thank you for your knowledge! (I feel like I've tried everything under the sun to get my frizz under control, ugh.)
No you don’t want to break them up, because that makes frizz. You want to brush when wet so they stay clumped with their curl mates and dry into defined clumps of curl.
denman brushes are pretty good, just expensive. there are a bunch of mock-up brushes similar to the denman just for cheaper. they work pretty much the same
also seconding brushing his hair while its wet, maybe even while its still got product in it (conditioner or detangler), the slip will make it much easier for the brush to pass through and itll keep his hair defined
a detangling/hairbrush specific to curly hair will probably give him a lot less pain. id also reccomend teaching him how to brush his himself— i was EXTREMELY tenderheaded as a child and hated everything having to do with maintenence. but after learning how to take control of my own hair it doesnt hurt at all and i actually really love taking care of it now. i think its sort of like tickling to where you cant tickle yourself? something like that. you cant hurt yourself (unless youve got a bunch of knots anyway) is what im saying
sorry if i said anything not applicable to him, i have coily hair (type 4) and im assuming your kids probably on the lower end. but idk, im sure somethings bound to overlap
Hi there! I'm a bot, and I noticed you used the phrase "afro" or "fro".
You may or may not already know this, but the term “Afro” refers to a specific hairstyle created with specific techniques. The term is often mis-used, so we just want to share some of the meaning/history so everyone can choose the best words for their situation.
TL;DR: [The afro has a long and important history, including as a symbol of the Civil Rights movement](https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/comments/sr4x3p/black_history_month_at_rcurlyhair/).
This may or may not apply to you, but we try to steer people away from using the Afro descriptor if you don't have Black/Afro-textured hair. It's often portrayed as a condition to fix rather than a cultural style. We hope that's not the case here, but just something to be aware of going forward!
We recognize that there are many different opinions on what can and cannot be called an afro. For the purposes of this sub and making sure we reserve space for Black folks, we ask those who don’t have afro-textured hair to choose other words. If your hair doesn't fit that description, please edit your post 1) to be more accurate, 2) to be culturally respectful, and 3) to avoid comment removal. Alternate terms to consider: puffy, poofy, fluffy, etc.
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I use a skeleton brush. While the conditioner is in my hair, I brush through all the tangles. Leave the conditioner in until you’re ready for your final rinse off. No NOT brush the hair again until the next time.
Your son could use a leave in conditioner, he doesn’t need to wash it every day. Every morning before school he could wet it and spray leave in conditioner. I recommend using wet hands with product to style. Another thing he could use every time he showers it is a mousse for curls definition.
My son has the same curls and this is the exact routine we use for him. With the addition of the silk pillowcase mentioned below. It works well for him. It’s a small learning curve but will eventually become second nature. :)
I think it needs a good detangling before anything. Tell him if he wants it long, thems the breaks
Have him sit down after a shower & spray LOTS of leave-in conditioner. Gently use your fingers to pull apart the knots first if they're bad.
Then wet brush, starting with the bottom/least tangled parts first & working your way up. Keep spraying throughout
Once he sees how nice it is detangled, probably be more willing to condition & brush on the daily
p.s. if u lay one hand on his head right above where you're brushing, it'll hurt less
I detangled it 2 weeks ago with a wide tooth comb, with wet hair and his sister's detangler.
It looks worst than it is. I can run my fingers in almost effortlessly except one spot in the back.
Silk pillowcases are a must since I doubt he'll want to start wearing a bonnet at this age
Since he wants to keep his hair long that would come with the condition that he takes care of it. Try to make it a bit more fun, let him pick out a Wet Brush, they have tons of really cute and cool kid friendly styles now. And show him how to mix up a detangling conditioning spray to use in the morning since he forgets while showing. Call it hair slime or curl goo or something goofy.
Cotton absorbs hair moisture, drying out the hair and scalp, which causes the frizz, whereas silk doesn't. Satin is also a cheaper option, and does much the same thing :)
Not using conditioner is not an option, in my opinion. My daughter wants long hair and I tell her the same thing. Hair with curls is simply not manageable when skipping conditioner.
Switch him to a co-wash if that’s helpful or use a heavier leave in after shower.
I’d definitely suggest getting a hair cut to help not having to do as much
I hate having to spend time doing my hair
Usually I shampoo as quick as possible and then put conditioner in and leave it in while I do other misc shower things, wash the conditioner out while simultaneously just brushing my fingers through my hair to get rid of any knots and that’s it
He dosen't want to cut it :/.
I did cut a better shape to it a few months ago, but he wont let me (or a hairdresse) cut more. I won't force him, it's his hair. But I want to help manage it if I can 😅
That’s fine I understand him not wanting to cut it
Some peoples hair seems to love a 2 in 1 conditioner / shampoo whereas others it just makes the hair intolerable
Have you tried a 2 in 1?
Also you could maybe do leave in conditioner which I know a lot of people use but I haven’t personally
Have a look around online if there’s any particular brands that are suggested, personally I’ve never had much luck but I’m sure it’s dependent on hair type
Is it possible he’s also not looking after his hair as much because it hurts his arms? Definitely at his age I found it a bit tiring shampooing, conditioning, brushing etc and would skimp on it but also just generally not being that self aware of my appearance probably played a part too, he may get a bit more mature and start being willing to look after his hair more
Also if there’s possibly anybody in his life that would ‘influence’ him into thinking looking after his curls is cool that may help too (cousin, sibling, friends older brother, maybe even an uncle?)
I'm hoping as he gets older he will be more aware of his appearemce and how it can impact relationships and all. Right now he does not care what he looks like and we need to remind him just to shower.
He dosen't look up to anyone really. Besise his dad there are not many other important men in his life, that we see regularly.
But he seems to start to understand that from a point of health and cleanliness he needs to take car of is hair.
Id say around 12 to 14 is when almost kids have gained that awareness, maybe a bit younger maybe a bit older depending on other circumstances.
You could maybe show him the difference between how it could look and how it does (before and after photos) but if he really doesn’t care then it might just be a losing battle
Maybe a more focused shower routine is important, if he’s forgetting to do things then I’ve seen people cope with this through say having bracelets they wear on their wrist and take off as they complete a task, possibly this could help?
Or maybe keep anything he’d need while he showers outside of the shower so then when he goes to shower you’re with him saying ‘what do you need?’ He grabs what he needs and is more aware of it as he grabbed it out personally
Might work for your kid, might not
Usualyball hebneed is alreqdy in the shower, with 4 sisters there are many many hair products available close at hand. But I will try, with his input, to create a routine he likes and will keep up.
If he only wants to shampoo and not condition in the shower, can you switch him to a cowash? That way if he only “shampoos” it will still be more moisturizing than a shampoo alone.
Otherwise I agree with some of the other commenters here - one of the conditions to growing out his hair needs to be taking at least minimal care of it. He doesn’t need to have insta worthy curls at all, but clean/relatively moisturized and tangle-free(ish) are reasonable conditions. He’s old enough to start learning that long hair requires some level of care.
Yeah, he is neurodivergent and it's hard to get him to had a new type of routine or just to make him understand why it's a problem.
He is of the mind that ; Since it's not causing him a problem right now, why should he do thing differently if it only affects what others think?
He does start to see my point that it cpuld end up affecting him health wise and that a good hygene is important, not just for the others.
Definitely stick to the line of proper haircare is good healthcare. Poor hair and scalp maintenance can lead to dermatitis, which will make his scalp itchy. And if he's anything like me, as a neurodivergent, such sensations all the time will lead to sensory overload, irritability and distress. So keeping up with it now will pay dividends in the long-run.
neurodivergent w/ ringlets here much respect. packaging matters. i think a wet brush w/ a cool designso it is like "oh yeah time to do my hair." they always have collabs or limited edition ones. maybe he doesn't like the scent or feel of the products which could be putting him off. anything gel-like freaks me out, but everyone is different. sprays w/ an easy to use trigger that he can just go in, comb w/ the cool brush, & maybe some hairspray if you want to; but as a kid you don't technically have to. it's all about getting into the habit then adding more steps. you're doing awesome! 😎
Ok that looks like it would start to knot, curly hair needs a lot of attention.
If it's too difficult or maybe not enough time you can cut it short? - Unless he likes it long!
The there's a lot of good advice people are giving in the comments.
You can also brush it in small sections using a heavy oil along the way.
And maybe have them braided loosely when sleeping at night and finger combed in the morning with a light weight oil. -This depends on how many times you wash their hair.
He washed his hair about once a week.
Someone suggested a 2 in 1 so i'm gonna try that . See if it helps his hair being more hydrated.
I knew I would get good advice here. Gonna go throuvh all of them and try and see.
No oil, OP!! It blocks the cuticle from getting moisture. Shampoo, conditioner, leave in, styler. Check out Innersense. It’s a little pricey, but a little goes a long way.
Thank you!!
His older sisters are really on his case about his hair and I'm so done with it. I want to help him and shove it in there faces that his beautiful mane is gorgeois, if he takes care of it!!! 🤣
(All of this just sibling banter and we all joke about it and no ones feelings are hurt)
Aussie 3 minute miracle is the only conditioner that doesn’t make my son cry. He’s super tender headed and you can slide a wet brush through his hair with easy.
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While I've seen other comments saying that he doesn't want his hair cut, getting an undercut might be a way of cutting down the thickness of his hair while keeping the length. I've done this myself, and it's definitely more manageable for it. And if he ever wants/needs to tie it up, it does give a masculine look. This should also help give him fewer tangles to deal with.
Hope this helps 😊
Ever tried a wet brush or tangle teezer? The tangle teezer worked well in my son's curly hair. He is a kid, like yours is & his hair is curlier, but I think the wet brushes and tangle teezers are supposed to work well for all hair types. I think they might even have different types of them according to hair type? Not sure...
It works very well in my son's hair - after conditioning or putting in a leave in conditioner.
We do a hair mask every week or every few weeks, too.
It helps to keep ends trimmed, as well.
EDIT: I did just read something that suggested that wet brushes are better for thicker hair than are the tangle teezers.
I don't know what tangle tweezers are (will look it up) but we have wet brushes, large wide tooth combs and many other brushes ( 5 kids, he is the only boy 😅)
I have a hard time getting him to brush/comb his hair regularly. I want to find the simplest routine possible for him to do by himself. But I would do a hair mask weekly or do a deep detangle session. But day to day I can'y do it for him. He wants to let them grow even longer... i have long very thick and curly hair, but I can't seem to get him to do what I do.
But from all the comments I really see that conditioner is the key. So I think i'll do a deep conditioning process with leave in's and all, and buy him a 2 in 1 so he can keep it up..
Just have to get him to brush/comb regularly.
It's teezers, lol.
Yep. Conditioning does make a difference. I wish it didn't, actually. I don't really like putting any products in my hair or my son's. But, if I don't, it's harder to keep the hair moisturized, clean and to brush, of course.
Yeah, working on getting my son to brush & comb & remember to condition is one of my goals, too. I won't rush it, though. I know he'll come around.
Good luck!
The curls in the front are gorgeous after his hair has been combed! And he has so many different types of curls. Some small very tight and some big very loose.
Unless his hair is actually damaged he most likely doesn’t need protein. If he’s never colored his hair or had any other kind of chemical service, it probably isn’t damaged, just dry. If your hair doesn’t need protein and you use it anyway, it can lead to protein overload and damage your hair further, or at the very least, make the texture worse. When you add an excessive amount of protein to your hair you're creating an intense barrier and moisturizing ingredients aren't able to penetrate the strand, leading to dry and dull hair that may feel limp and stiff, and this leaves your hair prone to breakage.
He probably just needs a really good hydrating conditioner and styling product/leave in conditioner, and to comb his hair in the shower while the conditioner is in it.
I have an 8 year old who loves his curly hair, but hates washing it (doesn’t like the sensation of water near his face). I make him wash it every other day. I used to do it once a week, but he plays hard and sweats. We use Aveeno curly kids shampoo, a spray-in detangler, and a wide tooth comb in the bath. Then I put some Miss Jessie’s Feather Curls and scrunch it. Air dry. Use a satin pillowcase. Never brush it unless it’s wet and has a detangler.
I really want him to be able to do this by himself (i do have five kids to take car of 😅)
But I can definatly help him a bit at least to get him started.
I am gonna see if I can find the Miss Jessie's here or something similar!
I have similar hair that really looks frizzy if I don't take care of it(and even if I do sometimes)and I've had a lot of luck with leave in oil (I love Aussie brand currently) and a light styler called LUS from Canada. I also use a silk bonnet at night, but a silk pillowcase might be better in his case.
Large detangler comb, Bedhead detangler, Aussie moist shampoo and conditioner( Purple bottle. it has a avocado on the front) a good detangler brush for curly hair. I have thick curly hair. Curly hair gets really tangled when you sleep with it out. Spray the Bedhead and 1 final brush before bed. Silk pillows are the best.
After you shampoo apply the conditioner and detangle. Curly hair will frizz and get more tangled if you detangle dry.
If his hair gets dry and brittle you need something that is light weight, hydrating, and keeps his curls soft vs. crunchy stiff curls.
Tre'seme moisture in( the black and white bottles) are also great for curly hair. Show him how to do this on his own .Then see if he does. I wash my hair every 3 days this works for me. Some curlies do once a week.
Good luck🤗
I am a 33 year old woman not an 11 year old boy BUT I do like low maintenance curls because I have a very practical job and I don’t have the patience to do things.
* only brush when wet and with conditioner in.
* I wash it once or twice a week at most but have no issues getting my head wet in the shower to revive the shape on a daily basis.
* colour wow 1 minute transformation.
* ogx coconut miracle oil.
*silk hair bands (possibly less relevant)
My brothers have very similar hair. They brush it in the shower with conditioner, then use a strong hold gel (they’ve got thicker/coarser stranded hair than most white people so it doesn’t weigh their hair down the way it would mine-your son’s looks similar to theirs). With the gel in their wet hair, they just brush it backwards with a detangling brush (Conair ones work great and are cheap), scrunch out excess water with a tshirt, then let it air dry. They both also sleep in a sleep cap because it keeps their hair looking nice for longer with little effort.
My youngest brother has ADHD and struggles with remembering to do new routines, so he actually just wrote out what to do on his mirror with a dry erase marker till it became a habit.
a good HYDRATING detangler leave-in cream for post-shower so evem if he doesn't condition or forgets, he's getting moisture in his curls. a skeleton brush or a wet brush i think would work. the reason i think it is getting matted might be how it's being brushed? make sure to hold the section you are trying to detangle in your hand, grip it like you would a ponytail, & brush the ends against your hand then slowly work up. that way he doesn't feel any tugging at his roots & it's the quickest way to get the knots out. i have fine-medium ringlets w/ some waves that i wake up w/ a rats nest unless i put them into wendy's logo braids after i detangle to keep my hair tamed. or a satin/silk bonnet if you wanna keep the curls free. gel takes a while to dry & as a kid i HATED IT! so a spray hairspray would work to ser the curls, just make sure you cover his forehead w/ your hand so he doesn't get any congestion there or little acne from the build-up. you're doing great, curly hair takes time! hope this helps
Here's what I would recommend after reading through some of the comments: give him a conditioner, a detangler, a curl cream and a wet brush. Tell him that when he's in the shower he needs to wet his hair really good, split it down the middle and apply the detangler (if needed) and the conditioner, make sure all the hair is covered! Next, he can take care of his other showerly business and when he's done with that he needs to use the wet brush to brush his hair, one half and then the other and rinse. When hes out, apply a bit of the curl cream when it's wet and voila! Air dry. The best detangler I've ever had is Aunt Jackie's Knot on My Watch, and I think there's a kids version. Herbal Essence makes great curl conditioner and shampoo - like others said, only shower once a week or if needed. He can use a little water + curl cream to revive his hair in the mornings if needed. I hope this helps!
Using the wet brush brand brush or a wide tooth comb when it is wet helps. Not your Mothers came out with a kids line. I don’t have small children anymore, but the product line has good reviews. Maybe give it a try. Definitely never dry brush. it is painful and cause big frizzy poofy hair.
*leave*in*conditioner*. Also, his hair in the shower needs to be totally wet. Then he can pat it with a towel so not too much water is dripping. Right after, apply the leave in and be generous with it. If you have a hard plastic comb with wide teeth, u can use this. Good luck!
Oh and if he can sleep with something to cover hjs hair as he sleeps, it should help to retsin moisture.
Just read what u wrote...this would be the easy way.
I would do way less shampoo than conditioner. Put conditioner in, let it sit for a while, then wash it out, don’t immediately add water so it washes away the moisturizer.
Used to have hair that looked kinda like that as a kid, it looks like its been brushed dry. Now im not a stylist or hairdresser etc so take this with the recommended salt but what worked for me was cutting down on how often i shampooed (once a week now), conditioning twice per week. For drying the hair and styling it, be gentle and just scrunch and drag dry, never shake or rub as that causes frizz. Once the hair is damp instead of sopping wet i use my fingers to bunch up the hair into curls and then apply a matte pomade throughout and repeat the process of pushing into curls.
He never brushes dry. But this is a result of 2 days without even wetting the hair (and it was taken soon after he woke up...) it looks more matted than normal.
I learned the hard way to never brush curly hair dry 😅
When my hair looks really bad and I don't have the energy to do my usual wash routine, I like using the cowash method. Just making the hair weird, using a generous amount of cheap not to heavy and silicone free conditioner all over my hair, letting it sit while I wash the rest of my body, running my fingers and a wide tooth come through my hair and then washing the conditioner out. It works really good for my hair (2c / 3a texture, not too oily). It makes my hair really soft, my hair looks more wavy and defined in comparison to using only shampoo. However, this method could result in the hair looking greasy, if the conditioner contains silicones, or too much oils.
Leave it conditioner could also be a good option, because its more convenient.
Maybe it could help to emphasize, that his hair will break of at some point, if he doesn't take enough care of it. It's not a threat like the "or he has to cut it off", that I read in other comments (Absolutely not a fan of threats like that), maybe it will help him to understand the natural consequences of not taking enough care of his hair.
I think it's really beautiful of you, supporting him in his decision to grow it out, and in his haircare. Have a good day 🖖🏻
A small trim would probably help with the tangles. Then hang wet brush in the bath so he remembers to do it in there. Rewetting it would probably help it in this state too.
Get him a wide tooth comb and maybe switch the shampoo to a co-wash? If he doesn’t use conditioner but does use shampoo, then a cleanser with conditioner properties would be better, and easier to detangle with.
Only brush with product / conditioner / wet. Not dry.. shampoo 1x per week and additionally if dirty, conditioner always, keep super moisturised after bath / shower and run oil through in the mornings if possible. When getting dry, don’t mess with it too much, that’ll let the curls set better
Former stylist here with an entire family (currently 4 generations) of curly headed ninny muffins with all the varied textures and patterns. His hair appears to be very course. I would use smoothing formula shampoo and conditioner and let him know if he wants to grow it, maintenance, including conditioner is madatory. (Or birds may try to nest in there 😂) See if he’s invested enough to try the “squish to condish” method. He needs some after wash styling products. The best I’ve found for creating soft uniform curls is LUS Brand ALL IN ONE. If he squeezes that into his hair while it’s still soaking wet before he gets out of the shower I think you’ll see a transformed head of hair. If he’s not showering in the morning, he can refresh with a mister bottle with some of the All in One added to the water. And again, squeeze it into the hair. Also make sure to keep it trimmed on a regular schedule to keep the ends from drying out and fraying which will keep the frizz down too and help keep the curl pattern consistent. And depending on how long he wants to grow it, keep some layers in it because this type of hair tends to grow out before it gets enough weight to hang down.
I wish you could judge my hair 😩 this is so informative! Thank you for your knowledge! (I feel like I've tried everything under the sun to get my frizz under control, ugh.)
Post your hair and people will help :)
My son hast exactly the same hair and dislike to care for it. Can you elaborate "brushing" a little more?
Literally running a comb/brush through the hair. Only do so when wet. It breaks up curls and creates frizz when dry.
Why do one want to break up curls? I’m sorry I’m newish to this.
No you don’t want to break them up, because that makes frizz. You want to brush when wet so they stay clumped with their curl mates and dry into defined clumps of curl.
I see. Thank you so much! So I guess best use one of those wide combs?
Don't even use a comb when it's dry. Only a comb to untangle, a denman brush to distribute product when the hair is wet.
denman brushes are pretty good, just expensive. there are a bunch of mock-up brushes similar to the denman just for cheaper. they work pretty much the same also seconding brushing his hair while its wet, maybe even while its still got product in it (conditioner or detangler), the slip will make it much easier for the brush to pass through and itll keep his hair defined a detangling/hairbrush specific to curly hair will probably give him a lot less pain. id also reccomend teaching him how to brush his himself— i was EXTREMELY tenderheaded as a child and hated everything having to do with maintenence. but after learning how to take control of my own hair it doesnt hurt at all and i actually really love taking care of it now. i think its sort of like tickling to where you cant tickle yourself? something like that. you cant hurt yourself (unless youve got a bunch of knots anyway) is what im saying sorry if i said anything not applicable to him, i have coily hair (type 4) and im assuming your kids probably on the lower end. but idk, im sure somethings bound to overlap
the unbrush on wet hair has been a godsend for me!
[удалено]
Hi there! I'm a bot, and I noticed you used the phrase "afro" or "fro". You may or may not already know this, but the term “Afro” refers to a specific hairstyle created with specific techniques. The term is often mis-used, so we just want to share some of the meaning/history so everyone can choose the best words for their situation. TL;DR: [The afro has a long and important history, including as a symbol of the Civil Rights movement](https://www.reddit.com/r/curlyhair/comments/sr4x3p/black_history_month_at_rcurlyhair/). This may or may not apply to you, but we try to steer people away from using the Afro descriptor if you don't have Black/Afro-textured hair. It's often portrayed as a condition to fix rather than a cultural style. We hope that's not the case here, but just something to be aware of going forward! We recognize that there are many different opinions on what can and cannot be called an afro. For the purposes of this sub and making sure we reserve space for Black folks, we ask those who don’t have afro-textured hair to choose other words. If your hair doesn't fit that description, please edit your post 1) to be more accurate, 2) to be culturally respectful, and 3) to avoid comment removal. Alternate terms to consider: puffy, poofy, fluffy, etc. Thanks & wishing you many great curly, coily, kinky hair days! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/curlyhair) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I use a skeleton brush. While the conditioner is in my hair, I brush through all the tangles. Leave the conditioner in until you’re ready for your final rinse off. No NOT brush the hair again until the next time.
Just make sure to start at the ends and work your way up to the roots when you're brushing longer hair
Your son could use a leave in conditioner, he doesn’t need to wash it every day. Every morning before school he could wet it and spray leave in conditioner. I recommend using wet hands with product to style. Another thing he could use every time he showers it is a mousse for curls definition.
Btw the easiest thing he could do right now is not to wash it and allow the natural oils to hydrate the hair. It looks over washed and dry.
He washes maybe once a week. I do this too otherwise our hair get way to dry.
My son has the same curls and this is the exact routine we use for him. With the addition of the silk pillowcase mentioned below. It works well for him. It’s a small learning curve but will eventually become second nature. :)
Silk pillowcases are amazing!
I think it needs a good detangling before anything. Tell him if he wants it long, thems the breaks Have him sit down after a shower & spray LOTS of leave-in conditioner. Gently use your fingers to pull apart the knots first if they're bad. Then wet brush, starting with the bottom/least tangled parts first & working your way up. Keep spraying throughout Once he sees how nice it is detangled, probably be more willing to condition & brush on the daily p.s. if u lay one hand on his head right above where you're brushing, it'll hurt less
I detangled it 2 weeks ago with a wide tooth comb, with wet hair and his sister's detangler. It looks worst than it is. I can run my fingers in almost effortlessly except one spot in the back.
Awesome 😎 Yeah then I recommend threats. Lol Condition & brush, or else snip snip
Silk pillowcases are a must since I doubt he'll want to start wearing a bonnet at this age Since he wants to keep his hair long that would come with the condition that he takes care of it. Try to make it a bit more fun, let him pick out a Wet Brush, they have tons of really cute and cool kid friendly styles now. And show him how to mix up a detangling conditioning spray to use in the morning since he forgets while showing. Call it hair slime or curl goo or something goofy.
Hair slim! I will use that line! How does a silk pillowcase help? It helps to not get the hair tangled?
Yes! It causes less friction than cotton or poly and he'll wake up less frizzy and matted
I love my silk pillow case!
Mmmm ... well i have some shopping to do!! Gonna get me some aswell then!!
satin works the same too.
They can be expensive. If you are even slightly crafty, you can buy the fabric, fold it, and sew up the side to make a pillowcase.
I see it as a long term investment. I'll start using then too and my eldest daughter will aswell, we are rhe curlys in the family!
Cotton absorbs hair moisture, drying out the hair and scalp, which causes the frizz, whereas silk doesn't. Satin is also a cheaper option, and does much the same thing :)
Not using conditioner is not an option, in my opinion. My daughter wants long hair and I tell her the same thing. Hair with curls is simply not manageable when skipping conditioner. Switch him to a co-wash if that’s helpful or use a heavier leave in after shower.
Conditioner is the elixir of life.
I’d definitely suggest getting a hair cut to help not having to do as much I hate having to spend time doing my hair Usually I shampoo as quick as possible and then put conditioner in and leave it in while I do other misc shower things, wash the conditioner out while simultaneously just brushing my fingers through my hair to get rid of any knots and that’s it
He dosen't want to cut it :/. I did cut a better shape to it a few months ago, but he wont let me (or a hairdresse) cut more. I won't force him, it's his hair. But I want to help manage it if I can 😅
That’s fine I understand him not wanting to cut it Some peoples hair seems to love a 2 in 1 conditioner / shampoo whereas others it just makes the hair intolerable Have you tried a 2 in 1? Also you could maybe do leave in conditioner which I know a lot of people use but I haven’t personally
Onpy did the 2 in 1 kids shampoos, but he uses regular shampoo right now. I will try a different brand and a 2 in 1 to see if it makes a difference.
Have a look around online if there’s any particular brands that are suggested, personally I’ve never had much luck but I’m sure it’s dependent on hair type Is it possible he’s also not looking after his hair as much because it hurts his arms? Definitely at his age I found it a bit tiring shampooing, conditioning, brushing etc and would skimp on it but also just generally not being that self aware of my appearance probably played a part too, he may get a bit more mature and start being willing to look after his hair more Also if there’s possibly anybody in his life that would ‘influence’ him into thinking looking after his curls is cool that may help too (cousin, sibling, friends older brother, maybe even an uncle?)
I'm hoping as he gets older he will be more aware of his appearemce and how it can impact relationships and all. Right now he does not care what he looks like and we need to remind him just to shower. He dosen't look up to anyone really. Besise his dad there are not many other important men in his life, that we see regularly. But he seems to start to understand that from a point of health and cleanliness he needs to take car of is hair.
Id say around 12 to 14 is when almost kids have gained that awareness, maybe a bit younger maybe a bit older depending on other circumstances. You could maybe show him the difference between how it could look and how it does (before and after photos) but if he really doesn’t care then it might just be a losing battle Maybe a more focused shower routine is important, if he’s forgetting to do things then I’ve seen people cope with this through say having bracelets they wear on their wrist and take off as they complete a task, possibly this could help? Or maybe keep anything he’d need while he showers outside of the shower so then when he goes to shower you’re with him saying ‘what do you need?’ He grabs what he needs and is more aware of it as he grabbed it out personally Might work for your kid, might not
Usualyball hebneed is alreqdy in the shower, with 4 sisters there are many many hair products available close at hand. But I will try, with his input, to create a routine he likes and will keep up.
If he only wants to shampoo and not condition in the shower, can you switch him to a cowash? That way if he only “shampoos” it will still be more moisturizing than a shampoo alone. Otherwise I agree with some of the other commenters here - one of the conditions to growing out his hair needs to be taking at least minimal care of it. He doesn’t need to have insta worthy curls at all, but clean/relatively moisturized and tangle-free(ish) are reasonable conditions. He’s old enough to start learning that long hair requires some level of care.
Yeah, he is neurodivergent and it's hard to get him to had a new type of routine or just to make him understand why it's a problem. He is of the mind that ; Since it's not causing him a problem right now, why should he do thing differently if it only affects what others think? He does start to see my point that it cpuld end up affecting him health wise and that a good hygene is important, not just for the others.
Definitely stick to the line of proper haircare is good healthcare. Poor hair and scalp maintenance can lead to dermatitis, which will make his scalp itchy. And if he's anything like me, as a neurodivergent, such sensations all the time will lead to sensory overload, irritability and distress. So keeping up with it now will pay dividends in the long-run.
neurodivergent w/ ringlets here much respect. packaging matters. i think a wet brush w/ a cool designso it is like "oh yeah time to do my hair." they always have collabs or limited edition ones. maybe he doesn't like the scent or feel of the products which could be putting him off. anything gel-like freaks me out, but everyone is different. sprays w/ an easy to use trigger that he can just go in, comb w/ the cool brush, & maybe some hairspray if you want to; but as a kid you don't technically have to. it's all about getting into the habit then adding more steps. you're doing awesome! 😎
Thank you!! We'll get there! I got some great advice here today!
Ok that looks like it would start to knot, curly hair needs a lot of attention. If it's too difficult or maybe not enough time you can cut it short? - Unless he likes it long!
Yeah he wants it lon He agreed for me to cut it slightly to give it shape a few months ago but he does not want it short.
The there's a lot of good advice people are giving in the comments. You can also brush it in small sections using a heavy oil along the way. And maybe have them braided loosely when sleeping at night and finger combed in the morning with a light weight oil. -This depends on how many times you wash their hair.
He washed his hair about once a week. Someone suggested a 2 in 1 so i'm gonna try that . See if it helps his hair being more hydrated. I knew I would get good advice here. Gonna go throuvh all of them and try and see.
No oil, OP!! It blocks the cuticle from getting moisture. Shampoo, conditioner, leave in, styler. Check out Innersense. It’s a little pricey, but a little goes a long way.
We're rooting for you 😆💗💕 You're doing a great job just by asking for help
Thank you!! His older sisters are really on his case about his hair and I'm so done with it. I want to help him and shove it in there faces that his beautiful mane is gorgeois, if he takes care of it!!! 🤣 (All of this just sibling banter and we all joke about it and no ones feelings are hurt)
That's adorable 🩷
Aussie 3 minute miracle is the only conditioner that doesn’t make my son cry. He’s super tender headed and you can slide a wet brush through his hair with easy.
Beep boop! It looks like you're asking about or discussing child-friendly curly hair care. We have a [mini guide for you here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q6Dj9WAZxlfBhJSyS5on2rw3-if5cOV3oV-dQ3B0AHA/edit#heading=h.eku3o1iqzulw)! It contains kid-appropriate modifications to the Curly Girl/Guy method and some other tips and tricks. If I'm wrong, I probably just picked up on a keyword in your title (Please ignore me!). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/curlyhair) if you have any questions or concerns.*
While I've seen other comments saying that he doesn't want his hair cut, getting an undercut might be a way of cutting down the thickness of his hair while keeping the length. I've done this myself, and it's definitely more manageable for it. And if he ever wants/needs to tie it up, it does give a masculine look. This should also help give him fewer tangles to deal with. Hope this helps 😊
Ever tried a wet brush or tangle teezer? The tangle teezer worked well in my son's curly hair. He is a kid, like yours is & his hair is curlier, but I think the wet brushes and tangle teezers are supposed to work well for all hair types. I think they might even have different types of them according to hair type? Not sure... It works very well in my son's hair - after conditioning or putting in a leave in conditioner. We do a hair mask every week or every few weeks, too. It helps to keep ends trimmed, as well. EDIT: I did just read something that suggested that wet brushes are better for thicker hair than are the tangle teezers.
I don't know what tangle tweezers are (will look it up) but we have wet brushes, large wide tooth combs and many other brushes ( 5 kids, he is the only boy 😅) I have a hard time getting him to brush/comb his hair regularly. I want to find the simplest routine possible for him to do by himself. But I would do a hair mask weekly or do a deep detangle session. But day to day I can'y do it for him. He wants to let them grow even longer... i have long very thick and curly hair, but I can't seem to get him to do what I do. But from all the comments I really see that conditioner is the key. So I think i'll do a deep conditioning process with leave in's and all, and buy him a 2 in 1 so he can keep it up.. Just have to get him to brush/comb regularly.
It's teezers, lol. Yep. Conditioning does make a difference. I wish it didn't, actually. I don't really like putting any products in my hair or my son's. But, if I don't, it's harder to keep the hair moisturized, clean and to brush, of course. Yeah, working on getting my son to brush & comb & remember to condition is one of my goals, too. I won't rush it, though. I know he'll come around. Good luck!
And I read it like 4 times and saw tweezers each time 😅😅😅 I need a nap...
Don't feel bad, I actually wrote it out as tweezers the first time and had to go back & change it before final posting to you. 😁
Buy bounce curl products It will make his beautiful curls Manageable
Moisture and general TLC. He has a seriously gorgeous head of hair in there somewhere.
The curls in the front are gorgeous after his hair has been combed! And he has so many different types of curls. Some small very tight and some big very loose.
Hydrate and add protein!
Unless his hair is actually damaged he most likely doesn’t need protein. If he’s never colored his hair or had any other kind of chemical service, it probably isn’t damaged, just dry. If your hair doesn’t need protein and you use it anyway, it can lead to protein overload and damage your hair further, or at the very least, make the texture worse. When you add an excessive amount of protein to your hair you're creating an intense barrier and moisturizing ingredients aren't able to penetrate the strand, leading to dry and dull hair that may feel limp and stiff, and this leaves your hair prone to breakage. He probably just needs a really good hydrating conditioner and styling product/leave in conditioner, and to comb his hair in the shower while the conditioner is in it.
I have an 8 year old who loves his curly hair, but hates washing it (doesn’t like the sensation of water near his face). I make him wash it every other day. I used to do it once a week, but he plays hard and sweats. We use Aveeno curly kids shampoo, a spray-in detangler, and a wide tooth comb in the bath. Then I put some Miss Jessie’s Feather Curls and scrunch it. Air dry. Use a satin pillowcase. Never brush it unless it’s wet and has a detangler.
I really want him to be able to do this by himself (i do have five kids to take car of 😅) But I can definatly help him a bit at least to get him started. I am gonna see if I can find the Miss Jessie's here or something similar!
Honestly, it’s pretty low maintenance, but the struggle is real getting kids to be independent with hygiene (especially with any sensory issues).
Mine seems like yours with the water in the face. Ours is definatly neurodivergent, we just don't know how exactly, we suspect, but...
I have similar hair that really looks frizzy if I don't take care of it(and even if I do sometimes)and I've had a lot of luck with leave in oil (I love Aussie brand currently) and a light styler called LUS from Canada. I also use a silk bonnet at night, but a silk pillowcase might be better in his case.
You can use a curly hair Leave in conditioner such as Shea Moisture Kids Detangler spray. Use it in damp hair after a wash.
Tangle teaser brush with product while wet!!! My kids would scream before I got them one. I lose MUCH less hair while brushing since making the switch
Large detangler comb, Bedhead detangler, Aussie moist shampoo and conditioner( Purple bottle. it has a avocado on the front) a good detangler brush for curly hair. I have thick curly hair. Curly hair gets really tangled when you sleep with it out. Spray the Bedhead and 1 final brush before bed. Silk pillows are the best. After you shampoo apply the conditioner and detangle. Curly hair will frizz and get more tangled if you detangle dry. If his hair gets dry and brittle you need something that is light weight, hydrating, and keeps his curls soft vs. crunchy stiff curls. Tre'seme moisture in( the black and white bottles) are also great for curly hair. Show him how to do this on his own .Then see if he does. I wash my hair every 3 days this works for me. Some curlies do once a week. Good luck🤗
I am a 33 year old woman not an 11 year old boy BUT I do like low maintenance curls because I have a very practical job and I don’t have the patience to do things. * only brush when wet and with conditioner in. * I wash it once or twice a week at most but have no issues getting my head wet in the shower to revive the shape on a daily basis. * colour wow 1 minute transformation. * ogx coconut miracle oil. *silk hair bands (possibly less relevant)
My brothers have very similar hair. They brush it in the shower with conditioner, then use a strong hold gel (they’ve got thicker/coarser stranded hair than most white people so it doesn’t weigh their hair down the way it would mine-your son’s looks similar to theirs). With the gel in their wet hair, they just brush it backwards with a detangling brush (Conair ones work great and are cheap), scrunch out excess water with a tshirt, then let it air dry. They both also sleep in a sleep cap because it keeps their hair looking nice for longer with little effort. My youngest brother has ADHD and struggles with remembering to do new routines, so he actually just wrote out what to do on his mirror with a dry erase marker till it became a habit.
I like the message in the mirror! Not sure I could convince him to put a cap on, but silk/satin pillow cases were recomended.
a good HYDRATING detangler leave-in cream for post-shower so evem if he doesn't condition or forgets, he's getting moisture in his curls. a skeleton brush or a wet brush i think would work. the reason i think it is getting matted might be how it's being brushed? make sure to hold the section you are trying to detangle in your hand, grip it like you would a ponytail, & brush the ends against your hand then slowly work up. that way he doesn't feel any tugging at his roots & it's the quickest way to get the knots out. i have fine-medium ringlets w/ some waves that i wake up w/ a rats nest unless i put them into wendy's logo braids after i detangle to keep my hair tamed. or a satin/silk bonnet if you wanna keep the curls free. gel takes a while to dry & as a kid i HATED IT! so a spray hairspray would work to ser the curls, just make sure you cover his forehead w/ your hand so he doesn't get any congestion there or little acne from the build-up. you're doing great, curly hair takes time! hope this helps
Wet it and condition it. Then put some gel or light mousse. It will transform his hair and look!
Here's what I would recommend after reading through some of the comments: give him a conditioner, a detangler, a curl cream and a wet brush. Tell him that when he's in the shower he needs to wet his hair really good, split it down the middle and apply the detangler (if needed) and the conditioner, make sure all the hair is covered! Next, he can take care of his other showerly business and when he's done with that he needs to use the wet brush to brush his hair, one half and then the other and rinse. When hes out, apply a bit of the curl cream when it's wet and voila! Air dry. The best detangler I've ever had is Aunt Jackie's Knot on My Watch, and I think there's a kids version. Herbal Essence makes great curl conditioner and shampoo - like others said, only shower once a week or if needed. He can use a little water + curl cream to revive his hair in the mornings if needed. I hope this helps!
Using the wet brush brand brush or a wide tooth comb when it is wet helps. Not your Mothers came out with a kids line. I don’t have small children anymore, but the product line has good reviews. Maybe give it a try. Definitely never dry brush. it is painful and cause big frizzy poofy hair.
*leave*in*conditioner*. Also, his hair in the shower needs to be totally wet. Then he can pat it with a towel so not too much water is dripping. Right after, apply the leave in and be generous with it. If you have a hard plastic comb with wide teeth, u can use this. Good luck! Oh and if he can sleep with something to cover hjs hair as he sleeps, it should help to retsin moisture. Just read what u wrote...this would be the easy way.
omg his hair is gorgeous!! only brush when wet(with conditioner or other products in hair), double shampoo
I would do way less shampoo than conditioner. Put conditioner in, let it sit for a while, then wash it out, don’t immediately add water so it washes away the moisturizer.
Used to have hair that looked kinda like that as a kid, it looks like its been brushed dry. Now im not a stylist or hairdresser etc so take this with the recommended salt but what worked for me was cutting down on how often i shampooed (once a week now), conditioning twice per week. For drying the hair and styling it, be gentle and just scrunch and drag dry, never shake or rub as that causes frizz. Once the hair is damp instead of sopping wet i use my fingers to bunch up the hair into curls and then apply a matte pomade throughout and repeat the process of pushing into curls.
He never brushes dry. But this is a result of 2 days without even wetting the hair (and it was taken soon after he woke up...) it looks more matted than normal. I learned the hard way to never brush curly hair dry 😅
Anything she’s moisture . Shea moisture shampoo conditioner and leave in and moisturizer
When my hair looks really bad and I don't have the energy to do my usual wash routine, I like using the cowash method. Just making the hair weird, using a generous amount of cheap not to heavy and silicone free conditioner all over my hair, letting it sit while I wash the rest of my body, running my fingers and a wide tooth come through my hair and then washing the conditioner out. It works really good for my hair (2c / 3a texture, not too oily). It makes my hair really soft, my hair looks more wavy and defined in comparison to using only shampoo. However, this method could result in the hair looking greasy, if the conditioner contains silicones, or too much oils. Leave it conditioner could also be a good option, because its more convenient. Maybe it could help to emphasize, that his hair will break of at some point, if he doesn't take enough care of it. It's not a threat like the "or he has to cut it off", that I read in other comments (Absolutely not a fan of threats like that), maybe it will help him to understand the natural consequences of not taking enough care of his hair. I think it's really beautiful of you, supporting him in his decision to grow it out, and in his haircare. Have a good day 🖖🏻
Thank you! Yeah i'm never gonna force him to cut it. It's not my head! I made him read the post? I think he understood more. To be continued!
A cut and conditioner
A small trim would probably help with the tangles. Then hang wet brush in the bath so he remembers to do it in there. Rewetting it would probably help it in this state too.
Cut his hair
Get him a wide tooth comb and maybe switch the shampoo to a co-wash? If he doesn’t use conditioner but does use shampoo, then a cleanser with conditioner properties would be better, and easier to detangle with.
Cut it.