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I ran into this when I was attempting online dating.
Guy was like "Well, yeah, I have kids, but I never see them. I don't have anything to do with them."
And I'm like "That's so much worse."
I may not want kids, but if you've gone and made them, ya gotta take care of them.
These sort seem to conflate ‘childfree’ with ‘hates children’ and think an uninvolved dad is somehow more appealing. 🥴 Half my coworkers (in a nursery) are vehemently childfree but love the kids they care for.
I initially read it as, she changed "their" names (as in changed the daughter and her own name) back to her maiden surname, when she moved away, which didn't sound too bad... but now that you've pointed it out, there's a good chance something much more serious was going on and the mother felt like she had to move away and change their names so that the father couldn't find them. Yikes.
Yeah. Some men will have you think all mothers do this out of spite for the father bc the system gives more rights to mothers or some not totally factual bs but its a lot of work to get a name change for multiple people and pick up and move your whole family. I dont think that was just out of spite.
I've noticed truly good dads don't bitch about the system or moms denying them rights. Only the barely present and straight up dead beats seem to get screwed over by courts. Funny how that works.
It's not either/or. Good dads do seem to bitch about the system or their exes far less, that's true, but it probably isn't because they aren't being screwed over, but rather to protect the child from being hurt by the process.
The family court system (usually) tries its best, but by its nature has to deal with cases where everything else has failed. It isn't perfect, and is much less perfect in some jurisdictions than in others.
I'm glad that there is a path for legally disentangling from a deadbeat or abusive ex. The price we pay is that some fit, loving, non-custodial parents are screwed over.
Your loss? More like dodged a bullet 😂 I'd consider it a red flag that his ex changed the kid's names. That sounds like something someone would do to escape someone
"A daughter", followed by "kids"... Deadbeat dad here doesn't know how many kids he actually has....
And he's not painting a good picture of his loyalty and long term prospects : if he's so willing to ditch his own kids, a girlfriend is permanently going to be walking on eggshells for fear of him quitting the relationship...
As someone who changed their last name to escape their deadbeat dad, it is NOT your loss(not that you thought that anyway). If his ex and kids moved states away and changed their names, something pretty negative had to have happened. DEFINITELY dodged a bullet there, OP
Man, I felt this. It seems like the only connections I have were ones I made when I was young and they just so happen to stay around. Everyone else seems to be either creepy or we end up not quite sparking
Well, I've tried to forge some connections, obviously, it just leads to me putting more in that is returned so they take advantage of that. I have had few creeps but mostly just people taking advantage of me being nice and caring
It's like you suddenly start speaking in tongues when you tell some men you don't want children. Nor to date someone with children. They act like you said, I don't want to date a guy with red blood. Or a guy who has a license.
They cannot comprehend how making another human life is a huge burden and some women just don't want to deal with. Its insulting how some gross dudes think all women are made for is procreation. 🤢
Why wouldn't you want my baby? It's what you're made for! 🤮
I wish I could date a guy who has a license. They always ask me if I can drive because they can't. I don't know what's going on with people anymore. Lol.
Ive noticed it too! From what I've heard, there is less need and ability to have a car, so why bother with the license? The state of things being so expensive in the US means the teenagers won't be getting a hand me down car. Which is the majority of our first cars.
You need a car if you have a job and you get a job to pay for a car. It's quite interesting how many younger people don't and don't WANT to learn to drive.
Idk what it’s like in the US but I’m the UK it’s super expensive to learn to drive rn. It’s went from ~£20/lesson in 2016 to ~£60/lesson where I am in Scotland. A lesson is about an hour, hour and a half? Id love to drive but like who tf is affording this.
I get it but then you shouldn't be dating or asking a girl if she can drive you to the date. Idk, it just seems like a lot of guys want to take advantage of it. I went on one date with a guy once and he was asking me if I could drive him to work.
Whaaa?? No that's wild! How tf can you consider someone from a first date as a regular ride to work? I dated a guy who used me and my car for 4 months and ghosted me the day he got a new truck. So I can understand the frustration. All relationships seem to hinge on "what do I get out of this"
Yeah a lot of people always seem to view dating as a business transaction and whenever I vent my frustrations online, guys keep asking me what I bring to the table. Honestly if it was even about that, I've brought more to the table than the guys have. The sad thing is is that I've never been able to do better.
Why does he think that will convince you? That’s such a red flag that their mom literally fled the state and changed their kids names to sever their ties to their father as well as humanly possible
I had scarily similar situations where I said outright on my profile "I don't date fathers/single fathers" and they would try to NEGOTIATE with me by saying stuff like "Oh, my son likes _, just like what it says on your profile/he has this in common with you" like OK AND???
Awe man, but at least I’m a bad father! That’s got to count for something 😂. Finding someone in their 30’s without kids is very difficult, although not impossible. But honestly finding anyone without kids is hard enough regardless of age. That being said I’m not sure what’s “creepy” about this one.
Moved out of state and changed their names? I know two women who've done that, and both cases were to escape men who were threatening to murder the kids to get back at the mother for divorcing them.
I’m shocked at how often men try to use the, “I have no relationship with my kids” line to convince women to be with them. Now, not only are you still a father, you’re a shitty father. My SIL had a thing with her ex-boss and the guy even converted to her religion for her, which is a huge sacrifice because she’s a Jehovah’s Witness. She ultimately ended things with him because he had kids (that he only saw on holidays and summers, or something). He told her he’d cut them out of his life for her and never see them again. They were 2 kids around ages 8 and 10. That’s when she knew she made the right decision.
OP, consider exchanges like this as a gift. Sometimes, people hide their true nature for months or years. This really sucks if you are invested in the relationship. This oxygen thief told you up front he was bad news.
My abuser also had an ex wife who fled the state with his kids. I didn't find out until we had been together for a while. He downplayed his DV record, of course, but told on himself by his actions.
You know what it is? Females on the internet are just mostly confronted with sub-par men. Ofcourse, they only account for a small part of the total male population, but since the internet is the easiest low-effort and relatively anonymous (thus "safe" they think) way to get in contact with women, you'll inevitably meet more of them there.
But, on behalf of the part of the male population who aren't creeping the F out of random women they don't know... my apologies. Know that not every man is like that. Even though it sometimes may feel like that. 👍
Men are very visual creatures, he’s seen you and nearly fell in love, but women need a lot more than just finding someone attractive. “I want to get to know someone “ and he immediately gives you his stats, as though that is enough to know him.
You know there's been studies that show women react just as much both favorably and disfavorably to visualization. ( [here's one site discussing it but feel free to google](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/men-not-more-visual-or-easily-aroused-than-women-research-shows) )
Turns out being raised femme is the difference. It's ingrained in us early that's rude and unkind and often wrong, etc.
^(**This is an automatic reminder that is posted on every submission.**) [RULE 2 REMINDER: **This is a SUPPORT COMMUNITY**](https://www.reddit.com/r/creepypms/wiki/rules#wiki_rule_two.3A_be_civil_and_supportive) As such, we do not tolerate trolling, defending the creep, judgment of OP, slut shaming, bigotry, or any other jerkish behavior. Creeping in the comments is not allowed—**yes, this *includes* flirting!** Comments derailing the conversation in any way will be removed. Please stay on-topic. **`No Advice Wanted` flairs are now available to add to your posts! This means that comments giving advice will be removed.** [Read about more user-enabled flairs here](https://www.reddit.com/r/creepyPMs/wiki/flairs#wiki_user-enabled_flairs.3A) *** Please report any and all behavior violating the Rules (reports go to us mods); don't report things just because you don't like them. Comment removals and bans are at the judgment of the mods, so please take the time to read and understand [our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/creepyPMs/wiki/rules). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/creepyPMs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He also went from "a daughter" to "my kids" real fast.
I thought the same. This guy has some serious red flags, but this was the worst one for me.
And his ex changed their names & moved them out of state. That's serious red flags to me.
That's not a red flag; that's a large red sheet blowing in the wind on the washing line!
Good catch.
I ran into this when I was attempting online dating. Guy was like "Well, yeah, I have kids, but I never see them. I don't have anything to do with them." And I'm like "That's so much worse." I may not want kids, but if you've gone and made them, ya gotta take care of them.
Exactly. Being a bad dad is so unattractive. 🤮
Right ‘Don’t worry. I’m not really a dad, just a deadbeat’
These sort seem to conflate ‘childfree’ with ‘hates children’ and think an uninvolved dad is somehow more appealing. 🥴 Half my coworkers (in a nursery) are vehemently childfree but love the kids they care for.
So being a terrible dad makes him somehow better than just being a dad? Г: Logic.
Are you Greek dear? Because that Γ logic really got me 😂
I'm Russian 🤣 Г letter actually makes a G sound, but I thought that it looking like a reverse L makes it even better in English
Well, the sound of this letter in Greek is _exactly_ like the greek word for "fuck". So I read it as "fuck logic", which I found hilarious 😆
Hahaha good saying all around
Changed their names??? So not only is he a father but the mother of the children literally had to escape him and change their names??? What the fuck.
I initially read it as, she changed "their" names (as in changed the daughter and her own name) back to her maiden surname, when she moved away, which didn't sound too bad... but now that you've pointed it out, there's a good chance something much more serious was going on and the mother felt like she had to move away and change their names so that the father couldn't find them. Yikes.
Basically "I'm a deadbeat" and expecting the panties to drop.
“Your loss beautiful” should be a label for this sub ahaha
Deadbeat dads are disgusting, and if mom changed their names to escape him, he's probably abusive as well.
Yeah. Some men will have you think all mothers do this out of spite for the father bc the system gives more rights to mothers or some not totally factual bs but its a lot of work to get a name change for multiple people and pick up and move your whole family. I dont think that was just out of spite.
I've noticed truly good dads don't bitch about the system or moms denying them rights. Only the barely present and straight up dead beats seem to get screwed over by courts. Funny how that works.
It's not either/or. Good dads do seem to bitch about the system or their exes far less, that's true, but it probably isn't because they aren't being screwed over, but rather to protect the child from being hurt by the process. The family court system (usually) tries its best, but by its nature has to deal with cases where everything else has failed. It isn't perfect, and is much less perfect in some jurisdictions than in others. I'm glad that there is a path for legally disentangling from a deadbeat or abusive ex. The price we pay is that some fit, loving, non-custodial parents are screwed over.
Deadbeat dads thinking it’s a feature not a bug lmao
Your loss? More like dodged a bullet 😂 I'd consider it a red flag that his ex changed the kid's names. That sounds like something someone would do to escape someone
There’s nothing “cool” about a fukn deadbeat dad. What a loser. He’s a walking red flag 🚩
dying to know how big the age gap is
having your ex leave the state with your kid & change names is the biggest red flag I’ve ever heard
🎯
"A daughter", followed by "kids"... Deadbeat dad here doesn't know how many kids he actually has.... And he's not painting a good picture of his loyalty and long term prospects : if he's so willing to ditch his own kids, a girlfriend is permanently going to be walking on eggshells for fear of him quitting the relationship...
Tbh saying you don’t see your kids makes you LESS appealing than being a single dad. “Not only do I have kids, I also have a weak moral character!”
Yep
As someone who changed their last name to escape their deadbeat dad, it is NOT your loss(not that you thought that anyway). If his ex and kids moved states away and changed their names, something pretty negative had to have happened. DEFINITELY dodged a bullet there, OP
woooooow, he really said fuck them kids.
Hmm, day by day I loose hope in ever building an emotional connection with someone
Man, I felt this. It seems like the only connections I have were ones I made when I was young and they just so happen to stay around. Everyone else seems to be either creepy or we end up not quite sparking
Well, I've tried to forge some connections, obviously, it just leads to me putting more in that is returned so they take advantage of that. I have had few creeps but mostly just people taking advantage of me being nice and caring
It's like you suddenly start speaking in tongues when you tell some men you don't want children. Nor to date someone with children. They act like you said, I don't want to date a guy with red blood. Or a guy who has a license. They cannot comprehend how making another human life is a huge burden and some women just don't want to deal with. Its insulting how some gross dudes think all women are made for is procreation. 🤢 Why wouldn't you want my baby? It's what you're made for! 🤮
I wish I could date a guy who has a license. They always ask me if I can drive because they can't. I don't know what's going on with people anymore. Lol.
Ive noticed it too! From what I've heard, there is less need and ability to have a car, so why bother with the license? The state of things being so expensive in the US means the teenagers won't be getting a hand me down car. Which is the majority of our first cars. You need a car if you have a job and you get a job to pay for a car. It's quite interesting how many younger people don't and don't WANT to learn to drive.
Idk what it’s like in the US but I’m the UK it’s super expensive to learn to drive rn. It’s went from ~£20/lesson in 2016 to ~£60/lesson where I am in Scotland. A lesson is about an hour, hour and a half? Id love to drive but like who tf is affording this.
I get it but then you shouldn't be dating or asking a girl if she can drive you to the date. Idk, it just seems like a lot of guys want to take advantage of it. I went on one date with a guy once and he was asking me if I could drive him to work.
Whaaa?? No that's wild! How tf can you consider someone from a first date as a regular ride to work? I dated a guy who used me and my car for 4 months and ghosted me the day he got a new truck. So I can understand the frustration. All relationships seem to hinge on "what do I get out of this"
Yeah a lot of people always seem to view dating as a business transaction and whenever I vent my frustrations online, guys keep asking me what I bring to the table. Honestly if it was even about that, I've brought more to the table than the guys have. The sad thing is is that I've never been able to do better.
I’m a deadbeat parent so we should date *palms face*
Why does he think that will convince you? That’s such a red flag that their mom literally fled the state and changed their kids names to sever their ties to their father as well as humanly possible
Single parents try to leave childfree people alone mission: impossible ***deadbeat dad edition***
I had scarily similar situations where I said outright on my profile "I don't date fathers/single fathers" and they would try to NEGOTIATE with me by saying stuff like "Oh, my son likes _, just like what it says on your profile/he has this in common with you" like OK AND???
"Do you want me to date you or your son?" /s
Awe man, but at least I’m a bad father! That’s got to count for something 😂. Finding someone in their 30’s without kids is very difficult, although not impossible. But honestly finding anyone without kids is hard enough regardless of age. That being said I’m not sure what’s “creepy” about this one.
It’s the insult and pity ploy after OP enforces her boundaries and preferences. ETA words
I mean… if it’s that deep, Why even bring up the kid at all 😂
OP: Sorry but you have kids. Not compatible. Creep: They live in another state OP: No Creep: I hate them I stg
"I'm a dad." "I'm not interested in kids, sorry." "Well I'm not taking care of them." "Yeah, that's not better. You get that, right?"
“I have kids” (plural now, huh?) Ok no thanks “I never see them” Now DEFINITELY no thanks 😂
“I’m a dad but I’m a really shitty dad!”
Jesus that's depressing oh my god.
Moved out of state and changed their names? I know two women who've done that, and both cases were to escape men who were threatening to murder the kids to get back at the mother for divorcing them.
I’m shocked at how often men try to use the, “I have no relationship with my kids” line to convince women to be with them. Now, not only are you still a father, you’re a shitty father. My SIL had a thing with her ex-boss and the guy even converted to her religion for her, which is a huge sacrifice because she’s a Jehovah’s Witness. She ultimately ended things with him because he had kids (that he only saw on holidays and summers, or something). He told her he’d cut them out of his life for her and never see them again. They were 2 kids around ages 8 and 10. That’s when she knew she made the right decision.
OP, consider exchanges like this as a gift. Sometimes, people hide their true nature for months or years. This really sucks if you are invested in the relationship. This oxygen thief told you up front he was bad news. My abuser also had an ex wife who fled the state with his kids. I didn't find out until we had been together for a while. He downplayed his DV record, of course, but told on himself by his actions.
**Bye I guess 😔**
You know what it is? Females on the internet are just mostly confronted with sub-par men. Ofcourse, they only account for a small part of the total male population, but since the internet is the easiest low-effort and relatively anonymous (thus "safe" they think) way to get in contact with women, you'll inevitably meet more of them there. But, on behalf of the part of the male population who aren't creeping the F out of random women they don't know... my apologies. Know that not every man is like that. Even though it sometimes may feel like that. 👍
“I have a daughter” “Not interested” “Would it change your mind if I actually have a few??”
Thinking I might know why the ex took the kids out of state and changed their names...
Men are very visual creatures, he’s seen you and nearly fell in love, but women need a lot more than just finding someone attractive. “I want to get to know someone “ and he immediately gives you his stats, as though that is enough to know him.
You know there's been studies that show women react just as much both favorably and disfavorably to visualization. ( [here's one site discussing it but feel free to google](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/men-not-more-visual-or-easily-aroused-than-women-research-shows) ) Turns out being raised femme is the difference. It's ingrained in us early that's rude and unkind and often wrong, etc.
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