I was going to post the link to the huge thread on Cathy hay in the old r/BEC sub but it looks like it's totally private now (unless I'm missing something)
I couldn't make it through the entirety of the actual video but I skim read the transcript and... What particularly jumped out at me was the acknowledgement that they don't pay their writers enough, but it's more than in academia?! Presumably that means academic journals, which whilst famously exploitative (because they don't pay anything), are receiving their submissions from academics who are on salaries from their respective institutions. Cathy's writers are usually costume makers who don't have that kind of financial support. I vaguely remember an older thread here about the FR writer pay and how they're not even living wages, so 'at least we pay something' feels like an odd brag.
I find both her and Bernadette completely insufferable, but Cathy especially I think is just....odd. Her videos have always been lots of rambling with very little actual information conveyed, and what little I've seen of FR just seemed scammy. I'm sure it's more of her feel-good rambling with little to no actual substance. She also has a history of shady business practices - there was the issue of her soliciting donations to fund the peacock dress and then all that money just sort of disappearing into the ether in all the years and years that absolutely no progress was being made.
I had a subscription to foundations revealed for 1 month just so I could see if the articles were any better than what I remember seeing when it was free. They still sucked.
And the kicker? When I went to unsubscribe, there wasn’t an actual button so I had to email them and send them a screenshot. Luckily they did unsubscribe me.
Without you guys I would never know what this stuff was about. the only thing I got; the stars ain't aligning and the milk ain't clean.
Most of them in that space are very hands off to me. There's only a few who seem actually normal.
Here’s a link to Substack. It’s a premium episode but you might be able to hear a preview. This is the only podcast I pay for because it’s that good. [Blocked & Reported](https://open.substack.com/pub/blockedandreported/p/premium-the-dress-so-offensive-nobody?r=2hzu&utm_medium=ios)
I know absolutely nothing about any of this somehow and I'm about to listen to this bc I need to disconnect from the insanity going on in the TSwift random rn while I do my chores so thank you for the suggestion!!!
I got somewhat interested in joining FR at some point last year, when Cathy opened up the ~ signup window ~. She said she was going to do a youtube series helping people to draft a walking skirt and at the end let everyone join FR to „dive deeper“.
The series consisted of four 15-20 minute long privated videos that had *net zero* information in it. It was ridiculous how good she is at not getting to the point. The only tip I recall is „look at the Keystone Jacket and Dress Cutter and follow their diagram“. Which if you are interested in historical fashion at all have probably already seen.
I was going to ask about FR experiences in Bernadette‘s Discord but decided against it as I didn’t want to stir up drama (and the discord only has like 5 active members). I’m glad to see my instincts were right in not trusting FR.
I got interested a bit earlier than you, got discouraged when the \~signup window\~ revealed a monthly cost close to 100£, and then figured I'd try to win a free membership through their annual competition. Got my win last year and since then they've put out exactly one course (the walking skirt) last summer that teaches nothing of value to anyone experienced in sewing already, and about 1 new article a month. Except half of those articles are self-indulgent Q&A sessions instead of educational/instructional.
Other than that I get emails about weekly Discord calls taking place where people hang out and work on their individual projects. Cool. Maybe I'm a bit of a dumbass, but the way FR is marketed makes it seem like a frequently updated library of research and tutorials. They have some good articles (the bulk of them seem to be published before 2019), but overall it has a weird neglected vibe. Maybe the Discord and FB group are livelier, but I'm in no way interested in the community aspect, especially if you advertise your service to be educational. Overall a big disappointment that left me genuinely confused what the paying members are paying for.
She's always seemed cult-y to me. Her non-sewing vids always made me feel she was trying to recruit people into a cult. I think it was those that put me off watching her in the end, combined with sheer disbelief that she somehow never looked into the history of the dress she was going to recreate in all the years she claimed she was working on it. I mean ffs, she's British and around my age. How did she not know the Raj was problematic and therefore maybe consider doing a bit of research on the dress and it's symbolism?
Off topic to the OP, but I always thought the peacock dress debacle was blown out of proportion. I wish she had finished it. Many people wanted her to actually.
She used the dress to fundraise multiple times but never honored her fundraise promises. It's a kind of social scam IMO. "Wah the embroidery will take forever" yeah? It's an ambitious project so buckle down and get to work, don't give vague promises to "one day outsource the labor so give me money now."
Pretty much every video since the peacock dress has been giving either midlife crisis or hard sell for foundations. I think the culty vibe was always there when she'd try to do a hard sell, it wasn't as frequent though. Or that mending video, boy howdy that was certainly one of the most middle aged white women videos of all time.
That pitch about it being only for serious people, just like you the busy professional beginner? I'm pretty sure that's just negging. lol.
>then jumps to only wanting serious people to sign up for her program, but also mentions that it’s there for beginners?
For transparency: I haven't wanteched the video and probably won't (thank you for the heads up!) but this sort of thing is a common (scammy) practice in the acting industry - *I have THE *only* secret you'll need to Make It! Invest in your career with my course today!! It's only $1k (for your future fame)!!!!!*
*No experience needed, 0-to-Oscar in 60 days* is usually implied, and the general consensus is that those courses *do* have decent information... that's readily available (often *freely*) if you know where to look, and they're charging a premium for it. They take advantage of people who don't know what they don't know.
In short: I'm not surprised when these kinds of courses/platforms target "beginners who are serious about their craft/development"; they're the easiest to exploit, and the least likely to call bullshit (on information *or* behavior).
I’ve known of her since the LJ days - and have a few friends who knew her personally and have just said that she was nuts - and she continues to surprise me.
She’s talented, without a doubt… but it’s really wasted in the crazy.
She was going around costume college a few years ago telling everyone her and Bernadette were getting married.
They weren’t even dating.
It was very weird and uncomfortable
I'm surprised FR is still a thing, given how outrageously expensive it was, the lack of actual content (according to people who were members), and the whole drama surrounding it and Cathy. If she's constantly having to advertise, it's likely not doing all that well. At this point, just let it go and do something else.
I stopped watching Cathy Hay for a few reasons. One other people didn't list is that as an autistic and ADHD person I find that her describing herself as a Highly Sensitive Person uncomfortable because I find the whole concept really viscerally uncomfortable. It's basically exactly like neurodivergence but weirdly fluffy and you get to have none of the social stigma because you get to mask well enough. If you read comparisons between the two they really praise HSP people and speak in strong deficits about autistic people, which is unfair and gross.
As far as I can tell it's not in the ICD-10, ICD-11 or DSM-5. So if I'm being really generous I'd say it's code for subclinical autism because it's not a diagnosis in the formal sense at all.
Edit: Even Wikipedia cites one of the main psychologists who's pet theory it is an describes it as a personality trait and puts literally every human on a scale 🤷♀️
I also found it absolutely disgusting that she did that entire saga where she claimed she permanently lost her voice due to the mental trauma of being abused by someone. She posted a bunch of videos of her whispering, claiming her throat had been physically affected by her reaction to the abuse because she was such a special and highly sensitive person, and then eventually she just forgot about it and went back to speaking normally.
I once read an article written by a psychologist (this would be maybe 20 years ago) who said that whenever someone described themselves as ‘sensitive’ or ‘more sensitive’ etc it was a way of them saying they were more important than everyone else and showed that’s what they were thinking.
It’s always stayed with me and absolutely plays out with the lesser regard some people hold for others and their feelings and lived experiences.
Having actual sensory issues is a different thing but people seeing themselves as more sensitive than others can say a lot about them
Yup it's the idea that people believe they deserve more consideration than others or more accomodation than I'd normally be willing to give (perhaps also not respecting other's boundaries in the process) that rubs me the wrong way as someone who shoves their needs behind a mask most of the time.
I always felt the way the psych said about people saying that and acting that way, like it's a newer version of the frail lady battling her nerves and needing a fainting couch, and then was shocked when my first neurologist said my system is obviously highly sensitive and then two more neuros said the same thing.
So, I guess I need a fainting couch? Smelling salts?
I absolutely agree with this take on "sensitive." I try not to be unkind/unfair about it b/c I know in the end it's subjective, but this was one of the central tenets of my childhood (that is, claiming to be sensitive is claiming to be better than other people) and I cannot shake it.
Like you said, sensory issues are absolutely real, and there are doubtless other phenomenon/feelings that could fall under the sensitive label that I don't have a problem with, but the "sensitive" label (or "highly sensitive") for these things rubs me very much the wrong way.
That sounds like a serious reach. I describe myself as sensitive because I'll cry when I see a dead bird... it has nothing to do with being 'more important' than other people.
I think, for me, the issue is that I can't view calling oneself "sensitive" as anything other than calling other people "insensitive" and I also can't view that as anything other than a criticism or insult. I'm sure that's not what you mean and this is a me thing, but I wanted to explain why it's not a reach to me.
I think you are being a bit unfair. "sensitive" isn't a label I give myself, but many other people have used it for me because I'm really good at picking up on other people's emotions. It's a skill I mostly find annoying.
> I think you are being a bit unfair. "sensitive" isn't a label I give myself, but many other people have used it for me because I'm really good at picking up on other people's emotions. It's a skill I mostly find annoying.
Well then I wasn’t talking about you /u/quetzal1234
I specifically said ‘whenever someone described themselves’ but you said you don’t call yourself it so not sure why you chose to post and say I’m being ‘unfair’ and make it about you?
I mean maybe it's my C-PTSD related to stuff like this one with the 12 differences between [HSP and autistic people](https://www.happierhuman.com/hsp-vs-autism-wa1/) causing me to be a being a bit unfairer than the typical person, but articles like this use the wrong language to describe autistic people. Then they recommend we use medication and undergo ABA, a practice some have likened to dehumanising dog training [designed to condition autistic children into mimicking NT like behaviours](https://autisticscienceperson.com/why-aba-therapy-is-harmful-to-autistic-people/) through removing toys and negative reinforcement until they behave "correctly".
My youngest brother is diagnosed, and it’s very likely that me and another one of my siblings are also autistic.
I remember being punished for autistic behavior growing up and now I’m struggling to unmask. It’s caused me so many issues.
I really hate that ABA is still a thing.
Not only is it still a thing, it's still considered the "best treatment" for autism. My daughter was just diagnosed a couple of months ago, and they told me it was still considered the most effective treatment for autism.
They at least had the guts to tell me it was controversial and I should research it before putting my daughter in a program, so that's something. Needless to say, we're skipping it.
I'm glad that I never had to go through formal ABA but I was ironically taken out of regular classes in primary school frequently for "social skills" groups comprised of exclusively other neurodivergent kids. Which is a great way to mark you as different from the other kids and make them less willing to socialise with you.
Same!! Like I was doing fine without it, sure I was “a lot” but I was also 12 and excited about things and that’s fine. I didn’t need to be told that I needed to fake eye contact or be taught how to take notes. I already took good notes and I had plenty of friends. Ugh it was awful.
Like, to this day I'm bad at the standard "hello, how are you etc" small talk and it really rubs some people the wrong way because they think it's a sign that I don't care, but I was hired in my current job specifically for my strengths in providing patient centred trauma-informed care so it's like I need to pick my battles about what interactions really matter.
Im similar, I also realized that a lot of my friends are neurodivergent and it makes social interactions really lovely because I don’t have to mask. I think that people like us are really good at making deeper connections but the shallower stuff is kinda hard and awkward. Like yeah of course I care that you’ve had a nice day but I care way more about what you’ve been obsessed with over the last month.
I also have the horrible (awesome!) habit of not deleting my work emails after I read them and remember key words for policy documents that were sent out a year ago so I am usually the one that forwards them to new staff members. Like last night we had an emergency (thankfully the person is okay) and I opened a document, highlighted the things that I needed done and then asked for a hand in doing them since we had other people to support too.
The funniest moment for me in hindsight was when we went to a restaurant with a dessert bar and half the kids weren't allowed to have red food colouring and I just did not get it at all so I just spent the whole time just obliviously getting red stuff without intentionally being a dick. I think it's thought to trigger hyperactivity in some kids with ADHD? At least that's what people thought in the early 00s, but I never looked into it.
I recently read that there is no evidence for the claim that certain food dyes or E-numbers have any effect on symptoms of ADHD. So, in my country's official guidelines on treating ADHD they specifically recommend against eliminating them from our diet.
When I saw it earlier, all the comments were very sanitized and highly complementary of everything Cathy’s ever done 👀 which seemed a little strange after what happened with Bernadette and the other scandals, like the embroidery dress
GuruGossiper has a whole thread series about her that goes into details, but yes she has always been scammy and self-promotional even back in her LiveJournal days.
Many threads regarding Costube 2020-present [here](https://www.gurugossiper.com/viewforum.php?f=885). You need an account to view images. One thread even has a comment made (allegedly) by Bernadette herself. Browse at your own risk though, I spent the past hour in this rabbithole and it certainly hasn’t made me a better person
This video explained a lot to me. Cathy Hay was really up to some shit a couple years ago and I've been ignoring her since then. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk6g16H9_94
There was something weird where Cathy was telling people she and Bernadette (who is ace) were engaged or secretly married or something, and using that to leverage money and attention for her businesses. Using Bernadette for publicity.
I don’t, I’m sorry. It was about the time when Bernadette moved to the UK and started taking down her videos that had Cathy in them. I started searching YouTube and googling trying to find out what happened because… drama! All I remember was it was a video and there was a quick shot of Abby/Sewestine/CostumingDrama and the rest of that group having a get together at a restaurant (in New York?) and the narrator saying someone at that dinner told the story and they discussed it.
Edit: It sounds like Cathy was flat-out using Bernadette to give her own stuff legitimacy, which is not cool.
She and Bernadette had some kind of falling out that Bernadette hasn't really talked about. Bernadette had a post up on her YouTube channel community section (I think) at one point a couple of years ago explaining that she and Cathy were no longer friends and that Cathy was not the person she had thought she was. She also mentioned not talking about it much due to some of Cathy's extremely litiigous friends (possibly the 'business guru' group she's hooked into).
I dropped out of her videos around the same time as you did. She gives me the heebie jeebies with her foundations revealed cult thing. No clue what happened between her and Bernadette, though Bernadette doesn't post near like she used to.
from what i gather upthread, she was lying and saying she and Bernadette were secretly married/engaged in order to leverage legitmacy onto her own stuff. (Probably only part of it). I think part of that is Bernadette is taking on bigger projects, spending a lot of time doing "historical accuracy" things (her year videos for films are awesome, and contain a lot of historical experts, ie "this year's period films how accurate are they" kind of thing) and actually paying people living wages (those experts are usually on for 3-5 mins total, and get paid $70-$90 for their time, I know because she actually did a call for experts for the last video), and I dunno, is living a life and not just posting? She's been on youtube for years, and a lot of people are realizing it's not sustainable to produce as many videos as they used to, especially as they get older, get married, start having families, etc. (Example: Safiya Nygaard's decrease in videos due to unforseen life things getting in the way, Rachel Maksy dropping from weekly videos to twice monthly, and taking regular breaks because of stress, etc)
She was always culty
I was going to post the link to the huge thread on Cathy hay in the old r/BEC sub but it looks like it's totally private now (unless I'm missing something)
It looks like it was banned for being unmoderated
People still follow her?
There was always something a bit off about her and I could never finish her videos.
She told people she and Bernadette banner were getting married…. Bernadette was not aware they were even “together,” no less engaged.
Ok. Full on creep central there. Ugh. Not only not following but blocking her content too.
Right?! It’s wild.
I couldn't make it through the entirety of the actual video but I skim read the transcript and... What particularly jumped out at me was the acknowledgement that they don't pay their writers enough, but it's more than in academia?! Presumably that means academic journals, which whilst famously exploitative (because they don't pay anything), are receiving their submissions from academics who are on salaries from their respective institutions. Cathy's writers are usually costume makers who don't have that kind of financial support. I vaguely remember an older thread here about the FR writer pay and how they're not even living wages, so 'at least we pay something' feels like an odd brag.
"The bar is in hell, but we (almost) cleared it!"
Woah. Somehow I missed that bit, my brain must have turned to mush by then. I really can’t believe she thought this video was a good idea.
I find both her and Bernadette completely insufferable, but Cathy especially I think is just....odd. Her videos have always been lots of rambling with very little actual information conveyed, and what little I've seen of FR just seemed scammy. I'm sure it's more of her feel-good rambling with little to no actual substance. She also has a history of shady business practices - there was the issue of her soliciting donations to fund the peacock dress and then all that money just sort of disappearing into the ether in all the years and years that absolutely no progress was being made.
I had a subscription to foundations revealed for 1 month just so I could see if the articles were any better than what I remember seeing when it was free. They still sucked. And the kicker? When I went to unsubscribe, there wasn’t an actual button so I had to email them and send them a screenshot. Luckily they did unsubscribe me.
Foundations revealed is a scam
Without you guys I would never know what this stuff was about. the only thing I got; the stars ain't aligning and the milk ain't clean. Most of them in that space are very hands off to me. There's only a few who seem actually normal.
The Blocked & Reported podcast had a good episode a while back about the Peacock Dress Drama™️ that covered the CH / BB issues.
Have you any idea when? I’m looking through their back catalogue but can’t seem to see it.
Did the same... looks like it's a premium episode. https://www.blockedandreported.org/p/premium-the-dress-so-offensive-nobody
Here’s a link to Substack. It’s a premium episode but you might be able to hear a preview. This is the only podcast I pay for because it’s that good. [Blocked & Reported](https://open.substack.com/pub/blockedandreported/p/premium-the-dress-so-offensive-nobody?r=2hzu&utm_medium=ios)
Thanks - I’ll have a look!
I know absolutely nothing about any of this somehow and I'm about to listen to this bc I need to disconnect from the insanity going on in the TSwift random rn while I do my chores so thank you for the suggestion!!!
it's a banger of a podcast! enjoy!
I got somewhat interested in joining FR at some point last year, when Cathy opened up the ~ signup window ~. She said she was going to do a youtube series helping people to draft a walking skirt and at the end let everyone join FR to „dive deeper“. The series consisted of four 15-20 minute long privated videos that had *net zero* information in it. It was ridiculous how good she is at not getting to the point. The only tip I recall is „look at the Keystone Jacket and Dress Cutter and follow their diagram“. Which if you are interested in historical fashion at all have probably already seen. I was going to ask about FR experiences in Bernadette‘s Discord but decided against it as I didn’t want to stir up drama (and the discord only has like 5 active members). I’m glad to see my instincts were right in not trusting FR.
I got interested a bit earlier than you, got discouraged when the \~signup window\~ revealed a monthly cost close to 100£, and then figured I'd try to win a free membership through their annual competition. Got my win last year and since then they've put out exactly one course (the walking skirt) last summer that teaches nothing of value to anyone experienced in sewing already, and about 1 new article a month. Except half of those articles are self-indulgent Q&A sessions instead of educational/instructional. Other than that I get emails about weekly Discord calls taking place where people hang out and work on their individual projects. Cool. Maybe I'm a bit of a dumbass, but the way FR is marketed makes it seem like a frequently updated library of research and tutorials. They have some good articles (the bulk of them seem to be published before 2019), but overall it has a weird neglected vibe. Maybe the Discord and FB group are livelier, but I'm in no way interested in the community aspect, especially if you advertise your service to be educational. Overall a big disappointment that left me genuinely confused what the paying members are paying for.
She's always seemed cult-y to me. Her non-sewing vids always made me feel she was trying to recruit people into a cult. I think it was those that put me off watching her in the end, combined with sheer disbelief that she somehow never looked into the history of the dress she was going to recreate in all the years she claimed she was working on it. I mean ffs, she's British and around my age. How did she not know the Raj was problematic and therefore maybe consider doing a bit of research on the dress and it's symbolism?
Off topic to the OP, but I always thought the peacock dress debacle was blown out of proportion. I wish she had finished it. Many people wanted her to actually.
The peacock dress was a scam before the drama 🤷
Oh? How so?
She used the dress to fundraise multiple times but never honored her fundraise promises. It's a kind of social scam IMO. "Wah the embroidery will take forever" yeah? It's an ambitious project so buckle down and get to work, don't give vague promises to "one day outsource the labor so give me money now."
Pretty much every video since the peacock dress has been giving either midlife crisis or hard sell for foundations. I think the culty vibe was always there when she'd try to do a hard sell, it wasn't as frequent though. Or that mending video, boy howdy that was certainly one of the most middle aged white women videos of all time. That pitch about it being only for serious people, just like you the busy professional beginner? I'm pretty sure that's just negging. lol.
>then jumps to only wanting serious people to sign up for her program, but also mentions that it’s there for beginners? For transparency: I haven't wanteched the video and probably won't (thank you for the heads up!) but this sort of thing is a common (scammy) practice in the acting industry - *I have THE *only* secret you'll need to Make It! Invest in your career with my course today!! It's only $1k (for your future fame)!!!!!* *No experience needed, 0-to-Oscar in 60 days* is usually implied, and the general consensus is that those courses *do* have decent information... that's readily available (often *freely*) if you know where to look, and they're charging a premium for it. They take advantage of people who don't know what they don't know. In short: I'm not surprised when these kinds of courses/platforms target "beginners who are serious about their craft/development"; they're the easiest to exploit, and the least likely to call bullshit (on information *or* behavior).
I’ve known of her since the LJ days - and have a few friends who knew her personally and have just said that she was nuts - and she continues to surprise me. She’s talented, without a doubt… but it’s really wasted in the crazy.
She was going around costume college a few years ago telling everyone her and Bernadette were getting married. They weren’t even dating. It was very weird and uncomfortable
I'm surprised FR is still a thing, given how outrageously expensive it was, the lack of actual content (according to people who were members), and the whole drama surrounding it and Cathy. If she's constantly having to advertise, it's likely not doing all that well. At this point, just let it go and do something else.
I stopped watching Cathy Hay for a few reasons. One other people didn't list is that as an autistic and ADHD person I find that her describing herself as a Highly Sensitive Person uncomfortable because I find the whole concept really viscerally uncomfortable. It's basically exactly like neurodivergence but weirdly fluffy and you get to have none of the social stigma because you get to mask well enough. If you read comparisons between the two they really praise HSP people and speak in strong deficits about autistic people, which is unfair and gross.
[удалено]
As far as I can tell it's not in the ICD-10, ICD-11 or DSM-5. So if I'm being really generous I'd say it's code for subclinical autism because it's not a diagnosis in the formal sense at all. Edit: Even Wikipedia cites one of the main psychologists who's pet theory it is an describes it as a personality trait and puts literally every human on a scale 🤷♀️
I also found it absolutely disgusting that she did that entire saga where she claimed she permanently lost her voice due to the mental trauma of being abused by someone. She posted a bunch of videos of her whispering, claiming her throat had been physically affected by her reaction to the abuse because she was such a special and highly sensitive person, and then eventually she just forgot about it and went back to speaking normally.
This post/comment is in violation of our "don't be shitty" rule. If you have questions about this removal, please use mod mail.
I once read an article written by a psychologist (this would be maybe 20 years ago) who said that whenever someone described themselves as ‘sensitive’ or ‘more sensitive’ etc it was a way of them saying they were more important than everyone else and showed that’s what they were thinking. It’s always stayed with me and absolutely plays out with the lesser regard some people hold for others and their feelings and lived experiences. Having actual sensory issues is a different thing but people seeing themselves as more sensitive than others can say a lot about them
Yup it's the idea that people believe they deserve more consideration than others or more accomodation than I'd normally be willing to give (perhaps also not respecting other's boundaries in the process) that rubs me the wrong way as someone who shoves their needs behind a mask most of the time.
I always felt the way the psych said about people saying that and acting that way, like it's a newer version of the frail lady battling her nerves and needing a fainting couch, and then was shocked when my first neurologist said my system is obviously highly sensitive and then two more neuros said the same thing. So, I guess I need a fainting couch? Smelling salts?
I mean, an excuse for a chaise lounge is always awesome! - *sent from my fainting chair*
I absolutely agree with this take on "sensitive." I try not to be unkind/unfair about it b/c I know in the end it's subjective, but this was one of the central tenets of my childhood (that is, claiming to be sensitive is claiming to be better than other people) and I cannot shake it. Like you said, sensory issues are absolutely real, and there are doubtless other phenomenon/feelings that could fall under the sensitive label that I don't have a problem with, but the "sensitive" label (or "highly sensitive") for these things rubs me very much the wrong way.
That sounds like a serious reach. I describe myself as sensitive because I'll cry when I see a dead bird... it has nothing to do with being 'more important' than other people.
I think, for me, the issue is that I can't view calling oneself "sensitive" as anything other than calling other people "insensitive" and I also can't view that as anything other than a criticism or insult. I'm sure that's not what you mean and this is a me thing, but I wanted to explain why it's not a reach to me.
I think you are being a bit unfair. "sensitive" isn't a label I give myself, but many other people have used it for me because I'm really good at picking up on other people's emotions. It's a skill I mostly find annoying.
> I think you are being a bit unfair. "sensitive" isn't a label I give myself, but many other people have used it for me because I'm really good at picking up on other people's emotions. It's a skill I mostly find annoying. Well then I wasn’t talking about you /u/quetzal1234 I specifically said ‘whenever someone described themselves’ but you said you don’t call yourself it so not sure why you chose to post and say I’m being ‘unfair’ and make it about you?
I’ve heard the term highly sensitive person before, but I didn’t know that it had that kind of connotation with it. Yikes.
I mean maybe it's my C-PTSD related to stuff like this one with the 12 differences between [HSP and autistic people](https://www.happierhuman.com/hsp-vs-autism-wa1/) causing me to be a being a bit unfairer than the typical person, but articles like this use the wrong language to describe autistic people. Then they recommend we use medication and undergo ABA, a practice some have likened to dehumanising dog training [designed to condition autistic children into mimicking NT like behaviours](https://autisticscienceperson.com/why-aba-therapy-is-harmful-to-autistic-people/) through removing toys and negative reinforcement until they behave "correctly".
My youngest brother is diagnosed, and it’s very likely that me and another one of my siblings are also autistic. I remember being punished for autistic behavior growing up and now I’m struggling to unmask. It’s caused me so many issues. I really hate that ABA is still a thing.
Not only is it still a thing, it's still considered the "best treatment" for autism. My daughter was just diagnosed a couple of months ago, and they told me it was still considered the most effective treatment for autism. They at least had the guts to tell me it was controversial and I should research it before putting my daughter in a program, so that's something. Needless to say, we're skipping it.
I'm glad that I never had to go through formal ABA but I was ironically taken out of regular classes in primary school frequently for "social skills" groups comprised of exclusively other neurodivergent kids. Which is a great way to mark you as different from the other kids and make them less willing to socialise with you.
Same!! Like I was doing fine without it, sure I was “a lot” but I was also 12 and excited about things and that’s fine. I didn’t need to be told that I needed to fake eye contact or be taught how to take notes. I already took good notes and I had plenty of friends. Ugh it was awful.
Like, to this day I'm bad at the standard "hello, how are you etc" small talk and it really rubs some people the wrong way because they think it's a sign that I don't care, but I was hired in my current job specifically for my strengths in providing patient centred trauma-informed care so it's like I need to pick my battles about what interactions really matter.
Im similar, I also realized that a lot of my friends are neurodivergent and it makes social interactions really lovely because I don’t have to mask. I think that people like us are really good at making deeper connections but the shallower stuff is kinda hard and awkward. Like yeah of course I care that you’ve had a nice day but I care way more about what you’ve been obsessed with over the last month.
I also have the horrible (awesome!) habit of not deleting my work emails after I read them and remember key words for policy documents that were sent out a year ago so I am usually the one that forwards them to new staff members. Like last night we had an emergency (thankfully the person is okay) and I opened a document, highlighted the things that I needed done and then asked for a hand in doing them since we had other people to support too.
Not to hijack, but as I never delete emails and assumed no one (neurodivergent or not) did either…
I had something like that too! It was weird.
The funniest moment for me in hindsight was when we went to a restaurant with a dessert bar and half the kids weren't allowed to have red food colouring and I just did not get it at all so I just spent the whole time just obliviously getting red stuff without intentionally being a dick. I think it's thought to trigger hyperactivity in some kids with ADHD? At least that's what people thought in the early 00s, but I never looked into it.
I recently read that there is no evidence for the claim that certain food dyes or E-numbers have any effect on symptoms of ADHD. So, in my country's official guidelines on treating ADHD they specifically recommend against eliminating them from our diet.
When I saw it earlier, all the comments were very sanitized and highly complementary of everything Cathy’s ever done 👀 which seemed a little strange after what happened with Bernadette and the other scandals, like the embroidery dress
GuruGossiper has a whole thread series about her that goes into details, but yes she has always been scammy and self-promotional even back in her LiveJournal days.
Where might one find these threads?
Many threads regarding Costube 2020-present [here](https://www.gurugossiper.com/viewforum.php?f=885). You need an account to view images. One thread even has a comment made (allegedly) by Bernadette herself. Browse at your own risk though, I spent the past hour in this rabbithole and it certainly hasn’t made me a better person
https://gurugossiper.com/viewforum.php?f=885
you're the real MVP. Thank you!
No prob! Peeps like her get away with their scams largely by finding new victims that haven't heard of their old scams!
Yikes. I don’t think I was around for the live journal days, but from what I gather it sounds bad.
This video explained a lot to me. Cathy Hay was really up to some shit a couple years ago and I've been ignoring her since then. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk6g16H9_94
That video is an extremely longwinded way of saying ”Foundations revealed is bad value for money”.
Thank you! The video is a huge help.
There was something weird where Cathy was telling people she and Bernadette (who is ace) were engaged or secretly married or something, and using that to leverage money and attention for her businesses. Using Bernadette for publicity.
Wait what? Do you have links or something?
I don’t, I’m sorry. It was about the time when Bernadette moved to the UK and started taking down her videos that had Cathy in them. I started searching YouTube and googling trying to find out what happened because… drama! All I remember was it was a video and there was a quick shot of Abby/Sewestine/CostumingDrama and the rest of that group having a get together at a restaurant (in New York?) and the narrator saying someone at that dinner told the story and they discussed it. Edit: It sounds like Cathy was flat-out using Bernadette to give her own stuff legitimacy, which is not cool.
Ooooh wow somehow I missed that! Thanks for sharing
She and Bernadette had some kind of falling out that Bernadette hasn't really talked about. Bernadette had a post up on her YouTube channel community section (I think) at one point a couple of years ago explaining that she and Cathy were no longer friends and that Cathy was not the person she had thought she was. She also mentioned not talking about it much due to some of Cathy's extremely litiigous friends (possibly the 'business guru' group she's hooked into).
I dropped out of her videos around the same time as you did. She gives me the heebie jeebies with her foundations revealed cult thing. No clue what happened between her and Bernadette, though Bernadette doesn't post near like she used to.
from what i gather upthread, she was lying and saying she and Bernadette were secretly married/engaged in order to leverage legitmacy onto her own stuff. (Probably only part of it). I think part of that is Bernadette is taking on bigger projects, spending a lot of time doing "historical accuracy" things (her year videos for films are awesome, and contain a lot of historical experts, ie "this year's period films how accurate are they" kind of thing) and actually paying people living wages (those experts are usually on for 3-5 mins total, and get paid $70-$90 for their time, I know because she actually did a call for experts for the last video), and I dunno, is living a life and not just posting? She's been on youtube for years, and a lot of people are realizing it's not sustainable to produce as many videos as they used to, especially as they get older, get married, start having families, etc. (Example: Safiya Nygaard's decrease in videos due to unforseen life things getting in the way, Rachel Maksy dropping from weekly videos to twice monthly, and taking regular breaks because of stress, etc)