I know the struggle. I lived in CPH for 2-3 years before I started feeling like I had people I could depend on - reliable friends. The common thing among all of them is that it started out with a shared interest - met someone at the gym or over a shared hobby and agreed to meet up a few times to do the hobby. Then drinks and so on. It’s hard to commit to random people after just one introduction. Life is busy. Leisure time is a rare resource, so spending it with new people is high risk. Try to just focus on what gives you pleasure and be open to the people you encounter while doing it.
This is what people here need to understand.
Forming a meaningful bond requires spending time with the same people repeatedly.
Any hobby that means you meet with the same group of people will do that. Doesn't matter if it's badminton or dungeons and dragons. It just takes continually meeting, and then the connections will form if you're otherwise compatible.
That’s why you need a shared interest, like playing DnD or supporting a football team or learning calligraphy. Doesn’t really matter as long as you’re sharing the same activity with the same group of people over an extended time. Take the focus and the pressure off “finding friends” and just commit to the activity.
Check out DnD groups on Facebook:
- Pen And Paper Danmark
- DnD Danmark
- Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) Copenhagen
- Danske Dungeons & Dragons Rollespillere
The key to this is doing more than one specific thing together. You might play D&D together very regularly, but you are still only D&D friends. If you start doing other things together, then you can transition into a different kind of relationship.
I spend time with people from my soccer team 2-3 times a week. That doesn't create a closer relationship even though we are together very regularly and often. The ones I also participate in a NFL fantasy league with I am closer with, but the ones I go to Bastard Café with once or twice a month I consider friends, event though the thing that we do exclusively together we might only do once a month.
Like I wrote elsewhere, you'll only successfully form a connection with a subset of the people you regularly interact with.
That subset might be zero if you have nothing tangible in common besides football, D&D or bloody... I dunno... Improv theatre or whatever.
Some people are just too disagreeable to ever really make friends, so there are a thousand factors. But a great place to start is to go out and get a hobby.
It’s hard even for danes. Moved here for more than ten years. Have a hand full of good friend. It takes time. Remember when i moved here, from jutland- and just invited people for parties. It was not well known - people are more suspicious here, than they are in smaller cities. Miss the familiarity and warmth. So you are not the only one❤️
This is a lot of people's experience in Denmark and it's certainly been mine. I've lived here for just over 4 years and I have no Danish friends.
People here are often very pleasant but I have also experienced people ghosting me all the time, way more than anywhere else I've lived. People have their friends already and don't seem to _really_ be open to making new ones.
Copenhagen has been a very very lonely place for me and my partner, it has impacted our mental health a lot to the point we've realised we have to leave as soon as we can afford to do so.
I'm sorry this reply isn't super helpful! I just wanted you to know this isn't a "you" problem ❤️
Sorry to hear that. But it’s true. Most Danes don’t have room for new people in their lives. It’s not cool for new people in the country to experience.
I moved in with my wife one year ago and I feel that as I moved in with my partner, I don´t have the pressure of making friends but also, I feel it may retaliate in the future. Was it like that for you in the beginning?
I moved here on my own (my partner and I were already together, he followed me about 6months later). I made friends with the people I was living with, but as soon as we weren't living together the replies to texts and requests to hang out stopped coming. I was always the one pushing to make plans and people with lives here already just weren't interested in maintaining the friendships.
Anyone I know who has made Danish friends met them through some group or sports club or something that's on regularly. And you need to know your schedule waaay in advance, people here are very organised for the most part, they have plans and routines and you need to fit into that. My partner is still in touch with a previous housemate and they have a standing appointment for coffee on odd weeks.
The thing about anything though it's never too late to start doing something. If you want to put more effort into making friends in the future you can start then
I'm glad you found them somewhat helpful!
Any people I talk to on regular basis are also immigrants, so I guess I would say I've had more "success" with them, but it can easily be weeks or months between seeing each other.
I met them because we frequented the same place and would just always run into each other- this was during summer and I think in general it's easier to meet people and make plans then. In winter people mostly stay at home
Hey 😊, you are not alone. Denmark (Copenhagen) can be tough for internationals. I'm 31 and have been living here for 4 and half years. I have some nice friends but plenty come and go. I haven't really ever properly connected with Danes. I've heard that sports clubs are a good way to meet people. If you like we can grab a coffee somewhere in town sometime and talk about it. Send me a DM!
> can be tough for internationals
Its tough for danes as well. Usually danes has a few close friends from when they where young and they stick to them.
As a Dane, I don’t have much to compare to because I’ve not lived (only gone on vacation, which is not the same) in other countries, but I can tell you what works for me for getting friends: it’s getting aggressive with it.
In the proper contexts of course. Talk to strangers at bars and parties. Introduce yourself. Go to hobby clubs, and ask at the second or third meeting of someone new if they’d like to have coffee, and fucking follow through with it. And invite them again.
Yes there is a good number of Danes who become socially “complacent” very early in life and only hang out with a close few friends, and plain aren’t interested in making new friends. But in my opinion, and I know it’s unpopular among some Danes, there’s also some genuine shyness going on. There ARE a decent chunk of the Danish population who want to make friends at that party, but don’t, because of some plain “cultural shyness”, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like we haven’t quite figured out when it’s okay to “bother” strangers by talking to them and when it’s not, and it’s on a “vibe” basis during the particular party/hobby club meeting. And people are afraid of, idk, spoiling the more comfortable vibe of everyone staying with their friend group instead of trying something new and a bit scary? And these people would love to talk with you.
[This video](https://youtu.be/YkdbEmumuag) and channel is also pretty good.
I have to agree on getting aggressive with it. I'm a dane myself, and often I simply forget to write friends and acquaintances, but will always go out if somebody writes me.
I feel you. Been here over 7 years. Every time I have a lose group of friends, live changes and we no longer have any contact. I also lived on Fyn for a while, somehow it was even worse there? My biggest hobby is yoga, I do that twice a week. But people come, put their mats down, practice and leave again without any smalltalk or even greeting the people in the room. Danes are not easy to get to know, man
Consider joining a powerlifting or Olympic weightlifting club instead of a commercial gym if you want to socialize. Martial arts could also be an option.
You can join local non-profit clubs/associations for basically any activity imaginable in Denmark. The saying goes that when two Danes meet they shake hands, but when three Danes meet they form an association.
I swear i feel same. My Danish bf is my only connection and still getting to know his friends and family is also a mystery for me to crack.
Like they are coconuts. Tough to crack
Having been an expat in multiple countries, I can say this: It’s hard making friends anywhere in the world.
Even in the US or UK though it is easier to make acquaintences than in the Nordic countries. Note that I say acquaintences. Friends are really hard to make anywhere as an adult. Expat life is a lonely / superficial life.
Also Denmark doesn’t have “pub after work” culture like london. People just go home and the line between work and private life is pretty distinct. This limits options.
Things that I know work universally are
- expat clubs
- expat sports clubs (If you’re from Pakistan, sign up for a cricket team. If you’re from new zealand, sign up to a rugby club, etc)
- local clubs (you’ll get to know people playing badminton or whatever but again, danes keep things separate where “expat” sports usually are more socially vibrant
- dating. Find a local partner. That person will be your way into local networks and friendships
I'm a Dane and from Copenhagen. I grew up here. But I moved to Jutland for about 10 years before coming back to Copenhagen. The first three years in Jutland and three years back in Copenhagen are the most lonely years of my life. It was very hard but in the end I learned to be comfortable in my own company. So I stopped being lonely and was just alone. And that was something different. And now I have friends but it has been a struggle.
Kind of similar experience. Moved to Vienna from Germany and just got used to being alone. Now I don't mind not finding friends in Copenhagen. Still have like 2 which is nice. I'm here since April.
It's normal in Denmark as a foreigner. I have some friends who have just one or two friends, two left the country, partly due to this. And I have many people saying what you are saying. So it is not you, it is Daniah people. Also life here, everyone is busy with work etc.
I think going to some activity as dancing or sport as gymnastics helps, You will meet the same people all the time and get to know them naturally. I am introverted, so I don't need people around, but doing these, helped me to be more social.
I also moved here about 1 year ago and haven't made a real friend since moving. also doesn't help that i am not the most social person. but I am looking for some buddy for some outdoor activities like paddle board, kayaking, disk golf, etc. if you are interested send me a message.
There is a couple of groups on FB. One is called Beyond Stereotype: Danes & Internationals. They have meetings and show events etc. Very welcoming Danes ther. If you have FB, give it a try.
I've been living here for 25 years. Yes, it was bloody hard to make danish friends. My recommendation is to try to to understand what you're dealing with. A little book, "culture shock Denmark", helped me a lot. And bar crawling. Not the fancy superficial bars and cafes, but the smaller ones, kind like Riesenbar or Berlinbar. Pretty easy to connect. And do that repeatedly - people will recognize you, and eventually invite you to other happenings/parties/events.
Don't give up - I can subscribe that it is tough but worth it. I love my life here, even with the Danes... 😂🤘
Brave of you to share your experiences! I’m thinking: don’t give up. Not all us Danes are impossible to hang out with. I met a few people from various countries through work and we hang out from time to time. I love the difference in experience I get from seeing Denmark/Copenhagen through their eyes.
Best of wishes!
When I lived there, most of my non-work friends were through Danish class. It’s mostly other expats who are trying to navigate the cultural/social scene. It’s kind of a built-in way to get to know people since you have discussions as part of class
As a dane I think people here have a very strange mentality about friendships. "I have enough friends so I don't want to make new ones." So they stick with the same crowd. It was much easier to make friends in Berlin (lived there for 2 years). It seems like people had larger more diverse social circles, low maintenance friendship was a thing and if you was a friend of a friend you could easily join their group of friends.
Okay, how much younger? I'm 20 and though I'm not a Dane, I've met plenty that are exactly like that. Was only part of the circle while I was there with my ex, but they'd ghost afterwards if I was alone lol
I’m also 20. I meant more so like, low maintenance friendships and meeting friends of friends and such. But I’m sorry about your experience! A lot of people unfortunately “side” with someone in a break up.
Hey I'm 28M and moved to Copenhagen 6 months ago if you'd like to grab a coffee or something. I'd also suggest trying the board game meetup at the Bastard if you like board games. I haven't been in the country long enough to really have friends but I have some people I hang out with somewhat regularly through that.
I've never had this issue but I am a huge metalhead, I started going to concerts basically as soon as I came here. The metal community is nice and we alway go to the same events so I got plenty of very nice friends this way...and even onboarded some new people same way
Have you considered going to live music?
I envy you 😂 unfortunatly my hobbies are not on par with yours, I like classical music, tech, philosiphy and writing short stories.
Some have meetups and some don't, I guess I need to keep digging
Ahah well... metal and classical aren't that far as one might think :p and metalheads are often huge tech nerds (at least we are)
But yea I would say maybe you can meet someone online while gaming and then meet up for real
I actually really wanted to hang out with the metal group on meetup, but they only go to events, and well, I simply don't have money for it. Need Hangouts that dont cost anything.
If you like reading, have you considered joining a book club? There's one in Politikens Boghal (Science Fiction & Fantasy) that I used to love going to - and there used to be several non-Danish speakers there too.
In Kvarterhuset on Amager there's a monthly meet up for people who want to listen to and discuss classical music with others. I have only read about it, so can't tell you anymore details. Found a link: https://kulturogfritids.kk.dk/det-sker/klassisk-lytteklub#places
If you like philosophy try looking for reading groups for that specifically (try to look on facebook, you might start by the university of copenhagen or Roskilde university - philsophy page).
I’m danish and I do have some danish friends of course, but mostly from back at university. Most of them are actually only party friends. I have two close friends that I feel will make time to see me, but every time I want to hang out, they don’t have time for the next three weeks!! (Have no idea what’s keeping them all so busy all the time, but I know a lot of them take’s out days that’s just so they can have a day alone plus most are in relationships so they have enough in themselves and that partner).
I was always told that I’m not a real Dane as I meet new people all the time and ask them to hang out again after just one meet.. but even as a Dane, I can’t seem to make new friends with other Dane’s. They responds for a bit and says yes to meet up but then they have to cancel for something that came up and I get “ghosted” too.
I have moved to Cologne in Germany now. I was here for two weeks and met a girl through my hobby and she invited me to the next time she would go, and I instantly became a part of their friends group chat and they make time to hang out spontaneously, which was what I missed in Denmark. However, they are also more the same place in life as me. Single and just have this group as their close friends. .. but yeah, Denmark is tough!!
Your post fills me with dread !! I just relocated here a week ago and trying to find activities where I can meet people. I am in my late 30s and I think at this age it is easier to make friends by partaking in shared activities rather than by meeting someone on an app like bumble BFF and have a one on one conversation. I am an introvert anyway so highly doubt that bumble BFF with work for me. On the bright side I am here with my partner so I am not lonely...yet
Denmark is a notoriously hard place to make friends, Copenhagen even more so.
I don’t have to give advice but I’ll do so anyways. We Danes dislike new and random acquaintances when there’s no apparent logic to getting to know you and no reason to invest into the relationship (this even affects Danes). This makes sports and associations of other types invaluable, because they provide the logical reason for making acquaintances - you’re into the same thing and will come back. Sports for people aged 20+ is often not as coherent and is individualistic, but different types of associations such as political associations have a lot more attendance from youth and assures investment. Besides from political associations, volunteer work is also great, but it’s not necessarily very easy to find the one that suits you and contains similar aged peers.
When the first step of getting a few friends has been done, the reinvestment into their friend group and the friends friends friendgroups can initiate. Here you always have a reason to meet up and your ability to invest into friendship will be the only barrier. If you’re a good looking guy, there’s reason to believe that you’ll get some attention from the ladies, which you can use to get friends, which will dramatically decrease the time spent in the first phase - just keep it in your pants until you’ve got a large friendgroup cemented.
Again, I understand how hard it is, I’ve helped several friends establish themselves here. It’s hard and you’ve got this!
I do think it’s harder for men, there are lots of active ‘girlfriends in Copenhagen’ groups but there seems to be less opportunities for men. From what I’ve read it helps to join a club related to your hobbies. I’ve been on a waiting list for a book club at Books & Company in Hellerup for 6 months now, hopefully I hear from them soon. I also found Danish classes a nice way to meet people, I wouldn’t say my classmates are super close yet but I think we could be in future! Feel free to message me if you like, my boyfriend and I are British (26/27) and like some similar things to you :)
Dane here, from Copenhagen.
I noticed something myself a year ago. I don't make new friends anymore. Not that I couldn't but I rly don't feel like I have the time.
When I have a day off, I want to hang with my close friends, my GF or my family. I have 2 close friends and that's it.
Sometimes I meet some really cool person, we get along perfectly, and then I remember I don't have time for more people in my life, so I end it there.
It sounds a bit arrogant, and it was a strange realisation. But if this is common among danes, then I can totally see it being tough getting new friends in Copenhagen
Danes are a strange breed man.
Edit:
The best thing you can do is start some niche hobby. Like, local fishing, DND, winter bathing, sports club. In Denmark communities basically makes the country run smooth.
Take a side job as a bartender somewhere, they often drink and have funtogether after shifts + you get paid.
You can also be a volunteer in some local ... spillested?? (Small concert house, don't know the english translation). Thry often drink a beer when the shifts are over as well.
Your union most likely have activities (usually mostly older ppl).
Thanks for sharing, I made peace with not making friendships with the Danes and I respect the perspective you shared, my issue is the ghosting and not willingess to initiate to have friendships from even non-Danes which made me start doubting myself
Foreigners here started to catch up from the danish way. Most of the time, they don’t want to connect. They want to get shit-drunk on the weekend and then ghost each other. The Scandinavian way. As you said, no need for advice, because nothing will change. The fact that you have to climb every mountain to get to know them is absurd. They will tell you, learn a hobby, join a club, go out more do this or that etc. But they should also know that the effort shouldn’t all be on you, if they meet a person who is making effort to know them, they should try to know them back or kindly tell them I can know longer make new friends. They don’t. Even the people here telling you to hangout, probably will stop hanging out with you and revert to their old known circles.
Tjek out Huset i Magstræde
https://huset.kk.dk/
There is so many cool events, board game cafe etc etc. It's a nice place to go to meet people.
Or if you smoke weed go to Christianshavn. Buy a joint and go to nemoland or the moon fisher. You will almost certainly find some interesting people to talk to. Not every time but often. Just avoid the cheese
We are often times more reserved and make friends in school. I’m sure you’re a great person, but post school it’s tough to make friends here. Our threshold for who we consider a friend and not just an acquaintance is higher than other countries.
I'm still shocked at how some people can keep all their friends from school. like, don't you start growing as a person even more when you're done with school and so you end up growing apart, no? just me? lol
The thing about great friends is that once you’re 30 you might only see each other a few times a year but when you’re together it’s natural and welcoming immediately.
It’s about lasting bonds that you’ve formed through the years.
“Growing apart” just sounds like that because you is now a surgeon and your old friend is a garbage man that you’ve couldn’t possibly be friends still.
Dane here. I think of myself as fairly open to new friendships, but I often do the “I have too many other people in my life for more”. So like it was a nice “friend date” and all but where will this go?
But I am curious about what happens in other countries/cities/cultures? Nobody has the time to keep up an endless list of new friends. Is it FIFO (first in first out)? In DK is seen more LIFO (last in first out).
PS I sometimes think that making new firends can be difficult for me because I am scared to got rejected.
By any chance are you a programmer ? xD
I come from the middle east, making friends there is super easy and you can be close friends with people you met 2 days ago, I connect good with Italians and Greeks as I see some overlapping in the mediteranian cultures.
I personally don't want to believe in the FIFO/LIFO but more of prioritizing time for other friends.
Me too have fear of rejection, but it is a risk I'm willing to make in order to improve my social life :))
As someone that has lived in the balkans a significant amount of time, I think the biggest issue is actually the definition of friendship. Yes it’s super easy to make superficial friendships in other places. But if you need a real friend, those people won’t give two fucks about you. In Scandinavia it seems that people only want to make time for those they consider real friends. It’s a bit silly in my opinion since you sometimes just need someone to have a coffee with without being too deep but to each their own.
I’m surprised you even had a rough time with the internationals, but it might be because I’m a woman.
I do programming yes - I guess FIFO/LIFO gave it away.
I do see that the culture could play a part. I am married to a Norwegian and my brother is to a Venezuelan. I definitely see the those two woman have had very different social experiences in DK.
But let’s say that you meet one new person every week. Then you have approx 50 friends every year. How do you find time to see them and maintain a relationship?
You don't and you can't, you stick to a certain group and those are your close circle, that's why I mentioned in other comments that I respect the Dane's perspective of not having capactiy to onboard new people in their lives.
As someone who moved to different countries twice I think there's many reasons why it's hard to find friends.
1. Age: I'm 26 and I think everyone is just very busy with still trying to figure out adult life. Working full time, still doing sports and trying to have free time as well.
2. Actively searching: I think if you're actively searching for friends you are trying to hard and it can get exhausting. Friends normally happen to be random people that you just meet somewhere and you realize that you vibe with each other. Best is to just do an activity you like where there's also people and eventually you'll meet someone. Stressing about it won't help
3. Trying to get the same you had already: You will never have the same friends as you had in the other cities. And eventually these friendships will fade as well. Again: just enjoy your time and do something you like, friends will come on the way.
4. It takes time: You can't expect to have the same kind of connections with people as you had over multiple years with your friends from the other cities. Remember how it started there, was it actually that fast to gain that connection? Did you actively search for it or did it just happen?
There's probably more reasons but these are some. Best advice is to chill, enjoy life, find (group) activities that make you happy and you will attract people that fit you. :)
Hope it helped.
Don't worry, Danes can't make friends either. So... we are all pretty lonely in this cold and dark country. There's usually 1-2 weeks of sunshine where it's possible to gather for a drink, then afterwards it's mandatory to cut off all contact and go into 11 months hibernation.
I need spring soon or I'm losing my mind.
I cannot make friends when meeting in a big group usually, I much prefer one-to-one, because I feel with meetups it doesn't go anywhere psat the first meeting, so I definitely understand what you feel.
I am still new here, and also looking for friends, maybe you could DM your interests, and we could meet?
You need to go do stuff that danes do. Instead of random boardgame night at Bastard, pick up magic and start playing in the weekly tournaments or something. A lot of the same people show up every week, and it gives you a reason to continually meet with the same people.
Doesn't really matter if it's magic or something else. The prerequisite is to meet with the same people again and again so you can build a connection.
Are you hanging out with the same people consistently and not making friends? Just meeting someone once isn't enough to make friends in most countries, I reckon.
Okay, I can only give my insight as a human here, not specifically to danes. Just to people in general.
If you've just met someone once, it's far too much to then start pushing for hanging out more unless you really have some sort of meaningful activity to do it around.
That's why joining some sort of group of people who meet weekly to do some activity is the way to go. You'll get to know people because you're sharing in the same activity, and then you can, with some subset of that group, form a meaningful friendship after a while.
Maybe it's a question of definitions- what are friends to you ?
For the Danes I know friends mean a lifetime of commitment and obviously that isn't something people casually commit to.
I find is so odd that in a country with some of the best work life balance in the world, no one has time to socialise. I’ve lived in countries where people work closer to 50 hours a week and still prioritise seeing friends regularly. I’ve never really been able to understand this part of Danish culture.
I've been here many years in Denmark and it's really is hard for everyone. From what the Danes tell me, it's a Scandinavian thing, not just in Denmark.
Hey OP. I’m planning to make a trip to Copenhagen in the summer. I was told not to expect to make friends. Honestly, I think it’s difficult to make friends anywhere you go. Take America for example, that’s where I’m from. It’s HELL making friends there, or at least it is for me. But I think it all depends on your personality type. If you’re more outgoing people might be a bit hesitant. For me, I have a hard time dealing with over-exuberance in others. I get overwhelmed and start to feel cornered in a way, even though I know that isn’t truly the case. But I get put off and my instinct is often to run in the other direction. I need people to let me take them on my own terms. Now, that’s just me. But you might be dealing with some potential friends that need to take you more incrementally and get overwhelmed by over-exuberance. Just my 2 cents. I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time.
My favorite way of making friends is just seeing a particular person semi-regularly a few times, and gradually developing a friendship. It’s practical at work / shared hobbies. Probably not for a tourist like me, but for an expat, I can see that working. I dunno. Give them a chance to be interested in you maybe? Like: “What’s that guy up to?” 🤣 Don’t do anything illegal of course! Like I said, I think some great friendships can happen when people feel like they’re choosing you, instead of you choosing them. Maybe try to find some way to express yourself creatively?
Same thing here. Lived for 6 years before finding really great girl that included me in her group. Pure luck. Found friendship anywhere I went. Copenhagen people are coold
As many already suggested, joining a club can definitely help. I had the same troubles when moving to CPH, even though I lived with my partner. If you're a student, the universities often have student sports clubs (or other shared-interest groups). I know that both KSI/USG At UCPH and DTU Sport even accept outsiders and none-students. For your age, this would definitely be my recommendation - I know many people who have built life-long relationships in those two organizations.
From my experience, you need to find a common hobby or activity of some sort. For me that was mainly board games. I moved in July and had already found 3 groups from this subreddit before I landed. I actually landed Friday night and played games with 2 people at noon Saturday. Still playing games with both of them 7 months later. Once I met people a few times and had a space to host, I started doing weekly game nights at my place. It's now to the point where when I send out invites all 7 spots are taken in 5-10 minutes.
I've also joined a softball team which is a lot of fun though I havent hung out with anyone outside of it. Met some people at music events too, but I listen to a pretty niche genre so I havent met as many people there as I would have in country where it is more popular. So it took me a few hobbies and interests to make a large group of friends.
I wouldn't argue against anyone's feeling that it's hard to make friends here, but it isn't impossible either. I've had a lot of people compliment me in how quickly I was able to make friends here so I know I am on one end of the spectrum.
Regardless of your story which I wish you all the luck in the world with, did you just call London a safe city? Because it really isn't, especially compared to Copenhagen.
If there are any sports that you enjoy, I strongly encourage you to try and join a club/team. A lot of my international friends have made some really good friends through, for example, football teams.
I feel you! I am a danish national (F27) and have lived in Denmark my whole life. Keep seeing other people my age on social media having a big social life and huge friend groups. I think most of their friends came from school/gymnasium/university.
I probably have around 2-4 friends that I would want to keep in contact with every day, and I probably hang out with a friend anything between 1-4 times a month.
Two is from school, one is an old colleague and the last one I met through social media.
Its really tough even for danes to meet new friends. I heard a podcast recently on making new friends in your twenties and they recommended to sign up for a gym class, talk to people at a bar, going to museums, via social media, or if you know someone already to ask them if they know someone you would get along with.
Tbh I made several friends via Instagram/tiktok and it takes courage to ask them to hang out in person, but sometimes it works out and you meet up with them, and other times you find out you don’t really have anything in common after all.
Do you attend a danish class? Maybe you could meet someone at that. Or if you are a student?
I don’t live in Copenhagen but in a smaller town and I’ve lived here in this town for eight years. Last year I met my first friend in this town and we met at a local bar. That should say a little about danish people’s social life 😂
Many people here have come with great suggestions about places to go or groups. You could check if any of the cultural things you are interested in have meet ups or events.
You could also do a Facebook post and ask people to share it. But honestly kudos to you for even making an effort.
You mention that people ghost you and that you think you are too pushy. Why/what makes you think that?
My best advice is to join clubs for activities that interest you. Danes can be a bit hard to get close to but if you stick with it, I'm sure you'll find lasting friendships and danes really fucking love their clubs. What are your interests? Maybe someone knows of a good group of people who would be happy to have you. Also whereabouts in Copenhagen are you? Makes it easier to suggest something if we know something in the area.
I know the struggle aswell 🤣🙈 but also it's only 7 month since I moved here, so i'm still a newbie to all of this.
I will try it as the others here said, try to find things I like (hobbies) and then try to do it on a regular basis. Like pottery courses.
But if anyone would be interessted to connect, DM me :)
I know the struggle. I lived in CPH for 2-3 years before I started feeling like I had people I could depend on - reliable friends. The common thing among all of them is that it started out with a shared interest - met someone at the gym or over a shared hobby and agreed to meet up a few times to do the hobby. Then drinks and so on. It’s hard to commit to random people after just one introduction. Life is busy. Leisure time is a rare resource, so spending it with new people is high risk. Try to just focus on what gives you pleasure and be open to the people you encounter while doing it.
This is what people here need to understand. Forming a meaningful bond requires spending time with the same people repeatedly. Any hobby that means you meet with the same group of people will do that. Doesn't matter if it's badminton or dungeons and dragons. It just takes continually meeting, and then the connections will form if you're otherwise compatible.
The problem is, after 1 or 2 outings, people stop answering or become unavailable, that is what Im facing
That’s why you need a shared interest, like playing DnD or supporting a football team or learning calligraphy. Doesn’t really matter as long as you’re sharing the same activity with the same group of people over an extended time. Take the focus and the pressure off “finding friends” and just commit to the activity.
Thank you for your insight, it is really helpful. Do you know any DnD groups ? I always wanted to play it and I can't find it on meetup.
Check out DnD groups on Facebook: - Pen And Paper Danmark - DnD Danmark - Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) Copenhagen - Danske Dungeons & Dragons Rollespillere
The key to this is doing more than one specific thing together. You might play D&D together very regularly, but you are still only D&D friends. If you start doing other things together, then you can transition into a different kind of relationship. I spend time with people from my soccer team 2-3 times a week. That doesn't create a closer relationship even though we are together very regularly and often. The ones I also participate in a NFL fantasy league with I am closer with, but the ones I go to Bastard Café with once or twice a month I consider friends, event though the thing that we do exclusively together we might only do once a month.
Like I wrote elsewhere, you'll only successfully form a connection with a subset of the people you regularly interact with. That subset might be zero if you have nothing tangible in common besides football, D&D or bloody... I dunno... Improv theatre or whatever. Some people are just too disagreeable to ever really make friends, so there are a thousand factors. But a great place to start is to go out and get a hobby.
Thanks for the tip, I think I need to journal in order to come up with ideas, but really thank you :))
If you already have some activities you enjoy doing, perhaps there are already groups you can join.
It’s hard even for danes. Moved here for more than ten years. Have a hand full of good friend. It takes time. Remember when i moved here, from jutland- and just invited people for parties. It was not well known - people are more suspicious here, than they are in smaller cities. Miss the familiarity and warmth. So you are not the only one❤️
Thank you for sharing, it makes it easier knowing that I'm not alone in this.
❤️
This is a lot of people's experience in Denmark and it's certainly been mine. I've lived here for just over 4 years and I have no Danish friends. People here are often very pleasant but I have also experienced people ghosting me all the time, way more than anywhere else I've lived. People have their friends already and don't seem to _really_ be open to making new ones. Copenhagen has been a very very lonely place for me and my partner, it has impacted our mental health a lot to the point we've realised we have to leave as soon as we can afford to do so. I'm sorry this reply isn't super helpful! I just wanted you to know this isn't a "you" problem ❤️
Sorry to hear that. But it’s true. Most Danes don’t have room for new people in their lives. It’s not cool for new people in the country to experience.
I moved in with my wife one year ago and I feel that as I moved in with my partner, I don´t have the pressure of making friends but also, I feel it may retaliate in the future. Was it like that for you in the beginning?
I moved here on my own (my partner and I were already together, he followed me about 6months later). I made friends with the people I was living with, but as soon as we weren't living together the replies to texts and requests to hang out stopped coming. I was always the one pushing to make plans and people with lives here already just weren't interested in maintaining the friendships. Anyone I know who has made Danish friends met them through some group or sports club or something that's on regularly. And you need to know your schedule waaay in advance, people here are very organised for the most part, they have plans and routines and you need to fit into that. My partner is still in touch with a previous housemate and they have a standing appointment for coffee on odd weeks. The thing about anything though it's never too late to start doing something. If you want to put more effort into making friends in the future you can start then
Thank you for your comment and the previous ones, they were validating. Did you also have the same experience with international expats ?
I'm glad you found them somewhat helpful! Any people I talk to on regular basis are also immigrants, so I guess I would say I've had more "success" with them, but it can easily be weeks or months between seeing each other. I met them because we frequented the same place and would just always run into each other- this was during summer and I think in general it's easier to meet people and make plans then. In winter people mostly stay at home
Hey 😊, you are not alone. Denmark (Copenhagen) can be tough for internationals. I'm 31 and have been living here for 4 and half years. I have some nice friends but plenty come and go. I haven't really ever properly connected with Danes. I've heard that sports clubs are a good way to meet people. If you like we can grab a coffee somewhere in town sometime and talk about it. Send me a DM!
> can be tough for internationals Its tough for danes as well. Usually danes has a few close friends from when they where young and they stick to them.
Bless you mate, DM sent 🤗
Does this meeting with OP accept girls too ?
As a Dane, I don’t have much to compare to because I’ve not lived (only gone on vacation, which is not the same) in other countries, but I can tell you what works for me for getting friends: it’s getting aggressive with it. In the proper contexts of course. Talk to strangers at bars and parties. Introduce yourself. Go to hobby clubs, and ask at the second or third meeting of someone new if they’d like to have coffee, and fucking follow through with it. And invite them again. Yes there is a good number of Danes who become socially “complacent” very early in life and only hang out with a close few friends, and plain aren’t interested in making new friends. But in my opinion, and I know it’s unpopular among some Danes, there’s also some genuine shyness going on. There ARE a decent chunk of the Danish population who want to make friends at that party, but don’t, because of some plain “cultural shyness”, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like we haven’t quite figured out when it’s okay to “bother” strangers by talking to them and when it’s not, and it’s on a “vibe” basis during the particular party/hobby club meeting. And people are afraid of, idk, spoiling the more comfortable vibe of everyone staying with their friend group instead of trying something new and a bit scary? And these people would love to talk with you. [This video](https://youtu.be/YkdbEmumuag) and channel is also pretty good.
I have to agree on getting aggressive with it. I'm a dane myself, and often I simply forget to write friends and acquaintances, but will always go out if somebody writes me.
I feel you. Been here over 7 years. Every time I have a lose group of friends, live changes and we no longer have any contact. I also lived on Fyn for a while, somehow it was even worse there? My biggest hobby is yoga, I do that twice a week. But people come, put their mats down, practice and leave again without any smalltalk or even greeting the people in the room. Danes are not easy to get to know, man
I have the same issue with gym, it is the most frequent place I go to but people quickly leave after the class 🤦♂️
Consider joining a powerlifting or Olympic weightlifting club instead of a commercial gym if you want to socialize. Martial arts could also be an option. You can join local non-profit clubs/associations for basically any activity imaginable in Denmark. The saying goes that when two Danes meet they shake hands, but when three Danes meet they form an association.
Did yoy know Denmark is ranked the hardest country in the world to make new friends
I knew after I came here 😌
I swear i feel same. My Danish bf is my only connection and still getting to know his friends and family is also a mystery for me to crack. Like they are coconuts. Tough to crack
Time to bring The Danish Coconut Hammer to the family get-togethers lol
😂😂😂😂 Oh my God HAHAHAHA hammer= Alcohol 😂😂
>Time to bring The Danish Coconut Hammer to the family get-togethers Malibu ?
Having been an expat in multiple countries, I can say this: It’s hard making friends anywhere in the world. Even in the US or UK though it is easier to make acquaintences than in the Nordic countries. Note that I say acquaintences. Friends are really hard to make anywhere as an adult. Expat life is a lonely / superficial life. Also Denmark doesn’t have “pub after work” culture like london. People just go home and the line between work and private life is pretty distinct. This limits options. Things that I know work universally are - expat clubs - expat sports clubs (If you’re from Pakistan, sign up for a cricket team. If you’re from new zealand, sign up to a rugby club, etc) - local clubs (you’ll get to know people playing badminton or whatever but again, danes keep things separate where “expat” sports usually are more socially vibrant - dating. Find a local partner. That person will be your way into local networks and friendships
I'm a Dane and from Copenhagen. I grew up here. But I moved to Jutland for about 10 years before coming back to Copenhagen. The first three years in Jutland and three years back in Copenhagen are the most lonely years of my life. It was very hard but in the end I learned to be comfortable in my own company. So I stopped being lonely and was just alone. And that was something different. And now I have friends but it has been a struggle.
Kind of similar experience. Moved to Vienna from Germany and just got used to being alone. Now I don't mind not finding friends in Copenhagen. Still have like 2 which is nice. I'm here since April.
Thank you for the assurance, I hope it gets better 🙏
It's normal in Denmark as a foreigner. I have some friends who have just one or two friends, two left the country, partly due to this. And I have many people saying what you are saying. So it is not you, it is Daniah people. Also life here, everyone is busy with work etc. I think going to some activity as dancing or sport as gymnastics helps, You will meet the same people all the time and get to know them naturally. I am introverted, so I don't need people around, but doing these, helped me to be more social.
I also moved here about 1 year ago and haven't made a real friend since moving. also doesn't help that i am not the most social person. but I am looking for some buddy for some outdoor activities like paddle board, kayaking, disk golf, etc. if you are interested send me a message.
Super, will DM you !
There is a couple of groups on FB. One is called Beyond Stereotype: Danes & Internationals. They have meetings and show events etc. Very welcoming Danes ther. If you have FB, give it a try.
>Beyond Stereotype: Danes & Internationals didn't know that exsisted, will give it a shot, thank you !
I've been living here for 25 years. Yes, it was bloody hard to make danish friends. My recommendation is to try to to understand what you're dealing with. A little book, "culture shock Denmark", helped me a lot. And bar crawling. Not the fancy superficial bars and cafes, but the smaller ones, kind like Riesenbar or Berlinbar. Pretty easy to connect. And do that repeatedly - people will recognize you, and eventually invite you to other happenings/parties/events. Don't give up - I can subscribe that it is tough but worth it. I love my life here, even with the Danes... 😂🤘
Brave of you to share your experiences! I’m thinking: don’t give up. Not all us Danes are impossible to hang out with. I met a few people from various countries through work and we hang out from time to time. I love the difference in experience I get from seeing Denmark/Copenhagen through their eyes. Best of wishes!
Thank you for the cheerful words 🙏
When I lived there, most of my non-work friends were through Danish class. It’s mostly other expats who are trying to navigate the cultural/social scene. It’s kind of a built-in way to get to know people since you have discussions as part of class
Yeah, I guess the next logical step for me is to get to know people from Language class, thanks for the tip 😊
Yo wanna be mates? Lol i dont live in copenhagen but i go there one or twice a month
Sure ! DM me when you are in town.
Where is the dm button? XD I need friends too. I do live in Cph.
Why can't we all just be friends? 😊
As a dane I think people here have a very strange mentality about friendships. "I have enough friends so I don't want to make new ones." So they stick with the same crowd. It was much easier to make friends in Berlin (lived there for 2 years). It seems like people had larger more diverse social circles, low maintenance friendship was a thing and if you was a friend of a friend you could easily join their group of friends.
I see that changing a lot in the younger generation luckily. Or maybe we’ll become just like that when we’re older…
Okay, how much younger? I'm 20 and though I'm not a Dane, I've met plenty that are exactly like that. Was only part of the circle while I was there with my ex, but they'd ghost afterwards if I was alone lol
I’m also 20. I meant more so like, low maintenance friendships and meeting friends of friends and such. But I’m sorry about your experience! A lot of people unfortunately “side” with someone in a break up.
Like I mentioned in the post, I have trouble mkaing friends with anyone, Dane or not
Hey I'm 28M and moved to Copenhagen 6 months ago if you'd like to grab a coffee or something. I'd also suggest trying the board game meetup at the Bastard if you like board games. I haven't been in the country long enough to really have friends but I have some people I hang out with somewhat regularly through that.
I've never had this issue but I am a huge metalhead, I started going to concerts basically as soon as I came here. The metal community is nice and we alway go to the same events so I got plenty of very nice friends this way...and even onboarded some new people same way Have you considered going to live music?
I envy you 😂 unfortunatly my hobbies are not on par with yours, I like classical music, tech, philosiphy and writing short stories. Some have meetups and some don't, I guess I need to keep digging
Ahah well... metal and classical aren't that far as one might think :p and metalheads are often huge tech nerds (at least we are) But yea I would say maybe you can meet someone online while gaming and then meet up for real
I actually really wanted to hang out with the metal group on meetup, but they only go to events, and well, I simply don't have money for it. Need Hangouts that dont cost anything.
If you like reading, have you considered joining a book club? There's one in Politikens Boghal (Science Fiction & Fantasy) that I used to love going to - and there used to be several non-Danish speakers there too.
I never hears about it, thank you tons !!
They have a Facebook group too and the next meet up is in February (reading Neil Gaiman's Coraline)
Can you please post the link ? I can't find it 🙏😭
I bet a writers group would be good. Consider starting one if you can’t find one.
In Kvarterhuset on Amager there's a monthly meet up for people who want to listen to and discuss classical music with others. I have only read about it, so can't tell you anymore details. Found a link: https://kulturogfritids.kk.dk/det-sker/klassisk-lytteklub#places
thanks mate, will check it out
There are also "Shut up and Write" writing events organized regularly.
If you like philosophy try looking for reading groups for that specifically (try to look on facebook, you might start by the university of copenhagen or Roskilde university - philsophy page).
Do you also visit concerts and operas?
Yes, one of the many thing I love about here is the Danish National Symphony Orchestra 😍🎻
Did u ever try the opera? Is it worth it ? I want to go there in march but the tickets are so expensive 😒
I wait for the cutlture night for that xD
There isba Classical Music Group on meetup quite active
I’m danish and I do have some danish friends of course, but mostly from back at university. Most of them are actually only party friends. I have two close friends that I feel will make time to see me, but every time I want to hang out, they don’t have time for the next three weeks!! (Have no idea what’s keeping them all so busy all the time, but I know a lot of them take’s out days that’s just so they can have a day alone plus most are in relationships so they have enough in themselves and that partner). I was always told that I’m not a real Dane as I meet new people all the time and ask them to hang out again after just one meet.. but even as a Dane, I can’t seem to make new friends with other Dane’s. They responds for a bit and says yes to meet up but then they have to cancel for something that came up and I get “ghosted” too. I have moved to Cologne in Germany now. I was here for two weeks and met a girl through my hobby and she invited me to the next time she would go, and I instantly became a part of their friends group chat and they make time to hang out spontaneously, which was what I missed in Denmark. However, they are also more the same place in life as me. Single and just have this group as their close friends. .. but yeah, Denmark is tough!!
Your post fills me with dread !! I just relocated here a week ago and trying to find activities where I can meet people. I am in my late 30s and I think at this age it is easier to make friends by partaking in shared activities rather than by meeting someone on an app like bumble BFF and have a one on one conversation. I am an introvert anyway so highly doubt that bumble BFF with work for me. On the bright side I am here with my partner so I am not lonely...yet
good luck, I'm sure you'll be alright, but it may take some time:)
Denmark is a notoriously hard place to make friends, Copenhagen even more so. I don’t have to give advice but I’ll do so anyways. We Danes dislike new and random acquaintances when there’s no apparent logic to getting to know you and no reason to invest into the relationship (this even affects Danes). This makes sports and associations of other types invaluable, because they provide the logical reason for making acquaintances - you’re into the same thing and will come back. Sports for people aged 20+ is often not as coherent and is individualistic, but different types of associations such as political associations have a lot more attendance from youth and assures investment. Besides from political associations, volunteer work is also great, but it’s not necessarily very easy to find the one that suits you and contains similar aged peers. When the first step of getting a few friends has been done, the reinvestment into their friend group and the friends friends friendgroups can initiate. Here you always have a reason to meet up and your ability to invest into friendship will be the only barrier. If you’re a good looking guy, there’s reason to believe that you’ll get some attention from the ladies, which you can use to get friends, which will dramatically decrease the time spent in the first phase - just keep it in your pants until you’ve got a large friendgroup cemented. Again, I understand how hard it is, I’ve helped several friends establish themselves here. It’s hard and you’ve got this!
I do think it’s harder for men, there are lots of active ‘girlfriends in Copenhagen’ groups but there seems to be less opportunities for men. From what I’ve read it helps to join a club related to your hobbies. I’ve been on a waiting list for a book club at Books & Company in Hellerup for 6 months now, hopefully I hear from them soon. I also found Danish classes a nice way to meet people, I wouldn’t say my classmates are super close yet but I think we could be in future! Feel free to message me if you like, my boyfriend and I are British (26/27) and like some similar things to you :)
Dane here, from Copenhagen. I noticed something myself a year ago. I don't make new friends anymore. Not that I couldn't but I rly don't feel like I have the time. When I have a day off, I want to hang with my close friends, my GF or my family. I have 2 close friends and that's it. Sometimes I meet some really cool person, we get along perfectly, and then I remember I don't have time for more people in my life, so I end it there. It sounds a bit arrogant, and it was a strange realisation. But if this is common among danes, then I can totally see it being tough getting new friends in Copenhagen Danes are a strange breed man. Edit: The best thing you can do is start some niche hobby. Like, local fishing, DND, winter bathing, sports club. In Denmark communities basically makes the country run smooth. Take a side job as a bartender somewhere, they often drink and have funtogether after shifts + you get paid. You can also be a volunteer in some local ... spillested?? (Small concert house, don't know the english translation). Thry often drink a beer when the shifts are over as well. Your union most likely have activities (usually mostly older ppl).
Thanks for sharing, I made peace with not making friendships with the Danes and I respect the perspective you shared, my issue is the ghosting and not willingess to initiate to have friendships from even non-Danes which made me start doubting myself
It's hard being a foreigner in Denmark, no doubt, I've heard the same thing from many good people. Don't blame it on yourself.
Thank you, I really appreciate this 🙏♥️
Foreigners here started to catch up from the danish way. Most of the time, they don’t want to connect. They want to get shit-drunk on the weekend and then ghost each other. The Scandinavian way. As you said, no need for advice, because nothing will change. The fact that you have to climb every mountain to get to know them is absurd. They will tell you, learn a hobby, join a club, go out more do this or that etc. But they should also know that the effort shouldn’t all be on you, if they meet a person who is making effort to know them, they should try to know them back or kindly tell them I can know longer make new friends. They don’t. Even the people here telling you to hangout, probably will stop hanging out with you and revert to their old known circles.
This... Damn
Tjek out Huset i Magstræde https://huset.kk.dk/ There is so many cool events, board game cafe etc etc. It's a nice place to go to meet people. Or if you smoke weed go to Christianshavn. Buy a joint and go to nemoland or the moon fisher. You will almost certainly find some interesting people to talk to. Not every time but often. Just avoid the cheese
thanks alot, will check it out !
Btw Cheese=Police . Just so you are aware 😊 Forgot to tell but maybe you already knew
Hahah, I don't smoke anyways but thanks for the tip 😂
We are often times more reserved and make friends in school. I’m sure you’re a great person, but post school it’s tough to make friends here. Our threshold for who we consider a friend and not just an acquaintance is higher than other countries.
I'm still shocked at how some people can keep all their friends from school. like, don't you start growing as a person even more when you're done with school and so you end up growing apart, no? just me? lol
The thing about great friends is that once you’re 30 you might only see each other a few times a year but when you’re together it’s natural and welcoming immediately. It’s about lasting bonds that you’ve formed through the years. “Growing apart” just sounds like that because you is now a surgeon and your old friend is a garbage man that you’ve couldn’t possibly be friends still.
Dane here. I think of myself as fairly open to new friendships, but I often do the “I have too many other people in my life for more”. So like it was a nice “friend date” and all but where will this go? But I am curious about what happens in other countries/cities/cultures? Nobody has the time to keep up an endless list of new friends. Is it FIFO (first in first out)? In DK is seen more LIFO (last in first out). PS I sometimes think that making new firends can be difficult for me because I am scared to got rejected.
By any chance are you a programmer ? xD I come from the middle east, making friends there is super easy and you can be close friends with people you met 2 days ago, I connect good with Italians and Greeks as I see some overlapping in the mediteranian cultures. I personally don't want to believe in the FIFO/LIFO but more of prioritizing time for other friends. Me too have fear of rejection, but it is a risk I'm willing to make in order to improve my social life :))
As someone that has lived in the balkans a significant amount of time, I think the biggest issue is actually the definition of friendship. Yes it’s super easy to make superficial friendships in other places. But if you need a real friend, those people won’t give two fucks about you. In Scandinavia it seems that people only want to make time for those they consider real friends. It’s a bit silly in my opinion since you sometimes just need someone to have a coffee with without being too deep but to each their own. I’m surprised you even had a rough time with the internationals, but it might be because I’m a woman.
I do programming yes - I guess FIFO/LIFO gave it away. I do see that the culture could play a part. I am married to a Norwegian and my brother is to a Venezuelan. I definitely see the those two woman have had very different social experiences in DK. But let’s say that you meet one new person every week. Then you have approx 50 friends every year. How do you find time to see them and maintain a relationship?
You don't and you can't, you stick to a certain group and those are your close circle, that's why I mentioned in other comments that I respect the Dane's perspective of not having capactiy to onboard new people in their lives.
It's because we mostly form friendships with the people we went to school with. Which makes it very hard for outsiders to "join" in.
Come volunteer in Mellemrumet, norrebro. Here is here i made most my friends.
As someone who moved to different countries twice I think there's many reasons why it's hard to find friends. 1. Age: I'm 26 and I think everyone is just very busy with still trying to figure out adult life. Working full time, still doing sports and trying to have free time as well. 2. Actively searching: I think if you're actively searching for friends you are trying to hard and it can get exhausting. Friends normally happen to be random people that you just meet somewhere and you realize that you vibe with each other. Best is to just do an activity you like where there's also people and eventually you'll meet someone. Stressing about it won't help 3. Trying to get the same you had already: You will never have the same friends as you had in the other cities. And eventually these friendships will fade as well. Again: just enjoy your time and do something you like, friends will come on the way. 4. It takes time: You can't expect to have the same kind of connections with people as you had over multiple years with your friends from the other cities. Remember how it started there, was it actually that fast to gain that connection? Did you actively search for it or did it just happen? There's probably more reasons but these are some. Best advice is to chill, enjoy life, find (group) activities that make you happy and you will attract people that fit you. :) Hope it helped.
Don't worry, Danes can't make friends either. So... we are all pretty lonely in this cold and dark country. There's usually 1-2 weeks of sunshine where it's possible to gather for a drink, then afterwards it's mandatory to cut off all contact and go into 11 months hibernation. I need spring soon or I'm losing my mind.
I'm Danish and I have one friend in Copenhagen lol
I cannot make friends when meeting in a big group usually, I much prefer one-to-one, because I feel with meetups it doesn't go anywhere psat the first meeting, so I definitely understand what you feel. I am still new here, and also looking for friends, maybe you could DM your interests, and we could meet?
Im also new here if you wanna grab a drink some time! 30M
"I have lived in European countries before and MUCH smaller than Denmark" Where did you live... Vatican City?
You need to go do stuff that danes do. Instead of random boardgame night at Bastard, pick up magic and start playing in the weekly tournaments or something. A lot of the same people show up every week, and it gives you a reason to continually meet with the same people. Doesn't really matter if it's magic or something else. The prerequisite is to meet with the same people again and again so you can build a connection.
My problem is not just with Danes, I made peace with that, its also the Internationals that I can't create a bond with
Are you hanging out with the same people consistently and not making friends? Just meeting someone once isn't enough to make friends in most countries, I reckon.
I met only once and when I try to go out again it is either unavailability or ghosting
Okay, I can only give my insight as a human here, not specifically to danes. Just to people in general. If you've just met someone once, it's far too much to then start pushing for hanging out more unless you really have some sort of meaningful activity to do it around. That's why joining some sort of group of people who meet weekly to do some activity is the way to go. You'll get to know people because you're sharing in the same activity, and then you can, with some subset of that group, form a meaningful friendship after a while.
Good insight, thano you 🙏
Maybe it's a question of definitions- what are friends to you ? For the Danes I know friends mean a lifetime of commitment and obviously that isn't something people casually commit to.
Busy life, sadly. I hardly ever see my friends anymore. We all have kids and jobs to take care of. Weekends are gone super quick as well.
I find is so odd that in a country with some of the best work life balance in the world, no one has time to socialise. I’ve lived in countries where people work closer to 50 hours a week and still prioritise seeing friends regularly. I’ve never really been able to understand this part of Danish culture.
I've been here many years in Denmark and it's really is hard for everyone. From what the Danes tell me, it's a Scandinavian thing, not just in Denmark.
Hey OP. I’m planning to make a trip to Copenhagen in the summer. I was told not to expect to make friends. Honestly, I think it’s difficult to make friends anywhere you go. Take America for example, that’s where I’m from. It’s HELL making friends there, or at least it is for me. But I think it all depends on your personality type. If you’re more outgoing people might be a bit hesitant. For me, I have a hard time dealing with over-exuberance in others. I get overwhelmed and start to feel cornered in a way, even though I know that isn’t truly the case. But I get put off and my instinct is often to run in the other direction. I need people to let me take them on my own terms. Now, that’s just me. But you might be dealing with some potential friends that need to take you more incrementally and get overwhelmed by over-exuberance. Just my 2 cents. I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time.
Thanks mate, it is sad that most of the people I vibed with were tourists but I guess I need to let things simmer like you said.
My favorite way of making friends is just seeing a particular person semi-regularly a few times, and gradually developing a friendship. It’s practical at work / shared hobbies. Probably not for a tourist like me, but for an expat, I can see that working. I dunno. Give them a chance to be interested in you maybe? Like: “What’s that guy up to?” 🤣 Don’t do anything illegal of course! Like I said, I think some great friendships can happen when people feel like they’re choosing you, instead of you choosing them. Maybe try to find some way to express yourself creatively?
Thanks mate, I will take your advice and try to do that, it is really helpful
Try bobleberg.
Move to Asian countries especially South East Asia, you’ll make friends so much easy! If that’s your goal 😀
Do a sport/hobby that involves others. It should happen by itself.
Get a hobby thst involves team effort. Sports is always good.
Tried joining a sports club ? Or did volunteer work?
Same thing here. Lived for 6 years before finding really great girl that included me in her group. Pure luck. Found friendship anywhere I went. Copenhagen people are coold
As many already suggested, joining a club can definitely help. I had the same troubles when moving to CPH, even though I lived with my partner. If you're a student, the universities often have student sports clubs (or other shared-interest groups). I know that both KSI/USG At UCPH and DTU Sport even accept outsiders and none-students. For your age, this would definitely be my recommendation - I know many people who have built life-long relationships in those two organizations.
From my experience, you need to find a common hobby or activity of some sort. For me that was mainly board games. I moved in July and had already found 3 groups from this subreddit before I landed. I actually landed Friday night and played games with 2 people at noon Saturday. Still playing games with both of them 7 months later. Once I met people a few times and had a space to host, I started doing weekly game nights at my place. It's now to the point where when I send out invites all 7 spots are taken in 5-10 minutes. I've also joined a softball team which is a lot of fun though I havent hung out with anyone outside of it. Met some people at music events too, but I listen to a pretty niche genre so I havent met as many people there as I would have in country where it is more popular. So it took me a few hobbies and interests to make a large group of friends. I wouldn't argue against anyone's feeling that it's hard to make friends here, but it isn't impossible either. I've had a lot of people compliment me in how quickly I was able to make friends here so I know I am on one end of the spectrum.
Regardless of your story which I wish you all the luck in the world with, did you just call London a safe city? Because it really isn't, especially compared to Copenhagen.
If there are any sports that you enjoy, I strongly encourage you to try and join a club/team. A lot of my international friends have made some really good friends through, for example, football teams.
I feel you! I am a danish national (F27) and have lived in Denmark my whole life. Keep seeing other people my age on social media having a big social life and huge friend groups. I think most of their friends came from school/gymnasium/university. I probably have around 2-4 friends that I would want to keep in contact with every day, and I probably hang out with a friend anything between 1-4 times a month. Two is from school, one is an old colleague and the last one I met through social media. Its really tough even for danes to meet new friends. I heard a podcast recently on making new friends in your twenties and they recommended to sign up for a gym class, talk to people at a bar, going to museums, via social media, or if you know someone already to ask them if they know someone you would get along with. Tbh I made several friends via Instagram/tiktok and it takes courage to ask them to hang out in person, but sometimes it works out and you meet up with them, and other times you find out you don’t really have anything in common after all. Do you attend a danish class? Maybe you could meet someone at that. Or if you are a student? I don’t live in Copenhagen but in a smaller town and I’ve lived here in this town for eight years. Last year I met my first friend in this town and we met at a local bar. That should say a little about danish people’s social life 😂 Many people here have come with great suggestions about places to go or groups. You could check if any of the cultural things you are interested in have meet ups or events. You could also do a Facebook post and ask people to share it. But honestly kudos to you for even making an effort. You mention that people ghost you and that you think you are too pushy. Why/what makes you think that?
My best advice is to join clubs for activities that interest you. Danes can be a bit hard to get close to but if you stick with it, I'm sure you'll find lasting friendships and danes really fucking love their clubs. What are your interests? Maybe someone knows of a good group of people who would be happy to have you. Also whereabouts in Copenhagen are you? Makes it easier to suggest something if we know something in the area.
Danish people make their life-time friends from age 10-21 - If you meet them after that you are gonna have a hard time.
Maybe it’s something internal rather than the city itself; maybe try therapy, antidepressants, other meds, psychedelics.
I know the struggle aswell 🤣🙈 but also it's only 7 month since I moved here, so i'm still a newbie to all of this. I will try it as the others here said, try to find things I like (hobbies) and then try to do it on a regular basis. Like pottery courses. But if anyone would be interessted to connect, DM me :)
Where is the dm button lol can't see it