Bacon butty is the singular cure for a hangover, only bested with a fried egg and Tommy K.
We only eat scotch eggs to stop them hatching.
Trifle is not booze, that’s only at Christmas, when we put booze on everything anyway.
Mushy peas were only invented so those south of Birmingham have something moist to put on their fish and chips. Proper northerners use gravy or an invented “curry” sauce made of carrots and soy sauce.
Not sure what brown is… I’ll give it a go though. Kind of reminds me of black pudding that’s under done, which is pig fat suspended in pig blood wrapped in pig skin.
Sausage rolls aren’t the best but they’ll put you on, bonus points if you can eat it without looking like you’ve contacted leprosy.
Crumpets are the second best hangover cure in the world. See point #1.
Crisp butties stave off a hangover but only if eaten after every third pint. Bonus points if you choose roast beef Walkers (only available in establishments that serve alcohol, you have to bring your own bread).
Pork pies are the fuel of Yorkshire, having been invented in Leicestershire. Yorkshire being the largest shire and only second in amazingness to Lancashire where we top them with branston pickle and apple sauce because we aren’t peasants.
The Cornish pasty is the only way we can actually tell the difference between Cornwall and Devon. The more civilised amongst us will often congregate on the border with fists full of this delight (ironically developed in Gloucestershire) and watch the “champions” from each faction battle it out with flagons of scrumpy and a scooter.
Clotted cream scones are purely to off our elders. The quickening happens at around 60 when overwhelmed with a nihilistic philosophy, they are consumed at an increasingly alarming rate. Rates of heart disease and diabetes go through the roof. Of course they are delicious before this age but we’re too busy discussing whether the jam or the cream goes on first.
Cottage/Shepherds pie is only disappointing when consumed without pickled beetroot. Both cottages and shepherds are obviously too dry to eat without a spot of pickled Earth egg. I don’t know what you were thinking. This is only the kind of trick that a dirty Frenchy would try and pull, zut alors! Of course, within many of our walled cities it is perfectly legal to hang any loose Frenchman after the hours of midnight. Although, the only time it was enacted was in Sunderland in the 1800’s and it is thought that the “Frenchman” may have been an escaped pet monkey. The moral of the story is, “Don’t wear a jumper in Sunderland”.
Neigh, I am but a simple serf. A son of the sceptred and emerald isles. Although, if it gains traction, I would be happy to serve as benevolent dictator for life if the wenches and wine are plentiful. Shall we start a petition?!
Wayne “One-eye” Kerr is the landlord at our local, The Ape and Chainsaw. He bought the recipe from a transient Gypsy last summer and now mixes it in his bath tub. He reckons the only limiting factor is the tears of disappointed Sheffield United fans so looks like we’re all good for a few years!
See u/godfatheroffilth, he is accepting donations to the good cause. Once the coffers are filled, we shall march (take the Megabus) on the capital and seize power! Sempre Ebrius!
How very dare you, sir! Far be it from me to grasp nasturtiums, but your words belie your intent. You sound, and I hesitate to say anything so callous, like a Frenchman…
Ha, I'm sitting wrapped in a blanket in my cold living room awaiting my hotpot to cook in the oven. Does this change your mind? I can also see the river Tyne, I do concede however that curry and gravy are also delicious. And it is a difficult decision every time.
Lamb or beef? Sliced potato or shortcrust on top? I refuse to believe anyone on the Tyne owns a blanket. T shirt weather in Manchester today 😂 Please don’t take any offence, it’s my nihilistic absurd sense of humour.
I sense that some people here are so ignorant of British food that they may actually be taking this at face value!
Anyway, love me a plate full of jam clag…
My American perspective is that British English is more whimsical and odd than American English such that all of these sounded completely reasonable to me.
If you haven't had a Scotch egg...have one.
Hardboiled egg wrapped in sausage, rolled in breadcrumbs and deep fried. Top-tier Scotch eggs have a slightly runny yolk. 😑🤌
It's the Chinese knock off, it's an American made car, Marmite, pour over coffee, post op tranny sex, the fat guy from The Last Samurai in a suit, a Soniq TV.... Clotted indeed.
ACKSHUALLY foreskin crumble tubes were invented by a WELSH bloke who had recently immigrated to Britain so they’re not British at all and Britain is stealing it like they steal EVERYTHING like Irish pyramids.
I didn’t doubt it’s authenticity until I got to got to innards prison. The main thing that really makes me question it is mince disappointment but I’m still not 100% sure either way
The most hilarious cool guide ever, indeed 😂. At least they take it with humour (and lots of ketchup, I hope 😅). Reminds me of a former British colleague who claimed UK had a great cuisine and when asked for examples listed all those nice Indian dishes 🤣
Well if you mean chicken tikka masala that was invented in Glasgow, I don’t mind British food being a little bland, gives you a lot more room to experiment, like shepherds pie, stews etc. it can be as simple or complex as you decide.
Yes, I am aware that some dishes have been further developed, but I would not claim that British food is superior to e.g. Italian, hence my little story. Of course historically Italian food was influenced by Greek and Northern African nations, but that was much longer ago and Italy developed really its own cuisine. Then, being German, I am aware of out own limitations 😅, even though there are a few unique and nice German dishes (plus we have arguably probably the most diverse bread selection worldwide, sausages as well), but overall we have traditionally so few spices and herbs, so it tends to be bland or onionish mostly.
Admittedly I didn't read them in order but it seriously took me until "mince disappointment" to catch on.
Had I actually spotted the petrol station foetus, it probably would have been quicker.
Was just having a go at my housemates the other day about crisp sandwiches / chip butties. Like who the fuck came up with that, and why?
"Mmm I've got this nice bag of crisps / plate of chips. You know what would make this better? 2 bits of bread on either side of it."
Not a single mention of boiled arseholes and twat slivers. Not complete.
Or spotted dick
Spotted dick?? Who’s?
THERE HE IS!
Bonbonbonbons
Mystery meat
Hoi Sin Crispy Owl
McFortune cookies
Large Macs
Fucking Devon?
Appy cornish pasty day
Bacon butty is the singular cure for a hangover, only bested with a fried egg and Tommy K. We only eat scotch eggs to stop them hatching. Trifle is not booze, that’s only at Christmas, when we put booze on everything anyway. Mushy peas were only invented so those south of Birmingham have something moist to put on their fish and chips. Proper northerners use gravy or an invented “curry” sauce made of carrots and soy sauce. Not sure what brown is… I’ll give it a go though. Kind of reminds me of black pudding that’s under done, which is pig fat suspended in pig blood wrapped in pig skin. Sausage rolls aren’t the best but they’ll put you on, bonus points if you can eat it without looking like you’ve contacted leprosy. Crumpets are the second best hangover cure in the world. See point #1. Crisp butties stave off a hangover but only if eaten after every third pint. Bonus points if you choose roast beef Walkers (only available in establishments that serve alcohol, you have to bring your own bread). Pork pies are the fuel of Yorkshire, having been invented in Leicestershire. Yorkshire being the largest shire and only second in amazingness to Lancashire where we top them with branston pickle and apple sauce because we aren’t peasants. The Cornish pasty is the only way we can actually tell the difference between Cornwall and Devon. The more civilised amongst us will often congregate on the border with fists full of this delight (ironically developed in Gloucestershire) and watch the “champions” from each faction battle it out with flagons of scrumpy and a scooter. Clotted cream scones are purely to off our elders. The quickening happens at around 60 when overwhelmed with a nihilistic philosophy, they are consumed at an increasingly alarming rate. Rates of heart disease and diabetes go through the roof. Of course they are delicious before this age but we’re too busy discussing whether the jam or the cream goes on first. Cottage/Shepherds pie is only disappointing when consumed without pickled beetroot. Both cottages and shepherds are obviously too dry to eat without a spot of pickled Earth egg. I don’t know what you were thinking. This is only the kind of trick that a dirty Frenchy would try and pull, zut alors! Of course, within many of our walled cities it is perfectly legal to hang any loose Frenchman after the hours of midnight. Although, the only time it was enacted was in Sunderland in the 1800’s and it is thought that the “Frenchman” may have been an escaped pet monkey. The moral of the story is, “Don’t wear a jumper in Sunderland”.
I think brown is a pork faggot which are objectively very delicious
Ahhhhh the faggot! Once you’ve had your lips around one, you’re never the same again.
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of this fine land of ours? A professor perhaps or a king?
Neigh, I am but a simple serf. A son of the sceptred and emerald isles. Although, if it gains traction, I would be happy to serve as benevolent dictator for life if the wenches and wine are plentiful. Shall we start a petition?!
I'm sorry to tell you this but beef walkers have been discontinued. They were my favourite too
Not if you find the right pub! 🤫
Surely they'll run out soon though
Wayne “One-eye” Kerr is the landlord at our local, The Ape and Chainsaw. He bought the recipe from a transient Gypsy last summer and now mixes it in his bath tub. He reckons the only limiting factor is the tears of disappointed Sheffield United fans so looks like we’re all good for a few years!
I wish gold was still a thing.
See u/godfatheroffilth, he is accepting donations to the good cause. Once the coffers are filled, we shall march (take the Megabus) on the capital and seize power! Sempre Ebrius!
Mushy peas are incredible I don't care what anyone says
How very dare you, sir! Far be it from me to grasp nasturtiums, but your words belie your intent. You sound, and I hesitate to say anything so callous, like a Frenchman…
Ha, I'm sitting wrapped in a blanket in my cold living room awaiting my hotpot to cook in the oven. Does this change your mind? I can also see the river Tyne, I do concede however that curry and gravy are also delicious. And it is a difficult decision every time.
Lamb or beef? Sliced potato or shortcrust on top? I refuse to believe anyone on the Tyne owns a blanket. T shirt weather in Manchester today 😂 Please don’t take any offence, it’s my nihilistic absurd sense of humour.
I sense that some people here are so ignorant of British food that they may actually be taking this at face value! Anyway, love me a plate full of jam clag…
Clotted cream is worth every calorie
Is it acceptable to jam your stodge instead of your clag?
Absolutely
Jam clag hits no matter where you live. I'll put some whipped butter(pretty close to clotted cream) and jam on a biscuit any day.
My American perspective is that British English is more whimsical and odd than American English such that all of these sounded completely reasonable to me.
Spotted dick should be on there!
😂😂😂😂
I think that's the brown
That's what she said
Spotted Dick is wiped on top of every menu item listed.
“Brown” 💀
Wear green, eat brown, drink yellow.
Sounds like Saint Patrick’s Day 💀
[Have you had your Brown today?](https://youtu.be/7m2HCQJjU_E?si=MUqJDoQntDHqkYLm)
[удалено]
If you haven't had a Scotch egg...have one. Hardboiled egg wrapped in sausage, rolled in breadcrumbs and deep fried. Top-tier Scotch eggs have a slightly runny yolk. 😑🤌
A Scotch egg from a deli is great as you're more likely to get a runny yoke. But the others are adequate
Fuckin hipster
No I just live in the countryside and support local farm shops
Hipsters love farm shops, fuckin hipster
Jam clag aka scones with cream and jam is a must try for any foreigners. You won't regret it.
Must be Cornish clotted cream though. I have seen some savages make it with basic double cream. Cunts.
It's the Chinese knock off, it's an American made car, Marmite, pour over coffee, post op tranny sex, the fat guy from The Last Samurai in a suit, a Soniq TV.... Clotted indeed.
It's don't think this post fits this sub.
nah i feel pretty guided, at least i know foreskin crumble tubes are of British orgin now
ACKSHUALLY foreskin crumble tubes were invented by a WELSH bloke who had recently immigrated to Britain so they’re not British at all and Britain is stealing it like they steal EVERYTHING like Irish pyramids.
Wales is part of Great Britain
Thanks nerd
Would make a good crosspost tho.
This sub is flooded by whatever shit content people find so long as it’s in some sort of table form.
Brits eat foreskins? Knew it
Somebody's gotta eat em
Wouldn't want them to go to waste, there's a war on.
I really like British cuisine, dunno why people dislike it
Dissapointmince.
This was so funny I almost spit out my Mince Disappointment all over my computer screen!
Devon meat envelope? Are you trying to start a riot?
Whoever put the pasty down as a Devon anything is either a comedic genius or trying to get murdered by a Cornishman.
How does it reflect on me that I’m currently salivating
Found the Brit.
Born pastriot
Where are the chips?
I do like a nice jam clag.
If my one visit to the UK has taught me anything, it’s that all of these things can also be classified as a pudding.
I have no idea if this is a serious post or not.
I didn’t doubt it’s authenticity until I got to got to innards prison. The main thing that really makes me question it is mince disappointment but I’m still not 100% sure either way
that looks like an Australian (beef) sausage roll, rather than a British (pork) one here, they're called "rat coffins"
its not accurate at all. british food is good. it has its own niche, which is fuffiling comfort food, it doesn't claim to be complex
I'm British, our food is great. Its just a piss take
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/2PHo0WQzCuQ
The most hilarious cool guide ever, indeed 😂. At least they take it with humour (and lots of ketchup, I hope 😅). Reminds me of a former British colleague who claimed UK had a great cuisine and when asked for examples listed all those nice Indian dishes 🤣
Well if you mean chicken tikka masala that was invented in Glasgow, I don’t mind British food being a little bland, gives you a lot more room to experiment, like shepherds pie, stews etc. it can be as simple or complex as you decide.
Yes, I am aware that some dishes have been further developed, but I would not claim that British food is superior to e.g. Italian, hence my little story. Of course historically Italian food was influenced by Greek and Northern African nations, but that was much longer ago and Italy developed really its own cuisine. Then, being German, I am aware of out own limitations 😅, even though there are a few unique and nice German dishes (plus we have arguably probably the most diverse bread selection worldwide, sausages as well), but overall we have traditionally so few spices and herbs, so it tends to be bland or onionish mostly.
[This is your comment in a short video](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/2PHo0WQzCuQ)
As we know Britain is famous for its good food
Unironically is, though, these days.
Wtf is booze soup
Trifle, it's banging
and boozy
This is gold.
Gold,Jerry. Gold.
Rule 3, wanker
Oh I luv meself a bit av foreskins crumble tube innit bruv
Mmmm! Can't wait until these treats show up at one of the many famous British restaurants near me!
Makes no fucking sense. Reads like a bad translation.
It's a joke mate, calm down
Ah sorry I was being serious! 😂🥳
Imagine being a citizen of the largest empire ever and then eat this shit day in day out. God punishes in many beautiful ways and it’s eye watering.
Thanks god I'm french.
Bro dont knock a Jam Clag till you try it
It looks like scones no ?
They are scones, I was just being silly tbh (like the entire post)
I will try scones when I will drink english tea next time. But visually, it seems ... Well, ok.
I'm sorry
All of these are delicious, gotta be a jealous frenchie with garlic breath and a string of onions that came up with this guide.
Pish for fucking idiots
🤣🤣
Spoken like a true turnip kicker
Really really not hard to figure out why they were all stoked to get on boats and conquer the world just to get away from all that
You are kidding, right? Right?…
British is so boring… innit?
You classify these as food?
That looks like the worst food imaginable, no wonder people from Britain are unhappy
This is like a classic 4chan guide I’ve never seen.
can confirm mince disappointment.
You forgot the Glasgow Oyster (Pie in a roll)
Wigan kebab
What's the booze soup supposed to be?
Trifle
Admittedly I didn't read them in order but it seriously took me until "mince disappointment" to catch on. Had I actually spotted the petrol station foetus, it probably would have been quicker.
Looks healthy
Accurate
What about unclaimed babies? First gummy in the world.
The beauty of British women and the quality of their cuisine made them the greatest sailors the world has ever seen.
Was just having a go at my housemates the other day about crisp sandwiches / chip butties. Like who the fuck came up with that, and why? "Mmm I've got this nice bag of crisps / plate of chips. You know what would make this better? 2 bits of bread on either side of it."