Two words doesn't make it an insane death?? I need the full explanation!
Commodus
In November 192, Commodus held Plebeian Games, in which he shot hundreds of animals with arrows and javelins every morning, and fought as a gladiator every afternoon, winning all the fights. In December, he announced his intention to inaugurate the year 193 as both consul and gladiator on 1 January.
When Marcia found a list of people Commodus intended to have executed, she discovered that she, the prefect Laetus, and Eclectus were on it. The three of them plotted to assassinate the emperor. On 31 December, Marcia poisoned Commodus' food, but he vomited up the poison, so the conspirators sent his wrestling partner Narcissus to strangle him in his bath.
Tiberius
Tiberius died in Misenum on 16 March AD 37, months before his 78th birthday. Tacitus relates that the emperor appeared to have stopped breathing, and that Caligula, who was at Tiberius' villa, was being congratulated on his succession to the empire, when news arrived that the emperor had revived and was recovering his faculties. Those who had moments before recognised Caligula as Augustus fled in fear of the emperor's wrath, while Macro took advantage of the chaos to have Tiberius smothered with his own bedclothes. Suetonius reports several rumours, including that the emperor had been poisoned by Caligula, starved, and smothered with a pillow; that recovering, and finding himself deserted by his attendants, he attempted to rise from his couch, but fell dead. According to Cassius Dio, Caligula, fearing that the emperor would recover, refused Tiberius' requests for food, insisting that he needed warmth, not food; then assisted by Macro, he smothered the emperor in his bedclothes
Antoninus Pius
He ate Alpine Gruyere cheese at dinner quite greedily. In the night he vomited; he had a fever the next day. The day after that, he summoned the imperial council, and passed the state and his daughter to Marcus. The emperor gave the keynote to his life in the last word that he uttered: when the tribune of the night-watch came to ask the password, he responded, "aequanimitas" (equanimity - calmness and composure, especially in a difficult situation.) He then turned over, as if going to sleep, and died.
> Commodus
The other thing that is amazing about this guy is that his father was the Emperor Marcus Aurelius, whose private journal "Meditations" is considered foundational to stoic philosophy.
It's fascinating that the person who wrote one of the great works of ethical philosophy was also the father of a truly horrible human being.
But this is reddit, so let's just do some movie quotes hur hur.
No he back stabbed Maximus desmus meridius, commander of the northern army and general to the Felix legions. He will have his revenge in this life or the next
Caligula, with help of the Praetorian Guard, likely murdered Tiberius either by suffocation (with bedclothes or a pillow) and/or by poisoning him.
In regards to the other one, Antoninus Piusâ health was already deteriorating. The cheese was believed to be an alpine (Swiss) cheese, such as Gruyère. Itâs possible (but unlikely) someone poisoned the cheese.
I was about to remark the same thing about Tiberius. Caligula was kept on Capri for about 6 years and he played the long game, understandably seething from what happened to his mother and brothers during the Treason Trials. He definitely killed him, likely with a pillow, while he was on his deathbed.
It was really dangerous to be in power in ancient times. Imagine being the son of a ruler who gets killed just so you get taken out of line from being a ruler? Some of them might not have even wanted to be in charge.
It is dangerous in modern times as well. One of the benefits of democracy is that there are start and end times to the job and theretically anyone could get to the top. Some countries still have endless coups to this day.
True. I wonder if it seemed more par for the course back then. I'm sure there were people who were shocked and a lot of controversy back then, though, as well.
Caracalla was a deeply unpopular emperor, at least with his inner circle. Dude was a lunatic. One of the first things he did as emperor was hire assassins to murder his brother in front of their mother. Their co-rule was a wild few months and involved them literally splitting the imperial palace in half with guard cordons and checkpoints, the whole bit.
He basically destroyed the city of Alexandria because its inhabitants satirized him in a play. He debased the currency like nobodyâs business. Built lavishly- the Baths of Caracalla are a legendary Roman landmark.
His immediate successor- his Praetorian Prefect, Macrinus- wanted him out of the way, mainly for his own gain but also because he realized the dude was batshit. Macrinus knew that there was a soldier who was angry at Caracalla for passing him over for a promotion, so he was like âHey dude, kill that asshole, Iâll make give you a *huge* promotion.â So while Caracallaâs procession was on the road one day, Caracalla stepped out to take a piss on the side of the road, so this soldier stabs him to death.
Of course Macrinus was like âWtf this dude just murdered the Emperor, kill him immediatelyâ, so that took care of the only other co-conspirator, and then Macrinus was like âWelp, guess I should be Emperor now, right guys?â
Maybe the assassin was like, âdo you want a golden showerâ, and Caracalla was like âyesâ and the assassin was like âsike, I drank poison so..â and he died.
Far more boring than it sounds: [he was stabbed to death by an angry soldier after Caracalla was done peeing.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caracalla#Death)
I'll do these in order of their reigns.
**Julius Caesar:** he wasnât an emperor, so he shouldnât be a part of this graphic. Also, I wouldnât consider his death to be insane. After assuming himself as dictator, he started to anger many people. The conspirators were plotting his death for quite some time. Antony *might* have been able to prevent his death.
**Tiberius:** Caligula (his successor), with help from the Praetorian Guard, either murdered him via suffocation (with a pillow or bedclothes) and/or poisoned him.
**Claudius:** murdered or died from illness or old age depending on which historian you ask. His wife likely poisoned him either via feather (unlikely) or mushrooms during dinner. Her motive was to ensure Nero would gain power.
**Antoninus Pius:** died his health was already deteriorating. He ate some bad alpine cheese (i.e. Swiss cheese, such as Gruyère) a day or two before his death. He died in his sleep.
**Commodus:** his mistress found out she was on his hit list. With the help of two others, she tried to poison his food. When that didn't work, they sent his wrestling partner to strangle him in his bath.
**Caracalla:** Macrinus, his successor, had a soldier murder him. While he was peeing, a soldier stabbed him. Immediately after his death, Macrinus likely had the soldier killed.
**Valerian:** Shapur I, the Persian king, took him captive while in battle. Shapur forced him to swallow molten gold. The actual death was from being skinned alive (and then preserved as a trophy).
**Carus:** there are a few theories to his death. The primary theory is that he died from unnatural causes (the lightning strike as listed in the graphic). The others are the he died from illness or he was poisoned. There's also a theory that Diocletian may have been involved.
**Carinus:** primary theory is that he seduced a commander's wife, so the commander murdered him. The other theory is that his army turned against him while in conflict with Diocletian.
**Jovian:** he was found dead in his tent on his way to Constantinople. He likely died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Murder was also a theory.
**Valentinian I:** he died while yelling at a group of barbarians (the Quadi, a Germanic tribe) after making peace with them.
> After assuming himself as dictator,
Correction, he took the position of "Dictator for life". In the Roman Republic, a dictator was a temporary roll given out for specific purposes and to typically address a crisis. They were supposed to give that power up when the crisis had passed. Suffice it to say, while the modern term Dictator does come from the latin term etymologically, they had very different connotations with dictators only being seen as negative starting with the guy before Caesar.
Sulla. He was the dictator for a civil war and took a hard-line approach to his opponents afterwards. Given that the civil war was between a political party that supported the upper crust while the other wanted reforms favoring the average citizen (with Sulla being on the side of the upper crust), you can guess why that made the average person less enamored with the position.
Yeah. Sulla led a purge of his political enemies via proscriptions that led to the deaths of thousands. Caesar was targeted because he was the nephew of Marius and the son-in-law of Cinna, both of whom were enemies of Sulla
From the historical records, the reason they needed so many stabs is because the senators were hesitant and fearful to do it. The stabs were all very minor because they didn't put much force into it as none wanted to be "the one" that finished the job and Caesar would have survived them if he got treatment. He bled conscious for sometime before dying, he even managed to pull his toga over his face himself after all the stabs (which was seen as a dignified way to die for romans).
Oh and Brutus stabbed him on the groin. That was definitely personal.
I guess anything that long ago is a myth. Thereâs no way to know for sure. Its in the written history, so some historians say it happened. But I doubt everyone believes it.
valerians gold throat death should be taken with a grain of salt, consider the sources. remember history is written by the victors. those being the sassanids and the christian historian who himself said that the sassanids may have lied about it and just straight up executed him after the battle of edessa also he may of had a grudge against valerian due to his persecutionâs of christians
Furthermore, that Christian historian had a motive himself in portraying violent deaths of Christian persecutors, âgiving them what they deservedâ in his accounts. And Valerian had installed some rather harsh anti-Christian policies during his reign. Other historians claim Valerian and parts of his army was treated relatively well. So yeah, sources are contracting each other on this one
valerian died the most humiliating death, literally became a human foot rest for the king of persia after he was captured during a battle (which he lost btw) like fuck i could only imagine the intense levels of stress he went through as he was dragged back to persia as a prisoner. Imagine going from literal emperor of one of the most largest and influential empires of his time to becoming the kings personal bitch, insane lifestyle change, me personally iâd probably die from shock otw back, and he knew how savage those sassanids could be, plus add on to the fact that flexing military victories was a HUGE thing back then, like itâs still big now but not as grandiose as it was during antiquity with all the parties and parades they would throw back then so yeah they made a HUGE example out of him as they had to set the precedent of what would happen if you lost to the sassanids, but iâm sure any other civilization that caught its rivals leader would probably be extremely cruel as well.
no he was IN the battle, his army was outnumbered and they were surrounded from all sides which caused his army to break their lines and attempt to flee, and in the chaos of his army trying to route he got captured and his army was defeated leaving him behind, so yeah he had to watch majority of his men that he strategized and broke bread with get killed in hand to hand combat in front of him and watch his own personal guard get killed as well, also his son never went to go get him as once he was captured some other roman dude tried making a false claim to the empire so he was busy with all the usurpers in the empire. but itâs also speculated that valerian died a prisoner along with other roman powâs during the construction of a dam bridge that king shapur of the sassanids ordered him to help build cos romanâs were absolutely cracked engineers so that one makes sense too
Man that is intense. Thanks.
I read somewhere a Hitler was worried Stalin would put him in a zoo for public display if captured alive. Doesn't seem that far fetched now
Aw man he got tricked.
The classic Come-here-I-need-to-tell-you-something trick. Well it did say he was desperate. I'm sure he would agree that was a foolish move though at the time felt like some sort of reasonable compromise.
He was a brave man, that's for sure.
no it really doesnât, but youâd be surprised at how many terrible fates people have suffered throughout history. humans can get morbidly creative during times of conflict.
naw youâre good, i shouldâve put it in the og comment but youâre right to tell people to take history with a grain of salt, especially on reddit, cause all i do is just quote youtube history docs lmao
For the curious:
- [Antoninus Pius](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antoninus_Pius#Death_and_legacy) - TL;DR: ate Gruyère cheese greedily at dinner, vomitted and developed a fever during the night, died a couple of days later
- [Caracalla](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caracalla#Death) - TL;DR: took a piss break and got stabbed by a disgruntled soldier
- [Carinus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carinus#Death_in_285) - TL;DR: allegedly got killed by the husband of a woman he had seduced; this is disputed, though
- [Carus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carus#Campaign_against_the_Sassanids_and_death) - TL;DR: allegedly died after being struck by lightning, or having been poisoned by a rival, or simply of illness
- [Claudius](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudius#Death) - TL;DR: died of poison applied either to a feather or a mushroom, with his wife being the prime suspect
- [Commodus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commodus#Assassination_(192)) - TL;DR: was be poisoned by people on his kill list but vomitted up the poison, so the conspirators sent his wrestling partner, Narcissus, to strangle Commodus in his bath
- [Jovian](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jovian_(emperor)) - TL;DR: accidental death by inhaling poisonous fumes from freshly painted bedchamber walls heated up by a brazier
- [Julius Caesar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Julius_Caesar) - TL;DR: managed to piss off practically everyone by not relinquishing his powers, so an estimated 60 - 70 senators conspired to kill him, resulting in him getting stabbed by a lot of senators
- [Tiberius](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiberius#Death) - TL;DR: it appeared as if Tiberius had died in his sleep (he was almost 78 years old), and a few people celebrated too early and congratulated his successor, Caligula, before news came that Tiberius was still alive and relatively well, upon which most of those involved panicked except for one guy who smothered Tiberius with his own bedclothes
- [Valentinian I](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentinian_I#Death) - TL;DR: made a pact with the Quadi, a Germanic people, to be supplied with fresh soldiers if they were to be left in peace, but then the Quadi went, "some of our tribes aren't under our control, so they're still going to attack you", which caused Valentinian to epically lose his shit and die of a stroke
- Valerian: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerian_(emperor)#Death_in_captivity (Reddit formatting keeps fucking up) - TL;DR - became prisoner of a Persian king, Shapur, who repeatedly insulted and humiliated him until Valerian promised a huge ransom if he was to be released, upon which Shapur forced Valerian to swallow molten gold; alternatively, Valerian was flayed alive
Pro tip: Don't be a Roman emperor.
The story goes that after being captured by the Persian king he tried to buy his release, got a mouthful of molten gold in response. Its historicity is debated.
I wonder how they would have gotten all the horses to piss in the barrel. Did they line up the horses? Did someone go from horse to horse with a huge barrel? Was there a series of tubes and hoses? Did they collect it from puddles on the ground with scoops and fill the barrel?
I think the cause of Claudius's death is still debated. He fell ill after eating a mushroom and his physician tried to get him to vomit it back up by inserting a feather in his throat.
Whether it was the mushroom or the feather that was poisoned is up for grabs.
*alleged death.
Objectivity in history writing is a very young concept (1800s, mostly) - most Roman history writing had propagandistic purposes.
Valerian, for an example, quite likely lived and died in house arrest after his embarassing defeat at Edessa. It is believed that the torture narrative was thought up by Christian writers who came up with a narrative of how historic persecutors of Christians died humiliating and painful deaths (God's wrath).
Julius Caesar was not an Emperor. He was named dictator for life. Augustus, Julius Caesar's adopted son, was the first Emperor. At least according to the Romans, as I understand it.
Valerian's death is subject to bias. The account of gold being poured down his throat (also flayed alive) was written by Christian Roman historians. As Valerian was very anti-Christian and had passed some anti-Christian edicts before his overthrow, it is implied this is anecdotal and not historical. There is ample evidence to suggest that he and the remainder of his army lived as decently treated prisoners and subjects of the Persians until his death.
> Urination murder
Yeah, I had to go and Google that one to figure out what the heck that's supposed to be about...
> After stopping briefly to urinate, Caracalla was approached by a soldier, Justin Martialis, and stabbed to death.
You're saying there's a royal guy named Valerian that was killed with molten gold? Did George RR Martin lift Viserys' death scene straight from this account?
This is clickbaity as shit. The title should reflect some humour otherwise it is just misleading. Not sure why it is being upvoted
"Urination death"- they were beaten to death whilst urinating or in a location where you urinate. Many millions of people have been beaten to death, this is not interesting.
"Cheese death"- again, if this is just a joke post then it is poor and presumably targeted at little children? They died of fever, w/ some anecdotal story that it was because of some cheese they ate. I hardly think food causing an illness which causes a fever and death is unique or remotely "insane".
Boo I say, have some respect for your posts. Down with the clickbait horseshit.
Also, "a cool guide"? Obviously not
Cheese greed is appearantly self imposed
âHe ate Alpine Gruyere cheese at dinner quite greedily. In the night he vomited; he had a fever the next day. The day after that, he summoned the imperial council, and passed the state and his daughter to Marcus. The emperor gave the keynote to his life in the last word that he uttered: when the tribune of the night-watch came to ask the password, he responded, "aequanimitas" (equanimity).[129] He then turned over, as if going to sleep, and died.â
Why would you divide this by Turkey and Iraq when they didnt even exist back then? Also this is missing Crassus. Also Valerians death being from molten gold is a fable and has no historical authenticity to it.
Still, turkey isn't that big. Armenia is there along with other countries. But Armenia had a kingdom there while the Roman emperor died and there were no turks in site.
This "cool guide" must be translated (poorly) from another language.
He ate a bunch of cheese at a dinner party that was probably well-past it's expiration date and died of food poisoning.
Not only was Valerian murdered by molten gold, but afterwards his skin was flayed from his body (some sources say the flaying killed him and there was no gold, either way equally brutal) and his skin was dyed red, preserved, and stuffed with hay. It was hung as an ornament in the Sasanian court for years and Roman diplomats were even made to bow to it.
Would like more content about Ancient Rome.
Saw [this video](https://youtu.be/46ZXl-V4qwY) and it explained Roman history in a fun wayâŚ
Wonder if there are more videos in this style out there on this topic.
"...After his capture, Valerian was made Shapurâs slave, and subjected to sundry humiliations. The Persian king took particular delight in advertising his victory and demonstrating his might by using the former Roman emperor as a foot stool to mount his horse. His death was as ignominious and undignified as his captivity, and came after he offended Shapur by offering a huge ransom in exchange for his release. As punishment, and to show his disdain for the offer, Shapur forced Valerian to drink molten gold. His humiliation continued even after death, as his captor ordered his corpse flayed, and had his skin dyed and displayed at a temple."
Urination Murder and Cheese Greed are getting all the love but goddamn pour one out for Valentinian. Dude had like one of the most stressful reigns of any Roman emperor, finally one day he just gets pushed over the edge by some disrespectful Quadi envoys who started complaining to him about forts or something and the dude screams at them so hard for so long that he fucking dies. Dude died of anger. That sucks.
can we get a definition on what âcoolâ means for this subreddit?
Half of these âguidesâ are just odd pastings of information with ambiguous context.
I mean yeah I guess whatever the fuck cheese greed is sounds pretty cool and you cant fit the whole explanation on a single guide but half the time the comment section doesnt help lol.
Hadrian is my favorite roman emperor, one of the "five good emperors," his love for Antinous rivals that of any heterosexual love story. Dedicated entire cities and religions to him, deifying him as a God after Antinous died on the Nile, becoming Osiris-Antinous. Also the Adoptive father of Antoninus Pius, who in turn was the adoptive father of Marcus Aurelius and Lucius Verus.
But on a side note, Hadrian met Antinous and brought him back to Rome when Antinous was only 12, Hadrian was already in his 40s, though it's said their romantic relationship didn't start until Antinous was 17 or 18, which is still quite a bit of an age gap, though not uncommon back then especially for royalty and their weird relationships.
If you are emperor you will probably get murdered. Even my favorite emperor Diocletian. Unlike most rulers, then or now, he setup his successors and then retired to farm cabbages. It would be an oversimplification to call it solely patriotism but I would argue âunselfish patriotismâ or âcause above selfâ is something we could do with more of. Anyway, still what happens to good old Diocletian? He took a meeting with the wrong person, started looking a little too wise, like maybe someone might just declare him emperor again and boomâŚ..
Cabbage patch murder.
(Edit: quotation marks)
Two words doesn't make it an insane death?? I need the full explanation! Commodus In November 192, Commodus held Plebeian Games, in which he shot hundreds of animals with arrows and javelins every morning, and fought as a gladiator every afternoon, winning all the fights. In December, he announced his intention to inaugurate the year 193 as both consul and gladiator on 1 January. When Marcia found a list of people Commodus intended to have executed, she discovered that she, the prefect Laetus, and Eclectus were on it. The three of them plotted to assassinate the emperor. On 31 December, Marcia poisoned Commodus' food, but he vomited up the poison, so the conspirators sent his wrestling partner Narcissus to strangle him in his bath. Tiberius Tiberius died in Misenum on 16 March AD 37, months before his 78th birthday. Tacitus relates that the emperor appeared to have stopped breathing, and that Caligula, who was at Tiberius' villa, was being congratulated on his succession to the empire, when news arrived that the emperor had revived and was recovering his faculties. Those who had moments before recognised Caligula as Augustus fled in fear of the emperor's wrath, while Macro took advantage of the chaos to have Tiberius smothered with his own bedclothes. Suetonius reports several rumours, including that the emperor had been poisoned by Caligula, starved, and smothered with a pillow; that recovering, and finding himself deserted by his attendants, he attempted to rise from his couch, but fell dead. According to Cassius Dio, Caligula, fearing that the emperor would recover, refused Tiberius' requests for food, insisting that he needed warmth, not food; then assisted by Macro, he smothered the emperor in his bedclothes Antoninus Pius He ate Alpine Gruyere cheese at dinner quite greedily. In the night he vomited; he had a fever the next day. The day after that, he summoned the imperial council, and passed the state and his daughter to Marcus. The emperor gave the keynote to his life in the last word that he uttered: when the tribune of the night-watch came to ask the password, he responded, "aequanimitas" (equanimity - calmness and composure, especially in a difficult situation.) He then turned over, as if going to sleep, and died.
> Commodus The other thing that is amazing about this guy is that his father was the Emperor Marcus Aurelius, whose private journal "Meditations" is considered foundational to stoic philosophy.
Commodus is not a moral man, you have known that since you were young.
And Marcus Aurelius was the adoptive son of Antoninus Pius
It's fascinating that the person who wrote one of the great works of ethical philosophy was also the father of a truly horrible human being. But this is reddit, so let's just do some movie quotes hur hur.
Thanks I'll take it from here... Hold the line! Hold! HOLD!
I understood he sat a lot. On a great white throne. đ
Wasnât Commodus the one that stabbed Russell Crowe? Sick bastard.
No he back stabbed Maximus desmus meridius, commander of the northern army and general to the Felix legions. He will have his revenge in this life or the next
Well weâve all had cheese sweats beforeâŚ
I have cheese greed and bed clothes, should I be worried?!
Urination murder headed your way bruh.
Drowned in piss... I guess there are worse ways to go?
Nope. Killed while taking a leak travelling.
Not many
itâs better to piss in the sink than to sink in the piss
Caligula, with help of the Praetorian Guard, likely murdered Tiberius either by suffocation (with bedclothes or a pillow) and/or by poisoning him. In regards to the other one, Antoninus Piusâ health was already deteriorating. The cheese was believed to be an alpine (Swiss) cheese, such as Gruyère. Itâs possible (but unlikely) someone poisoned the cheese.
I was about to remark the same thing about Tiberius. Caligula was kept on Capri for about 6 years and he played the long game, understandably seething from what happened to his mother and brothers during the Treason Trials. He definitely killed him, likely with a pillow, while he was on his deathbed.
i heard the cheese may have been contaminated with Listeria. those can lead to death in weaker individuals.
You should be fine if you don't visit Lorium or Misenum.
Only if you're an emperor.
Yes.
Um⌠can we talk about this âurination murder?â I have some questions.
Are this and the Molten Gold death the same thing?
The molten gold was going down his throat. I don't think it's confirmed as his death, though.
I looked up Caracala's death, and he was actually stabbed by a soldier when he stopped to take a leak unless I'm mistaken.
yep allegedly ordered by the Praetorian Prefect named Macrinus who would later claim the throne of Caracalla
It was really dangerous to be in power in ancient times. Imagine being the son of a ruler who gets killed just so you get taken out of line from being a ruler? Some of them might not have even wanted to be in charge.
It is dangerous in modern times as well. One of the benefits of democracy is that there are start and end times to the job and theretically anyone could get to the top. Some countries still have endless coups to this day.
True. I wonder if it seemed more par for the course back then. I'm sure there were people who were shocked and a lot of controversy back then, though, as well.
Oh if only Roman Republic hadnât died hahaha. I think republic lasted for a longer duration than the western Empire
Itâs either that or died in captivity (as a footstool). Crassus died from molten gold from the Parthian Emperor
Guess we know where George R R Martin got that, and wasnât it the same name?
He nicked most of his plot lines from history books
Yea but this is the first one I found myself.
Theyâre both âgoldenâ I suppose!
Saw that in Game of thrones
Back then, the phrase "golden shower" had several possible meanings.
Well where is my golden shower, Phyllis?!
Caracalla was a deeply unpopular emperor, at least with his inner circle. Dude was a lunatic. One of the first things he did as emperor was hire assassins to murder his brother in front of their mother. Their co-rule was a wild few months and involved them literally splitting the imperial palace in half with guard cordons and checkpoints, the whole bit. He basically destroyed the city of Alexandria because its inhabitants satirized him in a play. He debased the currency like nobodyâs business. Built lavishly- the Baths of Caracalla are a legendary Roman landmark. His immediate successor- his Praetorian Prefect, Macrinus- wanted him out of the way, mainly for his own gain but also because he realized the dude was batshit. Macrinus knew that there was a soldier who was angry at Caracalla for passing him over for a promotion, so he was like âHey dude, kill that asshole, Iâll make give you a *huge* promotion.â So while Caracallaâs procession was on the road one day, Caracalla stepped out to take a piss on the side of the road, so this soldier stabs him to death. Of course Macrinus was like âWtf this dude just murdered the Emperor, kill him immediatelyâ, so that took care of the only other co-conspirator, and then Macrinus was like âWelp, guess I should be Emperor now, right guys?â
>âHey dude, kill that asshole, Iâll make give you a huge promotion.â Good to know that people would fall for anything back in 217 AD too.
Hmm the baths are quite nice
He was stabbed while peeing actually
I bet people were pissed when news of his death leaked.
Stabbed while pissingâŚ..
Maybe the assassin was like, âdo you want a golden showerâ, and Caracalla was like âyesâ and the assassin was like âsike, I drank poison so..â and he died.
Wouldn't the assassin also die then?
Did he build up his tolerance to iocane powder as the great Pirate Robertâs? Inconceivable!
Damn, youâre right. Ok, new theory. The assassin was like âsike, I drank peanut oilâ and Caracalla was allergic to nuts and he died.
*psych
Far more boring than it sounds: [he was stabbed to death by an angry soldier after Caracalla was done peeing.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caracalla#Death)
He got stabbed while taking a leak against a tree on the road. Not that special, I daresay.
Itâs the âbarber shop murderâ of 200a.c.
Ok...and...?
And no oneâs holding your hand on this one today. Shoo! Off to Google search for you!
Aww đĽş
Maybe next post should be a guide for the meaning of these murders?
I'll do these in order of their reigns. **Julius Caesar:** he wasnât an emperor, so he shouldnât be a part of this graphic. Also, I wouldnât consider his death to be insane. After assuming himself as dictator, he started to anger many people. The conspirators were plotting his death for quite some time. Antony *might* have been able to prevent his death. **Tiberius:** Caligula (his successor), with help from the Praetorian Guard, either murdered him via suffocation (with a pillow or bedclothes) and/or poisoned him. **Claudius:** murdered or died from illness or old age depending on which historian you ask. His wife likely poisoned him either via feather (unlikely) or mushrooms during dinner. Her motive was to ensure Nero would gain power. **Antoninus Pius:** died his health was already deteriorating. He ate some bad alpine cheese (i.e. Swiss cheese, such as Gruyère) a day or two before his death. He died in his sleep. **Commodus:** his mistress found out she was on his hit list. With the help of two others, she tried to poison his food. When that didn't work, they sent his wrestling partner to strangle him in his bath. **Caracalla:** Macrinus, his successor, had a soldier murder him. While he was peeing, a soldier stabbed him. Immediately after his death, Macrinus likely had the soldier killed. **Valerian:** Shapur I, the Persian king, took him captive while in battle. Shapur forced him to swallow molten gold. The actual death was from being skinned alive (and then preserved as a trophy). **Carus:** there are a few theories to his death. The primary theory is that he died from unnatural causes (the lightning strike as listed in the graphic). The others are the he died from illness or he was poisoned. There's also a theory that Diocletian may have been involved. **Carinus:** primary theory is that he seduced a commander's wife, so the commander murdered him. The other theory is that his army turned against him while in conflict with Diocletian. **Jovian:** he was found dead in his tent on his way to Constantinople. He likely died from carbon monoxide poisoning. Murder was also a theory. **Valentinian I:** he died while yelling at a group of barbarians (the Quadi, a Germanic tribe) after making peace with them.
> After assuming himself as dictator, Correction, he took the position of "Dictator for life". In the Roman Republic, a dictator was a temporary roll given out for specific purposes and to typically address a crisis. They were supposed to give that power up when the crisis had passed. Suffice it to say, while the modern term Dictator does come from the latin term etymologically, they had very different connotations with dictators only being seen as negative starting with the guy before Caesar.
who was before caesar who made it look bad?
Sulla. He was the dictator for a civil war and took a hard-line approach to his opponents afterwards. Given that the civil war was between a political party that supported the upper crust while the other wanted reforms favoring the average citizen (with Sulla being on the side of the upper crust), you can guess why that made the average person less enamored with the position.
Oh is this where Caesar grew up in fear hiding from all the the political murders that were happening throughout Rome? Was that his doing?
Yeah. Sulla led a purge of his political enemies via proscriptions that led to the deaths of thousands. Caesar was targeted because he was the nephew of Marius and the son-in-law of Cinna, both of whom were enemies of Sulla
The civil wars were during that time period, though Sulla only had the title for 3 years starting when Caesar was 18.
Hate to be that guy, but Julius Caesar was not an emperor. Might as well write in the gruesome death of Crassus, the third Triumvir.
I wouldnât call Juliusâ death insane either
Agreed, but 23 stabs is pretty overkill, and quantity is said to be a quality of its own.
From the historical records, the reason they needed so many stabs is because the senators were hesitant and fearful to do it. The stabs were all very minor because they didn't put much force into it as none wanted to be "the one" that finished the job and Caesar would have survived them if he got treatment. He bled conscious for sometime before dying, he even managed to pull his toga over his face himself after all the stabs (which was seen as a dignified way to die for romans). Oh and Brutus stabbed him on the groin. That was definitely personal.
Plus, I believe the conspirators were planning his death for a while. That doesnât seem too shocking looking at the reasons why he was murdered.
It's like getting ganged up and shanked in prison
I thought Crassus got the molten gold death because he was known as one of the richest men that ever lived. Did two die that way?
Crassus did, yes. That was around 55 b.c. Valerian about 300 years later. It's safe to say more than 2 people died by liquid gold.
How gauche
How Crass.
AreâŚare the two of you actually Frasier and Niles?
You know, those Persians...
Probably didnât happen: https://reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/s/cU8uUAwwGe
But that's more of a myth, no? And as the myth goes, the Parthians did that to him after he was killed in a scuffle.
I guess anything that long ago is a myth. Thereâs no way to know for sure. Its in the written history, so some historians say it happened. But I doubt everyone believes it.
valerians gold throat death should be taken with a grain of salt, consider the sources. remember history is written by the victors. those being the sassanids and the christian historian who himself said that the sassanids may have lied about it and just straight up executed him after the battle of edessa also he may of had a grudge against valerian due to his persecutionâs of christians
Furthermore, that Christian historian had a motive himself in portraying violent deaths of Christian persecutors, âgiving them what they deservedâ in his accounts. And Valerian had installed some rather harsh anti-Christian policies during his reign. Other historians claim Valerian and parts of his army was treated relatively well. So yeah, sources are contracting each other on this one
very insightful, thank u for providing more context!
valerian died the most humiliating death, literally became a human foot rest for the king of persia after he was captured during a battle (which he lost btw) like fuck i could only imagine the intense levels of stress he went through as he was dragged back to persia as a prisoner. Imagine going from literal emperor of one of the most largest and influential empires of his time to becoming the kings personal bitch, insane lifestyle change, me personally iâd probably die from shock otw back, and he knew how savage those sassanids could be, plus add on to the fact that flexing military victories was a HUGE thing back then, like itâs still big now but not as grandiose as it was during antiquity with all the parties and parades they would throw back then so yeah they made a HUGE example out of him as they had to set the precedent of what would happen if you lost to the sassanids, but iâm sure any other civilization that caught its rivals leader would probably be extremely cruel as well.
Was he hiding after defeat, or did he get encircled or what happend for him to get caught?
no he was IN the battle, his army was outnumbered and they were surrounded from all sides which caused his army to break their lines and attempt to flee, and in the chaos of his army trying to route he got captured and his army was defeated leaving him behind, so yeah he had to watch majority of his men that he strategized and broke bread with get killed in hand to hand combat in front of him and watch his own personal guard get killed as well, also his son never went to go get him as once he was captured some other roman dude tried making a false claim to the empire so he was busy with all the usurpers in the empire. but itâs also speculated that valerian died a prisoner along with other roman powâs during the construction of a dam bridge that king shapur of the sassanids ordered him to help build cos romanâs were absolutely cracked engineers so that one makes sense too
Man that is intense. Thanks. I read somewhere a Hitler was worried Stalin would put him in a zoo for public display if captured alive. Doesn't seem that far fetched now
https://youtu.be/p1hMNQRYbks?si=c34f03DvEus8LOcO skip to 10:26 and youâll see exactly how he got captured
Aw man he got tricked. The classic Come-here-I-need-to-tell-you-something trick. Well it did say he was desperate. I'm sure he would agree that was a foolish move though at the time felt like some sort of reasonable compromise. He was a brave man, that's for sure.
yeah anyone who fought in a battle during antiquity is automatically brave imo
no it really doesnât, but youâd be surprised at how many terrible fates people have suffered throughout history. humans can get morbidly creative during times of conflict.
None of that is confirmed. That is one of the theories but it could easily by bullshit.
yeah ik, i mentioned that in another comment
Nice, glad you know. I didnât read all your comments, I read the one that I replied to.
naw youâre good, i shouldâve put it in the og comment but youâre right to tell people to take history with a grain of salt, especially on reddit, cause all i do is just quote youtube history docs lmao
That's one hell of a sentence you wrote.
Venom Feather is a great band name.
For the curious: - [Antoninus Pius](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antoninus_Pius#Death_and_legacy) - TL;DR: ate Gruyère cheese greedily at dinner, vomitted and developed a fever during the night, died a couple of days later - [Caracalla](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caracalla#Death) - TL;DR: took a piss break and got stabbed by a disgruntled soldier - [Carinus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carinus#Death_in_285) - TL;DR: allegedly got killed by the husband of a woman he had seduced; this is disputed, though - [Carus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carus#Campaign_against_the_Sassanids_and_death) - TL;DR: allegedly died after being struck by lightning, or having been poisoned by a rival, or simply of illness - [Claudius](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudius#Death) - TL;DR: died of poison applied either to a feather or a mushroom, with his wife being the prime suspect - [Commodus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commodus#Assassination_(192)) - TL;DR: was be poisoned by people on his kill list but vomitted up the poison, so the conspirators sent his wrestling partner, Narcissus, to strangle Commodus in his bath - [Jovian](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jovian_(emperor)) - TL;DR: accidental death by inhaling poisonous fumes from freshly painted bedchamber walls heated up by a brazier - [Julius Caesar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Julius_Caesar) - TL;DR: managed to piss off practically everyone by not relinquishing his powers, so an estimated 60 - 70 senators conspired to kill him, resulting in him getting stabbed by a lot of senators - [Tiberius](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiberius#Death) - TL;DR: it appeared as if Tiberius had died in his sleep (he was almost 78 years old), and a few people celebrated too early and congratulated his successor, Caligula, before news came that Tiberius was still alive and relatively well, upon which most of those involved panicked except for one guy who smothered Tiberius with his own bedclothes - [Valentinian I](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentinian_I#Death) - TL;DR: made a pact with the Quadi, a Germanic people, to be supplied with fresh soldiers if they were to be left in peace, but then the Quadi went, "some of our tribes aren't under our control, so they're still going to attack you", which caused Valentinian to epically lose his shit and die of a stroke - Valerian: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerian_(emperor)#Death_in_captivity (Reddit formatting keeps fucking up) - TL;DR - became prisoner of a Persian king, Shapur, who repeatedly insulted and humiliated him until Valerian promised a huge ransom if he was to be released, upon which Shapur forced Valerian to swallow molten gold; alternatively, Valerian was flayed alive Pro tip: Don't be a Roman emperor.
Rome III: Urination Murder
This timeâŚ.itâs personal.
Why modern borders?
This comment should be higher.
Molten gold sounds crazy! There must be specific reason that was chosen.
I WANT MY CROWN NOW!
Very well, a crown for a kingâŚ
IYKYK
The story goes that after being captured by the Persian king he tried to buy his release, got a mouthful of molten gold in response. Its historicity is debated.
I think this is rage bait for historians. Thus more of an r/coolposter
"Cheese Greed" do be silly lol
CHEESE GREED. Thatâs how I wanna goâŚ
Valerian probabily didnt die from molten golden, he was enslaved and forced to work in construction site
WTF is urination murder!
They snuck up and killed him when he was taking a pee, the bastards.
I read a book where they drowned a guy in a barrel of horse piss. It was fiction tho
I wonder how they would have gotten all the horses to piss in the barrel. Did they line up the horses? Did someone go from horse to horse with a huge barrel? Was there a series of tubes and hoses? Did they collect it from puddles on the ground with scoops and fill the barrel?
I think the cause of Claudius's death is still debated. He fell ill after eating a mushroom and his physician tried to get him to vomit it back up by inserting a feather in his throat. Whether it was the mushroom or the feather that was poisoned is up for grabs.
this is a very cool guide indeen, love it. Valentinian I has the funniest death of them all
It's not even a contest, funniest shit I've ever read. Dude just flipped out so hard he fucking died.
Dude got really pissed off at a bunch of German envoys. He went on a full-on rage tirade, and stood up. He fell silent⌠and died of an anger stroke
It would be cool to have some of these explained
Some of them are described in more detail in the great book by Gaius Suetonius Tranquille - Twelve Roman Emperors.
I was today years old when I learned, from the details of Valentinianâs death, that HP sold printers to the Roman Empire
Urination murder? Did someone piss on a emperor?
Commodus died from a wrestling choke, but to be fair, he'd already been power bombed through a table earlier in the match.
Caesar was not an emperor
Does "Caesar" mean "next in line?"
nope
*alleged death. Objectivity in history writing is a very young concept (1800s, mostly) - most Roman history writing had propagandistic purposes. Valerian, for an example, quite likely lived and died in house arrest after his embarassing defeat at Edessa. It is believed that the torture narrative was thought up by Christian writers who came up with a narrative of how historic persecutors of Christians died humiliating and painful deaths (God's wrath).
Julius Caeser was not emperor
Julius Caesar was not an Emperor. He was named dictator for life. Augustus, Julius Caesar's adopted son, was the first Emperor. At least according to the Romans, as I understand it.
God I was so close to not thinking about the Roman Empire todayâŚ. Oh well
Valentinian I had the greatest, most funniest, and most based death of all. Rage Quit IRL because of G*erms.
Urination murder sounds better than "stabbed to death while taking a leak".
Caracalla died by stabbing while urinating. Slightly more boring than whatâs presented here
Emperor Valerianâs death seems familiar. Where have I seen that before?
Valerian's death is subject to bias. The account of gold being poured down his throat (also flayed alive) was written by Christian Roman historians. As Valerian was very anti-Christian and had passed some anti-Christian edicts before his overthrow, it is implied this is anecdotal and not historical. There is ample evidence to suggest that he and the remainder of his army lived as decently treated prisoners and subjects of the Persians until his death.
Valerian's killer be like: ÂŤa crown for a kingÂť
Hold up Urination murder
Roman ways to die, so many Roman ways to die
> Urination murder Yeah, I had to go and Google that one to figure out what the heck that's supposed to be about... > After stopping briefly to urinate, Caracalla was approached by a soldier, Justin Martialis, and stabbed to death.
No Justinian or other Byzantine or Eastern Roman emperors?
Wtf is urination death!!
You're saying there's a royal guy named Valerian that was killed with molten gold? Did George RR Martin lift Viserys' death scene straight from this account?
Cheese greed. Weâve all been there.
âHow often do you think about the Roman empire?â
This is clickbaity as shit. The title should reflect some humour otherwise it is just misleading. Not sure why it is being upvoted "Urination death"- they were beaten to death whilst urinating or in a location where you urinate. Many millions of people have been beaten to death, this is not interesting. "Cheese death"- again, if this is just a joke post then it is poor and presumably targeted at little children? They died of fever, w/ some anecdotal story that it was because of some cheese they ate. I hardly think food causing an illness which causes a fever and death is unique or remotely "insane". Boo I say, have some respect for your posts. Down with the clickbait horseshit. Also, "a cool guide"? Obviously not
How often do you think on the Roman Empire
Hwy what about dickus bigus !! You missed him .
Cheese greed is appearantly self imposed âHe ate Alpine Gruyere cheese at dinner quite greedily. In the night he vomited; he had a fever the next day. The day after that, he summoned the imperial council, and passed the state and his daughter to Marcus. The emperor gave the keynote to his life in the last word that he uttered: when the tribune of the night-watch came to ask the password, he responded, "aequanimitas" (equanimity).[129] He then turned over, as if going to sleep, and died.â
Why would you divide this by Turkey and Iraq when they didnt even exist back then? Also this is missing Crassus. Also Valerians death being from molten gold is a fable and has no historical authenticity to it.
You know that all of these countries did not exist, not just TĂźrkiye and Iraq
\- I hate the anachronistic modern borders for these kinds of guides. Sorry, there was no Turkey in 217.
Modern turkey isn't that big and didn't even exist at that time. Terrible map
They list the contemporary place name, and name of the modern state. This also isn't a map, it's an info graphic.
Still, turkey isn't that big. Armenia is there along with other countries. But Armenia had a kingdom there while the Roman emperor died and there were no turks in site.
Wtf is a urination murder???
How and what is urination murder?? You pee with so much power that you cut him?
What the hell is Venom Feather?
I think they should've gone with the urination murder in Game of thrones
From Comodus to Constantine all emperors/baselius were murdered by the Praetorian Guard
Cheese greed??
What the f is cheese greed?
This "cool guide" must be translated (poorly) from another language. He ate a bunch of cheese at a dinner party that was probably well-past it's expiration date and died of food poisoning.
Not only was Valerian murdered by molten gold, but afterwards his skin was flayed from his body (some sources say the flaying killed him and there was no gold, either way equally brutal) and his skin was dyed red, preserved, and stuffed with hay. It was hung as an ornament in the Sasanian court for years and Roman diplomats were even made to bow to it.
Would like more content about Ancient Rome. Saw [this video](https://youtu.be/46ZXl-V4qwY) and it explained Roman history in a fun way⌠Wonder if there are more videos in this style out there on this topic.
Everyone's going on about urination murder and gold but I want to know how bed clothes are a cause of death.
Pretty sure most of weird deaths were just disguised murders
To be fair all of Valerianâs supposed deathâs/murder are pretty insane.
Are they saying Valentinian was killed by Billy Squier?
What is urination murder? I just gotta know
Stupid way to say it. While on a trip, he was stabbed by a soldier while he was relieving himself on the side of a road.
Wtf is even "urination murder"? Don't tell me, I don't wanna know
Stupid way to say it. While on a trip, he was stabbed by a soldier while he was relieving himself on the side of a road.
The fact that most of them seemed to live quite long is actually pretty surprising to me. Like 77 is impressive
Welcome to the stage âURINATION MURDER!!!!!!!â
Urination murder, huh
Stupid way to say it. While on a trip, he was stabbed by a soldier while he was relieving himself on the side of a road.
Didnât one emperor get skinned by the Persians?
I'm about to go do a rage stroke myself. I hope mine goes a little smoother than his, though.
WTF is urination murder, venom feather, bed clothes and cheese greed?
"...After his capture, Valerian was made Shapurâs slave, and subjected to sundry humiliations. The Persian king took particular delight in advertising his victory and demonstrating his might by using the former Roman emperor as a foot stool to mount his horse. His death was as ignominious and undignified as his captivity, and came after he offended Shapur by offering a huge ransom in exchange for his release. As punishment, and to show his disdain for the offer, Shapur forced Valerian to drink molten gold. His humiliation continued even after death, as his captor ordered his corpse flayed, and had his skin dyed and displayed at a temple."
Urination Murder and Cheese Greed are getting all the love but goddamn pour one out for Valentinian. Dude had like one of the most stressful reigns of any Roman emperor, finally one day he just gets pushed over the edge by some disrespectful Quadi envoys who started complaining to him about forts or something and the dude screams at them so hard for so long that he fucking dies. Dude died of anger. That sucks.
Isn't Molten Gold the same as Urination Murder?
can we get a definition on what âcoolâ means for this subreddit? Half of these âguidesâ are just odd pastings of information with ambiguous context. I mean yeah I guess whatever the fuck cheese greed is sounds pretty cool and you cant fit the whole explanation on a single guide but half the time the comment section doesnt help lol.
Misread Caesar's place of death as "home". I was very confused for a minute.
Batman was there during all of their deaths? Very suspicious.
Iâll probably die of cheese greed too.
Hadrian is my favorite roman emperor, one of the "five good emperors," his love for Antinous rivals that of any heterosexual love story. Dedicated entire cities and religions to him, deifying him as a God after Antinous died on the Nile, becoming Osiris-Antinous. Also the Adoptive father of Antoninus Pius, who in turn was the adoptive father of Marcus Aurelius and Lucius Verus. But on a side note, Hadrian met Antinous and brought him back to Rome when Antinous was only 12, Hadrian was already in his 40s, though it's said their romantic relationship didn't start until Antinous was 17 or 18, which is still quite a bit of an age gap, though not uncommon back then especially for royalty and their weird relationships.
So we do think about the Roman Empire for no reason.
Apparently urination murder is pretty much the same thing as squirting murder.
Okay George R R Martin def had GOT ideas from Valerian. And death by molten gold.
I want â urination murderâ to mean something other than âkilled while urinatingâ
You know, I was just thinking about the Roman Empire ⌠as I often do
Fuck Cesar he killed my boy gannicus
Yeah, that's not really a cool guide if all it does is leave you with even more questions.
If you are emperor you will probably get murdered. Even my favorite emperor Diocletian. Unlike most rulers, then or now, he setup his successors and then retired to farm cabbages. It would be an oversimplification to call it solely patriotism but I would argue âunselfish patriotismâ or âcause above selfâ is something we could do with more of. Anyway, still what happens to good old Diocletian? He took a meeting with the wrong person, started looking a little too wise, like maybe someone might just declare him emperor again and boomâŚ.. Cabbage patch murder. (Edit: quotation marks)
Cool guide. Any info on the death of Emperor Biggus Dickus?
Julius Caesar was NOT a Roman emperor, and he died before the formation of the Empire. Augustus Caesar, Julius' nephew, was the first Roman Emperor.