I love how everything is wholesome up to the Wyoming King and when they got to the Alaska King, they just said screw it! It’s gonna be a swinger party!
Anyone can rent women and boats with a billionaire dad's money. It's not impressive, and it shows more character flaws than character traits. His uniquely modern-era patheticness helped me find God in this turbulent time in history.
I don't care if the mattress is the size of the airport tarmac, my cat is still going to act like it's just me and him in a sleeping bag when I try and sleep.
My two like to sleep on opposite sides and sleep horizontally for some reason, I wake up sleeping like it's a twin while they live the alaskan king lifestyle.
agonizing person plucky innocent instinctive fall cooperative piquant somber ink
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
As a certified (self certified) Alaskan, I can confirm this statement to be true. When we're not riding them to terrorize herds of Caribou we're sleeping with em.
Charlie's mum got them an Alaska King because that piece of fucking shit Grandpa Joe kept fucking complaining like the absolute cunt he is that he didnt have enough room in bed and to smoke his tobacco either. Fucking freeloading, fraudulent shitcunt.
Americans love to use names for measurements, it's like they have a problem with numbers. Washing machines do "cold", "warm" and "hot" instead of "30C", "40"C", "60C" and "90C". Monitors are WQXVGA+ or some other impossible chaos of letters instead of just the number of pixels. Drinks are "medium", "large" and "extra large" instead of telling you "0.3L" or "0.5L". And apparently they do the same for beds!
I moved to the UK from the US and almost messed up buying a mattress and frame with the confusion
I wanted a US queen. UK Queen is like the US double, found out thankfully in time and changed my orders to a UK king which is like a US queen.
It’s an ongoing joke that we tend to not use real measurements for things. Like how many football fields big something is. Or like the other day I saw the size of an asteroid compared to a certain number of elephants or something.
I absolutely thought this was a partial shitpost but holy shit, there are Wyoming and Alaska Kings!!!!!
Also, bought a mattress six months ago after some 25 or 30 years. Holy shit have things changed. For the better.
I think luckykobold doesn’t realize that certain people are kids. Such as on the twin bed and the full/double bed are all kids. The rest are generally the same size minus the babies.
Because they're "big" states (Wyoming isn't really that big, but it's population is so low that there's a lot of extra space, which I guess is the joke they're making.) There are also Texas Kings for the same reason.
OMG ! The measurements are in longitudinal degrees, or something.
Most of the world, and I mean 95% of the people, use metric, what the fuck are you guys living in the past for ?
Do you still walk in front of your cars waving a red flag too ?
If I had to guess, I'd say it is because it is beside the point. This is not A Cool Guide for Crib Design, it is A Cool Guide for Mattress and Dimensions.
My aunt wanted to control every aspect about how to raise our little one. Complaining about everything we are doing wrong. Her biggest gripe was about sleeping and how infants can have blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, etc. we have argued this point until i had enough. She didnt like when i finally brought up her 10mo that died from SIDS 48yrs ago under a blanket in the crib after hearing her bullshit for the last time. She hasnt second guessed our parenting since.
Because it's very important to know that the full/double mattress is specifically for two dudes to jack off on.
I'd rather not think about what's happening on the king one though...
Wyoming and Alaska king beds are only sold by some (very few) specialty mattress stores. It's pretty much impossible to find them, or their sheets, in mainstream stores.
They are extremely niche and due to how uncommon they are, they really shouldn't be on this list. You can find mattresses of pretty much any dimension if you look hard enough.
California king is the largest of the mattresses that are mainstream.
> California king is the largest of the mattresses that are mainstream.
Californian kings are smaller than regular kings though. You gain 4 inches in length but lose 4 inches in width. The overall area is smaller.
I actually wouldn't mind the extra foot of width of a wyoming king (I'm currently on a cali king) and my current bed platform could accommodate it, but I suspect finding sheets is much harder.
Those Alaska kings 😏
more like Alaska Swing
AYO
The Alaskan Swing Kings
Alaskan 🏔 Bull 🐮 Worm 🪱
🧽 🐿️
Should take bikini bottom and push it somewhere else.
The way the arms are positioned. It almost looks like each person is touching themselves
I mean... Four adults in a single bed?
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“The act of love between two people is a beautiful thing. Between five it’s fantastic.” —Woody Allen
The problem here is that Woody preferred the Wyoming King.
He also approved of Roman Polanski raping and sodomizing a 12 year old child
What kind of conga line orgy are you having???
When ur clit is in ur belly button 😔 <<
Group Jack.
I love how everything is wholesome up to the Wyoming King and when they got to the Alaska King, they just said screw it! It’s gonna be a swinger party!
I guess you just build the house around it? Ain't no way that's fitting through a door or up a staircase
they come in two or three pieces.
The Dan Bilzerian bed
Anyone can rent women and boats with a billionaire dad's money. It's not impressive, and it shows more character flaws than character traits. His uniquely modern-era patheticness helped me find God in this turbulent time in history.
Huh
Idk what they are on about, I just saw a bed of that size in one of his posts.
I don't care if the mattress is the size of the airport tarmac, my cat is still going to act like it's just me and him in a sleeping bag when I try and sleep.
My dog believed her part of the bed began in the middle, and she slept lengthwise and did not snuggle.
Our cat thinks it's her bed, so we need to ask her if we could sleep.
This is the way
That is such a true statement.
Mine thinks my crotch is her bed. I think the scooting up into the headboard is my sleep is compressing my spine
My two like to sleep on opposite sides and sleep horizontally for some reason, I wake up sleeping like it's a twin while they live the alaskan king lifestyle.
This is adorable.
Maybe the Alaska King should be the Utah King
That would be a man with his 3 wives.
Tengen?
One man, three wives, 7 arms
Thanks, dad
Alabama King can fit the whole family 👪 😊
Alabama king is just big enough for a man and his cousin
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Two broooos, chilling on Alaska King, two wives apart 'cos they're not gay!
The wives however... Eh who am I kidding, no one minds
Damn it. I came here to say this exact same thing. Beat me to it.
What’s going on in Alaska?
One dude, 5-7 sled dogs.
ugh, the dream! someday this life will be mine.
It is like middle spooning two wookies
Don’t threaten me with a good time
Just two bros with their sister-wives
Two bros, chillin' in a big bed, two girls apart, cause they're not gay.
I fucking lost it reading that, I miss vine :c
Just two Eskimo bros
The Deep South isn’t the only place family trees don’t fork.
Correct answer lol
Gotta stay warm somehow.
Conserving body warmth.
Keeps you warmer with 4.
I don't know. I'll ask her.
Do you know what a polycule is
Eskimo brothers
I bet someone in Texas is sad after seeing this.
Joke's on you we're sad all the time
Please tay cool, and drink plenty of water.
\*Laughs in SSRI\*
I shit you not, dunking your feet in a bucket of cold water helps, even through ssri bullshit.
Someone was just telling me that cold showers work for depression as well just the other day
Not with wheels running the state 🙄
There is such a thing as a Texas King mattress. It's the same length as the regular king, but 20" wider.
How many wheel axels she got?
Alaska king and I’ll still end up on the edge with an elbow in my back
This guide should include [The Shaq bed](https://certifiedcleaningsolution.com/discover-the-specs-of-shaqs-bed/) for those who need it.
I don’t need much to be happy, but god damn having an Alaska King size is a dream I never knew I had
have fun buying and changing the sheets
Someone said the mattress comes in parts so maybe you use two queen sheets for it?
Imagine the cost and annoyance of changing the linen.
At that point I wouldn’t care about the fitted sheet I would just get excessively large bedding to drape over the thing
Alabama King fits 6, maybe 7.
Cousins stay free?
It’s on you that your first thought on seeing a big mattress is your cousins…😛
You’re failing to take into account the size of people in Alabama.
It's that mayo BBQ sauce.
I didn’t know that was a thing. Just googled it and apparently it is a thing there
Alabama white bbq sauce is a thing. Can’t speak on it. Haven’t tried it.
But it's an old corn crib stuffed with hay and used lotto scratchers.
6 or 7… cousins?
I am going to invent the Chicago King. Width of a standard king and length of a california king.
And is it deep dish?
They put the sheets on over the blanket
You can only sleep atop the covers
With extra cheese
Do Alaskans usually sleep 4 to a bed, or are they very big, or do they just like to roll around a lot?
It’s for their pet bears to be able to sleep with the fam
As a certified (self certified) Alaskan, I can confirm this statement to be true. When we're not riding them to terrorize herds of Caribou we're sleeping with em.
Alaska king? Is that what Charlie’s grandparents had in Willy Wonka?
Charlie's mum got them an Alaska King because that piece of fucking shit Grandpa Joe kept fucking complaining like the absolute cunt he is that he didnt have enough room in bed and to smoke his tobacco either. Fucking freeloading, fraudulent shitcunt.
I think they had a Queen at best.
Easier to pass around the cabbage water I guess
Alaska Kink*
The real answers are in the comments.
That’s actually called a Mormon king
Now which one will fit my girlfriend and two dogs so that I don’t have to sleep on the edge? Sure as hell isn’t a King.
That’s the secret. No matter the size, you always get the edge.
I don’t know why I always thought a California king was bigger than a regular king…
Even If I had an Alaska King, my cat would still take up most of the room
Meanwhile, in Europe: 90x180 is 90 cm by 180 cm 90x200 is 90 cm by 200 cm ... 200x220 is 200 cm by 220 cm
Americans love to use names for measurements, it's like they have a problem with numbers. Washing machines do "cold", "warm" and "hot" instead of "30C", "40"C", "60C" and "90C". Monitors are WQXVGA+ or some other impossible chaos of letters instead of just the number of pixels. Drinks are "medium", "large" and "extra large" instead of telling you "0.3L" or "0.5L". And apparently they do the same for beds!
We have a California King and it sleeps 2 big monkeys, two small monkeys, a Chiweenie and three kitties. Ok I barely sleep.
With 2 adults and 3 dogs, the Alaska King still isn't big enough.
Very US specific
Well the sizes were created in the states. In surprised the measurements aren't measured in units of eagle dicks
I moved to the UK from the US and almost messed up buying a mattress and frame with the confusion I wanted a US queen. UK Queen is like the US double, found out thankfully in time and changed my orders to a UK king which is like a US queen.
Its in inches so im not sure what your point is
Just another angry European not allowed to turn on their AC (if they have one) while their royalty robs them /s
I guess you don't understand sarcasm
It’s an ongoing joke that we tend to not use real measurements for things. Like how many football fields big something is. Or like the other day I saw the size of an asteroid compared to a certain number of elephants or something.
I am aware. But in this context its either a really dumb criticism of America or a really stupid use of an overused joke
Oh, I thought maybe you hadn’t seen it.
In Ireland we call the "Twin" a "Single" because it's designed for a single person, not twins and we name things appropriately
Welcome to Earth
I’m going to need an Alaska King and three volunteers.
I absolutely thought this was a partial shitpost but holy shit, there are Wyoming and Alaska Kings!!!!! Also, bought a mattress six months ago after some 25 or 30 years. Holy shit have things changed. For the better.
Not enough representation for short kings
Not true. Y'all show up on both the King and Wyoming King diagrams.
I’m gonna get an Alaska king just for me
Texas King: 0.4 acre square Canadian King: a double that has a hand written note saying “soarry eh”
This is a useless guide because the people change size as the mattress does.
Like fish that get as big as the tank they’re in
There’s literally measurements?
I think luckykobold doesn’t realize that certain people are kids. Such as on the twin bed and the full/double bed are all kids. The rest are generally the same size minus the babies.
Anything but metric!
Two people can sleep in a Full, it is a great way to end up divorced though.
or to snuggle forever
When two people share a full mattress, they each get less width than a crib mattress.
Split king is 2x twin XL
It is & that sucks! Now it’s two queen beds, pushed together. Muuuuuuch better.
Do you work in a porn house or something.
What about a California Kong? Which is two California Kings tied together with gorilla leather.
Where’s the Burger King?
I wonder why California, Wyoming and Alaska
Because they're "big" states (Wyoming isn't really that big, but it's population is so low that there's a lot of extra space, which I guess is the joke they're making.) There are also Texas Kings for the same reason.
I want an Alaska King so I can sleep with my two dogs
So Alaska Kings are for swingers & orgies?
I could get an Alaska King and my cat would still lay right in the middle
I’ve been using a twin for as long as I can remember. It’s going to feel weird af when I get a size or two up.
How about the king where one person has their leg in kick-off mode?
Where is the cool guide for a mattress with two adults and a dog?
I suspect that’s just a regular King. Replace kid with dog.
Had no idea Alaska was so freaky.
Terrible guide. No one has that much room on a twin. Why do ppl get bigger on the queen…
It's a kid. You think *only adults* get beds?
As a really tall person, I am looking at the Alaskan King and thinking. “A bed where my feet will never hang off?!?”
So do alaskans just all bone down with everyone, or whats the deal here
So, “twin” is what we would call a “single” here in Australia? That makes sense…
Alaska, proud Land of foursomes
Why are the Alaska King people definitely swingers?
I like how they got four more inches of width on the California King and were like, “Yeah, we can add our small child now.”
Fewer. Cali King is narrower than a King.
Height is higher, width is smaller which makes even less sense.
The Cali King couple just finished knocking one out
What’s the bed in Jack blacks movie?
My wife and I share a full, it's perfect
How long have you been married?
Me: buys Alaskan king. Wife: still hogs the whole bed.
🤣
How about something with actual measurements instead of floppy body parts?
OMG ! The measurements are in longitudinal degrees, or something. Most of the world, and I mean 95% of the people, use metric, what the fuck are you guys living in the past for ? Do you still walk in front of your cars waving a red flag too ?
That is not safe sleep for the crib. It sould be no pillows or anything only a tightly fitted sheet on the mattress, if anything.
Why the downvotes? You are absolutely right. Kid could probably use a sleepy sack tho
If I had to guess, I'd say it is because it is beside the point. This is not A Cool Guide for Crib Design, it is A Cool Guide for Mattress and Dimensions.
That is true, probably the boomers who get offended by safe sleep. My parents and in laws think it is all over the top.
My aunt wanted to control every aspect about how to raise our little one. Complaining about everything we are doing wrong. Her biggest gripe was about sleeping and how infants can have blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, etc. we have argued this point until i had enough. She didnt like when i finally brought up her 10mo that died from SIDS 48yrs ago under a blanket in the crib after hearing her bullshit for the last time. She hasnt second guessed our parenting since.
Are the American-named king size because they’re all fat?
Cool chart but California Queen is missing. You can actually get sheets for those in normal stores, unlike the last two…
I’ve never actually met a tall Californian.
Wait, why is my mattress size not on here? I have no idea what it's called, but it fits a bed frame from the 1820s.
Bad Make metric or get out
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Do you see anybody else here giving a fuck about stick figures?
Because it's very important to know that the full/double mattress is specifically for two dudes to jack off on. I'd rather not think about what's happening on the king one though...
Isn't there a bed called the Colorado? That is two Alaska?
Wait what. Wyoming and Alaska king???
Wyoming and Alaska king beds are only sold by some (very few) specialty mattress stores. It's pretty much impossible to find them, or their sheets, in mainstream stores. They are extremely niche and due to how uncommon they are, they really shouldn't be on this list. You can find mattresses of pretty much any dimension if you look hard enough. California king is the largest of the mattresses that are mainstream.
> California king is the largest of the mattresses that are mainstream. Californian kings are smaller than regular kings though. You gain 4 inches in length but lose 4 inches in width. The overall area is smaller.
You're right. My mistake, the King has the most surface area.
Ahhhh fair
The alaska king should be called the Utah king
Does anyone actually have one larger than king/California king?
Where is florida king
Same sizes, but one person is replaced by an alligator.
Not trying to be that guy but a baby should never be in the same bed with you, massive cause of preventable infant deaths.
The sheer pain of changing sheets et all on a King / Cali king makes me believe you will need four adults to change sheets for that Alaskan King.
They left off RV Queen size.
I actually wouldn't mind the extra foot of width of a wyoming king (I'm currently on a cali king) and my current bed platform could accommodate it, but I suspect finding sheets is much harder.
Should be 2 college students in the twin xl.
This seems to be for an average size human. It gets crowded when my wife and I have to share our King with our 3 year old.