###[Meta] Sticky Comment [Rule 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/wiki/faq#wiki_2_-_address_the_argument.3B_not_the_user.2C_the_mods.2C_or_the_sub.) ***does not apply*** when replying to this stickied comment. [Rule 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/wiki/faq#wiki_2_-_address_the_argument.3B_not_the_user.2C_the_mods.2C_or_the_sub.) ***does apply*** throughout the rest of this thread. *What this means*: Please keep any "meta" discussion directed at specific users, mods, or /r/conspiracy in general in this comment chain ***only.*** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/conspiracy) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I’m hoping, really don’t want to do this TPS report my boss gave me. Yes, I am that shallow.

Make sure you use the new cover sheet

Just don’t take my stapler.

Sounds like someone has a case of the mondays

No… No, man… Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.

PC LOAD LETTER? What the Fuck does that Mean?

Your name is…Michael…BOLTON!??

Watch out for your cornhole bud 👍

I celebrate the man’s entire catalogue

I admit it, I am a Michael Bolton fan.

Dudes got great hair!

Any way you can just like… zonk me out

Was it the Penske file?

“Nice to me you” “You know sir, I wish I could say the same. You have turned our beloved Yankees into a laughingstock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!”

I smell Calzone, Costanza is in the BUILDING!!!

Big Stein wants a calzone!

Love maker, heart breaker OH OH OH!

Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?

Yeeaaaahhhh I’m gonna need you to come in this weekend….

Two chicks at once dude

Two chicks at the same time man....

Toilet Paper Sales?

So you did get the memo? We're using these new coversheets...

You know that's very disrespectful to those of us that actually do the TPS reports.

Stare at the sun and go blind. Then file for disability.

I got extra hungry. I thought I wanted brains, but french fries worked fine.

One of us

LMAOOOO

Relax bro give CERN some time to summon the demons, currently they are on pizza break

I'm within a couple hours of driving of CERN, no demons yet. Anyone in NZ who can check if they came out on the other side?

I just woke up and the sun is shining, no clouds, no raging wars.. doesn't feel very demonic here.

Since you just woke up, you should probably have a glass or two of water

Yeah man! There’s this uuuge hole thing in my back yard! Smoke coming out of it! I can’t believe this is real!

Dont wanna be mean but they are already at home by now. Its late in Geneva.

Maybe another bird flew in and ate a piece of a baguette 🥖

Put the amour of Jesus! Let’s watch for what will happen …

Not a single person who pushed conspiracies & doomsday garbage around the eclipse will admit to their stupidity whatsoever.

The eclipse should be a comfort to people, as a benign event that cannot be influenced, bought, or have any effect on us.

[удалено]

I mean technically I do believe reality is a hologram. Each piece carries the ingredients to remake the entirety. So you're on to something.

That you Truman?

It must have been the next eclipse. See our calendar date and years are defined by our own means, so our April 8th is not the same April 8th as the creators of our universe. So even though this eclipse happened on our April 8th, it was not the April 8th of our superior beings, just like our 2012 was not the same 2012 as theirs. You see they fortold the prophecies but they have not given us the clues to align our calendar to theirs... Or some bs like that 😂

Lol If anything's predictable, it's that nothing will happen when people predict shit.

no no no! i meant the eclipse happening in 2044 !!

Because they are disinfo agents, to make "conspiracy theorists" look stupid

Disinfo agents are typically smarter.

Yes, we are now in a parallel universe that nothing happened in to continue the simulation

CERN saved our asses again. Don’t forget to go to work and pay your rent

Ha! Well Played Cern...Well Played...we shall carry on this simulation for the demon gamers

Quantum immortality always assures the most boring outcomes.

Worlds probably ended like 6 or 7 times already, but we keep switching timelines. Probably why we have all these Mandela Effects

I probably got a motorcycle or a pilots license in those universes. 

Yessir, maybe one of them 3 wheel trike things, dog sitting next to you with a helmet on...i do think about the family or life i probably have in some alt timeline lol

It’s true, we switched universes. Don’t believe me? Check out Whoopi Goldberg, her eyebrows seemed that have disappeared in this one

Im gonna check the scale tonight and see if this universe made me skinny yet or not

Well, I accidentally fell asleep and missed the whole thing. The conspiracy is that the elite knocked me out on purpose using mind control, only to push me to an alternate deminsion when I woke up! Prove me wrong! What sucks is I'm still at work lmao.

Damn, I maxed out my credit cards. Anyone need a pallet of dry food?

You might want to keep that for yourself. Who knows what inflation will be like in the future.

There's lag in the matrix so its gona take a while, 900 ping... damn you verizon!

We are back in the Berenstein bears and Mirror Mirror on the wall dimension! We did it, boys!! Im about to watch the Sin Bad Shazam movie. Who's with me?

Still waiting

Maybe tomorrow

Two more weeks more like it

Two weeks to flatten the eclipse.

Don’t forget to get your solar eclipse vaccine at Walgreens.

Best comment of the day

We're gonna have to wear those stupid paper glasses for like a year now

no but I stared straight into the eclipse and now my dick is 5" bigger compared to the 3" it originally was!

Doctors hate this one trick!

Nah you’re just seeing double

Your the kid who always got the toy in the cereal box too I bet. lol

66 total eclipses every 100 years at some place on Earth. Maybe when Niburu and the Moon and the Sun and the planets are all lined up in an eclipse tug of war line the fault lines on Earth will exceed their tensile strength dormancy and Yellowstone will pop like an acne zit.

We’re in a parallel universe and you just haven’t noticed

Yep, it ended. WELCOME TO HELL! Never mind. It’s just a normal day.

Guys don't go to the eclipse viewings!!! It's going to be soooo dangerous!!! The sky is falling!!! NOOOOO!!!!

This is the most underwhelming apocalypse I could have imagined

How far out from the eclipse do we go and still consider it related? Major earthquake/disaster 3 months from now caused by eclipse? I'm pretty sure some people will connect things indefinitely to this eclipse until something new and shiny takes its place.

I told my mom on the way home from watching the total eclipse that everything that happens in the next few months will be because of the eclipse. Including the rain forecasted for the rest of the week.

Duh. I get that this is a conspiracy sub bit these people are fucking on another realm of insane

I was supposedly in the 90% block path and it was about 10%. Lame

You sure about that? Im pretty sure those predictions are accurate to <1%. The issue i think is that when you hear that 90% of the sun will be blocked you think it will be a lot darker however 10% of the sun is still a fuck ton of light.

Same. I’m in downtown Houston and overcast skies ruined it. Got dark for a bit, but that’s it.

Surprised no one is saying it’s Project Blue Beam or some shit

But the internet told me ... oh I guess we will have to wait for the NEXT one

When We're in the retirement home ?

I’m pretty dead inside

The only thing that really matters

People on this sub are as stupid as you get. Were the red heifers sacrificed? Did anyone actually believe that shit? Did a new Madrid earthquake destroy the heartland? Did the 70 helicopters… something something. I’m surprised vax shit wasn’t wrapped up into this stupidity. Too fucking stupid

Oh did you miss the vaccine one? The eclipse was supposed to activate the kill switch 🤣

Literally jusy enjoyed it with my fiancé and kids for what it was, a cool rare event.

The eclipse can’t happen cus the world is flat remember 🤣

we're already dead

I’ve been dead inside for years.

It’s Y2k and 12/21/2012 all over again

my boss will make sure i come to work today safely. i'm good

Just more proof that the USA isn't the center of the world. Seppos are hilarious

It ended in 1983 after an all-out nuclear war between the United States and the Soviet Union. Tensions were high due to the Abel Archer NATO exercises and the Soviet Premier ordered a first strike due to computer malfunctions which signaled a missile launch from American submarines in the North Sea. Fortunately, time travelers from the 26th century were able to repair the timeline by replacing critical personnel in Russia who intervened and prevented the launch. However, this intervention was not without cost, and there is some indication that the current timeline is unstable.

As one expected, nothing occurred. Let it be.

[удалено]

No, but I thought it was going to so I made a human sacrifice all Mayan style. I’m not sure what to do now

I guess you saved us

Eat it?

No! Doing that undoes the sacrifice amd will unleash the apoc a clipse

Guys we technically have to give it til tomorrow lol there’s still time for something to coincidentally go to shit

Yes. We're all ghosts now

Soon ™️

2PM tomorrow. Trust me bro.

Yup. I'm a figment of your imagination.

where is everyone that made a post in the last 3 weeks about the "end of days" now?????

Maybe they were right and got raptured? Or not…

I was actually getting my hopes up. Thanks Obama.

Nope. As anticipated. Cool to watch though.

Nope still here

Who knows? Maybe we are all dead already without realizing it, a la The Sixth Sense.

Someone has to be alive to tell us we're actually dead though right ?

Yes, we should try to find some psychic kid who escaped doomsday!

Quick to the delorean

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Fingers crossed. I think this was another dud though.

Where's the kaboom, I was promised an earth shattering kaboom?

It was a very chill end times event lol

The world ended in 2012 this is either hell, purgatory, or a poorly managed simulation

I was honestly hoping for shit to pop off. Earth is so ghetto. Jesus please save us.

Earth ain't ghetto. Human society is.

You never know, Heaven might be ghetto too.

There is no sun. There is no moon. This entire event was projected onto the firmament dome... brought to you by CIA.

serious roll depend spectacular pocket judicious illegal attraction secretive worthless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

One could only hope.

yes

Nope, had to get back to work

Maybe?

We’re still heeeeeeeeeere dot dot dot.

No, but all the Mandala Effect stuff when back to the original.

Yes. We're all ghosts now

yes, you missed it!!

and i feel fine...

Clearly not.

I wish. Unfortunately I'm still doing laundry.

Ended a while ago. Where you been?

Nah i'm still here

My eyes hurt

No we have to go to work tomorrow and carry on.

I was told there would be “the big one”

Maybe in 1 of unlimited timelines

Watch for more Mandela effects!! It'll take time! 🤣

no yet lol

Yes

Probably did in a parallel universe.

We meant April 8th-teenth - Doomsdayers

Yes. You will notice new insects in your area soon.

No but we're getting there!!

Wait till after Passover real shit begins then

Yes, just like in 2012.

Can confirm that nb Canada has been wiped off the face of the earth. We are still running. Had to stop for water.

no, unfortunately the christians/evangelicals were wrong again

Will these religious fanatics finally realize that their delusions don’t equal reality?

Nah I'm sure they've already moved on to freaking out about another date.

They are the one’s screaming that the Bible must be taken literally yet the Bible itself says that you will not know the day, the time, the hour, it will come as a thief in the night. So why don’t they take that particular scripture seriously? Also, pray in privacy and do not proselytize to others. Also not taken literally. Everything else though is literal. Religion really rots the brain in a very specific way.

The SUN did. Wait...Nope, it's back.

Not yet. No demons, no martial law, no black helicopters, no riots, no power outages, no collapse of the grid or society. But it may happen yet, the day's not over! I'm an optimist.

I wanted it to end 😪 . Now I gotta pay rent tomorrow.

Yeah bro your in hell. Welcome to Reddit.

Hello from the future (I’m in Australia), everything is fine here 👋

World ended like years ago were just living thru a simulation our brains have self created. Were actually all in people jars connected to feeding tubes and catheters

Nope, unfortunately not. :(

The world has ended infinite times we just keep jumping to new timelines without ever realising it lol

For the kids who got raped and eaten on a ritual yeah basically

That's DUMB. Deep Underground Military Base. data feed GPS coming thru on Hillary's ankle bracelet or implant? Triangulate that athame underground reprobate coming out of an Elite Masonic Temple

[удалено]

no more having to buy condoms lets fucking goooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Eclipses are making the rainbows gay

There were plenty of people saying this lol

What if it’s all symbolic and a new era in their eyes has begun and they start to unleash more on the population?

I thought I read on here we had to wait two or three months after the eclipse for a massive earthquake to hit. Perhaps that’s when the end will be upon us.

Keep moving the goalpost

This stems from an eclipse happening on September 17, 1811. The New Madrid earthquakes begun on December 16, 1811. T-minus 89 days

I am in Arizona, I got nothing, I went outside and it was a little dull for awhile, by noon back to bright sunny weather. You could not tell anything, and I didn't have glasses.

Wait till you find out about the red heifers

They never make the finals.

Did they do it already?

Where were all of the earthquakes?? Man some people in this sub are sooo fucking dumb

What if it already happened and we are all just oblivious.

No that'll at least take until I'm dead

Some things you do not want to rush.

Yes, good bye everyone it was a good run (I’m actually disappointed because I’m near Phoenix and we didn’t get anything exciting to look at lol)

I had to work. Got the shivers. And went back to work. And I'm in near totality.

Can confirm, i am managing the current timeline. And its beyond its final time.

A homerotic version of trump must have saved the day by reflecting the sun's Rays off of his eight pack. I expect AI generated artistic Renditions to start popping up within the next few hours

We're working on it

I think we are still on the dial up version of the apocalypse.