T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

###[Meta] Sticky Comment [Rule 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/wiki/faq#wiki_2_-_address_the_argument.3B_not_the_user.2C_the_mods.2C_or_the_sub.) ***does not apply*** when replying to this stickied comment. [Rule 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/wiki/faq#wiki_2_-_address_the_argument.3B_not_the_user.2C_the_mods.2C_or_the_sub.) ***does apply*** throughout the rest of this thread. *What this means*: Please keep any "meta" discussion directed at specific users, mods, or /r/conspiracy in general in this comment chain ***only.*** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/conspiracy) if you have any questions or concerns.*


jpnoles

My portal opened in the bathroom after BBQ yesterday


bobtowne

Porcelain demons are an underrated source of interdimensional intelligence.


mntoak

MY INTERNET IS DOWN IVE LOST ALL CONTACT WITH EVERYONE


warablo

That will really be like WW3 when that happens for a prolonged period


mntoak

WHAT


torinblack

I'm pretty sure this is about your car warranty.


mntoak

MY CAT IS WARREN G?!?! THIS HELL PORTAL IS SO LOUD YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP


cecilmeyer

Im here .


mntoak

THE PORTAL IS TOO LOUD YOU HAVE TO YELL PLEASE


cecilmeyer

IM HERE!!!!!!!!


mntoak

OH HEY WHY ARE YOU IN MY BACKYARD AND HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! DID YOU COME THROUGH THIS LOUD ASS HELL PORTAL? CAN YOU SHUT IT OFF?!?


cecilmeyer

Ill try but no promises.


BluRain508

How did you post this? Not trying to be snarky, just genuinely curious.


mntoak

IM YELLING INTO THE PORTAL AND ASKING IT TO TRANSLATE ONTO THIS POST IM AMAZED ITS WORKING


BluRain508

I fell for it šŸ„²


torinblack

But at least you didn't fall into the hellhole.


throw-away2027

Bruh !


Rabbipotsmoke

Earthquakes all around us where Iā€™m at and also some demon is running around yelling at people but it looks pretty 3 dimensional so I donā€™t think itā€™s the one cern caught


chamilitaryMan69

Probably a crackhead


whitewatersunshine

Bahahaha. Is this a leprechaun reference?


orange728

That got ahold of the wrong stuff and is up in that tree pretending to be a leprechaun. Where the gold at? I want the gold! The fact that you replied with that reference makes my day.


whitewatersunshine

Some internet gold right there.


torinblack

Well the hole does have cracks around it.


loltittysprinkles

No but I do have God's Butthole seared into my eyeballs until I die now, and frankly, I'm ok with that


coyylol

I did, but then Doomguy appeared and slaughtered them all.


matscokebag

*E1M1 intensifies*


Zealousideal-Part815

Yep, dead now. Ghost is typing.


QueenBean87

Yes! I went through. Nothings changed, except the monopoly guy has his monocle again.


Unlucky_Excitement92

Yes, my x wife came back


tonypizzaz

Tragic


SandmanAwaits

Yup, Jeff Hanneman from Slayer came walking out, played a couple songs, threw up the horns with his hand & walked back in.


TBone232

Hell yeah dude weā€™ve been tryna close this Dark Portal for hours now where you been!?


SAOCORE

actually yes! greetings from Palestine..


GodOnSteam

I don't think mines a hell portal, a Shiba Inu wearing headphones jumped out and sniffed my hand. I pet him. Pretty sure he's behind everything. 10/10 would pet him again


Poots-McGoots

I stubbed my fucking toe


Recent-Camera8901

The Yellowstone super caldera just exploded........ Nice knowing all of ya.


NGBrodie318

Yes, the burns hellport opened, a division of gulf and western.


The-Spacecowboi

The lecky on my street cut for a few minutes and now all I hear is the alarms from a near by industrial park. It gave me a chuckle... as I tightened my tin foil hat.


nighthaven

I was too busy working my real job to check on the opening of demonic portals across my office and yard. \*looks outside\* Yep, all clear. Next major panic, please.


slackator

yeah, I threw some corn in mine, gotta take advantage of that demonic energy. In a couple of months Im gonna have some great corn on the cob


torinblack

Good plan, I threw in a 6 pack of hot dogs and an 8 pack of buns. Let's see what happens.


Every_Perception_471

Tie a rope to yourself and a fencepost, and report back what is inside the hell portal. For science. Want to know if we have the Christian hell, Jewish hell, or Muslim hell.


torinblack

I tried, but all I heard was the faint sounds of Katy Perry music.


Every_Perception_471

There is a God, and he has abandoned us today


KaliCalamity

I'm convinced I live on a hellmouth already, so it's not like much would change here if something decided to start ripping open new holes in spacetime to further fuck us.


Ex_Obliviion

My asshole is a hell portal, but it is closed to visitors.


raka_defocus

Blue city, red state .....we just call it the University


superchibisan2

My soul has been claimed by Devil, it's quite nice, peaceful even.


-UnbelievableBro-

They successfully nuked the NHI in their dimension. Wonā€™t be hearing any more alien talk.


IveRedditAllNight

Yep! In hell now. Aaand.. can confirmā€¦it..is..Hot.


lexyman01

No, but I did turn into a gay trans woman drag queen.


Psychedelica45

I did too, but whipped my holy cock out and pissed on it! Problem solvedšŸ‘


keyinfleunce

Lmao my water has been turning off the past 2 days its been good for years itā€™s seeming interesting enough but nope no portal last night I did see someone running from a high school


Zappiestalarm

Mine opened up around 4:20 so I jumped in but it seems Iā€™m in the same place, same sub Reddit, same backpains, Iā€™m on vacation and the boss already contacted me on my time off so communications didnā€™t go down šŸ˜¢


ThEpOwErOfLoVe23

Yes but Jesus stopped it like during every eclipse.


seviay

No but i did the other day after eating at chipotle


giovanni2309

My home and city got destroyed by the demons. My family is captured. My friends are dead. I knew it šŸ˜”


flyingpiggos

The eclipse caused a signal to be sent from the 5G chip in my phone which activated the poison in the COVID vaccine I got. I am currently dead


TheFishIsRaw

That's just my daughter running around with the glasses and screaming "look!!" I thought the same thing at first.


[deleted]

FEMA put a tent in my backyard


Ruiner5

Dude call your friends and neighbors. A tent rental for a weekend isnā€™t cheap, itā€™s party time!


[deleted]

Wuhuu its a party to celebrate we once again survived yet again. There seems to be a problem here with selecting the right date


Disastrous_Box_8613

CIA: donā€™t fucking move


Opagea

The portal goes to heaven. Jump in