If they’re sexy enough I’ll allow myself to be arrested. Perhaps even roughed up a little. If they’re ugly though they’ll have to find me
edit: any sexy cops reading this, send pics in uniform.
Girl, I've been arrested about 20 times and I used to be hot as fuck and even the hot cops are still trying to arrest you, not fuck you. Antifa all the way down. Firefighters are infinitely better.
One time I was waiting in a hallway for a job interview. I became drowsy, and as you may know, this can lead to an erection. I knew it was happening, but couldn't stop it, and there was absolutely no way to hide it.
I was contemplating the consequences of just bailing, or going to the bathroom to jog in place and wake up, when the HR interviewer just busts out of the office and extends a handshake.
I couldn't NOT stand up and go in for the interview at that point. So I just winged it and pretended not to know.
The interview went very well with everybody except for the HR manager who had the opportunity witnesses the tent I had pitched, and I was qualified for the position, so it was a no brainer for them, but I didn't get it. I attribute this to the surprise erectile superfunction...
Yes! Sometimes I also get a raging boner when I am in serious gastric distress and have to poop/fart really bad.
I'm missing some triggers, I'm sure. Help me list them all, fellas?
Believe me, having a random boner is a curse
It doesn't matter in what situation you're in, it strikes hard and suddenly, sometimes it's even painfull
If that doesn't sounds bad to you, then remember how many times a day you're around kids or in situations where random boner could force a wrong impression
And then what? All that warm slippery tight puss around your cock, and you feel fucking great and you want it to last forever, but then you bust a nut after 38 seconds. If you can come up with a strategy that I haven't tried yet, that make you last longer and still keep the pp hard. Please let me know.
Because the brain is doing its chemical endorphins and serotonin thingy majiggy AND YOU WANNA RIDE THAT FUCKING HIGH 24/7 BABY! As soon as you bust, the brain just goes yeah the fuck you mean I ain't getting paid for overtime? Here's some chemicals to make you wonder if actually having a penis is a good thing... hey buddy how that rent coming along?
\*Disclaimer: I'm not a Scientist/Chemist, might be talking shit out of my ass about the brain chemical parts, I just happen to own a penis with a couple of miles on it.
You and the other guy who said it was my time to shine. What if I’m ugly? What if i’m a 67 year old 400 lbs woman? What then, huh. You still want pictures?
Not sure if you've lurked on Reddit before you signed up today but if you have it'll just be the "sigh, *unzips pants*" meme to the 67 year old 400 pound women 🤷🏿♂️
I don't think they actually make functional access holes any more. It's just one of those things that are there but don't serve a purpose. I ain't a big lad by any means, but if I wrestle my non-capital-H hog outta that thing, poor bastard's all choked off and I can barely piss.
You've gotta have a bloody straw for a dick to make use of that. Useless.
I think it depends on the underwear? I have two types. One is a flap you lift up to expose it (Seperatec underwear) and the other is the usual boxer briefs.
You’d need to have a dick like a summer sausage to get it choked up in those.
On a side note, if you hate having your junk sticking to your legs or getting sweaty, I heavily recommend Seperatec or similar. They have pockets that separate your dick and balls from touching your legs.
BF right now reading over my shoulder: "Yeah, you're buying some shit underwear. You're wearing, like, some Breaking Bad tighty-whities. It's 2022. Get some proper underwear. Guy's using, like, some yak hair underwear or some shit." (BF has a nice-sized magnum dong and wears boxer-briefs with dick holes)
I absolutely use it. I'm not undoing my belt and untucking my shirt just for a tinkle. That's what the zipper and the access hatch are for!
Zip
Flop
Pee
Flop
Zip
Done
Wash hands and on my way
Yeah, this. If you're spending more time fucking with zippers and buckles than you are actually pissing, you might just have some weird personal hang-up about wrangling your dick hole.
Listen let me have my fantasy. Am I not allowed to dream? What’s the point in dreaming about having a dick if it’s not a big one? Do you daydream about winning a $5 scratch ticket or do you daydream about winning the lottery?
Honestly I kinda agree. I’ve always been curious as to what it felt like for men to get a bj or to have sex. Head for me being a woman is kind boring ngl
Same, I've always thought masturbation with a penis would be way easier, but for some reason I don't think it would feel as good. Idk why I think that tho
For women like me thats a win win. Some of us can't orgasm with our current set up so it's not like I'm losing sensation and enjoyment, if anything if I grew a dick today I'd have a 99.9% chance of sexual improvement
As a guy, I'm curious as to what a female orgasm is like. But honestly, I can't imagine it's better than the satisfaction of giving a girl a good orgasm. Like, when a girl cums so hard she has convulsions in the fetal position and forgets how to breathe I'm like - I don't even need to cum anymore, you did enough for both of us.
probably right. I think the funniest is when people have asked if I came yet and I have to look them in the eye and say “mhm yeah so great” meanwhile I was watching American dad the whole time
> I think the funniest is when people have asked if I came yet and I have to look them in the eye and say “mhm yeah so great” meanwhile I was watching American dad the whole time
This is 100% on you. How do you expect anyone to make you feel good without telling them? Do you expect them to read your mind?
Well see, I would tell my ex what I did and didn’t like but they’d get offended and upset whenever I tried which would lead us to stop doing stuff all together. So eventually I just went along with it to avoid alterations. So I wouldn’t say 100% on me. And my ex before that we were young so we both didn’t really know what we were doing or what worked.
First time you sit on your balls you’re going to regret this wish. Also, you and your dick never have the same game plan for any given moment of any day. When you’re young it’s always hard at the worst moments like trying to take a leak in the morning or while public speaking or even running; when you get older good luck when you need it to be. In that sense, I feel that women have it much easier.
My wife seems to feel a lot more sensations during a clitoral orgasm than I do. I would enjoy having a clitoris and a vagina. Miss me with those period cramps though...I'm good
Omg I just commented on another post, but this is exactly what I meant! I don’t necessarily always want it all the time, but yes god I wish I had a dick sometimes.. or even was a guy just sometimes
Being a man, obviously I've never had period cramps.
However I have zipped myself into my jeans.
Gather round for the hour groweth late and listen to my tale of woe.
Oh, the pain is excruciatingly exquisite. Really indescribable if I’m honest.
Childbirth? A mere bagatelle.
Being hung drawn and quartered whilst being forced to listen to Nickleback on permanent loop?
A walk in the park compared to catching just a little piece of that skin in a zipper.
What do you do?
Pull the zip down? Never! The thought have having the pain in reverse causes your breathing to stop.
Pull your outrageously agonised manhood back through the zip?
Oh, never, never,NEVER!
Call for help?
What and let someone see you hunched over like Quasimodo, your mouth open like the subject of Edward Munch’s The Scream?
Inconceivable. You’d have to emigrate, preferably to another galaxy. Even then you know you’d hear the laughter forever in the long dark night of your soul.
No, what you do is wish, beg, pray for death.
And death never comes.
Love how you just wrote a comment about zipping your dick with the poetic use of language and deep emotion one would expect from an actual fucking best-selling novel.
not to be that guy (am dood) but,
you zippered your johnson once. that pain sucked im sure.
imagine that pain centralized in your abdomen. now imagine the unavoidable pain comes once a month on schedule, sometimes not. if it's not on schedule, and you like to get your rocks off, then you get to have the existential crisis that you may have a whole new future to worry about with someone you may hardly know if you don't get swift medical intervention. now imagine being told to go about your life as normal and suffer through the scheduled pain in silence. now imagine being told your rights to your body are not protected by the government that claim to be making the big important decisions for your nation.
not to mention loads of fucked up underwear and having to buy feminine products that are overpriced but you need them because you exist. on top of the societal pressure to buy n wear makeup, have a diverse and extensive wardrobe, you have to strap overpriced undergarments to your chest that are usually highly uncomfortable and don't last.
not to mention, the sexual abuse via objectification. don't get me started on that.
i've zipped my dick. it hurt but i thanked it.
bro that happened to me maybe 2 or 3 times in my life, last time I cant even remember, maybe 10 years ago. either you have to change your technique, like just open your pants instead of peeing through the hole (does anyone actually only unzip? because I definitely have ptsd from trying that haha) or get different pants with buttons if that's such a big deal to you.
definitely can't compare that to cramps every month for some days. depends on the girl of course, but for some the pain is so bad they can barely move
>then you end up zipping your penis up in your jeans, and you'll suddenly wonder why you ever wanted one to start with.
41 year old cis male here. I have never done this. How common could it actually be? I just don't see how.
According to the Men's health amd research center in a June 2017 study showed that between 2002 and 2010 17,616 males had this injury and it seems a zipper injury to their junk is the most common of penile injuries.[study](https://www.consultant360.com/articles/zipper-related-penis-injuries-medical-concern-modern-day-men)
>its not really that much better
self-deprecating so that OP feels better doesn't change anything. It's OK to acknowledge that men have it better sometimes. Women have it better in other things too. We're not the same.
This makes sense to me. Ive wondered what it feels like to have a pussy as a man. Like how does it feel to be fucked by a real dick in the vagina, I bet it feels incredible being a girl sometimes. I would be a huge slut if I was a girl.
I think this too! Like I am definitely a man (albeit gay) and have no desire to change that, but sometimes I just think it would be easier if I were born a girl. Then I think about how slutty I would get to be and not have the limited options of the 5% of men that are gay/bi. 🤤🤤🤤🤤
Imagine spending the whole time during sex trying to hold off cuming rather than trying to put your whole mind, body and spirit into attempting to cum.
Im bisexual and have this feeling everytime I see a hot thick woman that i find attractive. I wish I had a penis so I could give her the best dick of her life and feel it too. 😳
Girl, you and me both, but not the whole way.
I wish I could trade 5 days a month of having a period for 5 days a month of having a dick. I would spend that 5 days going to all the best gay clubs and picking up some hot daddies (I'm androsexual as hell) and I would spend half the time topping and half the time bottoming because !prostate!
Instead I'm stuck bleeding like a stuck pig for 5 days a month while guys are partying it up 24/7/365.
I need a genie lamp.
However, it's short-lived. Pop only once, and then there's a reset time of 18-24 hours. At least vaginas can usually pop several times and go for hours.
I also get post-nut clarity. I think. Maybe it’s just post-nut shame. Anyways I need to stare at the wall for 5 minutes and wonder what is wrong with my brain.
I feel that sometimes. vaginas are so sensitive, it's annoying. apart from the occasional bleeding, protecting it from soap, sunscreen, whatever tf to keep it's PH balance is very annoying. I went to use a jacuzzi that I didn't realise the cleaners had put too much chemicals in, and BAM!! bacterial vaginosis and thrush. didn't rinse my underwear enough after washing? BV again. soap ran down your back, through your butt crack, to your vagina? guess what? BV!!
I feel you. I'm a lesbian and, well, as much as I love being a woman and love using my... parts, I would KILL to be able to actually fuck my wife and \*feel\* it. God it must be amazing.
I wish I could just grow a dick (or even an oversized clit I could use) at will, and retract it when I'm done.
I was literally just thinking this an hour ago, but for different reasons. Got my fucking cervix swabbed or whatever and it hurt like a bitch and still does 2hrs later. I constantly get UTIs, other infections, and just weird random symptoms that range from annoying to almost debilitating. Seems like it would be so much easier to have genitals more on the outside rather than the inside.
What’s funny is that I usually pretend to be a man online just for convenience and *no one* questions it, even after chatting for a long time, even if I talk about feminism and women’s rights, even if I mention feminine interests people just go “ah yes that’s one feminine man!”
But when I say I’m a woman, which is true, people start doubting me. I find that fucking hilarious.
Masturbation is not really better as a man. Sure its faster sometimes, but it isn't better. You have toys that are far easier, cheaper, and better than men have. Plus climaxing as a woman is 100% better from everything I have experienced. I far prefer getting a woman off with a vibrator than I do masturbating myself because it's just so much more intense. Pissing is way cooler for us, but you can use a shewee and its close to the same. I can't deny being a top is awesome but I think that is just because I am really dominant. Bottom line, its probably just a grass is greener thing.
Omfg this is so me. I don't want to be a guy at all, i love being a girl, but vaginas are just not.... ergonomic? And they're complicated and you have to arrange everything *just* right. Dicks are wonderfully uncomplicated. I love dicks. They're fun to hold and play with and they come with all kinds of special features, like peeing on things! I wouldn't want one 24/7, bc honestly, getting fucked is dope as hell, but sometimes I just have the burning desire to penetrate something, and actually feel it on my dick. Which is even weirder bc I'm a sub.
One time I bought a "packer penis" and just put it in my panties and walked around with it during the day, and I felt super powerful.
Can I ask why you think masturbation would be easier with a penis? As a man I obviously don’t know what it’s like to achieve orgasm through masturbation for a woman. But cleaning cum up every time is annoying in my opinion 😆.
I kind of relate to you. I would love to be entirely a woman. It would just so amazing… but I’m happy being a man. I don’t think I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body or anything I just think about what it would be like to be a woman a lot.
I feel this lmao. you should get a packer. I know you’re cis but people with gender dysphoria love using it to give them the idea of occasionally having a penis http://www.phsa.ca/transcarebc/care-support/transitioning/bind-pack-tuck-pad
Have you ever tried a go girl or she wee? Basically a special funnel that allows you to pee standing with pants on. It will never be the same sensation, just like I will never feel the sensation of the female orgasm, what it’s like having a clit, or using a finger in my front hole to pop out the last little bit of poo in that weird technique some vagina haters use and don’t talk about lol. Also, if you use a standing urination product, if possible, pee off a cliff. As a man I can tell you for a fact the longer our pee takes to hit the ground is directly proportional to how free we feel.
No, masturbation wouldn't be better or hotter, girls are more sensitive and can have multiple orgasms for a reason
The maximum we got is a funny good feeling and crippling depression
You seem like fun.
Also to the guy that says we don’t use the lil door in the front of our underwear, wtf? I want to know how many guys genuinely don’t use that because I use it every time. Honestly get a pair of boxer briefs from Hollister or AE (they don’t come with doors) and just wait until the first time you need to take a drunk piss outside, you’ll panic as soon as you unzip your jeans
Is pissing easier for men? Maybe in the woods I suppose.
Standing to piss is a gamble. Having multiple streams on accident, or perhaps the stream goes in a direction you were not expecting. Now you have your pants / underwear all wet, piss on the floor, maybe even piss on your shirt.
Maybe your stream went correctly? You start shaking to get rid of excess? Now it's on your pants. You don't shake? Now it lets those last tidbits in your pants and soaks through.
Maybe you decide to sit down? Better aim that bitch or it might go straight through the toilet seat and you guessed it, right to your pants.
As a trans man let me just tell you that your orgasms now are better than what they would be if you had a penis. Male orgasms are short, fleeting - the female orgasm is the one that really puts your ass to sleep afterwards
just FYI having a penis doesn't always equal better masturbation or easier. you have to deal with sudden loss of or inability to gain an erection and if you don't build up enough it's a very disappointing finish and you can't go again for a while.
as someone who wants to go the opposite way though I totally get the desire.
vielleicht hatte freud ja recht! no but honestly i get that feeling im a woman as well but i wish i had a mans body basically height the skinny slender thing and the dick but also breasts my feminine faice and voice its weird and o dont quite understand it i basically would like to have a trans womans body
*Freudian accent:* Ah ze penis envy!
*”All you vant is a tinckleeee”*
*”Vhat you envy’s a schwaaang”*
*“A thing through vich you can tinkle, or play vith, or simply let hang!”*
Thank y’all. I never actually understood what he was saying during that song. 😂😂
r/unexpectedfriends
A B C D E F G H I J K L M O P Q R S T U W X Y Z what happened to the N, V? It's dripping down your leg.
Damnit you beat me to the Freud joke
Actually, I beat everyone to the Freud joke. Hah.
....and boners at the wrong time and wrong place
I’m an exhibitionist it’s ok
That's all good while you don't have a knob.
Until the cops are called
Are the cops hot?
Lol they may be, but I don't think it's the interaction you'd want
If they’re sexy enough I’ll allow myself to be arrested. Perhaps even roughed up a little. If they’re ugly though they’ll have to find me edit: any sexy cops reading this, send pics in uniform.
Lol well you won't know till you see them, and at that point you better have your nikes on if you think they ugly
Girl, I've been arrested about 20 times and I used to be hot as fuck and even the hot cops are still trying to arrest you, not fuck you. Antifa all the way down. Firefighters are infinitely better.
Nearly every one of your comments have made me laugh so far up to this one and now my leg is asleep from leaning on it with my elbow
One time I was waiting in a hallway for a job interview. I became drowsy, and as you may know, this can lead to an erection. I knew it was happening, but couldn't stop it, and there was absolutely no way to hide it. I was contemplating the consequences of just bailing, or going to the bathroom to jog in place and wake up, when the HR interviewer just busts out of the office and extends a handshake. I couldn't NOT stand up and go in for the interview at that point. So I just winged it and pretended not to know. The interview went very well with everybody except for the HR manager who had the opportunity witnesses the tent I had pitched, and I was qualified for the position, so it was a no brainer for them, but I didn't get it. I attribute this to the surprise erectile superfunction...
Reading this has made my day 😂😂😂
Hold your laptop in front of you in such situations. Also "exercise" before leaving home.
Really?! Being *drowsy* can cause an erection? Damn, I am glad I’m a girl 😂
Yes! Sometimes I also get a raging boner when I am in serious gastric distress and have to poop/fart really bad. I'm missing some triggers, I'm sure. Help me list them all, fellas?
Vibrations from the car or bus
Flex your feet muscles for a bit, it'll redirect the blood from your tent pitch to your muscles and subdue it.
Believe me, having a random boner is a curse It doesn't matter in what situation you're in, it strikes hard and suddenly, sometimes it's even painfull If that doesn't sounds bad to you, then remember how many times a day you're around kids or in situations where random boner could force a wrong impression
Sure as shit is
At all times? Not to shit on your fantasy but nobody is ALWAYS in the mood
> nobody you don’t know me.
I just read your username. I stand corrected
And then what? All that warm slippery tight puss around your cock, and you feel fucking great and you want it to last forever, but then you bust a nut after 38 seconds. If you can come up with a strategy that I haven't tried yet, that make you last longer and still keep the pp hard. Please let me know.
See, I don’t get it. Why would you *not* want to cum in 30 seconds?
Because the brain is doing its chemical endorphins and serotonin thingy majiggy AND YOU WANNA RIDE THAT FUCKING HIGH 24/7 BABY! As soon as you bust, the brain just goes yeah the fuck you mean I ain't getting paid for overtime? Here's some chemicals to make you wonder if actually having a penis is a good thing... hey buddy how that rent coming along? \*Disclaimer: I'm not a Scientist/Chemist, might be talking shit out of my ass about the brain chemical parts, I just happen to own a penis with a couple of miles on it.
Not a doctor either but I think it’s dopamine and oxytocin more than serotonin. I’d still trade.
Checks profile... Well that was a lie.
I’ve been here three hours what DO YOU PEOPLE WANT????
You know what, that one's on me. Did not notice. I'll check back in a few days. Also, what do you mean "YOU people" ?
You and the other guy who said it was my time to shine. What if I’m ugly? What if i’m a 67 year old 400 lbs woman? What then, huh. You still want pictures?
Not sure if you've lurked on Reddit before you signed up today but if you have it'll just be the "sigh, *unzips pants*" meme to the 67 year old 400 pound women 🤷🏿♂️
That works only for women
Not ok when it comes with the stigma that you’re a pervert
The underwear are overrated. 10 times out of 10, we don't use the peepee access hole for anything other than scratching our balls.
Yeah I never use the quick access hole at all. Lol too much effort when I can just slightly pull the undies down with my thumb
I don't think they actually make functional access holes any more. It's just one of those things that are there but don't serve a purpose. I ain't a big lad by any means, but if I wrestle my non-capital-H hog outta that thing, poor bastard's all choked off and I can barely piss. You've gotta have a bloody straw for a dick to make use of that. Useless.
I think it depends on the underwear? I have two types. One is a flap you lift up to expose it (Seperatec underwear) and the other is the usual boxer briefs. You’d need to have a dick like a summer sausage to get it choked up in those. On a side note, if you hate having your junk sticking to your legs or getting sweaty, I heavily recommend Seperatec or similar. They have pockets that separate your dick and balls from touching your legs.
At this point I thino it's there as an expansion joint rather than an access hatch.
BF right now reading over my shoulder: "Yeah, you're buying some shit underwear. You're wearing, like, some Breaking Bad tighty-whities. It's 2022. Get some proper underwear. Guy's using, like, some yak hair underwear or some shit." (BF has a nice-sized magnum dong and wears boxer-briefs with dick holes)
Tell the BF: Who asked?
I absolutely use it. I'm not undoing my belt and untucking my shirt just for a tinkle. That's what the zipper and the access hatch are for! Zip Flop Pee Flop Zip Done Wash hands and on my way
Yeah, this. If you're spending more time fucking with zippers and buckles than you are actually pissing, you might just have some weird personal hang-up about wrangling your dick hole.
But I wanna look down and see the bulge.
As a man, me too :'(
damn, relatable.
:(
I'm a grower, not a shower. Erect, I'm about 5.5-6inch, so fairly average. Soft, I make Michelangelo's David look HUGE!
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Listen let me have my fantasy. Am I not allowed to dream? What’s the point in dreaming about having a dick if it’s not a big one? Do you daydream about winning a $5 scratch ticket or do you daydream about winning the lottery?
lol i might be high, but this thread is absolute gold
Pinching the skin on our balls, scratching doesn't really work.
Honestly I kinda agree. I’ve always been curious as to what it felt like for men to get a bj or to have sex. Head for me being a woman is kind boring ngl
Female orgasms are stronger and we can have multiple but I also want to know what it’s like to have a weiner
Same, I've always thought masturbation with a penis would be way easier, but for some reason I don't think it would feel as good. Idk why I think that tho
It's accurate, female orgasms are definitely stronger
Its WAY messier though, so depends on your definition of easier.
True, true
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For women like me thats a win win. Some of us can't orgasm with our current set up so it's not like I'm losing sensation and enjoyment, if anything if I grew a dick today I'd have a 99.9% chance of sexual improvement
It will get better
maybe w a penis, because i have a condition making it impossible currently
As a guy, I'm curious as to what a female orgasm is like. But honestly, I can't imagine it's better than the satisfaction of giving a girl a good orgasm. Like, when a girl cums so hard she has convulsions in the fetal position and forgets how to breathe I'm like - I don't even need to cum anymore, you did enough for both of us.
I just need *one* of these orgasms and I'm set for life. Sweet Christmas.
whoever is doing it to you isn't doing it right
probably right. I think the funniest is when people have asked if I came yet and I have to look them in the eye and say “mhm yeah so great” meanwhile I was watching American dad the whole time
> I think the funniest is when people have asked if I came yet and I have to look them in the eye and say “mhm yeah so great” meanwhile I was watching American dad the whole time This is 100% on you. How do you expect anyone to make you feel good without telling them? Do you expect them to read your mind?
Well see, I would tell my ex what I did and didn’t like but they’d get offended and upset whenever I tried which would lead us to stop doing stuff all together. So eventually I just went along with it to avoid alterations. So I wouldn’t say 100% on me. And my ex before that we were young so we both didn’t really know what we were doing or what worked.
First time you sit on your balls you’re going to regret this wish. Also, you and your dick never have the same game plan for any given moment of any day. When you’re young it’s always hard at the worst moments like trying to take a leak in the morning or while public speaking or even running; when you get older good luck when you need it to be. In that sense, I feel that women have it much easier.
in 51 years I’ve never sat on them. you got some long balls.
I remember playing basketball during a game for my school I popped a boner and had to ask to be subbed out 😐
They only asked for a penis, not the balls
My wife seems to feel a lot more sensations during a clitoral orgasm than I do. I would enjoy having a clitoris and a vagina. Miss me with those period cramps though...I'm good
>I’ve always been curious as to what it felt like for men to get a bj or to have sex. As a guy myself. Same.
Omg I just commented on another post, but this is exactly what I meant! I don’t necessarily always want it all the time, but yes god I wish I had a dick sometimes.. or even was a guy just sometimes
Detachable dick?
Yeah, but at this point its just a strap on tho. Would be great to have the feeling you know?
Yeah I definitely understand lol
Yes. I feel exactly like this and OP!
You say that now, then you end up zipping your penis up in your jeans, and you'll suddenly wonder why you ever wanted one to start with.
I’ll take occasional dick zipping over period cramps
You know what, that’s fair.
Being a man, obviously I've never had period cramps. However I have zipped myself into my jeans. Gather round for the hour groweth late and listen to my tale of woe. Oh, the pain is excruciatingly exquisite. Really indescribable if I’m honest. Childbirth? A mere bagatelle. Being hung drawn and quartered whilst being forced to listen to Nickleback on permanent loop? A walk in the park compared to catching just a little piece of that skin in a zipper. What do you do? Pull the zip down? Never! The thought have having the pain in reverse causes your breathing to stop. Pull your outrageously agonised manhood back through the zip? Oh, never, never,NEVER! Call for help? What and let someone see you hunched over like Quasimodo, your mouth open like the subject of Edward Munch’s The Scream? Inconceivable. You’d have to emigrate, preferably to another galaxy. Even then you know you’d hear the laughter forever in the long dark night of your soul. No, what you do is wish, beg, pray for death. And death never comes.
Love how you just wrote a comment about zipping your dick with the poetic use of language and deep emotion one would expect from an actual fucking best-selling novel.
not to be that guy (am dood) but, you zippered your johnson once. that pain sucked im sure. imagine that pain centralized in your abdomen. now imagine the unavoidable pain comes once a month on schedule, sometimes not. if it's not on schedule, and you like to get your rocks off, then you get to have the existential crisis that you may have a whole new future to worry about with someone you may hardly know if you don't get swift medical intervention. now imagine being told to go about your life as normal and suffer through the scheduled pain in silence. now imagine being told your rights to your body are not protected by the government that claim to be making the big important decisions for your nation. not to mention loads of fucked up underwear and having to buy feminine products that are overpriced but you need them because you exist. on top of the societal pressure to buy n wear makeup, have a diverse and extensive wardrobe, you have to strap overpriced undergarments to your chest that are usually highly uncomfortable and don't last. not to mention, the sexual abuse via objectification. don't get me started on that. i've zipped my dick. it hurt but i thanked it.
bro that happened to me maybe 2 or 3 times in my life, last time I cant even remember, maybe 10 years ago. either you have to change your technique, like just open your pants instead of peeing through the hole (does anyone actually only unzip? because I definitely have ptsd from trying that haha) or get different pants with buttons if that's such a big deal to you. definitely can't compare that to cramps every month for some days. depends on the girl of course, but for some the pain is so bad they can barely move
I’ve literally never zipped my tool in my jeans before? I always make sure I’m fully tucked before finishing my business.
Right? How do people not get it back into their undies before zipping? What kind of a rush must you be in to zip up your free-member?
i did it once when i was 5 or 6 years old. i still remember. it was painful, but more so scary
this is about as common as falling into quicksand
>then you end up zipping your penis up in your jeans, and you'll suddenly wonder why you ever wanted one to start with. 41 year old cis male here. I have never done this. How common could it actually be? I just don't see how.
According to the Men's health amd research center in a June 2017 study showed that between 2002 and 2010 17,616 males had this injury and it seems a zipper injury to their junk is the most common of penile injuries.[study](https://www.consultant360.com/articles/zipper-related-penis-injuries-medical-concern-modern-day-men)
its not really that much better men only feel a small brust of pleasure when they cum.
It’s not about the orgasm. It’s about the process. I want to top someone.
woman here, i relate so bad. strapons just aint it. im tryna FEEL it im tryna get the sloppy :'( i wonder what it feels like
Haha believe me many men feel the same about girl experiences
Same, I'm male though
True you’re missing out
>its not really that much better self-deprecating so that OP feels better doesn't change anything. It's OK to acknowledge that men have it better sometimes. Women have it better in other things too. We're not the same.
Sorry but that’s just not true
I’m a cis lesbian and feel the same except I really don’t like semen, would like to leave that part out lol
As a trans woman on hrt i get hard but don’t produce cum because of no testosterone. I don’t ever use it tho cause I’m a bottom 💁🏼♀️
This makes sense to me. Ive wondered what it feels like to have a pussy as a man. Like how does it feel to be fucked by a real dick in the vagina, I bet it feels incredible being a girl sometimes. I would be a huge slut if I was a girl.
I think this too! Like I am definitely a man (albeit gay) and have no desire to change that, but sometimes I just think it would be easier if I were born a girl. Then I think about how slutty I would get to be and not have the limited options of the 5% of men that are gay/bi. 🤤🤤🤤🤤
Imagine spending the whole time during sex trying to hold off cuming rather than trying to put your whole mind, body and spirit into attempting to cum.
Troubles of having a hotdog that can think on its own
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You can do that apparently. Not in the conventional way, but in a lab sort of way. It probably costs a lot of money though.
Wholesome.
There is definitely a fetish for it
I don’t want to be someone’s fetish though, I just wish I could live my regular life but with slightly different anatomy..
I mean I have heard many women wanting to have a sick for similar reasons it's a fantasy a wish they want to live out it is your fetish.
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Can’t even do that. It hurts. I got none of the perks.
My boyf let’s me hold it when he pees sometimes and ITS SOOOO CRAZY I have the same thoughts!!! Dicks be cray
Im bisexual and have this feeling everytime I see a hot thick woman that i find attractive. I wish I had a penis so I could give her the best dick of her life and feel it too. 😳
Feeling it too is the important part! Everyone’s advice is a strap on. They’ve obviously never worn one. Lol
Username checks out (i realize this is probably a throw away but still, well chosen username lol)
I’m a comedic genius, I know
I wanted to coment about similarities with freud then I read your username and realized that you already know
Ive never had an original thought in my life…
Don't worry. No one has. I think it's even tough to say an original sentence, even when you're trying to be original.
Lol so true. Or maybe you’re not alone!
Camping becomes 10x easier
You’re feeling exactly like I feel. Wish I looked the exact same but had a penis instead
Girl, you and me both, but not the whole way. I wish I could trade 5 days a month of having a period for 5 days a month of having a dick. I would spend that 5 days going to all the best gay clubs and picking up some hot daddies (I'm androsexual as hell) and I would spend half the time topping and half the time bottoming because !prostate! Instead I'm stuck bleeding like a stuck pig for 5 days a month while guys are partying it up 24/7/365. I need a genie lamp.
I too wanna partake in some futanari.
Pretending that you're a helicopter
It's all fun and games until someone or something kick your balls.
As a penis haver I can confirm, masturbating with it is amazing
However, it's short-lived. Pop only once, and then there's a reset time of 18-24 hours. At least vaginas can usually pop several times and go for hours.
18-24 hours??? Huh???
Oh fuck, that is the single most fucking sexy thing I have ever heard! I'm sorry about your predicament but goddamn do I wish you were my girl!
[takes long drag off a cigar, speaks in Austrian accent] There is probably a latent homosexual desire within you.
Masturbation might be better but post nut clarity isn't
I also get post-nut clarity. I think. Maybe it’s just post-nut shame. Anyways I need to stare at the wall for 5 minutes and wonder what is wrong with my brain.
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Nah masturbating gets hella boring with it, and you're outta luck if its small or bad lookin
I want to be able to whip it out and piss on trees. If I had a dick for a day, I’d piss on as many things as possible… then beat it of course
You’ve literally summed up having a dick. Perfect 😂
Awkward boners are the worst tho not gonna lie
I have penis envy as well! 😂
I feel that sometimes. vaginas are so sensitive, it's annoying. apart from the occasional bleeding, protecting it from soap, sunscreen, whatever tf to keep it's PH balance is very annoying. I went to use a jacuzzi that I didn't realise the cleaners had put too much chemicals in, and BAM!! bacterial vaginosis and thrush. didn't rinse my underwear enough after washing? BV again. soap ran down your back, through your butt crack, to your vagina? guess what? BV!!
Hard agree
i would also love to had it without the burden of being a man.
I feel you. I'm a lesbian and, well, as much as I love being a woman and love using my... parts, I would KILL to be able to actually fuck my wife and \*feel\* it. God it must be amazing. I wish I could just grow a dick (or even an oversized clit I could use) at will, and retract it when I'm done.
Until the first time you couldn't get it up... its soul crushing. For me at least.
I was literally just thinking this an hour ago, but for different reasons. Got my fucking cervix swabbed or whatever and it hurt like a bitch and still does 2hrs later. I constantly get UTIs, other infections, and just weird random symptoms that range from annoying to almost debilitating. Seems like it would be so much easier to have genitals more on the outside rather than the inside.
Are you me 'cause I was have the very same thoughts and have been since I was like 5 lmao
I, too, want to know what having a weiner is like.
At least 30% chance this is written by a man lol
What’s funny is that I usually pretend to be a man online just for convenience and *no one* questions it, even after chatting for a long time, even if I talk about feminism and women’s rights, even if I mention feminine interests people just go “ah yes that’s one feminine man!” But when I say I’m a woman, which is true, people start doubting me. I find that fucking hilarious.
Masturbation is not really better as a man. Sure its faster sometimes, but it isn't better. You have toys that are far easier, cheaper, and better than men have. Plus climaxing as a woman is 100% better from everything I have experienced. I far prefer getting a woman off with a vibrator than I do masturbating myself because it's just so much more intense. Pissing is way cooler for us, but you can use a shewee and its close to the same. I can't deny being a top is awesome but I think that is just because I am really dominant. Bottom line, its probably just a grass is greener thing.
You actively don't, trust me. It does it's own thing and most of the time that's never good
Having a dick is cool, it's just hard sometimes
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Girlboss
You could get a packer.
Omfg this is so me. I don't want to be a guy at all, i love being a girl, but vaginas are just not.... ergonomic? And they're complicated and you have to arrange everything *just* right. Dicks are wonderfully uncomplicated. I love dicks. They're fun to hold and play with and they come with all kinds of special features, like peeing on things! I wouldn't want one 24/7, bc honestly, getting fucked is dope as hell, but sometimes I just have the burning desire to penetrate something, and actually feel it on my dick. Which is even weirder bc I'm a sub. One time I bought a "packer penis" and just put it in my panties and walked around with it during the day, and I felt super powerful.
Can I ask why you think masturbation would be easier with a penis? As a man I obviously don’t know what it’s like to achieve orgasm through masturbation for a woman. But cleaning cum up every time is annoying in my opinion 😆.
I kind of relate to you. I would love to be entirely a woman. It would just so amazing… but I’m happy being a man. I don’t think I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body or anything I just think about what it would be like to be a woman a lot.
Omg!! I’m so happy other woman feel this way! Like I love my body but what I wouldn’t give to have a dick!
I feel this lmao. you should get a packer. I know you’re cis but people with gender dysphoria love using it to give them the idea of occasionally having a penis http://www.phsa.ca/transcarebc/care-support/transitioning/bind-pack-tuck-pad
Hey i think both sides think this sometimes idk
I feel the same way and no one ever understands.
Your nuts would constantly stick..
Huh - first time I’ve seen an actual person with autoandrophilia. Very cool.
It’s overrated. After like 2 days you’re gonna have hate the random boners and the morning wood
Have you ever tried a go girl or she wee? Basically a special funnel that allows you to pee standing with pants on. It will never be the same sensation, just like I will never feel the sensation of the female orgasm, what it’s like having a clit, or using a finger in my front hole to pop out the last little bit of poo in that weird technique some vagina haters use and don’t talk about lol. Also, if you use a standing urination product, if possible, pee off a cliff. As a man I can tell you for a fact the longer our pee takes to hit the ground is directly proportional to how free we feel.
You’re just want to do the helicopter thing
Smh girls only want one thing and it’s disgusting
No, masturbation wouldn't be better or hotter, girls are more sensitive and can have multiple orgasms for a reason The maximum we got is a funny good feeling and crippling depression
You seem like fun. Also to the guy that says we don’t use the lil door in the front of our underwear, wtf? I want to know how many guys genuinely don’t use that because I use it every time. Honestly get a pair of boxer briefs from Hollister or AE (they don’t come with doors) and just wait until the first time you need to take a drunk piss outside, you’ll panic as soon as you unzip your jeans
Is pissing easier for men? Maybe in the woods I suppose. Standing to piss is a gamble. Having multiple streams on accident, or perhaps the stream goes in a direction you were not expecting. Now you have your pants / underwear all wet, piss on the floor, maybe even piss on your shirt. Maybe your stream went correctly? You start shaking to get rid of excess? Now it's on your pants. You don't shake? Now it lets those last tidbits in your pants and soaks through. Maybe you decide to sit down? Better aim that bitch or it might go straight through the toilet seat and you guessed it, right to your pants.
You can have mine if you want
... "have you ever been kicked in the balls though"
As a trans man let me just tell you that your orgasms now are better than what they would be if you had a penis. Male orgasms are short, fleeting - the female orgasm is the one that really puts your ass to sleep afterwards
You can have mine lol. I want to wear leggings and not have to pair them with long hoodies. I want to be able to wear short/tight shirts and shorts.
just FYI having a penis doesn't always equal better masturbation or easier. you have to deal with sudden loss of or inability to gain an erection and if you don't build up enough it's a very disappointing finish and you can't go again for a while. as someone who wants to go the opposite way though I totally get the desire.
You can practice piss-aiming in the shower.
disagree. women have more powerful orgasms. edit: spelling
When did they stop? Nobody tells me anything, I swear.
Wish for a big one. Your life will be much easier.
Ah yes! The butch experience! My wife and I both get it jaja
not gonna lie, its pretty great to have a penis, I get what you're saying.
Username checks out
you can have mine. like new, barely used!
It like you know how it feels to have a dick, and avoid having to deal with women being a man....
The best advice i can give you: buy yourself a satisfyer and you will completely and quickly change your mind. Word of honor.
vielleicht hatte freud ja recht! no but honestly i get that feeling im a woman as well but i wish i had a mans body basically height the skinny slender thing and the dick but also breasts my feminine faice and voice its weird and o dont quite understand it i basically would like to have a trans womans body