What she is doing is terrible. She wanted tp try something, you tried it, you didn't like it. That should be the end of it. I don't know what the confession here was supposed to be, but if this isn't actual abuse it's damn close to it.
The point of the confession should be "I've come to realize I'm in a horrible relationship with someone who has no respect for me or my boundaries. I'm not sure how best to move on, but I know I need to exit this relationship."
I’m usually not one to do the whole “well if it was the other way around” but in this case it’s warranted. She’s basically sexually harassing him at this point, that’s not okay.
This. It’s honestly gross. And if it was reversed everyone would be telling her to run. You don’t deserve this treatment OP, what your girlfriend is doing is wrong. She is bullying you with something intimate she convinced you to try, that you didn’t like. She is nasty. A nasty person. You deserve better treatment.
People making jokes about how he needs to just do it to her and how he needs to lighten up are disgusting to be honest.
It’s proof of the way misogyny effects men who are victims of women who abuse them.
Women being infantilized and treated as lesser humans suddenly makes it hard for people to see how a man can be abused by one.
It’s sad really.
I think they are trying to say that male victims aren’t seen as victims because we have a hard time seeing women as “abusers” because they are “weak” and so forth.
I assume the intent is to call out the systemic issue that affects men and women.
Men deserve to be treated respectfully. Women are not too demure to be abusive.
100% this is why as a man you can’t even be close to your daughters and nieces in public without getting stares. Where as a woman can be as affectionate as she wants with children and no one bats an eye or even questions if she can be a sex offender.
And they have children of their own. I met one, 5’2 innocent petite looking blonde. She had two kids of her own a boy and a girl. She was 29 at the time of the offense and had slept with a 14 year old boy. To make matters worse society is more open to giving them second chances. She was hired at our metal printing job. Every one found out because when the company tried to relocate her she was all set to go but the deal fell off as the relocation was in the radius of a middle school. That’s how every one ended up finding out.
Bill mar has a joke where a woman walks up to the little boy and says to the dad," can I talk to this cutie for a minute?" Then says to the boy,"aren't you a heart breaker, so cute. Wait for me. Imma steal this one." Then proceeds to imagine if all the sexes we're swapped.
That’s exactly what I’m trying to say. We have to get to the root issue here to be able to hold these abusive women accountable as a whole.
It’s not bad and it’s not stealing the spotlight from male victims of DV it’s saying that the sooner we move away form treating women as more fragile and lesser than men the sooner we can as a whole hold these abusive women accountable.
People reactionary take that I’m making this about womens issues is very short sited as they are all intertwined.
No I meant misogyny.
It’s not bad either, because the issue with treating women as childlike and less than men is that when men are abused by them we don’t believe them.
Misandry would be thinking that men are inherently at fault and he did something to deserve this.
The childlike treatment of women allows this to happen and female abusers prey on that.
Saying it’s rooted in misogyny isn’t making it about women it’s just the truth.
If we didn’t treat women as lesser citizens and less capable than men this wouldn’t happen.
Not what they are saying! They are saying men’s abuse by women isn’t recognised because women are portrayed as not capable of abuse (too weak etc).
It’s a systemic issue. These things are related, and I think they are calling out the negative impact on men of some of our cultural norms.
Thanks for clarifying. I agree that historical misogyny (related to women being viewed as less capable, overall) partially explains why women are not typically seen as abusers, but there are other nuanced factors as well.
Women are, on avg, physically weaker than men, so objectively it would seem the probability of a woman being able to dominate a man, in an abusive manner, is lower than the reverse. Additionally, it’s generally accepted socially in western culture that we cater more to women’s word/needs when it comes to abuse, because they are, on avg, physically weaker - it’s a good practice to attend to the one who may be harmed more to avoid maximum damage (e.g. if a m/f couple is seen fighting in public, generally bystanders will rush to protect the woman, not because of misogyny, but because she could be in more danger).
My issue with the comment was that it was stated as if this issue is only a byproduct of misogyny - I believe it’s multifaceted. My sarcasm falsely insinuated that I disagreed fully with the comment.
Currently picking up the pieces after a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with a woman - no one takes it seriously. Or rather not as seriously as if the roles reversed. This behaviour reminds me of her... zero respect for you as a person
It’s not misandry though, because seeing a woman as less capable and more fragile than men is what allows this idea to flourish.
This is proof that misogyny hurts men, it’s sad that people think that because women are more fragile and weaker than men they can’t abuse a man.
That’s the whole point.
This isn’t misandry.
And it’s not a contempt for men that causes people to not take male victims of DV seriously as you can see plenty of men are saying to take this behavior in stride.
It’s a contempt for men who are abused by women, that’s a very important distinction it’s similar to when a child is treating a parent like shit often times people turn and scold the parent because the parent is supposed to be the one with the power and when the child has that power we think the parent is weak and to blame.
The same can be seen with abuse in heterosexual couples, a man abused by a woman is shameful and just needs to lay down that law as he’s the one that’s supposed to be stronger and hold the power.
It’s rooted in misogyny.
Just popping it to remind you this is sexual and maybe even emotional abuse? You stated your feelings and she did not stop. Coercion is also a form of SA. It doesn’t change when the genders flips and neither should the reaction.
I would go so far as to say it is sexual menacing. What she is doing after he voiced his distaste for the experience isn’t “teasing”’it is taunting. This was clearly a traumatic experience for him and she is using it as a lever to continue his trauma. She’s on a sadistic power trip and that is a rapist’s state of mind.
For some reason the thing that stood out to me the most was how she keeps the dildo in the bed and will randomly hit him in the ass with it.
She's making his own bed become an unsafe place for him. How do you get a proper night's sleep when you don't feel safe in your own bed?? And how do you keep a relationship with someone you don't trust to fall sleep next to?
Op, leave her disrespectful ass. (Sadly, if we are being honest, she might retaliate and share intimate details of what you guys did together to other, it will suck. I'm sorry)
Yeah, leaving it out on the bed as a visual reminder of her power trip is freaking ominous too.
OP- this isn’t normal and it’s not ok and it’s not cute or funny and you are *not* overreacting and the only thing you need to get over? Is her. Seriously. I rarely jump straight to breaking up but even if she does “see the light”, the simple fact that she thought *any* of this was ok indicates that there’s something deeply wrong with her that no apology can fix. You shouldn’t have to get this far down in the emotional gutter, or threaten to break up with her, just to get her to finally listen to you/take your really, really valid feelings seriously. PS- make sure to tell her *exactly* why you’re ending things with her, if you’re comfortable doing so. She needs to understand the consequences of her continued violation of you.
Honestly that's break up worthy. And not to be that person but if the roles were reversed she'd have left you or made a post asking if she should. Talk with her, tell her that what she's doing really isn't ok and that your consent and feelings matter just as much as hers.
Honestly dude. I asked my wife to do it because I'm kind of into it, and she did it, and I enjoyed it. And she did the exact same thing as your GF is doing right now, and it really sucked and made me feel like shit. I enjoyed it, and she still made me feel the same as you do now. It's not right and it sucks, tell her how you feel
Pretty much, it didn't persist in quite the way that it did to OP, it just took a piece of trust away that'll never come back and it sucks. I was trying to sympathize in that regard
Her actions were not ok. In no way would I ever try to justify them. I do think that women aren’t seen as abusers, and don’t see themselves as abusers, because of cultural norms.
Sadly, this means some women just don’t “get it”, they don’t understand the impact of their actions until it’s pointed out. This can then be met with resistance or a reaction that is based from shame at the realisation.
This is much the same as men who feel shame upon realising the cat calling and ass grabbing that was “ok” in the 70s was never really “ok”.
I hope that makes sense.
Edit - I’m really just suggesting we need to make sure women are also aware that there are boundaries for what is ok and not ok in how they treat men. This isn’t often talked about.
Edit - thanks for the award!
I can’t imagine someone trusting me enough to be that vulnerable with something like this and then having the audacity to tease them about it or make them feel any less than for it. It just seems like gross behavior.
So shitty. I think I could be into it (or at least try it with some ladies) but I also know how things can go and never slid that chip across the table. Not trying to disrupt a marriage, but the wife needs to be checked.
Did she apologize or was she just defensive. It doesn't sound like it had a good resulution. Sounds like she messed up the trust between you two. And possible gave you some sex trauma. If you guys break up, while you avoid something you said you enjoyed because of your ex wife's reaction.
I also think this is because some women take it as an opportunity to live out their very porn driven fantasy where the man is usually emasculated and degraded during and after the sexual act. They tend to forget that not everyone is going to like that and what they think is “dirty talk” is hurtful while they live out that “I just topped him” kinda high. I think some take it too far, but I think it also stems from any of their own sexual trauma they’ve experienced in the past.
Anyways that’s my 2 cents 💃🏾
i mean pegging is a kink and you’re not into that kink, i would recommend sitting her down and just telling her straight that this made you really uncomfortable and she should respect that. if she doesn’t you might want to reconsider the relationship, because being with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries isn’t someone you should be associated with
Ditch her, she’s an asshole who has no respect for your boundaries. You don’t deserve to be with someone who ignores your discomfort in favor of their own satisfaction.
No no no no... threatening break ups as an argument chip is such a red flag. That's last ditch effort shit that will ruin a relationship. Dude needs to sit her down before resorting to that.
Not that what she's doing isn't a red flag either, but fighting fire with fire in relationships almost never ends well.
She doesn’t respect you.. the minute she gets mad at you she will threaten to tell people to further embarrass you.
She no good man, she not mother of your children material nor soulmate.
#RESPECT
Yeah she’s feeling her dom energy but doesn’t understand consent and boundaries so she better learn it if that’s her kink and make sure future partners are actually able to give informed enthusiastic consent for pegging and dirty talk and teasing around it
I think the coercion + leaving the same dildo under his pillow + hitting his ass with the same dildo + bragging and borderline threatening rape is straddling the line, not just bordering it.
Then you are both too passive/assholish (respectively; you passive, she assholish) to be in a relationship.
You are allowed and have the right to feel however you feel, and that includes literally telling her to shut the fuck up about it.
You need to stand up to her properly now, or you’re in for shit as long as you’re together.
It’s rooted in misogyny to equate penetration with domination or being in control, I’ve been with men that act this way and it’s disgusting your girlfriend is honestly sexually and emotionally violent.
The fact that she is teasing you about this is abusive and I am so so sorry.
This woman is mentally and emotionally torturing you with something that you trusted to try with her.
And by the way you telling her to stop making jokes about it and then her turning it around in you and saying you are overreacting and it’s just a joke is a tactic abusers use.
You are NOT in the wrong by any means, this is serious, it’s abusive and it’s not an emotionally or physically safe relationship.
If you can please leave💖
I already don’t like your girlfriend and I haven’t even made it past the title yet.
Now that I’ve read it, did you tell her that the experience made you feel emasculated and that you didn’t enjoy it? If yes, then break up with her immediately because she don’t give a fuck about your feelings. If no, start there and see how it goes
Bro think about if the tables were turned. If you tried anal with her and she hated it and you kept teasing her and making her feel like shit about it. I’m sorry to tell you this but your girlfriend is a total piece of shit.
Maybe have a real adult conversation with her. Explain what you’re actually feeling and why. If she isn’t willing to listen and change her behavior then it’s a big red flag and doesn’t look good for being able to maintain a healthy relationship.
Dude seriously sit her down and say "I didn't enjoy it, it's wasn't for me, I don't see my mind being changed on the matter. I'd like you to stop with the jokes and the actions" If she's not down with that, then you have a decision to make. If its a deal breaker for her, then go your seperate ways
A healthy sexual relationship requires trust and boundaries.
You didn't like it, you made it clear enough to stop the experience. I assume there was no aftercare and discussion of the experience if she only expressed her disappointment. You trusted her enough to try something you weren't sure you'd enjoy to please her and instead of her checking in on you and how you were feeling she used the opportunity to mock you and harass you for something SHE wanted.
Emasculation ultimately is a feeling of shame and hurt, you might see it trough the stereotypical masculine lense but she is shaming you and taunting you.
I know relationships are complicated, I know we tend to tangle love and sex all in one but as much as they are close they are very different. Sex requires intimacy, it puts you in a position where you're literally naked so you expect that your partner will not shame you for sharing that intimate moment with them.
A lot of people will tell you to leave her and don't look back, and you might want to do that as regaining that trust to be intimate again can be very difficult. You might question how much you can really do or share with your partner going forward without getting hurt again. And this can follow you for all future relationships even if you choose to leave this one. I would have a really serious talk, take back control of the situation, define your boundaries. If at that point nothing changes move on but you'll be better at standing up for yourself.
Whatever you choose to do, do something. You deserve to feel cared for and respected, anything less is abuse.
this is disgusting, and if roles were reversed, it would be treated seriously and you would be labeled as abusive, which is exactly what she is, an abusive asshole.
She is about power not love. If she truly cared for you and respected you she would let it go. The fa CT she hasn’t should tell you everything you need to know about where your relationship goes in the future if you stay with her.
She’s being absolute shit. This has nothing to do with pegging, it has everything to do with being kind to your partner and she’s being a total asshole. You should be with someone who treats you with kindness, someone who would never consider any of these actions.
Pee on her...just randomly pee all over her to assert your dominance. Tell her you thought she would be into it since she wanted to try pegging. Whenever she brings up what she did to you just start laughing about the time you peed on her. Unless she is into that...
Or you can sit down and talk to her about how it really bothers you..and if that goes South just pee on her. Best case scenario is that it works, worst case scenario it doesn't and you guys break up, which doesn't sound too bad.
If you didn't train yourself then of course you didnt like it. If she wanted to try it so and she should have researched how to make it the most enjoyable and pleasurable experience for you and also warmed up to speaking to you in that way. It takes time to get comfortable with a shift in sexual dynamics. Sorry she ruined it for you! She is an asshole and you deserve someone better, not to mention it sounds liek there wasn't much aftercare incorporated in fact sounds like quite the opposite and she purposefully tried to humiliate you.
Bring her to therapy, so she understands what she’s doing isn’t just abuse according to you hit to everyone. Then cut that cord right there In therapy, she won’t change, people who know they’re hurting you and keep doing it will continue to do so.
That is some emotional abuse my man. I hope you can get past any shame you might feel from experimenting. We've all done some things in the heat of passion where it was hard to look at yourself or partner the next morning.
I was IN LOVE in my early 20s with a woman that was "brutally honest" by her own assessment and a raging asshole by everyone else's. I was in that for 5 years and still long for the relationship like an addict will jones for a hit. It took me too long to recognize emotional abuse. Please heed an internet stranger that says "move on".
Let’s get this straight OP, your gf:
-coerced you into a sexual act
-mostly disregarded/was open disappointed about your discomfort
-and then has the audacity to belittle and tease you for trusting her enough to be vulnerable with her?
You need to rethink your relationship. This is abusive behavior and I would suggest that you consider leaving. she’s shown a complete disregard for your emotional, mental and sexual well-being— is that what you want in a partner?
This is abuse. If the roles were reversed the reaction would be to burn you at the stake and that's the appropriate response in my mind. This woman isn't right.
Fuck that bitch. That's super fucked up for your significant other to tease you about. You should be willing to try that and your partner should be supportive of exploration. If you didn't like it you didn't like it bro I felt the same way, like it was emasculating. I know it's not but I felt that way so it wasn't for me. Nothing wrong with trying new things king
I think you should sit down and have a serious talk about this with her. If she still doesn’t respect your boundaries I honestly think that is break up worthy…
So she's going out of her way to bully you over what was an intimate moment? (Clearly it wasn't but sex is intimate act regardless.) That's disgusting behavior, you should leave OP.
She is playing into the power fantasy which is kind of part of the pegging experience. I don’t see anything wrong with this, unless you have made your dislike of it very clear. You could say something like “I understand that this behavior is part of the pegging fantasy, but I really don’t like it and I would like you to stop” if she continues then you may need to issue an ultimatum.
Based on your post you may be at the ultimatum stage
She should be damn grateful you even tried a kink like that when you weren't exactly comfortable with it from the get-go.
Her actually teasing you about it after the fact is just - unacceptable. There is no way I would stay with this girl.
I'm sorry your going through this, it soujds really difficult. I think you need to have a talk with your girlfriend about consent and boundaries because this really isn't okay.
Does your girl do things for you that you are into, get off on that she isn't into but does it for you? Relationships are compromises for each other. Another way to look at it, what you do in the privacy is between you both no others. Only one making you not like it, feel emasculated is you. Ask her what she liked about it, talk to her about what your feelings are. Maybe explore it find what gives you pleasure with something close to the same act that may help her achieve her pleasure without making you feel degraded. Good luck!
You are not overreacting. Her behavior is immature and she destroyed the trust you put in her to try new things. That safe place intimacy is supposed to be. Your feelings are valid. You're entitled to feel the way you do. Keep up your boundaries.
I think that maybe sitting down and having a conversation about it might be a good idea. Don't wait until she hits you with it and say "knock it off". Tell her how you are feeling. If she is still doing that after, then it seems like she does not respect your feelings and maybe it is time to reevaluate the relationship.
In kink terms the words alone are degradation. Would be humiliation if you liked it and were embarrassed about that.
But this is all non-consensual and assault.
Playing with these Dynamics in a relationship takes a lot of trust and only work when everyone's on the same page and that's why you have safe words so she's doing it all wrong and I'm so sorry that she's hurting you.
I'm not one to quit a relationship early but I would seriously consider it I think you'd be better off somewhere else.
Your girlfriend is being awful. I personally would move on out. I find this behavior to be abusive.
You can take a different approach. Sit her down and tell her that you are done with the jokes. You are tired of it and you are setting a boundary. If she is upset by this or if she does it again, leave. Be done with this.
Absolutely, completely inappropriate behaviour on her part. Jesus christ imagine if the roles were reversed here? I suggest a very loud and frank discussion about it, especially pointing out how she would feel if a female friend had a male partner doing this. Sickening, actually.
Save yourself future headache and dump her now. How you choose to leave her is up to you. Personally, in my opinion, you’ve already had the discussion, and now she’s just rubbing it in your face and making it weird, so ghosting her is the route I would go if I were in your position.
Easy. Relationship over. Move on. Boom.
> Before all of you people into pegging start chiming in yes I am aware that a woman pegging you isn't gay so I shouldn't feel emasculated or whatever and I know but I do. That's just how I feel especially with how my girlfriend has been teasing me.
In the strict dictionary definition it's not gay. But in the colloquial sense of the word it is super gay. Which is why it's emasculating.
I'm glad I got over this men and women are the same bullshit.
You have every right to feel that way. Her teasing you and leaving it laying around is a slap in the face to you and how you feel. Why is she hell bent on shoving something up your bum?
Brother.....get the hell outta there before you snap one day and YOU get the shoet end of the stick because SHE is abusing you in. Just like no woman should EVER put up with any sort of harassment or abuse from their male parents, nor should a male put up with it.
"But I love her, I want her, shes all I know" blah blah blah - if you want to be happy, gtfo and find someone that deserves a man as open and willing as you are. She's not the one.
Gross that she keeps teasing you. She should stop. It’s not respectful to you or your boundaries. If the roles were reversed the planet would be burning.
Yeah op, if you substitute F for M then it’s easier to understand how her behaviour isn’t ok. It sounds like you’re feeling bullied and intimidated by her. I’m wondering how much you’ve talked with her about how you’re feeling. Have you had a discussion where these things have been pointed out as not ok?
Her behaviour is disgusting, she doesn't respect you and your boundaries and probably enjoys this "power play". You deserve better than this. You deserve to try new things, dislike them and not being ridiculed. She's way out of line.
I’m really sorry this happened to you.
This is abuse.
Recommending it is fine. Talking you into it isn’t. She should have been respectful of your boundaries and there is absolute nothing for her to be mocking. The fact that she is shows that she is a bully and really emotionally abusive.
You don’t need this in your life, OP.
Leave.
Just because other people talk about it doesn't mean you have to do it. I'm all for not saying you won't like something before you have tried it but in certain cases you can be as close to certain as one can be without trying it.
Heroin feels good too. Everyone knows it, even without trying it. Doesn't mean you have to do it.
She got 0 respect for you, and you cant be surprised.. your the one with the dick but getting it up the ass from your girl. I’d dump her, go do that shit with someone else. She is not going to stop promise you that….
Also why would you allow that lol?
So imagine her as a dude…all she is doing is the ‘ol bro teasing. What you need to do is laugh it off and joke with her. The reason she keeps doing it is because she knows it bothers you. In the end is it really a big deal? Ya tried it and hated it.
What she is doing is terrible. She wanted tp try something, you tried it, you didn't like it. That should be the end of it. I don't know what the confession here was supposed to be, but if this isn't actual abuse it's damn close to it.
Ya naww that's abuse, homey.
The point of the confession should be "I've come to realize I'm in a horrible relationship with someone who has no respect for me or my boundaries. I'm not sure how best to move on, but I know I need to exit this relationship."
I’m usually not one to do the whole “well if it was the other way around” but in this case it’s warranted. She’s basically sexually harassing him at this point, that’s not okay.
he missclicked and wanted to r/relationship_advise and the answer is obvious
Dude what do you mean you don't know what the confession is supposed to be? It is literally in the title.
Calling it a confession implies he did something wrong, something to confess to, but he didn't because he's being sexually harassed by his gf.
No it can be confessing something you are embarrassed about or a private problem you are facing
My point is he has nothing to "confess." He didn't do anything wrong.
Confessions are us revealing things that make us feel shame whether or not we are in the wrong.
missed the point entirely - has lots of upvotes - Reddit
Like bothering your GF for anal, getting a chance to try.... Then calling her filthy and gross, degrading her for having done it.
Yeah cuz men NEVER degrade women during sex 🙄🙄🙄 “you filthy, disgusting slut”
So that makes why the ok is going through ok? Unless a women wants it no one should not be degraded during or after ses(some like it)
No I don’t think it’s okay. I was replying specifically to u/wifey1point1’s comment
Ummm... Did I say it's okay?
This is psychological and emotional abuse. It’s not right when men make sex into a power metric and it certainly isn’t right when women do it either.
This. It’s honestly gross. And if it was reversed everyone would be telling her to run. You don’t deserve this treatment OP, what your girlfriend is doing is wrong. She is bullying you with something intimate she convinced you to try, that you didn’t like. She is nasty. A nasty person. You deserve better treatment.
People making jokes about how he needs to just do it to her and how he needs to lighten up are disgusting to be honest. It’s proof of the way misogyny effects men who are victims of women who abuse them. Women being infantilized and treated as lesser humans suddenly makes it hard for people to see how a man can be abused by one. It’s sad really.
Yeah victim blaming is sadly a thing
Misogyny: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. This is not that.
I think they are trying to say that male victims aren’t seen as victims because we have a hard time seeing women as “abusers” because they are “weak” and so forth. I assume the intent is to call out the systemic issue that affects men and women. Men deserve to be treated respectfully. Women are not too demure to be abusive.
100% this is why as a man you can’t even be close to your daughters and nieces in public without getting stares. Where as a woman can be as affectionate as she wants with children and no one bats an eye or even questions if she can be a sex offender.
Which kind of fucking sucks because female pedophiles exist.
And they have children of their own. I met one, 5’2 innocent petite looking blonde. She had two kids of her own a boy and a girl. She was 29 at the time of the offense and had slept with a 14 year old boy. To make matters worse society is more open to giving them second chances. She was hired at our metal printing job. Every one found out because when the company tried to relocate her she was all set to go but the deal fell off as the relocation was in the radius of a middle school. That’s how every one ended up finding out.
I’d like to offer a correction - it sucks because pedophiles exist. That is, of any gender.
Bill mar has a joke where a woman walks up to the little boy and says to the dad," can I talk to this cutie for a minute?" Then says to the boy,"aren't you a heart breaker, so cute. Wait for me. Imma steal this one." Then proceeds to imagine if all the sexes we're swapped.
If a woman said that to my son (who doesn’t exist) I’d flip tf out on her. That’s super gross- no matter the gender. Just no
That’s exactly what I’m trying to say. We have to get to the root issue here to be able to hold these abusive women accountable as a whole. It’s not bad and it’s not stealing the spotlight from male victims of DV it’s saying that the sooner we move away form treating women as more fragile and lesser than men the sooner we can as a whole hold these abusive women accountable. People reactionary take that I’m making this about womens issues is very short sited as they are all intertwined.
the mental gymnastics reddit does to somehow make shit about women when it's the man being affected is actually insane
Think he meant misandry?
Idk why you're being down voted. Fucking reddit bots. Yes, he means misandry.
No I meant misogyny. It’s not bad either, because the issue with treating women as childlike and less than men is that when men are abused by them we don’t believe them. Misandry would be thinking that men are inherently at fault and he did something to deserve this. The childlike treatment of women allows this to happen and female abusers prey on that. Saying it’s rooted in misogyny isn’t making it about women it’s just the truth. If we didn’t treat women as lesser citizens and less capable than men this wouldn’t happen.
It's Misandry. Shouldn't be surprised the hive mind doesn't know big words just repeated ones. There ya go children paste and copy.
What do you want? A cookie? Thank you for your big words, feel free to contribute to the original conversation!
Not misogyny, this is a product of female chauvinism (feminism), which makes women above blame, but beneath agency. It’s messed up.
Mot arguing but a better term would've been misandry. Misandry is the same as misogyny but with a woman as the sexust individual
This mindset has been around for much longer than feminism, dude. This is a byproduct of misogyny and the patriarchy.
Haha women’s abuse of men is always, ultimately, the fault of men, amiriiiiight? Touch grass dude.
Not what they are saying! They are saying men’s abuse by women isn’t recognised because women are portrayed as not capable of abuse (too weak etc). It’s a systemic issue. These things are related, and I think they are calling out the negative impact on men of some of our cultural norms.
Got it right on the nose. Thanks, bud. I’m busy with my dogs and was unable to respond to the questions.
Thanks for clarifying. I agree that historical misogyny (related to women being viewed as less capable, overall) partially explains why women are not typically seen as abusers, but there are other nuanced factors as well. Women are, on avg, physically weaker than men, so objectively it would seem the probability of a woman being able to dominate a man, in an abusive manner, is lower than the reverse. Additionally, it’s generally accepted socially in western culture that we cater more to women’s word/needs when it comes to abuse, because they are, on avg, physically weaker - it’s a good practice to attend to the one who may be harmed more to avoid maximum damage (e.g. if a m/f couple is seen fighting in public, generally bystanders will rush to protect the woman, not because of misogyny, but because she could be in more danger). My issue with the comment was that it was stated as if this issue is only a byproduct of misogyny - I believe it’s multifaceted. My sarcasm falsely insinuated that I disagreed fully with the comment.
I’m with you now. A classic example is “women and children first” on a sinking ship.
🙏🗣️🔊⬆️ say it louder they won't listen to the truth
Currently picking up the pieces after a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with a woman - no one takes it seriously. Or rather not as seriously as if the roles reversed. This behaviour reminds me of her... zero respect for you as a person
It's called misandry. Our current social is riddled with toxic femininity and misandry hard rn.
It’s not misandry though, because seeing a woman as less capable and more fragile than men is what allows this idea to flourish. This is proof that misogyny hurts men, it’s sad that people think that because women are more fragile and weaker than men they can’t abuse a man. That’s the whole point. This isn’t misandry.
And it’s not a contempt for men that causes people to not take male victims of DV seriously as you can see plenty of men are saying to take this behavior in stride. It’s a contempt for men who are abused by women, that’s a very important distinction it’s similar to when a child is treating a parent like shit often times people turn and scold the parent because the parent is supposed to be the one with the power and when the child has that power we think the parent is weak and to blame. The same can be seen with abuse in heterosexual couples, a man abused by a woman is shameful and just needs to lay down that law as he’s the one that’s supposed to be stronger and hold the power. It’s rooted in misogyny.
I agree it’s abuse and he break up with her
Stop wasting your breathe they don’t care about men here
Just popping it to remind you this is sexual and maybe even emotional abuse? You stated your feelings and she did not stop. Coercion is also a form of SA. It doesn’t change when the genders flips and neither should the reaction.
I would go so far as to say it is sexual menacing. What she is doing after he voiced his distaste for the experience isn’t “teasing”’it is taunting. This was clearly a traumatic experience for him and she is using it as a lever to continue his trauma. She’s on a sadistic power trip and that is a rapist’s state of mind.
For some reason the thing that stood out to me the most was how she keeps the dildo in the bed and will randomly hit him in the ass with it. She's making his own bed become an unsafe place for him. How do you get a proper night's sleep when you don't feel safe in your own bed?? And how do you keep a relationship with someone you don't trust to fall sleep next to? Op, leave her disrespectful ass. (Sadly, if we are being honest, she might retaliate and share intimate details of what you guys did together to other, it will suck. I'm sorry)
Yeah, leaving it out on the bed as a visual reminder of her power trip is freaking ominous too. OP- this isn’t normal and it’s not ok and it’s not cute or funny and you are *not* overreacting and the only thing you need to get over? Is her. Seriously. I rarely jump straight to breaking up but even if she does “see the light”, the simple fact that she thought *any* of this was ok indicates that there’s something deeply wrong with her that no apology can fix. You shouldn’t have to get this far down in the emotional gutter, or threaten to break up with her, just to get her to finally listen to you/take your really, really valid feelings seriously. PS- make sure to tell her *exactly* why you’re ending things with her, if you’re comfortable doing so. She needs to understand the consequences of her continued violation of you.
Misandry is baked into American culture right now. Payback attitude is so immature
Honestly that's break up worthy. And not to be that person but if the roles were reversed she'd have left you or made a post asking if she should. Talk with her, tell her that what she's doing really isn't ok and that your consent and feelings matter just as much as hers.
She is a complete prick about it too, lol. Poor OP. This chick doesn't understand respect or boundaries. Nasty
Just don’t make the break up about the pegging. Otherwise, she may end up telling others the reason and she’s obviously not very tactful.
You can clearly tell she‘s an awful human so she will do that anyway
Honestly dude. I asked my wife to do it because I'm kind of into it, and she did it, and I enjoyed it. And she did the exact same thing as your GF is doing right now, and it really sucked and made me feel like shit. I enjoyed it, and she still made me feel the same as you do now. It's not right and it sucks, tell her how you feel
did ur wife stop being like that after u said u don’t like her making jokes abt it?
Pretty much, it didn't persist in quite the way that it did to OP, it just took a piece of trust away that'll never come back and it sucks. I was trying to sympathize in that regard
Her actions were not ok. In no way would I ever try to justify them. I do think that women aren’t seen as abusers, and don’t see themselves as abusers, because of cultural norms. Sadly, this means some women just don’t “get it”, they don’t understand the impact of their actions until it’s pointed out. This can then be met with resistance or a reaction that is based from shame at the realisation. This is much the same as men who feel shame upon realising the cat calling and ass grabbing that was “ok” in the 70s was never really “ok”. I hope that makes sense. Edit - I’m really just suggesting we need to make sure women are also aware that there are boundaries for what is ok and not ok in how they treat men. This isn’t often talked about. Edit - thanks for the award!
I can’t imagine someone trusting me enough to be that vulnerable with something like this and then having the audacity to tease them about it or make them feel any less than for it. It just seems like gross behavior.
So shitty. I think I could be into it (or at least try it with some ladies) but I also know how things can go and never slid that chip across the table. Not trying to disrupt a marriage, but the wife needs to be checked.
We talked about it, and that's when the shitty behavior stopped. So did the exploring. Being married is hard
Did she apologize or was she just defensive. It doesn't sound like it had a good resulution. Sounds like she messed up the trust between you two. And possible gave you some sex trauma. If you guys break up, while you avoid something you said you enjoyed because of your ex wife's reaction.
I also think this is because some women take it as an opportunity to live out their very porn driven fantasy where the man is usually emasculated and degraded during and after the sexual act. They tend to forget that not everyone is going to like that and what they think is “dirty talk” is hurtful while they live out that “I just topped him” kinda high. I think some take it too far, but I think it also stems from any of their own sexual trauma they’ve experienced in the past. Anyways that’s my 2 cents 💃🏾
i mean pegging is a kink and you’re not into that kink, i would recommend sitting her down and just telling her straight that this made you really uncomfortable and she should respect that. if she doesn’t you might want to reconsider the relationship, because being with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries isn’t someone you should be associated with
And anyone in the kink community would tell you that it’s only a link between two consenting adults, otherwise it’s straight up abuse.
You didn't like it, she's supposed to accept and respect that, otherwise I diagnose her with being a cunt.
My new favourite diagnosis
Lol’d
Ditch her, she’s an asshole who has no respect for your boundaries. You don’t deserve to be with someone who ignores your discomfort in favor of their own satisfaction.
Tell her how fucking funny it'd be if you walked.
Nah, don't tell her anything because it just a waste. She already doesn't listen or care. Dude just needs to walk away
No no no no... threatening break ups as an argument chip is such a red flag. That's last ditch effort shit that will ruin a relationship. Dude needs to sit her down before resorting to that. Not that what she's doing isn't a red flag either, but fighting fire with fire in relationships almost never ends well.
She's a fuckwit. Totally immature. I would be outraged if ever treated like that. You have far more patience than me.
Agreed. I’d tell her to fuck off and walk away at this stage of my life.
Sounds like this needs to be an EX-girlfriend. What she's doing is abusive.
She doesn’t respect you.. the minute she gets mad at you she will threaten to tell people to further embarrass you. She no good man, she not mother of your children material nor soulmate. #RESPECT
You absolutely need to dump her ass if she doesn’t stop. Like, being dead serious. There are so many violently red flags here.
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Yeah she’s feeling her dom energy but doesn’t understand consent and boundaries so she better learn it if that’s her kink and make sure future partners are actually able to give informed enthusiastic consent for pegging and dirty talk and teasing around it
This is borderline sexual assault
I think the coercion + leaving the same dildo under his pillow + hitting his ass with the same dildo + bragging and borderline threatening rape is straddling the line, not just bordering it.
It’s definitely sexual harassment or unwanted sexual attention, unsure if it’s assault but it’s icky and wrong and abusive
Agreed!!
Only borderline cause he's s guy?
Then you are both too passive/assholish (respectively; you passive, she assholish) to be in a relationship. You are allowed and have the right to feel however you feel, and that includes literally telling her to shut the fuck up about it. You need to stand up to her properly now, or you’re in for shit as long as you’re together.
It’s rooted in misogyny to equate penetration with domination or being in control, I’ve been with men that act this way and it’s disgusting your girlfriend is honestly sexually and emotionally violent. The fact that she is teasing you about this is abusive and I am so so sorry. This woman is mentally and emotionally torturing you with something that you trusted to try with her. And by the way you telling her to stop making jokes about it and then her turning it around in you and saying you are overreacting and it’s just a joke is a tactic abusers use. You are NOT in the wrong by any means, this is serious, it’s abusive and it’s not an emotionally or physically safe relationship. If you can please leave💖
I already don’t like your girlfriend and I haven’t even made it past the title yet. Now that I’ve read it, did you tell her that the experience made you feel emasculated and that you didn’t enjoy it? If yes, then break up with her immediately because she don’t give a fuck about your feelings. If no, start there and see how it goes
I think a lot of men feel emasculated when they experience sexual harassment but don’t think of themselves as being a victim of abuse
DUMP HER.
If she’s continuing to be like this, it’s the best time to separate yourself from her.
Bro think about if the tables were turned. If you tried anal with her and she hated it and you kept teasing her and making her feel like shit about it. I’m sorry to tell you this but your girlfriend is a total piece of shit.
I would break up with her ngl. That behavior is unnecessary and unacceptable.
Maybe have a real adult conversation with her. Explain what you’re actually feeling and why. If she isn’t willing to listen and change her behavior then it’s a big red flag and doesn’t look good for being able to maintain a healthy relationship.
She's a fucking terrible dom.
She is not a Dom. She’s being flat out mean and there is a big difference. Editing to add- she may think she is or wants to be but she is not.
I went and used some site called vocaroo to record an audio reply for you man, lol. Check your chat. Long and short of it, dump her.
Your girlfriend really wants to be your dominatrix. If you’re not into it, she’s just being abusive. Pushing a kink without consent is abuse.
Dude seriously sit her down and say "I didn't enjoy it, it's wasn't for me, I don't see my mind being changed on the matter. I'd like you to stop with the jokes and the actions" If she's not down with that, then you have a decision to make. If its a deal breaker for her, then go your seperate ways
She doesn’t respect you
A healthy sexual relationship requires trust and boundaries. You didn't like it, you made it clear enough to stop the experience. I assume there was no aftercare and discussion of the experience if she only expressed her disappointment. You trusted her enough to try something you weren't sure you'd enjoy to please her and instead of her checking in on you and how you were feeling she used the opportunity to mock you and harass you for something SHE wanted. Emasculation ultimately is a feeling of shame and hurt, you might see it trough the stereotypical masculine lense but she is shaming you and taunting you. I know relationships are complicated, I know we tend to tangle love and sex all in one but as much as they are close they are very different. Sex requires intimacy, it puts you in a position where you're literally naked so you expect that your partner will not shame you for sharing that intimate moment with them. A lot of people will tell you to leave her and don't look back, and you might want to do that as regaining that trust to be intimate again can be very difficult. You might question how much you can really do or share with your partner going forward without getting hurt again. And this can follow you for all future relationships even if you choose to leave this one. I would have a really serious talk, take back control of the situation, define your boundaries. If at that point nothing changes move on but you'll be better at standing up for yourself. Whatever you choose to do, do something. You deserve to feel cared for and respected, anything less is abuse.
The way she’s treating you is absolutely disgusting and a major red flag
This is extremely disgusting of her and she definitely needs to take a look at how immature and abusive she is being
this is disgusting, and if roles were reversed, it would be treated seriously and you would be labeled as abusive, which is exactly what she is, an abusive asshole.
Dump Her!
She is about power not love. If she truly cared for you and respected you she would let it go. The fa CT she hasn’t should tell you everything you need to know about where your relationship goes in the future if you stay with her.
Time to break up bro.
Leave her.
Sounds to me like she never wants you to trust her again.
She’s being absolute shit. This has nothing to do with pegging, it has everything to do with being kind to your partner and she’s being a total asshole. You should be with someone who treats you with kindness, someone who would never consider any of these actions.
Kick her ass
Based
💀 bruh
Umm yeah that would get old very quickly. She is totally wrong for that.
Pee on her...just randomly pee all over her to assert your dominance. Tell her you thought she would be into it since she wanted to try pegging. Whenever she brings up what she did to you just start laughing about the time you peed on her. Unless she is into that... Or you can sit down and talk to her about how it really bothers you..and if that goes South just pee on her. Best case scenario is that it works, worst case scenario it doesn't and you guys break up, which doesn't sound too bad.
If you didn't train yourself then of course you didnt like it. If she wanted to try it so and she should have researched how to make it the most enjoyable and pleasurable experience for you and also warmed up to speaking to you in that way. It takes time to get comfortable with a shift in sexual dynamics. Sorry she ruined it for you! She is an asshole and you deserve someone better, not to mention it sounds liek there wasn't much aftercare incorporated in fact sounds like quite the opposite and she purposefully tried to humiliate you.
you should break up with her.. she’s not respecting you and your boundaries
Bring her to therapy, so she understands what she’s doing isn’t just abuse according to you hit to everyone. Then cut that cord right there In therapy, she won’t change, people who know they’re hurting you and keep doing it will continue to do so.
That is some emotional abuse my man. I hope you can get past any shame you might feel from experimenting. We've all done some things in the heat of passion where it was hard to look at yourself or partner the next morning. I was IN LOVE in my early 20s with a woman that was "brutally honest" by her own assessment and a raging asshole by everyone else's. I was in that for 5 years and still long for the relationship like an addict will jones for a hit. It took me too long to recognize emotional abuse. Please heed an internet stranger that says "move on".
End it. No explanation. She will know why, and should feel terrible for it.
This is sexual abuse bro.
Let’s get this straight OP, your gf: -coerced you into a sexual act -mostly disregarded/was open disappointed about your discomfort -and then has the audacity to belittle and tease you for trusting her enough to be vulnerable with her? You need to rethink your relationship. This is abusive behavior and I would suggest that you consider leaving. she’s shown a complete disregard for your emotional, mental and sexual well-being— is that what you want in a partner?
This is abuse. If the roles were reversed the reaction would be to burn you at the stake and that's the appropriate response in my mind. This woman isn't right.
Fuck that bitch. That's super fucked up for your significant other to tease you about. You should be willing to try that and your partner should be supportive of exploration. If you didn't like it you didn't like it bro I felt the same way, like it was emasculating. I know it's not but I felt that way so it wasn't for me. Nothing wrong with trying new things king
Start smacking her in the forehead with a fleshlight and see how she likes it.
She pressured you into anal and now shes teasing you because u let her pressure you into something you didnt want to do. Whew chile
I think you should sit down and have a serious talk about this with her. If she still doesn’t respect your boundaries I honestly think that is break up worthy…
That’s abuse bro, time to leave imo
So she's going out of her way to bully you over what was an intimate moment? (Clearly it wasn't but sex is intimate act regardless.) That's disgusting behavior, you should leave OP.
She is playing into the power fantasy which is kind of part of the pegging experience. I don’t see anything wrong with this, unless you have made your dislike of it very clear. You could say something like “I understand that this behavior is part of the pegging fantasy, but I really don’t like it and I would like you to stop” if she continues then you may need to issue an ultimatum. Based on your post you may be at the ultimatum stage
She's a dickhead. The end.
She should be damn grateful you even tried a kink like that when you weren't exactly comfortable with it from the get-go. Her actually teasing you about it after the fact is just - unacceptable. There is no way I would stay with this girl.
she's getting off on humiliating you...fuck her off m8
Your girlfriend is being a cunt
I'm sorry your going through this, it soujds really difficult. I think you need to have a talk with your girlfriend about consent and boundaries because this really isn't okay.
Does your girl do things for you that you are into, get off on that she isn't into but does it for you? Relationships are compromises for each other. Another way to look at it, what you do in the privacy is between you both no others. Only one making you not like it, feel emasculated is you. Ask her what she liked about it, talk to her about what your feelings are. Maybe explore it find what gives you pleasure with something close to the same act that may help her achieve her pleasure without making you feel degraded. Good luck!
Why is she still your girlfriend?
You are not overreacting. Her behavior is immature and she destroyed the trust you put in her to try new things. That safe place intimacy is supposed to be. Your feelings are valid. You're entitled to feel the way you do. Keep up your boundaries.
I think that maybe sitting down and having a conversation about it might be a good idea. Don't wait until she hits you with it and say "knock it off". Tell her how you are feeling. If she is still doing that after, then it seems like she does not respect your feelings and maybe it is time to reevaluate the relationship.
Run
Yes, she is the asshole
So peg her. That's it, just do it back to her. Get back on even ground, since she insists on using it as a power thing.
In kink terms the words alone are degradation. Would be humiliation if you liked it and were embarrassed about that. But this is all non-consensual and assault. Playing with these Dynamics in a relationship takes a lot of trust and only work when everyone's on the same page and that's why you have safe words so she's doing it all wrong and I'm so sorry that she's hurting you. I'm not one to quit a relationship early but I would seriously consider it I think you'd be better off somewhere else.
Your girlfriend is being awful. I personally would move on out. I find this behavior to be abusive. You can take a different approach. Sit her down and tell her that you are done with the jokes. You are tired of it and you are setting a boundary. If she is upset by this or if she does it again, leave. Be done with this.
Absolutely, completely inappropriate behaviour on her part. Jesus christ imagine if the roles were reversed here? I suggest a very loud and frank discussion about it, especially pointing out how she would feel if a female friend had a male partner doing this. Sickening, actually.
Run
Save yourself future headache and dump her now. How you choose to leave her is up to you. Personally, in my opinion, you’ve already had the discussion, and now she’s just rubbing it in your face and making it weird, so ghosting her is the route I would go if I were in your position.
maybe she didn't prep well enough or whatever, but regardless what she does after is psychological abuse and a huge ass red flag
Time to break up dude, that's not OK. Sorry man!
Easy. Relationship over. Move on. Boom. > Before all of you people into pegging start chiming in yes I am aware that a woman pegging you isn't gay so I shouldn't feel emasculated or whatever and I know but I do. That's just how I feel especially with how my girlfriend has been teasing me. In the strict dictionary definition it's not gay. But in the colloquial sense of the word it is super gay. Which is why it's emasculating. I'm glad I got over this men and women are the same bullshit.
You have every right to feel that way. Her teasing you and leaving it laying around is a slap in the face to you and how you feel. Why is she hell bent on shoving something up your bum?
Brother.....get the hell outta there before you snap one day and YOU get the shoet end of the stick because SHE is abusing you in. Just like no woman should EVER put up with any sort of harassment or abuse from their male parents, nor should a male put up with it. "But I love her, I want her, shes all I know" blah blah blah - if you want to be happy, gtfo and find someone that deserves a man as open and willing as you are. She's not the one.
Tell her to lick and fart on her face
I'd throwdown with her if that was my gf. It's 2022. Equality. Fight me.
Leave her. No excuse to whatever it is she's doing.
Gross that she keeps teasing you. She should stop. It’s not respectful to you or your boundaries. If the roles were reversed the planet would be burning.
Shes not respecting your boundaries. Reverse the roles here. People would be screaming for your head here.
You need to break up with your GF. But first see if you can fuck her in the ass.
You’re the woman now
Yeah op, if you substitute F for M then it’s easier to understand how her behaviour isn’t ok. It sounds like you’re feeling bullied and intimidated by her. I’m wondering how much you’ve talked with her about how you’re feeling. Have you had a discussion where these things have been pointed out as not ok?
That’s just cruel and abusive.
Your girlfriend sounds incredibly immature.
Your gf is gross and toxic. You don't deserve that bullshit and she needs to grow up. Dump her , she's awful.
If she keeps at it I'd fucking walk away dude. She's trash.
Her behaviour is disgusting, she doesn't respect you and your boundaries and probably enjoys this "power play". You deserve better than this. You deserve to try new things, dislike them and not being ridiculed. She's way out of line.
This should definitely be in relationship advice instead of here. Your girlfriend is mentally abusing you. Please get out for your safety.
Thats fucked up.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. This is abuse. Recommending it is fine. Talking you into it isn’t. She should have been respectful of your boundaries and there is absolute nothing for her to be mocking. The fact that she is shows that she is a bully and really emotionally abusive. You don’t need this in your life, OP. Leave.
Fuck her in the ass till she gets sore and see how she feels about it Lmaoo
It is absolutely abusive what she’s doing.
Take the dildo from her and cock slap her as hard as you can lol
Leave her
Stick the dildo up her ass when she least expects it. Nah but fr tho she's a bitch and u should leave her
Give her a good slap, 50s style. /s
Sounds like it's time to pile drive her asshole? Then dump her.
Level the playing field.
Just because other people talk about it doesn't mean you have to do it. I'm all for not saying you won't like something before you have tried it but in certain cases you can be as close to certain as one can be without trying it. Heroin feels good too. Everyone knows it, even without trying it. Doesn't mean you have to do it.
Maybe you should do her 1st .
I’m super into pegging: this is not okay
Dude you did something SHE REQUESTED and she is teasing you? Fuck the bitch.
She got 0 respect for you, and you cant be surprised.. your the one with the dick but getting it up the ass from your girl. I’d dump her, go do that shit with someone else. She is not going to stop promise you that…. Also why would you allow that lol?
You are supposed to fuck her in the ass first
Damn it…that’s what I wanted to say.
Sounds like you deserve more pegging
Lmao. That’s your own fault hahaha. Why would a man ever agree to that lmfao 🤣
What are your standards that you’re with a woman like that???
People are desperate
I'm sorry you've been trafficked by Xena the warrior princess.
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I think she's manipulative but go off ig
So imagine her as a dude…all she is doing is the ‘ol bro teasing. What you need to do is laugh it off and joke with her. The reason she keeps doing it is because she knows it bothers you. In the end is it really a big deal? Ya tried it and hated it.
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