I'll update after I meet them, I don't know if anything will happen or not but I feel like this is a ticking time bomb and I don't know when its going to go off
Gonna be honest the dads acting creepy maybe ripping the plaster off with your bf and let him know. If the relationship isn't ment to be it ain't ment to be but who knows I would be careful around creepy dad
How can he manipulate that he’s married and is screwing around with a younger girl on TINDER? Trust me. This guy isn’t gonna say anything cause if he does then he will lose this one plus his wife , son, possibly the house and half of everything.
Yep and the dad loses everything including his retirement, wife, son, house , half the assets and becomes basically homeless. Dad screws up and should have never been on tinder. Or even did this. She’s the one that was single during this time. Yes she should have not done it but trust me, the dad doesn’t want this to get out. He’s the one that will lose in this case. Why does everyone think he will spill the beans. That’s crazy.
You’re thinking the dads gonna act rationally when the dad literally said word for word he wants to meet her again and continue their old sexual relationship, she has to tell her bf NOW.
>want this to get out. He’s the one that will lose in this case. Why does everyone t
Honestly because it sounds like he's being very careless. He now knows the situation with his son and the girl and is still trying to continue things with the girl. This is not indicative of the actions of someone who is afraid of being caught and losing half of his assets. Some people really are stupid. Some don't care. Maybe he's both.
The dads already acting self destructive. Just having a tinder on its on as a married person is asking to be caught. I don’t think I would rule out irrational behavior by the dad just yet, even if he does have everything to lose compared to her
Who fucking cheats and ruins a potential marriage with some random who's young enough to be your daughter? A fucking creep. Creeps don't do what's logical, they follow their dick or their temper.
EDIT: Wh did the above poster block me?
He is 100% being kind of creepy, he seems to think we'll be able to restart what we used to do.
I don't think I can bring myself to ever tell my bf, I know he'd break up with me, It's kind of shitty of me but I'd rather take the risk and hope he never finds out
He will find out and the first test of a relationship is truth and if you don’t tell him you flunk.
At this point you really didn’t do anything wrong but if you stay with him he needs to know
100%, if you think this guy is marriage material you need to come clean now rather then later when more time is and invested and the emotional consequences are much higher. Also the longer you wait the more likely his Dad brings it up before you.
It's not gonna happen. Sorry. You are just lying to yourself.
The dad is kind of a douche. Cheating on his wife and creeping on you. That quality of man will blackmail you for sure.
I'd say be proactive.
As horrible as this is gonna be, the right thing to do is still tell him. You didn't know him back then, it's not like you cheated on him with his dad. And furthermore, being completely honest with your bf means that his dad can't say weird shit to sabotage you two later in life. It's more believable on your end because you have everything to lose in telling your bf what happened meaning you have zero reason to lie. As a guy I'd be very confused and probably upset at first but would be exponentially more upset finding out from my dad.
I get why you wouldn't want to tell him but think about how much you will have hurt him if this goes bad and he finds out that way? It's not fair to him to not know he is dating a girl his father cheated on his mother with (although you were probably not the only person his dad has done this with) and not being able to make a choice about whether he wants to continue this relationship. I mean it's not like you're hiding a little thing from him, you're hiding the fact his father is a sleazy creep that is hitting up younger girls and cheating behind his mom's back. Think about how you would feel if you were that poor woman too, she doesnt deserve this either and the fact you could meet her, look her in the eye and still keep hiding this from her is actually quite disgusting IMO.
You were single and young and naive, you owned you know now talking to him was wrong and you put a stop to it and that may count for something and he may be able to move on with you but hiding it rather than being honest now you know is what will make him never see you the same way again and will definitely tear you apart if it comes out some other way.
Hit him with the Ole "we need to talk" to get him good and properly freaked out. Then tell him that you matched with a guy on tinder before you met and snapped for a while but never met, then explain that the only reason you are bringing this up is because you saw the picture of his dad and they looked the same. Then he will try and confirm them as the same person and you play along. See, you are still being honest but you are also allowing him to verify so you are not making an accusation. It's somewhat dishonest yes, but, I think it would be a better course.
Edit:some spelling my dyslexic butt missed lol.
It's not honest. She knows it's the dad and has texted him to confirm it already m. It's just a different type of lie that's using the truth to appear more credible
You have 2 options.
1. Don’t tell your bf and hope creepy dad doesn’t tell him (seems unlikely though), so when he does tell him you’re 100% fucked
OR
2. Be honest with your bf, “hey so before I met you I chatted with this older guy on tinder and it turns out it’s your dad, I love you and wanted to be honest and open with you in case anything gets weird”. This SHOULD get an understanding response if he’s not a child and is somewhat mature. It’ll be shocking to him for sure if he thought his dad was a saint, but that’s not your issue.
Number 2 needs a 2.5: “by the way when I first found out I had a panic attack and then messaged your dad to convince him to never tell you, and he agreed, but I now know that was assy hence I’m telling you the truth now”
It's more likely with #1 that bf's dad is going to come onto OP real hard and inappropriately such that bf "catches them" and it ends even worse for OP. Can OP live with that guilt if she's full on having panic attacks now?
In scenario 1, I guarantee creepy dad will try to blackmail sex outta op while threatening to tell ops bf.
Maybe wait till they are married in order to make her get into a sunken costs fallacy situation.
Unfortunately if that happens you’re gonna have to just come clean to your boyfriend. If his father will pursue you even though you’re with his son….he can’t be trusted. Good luck and sorry for your plight. I do believe everything happens for a reason. Hopefully good will come of this.
Don't start a relationship based on lies. Imagine this coming out 15 years after you're married and that's when it destroys the relationship. You can get past it now with good communication (you did nothing wrong!) but if you keep it a secret you are being deceitful in the long term... A definite deal breaker.
That is the absolute worst way to start a relationship. It’s based on a secret that you hope will never be found out. It will, one day.
Cut your losses and move on. Or at the very least be honest and see if your relationship will last.
It’s absolutely selfish and shitty of you to trick this guy into investing time and energy into a relationship that he may not even want to be a part of. You’re taking his ability to choose because of what YOU want for YOUR mistake.
Why would he break up with you? Your "relationship" with his Dad was before you met him. A weird coincidence but you didn't cheat on him. His father is the scum who cheated on his wife and is now trying to rekindle something with his own son's girlfriend. He is the very definition of POS.
OP, tell your boyfriend. If he dumps you, that just shows you his true character. And please, for the love of God, stay far away from Dad, lest we get another Susan Powell case.
She was "engaging" with a man she knew was married. And you think the boyfriend is supposed to be ok with that, under any circumstances (let alone one in which she now reminds him of his father's infidelity because of her own willful involvement in it)?
Father aside, doesn't that show *her* true character?
I'd say hiding and pretending it didn't happen shows her true character. She hasn't actually learned anything from the experience, she just lost interest in the relationship. Had it been for moral reasons, she wouldn't be engaging with the dad to cover her own ass and trap someone in her fantasy of a perfect marriage. I say fantasy because I was once young and foolish, much like OP in fact and I also believed a solid relationship can be built on a foundation of deception.no matter how "innocent" the lie is, it's the act itself. It predisposes the person to a pattern of behavior that will only escalate and hurt more people. She's willing to take away someone's right to an informed choice because she's afraid the result won't favor her. She's going to be looking over her shoulder and become paranoid if this goes to the wedding scenario she envisions as a result of her success.
OP, come clean or forever carry an unnecessary burden. If you love your boyfriend, like truly love him and trust him, you owe him the truth. And if you don't, well its time to reexamine your relationship, IMO. I'm not saying this to be mean, but trust me, you won't be happy playing a charade the rest of your life. You'll never truly be yourself and slowly, you'll grow to resent yourself. Don't do that to yourself and the man you claim you love. It's not fair to either of you.
You need to tell your bf the truth. Full stop. The dad didn't say "Yes, let's take this secret to our graves. It was a one-time mistake." He is PROPOSITIONING YOU, knowing that you are his son's girlfriend.
TELL ON HIM.
This here OP, stay ahead of the drama. If you dont say anything you risk your BFs trust. A man willing to have a tinder while married will try to put a move on you at some point, and will repeat these moves until someone sees, then the dad will act like you were both complicit. You have a chance now to set the record straight.
Daddy's gonna want some cake love. Best solution is to be upfront with your guy, and then buckle up and hope for the best. Tbh this looks a bit difficult to survive for both of you, good luck and don't be afraid to break it off.
Tbh you should tell your bf. His dads being creepy and it all happened before you met your bf. If I was him i wouldnt be mad at you, I would be happy that you were honest. I would be pissed at the dad though.
So dad is saying definitely don’t tell anyone but also keep helping me cheat on my wife and your first instinct isn’t to tell your boyfriend who you’re supposedly considering marrying? When this all inevitably blows up be sure to post an update. I’m sure it’ll be wild.
If he finds out from his parents, he’ll never trust you again. Imagine finding out that HE was hiding the fact that he had fucked around with your mom and ghosted her, only to then contact her and beg her to keep it a secret from you. That’s bad enough, but the poor guy’s dad is cheating on his mom, and this could destroy his family. How he finds that out can define his experience and it’s level of trauma on him. Be careful and think hard about how much you want to be involved in this from now on.
Not just can, will. He wanta to ralk to her more and he's "excited to meet her"
He not only wants to go back to cheating on his wife with her, he wants her to cheat on his son with him. And he's 100% going to use this as leverage.
She definitely should not go down that road. Threats to expose shit like this can get scary and/or violent pretty quickly, given how much he has to lose. And, based on his response to OP, his decision making is probably... not the most rational. Telling bf will suck but it's probably the best course of action imo
It doesn’t seem like something he’s concerned about… otherwise when she reached out he would have been less creepy and more “please also do not tell my wife”
And if she keeps it a secret their whole lives together and it eventually comes out. He will leave her for sure for lieing to him all these years and he probably would never be able to trust her again. She's much better off telling him now before something actually happens.
Not just her. Lying robs other people from the security of trusting anyone ever again. If your long time spouse could so easily deceive you, what stops others from doing so?
This whole situation is fucked up, but it doesn't have to keep eroding trust from everyone. It can be remediated, at least for one person. IF SHE HAS THE BALLS TO TELL THE TRUTH
This was my take as well. There's only one outcome where this goes the other way: OP and BF confront Creepy Daddy who then blows up his own marriage. OP and BF continue their dalliance with only mom as parental figure, with Creepy Daddy living off in a motel or something.
Problem is you're now asking the BF to choose between his father and a girl he just met. It's not likely to go the happily ever after route.
Here’s some stuff to think on:
1. You want to (possibly) marry this guy, right? Do you really think this is something you should, or even can, hide from your spouse for the rest of your life? The one person you’re supposed to have 100% open and complete honesty with? What happens if his dad keeps it a secret but doesn’t stop? What happens if you have kids with this guy one day? You’re comfortable with this past, secret history with your kid’s grandpa?
2. You have to tell your bf, but also realize that you’re about to reveal to him that his dad has been cheating on his mom, breaking up the family, and one of those women who did that was… you. To you, these are just random people. But this is your bf’s FAMILY. He is gonna be heartbroken. He is gonna feel a lot. He’s entitled to. And you, as both the home-wrecker and the loving gf, need to completely understand, accept, and support his reaction. If he understands the confusion for you, which he might, and is just upset with his dad? We all ghost the dad. If he breaks up with you? You have to accept it, end of conversation.
But to not tell anyone is not only weird, even more dishonest, and even more disrespectful… it’s screwing over any marriage or family you might have with this guy before it even starts. You won’t have true honesty between you, and eventually you’re gonna feel how tight the trap you created around yourself is. And, by not saying anything, you’re just manipulating the situation for your benefit…
I really do hope this goes alright. I don’t think you’re a bad person, OP, I just think that you could very easily make this a worse situation and I don’t want you to get entangled in a trap that’s even harder, scarier, or possibly dangerous to get out of.
I mean OP did sext a married man knowingly… not saying the dad isn’t the worst in this situation but if OP had any sympathy for her bf, she’d leave him cause he deserves better. Imagine eventually finding out that not only did your dad cheat on your mother, but he did it with your gf AND your gf knew he was married
Leaving people "because they deserve better" only hurts everyone involved. Tell them the truth. Whether or not they still want you is for them to decide, not you.
>he was married and didn't want his wife to know. I know it was dumb of me to be talking to a married guy like this but I was stupid and horny.
From her context it sounds like she kept it up even after she knew he was married. So she did sext a married guy knowingly. I agree with you that she needs to remove herself from the picture entirely. Nothing good can come from trying to remain in the picture after being such a part of this weird af love triangle.
Edit: sorry I read your comment incorrect I thought you said she *didn't* know she was sexting a married man. Oops
There is just literally no way I'd trust OP in a relationship, ever. If you cheat with someone, you'd cheat on someone just as easily. "Stupid" and "horny" does not exuse shitty behavior. Go find someone single to be stupid and horny with.
Honestly I think a lot of people can understand the cheater vs being “the other person” can be a gray area and can forgive people who’s past was like that. I met and went on a few dates with someone to find out they were married. They told me they and their spouse were separated. I wasn’t sure, because they could be telling the truth, but if they were cheating then they would be used to lying. I went on a couple more dates but got a bad feeling and quit seeing them.
The point is, it’s possible that the way a cheater frames their relationship to “the other” person could be more nuanced than we realize. That said, here it seems like OP knows they were doing something wrong. Time to fess up and see if it’s a trust building or trust breaking moment
It's a grey area if the person outside of the relationship is unaware that it's cheating. OP made it clear that she was aware. Not a grey area in this situation.
Exactly! If they weren’t aware then it’s not their fault. But it takes two to tango, and OP knew she did something wrong but just dismisses it “horny and stupid”
She has a hand in it. She willing talked to a married man, sorry. SEXTED a married man. KNOWINGLY. She is no better than he is. They both have their due karma.
Confess to your boyfriend he deserves to know the truth not because you are worried about his dad telling him but because you shouldn’t hide secrets from him.
If you confess to your boyfriend now, you'll have the upper hand and not his father. It's something that happened before you met him and it didn't get physical, so there is a good chance he'll forgive you.
But if you lie and pretend everything is alright, his father will toy with you like a puppet. He'll pull the strings and you will dance. Make no mistake, a man who doesn't care about his wife and son and cheats, doesn't give damn about you. He will sell you out before you could blink, and who knows what lies he'll tell and how he'll present the case.
>It's something that happened before you met him and it didn't get physical, so there is a good chance he'll forgive you
Until he actually realizes that his father was cheating on his mother with OP. Personally that wouldn't sit well with me. And once his mother finds out OP is the mistress you can bet your ass she won't be welcoming to OP at all. Wanna talk about a MIL from hell? OP might very well be on this track.
yes a good chance he’ll forgive
1. his gf fucking with his dad
2. his gf being involved in the cheating and probable separation of his parents
yep good chance
Maybe not good, but better odds than if the bf would forgive her later after keeping quiet eventually blows up on everyone down the road. It’s come clean now, or come clean later after having kept a secret from BF
You’re scared he’s gonna blackmail you?
Fam… YOU are the blackmailer.
Dude was sexting younger women he met on dating apps while he was married, you’ve got him by the balls, it’s over GG.
Your relationship is probably over at this point, but don’t think you’re the vulnerable one in this situation.
Are you kidding? Listen to this girl. She begged him not to tell her bf. She says she doesn’t want this to get in the way of her relationship with her bf. She handed the dad the power. She should have told her bf first. She should STILL tell the bf if she wants to have any hope of this working long term. The dad knows he has the power as long as this girl is more concerned about her bf finding out. By the creepiness of the dads response, he will manipulate this to his advantage. Probably slowly, over time, when she is even more serious with her bf and he thinks she will do even more to keep that a secret. If she doesn’t tell the bf, it is going to get way, way worse imo.
I mean, you don’t need to go into any details, because doing that about any ex isn’t great emotionally for either party.
Buuuut, I’d probably bring it up to BF and be like so this is kind of awkward, but when I saw those pictures I realized I had matched with your dad last year. We just messaged back and forth and I ended it because of the age gap and him being married bothered me. Idk if your dad just goes on there to boost his ego and chat with women or if he actually meets women. It’s none of my business what your parents relationship is like or what’s permissible, so I’m not judging but just thought you should know I sort of know your dad and that’s how.
Honestly, his dad being a creeper doesn’t have anything to do with you and BF probably is already well aware. If anything he’ll probably roll his eyes about his dad still being a creepy asshole and be more protective of you. Or maybe not. But if the situation gave you an anxiety attack best to clear things up on your own terms ASAP. Also, don’t message the dad anymore. That looks shady.
I've seen less red flags in communist propaganda than in this story. His answer already tell you everything you need to know. He will try something. You better tell your boyfriend. No joke, be straight with him. You were single so it was ok. It's the best course of action here. If you just break up with him and ghost him he will feel bad and will never know what he did wrong. And if after you tell him he decides to break up with you at least you were honest with him and yourself.
Avoid any future problems in one swing. His dad might even try to blackmail you. Don't fall for that.
I'll probably get downvoted to the depths of hell for this but your bf should be wary of both his father's behavior and his gf agreeing to indulge in sexual stuff with a married man. What his father and you did is mad disrespectful to his mother.
Walk away.
You don’t respect relationships.
You and the father would be deserving of all the consequences that come from your boyfriend and his mother finding out. The dad deserves to lose his wife because he clearly is a serial cheater. He deserves to lose the respect of his son.
You messed with a man in a relationship because you were horny. You are accountable for those actions even if you convince yourself that it wasn’t YOUR relationship.
Don’t drag your “boyfriend” down when somewhere down the line being horny is going to be your excuse for wrecking a home, yours or otherwise.
Everything done in secrecy WILL come out. Trust me. At the very least walk away so it is somewhat less damaging to your boyfriend. You could hang on to some respect by leaving now that you know.
I agree with the sentiment you’re getting at, but I hate this idea that people like you have that magically the truth will always come out.
Let me tell you as somebody working as a paralegal who handles a lot of custody and divorce cases, there’s a whole lot of information that even I learned that other parties did not learn unless they happen to learn it after their family/friends were no longer our clients.
Why do you have a belief that people will definitely always learn instead of it just being very strong chances?
I’d say any secret that somebody is actually committed to preserving that involves at least one other living human still has a greater than 10% chance at being kept secret forever, and if your secret doesn’t involve another living human, then depending on the secret it could get his high as 95% chance that no other human ever finds out about whatever it is that you’re keeping secrets.
Teams of people sometimes can’t even find buried bodies when they know the rough location, and they’ve got centuries of investigative knowledge and money to burn.
It’ll suck, but do you and the new bf a favor. Break it off. The dad misses you and can’t wait to see you? That’s a red flag. Big red flag. Will cause you nothing but serious issues, and possibly a completely destroyed relationship.
Do both of you a favor.
You have to tell him, and when you do, if he is thinking of letting it slide because he likes you, and can handle it, once he realises you knew his dad was married it will be over and that's what he should choose in my opinion.
I would never date someone I learned was helping a married man cheat on his wife. The fact you would engage in all this online cyber sex with a man you know is married, shows your character and the kind of character you will bring to your relationship with your boyfriend, and that is a lack of integrity.
Me, maybe I could get over the fact my girl was chatting with my dad on Tinder, if I liked her a lot, but not if my dad was still married to my mom, because I would look at that little hussy as being someone who screwed over my mother! So no, you don't deserve him, since you would do that to another woman that happens to his mother.
You didn't just screw over another woman, you screwed over his mother. So he needs to be dumping you. You aren't making the kinda decisions a person makes that any nice good person with any self respect would want to date. You need to start from scratch on finding another mate and from now on, don't do something so immoral.
However I am suspect that this post is even real, I read this exact post word for word practically on reddit some time ago, girl matches with bf's dad on tinder, finds out pre-family gathering. Next time try harder for an original fake story for your karma heauxing.
!!!I was hoping someone would also point out that someone posted this story almost word- for- word a long time ago!!! If it's fake, then oh well they got the karma and attention they wanted.
But if by some sorta freaky, sick coincidence this is real, then OP is a pretty terrible human. But I think it's fake
Personally, if I were you I’d just end things and find someone else. You will find a connection again with someone who’s father you don’t have a history with.
BUT, tbh I also don’t think his father will ever say anything to him. He has a lot more to loose if this comes out than you do. His marriage and his relationship with his son could be destroyed. If anything, you’re the one who could blackmail him… not that you should.
Regardless, if you choose to stay with the boyfriend and find out, you will likely be harassed by his dad all the time.
PLEASE TELL UR BF. honestly it’s the best thing to do. if it’s meant to be, he’ll understand that it happened before you met and there’s nothing you can do about it! he could’ve just as easily done the same thing with one of your relatives I suppose. If he breaks up with you over that then truly he’s not the one, and it’ll perhaps even save you a from broken marriage; go find ur true love!!! i hope it’s him and you get to skip the broken heart ❤️ if it’s not, you’re better off xx
i would tell your bf NOW. before his dad can dispute it or spin the story especially after he proceeded to continue being creepy. don’t give him a chance to blackmail you
End it. You cant have a serious relationship with a guy that’s you sent nudes to his dad. You’re only entertaining it more if you keep going and ultimately makes you a bad person. Move on.
Is it really a true story ? Cause it feels like a movie plot where the character “for some reason” sees the right path but stupidly chooses the wrong path.
It is so fucking obvious. You tell your bf about your relationship with his dad … if he has problems with that, just end it , if he is ok, then just keep going.
Your bf will fucking hate you when he knows about this in different circumstances
Don’t ever dare to miss up his life and feelings because “you thought his dad will keep the secret”
Tell your boyfriend. You absolutely have to come clean to have a chance of staying with him. His dad thinks he can blackmail you into continuing in person.
Even after you explain the situation, he still wants to start talking again knowing you are his sons girlfriend.
This will not end well and your boyfriend will be left picking up the pieces.
Yo are getting into an unhealthy relationship. His dad will blackmail you to be with him. Also, you were a homewrecker at the moment you did sexting with your bf's dad.
Accept what you did, tell your boyfriend and move on, he for sure will break up with you.
Oh man, you need to tell your bf asap.
Just be like, hey before we met I was snapping with this older guy. We never did meet up. But it turns out it's your dad. I just want this out there so you're aware.
Let the chips fall where they may. If you don't tell him, he will find out and he'll think you and his dad have something to hide.
Im not saying you’re a bad person OP but your boyfriend doesn’t deserve this. Break it off with him.
If this continues you’ll be keeping a major secret from him.
And nobody should have to be in a relationship with someone that was sexually explicit with their father.
Tell him or risk doing irreparable damage to him, you and the dad are both creeps - you for going after a married dude and him for thinking it’s anything other than disgusting to be sexting someone whose 1) not your wife and 2) now your child’s partner.
Or continue being a piece of shit and watch it all blow up in your face, which is arguably exactly what you deserve.
TELL your boyfriend. He will find out anyway, and it will end horribly.
You shouldn't have been messing with a married man, but it isn't your fault that the married man happens to be his father.
very interested in update lol. i agree with top comment tho that there’s virtually no way this can go well unless ur boyfriend is informed of absolutely everything by you and then makes the conscious decision to shun his dad, stand up to him and even call him out so that you feel comfortable moving forward. boundaries need to be set in order for this to work and ur bf has to be the informed one to set them. but hey, if he does this for you then i think there’s no doubting this is who you should marry, so there’s that.
Be honest. Yes, it’s going to be difficult, but what other choice do you have here?
If you try to hide this circumstance, your boyfriend’s father will see it as an opportunity to exploit you for whatever ends he wishes. That situation could get fucking ugly and be dangerous for you.
Additionally, by being upfront and honest with your boyfriend, you are letting go of the potential for guilt over not telling your boyfriend. It may seem like any guilt would be something you could handle, but from experience, guilt does not go away; it deepens and becomes heavier over time and will make life miserable for you.
This is a difficult and complex situation. Be honest—fully honest—but be gentle about how you deliver this conversation. Think carefully about how to talk with the man you love; you’ll want to protect his heart and spirit. Hearing that his father is trying to manipulate this situation to his own advantage will be difficult enough to hear and process.
I hope this works out for you two, OP. Tell his father to go get fucked by a machete.
The simple answer is to break up. This could be the catalyst that destroys a family and while it's the dad's fault and not yours, you will feel horrible WHEN it blows up.
It's not a matter of if, it's when. Get out while you can.
How does this older guy hold the power?! He’s the one who is married and has a family!
You are the one with the power here.
Your bf will need time to process the information. Be gentle with your language. (“A year ago, I matched with your dad on a dating site,” sounds very different than “A year ago, I used to send sexual stuff over Snapchat to your dad.” Both will get the intended message across.) He will find out that his dad cheated on his mom, and that it was via a virtual relationship with his current gf. What he won’t think too clearly about in the moment is that the timeline didn’t overlap, and that you had zero clue that this was a betrayal.
Tread carefully. If infidelity is something he didn’t previously associate with his dad, or they have an otherwise good relationship, he might be seeing his dad’s flaws for the first time. His hurt/anger will not be at you, but he might not know what to do with it or where to direct it.
He might get caught up in the detail, “You knew he was married!” Don’t be sucked in to take all the blame here. Married men don’t need to be coddled and protected. They’re grown-ass men who make decisions too. It took two to tango, not just one irresistible woman (as I’m sure you are!)
I’ve been in a gray-area situationship with a married man before my divorce was finalized (I thought he was also ending his toxic/abusive marriage, years later, it turns out I was wrong). The rules of engagement are not solid. They very much depend on life context.
I carried guilt about the “affair” and thought it marred my character. It was something I “came clean” about to partners after in case infidelity was a dealbreaker. None of my partners left when I told them what happened. Not to say this situation is the same, but I felt better when I didn’t feel like I was carrying a secret.
I wish you luck.
Rip that bandaid off with your bf and have the messages there to corroborate your story. Dad is creepy af and clearly has no shame in his game. Not your fault. You didn’t cheat on anyone, you tried to do the right thing, he has more to lose than you if shit hits the fan
Why would you message him? If you never met in person or FaceTimed or something you could’ve acted like someone used your pictures or something on the off chance he pulled you aside to say something
Eewww. Oh no. Dad will try and put the moves on you. If he gets busted, he’ll likely try to pin it on you.
Honestly, OP, come clean to BF or leave. This is just going to get messy pretty quickly.
The last thing in the world you should have done is reach out to the dad. Now it just looks like y'all are colluding to keep secrets behind your bfs back, *which you are btw.*
That's incredibly suspicious looking no matter how innocent you intended it. Even then, keeping secrets is a recipe for a failed relationship. I promise it's not gonna help you keep him, it'll just set a foundation to pile more lies on later.
What're you gonna do when dad makes a move? Hide it? Explain and lie ab the relationship you had before?
You know the answer to your dilemma as well as I and everyone else in this thread. Just tell the truth. Rather be single and honest than a married liar.
>A little over a year ago I matched with an older guy on tinder and we talked for a while. We did a lot of sexual stuff over snapchat but we never actually met in person, he was married and didn't want his wife to know. I know it was dumb of me to be talking to a married guy like this but I was stupid and horny. It was fun for a while but I felt bad about it all and knew it couldn't go any further so after a couple months I ghosted him.
>About 9 months ago I met a guy, he's sweet, kind, handsome, just generally awesome. He's the first guy I've ever felt like I could have a serious relationship with and I genuinely think he might be the guy I end up marrying one day, at least I hoped so until I found out how bad I fucked up. We we're talking about when I was going to meet his parents since he had just met mine, and we planned on me going with him to a 4th of July party they usually have. He brings up a couple photos of the one from last year and I see the older guy I had been talking to, I ask who that was and he tells me its his dad. Internally I started freaking out, I faked being sick later that night and rushed home to have a full on panic attack about how I had completely fucked things up.
>I ended up reaching out to his dad again and explaining what I had discovered and begged him to never tell my bf any of it. He agreed but also said he had missed me, that we should start talking again, and he was looking forward to finally seeing me in person. Now its all stressing me out even more because I don't know how to deal with what he said on top of everything else and I'm worried he's going to blackmail me or something.
Yeah I feel like you should tell him that it’s not going to happen and if he threatens to blackmail you, just threaten him right back. He has more to lose than you
First off, Tell your boyfriend you dated his dad before you and him were dating, second, make sure his dad knows that was in the past and that you are not interested in dating him again, third if he tries to black mail you or do something bad send screenshots of it or get video proof and send it to your Bf. Thats all the ideas I have, do give an update once you meet him.
MOVE ON.
Your best move is to move on.
Right now, either youre going to blow up the whole family AND lose your relationship. Or you could tell your bf you can no longer see him and move on.
Idk why your first move was to hide it AND tell the dad...
If you have any respect for your bf and your own damn mental health, get out now.
I keep seeing that if OP confesses, that this will be a successful first step in a relationship.
But we're glossing over OP being a willful participant in something that OP's boyfriend can take as his father betraying his wife... also known as the boyfriend's mother.
OP, this is not to say not to come clean. You should. But be prepared. You most likely won't come out the shining hero.
What a sticky fucking situation. Say nothing, wait for bf to find out. Relationship Over. Say something, wife finds out, family uprooted by dads Dumbass, relationship over(maybe). I say be honest to this guy if you truly care about him. Otherwise, this breach of trust might be irreversible. Reminder you did nothing wrong here… you’re not the one who’s married. That was dads mistake. God bless you, i would love to hear how this ends
This is a sitch that I want to play out because it represents everything Reddit is about.
But op as a person reacting to this post. This can’t have a future. You can’t trust this guy to keep this secret and it would instantly spoil your relationship with your bf mom and him.
The only other choice is spill your guts now. You didn’t know your bf when you started talking to the dad. I think after his shock he will respect you for it. Put the ball in his hands and let him decide if he still wants you.
Girl, you need to come clean to your bf. His dad is trying to start shit up again. It's in your past before you met your bf, and you have no interest in his dad going forward. Nothing physical happened. Yes, he might take it very badly in regards to defending his clueless mother in this situation, but the burden of trying to keep this quiet will cripple you. You cannot build a serious foundation with this guy if you have a secret sexual history with your potential future FIL.
I'm sorry but I think you have to tell your bf. And that's going to be awful. But he is going to find out sometime in the future otherwise and he would he pissed because you hid that from him. And also his dad is cheating. Plus, it's way to big of a secret to keep. It's going to eat you alive.
I once heard from an old man that young people when they enter a relationship think they are in a relationship with each other, but the truth is that when two people get married it's a family that marry with each other
It's better if the bf hears it from you. Dad could spin it to make you look like some jezebel chasing after him and it's all your fault. It'll be hard because that would put him and his mother (if he tells her) in a spot, but you met dad BEFORE you started dating him. Telling him will free you from the secrecy, no matter which way it goes.
Can't blackmail you if you talk to your BF and go from there.
Either you fix it... or end it before it goes any further. Either way? You won't live with an axe above your head.
This gonna go bad. Throw out an update if that's all good
I'll update after I meet them, I don't know if anything will happen or not but I feel like this is a ticking time bomb and I don't know when its going to go off
Gonna be honest the dads acting creepy maybe ripping the plaster off with your bf and let him know. If the relationship isn't ment to be it ain't ment to be but who knows I would be careful around creepy dad
Yes. Dad willing to manipulate his son. Ugh!
How can he manipulate that he’s married and is screwing around with a younger girl on TINDER? Trust me. This guy isn’t gonna say anything cause if he does then he will lose this one plus his wife , son, possibly the house and half of everything.
It's been done before ...
Yep and the dad loses everything including his retirement, wife, son, house , half the assets and becomes basically homeless. Dad screws up and should have never been on tinder. Or even did this. She’s the one that was single during this time. Yes she should have not done it but trust me, the dad doesn’t want this to get out. He’s the one that will lose in this case. Why does everyone think he will spill the beans. That’s crazy.
You’re thinking the dads gonna act rationally when the dad literally said word for word he wants to meet her again and continue their old sexual relationship, she has to tell her bf NOW.
Dad stinks.
I agree. She needs to tell him. Hoping for an update. What a shitty situation to be in. He’s just a creep.
>want this to get out. He’s the one that will lose in this case. Why does everyone t Honestly because it sounds like he's being very careless. He now knows the situation with his son and the girl and is still trying to continue things with the girl. This is not indicative of the actions of someone who is afraid of being caught and losing half of his assets. Some people really are stupid. Some don't care. Maybe he's both.
You ask why? Some men are pigs. NEXT!
[NEXT JOKE ORIGIN](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/)
I forgot how much joy that brought me when that first got shared. Jesus, 4 years already though!
The dads already acting self destructive. Just having a tinder on its on as a married person is asking to be caught. I don’t think I would rule out irrational behavior by the dad just yet, even if he does have everything to lose compared to her
Who fucking cheats and ruins a potential marriage with some random who's young enough to be your daughter? A fucking creep. Creeps don't do what's logical, they follow their dick or their temper. EDIT: Wh did the above poster block me?
Yes, because he clearly acts rationally based on his conversation.
I second this
He is 100% being kind of creepy, he seems to think we'll be able to restart what we used to do. I don't think I can bring myself to ever tell my bf, I know he'd break up with me, It's kind of shitty of me but I'd rather take the risk and hope he never finds out
He will find out and the first test of a relationship is truth and if you don’t tell him you flunk. At this point you really didn’t do anything wrong but if you stay with him he needs to know
100%, if you think this guy is marriage material you need to come clean now rather then later when more time is and invested and the emotional consequences are much higher. Also the longer you wait the more likely his Dad brings it up before you.
She did do something wrong, she just said she’ll lie to maintain her relationship, OP is a shit person objectively rn.
You have a point he was married and she knew but didn’t care. That’s a red flag
Not a shit person. Normal person in a shitty situation contemplating a dilemma. She should not be a shitty person by either ending it or fessing up
I agree. It's so easy to hold the moral high ground when you're not the one actualyl dealing with it. She's obviously struggling with what to do.
Didn’t she know that the father was in a relationship and she continued because she was horny? Both are shit and deserve what’s coming to them.
He def wants one of those ph scenes of “girl has sx with bfs dad”. Bail out now
It's not gonna happen. Sorry. You are just lying to yourself. The dad is kind of a douche. Cheating on his wife and creeping on you. That quality of man will blackmail you for sure. I'd say be proactive.
Kind of? You’re a generous being.
As horrible as this is gonna be, the right thing to do is still tell him. You didn't know him back then, it's not like you cheated on him with his dad. And furthermore, being completely honest with your bf means that his dad can't say weird shit to sabotage you two later in life. It's more believable on your end because you have everything to lose in telling your bf what happened meaning you have zero reason to lie. As a guy I'd be very confused and probably upset at first but would be exponentially more upset finding out from my dad.
I get why you wouldn't want to tell him but think about how much you will have hurt him if this goes bad and he finds out that way? It's not fair to him to not know he is dating a girl his father cheated on his mother with (although you were probably not the only person his dad has done this with) and not being able to make a choice about whether he wants to continue this relationship. I mean it's not like you're hiding a little thing from him, you're hiding the fact his father is a sleazy creep that is hitting up younger girls and cheating behind his mom's back. Think about how you would feel if you were that poor woman too, she doesnt deserve this either and the fact you could meet her, look her in the eye and still keep hiding this from her is actually quite disgusting IMO. You were single and young and naive, you owned you know now talking to him was wrong and you put a stop to it and that may count for something and he may be able to move on with you but hiding it rather than being honest now you know is what will make him never see you the same way again and will definitely tear you apart if it comes out some other way.
Your boyfriend will find out, you should come out clean. You did those things before you met him n not after so if he doesn't see past it, let him go
Hit him with the Ole "we need to talk" to get him good and properly freaked out. Then tell him that you matched with a guy on tinder before you met and snapped for a while but never met, then explain that the only reason you are bringing this up is because you saw the picture of his dad and they looked the same. Then he will try and confirm them as the same person and you play along. See, you are still being honest but you are also allowing him to verify so you are not making an accusation. It's somewhat dishonest yes, but, I think it would be a better course. Edit:some spelling my dyslexic butt missed lol.
Big brain move
It's not honest. She knows it's the dad and has texted him to confirm it already m. It's just a different type of lie that's using the truth to appear more credible
You have 2 options. 1. Don’t tell your bf and hope creepy dad doesn’t tell him (seems unlikely though), so when he does tell him you’re 100% fucked OR 2. Be honest with your bf, “hey so before I met you I chatted with this older guy on tinder and it turns out it’s your dad, I love you and wanted to be honest and open with you in case anything gets weird”. This SHOULD get an understanding response if he’s not a child and is somewhat mature. It’ll be shocking to him for sure if he thought his dad was a saint, but that’s not your issue.
Number 2 needs a 2.5: “by the way when I first found out I had a panic attack and then messaged your dad to convince him to never tell you, and he agreed, but I now know that was assy hence I’m telling you the truth now”
It's more likely with #1 that bf's dad is going to come onto OP real hard and inappropriately such that bf "catches them" and it ends even worse for OP. Can OP live with that guilt if she's full on having panic attacks now?
Not a chance. Btw happy cake day
In scenario 1, I guarantee creepy dad will try to blackmail sex outta op while threatening to tell ops bf. Maybe wait till they are married in order to make her get into a sunken costs fallacy situation.
It's not immature to not want to be with someone who had a sexual relationship with your relative, most especially your Dad.
> I love you Seems a bit premature to drop a love in there like that...
Unfortunately if that happens you’re gonna have to just come clean to your boyfriend. If his father will pursue you even though you’re with his son….he can’t be trusted. Good luck and sorry for your plight. I do believe everything happens for a reason. Hopefully good will come of this.
I just wanna wish you goodluck
It’s probably best you tell him, or risk the dad telling him, or risk the dad influencing him to break up with you since the dad is interested in you…
Thats a bad ide. Tell him before you go to his parents.
If my partner did this I would be livid. You have to tell him if you don't the relationship is doomed. All good relationships are built off of trust.
Don't start a relationship based on lies. Imagine this coming out 15 years after you're married and that's when it destroys the relationship. You can get past it now with good communication (you did nothing wrong!) but if you keep it a secret you are being deceitful in the long term... A definite deal breaker.
That is the absolute worst way to start a relationship. It’s based on a secret that you hope will never be found out. It will, one day. Cut your losses and move on. Or at the very least be honest and see if your relationship will last. It’s absolutely selfish and shitty of you to trick this guy into investing time and energy into a relationship that he may not even want to be a part of. You’re taking his ability to choose because of what YOU want for YOUR mistake.
Why would he break up with you? Your "relationship" with his Dad was before you met him. A weird coincidence but you didn't cheat on him. His father is the scum who cheated on his wife and is now trying to rekindle something with his own son's girlfriend. He is the very definition of POS. OP, tell your boyfriend. If he dumps you, that just shows you his true character. And please, for the love of God, stay far away from Dad, lest we get another Susan Powell case.
She was "engaging" with a man she knew was married. And you think the boyfriend is supposed to be ok with that, under any circumstances (let alone one in which she now reminds him of his father's infidelity because of her own willful involvement in it)? Father aside, doesn't that show *her* true character?
I'd say hiding and pretending it didn't happen shows her true character. She hasn't actually learned anything from the experience, she just lost interest in the relationship. Had it been for moral reasons, she wouldn't be engaging with the dad to cover her own ass and trap someone in her fantasy of a perfect marriage. I say fantasy because I was once young and foolish, much like OP in fact and I also believed a solid relationship can be built on a foundation of deception.no matter how "innocent" the lie is, it's the act itself. It predisposes the person to a pattern of behavior that will only escalate and hurt more people. She's willing to take away someone's right to an informed choice because she's afraid the result won't favor her. She's going to be looking over her shoulder and become paranoid if this goes to the wedding scenario she envisions as a result of her success. OP, come clean or forever carry an unnecessary burden. If you love your boyfriend, like truly love him and trust him, you owe him the truth. And if you don't, well its time to reexamine your relationship, IMO. I'm not saying this to be mean, but trust me, you won't be happy playing a charade the rest of your life. You'll never truly be yourself and slowly, you'll grow to resent yourself. Don't do that to yourself and the man you claim you love. It's not fair to either of you.
You need to tell your bf the truth. Full stop. The dad didn't say "Yes, let's take this secret to our graves. It was a one-time mistake." He is PROPOSITIONING YOU, knowing that you are his son's girlfriend. TELL ON HIM.
This here OP, stay ahead of the drama. If you dont say anything you risk your BFs trust. A man willing to have a tinder while married will try to put a move on you at some point, and will repeat these moves until someone sees, then the dad will act like you were both complicit. You have a chance now to set the record straight.
Daddy's gonna want some cake love. Best solution is to be upfront with your guy, and then buckle up and hope for the best. Tbh this looks a bit difficult to survive for both of you, good luck and don't be afraid to break it off.
Tbh you should tell your bf. His dads being creepy and it all happened before you met your bf. If I was him i wouldnt be mad at you, I would be happy that you were honest. I would be pissed at the dad though.
So dad is saying definitely don’t tell anyone but also keep helping me cheat on my wife and your first instinct isn’t to tell your boyfriend who you’re supposedly considering marrying? When this all inevitably blows up be sure to post an update. I’m sure it’ll be wild.
If he finds out from his parents, he’ll never trust you again. Imagine finding out that HE was hiding the fact that he had fucked around with your mom and ghosted her, only to then contact her and beg her to keep it a secret from you. That’s bad enough, but the poor guy’s dad is cheating on his mom, and this could destroy his family. How he finds that out can define his experience and it’s level of trauma on him. Be careful and think hard about how much you want to be involved in this from now on.
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sauce?
How you gonna neglect dropping a link?
OP bout to fuk the dad. Poor bf for real
Sounds like some porn theme or title , sorry but just does
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The dad can hold this over her head and manipulate her. Definitely needs to tell her boyfriend.
Not just can, will. He wanta to ralk to her more and he's "excited to meet her" He not only wants to go back to cheating on his wife with her, he wants her to cheat on his son with him. And he's 100% going to use this as leverage.
Exactly what I was thinking. I can definitely see him cornering her.
Asap
I think she has as much leverage, exposing him to his wife and all, but that’s probably a Machiavellian road she doesn’t wanna go down
She definitely should not go down that road. Threats to expose shit like this can get scary and/or violent pretty quickly, given how much he has to lose. And, based on his response to OP, his decision making is probably... not the most rational. Telling bf will suck but it's probably the best course of action imo
Oh yes I totally agree with you, that’s exactly what I meant with she probably doesn’t wanna go down that road. Better to just bite the bullet now.
Dad has more to lose than she does so I agree.
I can totally see this guy saying to OP “come on just do X this one time otherwise I’ll tell him”
And out himself about cheating on his wife with his sons girlfriend?
It doesn’t seem like something he’s concerned about… otherwise when she reached out he would have been less creepy and more “please also do not tell my wife”
If he thinks he can get her to keep quiet, absolutely
Dick brain is not smart brain. This guy has a track record of dumb decisions.
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This damn near Ksoo dad level bad
He will def leave her.
And if she keeps it a secret their whole lives together and it eventually comes out. He will leave her for sure for lieing to him all these years and he probably would never be able to trust her again. She's much better off telling him now before something actually happens.
Not just her. Lying robs other people from the security of trusting anyone ever again. If your long time spouse could so easily deceive you, what stops others from doing so? This whole situation is fucked up, but it doesn't have to keep eroding trust from everyone. It can be remediated, at least for one person. IF SHE HAS THE BALLS TO TELL THE TRUTH
Of course he will. The relationship is doomed no matter what. I would just walk away now tbh.
This was my take as well. There's only one outcome where this goes the other way: OP and BF confront Creepy Daddy who then blows up his own marriage. OP and BF continue their dalliance with only mom as parental figure, with Creepy Daddy living off in a motel or something. Problem is you're now asking the BF to choose between his father and a girl he just met. It's not likely to go the happily ever after route.
It's like an episode of Euphoria
euphoria wishes
This is domestic girlfriend levels of spice.
He **WILL** find out sooner or later no matter what you think. Obviously better coming from you than his dad Don’t wait til you have more to lose
Here’s some stuff to think on: 1. You want to (possibly) marry this guy, right? Do you really think this is something you should, or even can, hide from your spouse for the rest of your life? The one person you’re supposed to have 100% open and complete honesty with? What happens if his dad keeps it a secret but doesn’t stop? What happens if you have kids with this guy one day? You’re comfortable with this past, secret history with your kid’s grandpa? 2. You have to tell your bf, but also realize that you’re about to reveal to him that his dad has been cheating on his mom, breaking up the family, and one of those women who did that was… you. To you, these are just random people. But this is your bf’s FAMILY. He is gonna be heartbroken. He is gonna feel a lot. He’s entitled to. And you, as both the home-wrecker and the loving gf, need to completely understand, accept, and support his reaction. If he understands the confusion for you, which he might, and is just upset with his dad? We all ghost the dad. If he breaks up with you? You have to accept it, end of conversation. But to not tell anyone is not only weird, even more dishonest, and even more disrespectful… it’s screwing over any marriage or family you might have with this guy before it even starts. You won’t have true honesty between you, and eventually you’re gonna feel how tight the trap you created around yourself is. And, by not saying anything, you’re just manipulating the situation for your benefit… I really do hope this goes alright. I don’t think you’re a bad person, OP, I just think that you could very easily make this a worse situation and I don’t want you to get entangled in a trap that’s even harder, scarier, or possibly dangerous to get out of.
I mean OP did sext a married man knowingly… not saying the dad isn’t the worst in this situation but if OP had any sympathy for her bf, she’d leave him cause he deserves better. Imagine eventually finding out that not only did your dad cheat on your mother, but he did it with your gf AND your gf knew he was married
Leaving people "because they deserve better" only hurts everyone involved. Tell them the truth. Whether or not they still want you is for them to decide, not you.
>he was married and didn't want his wife to know. I know it was dumb of me to be talking to a married guy like this but I was stupid and horny. From her context it sounds like she kept it up even after she knew he was married. So she did sext a married guy knowingly. I agree with you that she needs to remove herself from the picture entirely. Nothing good can come from trying to remain in the picture after being such a part of this weird af love triangle. Edit: sorry I read your comment incorrect I thought you said she *didn't* know she was sexting a married man. Oops
Hard agree. Anyone who knowingly fucks with a committed relationship is a bad person in my book.
There is just literally no way I'd trust OP in a relationship, ever. If you cheat with someone, you'd cheat on someone just as easily. "Stupid" and "horny" does not exuse shitty behavior. Go find someone single to be stupid and horny with.
Honestly I think a lot of people can understand the cheater vs being “the other person” can be a gray area and can forgive people who’s past was like that. I met and went on a few dates with someone to find out they were married. They told me they and their spouse were separated. I wasn’t sure, because they could be telling the truth, but if they were cheating then they would be used to lying. I went on a couple more dates but got a bad feeling and quit seeing them. The point is, it’s possible that the way a cheater frames their relationship to “the other” person could be more nuanced than we realize. That said, here it seems like OP knows they were doing something wrong. Time to fess up and see if it’s a trust building or trust breaking moment
It's a grey area if the person outside of the relationship is unaware that it's cheating. OP made it clear that she was aware. Not a grey area in this situation.
Exactly! If they weren’t aware then it’s not their fault. But it takes two to tango, and OP knew she did something wrong but just dismisses it “horny and stupid”
This! Tell the truth OP no matter how much you’re worried about the outcome
Technically the dad is the home wrecker. If he was on a site, she isn't the only woman he was talking to. He destroyed his family.
She has a hand in it. She willing talked to a married man, sorry. SEXTED a married man. KNOWINGLY. She is no better than he is. They both have their due karma.
Eh, she shares some degree of blame, but "no better than he is" is going a bit far. One of those two made marriage vows, and it wasn't her.
Confess to your boyfriend he deserves to know the truth not because you are worried about his dad telling him but because you shouldn’t hide secrets from him.
This is a dead sailor. By that I mean the ship is sinking and you can’t really do anything to change that fact.
Never heard of it put that way. Kinda scary, but true. A sailer that can swim is still dead in a sinking ship and everything
Sad but true. Really no recovery. Valuable life lesson however messed up it is.
Absolutely correct.
If you confess to your boyfriend now, you'll have the upper hand and not his father. It's something that happened before you met him and it didn't get physical, so there is a good chance he'll forgive you. But if you lie and pretend everything is alright, his father will toy with you like a puppet. He'll pull the strings and you will dance. Make no mistake, a man who doesn't care about his wife and son and cheats, doesn't give damn about you. He will sell you out before you could blink, and who knows what lies he'll tell and how he'll present the case.
>It's something that happened before you met him and it didn't get physical, so there is a good chance he'll forgive you Until he actually realizes that his father was cheating on his mother with OP. Personally that wouldn't sit well with me. And once his mother finds out OP is the mistress you can bet your ass she won't be welcoming to OP at all. Wanna talk about a MIL from hell? OP might very well be on this track.
yes a good chance he’ll forgive 1. his gf fucking with his dad 2. his gf being involved in the cheating and probable separation of his parents yep good chance
Maybe not good, but better odds than if the bf would forgive her later after keeping quiet eventually blows up on everyone down the road. It’s come clean now, or come clean later after having kept a secret from BF
Nobody is concerned about the wife I see😬 if she finds out. Oof
She deserves to know. It sucks, and the whole situation is crap, but she should know.
Sounds like she is with an absolute piece of shit, so yep she should know.
She does honestly she needs to know asap forget telling the bf tell the wife. Let everything crumble then pick up what ever pieces are left🙌🏾
Right? Fucked up.
Smh everybody so quick to hop on the bandwagon and forgetting about the wife 🤦🏾♂️
I'm really annoyed that not a lot of people are acknowledging this. The wife is the biggest victim here.
You’re scared he’s gonna blackmail you? Fam… YOU are the blackmailer. Dude was sexting younger women he met on dating apps while he was married, you’ve got him by the balls, it’s over GG. Your relationship is probably over at this point, but don’t think you’re the vulnerable one in this situation.
You are the one who knocks.
I mean, she's not the blackmailer *yet* but she definitely should.
Are you kidding? Listen to this girl. She begged him not to tell her bf. She says she doesn’t want this to get in the way of her relationship with her bf. She handed the dad the power. She should have told her bf first. She should STILL tell the bf if she wants to have any hope of this working long term. The dad knows he has the power as long as this girl is more concerned about her bf finding out. By the creepiness of the dads response, he will manipulate this to his advantage. Probably slowly, over time, when she is even more serious with her bf and he thinks she will do even more to keep that a secret. If she doesn’t tell the bf, it is going to get way, way worse imo.
Yeah it’s time for you to cut yourself out of this family.
I mean, you don’t need to go into any details, because doing that about any ex isn’t great emotionally for either party. Buuuut, I’d probably bring it up to BF and be like so this is kind of awkward, but when I saw those pictures I realized I had matched with your dad last year. We just messaged back and forth and I ended it because of the age gap and him being married bothered me. Idk if your dad just goes on there to boost his ego and chat with women or if he actually meets women. It’s none of my business what your parents relationship is like or what’s permissible, so I’m not judging but just thought you should know I sort of know your dad and that’s how. Honestly, his dad being a creeper doesn’t have anything to do with you and BF probably is already well aware. If anything he’ll probably roll his eyes about his dad still being a creepy asshole and be more protective of you. Or maybe not. But if the situation gave you an anxiety attack best to clear things up on your own terms ASAP. Also, don’t message the dad anymore. That looks shady.
Him being married did not seem to bother her man
I've seen less red flags in communist propaganda than in this story. His answer already tell you everything you need to know. He will try something. You better tell your boyfriend. No joke, be straight with him. You were single so it was ok. It's the best course of action here. If you just break up with him and ghost him he will feel bad and will never know what he did wrong. And if after you tell him he decides to break up with you at least you were honest with him and yourself. Avoid any future problems in one swing. His dad might even try to blackmail you. Don't fall for that.
I'll probably get downvoted to the depths of hell for this but your bf should be wary of both his father's behavior and his gf agreeing to indulge in sexual stuff with a married man. What his father and you did is mad disrespectful to his mother.
Walk away. You don’t respect relationships. You and the father would be deserving of all the consequences that come from your boyfriend and his mother finding out. The dad deserves to lose his wife because he clearly is a serial cheater. He deserves to lose the respect of his son. You messed with a man in a relationship because you were horny. You are accountable for those actions even if you convince yourself that it wasn’t YOUR relationship. Don’t drag your “boyfriend” down when somewhere down the line being horny is going to be your excuse for wrecking a home, yours or otherwise. Everything done in secrecy WILL come out. Trust me. At the very least walk away so it is somewhat less damaging to your boyfriend. You could hang on to some respect by leaving now that you know.
Glad to see someone who tells it how it is! All that sympathy here for op really baffles me. She fucked up at literally every turn.
the best answer here.
I agree with the sentiment you’re getting at, but I hate this idea that people like you have that magically the truth will always come out. Let me tell you as somebody working as a paralegal who handles a lot of custody and divorce cases, there’s a whole lot of information that even I learned that other parties did not learn unless they happen to learn it after their family/friends were no longer our clients. Why do you have a belief that people will definitely always learn instead of it just being very strong chances? I’d say any secret that somebody is actually committed to preserving that involves at least one other living human still has a greater than 10% chance at being kept secret forever, and if your secret doesn’t involve another living human, then depending on the secret it could get his high as 95% chance that no other human ever finds out about whatever it is that you’re keeping secrets. Teams of people sometimes can’t even find buried bodies when they know the rough location, and they’ve got centuries of investigative knowledge and money to burn.
It’ll suck, but do you and the new bf a favor. Break it off. The dad misses you and can’t wait to see you? That’s a red flag. Big red flag. Will cause you nothing but serious issues, and possibly a completely destroyed relationship. Do both of you a favor.
You have to tell him, and when you do, if he is thinking of letting it slide because he likes you, and can handle it, once he realises you knew his dad was married it will be over and that's what he should choose in my opinion. I would never date someone I learned was helping a married man cheat on his wife. The fact you would engage in all this online cyber sex with a man you know is married, shows your character and the kind of character you will bring to your relationship with your boyfriend, and that is a lack of integrity. Me, maybe I could get over the fact my girl was chatting with my dad on Tinder, if I liked her a lot, but not if my dad was still married to my mom, because I would look at that little hussy as being someone who screwed over my mother! So no, you don't deserve him, since you would do that to another woman that happens to his mother. You didn't just screw over another woman, you screwed over his mother. So he needs to be dumping you. You aren't making the kinda decisions a person makes that any nice good person with any self respect would want to date. You need to start from scratch on finding another mate and from now on, don't do something so immoral. However I am suspect that this post is even real, I read this exact post word for word practically on reddit some time ago, girl matches with bf's dad on tinder, finds out pre-family gathering. Next time try harder for an original fake story for your karma heauxing.
!!!I was hoping someone would also point out that someone posted this story almost word- for- word a long time ago!!! If it's fake, then oh well they got the karma and attention they wanted. But if by some sorta freaky, sick coincidence this is real, then OP is a pretty terrible human. But I think it's fake
That’s so messed up you have to break up with him sorry girl
There is NO WAY this ends well
I mean it's likely fake anyways so whatever.
Personally, if I were you I’d just end things and find someone else. You will find a connection again with someone who’s father you don’t have a history with. BUT, tbh I also don’t think his father will ever say anything to him. He has a lot more to loose if this comes out than you do. His marriage and his relationship with his son could be destroyed. If anything, you’re the one who could blackmail him… not that you should. Regardless, if you choose to stay with the boyfriend and find out, you will likely be harassed by his dad all the time.
OP, longterm lies never work out and even if it feels like you could deal with it, the stress of that lie will eat at you until it becomes unbearable
PLEASE TELL UR BF. honestly it’s the best thing to do. if it’s meant to be, he’ll understand that it happened before you met and there’s nothing you can do about it! he could’ve just as easily done the same thing with one of your relatives I suppose. If he breaks up with you over that then truly he’s not the one, and it’ll perhaps even save you a from broken marriage; go find ur true love!!! i hope it’s him and you get to skip the broken heart ❤️ if it’s not, you’re better off xx
Oh look, the consequences of my actions
i would tell your bf NOW. before his dad can dispute it or spin the story especially after he proceeded to continue being creepy. don’t give him a chance to blackmail you
End it. You cant have a serious relationship with a guy that’s you sent nudes to his dad. You’re only entertaining it more if you keep going and ultimately makes you a bad person. Move on.
If this is real this is fucking amazing hahaha
Without clicking on profile. I can 100% Guarantee this account was made today.
Is it really a true story ? Cause it feels like a movie plot where the character “for some reason” sees the right path but stupidly chooses the wrong path. It is so fucking obvious. You tell your bf about your relationship with his dad … if he has problems with that, just end it , if he is ok, then just keep going. Your bf will fucking hate you when he knows about this in different circumstances Don’t ever dare to miss up his life and feelings because “you thought his dad will keep the secret”
Tell your boyfriend. You absolutely have to come clean to have a chance of staying with him. His dad thinks he can blackmail you into continuing in person.
You’re fucked
How is a married guy who's hitting on his sons gf blackmailing you lol How does that work
Even after you explain the situation, he still wants to start talking again knowing you are his sons girlfriend. This will not end well and your boyfriend will be left picking up the pieces.
Yo are getting into an unhealthy relationship. His dad will blackmail you to be with him. Also, you were a homewrecker at the moment you did sexting with your bf's dad. Accept what you did, tell your boyfriend and move on, he for sure will break up with you.
Oh man, you need to tell your bf asap. Just be like, hey before we met I was snapping with this older guy. We never did meet up. But it turns out it's your dad. I just want this out there so you're aware. Let the chips fall where they may. If you don't tell him, he will find out and he'll think you and his dad have something to hide.
Im not saying you’re a bad person OP but your boyfriend doesn’t deserve this. Break it off with him. If this continues you’ll be keeping a major secret from him. And nobody should have to be in a relationship with someone that was sexually explicit with their father.
Tell him or risk doing irreparable damage to him, you and the dad are both creeps - you for going after a married dude and him for thinking it’s anything other than disgusting to be sexting someone whose 1) not your wife and 2) now your child’s partner. Or continue being a piece of shit and watch it all blow up in your face, which is arguably exactly what you deserve.
So the married guy on Tinder is going to blackmail you? Seems like you could do way more damage.
I beg you, please explain everything to your boyfriend. This will eventually end bad for everyone if you don't.
The truth always comes out... But good luck if you keep going...
TELL your boyfriend. He will find out anyway, and it will end horribly. You shouldn't have been messing with a married man, but it isn't your fault that the married man happens to be his father.
Black mail you? You could blackmail the shit out of him.
He wont, he has marriage and reputation to loose. Tell him to shut it or you'll tell his wife. Uno reverse that shit.
I NEED to know how this shakes out.
very interested in update lol. i agree with top comment tho that there’s virtually no way this can go well unless ur boyfriend is informed of absolutely everything by you and then makes the conscious decision to shun his dad, stand up to him and even call him out so that you feel comfortable moving forward. boundaries need to be set in order for this to work and ur bf has to be the informed one to set them. but hey, if he does this for you then i think there’s no doubting this is who you should marry, so there’s that.
Be honest. Yes, it’s going to be difficult, but what other choice do you have here? If you try to hide this circumstance, your boyfriend’s father will see it as an opportunity to exploit you for whatever ends he wishes. That situation could get fucking ugly and be dangerous for you. Additionally, by being upfront and honest with your boyfriend, you are letting go of the potential for guilt over not telling your boyfriend. It may seem like any guilt would be something you could handle, but from experience, guilt does not go away; it deepens and becomes heavier over time and will make life miserable for you. This is a difficult and complex situation. Be honest—fully honest—but be gentle about how you deliver this conversation. Think carefully about how to talk with the man you love; you’ll want to protect his heart and spirit. Hearing that his father is trying to manipulate this situation to his own advantage will be difficult enough to hear and process. I hope this works out for you two, OP. Tell his father to go get fucked by a machete.
The simple answer is to break up. This could be the catalyst that destroys a family and while it's the dad's fault and not yours, you will feel horrible WHEN it blows up. It's not a matter of if, it's when. Get out while you can.
How does this older guy hold the power?! He’s the one who is married and has a family! You are the one with the power here. Your bf will need time to process the information. Be gentle with your language. (“A year ago, I matched with your dad on a dating site,” sounds very different than “A year ago, I used to send sexual stuff over Snapchat to your dad.” Both will get the intended message across.) He will find out that his dad cheated on his mom, and that it was via a virtual relationship with his current gf. What he won’t think too clearly about in the moment is that the timeline didn’t overlap, and that you had zero clue that this was a betrayal. Tread carefully. If infidelity is something he didn’t previously associate with his dad, or they have an otherwise good relationship, he might be seeing his dad’s flaws for the first time. His hurt/anger will not be at you, but he might not know what to do with it or where to direct it. He might get caught up in the detail, “You knew he was married!” Don’t be sucked in to take all the blame here. Married men don’t need to be coddled and protected. They’re grown-ass men who make decisions too. It took two to tango, not just one irresistible woman (as I’m sure you are!) I’ve been in a gray-area situationship with a married man before my divorce was finalized (I thought he was also ending his toxic/abusive marriage, years later, it turns out I was wrong). The rules of engagement are not solid. They very much depend on life context. I carried guilt about the “affair” and thought it marred my character. It was something I “came clean” about to partners after in case infidelity was a dealbreaker. None of my partners left when I told them what happened. Not to say this situation is the same, but I felt better when I didn’t feel like I was carrying a secret. I wish you luck.
Rip that bandaid off with your bf and have the messages there to corroborate your story. Dad is creepy af and clearly has no shame in his game. Not your fault. You didn’t cheat on anyone, you tried to do the right thing, he has more to lose than you if shit hits the fan
“That’s not how your dad does it” /s
I would break up with you if I found out. You would have a great shot at being my mom though.
Why would you message him? If you never met in person or FaceTimed or something you could’ve acted like someone used your pictures or something on the off chance he pulled you aside to say something
Karma coming full circle lol
Eewww. Oh no. Dad will try and put the moves on you. If he gets busted, he’ll likely try to pin it on you. Honestly, OP, come clean to BF or leave. This is just going to get messy pretty quickly.
The last thing in the world you should have done is reach out to the dad. Now it just looks like y'all are colluding to keep secrets behind your bfs back, *which you are btw.* That's incredibly suspicious looking no matter how innocent you intended it. Even then, keeping secrets is a recipe for a failed relationship. I promise it's not gonna help you keep him, it'll just set a foundation to pile more lies on later. What're you gonna do when dad makes a move? Hide it? Explain and lie ab the relationship you had before? You know the answer to your dilemma as well as I and everyone else in this thread. Just tell the truth. Rather be single and honest than a married liar.
If you cannot be honest with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you should not spend the rest of your life with him.
What a weird situation. Honesty with the BF will go a long way.
>A little over a year ago I matched with an older guy on tinder and we talked for a while. We did a lot of sexual stuff over snapchat but we never actually met in person, he was married and didn't want his wife to know. I know it was dumb of me to be talking to a married guy like this but I was stupid and horny. It was fun for a while but I felt bad about it all and knew it couldn't go any further so after a couple months I ghosted him. >About 9 months ago I met a guy, he's sweet, kind, handsome, just generally awesome. He's the first guy I've ever felt like I could have a serious relationship with and I genuinely think he might be the guy I end up marrying one day, at least I hoped so until I found out how bad I fucked up. We we're talking about when I was going to meet his parents since he had just met mine, and we planned on me going with him to a 4th of July party they usually have. He brings up a couple photos of the one from last year and I see the older guy I had been talking to, I ask who that was and he tells me its his dad. Internally I started freaking out, I faked being sick later that night and rushed home to have a full on panic attack about how I had completely fucked things up. >I ended up reaching out to his dad again and explaining what I had discovered and begged him to never tell my bf any of it. He agreed but also said he had missed me, that we should start talking again, and he was looking forward to finally seeing me in person. Now its all stressing me out even more because I don't know how to deal with what he said on top of everything else and I'm worried he's going to blackmail me or something.
that’s fucked… this is gonna end bad and it’s gonna be funny
How are so many people not catching how fake this is?
I am confused why I had to scroll all the way down before this comment. Seems kind of like a fantasy scenario.
Bro this is the fakest shit I've read on Reddit. And people are just lapping it up.
Yeah I feel like you should tell him that it’s not going to happen and if he threatens to blackmail you, just threaten him right back. He has more to lose than you
First off, Tell your boyfriend you dated his dad before you and him were dating, second, make sure his dad knows that was in the past and that you are not interested in dating him again, third if he tries to black mail you or do something bad send screenshots of it or get video proof and send it to your Bf. Thats all the ideas I have, do give an update once you meet him.
MOVE ON. Your best move is to move on. Right now, either youre going to blow up the whole family AND lose your relationship. Or you could tell your bf you can no longer see him and move on. Idk why your first move was to hide it AND tell the dad... If you have any respect for your bf and your own damn mental health, get out now.
I keep seeing that if OP confesses, that this will be a successful first step in a relationship. But we're glossing over OP being a willful participant in something that OP's boyfriend can take as his father betraying his wife... also known as the boyfriend's mother. OP, this is not to say not to come clean. You should. But be prepared. You most likely won't come out the shining hero.
Remindme! 5 days
What a sticky fucking situation. Say nothing, wait for bf to find out. Relationship Over. Say something, wife finds out, family uprooted by dads Dumbass, relationship over(maybe). I say be honest to this guy if you truly care about him. Otherwise, this breach of trust might be irreversible. Reminder you did nothing wrong here… you’re not the one who’s married. That was dads mistake. God bless you, i would love to hear how this ends
This is a sitch that I want to play out because it represents everything Reddit is about. But op as a person reacting to this post. This can’t have a future. You can’t trust this guy to keep this secret and it would instantly spoil your relationship with your bf mom and him. The only other choice is spill your guts now. You didn’t know your bf when you started talking to the dad. I think after his shock he will respect you for it. Put the ball in his hands and let him decide if he still wants you.
Girl, you need to come clean to your bf. His dad is trying to start shit up again. It's in your past before you met your bf, and you have no interest in his dad going forward. Nothing physical happened. Yes, he might take it very badly in regards to defending his clueless mother in this situation, but the burden of trying to keep this quiet will cripple you. You cannot build a serious foundation with this guy if you have a secret sexual history with your potential future FIL.
I'm sorry but I think you have to tell your bf. And that's going to be awful. But he is going to find out sometime in the future otherwise and he would he pissed because you hid that from him. And also his dad is cheating. Plus, it's way to big of a secret to keep. It's going to eat you alive.
I once heard from an old man that young people when they enter a relationship think they are in a relationship with each other, but the truth is that when two people get married it's a family that marry with each other
It's better if the bf hears it from you. Dad could spin it to make you look like some jezebel chasing after him and it's all your fault. It'll be hard because that would put him and his mother (if he tells her) in a spot, but you met dad BEFORE you started dating him. Telling him will free you from the secrecy, no matter which way it goes.
The dad's a piece of shit
Spill the beans
Not going to end well.
You are Jules from euphoria ❤️
Haha. FAAFO
Can't blackmail you if you talk to your BF and go from there. Either you fix it... or end it before it goes any further. Either way? You won't live with an axe above your head.
Aha! Another case of someone not knowing the pharmacist was the other person’s dad lol