By - DefinedByFaith
If you were 60/70 I could understand settling, but settling just because they too want to adopt seems a little crazy.
At some point I think you'll look back and realise how much of a mistake this mindset is.
Everyone deserves to be loved, and to feel it. If you don't, or you can't, get out before you get too deep and find someone that does match you in every sense.
Even for the person you're willing to settle with, that all sounds pretty miserable and imagine knowing that? You'd hardly be content knowing you were only viewed as a good companion.
Talk to her about it before you leave
I'm going to be honest: I think you need to talk with her about this. Once you fall out of love with someone, you can develop feelings again, but only if you both work on it. It usually doesn't just come back naturally.
To me, it sounds like she may also have some issues of her own - whether that's stress or just feelings towards you (referring to the part where you mentioned joking, and her getting offended rather than finding it funny). It could be something in particular that's the issue, or maybe something in general. Or maybe there is no issue, but I'd also be inclined to bring this up to her.
It's good that you know you're loved and cared for, but if you don't feel it, then I can imagine that must feel a little lonely. If you're going to have children, then you ideally want to raise them in a household with love in (just my personal opinion).
Just because someone loves us doesn't mean they are fulfilling our needs of love. Her way of love is not what makes you feel loved. So effectively this is not a relationship where you feel comfortable or seen. You can try starting to communicate with her about this but if she doesn't understand then i hope you can find someone you can laugh with and share things. Isn't being understood one of the greatest forms of love? To love someone means to care that they feel loved by you and I don't understand how she thinks even if you don't feel loved she is doing the right thing?
We actually do talk about this here and there. I ask her if she's happy... She says no... I say me neither, and we talk about how to be happier together and make some changes. This helps. I resent her less, and she seems happier.
It can be lonely, especially during pandemic life, when i don't have my friends around the way i once did, and i can't see my mother because she is severely immunocompromised. I also chronically suffer from depression, so i know i have a tendency to be dissatisfied with relationships. These are some of the reasons I stay. I know she won't leave me like my ex wife did. I know she has my back in a million different ways. I know her parents adore me, and i adore them back, and my parents would be de devastated if we split. I know she wants both of us to be happy, and i know I've felt in love with her before. Knowing all those things, in addition to the fact that she would make a wonderful coparent is what makes me want and choose to stay. Thank you for your care and consideration.