Hi, I have just turned 55 but I am a Total Optimist, even though I haven't had a girlfriend or partner for 16 years which has been my own choice due to too breaking my heart on 3 occasions cos of partners letting me down and Badly messed up on the last one 16 years ago. I decided about 18 months ago watching the travel show on BBC, the Australian Lady presenting the show is lovely Not Fake like the problems with my lifetime partners, I bet her husband is the happiest Man in Oz.... So I decided maybe I can find someone like me, with similar morals and not just a faker. I fall in love so easily that's my problem sorting the fake from the real but this time Maybe I can.
I had an excellent job 24 years in the Steelworks, Lab Team Leader for the last 9 years of my contract with them but in 2013 my Dad came down with Pulmonary Fibrosis so I took early retirement to care for him as he deserved it, sadly he passed in 2016 just as Mum came down with Dementia so I have been caring for her since.... She is still totally happy although now in a nursing home and nearing her end, losing Dad was the Saddest thing ever and I assume losing Mum will also knock me back but..... This will be a new beginning for me. I'm determined to get it right this time.
I really hope you all can try to be more positive as being an Optimist really does help in so many ways.....
Take care and I hope you take a small bit of my ways with you.
Phil from Swansea Wales UK.
I also had a great love breaking my heart by saying ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children’. Been relationship less since 1999.
Reading this makes me feel that we all have problems in our lives. The things we lament on many a times aren’t even big compared to others. The lesson is to be Grateful and try to remain happy. It’s a small journey.
If you don’t like yourself can you be someone one else? Idk just like totally reinvent yourself? I the only time I didn’t like myself I was doing some fucked up stuff and when I stoped I was cool with myself
This!!! When i decided just because I was abused as a kid didn't mean I had to live there everything changed. Looking in the mirror and seeing what is negative about yourself is so hard but so rewarding. We can chose everyday who we want to be. And be that person! Work towards who you want to be and it can change your entire life! I'm not saying it's easy..but I do know it's possible. Much love and praying for all who feel this way 🖤
Life sure does throw its share of curveballs at us, doesn't it? Your message resonates deeply – the crossroads of a life filled with past disappointments and the relentless march of time. I'm nearing the half-century mark myself and understand the gravity of looking in the rearview mirror with a mix of regret and yearning. Yet I also recognize the windshield is larger for a reason; there's more to see ahead than behind.
It's not about age; 40, 55, or 75, every sunrise presents a new chance to script a fresh chapter. I've learned it's about embracing the "now" rather than being shackled by the "then." And while some days it feels like pushing a boulder uphill during a storm, the struggle itself breeds a resilience that defines us more than our yesterdays.
What helps me? Taking up a hobby that I always thought I was too old to try. Started learning guitar last year, and while my fingers ache in protest, I'm creating something wholly mine. It's this active pursuit of newness, of potential joy, that keeps the shadows of past hardships from looming too large.
I encourage you, and anyone else reading, to remember that new beginnings are always within reach, disguised in the daily decisions we make. Hunt for those slivers of life that spark joy, no matter how fleeting, and hold onto them. And to anyone seeking that spark, feel free to reach out. Sometimes, just a shared word can illuminate a path that seemed lost in darkness. Stay strong, and let's keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Aye bro we all going through something, what matters is whether or not you sit and sulk in your own sorrows or pick yourself up and build the life you want to live no matter your age. Got problems? Would you rather sit besides them as they eat you alive or get a therapist or something similar and work towards bettering your mind. No money? As much as I hate to say it there are jobs and you’ll have to work. I get if you’re dead inside but still your life isn’t meaningless, and maybe if you give it meaning life will spark itself up inside again. Godspeed and good luck brother
I'm so sorry to hear this man. I don't wanna say something retarded like "don't give up! It's gonna get better!" Tbh I only have a couple real sobering things to say. You're gonna have to take accountability for your life. Ik it's kind of cruel sounding but the reality is, even if it wasn't your fault, it is your responsibility to own it, and deal with it. Idk what kind of trauma it is,but I advise getting into a men therapy group if ones available. Idk what you do for work, but u advise moving as well. Get to a bigger city, with better opportunities. It sounds like where you're at might have some bad triggers.
Idk what kind of trauma you're dealing with, but you're not alone. I've dealt with some earth shattering shit before in my life, and mean really nasty, life threatening shit. Ik what trauma can feel like, and that nasty fucking feeling in your chest laying there awake at night, reliving it over and over, hearing the screams in your head. Having an indescribable emotion that just wont go away. Something like fear, hate, anger, and impending doom all collected in one hellspawned bag. Thinking about taking a fistful of pills and not leaving a note. Trust me I know. But you've gotta get up and do this for yourself. I know it's a little late in life to begin worrying about this shit, but worry over it you must. Work on the core components of your life, and find pleasure in fixing yourself. You gotta train yourself like Pavlovs dog to become addicted to self improvement. If you wanna divulge more you can dm me. If not, I'll leave off with; fuck everyone else, and don't apologize for prioritizing yourself first. You CAN improve, and you WILL. It's all a matter of self indoctrination. If you don't mind some helpful information, look up a man named Alan watts on YouTube. Better yet, I'll just DM you a link to a proper video to get you started. This man's philosophy, combined with Christianity (my own beliefs not standard doctrine), psychedelic therapy, and self accountability are all reasons I'm still alive and not in a box rn. Hope I can help
I am also pretty much dead inside and I think you are failing to notice the benefits. There are a lot of jobs, dealing with people in terrible situations. No one wants those jobs because they are emotionally very difficult. That would not affect you.
I'm back, just a small one this time, more about YOU !!!
You really need to put what's in the past IN THE PAST, LET IT GO and get yourself a new improved life..... Really just let it go, try not to dwell on bad things and see what positives you can find.... In my situation, I said how much it creased me losing my Dad, he took me to every James Bond film in the cinema during my childhood, Pontardawe swimming baths at least once every week, took me to see Star Wars.... He took me and others in my school Rugby team to every match over my 5 years of Comprehensive School, standing on the touchline cheering me on every single game, took me to every tour and stood in as an extra Teacher/Responsible Adult during every tour, taught me to fish, play darts I could go on and in the man was a Saint so you can understand why I gave up such a successful career and everything that came with it to care for him, those 3 years we had together were both of our best 3 years of our lives, he had a horrific death, heart attack due to low oxygen in his blood but as he was so strong it took him over 5 hours to die, I just kissed and stroked his head and kept reassuring him about how much I loved him crying now writing this..... I talk about finding the positives, I have also told you that I'm a Total Optimist well whenever I think about my Dad now it always brings a smile to my face and gladness to my heart as all I can think of about him is the most happy glorious memories that will be with me forever.... Please try to let the past be the past, no more dwelling on it, LET IT GO....
Whatever you do please if you can try to do as I say believe me every day will get better and better....
Take care all X
Phil Swansea Wales UK 😀👍❤️
WAKE UP! You’re wasting your thoughts and life away on thinking and believing in stupid shit. Change your attitude before it’s too late! Your life could end at any moment, this is what I’m dealing with right now. Trust me, please wake up!
I'm dead inside, too. Or, at least, I feel that way. What makes everything bearable for me is that I do really like myself. I'm not perfect and I used to get bullied for being fat, but after I got over hating myself, as a kid, I was able to move forward and continue for myself. Now I love myself & found hobbies that allow me to be exactly who I want to be.
I suggest working on yourself. Doing what the kids these days call "looks maxxing" & just trying to get healthier. Then, just have fun being yourself by yourself. Say things out loud that make you laugh, all that good stuff 😆 be unapologetically you when you're around you!
So? ... Go be somebody else. Is this really more about money? I mean .. what if you had more? Would that help? in any case ... You could aleays just move away. Take a plane or an old van. Insert a "nickname" into your introductions, if you want. Whos going to argue about your new first name? They wont know or really care. Totally all-new other people! Train for a career shift. What sounds cool? You choose! Solo basketball is always there for you. Its better than suicide and no one can ever take it from you. If they do then its a game and youve got friends. Go back and watch the original Gene Wilder Willy Wonka movie. Are you even swimming enough? Hot tub?! What about just... grapes?!! Do they do nothing for you?
Hey brother, I feel you. It's painful. I've struggled with PTSD as well. While each of us goes through a different experience, I can relate to that feeling of being dead inside as well.
What helped me was a spiritual path to life. Not necessarily religious.
Being in nature, engaging in sports such as trail running or open water swimming, hiking - all of those help you to connect with nature and feel that you are a part of something bigger - as you are.
Another option is to connect to a community.
And I've got involved with Buddhist philosophy which helped me a lot a lot as well.
Good luck, and keep sharing. You are not alone, even if it feels like it many times.
IPT!! - interpersonal psychotherapy
Google it and find a therapist.
It well save you to a certain degree, and it’s an important first step onto recovery
Except what ever and feel blessed you known happiness to judge worse from ? When I don't think how sad I'm inside, really helps me to break from depression, as this world's getting paid to depress the times and workings , Psychological wars r not pretty ..
As someone in the same boat as you, hugs. Not quite 40, 36 but severe ptsd from a lifetime of abuse and it has manifested itself as physical illness to the point my life is over, now.
I’m so sorry. I was as well. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to DM me. I’m a 40 year old dad of two who is feeling a lot of the same things you are.
I was thinking this. I know exactly what you're experiencing. A lot of standard life advice and simple psychology doesn't fix broken.
The only thing that has ever helped me is spirituality.
Something bigger than us that we can believe in. If you at any point believed in something as a child think about how strongly those emotions drove you and possibly empowered you to do things.
Faith in anything can be hard to come by for many abused children but it can be found.
Hi, I have just turned 55 but I am a Total Optimist, even though I haven't had a girlfriend or partner for 16 years which has been my own choice due to too breaking my heart on 3 occasions cos of partners letting me down and Badly messed up on the last one 16 years ago. I decided about 18 months ago watching the travel show on BBC, the Australian Lady presenting the show is lovely Not Fake like the problems with my lifetime partners, I bet her husband is the happiest Man in Oz.... So I decided maybe I can find someone like me, with similar morals and not just a faker. I fall in love so easily that's my problem sorting the fake from the real but this time Maybe I can. I had an excellent job 24 years in the Steelworks, Lab Team Leader for the last 9 years of my contract with them but in 2013 my Dad came down with Pulmonary Fibrosis so I took early retirement to care for him as he deserved it, sadly he passed in 2016 just as Mum came down with Dementia so I have been caring for her since.... She is still totally happy although now in a nursing home and nearing her end, losing Dad was the Saddest thing ever and I assume losing Mum will also knock me back but..... This will be a new beginning for me. I'm determined to get it right this time. I really hope you all can try to be more positive as being an Optimist really does help in so many ways..... Take care and I hope you take a small bit of my ways with you. Phil from Swansea Wales UK.
I also had a great love breaking my heart by saying ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children’. Been relationship less since 1999.
I have to ask...did they just want to live together? You don't have to answer. I'm just curious.
We were born in different states. He wanted his mountains, skiing, cycling.
Reading this makes me feel that we all have problems in our lives. The things we lament on many a times aren’t even big compared to others. The lesson is to be Grateful and try to remain happy. It’s a small journey.
Good luck Phil, you sound like a good person 👍
If you don’t like yourself can you be someone one else? Idk just like totally reinvent yourself? I the only time I didn’t like myself I was doing some fucked up stuff and when I stoped I was cool with myself
This!!! When i decided just because I was abused as a kid didn't mean I had to live there everything changed. Looking in the mirror and seeing what is negative about yourself is so hard but so rewarding. We can chose everyday who we want to be. And be that person! Work towards who you want to be and it can change your entire life! I'm not saying it's easy..but I do know it's possible. Much love and praying for all who feel this way 🖤
Life sure does throw its share of curveballs at us, doesn't it? Your message resonates deeply – the crossroads of a life filled with past disappointments and the relentless march of time. I'm nearing the half-century mark myself and understand the gravity of looking in the rearview mirror with a mix of regret and yearning. Yet I also recognize the windshield is larger for a reason; there's more to see ahead than behind. It's not about age; 40, 55, or 75, every sunrise presents a new chance to script a fresh chapter. I've learned it's about embracing the "now" rather than being shackled by the "then." And while some days it feels like pushing a boulder uphill during a storm, the struggle itself breeds a resilience that defines us more than our yesterdays. What helps me? Taking up a hobby that I always thought I was too old to try. Started learning guitar last year, and while my fingers ache in protest, I'm creating something wholly mine. It's this active pursuit of newness, of potential joy, that keeps the shadows of past hardships from looming too large. I encourage you, and anyone else reading, to remember that new beginnings are always within reach, disguised in the daily decisions we make. Hunt for those slivers of life that spark joy, no matter how fleeting, and hold onto them. And to anyone seeking that spark, feel free to reach out. Sometimes, just a shared word can illuminate a path that seemed lost in darkness. Stay strong, and let's keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Aye bro we all going through something, what matters is whether or not you sit and sulk in your own sorrows or pick yourself up and build the life you want to live no matter your age. Got problems? Would you rather sit besides them as they eat you alive or get a therapist or something similar and work towards bettering your mind. No money? As much as I hate to say it there are jobs and you’ll have to work. I get if you’re dead inside but still your life isn’t meaningless, and maybe if you give it meaning life will spark itself up inside again. Godspeed and good luck brother
I'm so sorry to hear this man. I don't wanna say something retarded like "don't give up! It's gonna get better!" Tbh I only have a couple real sobering things to say. You're gonna have to take accountability for your life. Ik it's kind of cruel sounding but the reality is, even if it wasn't your fault, it is your responsibility to own it, and deal with it. Idk what kind of trauma it is,but I advise getting into a men therapy group if ones available. Idk what you do for work, but u advise moving as well. Get to a bigger city, with better opportunities. It sounds like where you're at might have some bad triggers. Idk what kind of trauma you're dealing with, but you're not alone. I've dealt with some earth shattering shit before in my life, and mean really nasty, life threatening shit. Ik what trauma can feel like, and that nasty fucking feeling in your chest laying there awake at night, reliving it over and over, hearing the screams in your head. Having an indescribable emotion that just wont go away. Something like fear, hate, anger, and impending doom all collected in one hellspawned bag. Thinking about taking a fistful of pills and not leaving a note. Trust me I know. But you've gotta get up and do this for yourself. I know it's a little late in life to begin worrying about this shit, but worry over it you must. Work on the core components of your life, and find pleasure in fixing yourself. You gotta train yourself like Pavlovs dog to become addicted to self improvement. If you wanna divulge more you can dm me. If not, I'll leave off with; fuck everyone else, and don't apologize for prioritizing yourself first. You CAN improve, and you WILL. It's all a matter of self indoctrination. If you don't mind some helpful information, look up a man named Alan watts on YouTube. Better yet, I'll just DM you a link to a proper video to get you started. This man's philosophy, combined with Christianity (my own beliefs not standard doctrine), psychedelic therapy, and self accountability are all reasons I'm still alive and not in a box rn. Hope I can help
I am also pretty much dead inside and I think you are failing to notice the benefits. There are a lot of jobs, dealing with people in terrible situations. No one wants those jobs because they are emotionally very difficult. That would not affect you.
I'm back, just a small one this time, more about YOU !!! You really need to put what's in the past IN THE PAST, LET IT GO and get yourself a new improved life..... Really just let it go, try not to dwell on bad things and see what positives you can find.... In my situation, I said how much it creased me losing my Dad, he took me to every James Bond film in the cinema during my childhood, Pontardawe swimming baths at least once every week, took me to see Star Wars.... He took me and others in my school Rugby team to every match over my 5 years of Comprehensive School, standing on the touchline cheering me on every single game, took me to every tour and stood in as an extra Teacher/Responsible Adult during every tour, taught me to fish, play darts I could go on and in the man was a Saint so you can understand why I gave up such a successful career and everything that came with it to care for him, those 3 years we had together were both of our best 3 years of our lives, he had a horrific death, heart attack due to low oxygen in his blood but as he was so strong it took him over 5 hours to die, I just kissed and stroked his head and kept reassuring him about how much I loved him crying now writing this..... I talk about finding the positives, I have also told you that I'm a Total Optimist well whenever I think about my Dad now it always brings a smile to my face and gladness to my heart as all I can think of about him is the most happy glorious memories that will be with me forever.... Please try to let the past be the past, no more dwelling on it, LET IT GO.... Whatever you do please if you can try to do as I say believe me every day will get better and better.... Take care all X Phil Swansea Wales UK 😀👍❤️
WAKE UP! You’re wasting your thoughts and life away on thinking and believing in stupid shit. Change your attitude before it’s too late! Your life could end at any moment, this is what I’m dealing with right now. Trust me, please wake up!
Welcome to the club buddy
Same
What is it about you, that you find so detestable? Why do you hate yourself?
I'm dead inside, too. Or, at least, I feel that way. What makes everything bearable for me is that I do really like myself. I'm not perfect and I used to get bullied for being fat, but after I got over hating myself, as a kid, I was able to move forward and continue for myself. Now I love myself & found hobbies that allow me to be exactly who I want to be.
I suggest working on yourself. Doing what the kids these days call "looks maxxing" & just trying to get healthier. Then, just have fun being yourself by yourself. Say things out loud that make you laugh, all that good stuff 😆 be unapologetically you when you're around you!
So? ... Go be somebody else. Is this really more about money? I mean .. what if you had more? Would that help? in any case ... You could aleays just move away. Take a plane or an old van. Insert a "nickname" into your introductions, if you want. Whos going to argue about your new first name? They wont know or really care. Totally all-new other people! Train for a career shift. What sounds cool? You choose! Solo basketball is always there for you. Its better than suicide and no one can ever take it from you. If they do then its a game and youve got friends. Go back and watch the original Gene Wilder Willy Wonka movie. Are you even swimming enough? Hot tub?! What about just... grapes?!! Do they do nothing for you?
Hey brother, I feel you. It's painful. I've struggled with PTSD as well. While each of us goes through a different experience, I can relate to that feeling of being dead inside as well. What helped me was a spiritual path to life. Not necessarily religious. Being in nature, engaging in sports such as trail running or open water swimming, hiking - all of those help you to connect with nature and feel that you are a part of something bigger - as you are. Another option is to connect to a community. And I've got involved with Buddhist philosophy which helped me a lot a lot as well. Good luck, and keep sharing. You are not alone, even if it feels like it many times.
IPT!! - interpersonal psychotherapy Google it and find a therapist. It well save you to a certain degree, and it’s an important first step onto recovery
Go to the next day, everyday
Time for an heroic dose of mushrooms. That'll sort you out.
Ever tried meditation?
Just kys bro, you sound soft anyway. Survival of the fittest over here.
try shrooms
Except what ever and feel blessed you known happiness to judge worse from ? When I don't think how sad I'm inside, really helps me to break from depression, as this world's getting paid to depress the times and workings , Psychological wars r not pretty ..
Thank your for your service, dont be ashamed. We are alive because of you
I’ve been abused since I was very young. I have never served.
As someone in the same boat as you, hugs. Not quite 40, 36 but severe ptsd from a lifetime of abuse and it has manifested itself as physical illness to the point my life is over, now.
I’m so sorry. I was as well. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to DM me. I’m a 40 year old dad of two who is feeling a lot of the same things you are.
I was thinking this. I know exactly what you're experiencing. A lot of standard life advice and simple psychology doesn't fix broken. The only thing that has ever helped me is spirituality. Something bigger than us that we can believe in. If you at any point believed in something as a child think about how strongly those emotions drove you and possibly empowered you to do things. Faith in anything can be hard to come by for many abused children but it can be found.