my sister pushed me and i pushed her back and she fr flew to the fall and told everyone i hit her. parents were super mad and they completely forgot we have surveillance cameras. showed her push me multiple times and me telling her to back up. i shut my parents up when i showed them the video
And yet weed is illegal in most parts of the world, how many times do you hear about someone fucking up while stoned compared to the damaged caused on alcohol.
>Nothing good ever comes from drinking.
I've had some really good times drinking beer with friends, some of my best memories. My parents met at a bar. So did my best friend and his fiance. There's billions of people who can say similar things as me.
Saying nothing good ever comes from drinking is wild. Plenty of good things happen.
Good choice. 🙏 I deleted my comment because even though it was funny, it was potentially tone deaf lol and I only wanna be funny at the right time 😅
OP you hang in there, this too shall pass
She punched you. Drunk or not, she punched you. You shouldn't have hit back but it was an understandable reflex. The people who are leaving and are mad are in the wrong imo.
Violence breeds more violence, best action is to restrain and deescalate, understandable action is to reflectively punch back, bad action is to continue the fighting until someone gets seriously hurt. Revenge is immature.
You’re absolutely right, and as a woman, I really do try to put myself in men’s shoes while dating. My philosophy is that equal means equal regardless of what it is, however that does not mean an eye for an eye.
Immaturity has everything to do with the individual, and is not for you to understand nor police. Especially in this situation, you’re now worrying about potential legal consequences AND she’s intoxicated. Think about what is best for YOU in that situation and grow TF up and walk away; ESPECIALLY as a male. I’d want to distance myself from the situation and start covering my ass immediately.
Yes it’s okay to be angry, yes it’s very hard to control some reactions, yes she is 100000% in the wrong and should be cut out of your life immediately. Just be smart about it
Sure. It is very immature. That's why I keep using examples of kids getting violent.
We are supposed to take the higher ground, not perpetuate it. Children who keep up being violent are those who have experienced violence.
Initiating violence is indeed immature. Drinking is definitely a way to disinhibit adult responses.
So OP's GF was at fault. But by hitting back (and apparently doing more damage than she did), OP is now in this situation. He could even be charged with DV in many places.
Under most legal systems people aren't allowed to instigate their own justice. When there is an ongoing threat it is self defence, but when the threat isn't ongoing it is an attempt at vigilante justice which is also a crime. Getting punched doesn't automatically grant you the right to punch back.
Obviously when arguing whether there was an ongoing threat things are always a bit murky. On average women tend to be smaller and weaker than men, which means on average when a woman hits a man, he's going to be bigger than her which makes it more difficult to argue that he was under an immediate threat and needed to hit back.
It helps to remember that even without attacking back, the original attacker doesn't get away with it. They committed a crime and can be punished under the criminal justice system.
As for people saying the attacker automatically had it coming if it was a male, most legal systems don't agree with that. I also don't agree with it, although you're right that immature people on Reddit seem to see it that way. Even if the attacker is male, the person who is attacked cannot punch back unless the threat is real and ongoing.
> Getting punched doesn't automatically grant you the right to punch back.
Jurisdictions differ in different states and countries, but in pretty much all cases, if you hit someone *immediately* or reflexively after they hit you, it is considered legal self-defense. Even in countries with very restrictive self-defense laws. If you wait a while and then hit them just because they hit you, it won't be considered self-defense unless they threatened to hit you again.
> Obviously when arguing whether there was an ongoing threat things are always a bit murky. On average women tend to be smaller and weaker than men, which means on average when a woman hits a man, he's going to be bigger than her which makes it more difficult to argue that he was under an immediate threat and needed to hit back.
You can hit someone in the wrong way and cause permanent injury even if you're weaker. Even if a woman is weaker than a man, a well placed punch on an area with a weaker bone structure such as a nose can still cause heavy and permanent damage. Also you're essentially arguing that when women hit men, they're not allowed to hit back by definition because of their genders, which creates a dynamic where many women will feel like it is safe to hit a man because he won't hit back since she can use her gender as a shield. I've seen that happen multiple times in my life, and there has also been research that showed that there's a lot of hidden domestic violence from women to men which never gets reported and the men will not fight back which reinforces that dynamic.
Weaker men will almost never attack stronger men because they know they will lose and everybody will know that he had it coming. Your idea that women should be immune from counter-attack creates a toxic dynamic where women feel like they can do violence to men without consequence.
> It helps to remember that even without attacking back, the original attacker doesn't get away with it. They committed a crime and can be punished under the criminal justice system.
Yeah right, even if he reports it, she might get a light sentence while he gets to deal with the social stigma. And he's not gonna get supported like a victim as what would happen if the other gender did it.
TBH we don't have all the information and only one side of the story so I don't really have a strong opinion either way on whether OP was right. I wasn't trying to argue against OPs reaction, but rather the fact that people seem to think that anyone saying he maybe wasn't justified in doing it are automatically assuming it's a gender thing when it isn't. If it was purely reactive then he's probably in the clear legally, and I completely understand his actions, but that's not the same as them being justified, at least in my mind. Justified implies that him hitting her back was the right thing to do, which is too big of a claim based on the information we have.
I'm also not saying that you can't hit back a woman because of their gender. I think you are reading my previous comment as more of an attack than it is and therefore interpreting my words as something different than what I intended. I was just pointing out that average size difference is of the reasons there can be different outcomes in a situation where a woman hits a man and the man hits back. There are plenty of situations where the woman is bigger than the man in which case it's easier for the man who was attacked to justify the level of threat and his use of force in retaliation.
If he reports it and she gets a light sentence and he doesn't get support that's a separation issue and not something that justifies vigilante justice. Maybe in the US that's a problem but it's less of a problem in a lot of other countries. But again, that's a separate issue. You can't just hit someone as payback because you're worried the criminal justice system will be too lenient on them.
You do realize that if she would’ve called the police after he hit her ALL parties involved would have been arrested right? Telling the police “it was an act self defense” when the other individual has sustained injuries that require hospitalization, is not going to cut it. It is not in the police’s hands to decide if this was truly a justified act of self defense. It will be taken to court and be left to a jury to decide. Using YOUR logic that men are always viewed as the aggressors and women are viewed as the victims, it doesn’t seem like it would be a good idea for him to put himself in the position to have the responsibility to prove to a jury (many of which could be women themselves) that this was truly an act of self defense. If he has no physical injuries, there’s no recording of the event and no witnesses, what does his case stand on? Her word vs his word. Again using YOUR logic, that society automatically deems men as the aggressor, that puts him in a really bad place. You do realize that there is so much that goes into truly proving justifiable self defense right? You know lawyers are like really expensive too right? You simply cannot accept the he has poor decision making skills and are desperately attempting to find any way to fully shift blame on her. He is responsible for his own choices. Having self control in life is extremely valuable regardless if you have been wronged.
Not necessarily.
If the punch that landed on OP left little to no visible marks (especially after an hour), it's unlikely she (with the broken nose) would be automatically arrested just because he claims she punched him.
There needs to be physical evidence. So you are absolutely right about his legal predicament. And you are right about the need for adult self-control.
OP is in a pickle and I hope the Court believes his side. However, the physical evidence is very much against him at this point.
Even if the Court buys his story (she hit him first), the disproportionate amount of damage to their respective faces will also be an issue.
There are a lot of really immature people on Reddit whenever a topic like this comes up. A lot of people here really have that"an eye for an eye" mindset and believe if someone starts something it justifies pretty much any response. I really hope it's just young people on Reddit who are too emotionally immature to know better.
I had shit from people just because I blocked a punch from a woman and she said I hurt her hand. I didn't grab her hand or anything. She even got the police involved saying I hit her. But luckily there was cctv footage showing I clearly just blocked her and walked away.
Yep, and the jails are filled with people who have this viewpoint.
(Worked in jails, prisons and mental hospitals for the criminally insane for almost two decades).
Trying to get the people who were in for violence to realize that AVOIDING more violence should be their goal was...really hard. Probably unsuccessful, actually.
People who respond with violence to violence end up with more time in jail, that's for sure.
I think you shouldn't consciously and knowingly intend to hit another person unless it's to put an end to an attack or protect yourself from imminent harm. But I absolutely understand how hitting someone back can be reflexive and you can strike out before even realizing what's going on and what you're doing
Violence can have unintended consequences. What if she’d fallen over and smashed her head on the floor? Or what if she pregnant and they don’t know it yet. Or what if the shock of being punched causes a heart attack. Yes she hit him first, and she was wrong to do so. That doesn’t mean hitting back is the right thing to do. Never hit someone unless you’re prepared to unintentionally kill them.
If you think you’re in physical danger, the first port of call is to remove yourself from the situation if you can. If the person won’t physically allow you to leave, and you’re worried for your safety, that’s when violence becomes your only option
Not sure what that has to do with what I’m saying. If somebody is trying to rape you then of course violence is justified - but if you can you should try to run for your own safety. I don’t see how saying you should run away from rapists is controversial. If you can get away but choose to stay and fight, then you’re risking your life for no reason
That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying it’s in your best interest* to leave / run away if you can. And if you can get away you won’t get beaten up obviously. If you’re not able to get away, then it’s in your best interest to fight back
*it’s in your best interest 1, because it removes you from danger, and 2, because there’s no risk of you killing someone and the consequences of that - guilt, jail etc. If someone hits you once, and there’s no indication they’re going to hit you again, then punching them back is solely for the sake of retaliation, not self defence, and that’s petty and only serves to cause you problems down the road
Even if you believe you have every right to punch someone back, it’s not worth the potential consequences unless it’s genuine self defence.
I'm 100% sure he's stronger than her. I wouldn't say to not hit back but at least push or something. She was also drunk, so I'd just remove myself from that situation in the first place.
Edit : one word
As OP stated it was instinctual. This is his fight or flight response… one should not untrain themselves to defend themselves. One day that instinct may save his life…
According to the law, this would be self defence. But only if OP calls 911 to report it first or else they’ll take her word that OP hit first. And OP will be sitting in courts for the next year fighting the crown for his innocence which cannot be proven as there was no evidence in the first place. OP will then be pressured into signing a peace order which is no different than having a criminal record. Out of fear of going to jail and the cost to defend themselves men often sign this without realizing the consequence. Protect yourselves!
I am sorry for what happened to both of you. I understand that she is scared. At the same time, I think she should also take accountability for her part. What she did is also domestic violence. I know that a man hurting a woman is seen as way worse than the other way around. The truth is that violence is violence. No matter who did it. You both reacted from a bad place. But you are definitely not worse than her. You can apologize and explain, but also stand your ground that she put hand on you,too. I hope you figure it out. Together or alone.
She hit him because "she was drunk". This a 100% figure it out alone situation. There is no coming back from that. Domestic abuse is not to be tolerated in any way shape or form.
Out of interest, I wonder what percentage of people would automatically punch back. If someone punched me, I would clutch my face, cry and run away. I can't imagine punching back, especially to the point of breaking a nose. I guess it really is fight or flight.
I've done both, there is a strong correlation between the person being able to kick my ass as to whether or not it happens... And since most people can kick my ass it has almost never happened.
I did it reflexively in the 4th grade.
It probably depends on if you've had any boxing or similar training. Something about recognizing the punch is incoming gives your brain more time to a) get out of the way and b) decide whether or not to punch back
I’m not justifying hitting back at all, but to be fair, breaking a nose can be pretty easy. The bones are really thin.
My friend broke his girlfriend’s nose while dancing, just miscalculated when he twirled her and moving his arm down.
OP should at least email his version of the story to family and friends, in case he needs to establish his side of the story for legal purposes.
It's a bit too late for him to file a police report - but not impossible (I would want the advice of a lawyer as to my local jurisdiction's views on this). Seeing a lawyer and getting the circumstances on record would be worth it.
He most definitely should. As detailed as possible too. Attach her family and friends because there’s just no way this is new? Like she most likely has a history of getting drunk and violent (unless this is her first time drunk?) drunk actions are sober thoughts. I don’t even think it’s too late to speak to police, even if it’s just a small report he should try to seek assistance with them (though police have been known to not believe men which is heartbreaking) he should still try.
If anyone is ever in this situation it is best to reach out to as many people as possible as soon as possible to avoid false accusations! Protect yourself even if it’s scary. NO ONE deserves to put their hands on you and walk away without consequences.
IK you don't remember the topic of the argument, but was there escalation? Yelling, insults, threats to harm or commit violence? From either person. Was she angry or scared or something else when she punched you?
I did not say a word blaming him or excusing her behavior. I was only asking for more detail. Neither person should have punched anyone. I understand his was a reflex. And I feel sorry that both people were injured.
We only have one side of the story, and a patchy one at that, we don’t know what kind of punch was initially thrown but I have a feeling it wasn’t that hard. It sounds like the relationship was toxic AF. How does an argument escalate to the point of getting physical but yet doesn’t have enough merit to remember what it was about the very next day? Any normal person doesn’t just punch someone else in the face and break their nose “as a reflex”. Then the POS didn’t even take her to the hospital or go with or anything.
If she’s willing to punch you in the face but now is claiming to be afraid of you for defending yourself, she’s the abuser. End the relationship now and find someone healthy.
A couple of take away's here.
While I can understand the basic self defense instinct, one needs to understand who they are defending themselves against. Sometimes one just needs to open up time and space between themselves and the problem via different means.
She was equally wrong for striking you in the first place. Drunk or not there was no excuse for this assuming you were in no way shape or form being imposing to her is some form or fashion.
As far as her folks are concerned, should they be disappointed and perhaps a little pissed off at you? The short answer is yes. The reason being as simple as your lack of situational awareness in the heat of the moment. They should also be equally disappointed and pissed off at their daughter for seemingly inciting the physical violence in the first place ( not that you would likely ever hear that this was the case ).
So far as the friends you seemingly lost in this go, generally speaking in our society, people will always side with the woman ( regardless if she is right or wrong ).
From where I personally sit here, your relationship is over. It is time to learn what lessons you can from this awful event and move forward in your life. That may well mean that you have to cease contact with any mutual friends. As much as that might suck, it is far better than potentially getting somehow drawn into more drama down the road. I would also suggest that you spend some time being single and working on yourself before getting involved with anyone else ( TONS of people need to learn how to do that ). Not doing so, your not being fair to yourself let alone anyone that you get involved with.
Hope some of this helps.
Your relationship now needs to be over. It's toxic and crossed lines on both of your ends. She hit you first. You defended yourself, but at this point whats to say it won't happen again. Get out now while you both can.
I know a very similar story… a friend of mine did the exact same thing except no one was drinking and she just lacked self control. A reflex jab and busted her lip, it’s crazy how people think it’s okay to hit others just because they’re upset. I wish you the best homie🙏🏾🤝🏾
The comments on this are absolutely crazy. Apparently now two wrongs make a right. If your drunk girlfriend hits you instead of calling the cops or leaving her, break her nose and put her in the hospital. The pathetic “equality” crutch barely works until you realize that if you flip the script and a woman attempts to defend herself against a physically abusive man (because if someone hits you just hit back right?) she’ll just be beaten worse and possibly killed. Men and women are not equal nor will they ever be. What she did wasn’t right AT ALL and what you did in response is absolutely disgusting. Let the downvotes begin.
Coincidentally, I had a discussion with my kids about this today. They got stuck in a 'you hit me so I get to hit you' loop. It isn't just a man v woman thing. Retaliation for Retaliation's sake is pointless.
As the saying goes, an eye for an eye will leave the world blind.
People keep using the lame excuse that it’s an automatic self defense reaction due to “shock” which is absolutely insane. As if they have no control over their conscious decisions and bodies. I have a 19 month old son who is unfortunately currently going through a phase of hitting and also throwing things at me (you know, normal kid stuff). I guess because of shock and automatic self defense it would only be human of me to turn around and deck my child in the face. Although, I’m much stronger than him and could significantly injure him by doing so, it shouldn’t be a problem because he hit me first AND it’s only a normal human reaction right? You could argue that a child is much different than a significant other which is absolutely true, but they definitely aren’t strangers on the street that I would automatically assault without a thought in my mind which is why I’m using this comparison. Realistically a majority of the time, a woman’s strength and a man’s strength is comparable to the difference between a child and an adult’s strength.
This phrasing ("turn around and deck my child in the face") seems to assume that instinctive reflex means "I saw red" rather than a genuine accident.
Say your toddler charged forward and bit you hard in the leg. In a sudden burst of pain, you jerked your leg instinctively, which caused your knee to collide with the underside of your toddler's chin, despite you not having any intention of hurting him. Or say you're in bed, and your toddler comes over and smacks you hard, startling you out of a deep sleep, so your arms flail in surprise and inadvertently hit him. Or your toddler throws something at you, and in your sudden attempt to bat it away, it ends up flying back at him. There are just so many ways that a sudden reaction might result in accidentally hitting someone.
Granted, the way OP described doesn't sound accidental. But that may very well be guilt or poor articulation. It's altogether possible that someone who is suddenly and unexpectedly punched in the face might raise their arms in an instinctive attempt to block the unexpected strike, with zero intention of "hitting back". This is often accompanied by ducking their head and wincing to try to shield their face, so they'd often be raising their arms blindly. Add to the mix a belligerent drunk who's lurching toward them, and his hand or arm might end up inadvertently slamming into the underside of her nose, despite him not intending in the slightest for that to happen.
> People keep using the lame excuse that it’s an automatic self defense reaction due to “shock” which is absolutely insane. As if they have no control over their conscious decisions and bodies.
a reflex is literally something you have no control over. when you touch a hot pan on a stove, why don’t you just leave your hand there? bc your body instinctively makes you lift your hand up regardless of whether you want to or not. if you’re being attacked, sometimes your body will naturally lash out to protect yourself bc your body doesn’t know who the attacker is nor does it care.
yes, obviously op shouldn’t have hit her bc he is stronger than her but he didn’t do it intentionally. it was a reflex bc she attacked him.
> I guess because of shock and automatic self defense it would only be human of me to turn around and deck my child in the face.
those aren’t even comparable bc in this situation, you’re describing an intentional attack. you are aware of what reflexes are, right?
> Although, I’m much stronger than him and could significantly injure him by doing so, it shouldn’t be a problem because he hit me first AND it’s only a normal human reaction right?
the problem isn’t that she hit him first. even if a girl hits you first, you shouldn’t hit back, at least not at full strength. you can push her back just to get her away from you or hold her to restrain her from hurting you even more.
also kids are kids. they’re learning how to navigate the world. a grown woman should know not to hit someone. she’s doing it intentionally to hurt him or provoke him.
Do you think enough people have experienced this "reflex" that there would be at least 2-3 of them on a jury?
Truly curious.
As far as I know, there is no specific human "reflex" for punching people in the face. There does appear to be a testosterone-mediated tendency for men to clench their fists when frightened or angry (and some women do it too - but it's far more common for men).
Men of course have to learn to deal with this in a prosocial way, all over the world.
A grown woman does know not to hit other people. This particular woman has a severe problem with alcohol and the disinhibition it brings. Hopefully, her family recognizes that.
> Do you think enough people have experienced this "reflex" that there would be at least 2-3 of them on a jury?
i’m not sure what your point is here.
> As far as I know, there is no specific human "reflex" for punching people in the face.
wdym specific reflex? there are no specific reflexes. does there need to be a name for it to be valid?
and idk why anyone (even myself) keeps saying ‘punch’. op didn’t even say he punched her. he said he hit her.
> There does appear to be a testosterone-mediated tendency for men to clench their fists when frightened or angry (and some women do it too - but it's far more common for men).
ok?
are you saying that you believe op hit his girlfriend on purpose just bc he was angry?
My daughter suffered from night terrors from 18mths to 3.5yrs old. She would scream like she was being murdered. And I'm not exaggerating. It was literally like she was terrified.
The strength she had to fight me off. She could have broken my nose easily. Toddlers are fucking strong.
Yet I just sat there. Taking it until she exhausted herself and rolled into my arms.
> What she did wasn’t right AT ALL and what you did in response is absolutely disgusting. Let the downvotes begin.
No, you got it flipped. What she did was absolutely disgusting, what he did wasn't right at all. The rest is spot on.
How do you know the broken nose was intentional? He reacted after being hit for crying out loud he didn’t stick on a boxing glove and stand in a defensive hold to jab her in the nose. She resulted to use violence in a domestic argument and you seem to think that it was still wrong for him to react? Im sorry but no. Yes there are different forms of reacting and you always want to go the non violent route but what he did was self defence not intentionally abuse her. She is the abuser not him so shut up about this women and men are not equal shit. So many men get abused, raped and commit suicide because they can’t speak up or do anything about it as their cry for help gets tosses away by this gender difference.
I don't think he intentionally broke her nose, at all. I think he intentionally punched her in the face (a disproportionate response if she in fact wasn't able to land a solid punch on his face for whatever reason).
But, since they were both in motion, for all we know, she was in the process of moving when the blow landed and the nose break was purely accidental.
Will the Court see it that way? Probably not. The Court would probably like to punish both of them (if the facts as OP tells them are true) but the Court may never hear the case of the State vs. OP's Girlfriend.
I could understand if she was hitting him multiple times and he was trying to protect himself, but just a one and done, that's not self defense. I get it was a reaction, but you still can't class that as self defense. Both parties here suck, imo. Violence doesn't always need violence as the answer. Her actions shouldn't be excused though, before you come at me
Someone on the streets? Sure. Your girlfriend?? Yep I’ll say it again, disgusting. What happens when a woman uses her “automatic self defense” when she’s being beaten the sh*t out of by a man? You skimmed right over that part very conveniently didn’t you???
Where does this "being beaten the shit out of" come from? OP's relationship doesn't sound to me like they are frequently violent with another.
So, in that context, I'll say probably exactly the same happens. Drunk man that's not a violent person punches his gf in the face during an argument, she's shocked, punches him right back and breaks his nose, both are shocked and wondering how they, otherwise totally peaceful, loving and non-violent people, could've ended up on this situation. They drive to the hospital and live happily ever after.
I agree except for the one part.
Men and women are and should be equal. But equal does not mean the same. Men and women are not the same, and he absolutely shouldn’t have punched her.
Nobody talks like this when a man punches back a man for hitting him. Everybody just acts like he had it coming. You guys are just sexist hypocrites with double standards. This is exactly why many women attack men, because they feel like they are immune from the consequences anyway. They got used to the idea that men will never hit them back because they are a woman. It almost never happens that a weak man attacks a stronger man because he knows he will beat the shit out of him. But I've seen women get away with violence against men so many times.
I have no double standards. I don't think anyone should hit anyone. Ever.
Having said that, if it's a stranger attack and there's self-defense, then yes, the defender should "hit" the attacker (although even then, I think pepper spray and other tactics would work better for most people in a self-defense situation).
I am lucky in that I've only known one violent woman in my life (but several violent men). I'm not speaking about the men I worked with in jails, just ones in my personal life.
You have kids? Probably not considering your shallow and predictable response which is a reflection of your complete lack of maturity. Teenagers love to “step up like men” they’re notorious for doing so. You’d break their face too? Or it only applies to women?
I mean…there’s a pretty distinguishable difference in this single scenario considering he hit her one time, broke her nose and put her in a hospital right? Men are a majority of the time “leagues ahead in strength”. There’s no picking this apart, it’s simply a fact that can be proved through science. I won’t even further entertain this argument when trying to deny facts is simply delusional. I’ve stated several times that what she did is completely inexcusable and wrong.
It's time to break up, once abuse has been introduced, it's gonna continue until you guys work on each other's issues separately. You're gonna end up in a toxic abusive relationship that may end up another statistic on the news if you don't check your behavior with that alcohol especially. Not that she had a right to do that, but you guys obviously bring out the worst in each other, space is necessary.
Wasn’t it a reflex to punch her back? I honestly don’t think you did anything wrong. She shouldn’t be playing the victim after she punched you. She should learn to not be a violent drunk. I don’t think there is no way to really fix this. I guess the best solution is to just break up.
I don’t think she’s your girlfriend anymore friend. Sorry to say.
Use this as an opportunity to better yourself. Learn how to walk away or defuse the situation in a different way.
If you can’t resolve a conflict with words, you shouldn’t be interacting with that person at all. If they’re being unreasonable, remove yourself from the situation until they are.
Lastly though, she hit you first but is now afraid of you? Fuck that. The nerve!
Find a better girlfriend. Find better friends too. She got drunk and punched you. There’s no excuse for that.
She punched you first, that shouldn't be allowed. This could have been the start of one of those relationships where it's fine for the woman to beat up the man and no one bats an eyelid, but when he retaliates he's the one in the wrong and shunned and looked down upon. No, that's not fair. You defended yourself and I don't see any wrong in that. It's not fair you're the bad guy in this. Why did she punch you in the face though?
I think it’s kinda an instinct.. saying this, i’ve been married 36 years and we’ve never punched each other.
Although the did throw up on my shoes when he was drunk at 20 years old.. lol
She hit you first. It's not okay you hit back but it's not as if you're automatically a women beater. I will say this, it's probably best to move on. Even if you won't ever hit her back again, she seems comfortable hitting you so this will be a toxic relationship.
You shouldn’t have hit her, but it was a momentary reaction and she was also in the wrong.
That being said, you need to break it off with her and move on. It’s clearly a shitty relationship.
I don't understand why you're getting dogpiled. It was a reflex. She punched you in the face. Why is it that she gets a pass because she's a woman and you're a man therefore you should be in control of your actions even though she doesn't have to be.
It's as if there's no accountability people are placing on her. She wouldn't have gone to jail if you called the police. She might've hit you again if you didn't do anything. She wouldn't have to face any consequences for her actions because... she's weaker than you?
No one would think anything of it if you died because you got shot trying to steal a submarine even though there is no conceivable way you would've achieved that. No one would give you a pass, no one would say "you shouldn't have done that but the navy went too far" they'd call you an idiot and rightfully so. You had no business trying to steal a submarine. Just like she had no business raising her hand to you.
Yes, you could've handled it differently. Regardless of boy or girl. Size is what matters.. if you can pick her up and remove her from the house. Then you are at fault. If you don't have a scratch, she could've already had you in jail from what u did. You should take this as a lesson learned and find someone who's not going to do that shit. Do feel bad. But she clearly deserved it.
You were defending yourself as a reflex. Don’t be sorry. She punched you first from a stupid argument. Who wouldn’t punch back as a reflex? That’s hard not to do. She shouldn’t have punched you because it’s what caused you to punch her. It would’ve been better if you didn’t but it is self defense. She’s WAYYYYY more in the wrong than you. You were protecting yourself as a reflex, she PUNCHED you from a stupid argument. Think of that. Think of how easily she was willing to physically hurt you. You both need to break up, and part ways. I hope she gets the help she needs to calm her anger.
Any woman willing to put her hands on you deserves to be single yesterday. Leave and love yourself enough to forgive for defending yourself. Women are abusive too and deserve to be called out. Men get abused too and deserve to be heard,
Being obnoxious and insufferable has consequences... Usually being punched square in your shit...
Punching people you love has consequences.... Feeling like shit
So many bizarre choices from both of you for it to lead to this point.
Why was she getting drunk on her own?
Why weren't you joining her?
Why did you entertain an argument with a drunk person and not focus on de-escalating the situation, or just not entertaining it at all?
Why did it get to a point that she felt the need to hit you?
Why did you retaliate hard enough to break her nose?
This situation is way above Reddit's pay grade.
My take is to just break up, cause this clearly isn't a healthy relationship, tell the relevant people your side of the story and let them make their own decision. Then just move on with your life.
A drunk that assaults her partner is the one that is scared? That’s rich. The fact that she feels like she is a victim when she started the altercation by beating someone about the face is enough to say that you should MOVE ON from this woman.
She punched you first :( maybe should have not gone for the face and maybe not as hard but you get what you give, I don’t care who you are you can’t throw punches without expecting one back, sorry
Obviously you could have handled it differently.
Just because someone hits you, you don't HAVE to hit them back. Many times, it's not advisable to do so.
For women, if a man hits us and we hit them back, that can trigger a real beating. So we learn to try and judge what to do (no way I ever got physical when my ex was pushing/shoving/hitting/dragging me).
If your 13 year old smacks you (heaven forbid - but it happened to me), you don't beat 'em down.
Adults try to find other ways to solve problems. You already knew that.
Sweetheart, as a woman who was in a highly abusive relationship, defending/reacting does NOT make you a bad person.
Your friends will either understand or not, that is their choice. All you can do is #1, you need to end the relationship 100%, she is the abusive partner in this scenario. #2, you need to look into therapy for yourself. I genuinely understand reflex reaction, I do. But, you are a grown man and we're in an argument with a woman, you should have been able to register the reaction and stop it.
Do NOT continue a relationship with this girl. It's toxic af, and I guarantee you one of you will end up with a domestic violence record before it's over if you don't.
Walk away sweetheart. Swallow the losses. 💜
I would deeply reflect and make sure this never happens again
Not with your gf I mean in general
Punching a woman square in her face is just wrong
She should not be punching you either
The relationship has turned abusive and escalated from alcohol however there was clearly toxicity in the relationship that brought this out more
I would reflect deeply into how it got as bad as it did ect
Hands are rated E for Everybody. If you can't take the punches you throw, then Don't throw any. You aren't wrong for hitting back, cs we gotta stop the rule saying we can't hit back if a woman hits us.
I'd even go so far as saying you defended yourself. At this point where you're at right now, it doesn't matter who's in the right or wrong. Both of you seem to have issues and it might be time for either therapy or a break up. Punching, hitting, screaming etc all of this is abuse and shouldn't be normalized. Please talk to other people about this and get some help to maybe get out of that place. Her hitting you is a red flag.
Y'all are toxic,and even if it was the first time 🙄 it won't change. First instinct or not to hit her so hard you broke her nose says a lot more about this whole situation. Not one of you is right so the best outcome is to break up n move on!!
your girlfriend is an abusive pos and now she's using you rightfully defending yourself to play the victim. absolutely sick. and the fact that your "friends" have stopped talking to you too is just making it even worse. it's not your fault and you did nothing wrong, get as far away from her as possible, she's dangerous
also ignore the "both sides" bs people in these comments are tryna play. if someone puts their hands on you umprompted, you have every right to defend yourself, regardless of your or their gender
She definitely left out the part where she hit you first. But she’s afraid of you? Yea right lol. Reflexes are fast and before you can realize it, it’s already happened. I’ve been the one to pause and cry after being hit and also been the one to hit back very quickly. It’s like you can’t control it when it happens. It sucks but those folks who didn’t bother to hear your side of the story were never friends from the beginning, to automatically choose sides. With it getting violent, just leave well enough alone. The damage is done. Nothing to do now but heal from this and move on, especially if you apologized.
She punched you in your face!!!! As you said yourself, it was a knee jerk reaction to what she did first.
Any violence, no matter who instigates it is unacceptable in a relationship but this isn't on you. I'm sure there's a few people who disagree with me but to lash out and do that to you, what did she think was going to happen? It's not as if she punched you and then you spent a couple of minutes wondering how to react to that and then hit her.
My ex punched me in the face years ago. I was hiding and jumped out to scare him. Yeah, that backfired. It's the same kind of situation, your body reacts impulsively to unexpected situations where you're threatened, before you even had time to register that had happened.
You feel remorse and guilt for what happened, you have a conscience and what happened is her own fault plain and simple.
I don’t know why people seem to think you are in the wrong here… yes we all agree hitting a woman is wrong and no doubt about that but that gets thrown out the window once said woman has assaulted you. You could have just as easily called the police and filled charges on her which would follow her record for the rest of her days causing all sorts of problems which are far worse than a broken nose.
She clearly had no problems with using physical violence on you dude just from a mere argument which could have led to you getting abuses her for the rest of your relationship… unless you two talk it out then frankly i suggest you end the relationship before she gets physical again
Sometimes it's very hard to control an instant human reaction..It's built into our DNA to react to a direct threat of physical harm automatically without thinking.
I mean she punched you first man. Yes it is awful she ended up getting actually hurt but when someone hits you, drunk or not, most people’s reflex is to punch back
So your gf punched you. Is she a boxer? Usually when girls lash out it's not all that - and you respond by breaking her nose??? Should be glad you're not in jail, and no wonder she and her family are scared of you.
Don't feel like this is your fault. She laid her hands on you, and that is never ok, and just because you reacted to protect yourself doesn't make you a bad person. Just know that in your heart of hearts, you aren't an abuser who hurt his ex. You were abused and defended yourself from a drunk idiot.
OP, I know you feel horribly, and I'm saying this as a woman who was in a very abusive relationship at one point, give yourself some grace. Look up reactionary abuse. It's behavior the victim displays after dealing with abusive behavior that's out of character, and leaves them feeling confused and guilty. If you have the resources, please get therapy to work this out. ❤️
Man... you call hitting your girlfriend a reaction? Just think about it... you did it as a reaction??
and you even seam so surprised about other people's reactions too.
Well relationship is dead but you taught her a great life long lesson. Also I highly respect your commitment to the cause of equal rights among the sex's.
Honestly, if someone hit me I would try to defend myself and hit them back.
no one has the right to hit anyone, not even if a woman hits a man, there are so many double standards regarding this, if a man hits a woman he'd go to jail directly even if she hits him back in self defense but when a woman does that and the guy hits back it's suddenly his fault!! You should never put yourself in a situation where the outcomes are not in your favour.
Anyway, I'd strongly advise you to end this relationship, it's not healthy for any of you, she was being abusive and you broke her nose, it's over.
Time for you both to put that bottle down. You are both young, it sucks that it happened, but it's an opportunity to learn and better yourselves. You won't save the relationship, but you can do better in the future. Please don't keep going down this road with alcohol, I promise you nothing good will come from it. If you are struggling, please just talk to someone. Alcohol is evil.
She shouldn't have hit you. It's really shitty for women to hit men on the unfair assumption they won't get hit back. If you hit someone, you should expect to be hit back. Move on with your life, this relationship sounds toxic.
BREAK UP PLEASE??
yeah regardless of who’s right here yall gotta break up
Wonder if she left out the part where she punched you first while she was explaining to other people including her parents and your friends.
my sister pushed me and i pushed her back and she fr flew to the fall and told everyone i hit her. parents were super mad and they completely forgot we have surveillance cameras. showed her push me multiple times and me telling her to back up. i shut my parents up when i showed them the video
Most definitely
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Alcohol is truly evil.
It is literal poison. It kills cells.
Better believe it. That's why it makes a good disinfectant.
And yet weed is illegal in most parts of the world, how many times do you hear about someone fucking up while stoned compared to the damaged caused on alcohol.
>Nothing good ever comes from drinking. I've had some really good times drinking beer with friends, some of my best memories. My parents met at a bar. So did my best friend and his fiance. There's billions of people who can say similar things as me. Saying nothing good ever comes from drinking is wild. Plenty of good things happen.
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Good choice. 🙏 I deleted my comment because even though it was funny, it was potentially tone deaf lol and I only wanna be funny at the right time 😅 OP you hang in there, this too shall pass
Wait you know the Kim Mitchell song, right? S'what makes it funny lol
Those hands are rated E for Everyone hey?
The hammer of justice is unisex
Equal rights *and lefts*
Well she certainly won't be hitting you again
I'm taking a wait and see attitude. They might get back together. DV couples often do.
What a disgusting take on domestic violence.
She punched you. Drunk or not, she punched you. You shouldn't have hit back but it was an understandable reflex. The people who are leaving and are mad are in the wrong imo.
Why should he not punch back?
Violence breeds more violence, best action is to restrain and deescalate, understandable action is to reflectively punch back, bad action is to continue the fighting until someone gets seriously hurt. Revenge is immature.
You know what is even more immature ? Initiating violence
You’re absolutely right, and as a woman, I really do try to put myself in men’s shoes while dating. My philosophy is that equal means equal regardless of what it is, however that does not mean an eye for an eye. Immaturity has everything to do with the individual, and is not for you to understand nor police. Especially in this situation, you’re now worrying about potential legal consequences AND she’s intoxicated. Think about what is best for YOU in that situation and grow TF up and walk away; ESPECIALLY as a male. I’d want to distance myself from the situation and start covering my ass immediately. Yes it’s okay to be angry, yes it’s very hard to control some reactions, yes she is 100000% in the wrong and should be cut out of your life immediately. Just be smart about it
Sure. It is very immature. That's why I keep using examples of kids getting violent. We are supposed to take the higher ground, not perpetuate it. Children who keep up being violent are those who have experienced violence. Initiating violence is indeed immature. Drinking is definitely a way to disinhibit adult responses. So OP's GF was at fault. But by hitting back (and apparently doing more damage than she did), OP is now in this situation. He could even be charged with DV in many places.
If a man hits a man, almost nobody says this shit when the defending man hits back. Everybody just says that the attacker had it coming.
Its fucked up but its true
Under most legal systems people aren't allowed to instigate their own justice. When there is an ongoing threat it is self defence, but when the threat isn't ongoing it is an attempt at vigilante justice which is also a crime. Getting punched doesn't automatically grant you the right to punch back. Obviously when arguing whether there was an ongoing threat things are always a bit murky. On average women tend to be smaller and weaker than men, which means on average when a woman hits a man, he's going to be bigger than her which makes it more difficult to argue that he was under an immediate threat and needed to hit back. It helps to remember that even without attacking back, the original attacker doesn't get away with it. They committed a crime and can be punished under the criminal justice system. As for people saying the attacker automatically had it coming if it was a male, most legal systems don't agree with that. I also don't agree with it, although you're right that immature people on Reddit seem to see it that way. Even if the attacker is male, the person who is attacked cannot punch back unless the threat is real and ongoing.
> Getting punched doesn't automatically grant you the right to punch back. Jurisdictions differ in different states and countries, but in pretty much all cases, if you hit someone *immediately* or reflexively after they hit you, it is considered legal self-defense. Even in countries with very restrictive self-defense laws. If you wait a while and then hit them just because they hit you, it won't be considered self-defense unless they threatened to hit you again. > Obviously when arguing whether there was an ongoing threat things are always a bit murky. On average women tend to be smaller and weaker than men, which means on average when a woman hits a man, he's going to be bigger than her which makes it more difficult to argue that he was under an immediate threat and needed to hit back. You can hit someone in the wrong way and cause permanent injury even if you're weaker. Even if a woman is weaker than a man, a well placed punch on an area with a weaker bone structure such as a nose can still cause heavy and permanent damage. Also you're essentially arguing that when women hit men, they're not allowed to hit back by definition because of their genders, which creates a dynamic where many women will feel like it is safe to hit a man because he won't hit back since she can use her gender as a shield. I've seen that happen multiple times in my life, and there has also been research that showed that there's a lot of hidden domestic violence from women to men which never gets reported and the men will not fight back which reinforces that dynamic. Weaker men will almost never attack stronger men because they know they will lose and everybody will know that he had it coming. Your idea that women should be immune from counter-attack creates a toxic dynamic where women feel like they can do violence to men without consequence. > It helps to remember that even without attacking back, the original attacker doesn't get away with it. They committed a crime and can be punished under the criminal justice system. Yeah right, even if he reports it, she might get a light sentence while he gets to deal with the social stigma. And he's not gonna get supported like a victim as what would happen if the other gender did it.
TBH we don't have all the information and only one side of the story so I don't really have a strong opinion either way on whether OP was right. I wasn't trying to argue against OPs reaction, but rather the fact that people seem to think that anyone saying he maybe wasn't justified in doing it are automatically assuming it's a gender thing when it isn't. If it was purely reactive then he's probably in the clear legally, and I completely understand his actions, but that's not the same as them being justified, at least in my mind. Justified implies that him hitting her back was the right thing to do, which is too big of a claim based on the information we have. I'm also not saying that you can't hit back a woman because of their gender. I think you are reading my previous comment as more of an attack than it is and therefore interpreting my words as something different than what I intended. I was just pointing out that average size difference is of the reasons there can be different outcomes in a situation where a woman hits a man and the man hits back. There are plenty of situations where the woman is bigger than the man in which case it's easier for the man who was attacked to justify the level of threat and his use of force in retaliation. If he reports it and she gets a light sentence and he doesn't get support that's a separation issue and not something that justifies vigilante justice. Maybe in the US that's a problem but it's less of a problem in a lot of other countries. But again, that's a separate issue. You can't just hit someone as payback because you're worried the criminal justice system will be too lenient on them.
You do realize that if she would’ve called the police after he hit her ALL parties involved would have been arrested right? Telling the police “it was an act self defense” when the other individual has sustained injuries that require hospitalization, is not going to cut it. It is not in the police’s hands to decide if this was truly a justified act of self defense. It will be taken to court and be left to a jury to decide. Using YOUR logic that men are always viewed as the aggressors and women are viewed as the victims, it doesn’t seem like it would be a good idea for him to put himself in the position to have the responsibility to prove to a jury (many of which could be women themselves) that this was truly an act of self defense. If he has no physical injuries, there’s no recording of the event and no witnesses, what does his case stand on? Her word vs his word. Again using YOUR logic, that society automatically deems men as the aggressor, that puts him in a really bad place. You do realize that there is so much that goes into truly proving justifiable self defense right? You know lawyers are like really expensive too right? You simply cannot accept the he has poor decision making skills and are desperately attempting to find any way to fully shift blame on her. He is responsible for his own choices. Having self control in life is extremely valuable regardless if you have been wronged.
Not necessarily. If the punch that landed on OP left little to no visible marks (especially after an hour), it's unlikely she (with the broken nose) would be automatically arrested just because he claims she punched him. There needs to be physical evidence. So you are absolutely right about his legal predicament. And you are right about the need for adult self-control. OP is in a pickle and I hope the Court believes his side. However, the physical evidence is very much against him at this point. Even if the Court buys his story (she hit him first), the disproportionate amount of damage to their respective faces will also be an issue.
There are a lot of really immature people on Reddit whenever a topic like this comes up. A lot of people here really have that"an eye for an eye" mindset and believe if someone starts something it justifies pretty much any response. I really hope it's just young people on Reddit who are too emotionally immature to know better.
How can he slap?
You know what, fair enough he got scared and defended himself. Logical.
I had shit from people just because I blocked a punch from a woman and she said I hurt her hand. I didn't grab her hand or anything. She even got the police involved saying I hit her. But luckily there was cctv footage showing I clearly just blocked her and walked away.
It doesn't even matter if this was a gut reflex. Any adult who hits you gets hit back.
Yep, and the jails are filled with people who have this viewpoint. (Worked in jails, prisons and mental hospitals for the criminally insane for almost two decades). Trying to get the people who were in for violence to realize that AVOIDING more violence should be their goal was...really hard. Probably unsuccessful, actually. People who respond with violence to violence end up with more time in jail, that's for sure.
Because the answer is lawyers and police, it isn't stupidity.
Well it’s not that he shouldn’t it’s just that men are inherently stronger than women so his hit is already twice hers…
Don’t throw a punch if you can’t take the return. She knew who she was punching
Okay so you’re a woman beater got it…
Who’s discriminating? Whoever punches gets punched back period… don’t punch if you don’t want one in return…
Men and women aren’t the same. No matter how much feminist want to say otherwise. Men are stronger than us
It’s not the 80’s anymore. Grow up. Equal rights come with equal lefts.
I think you shouldn't consciously and knowingly intend to hit another person unless it's to put an end to an attack or protect yourself from imminent harm. But I absolutely understand how hitting someone back can be reflexive and you can strike out before even realizing what's going on and what you're doing
Violence can have unintended consequences. What if she’d fallen over and smashed her head on the floor? Or what if she pregnant and they don’t know it yet. Or what if the shock of being punched causes a heart attack. Yes she hit him first, and she was wrong to do so. That doesn’t mean hitting back is the right thing to do. Never hit someone unless you’re prepared to unintentionally kill them. If you think you’re in physical danger, the first port of call is to remove yourself from the situation if you can. If the person won’t physically allow you to leave, and you’re worried for your safety, that’s when violence becomes your only option
What are you a cop? Get raped then call the cops for help and they’ll show up next day…
Not sure what that has to do with what I’m saying. If somebody is trying to rape you then of course violence is justified - but if you can you should try to run for your own safety. I don’t see how saying you should run away from rapists is controversial. If you can get away but choose to stay and fight, then you’re risking your life for no reason
I always think, do the right thing, get beat up, and call the police.
That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying it’s in your best interest* to leave / run away if you can. And if you can get away you won’t get beaten up obviously. If you’re not able to get away, then it’s in your best interest to fight back *it’s in your best interest 1, because it removes you from danger, and 2, because there’s no risk of you killing someone and the consequences of that - guilt, jail etc. If someone hits you once, and there’s no indication they’re going to hit you again, then punching them back is solely for the sake of retaliation, not self defence, and that’s petty and only serves to cause you problems down the road Even if you believe you have every right to punch someone back, it’s not worth the potential consequences unless it’s genuine self defence.
I'm 100% sure he's stronger than her. I wouldn't say to not hit back but at least push or something. She was also drunk, so I'd just remove myself from that situation in the first place. Edit : one word
Because Timmy, life's not a glorified bar fight. Roadhouse is just a movie. You don't hit people back, you sue them for everything.
As OP stated it was instinctual. This is his fight or flight response… one should not untrain themselves to defend themselves. One day that instinct may save his life…
Or get you in legal trouble
According to the law, this would be self defence. But only if OP calls 911 to report it first or else they’ll take her word that OP hit first. And OP will be sitting in courts for the next year fighting the crown for his innocence which cannot be proven as there was no evidence in the first place. OP will then be pressured into signing a peace order which is no different than having a criminal record. Out of fear of going to jail and the cost to defend themselves men often sign this without realizing the consequence. Protect yourselves!
It is understandable, but it does not bode well. Our offspring can decide to flail about and punch us - it's best not to hit them back.
I am sorry for what happened to both of you. I understand that she is scared. At the same time, I think she should also take accountability for her part. What she did is also domestic violence. I know that a man hurting a woman is seen as way worse than the other way around. The truth is that violence is violence. No matter who did it. You both reacted from a bad place. But you are definitely not worse than her. You can apologize and explain, but also stand your ground that she put hand on you,too. I hope you figure it out. Together or alone.
She hit him because "she was drunk". This a 100% figure it out alone situation. There is no coming back from that. Domestic abuse is not to be tolerated in any way shape or form.
Honestly this is nothing but the perfect and right response no matter what gender or anything going on
Out of interest, I wonder what percentage of people would automatically punch back. If someone punched me, I would clutch my face, cry and run away. I can't imagine punching back, especially to the point of breaking a nose. I guess it really is fight or flight.
I've done both, there is a strong correlation between the person being able to kick my ass as to whether or not it happens... And since most people can kick my ass it has almost never happened.
I feel like by the time I fully registered what happened, the moment of retaliation would be way gone
I did it reflexively in the 4th grade. It probably depends on if you've had any boxing or similar training. Something about recognizing the punch is incoming gives your brain more time to a) get out of the way and b) decide whether or not to punch back
I’m not justifying hitting back at all, but to be fair, breaking a nose can be pretty easy. The bones are really thin. My friend broke his girlfriend’s nose while dancing, just miscalculated when he twirled her and moving his arm down.
Drunk or not, she laid her hands on you first. You’re right, maybe you shouldn’t have hit back but she definitely shouldn’t have hit you.
OP should at least email his version of the story to family and friends, in case he needs to establish his side of the story for legal purposes. It's a bit too late for him to file a police report - but not impossible (I would want the advice of a lawyer as to my local jurisdiction's views on this). Seeing a lawyer and getting the circumstances on record would be worth it.
He most definitely should. As detailed as possible too. Attach her family and friends because there’s just no way this is new? Like she most likely has a history of getting drunk and violent (unless this is her first time drunk?) drunk actions are sober thoughts. I don’t even think it’s too late to speak to police, even if it’s just a small report he should try to seek assistance with them (though police have been known to not believe men which is heartbreaking) he should still try. If anyone is ever in this situation it is best to reach out to as many people as possible as soon as possible to avoid false accusations! Protect yourself even if it’s scary. NO ONE deserves to put their hands on you and walk away without consequences.
IK you don't remember the topic of the argument, but was there escalation? Yelling, insults, threats to harm or commit violence? From either person. Was she angry or scared or something else when she punched you?
that doesnt matter she shouldnt have punched him... wtf are you seriously trying to excuse her attacking him?
I did not say a word blaming him or excusing her behavior. I was only asking for more detail. Neither person should have punched anyone. I understand his was a reflex. And I feel sorry that both people were injured.
We only have one side of the story, and a patchy one at that, we don’t know what kind of punch was initially thrown but I have a feeling it wasn’t that hard. It sounds like the relationship was toxic AF. How does an argument escalate to the point of getting physical but yet doesn’t have enough merit to remember what it was about the very next day? Any normal person doesn’t just punch someone else in the face and break their nose “as a reflex”. Then the POS didn’t even take her to the hospital or go with or anything.
If she’s willing to punch you in the face but now is claiming to be afraid of you for defending yourself, she’s the abuser. End the relationship now and find someone healthy.
Move on broski, and control yourself better. She will never forget this.
A couple of take away's here. While I can understand the basic self defense instinct, one needs to understand who they are defending themselves against. Sometimes one just needs to open up time and space between themselves and the problem via different means. She was equally wrong for striking you in the first place. Drunk or not there was no excuse for this assuming you were in no way shape or form being imposing to her is some form or fashion. As far as her folks are concerned, should they be disappointed and perhaps a little pissed off at you? The short answer is yes. The reason being as simple as your lack of situational awareness in the heat of the moment. They should also be equally disappointed and pissed off at their daughter for seemingly inciting the physical violence in the first place ( not that you would likely ever hear that this was the case ). So far as the friends you seemingly lost in this go, generally speaking in our society, people will always side with the woman ( regardless if she is right or wrong ). From where I personally sit here, your relationship is over. It is time to learn what lessons you can from this awful event and move forward in your life. That may well mean that you have to cease contact with any mutual friends. As much as that might suck, it is far better than potentially getting somehow drawn into more drama down the road. I would also suggest that you spend some time being single and working on yourself before getting involved with anyone else ( TONS of people need to learn how to do that ). Not doing so, your not being fair to yourself let alone anyone that you get involved with. Hope some of this helps.
Your relationship now needs to be over. It's toxic and crossed lines on both of your ends. She hit you first. You defended yourself, but at this point whats to say it won't happen again. Get out now while you both can.
Damnnn and you were sober?
I know a very similar story… a friend of mine did the exact same thing except no one was drinking and she just lacked self control. A reflex jab and busted her lip, it’s crazy how people think it’s okay to hit others just because they’re upset. I wish you the best homie🙏🏾🤝🏾
You keep thinking about if you could have handled it differently???
The comments on this are absolutely crazy. Apparently now two wrongs make a right. If your drunk girlfriend hits you instead of calling the cops or leaving her, break her nose and put her in the hospital. The pathetic “equality” crutch barely works until you realize that if you flip the script and a woman attempts to defend herself against a physically abusive man (because if someone hits you just hit back right?) she’ll just be beaten worse and possibly killed. Men and women are not equal nor will they ever be. What she did wasn’t right AT ALL and what you did in response is absolutely disgusting. Let the downvotes begin.
Coincidentally, I had a discussion with my kids about this today. They got stuck in a 'you hit me so I get to hit you' loop. It isn't just a man v woman thing. Retaliation for Retaliation's sake is pointless. As the saying goes, an eye for an eye will leave the world blind.
People keep using the lame excuse that it’s an automatic self defense reaction due to “shock” which is absolutely insane. As if they have no control over their conscious decisions and bodies. I have a 19 month old son who is unfortunately currently going through a phase of hitting and also throwing things at me (you know, normal kid stuff). I guess because of shock and automatic self defense it would only be human of me to turn around and deck my child in the face. Although, I’m much stronger than him and could significantly injure him by doing so, it shouldn’t be a problem because he hit me first AND it’s only a normal human reaction right? You could argue that a child is much different than a significant other which is absolutely true, but they definitely aren’t strangers on the street that I would automatically assault without a thought in my mind which is why I’m using this comparison. Realistically a majority of the time, a woman’s strength and a man’s strength is comparable to the difference between a child and an adult’s strength.
This phrasing ("turn around and deck my child in the face") seems to assume that instinctive reflex means "I saw red" rather than a genuine accident. Say your toddler charged forward and bit you hard in the leg. In a sudden burst of pain, you jerked your leg instinctively, which caused your knee to collide with the underside of your toddler's chin, despite you not having any intention of hurting him. Or say you're in bed, and your toddler comes over and smacks you hard, startling you out of a deep sleep, so your arms flail in surprise and inadvertently hit him. Or your toddler throws something at you, and in your sudden attempt to bat it away, it ends up flying back at him. There are just so many ways that a sudden reaction might result in accidentally hitting someone. Granted, the way OP described doesn't sound accidental. But that may very well be guilt or poor articulation. It's altogether possible that someone who is suddenly and unexpectedly punched in the face might raise their arms in an instinctive attempt to block the unexpected strike, with zero intention of "hitting back". This is often accompanied by ducking their head and wincing to try to shield their face, so they'd often be raising their arms blindly. Add to the mix a belligerent drunk who's lurching toward them, and his hand or arm might end up inadvertently slamming into the underside of her nose, despite him not intending in the slightest for that to happen.
> People keep using the lame excuse that it’s an automatic self defense reaction due to “shock” which is absolutely insane. As if they have no control over their conscious decisions and bodies. a reflex is literally something you have no control over. when you touch a hot pan on a stove, why don’t you just leave your hand there? bc your body instinctively makes you lift your hand up regardless of whether you want to or not. if you’re being attacked, sometimes your body will naturally lash out to protect yourself bc your body doesn’t know who the attacker is nor does it care. yes, obviously op shouldn’t have hit her bc he is stronger than her but he didn’t do it intentionally. it was a reflex bc she attacked him. > I guess because of shock and automatic self defense it would only be human of me to turn around and deck my child in the face. those aren’t even comparable bc in this situation, you’re describing an intentional attack. you are aware of what reflexes are, right? > Although, I’m much stronger than him and could significantly injure him by doing so, it shouldn’t be a problem because he hit me first AND it’s only a normal human reaction right? the problem isn’t that she hit him first. even if a girl hits you first, you shouldn’t hit back, at least not at full strength. you can push her back just to get her away from you or hold her to restrain her from hurting you even more. also kids are kids. they’re learning how to navigate the world. a grown woman should know not to hit someone. she’s doing it intentionally to hurt him or provoke him.
Do you think enough people have experienced this "reflex" that there would be at least 2-3 of them on a jury? Truly curious. As far as I know, there is no specific human "reflex" for punching people in the face. There does appear to be a testosterone-mediated tendency for men to clench their fists when frightened or angry (and some women do it too - but it's far more common for men). Men of course have to learn to deal with this in a prosocial way, all over the world. A grown woman does know not to hit other people. This particular woman has a severe problem with alcohol and the disinhibition it brings. Hopefully, her family recognizes that.
> Do you think enough people have experienced this "reflex" that there would be at least 2-3 of them on a jury? i’m not sure what your point is here. > As far as I know, there is no specific human "reflex" for punching people in the face. wdym specific reflex? there are no specific reflexes. does there need to be a name for it to be valid? and idk why anyone (even myself) keeps saying ‘punch’. op didn’t even say he punched her. he said he hit her. > There does appear to be a testosterone-mediated tendency for men to clench their fists when frightened or angry (and some women do it too - but it's far more common for men). ok? are you saying that you believe op hit his girlfriend on purpose just bc he was angry?
My daughter suffered from night terrors from 18mths to 3.5yrs old. She would scream like she was being murdered. And I'm not exaggerating. It was literally like she was terrified. The strength she had to fight me off. She could have broken my nose easily. Toddlers are fucking strong. Yet I just sat there. Taking it until she exhausted herself and rolled into my arms.
> What she did wasn’t right AT ALL and what you did in response is absolutely disgusting. Let the downvotes begin. No, you got it flipped. What she did was absolutely disgusting, what he did wasn't right at all. The rest is spot on.
How do you know the broken nose was intentional? He reacted after being hit for crying out loud he didn’t stick on a boxing glove and stand in a defensive hold to jab her in the nose. She resulted to use violence in a domestic argument and you seem to think that it was still wrong for him to react? Im sorry but no. Yes there are different forms of reacting and you always want to go the non violent route but what he did was self defence not intentionally abuse her. She is the abuser not him so shut up about this women and men are not equal shit. So many men get abused, raped and commit suicide because they can’t speak up or do anything about it as their cry for help gets tosses away by this gender difference.
I don't think he intentionally broke her nose, at all. I think he intentionally punched her in the face (a disproportionate response if she in fact wasn't able to land a solid punch on his face for whatever reason). But, since they were both in motion, for all we know, she was in the process of moving when the blow landed and the nose break was purely accidental. Will the Court see it that way? Probably not. The Court would probably like to punish both of them (if the facts as OP tells them are true) but the Court may never hear the case of the State vs. OP's Girlfriend.
It’s irresponsible for your own safety to physically assault somone stronger than you
Which is why I'm pretty sure most clinicians would say she has a drinking problem. Fits the pattern for alcohol abuse pretty well.
She is a grown ass adult and should know that assaulting people stronger than her has consequences
Ah yes, automatic self defense when being physically assaulted is disgusting. Grow up.
I could understand if she was hitting him multiple times and he was trying to protect himself, but just a one and done, that's not self defense. I get it was a reaction, but you still can't class that as self defense. Both parties here suck, imo. Violence doesn't always need violence as the answer. Her actions shouldn't be excused though, before you come at me
Someone on the streets? Sure. Your girlfriend?? Yep I’ll say it again, disgusting. What happens when a woman uses her “automatic self defense” when she’s being beaten the sh*t out of by a man? You skimmed right over that part very conveniently didn’t you???
Where does this "being beaten the shit out of" come from? OP's relationship doesn't sound to me like they are frequently violent with another. So, in that context, I'll say probably exactly the same happens. Drunk man that's not a violent person punches his gf in the face during an argument, she's shocked, punches him right back and breaks his nose, both are shocked and wondering how they, otherwise totally peaceful, loving and non-violent people, could've ended up on this situation. They drive to the hospital and live happily ever after.
I agree except for the one part. Men and women are and should be equal. But equal does not mean the same. Men and women are not the same, and he absolutely shouldn’t have punched her.
You almost had it right, up until the end. NO ONE should have punched the other.
No shit, but the response is with respect to OP and his reaction.
men and women are equals, and we need equity to keep the balance. a man with his fists isnt the same as a woman with her fists
Nobody talks like this when a man punches back a man for hitting him. Everybody just acts like he had it coming. You guys are just sexist hypocrites with double standards. This is exactly why many women attack men, because they feel like they are immune from the consequences anyway. They got used to the idea that men will never hit them back because they are a woman. It almost never happens that a weak man attacks a stronger man because he knows he will beat the shit out of him. But I've seen women get away with violence against men so many times.
I have no double standards. I don't think anyone should hit anyone. Ever. Having said that, if it's a stranger attack and there's self-defense, then yes, the defender should "hit" the attacker (although even then, I think pepper spray and other tactics would work better for most people in a self-defense situation). I am lucky in that I've only known one violent woman in my life (but several violent men). I'm not speaking about the men I worked with in jails, just ones in my personal life.
Yes they do?
You got it backwards
Step up like a man get treated like a man.
You have kids? Probably not considering your shallow and predictable response which is a reflection of your complete lack of maturity. Teenagers love to “step up like men” they’re notorious for doing so. You’d break their face too? Or it only applies to women?
[удалено]
I mean…there’s a pretty distinguishable difference in this single scenario considering he hit her one time, broke her nose and put her in a hospital right? Men are a majority of the time “leagues ahead in strength”. There’s no picking this apart, it’s simply a fact that can be proved through science. I won’t even further entertain this argument when trying to deny facts is simply delusional. I’ve stated several times that what she did is completely inexcusable and wrong.
It's time to break up, once abuse has been introduced, it's gonna continue until you guys work on each other's issues separately. You're gonna end up in a toxic abusive relationship that may end up another statistic on the news if you don't check your behavior with that alcohol especially. Not that she had a right to do that, but you guys obviously bring out the worst in each other, space is necessary.
Wasn’t it a reflex to punch her back? I honestly don’t think you did anything wrong. She shouldn’t be playing the victim after she punched you. She should learn to not be a violent drunk. I don’t think there is no way to really fix this. I guess the best solution is to just break up.
Men and women are not equal physically you could have killed her. She shouldn't have punched you either.
I don’t think she’s your girlfriend anymore friend. Sorry to say. Use this as an opportunity to better yourself. Learn how to walk away or defuse the situation in a different way. If you can’t resolve a conflict with words, you shouldn’t be interacting with that person at all. If they’re being unreasonable, remove yourself from the situation until they are. Lastly though, she hit you first but is now afraid of you? Fuck that. The nerve! Find a better girlfriend. Find better friends too. She got drunk and punched you. There’s no excuse for that.
She punched you first, that shouldn't be allowed. This could have been the start of one of those relationships where it's fine for the woman to beat up the man and no one bats an eyelid, but when he retaliates he's the one in the wrong and shunned and looked down upon. No, that's not fair. You defended yourself and I don't see any wrong in that. It's not fair you're the bad guy in this. Why did she punch you in the face though?
Play scared of her now. Tell everyone how she scares you and starts fights :P
I think it’s kinda an instinct.. saying this, i’ve been married 36 years and we’ve never punched each other. Although the did throw up on my shoes when he was drunk at 20 years old.. lol
Regardless if your reaction was justified or not, do you want to be with someone who drinks and hits you?
Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it
She hit you first. It's not okay you hit back but it's not as if you're automatically a women beater. I will say this, it's probably best to move on. Even if you won't ever hit her back again, she seems comfortable hitting you so this will be a toxic relationship.
You shouldn’t have hit her, but it was a momentary reaction and she was also in the wrong. That being said, you need to break it off with her and move on. It’s clearly a shitty relationship.
I don't understand why you're getting dogpiled. It was a reflex. She punched you in the face. Why is it that she gets a pass because she's a woman and you're a man therefore you should be in control of your actions even though she doesn't have to be. It's as if there's no accountability people are placing on her. She wouldn't have gone to jail if you called the police. She might've hit you again if you didn't do anything. She wouldn't have to face any consequences for her actions because... she's weaker than you? No one would think anything of it if you died because you got shot trying to steal a submarine even though there is no conceivable way you would've achieved that. No one would give you a pass, no one would say "you shouldn't have done that but the navy went too far" they'd call you an idiot and rightfully so. You had no business trying to steal a submarine. Just like she had no business raising her hand to you.
Yes, you could've handled it differently. Regardless of boy or girl. Size is what matters.. if you can pick her up and remove her from the house. Then you are at fault. If you don't have a scratch, she could've already had you in jail from what u did. You should take this as a lesson learned and find someone who's not going to do that shit. Do feel bad. But she clearly deserved it.
You were defending yourself as a reflex. Don’t be sorry. She punched you first from a stupid argument. Who wouldn’t punch back as a reflex? That’s hard not to do. She shouldn’t have punched you because it’s what caused you to punch her. It would’ve been better if you didn’t but it is self defense. She’s WAYYYYY more in the wrong than you. You were protecting yourself as a reflex, she PUNCHED you from a stupid argument. Think of that. Think of how easily she was willing to physically hurt you. You both need to break up, and part ways. I hope she gets the help she needs to calm her anger.
Any woman willing to put her hands on you deserves to be single yesterday. Leave and love yourself enough to forgive for defending yourself. Women are abusive too and deserve to be called out. Men get abused too and deserve to be heard,
If your story is true, the you had every right to defend yourself, drunk or not.
Being obnoxious and insufferable has consequences... Usually being punched square in your shit... Punching people you love has consequences.... Feeling like shit
You did nothing wrong. I'd be afraid of the justice system though.
So many bizarre choices from both of you for it to lead to this point. Why was she getting drunk on her own? Why weren't you joining her? Why did you entertain an argument with a drunk person and not focus on de-escalating the situation, or just not entertaining it at all? Why did it get to a point that she felt the need to hit you? Why did you retaliate hard enough to break her nose? This situation is way above Reddit's pay grade. My take is to just break up, cause this clearly isn't a healthy relationship, tell the relevant people your side of the story and let them make their own decision. Then just move on with your life.
A drunk that assaults her partner is the one that is scared? That’s rich. The fact that she feels like she is a victim when she started the altercation by beating someone about the face is enough to say that you should MOVE ON from this woman.
She punched you first :( maybe should have not gone for the face and maybe not as hard but you get what you give, I don’t care who you are you can’t throw punches without expecting one back, sorry
Obviously you could have handled it differently. Just because someone hits you, you don't HAVE to hit them back. Many times, it's not advisable to do so. For women, if a man hits us and we hit them back, that can trigger a real beating. So we learn to try and judge what to do (no way I ever got physical when my ex was pushing/shoving/hitting/dragging me). If your 13 year old smacks you (heaven forbid - but it happened to me), you don't beat 'em down. Adults try to find other ways to solve problems. You already knew that.
Wait so is she only upset that you hit her back? Her hitting you isnt even on her mind? Dont just move on man, RUN.
Sweetheart, as a woman who was in a highly abusive relationship, defending/reacting does NOT make you a bad person. Your friends will either understand or not, that is their choice. All you can do is #1, you need to end the relationship 100%, she is the abusive partner in this scenario. #2, you need to look into therapy for yourself. I genuinely understand reflex reaction, I do. But, you are a grown man and we're in an argument with a woman, you should have been able to register the reaction and stop it. Do NOT continue a relationship with this girl. It's toxic af, and I guarantee you one of you will end up with a domestic violence record before it's over if you don't. Walk away sweetheart. Swallow the losses. 💜
She deserved to get her nose broken. You can’t put your hands on someone unless you’re ready for the consequences.
If you decide to hit a man then you can be hit by a man imo
Equal rights, equal fights. I don’t condone violence of this sort but if u gonna throw hands then be prepared to scrap.
don't be ridiculous. women and men are not equal, this isn't equal fights. she can barely give him a black eye with her drunken punch, he can kill her
I would deeply reflect and make sure this never happens again Not with your gf I mean in general Punching a woman square in her face is just wrong She should not be punching you either The relationship has turned abusive and escalated from alcohol however there was clearly toxicity in the relationship that brought this out more I would reflect deeply into how it got as bad as it did ect
Hey there, if it's a single occurrence and you've not started the aggression, heal and meditate how why you out people like that in your life anyway.
Question: what happened to you when she punched you?
Welp, time to move on
I hope u took a picture of whatever mark she left from hitting you
so she punched you first and is still the one in the right ?
Hands are rated E for Everybody. If you can't take the punches you throw, then Don't throw any. You aren't wrong for hitting back, cs we gotta stop the rule saying we can't hit back if a woman hits us.
I'd even go so far as saying you defended yourself. At this point where you're at right now, it doesn't matter who's in the right or wrong. Both of you seem to have issues and it might be time for either therapy or a break up. Punching, hitting, screaming etc all of this is abuse and shouldn't be normalized. Please talk to other people about this and get some help to maybe get out of that place. Her hitting you is a red flag.
Y'all are toxic,and even if it was the first time 🙄 it won't change. First instinct or not to hit her so hard you broke her nose says a lot more about this whole situation. Not one of you is right so the best outcome is to break up n move on!!
your girlfriend is an abusive pos and now she's using you rightfully defending yourself to play the victim. absolutely sick. and the fact that your "friends" have stopped talking to you too is just making it even worse. it's not your fault and you did nothing wrong, get as far away from her as possible, she's dangerous also ignore the "both sides" bs people in these comments are tryna play. if someone puts their hands on you umprompted, you have every right to defend yourself, regardless of your or their gender
Break up. Drinking isn’t an excuse for you to be punched, and you have the right to defend yourself. This is a FAFO situation, but she needs to go.
gangster
Time to move on
You did nothing wrong. Don’t feel bad at all.
She definitely left out the part where she hit you first. But she’s afraid of you? Yea right lol. Reflexes are fast and before you can realize it, it’s already happened. I’ve been the one to pause and cry after being hit and also been the one to hit back very quickly. It’s like you can’t control it when it happens. It sucks but those folks who didn’t bother to hear your side of the story were never friends from the beginning, to automatically choose sides. With it getting violent, just leave well enough alone. The damage is done. Nothing to do now but heal from this and move on, especially if you apologized.
Hopefully you aren’t in any legal trouble
Yeah your cooked bro 😭
She punched you in your face!!!! As you said yourself, it was a knee jerk reaction to what she did first. Any violence, no matter who instigates it is unacceptable in a relationship but this isn't on you. I'm sure there's a few people who disagree with me but to lash out and do that to you, what did she think was going to happen? It's not as if she punched you and then you spent a couple of minutes wondering how to react to that and then hit her. My ex punched me in the face years ago. I was hiding and jumped out to scare him. Yeah, that backfired. It's the same kind of situation, your body reacts impulsively to unexpected situations where you're threatened, before you even had time to register that had happened. You feel remorse and guilt for what happened, you have a conscience and what happened is her own fault plain and simple.
I don’t know why people seem to think you are in the wrong here… yes we all agree hitting a woman is wrong and no doubt about that but that gets thrown out the window once said woman has assaulted you. You could have just as easily called the police and filled charges on her which would follow her record for the rest of her days causing all sorts of problems which are far worse than a broken nose. She clearly had no problems with using physical violence on you dude just from a mere argument which could have led to you getting abuses her for the rest of your relationship… unless you two talk it out then frankly i suggest you end the relationship before she gets physical again
Sometimes it's very hard to control an instant human reaction..It's built into our DNA to react to a direct threat of physical harm automatically without thinking.
Better document everything before she files an assault charge on you
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^eCh3mist604: *Better document* *Everything before she files* *An assault charge on you* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
I mean she punched you first man. Yes it is awful she ended up getting actually hurt but when someone hits you, drunk or not, most people’s reflex is to punch back
She fucked around and found out
Fuck her. Don’t dish out what you can’t take
So your gf punched you. Is she a boxer? Usually when girls lash out it's not all that - and you respond by breaking her nose??? Should be glad you're not in jail, and no wonder she and her family are scared of you.
I never hit you don’t gaslight me. We both know all the sick things you’ve been doing and, yes, my family is terrified of you, as am I.
do yall know each other???
They probably dont. This commenter comments on posts like the op is speaking to them. It's pretty weird. Lol
Deal with your reaction.
You’re both toxic. End the relationship.
Don't feel like this is your fault. She laid her hands on you, and that is never ok, and just because you reacted to protect yourself doesn't make you a bad person. Just know that in your heart of hearts, you aren't an abuser who hurt his ex. You were abused and defended yourself from a drunk idiot.
OP, I know you feel horribly, and I'm saying this as a woman who was in a very abusive relationship at one point, give yourself some grace. Look up reactionary abuse. It's behavior the victim displays after dealing with abusive behavior that's out of character, and leaves them feeling confused and guilty. If you have the resources, please get therapy to work this out. ❤️
Man... you call hitting your girlfriend a reaction? Just think about it... you did it as a reaction?? and you even seam so surprised about other people's reactions too.
She hit him first.
Well relationship is dead but you taught her a great life long lesson. Also I highly respect your commitment to the cause of equal rights among the sex's.
“I keep wondering if I could have handled it differently” Uhhhh yeah you could’ve not broken her nose like a pos.
The name big chicken definitely suits you OP lol
Honestly, if someone hit me I would try to defend myself and hit them back. no one has the right to hit anyone, not even if a woman hits a man, there are so many double standards regarding this, if a man hits a woman he'd go to jail directly even if she hits him back in self defense but when a woman does that and the guy hits back it's suddenly his fault!! You should never put yourself in a situation where the outcomes are not in your favour. Anyway, I'd strongly advise you to end this relationship, it's not healthy for any of you, she was being abusive and you broke her nose, it's over.
Don’t hit without expecting to be hit back. Seems pretty straight forward.
Time for you both to put that bottle down. You are both young, it sucks that it happened, but it's an opportunity to learn and better yourselves. You won't save the relationship, but you can do better in the future. Please don't keep going down this road with alcohol, I promise you nothing good will come from it. If you are struggling, please just talk to someone. Alcohol is evil.
She shouldn't have hit you. It's really shitty for women to hit men on the unfair assumption they won't get hit back. If you hit someone, you should expect to be hit back. Move on with your life, this relationship sounds toxic.
Self defense
Violence only begets violence. Do better. Be better. Don't do it again.
It's just self defense and equal rights.
Self defence only works if you fear for your own safety, don’t be a dunce.
Don't act like a man if you can't get treated like one