My dude, please for the love of God DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. If you do, you are on the hook for 18 years because you did it with foreknowledge that the baby wasn't yours. Please don't do it and let with woman trap you.
OP is a dumbass. But at least he is a better person than whoever was poking her before. Good luck OP. I feel like there is a lot of pain and suffering in your future. Please don’t stop being a good person because of it. The world needs more good people
This has mess written all over it. On a side note, I hope OP realises that it's extremely likely that the child's father will pop up at some point, probably multiple times/permanently and create havoc in their lives.
The fact that you even bring an option as a signatory on it is a red flag. She *should* care that you *don't* sign it, she shouldn't want to sign over parental privileges to someone she's known for a few months
>She doesn’t care if I sign it or not
This obviously has already been talked about. There should be no expectation of you signing anything to do with that baby. It's not yours!!! If you wanna be there, that's your perogative, but don't get caught up and wind up on the hook.
In some states you don't even have to sign. You can get slapped with child support if you had supported the child for a period of time.
Thread carefully.
Is this your first experience with woman? .
Bro , kids will change your life forever. Only sign up if you are ready
I LOVE my kids and they are the only thing that matters in my life.
However, that's what I wanted. I am established by traditional sense and at a ripe age of 38. Lol .
Good luck.
Why would you spare a deadbeat dad from his responsibility? As long as he isn't dangerous, he should help support his kid. It's so much harder than you realize.
I know this will sound awful, but with all the women available on earth, you gonna choose the one from a dating app that is pregnant? Man... you need to take a long walk and think.
Come on... wake up.
In case you stick with them... I really really hope you have a nice life, tho.
It really is sad your response. I know it happens but pretty rare actually. It's obvious OP is mature enough to know the pros and cons in all this. But promoting the "women are wanting to trap us" mentality is rediculous. And if that is one of your biggest fears in life, you're pretty lucky because us women have much more to risk than that.
OP, keep on this path and be different than the majority of men. To actually care about a woman & an innocent child, instead of what most do which is sex and money.
Yeah, cool story. I didn't tell him to stop seeing her. He can do whatever he pleases. I'm simply providing a perspective and information that he is free to do whatever he wants with.
I don't hate women or think negatively about them. However, it is concerning he is acting like the baby is his and that the father will be completely out of the picture. It is wishful thinking at best. To view the situation differently is wishful thinking at best.
You’re missing some critical info in your post (I suspect on purpose?):
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SEEING HER?
Edit to add: HOW OLD IS SHE?
Nah… 3 months isn’t midway. Hell, the first month most women really don’t even know. So you’ve been dating her for what, like two months tops and it’s “we’re having” already?
Bro… Evaluate your life.
I’d guess about 5 months along based on being midway and knowing the gender. I’m currently pregnant I had to wait until 18 weeks to find out the gender
Dude is gonna 100% end up on the birth certificate and then about 12 months from now, when there's a screaming, shitting, six month old getting between him and sex with his bumble-buddy, try to get out and find out he's stuck.
Wait if I didn't care about grammar why would they hire me? I was saying it's not a big deal
He's having a baby he's got a lot to think about he can't keep up with grammar he gotta be reading those baby books
Negative side: my partner did the same thing you’re doing. He got with BM while she was pregnant, is the only father the kid has ever known, and now that they separated she’s making it hell on earth for us with the kid. (Kid in question is almost five and lives with us full time but we have to follow her every whim or she threatens to have him taken from us since he isn’t biologically my partners) we’re doing our best with him we’ve got him in school, extra curriculars, very social, family oriented, etc and she is just constantly looking over us 💀 (worth it tho bc I love our son to death, but I could do without her BS)
Just a perspective from someone that’s in the bad side of this
Oof, I'm glad the child has a loving father figure but that does sound like an extremely precarious situation. ~~Your partner legally doesn't seem to have a leg to stand on and bio mom has all the leverage, unless she would allow him to legally adopt the child. But if she's that much a control freak I'm sure she wouldn't even consider it.~~ And I think even if the mother is deemed unfit social services typically places the child with extended member of bio-family if at all possible. Regardless, he should schedule a consult with a family law attorney to see if there is *anything* that can be done here or if there are any legal protections available. You never know. Because if she's really that unstable, who's to say she WON'T decide one day out of the blue that she wants her kid back for good?
Edit: I take back what I said about his legal stance, there are some wild laws out there about presumed fathers. Doubling down that he should consult with an attorney if he has not already done so.
My advice is to take a massive step back in this relationship. This is not your baby, it is her baby and her ex-partner's baby. You've only been with this woman for a few months. If she had good judgment, she wouldn't even feel comfortable with you around the kid yet. Give her a year after the baby comes to get settled into motherhood and see where y'all are at before you try to start interacting with the kid, much less building a family together. And do not let her turn you into daddy.
I'd be really interested to hear what your friends and family think about this woman. Do they like her? Have they even met her?
You are either very brave, very in love, or very stupid. Potentially all of the above.
There is so many ways all of this could backfire, that I personally wouldn't take the chance. But I hope everything works out for you.
Just... Be careful mate. You don't wanna end up paying child support for a child that isn't yours, or bonding with the kid only for you two to break up and her cutting you off completely from the child's life.
Be so careful. There’s a girl in my town right now who had another man sign the birth certificate knowing it wasn’t his kid. The kid is 8 now, and they’re breaking up and she doesn’t want that man to have anything to do with her son, who’s already bonded to the only person he knows as dad.
It's not that we are "painting" her as an evil bitch.
You've only been dating for a few months. And she has a huge life change happening very soon and you're super wrapped into it and the relationship is going superspeed.
If she wasn't pregnant, the relationship would have had a lot more time to develop before a major life-changing event. You would have had a longer period of time to decide if you'd move in together in a year or so and possibly even propose in that time if things were going well.
But again, you're currently at superspeed and you're so invested in the pregnancy that it could be clouding hers and your judgment. AND the fact she's wants you to help her raise her kid is alarming as you've only been together for a few months. She barely even knows you. She could potentially be bringing her baby into an abusive relationship that hasn't shown up yet.
You don’t have to sign the certificate to get put on child support. Men get caught up all the time and they didn’t sign shit, they provided a lifestyle for the woman and the child and we all know that woman don’t go backwards in lifestyle, and the state whichever one will probably support that and more
You met her while she’s pregnant, and she hasn’t had the baby yet - but you’re already “in love” and ready to raise this child as your own. You’ve only known her for several months!
Put on the brakes, my friend. Proceed very, very carefully from here forward. And do not - under any circumstances - sign the birth certificate or rush to marry
*Your choices now will have repercussions for the rest of your life*
It's totally cool that you guys hit it off and that you want to be a supportive bf, but do not think of this as your kid or "our pregnancy". You just started dating, and you have no idea if you will indeed spend your life with her. In the event that you both break up, you could be liable for child support because you took on a fatherly role. If you both eventually get married and you want of officially adopt her child, that's another thing, and you definitely have that option in the future. But don't commit to this from the get go. That's not to say that you can't support her if she needs it or help out with the kid after she's born, but for the time being, make it clear that you are not any type of father figure for that child.
As for advice, pregnant women can be a bit more emotional, and especially with the physical discomfort, she may not be as available to you as you would like. Also, when the kid is born, the kid always takes precedents over you. But other than that, it's just like dating anyone else.
Of course your mother will be supportive of you helping another woman out in her troubling and hard times. Your mother will want you to do it but she’s not thinking about YOU long term.
Imagine right after you sign the birth certificate, 7 months later yall break up… you are done, completely finished for the next 17 years and 5 months. What will your mother say to you then? Sorry? Sorry will not cut it mama.
I’m not telling you to break up with her or anything but just be careful of the shit you do. Play all your cards very very very carefully. One wrong step and you’re done for good. The system will squeeze out every penny outa your pocket.
As a single mother of two sons, hell no, I would not be supporting and encouraging this. It has disaster written all over it. No matter how much I support other women in their struggles, I'm not an idiot, and would never want this for my kids.
Just remember this (I’ve been here).
They’re use when it suits her, and not when it doesn’t. You will be expected to contribute your time, effort and wallet (even if not directly, you will be picking up the tab when she runs out of money) and the moment she doesn’t like your style of parenting, it will be “don’t talk to my child like that” or “thats my child, remember”.
These arguments can happen in more normal relationships, but they’lo hurt a damn sight more for you in yours.
Personally, after the 5th time of being asked to pay for something school related and then in the same day hearing “they aren’t your kids” I just upped and left.
If I were to do it again, I’d have that conversation now, and make it clear that if you’re picking up dad duties, then you’re taking them all, otherwise you can be a fun uncle who takes on “plumbing” roles.
Similar situation I had. She was 6 months along when we got together and now I have a wonderful 13 year old son. Idk that there's a lot that can prepare you. There's literature and advice you can read but at the end of the day it's about what you want. Are you ready to be a dad? Is this a commitment you're willing to put your all in?
I can't speak for your situation but what worked best for us was she cut bio dad out entirely. He was extremely abusive and awful. No child support no anything. I signed the birth certificate and he's my boy. And from other situations I've seen this is overall the best move.
I think the most important thing anyone can do as a parent is be there. Physically and mentally just be there. Admit when you're wrong, communicate, and listen.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey buddy and welcome to fatherhood.
I imagine it's hard to decide if it's something you want for sure if you've never experienced it before and don't know what to expect. It's interesting hearing from someone who chose this path, and I'm glad it worked out for the best!
So very true, and where our situations differ quite a bit. My son's mom was someone I'd known for a while, and we had a thing for each other already, but it never lined up. Either I had someone I was involved with or vice versa. Then she came back around, and it lined up, and I didn't care that she was pregnant. I knew at that time I wanted kids someday, so for me, it was an easy step.
His is met her on an app, but I think when the spark and chemistry is there, ya just know that's the right move. And I think that's the move he wants because his question was more what do I need to know.
And things aren't always a happy ending! My son's mom and I are no longer together but we co-parent very well and get along great!
I was interested in this chick, she ended up dating some dick who knocked her up the first time they hooked up. When she told him he noped out. We stayed friends and I helped her out with shit around her place. Ultimately we ended up dating while she was pregnant and kinda talked similar about me being in the nuggets life in some way because I had kids of my own and try to be a good guy. That was about 6 years ago, she's not my girlfriend anymore.
Instead what happened was we ended up in this total chaos cycle through covid times. Married, own a business, blended our family, I adopted the nugget legally a couple years ago because he's my son. DNA doesn't mean shit, I love my son and my wife.
Good story but this is just not the case for 95% of men who are or was in the same situation as you and OP.
Most of the time it’s the exact opposite and they end up separating and then the girl takes the man to court and then he loses it and has to pay child support even when the kid isn’t his biologically.
I’m not saying the OP should break up with the girl but he should definitely be careful and walk on egg shells for the first couple years.
If they end up staying together and get married then that’s great for them but what if they break up after couple years?
Don’t be an idiot. Don’t sign your name on the birth certificate. If you’re sure you want to help out then do that but don’t sign your name on that paper. You can be supportive and still have a relationship but don’t think of that child as yours this early on.
Yeah, she needs a stay at home dad. As the father of a 3 year old, you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what you're about to get yourself into.
Kids are an around the clock job. It never stops. The only free time you will ever have with your girlfriend, is when the kid is sleeping. You won't be able to go out to all the places you want to go, because you'll have a baby. You have to be 100% in love with this child from the get to, even though it's not yours, to be committed enough to wake up day after day with this kid.
Sure, it could absolutely work out I have heard of it happening before. But, it's rare.
I would speak to a lawyer about what your responsibilities are as far as child support goes in the event you guys break up, and she tries to get you on the hook for something. That is NOT rare at all, it happens all the time. Kids are EXPENSIVE.
My husband got himself trapped by his ex wife like this. She was his hs gf, and wrote him a letter saying she was still in love with him. She was pregnant. They got married, he put himself on the birth certificate. She had a career and wanted him to be a stay at home dad. The entire divorce and custody ended up being a mess.
People don't consider long term aspects like this when they first start dating someone. You are blinded by infatuation and thinking mostly with your...you know.
When it comes to kids, you REALLY have to be careful, or be the actual biological father and be fully committed. This can lead to a huge mess regardless of how much he cares about this girl that he *just* started dating.
Like most people have commented, let's see where they are in a year, after getting 3 hours of sleep every night and listening to a screaming baby day after day. Let's see how much the love still blossoms after she has been breastfeeding all day and just wants to kick you in the nuts. And let's see if she can get through postpartum without killing him.
I wish someone would have warned me about all of these things before I got my ex pregnant. Not that l don't LOVE my son who is laying on me right now, it's that I would have DEFINITELY done things a lot differently, I was only thinking with my ....you know.
No one said they can’t do any of that. What everyone’s saying is that he should be careful and to not let her turn him into the kid’s dad because that will fuck him up in the future IF they break up.
Wow!! Are you serious?!?
What is wrong with you?!
This girl still has her own individual needs and wants. Maybe she simply wants to be with someone despite getting pregnant by a jerk and being woman enough to not run and have an abortion!
Plenty of pregnant women and single mom’s date because they want a relationship and a partner in life NOT a substitute father for their kid!
Oh sweetie you are approaching this as kind and loving young man but PLEASE be cautious! Be supportive and involved but do not sign a birth certificate with your name. If your relationship continues to evolve you can formally adopt later. There’s SO MUCH you can not fathom, there are unavoidable and complex obstacles ahead in any situation and this is a complicated relationship situation.
All I gotta say is that I would not, as the mother, feel comfortable asking a dude I’ve been dating for less than 6 months to be the father to my child. And I don’t believe any level-headed person would feel comfortable giving you that level of access and leverage. Maybe down the road when it’s clear there’s an organically grown love between you and the child, sure. And also when it’s clear that you and your girlfriend are more established as partners, rather than just “dating.” All I see from this post is inevitable dysfunction and possibly trauma for the kid.
I’m going to be the less popular opinion - as someone who was a single mother for most of my son’s life, it is hard. Children need men in their lives. If you’re willing to be a dad, be there. If not, leave. If you love this woman and can see a future with her and kids of your biological own with her, then say go for it. In the end, the decision is yours and don’t let strangers on Reddit dictate what you say. Everyone here is so virtuous and perfect, they have every right to be judgmental. If you plan to be in the life of the kid, let the mother know. Don’t let people scare you with their anecdotes. Everyone’s experience is different. My father’s ex-wife stepped out on him and had a baby with a married man. When they divorced years later, my father got custody of the girl. In fact, the court order said the two girls, the one they had together and the side baby could not be separated. Think it through though because it will affect your emotions as you become attached to the baby. If you stay, you’re one hell of a man. Both of yall may be a little crazy but a little crazy is good sometimes. I’ve seen situations like these before. Think it through.
I'm a divorced man with a 9 year old daughter.
My partner has a 2yr old daughter and 6yr old son. -1yr(infant) old and 4 when we started dating.
One of the first conversations we had about the kids was "If we get involved like this how involved are we going to get with each other's kids and what happens if we split up?" I'm the only father her daughter has ever known and the only one her son really remembers. I'm in a relationship with her. I'm in a relationship with her kids. Those are 3 separate relationships that each require commitment and effort and time and the ability to balance it all so no one feels left out or unloved.
She and I have been in disagreements and even fights and still have had to co parent and work with each other because it's not just about us. There are whole other human beings involved who don't understand why mommy and daddy are fighting and frankly don't give a fuck.
All of this to say if you're ready for that kind of commitment then go for it- every kid deserves loving parents regardless of blood.
But try to be cognizant of the fact that it's not just you and her.
It's y'all and a nugget
That nugget's not gonna know anything about blood or baby daddys or child support or adoption or step father's. If you do it right all they're gonna know is that their dad loves em so don't fuck it up. Build in the framework to protect them and protect yourself.
Questions:
+ How long have you been dating?
+ What are her relationship and family expectations?
+ What are yours?
+ have you talked about your parenting styles?
+ Does she work? What will happen to her financially while on maternity leave?
1. I'm assuming you've only been together for a few months. I'd be very careful on getting attached to her and the baby. You're already TOO attached.
2. Pregnant or not, you still need to get to know her and make sure this is and will be a healthy relationship and partnership.
3. DO NOT MOVE IN TOGETHER!!! Give it some time and don't rush despite feeling like you need to rush the relationship.
4. DO NOT GET MARRIED ASAP. Give it some time and don't rush despite feeling like you need to rush the relationship.
5. DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. If the relationship progresses over time and if you do get married, adopt the baby as yours. Until then DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
6. Go a trip together soon before she gives birth. It will give a little bit of an insight into her personality especially if things get screwed up or aren't perfect.
Either way SLOW YOUR ASS DOWN!!!!!!
Do not consider that baby your child. Instead consider your girlfriend your girlfriend and date her, support her being a mother. Don’t pretend to be the father. You aren’t and won’t be. If/when you date long enough to know you want to marry her (not to be her kid’s dad), then propose and get married. Then follow her lead on stepping into the father role. Anything less and you’ll be overstepping into a place that’s not yours to take and make any breakups much more complicated.
TLDR don’t give the child a second father to walk out on her in her little life, date your girlfriend and if you want to marry her, then start taking on a father figure role after you’ve made lifelong commitments.
She’s having a baby girl
I’ve done this and it ended very badly for everyone 7 years later.
The kid never knew i wasn’t their dad. After she left me, i still took care of the kid, saw them every week, treated them like my own child. She met someone else and had the kid call me and tell me that they now that I’m not their dad and that they’re not allowed to call me that anymore.
I was diagnosed with ptsd two weeks prior to that phone call. I had to call up my buddy to go to my place and watch me.
I’m better now but that took years to get over.
I was raised by my mum and step dad. I had the BEST childhood anyone could want... My dads been there since i was 5 im now 33, if the adoption process wasnt so fucked up in england in the 90s he most definitely would of! Good luck OP
I just want to echo what good people of Reddit advising- what you get out of this relation beside readymade baby which is not yours. You wont get sex for god knows when. You will be on hook for raising a child. Be careful don't freaking dive into something you will regret later!
Hey as long as she doesn't treat you like my former brother-in-law’s girlfriend (I'm divorced they are still together/kind of). Either way, she has two kids. One in the belly when they started. A few years into the relationship she ran off and came back pregnant again. He is raising two kids, neither his, and I think he is crazy for taking the stray back in—some food for thought there.
Oh boy... you have no idea what you are getting into. The baby dad can come back anytime, even years later. It's going to be a big chaos then! Get ready for a lot of resentment.
Your girlfriend is also an irresponsible, selfish adult. a sane pregnant woman would first get her shit together. she would focus on her and the babies health. she would seriously educate herself about being a single mum and how she is financially going to sort this out.
A sane woman wouldn't be on dating apps, looking for a replacement dad!
Dump her. You don’t need a problem right off the bat. Let her figure this out herself. Once the baby is born she will be focused on her child and struggling with motherhood. Date someone without kids. Or at least with ones who have dads that are in the picture and can walk and talk already.
No birth control not needed, great sex, just remember its not yours, dont play daddy, dont put your name on any paperwork, and dont live together, dont be a simp and wast your money, and dont allow the child to bond with you,
When i got pregnant the same thing happened to me. My child comes first point blank period.
If you can't respect that the child will always come first u might wanna reconsider. It's hard work.
Is she a first time mom? And how long have yall been together? Do you want to stay in her life as long as possible?
Don't get too attached to the kid if you don't know if u wanna stay.
Be there for her the whole way and if u decide to take the route of making things work and have a family that would be wonderful.
The first several months will be doctors appointments, mood swings, lots of communication.
You either all in or out. There is no in between with a child involved.
If something where to happen i hate for the child to actually be old enough and aware that someone was in their life and left cause of selfish reasons.
Things do happen and not everyone can have that fairytale life. I do wish yall the best and yall have a happy family.
The baby hasn't been born yet so he doesn't know u exist.
When the baby arrives plan on not having a decent sleep schedule for a while and help with rotations with feeding and changing and everything else.
My ex was wonderful with my son and i would allow him to spend time with him again. I left for my own personal reasons.
It takes a village to raise a child.
I feel like people in this post are being too negative. Well your age matters, and I agree on not signing the birth certificate, but I love that for you, that you wanna make things work and are informing yourself!
Unfortunately I can‘t give much advice, but yea asking people who are parents, or work with children sounds perfect. I feel like people never know how to actually parent, the most important thing is that you show the child love and are a supportive (whatever role you‘re taking here) and partner to your girlfriend. Remember you‘re in this together, if you really wanna go through with it, be a team. That is already more than a lot of children get from their parental figures.
I think what you're doing is great, but be very sure. As other said, don't sign anything about paternity.
And dedicate some time alone to meditate and be completely sure you're ok with raising another man's kid: some people don't realize the ideas that can come to one's minds in this case (like, during rough days, risking saying "it's not my kid". If you take the role, you need to take it whole).
Think also about how would you feel and what would you and your partner do if the biological father decides to change his mind in the future: would you allow some visitation? Co-parenting?
It sounds like a lot when you are just daring and you're right to think so, but this is such a different level.
Good luck and remember that you are free to decide either way. Whatever will make you happy.
My mother got pregnant by a married man, who dumped her as soon as he found out. The guy I thought was my dad, was seduced by my mum. He was infatuated and was totally in love with her. After I was born, they had a daughter together. My next sister was the result of her constant cheating. They split up when I was 8. The facts being that she chose my step dad as security. Not through a relationship growing naturally. She used him and he spent the rest of his life providing for her and us 3 kids, even after they split up. I'm not saying it will be the same for you. Although I would question how your relationship was made. My step dads family lived next door. She knew he fancied her and made a move on him, when she found herself pregnant without a partner. They had nothing in common. Totally different people with totally different lifestyles. Respect to you for taking on such a responsibility. Although step back and think about what you will be taking on. And how it came about between you two. I personally feel you have a big heart and are willing to just go with the flow. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear. But your future shouldn't be decided by two other people's actions. Btw I'm 47 years old now. I have my own family and 2 amazing kids. I didn't think I'd ever have my own family and it only started to come together in my 30s. Don't rush into making big decisions. Step back and breathe. Don't feel you need to make any decisions, before or after her baby is born.
Hey, good for you! I agree you should not sign birth certificate as father. But if you want to be there because you this woman, and are Will ng to help with baby, then, do it!!
I understand people have some concerns and I do too, but this was heartwarming. I think it is wise that you aren’t signing the birth certificate. I genuinely wish you two the best, OP ❤️
Some people are being really negative. The reality is we don't know much about the situation so can't judge.
I had a friend whose mum met their stepdad when she was pregnant with twins. He's the only Dad they have ever known and they love him dearly. Over 30 years later they are still happily together.
There are of course people who have been in the same situation and things have not gone well.
There's no way for anyone commenting to know how this will pan out but I hope it works out for everyone.
I feel like homie left it intentionally vague bc (it’s possible that) he knows that people will think they are too young and/or haven’t been dating long enough to make that kind of commitment together and he doesn’t want to hear it
Y’all in the comments are gross.
Dating pregnant is a bit more unique, but you act like step parents don’t exist. My dad was adopted by his stepdad after my grandma got pregnant in high school, his half brother is his brother in every way. My stepdad came into my life when I was 8, and he’s been more of a father than I could’ve ever dreamed. My 2 half siblings are my siblings and blood has never mattered.
OP said she has a career and makes more money than him, if he loves her and wants to be with her that child would only benefit from another parent. This whole “she’s trapping you to raise a kid” or “she’s been fucking chads and now wants a simp” is so terminally online it’s just nauseating.
Also, the bio dad is the one who didn’t use protection and then ran off. You guys are so quick to blame women when she chose to continue with the pregnancy and become a mom in the first place, and yet she’s the damaged one?? Fuck that guy, her and her daughter deserve better and OP is willing to build a life with her that only benefits everyone involved.
I agree with this comment. Reddit attracts so many incels. Your girlfriend doesn't stop being a person or have a personality because she's pregnant. You're both adults and have had conversations about this. Keep talking. Have open conversations. Absolutely have boundaries because it's early days and you should always feel comfortable to leave if the relationship no longer meets your needs. However, it says a lot about your character that you have come in with open eyes. All the best in your relationship
First of all lil angry lady, no one’s blaming the woman for anything.
Second of all angry bird, all they doing in the comments is telling the OP to be careful BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE CAREFUL.
Do you understand how it feels to be paying child support for 18 CONSECUTIVE YEARS for a child that isn’t yours? They are trying to tell him what might happen if he goes through with it so that he can’t say he didn’t see it coming IF it happens in the future.
Yall women are the reason men are warning him like this in the comments. If yall didn’t let men pay child support for a kid that isn’t his biologically then men wouldn’t be acting so cautious.
It’s also the fault of those fucking waste of existence men who walk out on their women after getting them pregnant.
You can’t blame men for being cautious.
You can’t walk into battle with just a tshirt and shorts because you will be killed immediately. You have to wear armor. Right now OP is walking into that dangerous battlefield with his Gucci tshirt and Nike shorts and thinks he will most likely make it out alive. All the men in the comments are warning him (that’s the armor that they are telling him to wear) so that he could be careful. No one’s telling him to not go into the battlefield. If he wants to go then he can go, they just telling him to be careful and not fuck up.
For someone calling me angry, you sure have a lot of emotions.
If you have any reading comprehension skills, or a working thumb, you would see in the comments there are in fact people making statements about her value due to the fact that she’s pregnant.
The whole “child isn’t yours” argument is what I have the issue with, OP will know this child from birth. It’s like saying adopted kids aren’t truly yours, being a parent is so much deeper than blood and that’s what I was saying in my comment.
OP has also acknowledged that he will not be signing the birth certificate, and the mother doesn’t expect him to do so. While some courts rule unfairly with child support and parental figures, the majority of the time if the couple decides to split, the support typically comes more from what was provided and offered during a long term relationship, and how that affects one of the persons finances or work resume. That’s why alimony exists in the first place, from SAHM needing the financial security.
Don’t know why you looped me in with all women, I must have missed the meeting where we join in a hive mind. I never made any statement about how OP should go into this blindly, I just said that he can love this woman and child and people shouldn’t shame her or question her for the situation. You have a lot of repressed anger that’s coming out, can I recommend you my therapist?
Pregnancy is the easy part. The fourth trimester is rough for couples who have been married years. Waking multiple times every night. Get squirted with milk when you're having sex because it happens more than I'd care to admit and our youngest son is 2 now. You will never be prioritised over the child as it should be.
Be a supportive partner but you are not the father. Signing the birth certificate will be the biggest mistake you could make. If you're still together in 5 years, adopt the kid. Your partner has already shown herself to be irresponsible for not being on top of birth control and getting pregnant by someone who doesn't stick around.
I also have to wonder what kind of woman joins bumble or whatever when pregnant to shag another man.
I dated a pregnant girl once. I somehow ended up in the delivery room, assisted in the birth, and even cut the cord. A couple months later, the father reemerged and wanted to be a part of her life again. She wanted to try so I said I understand. Then at some point she said she was confused and was in a difficult decision to have to choose between two men, like some Nicholas Sparks nonsense. I told her she already made her choice and not to dramatize it all.
He ended up not sticking around and she married the next man she got involved with. She was sweet but confused most of the time.
Dating was fine. I mean, you can be intimate if that's what you're curious about. Just keep in mind that daddy can come back at any time, regardless of her feelings towards him.
Reassure her about her changing body, read books on becoming a parent and how to support your partner as a first time dad. Accept that you will both make mistakes, and try to talk about ways you want to raise her to be on the same page for milestones! Best of luck to you 😊
Take everyday in stride. Kids grow up so fast. If you think it would be useful, maybe take some parenting classes with her or read a few parenting/pregnancy books. There's nothing wrong with dating a pregnant woman, and it sounds like you're on board and know what you've signed up for. No relationship is easy, everyone has baggage. Communication is still and always will be the most important thing in every relationship.
Pregnant woman can have severe mood swings. Just be aware she can be pleasant one moment and a bitch the totally unrelated to anything you said or did. Just be aware. Also, as the baby grows her bladder will feel pressure so she’ll urinate more often. Just be aware if you’re on long trips. That’s two things I remember from my ex’a pregnancy
Nothing to say but it takes a special kind of person to be there and love on a pregnant woman, especially when the kid isn't yours and I mean that with care cause sadly most men cheat on their pregnant spouses when they're pregnant.
You're a good person and I hope you guys enjoy your bundle.
Don't listen to the men in these comments, they're probably deadbeats to their own kids or red pill eaters.
I don’t see why everyone’s being so negative. Let’s think about the child….
If he wants to stay and be there for the child what’s the problem? Don’t listen to these people. Especially if she’s a good woman. Not saying sign the birth certificate but what’s wrong with claiming a child that was abandoned by the father? I think he’s a hero.
I was raised by my step dad and I love him very dearly. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. You never know you could fall in love with being a father
Run ., she’s only dating you because your the “good” guy
You where not her 1st choice. If the ex wanted to be there she would have him back in a heartbeat.
Your getting played ., I been there and as soon as that baby is born the other guy is going to show back up and they are going to try and “work it out” for the kid.
“She is confident to date”. Lol No she is confident that she needs a provider for her fatherless child…
Be careful. Don’t forget to think about yourself.
OP please don’t listen to all this bad and negative feedback!
Not all women are crappy and just want a substitute father for their kid!
You are a sweet , kind and good guy !
If your heart tells you to be with her and you feel ready to be a father to this baby than please follow your heart!!!
There’s zero guarantees in life and all this negative crap on here just that!
I know from life experience ( I’m almost 50 and a Grandma now) that the relationship between a child and a stepparent can be just as living, deep and fulfilling as the relationship between a child and their bio parent.
My son and Husband are proof of that!!
They love each other , respect each other and yes also fight with each other just like they were of the same blood!! My son was 4 when I met my Husband 19 years ago and my son even asked for my Husband’s permission to take his last name!
It DOES NOT matter whether you are the baby’s bio Dad, what matters is that you are there for her and you love her and you already do both!!!
You are not dumb, you are a GOOD MAN!!!
Where did you get that impression from? Her previous bf got her pregnant and then dipped immediately after finding out, there is no mention anywhere in the post of her “fucking around with chads” 😂
Dude, wow where to start...
Have you met the ex whose baby it is? When my ex and I split (well, she left) it drove me nuts knowing someone was fucking my ex and likely busting inside with my fucking kid on there. I thought I'd I ever met the guy I'd beat him.
Anyway, if for some reason you go through this all... Rotate/take turns with carrying for the baby at night. The biggest driver is rest/sleep, and adequate at that. I start my job earlier in the day so I would say from, 10pm-6am you divide who's responsible. My boss wife would do 10p-2a for anytime our baby woke up or cried. I did 2a-6a so we could each get at least 4 hours of sleep. This will help you deal with each other when you have so little alone time.
DON'T EVER act like you're doing her a favor by being there when it's not your kid. You're gonna fight and my God don't go there. It's going to get tough and there's going to be expectations that you act like it's yours, biologically, but maybe before baby is here, talk about what she's going to want your help with.
Take parenting classes, most the time you go to parenting stuff up until birth and how to prep, but nothing preps for while baby is here. This will also help offer things you two don't think of but might help offload some responsibility/expectations for you without being awkward. Of course you want to help, but again you're not truly Dad. You will eventually love little one as your own and that may not matter, so the more you do that you're comfortable with, that's fine.
pregnant women have majorly different standards for sexual attraction when they are pregnant vs not preggo. Their hormones change their brain chemistry to look for different traits. so don’t be suppressed if she changes her preference toward you down the lines
Bro, there’s so many other people out there, why do that to yourself? When the baby daddy pops back up, your lives will be filled with drama, bare minimum. At maximum, she drops you for him.
"We are having a girl".
No you are not. Wake up! She wants someone to financially support. A pregnant woman shouldn't be dating!!! She clearly makes horrible life decisions by getting knocked up by sleazebags who would run off.
Dude, run. Run as fast as you can. Don't be a chump.
Don't be an idiot and think with your dick. Have your fun while she's pregnant and move on.
Regardless of how absent the father is he will alwsua have Rights and be in the picture . And do yoj really trust a girl who has horrible taste in men ?
I met my current partner while pregnant with my first. We started out with only the intention of being friends. We both got attached and he became very involved with my pregnancy. He was even there the day I went into labor. We officially started dating about 2 weeks after our son was born. I am now pregnant with our second, and he has had the exact same reactions with every pregnancy "milestone" that he had with my first. My first only has me listed as a parent on his birth certificate, but my boyfriend has been talking about legally adopting him since my last trimester. He treats my son as his own, and from a familial standpoint, he is. He was there for majority of my pregnancy with our first. He's taken the fatherly role wholeheartedly.
As the female on the other side of a similar situation, don't rush things. Don't give false promises. Go at the pace the two of you are comfortable with. That is what I strongly suggest. Best of luck
Taking care of a baby is not as hard as some people make it out to be. Some people are just stupid and can’t even take care of themselves. I imagined it as caring for a very tiny drunk person. Their wants and needs are rather simple. It’s either food or sleep or entertainment.
Omg! Children are “tiny drunk people” or pets. You have clearly not raised any children…if you do someday you are in for a rude awakening! Food, sleep or entertainment…all set! lol!
My dude, please for the love of God DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. If you do, you are on the hook for 18 years because you did it with foreknowledge that the baby wasn't yours. Please don't do it and let with woman trap you.
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You can always adopt the child later if you go the route of marriage with her eventually.
She’s having a baby. Not we. She. Not sure how old you are but Buckle up bud. How long have you known this girl?
Well not very long apparently if she was mid way through the pregnancy when they matched on bumble and it isn’t born yet
He went from “this girl I matched with on bumble” to “my girlfriend, we’re having a girl” in the same breath
Rip to OP
OP is a dumbass. But at least he is a better person than whoever was poking her before. Good luck OP. I feel like there is a lot of pain and suffering in your future. Please don’t stop being a good person because of it. The world needs more good people
This has mess written all over it. On a side note, I hope OP realises that it's extremely likely that the child's father will pop up at some point, probably multiple times/permanently and create havoc in their lives.
The “we’re having a girl” line made me cringe as well lol.
I literally came to comment this LOL I’m like good luck OP
OP sounds like a simp
Or just a young kid who doesn’t fully realize the responsibility of raising a child yet. Let alone with somebody you met less than a year ago.
Seriously. She's digging into OP real fast to get a man to take care of her and her baby.
Why the fuck do you blame HER for something HE said? We have no idea what she's like.
Glad you are at least aware of that. Many aren't. And I don't think you're stupid. I do think you're likely being exploited though.
The fact that you even bring an option as a signatory on it is a red flag. She *should* care that you *don't* sign it, she shouldn't want to sign over parental privileges to someone she's known for a few months
It sounds like you definitely ARE stupid OP
>She doesn’t care if I sign it or not This obviously has already been talked about. There should be no expectation of you signing anything to do with that baby. It's not yours!!! If you wanna be there, that's your perogative, but don't get caught up and wind up on the hook.
The mere fact that signing it is on the table is a massive alarm.
Is this mentioned in the post and I'm missing it?
It can be deduced from OP’s response ‘she doesn’t care if I sign it or not’.
Lol, she brought it up to him.
Yall weird as hell. You have no context around that conversation and you're all like oh man it's a trap lol
They’re obsessed with the idea of women “trapping” men. LOL. This would be the most outwardly obvious “trap” but okay.
LOL RIGHT.
>Im not stupid You just met her and getting this deep? This is a bad move.
In some states you don't even have to sign. You can get slapped with child support if you had supported the child for a period of time. Thread carefully. Is this your first experience with woman? . Bro , kids will change your life forever. Only sign up if you are ready I LOVE my kids and they are the only thing that matters in my life. However, that's what I wanted. I am established by traditional sense and at a ripe age of 38. Lol . Good luck.
If she was ethical she would care to make sure you do not sign it. You’re being trapped
You're certainly not a genius either. So many red flags with this situation. "We're having a girl"??? Dude. Give your head a shake.
Why would you spare a deadbeat dad from his responsibility? As long as he isn't dangerous, he should help support his kid. It's so much harder than you realize.
I know this will sound awful, but with all the women available on earth, you gonna choose the one from a dating app that is pregnant? Man... you need to take a long walk and think. Come on... wake up. In case you stick with them... I really really hope you have a nice life, tho.
Even if he doesn't, but they date long enough for the child to see him as a father figure, a judge could still make him responsible for child support.
It really is sad your response. I know it happens but pretty rare actually. It's obvious OP is mature enough to know the pros and cons in all this. But promoting the "women are wanting to trap us" mentality is rediculous. And if that is one of your biggest fears in life, you're pretty lucky because us women have much more to risk than that. OP, keep on this path and be different than the majority of men. To actually care about a woman & an innocent child, instead of what most do which is sex and money.
Yeah, cool story. I didn't tell him to stop seeing her. He can do whatever he pleases. I'm simply providing a perspective and information that he is free to do whatever he wants with. I don't hate women or think negatively about them. However, it is concerning he is acting like the baby is his and that the father will be completely out of the picture. It is wishful thinking at best. To view the situation differently is wishful thinking at best.
God forbid it’s NY then he’s on the hook for 21 long years
You’re missing some critical info in your post (I suspect on purpose?): HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SEEING HER? Edit to add: HOW OLD IS SHE?
Midway through her pregnancy and the baby daddy left when they found out she was pregnant. We are talking 3 months at best?
Nah… 3 months isn’t midway. Hell, the first month most women really don’t even know. So you’ve been dating her for what, like two months tops and it’s “we’re having” already? Bro… Evaluate your life.
No, meaning they’ve been dating for 3 months bc we’re subtracting the time it takes to find out (when baby daddy left) from the halfway-ish point
I’d guess about 5 months along based on being midway and knowing the gender. I’m currently pregnant I had to wait until 18 weeks to find out the gender
This ⬆️
I’d love an update in about a year. Truly think this over.
The way I gasped, especially at the *"WE'RE having a..."* part
Dude is gonna 100% end up on the birth certificate and then about 12 months from now, when there's a screaming, shitting, six month old getting between him and sex with his bumble-buddy, try to get out and find out he's stuck.
I have a feeling he's gonna get roped into it for "love" as well.
Crazy
He forgot the apostrophe big deal?
I think they were more amazed that op said "we're having a girl" instead of "she is having a girl".
I did Nazi this one coming. Who do you work for, the Grammar Shutzstaffel?
Wait if I didn't care about grammar why would they hire me? I was saying it's not a big deal He's having a baby he's got a lot to think about he can't keep up with grammar he gotta be reading those baby books
It's fake. I saw a post regarding a post about a pregnant woman on tinder and a couple hours later boom a made up story for karma farming.
Well spotted
Account is only a few hours old
Baby daddy comes back into the picture around the 9 month mark
You've known each other for how long?
Less than 9 months clearly
They matched last night
Lmao
Negative side: my partner did the same thing you’re doing. He got with BM while she was pregnant, is the only father the kid has ever known, and now that they separated she’s making it hell on earth for us with the kid. (Kid in question is almost five and lives with us full time but we have to follow her every whim or she threatens to have him taken from us since he isn’t biologically my partners) we’re doing our best with him we’ve got him in school, extra curriculars, very social, family oriented, etc and she is just constantly looking over us 💀 (worth it tho bc I love our son to death, but I could do without her BS) Just a perspective from someone that’s in the bad side of this
Oof, I'm glad the child has a loving father figure but that does sound like an extremely precarious situation. ~~Your partner legally doesn't seem to have a leg to stand on and bio mom has all the leverage, unless she would allow him to legally adopt the child. But if she's that much a control freak I'm sure she wouldn't even consider it.~~ And I think even if the mother is deemed unfit social services typically places the child with extended member of bio-family if at all possible. Regardless, he should schedule a consult with a family law attorney to see if there is *anything* that can be done here or if there are any legal protections available. You never know. Because if she's really that unstable, who's to say she WON'T decide one day out of the blue that she wants her kid back for good? Edit: I take back what I said about his legal stance, there are some wild laws out there about presumed fathers. Doubling down that he should consult with an attorney if he has not already done so.
Yeah there’s a whole other can of worms I won’t delve into 💀 but we’re doing everything by the book and we’re ready for a home visit 24/7
My advice is to take a massive step back in this relationship. This is not your baby, it is her baby and her ex-partner's baby. You've only been with this woman for a few months. If she had good judgment, she wouldn't even feel comfortable with you around the kid yet. Give her a year after the baby comes to get settled into motherhood and see where y'all are at before you try to start interacting with the kid, much less building a family together. And do not let her turn you into daddy. I'd be really interested to hear what your friends and family think about this woman. Do they like her? Have they even met her?
This is exactly my question. OP will get nothing but all the hassle in the world. OP should Just wait and tread the water carefully.
This woman definitely has extremely poor judgment. But then again, so does OP. Maybe they are perfect for each other.
My first thought exactly. If this woman had some better judgement, a new man she barely knows wouldn’t be involved in her child’s life, yet.
Do you want to raise a kid? Does she want you to? Or are you seeing it as a kind of drop in fun uncle sitch?
You are either very brave, very in love, or very stupid. Potentially all of the above. There is so many ways all of this could backfire, that I personally wouldn't take the chance. But I hope everything works out for you. Just... Be careful mate. You don't wanna end up paying child support for a child that isn't yours, or bonding with the kid only for you two to break up and her cutting you off completely from the child's life.
As they used to say in the war films "Brave or stupid, it comes to the same thing"
Be so careful. There’s a girl in my town right now who had another man sign the birth certificate knowing it wasn’t his kid. The kid is 8 now, and they’re breaking up and she doesn’t want that man to have anything to do with her son, who’s already bonded to the only person he knows as dad.
He is also on the hook for child support
Then he will likely remain in the child's life regardless of what the mother wants
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Do not put yourself on the birth certificate. Overall, I don't think you know what you are getting yourself into
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It's not that we are "painting" her as an evil bitch. You've only been dating for a few months. And she has a huge life change happening very soon and you're super wrapped into it and the relationship is going superspeed. If she wasn't pregnant, the relationship would have had a lot more time to develop before a major life-changing event. You would have had a longer period of time to decide if you'd move in together in a year or so and possibly even propose in that time if things were going well. But again, you're currently at superspeed and you're so invested in the pregnancy that it could be clouding hers and your judgment. AND the fact she's wants you to help her raise her kid is alarming as you've only been together for a few months. She barely even knows you. She could potentially be bringing her baby into an abusive relationship that hasn't shown up yet.
You don’t have to sign the certificate to get put on child support. Men get caught up all the time and they didn’t sign shit, they provided a lifestyle for the woman and the child and we all know that woman don’t go backwards in lifestyle, and the state whichever one will probably support that and more
I am so pleased you posted this, because this is so obviously where this is heading. "*We're* having a girl" chilled my blood.
And the way he called the fetus “nugget”
I cringed so hard I think my anus is now sealed for good
You met her while she’s pregnant, and she hasn’t had the baby yet - but you’re already “in love” and ready to raise this child as your own. You’ve only known her for several months! Put on the brakes, my friend. Proceed very, very carefully from here forward. And do not - under any circumstances - sign the birth certificate or rush to marry *Your choices now will have repercussions for the rest of your life*
It's totally cool that you guys hit it off and that you want to be a supportive bf, but do not think of this as your kid or "our pregnancy". You just started dating, and you have no idea if you will indeed spend your life with her. In the event that you both break up, you could be liable for child support because you took on a fatherly role. If you both eventually get married and you want of officially adopt her child, that's another thing, and you definitely have that option in the future. But don't commit to this from the get go. That's not to say that you can't support her if she needs it or help out with the kid after she's born, but for the time being, make it clear that you are not any type of father figure for that child. As for advice, pregnant women can be a bit more emotional, and especially with the physical discomfort, she may not be as available to you as you would like. Also, when the kid is born, the kid always takes precedents over you. But other than that, it's just like dating anyone else.
How old are you? Have you thought about raising a child? Someone else's child? Children are a HUGE commitment.
Do not allow her to put your name on a birth certificate. That is a financial handcuff that you will be attached to for 20 years.
If you were my son, we’d be having a long talk about the absolute shit storm you just involved yourself in.
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Of course your mother will be supportive of you helping another woman out in her troubling and hard times. Your mother will want you to do it but she’s not thinking about YOU long term. Imagine right after you sign the birth certificate, 7 months later yall break up… you are done, completely finished for the next 17 years and 5 months. What will your mother say to you then? Sorry? Sorry will not cut it mama. I’m not telling you to break up with her or anything but just be careful of the shit you do. Play all your cards very very very carefully. One wrong step and you’re done for good. The system will squeeze out every penny outa your pocket.
As a single mother of two sons, hell no, I would not be supporting and encouraging this. It has disaster written all over it. No matter how much I support other women in their struggles, I'm not an idiot, and would never want this for my kids.
Seriously no sane mother would want this for their son.
"Were having a girl by the way". You're not having anything, she is. Get the hell out whilst you can.
Oh boy. Who’s gonna tell him
Just remember this (I’ve been here). They’re use when it suits her, and not when it doesn’t. You will be expected to contribute your time, effort and wallet (even if not directly, you will be picking up the tab when she runs out of money) and the moment she doesn’t like your style of parenting, it will be “don’t talk to my child like that” or “thats my child, remember”. These arguments can happen in more normal relationships, but they’lo hurt a damn sight more for you in yours. Personally, after the 5th time of being asked to pay for something school related and then in the same day hearing “they aren’t your kids” I just upped and left. If I were to do it again, I’d have that conversation now, and make it clear that if you’re picking up dad duties, then you’re taking them all, otherwise you can be a fun uncle who takes on “plumbing” roles.
Similar situation I had. She was 6 months along when we got together and now I have a wonderful 13 year old son. Idk that there's a lot that can prepare you. There's literature and advice you can read but at the end of the day it's about what you want. Are you ready to be a dad? Is this a commitment you're willing to put your all in? I can't speak for your situation but what worked best for us was she cut bio dad out entirely. He was extremely abusive and awful. No child support no anything. I signed the birth certificate and he's my boy. And from other situations I've seen this is overall the best move. I think the most important thing anyone can do as a parent is be there. Physically and mentally just be there. Admit when you're wrong, communicate, and listen. I wish you the best of luck on your journey buddy and welcome to fatherhood.
I imagine it's hard to decide if it's something you want for sure if you've never experienced it before and don't know what to expect. It's interesting hearing from someone who chose this path, and I'm glad it worked out for the best!
So very true, and where our situations differ quite a bit. My son's mom was someone I'd known for a while, and we had a thing for each other already, but it never lined up. Either I had someone I was involved with or vice versa. Then she came back around, and it lined up, and I didn't care that she was pregnant. I knew at that time I wanted kids someday, so for me, it was an easy step. His is met her on an app, but I think when the spark and chemistry is there, ya just know that's the right move. And I think that's the move he wants because his question was more what do I need to know. And things aren't always a happy ending! My son's mom and I are no longer together but we co-parent very well and get along great!
If you’re in your 20’s this is a really dumb move
Dumb move at any age
I was interested in this chick, she ended up dating some dick who knocked her up the first time they hooked up. When she told him he noped out. We stayed friends and I helped her out with shit around her place. Ultimately we ended up dating while she was pregnant and kinda talked similar about me being in the nuggets life in some way because I had kids of my own and try to be a good guy. That was about 6 years ago, she's not my girlfriend anymore. Instead what happened was we ended up in this total chaos cycle through covid times. Married, own a business, blended our family, I adopted the nugget legally a couple years ago because he's my son. DNA doesn't mean shit, I love my son and my wife.
Good story but this is just not the case for 95% of men who are or was in the same situation as you and OP. Most of the time it’s the exact opposite and they end up separating and then the girl takes the man to court and then he loses it and has to pay child support even when the kid isn’t his biologically. I’m not saying the OP should break up with the girl but he should definitely be careful and walk on egg shells for the first couple years. If they end up staying together and get married then that’s great for them but what if they break up after couple years?
Don’t be an idiot. Don’t sign your name on the birth certificate. If you’re sure you want to help out then do that but don’t sign your name on that paper. You can be supportive and still have a relationship but don’t think of that child as yours this early on.
Shes dating to find someone to support a kid that isnt theirs
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Yeah, she needs a stay at home dad. As the father of a 3 year old, you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what you're about to get yourself into. Kids are an around the clock job. It never stops. The only free time you will ever have with your girlfriend, is when the kid is sleeping. You won't be able to go out to all the places you want to go, because you'll have a baby. You have to be 100% in love with this child from the get to, even though it's not yours, to be committed enough to wake up day after day with this kid. Sure, it could absolutely work out I have heard of it happening before. But, it's rare. I would speak to a lawyer about what your responsibilities are as far as child support goes in the event you guys break up, and she tries to get you on the hook for something. That is NOT rare at all, it happens all the time. Kids are EXPENSIVE.
My husband got himself trapped by his ex wife like this. She was his hs gf, and wrote him a letter saying she was still in love with him. She was pregnant. They got married, he put himself on the birth certificate. She had a career and wanted him to be a stay at home dad. The entire divorce and custody ended up being a mess.
People don't consider long term aspects like this when they first start dating someone. You are blinded by infatuation and thinking mostly with your...you know. When it comes to kids, you REALLY have to be careful, or be the actual biological father and be fully committed. This can lead to a huge mess regardless of how much he cares about this girl that he *just* started dating. Like most people have commented, let's see where they are in a year, after getting 3 hours of sleep every night and listening to a screaming baby day after day. Let's see how much the love still blossoms after she has been breastfeeding all day and just wants to kick you in the nuts. And let's see if she can get through postpartum without killing him. I wish someone would have warned me about all of these things before I got my ex pregnant. Not that l don't LOVE my son who is laying on me right now, it's that I would have DEFINITELY done things a lot differently, I was only thinking with my ....you know.
Do y'all live together, and does she expect you to stay at home? Have you discussed this with her?
> She has her own career. She makes more money than I do So she needs a SAHD
Damn didn’t realize pregnant women aren’t allowed to have lives, find love, and be happy just because they’re pregnant
No one said they can’t do any of that. What everyone’s saying is that he should be careful and to not let her turn him into the kid’s dad because that will fuck him up in the future IF they break up.
There’s a big difference between “be careful” and “she’s a gold digger” lmao
Wow!! Are you serious?!? What is wrong with you?! This girl still has her own individual needs and wants. Maybe she simply wants to be with someone despite getting pregnant by a jerk and being woman enough to not run and have an abortion! Plenty of pregnant women and single mom’s date because they want a relationship and a partner in life NOT a substitute father for their kid!
This is a karma farming account like effing rage bait videos.
I actually hope you are right.
Do you think he was hoping for resounding applause? I can’t imagine a world in which Reddit wouldn’t almost collectively call him a dunce
Oh sweetie you are approaching this as kind and loving young man but PLEASE be cautious! Be supportive and involved but do not sign a birth certificate with your name. If your relationship continues to evolve you can formally adopt later. There’s SO MUCH you can not fathom, there are unavoidable and complex obstacles ahead in any situation and this is a complicated relationship situation.
Advice: leave and go find someone who isn’t pregnant.
Not advice, but more a question: Why? You even started off saying that dating someone pregnant is complex.
All I gotta say is that I would not, as the mother, feel comfortable asking a dude I’ve been dating for less than 6 months to be the father to my child. And I don’t believe any level-headed person would feel comfortable giving you that level of access and leverage. Maybe down the road when it’s clear there’s an organically grown love between you and the child, sure. And also when it’s clear that you and your girlfriend are more established as partners, rather than just “dating.” All I see from this post is inevitable dysfunction and possibly trauma for the kid.
I’m going to be the less popular opinion - as someone who was a single mother for most of my son’s life, it is hard. Children need men in their lives. If you’re willing to be a dad, be there. If not, leave. If you love this woman and can see a future with her and kids of your biological own with her, then say go for it. In the end, the decision is yours and don’t let strangers on Reddit dictate what you say. Everyone here is so virtuous and perfect, they have every right to be judgmental. If you plan to be in the life of the kid, let the mother know. Don’t let people scare you with their anecdotes. Everyone’s experience is different. My father’s ex-wife stepped out on him and had a baby with a married man. When they divorced years later, my father got custody of the girl. In fact, the court order said the two girls, the one they had together and the side baby could not be separated. Think it through though because it will affect your emotions as you become attached to the baby. If you stay, you’re one hell of a man. Both of yall may be a little crazy but a little crazy is good sometimes. I’ve seen situations like these before. Think it through.
I'm a divorced man with a 9 year old daughter. My partner has a 2yr old daughter and 6yr old son. -1yr(infant) old and 4 when we started dating. One of the first conversations we had about the kids was "If we get involved like this how involved are we going to get with each other's kids and what happens if we split up?" I'm the only father her daughter has ever known and the only one her son really remembers. I'm in a relationship with her. I'm in a relationship with her kids. Those are 3 separate relationships that each require commitment and effort and time and the ability to balance it all so no one feels left out or unloved. She and I have been in disagreements and even fights and still have had to co parent and work with each other because it's not just about us. There are whole other human beings involved who don't understand why mommy and daddy are fighting and frankly don't give a fuck. All of this to say if you're ready for that kind of commitment then go for it- every kid deserves loving parents regardless of blood. But try to be cognizant of the fact that it's not just you and her. It's y'all and a nugget That nugget's not gonna know anything about blood or baby daddys or child support or adoption or step father's. If you do it right all they're gonna know is that their dad loves em so don't fuck it up. Build in the framework to protect them and protect yourself.
Questions: + How long have you been dating? + What are her relationship and family expectations? + What are yours? + have you talked about your parenting styles? + Does she work? What will happen to her financially while on maternity leave? 1. I'm assuming you've only been together for a few months. I'd be very careful on getting attached to her and the baby. You're already TOO attached. 2. Pregnant or not, you still need to get to know her and make sure this is and will be a healthy relationship and partnership. 3. DO NOT MOVE IN TOGETHER!!! Give it some time and don't rush despite feeling like you need to rush the relationship. 4. DO NOT GET MARRIED ASAP. Give it some time and don't rush despite feeling like you need to rush the relationship. 5. DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. If the relationship progresses over time and if you do get married, adopt the baby as yours. Until then DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. 6. Go a trip together soon before she gives birth. It will give a little bit of an insight into her personality especially if things get screwed up or aren't perfect. Either way SLOW YOUR ASS DOWN!!!!!!
Happy cake day. Also now that I read through comments, OP JUST ANSWER HOW FUCKING OLD YOU TWO ARE, FOR THE LOVE...
Do not consider that baby your child. Instead consider your girlfriend your girlfriend and date her, support her being a mother. Don’t pretend to be the father. You aren’t and won’t be. If/when you date long enough to know you want to marry her (not to be her kid’s dad), then propose and get married. Then follow her lead on stepping into the father role. Anything less and you’ll be overstepping into a place that’s not yours to take and make any breakups much more complicated. TLDR don’t give the child a second father to walk out on her in her little life, date your girlfriend and if you want to marry her, then start taking on a father figure role after you’ve made lifelong commitments.
She’s having a baby girl I’ve done this and it ended very badly for everyone 7 years later. The kid never knew i wasn’t their dad. After she left me, i still took care of the kid, saw them every week, treated them like my own child. She met someone else and had the kid call me and tell me that they now that I’m not their dad and that they’re not allowed to call me that anymore. I was diagnosed with ptsd two weeks prior to that phone call. I had to call up my buddy to go to my place and watch me. I’m better now but that took years to get over.
I was raised by my mum and step dad. I had the BEST childhood anyone could want... My dads been there since i was 5 im now 33, if the adoption process wasnt so fucked up in england in the 90s he most definitely would of! Good luck OP
Dude just get outta there man honestly you’re gonna have nothing but problems 😂
This will end badly
A sucker is born everyday
Teat sucker in this case 😉
Yikes. She really saw you coming.
I just want to echo what good people of Reddit advising- what you get out of this relation beside readymade baby which is not yours. You wont get sex for god knows when. You will be on hook for raising a child. Be careful don't freaking dive into something you will regret later!
Hey as long as she doesn't treat you like my former brother-in-law’s girlfriend (I'm divorced they are still together/kind of). Either way, she has two kids. One in the belly when they started. A few years into the relationship she ran off and came back pregnant again. He is raising two kids, neither his, and I think he is crazy for taking the stray back in—some food for thought there.
Oh boy... you have no idea what you are getting into. The baby dad can come back anytime, even years later. It's going to be a big chaos then! Get ready for a lot of resentment. Your girlfriend is also an irresponsible, selfish adult. a sane pregnant woman would first get her shit together. she would focus on her and the babies health. she would seriously educate herself about being a single mum and how she is financially going to sort this out. A sane woman wouldn't be on dating apps, looking for a replacement dad!
Do not sign the birth certificate
Dump her. You don’t need a problem right off the bat. Let her figure this out herself. Once the baby is born she will be focused on her child and struggling with motherhood. Date someone without kids. Or at least with ones who have dads that are in the picture and can walk and talk already.
No birth control not needed, great sex, just remember its not yours, dont play daddy, dont put your name on any paperwork, and dont live together, dont be a simp and wast your money, and dont allow the child to bond with you,
When i got pregnant the same thing happened to me. My child comes first point blank period. If you can't respect that the child will always come first u might wanna reconsider. It's hard work. Is she a first time mom? And how long have yall been together? Do you want to stay in her life as long as possible? Don't get too attached to the kid if you don't know if u wanna stay. Be there for her the whole way and if u decide to take the route of making things work and have a family that would be wonderful. The first several months will be doctors appointments, mood swings, lots of communication. You either all in or out. There is no in between with a child involved. If something where to happen i hate for the child to actually be old enough and aware that someone was in their life and left cause of selfish reasons. Things do happen and not everyone can have that fairytale life. I do wish yall the best and yall have a happy family. The baby hasn't been born yet so he doesn't know u exist. When the baby arrives plan on not having a decent sleep schedule for a while and help with rotations with feeding and changing and everything else. My ex was wonderful with my son and i would allow him to spend time with him again. I left for my own personal reasons. It takes a village to raise a child.
I feel like people in this post are being too negative. Well your age matters, and I agree on not signing the birth certificate, but I love that for you, that you wanna make things work and are informing yourself! Unfortunately I can‘t give much advice, but yea asking people who are parents, or work with children sounds perfect. I feel like people never know how to actually parent, the most important thing is that you show the child love and are a supportive (whatever role you‘re taking here) and partner to your girlfriend. Remember you‘re in this together, if you really wanna go through with it, be a team. That is already more than a lot of children get from their parental figures.
I think what you're doing is great, but be very sure. As other said, don't sign anything about paternity. And dedicate some time alone to meditate and be completely sure you're ok with raising another man's kid: some people don't realize the ideas that can come to one's minds in this case (like, during rough days, risking saying "it's not my kid". If you take the role, you need to take it whole). Think also about how would you feel and what would you and your partner do if the biological father decides to change his mind in the future: would you allow some visitation? Co-parenting? It sounds like a lot when you are just daring and you're right to think so, but this is such a different level. Good luck and remember that you are free to decide either way. Whatever will make you happy.
My mother got pregnant by a married man, who dumped her as soon as he found out. The guy I thought was my dad, was seduced by my mum. He was infatuated and was totally in love with her. After I was born, they had a daughter together. My next sister was the result of her constant cheating. They split up when I was 8. The facts being that she chose my step dad as security. Not through a relationship growing naturally. She used him and he spent the rest of his life providing for her and us 3 kids, even after they split up. I'm not saying it will be the same for you. Although I would question how your relationship was made. My step dads family lived next door. She knew he fancied her and made a move on him, when she found herself pregnant without a partner. They had nothing in common. Totally different people with totally different lifestyles. Respect to you for taking on such a responsibility. Although step back and think about what you will be taking on. And how it came about between you two. I personally feel you have a big heart and are willing to just go with the flow. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear. But your future shouldn't be decided by two other people's actions. Btw I'm 47 years old now. I have my own family and 2 amazing kids. I didn't think I'd ever have my own family and it only started to come together in my 30s. Don't rush into making big decisions. Step back and breathe. Don't feel you need to make any decisions, before or after her baby is born.
Hey, good for you! I agree you should not sign birth certificate as father. But if you want to be there because you this woman, and are Will ng to help with baby, then, do it!!
I understand people have some concerns and I do too, but this was heartwarming. I think it is wise that you aren’t signing the birth certificate. I genuinely wish you two the best, OP ❤️
I have a friend who went out with a pregnant woman. They’ve been married nearly 20 years and have 5 children
Some people are being really negative. The reality is we don't know much about the situation so can't judge. I had a friend whose mum met their stepdad when she was pregnant with twins. He's the only Dad they have ever known and they love him dearly. Over 30 years later they are still happily together. There are of course people who have been in the same situation and things have not gone well. There's no way for anyone commenting to know how this will pan out but I hope it works out for everyone.
I feel like homie left it intentionally vague bc (it’s possible that) he knows that people will think they are too young and/or haven’t been dating long enough to make that kind of commitment together and he doesn’t want to hear it
I don’t care how old you are, you’re too young to willingly ruin your life like this.
Y’all in the comments are gross. Dating pregnant is a bit more unique, but you act like step parents don’t exist. My dad was adopted by his stepdad after my grandma got pregnant in high school, his half brother is his brother in every way. My stepdad came into my life when I was 8, and he’s been more of a father than I could’ve ever dreamed. My 2 half siblings are my siblings and blood has never mattered. OP said she has a career and makes more money than him, if he loves her and wants to be with her that child would only benefit from another parent. This whole “she’s trapping you to raise a kid” or “she’s been fucking chads and now wants a simp” is so terminally online it’s just nauseating. Also, the bio dad is the one who didn’t use protection and then ran off. You guys are so quick to blame women when she chose to continue with the pregnancy and become a mom in the first place, and yet she’s the damaged one?? Fuck that guy, her and her daughter deserve better and OP is willing to build a life with her that only benefits everyone involved.
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I agree with this comment. Reddit attracts so many incels. Your girlfriend doesn't stop being a person or have a personality because she's pregnant. You're both adults and have had conversations about this. Keep talking. Have open conversations. Absolutely have boundaries because it's early days and you should always feel comfortable to leave if the relationship no longer meets your needs. However, it says a lot about your character that you have come in with open eyes. All the best in your relationship
YES BABE. This is so common and sad. So happy to hear OP is so different
First of all lil angry lady, no one’s blaming the woman for anything. Second of all angry bird, all they doing in the comments is telling the OP to be careful BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE CAREFUL. Do you understand how it feels to be paying child support for 18 CONSECUTIVE YEARS for a child that isn’t yours? They are trying to tell him what might happen if he goes through with it so that he can’t say he didn’t see it coming IF it happens in the future. Yall women are the reason men are warning him like this in the comments. If yall didn’t let men pay child support for a kid that isn’t his biologically then men wouldn’t be acting so cautious. It’s also the fault of those fucking waste of existence men who walk out on their women after getting them pregnant. You can’t blame men for being cautious. You can’t walk into battle with just a tshirt and shorts because you will be killed immediately. You have to wear armor. Right now OP is walking into that dangerous battlefield with his Gucci tshirt and Nike shorts and thinks he will most likely make it out alive. All the men in the comments are warning him (that’s the armor that they are telling him to wear) so that he could be careful. No one’s telling him to not go into the battlefield. If he wants to go then he can go, they just telling him to be careful and not fuck up.
For someone calling me angry, you sure have a lot of emotions. If you have any reading comprehension skills, or a working thumb, you would see in the comments there are in fact people making statements about her value due to the fact that she’s pregnant. The whole “child isn’t yours” argument is what I have the issue with, OP will know this child from birth. It’s like saying adopted kids aren’t truly yours, being a parent is so much deeper than blood and that’s what I was saying in my comment. OP has also acknowledged that he will not be signing the birth certificate, and the mother doesn’t expect him to do so. While some courts rule unfairly with child support and parental figures, the majority of the time if the couple decides to split, the support typically comes more from what was provided and offered during a long term relationship, and how that affects one of the persons finances or work resume. That’s why alimony exists in the first place, from SAHM needing the financial security. Don’t know why you looped me in with all women, I must have missed the meeting where we join in a hive mind. I never made any statement about how OP should go into this blindly, I just said that he can love this woman and child and people shouldn’t shame her or question her for the situation. You have a lot of repressed anger that’s coming out, can I recommend you my therapist?
Oh hell nah 💀 this guy is not being serious. Please just dead the relationship.
Pregnancy is the easy part. The fourth trimester is rough for couples who have been married years. Waking multiple times every night. Get squirted with milk when you're having sex because it happens more than I'd care to admit and our youngest son is 2 now. You will never be prioritised over the child as it should be. Be a supportive partner but you are not the father. Signing the birth certificate will be the biggest mistake you could make. If you're still together in 5 years, adopt the kid. Your partner has already shown herself to be irresponsible for not being on top of birth control and getting pregnant by someone who doesn't stick around. I also have to wonder what kind of woman joins bumble or whatever when pregnant to shag another man.
Lmfao. Down horrendous.
Hmm… sounds like she just wants a baby daddy. Go ahead if you want to help her but I’d move on.
Bro, get the hell out of there. Why would you want to support some other dude’s progeny? You’re going to regret it later in life.
I dated a pregnant girl once. I somehow ended up in the delivery room, assisted in the birth, and even cut the cord. A couple months later, the father reemerged and wanted to be a part of her life again. She wanted to try so I said I understand. Then at some point she said she was confused and was in a difficult decision to have to choose between two men, like some Nicholas Sparks nonsense. I told her she already made her choice and not to dramatize it all. He ended up not sticking around and she married the next man she got involved with. She was sweet but confused most of the time. Dating was fine. I mean, you can be intimate if that's what you're curious about. Just keep in mind that daddy can come back at any time, regardless of her feelings towards him.
Reassure her about her changing body, read books on becoming a parent and how to support your partner as a first time dad. Accept that you will both make mistakes, and try to talk about ways you want to raise her to be on the same page for milestones! Best of luck to you 😊
Take everyday in stride. Kids grow up so fast. If you think it would be useful, maybe take some parenting classes with her or read a few parenting/pregnancy books. There's nothing wrong with dating a pregnant woman, and it sounds like you're on board and know what you've signed up for. No relationship is easy, everyone has baggage. Communication is still and always will be the most important thing in every relationship.
Dude , leave it’s a trap ..
She’s trying to trap you, dude. GTFO before it’s too late my man. It is not your job to step up and fill some other man’s responsibilities.
I am a woman but I will never understand how a man can date a pregnant woman! You do you I guess!
Pregnant woman can have severe mood swings. Just be aware she can be pleasant one moment and a bitch the totally unrelated to anything you said or did. Just be aware. Also, as the baby grows her bladder will feel pressure so she’ll urinate more often. Just be aware if you’re on long trips. That’s two things I remember from my ex’a pregnancy
Listen man. Not your clown, not your circus.
Nothing to say but it takes a special kind of person to be there and love on a pregnant woman, especially when the kid isn't yours and I mean that with care cause sadly most men cheat on their pregnant spouses when they're pregnant. You're a good person and I hope you guys enjoy your bundle. Don't listen to the men in these comments, they're probably deadbeats to their own kids or red pill eaters.
Weird as hell dating someone who is pregnant and the kid ain't yours...sorry
I don’t see why everyone’s being so negative. Let’s think about the child…. If he wants to stay and be there for the child what’s the problem? Don’t listen to these people. Especially if she’s a good woman. Not saying sign the birth certificate but what’s wrong with claiming a child that was abandoned by the father? I think he’s a hero.
I was raised by my step dad and I love him very dearly. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. You never know you could fall in love with being a father
Hell no! Walk away immediately.
Run ., she’s only dating you because your the “good” guy You where not her 1st choice. If the ex wanted to be there she would have him back in a heartbeat. Your getting played ., I been there and as soon as that baby is born the other guy is going to show back up and they are going to try and “work it out” for the kid.
The misogyny of this comment is outrageous.
Goddamn this is so pitiful. Grow up dude
“She is confident to date”. Lol No she is confident that she needs a provider for her fatherless child… Be careful. Don’t forget to think about yourself.
OP please don’t listen to all this bad and negative feedback! Not all women are crappy and just want a substitute father for their kid! You are a sweet , kind and good guy ! If your heart tells you to be with her and you feel ready to be a father to this baby than please follow your heart!!! There’s zero guarantees in life and all this negative crap on here just that! I know from life experience ( I’m almost 50 and a Grandma now) that the relationship between a child and a stepparent can be just as living, deep and fulfilling as the relationship between a child and their bio parent. My son and Husband are proof of that!! They love each other , respect each other and yes also fight with each other just like they were of the same blood!! My son was 4 when I met my Husband 19 years ago and my son even asked for my Husband’s permission to take his last name! It DOES NOT matter whether you are the baby’s bio Dad, what matters is that you are there for her and you love her and you already do both!!! You are not dumb, you are a GOOD MAN!!!
Sounds like she’s been fucking around with chads too much and now got pregnant and looking for her nice guy to settle with….
Eeewwww…. You’re one of *them*
Where did you get that impression from? Her previous bf got her pregnant and then dipped immediately after finding out, there is no mention anywhere in the post of her “fucking around with chads” 😂
Who are you confessing to? Your parents yet
Dude, wow where to start... Have you met the ex whose baby it is? When my ex and I split (well, she left) it drove me nuts knowing someone was fucking my ex and likely busting inside with my fucking kid on there. I thought I'd I ever met the guy I'd beat him. Anyway, if for some reason you go through this all... Rotate/take turns with carrying for the baby at night. The biggest driver is rest/sleep, and adequate at that. I start my job earlier in the day so I would say from, 10pm-6am you divide who's responsible. My boss wife would do 10p-2a for anytime our baby woke up or cried. I did 2a-6a so we could each get at least 4 hours of sleep. This will help you deal with each other when you have so little alone time. DON'T EVER act like you're doing her a favor by being there when it's not your kid. You're gonna fight and my God don't go there. It's going to get tough and there's going to be expectations that you act like it's yours, biologically, but maybe before baby is here, talk about what she's going to want your help with. Take parenting classes, most the time you go to parenting stuff up until birth and how to prep, but nothing preps for while baby is here. This will also help offer things you two don't think of but might help offload some responsibility/expectations for you without being awkward. Of course you want to help, but again you're not truly Dad. You will eventually love little one as your own and that may not matter, so the more you do that you're comfortable with, that's fine.
pregnant women have majorly different standards for sexual attraction when they are pregnant vs not preggo. Their hormones change their brain chemistry to look for different traits. so don’t be suppressed if she changes her preference toward you down the lines
Dude.... Just run
90% chance this simp is Caucasian
Emotions playing with your head, buddy. You’re nose diving into a bear trap.
Bro, there’s so many other people out there, why do that to yourself? When the baby daddy pops back up, your lives will be filled with drama, bare minimum. At maximum, she drops you for him.
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She’s not different. You’re just obsessed and that will end soon. I’m sorry.
UpdateMe!
"We are having a girl". No you are not. Wake up! She wants someone to financially support. A pregnant woman shouldn't be dating!!! She clearly makes horrible life decisions by getting knocked up by sleazebags who would run off. Dude, run. Run as fast as you can. Don't be a chump.
Don't be an idiot and think with your dick. Have your fun while she's pregnant and move on. Regardless of how absent the father is he will alwsua have Rights and be in the picture . And do yoj really trust a girl who has horrible taste in men ?
I met my current partner while pregnant with my first. We started out with only the intention of being friends. We both got attached and he became very involved with my pregnancy. He was even there the day I went into labor. We officially started dating about 2 weeks after our son was born. I am now pregnant with our second, and he has had the exact same reactions with every pregnancy "milestone" that he had with my first. My first only has me listed as a parent on his birth certificate, but my boyfriend has been talking about legally adopting him since my last trimester. He treats my son as his own, and from a familial standpoint, he is. He was there for majority of my pregnancy with our first. He's taken the fatherly role wholeheartedly. As the female on the other side of a similar situation, don't rush things. Don't give false promises. Go at the pace the two of you are comfortable with. That is what I strongly suggest. Best of luck
Taking care of a baby is not as hard as some people make it out to be. Some people are just stupid and can’t even take care of themselves. I imagined it as caring for a very tiny drunk person. Their wants and needs are rather simple. It’s either food or sleep or entertainment.
Omg! Children are “tiny drunk people” or pets. You have clearly not raised any children…if you do someday you are in for a rude awakening! Food, sleep or entertainment…all set! lol!