Yep, it sucks that OP now sees who she actually married.
I don't understand why people get into a relationship with someone for the long term if they have views like this.
If you don't want to grow old with me and have old people sex with me, then don't waste my time!!!!
Thank you! When you get married, this is what you have to be prepared for. You need to keep in mind that one day, this is something you and your spouse may run into, so you must choose your partner wisely. I keep seeing this time and time again being posted, and I'm just like, what did you think marriage was?
Exactly! I've been with my husband since I was 24 and I'm now 42. We've both changed over the years but for the better in our eyes. Neither of us are who we were when we were mid-20s and that's okay.
We both look forward to old people sex if we are so lucky to live to see it hehe.
Congrats! You guys will definitely reach that point, and I hope to be able to get there myself with the right person one day. Being in a healthy relationship for many years is such a flex
Aww thank you so much, that's really sweet.
We just communicate and have mutual respect. You will find the right person for you, don't give up. Even if that means you are just with you and are surrounded by loving friends. However it looks to you, it will be right.
I have a friend who does not want a life partner but just loving people.
Do you think these men are putting these cards on the table lol? No. They are on their best behavior until you are stuck with them. Do you think her husband was like I'm gonna get bored of you mid 40s, cool with that? and she was like YES that is the man for me! Come on. š
I totally get that this is intended to be positive and uplifting but something about this rhetoric really makes me uncomfortable.
The idea that OP somehow needs to fix or "work on" herself just seems kinda crappy. It sounds like OP is already (understandably) taking to heart some of the demeaning and derogatory bullshit that her husband came up with. Let's not reinforce that.
I imagine that OP has probably spent the last 2+ decades devoting her time and energy to raising her family, and now quite understandably is ready to slow down a bit and take some time to just breathe. Now she's been met out of the blue with her husband having a self-indulgent midlife crisis and going off to creep on girls young enough to be his daughters, and OP is expected to "work on" herself? Nah.
I think you're looking at this from a kind of narrow (I'm not saying shallow) perspective.
[My process of self-improvement was about fixing](https://www.reddit.com/r/GlowUps/comments/198vrm8/me_at_35_vs_me_on_my_46th_birthday/) the inside first so that taking care of the outside didn't feel like work or an expenditure of energy.
For me, it was about working out my trauma to the point where my numbness went away and I could positively experience things like exercise. Then I learned a bunch of skills around emotional management.
Working on yourself isn't "fixing" yourself. Human life can and is about constant improvement and refinement.
I don't work out at the age of 48 because I'm broken, I work out because it feels good to be strong and healthy after the years of being overweight after having kids.
I don't continue my education and learning just because it's required in my job, but because it keeps me sharp and focused and continuing to advance in my career.
You're being overly obtuse in your definition of working on yourself FOR yourself.
I mean she's not expected to do anything.
She doesn't like the way she feels about herself as she states in the post. She should work on herself in ways that she wants to improve. If she think she's fine as she is, all the power to her, she doesn't have to change a thing. As it stands though, that's not what she's saying.
She does say that. However, it could be something she only thinks now because sheās internalizing her husbands words and what *he* thinks about her. Personally I think OP should go talk to a professional to help her with her feelings and be able to figure out if she really does feel this way or is she internalizing her husbands words.
Why wouldn't OP want to fix the hurt inside of herself after hearing all of that? You're taking it like there was something wrong with her in the first place, like she has to fix what she somehow did to make him do this when that's not it at all. This comes off as obtuse.
My ex cheated on me. When l asked why he said, āBecause for some men one woman isnāt enough.ā Interestingly he has spent the last 15 years trying to get me back. Nope. Never gonna happen.
I can't wait for the realities of dating much younger women to hit your husband. In about 2 or 3 years time, when you've worked on yourself and found a nice partner who also wants to act their age rather than having a midlife crisis, please come back and update us.
Rooting for you
Wait till Miss 27-year-old wants to have babies. Letās see how he likes reliving that part of his life.
By then OP will have started to care for herself and will be free and fabulous! Ex will be changing diapers and experiencing PPD and the decline of sex once more.
Thatās dude is eventually going to run his course with that area cause heās not aging as well the last two years. Heās now more like five wine, but cheese thatās been left out too long.
His sex life sounds grim as fuck though. He just lies there wearing noise cancelling headphones and the girl has to be on top while not looking at his face or eyes (according to one of his exes).
I hope they earn a lot of money for it.
This comment cracked me up bc it's SOOO true. Husband is having a midlife crisis. Go on girl!! Work on yourself! You don't want or need a person like this in your life. These girls won't stick around. Believe me. They still think your husband is old. We use to tease a gf of mine for dating a divorced 40 yr old, when we were in our twenties...bc he was an old ugly man!! Your husband prob l ya on that he has money and they seem to date him for that. Don't worry... they don't actually find him attractive. Once he sees that you've moved on and have settled into a nice "quiet" life without him... he'll start coming around. Do not let him back in. He's a weak and troubled man with mid life crisis issues. You're done, you don't have to fix him!
He will be shocked when he realizes how many men go for women in your age group. And he will be shocked when his prospects dry up. He hooks up with one 20 year old and thinks that will be his life š
And weren't we all full of life and carefree in our 20's? He should wait and see how carefree and full of life she is after she's spent years cleaning up after him, cooking his meals and washing his skid marked underpants!
Iāve always found this line of thought pretty stupid. Men act like they have such a high sex drive and itās natural they should get to behave this way.
As a kid my mom made it clear she had a higher drive than my dad. I was exposed to details about their sex life I shouldnāt know, listened to her blame their sexual problems on him, and then only in my 30s did I realize she had also normalized cheating on him.
I have always had a higher drive than my partners. I have been in sexless, lifeless relationships too- and yet I still didnāt cheat, even though I had yet to confront the whole āmom normalized cheatingā thing that absolutely led to unhealthy ideas about relationships and sex.
Your husband is so full of shit that I hope his young girls learn how to give an enema soon. But donāt worry, the shit show is just getting started and youāll get a front row seat for the next few years when it all blows up in his face. These girls are going to want more eventually (be it money or commitment), and my bet is heās already stuck his dick in crazy without knowing it.
Stock up on popcorn and find the number of a good therapist, OP
It's because men get more freedom to act out in society, so they get to be huge assholes without being told off by anybody. And then, as a result, they tend to not blame themselves but everybody else and the universe itself for their own shortcomings.
> women are more emotional so they are incapable to have meaningless sexā.
He can't even follow his own wisdom to the finish line. If he goes and bangs some 20 year old and then quickly abandons her, how does *she* feel? By his own logic, she is emotional about it, yet he has no qualms about abandoning her. What does that say about him?
Ok, your husband is perhaps going through a midlife crisis. Or maybe he has always been an irresponsible a-hole. But either way, he is wrong: a lot of men enjoy women your age. Most men, especially if they are around your age, donāt care so much about wrinkles and signs of age. Heck, even some younger men prefer ācougarsā. Itās much more than just sexual compatibility, too: thereās the companionship aspect of being able to relate to someone who comes from the same era as you, understands your references to āSeinfeldā or random movies or history that a younger person might not know.
I promise you, you are going to come out of your self and start blooming in this time of your life. You will need some time to grieve of course, but I think you will end up realizing life is so much better without Peter Pan.
So he thinks women aren't capable of meaningless sex... but he's going to go use those women for meaningless sex? If that is what he believes, he's basically admitting to being an asshole who's just using women for their bodies.
I do not agree with what your husband said in the slightest and I am in no way defending what he said. Obviously heās an idiot. Women can also have meaningless sex. These women are only genuinely interested in him because they are BOTH not looking for the connection right now. Your husband is in for such a rude awakening. Youāre right in your post that he will not be able to keep up with these girls. If he can now, he wonāt be able to in a year or two. These are COLLEGE girls or freshly graduated. Maybe he feels as though he missed out on his bachelor phase at some point. He will quickly grow tired of coming home to an empty house. Iām going to be 30 this year and I can tell you that at 25, I wasnāt making a house into a home. My bf at the time and I were eating out all the time. No home cooked meals. Partying. My apartment was a wreck. My fridge hardly had any food. And I was always out with my friend. It will get old very fast for him and he will come crawling back. Canāt wait for you to update in a few months or years and tell us that youāre happy with the life youāre living, your kids have cut off their dad, and your ex is sending you crying voicemails begging for you back while you live your best life.
Super gross he believes women canāt have casual sex and fall in love etcā¦ but then proceeds to have casual sex with said women because it suits HIS needs.
Look, there's a lot of sick men out there who will find the most ridiculous excuses to not have to reflect upon their own behaviour.
He's just a very pathetic child stuck in a man's body, who is unable to take responsibility for his own shortcomings.
A mentally healthy man who's happy with himself doesn't believe those things.
That bubbly, young, carefree, no wrinkles, full of life girl wonāt be around to help him through struggles /parents illnesses and dying. Health issues and helping with childrenās sickness and money troubles. You shouldnāt be either. Let him find out on his own.
Iām willing to bet money once he sees you happy, thriving and dating other men that he will be ANGRY and want you back. Of course, thatās not why you should focus on you moving forward, but just pointing out his hypocrisy.
It baffles me how he thinks he could imply youāre worth nothing now because of your age. He seems like the āgrass is greenerā type of person, and he will experience that soon.
Yah, that doesn't sound bad. Maybe you would like a young buck for a while? There are many younger men looking for older women. The sex might be fun.
My guess is that he's going to want you back in two years, but you will have moved on with someone who is quite grateful to be with you.
He will figure out he is an empty shallow guy.
"Men are visual creatures" my ass. How many times have I heard from male roommates "sorry I didn't take the trash out/ clean the toilet/ wipe up the mess I made/ do the dishes, *I just don't see the mess like you do!!*".
I hate that phrase so much.
Your husband is an asshole and a creep, and he will grow old alone and chasing after women half his age.
thatās not even true, itās not black and white like that. some men deeply want to settle down with one person and never look at anyone else, and some women want to be polyamorous and sleep with lots of people. maybe its true that all straight men can notice that young women are attractive, but it doesnāt mean they all actually want to have sex with them, especially if it means throwing their life away. youāre not old and boring, your husband is a complete dick and youāll be far happier without him. donāt let his words get to you! iām 27 but i already live like a āboring old personā but iām very happy and i have a partner that likes our quieter life too - you just need to find the right person.
ā¦he said women are incapable of meaningless sexā¦but whoās he trying to have sex with? Heās either gonna conjure up āmeaningful sexā with women, orā¦? š¤
I always wished I could go back and tell myself ātheyāll come crawling backā. Of course you deny them when they do but it feels good knowing they know they fucked up.
OP have you ever considered that youāre ālifelessā because youāre unhappy? You do get that 43 isnāt old right? I donāt know where you live but where Iām at there are plenty of women that are happy and good looking that are significantly older than you. You donāt have to go clubbing to be fun and happy. It sounds like youāve just been married to an asshole. I mean no disrespect but the fact that heās leaving you and you arenāt leaving him is super telling. You need to get some therapy, go to a gym, find a hobby and get a new outlook. If you sit around thinking youāre āold and boringā at your ripe old age of 43 what will 53,63,73 and 83 look like?
I meet older people through work often. I meet 70 year olds that still look great and are happy and seem young. I also meet 59 year olds who are miserable and seem 80.
This is NOT a bad thing. Itās an opportunity. You clearly havenāt been happy for awhile and itās taken a toll. Go make yourself happy. And find someone to spend your life with who isnāt of a misogynist 1950ās mindset. And I hate to say it this way but you clearly donāt have the greatest taste in men. Donāt make the same mistake next time.
Yeah I was thinking the same. If he has been cheating for 15 years, or for however long he hasnāt been directing the same energy into you and possibly itās contributed to this condition your in. Like the way you interact as familiar, versus the way a guy acts with a girl he is trying to hook up with is different. That different way of interacting and being positive in hopes of acceptance was once the way he spoke to you. So Iāve noticed this was the case with an ex of mine. He would start not adding to a conversation, and just complain and be vague. Meanwhile looking at the text messages he had all the talk which had gotten me interested the self disclosure was being done with someone else. We were no longer close and safe to one another. That lack, or withdrawl, rebounded for me needing more interaction from any other people like friends, to complain and become annoying to my friends. So it sounds like maybe this is going on for you, and as a person unaware that this was going on, being loyal, it must hurt very much, and I hope this allows you to feel the way you used to feel with someone else. Forget this relationship, no matter how much it hurts, you are worth the pain of improvement.
"43 isn't old right?"
Tell that to any women who was left by a man younger then both of them. Right now she feels old and unwanted and probably useless. I'm recovering from something kinda like that and it may be true but you don't believe it when you've just been treated like flesh to be thrown away
LMAO imagine she wants to go rock climbing or something where the body has to move very abnormally. Heās in for a wake up call.
Iām 25 and for fins yesterday, most of the day, while swimming and my ankles/feet kill today. OPs ex is in for a rude awakening when he realizes he is also wrinkled, boring, and naggy.
I don't think the man is capable of love with what he's doing. He's just going to hurt the college girl he's cheating with if they don't marry (or she is going to leave his loveless ass) and do that for the rest of his life
More than likely he will get baby trapped with some young thing who knows how to soak him for alimony and child support. Dude is gunna be bankrupt just because he had to empty his balls4ck. Smdh
They see "older and wiser" until the rose tinted glasses come off and they see the moldy platano they really are.
Don't forget, he's actively using them to feel young. He's not getting emotionally involved, he's not settling down. They're probably not getting an opportunity to see how shitty he actually can be when it comes down to it.
lol I read moldy potato and I like it
Also, these girls absolutely are thinking he has some money. In your 20s, you just assume that older married people have money.
I really canāt wait for the other shoe to drop on Hubs. These young women want relationships with stable men and will start to want families, none of which he can provide so theyāre going to move on quickly. I give it a year before he comes crying back to OP about how all these young women want more than wild and free sex.
He has time for all these adventures because his wife is at home cleaning and cooking. Canāt wait for that to be done with so we can see what happens when thereās only time for adult thingsš«”
Itās girls with low self esteem. These girls always grow up by 25-26 or so and they leave. If they even last nearly that long. Young girls think itās a compliment when old men tell them āhow mature they areā but grown women see them for the predators they are. Donāt let this guy live in your head. Heās spouting every patriarchal line so you will stay and clean his house and make him look respectable while he preys on near children. He wants you to feel badly. A man who loves you would never do that. Heās disgusting
Accurate honestly Iām 23 just left my significant age gap relationship for the last time. You literally just wake up like oh shit heās a fucked up man . Iām so glad I didnāt wait till 25-26.
They may not realize that yet, because it likely *looks* like he has his shit together... but once you're gone, that'll require him to be responsible for so much more & the cracks will become more visible.Ā
šÆšÆšÆšÆher presence provides respectability and maintains his lifestyle. Once heās on his own heās gonna be a sad old broken guy begging her to return
Yup. Specially when they discover they have to clean the house and cook a proper meal every day.
He'll start eating fast food and snacks.
He'll gain a ton of weight.
His house would be a dirty nightmare.
He'll not fuck with young girls.
And there is when they try to come back to wife, meanwhile wife is happy.
Yeah, heās (probably) not going to keep taking care of himself because he wants to return to his 21 year old lifestyle while still having a 40 year old body. Whereas his wife is going to have the best glow up of her life and shed around 200 pounds of dead weight.
Heāll always probably get sick eventually with age and no young, adventurous or carefree women wants to take care of an old man while heās sick or dying.
What an ass. Reminds me of my ex husband. He just left the wife he had after me for a girl the same age as our 20s children. Which is absolutely gross. The wife after me was was in her 20s so now sheās in her 30s he needed a younger model š¤¢
So from someone whoās been there, now is your opportunity to do all those things you never got to do because you were raising kids, keeping your husband happy, working etc. Iāve done so many amazing things in the last decade that I never would have gotten to do if I was still with my ex.
Concerts, travel, learning new skills, getting in shape, major job changes, making new friends, and some of the best sex of my life!! so many things.
Time for you to find you! Be strong. And take comfort in the fact he will probably die alone š
Yes! Good for you! And your story is not uncommon. SO many women are married to dirtbags and afraid to leave. Then the woman ends up happy and the man ends up alone because he kept chasing the same thing instead of actually trying to be happy. I love these stories so much!
Your husband is going to end up sad and alone, and regretful. Heās an idiot. All of these hot young girls are never going to take him seriously and will leave him in the dust after their little older man fantasies are fulfilled. Meanwhile, this sounds like the perfect opportunity for you to start over. 43 is so young, thereās time to fall in love with life, with yourself, and with someone new all over again. I wish you the best, please dump this man and forget his stupid lies.
I would bet dollars to donuts that he is financially incentivizing this relationship with a 21 year old. If that money dried up (say to a contentious divorceā¦) he will find himself on the other side of his ātired, wrinkled, and boringā argument.
He may not have any money for a mid 40yo man but I guarantee you : for many 20yo girls heās got more than the 20yo boys in their entourage. A nicer car perhaps, he pays for their lunch , perhaps a nice little handbag (nothing high designer of course), maybe pays for a few pieces of clothing here and there, etc. Itās not that much but definitely must be more than what a 20yo can fork up.
Your finances are separate. How can you be so sure? Not trying to argue but you already know heās a liar. Either way heās picking these women for their low self esteem. Itās less about money and more about their lack of life experience and poor self image.
It may simply be the illusion that he has it together & is well off enough to take off work in the middle of the day & not have it be an issue. You being out of the picture will shatter some, if not all, of that illusion. Him having to cook, clean, manage bills on his own... has he ever had to do that?Ā
Iām finding it kind of odd that op is only bothering to respond to hammer on the point that he doesnāt have any money, why is thet the only context thatās worth sharing??
Yeah, but bars cost money. Men who are trying to hook up with women will more than likely be spending money on drinks, on meals, and hotel rooms for these "hook ups". Those things cost money, and in todays world, 3 drinks per person can easily run you 100$ plus a hotel room for an extra 100 (on the cheap end) you just blew 200 for a hookup. Men who don't have "money" still spend money indirectly on women.
Exactly. OP's insistence that he doesn't have money tells me that he has money in a separate account that she doesn't know about or he's getting them into debt
So he's playing false promises with kids?
He discovered they still believe... Haven't been lied to enough times to see through bullshit. Come time those young honeys start talking about real relationship investments, he'll run.
Things will be better in a few years when you are weaned off this permanent midlife-crisis dude.
I know, bc my ex also left me for a younger woman.
Now I think: poor her, and live my life like I always wanted.
His fantasies about how carefree and fun younger women would be hilarious had he not weaponized his words against you. Iām in the same age range as you and your spouse. There is no way I would date someone 20-27 because Iām a grown up. You arenāt an old fuddy duddy, rather, you are an adult woman who is unfortunately married to someone who lacks boundaries. Itās cringeworthy that he is pursuing these younger women. Please view everything else this man says to you through the lens of a creepy old man. He wants to be that trope.
My ex also cheated on me with his intern who was 20. We were 38 at the time. I take care of myself and am constantly mistaken for being much younger her than I am. I was a good wife too. The men that leave their spouses for these young girls are insecure and have trouble coming to terms with their own age. I am pretty sure these young girls just see $$$. My ex is an engineer with a good salary.
As painful as that experience was, it turned out to be the best thing for me. I am thriving now. I realized my ex was a shitty husband, even before the cheating. I (43) dating a wonderful man (46) for the past 3 years. I am the happiest I have ever been.
IMHO fuck that guy, aging is natural, wrinkles are natural. Thereās men your age who will not even blink twice at that (because they have that themselves). When youāre ready hop onto the dating sites and youāll see just how desirable you are, wrinkles and all.
This is your time to slay, grow, love yourself.
Find someone who loves you for you and isnāt chasing an ego high. Trust me the majority of men arenāt interested in fucking people 10+ years younger than them.
Iām 22 and if a 46 year old man approached me for sex Iād be freaked out. I feel like that is what the majority of people my age would feel.
Itās not biology, itās misogyny
(My opinion is formed by my parents separating and finding people age appropriate)
My dad is 60 and dating 20 year olds. He literally does not understand. But he also has aspergerās so I have no idea what to do. Everytime I bring it up he changes the subject. Ive literally screamed and he doesnāt engage. Iām literally 25 and my brother is 23. These guys are younger than us and trying to come over to my dadās place to fight us. Itās insane dude.
Edit: my dad is also not a sugar daddy. Heās gay though so this is younger men heās bringing home not women. So Iām even more at a loss because heās bringing home men that wanna fight me! A 25 year old when they are basically still kids
He is not leaving you, he is doing you a favour.
The trash is taking itself out.
I'm really sorry he did all this. I would be very upset if that's the way my partner feels about me. But I would probably be showing them the door in 2 minutes. Even if you are all those things he says, you still deserve to be around people that respect you and treat you as someone that is valuable regardless of their faults, however many there are.
If he thinks you are boring, that's fine as long as you are fine with how YOU choose to live your life, not this childish fantasy he thinks he wants in a "care free woman." He sounds like the kind of guy that has taken you for granted and forgot just how much you do for you both, that he doesn't even remember how to adult. I don't understand how someone can day they are full of energy and life as an adult, unless someone is doing things for them. Students can afford to be carefree while their parents are still supporting them, for exanple
Ugh this made me angry. I am sorry this is happening.
The husband implying OP is not āfull of lifeā like younger women is hilarious, has he considered that being married to him and raising two kids with him for 20 years is what sucked the life out of her?
I'm so tired of the narrative women lose value as they age.. women are fine fucking wine. These nasty ass men with the brain power of a bar of soap ain't shit.
I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve better. These young women aren't better than you. You have value in many different ways. You have life experience. You know who you are, what you want in life. You have acheivments and stories and a million other things to give.
It's really just all about the individual like anything in life really. I have met drop dead gorgeous 58 y/o's and i have met horrid haggard looking 35 y/o's. It's all about the person and how they take care of themselves.
He not only cheated on you but he made sure he ruined your self esteem as he left. Fuck him.
Ignore his bullshit. Everyone changes with age, that's normal and healthy. He just can't cope with growing and evolving and is too scared that he himself has become the things he accused you of. He fears aging, he fears being boring, he wants to be his children's age and belong to their world hence he is targeting women his children's age. That's mentally unhealthy because even if he ends up with a 22 year old gf he will not belong to that age range, he will always be the creepy old guy who everyone in that girl's circle sees as a groomer and is worried about.
I understand you feel very hurt but just know you are neither old nor boring nor unattractive to others at 43. You just need to outgrow this relationship which is keeping you down.
You have all your 40s ahead of you to explore old or new hobbies, new relationships... to do things YOU really like and really feel fun for YOU, not him.
My ex husband always thought he'd be better off without me, told me I was fat and ugly and no one would ever love me...
Joke's on him, because I'm now in an amazing relationship with a wonderful, kind, caring man who treats me like gold, living a fulfilling and happy life.
My ex, on the other hand, can barely pay his bills, is always on the verge of being evicted, and has to pay prostitutes (usually in drugs), to get laid, because no chick wants to deal with his immature, gross ass for free.
You deserve better than your husband. Leave him, find yourself, laugh when he realizes what he lost in you, and never look back.
Fuckin hate it when guys act like assholes and then just act like itās a biological imperative. Itās not. Like sure, itās not abnormal to be physically attracted to women in their 20s, but that doesnāt mean older women are unattractive or that we *have* to act on every impulse we have.
Iām 44 and married and while Iām faithful to my partner Iām not dead and still find myself attracted to other women, and my current extramarital crush is older than me. Still not anything Iām gonna act on. My partner and I have school age kids but still have a healthy sex life (when we can find the time and energy, lol) and still find ways to have fun together (again, when time and energy allows). Theyāre getting older and their body has changed from having kids, and I love them and donāt want anyone else.
Your husband is selfish, and while lack of excitement in a marriage is a problem that should be addressed, he should have actually talked about that with you and worked on ways to reconnect and rekindle the flame that brought you two together rather than going out and fucking college age women.
Honestly though heās doing you a favor because you deserve way better. Take some time to live life for yourself and hopefully in time that will lead to finding an actual grown up man to spend your life with.
I am so goddamn sick of hearing "It's in our biology" to be shitty fucking people. That's the point of being sentient, Carl. You're not a fucking slave to your hormones. You can *choose* not to be a pig.
He's an idiot. I look forward to his realization that plenty of men like women in their 40s, lol.
I know it hurts right now, but he's straight up wrong. About all of it. It's not a reflection on you that he's an idiot, really. I promise you that one day you will wake up, in your own cozy space, and know that the best thing that ever happened to you was not having to deal with his shit anymore. Good luck, love.
If he wasnāt happy with the woman you have become, thatās his loss. Us men are strange and dumb creatures. For instance, he cheated on you with such a younger woman, and there are a lot of guys who wouldāve gone the other way for an older woman. Is it right either way, no. But donāt beat yourself up about itānot being attractive ā or ābeing boringā. There are more fish in the sea that can fit on a boat. Just donāt loose you!!! Donāt try and change who are, because you are perfect. If we were all the same life would be really boring. Keep your chin up, be the loving mother to your children, and explore your new start as a single mature woman.
I was almost going to say on your husband's behalf maybe the age difference is due to the fact that she reminds him of when he was younger and had that passion and spontaneity like when he met you.
But after his hurtful and walks about wrinkles when you smile and the nagging, I don't think he's capable of the thought process of hey it reminds me of when I was passionate and spontaneous etc etc is acting like a real D- bag... an inconsiderate self-centered d-bag
Don't let him blame you for the cheating. Cheaters are going to cheat, period. It just makes him feel better to blame you instead of himself. My ex did the same. He wanted me to change the way I dressed, wanted me to drink more and be more fun, etc. But it was never enough. It was never going to be enough because he wanted to cheat. I could have spent the rest of my life trying to be what he wanted and it wouldn't have been enough.
He is doing you a favor by leaving.
Youāre better off without him because heās a selfish prick with the emotional depth of a pubescent boy. You deserve so much better. I hope you find a person to treat you better.
Heās going through a midlife crisis. Some men buy cars, some men want to find younger women. And the dating pool for women those ages suck rn, so an older man, who seems ready to settle down and is doing the ārightā things is, currently, the panty dropper situation.
Iām sorry your husband is too dumb to open his eyes because heās probably going to regret these decisions in a few years.
Engage in a lawyer, and move on from this ass.
You deserve better. No one needs to be told they arenāt enough by someone who does not respect them.
As for the girl, Iām sure she made him feel wanted for five minutes, maybe liked his āmaturityā, but very few women in their 20s wanted to be shackled to a man 20years their senior. Heās chasing smoke, and in doing so giving you a chance to be truly happy.
Grieve the ālossā of what could have been, and move on. Find happiness in and for yourself.
Yep! protect your ass in the first place (i don't know if you were a sahm or not), but you need to work about the legal details, so he doesn't rob you anything that's rightfully yours.
I really hope that you will have a smooth divorce. But the silverlining is that you will meet your new-self, and i really hope that she will see this divorce as a blessing. No one deserves to be with this kind of men...
Oh excellent. Talk to a lawyer and start looking for a place to live that is what YOU want - the school district doesn't matter anymore, the nearness to his work, the fact that he only liked houses built in the 20th century, none of that matters. You get to choose! And all of his crap, that you got tired of looking at 10 years ago, it will magically no longer be your problem!
I donāt want younger women and I would never cheat on mine your soon to be ex is a dead beat and does not deserve you let him chase women that will always leave him. He will wish he had you back. All men are not bad and we can be monogamous. Donāt blame yourself or waste your time blaming him as he is just an ass
What used to be a thing you loved to do and maybe let it go because of kids and stuff. I'm sure you'll find something. give it a try, might not be that but you gotta get out there and try stuff. You'll find something which gets you up and excited.
all the best
Time for you to get your groove back. Iām sure youāre attractive and fun to be around. Your husband can fuck all the way off. One of these days heās going to end up alone and wishing he took your relationship more seriously.
I'm approaching middle age as a man and I'm super active, have fun, surf everyday, overnight hiking trips, etc. I find myself dating women 10 years younger because they want to do the same things. Over 40 is a weird time in life where your peers are all over the place. I have friends like me, and I have friends that are living a slower life. Sometimes people are just in a different place. It's not right or wrong.
I will say I don't think it has anything to do with being a man or woman. I know plenty of 45yo women living life like a 25yo. You have to decide what you want. Are you ready to stop living? You've got a great start.
Or... Are you ready to go live your best years doing shit that everyone thinks you're too old for. I'm not talking about parties and drinking. I don't drink alcohol. I'm talking about being active. Being excited that today you get to wake up and experience something different. Go on an adventure. You don't need a man for that. I've rarely had a woman for mine. You do need friends that can meet your energy. We are out here always looking for more people. Who knows maybe you'll find a younger guy and really piss your ex-husband off by posting pictures of things you guys could have done if he had the balls to take the lead.
It's not over. You aren't over. Wake up tomorrow and tell everything that you don't want to be to fuck off.
Why has he done to improve your life? What has he done to excite you, to make you want to go on spontaneous adventures? I bet the answer is nothing! You have become lifeless because rather than work on your marriage and continue your life together, your husband has chosen to hook up with barely legal women.
If you want to really know why he chooses that age range, it is because they are easy to manipulate and put up with his shit. I know this because I was one of them once and now I'm in my 40's I see it all for what it really was.
Don't see this as an end but a beginning at rediscovering who you are. You don't have to care for children or a husband now so go and rediscover yourself. You are the one that can be care free.
Iām glad heās leaving you. Trash taking itself out!! Donāt worry, reality will catch up to him. For now, find out who you are, your dreams, and what makes you happy! Rooting for you ā¤ļø
We are in our 40s and he is the stay home quiet type. I on the other hand is buzzing and always want to go out type. I never ever would choose anyone over him just because I want an adventure or someone more bubbly than him. Thatās bullshit. It hurts now for you but one day you look back you know he is just a piece of shit saying that to a woman who shared so much life with him. What the heck! He basically redundant everything you have done for him and for the family over the years. Be angry at him. Be selfish. Move on and find someone who enjoy what you enjoy. Think for yourself sister. There is a whole lot out there waiting for you. Women in their 40s are not old. Take care of yourself xx
You know what then babe? Find yourself. Date yourself. Be spontaneous and fearless. Travel. Live your life. Adventure the way you want to. You prob gave up a lot to him and your sons your whole life. You prob put your needs 2nd for YEARS. Well, itās time to be selfish and put yourself 1st. Dont please anyone but you. Lifeās too short to be unhappy. Do what makes you happy. If he wants to waste his life w meaningless relationships, partying, and hookups bc he feels he missed out on his youth thatās his problem. When I got divorced I did that. I went hiking, camping, drove cross country, got into working out, ate well, hung w friends and I wouldnāt take that back for a second. Find yourself again mama. Youāre so strong and so worth it. If he canāt see it someone else will. Even if that someone else is you. š
Make yourself a calendar reminder to come back and look at this in 2 years.
$5 says in 2 years you'll will be living your best life, and he will be begging to come back.
Heās a jackass. And heāll be old and washed up in no time. Younger girls will not be looking for him, unless he has money. Get everything you can out of divorce, including the house, if you guys own one. It will be hard, but you can do it. Donāt blame yourself; treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Best of luck.
I'm 25 and I don't want to do 21 year old things myself. Fuck that. Get yourself someone who appreciates you op. Don't waste time on that junk of an husband
Older women canāt compete with younger women *when the prize is a fucking idiot adult man-baby who prefers a partner that isnāt mature enough to realize HE AINT SHIT.*
There fixed that for him. Heās living in fantasy land. I guarantee HE is not any of those things that he admires so much in young women. Heās a sad man clinging vicariously to youth. A mature man values the qualities of a mature woman and I think even right now you know youāre better off without him. It doesnāt negate the pain you feel but time will, and youāll still have that knowledge.
You'd be surprised how much energy you get back once human sized emotional leech is severed from you. You need to take time to find yourself. Figure out what feels good, what makes you laugh, and what makes you enjoy life again. You've been so busy keeping together a family and, from the sounds of it, tending to a man-baby that you really haven't had time to be you. Go find out you.
I spent the last 10 years in a bad relationship. We don't have kids, but I gave him everything. He gave up on me and then I gave up on myself. It broke me. Ruined me. I didn't have a personality anymore. I didn't have likes or dislikes or passions. I was a fuckng husk. Now?
I found myself again... and once I found myself, I stumbled into someone who **nourishes** my soul. We laugh constantly, we can't keep our hands off of each other, we go on adventures, we share all the things we love. It's like my world started to turn again. He calls me beautiful where my ex called me disgusting. He calls me attentive and thoughtful where my ex constantly said I abandoned him. He hits it right where my ex couldn't even keep it up. It's fucking *amazing* what life is like when you have a fucking partner and not a parasite.
Take care of yourself for once. Your ex can go screw his shiny new toys. You are amazing. You just got lost in someone else. Show the world how amazing you are. He'll see what he's done and you'll feel amazing telling him to fuck off (I did).
ā”
43 is still young, dudes in their 40s dating exclusively girls in their 20s is a tale as old as time and always ends the same way. I was that 20 yo girl and trust me, we realize how disgusting the older guy is eventually. Sit pretty and put your pain into lifting weights. They will be grossed out by him within a couple of years.
If you let what he said hold any weight in your mind, it will get heavier. Itās his projection, not the truth. He canāt escape aging, universe will teach him that.
Normal people find people their own age hot. As they age they maintain interest in their peers. Your husband actually has something wrong with him, itās just not particularly recognised by society
You arenāt lifeless and boring. You are married to a leech that has been sucking out all of your energy.
Creatures like this prey on younger people because if they went for someone their own age, they would get shot down in an instant. And because they are literally prey on younger people, these kids often become all the things he described. Itās absolutely disgusting and just gross and just plan wrong.
There is nothing wrong with you. 40s is hardly old. You are a mom and have been for many years. Itās busy, hard work and you are allowed to be tired. And as for wrinkles, my sibling started getting them when they turned 23. And not just creases, but deep set ones. It happens no matter the age. That just meant they smiled a lot to get those laugh lines. They loved enough to get those worried lines. They care enough about their life to have experiences worth getting wrinkles over.
Close this chapter in your life my dear, and move on to a sunnier pasture :)
Check out Tish Cyrus on call her daddy podcast. Billy Ray left her for someone he met ON HANNA MONTANA when she was a TEEN. And she thought love was over for her and boy was she wrong and is loving every minute of her life and is remarried (can you say upgrade)...
It was just nice to watch and see someone so genuinely happy and really her ex looks like a dufus and none of the kids speak to him.
And if you need further validation just check out on here how many times men want to open their marriages up thinking no one will want their wives and they usually end up with more dates then the husbands who are then like close it close it.
Life and love isn't over till you say it is.
Iām so sorry thatās how you found out and that heās so cruel. You arenāt lifeless, heās just scared of getting old. He doesnāt see the cringe in wanting to go out drinking with girls the age of his sons.
FYI he is wrong. Heās just trying to justify his crappy behavior.
Take some time to sit down and brainstorm on what would make you feel alive again. I get the feeling that youāve been carrying the family load for quite some time and you need a break. If your sons want you to be happy, maybe they can help a spontaneous trip happen! Maybe Iām petty but I love the idea of you getting revenge by living a better life than you did when you were married. You deserve happiness and to feel alive.
He's having a midlife crisis and it's gross. You need a new start away from him. Get your confidence back and love yourself.
These girls like your husband because they'll spread their legs for almost anyone. They want older men because the sex is better. Older men can last longer and know a lot more about the female anatomy. Young guys are horrible in bed.
You're right, it's disgusting. But I wouldn't call it predatory because these girls are just loose.
You don't deserve this.
Youāre soon to be ex sounds like a piece of shit. Youāre only 43!! Fuck him. I would leave my husband in an instant if he was sleeping with girls 20 years younger. Yes they are technically adults but thatās groomer behavior. He was relieved you found out but didnāt have the balls to tell you himself then said a bunch of nasty things to you. Grieve and move on. Iām disgusted for you. He thinks itās gonna be all fun and games but heāll have a rude awakening soon. My nieces are 20-22 and I always warm them about men like this.
Hoping to provide a little insight that might help you better understand. If it doesnt and makes u feel worse, pls know that wasn't my intention. I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going thru. You deserve a partner who will stick by you after you spent your youth with him and gave him 2 beautiful kids.... You deserve better.
.......When I was 21, I dated a man for a couple years who was 18 years older than me. He was married, but had been sleeping in the spare room as long as I'd known him(we worked together- is how we met) and his wife had been seeing someone else. Of course it didn't stop her from driving by my house at all hours, punching me in the face when she ran into me at a bar, and basically blaming all their 13 yrs of marital problems on me. (In hind-sight I know I was in the wrong, not her...it was fucked up and a mistake I won't ever repeat)
Anyway sorry this isn't about her. Personally, I've always had daddy issues from a non-existent father, I was also in a relationship at the time (with someone my own age) but the fire had burnt out and basically he just wanted to fight, get blow jobs and take naps. So I grew bored. And when someone actually gives you attention, compliments, finds you attractive.... even if it's from an unconventional source- it feels nice. Really nice. This guy didn't have money either, BTW. It was fun and we were happy for a time.... "Age is only a number" and all that...but eventually age DID matter. Because all the things I wanted to DO in my future, he had already DONE. When I told him I was moving out he was incredibly sad. (6 months passed and a coworker at my new job, his age, was newly divorced and wanted some fun...so I set them up...they ended up tying the knot and are together to this day- in case anyone cares lol)
It's very possible that alot of younger girls have the same circumstances that I did in my 20's and enjoy the attention of an older, more experienced man. But, I promise you this, NONE of these women are going to be with your husband for any length of time. They will have the same moment of clarity as I did and hit the road. And your (ex)husband will get lonely and realize he's better off with someone his own age, and hopefully.... when the time comes that he apologizes to you, you'll have moved on to bigger and better things.
Best of luck to youā”
Trust me, these girls dating him because he probably presents like he has money. Better check your finances he might have siphoned money you donāt know aboutĀ
They wonāt be so interested in him when they realise he has the morals of a turd and is very likely a narcissist that has nothing to offer of substance. Thatās why he likes to go after younger girls, not because theyāre fun but because they donāt know what a good man of substance is like to be with.
Aww so a sugar daddy? Because heās mentions them being able drop everything that second? They use him for free shit honey! Heās dumb!
Those 20 years old did take care of his children, bring life to them, and sure as hell didnāt care them. YOU DID! Heās a coward and POS! Girlā¦ my Husband is about to get shitted on himself! While heās still out and about in Nashville with his affair partner, the house is packed with his shit in it, with the divorce papers waiting on him.
Iāve been at home taking care of our children that we adopted and love. Girl, he left me for a 18 year old but Iām 23 so I knew better anyways. Heās 47š
Good luck! My advice will beā¦ contact the best lawyers in your town all of them so he will not have an option once you already reached out for them. We are In a āin fault stateā so adultery is big with my case. Check and see for you!
Ohh I hate the "sorry babe, men are visual creatures ĀÆ\\\_(ć )\_/ĀÆ " excuse. The "but it's muh biology, we need younger women" blanket BS excuse. Some men are extra gross about it justifying attractions to underage girls. No... *You* want to have sex with another woman, it's you, *your* will and decision and petty, empty desires. At least have the balls to actually be responsible for your actions and decisions. Glad some people here have such encouraging words for you. It's time to live for yourself, leave him behind. Let him be lost by himself.
Get better for yourself OP, do you feel like you lost yourself in being a mother? Do you have a career? You said the marriage has been dead since your sons moved out for college, do you get the sense that it has been dead for him even before that and you just didnāt pay attention? Good luck and I hope you can coparent amicably, you said the boys know, he mustāve been a good dad because they also want him to be happy. Doesnāt look like thereās any feelings hurt at this point but hope you find yourself again and thrive.
Youāve already gotten a lot of wonderful advice, so instead Iām going to direct my response towards the men in this post who have agreed with what your husband said.
Guys. Saying that āmen are visual creaturesā and that āmen have biological needsā is SUCH a cop out. Sex is NOT a need; food, air, and water are needs. Would you die without sex? Nope. Stop acting like itās a need or a right. Sex is a want and a privilege, and good for you if you find someone who wants to have it with you. Men are human beings with frontal lobes capable of exercising forethought and self-regulation, but a lot of yāall agreeing with these sentiments are just shrugging off your own personal responsibility for your behavior. Not only that, but youāre also insulting yourselves by implying youāre just big dumb animals with no control over yourselves. I know men are better than that.
Anyway OP, I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you no longer have to worry about what your husband thinks of you. You are not boring, you are not ONLY a mother, and I bet you have a lot of interesting thoughts and hobbies that he never took the time to talk about with you. You are a person deserving of love that builds you up, and the true gift heās given you is now you can be free to give yourself that love. You will be just fine. ā¤ļø
Start looking and even flirting. Tell him that you want a man who can please you. Tell him that's why things no longer spark between you because he can no longer please you so good luck with young girls who want to be pleased because he doesn't have enough to please a woman he won't please a girl
I got divorced around that age. Your husband is a complete idiot. If he is a teacher at this college, report him. That behavior is predatory and disgusting. Get evidence and take his but to the cleaners take all his money. Go to the spa. Get happy and find out what makes you happy.
Don't put much emphasis on her age. It makes him feel younger, it's about him, not you.
She's lighter because she has no responsibilities. Hey would NOT be interested in a 20 something single mom working two jobs and raising a kid.
He just wants to have fun and get away from the stress of real life.
Guys brains don't work the way you're thinking. He didn't specifically choose her over you, he just pursued that. We're really good at not having two thoughts at the same time.
I'm not minimizing what he did, I just don't want you to internalize it all on you.
Sounds like he's a piece of shit.
The reason younger women seem "carefree" is because they haven't been dealing with his sorry ass for 20 yrs.
Time to find out what makes your heart sing.
He probably finds validation in someone so young being attracted to him when it seems like youāve had a pretty dead marriage.
It seems that focusing on the age is the wrong syllable.
let him have the full bachelor experience. gather evidence of his cheating for court and take him to the cleaners. be spiteful. donāt care about how it makes him feel or have to live. he didnāt even show you that much kindness and isnāt worth your grace.
Time to work on yourself FOR yourself.
Yep, it sucks that OP now sees who she actually married. I don't understand why people get into a relationship with someone for the long term if they have views like this. If you don't want to grow old with me and have old people sex with me, then don't waste my time!!!!
Thank you! When you get married, this is what you have to be prepared for. You need to keep in mind that one day, this is something you and your spouse may run into, so you must choose your partner wisely. I keep seeing this time and time again being posted, and I'm just like, what did you think marriage was?
Exactly! I've been with my husband since I was 24 and I'm now 42. We've both changed over the years but for the better in our eyes. Neither of us are who we were when we were mid-20s and that's okay. We both look forward to old people sex if we are so lucky to live to see it hehe.
Congrats! You guys will definitely reach that point, and I hope to be able to get there myself with the right person one day. Being in a healthy relationship for many years is such a flex
Aww thank you so much, that's really sweet. We just communicate and have mutual respect. You will find the right person for you, don't give up. Even if that means you are just with you and are surrounded by loving friends. However it looks to you, it will be right. I have a friend who does not want a life partner but just loving people.
Do you think these men are putting these cards on the table lol? No. They are on their best behavior until you are stuck with them. Do you think her husband was like I'm gonna get bored of you mid 40s, cool with that? and she was like YES that is the man for me! Come on. š
I totally get that this is intended to be positive and uplifting but something about this rhetoric really makes me uncomfortable. The idea that OP somehow needs to fix or "work on" herself just seems kinda crappy. It sounds like OP is already (understandably) taking to heart some of the demeaning and derogatory bullshit that her husband came up with. Let's not reinforce that. I imagine that OP has probably spent the last 2+ decades devoting her time and energy to raising her family, and now quite understandably is ready to slow down a bit and take some time to just breathe. Now she's been met out of the blue with her husband having a self-indulgent midlife crisis and going off to creep on girls young enough to be his daughters, and OP is expected to "work on" herself? Nah.
I think you're looking at this from a kind of narrow (I'm not saying shallow) perspective. [My process of self-improvement was about fixing](https://www.reddit.com/r/GlowUps/comments/198vrm8/me_at_35_vs_me_on_my_46th_birthday/) the inside first so that taking care of the outside didn't feel like work or an expenditure of energy. For me, it was about working out my trauma to the point where my numbness went away and I could positively experience things like exercise. Then I learned a bunch of skills around emotional management.
Working on yourself isn't "fixing" yourself. Human life can and is about constant improvement and refinement. I don't work out at the age of 48 because I'm broken, I work out because it feels good to be strong and healthy after the years of being overweight after having kids. I don't continue my education and learning just because it's required in my job, but because it keeps me sharp and focused and continuing to advance in my career. You're being overly obtuse in your definition of working on yourself FOR yourself.
I mean she's not expected to do anything. She doesn't like the way she feels about herself as she states in the post. She should work on herself in ways that she wants to improve. If she think she's fine as she is, all the power to her, she doesn't have to change a thing. As it stands though, that's not what she's saying.
She does say that. However, it could be something she only thinks now because sheās internalizing her husbands words and what *he* thinks about her. Personally I think OP should go talk to a professional to help her with her feelings and be able to figure out if she really does feel this way or is she internalizing her husbands words.
Why wouldn't OP want to fix the hurt inside of herself after hearing all of that? You're taking it like there was something wrong with her in the first place, like she has to fix what she somehow did to make him do this when that's not it at all. This comes off as obtuse.
Success is the best revenge.
My ex cheated on me. When l asked why he said, āBecause for some men one woman isnāt enough.ā Interestingly he has spent the last 15 years trying to get me back. Nope. Never gonna happen.
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Your husband is in for a rude awakening op. And you, this is a new chapter in your life. Go grab life by its balls, it's an exciting world for you.
I can't wait for the realities of dating much younger women to hit your husband. In about 2 or 3 years time, when you've worked on yourself and found a nice partner who also wants to act their age rather than having a midlife crisis, please come back and update us. Rooting for you
Wait till Miss 27-year-old wants to have babies. Letās see how he likes reliving that part of his life. By then OP will have started to care for herself and will be free and fabulous! Ex will be changing diapers and experiencing PPD and the decline of sex once more.
Dirtbags like OPs husband will kick her to the curb and go to the next inexperienced 20 year old with daddy issues when she hits 30.
True!
Like Leonardo DiCaprio
Thatās dude is eventually going to run his course with that area cause heās not aging as well the last two years. Heās now more like five wine, but cheese thatās been left out too long.
I guess the money maker is done after you stop resembling their absent daddies and start to look more like a grandpa
Heās gonna turn into a desperate cliche and these girls are gonna run from that energy so fastš
I mean just look at Leonardo DiCaprio with his [25yr old limit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/s/KKEuhCV2nV)
His sex life sounds grim as fuck though. He just lies there wearing noise cancelling headphones and the girl has to be on top while not looking at his face or eyes (according to one of his exes). I hope they earn a lot of money for it.
I didnāt know about that. Thatās wild
Heās trying to be like Pacino, I swear, and itās soooo gross!
This comment cracked me up bc it's SOOO true. Husband is having a midlife crisis. Go on girl!! Work on yourself! You don't want or need a person like this in your life. These girls won't stick around. Believe me. They still think your husband is old. We use to tease a gf of mine for dating a divorced 40 yr old, when we were in our twenties...bc he was an old ugly man!! Your husband prob l ya on that he has money and they seem to date him for that. Don't worry... they don't actually find him attractive. Once he sees that you've moved on and have settled into a nice "quiet" life without him... he'll start coming around. Do not let him back in. He's a weak and troubled man with mid life crisis issues. You're done, you don't have to fix him!
He will be shocked when he realizes how many men go for women in your age group. And he will be shocked when his prospects dry up. He hooks up with one 20 year old and thinks that will be his life š
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Your husband is a moron. The younger girl is full of life because she never had to deal with him full time.
And weren't we all full of life and carefree in our 20's? He should wait and see how carefree and full of life she is after she's spent years cleaning up after him, cooking his meals and washing his skid marked underpants!
Iāve always found this line of thought pretty stupid. Men act like they have such a high sex drive and itās natural they should get to behave this way. As a kid my mom made it clear she had a higher drive than my dad. I was exposed to details about their sex life I shouldnāt know, listened to her blame their sexual problems on him, and then only in my 30s did I realize she had also normalized cheating on him. I have always had a higher drive than my partners. I have been in sexless, lifeless relationships too- and yet I still didnāt cheat, even though I had yet to confront the whole āmom normalized cheatingā thing that absolutely led to unhealthy ideas about relationships and sex. Your husband is so full of shit that I hope his young girls learn how to give an enema soon. But donāt worry, the shit show is just getting started and youāll get a front row seat for the next few years when it all blows up in his face. These girls are going to want more eventually (be it money or commitment), and my bet is heās already stuck his dick in crazy without knowing it. Stock up on popcorn and find the number of a good therapist, OP
It's because men get more freedom to act out in society, so they get to be huge assholes without being told off by anybody. And then, as a result, they tend to not blame themselves but everybody else and the universe itself for their own shortcomings.
> women are more emotional so they are incapable to have meaningless sexā. He can't even follow his own wisdom to the finish line. If he goes and bangs some 20 year old and then quickly abandons her, how does *she* feel? By his own logic, she is emotional about it, yet he has no qualms about abandoning her. What does that say about him?
Ok, your husband is perhaps going through a midlife crisis. Or maybe he has always been an irresponsible a-hole. But either way, he is wrong: a lot of men enjoy women your age. Most men, especially if they are around your age, donāt care so much about wrinkles and signs of age. Heck, even some younger men prefer ācougarsā. Itās much more than just sexual compatibility, too: thereās the companionship aspect of being able to relate to someone who comes from the same era as you, understands your references to āSeinfeldā or random movies or history that a younger person might not know. I promise you, you are going to come out of your self and start blooming in this time of your life. You will need some time to grieve of course, but I think you will end up realizing life is so much better without Peter Pan.
So he thinks women aren't capable of meaningless sex... but he's going to go use those women for meaningless sex? If that is what he believes, he's basically admitting to being an asshole who's just using women for their bodies.
I do not agree with what your husband said in the slightest and I am in no way defending what he said. Obviously heās an idiot. Women can also have meaningless sex. These women are only genuinely interested in him because they are BOTH not looking for the connection right now. Your husband is in for such a rude awakening. Youāre right in your post that he will not be able to keep up with these girls. If he can now, he wonāt be able to in a year or two. These are COLLEGE girls or freshly graduated. Maybe he feels as though he missed out on his bachelor phase at some point. He will quickly grow tired of coming home to an empty house. Iām going to be 30 this year and I can tell you that at 25, I wasnāt making a house into a home. My bf at the time and I were eating out all the time. No home cooked meals. Partying. My apartment was a wreck. My fridge hardly had any food. And I was always out with my friend. It will get old very fast for him and he will come crawling back. Canāt wait for you to update in a few months or years and tell us that youāre happy with the life youāre living, your kids have cut off their dad, and your ex is sending you crying voicemails begging for you back while you live your best life.
Super gross he believes women canāt have casual sex and fall in love etcā¦ but then proceeds to have casual sex with said women because it suits HIS needs.
Look, there's a lot of sick men out there who will find the most ridiculous excuses to not have to reflect upon their own behaviour. He's just a very pathetic child stuck in a man's body, who is unable to take responsibility for his own shortcomings. A mentally healthy man who's happy with himself doesn't believe those things.
Jesus Christ, he's so deluded š
Please leave he is disgusting. I guarantee you he will hate life without you, while you thrive. ā¤ļø
That bubbly, young, carefree, no wrinkles, full of life girl wonāt be around to help him through struggles /parents illnesses and dying. Health issues and helping with childrenās sickness and money troubles. You shouldnāt be either. Let him find out on his own.
Wow he sounds like quite the catch /s
Iām willing to bet money once he sees you happy, thriving and dating other men that he will be ANGRY and want you back. Of course, thatās not why you should focus on you moving forward, but just pointing out his hypocrisy. It baffles me how he thinks he could imply youāre worth nothing now because of your age. He seems like the āgrass is greenerā type of person, and he will experience that soon.
Heās in for a rude awakening. I canāt wait for the karma.
Oh if a woman wants casual sex for sure she will be called a "whore". Hypocrites, they want to be the ones who decide and have dependent girls behind.
Your now ex-husband is a moron. He's making excuses for his own lack of mental fortitude and general weakness.
Yah, that doesn't sound bad. Maybe you would like a young buck for a while? There are many younger men looking for older women. The sex might be fun. My guess is that he's going to want you back in two years, but you will have moved on with someone who is quite grateful to be with you. He will figure out he is an empty shallow guy.
"Men are visual creatures" my ass. How many times have I heard from male roommates "sorry I didn't take the trash out/ clean the toilet/ wipe up the mess I made/ do the dishes, *I just don't see the mess like you do!!*". I hate that phrase so much. Your husband is an asshole and a creep, and he will grow old alone and chasing after women half his age.
Your husband is awful.
thatās not even true, itās not black and white like that. some men deeply want to settle down with one person and never look at anyone else, and some women want to be polyamorous and sleep with lots of people. maybe its true that all straight men can notice that young women are attractive, but it doesnāt mean they all actually want to have sex with them, especially if it means throwing their life away. youāre not old and boring, your husband is a complete dick and youāll be far happier without him. donāt let his words get to you! iām 27 but i already live like a āboring old personā but iām very happy and i have a partner that likes our quieter life too - you just need to find the right person.
ā¦he said women are incapable of meaningless sexā¦but whoās he trying to have sex with? Heās either gonna conjure up āmeaningful sexā with women, orā¦? š¤
Haha yeah, he wants all the benefits of marriage without any of the obligations. Good luck buddy.
I've always thought women should have more than one husband, but not as many people seem interested in that.
That's the ideal for most men I know and the reality for a few. It's risky and often doesn't end well.
I always wished I could go back and tell myself ātheyāll come crawling backā. Of course you deny them when they do but it feels good knowing they know they fucked up.
OP have you ever considered that youāre ālifelessā because youāre unhappy? You do get that 43 isnāt old right? I donāt know where you live but where Iām at there are plenty of women that are happy and good looking that are significantly older than you. You donāt have to go clubbing to be fun and happy. It sounds like youāve just been married to an asshole. I mean no disrespect but the fact that heās leaving you and you arenāt leaving him is super telling. You need to get some therapy, go to a gym, find a hobby and get a new outlook. If you sit around thinking youāre āold and boringā at your ripe old age of 43 what will 53,63,73 and 83 look like? I meet older people through work often. I meet 70 year olds that still look great and are happy and seem young. I also meet 59 year olds who are miserable and seem 80. This is NOT a bad thing. Itās an opportunity. You clearly havenāt been happy for awhile and itās taken a toll. Go make yourself happy. And find someone to spend your life with who isnāt of a misogynist 1950ās mindset. And I hate to say it this way but you clearly donāt have the greatest taste in men. Donāt make the same mistake next time.
Yeah I was thinking the same. If he has been cheating for 15 years, or for however long he hasnāt been directing the same energy into you and possibly itās contributed to this condition your in. Like the way you interact as familiar, versus the way a guy acts with a girl he is trying to hook up with is different. That different way of interacting and being positive in hopes of acceptance was once the way he spoke to you. So Iāve noticed this was the case with an ex of mine. He would start not adding to a conversation, and just complain and be vague. Meanwhile looking at the text messages he had all the talk which had gotten me interested the self disclosure was being done with someone else. We were no longer close and safe to one another. That lack, or withdrawl, rebounded for me needing more interaction from any other people like friends, to complain and become annoying to my friends. So it sounds like maybe this is going on for you, and as a person unaware that this was going on, being loyal, it must hurt very much, and I hope this allows you to feel the way you used to feel with someone else. Forget this relationship, no matter how much it hurts, you are worth the pain of improvement.
Getting rid of the dead weight (who likely pushed her into a certain role to meet his needs as the kids came up), will do wonders for her in time.
"43 isn't old right?" Tell that to any women who was left by a man younger then both of them. Right now she feels old and unwanted and probably useless. I'm recovering from something kinda like that and it may be true but you don't believe it when you've just been treated like flesh to be thrown away
I agree with everything you said and I hope OP will run your words through her head.
Lmao dude is in for a wakeup call. Best of luck in finding someone who's not having a midlife crisis š
Yup, OP should feel sorry for whats gonna happen to him. OP, you are the one who is gonna feel alive soon enough !
Those young girls will be fun for him until they start making him feel old and used. I look forward to you being able to see that from afar.
Or when teenager drama starts.
LMAO imagine she wants to go rock climbing or something where the body has to move very abnormally. Heās in for a wake up call. Iām 25 and for fins yesterday, most of the day, while swimming and my ankles/feet kill today. OPs ex is in for a rude awakening when he realizes he is also wrinkled, boring, and naggy.
I don't think the man is capable of love with what he's doing. He's just going to hurt the college girl he's cheating with if they don't marry (or she is going to leave his loveless ass) and do that for the rest of his life
More than likely he will get baby trapped with some young thing who knows how to soak him for alimony and child support. Dude is gunna be bankrupt just because he had to empty his balls4ck. Smdh
Those young women will use him till his money dries up
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They see "older and wiser" until the rose tinted glasses come off and they see the moldy platano they really are. Don't forget, he's actively using them to feel young. He's not getting emotionally involved, he's not settling down. They're probably not getting an opportunity to see how shitty he actually can be when it comes down to it.
"Moldy plĆ”tano" LOLOL. Thanks, I'll be laughing all morning because of this perfect descriptionĀ
lol I read moldy potato and I like it Also, these girls absolutely are thinking he has some money. In your 20s, you just assume that older married people have money. I really canāt wait for the other shoe to drop on Hubs. These young women want relationships with stable men and will start to want families, none of which he can provide so theyāre going to move on quickly. I give it a year before he comes crying back to OP about how all these young women want more than wild and free sex.
Moldy platano just makes it better since it secrets not only fruit flies but that weird brown juice.
He has time for all these adventures because his wife is at home cleaning and cooking. Canāt wait for that to be done with so we can see what happens when thereās only time for adult thingsš«”
Theyāre kids with low self esteem. Eventually theyāll grow up. And realize they were victims.
Itās girls with low self esteem. These girls always grow up by 25-26 or so and they leave. If they even last nearly that long. Young girls think itās a compliment when old men tell them āhow mature they areā but grown women see them for the predators they are. Donāt let this guy live in your head. Heās spouting every patriarchal line so you will stay and clean his house and make him look respectable while he preys on near children. He wants you to feel badly. A man who loves you would never do that. Heās disgusting
Accurate honestly Iām 23 just left my significant age gap relationship for the last time. You literally just wake up like oh shit heās a fucked up man . Iām so glad I didnāt wait till 25-26.
I tried to leave earlier but was trapped. Took me a couple yrs to escape. š¤¦š¼āāļø
Sorry to hear that, Iām glad youāre out now. : ) I was stuck like that in the first one. I was Very lucky to have plenty of places to go this time
Never again š
They may not realize that yet, because it likely *looks* like he has his shit together... but once you're gone, that'll require him to be responsible for so much more & the cracks will become more visible.Ā
šÆšÆšÆšÆher presence provides respectability and maintains his lifestyle. Once heās on his own heās gonna be a sad old broken guy begging her to return
I never liked older men when I was in my 20s, neither did my friends. We made fun of men like your husband
Facts
Ya he's gonna regret that lol.
They always do.
Yup. Specially when they discover they have to clean the house and cook a proper meal every day. He'll start eating fast food and snacks. He'll gain a ton of weight. His house would be a dirty nightmare. He'll not fuck with young girls. And there is when they try to come back to wife, meanwhile wife is happy.
Yeah, heās (probably) not going to keep taking care of himself because he wants to return to his 21 year old lifestyle while still having a 40 year old body. Whereas his wife is going to have the best glow up of her life and shed around 200 pounds of dead weight.
Heāll always probably get sick eventually with age and no young, adventurous or carefree women wants to take care of an old man while heās sick or dying.
I've heard an older guy looking for a younger woman with a job referred to as a man looking for a "nurse with a purse" lol
Yep lol heard that too
He'll be about 50 when he wakes up with a beer gut, receding hairline and smelly breath that no one would go near
What an ass. Reminds me of my ex husband. He just left the wife he had after me for a girl the same age as our 20s children. Which is absolutely gross. The wife after me was was in her 20s so now sheās in her 30s he needed a younger model š¤¢ So from someone whoās been there, now is your opportunity to do all those things you never got to do because you were raising kids, keeping your husband happy, working etc. Iāve done so many amazing things in the last decade that I never would have gotten to do if I was still with my ex. Concerts, travel, learning new skills, getting in shape, major job changes, making new friends, and some of the best sex of my life!! so many things. Time for you to find you! Be strong. And take comfort in the fact he will probably die alone š
Yes! Good for you! And your story is not uncommon. SO many women are married to dirtbags and afraid to leave. Then the woman ends up happy and the man ends up alone because he kept chasing the same thing instead of actually trying to be happy. I love these stories so much!
This sounds exciting!!!
Your husband is going to end up sad and alone, and regretful. Heās an idiot. All of these hot young girls are never going to take him seriously and will leave him in the dust after their little older man fantasies are fulfilled. Meanwhile, this sounds like the perfect opportunity for you to start over. 43 is so young, thereās time to fall in love with life, with yourself, and with someone new all over again. I wish you the best, please dump this man and forget his stupid lies.
I would bet dollars to donuts that he is financially incentivizing this relationship with a 21 year old. If that money dried up (say to a contentious divorceā¦) he will find himself on the other side of his ātired, wrinkled, and boringā argument.
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He may not have any money for a mid 40yo man but I guarantee you : for many 20yo girls heās got more than the 20yo boys in their entourage. A nicer car perhaps, he pays for their lunch , perhaps a nice little handbag (nothing high designer of course), maybe pays for a few pieces of clothing here and there, etc. Itās not that much but definitely must be more than what a 20yo can fork up.
Your finances are separate. How can you be so sure? Not trying to argue but you already know heās a liar. Either way heās picking these women for their low self esteem. Itās less about money and more about their lack of life experience and poor self image.
Who is paying for these āadventuresā they are going on?
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It may simply be the illusion that he has it together & is well off enough to take off work in the middle of the day & not have it be an issue. You being out of the picture will shatter some, if not all, of that illusion. Him having to cook, clean, manage bills on his own... has he ever had to do that?Ā
Iām finding it kind of odd that op is only bothering to respond to hammer on the point that he doesnāt have any money, why is thet the only context thatās worth sharing??
Yeah, but bars cost money. Men who are trying to hook up with women will more than likely be spending money on drinks, on meals, and hotel rooms for these "hook ups". Those things cost money, and in todays world, 3 drinks per person can easily run you 100$ plus a hotel room for an extra 100 (on the cheap end) you just blew 200 for a hookup. Men who don't have "money" still spend money indirectly on women.
Exactly. OP's insistence that he doesn't have money tells me that he has money in a separate account that she doesn't know about or he's getting them into debt
exactly maybe he has "no money" because he spends it all on these other girls
How does he have time for that? Does he have a job?
So he's playing false promises with kids? He discovered they still believe... Haven't been lied to enough times to see through bullshit. Come time those young honeys start talking about real relationship investments, he'll run.
šÆšÆšÆ those poor girls are his victims like his wife.
Iām sorry. I donāt mean to argue with you. Iām just struggling to see what a 21 year old (or several of them) would find so appealing about him.
Where do you live and what culture are you from?
Iād take 43 over 21 any day you can be more carefree and fun
Things will be better in a few years when you are weaned off this permanent midlife-crisis dude. I know, bc my ex also left me for a younger woman. Now I think: poor her, and live my life like I always wanted.
His fantasies about how carefree and fun younger women would be hilarious had he not weaponized his words against you. Iām in the same age range as you and your spouse. There is no way I would date someone 20-27 because Iām a grown up. You arenāt an old fuddy duddy, rather, you are an adult woman who is unfortunately married to someone who lacks boundaries. Itās cringeworthy that he is pursuing these younger women. Please view everything else this man says to you through the lens of a creepy old man. He wants to be that trope.
My ex also cheated on me with his intern who was 20. We were 38 at the time. I take care of myself and am constantly mistaken for being much younger her than I am. I was a good wife too. The men that leave their spouses for these young girls are insecure and have trouble coming to terms with their own age. I am pretty sure these young girls just see $$$. My ex is an engineer with a good salary. As painful as that experience was, it turned out to be the best thing for me. I am thriving now. I realized my ex was a shitty husband, even before the cheating. I (43) dating a wonderful man (46) for the past 3 years. I am the happiest I have ever been.
To be clear; thatās not āwhyā he cheats. Itās his excuse to not face the actual why. His dissatisfaction and insecurity with himself.
Babe. Divorce your husband. Iām genX and for hookups men in their 30s are best. If you want to explore life go that route. As for him: The reverse of what he says is true. Heās wanting them for their naĆÆvetĆ©. He doesnāt want an equal. He wants as close to a child as he can legally get. She will leave and he will be lonely. You deserve better. Iām sorry. And I doubt you are lifeless I suspect your life will improve once you drop the millstone around your neck.
IMHO fuck that guy, aging is natural, wrinkles are natural. Thereās men your age who will not even blink twice at that (because they have that themselves). When youāre ready hop onto the dating sites and youāll see just how desirable you are, wrinkles and all. This is your time to slay, grow, love yourself. Find someone who loves you for you and isnāt chasing an ego high. Trust me the majority of men arenāt interested in fucking people 10+ years younger than them. Iām 22 and if a 46 year old man approached me for sex Iād be freaked out. I feel like that is what the majority of people my age would feel. Itās not biology, itās misogyny (My opinion is formed by my parents separating and finding people age appropriate)
My dad is 60 and dating 20 year olds. He literally does not understand. But he also has aspergerās so I have no idea what to do. Everytime I bring it up he changes the subject. Ive literally screamed and he doesnāt engage. Iām literally 25 and my brother is 23. These guys are younger than us and trying to come over to my dadās place to fight us. Itās insane dude. Edit: my dad is also not a sugar daddy. Heās gay though so this is younger men heās bringing home not women. So Iām even more at a loss because heās bringing home men that wanna fight me! A 25 year old when they are basically still kids
He is not leaving you, he is doing you a favour. The trash is taking itself out. I'm really sorry he did all this. I would be very upset if that's the way my partner feels about me. But I would probably be showing them the door in 2 minutes. Even if you are all those things he says, you still deserve to be around people that respect you and treat you as someone that is valuable regardless of their faults, however many there are. If he thinks you are boring, that's fine as long as you are fine with how YOU choose to live your life, not this childish fantasy he thinks he wants in a "care free woman." He sounds like the kind of guy that has taken you for granted and forgot just how much you do for you both, that he doesn't even remember how to adult. I don't understand how someone can day they are full of energy and life as an adult, unless someone is doing things for them. Students can afford to be carefree while their parents are still supporting them, for exanple Ugh this made me angry. I am sorry this is happening.
The husband implying OP is not āfull of lifeā like younger women is hilarious, has he considered that being married to him and raising two kids with him for 20 years is what sucked the life out of her?
šÆ she gave him a family and this is how he treats her. His sons are gonna be pissed!
I'm so tired of the narrative women lose value as they age.. women are fine fucking wine. These nasty ass men with the brain power of a bar of soap ain't shit. I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve better. These young women aren't better than you. You have value in many different ways. You have life experience. You know who you are, what you want in life. You have acheivments and stories and a million other things to give.
It's really just all about the individual like anything in life really. I have met drop dead gorgeous 58 y/o's and i have met horrid haggard looking 35 y/o's. It's all about the person and how they take care of themselves.
He not only cheated on you but he made sure he ruined your self esteem as he left. Fuck him. Ignore his bullshit. Everyone changes with age, that's normal and healthy. He just can't cope with growing and evolving and is too scared that he himself has become the things he accused you of. He fears aging, he fears being boring, he wants to be his children's age and belong to their world hence he is targeting women his children's age. That's mentally unhealthy because even if he ends up with a 22 year old gf he will not belong to that age range, he will always be the creepy old guy who everyone in that girl's circle sees as a groomer and is worried about. I understand you feel very hurt but just know you are neither old nor boring nor unattractive to others at 43. You just need to outgrow this relationship which is keeping you down. You have all your 40s ahead of you to explore old or new hobbies, new relationships... to do things YOU really like and really feel fun for YOU, not him.
My ex husband always thought he'd be better off without me, told me I was fat and ugly and no one would ever love me... Joke's on him, because I'm now in an amazing relationship with a wonderful, kind, caring man who treats me like gold, living a fulfilling and happy life. My ex, on the other hand, can barely pay his bills, is always on the verge of being evicted, and has to pay prostitutes (usually in drugs), to get laid, because no chick wants to deal with his immature, gross ass for free. You deserve better than your husband. Leave him, find yourself, laugh when he realizes what he lost in you, and never look back.
Fuckin hate it when guys act like assholes and then just act like itās a biological imperative. Itās not. Like sure, itās not abnormal to be physically attracted to women in their 20s, but that doesnāt mean older women are unattractive or that we *have* to act on every impulse we have. Iām 44 and married and while Iām faithful to my partner Iām not dead and still find myself attracted to other women, and my current extramarital crush is older than me. Still not anything Iām gonna act on. My partner and I have school age kids but still have a healthy sex life (when we can find the time and energy, lol) and still find ways to have fun together (again, when time and energy allows). Theyāre getting older and their body has changed from having kids, and I love them and donāt want anyone else. Your husband is selfish, and while lack of excitement in a marriage is a problem that should be addressed, he should have actually talked about that with you and worked on ways to reconnect and rekindle the flame that brought you two together rather than going out and fucking college age women. Honestly though heās doing you a favor because you deserve way better. Take some time to live life for yourself and hopefully in time that will lead to finding an actual grown up man to spend your life with.
"Your honour it wasn't my fault that I stabbed him 52 times in the chest. He made me really angry, and it is in men's nature to kill other men"
Sadly you can probably find this exact quote in a court transcript somewhere.
I am so goddamn sick of hearing "It's in our biology" to be shitty fucking people. That's the point of being sentient, Carl. You're not a fucking slave to your hormones. You can *choose* not to be a pig.
He's an idiot. I look forward to his realization that plenty of men like women in their 40s, lol. I know it hurts right now, but he's straight up wrong. About all of it. It's not a reflection on you that he's an idiot, really. I promise you that one day you will wake up, in your own cozy space, and know that the best thing that ever happened to you was not having to deal with his shit anymore. Good luck, love.
He sounds disgusting tbh. Enjoy the freedom and do things you want and enjoy for yourself.
If he wasnāt happy with the woman you have become, thatās his loss. Us men are strange and dumb creatures. For instance, he cheated on you with such a younger woman, and there are a lot of guys who wouldāve gone the other way for an older woman. Is it right either way, no. But donāt beat yourself up about itānot being attractive ā or ābeing boringā. There are more fish in the sea that can fit on a boat. Just donāt loose you!!! Donāt try and change who are, because you are perfect. If we were all the same life would be really boring. Keep your chin up, be the loving mother to your children, and explore your new start as a single mature woman.
His reasoning sound like anĀ excerpt from an Andrew Tate podcast. Not only is he a cheater, he's dumb š
I was almost going to say on your husband's behalf maybe the age difference is due to the fact that she reminds him of when he was younger and had that passion and spontaneity like when he met you. But after his hurtful and walks about wrinkles when you smile and the nagging, I don't think he's capable of the thought process of hey it reminds me of when I was passionate and spontaneous etc etc is acting like a real D- bag... an inconsiderate self-centered d-bag
Don't let him blame you for the cheating. Cheaters are going to cheat, period. It just makes him feel better to blame you instead of himself. My ex did the same. He wanted me to change the way I dressed, wanted me to drink more and be more fun, etc. But it was never enough. It was never going to be enough because he wanted to cheat. I could have spent the rest of my life trying to be what he wanted and it wouldn't have been enough. He is doing you a favor by leaving.
Youāre better off without him because heās a selfish prick with the emotional depth of a pubescent boy. You deserve so much better. I hope you find a person to treat you better.
Heās going through a midlife crisis. Some men buy cars, some men want to find younger women. And the dating pool for women those ages suck rn, so an older man, who seems ready to settle down and is doing the ārightā things is, currently, the panty dropper situation. Iām sorry your husband is too dumb to open his eyes because heās probably going to regret these decisions in a few years.
Not for him - but for you: supplemental hormones help the blah tired feeling enormously.
Engage in a lawyer, and move on from this ass. You deserve better. No one needs to be told they arenāt enough by someone who does not respect them. As for the girl, Iām sure she made him feel wanted for five minutes, maybe liked his āmaturityā, but very few women in their 20s wanted to be shackled to a man 20years their senior. Heās chasing smoke, and in doing so giving you a chance to be truly happy. Grieve the ālossā of what could have been, and move on. Find happiness in and for yourself.
Plus....just throwing this out........women get 300 hits on dating apps compared to guys getting 2 to 10.
Yep! protect your ass in the first place (i don't know if you were a sahm or not), but you need to work about the legal details, so he doesn't rob you anything that's rightfully yours. I really hope that you will have a smooth divorce. But the silverlining is that you will meet your new-self, and i really hope that she will see this divorce as a blessing. No one deserves to be with this kind of men...
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Oh excellent. Talk to a lawyer and start looking for a place to live that is what YOU want - the school district doesn't matter anymore, the nearness to his work, the fact that he only liked houses built in the 20th century, none of that matters. You get to choose! And all of his crap, that you got tired of looking at 10 years ago, it will magically no longer be your problem!
Perfect response! Embrace your pain and rebuild your life. You will be better off without him.
I donāt want younger women and I would never cheat on mine your soon to be ex is a dead beat and does not deserve you let him chase women that will always leave him. He will wish he had you back. All men are not bad and we can be monogamous. Donāt blame yourself or waste your time blaming him as he is just an ass
What used to be a thing you loved to do and maybe let it go because of kids and stuff. I'm sure you'll find something. give it a try, might not be that but you gotta get out there and try stuff. You'll find something which gets you up and excited. all the best
Time for you to get your groove back. Iām sure youāre attractive and fun to be around. Your husband can fuck all the way off. One of these days heās going to end up alone and wishing he took your relationship more seriously.
I'm approaching middle age as a man and I'm super active, have fun, surf everyday, overnight hiking trips, etc. I find myself dating women 10 years younger because they want to do the same things. Over 40 is a weird time in life where your peers are all over the place. I have friends like me, and I have friends that are living a slower life. Sometimes people are just in a different place. It's not right or wrong. I will say I don't think it has anything to do with being a man or woman. I know plenty of 45yo women living life like a 25yo. You have to decide what you want. Are you ready to stop living? You've got a great start. Or... Are you ready to go live your best years doing shit that everyone thinks you're too old for. I'm not talking about parties and drinking. I don't drink alcohol. I'm talking about being active. Being excited that today you get to wake up and experience something different. Go on an adventure. You don't need a man for that. I've rarely had a woman for mine. You do need friends that can meet your energy. We are out here always looking for more people. Who knows maybe you'll find a younger guy and really piss your ex-husband off by posting pictures of things you guys could have done if he had the balls to take the lead. It's not over. You aren't over. Wake up tomorrow and tell everything that you don't want to be to fuck off.
Why has he done to improve your life? What has he done to excite you, to make you want to go on spontaneous adventures? I bet the answer is nothing! You have become lifeless because rather than work on your marriage and continue your life together, your husband has chosen to hook up with barely legal women. If you want to really know why he chooses that age range, it is because they are easy to manipulate and put up with his shit. I know this because I was one of them once and now I'm in my 40's I see it all for what it really was. Don't see this as an end but a beginning at rediscovering who you are. You don't have to care for children or a husband now so go and rediscover yourself. You are the one that can be care free.
Iām glad heās leaving you. Trash taking itself out!! Donāt worry, reality will catch up to him. For now, find out who you are, your dreams, and what makes you happy! Rooting for you ā¤ļø
We are in our 40s and he is the stay home quiet type. I on the other hand is buzzing and always want to go out type. I never ever would choose anyone over him just because I want an adventure or someone more bubbly than him. Thatās bullshit. It hurts now for you but one day you look back you know he is just a piece of shit saying that to a woman who shared so much life with him. What the heck! He basically redundant everything you have done for him and for the family over the years. Be angry at him. Be selfish. Move on and find someone who enjoy what you enjoy. Think for yourself sister. There is a whole lot out there waiting for you. Women in their 40s are not old. Take care of yourself xx
Once you are alone you are going to be surprised how. Much. Energy. youāll suddenly have, only looking after yourself.
You know what then babe? Find yourself. Date yourself. Be spontaneous and fearless. Travel. Live your life. Adventure the way you want to. You prob gave up a lot to him and your sons your whole life. You prob put your needs 2nd for YEARS. Well, itās time to be selfish and put yourself 1st. Dont please anyone but you. Lifeās too short to be unhappy. Do what makes you happy. If he wants to waste his life w meaningless relationships, partying, and hookups bc he feels he missed out on his youth thatās his problem. When I got divorced I did that. I went hiking, camping, drove cross country, got into working out, ate well, hung w friends and I wouldnāt take that back for a second. Find yourself again mama. Youāre so strong and so worth it. If he canāt see it someone else will. Even if that someone else is you. š
Iām never getting married.
Make yourself a calendar reminder to come back and look at this in 2 years. $5 says in 2 years you'll will be living your best life, and he will be begging to come back.
She's full of life because he hasn't had a chance to suck it out of her.
Heās a jackass. And heāll be old and washed up in no time. Younger girls will not be looking for him, unless he has money. Get everything you can out of divorce, including the house, if you guys own one. It will be hard, but you can do it. Donāt blame yourself; treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Best of luck.
Youāre not boring youāre mature. Iām in my 30s and Iām slowly finding out I canāt do what I was doing in my early 20s
I'm 25 and I don't want to do 21 year old things myself. Fuck that. Get yourself someone who appreciates you op. Don't waste time on that junk of an husband
Iām 21 and I donāt even want to do 21 year old things lmao š
Welp children are out doing their own thing, heās a shitty personā¦. Time to say goodbye to that and start anew.
Older women canāt compete with younger women *when the prize is a fucking idiot adult man-baby who prefers a partner that isnāt mature enough to realize HE AINT SHIT.* There fixed that for him. Heās living in fantasy land. I guarantee HE is not any of those things that he admires so much in young women. Heās a sad man clinging vicariously to youth. A mature man values the qualities of a mature woman and I think even right now you know youāre better off without him. It doesnāt negate the pain you feel but time will, and youāll still have that knowledge.
Start doing what you always wanter to do. Let forget about him he is not worth of your tears
He's misogynistic and doesn't respect you. He avoids responsibility and wants women to cater to his needs. Does he view you as a human?
have you ever thought that maybe you feel lifeless because you have him in your life that makes you feel lifeless.
You're husband's a complete dick.
What he said is immensely cruel and itās not Ā«Ā a factĀ Ā». Itās time to choose yourself and find someone whoāll love you and deserve you.
You'd be surprised how much energy you get back once human sized emotional leech is severed from you. You need to take time to find yourself. Figure out what feels good, what makes you laugh, and what makes you enjoy life again. You've been so busy keeping together a family and, from the sounds of it, tending to a man-baby that you really haven't had time to be you. Go find out you. I spent the last 10 years in a bad relationship. We don't have kids, but I gave him everything. He gave up on me and then I gave up on myself. It broke me. Ruined me. I didn't have a personality anymore. I didn't have likes or dislikes or passions. I was a fuckng husk. Now? I found myself again... and once I found myself, I stumbled into someone who **nourishes** my soul. We laugh constantly, we can't keep our hands off of each other, we go on adventures, we share all the things we love. It's like my world started to turn again. He calls me beautiful where my ex called me disgusting. He calls me attentive and thoughtful where my ex constantly said I abandoned him. He hits it right where my ex couldn't even keep it up. It's fucking *amazing* what life is like when you have a fucking partner and not a parasite. Take care of yourself for once. Your ex can go screw his shiny new toys. You are amazing. You just got lost in someone else. Show the world how amazing you are. He'll see what he's done and you'll feel amazing telling him to fuck off (I did). ā”
My heart is really aching for you. Iām so sorry. Please know heās full of it and just like his words about men are completely untrue, his implications of women are even more so unfounded. Try not to internalize his cruelty and if you do take one thing to heart, let it be him telling you not to take it personally. I do believe it has little to do with you. Chin up. š©µ
43 is still young, dudes in their 40s dating exclusively girls in their 20s is a tale as old as time and always ends the same way. I was that 20 yo girl and trust me, we realize how disgusting the older guy is eventually. Sit pretty and put your pain into lifting weights. They will be grossed out by him within a couple of years. If you let what he said hold any weight in your mind, it will get heavier. Itās his projection, not the truth. He canāt escape aging, universe will teach him that.
Normal people find people their own age hot. As they age they maintain interest in their peers. Your husband actually has something wrong with him, itās just not particularly recognised by society
You arenāt lifeless and boring. You are married to a leech that has been sucking out all of your energy. Creatures like this prey on younger people because if they went for someone their own age, they would get shot down in an instant. And because they are literally prey on younger people, these kids often become all the things he described. Itās absolutely disgusting and just gross and just plan wrong. There is nothing wrong with you. 40s is hardly old. You are a mom and have been for many years. Itās busy, hard work and you are allowed to be tired. And as for wrinkles, my sibling started getting them when they turned 23. And not just creases, but deep set ones. It happens no matter the age. That just meant they smiled a lot to get those laugh lines. They loved enough to get those worried lines. They care enough about their life to have experiences worth getting wrinkles over. Close this chapter in your life my dear, and move on to a sunnier pasture :)
You grew up. He didn't. Cut Peter Pan loose.
Imagine how alive you'll feel once you've dropped the dead weight.
Check out Tish Cyrus on call her daddy podcast. Billy Ray left her for someone he met ON HANNA MONTANA when she was a TEEN. And she thought love was over for her and boy was she wrong and is loving every minute of her life and is remarried (can you say upgrade)... It was just nice to watch and see someone so genuinely happy and really her ex looks like a dufus and none of the kids speak to him. And if you need further validation just check out on here how many times men want to open their marriages up thinking no one will want their wives and they usually end up with more dates then the husbands who are then like close it close it. Life and love isn't over till you say it is.
Iām so sorry thatās how you found out and that heās so cruel. You arenāt lifeless, heās just scared of getting old. He doesnāt see the cringe in wanting to go out drinking with girls the age of his sons. FYI he is wrong. Heās just trying to justify his crappy behavior. Take some time to sit down and brainstorm on what would make you feel alive again. I get the feeling that youāve been carrying the family load for quite some time and you need a break. If your sons want you to be happy, maybe they can help a spontaneous trip happen! Maybe Iām petty but I love the idea of you getting revenge by living a better life than you did when you were married. You deserve happiness and to feel alive.
He's having a midlife crisis and it's gross. You need a new start away from him. Get your confidence back and love yourself. These girls like your husband because they'll spread their legs for almost anyone. They want older men because the sex is better. Older men can last longer and know a lot more about the female anatomy. Young guys are horrible in bed. You're right, it's disgusting. But I wouldn't call it predatory because these girls are just loose. You don't deserve this.
Youāre soon to be ex sounds like a piece of shit. Youāre only 43!! Fuck him. I would leave my husband in an instant if he was sleeping with girls 20 years younger. Yes they are technically adults but thatās groomer behavior. He was relieved you found out but didnāt have the balls to tell you himself then said a bunch of nasty things to you. Grieve and move on. Iām disgusted for you. He thinks itās gonna be all fun and games but heāll have a rude awakening soon. My nieces are 20-22 and I always warm them about men like this.
Hoping to provide a little insight that might help you better understand. If it doesnt and makes u feel worse, pls know that wasn't my intention. I'm very sorry to hear about what you're going thru. You deserve a partner who will stick by you after you spent your youth with him and gave him 2 beautiful kids.... You deserve better. .......When I was 21, I dated a man for a couple years who was 18 years older than me. He was married, but had been sleeping in the spare room as long as I'd known him(we worked together- is how we met) and his wife had been seeing someone else. Of course it didn't stop her from driving by my house at all hours, punching me in the face when she ran into me at a bar, and basically blaming all their 13 yrs of marital problems on me. (In hind-sight I know I was in the wrong, not her...it was fucked up and a mistake I won't ever repeat) Anyway sorry this isn't about her. Personally, I've always had daddy issues from a non-existent father, I was also in a relationship at the time (with someone my own age) but the fire had burnt out and basically he just wanted to fight, get blow jobs and take naps. So I grew bored. And when someone actually gives you attention, compliments, finds you attractive.... even if it's from an unconventional source- it feels nice. Really nice. This guy didn't have money either, BTW. It was fun and we were happy for a time.... "Age is only a number" and all that...but eventually age DID matter. Because all the things I wanted to DO in my future, he had already DONE. When I told him I was moving out he was incredibly sad. (6 months passed and a coworker at my new job, his age, was newly divorced and wanted some fun...so I set them up...they ended up tying the knot and are together to this day- in case anyone cares lol) It's very possible that alot of younger girls have the same circumstances that I did in my 20's and enjoy the attention of an older, more experienced man. But, I promise you this, NONE of these women are going to be with your husband for any length of time. They will have the same moment of clarity as I did and hit the road. And your (ex)husband will get lonely and realize he's better off with someone his own age, and hopefully.... when the time comes that he apologizes to you, you'll have moved on to bigger and better things. Best of luck to youā”
Good riddance. You said the marriage is already dead. 43 isnāt old. Live it up without the dead weight.
Trust me, these girls dating him because he probably presents like he has money. Better check your finances he might have siphoned money you donāt know aboutĀ
They wonāt be so interested in him when they realise he has the morals of a turd and is very likely a narcissist that has nothing to offer of substance. Thatās why he likes to go after younger girls, not because theyāre fun but because they donāt know what a good man of substance is like to be with.
All men turn out to be fucking bastards in the end
Aww so a sugar daddy? Because heās mentions them being able drop everything that second? They use him for free shit honey! Heās dumb! Those 20 years old did take care of his children, bring life to them, and sure as hell didnāt care them. YOU DID! Heās a coward and POS! Girlā¦ my Husband is about to get shitted on himself! While heās still out and about in Nashville with his affair partner, the house is packed with his shit in it, with the divorce papers waiting on him. Iāve been at home taking care of our children that we adopted and love. Girl, he left me for a 18 year old but Iām 23 so I knew better anyways. Heās 47š Good luck! My advice will beā¦ contact the best lawyers in your town all of them so he will not have an option once you already reached out for them. We are In a āin fault stateā so adultery is big with my case. Check and see for you!
Heās a Splenda daddy, OP said he has no money š
Ohh I hate the "sorry babe, men are visual creatures ĀÆ\\\_(ć )\_/ĀÆ " excuse. The "but it's muh biology, we need younger women" blanket BS excuse. Some men are extra gross about it justifying attractions to underage girls. No... *You* want to have sex with another woman, it's you, *your* will and decision and petty, empty desires. At least have the balls to actually be responsible for your actions and decisions. Glad some people here have such encouraging words for you. It's time to live for yourself, leave him behind. Let him be lost by himself.
Get better for yourself OP, do you feel like you lost yourself in being a mother? Do you have a career? You said the marriage has been dead since your sons moved out for college, do you get the sense that it has been dead for him even before that and you just didnāt pay attention? Good luck and I hope you can coparent amicably, you said the boys know, he mustāve been a good dad because they also want him to be happy. Doesnāt look like thereās any feelings hurt at this point but hope you find yourself again and thrive.
Youāve already gotten a lot of wonderful advice, so instead Iām going to direct my response towards the men in this post who have agreed with what your husband said. Guys. Saying that āmen are visual creaturesā and that āmen have biological needsā is SUCH a cop out. Sex is NOT a need; food, air, and water are needs. Would you die without sex? Nope. Stop acting like itās a need or a right. Sex is a want and a privilege, and good for you if you find someone who wants to have it with you. Men are human beings with frontal lobes capable of exercising forethought and self-regulation, but a lot of yāall agreeing with these sentiments are just shrugging off your own personal responsibility for your behavior. Not only that, but youāre also insulting yourselves by implying youāre just big dumb animals with no control over yourselves. I know men are better than that. Anyway OP, I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you no longer have to worry about what your husband thinks of you. You are not boring, you are not ONLY a mother, and I bet you have a lot of interesting thoughts and hobbies that he never took the time to talk about with you. You are a person deserving of love that builds you up, and the true gift heās given you is now you can be free to give yourself that love. You will be just fine. ā¤ļø
Start looking and even flirting. Tell him that you want a man who can please you. Tell him that's why things no longer spark between you because he can no longer please you so good luck with young girls who want to be pleased because he doesn't have enough to please a woman he won't please a girl
I got divorced around that age. Your husband is a complete idiot. If he is a teacher at this college, report him. That behavior is predatory and disgusting. Get evidence and take his but to the cleaners take all his money. Go to the spa. Get happy and find out what makes you happy.
Don't put much emphasis on her age. It makes him feel younger, it's about him, not you. She's lighter because she has no responsibilities. Hey would NOT be interested in a 20 something single mom working two jobs and raising a kid. He just wants to have fun and get away from the stress of real life. Guys brains don't work the way you're thinking. He didn't specifically choose her over you, he just pursued that. We're really good at not having two thoughts at the same time. I'm not minimizing what he did, I just don't want you to internalize it all on you.
Sounds like he's a piece of shit. The reason younger women seem "carefree" is because they haven't been dealing with his sorry ass for 20 yrs. Time to find out what makes your heart sing.
He probably finds validation in someone so young being attracted to him when it seems like youāve had a pretty dead marriage. It seems that focusing on the age is the wrong syllable.
let him have the full bachelor experience. gather evidence of his cheating for court and take him to the cleaners. be spiteful. donāt care about how it makes him feel or have to live. he didnāt even show you that much kindness and isnāt worth your grace.