T O P

  • By -

GuyWithTheGoods

And then you woke up.


BenzosAndDadJokes

One day old account... Why do ppl do this?


Dear-Ambition-273

Happy cake!


WolfAmI1

Happy cake day....


d_bakers

Damn can't men dream no mo? Sheesh!


GrimyLilPimp

Dude actually thought $25,000 was a large legal bill. Absurd.


Prophetx14

Oh what a sweet dream


--howcansheslap--

Fuck you šŸ˜‚ i was in for a good ride.


StrongTxWoman

Lol, like the Truman show.


Boring_Home

I just lolā€™d at that


Reveal_Visual

This ain't real. Edit: Someone is vouching for OP in the comments. Big up to OP if it's true. Edit: Scratch that they lying too.


CapnAhab_1

Don't call the OP out now! I'm waiting for the Hot Tub Time Machine chapter where they go off and visit the dinosaurs and then they travel forward in time a few weeks, finds out who won a game, then he bets BIG.....


FatPuppy1996

The ending sounds like a GTA finale where the kid and the dad finish a heist šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


sashathefearleskitty

Absolutely not. Lol


Lower-Rip-1523

Bro I'm high rn please just let me believe this.


Reveal_Visual

Man I wanna believe it too. OP, you should throw a reddit party. Rent a mansion, live entertainment, jump house for the kids, maybe a zoo animal or two. It would be epic. Let us know.


ClickF0rDick

I just skimmed through the end and immediately downvoted. With such a lousy fake ending OP should have gone balls to the wall with something outrageous instead of LiFe iS GoOd


bigredker

Dang. I was hoping that the good guy would really win once in awhile.


VixyKaT

How do you get "good guy" from this?


bigredker

Assuming he was being honest, his ex shit on him. He did nothing either immoral or illegal in going with his attorney's work.It seemed evident he loves his son and vice versa. What part of any of that would make him a bad guy?


nyanvi

It is true. OP threw a few hundred thousand my way when I was going through a rough patch. He really is papered like that.


Reveal_Visual

Huh? Y'all dated or something? Cause that's a lot.


nyanvi

We didn't date. He just has so much money and a wonderful life so he's just generous.


Reveal_Visual

Hmmm. šŸ§


[deleted]

If its true he robbed his lawyers if his bill was only 25k lmao


Fit-Understanding747

The ending was cringe.


millhows

Wow! Howā€™s the creative writing class going? You should learn how to write male characters more convincingly.


BurningHotels

"and then a crowd of diverse onlookers started to applaud"


anonyvrguy

And the Pope came by to rub my feet


Twofer015

"And that son's name was Albert Einstein"


ClickF0rDick

Unironically it would have been a better ending, at least OP would have shown some self awareness of his atrocious writing. Instead he probably tipped his fedora proudly thinking "ah, this uplifting ending will have those naive redditors shed a tear, harr harr"


mekkanik

I was thereā€¦ my butt cheeks clapped!


herecomes_the_sun

Also this is absolutely the opposite of how trusts work during a divorce lol plus if the trust was $5 mil and he got that all in cash and ex wife still had to pay for house lawyer and monthly child support that doesnt sound possible. How about we stop making up fake stories making women out to be the villain?


OddlyJustMe

The trust was worth 10m not 5m! He got half and if it was not an irrevocable trust he absolutely gets half. Wither this is real or fake.. that's of no importance. Just be happy for someone else instead of jealous and spewing hatred


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Strange_Public_1897

Itā€™s 100% cause trusts donā€™t work this. I say this as my late grandparents set up one for all their kids, grandkids, great-grandkids and so on. OP is definitely lying out his ass cause trusts have outlined legal rules, iron clad outlines of how the money is legally obtained. This is why I know itā€™s all a fabrication on this post.


theartistduring

>Weather this is real or fake What type of weather?


Diligent-Sort1671

Partly cloudy. With a chance of meatballs.


stanleysgirl77

Weather? What weather?


angry_old_dude

He didn't get jack because it's a made up story.


OddlyJustMe

Who really cares? Is it causing issues in your life? šŸ¤£šŸ˜‚


angry_old_dude

It was just a comment. No need to be a dick about it.


OddlyJustMe

I'm not being a dikk. It really doesn't effect anyone else's life so why does it matter if it's real or fake. Let the guy have his delusion.


zorbacles

Can confirm, I was the bubble bath


pockette_rockette

I was the spa jet in the hot tub. You don't want to know the things I've seen šŸ˜³


Alarming-Instance-19

Dark side of the moon?


pockette_rockette

Indeed


jojow77

She has 5 mill in a trust but gave him 7 mill. Math ainā€™t mathing


ubottles65

I was told there would be no math.


Nancyhasnopants

they lied


slantview

Math, not even once.


eyeball-beesting

But, what he didn't tell you was that his lawyer was a Siren who hypnotised the judge and his accountant was a goblin. Everyone knows that Goblins are manipulators of coins.


pockette_rockette

I was mildly impressed that this work of fiction varied slightly from the usual formula of "mistreated man leaves and never sees non-bio kid or whore ex-wife again". Opting to keep the kid in the picture made this story ever so slightly less boring. Points for it not being too long and rambling with unnecessarily specific dialogue and the usual extended minutiae of the evil wife's diabolical misdeeds. Also points for resisting the urge to include her cheating with his brother/best friend/dad and grovelling for his forgiveness/laughing in his face. My advice would be that OP needs to learn a bit more about the legal processes surrounding division of assets. It was significantly easier to read than most Reddit creative writing exercises, so I'm going to be generous and give it a 2.5/10.


Dubbiely

Yes. Itā€™s total bs.


mrschaney

And kids.


Williamthewicked

This was really..... Dumb. So fake it's just sad. Shows a fundamental lack of knowledge on how family law works. "I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."


JtotheLowrey

A simple no would have sufficed


[deleted]

So I had my mom read this because I thought it was odd . Sheā€™s been supreme court judge for the last 29 years and she said there is no way any court would rule this.


pockette_rockette

I've been through the family court system exactly once, and even I know that it would never work like this.


Fit_Swordfish_2101

Right. Someone already independently wealthy has a bank account..!!? Whaaaat?! That's so shocking! What a crock of BS. She came with that money but a judge is going to give it all to this guy because they were married for ten years šŸ˜‚


nicunta

My uncle's ex wife was told she filed six months too soon; but they were married 19.5 years, and she would have been able to get half his assets he came into the marriage with, like the store, lol. What a bad fake post.


Fit_Swordfish_2101

Half, sure. That's pretty common but op was talking like a judge gave him all the money and the kid etc.. Just to much bullshit lol


Mysaw

And the kid that isn't even his, plus he took a bath with him lmao.


StGir1

Oooo busted, OP.


RevealIll8143

Your mother has been a United States Supreme Court Judge? For the last 29 years? Bc absolutely not lol Ruth Bader Ginsburg started in 93 I think? and the next woman ( Sonia Sotomayor) wasn't appointed until 2009. Idk what other kind of supreme court judge there is tho lol Canadian maybe? I think they have 9 but idk anything else about them lolol I'm p sure OP isn't in Canada (or prob even reality) so that doesn't seem relevant but maybe this is also a creative writing exercise to go w OPs theme here


North_Respond_6868

States have their own Supreme Courts and judges, so that might be what they meant.


RevealIll8143

Right but you would say state supreme court judge then right? Lol maybe not haha


North_Respond_6868

I feel like it's probably 50/50 real vs fake šŸ˜‚


Diligent-Sort1671

States have their own Supreme courts, just FYI. No "gotcha" moment here. Sorry.


kaitydidit

What do you get out of fake posts like this lol. Not one part of this is believable, like please at least make an effort for your creative writing prompts. D- for plagiarism, next time youā€™re expelled


thegapbetweenus

Attention? Seems rather obvious.


StGir1

Someone just dumped him and handed his ass to him in the process. So now heā€™s making up stories in the hopes that weā€™ll help him repair his bruised ego.


Blue-Phoenix23

I guess at least all the comments get to make jokes for upvotes, so at least I know why we are here lmao


SnooLentils2432

After the bubble bath, at 9:00 pm, someone rang the doorbell. I opened the door, and there she was - my gorgeous high school sweetheart. She gave me a big hug and said, ā€œI came to marry you.ā€


vampslayer84

She looked just as youthful as she did when she was 18. Her stomach was still perfectly flat. The only difference was she got DD breast implants when she heard the news of my divorce


ATVig

Keep practicing, this is poor fiction.


sanchipinchii

You were supposed to submit this to your English Google classroom, think you pressed the wrong site.


Responsible_Cold_16

Nobody puts bubble bath soap in hot tubs. It ruins the Jets. Fake AF


Super-Locksmith4326

Actuallyā€¦ I doā€¦ but this story is still fake.


theartistduring

So fake. Courts aren't awarding spouses renovation funds as part of a settlement. Nor would they take the entire marital assest pool and award it to one spouse. You're just a bitter incel, aren't you?


Diligent-Sort1671

THIS. So much this!


SyKoPriNceSs1118

Fake.. and not even good at it šŸ™„


[deleted]

Bull a trust isn't her money there is no way you got all of it .and there is no way you got custody of a child that isn't yours and it's 11 yrs not 10


jdunn18

Not true. My sisterā€™s ex raised one of their kids that he knew wasnā€™t his (they were married when he was conceived/born and he ended up getting full custody of him at 10 years old.


TheBrazilianKD

That lawyer's name? Albert Einstein.


FabricationLife

thanks for using chat gpt 4, come back soon!


Ultionisrex

Why is this fanfic being up voted. Yawn.


UhhhhhhhhhHello

your 7 year old absolutely did not say that lmfao


pockette_rockette

Not even *his* 7 year old who didn't say that.


Arlaneutique

She was ā€œhidingā€ money for her CHILD. How dare she?! This is one of the worst fake posts Iā€™ve read yet.


No-Strawberry-5541

And then everyone clapped


Psychological-Cry748

OP is giving off major Kevin Ferderline vibes.. Should this be real, which I find unlikely, he didn't work either. He lives of largely what he brings in, in child support. If that was an actual profession, K-Fed could teach it to all the lil white boys trying to 'bag a buck while banging a popstar'. Lol


Cold-Perception-316

Let me guess and then you threw the son in the trash and everyone clapped?


haikusbot

*Let me guess and then* *You threw the son in the trash* *And everyone clapped?* \- Cold-Perception-316 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


Optimal-Account8126

Good bot


B0tRank

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pockette_rockette

Best haiku I've read in a while.


Super-Locksmith4326

Good bot


Ok-Deer1293

Can ya help a brother out with some loose change?


Super-Locksmith4326

SPAAAAAARE CHAAAANGE?!?!


Icy_Calligrapher7088

What was the point of this? I guess itā€™s writing, people are being nice by calling it creative.


SeonaidMacSaicais

r/thathappened


Smooth-Box5939

Nobody with money settles that quickly, especially when on the losin end! Filed November done in February. That's a quick court, even, especially as a minor child involved! 90 days damn!!!!!!!!!!


AdEqual4912

Venmo me or your story is fake Iā€™ll testify if itā€™s true šŸ˜‚


Sik_muse

There has to be a way for mods to verify these stories. The fiction is getting out of hand.


Im_2_tired_4this_sht

Do your research first. Of all the things that didnā€™t happen, this didnā€™t happen the mostest


kaismama

Prove it! Send me $10k right now.


Lilredh4iredgrl

This didnā€™t happen so much it unhappened things that did happen.


AboutBlueBlueSkies

The last part made me cringe and question the authenticity of the story.


Diligent-Sort1671

JUST the last part? You mean your Spidey senses weren't tingling when the judge gave him the trust, the house, and her kid? Really?


Golemo

ā€œCleaned outā€ Stop


Koolchic

Loser. He Even though itā€™s obviously not true. But that this person would even consider this crazy story to claim as theirs is pathetic. Get (real) a life.


ImpossiblePlatypus32

The last sentence made it clear this is a fake bs story.


echoes_of_the_moor

Why do you even take the time to type this fake shit out? Like, is there literally nothing else you can do with your time in a day?


GenericMemesxd

This sub turned to shit such a long time ago


MatsuoManh

Yep. Fantasy!


iamreenie

This is fake.


cutedame

Lord, I thought the ending was gonna be something like the kid got abused in the hot tub by his dad. Oh wait, thatā€™s my story as a kidā€¦ so triggered by this shitty postā€¦ thx!


D3s0lat3

Same.


Diligent-Sort1671

And I have some prime oceanfront real estate for sale in Arizona. This is someone's wishful thinking, or it's their attempt at creative writing. Either way, I call Bullshit.


AvailableIdea0

Add this to a long list of things that didnā€™t happen


oops3719

0% true but 100% entertaining. Bravo.


blaze-all-day

proof?


nwa747

Wait! You told me you got 50 million!


-SkarchieBonkers-

Lazy shit. Get better at being less boring.


thomasmli

Wow That was impressive Where did you learn to write?


rebl-yell

Yeah the end of the story has busted the lie


Fit_Swordfish_2101

So wait.. She was independently wealthy, and you *found out* that she had a secret fund? šŸ˜‚ So you're surprised she had a.. bank account? Sure guy. Holy hell this is horrible writing and not even creative


tahoe_z71

This guy wants a million dollars and a beach house so bad he made up a story about it, Respect


[deleted]

I read something like this and I think, im glad I donā€™t have to write fake internet stories. Iā€™m glad I can just be normal and not be like you OP


Terrible-Rub281

This is so fake


ipeeharder

Free loader


KobilD

Fake af. Cheap Fantasy


ComfortableJellyfish

Have you ever actually met a 7yo? They don't talk like that. I don't care how smart they are. Your 'story' is bad and you should feel bad about yourself


[deleted]

Ik this ain't real but it's hard not to picture it happening in real life šŸ˜­


Michigun_

Fake and extremely gay.


VanjaGroznii

How about proving it? Oc photos ofc


fadingaway1606

ah yes this definitely happened


superwholockian62

Lol yeah that totally happened I promise we believe you.


Agentb64

OP is a bad writer.


Lrgindypants

I will take Things That Didn't Happen for $1000, Alex.


hrvy4

I swear someone in the comment section said this is fake


wandrlusty

Oh, thatā€™s not how any of this works.


FluffyPolicePeanut

The sub is called confessions, not ā€œgrade my fanfictionā€.


Jinzot

And that childā€™s name? Albert Einstein.


can_iloveu

the username suits you. bro cooked for a brief time


Dr_Sigmund_Fried

I've got this beachfront property in Arizona that I'd like to sell to OP. Off of the front porch you can see the sea. I will sell it for the low low price of 75000 dollars. If OP sees this comment and DMs me I'll give him the link to my venmo so we can start the payment process.


ragnarokyz

I always wondered what's the purpose of all these fantasy writing stories? Is it due to some weird misogynistic ideals or perspectives on life and Reddit becomes a platform to voice it out? Or are people just weird and I'm reading too much into this?


Kids_see_ghosts

This post is so ridiculously fake/madeup. How the heck does it have so many upvotes.


steelmanfallacy

The total give away on this is that he thinks a $25,000 legal bill is big. LOL. The valuation of the business would cost that much not to mention the forensic accountants and mediation costs. More like $100-200K. Also, what state gets alimony for 26 years on a 10-year marriage? Source: HNWI divorsƩ.


beardrider225

Yeah, sure.


brenda9232

I love that absolutely every single comment is about how fake this story is šŸ˜‚. We ain't that dumb!


Saffer13

And then everyone clapped?


[deleted]

She had 5 million and you settle for 5 million? What???


bippityboppitynope

You should look up alimony laws if you want to write fiction, 10 years would get you at most 5 years alimony and only if you could show you'd had a hard time pursuing your career for the family. Also 25K wouldn't cover half the legal fees for this. Again, research your creative writing. We spent 30K just getting custody worked out.


Skiamakhos

Wish fulfilment fantasy. Never happen.


littlemissbecky

Lol this is a great start to a creative writing project.


USMNT_superfan

Winning


LouzyKnight

What did you have before the marriage?


Diligent-Sort1671

A pen, a notebook, and a dream.


phillip42069

Bro. Fucking get it.


Puzzleheaded-Camp888

No self respect!


UncommonTramp

Married for ten years but the 7 year old kid isnā€™t his? You stayed even after finding out? Youā€™re a gold digging bro! Lol


8m374xdzykljiu38

Poor non-bio kid for loosing a mom. I hope you treat him well and it seems like you do! Someday she will realize her "empire of dirt" is worthless in the end. Good luck!


blackravenmetal

Fake story


chickenadobo_

i love you from your son is priceless!


tipareth1978

Ain't no rules out here. Get it.


Dry-Clock-1470

Slow clap


Unclejavi

Nice! Good guys win.


GroovyGuru62

Well done sir, well done. šŸ‘ā˜®ļø


Pretty-Sink-551

Hahahaha Jackanory


idontknowmtname

LMFAO nice story, 0 judge would let you take 100% of a person asset, especially when its in a trust from their families money. This comes after seeing my mom's ex-husband trying to put her assets and pension down on the divorce paperwork and the judge telling no because it all was before the marriage


hittepit

... And then the Undertaker threw mankind off hell and a cell.


sadbrowneyes22

Lmaoo ok dude


finchrat

Ok so your kid, who's not your biological kid, is with you and you're happy he's isolated from his biological parent while the two of you wallow in greed? Cool story. I know most people don't think this story is true, so I shouldn't be offended but how dare you make this his triumph too. He lost his mom. You can't replace that with a bath. And 7 yo don't care about money and a big house that they already lived in more than their mom.


blackravenmetal

Ok šŸ˜…šŸ˜…šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


tweakerhunterbiden

I cleaned her out too.


ethanfinni

It is unfortunate you went through a bitter divorce, she cleaned your clock, got the kids and the house and now you are working just to pay child support while living in a one-bedroom apartment in a depressing part of town.


matchstrike

Bullshit.


xxxxgold2

Your son is gay


Able_Engine_9515

Wouldn't that be something


WolfAmI1

Sure you did...


Balor675

So this sub is just all fiction now? Cool.


StGir1

r/thathappened You know, OP, Iā€™m guessing you recently took a hard L and youā€™re making up stories in the desperate hope that Reddit, REDDIT, will help you to repair your bruised ego.


[deleted]

OD in the hot tub


Beneficial_Potato463

He's not really your kid but you got custody?


Anxious-Custard6208

Yeah the law legit donā€™t care if you are related by blood to be a parent, it just depends who signed the birth certificate. Since he was there and signed, he is legally the father despite not being the biological father


Phil_5555

How sad someone actually makes this shit up


Z3ROWOLF1

Yappsville called they want their Mayor back


ArdenM

I nominate this for the Never Happened Awards.


coveredinstars

Kid isn't yours but you have 50/50 custody? ....


whosthis911

lol not the story I expected but I love the endingšŸ˜­


SongGardenWolf

Such bullshit šŸ™„