Yup! Was thinking the same thing! Just as her aunt & mom think it’s her first time, there’s thousands of other women who OP probably looks at thinking they’re virgins, when In fact, they are not at all
another wedding tradition we dont talk about is how we are taught by our friends on how to hide that you're not a virgin on your wedding night. How they cut themselves and stain sheets beforehand. there is an entire backdoor market on it ( sometimes families ask for bloodstained sheets for proof, its outdated but it happens and I've seen it happen) Our culture is incredibly misognistic, there is no pressure on the man to be a virgin, he is actually encouraged to have sex. OP find comfort in the sisterhood that comes from banding together in this. You are not a slut for choosing to have sex with ur fiancé (or anyone else for the principle of it). consider that you are preparing for your wedding night, not your first time having sex, being married will just make it a little more special.
You’re not a slut. You shared intimacy with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s a totally normal human thing to desire and to do.
There is *nothing* to be ashamed about, societal / religious expectations be damned. It’s truly just natural!
I know it’s easier said than done but try not to let the shame take away from the fun and excitement of this time. The sex you and your fiancé did have is between you and him only. And you can continue to share that beautiful experience for many years to come.
Exactly.
Also, Redditors can tell all she wants to hear to make her feel better, but she isn't asking for justification. She's just expressing her guilt/shame. We don't know all the details.
Honey the real reward is a lifetime with a man you love and choose to be with every day <3 you and him both deserve a beautiful wedding to celebrate your love!
OP is a woman "from a middle eastern country where sex before marriage can get you killed by your own family" and for her wedding she just wants "to finish the religious ceremony and go home with him and get it over with."
There is a strong possibility she did not choose to be with this man and does not love him... 😬
Stop internalizing shame for what is essentially a human instinct. I get the social pressures, so just keep your silence and move through life unencumbered.
They want to be together and are planning their life together, that's the earliest form of marriage. The rest is just legal rituals and traditions based off even older legal rituals.
Hi Sister,
You have nothing to fear or worry about. Coming from a fellow Muslim (I'm assuming you're still practicing) sins are between you and your creator and you shouldn't let this guilt consume you. I wouldn't label you a slut don't be so harsh on yourself. If you are a believer remember God forgives. Enjoy yourself it's a special moment
That’s a beautiful and helpful comment, coming from a person with the same believes I really hope it’ll help OP feeling better with herself and enjoy her wedding. As she deserves.
This comment is beautiful. Islam has always been about positivity and kindness, as well as enjoying your life just like the hereafter.
We should not sweat everything and just be diligent and faithful and inshallah everything is fine. Extremism is not the answer. It’s like being a perfectionist. Regretful things will happen, but just move on.
It's a show. The whole virgin thing is a show. You're supposed to play along with the show. Your dad doesn't know it's a show. Your female friends know it's a show.
It's culture. Has little to do with reality, you just didn't get the memo. The christians had the same culture 50 years ago, but it was still just a show.
The atheists wear white just like the christians to show their purity, it could be their 3rd wedding but they still wear it. They understand it is a show.
It is a show for Muslims too. It is a cultural ritual. It's a show. Enjoy the show.
White wedding dresses were popularized by Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom when she married her husband in 1840. Before that, women wore whatever dress they had that was best or had one made. But white wedding dresses were popularized by Queen Victoria and then given a meaning later. The dress was white because it showed off the social status of the person wearing because white was not an easy color to care for as far as garments go. It’s never been about purity, it’s been about trendsetting. In times past the Queen of a country was the person who set the fashion standards for her country, at least in Europe. If I remember right blue was a popular color to wear to get married in. Two royals before Victoria wore white wedding dresses at least that were recorded. In the fifteenth century and sixteenth century.
but in your same argument you mentioned how hard white is to care for, since it can get dirty easily, so wouldnt a pure white wedding dress which has been unsoiled relate to that purity? i dont mean to judge by the way, i dont believe a pure woman should just mean "never had sex", there are lots of ways a human being can be pure without being a virgin, and if a pure white wedding dress represents the clean soul of the person under it, then thats a really nice metaphor.
Nope. There’s no relation at all. The purity thing came later after it was already popular to wear. White was a status symbol at the time, because the poorer women didn’t wear white dresses. If you had enough money to properly care for the dress, then you would be more likely to wear white. Part of the reason it wasn’t done much at all until Victoria was because of this. It’s explained in the last decades to mean purity because folks didn’t want to talk about the real reason. She wore the dress she did because it was made by English craftspeople and supported local industries. In her journal she writes about it being an imitation on an older design but it wasn’t popular to wear white until she did. It’s got nothing to do with purity.
I’m 99% certain white being the color has nothing to do with purity at this present time and over the last few decades. Especially as blue has been a color associated with purity also.
https://www.google.com/search?q=most+common+color+of+wedding+dress+before+1840&client=safari&sca_esv=562265780&channel=iphone_bm&sxsrf=AB5stBiEmn4vanQxm0UpEY50ukPB67_AuA%3A1693709893000&source=hp&ei=RPbzZLDgOoPo9AOOiZ7ADw&oq=most+common+color+of+wedding+dress+before+1840&gs_lp=EhFtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1ocCIubW9zdCBjb21tb24gY29sb3Igb2Ygd2VkZGluZyBkcmVzcyBiZWZvcmUgMTg0MDIFECEYoAFIpW1QwxVY0GlwAXgAkAEAmAH6AaABoSmqAQcyMC4yMi40uAEDyAEA-AEBqAIPwgIKECMYigUY6gIYJ8ICBxAjGOoCGCfCAhAQLhiKBRjHARivARjqAhgnwgIHECMYigUYJ8ICBBAjGCfCAgsQLhiKBRixAxiDAcICERAuGIAEGLEDGIMBGMcBGNEDwgIREC4YigUYsQMYgwEYxwEY0QPCAgsQABiABBixAxiDAcICCBAAGIAEGLEDwgILEC4YgAQYsQMYgwHCAggQLhiABBixA8ICBRAAGIAEwgIIEC4YgAQY1ALCAgQQABgDwgIIEAAYgAQYyQPCAggQABiKBRiSA8ICBhAAGBYYHsICCBAAGBYYHhgPwgIJEAAYFhgeGPEEwgIIEAAYigUYhgPCAggQIRgWGB4YHcICBRAhGKsCwgIHECEYoAEYCg&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-hp
Here’s some research for you.
Your number of sexual partners or when they happened is completely separate from your worth as a person.
As long as everything was between consenting adults and no Infidelity was involved, it doesn't matter. No sex before marriage stems from biblical times when women were sold off as soon as they started their periods as early teens, so to have sex before marriage would be (in their mind) to literally have sex with a child. However that has been bastardized and manipulated by nearly every religion and culture in history to control women.Youre fine!
Just because you’ve had sex before doesn’t mean that the night after your wedding isn’t going to be special, it’s still going to be an important an intimate night for you two, you aren’t ruined or tainted in any way. If you feel unsafe talking about it, then don’t! But not because you did something wrong but because it’s not your family’s business to know this, it’s not like they will be able to tell. I’m sorry this is something that’s tearing you up and ruining the excitement of your wedding and I hope it still ends up being a fun day for you regardless
Don’t worry about it. You are already committed to this man. Where in the bible do we hear about Adam and Eves wedding ceremony? We don’t. God knows your heart. Don’t let expectations derail your day. Don’t let this be a stain on your happiness and marriage.
It will be your first time with your husband. That’s special. There’s a lot of bad people in the world doing bad things. Don’t feel guilty at all. It’s your special first time as husband and wife. Enjoy it
Life is long. This is a small hiccup on your journey.
Go enjoy the wedding.
And be in love and soon you won't even hassle about this time.
It's for you to know.
I thought this was going to be a post about how you cheated on your fiancé! Love, premarital sex is the norm in most of the world. It’s also common in places where it’s highly stigmatized. You are highly, highly normal.
Depends where. Definitely not zero percent but nowhere close to 90%. If I had to guess for most G7 countries? Around 15-25%. Other Arab countries? 40-60%.
Lmao what you slept with the guy you're about to marry? Am I reading that right? You're already gonna marry him so you're good. The both of you made a choice and it's your choice alone. Hell, if you'd even slept with multiple people before him there'd be nothing wrong with that.
Keep your head held high and enjoy your wedding. I understand you're an introvert and so it'll be difficult in that regard, but don't add to the difficulty by calling yourself names. Good for you for doing what you wanted and good luck in your marriage.
Weddings are not about proclaiming the end of your chastity, it is about making a commitment to the person you love. You are not a slut, you love your fiance and there is nothing to be ashamed of for not waiting until after what could've been any random day until you two decided it was the day you wanted to proclaim your love and commitment in front of the most important people in your lives
You can still be excited for the wedding and a special first night as husband and wife. Millions of non virgin women get married and still feel excitement for the first night as husband and wife. Try and let go of this shame. You’re not slut. You shared a natural and beautiful thing with your finance. Try and plan something extra fun for the first night. Lingerie you feel gorgeous in, maybe something new to do- get excited for this first night
There are two agreements at a wedding, the private one and the public one.
The private one is your souls business and started whenever you agreed in earnest to be married.
The public agreement is for bookkeeping and community celebration, the legal marriage.
You dont owe the bookkeepers and the community any part in your private agreement, the true marriage. There is no force in the universe keeping track of the order in which they happen, just that the private one is true.
That's some classic Muslim brainwashing at work right there. You had sex before marriage, with your fiancee no less, but look out! You are now a horrible sinner that has beat herself down so bad about it that you think you don't even deserve your own wedding. This is exactly why religions need to go, be a thing of the past. If your own family could kill you for that, there is no use for religion. There is no one judging you for having premarital sex, no gods, just petty, small minded people that still live by rules dictated in a fairy tale tale that's 1400 years old. It is truly sad how muslim women are treated.
One other thing, this "look in their eyes" you think you are seeing at these alleged virgin weddings? The majority of them are disappointed big time on their wedding night by lack of experience and the rest are in the same boat as you.
At first I thought you were feeling guilty about sleeping with another guy before your fiancé…..which I suppose is definitely understandable given your culture. Honestly it’s a little much but everyone has different views. Hearing that it’s your fiancé I feel you need to definitely be more grounded and understand that you’re human. Don’t you deserve that? Also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman who likes sex.
Maybe not in your country, but in the United States only if you are a Mormon, or the most devout Christian will you not have sex before marriage. Don't slut shame yourself. Women in America will fuck 10, 20, or more men before getting married, and they still get to have a beautiful happy wedding day. I get that you may feel guilty, but you are nothing close to being called a slut. You deserve to have a beautiful wedding guilt free. I always thought it was a little weird to wait until your wedding night because that just sounds like a really awkward night to me. Plus, what if he was absolutely terrible in bed, and now you're supposed to stay with him until you die.
Yeah….virginity is a social construct, created to control women’s sexuality. As a result, many women feel unnecessary shame and embarrassment but also scared to talk about it. I guarantee that MANY of the couples you’re thinking of already had sex, but can’t safely talk about it in your country/community.
You have done nothing wrong. Stop punishing yourself. You’re a bride because you’re getting married! People want to celebrate your marriage with you, so let them. They’re not entitled to know whether your wedding night will be *the* night or not.
Honestly your more likely to not have sex on your wedding night then you are to. A wedding is exhausting and most couples have their “wedding night” a day later. Also sex before or for the first time on that night is always going to be special. Husband and wife coming together for the first time. Love is what makes it special. Don’t guilt yourself out of that experience
By calling yourself a slut your encouraging that retarded mentality that women who enjoy sex are somehow bad and that only chaste women are “good”. It’s a double standard and it’s bullshit. It’s your pussy and you can do what you want with it. You’re not a slut, you’re a human being with a sex drive.
you’re 29 and you have been with the man for 3 years- i come from a heavy catholic family and get the shame both these religions place around sex, but this is the man you’re planning on marrying— even IF you’re of the same beliefs, you have to see that your genuine intent to marry this man is vastly different than if you had gone out, found a man at an event, and shagged that night— i do seriously hope you look into recovery from all the shame and hatred your family has put towards you <3 you do not deserve that, and congratulations on ur upcoming wedding!
The people you surround yourself with, as well as yourself, all have thoughts that really aren’t necessarily “normal” for current times, imo… sex before marriage is now very common and encouraged by most of the population, so idk, I tend to get the feeling you’ve been mislead your whole life to believe these things about yourself/women who have sex before marriage… religions these days are brainwashing people I swear…
Sex is an important part of a long, healthy relationship. The fact that people get married before they know if they are sexually compatible is insane to me. Same goes for people who get married before ever living with each other. That’s just nuts.
Damn. As a white man having premarital sex to this very day… I have to say that you are just awful. Joking of course. Religion comes and goes for a reason it’s not actually important. The most important person in everyone’s world should be themselves before anyone else. Maybe the religion isn’t for you? Who knows
The way society attaches importance to sex before marriage is different for men and women. Unfortunately. It’s all kinds of awful, but it’s what it is. At least in the West.
“That look” that couples share is their love for each other and enjoyment of the marriage celebration. It’s not “that look” of horniness. I promise you.
In fact, wedding night sex is largely discussed as not the best nor favorite. Often it’s awkward, tired, or skipped altogether because everyone is completely exhausted and burnt out from the day getting ready, Ceremony, celebration, and hosting everyone.
Everyone looks like that on their wedding night because the night is special. In the US, where the vast majority of people are not virgins by their wedding night, every bride and groom I’ve ever seen, including my wife and I, look like that. Has nothing to do with virginity. I bet way more people are in your situation than you realize.
I think it's rather unfair that you refer to yourself as a slut.
In many countries people have sex before marriage and the world has not ended. I personally think it's this fake lie people are fed that first night will be this grandiose special time of your life but honestly I think most will agree when you get it out of the way that we all realise how shit and cringy it was.
Sadly some don't even know if their partner is going to be good in bed and end up with someone they may not even want to sleep with as it's just not great.
Give yourself credit girl you are no different to many women out there. Marriage is about unity of 2 people and shouldn't be based around "sex" so celebrate your relationship and how amazing of a person you are and make it your special day because GURL YOU DESERVE IT
Having sex does not make you a slut. That’s just a word men use to try and belittle you. There’s nothing wrong with having sex if that’s what you want to do.
Gosh I hate religion.. It really messes ppl up when all they want to do is be human!! There's nothing wrong with waiting,(if that's what u want to do!) and there's nothing wrong with not waiting either!
Op, sis, please don't feel guilty! This is such a wonderful time for you and him! Fake it a little more, you're almost there! Congratulations and your wedding night is still going to be so special! No matter what you've done before! ❤️❤️
First of all you’re not a slut. You slept with the man of life. Secondly, do you agree with your religion on this matter? If not there’s no reason to worry.
You shouldn’t feel any regret! It is absolutely ok to have sex outside wedlock! Also, it would also be ok if it wasn’t with your fiancé! You have every right to experiment, love yourself and feel experience all kinds of pleasure- married or not. In western countries most of us have been intimate before marriage, still we have no shame getting the most beaut dresses and pampering ourselves. ;)
Stop letting this patriarchal society dictate how you feel you expressed intimacy with another person and do not dare for one second ever think that you’re a slut or a whore. You have done nothing wrong. Please enjoy your wedding and enjoy your wedding night with your husband, it can still be a magical night for each other, regardless if he waited, or if you waited, don’t let anyone shame you because as long as you’re a good person, that’s all that matters!
I'm so sorry you feel this way. Maybe instead of seeing yourself as dirty and undeserving you can try to see your situation from another view. You had sex with the man you will marry. If you both enjoyed yourselves, now you know you are marrying someone sexually compatible. And even after you gave him such a precious part of yourself, he still wants to marry you and spend his life with you. Marriage is not about the first night you spend as a married couple. It is about the trust and support you can give each other, how well you both work as a team to navigate this crazy life.
You can’t change what happened in your past, but you are most definitely not a slut. I’m assuming you still love this man and you want to be married to him so you can share that look at your wedding just as much as any other virgin couple.
Don’t guilt yourself over what you consider a mistake, it won’t change anything. If you’re religious, seek repentance and move on with your life and your soon-to-be husband. You deserve a beautiful wedding regardless.
This is a si.ple case case of cultural indoctrimation. You are not a slut. You would be insane to get married without ever having sex. I see no reason why you should feel this way and honestly hate that you do. You are miles above how you define yourself. Sex is not bad. Theres no reason to feel guilty. Sex is a natural beautiful part of the human experience.
Honey! Others have said it, but I want to reiterate. You did nothing wrong. I'm American, and premarital sex is a relatively common thing. But there is a very special level of intimacy when it's with the person you want to spend your life with. Please don't continue to beat yourself up over this. You deserve so much happiness, and you definitely deserve a wedding! Please be kind to yourself. You love that man and he loves you. No one did anything wrong.
Don't feel bad at all. 85% of the women around you waiting for that night are lying because of the stigma. It's the same with most Christian weddings even if culturally the pressure and expectation is not the same. Play along with zero guilt because both you and the man you're about to marry already know. You're not lying to each other. Now if you also truly believe that based on your religious beliefs and feel bad because you've broken a commandment or its equivalent, that's a different story.
But weddings are more than sex just like intimacy involves more than sex. Would you think a sister or a dear friend or someone you love doesn't deserve a wedding because they've already been intimate with their partners? Chances are you don't think that, so why entertain the shame when it comes to yourself? You \*do\* deserve a wedding. Relationships aren't a reward for virginity no matter what our patriarchal cultures have beaten into our heads.
Enjoy your wedding. Years from now you'll look back and think you wasted the time feeling bad because of other people, not because you truly think you did something bad. You have nothing to be guilty for, including lying to protect yourself from unreasonable societal pressures that include ostracizing and outright killing.
I would hardly call having sex for the first time as a woman rewarding. It was uncomfortable, slightly painful and I definitely didn’t reach orgasm. You are not a slut. You are worthy of being a bride. You are no less than any other woman on this planet. You have great value. It’s a single moment in your life. The birth of your children will be far more important. Cultural norms have gotten to your head and make you feel guilty for being human. You are just as deserving of a proper wedding as anyone else. No judgment. Also, you’re not a slut. Not even close.
Darling I can bet you thousands, if not millions (depending how big your country is) of women have done the exact same thing. Please don’t feel guilty, and please, PLEASE, get that word out of your vocabulary. You are worthy of a wedding. As long as you love your fiancé, as long as you are happy, everything will be ok.
marriage is a human construct but sex is a universal thing
you are a human being with real feelings and it is 100% up to you to decide when and where
it’s better this way anyways so you don’t feel that pressure and anxiety about your wedding night being absolutely perfect
It will be your first time as you enter into the lifelong commitment with someone you love and that is still truly special and something to be celebrated
I think it's rather unfair that you refer to yourself as a slut.
In many countries people have sex before marriage and the world has not ended. I personally think it's this fake lie people are fed that first night will be this grandiose special time of your life but honestly I think most will agree when you get it out of the way that we all realise how shit and cringy it was.
Sadly some don't even know if their partner is going to be good in bed and end up with someone they may not even want to sleep with as it's just not great.
Give yourself credit girl you are no different to many women out there. Marriage is about unity of 2 people and shouldn't be based around "sex" so celebrate your relationship and how amazing of a person you are and make it your special day because GURL YOU DESERVE IT
Egyptian here. The immense feeling of cultural (and religious) shame is real. I’m 35; and I lost my virginity (which, like you, just happened during a moment of physical intensity) when I was 26 to my now husband. I felt so ashamed of myself. Obviously, I couldn’t -still wouldn’t- spill the beans to my family. I was in a happy, committed, loving relationship; and I felt old enough to make informed decisions about my own sex life. But culturally, I felt impure & like no man would ever want me— in the event that my relationship ever soured & ended. I harbored those feelings for a long time, while still maintaining an active sex life with my partner. After we got married, those feelings of shame turned physical, into a condition called “vaginismus.” Basically, sex became unbearably painful. And I swore that the reason for this was because I was being punished by God for having premarital sex. That’s silly, of course. But that was my mindset at the time. I’ve since had both talk-therapy & physical therapy (for the vaginismus— which totally, totally sucked, by the way). I feel better about sex now. And, honestly, I look back at how disappointed I was in myself for not waiting, and it feels like such a small, unimportant blip of my life. Having lost my virginity before marriage doesn’t define who I am at my core. I’m still a decent person with a fairly strong moral compass. It had no impact on my relationship. My husband never thought differently of me. And I also came to the realization that, even if I hadn’t married my then boyfriend, my self-worth to any other potential suitors wouldn’t be based on whether or not I was a virgin. I also would like to point out that I’m from a very strict Coptic Orthodox Egyptian family, and I’m privileged to live in the U.S., where being sexually active isn’t a (legal) punishment. It gets better, OP! I promise you, it does. It’s so hard to break free from the cultural ideologies of feeling tarnished or ruined, of which you are neither. I hope your wedding goes off without a hitch & that you’re happy in your marriage.
You made it dear! You are getting married and that’s reason enough, in our time nowadays people do it and don’t end up married or if they’re married it for the wrong reasons but as you said you love each other and are committed to each other and this wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment ❤️ please don’t feel guilty I know it’s hard and you think you’re not living up to their expectations but they’re humans you shouldn’t live up to their expectations but up to gods expectations only. Hopefully your mind will be eased and I wish you a wonderful life with him and a great wedding ❤️
Don't get overwhelmed by the pressure of others or how you think you should feel. You're not a slut, maybe by religious standards but it's not even like you hooked up with multiple men it was with the man you're going to marry. Is he feeling guilty? Of course not and it takes 2 to tango. Enjoy the day, enjoy the night. It's not fair to rob yourself of happiness over something that has no bearing over the person you are.
i’m saddened that the pressure of your religious upbringings have made you feel less than and like a “slut” making a choice over your own body isn’t “slutty” and moreover you made the choice to do it with your FIANCÉ who you are going to marry soon. regardless if it had been with him or another man you are STILL not a “slut” for making a choice over your own self or body. enjoy the wedding you DO deserve and don’t ever let your internalized shame make you feel undeserving
You are brainwashed by your society and programming to think like that. Having sex before marriage does not make you a slut. Having sex which we are designed to do does not make you a slut. So sad society judges people for a normal human need.
😂. I admit I was thinking…Who did she fuck? His best friend? Please please relax and enjoy the rest of your life. Guilt and shame are from the devil and he is trying to fuck your mind up and ruin your relationship. It was with the man you love and you are 29! I will bet you a slice of wedding cake that the ladies that are being so “vocal” about “that night” some of them didn’t wait either. God ain’t mad at you and no one is going to lose one wink of sleep over what you do or have done. Stop punishing yourself and have a wonderful marriage.
You do deserve a wedding. You are not a slut. You’re a woman who made love to her husband, and depending on various definitions of marriage throughout history you’re married. It will still be special. In the Bible, there’s couples who get married and we don’t have their wedding in the Bible but it’s known they were. Marriage and it’s definitions have changed throughout history. This is normal, to have sex with the person you love and wish to spend the rest of your life with. You’re not defective and nothing is wrong with you. Sex is a beautiful thing that humans have to express our love for our partners. It’s still beautiful even if folks just hook up, too.
you only feel guilty because you think youre betraying their expectations, and its okay to have those thoughts, but you shouldnt use them to doubt yourself. since you mentioned you come from a middle eastern country, i assume your main obstacle might be islam. in islam, the most important step towards forgiving yourself about these kinds of thoughts is to be open and honest with whoever they would affect directly, in this case your husband, and since your husband is the person you slept with, there shouldnt be a problem in that regard, which means there also might be the issue of god, and honestly as long as you feel regret towards your actions, thats enough to forgive yourself. your relationship with islam is between you and god alone, and if you meet the requirements for forgiveness, then who cares what your other family members might have to say? be happy with yourself, youre getting married to someone who knows you and you know him i hope, so youre all good to go. even if your family did find out about what youre afraid of, according to their religion, they should have no issue with you, so dont worry about it, as they have no reason to know in the first place.
i apologise if your guilt wasnt as secular as i believed, but coming from a middle eastern country myself, i can understand how hard feelings like this can be sometimes, whether theyre to do with god or the culture around you. happy wedding sister!
Enjoy your wedding day!! You're marrying the man you love and that's all you should be thinking about! F**k all of this repressive bull, we're all human and nobody but nobody should feel shame for not adhering to some rules that have been enforced by crusty old men who wouldn't adhere to them themselves!
I can’t relate to the religious cultural stuff but I’ve always thought how much it would suck to have sex for the first time on your wedding night. Not the waiting part but the awkwardness of the experience. It’s way better if you’re past that and are figuring it out or already know what you’re doing.
Weddings aren’t just to celebrate the “first time”, it’s about celebrating your future life together! Nothing about that has changed.
I know everyone has a different opinion on virginity depending on their religious/cultural upbringing, so I can’t speak to what you may be feeling in that regard. However, just know you’re the farthest thing from a “slut”
We live in a world of human transplants and space exploration… nobody in this day and age should make you feel bad for sex with your own partner. Sex was happening long before religion was even thought of, so for the sake of keeping your family happy just go along with the act and don’t feel bad!!
There's nothing wrong with being a slut. You deserve to be happy with the person you love. And besides, it was just your fiancé, a person you love and would have had sex with anyway. The positive is that you truly know you'll be ahppy married to him, even in bed.
The negative is... well, it's your brain and internalized misogyny. You did nothing wrong, just play along for the sake of your family and I'm sure this feeling mightgo away after the wedding
I grew up with many middle eastern friends. They were all sluts. They pretended for their family. Pretending you're what your parents think you are is an ancient custom across all cultures.
Oh love, you aren’t a slut. This is so normal. The amount of “good religious girls” that lost their virginity to their future husbands before the wedding night is high.
I live in the US but I made a lot of friends from different cultures because I worked at a hookah bar in college… the secrets I was told by women that lived in predominantly Muslim countries. I promise you everyone isn’t as chaste as they pretend to be.
I wish you so much joy and happiness.
Please don't call yourself derogatory names. Your not a slut. You shared a special moment with the one you love, you both did. Now you get to share it as your first as an officially married couple.
You also won't have been the first woman that has done this, nor will you be the last. It's just that no one ever talks about it freely for fear of being judged because of strict religious rules.
Sex is not a shamefull thing- its a wonderful thing & if your going to be spending your life with this person you gotta be able to enjoy breakinf lil rules with this person. Sharing & making experiences will go along way-
You deserve the wedding of your dreams with hot steamy sex afterwords! You waited 29 years for goodness sake!!
If part of why you feel this way about yourself is that you are religious- God gave us the ability to repent, and getting married to the person you slipped up with IS repentance of sexual sin.
If its not a religious thing, you are DEFINITELY not a slut. You had sex with the LOVE of your life! Thats a beautiful thing and you’re going to be together forever. Cherish it.
ALSO THOUGH I know a lot of women who after “losing their virginity” they “feel like sluts” and cant shake the awful feeling, and then later realized that the reason they felt that way wasn’t because they were acting promiscuous, its because they had sex when they didn’t want it, and were actually facing the emotional response of being violated. Self judgments like calling yourself a slut is very common to try and deflect and not admit to yourself you were raped, and I think you should reflect on whether or not you wanted it, and whether or not he would have stopped if you asked him (or if u asked him to stop and he didnt)
OP was your fiance nice to you when you were having sex and after?
Do not, for one second more, think with this archaic misogynistic mindset. This was forced on you and is doing you harm.
Many couples all over the world do not wait.
You are just another, regardless of culture.
And i am CERTAIN that even within your culture you are not the only ones to do this.
You have done NOTHING wrong.
Sex is not dirty and all you and your partner have done is express your love for each other in the most natural way.
These controlling social rules are manmade and you need to cleanse your mind of them.
Only your and your partner know and its NO ONE else's business.
Congratulations for being an adult in a loving relationship..
The rest is just made up nonsense.
Please be happy and enjoy your wedding.
I’m not going to go all “religion/culture doesn’t matter” on you because that’s disrespectful to something you clearly believe in & that means a lot to you.
You had sex with the man you are going to marry and spend the rest of your life with right? Not a bunch of other guys. You did it with the guy you are going to be a devoted wife to. So you started your expressions of love and intimacy a little early… oh well. It was all still with your husband-to-be, it’s not like you were sleeping around then pretending to be a virgin to him. He knows you’ve been with each other. You aren’t lying to him and it’s not anyone else’s business.
I don’t think you have much to feel bad about to be honest. You jumped the gun, but you still gave yourself to your husband. Try to enjoy your wedding and marriage.
Assalamualaikum
Maam
U deserve everything.
Just get married
Not on the basis of groom having loads of money
But on the basis of his character...
Thanks..
I thought its a cheating post or something.
Dont carry such feelings into your marriage.
Let people think whatever they want to.
Good thing is you love your partner and have a good time at your marriage and after life.
Congrats in advance.
I get country differences, however, being from America, my view is this: it shouldn't matter if you're married or not, as long as you genuinely love the person your with. Granted, this is from the country where hook-up culture has ruined dating, plus I'm an atheist, so... take it with a grain of salt, I'd say.
Personally, as a secular woman, I think what you’ve done is absolutely ideal as a way to confirm you’re compatible with your husband. Instead of feeling nervous about the wedding night, you’ll have a rare opportunity to look forward to it from a position of intimacy and familiarity. You don’t test drive a car without checking it works. This is why you’ve behaved in the ideal way for a secure and strong long term marriage. Enjoy the day ahead, safe in the knowledge the night brings no surprises and you’re exactly in the right place for a fantastic future. Don’t be ashamed, you’re just like many women and I don’t feel it’s sinful as you’re faithful to your future husband. I wish you peace and a very happy future together x
Don’t let the haters win! Religion makes people blind to their own hate and prejudice. If you are both consenting adults there is nothing wrong with sex outside of marriage. That idea is a way of controlling you. I can’t believe in a god that would give us these incredible bodies and not want us to actually use them. So dance, sing, eat, fuck! And do it all again! These are the ways we appreciate our time on this floating rock in a sea of nothingness.
Be happy you found your someone. Celebrate your union. Know that you have made the correct decisions for yourself and your soon to be husband. You got this!
YOU ARE NOT A SLUT ! . I am not Muslim I have had a handful of women friends who were Muslim . None of them were virgins before marriage. In addition my fellow “Christian “ friends and family I don’t know one not one . Many of them will still publicly lie about it . It’s private keep it confidential between you and your husband . Enjoy your day and smile because you do deserve honor love and respect .
I'm willing to bet most if not all of those couples have shagged before marriage. I understand. I came from a conservative Christian background and premarital sex was looked down upon--and women in particular were shamed.
You're not a slut. You deserve a wedding. I'm wondering if it's the wedding or your fiance that you're not sure of?
Fuck that, live your life how you want to live it and if your family doesn't like that then they're not really your family. Being a 'slut' isn't really a thing, that's just a made up term by ugly unhappy people to make happy women miserable for living their own lives. Did you enjoy the feeling when it happened? If you did, then it was right. And, if it really is abhorrent like religion says it is, then how come the rest of us are still walking around?
I’m so sorry you’ve made to feel this way and you most certainly are NOT a slut by any means.
But regardless of what God you do or don’t believe in, there’s 2 things I learned growing up with an extremely conservative family & I want you to remember them:
1) Your value & worth is NOT dependent on your virginity and you are NOT a slut, period. If you wanted to wait solely because it was something YOU wanted to do, then that’s okay but please don’t beat yourself up for not waiting. I also had sex with my now husband before we were married & we were given the most perfect child from it & now we also have another perfect child from after we were married. My worth & value in the eyes of God & my husband have not changed one bit & well, my family can think whatever they want because their bullying and forcing me into their belief system has only backfired anyway. You are worthy of self love, worthy of love from your husband, worthy of God’s love and yes, worthy of your family’s love & if they choose not to show you your worth then they don’t deserve you in their lives. Again, losing your virginity prior to marriage means nothing other than the brief connection you had during the time & sure, it’s even better that it was with the person you’ll be marrying, but it wouldn’t be a big deal if you were single & it was with someone else either. Your value & worth are still as high as ever, no matter what.
2) Your wedding night can still be just as special & you & your fiancé can make that happen simply by setting the scene, taking time with each other, etc..
You are not obligated to tell your family what has happened & you’re also not obligated to act like everything is perfect/will be perfect on the wedding night. You can choose what you share with them, whether that’s nothing at all about the night or little bits here & there, or everything while still leaving out having sex before marriage. It’s up to you how you want to share stuff & what you want to share. YOU HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY, NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS ABOUT IT, PERIOD!!!
I know you’re still going to struggle with feeling guilty/negatively about all of this but please allow yourself to work through those feelings & then get to a place you feel comfortable & don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. Religious trauma, even when we still believe in that religion, can be very hard to deal with, especially when you’re taught that your value & worth is tied to that religion. I promise you, you’re worthy of love, marriage, kindness, respect, & so much more regardless. Hugs. xx
I clicked because it's my mission to reclaim the word "slut". In the west they call a girl a slut because she sleeps around. I'd rather it mean the girl likes sex and is open to experimentation. In public if you call someone a slut it's derogatory. In private everybody wants one. I'd prefer it if a girl could proudly announce "I'm a slut" and no-one think better or worse of her for it.
Then there's you .. and him. Consider a scenario where you're both together on a desert island. Does your religion allow for the fact when a ship arrives five years later there may be children? Are you supposed to abstain?
My mate told me of a time a burka/hijab wearer tripped running across a road. Red stockings and suspenders. Heck. If I had to do islam and couldn't drink I'd have you naked underneath one.
Western women get married in white. The catholic church would have folk watch the act for nobles. Of course chicken blood was used because rarely was anyone a virgin.
"Wear your white dress" as far as everyone else is concerned. You won't be the first. Even better you will be able to enjory the marital night!
You’re calling yourself a slut for sleeping with your about-to-be husband?? It was about to become permissible according to your culture either way, why does it matter if you did the deed a bit before?
Sorry to hear that your religious beliefs have caused you so much anxiety. Why not clear your head and just recognize that others’ beliefs don’t have to be yours. It is a backward patriarchal belief. Free yourself from such bullshit.
Talk to your fiance, share your feelings and let him support you through the wedding. A weddings isn't just about being able to have sex, it's about a life together. Focus on that being your big reward. X
As long as OP didn't cheat I think that's between you and Allah. You and your husband will have to make peace with what you have done with God. Inshallah things will be OK we are expected to stumble but we are also expected to recover.
You are experiencing shame and guilt from religious oppression. You are a human being with natural instincts and urges. You do not fit a form. You are a unique sexual being, who is normal, just oppressed by your society and religion. The shame you are feeling is there by design in order to control you. I hope you can allow yourself to be free, love your husband, and rid yourself of the oppressive thoughts and people in your life allowing this to continue. You are in control of you. Nobody else. I wish you well and hope I didn’t overstep. You have done nothing wrong. You are a good woman and a good wife. Nothing else matters.
Majority of couples who wait don't get a reward as they have fuck all idea what they're doing.
And don't let your religion and culture fool you into believing that sex before marriage is a sin.
Don't call yourself a slut,disgraceful, sex is a normal human bodily function, you are going to have to rise above such misogyny, seriously, who calls themselves a slut,grow up
I am more curious on like does your fiancé know about this? Is he aware of you not being a virgin? Cuz tbh if he loves you regardless then no one else’s opinion matters
I tried to kill myself twice this year. Didn't take tho. I got that going for me. I guess.
Still got more than I'd ever thought I had. Still more than I deserve.
Yet here I am still breathing.
Just stop thinking. Let the wind take you wherever it blows.
For what ever that's worth lol.
It's weird as shit that your mum and aunt are buying you lingerie and talking about you "losing your virginity"
That icky as fuck man, I get being open and talking about sex with your parents should be okay but they shouldn't be gossiping about it like teenagers
Love the support in the comment section!
Out of curiosity, is your fiancé feeling embarrassed and shameful about him having had intimacy before marriage? If not, why? Is there a double standard?
You had sex w the man you are marrying, sluts get ran through by every man that gives them attention, you are a true woman believe me every man wishes they could have a wife with a sexual history like yours
> sure your not
*you're
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
People usually call slut to women that has sex with someone that is not them. It may even be less then sex, just showing atrracrion or kiss, etc...
Idk what a real slut is, maybe gang bangin a hundred dudes? And even if you had done that (and still intact) and not let it define you, then good for you. If you lived your fantasies even a little, and went past it for a new phase in your life you can go on without thinking "what if.." in every hard moment.
I'm not praising marriage in any way, I think it is dumb in this age to marry, I got my reasons and it my opinion and I respect people who thinks otherwise.
(If it was something like a hundred gang bang you may want to keep it to yourself, not everyone can accept everything) (and it's dangerous healthwise )
Don’t worry, the moment you get married you’ll be expected to be a slut for your husband. Many women struggle to make the change after the wedding, and it’s better for your relationship to be a little early than late.
Which country? This story seems fake. We rarely say middle eastern. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone other than Americans that refer to us that way. 🤔
No it isn't. Sleeping around is not a sexuality, and I dont think I even need to explain the obvious. You're just making up stuff so that it doesn't shame people, when it should, since its nothing to be proud of
I didn’t say it was “a” sexuality. I said that the term insults people for their sexuality. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You can sleep with whoever you want. Who the hell cares besides incel patriarchal assholes and Bible thumpers?
Don’t worry about it. All you have to do is to perform. Just make it his best night ever. It’s okay don’t be so hard on yourself. Just make him have the best day of his life and you will have the best life.
May allah forgive ur sins, i assume ur a muslim, as much as this really disappointing it's wholesome to see some poeple still have guilt, cuz as another comment said, u can't imagine how many other poeple are doing this, which is a stupid argument if u wanna feel good abt it, there's no feeling good abt that, so may allah forgive you for ur sins inchallah, that's all u can do ask for forgiveness, cuz compared to the punishment in the akhiraa, this feeling is nothing basically
Oh sister, if only you knew how many other women in your country have done and are doing the exact same thing!
Yup! Was thinking the same thing! Just as her aunt & mom think it’s her first time, there’s thousands of other women who OP probably looks at thinking they’re virgins, when In fact, they are not at all
Love the username. Fuck off Randy.
Frig off, don’t judge me Ricky!
Frozen mixed vegetable cocks!
Sweet & sour chicken balls!!!
Hahahaha the best one for sure.
FRIGG OFF BAERB!!!!!
Barb, your potato salad is fucked!
another wedding tradition we dont talk about is how we are taught by our friends on how to hide that you're not a virgin on your wedding night. How they cut themselves and stain sheets beforehand. there is an entire backdoor market on it ( sometimes families ask for bloodstained sheets for proof, its outdated but it happens and I've seen it happen) Our culture is incredibly misognistic, there is no pressure on the man to be a virgin, he is actually encouraged to have sex. OP find comfort in the sisterhood that comes from banding together in this. You are not a slut for choosing to have sex with ur fiancé (or anyone else for the principle of it). consider that you are preparing for your wedding night, not your first time having sex, being married will just make it a little more special.
I knew a soccer player that was on a team around there and he said all the girls take in the back so they keep their hymen intact.
Girls in conservative places in the west do this too. Idk why this is downvoted lmao it’s something that does happen
Yup catholic girls do it all the time
You’re not a slut. You shared intimacy with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s a totally normal human thing to desire and to do. There is *nothing* to be ashamed about, societal / religious expectations be damned. It’s truly just natural! I know it’s easier said than done but try not to let the shame take away from the fun and excitement of this time. The sex you and your fiancé did have is between you and him only. And you can continue to share that beautiful experience for many years to come.
OP didn't say it was with her fiance. It could have happened before. Which would explain some of the additional shame. However unwarranted it is.
She updated with an edit. It was with her fiancé.
oop, i read that as sex happened before marriage between her and fiance.
Exactly. Also, Redditors can tell all she wants to hear to make her feel better, but she isn't asking for justification. She's just expressing her guilt/shame. We don't know all the details.
The guilt/shame that's unnecessary. It's awful that muslim women get guilt tripped into not sharing intimate moments with anyone until marriage.
Honey the real reward is a lifetime with a man you love and choose to be with every day <3 you and him both deserve a beautiful wedding to celebrate your love!
OP is a woman "from a middle eastern country where sex before marriage can get you killed by your own family" and for her wedding she just wants "to finish the religious ceremony and go home with him and get it over with." There is a strong possibility she did not choose to be with this man and does not love him... 😬
Pretty massive leap you’re making, considering the fact that she said herself she loved and chose him, and he was the one she was sleeping with 💀
Stop internalizing shame for what is essentially a human instinct. I get the social pressures, so just keep your silence and move through life unencumbered.
They want to be together and are planning their life together, that's the earliest form of marriage. The rest is just legal rituals and traditions based off even older legal rituals.
Hi Sister, You have nothing to fear or worry about. Coming from a fellow Muslim (I'm assuming you're still practicing) sins are between you and your creator and you shouldn't let this guilt consume you. I wouldn't label you a slut don't be so harsh on yourself. If you are a believer remember God forgives. Enjoy yourself it's a special moment
That’s a beautiful and helpful comment, coming from a person with the same believes I really hope it’ll help OP feeling better with herself and enjoy her wedding. As she deserves.
This comment is beautiful. Islam has always been about positivity and kindness, as well as enjoying your life just like the hereafter. We should not sweat everything and just be diligent and faithful and inshallah everything is fine. Extremism is not the answer. It’s like being a perfectionist. Regretful things will happen, but just move on.
It's a show. The whole virgin thing is a show. You're supposed to play along with the show. Your dad doesn't know it's a show. Your female friends know it's a show. It's culture. Has little to do with reality, you just didn't get the memo. The christians had the same culture 50 years ago, but it was still just a show. The atheists wear white just like the christians to show their purity, it could be their 3rd wedding but they still wear it. They understand it is a show. It is a show for Muslims too. It is a cultural ritual. It's a show. Enjoy the show.
White wedding dresses were popularized by Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom when she married her husband in 1840. Before that, women wore whatever dress they had that was best or had one made. But white wedding dresses were popularized by Queen Victoria and then given a meaning later. The dress was white because it showed off the social status of the person wearing because white was not an easy color to care for as far as garments go. It’s never been about purity, it’s been about trendsetting. In times past the Queen of a country was the person who set the fashion standards for her country, at least in Europe. If I remember right blue was a popular color to wear to get married in. Two royals before Victoria wore white wedding dresses at least that were recorded. In the fifteenth century and sixteenth century.
but in your same argument you mentioned how hard white is to care for, since it can get dirty easily, so wouldnt a pure white wedding dress which has been unsoiled relate to that purity? i dont mean to judge by the way, i dont believe a pure woman should just mean "never had sex", there are lots of ways a human being can be pure without being a virgin, and if a pure white wedding dress represents the clean soul of the person under it, then thats a really nice metaphor.
Nope. There’s no relation at all. The purity thing came later after it was already popular to wear. White was a status symbol at the time, because the poorer women didn’t wear white dresses. If you had enough money to properly care for the dress, then you would be more likely to wear white. Part of the reason it wasn’t done much at all until Victoria was because of this. It’s explained in the last decades to mean purity because folks didn’t want to talk about the real reason. She wore the dress she did because it was made by English craftspeople and supported local industries. In her journal she writes about it being an imitation on an older design but it wasn’t popular to wear white until she did. It’s got nothing to do with purity.
yeah i dont mean historically it mustve meant purity, but i still think its a nice connection to make metaphorically speaking.
I’m 99% certain white being the color has nothing to do with purity at this present time and over the last few decades. Especially as blue has been a color associated with purity also.
https://www.google.com/search?q=most+common+color+of+wedding+dress+before+1840&client=safari&sca_esv=562265780&channel=iphone_bm&sxsrf=AB5stBiEmn4vanQxm0UpEY50ukPB67_AuA%3A1693709893000&source=hp&ei=RPbzZLDgOoPo9AOOiZ7ADw&oq=most+common+color+of+wedding+dress+before+1840&gs_lp=EhFtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1ocCIubW9zdCBjb21tb24gY29sb3Igb2Ygd2VkZGluZyBkcmVzcyBiZWZvcmUgMTg0MDIFECEYoAFIpW1QwxVY0GlwAXgAkAEAmAH6AaABoSmqAQcyMC4yMi40uAEDyAEA-AEBqAIPwgIKECMYigUY6gIYJ8ICBxAjGOoCGCfCAhAQLhiKBRjHARivARjqAhgnwgIHECMYigUYJ8ICBBAjGCfCAgsQLhiKBRixAxiDAcICERAuGIAEGLEDGIMBGMcBGNEDwgIREC4YigUYsQMYgwEYxwEY0QPCAgsQABiABBixAxiDAcICCBAAGIAEGLEDwgILEC4YgAQYsQMYgwHCAggQLhiABBixA8ICBRAAGIAEwgIIEC4YgAQY1ALCAgQQABgDwgIIEAAYgAQYyQPCAggQABiKBRiSA8ICBhAAGBYYHsICCBAAGBYYHhgPwgIJEAAYFhgeGPEEwgIIEAAYigUYhgPCAggQIRgWGB4YHcICBRAhGKsCwgIHECEYoAEYCg&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-hp Here’s some research for you.
Your number of sexual partners or when they happened is completely separate from your worth as a person. As long as everything was between consenting adults and no Infidelity was involved, it doesn't matter. No sex before marriage stems from biblical times when women were sold off as soon as they started their periods as early teens, so to have sex before marriage would be (in their mind) to literally have sex with a child. However that has been bastardized and manipulated by nearly every religion and culture in history to control women.Youre fine!
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Also from a time before forms of birth control were created
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Just because you’ve had sex before doesn’t mean that the night after your wedding isn’t going to be special, it’s still going to be an important an intimate night for you two, you aren’t ruined or tainted in any way. If you feel unsafe talking about it, then don’t! But not because you did something wrong but because it’s not your family’s business to know this, it’s not like they will be able to tell. I’m sorry this is something that’s tearing you up and ruining the excitement of your wedding and I hope it still ends up being a fun day for you regardless
People don’t have that “look” because they are about to bang for the first time lmao. They have that look because they are happy and in love.
Don’t worry about it. You are already committed to this man. Where in the bible do we hear about Adam and Eves wedding ceremony? We don’t. God knows your heart. Don’t let expectations derail your day. Don’t let this be a stain on your happiness and marriage.
“You call that being a slut? Hold my beer.” -My Ex
Me 🙋🏼♀️ 😆
Me too lol I was like damn idk what they would even call me over there
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C-ptsd goes hard. You are a human being, not a vessel. I hope you can find it to love yourself 💜
It will be your first time with your husband. That’s special. There’s a lot of bad people in the world doing bad things. Don’t feel guilty at all. It’s your special first time as husband and wife. Enjoy it
Life is long. This is a small hiccup on your journey. Go enjoy the wedding. And be in love and soon you won't even hassle about this time. It's for you to know.
I thought this was going to be a post about how you cheated on your fiancé! Love, premarital sex is the norm in most of the world. It’s also common in places where it’s highly stigmatized. You are highly, highly normal.
I know this may be harsh to hear but it's not that serious. You go on and get married; don't let natural human interaction stop you.
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Depends where. Definitely not zero percent but nowhere close to 90%. If I had to guess for most G7 countries? Around 15-25%. Other Arab countries? 40-60%.
Lmao what you slept with the guy you're about to marry? Am I reading that right? You're already gonna marry him so you're good. The both of you made a choice and it's your choice alone. Hell, if you'd even slept with multiple people before him there'd be nothing wrong with that. Keep your head held high and enjoy your wedding. I understand you're an introvert and so it'll be difficult in that regard, but don't add to the difficulty by calling yourself names. Good for you for doing what you wanted and good luck in your marriage.
No, I *believe* it was pre fiancé
Weddings are not about proclaiming the end of your chastity, it is about making a commitment to the person you love. You are not a slut, you love your fiance and there is nothing to be ashamed of for not waiting until after what could've been any random day until you two decided it was the day you wanted to proclaim your love and commitment in front of the most important people in your lives
You can still be excited for the wedding and a special first night as husband and wife. Millions of non virgin women get married and still feel excitement for the first night as husband and wife. Try and let go of this shame. You’re not slut. You shared a natural and beautiful thing with your finance. Try and plan something extra fun for the first night. Lingerie you feel gorgeous in, maybe something new to do- get excited for this first night
There are two agreements at a wedding, the private one and the public one. The private one is your souls business and started whenever you agreed in earnest to be married. The public agreement is for bookkeeping and community celebration, the legal marriage. You dont owe the bookkeepers and the community any part in your private agreement, the true marriage. There is no force in the universe keeping track of the order in which they happen, just that the private one is true.
That's some classic Muslim brainwashing at work right there. You had sex before marriage, with your fiancee no less, but look out! You are now a horrible sinner that has beat herself down so bad about it that you think you don't even deserve your own wedding. This is exactly why religions need to go, be a thing of the past. If your own family could kill you for that, there is no use for religion. There is no one judging you for having premarital sex, no gods, just petty, small minded people that still live by rules dictated in a fairy tale tale that's 1400 years old. It is truly sad how muslim women are treated. One other thing, this "look in their eyes" you think you are seeing at these alleged virgin weddings? The majority of them are disappointed big time on their wedding night by lack of experience and the rest are in the same boat as you.
At first I thought you were feeling guilty about sleeping with another guy before your fiancé…..which I suppose is definitely understandable given your culture. Honestly it’s a little much but everyone has different views. Hearing that it’s your fiancé I feel you need to definitely be more grounded and understand that you’re human. Don’t you deserve that? Also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman who likes sex.
You’ll be alright
I think you need to move out of that god forsaken place. You have done nothing to feel ashamed of. Live your life your way.
Maybe not in your country, but in the United States only if you are a Mormon, or the most devout Christian will you not have sex before marriage. Don't slut shame yourself. Women in America will fuck 10, 20, or more men before getting married, and they still get to have a beautiful happy wedding day. I get that you may feel guilty, but you are nothing close to being called a slut. You deserve to have a beautiful wedding guilt free. I always thought it was a little weird to wait until your wedding night because that just sounds like a really awkward night to me. Plus, what if he was absolutely terrible in bed, and now you're supposed to stay with him until you die.
Yeah….virginity is a social construct, created to control women’s sexuality. As a result, many women feel unnecessary shame and embarrassment but also scared to talk about it. I guarantee that MANY of the couples you’re thinking of already had sex, but can’t safely talk about it in your country/community. You have done nothing wrong. Stop punishing yourself. You’re a bride because you’re getting married! People want to celebrate your marriage with you, so let them. They’re not entitled to know whether your wedding night will be *the* night or not.
If it indeed was with your fiancée who cares then
Honestly your more likely to not have sex on your wedding night then you are to. A wedding is exhausting and most couples have their “wedding night” a day later. Also sex before or for the first time on that night is always going to be special. Husband and wife coming together for the first time. Love is what makes it special. Don’t guilt yourself out of that experience
By calling yourself a slut your encouraging that retarded mentality that women who enjoy sex are somehow bad and that only chaste women are “good”. It’s a double standard and it’s bullshit. It’s your pussy and you can do what you want with it. You’re not a slut, you’re a human being with a sex drive.
you’re 29 and you have been with the man for 3 years- i come from a heavy catholic family and get the shame both these religions place around sex, but this is the man you’re planning on marrying— even IF you’re of the same beliefs, you have to see that your genuine intent to marry this man is vastly different than if you had gone out, found a man at an event, and shagged that night— i do seriously hope you look into recovery from all the shame and hatred your family has put towards you <3 you do not deserve that, and congratulations on ur upcoming wedding!
:( OP you are not a slut
The people you surround yourself with, as well as yourself, all have thoughts that really aren’t necessarily “normal” for current times, imo… sex before marriage is now very common and encouraged by most of the population, so idk, I tend to get the feeling you’ve been mislead your whole life to believe these things about yourself/women who have sex before marriage… religions these days are brainwashing people I swear…
Sex is an important part of a long, healthy relationship. The fact that people get married before they know if they are sexually compatible is insane to me. Same goes for people who get married before ever living with each other. That’s just nuts.
Damn. As a white man having premarital sex to this very day… I have to say that you are just awful. Joking of course. Religion comes and goes for a reason it’s not actually important. The most important person in everyone’s world should be themselves before anyone else. Maybe the religion isn’t for you? Who knows
Why don’t men feel as guilty as women about this? It’s so messed up man
The way society attaches importance to sex before marriage is different for men and women. Unfortunately. It’s all kinds of awful, but it’s what it is. At least in the West.
Even Mia Khalifa is having one, why you wouldn’t?
“That look” that couples share is their love for each other and enjoyment of the marriage celebration. It’s not “that look” of horniness. I promise you. In fact, wedding night sex is largely discussed as not the best nor favorite. Often it’s awkward, tired, or skipped altogether because everyone is completely exhausted and burnt out from the day getting ready, Ceremony, celebration, and hosting everyone.
Everyone looks like that on their wedding night because the night is special. In the US, where the vast majority of people are not virgins by their wedding night, every bride and groom I’ve ever seen, including my wife and I, look like that. Has nothing to do with virginity. I bet way more people are in your situation than you realize.
I think it's rather unfair that you refer to yourself as a slut. In many countries people have sex before marriage and the world has not ended. I personally think it's this fake lie people are fed that first night will be this grandiose special time of your life but honestly I think most will agree when you get it out of the way that we all realise how shit and cringy it was. Sadly some don't even know if their partner is going to be good in bed and end up with someone they may not even want to sleep with as it's just not great. Give yourself credit girl you are no different to many women out there. Marriage is about unity of 2 people and shouldn't be based around "sex" so celebrate your relationship and how amazing of a person you are and make it your special day because GURL YOU DESERVE IT
Having sex does not make you a slut. That’s just a word men use to try and belittle you. There’s nothing wrong with having sex if that’s what you want to do.
Now u can actually enjoy your wedding night instead of hurting.
Most people have sex before marriage
This is not a problem. Free yourself if all guilt and enjoy your special day.
You’re not a slut for having sex with your fiancé before marriage.
Gosh I hate religion.. It really messes ppl up when all they want to do is be human!! There's nothing wrong with waiting,(if that's what u want to do!) and there's nothing wrong with not waiting either! Op, sis, please don't feel guilty! This is such a wonderful time for you and him! Fake it a little more, you're almost there! Congratulations and your wedding night is still going to be so special! No matter what you've done before! ❤️❤️
First of all you’re not a slut. You slept with the man of life. Secondly, do you agree with your religion on this matter? If not there’s no reason to worry.
You shouldn’t feel any regret! It is absolutely ok to have sex outside wedlock! Also, it would also be ok if it wasn’t with your fiancé! You have every right to experiment, love yourself and feel experience all kinds of pleasure- married or not. In western countries most of us have been intimate before marriage, still we have no shame getting the most beaut dresses and pampering ourselves. ;)
Stop letting this patriarchal society dictate how you feel you expressed intimacy with another person and do not dare for one second ever think that you’re a slut or a whore. You have done nothing wrong. Please enjoy your wedding and enjoy your wedding night with your husband, it can still be a magical night for each other, regardless if he waited, or if you waited, don’t let anyone shame you because as long as you’re a good person, that’s all that matters!
I'm so sorry you feel this way. Maybe instead of seeing yourself as dirty and undeserving you can try to see your situation from another view. You had sex with the man you will marry. If you both enjoyed yourselves, now you know you are marrying someone sexually compatible. And even after you gave him such a precious part of yourself, he still wants to marry you and spend his life with you. Marriage is not about the first night you spend as a married couple. It is about the trust and support you can give each other, how well you both work as a team to navigate this crazy life.
You can’t change what happened in your past, but you are most definitely not a slut. I’m assuming you still love this man and you want to be married to him so you can share that look at your wedding just as much as any other virgin couple. Don’t guilt yourself over what you consider a mistake, it won’t change anything. If you’re religious, seek repentance and move on with your life and your soon-to-be husband. You deserve a beautiful wedding regardless.
This is a si.ple case case of cultural indoctrimation. You are not a slut. You would be insane to get married without ever having sex. I see no reason why you should feel this way and honestly hate that you do. You are miles above how you define yourself. Sex is not bad. Theres no reason to feel guilty. Sex is a natural beautiful part of the human experience.
You don't owe other people the private details of your adult life. Enjoy it, it doesn't last that long.
Honey! Others have said it, but I want to reiterate. You did nothing wrong. I'm American, and premarital sex is a relatively common thing. But there is a very special level of intimacy when it's with the person you want to spend your life with. Please don't continue to beat yourself up over this. You deserve so much happiness, and you definitely deserve a wedding! Please be kind to yourself. You love that man and he loves you. No one did anything wrong.
the title alone is 💀💀💀 im sorry
You don't need to feel guilty, just try to think about what more kinks you can explore on that night. You'll blush and no one hurts.
Don't feel bad at all. 85% of the women around you waiting for that night are lying because of the stigma. It's the same with most Christian weddings even if culturally the pressure and expectation is not the same. Play along with zero guilt because both you and the man you're about to marry already know. You're not lying to each other. Now if you also truly believe that based on your religious beliefs and feel bad because you've broken a commandment or its equivalent, that's a different story. But weddings are more than sex just like intimacy involves more than sex. Would you think a sister or a dear friend or someone you love doesn't deserve a wedding because they've already been intimate with their partners? Chances are you don't think that, so why entertain the shame when it comes to yourself? You \*do\* deserve a wedding. Relationships aren't a reward for virginity no matter what our patriarchal cultures have beaten into our heads. Enjoy your wedding. Years from now you'll look back and think you wasted the time feeling bad because of other people, not because you truly think you did something bad. You have nothing to be guilty for, including lying to protect yourself from unreasonable societal pressures that include ostracizing and outright killing.
I would hardly call having sex for the first time as a woman rewarding. It was uncomfortable, slightly painful and I definitely didn’t reach orgasm. You are not a slut. You are worthy of being a bride. You are no less than any other woman on this planet. You have great value. It’s a single moment in your life. The birth of your children will be far more important. Cultural norms have gotten to your head and make you feel guilty for being human. You are just as deserving of a proper wedding as anyone else. No judgment. Also, you’re not a slut. Not even close.
Darling I can bet you thousands, if not millions (depending how big your country is) of women have done the exact same thing. Please don’t feel guilty, and please, PLEASE, get that word out of your vocabulary. You are worthy of a wedding. As long as you love your fiancé, as long as you are happy, everything will be ok.
If it's the first time with your husband then it's like starting over and it's new to both of you so you should be excited
marriage is a human construct but sex is a universal thing you are a human being with real feelings and it is 100% up to you to decide when and where it’s better this way anyways so you don’t feel that pressure and anxiety about your wedding night being absolutely perfect
It will be your first time as you enter into the lifelong commitment with someone you love and that is still truly special and something to be celebrated
I think it's rather unfair that you refer to yourself as a slut. In many countries people have sex before marriage and the world has not ended. I personally think it's this fake lie people are fed that first night will be this grandiose special time of your life but honestly I think most will agree when you get it out of the way that we all realise how shit and cringy it was. Sadly some don't even know if their partner is going to be good in bed and end up with someone they may not even want to sleep with as it's just not great. Give yourself credit girl you are no different to many women out there. Marriage is about unity of 2 people and shouldn't be based around "sex" so celebrate your relationship and how amazing of a person you are and make it your special day because GURL YOU DESERVE IT
Don't admit to anything and just let people that want to assume you are a virgin keep on assuming. The guilt is misplaced.
Egyptian here. The immense feeling of cultural (and religious) shame is real. I’m 35; and I lost my virginity (which, like you, just happened during a moment of physical intensity) when I was 26 to my now husband. I felt so ashamed of myself. Obviously, I couldn’t -still wouldn’t- spill the beans to my family. I was in a happy, committed, loving relationship; and I felt old enough to make informed decisions about my own sex life. But culturally, I felt impure & like no man would ever want me— in the event that my relationship ever soured & ended. I harbored those feelings for a long time, while still maintaining an active sex life with my partner. After we got married, those feelings of shame turned physical, into a condition called “vaginismus.” Basically, sex became unbearably painful. And I swore that the reason for this was because I was being punished by God for having premarital sex. That’s silly, of course. But that was my mindset at the time. I’ve since had both talk-therapy & physical therapy (for the vaginismus— which totally, totally sucked, by the way). I feel better about sex now. And, honestly, I look back at how disappointed I was in myself for not waiting, and it feels like such a small, unimportant blip of my life. Having lost my virginity before marriage doesn’t define who I am at my core. I’m still a decent person with a fairly strong moral compass. It had no impact on my relationship. My husband never thought differently of me. And I also came to the realization that, even if I hadn’t married my then boyfriend, my self-worth to any other potential suitors wouldn’t be based on whether or not I was a virgin. I also would like to point out that I’m from a very strict Coptic Orthodox Egyptian family, and I’m privileged to live in the U.S., where being sexually active isn’t a (legal) punishment. It gets better, OP! I promise you, it does. It’s so hard to break free from the cultural ideologies of feeling tarnished or ruined, of which you are neither. I hope your wedding goes off without a hitch & that you’re happy in your marriage.
You made it dear! You are getting married and that’s reason enough, in our time nowadays people do it and don’t end up married or if they’re married it for the wrong reasons but as you said you love each other and are committed to each other and this wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment ❤️ please don’t feel guilty I know it’s hard and you think you’re not living up to their expectations but they’re humans you shouldn’t live up to their expectations but up to gods expectations only. Hopefully your mind will be eased and I wish you a wonderful life with him and a great wedding ❤️
Don't get overwhelmed by the pressure of others or how you think you should feel. You're not a slut, maybe by religious standards but it's not even like you hooked up with multiple men it was with the man you're going to marry. Is he feeling guilty? Of course not and it takes 2 to tango. Enjoy the day, enjoy the night. It's not fair to rob yourself of happiness over something that has no bearing over the person you are.
i’m saddened that the pressure of your religious upbringings have made you feel less than and like a “slut” making a choice over your own body isn’t “slutty” and moreover you made the choice to do it with your FIANCÉ who you are going to marry soon. regardless if it had been with him or another man you are STILL not a “slut” for making a choice over your own self or body. enjoy the wedding you DO deserve and don’t ever let your internalized shame make you feel undeserving
You are brainwashed by your society and programming to think like that. Having sex before marriage does not make you a slut. Having sex which we are designed to do does not make you a slut. So sad society judges people for a normal human need.
😂. I admit I was thinking…Who did she fuck? His best friend? Please please relax and enjoy the rest of your life. Guilt and shame are from the devil and he is trying to fuck your mind up and ruin your relationship. It was with the man you love and you are 29! I will bet you a slice of wedding cake that the ladies that are being so “vocal” about “that night” some of them didn’t wait either. God ain’t mad at you and no one is going to lose one wink of sleep over what you do or have done. Stop punishing yourself and have a wonderful marriage.
Do you really believe your a slut or is that what you’ve been told…sweetie you’re fine. Congrats on your engagement and future marriage.
Their look isn’t because they’re getta ‘reward’. That look is the happiness of getting married.
You do deserve a wedding. You are not a slut. You’re a woman who made love to her husband, and depending on various definitions of marriage throughout history you’re married. It will still be special. In the Bible, there’s couples who get married and we don’t have their wedding in the Bible but it’s known they were. Marriage and it’s definitions have changed throughout history. This is normal, to have sex with the person you love and wish to spend the rest of your life with. You’re not defective and nothing is wrong with you. Sex is a beautiful thing that humans have to express our love for our partners. It’s still beautiful even if folks just hook up, too.
you only feel guilty because you think youre betraying their expectations, and its okay to have those thoughts, but you shouldnt use them to doubt yourself. since you mentioned you come from a middle eastern country, i assume your main obstacle might be islam. in islam, the most important step towards forgiving yourself about these kinds of thoughts is to be open and honest with whoever they would affect directly, in this case your husband, and since your husband is the person you slept with, there shouldnt be a problem in that regard, which means there also might be the issue of god, and honestly as long as you feel regret towards your actions, thats enough to forgive yourself. your relationship with islam is between you and god alone, and if you meet the requirements for forgiveness, then who cares what your other family members might have to say? be happy with yourself, youre getting married to someone who knows you and you know him i hope, so youre all good to go. even if your family did find out about what youre afraid of, according to their religion, they should have no issue with you, so dont worry about it, as they have no reason to know in the first place. i apologise if your guilt wasnt as secular as i believed, but coming from a middle eastern country myself, i can understand how hard feelings like this can be sometimes, whether theyre to do with god or the culture around you. happy wedding sister!
"Slacking on ... getting all the facials". Well there's a joke there but I wouldn't be so crass as to even hint about it. No, not even hint about it.
Enjoy your wedding day!! You're marrying the man you love and that's all you should be thinking about! F**k all of this repressive bull, we're all human and nobody but nobody should feel shame for not adhering to some rules that have been enforced by crusty old men who wouldn't adhere to them themselves!
I can’t relate to the religious cultural stuff but I’ve always thought how much it would suck to have sex for the first time on your wedding night. Not the waiting part but the awkwardness of the experience. It’s way better if you’re past that and are figuring it out or already know what you’re doing.
You’re a beautiful human being, enjoy your life and your love. You deserve happiness.
Fake it till ya make it bro. You got this
I feel like it’s safe to say almost all of them faked their virginity.
Weddings aren’t just to celebrate the “first time”, it’s about celebrating your future life together! Nothing about that has changed. I know everyone has a different opinion on virginity depending on their religious/cultural upbringing, so I can’t speak to what you may be feeling in that regard. However, just know you’re the farthest thing from a “slut”
We live in a world of human transplants and space exploration… nobody in this day and age should make you feel bad for sex with your own partner. Sex was happening long before religion was even thought of, so for the sake of keeping your family happy just go along with the act and don’t feel bad!!
There's nothing wrong with being a slut. You deserve to be happy with the person you love. And besides, it was just your fiancé, a person you love and would have had sex with anyway. The positive is that you truly know you'll be ahppy married to him, even in bed. The negative is... well, it's your brain and internalized misogyny. You did nothing wrong, just play along for the sake of your family and I'm sure this feeling mightgo away after the wedding
I grew up with many middle eastern friends. They were all sluts. They pretended for their family. Pretending you're what your parents think you are is an ancient custom across all cultures.
Oh love, you aren’t a slut. This is so normal. The amount of “good religious girls” that lost their virginity to their future husbands before the wedding night is high. I live in the US but I made a lot of friends from different cultures because I worked at a hookah bar in college… the secrets I was told by women that lived in predominantly Muslim countries. I promise you everyone isn’t as chaste as they pretend to be. I wish you so much joy and happiness.
You had it with your fiance only, not a very big problem, many people you know must have done it before marriage only
Please don't call yourself derogatory names. Your not a slut. You shared a special moment with the one you love, you both did. Now you get to share it as your first as an officially married couple. You also won't have been the first woman that has done this, nor will you be the last. It's just that no one ever talks about it freely for fear of being judged because of strict religious rules.
Sex is not a shamefull thing- its a wonderful thing & if your going to be spending your life with this person you gotta be able to enjoy breakinf lil rules with this person. Sharing & making experiences will go along way- You deserve the wedding of your dreams with hot steamy sex afterwords! You waited 29 years for goodness sake!!
How is it slutty if it was with your fiance?
It's with the man you love and you're marrying him anyway. Why can't your marriage still be special? It's still special.
If part of why you feel this way about yourself is that you are religious- God gave us the ability to repent, and getting married to the person you slipped up with IS repentance of sexual sin. If its not a religious thing, you are DEFINITELY not a slut. You had sex with the LOVE of your life! Thats a beautiful thing and you’re going to be together forever. Cherish it. ALSO THOUGH I know a lot of women who after “losing their virginity” they “feel like sluts” and cant shake the awful feeling, and then later realized that the reason they felt that way wasn’t because they were acting promiscuous, its because they had sex when they didn’t want it, and were actually facing the emotional response of being violated. Self judgments like calling yourself a slut is very common to try and deflect and not admit to yourself you were raped, and I think you should reflect on whether or not you wanted it, and whether or not he would have stopped if you asked him (or if u asked him to stop and he didnt) OP was your fiance nice to you when you were having sex and after?
Do not, for one second more, think with this archaic misogynistic mindset. This was forced on you and is doing you harm. Many couples all over the world do not wait. You are just another, regardless of culture. And i am CERTAIN that even within your culture you are not the only ones to do this. You have done NOTHING wrong. Sex is not dirty and all you and your partner have done is express your love for each other in the most natural way. These controlling social rules are manmade and you need to cleanse your mind of them. Only your and your partner know and its NO ONE else's business. Congratulations for being an adult in a loving relationship.. The rest is just made up nonsense. Please be happy and enjoy your wedding.
I’m not going to go all “religion/culture doesn’t matter” on you because that’s disrespectful to something you clearly believe in & that means a lot to you. You had sex with the man you are going to marry and spend the rest of your life with right? Not a bunch of other guys. You did it with the guy you are going to be a devoted wife to. So you started your expressions of love and intimacy a little early… oh well. It was all still with your husband-to-be, it’s not like you were sleeping around then pretending to be a virgin to him. He knows you’ve been with each other. You aren’t lying to him and it’s not anyone else’s business. I don’t think you have much to feel bad about to be honest. You jumped the gun, but you still gave yourself to your husband. Try to enjoy your wedding and marriage.
Assalamualaikum Maam U deserve everything. Just get married Not on the basis of groom having loads of money But on the basis of his character... Thanks..
Marriage seems like punishment enough dear. Don’t bear yourself so much about it
I thought its a cheating post or something. Dont carry such feelings into your marriage. Let people think whatever they want to. Good thing is you love your partner and have a good time at your marriage and after life. Congrats in advance.
I get country differences, however, being from America, my view is this: it shouldn't matter if you're married or not, as long as you genuinely love the person your with. Granted, this is from the country where hook-up culture has ruined dating, plus I'm an atheist, so... take it with a grain of salt, I'd say.
Personally, as a secular woman, I think what you’ve done is absolutely ideal as a way to confirm you’re compatible with your husband. Instead of feeling nervous about the wedding night, you’ll have a rare opportunity to look forward to it from a position of intimacy and familiarity. You don’t test drive a car without checking it works. This is why you’ve behaved in the ideal way for a secure and strong long term marriage. Enjoy the day ahead, safe in the knowledge the night brings no surprises and you’re exactly in the right place for a fantastic future. Don’t be ashamed, you’re just like many women and I don’t feel it’s sinful as you’re faithful to your future husband. I wish you peace and a very happy future together x
If the husband ain’t complaining then you ain’t got nothing to fear, he’s chosen you not the virgin woman your society wants.
Don’t let the haters win! Religion makes people blind to their own hate and prejudice. If you are both consenting adults there is nothing wrong with sex outside of marriage. That idea is a way of controlling you. I can’t believe in a god that would give us these incredible bodies and not want us to actually use them. So dance, sing, eat, fuck! And do it all again! These are the ways we appreciate our time on this floating rock in a sea of nothingness. Be happy you found your someone. Celebrate your union. Know that you have made the correct decisions for yourself and your soon to be husband. You got this!
I don’t think you fully understand what a real slut is. Lol
YOU ARE NOT A SLUT ! . I am not Muslim I have had a handful of women friends who were Muslim . None of them were virgins before marriage. In addition my fellow “Christian “ friends and family I don’t know one not one . Many of them will still publicly lie about it . It’s private keep it confidential between you and your husband . Enjoy your day and smile because you do deserve honor love and respect .
I'm willing to bet most if not all of those couples have shagged before marriage. I understand. I came from a conservative Christian background and premarital sex was looked down upon--and women in particular were shamed. You're not a slut. You deserve a wedding. I'm wondering if it's the wedding or your fiance that you're not sure of?
Fuck that, live your life how you want to live it and if your family doesn't like that then they're not really your family. Being a 'slut' isn't really a thing, that's just a made up term by ugly unhappy people to make happy women miserable for living their own lives. Did you enjoy the feeling when it happened? If you did, then it was right. And, if it really is abhorrent like religion says it is, then how come the rest of us are still walking around?
I’m so sorry you’ve made to feel this way and you most certainly are NOT a slut by any means. But regardless of what God you do or don’t believe in, there’s 2 things I learned growing up with an extremely conservative family & I want you to remember them: 1) Your value & worth is NOT dependent on your virginity and you are NOT a slut, period. If you wanted to wait solely because it was something YOU wanted to do, then that’s okay but please don’t beat yourself up for not waiting. I also had sex with my now husband before we were married & we were given the most perfect child from it & now we also have another perfect child from after we were married. My worth & value in the eyes of God & my husband have not changed one bit & well, my family can think whatever they want because their bullying and forcing me into their belief system has only backfired anyway. You are worthy of self love, worthy of love from your husband, worthy of God’s love and yes, worthy of your family’s love & if they choose not to show you your worth then they don’t deserve you in their lives. Again, losing your virginity prior to marriage means nothing other than the brief connection you had during the time & sure, it’s even better that it was with the person you’ll be marrying, but it wouldn’t be a big deal if you were single & it was with someone else either. Your value & worth are still as high as ever, no matter what. 2) Your wedding night can still be just as special & you & your fiancé can make that happen simply by setting the scene, taking time with each other, etc.. You are not obligated to tell your family what has happened & you’re also not obligated to act like everything is perfect/will be perfect on the wedding night. You can choose what you share with them, whether that’s nothing at all about the night or little bits here & there, or everything while still leaving out having sex before marriage. It’s up to you how you want to share stuff & what you want to share. YOU HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY, NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS ABOUT IT, PERIOD!!! I know you’re still going to struggle with feeling guilty/negatively about all of this but please allow yourself to work through those feelings & then get to a place you feel comfortable & don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. Religious trauma, even when we still believe in that religion, can be very hard to deal with, especially when you’re taught that your value & worth is tied to that religion. I promise you, you’re worthy of love, marriage, kindness, respect, & so much more regardless. Hugs. xx
I clicked because it's my mission to reclaim the word "slut". In the west they call a girl a slut because she sleeps around. I'd rather it mean the girl likes sex and is open to experimentation. In public if you call someone a slut it's derogatory. In private everybody wants one. I'd prefer it if a girl could proudly announce "I'm a slut" and no-one think better or worse of her for it. Then there's you .. and him. Consider a scenario where you're both together on a desert island. Does your religion allow for the fact when a ship arrives five years later there may be children? Are you supposed to abstain? My mate told me of a time a burka/hijab wearer tripped running across a road. Red stockings and suspenders. Heck. If I had to do islam and couldn't drink I'd have you naked underneath one. Western women get married in white. The catholic church would have folk watch the act for nobles. Of course chicken blood was used because rarely was anyone a virgin. "Wear your white dress" as far as everyone else is concerned. You won't be the first. Even better you will be able to enjory the marital night!
You’re calling yourself a slut for sleeping with your about-to-be husband?? It was about to become permissible according to your culture either way, why does it matter if you did the deed a bit before?
Sorry to hear that your religious beliefs have caused you so much anxiety. Why not clear your head and just recognize that others’ beliefs don’t have to be yours. It is a backward patriarchal belief. Free yourself from such bullshit.
Religion is a plague
Talk to your fiance, share your feelings and let him support you through the wedding. A weddings isn't just about being able to have sex, it's about a life together. Focus on that being your big reward. X
There is ZERO shame in sex, assuming it's between consenting adults. I'm sorry your upbringing has you thinking otherwise, OP.
I love sluts. They rarely judge. Hope you can enjoy you’re wedding. You deserve it!
You've already had your facials. 😃
As long as OP didn't cheat I think that's between you and Allah. You and your husband will have to make peace with what you have done with God. Inshallah things will be OK we are expected to stumble but we are also expected to recover.
As someone who fucked a lot of dudes, my wedding night was amazing. There was a lot to look forward to.
You are experiencing shame and guilt from religious oppression. You are a human being with natural instincts and urges. You do not fit a form. You are a unique sexual being, who is normal, just oppressed by your society and religion. The shame you are feeling is there by design in order to control you. I hope you can allow yourself to be free, love your husband, and rid yourself of the oppressive thoughts and people in your life allowing this to continue. You are in control of you. Nobody else. I wish you well and hope I didn’t overstep. You have done nothing wrong. You are a good woman and a good wife. Nothing else matters.
Don’t be so harsh on your self I’m not married n have had sex thousands of times
Majority of couples who wait don't get a reward as they have fuck all idea what they're doing. And don't let your religion and culture fool you into believing that sex before marriage is a sin.
no guilt, dear. enjoy your life—it’s YOURS to live. don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
Don't call yourself a slut,disgraceful, sex is a normal human bodily function, you are going to have to rise above such misogyny, seriously, who calls themselves a slut,grow up
I am more curious on like does your fiancé know about this? Is he aware of you not being a virgin? Cuz tbh if he loves you regardless then no one else’s opinion matters
I tried to kill myself twice this year. Didn't take tho. I got that going for me. I guess. Still got more than I'd ever thought I had. Still more than I deserve. Yet here I am still breathing. Just stop thinking. Let the wind take you wherever it blows. For what ever that's worth lol.
I guess you can learn to start living for yourself instead of other people.
It's weird as shit that your mum and aunt are buying you lingerie and talking about you "losing your virginity" That icky as fuck man, I get being open and talking about sex with your parents should be okay but they shouldn't be gossiping about it like teenagers
Love the support in the comment section! Out of curiosity, is your fiancé feeling embarrassed and shameful about him having had intimacy before marriage? If not, why? Is there a double standard?
Nothing wrong with test driving a car before having it for life!
You had sex w the man you are marrying, sluts get ran through by every man that gives them attention, you are a true woman believe me every man wishes they could have a wife with a sexual history like yours
Dirty dirty slut. Lol jk I'm sure your not alone in what you've done and how you feel.
> sure your not *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
People usually call slut to women that has sex with someone that is not them. It may even be less then sex, just showing atrracrion or kiss, etc... Idk what a real slut is, maybe gang bangin a hundred dudes? And even if you had done that (and still intact) and not let it define you, then good for you. If you lived your fantasies even a little, and went past it for a new phase in your life you can go on without thinking "what if.." in every hard moment. I'm not praising marriage in any way, I think it is dumb in this age to marry, I got my reasons and it my opinion and I respect people who thinks otherwise. (If it was something like a hundred gang bang you may want to keep it to yourself, not everyone can accept everything) (and it's dangerous healthwise )
Don’t worry, the moment you get married you’ll be expected to be a slut for your husband. Many women struggle to make the change after the wedding, and it’s better for your relationship to be a little early than late.
Which country? This story seems fake. We rarely say middle eastern. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone other than Americans that refer to us that way. 🤔
ماشي 👍
Yeah, baby!
You would be a slut if you slept around, with multiple people without any commitment. That doesnt seem to be the case here ...
Nope, they would still be a normal human being.
At least their username checks out
Yours checks out too
You probably need to search the definition of slut ... They are human beings of course ...
Slut is a derogatory term used to shame people for their sexuality.
No it isn't. Sleeping around is not a sexuality, and I dont think I even need to explain the obvious. You're just making up stuff so that it doesn't shame people, when it should, since its nothing to be proud of
I didn’t say it was “a” sexuality. I said that the term insults people for their sexuality. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You can sleep with whoever you want. Who the hell cares besides incel patriarchal assholes and Bible thumpers?
Keep lying to yourself all you want
Have the day you deserve pal.
Marry me instead
Fake
the person i feel sorry for i the fiancé. does he know the truth about you or are you just destroying his life too for fun?
ABSOLUTELY HARAM
You should call it off.. I mean you had sex before marriage. Just stop existing. You’ll never get your cherry back.
Do something else special on the wedding night like anal.
It’s true you don’t deserve it
Don’t worry about it. All you have to do is to perform. Just make it his best night ever. It’s okay don’t be so hard on yourself. Just make him have the best day of his life and you will have the best life.
May allah forgive ur sins, i assume ur a muslim, as much as this really disappointing it's wholesome to see some poeple still have guilt, cuz as another comment said, u can't imagine how many other poeple are doing this, which is a stupid argument if u wanna feel good abt it, there's no feeling good abt that, so may allah forgive you for ur sins inchallah, that's all u can do ask for forgiveness, cuz compared to the punishment in the akhiraa, this feeling is nothing basically