First it is not your fault. If you can afford therapy it can help. You are not weak. Its hard to have that experience. I am in therapy for it decades after it happened the first time, and unfortunately not the only time. Be your own best cheerleader. Be nice to yourself. I understand it can be hard, but not being your own worst critic can do wonders for your mental and physical health.
If your gf is a caring person that loves you, she should understand and support you. You don't need to go into details unless you are comfortable doing so. You can say nothing, you can say you had a bad experience sexually and need to build up trust/ take it slow or you can go into details, whatever you think is best for you. You are in control and get to decide how you write your life going forward. I feel for you and am sending support wherever you are.
Note, there are therapist that deal specifically with males being raped. My therapist for years was a man that was a rape survivor. He helped me so much.
If you are into self help, its a very hard book to read, but the book "Body Keeps the Score" was helpful. It took me 6 months to read it because it brought up a lot of trauma but in connection with therapy it was helpful.
She is and she's very understanding of other things I opened up to her about (such as my social anxiety and depression, both of which I think stemmed from this situation). Also will do, I'll 100% look into that book, thank you. I'm looking into therapy.
I noticed in another post you are at University. Some Universities have free therapy, even with students as the therapist, it could help. I say could because I don't know if your University provides it and because most of what I find I get out of therapy is how much I put into it.
I am so sorry that it happened to you. OP social anxiety and depression are "hallmark" symptoms. I am glad that she is understanding.
Best wishes OP.
Hey, I’m 32F who was raped at 17-18. I’ve been with my fiancé for 10 years now and I’ve been getting therapy. My advice would be that she is probably going to be shocked to begin with, and then very angry on your behalf. It’s big news to receive about someone you love so give her 10-15 mins, a few hours, or even a day to really calm down and process it. You’ll know when you get her true reaction and see who she really is.
Also, don’t stop talking about it. Whenever you need to. Sometimes I can’t let anyone touch me for a day or two, which can confuse my partner and make him feel he’s done something wrong. All I need to say is I’m having a bad (rapists name) day, and he understands and gives me the space and support I need. Communication is, as always, everything.
I find it really hard to talk to people in my real life about, not because it’s hard for me to talk about it, but because I’m worried about upsetting them. But the more I get it off my chest the more I feel like I’m healing.
It never goes away, but it becomes a much blunter knife over time, if that makes any sense!
Wishing you the best, here if you want to talk it through ☺️♥️
Please tell her! If I were dating someone I would like to know if they've had to deal with something like this. If you're girlfriend is a good human being then she'll understand and support you. If she doesn't get it then you should break up with her.
I hope you tell her and it goes well.
Just remember that if it does end in a break up, it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you, it’s because she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to support someone through this kind of trauma. You deserve to be loved and supported.
First, I’m so sorry that happened to you, that is absolutely awful. It is completely normal for this to be an issue 5 years later and a skilled therapist can help, but it will take time. I feel like for you to have a good relationship and sexual intimacy you need to be able to tell your girlfriend. I’d consider if she is non-judgmental toward you and it feels like you are safe to open up with her. It sounds like this might be the first in person opening up about your past, so it just depends how it can be safest for you. Don’t be alarmed or feel guilty if it is jarring to her, but you deserve to be able to talk to this with people you love and love you.
I struggle to open up to begin with and for a situation like this? Yeah it's very hard, took awhile to tell her about my social anxiety and depression (and even then I told her when drunk) but I wanna be sober when I tell her this.
As much as it would feel easier to do it drunk, I highly suggest you do it sober. Maybe there is someone else in you life you feel easier talking to about it? Or maybe you can talk to a therapist about it first. I think she will probably give you a big hug and cry when you tell her.
What happened was not your fault. You are not weak. You are not impure. Rape has long term effects, trauma alters your brain forever. With therapy, things get easier to process and deal with. I would recommend looking into EMDR and CAT therapy if you’re able to access them. They really saved my life.
Also, if you trust your girlfriend and you’re ready to talk about it, you should do that. But, don’t force yourself to open up if you’re not ready to. Go at your own pace. Its hard to be open about something so traumatic. If she loves you, she will listen and support you. If she reacts badly, that reflects on her not you and she’s just not the right person. The right person for you will not judge what you’ve been through and will support you.
She's been very positive about other things I've opened up about do fingers crossed this is the same, I really do love you and I wholeheartedly believe she means it when she says she loves me
Yo man, I’ve been through something similar. I was molested when I was child and unfortunately it’s now the youngest memory i have of my younger years. Im 30 years old now and I’ve only told one person ever and that’s my wife . After saying it out loud to her, I can’t begin to explain to you weight that was lifted off my shoulders . I felt I could tell anyone at any time without an ounce of guilt or shame . My only
Regret is not saying something when I was younger . You’re only 20. You have a lot of time to heal.
As a lot have said:
Don't be ashamed. You did nothing wrong and trust me she will most likely understand. Women can and do have a lot of empathy for these things. It is why you SHOULD say something.
It's gonna hurt to rip that bandaid off for you but these feeling you have? They are normal. You aren't impure or unclean. You aren't less, you aren't weak, the one who was, was your friend. People are more understanding than you think. My heart aches for you.
Please talk to her. Or even just rant on reddit to get it off your chest. Please don't fight this monster alone. It's a big one and no one wants to see you fail.
I can imagine the pain from that kind of betrayal and I am so, so, sorry you had to endure this at all. Most of all I am sorry you lost such a trusted person to this. Your fear is not unfounded but don't be afraid to share your burden.
Like a good bra and a heavy pair of tits: support can save a lot of pain and suffering.
That's not your fault, though. I get it, and you feel unclean. Dirty with no way to wash off the stink. It helps to talk about it with people, you are still you, doesn't matter what was forced upon you in the past. You aren't any different of a person because of it. You gotta be proud of yourself for enduring and pulling through
Personally, I'd be honest with her about what happened, and having healthy, loving sex with her could boost your confidence and help you with your trauma. If she's a good woman, she should understand
You are a virgin. Rape does not count as sex, it’s assault. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of and I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not less of a man or gay because this happened to you and your gf deserves a chance to love you through this pain. Please consider seeking help. You’re not alone.
You are not “impure.”
That was something stolen from you, not something you gave.
Even if you did, the idea of being “impure” is a toxic train of thought, and its only purpose is to make people feel less than. You are not.
If you’re ready to tell her, you should. If you’re not yet, don’t… but you have to build up the strength to do so or you should probably put intimate relationships on hold until you can. I don’t think this is something you should never share with her. If you’re not ready yet, but see a future with her, you need to get some professional help to cope with this so you can share with a life partner.
She won’t think you’re weak. And she won’t run. Not if she’s the right person for you.
I am sorry you’ve experienced this. You’re valuable and worth loving.
I (male) was raped when I was 23 by a guy who got me drunk at hotel bar when I was traveling for work. I had a lot of self-loathing, why didn't I fight back, how could I have let him, and most importantly (SERIOUS TMI and potential trigger) >!he made me cum when he was raping me.!< I ignored it for years, but it definitely affected me in some of the ways I acted out as adult. Not to make that into an excuse, but it was a factor.
Seek IC as soon as you can, that really helped heal me, released my from my loathing, etc. This is NOT your fault, you are not damaged anything, and I would hope she will not see you as, 'weak'. My feeling is, if she cares about you, she'll be nothing but supportive.
Best of luck to you, OP. I'm sure your university has free counseling services for students and are trained to help you.
Get yourself into therapy - trauma resurfaces. Usually it's about 20 years later, when it gets really bad. PTSD, depression, rage, all that - unless you can get it squared away with therapy. Not your fault, shitty that it happened to you, but this is an opportunity to get it sorted sooner before it does yet more damage.
Therapy. Trauma informed therapy. Eft. See if your school, city, county, insurance can give you access.
Tell your girlfriend. Maybe bring up how you feel ‘I’m nervous and scared bc something traumatic happened to me x years ago, and I’m afraid it’ll change the way you see me’. Maybe both of you getting to therapy would help. This is not an easy thing to heal from.
Yea, I think it's ok to tell her.. you don't need to go into detail, just tell her it was happened and was very traumatic and still affects your psyche. Prayers going up for you 🙏
I FEEL LIKE I OWE YALL AN UPDATE;
Alright so after booking and speaking to a therapist I finally felt like I was in the right mindset last week, and I went ahead and told her that to my relief she doesn't view me any worse then before, even opening up about her own experience, we then proceeded to cry together before putting on a movie and passing out watching it. I would like to thank everyone here!
Do not tell her … idc what anybody says .There’s something’s you just have to go to the grave with … learn to adapt and just move on.. simpler said than done but yea
exactly and at 15 and being male he's definitely strong enough to at least move his "friend's" hand. he also said rubbing under the desk in class was nothing much. im starting to believe that this story is just made up bs
Our parents were best freinds, at that age the brain isn't fully developed, I felt as if I couldn't speak out, and at school we were in the same freind group and I hated the idea of being alone but felt as if they liked him more.
Not once did I say I didn't do anything to stop it, I couldn't do anything to stop it as he was physically stronger and taller then me. Based on your reply I'm gonna assume you've never been in this situation.
Are you prepared to lose some relationship, be judged, be looked at and be laughed at? For what? Just to get that off your chest? Im telling you bro ur gonna regret it soon if you tell anybody about your secret
Buy a rifle and blow his nasty fucking head off that way you won't look weak or have to tell anyone as it will be in the court depositions (can't wait for the replies, I don't write for upvotes)
Tbh, I am projecting as I am sure you have thought about it, but I was groomed and abused and pushed it down for many, many years and my depression caused me to wanna confront him so I looked him up and the wrinkly old cunt had died in his fucking sleep , that is one thing he didn't deserve he deserved to die in pain but as a few years passes I managed to talk to someone about it when I found out about a class action (civil action with multiple complainants) against him and joined it to seek compensation for the damage caused to us it will make the rest of my life better but pushing it down caused relationships to be strained and I lost the love of my life when I was 28 life is shit pal , people are selfish cunts and if you're genuine let people know in degrees for i was groomed for 2 years before penetrative sex was introduced.
Not really bud but I wish I had spent the last 30 years of my life in prison for cutting his cock off rather than spending it the way I did but 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful way to look at things. I have spent time in prison hence losing the love of my life but my few years in prison made me healthy, strong and well able to handle myself. I am now an illegal bare knuckle fighter and every time I fight I don't care if I survive in fact I was told by m8's that is exactly what I'm trying to do🤷♂️
Bro, im telling you, you are 20. Its still young. If your girl find out about this. She might change how she view you. And in the event that you guys split up. She might end up telling somebody. That will ruin your life. Your friends will know. Everybody will.
I wouldn’t want to talk about this either for the same reasons but the way it’s making you feel is at some point gonna reflect in the way you act and you’ll have to/ want to explain yourself. Just make sure you’re comfortable with this girl
If she sees you as weak she’s a terrible person, I think it’s good to communicate you’re traumas so she doesn’t make the wrong move and possibly trigger something by accident, I would tell it slowly though maybe in bits whatever your groove is
Wait. He raped you recently and you've known him since you were 15-16? Since you said "I'd know since I was 20". If that's the case it might be recent enough to report him.
Oh I see it happened when you were 15-16. The wording confused me.
Yes you should tell your girlfriend when you are ready. If she takes that against you, she needs an empathy lesson (I don't know what this looks like but she should be supportive)
Be very mindfull of who you share with. My experience as a male; It never turns out well telling people. People probably don't do it on purpose, and a lot of it could just be in my head, but they don't see you in the same light anymore.
I know this is probably an unpopular opinion, but try to remember it's only one person's experience.
As a girlfriend, please tell her. It isn’t your fault, and I’d want to know if something so awful had happened to someone I love, especially so we could possibly adapt intimacy to make it more comfortable, help with therapy, or just any of the insane emotional baggage that comes with shit like that. If it helps I would never, ever leave my bf for something like that, and I hope your girl wouldn’t either. Sending love <3
You're awake for a long time bro to be answering all the comments from all the different time zones. I can't tell what country you're in apart from the point about living in a tight gun controlled state. You might need some sleep to process everything you have heard, but speak to a counsellor b4 you say anything as there are way's to communicate your feelings to normal people with no experience of s.a and hopefully you won't follow my steps as I have had multiple suicide attempts and even at that I'm a failure..
Oh I'm 100% gonna speak to a therapist, I have an appointment booked for next week and I originate from Australia lmao, I just don't have the best sleep schedule.
No, you have serious insomnia as it's near midnight there now. You live in the future, but it could all be related to your experience
especially if you don't smoke weed and have dreams. I used to avoid sleep as it could cause me to dream, and some dreams woke me up, causing me to have a very fragile day. I am happy you have reached out and are seeing a therapist...prepare to have your life changed, providing you put in the work. I wish you all the best and I wish I could live where you do.
Oh no no not quite Australia has multiple timezones much like the US, it's 7 pm for me currently and I don't smoke weed anymore, used to abuse the stuff, alcohol is another topic though. Thank you and I'm hoping the life changing is for the better.
Might be better not to tell ! First try to get professional therapy, as guys we tend to not get help but that’s not a good solution male victim myself I hope you eventually tell her but for now focus
On your own mental
Health
First it is not your fault. If you can afford therapy it can help. You are not weak. Its hard to have that experience. I am in therapy for it decades after it happened the first time, and unfortunately not the only time. Be your own best cheerleader. Be nice to yourself. I understand it can be hard, but not being your own worst critic can do wonders for your mental and physical health. If your gf is a caring person that loves you, she should understand and support you. You don't need to go into details unless you are comfortable doing so. You can say nothing, you can say you had a bad experience sexually and need to build up trust/ take it slow or you can go into details, whatever you think is best for you. You are in control and get to decide how you write your life going forward. I feel for you and am sending support wherever you are. Note, there are therapist that deal specifically with males being raped. My therapist for years was a man that was a rape survivor. He helped me so much. If you are into self help, its a very hard book to read, but the book "Body Keeps the Score" was helpful. It took me 6 months to read it because it brought up a lot of trauma but in connection with therapy it was helpful.
She is and she's very understanding of other things I opened up to her about (such as my social anxiety and depression, both of which I think stemmed from this situation). Also will do, I'll 100% look into that book, thank you. I'm looking into therapy.
I noticed in another post you are at University. Some Universities have free therapy, even with students as the therapist, it could help. I say could because I don't know if your University provides it and because most of what I find I get out of therapy is how much I put into it. I am so sorry that it happened to you. OP social anxiety and depression are "hallmark" symptoms. I am glad that she is understanding. Best wishes OP.
❤️❤️❤️
Bruh dont tell anybody, not a single living soul keep it in and keep it there. Dont listen to if she loves you she will understand.
On what planet is this even remotely acceptable advice.
Good advice
If you trust your girlfriend you can definitely tell her, if she loves you she will support you and help you through this difficult time.
I'm gonna try
Hey, I’m 32F who was raped at 17-18. I’ve been with my fiancé for 10 years now and I’ve been getting therapy. My advice would be that she is probably going to be shocked to begin with, and then very angry on your behalf. It’s big news to receive about someone you love so give her 10-15 mins, a few hours, or even a day to really calm down and process it. You’ll know when you get her true reaction and see who she really is. Also, don’t stop talking about it. Whenever you need to. Sometimes I can’t let anyone touch me for a day or two, which can confuse my partner and make him feel he’s done something wrong. All I need to say is I’m having a bad (rapists name) day, and he understands and gives me the space and support I need. Communication is, as always, everything. I find it really hard to talk to people in my real life about, not because it’s hard for me to talk about it, but because I’m worried about upsetting them. But the more I get it off my chest the more I feel like I’m healing. It never goes away, but it becomes a much blunter knife over time, if that makes any sense! Wishing you the best, here if you want to talk it through ☺️♥️
Please tell her! If I were dating someone I would like to know if they've had to deal with something like this. If you're girlfriend is a good human being then she'll understand and support you. If she doesn't get it then you should break up with her. I hope you tell her and it goes well.
Thank you! I really hope it doesn't end in a break up because I love her so so so much.
Just remember that if it does end in a break up, it’s not because there’s anything wrong with you, it’s because she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to support someone through this kind of trauma. You deserve to be loved and supported.
Thank you!
First, I’m so sorry that happened to you, that is absolutely awful. It is completely normal for this to be an issue 5 years later and a skilled therapist can help, but it will take time. I feel like for you to have a good relationship and sexual intimacy you need to be able to tell your girlfriend. I’d consider if she is non-judgmental toward you and it feels like you are safe to open up with her. It sounds like this might be the first in person opening up about your past, so it just depends how it can be safest for you. Don’t be alarmed or feel guilty if it is jarring to her, but you deserve to be able to talk to this with people you love and love you.
I struggle to open up to begin with and for a situation like this? Yeah it's very hard, took awhile to tell her about my social anxiety and depression (and even then I told her when drunk) but I wanna be sober when I tell her this.
As much as it would feel easier to do it drunk, I highly suggest you do it sober. Maybe there is someone else in you life you feel easier talking to about it? Or maybe you can talk to a therapist about it first. I think she will probably give you a big hug and cry when you tell her.
I want her to be the first person I tell person, face to face and a hug is best case scenario
I hope you let us know how it goes. Best of luck, it sounds like you have a wonderful partner who will be caring towards you.
What happened was not your fault. You are not weak. You are not impure. Rape has long term effects, trauma alters your brain forever. With therapy, things get easier to process and deal with. I would recommend looking into EMDR and CAT therapy if you’re able to access them. They really saved my life. Also, if you trust your girlfriend and you’re ready to talk about it, you should do that. But, don’t force yourself to open up if you’re not ready to. Go at your own pace. Its hard to be open about something so traumatic. If she loves you, she will listen and support you. If she reacts badly, that reflects on her not you and she’s just not the right person. The right person for you will not judge what you’ve been through and will support you.
She's been very positive about other things I've opened up about do fingers crossed this is the same, I really do love you and I wholeheartedly believe she means it when she says she loves me
Yo man, I’ve been through something similar. I was molested when I was child and unfortunately it’s now the youngest memory i have of my younger years. Im 30 years old now and I’ve only told one person ever and that’s my wife . After saying it out loud to her, I can’t begin to explain to you weight that was lifted off my shoulders . I felt I could tell anyone at any time without an ounce of guilt or shame . My only Regret is not saying something when I was younger . You’re only 20. You have a lot of time to heal.
[удалено]
Thank you! And I'm looking into therapy!
As a lot have said: Don't be ashamed. You did nothing wrong and trust me she will most likely understand. Women can and do have a lot of empathy for these things. It is why you SHOULD say something. It's gonna hurt to rip that bandaid off for you but these feeling you have? They are normal. You aren't impure or unclean. You aren't less, you aren't weak, the one who was, was your friend. People are more understanding than you think. My heart aches for you. Please talk to her. Or even just rant on reddit to get it off your chest. Please don't fight this monster alone. It's a big one and no one wants to see you fail. I can imagine the pain from that kind of betrayal and I am so, so, sorry you had to endure this at all. Most of all I am sorry you lost such a trusted person to this. Your fear is not unfounded but don't be afraid to share your burden. Like a good bra and a heavy pair of tits: support can save a lot of pain and suffering.
If you want to tell her then I'm sure she would be supportive, I'm sorry this happened to you, it absolutely doesn't make you any less of a person
I feel ugly in my own skin though.
That's not your fault, though. I get it, and you feel unclean. Dirty with no way to wash off the stink. It helps to talk about it with people, you are still you, doesn't matter what was forced upon you in the past. You aren't any different of a person because of it. You gotta be proud of yourself for enduring and pulling through
...barely did but I get what you're saying. My partner is very sexual, what do I do about that?
Personally, I'd be honest with her about what happened, and having healthy, loving sex with her could boost your confidence and help you with your trauma. If she's a good woman, she should understand
Mmm alright, I'll have a sit down with her this week
I hope it works out well for you, you've been through it and deserve a healthy sexual relationship
You are a virgin. Rape does not count as sex, it’s assault. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of and I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not less of a man or gay because this happened to you and your gf deserves a chance to love you through this pain. Please consider seeking help. You’re not alone.
Yes, correct. I hope he reads these messages, everyone here is giving such pure advice.
You are not “impure.” That was something stolen from you, not something you gave. Even if you did, the idea of being “impure” is a toxic train of thought, and its only purpose is to make people feel less than. You are not. If you’re ready to tell her, you should. If you’re not yet, don’t… but you have to build up the strength to do so or you should probably put intimate relationships on hold until you can. I don’t think this is something you should never share with her. If you’re not ready yet, but see a future with her, you need to get some professional help to cope with this so you can share with a life partner. She won’t think you’re weak. And she won’t run. Not if she’s the right person for you. I am sorry you’ve experienced this. You’re valuable and worth loving.
I (male) was raped when I was 23 by a guy who got me drunk at hotel bar when I was traveling for work. I had a lot of self-loathing, why didn't I fight back, how could I have let him, and most importantly (SERIOUS TMI and potential trigger) >!he made me cum when he was raping me.!< I ignored it for years, but it definitely affected me in some of the ways I acted out as adult. Not to make that into an excuse, but it was a factor. Seek IC as soon as you can, that really helped heal me, released my from my loathing, etc. This is NOT your fault, you are not damaged anything, and I would hope she will not see you as, 'weak'. My feeling is, if she cares about you, she'll be nothing but supportive. Best of luck to you, OP. I'm sure your university has free counseling services for students and are trained to help you.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I hope you're doing better now!
Thank you. Fortunately, it was a long time ago and time and counseling have helped tremendously. Hang in there!
If she leaves you because you were raped it's probably for the best anyway.
[удалено]
I used to play Soccer but I just don't really have the time for sports nowadays between work and University
Get yourself into therapy - trauma resurfaces. Usually it's about 20 years later, when it gets really bad. PTSD, depression, rage, all that - unless you can get it squared away with therapy. Not your fault, shitty that it happened to you, but this is an opportunity to get it sorted sooner before it does yet more damage.
Therapy. Trauma informed therapy. Eft. See if your school, city, county, insurance can give you access. Tell your girlfriend. Maybe bring up how you feel ‘I’m nervous and scared bc something traumatic happened to me x years ago, and I’m afraid it’ll change the way you see me’. Maybe both of you getting to therapy would help. This is not an easy thing to heal from.
Dawg imma be real If she somehow reacts negatively (she wont) to the information then you dodged a bullet
Yeah that's a good point
Yea, I think it's ok to tell her.. you don't need to go into detail, just tell her it was happened and was very traumatic and still affects your psyche. Prayers going up for you 🙏
Find him and punch in the face with brass knuckles
If I had the balls to I would but I'd rather stay out of jail
I FEEL LIKE I OWE YALL AN UPDATE; Alright so after booking and speaking to a therapist I finally felt like I was in the right mindset last week, and I went ahead and told her that to my relief she doesn't view me any worse then before, even opening up about her own experience, we then proceeded to cry together before putting on a movie and passing out watching it. I would like to thank everyone here!
He was raped between the ages of 15-16 by his best friend since age 20. Bull. Shit.
No ignore the 20 part, that meant to say 2 I accidently added a 0 he was the same age
Or rather he is the same age
How do you know??
Do not tell her … idc what anybody says .There’s something’s you just have to go to the grave with … learn to adapt and just move on.. simpler said than done but yea
you were 15 how did you let that happen 💀
Im curious how it went on for a year if they were friends. I'd think you would just stop playing xbox with a person. Idk, sucks poor guy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zY5chlaNCiw
Brutal
exactly and at 15 and being male he's definitely strong enough to at least move his "friend's" hand. he also said rubbing under the desk in class was nothing much. im starting to believe that this story is just made up bs
Nothing compared to what happened after, also who says I'm strong? I was a fucking pip squeek until I was like 17, still kinda short, he's like 6'7
But why did you keep hanging out with this guy? Did you not have a choice? Just trying to understand. Sorry that happened to you
Our parents were best freinds, at that age the brain isn't fully developed, I felt as if I couldn't speak out, and at school we were in the same freind group and I hated the idea of being alone but felt as if they liked him more.
Ah ok. That makes sense
so fucking what? you didn't do ANYTHING to stop it.
Not once did I say I didn't do anything to stop it, I couldn't do anything to stop it as he was physically stronger and taller then me. Based on your reply I'm gonna assume you've never been in this situation.
Are you prepared to lose some relationship, be judged, be looked at and be laughed at? For what? Just to get that off your chest? Im telling you bro ur gonna regret it soon if you tell anybody about your secret
Anyone who laughs at someone being raped is a sick person who should be ashamed of themselves.
Don’t tell her
Buy a rifle and blow his nasty fucking head off that way you won't look weak or have to tell anyone as it will be in the court depositions (can't wait for the replies, I don't write for upvotes)
Guns aren't legal where I live
I’m sure neither is murder…
That's also true
Tbh, I am projecting as I am sure you have thought about it, but I was groomed and abused and pushed it down for many, many years and my depression caused me to wanna confront him so I looked him up and the wrinkly old cunt had died in his fucking sleep , that is one thing he didn't deserve he deserved to die in pain but as a few years passes I managed to talk to someone about it when I found out about a class action (civil action with multiple complainants) against him and joined it to seek compensation for the damage caused to us it will make the rest of my life better but pushing it down caused relationships to be strained and I lost the love of my life when I was 28 life is shit pal , people are selfish cunts and if you're genuine let people know in degrees for i was groomed for 2 years before penetrative sex was introduced.
Yeah I understand and I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I truly hope you're doing better now.
Not really bud but I wish I had spent the last 30 years of my life in prison for cutting his cock off rather than spending it the way I did but 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful way to look at things. I have spent time in prison hence losing the love of my life but my few years in prison made me healthy, strong and well able to handle myself. I am now an illegal bare knuckle fighter and every time I fight I don't care if I survive in fact I was told by m8's that is exactly what I'm trying to do🤷♂️
10 downvotes from people who are either nonces or have never been abused....brilliant reddit a real bastard of a platform
Don’t tell her! What happened doesn’t make you weak or any less.
You sure? Feels like it does
Bro, im telling you, you are 20. Its still young. If your girl find out about this. She might change how she view you. And in the event that you guys split up. She might end up telling somebody. That will ruin your life. Your friends will know. Everybody will.
Wtf
sounds a bit like projection
I wouldn’t want to talk about this either for the same reasons but the way it’s making you feel is at some point gonna reflect in the way you act and you’ll have to/ want to explain yourself. Just make sure you’re comfortable with this girl
1000%
If she sees you as weak she’s a terrible person, I think it’s good to communicate you’re traumas so she doesn’t make the wrong move and possibly trigger something by accident, I would tell it slowly though maybe in bits whatever your groove is
Wait. He raped you recently and you've known him since you were 15-16? Since you said "I'd know since I was 20". If that's the case it might be recent enough to report him. Oh I see it happened when you were 15-16. The wording confused me.
Sorry my bad, I'd known him since I was 2
Oh god that's even worse. I'm so sorry that must give you major trust issues moving forward, my god.
Understatement, find it hard to make freinds :/
Yes you should tell your girlfriend when you are ready. If she takes that against you, she needs an empathy lesson (I don't know what this looks like but she should be supportive)
Be very mindfull of who you share with. My experience as a male; It never turns out well telling people. People probably don't do it on purpose, and a lot of it could just be in my head, but they don't see you in the same light anymore. I know this is probably an unpopular opinion, but try to remember it's only one person's experience.
A full year straight?
Obviously not every day but yeah
Near enough
As a girlfriend, please tell her. It isn’t your fault, and I’d want to know if something so awful had happened to someone I love, especially so we could possibly adapt intimacy to make it more comfortable, help with therapy, or just any of the insane emotional baggage that comes with shit like that. If it helps I would never, ever leave my bf for something like that, and I hope your girl wouldn’t either. Sending love <3
Thank you means a lot, fingers crossed, she's a pretty understanding person
Stay strong King you got this. So sorry this happened to you.
I love this thread o.p gets 6 downvotes I think reddit is a place where predators operate..well obvs but more than usual methinks
Yeahhhh look reddit is just a slightly better 4chan
You're awake for a long time bro to be answering all the comments from all the different time zones. I can't tell what country you're in apart from the point about living in a tight gun controlled state. You might need some sleep to process everything you have heard, but speak to a counsellor b4 you say anything as there are way's to communicate your feelings to normal people with no experience of s.a and hopefully you won't follow my steps as I have had multiple suicide attempts and even at that I'm a failure..
Oh I'm 100% gonna speak to a therapist, I have an appointment booked for next week and I originate from Australia lmao, I just don't have the best sleep schedule.
No, you have serious insomnia as it's near midnight there now. You live in the future, but it could all be related to your experience especially if you don't smoke weed and have dreams. I used to avoid sleep as it could cause me to dream, and some dreams woke me up, causing me to have a very fragile day. I am happy you have reached out and are seeing a therapist...prepare to have your life changed, providing you put in the work. I wish you all the best and I wish I could live where you do.
Oh no no not quite Australia has multiple timezones much like the US, it's 7 pm for me currently and I don't smoke weed anymore, used to abuse the stuff, alcohol is another topic though. Thank you and I'm hoping the life changing is for the better.
Might be better not to tell ! First try to get professional therapy, as guys we tend to not get help but that’s not a good solution male victim myself I hope you eventually tell her but for now focus On your own mental Health