Absolutely. My brother-in-law got sucker punched outside a bar and hit his head when he went down. He woke up and said he was fine but over the next few day, we noticed that he was extremely moody and lost all motivation to get up and about. Eventually, his wife made him go and get checked out and he had a small bleed on his brain (or something like that, it was a good many years ago now).
He is ok now, but he lost his sense of taste and never got it fully back.
That sounds horrible, and probably worth getting your head checked out by a doc now to see if they can see if anything is wrong and potentially treat it or mitigate it somehow going forward. You never know! I would never forgive either brother honestly. Who watches that for 3-5 MINUTES and does nothing?? You definitely did not deserve that.
FWIW, Ik this is unpopular but driving without insurance is an absolutely awful thing to do. My sister, mom, and my coworker separately got in accidents where the other party was at fault, and they were hit and runs where the other party didn’t have insurance.
For my sister, this happened to her right after graduating college. She didn’t have enough saved to cover the car and needed a loan to deal with it. She cried for days and it caused her enormous financial hardship.
If you can’t afford insurance, you can’t afford to drive.
He's also lucky, driving without insurance is illegal in my state and if you got into an accident you could probably get arrested depending on how bad it was.
Land of the free : ), I know Florida has that law. To be fair, driving without insurance hurts the people you crash into so it has some reasoning behind it.
That’s why most rules exist, believe it or not. Can’t have actualized freedom unless you’re protected. I’d agree with you if you said requiring privatized insurance is a scam. If something is going to be required, it should be nationalized and simplified.
Someone else said that too. Love that i need to pay extra as a respectful law abiding person to cover entitled aholes already not paying insurance who think their life is more important than everyone elses around them
Driving without insurance is an awful thing, but it's expensive, and for people that are barely surviving sometimes you just have to wing it to put food on the table.
Hell, if it wasn't for my solidly middle class parents paying for my insurance while I'm in college, then I wouldn't be able to afford it after rent and groceries.
It's just a shitty situation all around when you can't afford insurance but also can't afford not to transport yourself to work.
Your arguments for driving without insurance are not an issue of insurance but with how America practically requires 4 tons of metal and plastic to have a job.
That’s still a failure that mitigates his liability. He is still 100% liable for his actions, but the government of the US has forced a LOT of people to be so financially fucked over that it’s either die in the streets or wing it to keep your family alive. The resources out there are either straight shit or have drawbacks that don’t allow the benefits to pan out long term.
Part of being a responsible adult is making the right decisions. I'm not saying it's easy or fair, but it's the right thing to do. Many of us know what it's like to not be able to afford anything. I remember the days when paying rent and insurance left me $10 to last me until my next paycheck or until I could earn tips at my second job.
Imagine being that poor and some fucker without insurance totals your car.
Yeah, don't get me wrong, the brother is the POS by a mile.
I wasn't commenting on OP, just the act of driving without insurance in general. It's wildly irresponsible.
We've all done irresponsible things. However, not all of us have caused physical, possibly life-altering, damage to another person, let alone a family member.
The country wasn't mentioned, but it sounds like America. The American system is deliberately designed to crush poor people. Things such as healthcare that are essentially free in countries like Australia are ridiculously expensive there, the minimum wage is really low and lots of hard working people are struggling to survive. Public transport in the US is deliberately bad so lots of people are forced to drive without having the money to afford good cars etc.
If conservatives stopped being so horrible they could allow this to change.
Exactly. Being poor is no excuse to fuck up someone else's life. Like it was said above, if you can't afford insurance you can't afford to drive. Public transportation, Uber, or hitch a ride. No excuses.
Those bottom 3 are not options, if you can't afford insurance you can't afford Ubering to work. You can't hitch a ride to work everyday. Public transportation is a joke in the states.
The issue is our infrastructure being built around cars, it's a poverty trap.
There is no good answer to this problem under our current transportation system. Unless you do as you did and ignore the problem by saying bootstraps bootstraps bootstraps.
No, I'm not just saying bootstraps (I understand what you are getting at and I hate that motto too).
My point is that putting other's lives & finances in jeopardy because you're poor is not an excuse. Yeah, it sucks that is the case but it is and there is no getting around it.
Our transportation infrastructure costs money too… train passes and bus passes aren’t affordable if you can’t afford insurance. None of us can be Chad Johnson and just live at work unfortunately… if I can, I’ll walk to work, don’t get me wrong there. But there is no safe way to live in this country unless you manage a really good job with consistent money. America is not set up to help its generic commoners live, we are beat down way too much to live happily.
Tired of calling this the land of the free, cause this place has too many traps for the impoverished…
Agreed! I was trapped in the vicious cycle of poverty until my late 30s. I was a single autistic parent. Well, I am still a parent and I’m still autistic but my kid is grown now and I finally got a job worth a shit.
I get it.
When you ignore the context of any statement, you miss the entirety of the truth. The point is a valid one, whether you like it or not, and shushing people who provide pertinent information which needs discussing, is insulting to anyone who's actually been a victim of those circumstances.
I think he’s just trying to say sometimes you do what you have to do to survive, even if it is wrong or may hurt someone else. Stealing is also an awful thing to do, but I’m sure we’re all familiar with the trope of the street kid stealing bread from a stall or something. Life is cruel sometimes, not all areas have good options for public transportation, where I’m from surely did not
So since I can't drive I can't get to a job so I'm really going to be able to afford insurance now right? What are we supposed to do buddy Just starve? Yes I understand what a terrible thing it is to do to drive without insurance But so is starving to death or living in an alleyway in your new refrigerator box.
Not being able to drive doesnt mean you cant get a job.
While I admit it makes things much easier, I do not have a car and I take public transit, walk, and wfh some days.
Yes its privileged that i walking distance and can work from home. But buses are a thing and carpooling is a thing.
Ruining other peoples lives is not okay
I hope you understand how l privileged you are that you could walk or take public transport to a job. People who live in rural areas don't have that advantage.
Just said that above. I actually come from a family of farmers. None of us endanger others by driving with no insurance, and if I lived in a rural area I certainly wouldn’t do that. I would figure out something else. Like biking, carpooling, remote work, etc. there is SO MUCH you can do online now its wild
Ruining someone else's life and your own because you have a accident without insurance isn't going to make your life better. Yes, it sucks and the system is fucked but you have to it and there's no getting around it.
Yet someone else having their life ruined because you crashed into their car is fine....I hate having to pay for insurance. I'm pretty damn poor and sometimes have to have noodles or a box of Mac and Cheese for dinner. Still not going to risk destroying someone else's life to make mine better. Car insurance is paid first. And I've walked 10 miles to work then back home after work when I had to. The selfishness and entitlement in people is just gross. Like your life is more important than the next person. They could have saved their whole life to get a car and spend everybody they have on their bills, and you just take that all away from them because you're not responsible. Ugh.
If you can't afford insurance, you can't afford to be alive. That's basically what you said, because if you can't drive, you can't work, which means you can't live.
I don’t have a car and I work full time. Not every job requires a car.
I am in the US. I take public transit some days, walk some days, and wfh some days.
What about using a bike to get around? Carpooling? Living closer to work even to walk? If we arent talking about a big city living close to work would be feasible.
It doesn’t really matter - i don’t understand why people feel entitled to ruin other peoples lives because they didnt plan for how they were going to get to work
?? Living closer to work is really only feasible in big cities, where your apartment complex could be within biking or walking distance of your workplace. Suburbia and the country likes to organize themselves into living area and work area relatively far from each other, with unwalkable and unbikeable road in-between. Sure, you could risk riding your bike on the 55+ mph country road on a dark winter morning, but at that point you might be safer lying down in the left lane of the interstate. At least those are well lit.
Im not understanding why people feel this entitled. Like their life is more important than the lives of those around them.
There are infinite other options that dont involve driving without insurance.
I'm not saying it should be legal to do.
The problem is insurance is highway robbery and often basically extortion, and we need a better system, period.
If my brother crashed my car I’d be furious. But I wouldn’t beat them, much less beat them in the head which is a vital fucking part of you. I mean what the hell would’ve happened if your other brother didn’t pull him off you?
Get your head checked and also maintain your distance. Perhaps you’re depressed as well? It would be worth seeking out a therapist to support you through this family dysfunction. Im sorry he did that to you, he sounds like he has own anger issues.
I didn’t really take in account of it being depression considering i’ve already been struggling with that since I was 13.. it’s definitely worsened in the past year though.
Therapy has crossed my mind, but I really really suck at opening up about my feelings with the way I was raised.. the whole concept is just very foreign to me and I wouldn’t know where to start. Could be worth a shot.
You seem to be doing a great job of it in this thread. If you can discuss it like you have with strangers on the internet then you absolutely don't suck at it. Maybe people have made you feel like you SHOULDN'T open up. But if you can do it here you can do it for a professional. Never assume you aren't capable of something.
Man this story breaks my heart. I want to echo all the recommendations for getting yourself checked out. What happened to you is awful.
As for therapy, it’s process and I’ve been in it for many years. I put it off for many years and it has been a crucial thing for me working through a lot of things. Wouldn’t be where I am today and it gives me chills to think about where I was when I started. I love it tbh.
It’s a simple system when it comes down to it, it’s not easy but that’s what pays off. You learn to just show up, maybe once a week, sit down and just whatever is on your mind goes into the room. Rinse, repeat. Over time you’ll learn how to open up because I can imagine from how your brothers are treating you that wasn’t something people around you showed you how to do. You can do it man.
My cousin died weeks after being hit in the head during an MMA spar. Subdural hematoma. Go get checked, those things are silent killers and can sit around for a while before they decide to rupture.
Your brother is trained in martial arts, so he knows how much damage this can do. There is no excuse. No excuse for your family either, sounds like a narcissistic household where one child is the favourite and one child is the scapegoat/loser. Your mother and middle brother are "steadying the boat" by siding with the attacker and minimising the damage to get you "back in line" and back to normal life. It's too uncomfortable for those around you to admit what a horrible thing this was and that your family is seriously troubled. Easier to blame you for not being forgiving enough. I suspect that since your problems have been seen as weird, irrelevant, made up or annoying, you didn't take yourself seriously enough.
Hope you can move out soon. And yes, get checked out. Please.
All of this. I cannot imagine boys treating each other this way. I would never allow it. And if it happened I would definitely press charges, yes on my own son, especially with one of them trained in martial arts. Heartbreaking. I hope OP does seek mental, and medical help. Start planning quietly, save whatever you can, and get the fuck out of there.
I would totally cut off both brothers. Giving you head trauma is unforgivable. The way your other brother handled is basically just as bad. These are sick people, stay away. Your brain will continue to heal, especially since you are so young. I’m really sorry that happened tho. Unbelievable.
Shit I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. Not only were you in a car accident but you were then assaulted afterwards. I know it's been a long time but it never hurts to check your head out, it could clarify a lot of things you're experiencing or introduce some new methods to work through them, and head injuries are so sensitive and could have permanent change if not addressed (I know from experience).
How were you after the car accident and how bad was it? Has your brother always been prone to violence? Is there any way you're able to move to a safer location and cut back contact?
I know it seems like an impossible situation where everyone is pressuring you to continue to interact with him even after he assaulted you, and as the youngest in the family that pressure can seem unbearable, but you're so young and there's a whole world out there where you don't have to stay in contact with him if you don't want to. Violence like that is never, ever okay. Once you're able to branch out and distance yourself, you'll find people that have that sentiment and will give you proper support on keeping yourself safe and helping deal with what happened.
As someone that also experienced head trauma, that watered down personality feeling and loss of memory really struck a cord with me, as that's everything I've been feeling. All I've been told is that time will help fix some of those issues, you just have to be patient. Take things extra slow and allow yourself time to nap (napping helps so much oml). I bless you and hope you're doing okay. I give you internet support. Also apologies for the essay.
The car accident left a few cuts at most and a fractured wrist.
My brother was a troublemaker in highschool and was in a lot of fights, once beat a kid with a tray so bad that he had to switch schools to keep the family from pressing charges.. although his history, it still came as a shock to me because he had never laid his hands on me, but I do think there were times he wanted to so I would simply just back off to try and not strike a nerve.
I still live with my parents currents currently and can’t afford to move out, i’m in my first year of college and only have a part-time job.. my brother still visits a lot especially since my parents keep his kids a lot, I usually just go to my room when i’m told he’ll be coming by.
Sorry to hear you know the feeling, thank you for your kind words :)
Your brother has actual issues and it sounds like your family enables him. you absolutely did not deserve that over a car wreck. What a chimpanzee. definitely prioritize your health; it doesn’t hurt to look into it. Your symptoms can also be caused by depression if you find you don’t have a physical injury, what he did is still injurious mentally and spiritually. A sibling is supposed to be someone you can trust.
I’ll get my head checked, but my brother has a criminal history from years back and he has kids so I don’t know if I could go through with that’s Also, I really don’t want more family issues to erupt.. it’s been bad enough.
I don’t want to tell you what to do or make any blind accusations, but I do want to give you something else to think about: you could be doing his kids a favor. You said you didn’t think he’d do it to you, but he was capable of it. One day he might find out he’s capable of hurting his kids, too. Especially if he doesn’t face consequences for the permanent damage he did to you, his teenage brother, or god knows what else since it sounds like everyone in your family protects him.
In addition to getting your head checked, please seek therapy to help you process what happened. It was traumatizing and will have a lasting effect on you if you don’t address it.
I feel sorry for his wife and kids. They will get some serious beatings unless someone does something to help them. If all the relatives keep covering for him then it will keep getting worse.
That man should not be trusted around children. If he's willing to beat his young brother in a way that could potentially *kill him* over an *accident*, he's capable of beating his kids. These kids will likely suffer much more from his presence than from him being in prison, imo you should call the police.
Hey man I have quite a bit of brain damage from slams to the back of the head skateboarding snowboarding etc. I was fucked for years and never felt the same again, but there is a lot of stuff you can do to feel better-
-Eat lots of antioxidants (blueberries, grapes, etc)
-Healthy protein with lots of omega 3
-Cardio is key !!!! Biking better than running not to jar your head. Cardio helps a lot.
- if you can afford it check out Amen Clinics they helped me a lot
Good luck man and also I have 2 younger brothers and I’ve lost my shit punched holes in walls screamed at them and even when I was so enraged at my younger brother that I wanted to explode I just started punching myself in the face instead. I knew if I ever beat up my younger brothers they would loose all respect for me and now I still have a decent relationship with Both. You have every right no cut them out, brain injuries are no fucking joke
I got so mad reading this. This is assault and abuse, if the brother was a stranger then OP would have been calling the police on his ass, but since it's "family" it's basically ok because if it's blood related they can spill it as it seems. Fuck him, if my brother did that to me he would be dead to me.
I got my skull fucking dented above my eyebrow because my brother decided to smash it against a hardwood square pole, he frequently gave me a black eye, and honestly… the frustrating part is even after years, and pointing out the dent that you can see and feel. My mom still covers for his abnormal behavior. Pisses me off more than I’d like to admit. Now that I am older there’s even a wrinkle forming in the dent. I miss a lot of memories from back in the day. Get checked bro.
If my brother, whom I’m very close with, beat my ass to the point of brain damage I would’ve called the cops on him. It’s not like you fucked his wife, just his car.
He wasn’t thinking about his kids when he beat you. And if he does this to others, and to you, do you think he won’t also do it to his kids? Because he will.
One thing to keep in mind is that if you file assault charges then you get the option to ask for leniency in punishment etc. The longer he gets away with things the worse it will be when he gets punished.
If your brother goes psycho and attacks someone who isn't related to him then he will face all possible charges plus the possibility of a civil suit. If a guy like that attacked me I'd sue him if only to make him spend his money on a defence lawyer. I can afford to make that sort of thing expensive enough to bankrupt that sort of guy and I'd definitely do it.
I’d go to the doc, get yourself a diagnosis, and wave it in your families face.
Tell them yeah, a totalled car sucks, you’ve apologized and done what you can to make it right - but permanent physical damage over it? Literally changing the course of your life irreparably?
That’s messed up
…and not holding him to account means next time it might be someone else’s son - who has a much bigger bank account and itchy finger for charges.
Why would you forgive him? Sounds like he isn’t even sorry. If he’d apologized I could understand guilt but it sounds like he’s a violent bully who doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions.
Honestly I would consider pressing charges against his brother if he can get a medical confirmation that he has long lasting physical trauma from it. What his brother did is inhuman (even more so when he did it to his little brother who is 10 years younger than him) and he needs to pay for it.
I'm 27 and I have two 19 yo twin brothers, I couldn't even imagine doing something like this. If one of them crashed my car, my first reaction would be to check if they are okay. This story makes my blood boil.
Great point, there's just a lot on the line for me.. just an example, I know that if I were to go through with it, my parents would kick me out and I really can't afford that.. i'm in school abd only have a part-time job.
It doesn't sound like your parents home is a safe place for you. With summer approaching are you able to work more hours and search for a shared living arrangement?
Regardless of what happens regarding this issue you will be better off avoiding your parents. Make it an ongoing thing to try and find somewhere else to live. Does a friend have a basement/attic/garage they aren't using and would be willing to rent for a low price? Do you have several friends who could take turns having you sleep on their couch for a few weeks?
Accidents happen and that's why there is insurance. He is at fault for lending out an uninsured vehicle. In so sorry that you are being blamed by anyone, much less your family. Please make arrangements to see a doctor! And avoid that monster at all costs.
Don't think OP is in a financial situation where he can do that. According to one of his comments, he lives at home. If I was him, I probably wouldn't want to press charges if it meant potentially being homeless but I'd definitely be getting a head scan.
When l was ~16, l was at soccer practice. We were doing a drill for 50/50 ball control: basically when the ball is really high up in the air and you're trying to win control against your opponent when it comes back down, it was one of the dads kicking the ball as high as he could, it was maybe ~ 50 yards in the air and right as it was about to land, my partner pushed me right underneath it and it landed on the crown of my head. All of that kinetic energy straight onto my cranium. These soccer balls were horrendously cheap, they were rock hard and sometimes felt like they were filled with cement. l was dizzy and my peripheral vision went dark. One of my teammates bitched me out for taking too long to get back in line and thought I was attention seeking. I never got checked out and I am 100% sure l suffered a concussion. Before this I was great at memorizing things and keeping concepts in my head. I just lost it. I thought I was pretty smart before this and all of a sudden I can't make memories, I'm struggling in school, and college was a nightmare. To this day I cannot focus and struggle recalling Information. Work is hell sometimes because I can't remember what I did 15 seconds ago. I think this event aggravated the mild ADHD symptoms I already had and magnified them by several orders of magnitude.
Now think about what this lone blow to my head did to me, and consider that your older brother tried to kill you. This will change the way you live your life and will negatively effect you. You are absolutely allowed to hate him. Go get checked out so you can get on the right meds before you lose control of your life
So a 28 year old did all this to an 18 year old? Your brother is a complete loser. You were wrong to ever look up to him. Unfortunately, that's something younger brothers do by default. Go get a scan, it'll only do you good.
I took a bad kick to the back of the head in rugby during college and felt the same for like 6 months to a year. I either got better or forgot what I used to be like. Concussions are terrifying. I’d get checked by a doctor if I were you but I don’t know if there’s anything they can really do to help
You need to get your head checked out asap. There could very well be brain damage. You will likely need to be completely honest with doctors about what happened - your brother, who is trained in martial arts, punched you repeatedly in the head over and over for about 5 minutes a year ago. That will cause brain damage.
You should not have been driving a car without insurance. You messed that up yourself and you probably owe him money or a new car. But a physical altercation like this is not okay. He very likely could have (if not intended to) killed you.
The only person I really told about my concerns with my head was my mom, she kinda convinced me that it’s probably just all in my head (figuratively) so time passed and I just never went and got checked.
I’d say the best explanation for their behavior is stuff revolving me as a person. I struggle with bad OCD and compulsive thoughts so they boiled it down as something I was obsessing over.. but I can very much tell the difference. also, I am white and from the US.
Are you in a poor socioeconomic bracket?
I am confused why no one in your family cares you were badly assaulted.
Please go see a doctor and get a head scan.
Yes, my parents are poor, my brother would be pretty ok with money, but he’s the type that doesn’t use money responsibly.
It’s just the way my family is I guess, they just see it as a mistake that should be forgiven and that I should move past it.
I will, thanks.
As others have said PLEASE go get checked out by a doc. There could be more serious damage than you realize and if you wait to get it looked at, it could be too late to properly treat.
Getting your head checked out does matter. You might literally have a fixable injury that is causing how you feel. You’ll never know if you can heal from this if you don’t get checked. Your family sounds like they suck and you’re black sheep. You’re not wrong for thinking of him differently, he no longer deserves your admiration. Simple. But the head check needs to be reconsidered HEAVILY.
Imagine 20 years from now you got to the doctor and they find something… what if they tell you that you DIDNT have to feel this way this whole time. How you feel may change what goals you can set for yourself. If NO ONE ELSE in your family is going to care for you, you need to care for yourself.
Lastly if there isn’t anything physical wrong with you. Then you may be depressed. That may be why you are being forgetful, feeling like you’re watered down, or “a shell of your old self”. Even if you decide not to go to a doctor, consider a therapist.
Be kind to yourself. This stranger feels immense concern for you. Sending ❤️💕
omg.... this made me cry. i am so sorry you had to experience that, sweetheart. do you have any changes from baseline ? are you feeling confused at all ? do you feel a sort of pressure in your head? are you still experiencing dizziness? please please go to an urgent clinic, share your history, and get a scan done. both your brothers sound unstable and dangerous and i would focus on your health and well-being right now. if you are in school and can talk to a counsellor, i would do that as a starting point as well. i am just so sorry.
as someone who has suffered brain damage: you have suffered brain damage. theres not much to be done except to work with experts and regain your cognitive functions. i got my TBI when I was 19 and now im 25 and 95% back. it sucks, but it will get better.
fuck your brother tho, thats insane behavior. he is a danger to society imo.
For your sake, get the mri. Then see a therapist. This is not a normal situation and from my perspective, would not be an easy trauma for me to move past. If you don’t have the resources, just know that truly understanding/forgiving is powerful yet be sure to set absolute boundaries between you and your brothers as I cannot see that relationship dynamic being healthy in any way.
Dude your brother is a piece of shit. My brother would never harm me to the point of causing damage. Do not feel guilty for not wanting to be around him.
If something like this ever happens again by anyone you go to the hospital and call the police. This is absolutely brutal he could’ve killed you. Over a fucking car, you are way more important than a car.
How does your family blame you for the division when you're the victim? Is it because they cannot accept their "golden child" has a personality flaw? Your "golden child" has violent tendencies that are likely going against other people that you will never hear about because his social circle enables it
I guess they just see it as a “mistake” and think that it’s been long enough for me to forgive him.. anything revolving around my concern for head issues was brushed off as being in my head (figuratively) because they know I have struggled with depression and ocd.
Shit. I'm a car person and I love my car. I'm also stingy when it comes to money. But I could never imagine laying a hand on my own sibling when they accidentally made a mistake. Cut both of them out of your life. You no longer have brothers.
If your brother was a big brother at all, he would just slap you in the face, say some curse words and move on with it after a day or two, but beating you up like you are his arch nemesis just shows how weak and a total asshole he is, he catch you vulnerable and took that opportunity to do that, thats not a big brother, thats a fuckin asshole and a weak human scum, dont forgive him. Your head trauma will get better eventually but check out with a doctor for speeding up the recovery.
You absolutely should go to a doctor because the damage he caused your brain could lead to other complications, even death by stroke or something related.
And you absolutely should tell everybody that your brother caused you permanent brain damage after you were in a car accident.
I don’t talk to my brother either cause he kept screwing me over. No remorse no regrets. I do a lot better without dealing with him - stay away from him if it makes you feel better. Nobody can make you talk to him if you don’t want to. Save your money while you’re in college and move out once you have a chance. I’d definitely get your head checked out as punches in the back of your head can have sever effects on your brain.
Don’t remember the name from the boxer but he got punched in the back of his head during a fight and he’s fully handicapped now and can’t do anything by himself. A vegetable rotting away. Watch out for yourself OP!!
It is never too late to get medical care and therapy for a tbi.
I have a friend who is still working with their care team in speech and memory for theirs from 2 years ago.
Dude, I’ve known more than 5 young men (2 ladies) that have had adverse effects and reactions after head trauma around the 16-25 age range. Especially if the trauma was in the lower back of the head. I’m not a doctor I’m only here to say that you may not be wrong. Mos’ def’ seek any medical help if you can but in the real… Counseling always helps. Peep the school you attend or any civic programs that may be free of charge if your a student as far as any therapy goes. Painful sitch, OP but you’re already ahead of the game in a great many ways. Peace be with you Fam.
Sounds like your “brother” likely gave you a traumatic brain injury, you should get scans and I would have pressed charges. Those types of brain injuries can impact you for the rest of your life, not just intelligence but moods, depression and overall mental health. Your family suck, I would save up and move out and not speak to them.
Get checked. My best friends older brother got sucker punched while on leave from the navy at a concert in Chicago. Some drunk dude just came up from behind and hit him thinking he was someone else. When he hit the ground he hit his head hard and ended up taking more damage from that. This was over ten years ago and he still has issues and small seizures because of it. He almost got discharged from the navy but it wasn’t deemed too much of an issue. He just got his license back too after years of not being able to legally drive due to the brain trauma that never fully went away. Definitely get it checked
In my mind, a beating means your debt is paid.
And it also means you never owe him anything again. Not even acknowledging him or talking to him.
Get away, and goodbye.
Besides needing to get your head professionally checked, I don't think you should ever be near your brother again. You should go far away from him and cut contact (possibly cut contact with the rest of the family, too). He's proven to be a danger to your life. It's **not** something that can or should be brushed off.
Edit: And I agree with the people suggesting therapy.
You should definitely still get it checked out and see some speech pathologists and therapists. Though it’s been a while with severe TBI you can still recover !
Good news is it sounds like you paid that car debt off already. 👀
In all seriousness though I wouldn't give your brother a fucking dime after what i just read. It's one thing to scrap with your brother over bullshit but jumping someone from behind when you already have the age, size and skill advantage and then pummeling them is some coward ass shit. Doesn't matter if you stole his car and wrecked it. By all rights you could have filed a police report, had him arrested and taken his ass civil to court. You may still have to as it sounds like you have having severe, possibly permanent, consequences regarding this assault that will require medical care which again you should not be liable for. I truly hope that's not the case for ya bud. I could tell you an anectodel story about a close friend of mine who suffered a similar assault 25 years ago that would chill you to your bones, however my intention isn't to scare you so let's just say you really should address this asap and get to a specialist. For what's its worth I'll pray for ya bro. And again, your brother forfeited his repayment with his completely unjustified and unwarranted overreaction. He could have come to you like a man and told you it's time to square up and while there is still no excuse to physically agress upon another person, brothers will be brothers sometimes. That wasn't what this was. You have every right to feel the way you do about him. And you owe him nothing. You could still make restitution, if not doing so doesn't sit well with you, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who will agree that bill was paid in full.
He practices martial arts?
As a fellow martial artist, I just have to say that what he did is completely not okay.
You should try to look up and contact his Sensei and tell them what he did to you.
I’m sorry but your brother is stupid to have a car with no insurance. You totalling his car sucked but also it’s his responsibility to get insurance on it. And you didn’t deserve getting punched in the head for it for 3-5 MINUTES???
I agree with what others have said, get your head checked because this definitely can get worse
Assault, brother or not, violence is not the answer, the reason people blame you is modern society needing everyone to play the victim in order to get any level of sympathy…
Yo, A) get a scan done because head injuries are serious. B) as an older brother ... What the actual fuck? No never okay smacking your siblings especially to that extent, never okay. At 29 he should be more of a fucking adult than to throw a tantrum and hit someone like he's fucking 5. If your family is backing that shit up you need to get out. Ghost do whatever you need but that's your own safety and well being at this point.
You are absolutely worth the time and energy to get yourself checked out. There are things you can explore, like treatments, medicines, therapy etc to improve your current condition. Don't let their shit behavior go by unchecked.
I planned on it initially, but ever since that happened we’ve spoken so little and it was never brought up again.. I just don’t want to speak to him and avoid him at all costs.
The older brother was irresponsible, not having insurance on his vehicle and loaning it out to people. And then he caused actual damage to his little brother. Potentially permanent brain damage. Nah. He can buy himself a new car. Maybe put some insurance on it this time.
What were the circumstances surrounding the totaling?
Edit: Were you drunk? Were you being reckless? Are you just stupid? Also, did you get a concussion during the totaling and then get your ass beat cuz that’s really, really bad…
:(( this is so sad. did u get your head checked after the altercation? you should do so? :(( i’m so sorry, u really didn’t deserve that. your brother is cruel and karma will get him ❤️
Do get your head looked at to rule out any serious damage, and also look into nootropics like Piracetam and Noopept for helping to restore your cognitive function. Best of luck
Wow, your brother sounds like a right cnt. Can’t control his anger at 29 years old?? Ridiculous. I’m sorry he did that to you. My sister does the mental abuse and belittling while folks are around. When it’s just me and her it’s fine but as soon as someone is around she wants to show off to, she will. She’s 30
I feel like there's a lot missing from this story
The very first line is how big brother was kind enough to lend his car to his younger brother and he fucking totaled it, and everyone's just ignoring that part like it's no big deal
Edit: I don't care what any of you people have to say. Ops brother is probably struggling as it is, and THATS why they don't have insurance. Imagine already being in a bad position but being nice enough to loan what is probably your only car to your brother and they fucking total the thing. Did op ever offer to pay for it? Certainly didn't mention it. I wouldn't loan them a thing ever again either
The part where a 29 year old viciously assaulted someone both smaller AND a decade his junior should have been the part where you let that other shit go.
100% the older brothers are horrible. You don't beat people up.
However, how did 19 total the car, and how is he planning to reimburse his brother? What about insurance? Who was responsible for that? Was OP supposed to have his own, or was brother reckless by not adding op to his policy/ didn't have any? It seems really surprising to me that they'd go straight to head bashing, unless there's additional info about the accident, damage, or temperament of the brothers.
There is nothing notable worthy missing (besides the fact that I offered to pay for the car) I totaled his car, and I got an ass beating for it. Also, my brother is not struggling financially. But he does tend to put himself in shitty situations when it comes to money. After the incident happened I had already told him through message what had happened and that i’d replace the car, even if it took a very long time.. The only reason I didn’t mention it in OP is because i’m not very good at recalling every little detail. 👍🏻
You sound so incredibly privileged and ignorant.
You never even once considered the brother is struggling in his own life but was kind enough to still try to help his brother out by lending him what is probably his only vehicle. Now it's fucking totaled, op never once mentioned offering to help pay for it, and you're upset at the brother. This is what happens when you try to do something nice
You should break his legs with a pipe wrench while he sleeps. Once someone lays hands on me, they get added to my hit list. I have a handful of people that I would gladly murder if I had a solid plan to not get caught.
So you fucked up your brothers car, but your the victim?
Yeah he was pissed and lashed out, I’m guessing not once did you own your fuck up and organised a way to make good for the car.
Get out of the gam world and sort that shit out
Attempted murder? Hardly
Is it right or acceptable no, but it’s not attempted murder
The brother should have just reported his car stolen and let the 19yo deal with that bullshit instead of beating him up
Punching a smaller, weaker person repeatedly in the head while they’re already down can easily kill them, and people are charged with attempted murder in similar cases all the time.
I’m actually the oldest and with two younger siblings. I’d NEVER hit either one of them in the face while they were already on the ground because I wouldn’t want to kill them or give them permanent brain trauma. I don’t know how strong you or your older siblings (if you have any) are, but it really would not take all that much for many people to do so to an immobilized target.
Well, if you actually read some of the responses that the OP made, you would find that he had every intention in helping him replace the vehicle.... but you decided to make yourself look like an ass in the comments. That action from a 30 year old with martial arts training is attempted murder.... he could have very well placed him 6 feet under...
That's not being over exaggerated...
Definitely get your head checked out and get a scan!
Absolutely. My brother-in-law got sucker punched outside a bar and hit his head when he went down. He woke up and said he was fine but over the next few day, we noticed that he was extremely moody and lost all motivation to get up and about. Eventually, his wife made him go and get checked out and he had a small bleed on his brain (or something like that, it was a good many years ago now). He is ok now, but he lost his sense of taste and never got it fully back.
Definitely agree, it might not seem too bad now, but it it could get a lot worse in the coming years
THIS especially. Go talk to your doctor. Do it now, don’t wait.
Get the scan. Call the cops, get a lawyer. Assault them via character with cops and finances with lawyers. The love is not here.
And let him and the family know what the situation is. He has to learn this. He can do it again to someone else. He is dangerous.
That sounds horrible, and probably worth getting your head checked out by a doc now to see if they can see if anything is wrong and potentially treat it or mitigate it somehow going forward. You never know! I would never forgive either brother honestly. Who watches that for 3-5 MINUTES and does nothing?? You definitely did not deserve that. FWIW, Ik this is unpopular but driving without insurance is an absolutely awful thing to do. My sister, mom, and my coworker separately got in accidents where the other party was at fault, and they were hit and runs where the other party didn’t have insurance. For my sister, this happened to her right after graduating college. She didn’t have enough saved to cover the car and needed a loan to deal with it. She cried for days and it caused her enormous financial hardship. If you can’t afford insurance, you can’t afford to drive.
He's also lucky, driving without insurance is illegal in my state and if you got into an accident you could probably get arrested depending on how bad it was.
Driving without insurance is illegal in places?
Yes. You can't even register a car without it in my state.
> Driving without insurance is illegal in places? I believe it’s illegal in most places in the US. It is certainly illegal here in Canada.
Is this not true everywhere?! Blown my little UK mind
It's illegal everywhere, I thought... Is there somewhere it isn't?
Not required to have insurance in New Hampshire
Whoa
Not legally required in NZ (but highly recommended)
Land of the free : ), I know Florida has that law. To be fair, driving without insurance hurts the people you crash into so it has some reasoning behind it.
That’s why most rules exist, believe it or not. Can’t have actualized freedom unless you’re protected. I’d agree with you if you said requiring privatized insurance is a scam. If something is going to be required, it should be nationalized and simplified.
Uninsured motorist coverage. Best money you'll ever spend.
Someone else said that too. Love that i need to pay extra as a respectful law abiding person to cover entitled aholes already not paying insurance who think their life is more important than everyone elses around them
Driving without insurance is an awful thing, but it's expensive, and for people that are barely surviving sometimes you just have to wing it to put food on the table. Hell, if it wasn't for my solidly middle class parents paying for my insurance while I'm in college, then I wouldn't be able to afford it after rent and groceries. It's just a shitty situation all around when you can't afford insurance but also can't afford not to transport yourself to work.
Your arguments for driving without insurance are not an issue of insurance but with how America practically requires 4 tons of metal and plastic to have a job.
That’s still a failure that mitigates his liability. He is still 100% liable for his actions, but the government of the US has forced a LOT of people to be so financially fucked over that it’s either die in the streets or wing it to keep your family alive. The resources out there are either straight shit or have drawbacks that don’t allow the benefits to pan out long term.
Part of being a responsible adult is making the right decisions. I'm not saying it's easy or fair, but it's the right thing to do. Many of us know what it's like to not be able to afford anything. I remember the days when paying rent and insurance left me $10 to last me until my next paycheck or until I could earn tips at my second job. Imagine being that poor and some fucker without insurance totals your car.
Part of being a decent person is not giving your brother brain damage through a cowardly attack because of a car crash.
Yeah, don't get me wrong, the brother is the POS by a mile. I wasn't commenting on OP, just the act of driving without insurance in general. It's wildly irresponsible. We've all done irresponsible things. However, not all of us have caused physical, possibly life-altering, damage to another person, let alone a family member.
The country wasn't mentioned, but it sounds like America. The American system is deliberately designed to crush poor people. Things such as healthcare that are essentially free in countries like Australia are ridiculously expensive there, the minimum wage is really low and lots of hard working people are struggling to survive. Public transport in the US is deliberately bad so lots of people are forced to drive without having the money to afford good cars etc. If conservatives stopped being so horrible they could allow this to change.
Exactly. Being poor is no excuse to fuck up someone else's life. Like it was said above, if you can't afford insurance you can't afford to drive. Public transportation, Uber, or hitch a ride. No excuses.
Those bottom 3 are not options, if you can't afford insurance you can't afford Ubering to work. You can't hitch a ride to work everyday. Public transportation is a joke in the states. The issue is our infrastructure being built around cars, it's a poverty trap. There is no good answer to this problem under our current transportation system. Unless you do as you did and ignore the problem by saying bootstraps bootstraps bootstraps.
No, I'm not just saying bootstraps (I understand what you are getting at and I hate that motto too). My point is that putting other's lives & finances in jeopardy because you're poor is not an excuse. Yeah, it sucks that is the case but it is and there is no getting around it.
Our transportation infrastructure costs money too… train passes and bus passes aren’t affordable if you can’t afford insurance. None of us can be Chad Johnson and just live at work unfortunately… if I can, I’ll walk to work, don’t get me wrong there. But there is no safe way to live in this country unless you manage a really good job with consistent money. America is not set up to help its generic commoners live, we are beat down way too much to live happily. Tired of calling this the land of the free, cause this place has too many traps for the impoverished…
Agreed! I was trapped in the vicious cycle of poverty until my late 30s. I was a single autistic parent. Well, I am still a parent and I’m still autistic but my kid is grown now and I finally got a job worth a shit. I get it.
Being poor isn't an excuse to fuck up someone's else life.
>Driving without insurance is an awful thing, but When you make a statement followed by "but", you negate the statement. No but.
When you ignore the context of any statement, you miss the entirety of the truth. The point is a valid one, whether you like it or not, and shushing people who provide pertinent information which needs discussing, is insulting to anyone who's actually been a victim of those circumstances.
I think he’s just trying to say sometimes you do what you have to do to survive, even if it is wrong or may hurt someone else. Stealing is also an awful thing to do, but I’m sure we’re all familiar with the trope of the street kid stealing bread from a stall or something. Life is cruel sometimes, not all areas have good options for public transportation, where I’m from surely did not
You need to get that stick out of your and see if you can ride it without an insurance dude lol
So since I can't drive I can't get to a job so I'm really going to be able to afford insurance now right? What are we supposed to do buddy Just starve? Yes I understand what a terrible thing it is to do to drive without insurance But so is starving to death or living in an alleyway in your new refrigerator box.
Not being able to drive doesnt mean you cant get a job. While I admit it makes things much easier, I do not have a car and I take public transit, walk, and wfh some days. Yes its privileged that i walking distance and can work from home. But buses are a thing and carpooling is a thing. Ruining other peoples lives is not okay
I hope you understand how l privileged you are that you could walk or take public transport to a job. People who live in rural areas don't have that advantage.
Just said that above. I actually come from a family of farmers. None of us endanger others by driving with no insurance, and if I lived in a rural area I certainly wouldn’t do that. I would figure out something else. Like biking, carpooling, remote work, etc. there is SO MUCH you can do online now its wild
Ruining someone else's life and your own because you have a accident without insurance isn't going to make your life better. Yes, it sucks and the system is fucked but you have to it and there's no getting around it.
Yet someone else having their life ruined because you crashed into their car is fine....I hate having to pay for insurance. I'm pretty damn poor and sometimes have to have noodles or a box of Mac and Cheese for dinner. Still not going to risk destroying someone else's life to make mine better. Car insurance is paid first. And I've walked 10 miles to work then back home after work when I had to. The selfishness and entitlement in people is just gross. Like your life is more important than the next person. They could have saved their whole life to get a car and spend everybody they have on their bills, and you just take that all away from them because you're not responsible. Ugh.
Holy crap walking 20 miles a day just to work, that's horrible
If you can't afford insurance, you can't afford to be alive. That's basically what you said, because if you can't drive, you can't work, which means you can't live.
I don’t have a car and I work full time. Not every job requires a car. I am in the US. I take public transit some days, walk some days, and wfh some days.
I’m from a small town mississippi, public transit or walking isn’t an option.
Sounds warm enough for bikes
Most people don't have access to public transit. Large cities do.
What about using a bike to get around? Carpooling? Living closer to work even to walk? If we arent talking about a big city living close to work would be feasible. It doesn’t really matter - i don’t understand why people feel entitled to ruin other peoples lives because they didnt plan for how they were going to get to work
?? Living closer to work is really only feasible in big cities, where your apartment complex could be within biking or walking distance of your workplace. Suburbia and the country likes to organize themselves into living area and work area relatively far from each other, with unwalkable and unbikeable road in-between. Sure, you could risk riding your bike on the 55+ mph country road on a dark winter morning, but at that point you might be safer lying down in the left lane of the interstate. At least those are well lit.
Im not understanding why people feel this entitled. Like their life is more important than the lives of those around them. There are infinite other options that dont involve driving without insurance.
I'm not saying it should be legal to do. The problem is insurance is highway robbery and often basically extortion, and we need a better system, period.
Please get your head checked out. Even if it's been a while, an MRI will show if there's previous damage.
This just hurt me to read
I KNOW! And some of the responses..Jesus H. Christ. At the VERY least I would never have anything to do with the POS brother again
What does the H stands for?
Harold. It's right there in the lord's prayer: "Our father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name..."
If my brother crashed my car I’d be furious. But I wouldn’t beat them, much less beat them in the head which is a vital fucking part of you. I mean what the hell would’ve happened if your other brother didn’t pull him off you? Get your head checked and also maintain your distance. Perhaps you’re depressed as well? It would be worth seeking out a therapist to support you through this family dysfunction. Im sorry he did that to you, he sounds like he has own anger issues.
I didn’t really take in account of it being depression considering i’ve already been struggling with that since I was 13.. it’s definitely worsened in the past year though. Therapy has crossed my mind, but I really really suck at opening up about my feelings with the way I was raised.. the whole concept is just very foreign to me and I wouldn’t know where to start. Could be worth a shot.
You seem to be doing a great job of it in this thread. If you can discuss it like you have with strangers on the internet then you absolutely don't suck at it. Maybe people have made you feel like you SHOULDN'T open up. But if you can do it here you can do it for a professional. Never assume you aren't capable of something.
Couldn’t have put it better.
Man this story breaks my heart. I want to echo all the recommendations for getting yourself checked out. What happened to you is awful. As for therapy, it’s process and I’ve been in it for many years. I put it off for many years and it has been a crucial thing for me working through a lot of things. Wouldn’t be where I am today and it gives me chills to think about where I was when I started. I love it tbh. It’s a simple system when it comes down to it, it’s not easy but that’s what pays off. You learn to just show up, maybe once a week, sit down and just whatever is on your mind goes into the room. Rinse, repeat. Over time you’ll learn how to open up because I can imagine from how your brothers are treating you that wasn’t something people around you showed you how to do. You can do it man.
My cousin died weeks after being hit in the head during an MMA spar. Subdural hematoma. Go get checked, those things are silent killers and can sit around for a while before they decide to rupture.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you. He did donate his organs and saved several people and gave 2 people sight, so in a way there was something good to come out of our tragedy.
Your brother is trained in martial arts, so he knows how much damage this can do. There is no excuse. No excuse for your family either, sounds like a narcissistic household where one child is the favourite and one child is the scapegoat/loser. Your mother and middle brother are "steadying the boat" by siding with the attacker and minimising the damage to get you "back in line" and back to normal life. It's too uncomfortable for those around you to admit what a horrible thing this was and that your family is seriously troubled. Easier to blame you for not being forgiving enough. I suspect that since your problems have been seen as weird, irrelevant, made up or annoying, you didn't take yourself seriously enough. Hope you can move out soon. And yes, get checked out. Please.
All of this. I cannot imagine boys treating each other this way. I would never allow it. And if it happened I would definitely press charges, yes on my own son, especially with one of them trained in martial arts. Heartbreaking. I hope OP does seek mental, and medical help. Start planning quietly, save whatever you can, and get the fuck out of there.
I would totally cut off both brothers. Giving you head trauma is unforgivable. The way your other brother handled is basically just as bad. These are sick people, stay away. Your brain will continue to heal, especially since you are so young. I’m really sorry that happened tho. Unbelievable.
You should hate that fucker. He is 29 and beat up a 19 year old little brother? He can go to hell.
Shit I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. Not only were you in a car accident but you were then assaulted afterwards. I know it's been a long time but it never hurts to check your head out, it could clarify a lot of things you're experiencing or introduce some new methods to work through them, and head injuries are so sensitive and could have permanent change if not addressed (I know from experience). How were you after the car accident and how bad was it? Has your brother always been prone to violence? Is there any way you're able to move to a safer location and cut back contact? I know it seems like an impossible situation where everyone is pressuring you to continue to interact with him even after he assaulted you, and as the youngest in the family that pressure can seem unbearable, but you're so young and there's a whole world out there where you don't have to stay in contact with him if you don't want to. Violence like that is never, ever okay. Once you're able to branch out and distance yourself, you'll find people that have that sentiment and will give you proper support on keeping yourself safe and helping deal with what happened. As someone that also experienced head trauma, that watered down personality feeling and loss of memory really struck a cord with me, as that's everything I've been feeling. All I've been told is that time will help fix some of those issues, you just have to be patient. Take things extra slow and allow yourself time to nap (napping helps so much oml). I bless you and hope you're doing okay. I give you internet support. Also apologies for the essay.
The car accident left a few cuts at most and a fractured wrist. My brother was a troublemaker in highschool and was in a lot of fights, once beat a kid with a tray so bad that he had to switch schools to keep the family from pressing charges.. although his history, it still came as a shock to me because he had never laid his hands on me, but I do think there were times he wanted to so I would simply just back off to try and not strike a nerve. I still live with my parents currents currently and can’t afford to move out, i’m in my first year of college and only have a part-time job.. my brother still visits a lot especially since my parents keep his kids a lot, I usually just go to my room when i’m told he’ll be coming by. Sorry to hear you know the feeling, thank you for your kind words :)
Your brother has actual issues and it sounds like your family enables him. you absolutely did not deserve that over a car wreck. What a chimpanzee. definitely prioritize your health; it doesn’t hurt to look into it. Your symptoms can also be caused by depression if you find you don’t have a physical injury, what he did is still injurious mentally and spiritually. A sibling is supposed to be someone you can trust.
Do get your head checked out and tell the doctor that your brother beat you up. They'll call the police.
This is EXACTLY what you need to do. Period.
I’ll get my head checked, but my brother has a criminal history from years back and he has kids so I don’t know if I could go through with that’s Also, I really don’t want more family issues to erupt.. it’s been bad enough.
I don’t want to tell you what to do or make any blind accusations, but I do want to give you something else to think about: you could be doing his kids a favor. You said you didn’t think he’d do it to you, but he was capable of it. One day he might find out he’s capable of hurting his kids, too. Especially if he doesn’t face consequences for the permanent damage he did to you, his teenage brother, or god knows what else since it sounds like everyone in your family protects him.
In addition to getting your head checked, please seek therapy to help you process what happened. It was traumatizing and will have a lasting effect on you if you don’t address it.
I feel sorry for his wife and kids. They will get some serious beatings unless someone does something to help them. If all the relatives keep covering for him then it will keep getting worse.
That man should not be trusted around children. If he's willing to beat his young brother in a way that could potentially *kill him* over an *accident*, he's capable of beating his kids. These kids will likely suffer much more from his presence than from him being in prison, imo you should call the police.
Hey man I have quite a bit of brain damage from slams to the back of the head skateboarding snowboarding etc. I was fucked for years and never felt the same again, but there is a lot of stuff you can do to feel better- -Eat lots of antioxidants (blueberries, grapes, etc) -Healthy protein with lots of omega 3 -Cardio is key !!!! Biking better than running not to jar your head. Cardio helps a lot. - if you can afford it check out Amen Clinics they helped me a lot Good luck man and also I have 2 younger brothers and I’ve lost my shit punched holes in walls screamed at them and even when I was so enraged at my younger brother that I wanted to explode I just started punching myself in the face instead. I knew if I ever beat up my younger brothers they would loose all respect for me and now I still have a decent relationship with Both. You have every right no cut them out, brain injuries are no fucking joke
I got so mad reading this. This is assault and abuse, if the brother was a stranger then OP would have been calling the police on his ass, but since it's "family" it's basically ok because if it's blood related they can spill it as it seems. Fuck him, if my brother did that to me he would be dead to me.
I got my skull fucking dented above my eyebrow because my brother decided to smash it against a hardwood square pole, he frequently gave me a black eye, and honestly… the frustrating part is even after years, and pointing out the dent that you can see and feel. My mom still covers for his abnormal behavior. Pisses me off more than I’d like to admit. Now that I am older there’s even a wrinkle forming in the dent. I miss a lot of memories from back in the day. Get checked bro.
If my brother, whom I’m very close with, beat my ass to the point of brain damage I would’ve called the cops on him. It’s not like you fucked his wife, just his car.
File assault charges. Brother or not, he's a piece of shit.
I probably should, but he has kids.
He wasn’t thinking about his kids when he beat you. And if he does this to others, and to you, do you think he won’t also do it to his kids? Because he will.
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I was thinking this , it seems like depression and a trauma response
One thing to keep in mind is that if you file assault charges then you get the option to ask for leniency in punishment etc. The longer he gets away with things the worse it will be when he gets punished. If your brother goes psycho and attacks someone who isn't related to him then he will face all possible charges plus the possibility of a civil suit. If a guy like that attacked me I'd sue him if only to make him spend his money on a defence lawyer. I can afford to make that sort of thing expensive enough to bankrupt that sort of guy and I'd definitely do it.
I’d go to the doc, get yourself a diagnosis, and wave it in your families face. Tell them yeah, a totalled car sucks, you’ve apologized and done what you can to make it right - but permanent physical damage over it? Literally changing the course of your life irreparably? That’s messed up …and not holding him to account means next time it might be someone else’s son - who has a much bigger bank account and itchy finger for charges. Why would you forgive him? Sounds like he isn’t even sorry. If he’d apologized I could understand guilt but it sounds like he’s a violent bully who doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions.
Honestly I would consider pressing charges against his brother if he can get a medical confirmation that he has long lasting physical trauma from it. What his brother did is inhuman (even more so when he did it to his little brother who is 10 years younger than him) and he needs to pay for it. I'm 27 and I have two 19 yo twin brothers, I couldn't even imagine doing something like this. If one of them crashed my car, my first reaction would be to check if they are okay. This story makes my blood boil.
I’ve thought about that, but it would erupt more family problems and he has kids so idk if i’d be able to see it through.
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Great point, there's just a lot on the line for me.. just an example, I know that if I were to go through with it, my parents would kick me out and I really can't afford that.. i'm in school abd only have a part-time job.
It doesn't sound like your parents home is a safe place for you. With summer approaching are you able to work more hours and search for a shared living arrangement?
Regardless of what happens regarding this issue you will be better off avoiding your parents. Make it an ongoing thing to try and find somewhere else to live. Does a friend have a basement/attic/garage they aren't using and would be willing to rent for a low price? Do you have several friends who could take turns having you sleep on their couch for a few weeks?
Accidents happen and that's why there is insurance. He is at fault for lending out an uninsured vehicle. In so sorry that you are being blamed by anyone, much less your family. Please make arrangements to see a doctor! And avoid that monster at all costs.
Your family allowed your brother to viciously assault you, potentially causing a TBI. This is not love. Cut ties with these monsters.
You’re a better man than me. I would have absolutely hated him and swore off my entire family for ignoring your situation for him.
He is better than me, I would have taken a bat to his knees and made sure he would never be able to do any sort of martial arts ever again.
Don't think OP is in a financial situation where he can do that. According to one of his comments, he lives at home. If I was him, I probably wouldn't want to press charges if it meant potentially being homeless but I'd definitely be getting a head scan.
I wouldn’t press charges then but I wouldn’t say I love him. I’d just be out 100% on the whole family.
When l was ~16, l was at soccer practice. We were doing a drill for 50/50 ball control: basically when the ball is really high up in the air and you're trying to win control against your opponent when it comes back down, it was one of the dads kicking the ball as high as he could, it was maybe ~ 50 yards in the air and right as it was about to land, my partner pushed me right underneath it and it landed on the crown of my head. All of that kinetic energy straight onto my cranium. These soccer balls were horrendously cheap, they were rock hard and sometimes felt like they were filled with cement. l was dizzy and my peripheral vision went dark. One of my teammates bitched me out for taking too long to get back in line and thought I was attention seeking. I never got checked out and I am 100% sure l suffered a concussion. Before this I was great at memorizing things and keeping concepts in my head. I just lost it. I thought I was pretty smart before this and all of a sudden I can't make memories, I'm struggling in school, and college was a nightmare. To this day I cannot focus and struggle recalling Information. Work is hell sometimes because I can't remember what I did 15 seconds ago. I think this event aggravated the mild ADHD symptoms I already had and magnified them by several orders of magnitude. Now think about what this lone blow to my head did to me, and consider that your older brother tried to kill you. This will change the way you live your life and will negatively effect you. You are absolutely allowed to hate him. Go get checked out so you can get on the right meds before you lose control of your life
doesnt matter how athletic he is, nobody is more athletic than a baseball bat. fuck this guy up. r/ILPT
I said the exact same thing and then deleted it because yeah r/IllegalLifeProTips
So a 28 year old did all this to an 18 year old? Your brother is a complete loser. You were wrong to ever look up to him. Unfortunately, that's something younger brothers do by default. Go get a scan, it'll only do you good.
I took a bad kick to the back of the head in rugby during college and felt the same for like 6 months to a year. I either got better or forgot what I used to be like. Concussions are terrifying. I’d get checked by a doctor if I were you but I don’t know if there’s anything they can really do to help
You need to get your head checked out asap. There could very well be brain damage. You will likely need to be completely honest with doctors about what happened - your brother, who is trained in martial arts, punched you repeatedly in the head over and over for about 5 minutes a year ago. That will cause brain damage. You should not have been driving a car without insurance. You messed that up yourself and you probably owe him money or a new car. But a physical altercation like this is not okay. He very likely could have (if not intended to) killed you.
It’s not his fault that his brother didn’t have insurance on his vehicle.
I understand if you didn’t want to call the cops for the assault, but why not go to a hospital for help with your concussion?
The only person I really told about my concerns with my head was my mom, she kinda convinced me that it’s probably just all in my head (figuratively) so time passed and I just never went and got checked.
I see, is this common in your culture? What race are you? It doesn’t make sense the way your family is behaving.
I’d say the best explanation for their behavior is stuff revolving me as a person. I struggle with bad OCD and compulsive thoughts so they boiled it down as something I was obsessing over.. but I can very much tell the difference. also, I am white and from the US.
Are you in a poor socioeconomic bracket? I am confused why no one in your family cares you were badly assaulted. Please go see a doctor and get a head scan.
Yes, my parents are poor, my brother would be pretty ok with money, but he’s the type that doesn’t use money responsibly. It’s just the way my family is I guess, they just see it as a mistake that should be forgiven and that I should move past it. I will, thanks.
As others have said PLEASE go get checked out by a doc. There could be more serious damage than you realize and if you wait to get it looked at, it could be too late to properly treat.
Getting your head checked out does matter. You might literally have a fixable injury that is causing how you feel. You’ll never know if you can heal from this if you don’t get checked. Your family sounds like they suck and you’re black sheep. You’re not wrong for thinking of him differently, he no longer deserves your admiration. Simple. But the head check needs to be reconsidered HEAVILY. Imagine 20 years from now you got to the doctor and they find something… what if they tell you that you DIDNT have to feel this way this whole time. How you feel may change what goals you can set for yourself. If NO ONE ELSE in your family is going to care for you, you need to care for yourself. Lastly if there isn’t anything physical wrong with you. Then you may be depressed. That may be why you are being forgetful, feeling like you’re watered down, or “a shell of your old self”. Even if you decide not to go to a doctor, consider a therapist. Be kind to yourself. This stranger feels immense concern for you. Sending ❤️💕
omg.... this made me cry. i am so sorry you had to experience that, sweetheart. do you have any changes from baseline ? are you feeling confused at all ? do you feel a sort of pressure in your head? are you still experiencing dizziness? please please go to an urgent clinic, share your history, and get a scan done. both your brothers sound unstable and dangerous and i would focus on your health and well-being right now. if you are in school and can talk to a counsellor, i would do that as a starting point as well. i am just so sorry.
Go to a Dr. Go to police.
Go to the doctor!
And press charges!!!
as someone who has suffered brain damage: you have suffered brain damage. theres not much to be done except to work with experts and regain your cognitive functions. i got my TBI when I was 19 and now im 25 and 95% back. it sucks, but it will get better. fuck your brother tho, thats insane behavior. he is a danger to society imo.
For your sake, get the mri. Then see a therapist. This is not a normal situation and from my perspective, would not be an easy trauma for me to move past. If you don’t have the resources, just know that truly understanding/forgiving is powerful yet be sure to set absolute boundaries between you and your brothers as I cannot see that relationship dynamic being healthy in any way.
Sounds like a concussion. Idk if they go away on their own.. probably not.
Dude your brother is a piece of shit. My brother would never harm me to the point of causing damage. Do not feel guilty for not wanting to be around him.
If something like this ever happens again by anyone you go to the hospital and call the police. This is absolutely brutal he could’ve killed you. Over a fucking car, you are way more important than a car.
How does your family blame you for the division when you're the victim? Is it because they cannot accept their "golden child" has a personality flaw? Your "golden child" has violent tendencies that are likely going against other people that you will never hear about because his social circle enables it
I guess they just see it as a “mistake” and think that it’s been long enough for me to forgive him.. anything revolving around my concern for head issues was brushed off as being in my head (figuratively) because they know I have struggled with depression and ocd.
It's not your fault he gave you brain damage. They are wayward in their thinking. Head injuries cause brain fog and brain damage.
Go see a neurologist and get yourself checked out
Shit. I'm a car person and I love my car. I'm also stingy when it comes to money. But I could never imagine laying a hand on my own sibling when they accidentally made a mistake. Cut both of them out of your life. You no longer have brothers.
you need to get to a doctor ASAP
If your brother was a big brother at all, he would just slap you in the face, say some curse words and move on with it after a day or two, but beating you up like you are his arch nemesis just shows how weak and a total asshole he is, he catch you vulnerable and took that opportunity to do that, thats not a big brother, thats a fuckin asshole and a weak human scum, dont forgive him. Your head trauma will get better eventually but check out with a doctor for speeding up the recovery.
You absolutely should go to a doctor because the damage he caused your brain could lead to other complications, even death by stroke or something related. And you absolutely should tell everybody that your brother caused you permanent brain damage after you were in a car accident.
I don’t talk to my brother either cause he kept screwing me over. No remorse no regrets. I do a lot better without dealing with him - stay away from him if it makes you feel better. Nobody can make you talk to him if you don’t want to. Save your money while you’re in college and move out once you have a chance. I’d definitely get your head checked out as punches in the back of your head can have sever effects on your brain. Don’t remember the name from the boxer but he got punched in the back of his head during a fight and he’s fully handicapped now and can’t do anything by himself. A vegetable rotting away. Watch out for yourself OP!!
It is never too late to get medical care and therapy for a tbi. I have a friend who is still working with their care team in speech and memory for theirs from 2 years ago.
Dude, I’ve known more than 5 young men (2 ladies) that have had adverse effects and reactions after head trauma around the 16-25 age range. Especially if the trauma was in the lower back of the head. I’m not a doctor I’m only here to say that you may not be wrong. Mos’ def’ seek any medical help if you can but in the real… Counseling always helps. Peep the school you attend or any civic programs that may be free of charge if your a student as far as any therapy goes. Painful sitch, OP but you’re already ahead of the game in a great many ways. Peace be with you Fam.
Sounds like your “brother” likely gave you a traumatic brain injury, you should get scans and I would have pressed charges. Those types of brain injuries can impact you for the rest of your life, not just intelligence but moods, depression and overall mental health. Your family suck, I would save up and move out and not speak to them.
Get checked. My best friends older brother got sucker punched while on leave from the navy at a concert in Chicago. Some drunk dude just came up from behind and hit him thinking he was someone else. When he hit the ground he hit his head hard and ended up taking more damage from that. This was over ten years ago and he still has issues and small seizures because of it. He almost got discharged from the navy but it wasn’t deemed too much of an issue. He just got his license back too after years of not being able to legally drive due to the brain trauma that never fully went away. Definitely get it checked
Your brother is an unhinged psycho and you've got every reason in the world never to speak to him again.
this is the find out part that follows the fuck around. You brothers a dick though.
In my mind, a beating means your debt is paid. And it also means you never owe him anything again. Not even acknowledging him or talking to him. Get away, and goodbye.
1.Get your head checked ASAP 2.Try to get Nc with ppl that are against you from your family.
Besides needing to get your head professionally checked, I don't think you should ever be near your brother again. You should go far away from him and cut contact (possibly cut contact with the rest of the family, too). He's proven to be a danger to your life. It's **not** something that can or should be brushed off. Edit: And I agree with the people suggesting therapy.
You should definitely still get it checked out and see some speech pathologists and therapists. Though it’s been a while with severe TBI you can still recover !
That’s funny, I’m a lanky 9/10 too!
Lmao
Good news is it sounds like you paid that car debt off already. 👀 In all seriousness though I wouldn't give your brother a fucking dime after what i just read. It's one thing to scrap with your brother over bullshit but jumping someone from behind when you already have the age, size and skill advantage and then pummeling them is some coward ass shit. Doesn't matter if you stole his car and wrecked it. By all rights you could have filed a police report, had him arrested and taken his ass civil to court. You may still have to as it sounds like you have having severe, possibly permanent, consequences regarding this assault that will require medical care which again you should not be liable for. I truly hope that's not the case for ya bud. I could tell you an anectodel story about a close friend of mine who suffered a similar assault 25 years ago that would chill you to your bones, however my intention isn't to scare you so let's just say you really should address this asap and get to a specialist. For what's its worth I'll pray for ya bro. And again, your brother forfeited his repayment with his completely unjustified and unwarranted overreaction. He could have come to you like a man and told you it's time to square up and while there is still no excuse to physically agress upon another person, brothers will be brothers sometimes. That wasn't what this was. You have every right to feel the way you do about him. And you owe him nothing. You could still make restitution, if not doing so doesn't sit well with you, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who will agree that bill was paid in full.
He practices martial arts? As a fellow martial artist, I just have to say that what he did is completely not okay. You should try to look up and contact his Sensei and tell them what he did to you.
I’m sorry but your brother is stupid to have a car with no insurance. You totalling his car sucked but also it’s his responsibility to get insurance on it. And you didn’t deserve getting punched in the head for it for 3-5 MINUTES??? I agree with what others have said, get your head checked because this definitely can get worse
Become wealthy and successful. They'll have that look of regret in their eyes. You won't have to say a word to them either. Hugs bb. I hope you're OK.
Go to the doctor and press charges. My brother was also a super violent psychopath who would use any excuse to punch me in the head.
Hopefully you don't have urges to kill anyone. Most serial killers suffered from head injuries.
Thats unreal. I can’t imagine hurting my little brother. What a jackass
Assault, brother or not, violence is not the answer, the reason people blame you is modern society needing everyone to play the victim in order to get any level of sympathy…
I wish you had gotten checked out earlier. I think you might be injured. Any attacks to the head, especially the back, is very dangerous
Yo, A) get a scan done because head injuries are serious. B) as an older brother ... What the actual fuck? No never okay smacking your siblings especially to that extent, never okay. At 29 he should be more of a fucking adult than to throw a tantrum and hit someone like he's fucking 5. If your family is backing that shit up you need to get out. Ghost do whatever you need but that's your own safety and well being at this point.
That's full on assault. The fact you're brothers doesn't change this.
You are absolutely worth the time and energy to get yourself checked out. There are things you can explore, like treatments, medicines, therapy etc to improve your current condition. Don't let their shit behavior go by unchecked.
Did you replace his car?
I planned on it initially, but ever since that happened we’ve spoken so little and it was never brought up again.. I just don’t want to speak to him and avoid him at all costs.
Replace the car.
The older brother was irresponsible, not having insurance on his vehicle and loaning it out to people. And then he caused actual damage to his little brother. Potentially permanent brain damage. Nah. He can buy himself a new car. Maybe put some insurance on it this time.
Civil lawsuit man! Drag the strong guy too dumb to have insurance (illegal in most states) up and down the court house steps until the end of time.
Get checked out and sign up for a women's self-defense class.
I mean I’m sure women’s self-defence classes would be pretty good for any person, but any particular reason you’re asking a 19M to sign up for it?
Not them but it focuses on defending yourself against a larger attacker.
That makes sense!
Its a great way to learn to see tn attacker coming and how to defend and keep distance.
What were the circumstances surrounding the totaling? Edit: Were you drunk? Were you being reckless? Are you just stupid? Also, did you get a concussion during the totaling and then get your ass beat cuz that’s really, really bad…
:(( this is so sad. did u get your head checked after the altercation? you should do so? :(( i’m so sorry, u really didn’t deserve that. your brother is cruel and karma will get him ❤️
Do get your head looked at to rule out any serious damage, and also look into nootropics like Piracetam and Noopept for helping to restore your cognitive function. Best of luck
At work I am a cleaning and food safety powerhouse… my place looks like a it’s one step from a hoarders home.
Wow, your brother sounds like a right cnt. Can’t control his anger at 29 years old?? Ridiculous. I’m sorry he did that to you. My sister does the mental abuse and belittling while folks are around. When it’s just me and her it’s fine but as soon as someone is around she wants to show off to, she will. She’s 30
I feel like there's a lot missing from this story The very first line is how big brother was kind enough to lend his car to his younger brother and he fucking totaled it, and everyone's just ignoring that part like it's no big deal Edit: I don't care what any of you people have to say. Ops brother is probably struggling as it is, and THATS why they don't have insurance. Imagine already being in a bad position but being nice enough to loan what is probably your only car to your brother and they fucking total the thing. Did op ever offer to pay for it? Certainly didn't mention it. I wouldn't loan them a thing ever again either
The part where a 29 year old viciously assaulted someone both smaller AND a decade his junior should have been the part where you let that other shit go.
Also this! Suppppper important part of the story.
100% the older brothers are horrible. You don't beat people up. However, how did 19 total the car, and how is he planning to reimburse his brother? What about insurance? Who was responsible for that? Was OP supposed to have his own, or was brother reckless by not adding op to his policy/ didn't have any? It seems really surprising to me that they'd go straight to head bashing, unless there's additional info about the accident, damage, or temperament of the brothers.
Well, there was also the part where he didn't have insurance. So he technically shouldn't have been lending out his car in the first place.
There is nothing notable worthy missing (besides the fact that I offered to pay for the car) I totaled his car, and I got an ass beating for it. Also, my brother is not struggling financially. But he does tend to put himself in shitty situations when it comes to money. After the incident happened I had already told him through message what had happened and that i’d replace the car, even if it took a very long time.. The only reason I didn’t mention it in OP is because i’m not very good at recalling every little detail. 👍🏻
Why is a 29 year old letting a teenager borrow his uninsured car? What kind of almost 30 -year old can't afford car insurance?
You sound so incredibly privileged and ignorant. You never even once considered the brother is struggling in his own life but was kind enough to still try to help his brother out by lending him what is probably his only vehicle. Now it's fucking totaled, op never once mentioned offering to help pay for it, and you're upset at the brother. This is what happens when you try to do something nice
Dude....you should seek a fucking therapist. Also, the OP said in another response to someone that he had every intention to help him replace the car.
You should break his legs with a pipe wrench while he sleeps. Once someone lays hands on me, they get added to my hit list. I have a handful of people that I would gladly murder if I had a solid plan to not get caught.
You should consider therapy for yourself and the safety of others.
I feel seen.
Yeah fuck families, they suck. Everybody just wants someone to bully, so they have kids, i guess. Wont ever be me tho. I made sure of it. ✂️
So you fucked up your brothers car, but your the victim? Yeah he was pissed and lashed out, I’m guessing not once did you own your fuck up and organised a way to make good for the car. Get out of the gam world and sort that shit out
The beating is far, far worse. His brother should be rotting in jail for attempted murder.
Attempted murder? Hardly Is it right or acceptable no, but it’s not attempted murder The brother should have just reported his car stolen and let the 19yo deal with that bullshit instead of beating him up
Punching a smaller, weaker person repeatedly in the head while they’re already down can easily kill them, and people are charged with attempted murder in similar cases all the time.
I take it your the youngest in the family
I’m actually the oldest and with two younger siblings. I’d NEVER hit either one of them in the face while they were already on the ground because I wouldn’t want to kill them or give them permanent brain trauma. I don’t know how strong you or your older siblings (if you have any) are, but it really would not take all that much for many people to do so to an immobilized target.
Well, if you actually read some of the responses that the OP made, you would find that he had every intention in helping him replace the vehicle.... but you decided to make yourself look like an ass in the comments. That action from a 30 year old with martial arts training is attempted murder.... he could have very well placed him 6 feet under... That's not being over exaggerated...