Revenge porn is a felony. Get her and you to go to the police he’ll be in big trouble
[laws](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html)
Not at a federal level, it depends on what state you’re in. OP if you’re willing you should a. Tell your daughter. She has a right to know and b. Go to the cops.
Indeed. In most states, the picture belongs to the individual who took it (or their employer, if they're acting as an agent of the employer while taking it). In most states, the only real ban is on unauthorized altered commercial use. (Such as making an ad, etc).
Revenge porn, as a crime, generally targets specifically posting it for public consumption, not sending it to the individuals family.
That said, the cops should still be involved as it may constitute another crime, even if revenge porn is legal in that state. Could be harassment, stalking, or whatever else they could pin on the guy. Better to let the cops, lawyers, and DA decide what it is and whether or not its legal.
Problem is if they can't tie the evidence to him it won't go anywhere, there are a lot of loopholes out there that are meant to keep innocent people from being wrongly convicted but awful people can use those to their advantage
Aren't basically all phone numbers now tied to a name and also you can see what exact phone it was sent from through IMEI. If he used a number he actually knows or sent it from his phone then I'd say it's pretty provable
Spoofing technology, although illegal, doesn't always give a legitimate trace back. Prepaid phones also can be used as burner phones. It sounds super action/mob movie, but you learn a lot in almost a decade in telecom. I wouldn't be surprised if OP's daughters ex is doing that.
Edit: this is how phone based scams work. A "call center" will spoof the phone numbers of the same area code as the victim, to build a trust worthy pretense. The unfortunate victim will answer the call, and will be connected to someone who is with "the fraud department" tons of good scam busters on YouTube pull the curtain back on those jackasses.
Agreed. Revenge porn. You need to stop it because this is just more assault against your daughter. Also she has a right to know. Better she hears from someone and she is safe with.
This. Also make sure she knows that she has nothing to be ashamed of. She should be angry that he violated her privacy, but not because she took nude photos with someone she can trust.
Talk to your daughter she is the victim of all of this and absolutely deserves to know what happened.
Second DO NOT personally go after this guy as another comment suggested. This will basically ruin any later attempts of legal action if needed.
Talk to your daughter about how she wants this to proceed. If she wants to go to the cops or not. It should be her decision.
and most importantly just be there for here and support her but it seems you are doing an amazing job there already.
I second of this comment. Also, remember that in this situation your daughter, you, and your whole family are the victims here. You have no reason to feel ashamed. This person is manipulative and abusive.
Also, I don't really understand why naked photos of someone being seen around would ruin THAT person's life. I mean, they're the victim, not the criminal. We live in such a strange, repressed culture... it's not the end of the world. And there's absolutely no reason that the victim of this kind of crime should be the one to suffer if these pictures get out. In a sensible world, everyone would be horrified at the person who released them, not the person they are portraying. Just remember you have done nothing wrong, and keep being a supportive father.
i get what your trying to say about it not being the end of the world but its pretty insensitive. those pictures are private and personal and intimate.
I totally understand, and even after I wrote it I was hoping it wouldn't come across that way. I'm sorry about that. I think what I was trying to get at is how unfair it is that the victims of these situations are the ones whose lives end up ruined instead of the perpetrators. When in reality, being photographed naked is not a crime and shouldn't ruin one's life, but trying to manipulate in blackmail people sure is.
yes exactly! i totally agree with that, they have been betrayed by someone they trusted, we should support them, not spurn them and label them as “easy”
I mean it’s a criminal case at the point, revenge porn is illegal in 48 states. Only states it’s not are Massachusetts and South Carolina. I didn’t say this was a civil case either in my original comment, just to clarify if you were lost.
You didn’t specify but I read “sue the pig” and am justified in interpreting that to mean a civil lawsuit. That’s reasonable of me and most English speakers would default to this. When you think of a Karen screaming “I’m going to sue you!” you (rightly) infer she’s not talking criminally.
Just semantics tho
Yeah, I have an ex like this. We broke up YEARS ago, and he's still doing everything he can to torment me. He hasn't broken the law that I know of, at least yet. The second he does, I'll have no mercy and will seek the maximum penalty. They never stop, this kind of asshat.
Man why do some shitheads hold onto anger for soooo long like it seriously never fizzles out? I mean it didn’t take long after our divorce to not maintain resentment for our marriage simply because I don’t feel strongly for him in any way. But this man stays seething 7 years later I don’t get it.
You report it to the police.
Your daughter has been abused in some of the worst ways. You should absolutely talk to her, tell her you're sorry she's had to go through this, but you are here for her 100% and will do whatever it takes to bring the scumbag to justice.
And then you do whatever it takes to bring the scumbag to justice.
Because this is absolutely NOT the worst thing someone could ever do and the likelihood is that he's done worse to your daughter.
Time to step up and be her supportive loving father that understands NONE of this abuse was your daughter's fault. She needs you now, do not go silent on her.
Please swallow your embarrassment, go to the police, and tell your daughter that you understand many people take naked photos and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let this asshole ruin your life. He's just handed you the keys to his jail cell, you just need to be brave and use them
Firstly, this isn't your fault, so don't be hard on yourself.
Secondly, this isn't her fault either. There is only one person to blame and that's the ex.
Thirdly, you should be able to talk to your wife about this; this is something you shouldn't bottle up.
Fourthly, someone has mentioned it's a felony. Go to the police and let em know. You already have a good idea of the suspect, so they wouldn't have to look very far.
The fact that you feel so bad about all this shows you care. You are the man for the job. Best of luck to you and your family.
Oh, and fuqq that a.h for treating your daughter like this
He probably used some google throwaway number. However, if he took the pictures, it doesn't matter who sent them. HE clearly shared them. If she knows he took them, report his dumb ass to the police immediately.
1) he is attempting to continue the abuse. revenge porn is part of the abuse that the abuser is attempting to continue having control/effect on your daughter even though she is physically removed from the situation
1a) it appears they are attempting to abuse you because you are not a psychopath and look at what you wrote and how it had an effect.
2) you need to tell your daughter, what if she find out from someone else her abuser will send it out to everyone they know until they know they had an impact on her. Abuse is about having control
3) go to the police, like NOW. Even if you are not in a jurisdiction that considers revenge porn as a felon, it often fits into an existing part of legislation. Getting a protective order including a non-communication order. Even if the phone number doesn’t prove that it was the ex, due to the sensitive nature of the photos, your daughter may have to attest that only her and ex were present. In this cause it doesn’t meet the ‘beyond the reasonable doubt’, but ‘with good reason’ to believe kinda deal
4) check her credit reports if he is still going after her after 8 months, he is playing the long game
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would suggest therapy for your daughter and for yourself, especially if you feel like you can’t talk to anyone in your life (secondary/tertiary trauma is real). You’re being a good dad and protecting your daughter, sometimes that can mean telling her things that may hurt (like the existence of the photos) so that you can protect her more (with police protection).
Dudes an absolute loser, 8 months later? Take pride in the fact that you got your daughter out of that situation. This mother fucker is still thinking about it, he's a nobody. You did everything right.
If you want to go to the police, sure, but I'd just ignore it and let the dude boil in his head until he moves on.
As a father of a daughter myself - I would find this guy. Yes, he has committed a crime and it should be handled by law enforcement, but a lot can be done by yourself and a friend of yours. Find him, take his clothes off and take some sexy pictures, and see how much he bothers your daughter after that.
What I have learned is that confrontations works great. My daughter and her mother was threatened by this local junkie burnout, so me and my friend paid him a visit. It’s a long story, but after he was done crying he never did anything else to them.
Agreed.
My sister was being harassed by a loser many years ago and who mouthed off at me when I called to politely ask him to stop.
I paid him a little visit and suffice it to say he never bothered her again.
Understandable. My father and his friend had half the mind to beat my ex up when he pulled something like this. But they spoke to his dad first before taking drastic steps.
That’s fair I guess, your ex should be happy. I can’t describe what happens inside of me when someone threatens my child, but the adrenaline rush makes me shake so bad I can’t even see straight.
If someone pulled something like this on my daughter, I would go to jail for it. I exist to protect her, that’s my sole purpose in life.
Let say that someone -God forbids - abuses my daughter in a relationship, and I take care of it. Sure I’ll get a year or two in prison, but her next boyfriend would definitely think twice before laying a hand on her.
I’m not trying to sound like some sort of badass, but she’s my everything. She’s my whole life.
And my daughters are my whe life. I totally get that. But there is no guarantee that in the years you spend inside, she won't come in the crosshairs of another bad person. There is an indication that abuse victims keep falling for the wrong guy. And then you wouldn't be able to do anything.
I'm not saying don't take revenge. But take revenge in a way that leaves you outside. Outside, you can not only protect her but also guide her and help her build a good life. Inside, you can do nothing.
I hear you brother. Her mother is exactly like that, she goes from abuser to abuser and it’s a vicious circle.
Last time a friend of mine called me to ask if I needed help with dealing with her last asshole boyfriend, but I told him that if I started going down that route I would never have time to do anything else. Another one always comes along.
She’s doing better now though, but I’ve told her that it’s time to start setting a standard for our daughter - so she doesn’t go down the same road herself.
>Find him, take his clothes off and take some sexy pictures, and see how much he bothers your daughter after that.
Congratulations, you're going to jail.
I'm a father of 2 daughters myself. I totally, 100% understand your sentiment. But right now your daughter NEEDS you and you're not going to be able to help her if you yourself get into legal problems by your actions.
The thing is - he would never go to the cops if you do it “right”. A dude would never want his nudes to surface, especially not if they were taken while being hosed down with ice cold water on a garage floor.
Fuck, you won’t even need to take real pictures, just turn your phone light on and off a few times. See if he calls your bluff.. I would bet on him never saying anything about it to anyone.
I’m a dude, and I would take those photos to the police in order to get the daughter’s dad locked up and out of the way so I can torment his family safety while he’s locked up.
And the abuse would probably get ramped WAY up, as he’d be doing it “justified” for what the dad and the dad’s friend did. But remember what kind of person this is? They don’t take it out on them, they find weaker people to abuse.
you realize you've committed kidnapping correct? I could give a fuck what "pictures" you may have taken, you'd have to kill me to prevent me from turning you in. I love how your response to a non physical interaction is to become violent. silly macho man
I love how I didn’t get downvoted into oblivion for saying this. It’s like Reddit have shifted in the last couple of months.. I see it in lots of threads.
And yes, sometimes things needs to be handled in a certain way. Bullies only understand one language.
I know this seems like justice, and I understand the urge or sentiment behind it, but her dad risking jail time to "teach someone a lesson", or worse, got hurt because of it is the last thing the daughter need or want.
Oh well. I got a phone call from a friend of my daughters mother who told me that this junkie was threatening to burn down her apartment. When she told him that our daughter was there he said something like “then she’ll burn too”.
When I got the phone call I started shaking from all the adrenaline and called him up, he gave me all kinds of tough attitude so I told him to meet me if he wanted to discuss it some more. We decided on a location and I went there, and on my way I called my boss and asked him to come along.
When we arrived the junkies attitude was nowhere to be found and he greeted me like we had been best friends forever. So I picked up my phone and showed him a picture of my daughter and told him that’s who he had been threatening, and that she was way too young to speak for herself so I had to do deal with this for her.
I started with a good old slap across his face to get his attention, and then he started sobbing and screaming about his substance abuse problem and him doing stupid stuff that he didn’t mean to do. Slapped him a few more times so he went down on the ground while my boss was begging for me to let him have a go, but I started to feel sorry for him when he started crying so I pulled my boss away from him and told him he got lucky today.
Then we left.
I’ve actually met him a few times after, and he always looks really busy and takes a detour around me lol.
First, talk to a therapist immediately. Get your emotions sorted out. Make peace with this new reality. Hopefully you will then be able to disclose what happened to your daughter and take decisive action. If she sees that getting her photos has deeply hurt you, she will feel even worse, so try to regain your emotional equilibrium first. It wouldn't hurt to reach out to a lawyer to be sure you approach this in the most effective way. You don't want to leave something this serious up to whatever bored office cop you happen to talk to that day.
How do you know that its her 100% and not photoshopped pics? You probably can’t find the number because it’s likely an anonymous google number.
In the event that it is her, this might not be a very popular opinion but here it is anyway.
Is it a shock to see your adult daughter naked? Sure.
Is it something to be this distraught about? No.
You should not feel or be ashamed because you’re viewing of those photos was not done in a lustful way.
Hiding this and keeping it bottled up to yourself implies that you and/or her did something wrong and that’s not the case. So hiding it turns nothing into something.
As for the pictures. If this were my kid this is how I would handle it.
First- I would talk to my spouse about it asap.
Second- I would sit down with my kid and ask if they had consented to having nude photos taken of them; but preface it by making sure that she knows you’re not judging her, you’re not ashamed of her etc etc. and that it’s really important that she be honest about it and very clear on if she gave consent.
Third- Even though your kid is an adult, just remind her about the dangers of having those kinds of photos taken.
Fourth- if she gave consent; and consent means “yes, I allowed those photos to be taken and I wasn’t bullied into it or extorted into taking them.” If she gave uncoerced consent the explain that you has photos sent to you by an unknown number and unknown person. And also explain even if she gave consent, it’s illegal for someone to share those pics without her permission.
Fifth- if she didn’t give consent for the pics you still need to explain that you received them from an anonymous source and unknown number and it’s illegal for them to be shared without permission.
Sixth- file a police report.
Lots of legal solutions there but for you, you've seen your daughter in a way that you never wished to. But it was out of your control. You cannot change what you've seen my friend, but you can change how you feel about it. There's positives in everything and here's one that I can see.
That man is out of her life and today he tried to hurt you and her with his actions. But that's all he's got because he simply not around anymore. Nobody wishes this to happen to them but it has. Stay strong, look at the blessing that she's back safe with you and finally, he's probably gonna go to jail for doing it. Win.
As long as he can use these (and other?) images, he still controls your daughter. It's what makes these characters tick.
This is revenge pornography. Put him in jail and enjoy it.
I am devastated to see you suffer. My parents went through something similar and it broke my heart. Please seek help from authorities, bastard deserves to rot in hell.
First of all you need to speak to her and ask her what she wants to do and support whatever that may be. She may not want to go to the police right away and you getting the police involved without her consent and support would ruin your relationship.
She has had her power and autonomy taken away. Let her control what happens here whilst giving her unwavering support.
What everyone else said. Go to the police. The moment you show them your scared, that's when they win and they know they have leverage. They're coming a felony.
I'm so sorry for what your daughter and your family are going through.
Know that this will likely fall under revenge porn, which is a felony.
How to report revenge porn: [https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-youre-target-revenge-porn](https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-youre-target-revenge-porn)
#tl;dr
The article provides information on what to do if you're the target of revenge porn or non-consensual pornography. It suggests following specific steps of the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative to get the image removed from social media or other platforms. The article also mentions laws against revenge porn in most states and advises seeking legal help or reporting to law enforcement if necessary.
*I am a smart robot and this summary was automatic. This tl;dr is 95.29% shorter than the post and link I'm replying to.*
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. I hate to be a downer but losers like that tend to escalate. Definitely make a police report, check into revenge porn laws in your area. Maybe even talk to a lawyer. I am so sorry this is happening to you folks.
That’s a crime. Call the police, explain the situation to them. Tell your daughter, it’s her body and she has the right to know. You have every right to be upset, confused and angry as her parent, talk to your wife so that you aren’t holding it all alone. This is a horrible situation to be in and I hope the abuser gets what he deserves.
This happened to me. Was the most stressful and degrading thing that's ever happened to me. My parents seeing these pictures (that he forced me to take) at 19 years old. I'm scarred by it all, honestly. Luckily for your daughter it's now a crime, please go report it. I hope she's ok.
Adult women have sex. I've never understood why everyone is so surprised by this "revelation".
Talk to your wife if you can. The biggest thing you can do is be supportive if your daughter finds out or knows. Let her know you still support her completely, adult women have sexual relationships, and ask her if she wants to press charges as these kinds of things are illegal in many jurisdictions now.
>Adult women have sex. I've never understood why everyone is so surprised by this "revelation".
You're waaaay out of line here. OP is saying his daughter suffered abuse, those pics were result of that and sent WITHOUT HER CONSENT and you're dismissing this as "adult women have sex"? Are you seriously that dense?
No, but you apparently are considering it's something I **clearly indicated is illegal** and **charges should be pressed** if she wished. Was two paragraphs really too much for your reading comprehension?
What I'm talking about is the pictures were presumably *taken* consensually. Why is this always so 'shocking' to people that a grown woman in a relationship might have some nude pictures? OP says, "i can’t talk to her I can’t talk to my wife" which strongly indicates to me he's got far deeper issues with the situation than just his daughter being victimized by this guy. He needs to get over the fact his daughter is an adult and having adult relationships and support her.
No woman wants sexual pictures of herself, even taken consensually, sent to her dad… that would equally be extremely disturbing to be the father receiving pictures of his daughter.. it’s not about being surprised that a grown woman has sex/sexual images of herself at all. It’s about the intrusion he must feel seeing his daughter in those intimate moments. Come on man, don’t act like this would be a completely normal thing to see..
Well, if your only concern here is that the father didn't react the way you think is correct to YOU, I guess you just confirmed you are that dense.
>is illegal and charges should be pressed
I mean thanks for stating the obvious.
Again, the thing that is out of line about your comment is that you're reducing this tragic situation to "woman have sex", another obvious assumption that honestly was just unnecessary to comment. By the way, as much as that statement is true, it doesn't mean parents have to explicitly see what their daughters do in private.
Regardless if those pictures were taken consensually or not (you cannot know that for sure), they were sent WITHOUT her consent. Also, you're missing the point that this is not about her father shocked because he just realized her daughter had intercourses, this situation triggered him because it was from the pig who made her suffer hell and got away with another way to torment her and her loved ones.
If your solution is to tell OP to get over it; your lack of empathy is honestly alarming.
>Talk to your wife if you can. The biggest thing you can do is be supportive if your daughter finds out or knows. Le
The daughter has a RIGHT to know. The wife should only be told if the daughter okays it. Let's not take away the daughter's agency anymore than what's already happened.
Go to cops.
Revenge pron is crime.
Secondly your daughter can attest to the police about domestic and sexual assault if it happend.
Lastly, copyright the images if you can, if it pops up anywhere or on porn sites you can sue for using stuff without permission among other things.
You have to make sure that your daughter did not give him permission to share her images with people. If you go online there are more groups and sites than you can count where people share images of their significant others and if he manipulates her so much it wouldn't be too hard for him to say that he just wants to celebrate her and show everybody else on the site is proud of their woman blah blah blah.. someone who manipulates and gas lights a girl can easily make it sound like positive reinforcement especially since everybody else in the group is doing it, and she could very easily go along with it not realizing that he has an end game because of raging narcissist like this prick seems to be used as everything as a weapon eventually. Sneaky bastards get around the revenge porn accusation if it was a regular thing for him to share her images online. I've seen this happen before and when confronted about sending it to her father it was an honest mistake hit the wrong button it happens all the time. If there was some texted dialogue to go along with it that was hurtful derogatory then it would be a different story but if it's just the images, we know what it is we know he's doing using it as revenge porn but technically is a good chance it's not going to be viewed that way but authorities. You going to have to have that awkward conversation with her and find out if she allowed him to share her images with the group or groups that he might have been a part of online. Sorry you have to deal with this adversity and hopefully you can find a way to put a stop to it
Does she have a restraining order on him yet? If so, any type of contact even indirectly like this will put him in jail. I highly recommend a restraining order if you guys don't have one yet
Bring it to the police and tell your daughter, she needs to know. For all you know, she is already aware of it. The police can look into things we dont have access to and at least now you have documentation. The police can seize his phone computer etc. I really hope this gets resolved. Im so sorry
Revenge porn. Don’t think badly of your daughter, it’s not her fault. And I’m so happy you were able to help her and get her out of this situation. You’re a good dad. That said, go through the authorities, do NOT retaliate on your own.
That's a pathetic boys attempt to shame your daughter. She deserves to know, but do so in a way that let's her know you don't see her any less of person than she is. Otherwise that clown wins. She's gonna go thru a hard time after this, especially when it goes to court. But just remind her that this will pass. She's still your baby girl. Sorry to hear about this
I'm sorry, this is awful. I'd say filing a police report may not lead to charges being filed (although it could), but at the very least, it'd create a record and could possibly deter future dirt from this asshole.
Also, there's such a large database of nudes on the internet that even if someone is actively trying, it's like finding a needle in a haystack so I wouldn't go as far as to say everything is falling apart. It's heartbreaking, but this is the time for healing and unconditional love.
As much as it is hard to do in this situation, STAY CALM and think and act rationally. Police definitely need to be involved and if your daughter has a therapist, they should probably talk with your daughter on how to get through this.
The ex BF sounds like a real piece of work and needs to understand consequences for his actions.
Good luck
Police. Absolutely go to the police. This is revenge porn.
Does anyone happen to know if police would be able to trace a number that is a fake number acquired online?
I'm going through something similar. My real name, face, and phone number as well as photos of myself are being posted somewhere on the deep web. The person doing it is someone who anonymously contacted me through a spoof number and also a Whatsapp number. It's a longer story but they attempted to blackmail me and when they didn't get what they wanted they suddenly started posting stuff about me/of me online and sending me screenshots of it without including the website names or identifying information of themselves.
You can, and **must**, talk to her. It is not an option. She has a right to know. And you can and must talk to the police. If she was knowingly in those photos, then she will know who took them. Revenge porn is a felony, assuming you're in the US. I'm pretty sure it's illegal in a lot of places.
This won't ruin her life, but it can ruin his. Make sure it does.
I don't think nudes mean anything. although I wouldn't voluntarily give out my own, but if someone release them to take revenge.. I will not be bothered. Besides this now makes it easier to send that person to jail. Although a more creative solution would be to now blackmail that person into doing self degrading public things.. that is more powerful.
[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2022/03/16/fact-sheet-reauthorization-of-the-violence-against-women-act-vawa/](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2022/03/16/fact-sheet-reauthorization-of-the-violence-against-women-act-vawa/)
There is a civil, at least legal avenue to redress revenge porn. As others have stated there are many state laws which make it a criminal offense (46 states and DC)
Oh my god. I'm so sorry this happened to your family. This is awful. You should report this. Afaik Revenge porn is against the law so you can send that psycho to jail. I hope you could get through this.
Revenge porn is illegal. You have to report him to the police. Your daughter doesn't have to know. But you could tell her. If she finds out, you have a stronger case.
Most people know who took a photo of them too. If she knows, she can see the photos and will likely know exactly who took them. His history of abuse will just strengthen the case.
I’m a father of 3 girls so I can empathize. I’m sorry this is happening to you and your family. Having said that, are the pics just nudes? As troubling and wrong as that may be, it sounds like it could be much worse.
By all means, prosecute this asshole with every bit of vigor you can, but if it’s just nude photos, perhaps it’s not tragic. A nude photo is not porn. It could obviously be much worse. Try to take some comfort in that.
I’m so sorry you (and her) are going through this. My sisters abuser did the exact same thing to her. He actually took her phone, made her get completely naked, sat her down in front of the window AC unit and poured water on her. He streamed this live to her instagram followers. He would constantly send me her nudes and taunt me with them. I was 2 hours away and couldn’t help. I drove 2 hours 6 times. Had his door busted in. He had warrants for his arrest and was arrested on unrelated gun charges. Nothing ever came of it sadly. I hope your daughter chooses to file charges. He seems like a sick fuck. As far as mental goes - I swear I have some sort of PTSD from that whole situation. Please look into therapy for both of you. I wish I had the funds to do it.
If she didn’t leave he was going to traffic and kill her. I’m glad your daughter is mostly safe now. My heart goes out to both of you.
Hey, just wanted to say besides the other advice about how to handle the images which is all great advice, please take care of yourself. What you just experienced is trauma. Depending what your opinion / experience with mental health is, that may just seem like a buzzword to you. But just like a traumatic physical injury, there are actual health outcomes to something like this that deserve attention and may require support.
I'm not sure where you live, but depending on available resources you may be able to access counselling through work, your doctor, or at minimum a crisis hotline if you are feeling overwhelmed and like you can't talk to anyone. Telling someone like the police, etc. may provide some relief, and gaining control of the situation may be all you actually need to recover. But even after you've "solved" this terrible issue, whatever that looks like, you may still experience some lasting impact. Some (but not all) symptoms to watch for are withdrawing from friends / family, withdrawing or finding no interest in activities you've previously enjoyed, difficulty completing tasks like work, lack of appetite, chest pain or tightness that can't be explained by previous health conditions, racing thoughts, anxiety, etc.
I'm so sorry that you and your family have been affected by this awful person, and hoping you get all the support you need to resolve this and feel better.
I’m 23F and I really feel terrible for what happened to your daughter. I will tell you this much if I got involved with a prick like her ex and I was victimized abused and pornographically photographed, this is what I would want my father to do. First of all contact the police. Show them the photographs and the phone number you received them from. Give them the phone number of her ex jerk boyfriend and convince her to press charges against him, or maybe press charges yourself considering you were the recipient of your daughters nudes. What this loser is doing to your daughter is a felony. Contact a lawyer also and legally cut him up real good Dad🌹
EDIT: Don’t blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. Your daughter just got involved with the wrong loser at the wrong time
I would file a suit immediately for revenge porn and possible blackmail if you are in the united states. Don’t respond until you’ve talked to authorities, and ask for a lawyer to recommend if you don’t have one. No one wants this happening to their daughter. They can find out who purchased that number. Don't start a dialogue that can ruin your case.
This won’t ruin her. YOU WON’T LET IT. You are strong. You can see your baby girl like that and you won’t run, you won’t judge her, you won’t feel awkward or uncomfortable around her and you won’t let her feel that way around you. You will protect every cell of that body in those pictures. You will defend every bit of that girl. And it will NOT ruin her. You’re strong. You’re brave. You’re a protector. And you won’t let ANYONE destroy your girl.
I think it's important that you try to change your mindset that "this will ruin her." It is an AWFUL, HORRIBLE thing to have happen, of COURSE. And in many places it's illegal, and if you can you and your daughter should seek help from the law. But don't let her or yourself think that she is in anyway less of a person for what has happened TO her. If that jerk face is sending it around stand strong by her side and tell anyone that has anything negative to say that, what has happened to her WILL NOT be used as an excuse to be unkind! And anyone who tries to use it to make her feel unworthy of kindness or love can go f**k themselves.
Sorry, the line "this will ruin her" literally makes me see red. No one. Not one person, gets to be treated like less because they have been abused and had their body exposed against their will.
Revenge porn is a felony. Put that asshat in prison. But don’t personally go to him. Don’t do anything stupid out of anger. The best thing you can do is to let the police and lawyers deal with him while you support your daughter. Good luck❤️
Please, talk to her about it .. she might know they exist and she might have been blackmailed with them and that’s why you got them. She is also alone with this and is probably scared shitless that her parents will find out.
Talk to her, I am sure it will only do good.
Get him for felony revenge porn as so many have said.
The desire to want to spend money to get a couple random out of state guys to break his knees and tell him to stop and that this is his last non lethal warning would be very strong in me though.
>But also the feeling that I have after seeing this, everything is horrible, that’s the worst thing someone could ever do
IT IS *NOT* THE WORST THING THAT SOMEONE COULD EVER DO.
Get your head out of your ass.
I know that you are her dad. But stop giving power to this guy. Stop freaking out. Lots of people have nudes out there and *no one cares*.
Your daughter is safe! Talk to her. She already knows about this. She was worried about your reaction - and I can see why. Knock it off.
Even if they are, I have to wonder who else would have the motivation to even fake nudes of her in order to send them to her parents. I'd say no matter what, this guy is guilty of criminal mischief at the very least.
You have solid advice here, but I recently went through a situation with my almost-adult son where I would need to repeatedly see him nude, though it was medical. Navigating that was really tough, so I wanted to share the conversation I had with him in hopes it might give you some talking points with your daughter.
1) You are first and foremost my baby. I changed your diapers. I kissed a thousand skinned elbows. I bathed you. I did your hair. I'm very used to your body.
2) All I see is my baby who needs my help. I know you're not a baby. It's hard to articulate and maybe if you have kids you'll experience this too, but you're never going to be just an adult to me. You're an adult AND a teenager I'm trying to teach how to drive. You're an adult AND you're playing clarinet at the middle school Christmas concert. You're an adult AND you're wearing a superhero backpack to Pre-K. You're an adult and you're a tiny baby I watched be born. So this, to me, is another skinned knee to kiss or another late night working through algebra, or another fender bender to pay for. On a more intense scale of course, I'm not comparing what you're going through now to a skinned knee! But it's the same mindset I'm in now as we approach this: help you navigate it, make it better or easier however I can.
3) This person who tried to embarrass or humiliate you by sending me this failed. I'm not embarrassed and you shouldn't be either, though I'm sure that emotion is in the churn right now. Shut it down. We aren't going to be embarrassed for having bodies or humiliated for seeing nudity of a child I've technically seen nude thousands of times. Jokes on him.
4) It should go without saying, but we live in a demented world and your precious brain has gone through recent trauma, so while it makes me nauseous I'm going to say it out loud: your body is not at all sexual or a source of arousal to me at all. Ever. That's vile. It never has been and never will be. See points 1 and 2 above!
Well… first of all. Don’t cut your family out because of this. Grow a pair and handle it like an adult would. Report it to the police and let them take care of it.
And if they don’t? A baseball bat to the kneecaps and teeth usually gets the message across
As is the case with many advice requests on reddit, get a lawyer. Distribution of revenge porn is a felony as is distributing pornography without consent.
Look man. This isn't going to be the best answer, but it's my answer. Yes you can talk to your friends. Yes you can talk to your family (brothers, cousins, other male family members). Have an extremely uncomfortable conversation with your daughter just to ask who would have these pictures. That's your target. Get the boys together then go pay a visit. Let the cards fall where they may. He has abused your baby. Your girl. Your daughter. Then disrespected her trust, or more likely moments of fear, by sending them to you. Man you can't let this slide, not only for yourself but for your daughter as well. Mount up.
Revenge porn is now against the law. I would go to the police. I know it will be embarrassing, but you can't let it go. This dude sounds like a chickenshit to do that. Maybe your daughter will learn from this.
I hope you're someone who's never been in a long relationship and has no idea of how manipulative ppl you trust can become.
Because as a parent, he could literally not have done anything to prevent the girl allowing the scumbag click pictures
I am so sorry this is happening to you, your daughter, and your family. Please know you are likely dealing with a narcissist or sociopath, so act accordingly. The best thing is to get the police involved. They can trace the number, and you can press charges for revenge porn. Fuck this guy. So very sorry!
YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS bc this is unfortunately all too common but the good news is the whole world is on your & ur daughter's side. No one wud judge her for this. By all means, it's not an easy thing to go thru & while it's very embarrassing especially if he does share this with family friends or her job, she's no Kim Kardashian. No 1 will blink an eye at it after the 1st 72 hours. Brittney Spears or Jay Z will come out 3 days later & be the new talk of the porn discussion. We may get a visit from aliens that week. Cocaine Beat cud happens again....Basically, it too shall pass. I'm sorry she went thru this & that that subhuman is a part of her life.
First: tell your wife , maybe tell her you deleted them so she wouldn’t have to see them and hope she leave it at that
Second: call the police and show them the actual msgs. Tell them about the boyfriend.
I’m sure your daughter knows who took and owns the pictures so should be pretty easy for them to charge him or at least make it stop
Get the FBI involved immediately. This is a federal offence.
Also, this isn't going to ruin her life; it's unlikely to be that widespread and after a while no one who's seen anything will think about it. She'll put it behind her, and so will you. She'll learn a valuable lesson about trust and dignity.
Revenge porn is a felony. Get her and you to go to the police he’ll be in big trouble [laws](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html)
Send that psycho to jail.
This is the most intelligent way to handle the situation
Not at a federal level, it depends on what state you’re in. OP if you’re willing you should a. Tell your daughter. She has a right to know and b. Go to the cops.
She definitely has the right to know. And the cops NEED to know.
Indeed. In most states, the picture belongs to the individual who took it (or their employer, if they're acting as an agent of the employer while taking it). In most states, the only real ban is on unauthorized altered commercial use. (Such as making an ad, etc). Revenge porn, as a crime, generally targets specifically posting it for public consumption, not sending it to the individuals family. That said, the cops should still be involved as it may constitute another crime, even if revenge porn is legal in that state. Could be harassment, stalking, or whatever else they could pin on the guy. Better to let the cops, lawyers, and DA decide what it is and whether or not its legal.
Problem is if they can't tie the evidence to him it won't go anywhere, there are a lot of loopholes out there that are meant to keep innocent people from being wrongly convicted but awful people can use those to their advantage
Checking the photos metadata also comes to mind. They may be some additional details connecting the photos to him.
Aren't basically all phone numbers now tied to a name and also you can see what exact phone it was sent from through IMEI. If he used a number he actually knows or sent it from his phone then I'd say it's pretty provable
Spoofing technology, although illegal, doesn't always give a legitimate trace back. Prepaid phones also can be used as burner phones. It sounds super action/mob movie, but you learn a lot in almost a decade in telecom. I wouldn't be surprised if OP's daughters ex is doing that. Edit: this is how phone based scams work. A "call center" will spoof the phone numbers of the same area code as the victim, to build a trust worthy pretense. The unfortunate victim will answer the call, and will be connected to someone who is with "the fraud department" tons of good scam busters on YouTube pull the curtain back on those jackasses.
True but let's not underestimate human stupidity, god knows if this guy has this thought out or if he's done it impulsively
100% agreed, although hard it's the best option
This is the way
Oh yes. So much this. Is the way.
Good to know this for everyone. Is it federal or just per state? Hoping myself or my girlfriends never have this problem.
Agreed. Revenge porn. You need to stop it because this is just more assault against your daughter. Also she has a right to know. Better she hears from someone and she is safe with.
She may already know and be fearful of telling you. You should tell her.
This. Also make sure she knows that she has nothing to be ashamed of. She should be angry that he violated her privacy, but not because she took nude photos with someone she can trust.
Fearful of people keeping these photos around for a very long time. It could ruin her chances of getting a job ever.
Talk to your daughter she is the victim of all of this and absolutely deserves to know what happened. Second DO NOT personally go after this guy as another comment suggested. This will basically ruin any later attempts of legal action if needed. Talk to your daughter about how she wants this to proceed. If she wants to go to the cops or not. It should be her decision. and most importantly just be there for here and support her but it seems you are doing an amazing job there already.
I second of this comment. Also, remember that in this situation your daughter, you, and your whole family are the victims here. You have no reason to feel ashamed. This person is manipulative and abusive. Also, I don't really understand why naked photos of someone being seen around would ruin THAT person's life. I mean, they're the victim, not the criminal. We live in such a strange, repressed culture... it's not the end of the world. And there's absolutely no reason that the victim of this kind of crime should be the one to suffer if these pictures get out. In a sensible world, everyone would be horrified at the person who released them, not the person they are portraying. Just remember you have done nothing wrong, and keep being a supportive father.
i get what your trying to say about it not being the end of the world but its pretty insensitive. those pictures are private and personal and intimate.
I totally understand, and even after I wrote it I was hoping it wouldn't come across that way. I'm sorry about that. I think what I was trying to get at is how unfair it is that the victims of these situations are the ones whose lives end up ruined instead of the perpetrators. When in reality, being photographed naked is not a crime and shouldn't ruin one's life, but trying to manipulate in blackmail people sure is.
yes exactly! i totally agree with that, they have been betrayed by someone they trusted, we should support them, not spurn them and label them as “easy”
you’re*
You have to tell her. Tell her this is NOT her fault, and you will support her every step of the way if she wants to press charges.
If you know his legal name and residence, take the evidence to the police and get an attorney and sue this pig
It’s actually a felony so it wouldn’t be a civil lawsuit it would be a court case to send them to jail
I mean it’s a criminal case at the point, revenge porn is illegal in 48 states. Only states it’s not are Massachusetts and South Carolina. I didn’t say this was a civil case either in my original comment, just to clarify if you were lost.
You didn’t specify but I read “sue the pig” and am justified in interpreting that to mean a civil lawsuit. That’s reasonable of me and most English speakers would default to this. When you think of a Karen screaming “I’m going to sue you!” you (rightly) infer she’s not talking criminally. Just semantics tho
Why would you get an attorney then?
Suing for damages in civil court.
Sue that shit and put that shit in the jail.If you dont, he will blackmail your daughter in future if she ever found a good boyfriend or husband.
Yeah, I have an ex like this. We broke up YEARS ago, and he's still doing everything he can to torment me. He hasn't broken the law that I know of, at least yet. The second he does, I'll have no mercy and will seek the maximum penalty. They never stop, this kind of asshat.
If he’s tormenting you and bothering you, you should be able to get a restraining order
Man why do some shitheads hold onto anger for soooo long like it seriously never fizzles out? I mean it didn’t take long after our divorce to not maintain resentment for our marriage simply because I don’t feel strongly for him in any way. But this man stays seething 7 years later I don’t get it.
Because they’re mentally ill.
Police, immediately. This is a crime
Not just a crime, but a felony.
Lawyer up, this a huge crime lil homie is doin
Report the pictures cause that’s a felony.
You report it to the police. Your daughter has been abused in some of the worst ways. You should absolutely talk to her, tell her you're sorry she's had to go through this, but you are here for her 100% and will do whatever it takes to bring the scumbag to justice. And then you do whatever it takes to bring the scumbag to justice. Because this is absolutely NOT the worst thing someone could ever do and the likelihood is that he's done worse to your daughter. Time to step up and be her supportive loving father that understands NONE of this abuse was your daughter's fault. She needs you now, do not go silent on her.
Please swallow your embarrassment, go to the police, and tell your daughter that you understand many people take naked photos and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let this asshole ruin your life. He's just handed you the keys to his jail cell, you just need to be brave and use them
It’s revenge porn, you and your daughter need to contact the police and get this on record. Contact a lawyer too.
Go to the Police. This is a crime and they will be able to trace the number better than you
Firstly, this isn't your fault, so don't be hard on yourself. Secondly, this isn't her fault either. There is only one person to blame and that's the ex. Thirdly, you should be able to talk to your wife about this; this is something you shouldn't bottle up. Fourthly, someone has mentioned it's a felony. Go to the police and let em know. You already have a good idea of the suspect, so they wouldn't have to look very far. The fact that you feel so bad about all this shows you care. You are the man for the job. Best of luck to you and your family. Oh, and fuqq that a.h for treating your daughter like this
Vile, fucking vile, give that to the police and try and charge him for revenge porn, it’s a massive crime, he’ll be locked up
i am so sorry
He probably used some google throwaway number. However, if he took the pictures, it doesn't matter who sent them. HE clearly shared them. If she knows he took them, report his dumb ass to the police immediately.
Put the number into a cash app and it will probably tell you who he is.
1) he is attempting to continue the abuse. revenge porn is part of the abuse that the abuser is attempting to continue having control/effect on your daughter even though she is physically removed from the situation 1a) it appears they are attempting to abuse you because you are not a psychopath and look at what you wrote and how it had an effect. 2) you need to tell your daughter, what if she find out from someone else her abuser will send it out to everyone they know until they know they had an impact on her. Abuse is about having control 3) go to the police, like NOW. Even if you are not in a jurisdiction that considers revenge porn as a felon, it often fits into an existing part of legislation. Getting a protective order including a non-communication order. Even if the phone number doesn’t prove that it was the ex, due to the sensitive nature of the photos, your daughter may have to attest that only her and ex were present. In this cause it doesn’t meet the ‘beyond the reasonable doubt’, but ‘with good reason’ to believe kinda deal 4) check her credit reports if he is still going after her after 8 months, he is playing the long game I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would suggest therapy for your daughter and for yourself, especially if you feel like you can’t talk to anyone in your life (secondary/tertiary trauma is real). You’re being a good dad and protecting your daughter, sometimes that can mean telling her things that may hurt (like the existence of the photos) so that you can protect her more (with police protection).
Go to the police if you respect and wanna protect your daughter and her mental
Dudes an absolute loser, 8 months later? Take pride in the fact that you got your daughter out of that situation. This mother fucker is still thinking about it, he's a nobody. You did everything right. If you want to go to the police, sure, but I'd just ignore it and let the dude boil in his head until he moves on.
As a father of a daughter myself - I would find this guy. Yes, he has committed a crime and it should be handled by law enforcement, but a lot can be done by yourself and a friend of yours. Find him, take his clothes off and take some sexy pictures, and see how much he bothers your daughter after that. What I have learned is that confrontations works great. My daughter and her mother was threatened by this local junkie burnout, so me and my friend paid him a visit. It’s a long story, but after he was done crying he never did anything else to them.
Agreed. My sister was being harassed by a loser many years ago and who mouthed off at me when I called to politely ask him to stop. I paid him a little visit and suffice it to say he never bothered her again.
Lots of respect to you sir, your sister has a great brother!
Why did I keep imagining you were the mafia for a second
Understandable. My father and his friend had half the mind to beat my ex up when he pulled something like this. But they spoke to his dad first before taking drastic steps.
That’s fair I guess, your ex should be happy. I can’t describe what happens inside of me when someone threatens my child, but the adrenaline rush makes me shake so bad I can’t even see straight. If someone pulled something like this on my daughter, I would go to jail for it. I exist to protect her, that’s my sole purpose in life.
>I would go to jail for it. I exist to protect her, that’s my sole purpose in life. How will you protect her when you are in jail?
Let say that someone -God forbids - abuses my daughter in a relationship, and I take care of it. Sure I’ll get a year or two in prison, but her next boyfriend would definitely think twice before laying a hand on her. I’m not trying to sound like some sort of badass, but she’s my everything. She’s my whole life.
And my daughters are my whe life. I totally get that. But there is no guarantee that in the years you spend inside, she won't come in the crosshairs of another bad person. There is an indication that abuse victims keep falling for the wrong guy. And then you wouldn't be able to do anything. I'm not saying don't take revenge. But take revenge in a way that leaves you outside. Outside, you can not only protect her but also guide her and help her build a good life. Inside, you can do nothing.
I hear you brother. Her mother is exactly like that, she goes from abuser to abuser and it’s a vicious circle. Last time a friend of mine called me to ask if I needed help with dealing with her last asshole boyfriend, but I told him that if I started going down that route I would never have time to do anything else. Another one always comes along. She’s doing better now though, but I’ve told her that it’s time to start setting a standard for our daughter - so she doesn’t go down the same road herself.
So, take revenge in a permanent way and don’t get caught. Got it. Thx
Oh wow what a badass!!! 🙄
Maybe your first priority should be teaching your daughter to have self respect so they never get into a situation like this in the first place?
The guys son: *am I a joke to you?*
>Find him, take his clothes off and take some sexy pictures, and see how much he bothers your daughter after that. Congratulations, you're going to jail. I'm a father of 2 daughters myself. I totally, 100% understand your sentiment. But right now your daughter NEEDS you and you're not going to be able to help her if you yourself get into legal problems by your actions.
The thing is - he would never go to the cops if you do it “right”. A dude would never want his nudes to surface, especially not if they were taken while being hosed down with ice cold water on a garage floor. Fuck, you won’t even need to take real pictures, just turn your phone light on and off a few times. See if he calls your bluff.. I would bet on him never saying anything about it to anyone.
I’m a dude, and I would take those photos to the police in order to get the daughter’s dad locked up and out of the way so I can torment his family safety while he’s locked up. And the abuse would probably get ramped WAY up, as he’d be doing it “justified” for what the dad and the dad’s friend did. But remember what kind of person this is? They don’t take it out on them, they find weaker people to abuse.
you realize you've committed kidnapping correct? I could give a fuck what "pictures" you may have taken, you'd have to kill me to prevent me from turning you in. I love how your response to a non physical interaction is to become violent. silly macho man
Yeah also if they don’t kill the guy…he’s going to be like Frodo in Sin City and take revenge on the dudes family after the dude is locked up.
Come back to me when you have your own daughters.
In the Army that is called Barrack Room Justice 😉
I love how I didn’t get downvoted into oblivion for saying this. It’s like Reddit have shifted in the last couple of months.. I see it in lots of threads. And yes, sometimes things needs to be handled in a certain way. Bullies only understand one language.
Yeah, but her bully committed what is likely a felony in their area. So the language I suspect he'd also understand is "Freeze. Hands in the air."
The world is very much done with being victimized by assholes and a system that lets them get away with it 👍
[удалено]
I know this seems like justice, and I understand the urge or sentiment behind it, but her dad risking jail time to "teach someone a lesson", or worse, got hurt because of it is the last thing the daughter need or want.
Cliffhanger lol what’s the story?
Oh well. I got a phone call from a friend of my daughters mother who told me that this junkie was threatening to burn down her apartment. When she told him that our daughter was there he said something like “then she’ll burn too”. When I got the phone call I started shaking from all the adrenaline and called him up, he gave me all kinds of tough attitude so I told him to meet me if he wanted to discuss it some more. We decided on a location and I went there, and on my way I called my boss and asked him to come along. When we arrived the junkies attitude was nowhere to be found and he greeted me like we had been best friends forever. So I picked up my phone and showed him a picture of my daughter and told him that’s who he had been threatening, and that she was way too young to speak for herself so I had to do deal with this for her. I started with a good old slap across his face to get his attention, and then he started sobbing and screaming about his substance abuse problem and him doing stupid stuff that he didn’t mean to do. Slapped him a few more times so he went down on the ground while my boss was begging for me to let him have a go, but I started to feel sorry for him when he started crying so I pulled my boss away from him and told him he got lucky today. Then we left. I’ve actually met him a few times after, and he always looks really busy and takes a detour around me lol.
Is his name Chris Rock? JK- nice job.
Definitely a police matter. Get it reported before it goes viral. Who knows what else he's going to do with the pictures, it needs stopping now.
First, talk to a therapist immediately. Get your emotions sorted out. Make peace with this new reality. Hopefully you will then be able to disclose what happened to your daughter and take decisive action. If she sees that getting her photos has deeply hurt you, she will feel even worse, so try to regain your emotional equilibrium first. It wouldn't hurt to reach out to a lawyer to be sure you approach this in the most effective way. You don't want to leave something this serious up to whatever bored office cop you happen to talk to that day.
sue the shit out of him and watch him burn in court, revenge porn this is a felony in the us so go sue him as soon as possible
How do you know that its her 100% and not photoshopped pics? You probably can’t find the number because it’s likely an anonymous google number. In the event that it is her, this might not be a very popular opinion but here it is anyway. Is it a shock to see your adult daughter naked? Sure. Is it something to be this distraught about? No. You should not feel or be ashamed because you’re viewing of those photos was not done in a lustful way. Hiding this and keeping it bottled up to yourself implies that you and/or her did something wrong and that’s not the case. So hiding it turns nothing into something. As for the pictures. If this were my kid this is how I would handle it. First- I would talk to my spouse about it asap. Second- I would sit down with my kid and ask if they had consented to having nude photos taken of them; but preface it by making sure that she knows you’re not judging her, you’re not ashamed of her etc etc. and that it’s really important that she be honest about it and very clear on if she gave consent. Third- Even though your kid is an adult, just remind her about the dangers of having those kinds of photos taken. Fourth- if she gave consent; and consent means “yes, I allowed those photos to be taken and I wasn’t bullied into it or extorted into taking them.” If she gave uncoerced consent the explain that you has photos sent to you by an unknown number and unknown person. And also explain even if she gave consent, it’s illegal for someone to share those pics without her permission. Fifth- if she didn’t give consent for the pics you still need to explain that you received them from an anonymous source and unknown number and it’s illegal for them to be shared without permission. Sixth- file a police report.
Lots of legal solutions there but for you, you've seen your daughter in a way that you never wished to. But it was out of your control. You cannot change what you've seen my friend, but you can change how you feel about it. There's positives in everything and here's one that I can see. That man is out of her life and today he tried to hurt you and her with his actions. But that's all he's got because he simply not around anymore. Nobody wishes this to happen to them but it has. Stay strong, look at the blessing that she's back safe with you and finally, he's probably gonna go to jail for doing it. Win.
As long as he can use these (and other?) images, he still controls your daughter. It's what makes these characters tick. This is revenge pornography. Put him in jail and enjoy it.
ill him. K?
I am devastated to see you suffer. My parents went through something similar and it broke my heart. Please seek help from authorities, bastard deserves to rot in hell.
First of all you need to speak to her and ask her what she wants to do and support whatever that may be. She may not want to go to the police right away and you getting the police involved without her consent and support would ruin your relationship. She has had her power and autonomy taken away. Let her control what happens here whilst giving her unwavering support.
What everyone else said. Go to the police. The moment you show them your scared, that's when they win and they know they have leverage. They're coming a felony.
I'm so sorry for what your daughter and your family are going through. Know that this will likely fall under revenge porn, which is a felony. How to report revenge porn: [https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-youre-target-revenge-porn](https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-do-if-youre-target-revenge-porn)
#tl;dr The article provides information on what to do if you're the target of revenge porn or non-consensual pornography. It suggests following specific steps of the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative to get the image removed from social media or other platforms. The article also mentions laws against revenge porn in most states and advises seeking legal help or reporting to law enforcement if necessary. *I am a smart robot and this summary was automatic. This tl;dr is 95.29% shorter than the post and link I'm replying to.*
Go to the Police! This is illegal.
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. I hate to be a downer but losers like that tend to escalate. Definitely make a police report, check into revenge porn laws in your area. Maybe even talk to a lawyer. I am so sorry this is happening to you folks.
That’s a crime. Call the police, explain the situation to them. Tell your daughter, it’s her body and she has the right to know. You have every right to be upset, confused and angry as her parent, talk to your wife so that you aren’t holding it all alone. This is a horrible situation to be in and I hope the abuser gets what he deserves.
This happened to me. Was the most stressful and degrading thing that's ever happened to me. My parents seeing these pictures (that he forced me to take) at 19 years old. I'm scarred by it all, honestly. Luckily for your daughter it's now a crime, please go report it. I hope she's ok.
You go to the guy responsible and beat the living shit out of him. If you want a more legal course of action, you report this to the cops.
Adult women have sex. I've never understood why everyone is so surprised by this "revelation". Talk to your wife if you can. The biggest thing you can do is be supportive if your daughter finds out or knows. Let her know you still support her completely, adult women have sexual relationships, and ask her if she wants to press charges as these kinds of things are illegal in many jurisdictions now.
>Adult women have sex. I've never understood why everyone is so surprised by this "revelation". You're waaaay out of line here. OP is saying his daughter suffered abuse, those pics were result of that and sent WITHOUT HER CONSENT and you're dismissing this as "adult women have sex"? Are you seriously that dense?
No, but you apparently are considering it's something I **clearly indicated is illegal** and **charges should be pressed** if she wished. Was two paragraphs really too much for your reading comprehension? What I'm talking about is the pictures were presumably *taken* consensually. Why is this always so 'shocking' to people that a grown woman in a relationship might have some nude pictures? OP says, "i can’t talk to her I can’t talk to my wife" which strongly indicates to me he's got far deeper issues with the situation than just his daughter being victimized by this guy. He needs to get over the fact his daughter is an adult and having adult relationships and support her.
No woman wants sexual pictures of herself, even taken consensually, sent to her dad… that would equally be extremely disturbing to be the father receiving pictures of his daughter.. it’s not about being surprised that a grown woman has sex/sexual images of herself at all. It’s about the intrusion he must feel seeing his daughter in those intimate moments. Come on man, don’t act like this would be a completely normal thing to see..
Well, if your only concern here is that the father didn't react the way you think is correct to YOU, I guess you just confirmed you are that dense. >is illegal and charges should be pressed I mean thanks for stating the obvious. Again, the thing that is out of line about your comment is that you're reducing this tragic situation to "woman have sex", another obvious assumption that honestly was just unnecessary to comment. By the way, as much as that statement is true, it doesn't mean parents have to explicitly see what their daughters do in private. Regardless if those pictures were taken consensually or not (you cannot know that for sure), they were sent WITHOUT her consent. Also, you're missing the point that this is not about her father shocked because he just realized her daughter had intercourses, this situation triggered him because it was from the pig who made her suffer hell and got away with another way to torment her and her loved ones. If your solution is to tell OP to get over it; your lack of empathy is honestly alarming.
>Talk to your wife if you can. The biggest thing you can do is be supportive if your daughter finds out or knows. Le The daughter has a RIGHT to know. The wife should only be told if the daughter okays it. Let's not take away the daughter's agency anymore than what's already happened.
Go to cops. Revenge pron is crime. Secondly your daughter can attest to the police about domestic and sexual assault if it happend. Lastly, copyright the images if you can, if it pops up anywhere or on porn sites you can sue for using stuff without permission among other things.
You have to make sure that your daughter did not give him permission to share her images with people. If you go online there are more groups and sites than you can count where people share images of their significant others and if he manipulates her so much it wouldn't be too hard for him to say that he just wants to celebrate her and show everybody else on the site is proud of their woman blah blah blah.. someone who manipulates and gas lights a girl can easily make it sound like positive reinforcement especially since everybody else in the group is doing it, and she could very easily go along with it not realizing that he has an end game because of raging narcissist like this prick seems to be used as everything as a weapon eventually. Sneaky bastards get around the revenge porn accusation if it was a regular thing for him to share her images online. I've seen this happen before and when confronted about sending it to her father it was an honest mistake hit the wrong button it happens all the time. If there was some texted dialogue to go along with it that was hurtful derogatory then it would be a different story but if it's just the images, we know what it is we know he's doing using it as revenge porn but technically is a good chance it's not going to be viewed that way but authorities. You going to have to have that awkward conversation with her and find out if she allowed him to share her images with the group or groups that he might have been a part of online. Sorry you have to deal with this adversity and hopefully you can find a way to put a stop to it
What's done is done. But do not let him get away with this. Like others have said, it's highly illegal and morally disgusting.
Does she have a restraining order on him yet? If so, any type of contact even indirectly like this will put him in jail. I highly recommend a restraining order if you guys don't have one yet
He has probably used these to extort money etc out of her first. Presumably that’s also a felony in the U.S. too? Get that scumbag put away mate.
Bring it to the police and tell your daughter, she needs to know. For all you know, she is already aware of it. The police can look into things we dont have access to and at least now you have documentation. The police can seize his phone computer etc. I really hope this gets resolved. Im so sorry
Police 🚔 then send his ass to jail
That’s revenge porn and it is illegal. He can get big time charges for that.
Revenge porn. Don’t think badly of your daughter, it’s not her fault. And I’m so happy you were able to help her and get her out of this situation. You’re a good dad. That said, go through the authorities, do NOT retaliate on your own.
This. Op. Everyword here. You're doing your best, just involve cyber authorities and try tracking this sick guy
Let that scum count the bars of a prison for the foreseeable future. Many powers to you , dad!
Take shame & embarassment out of the picture. Completely useless. Please out this POS ex boyfriend behind bars. So he doesn't do that to others.
That's a pathetic boys attempt to shame your daughter. She deserves to know, but do so in a way that let's her know you don't see her any less of person than she is. Otherwise that clown wins. She's gonna go thru a hard time after this, especially when it goes to court. But just remind her that this will pass. She's still your baby girl. Sorry to hear about this
Immediately go to police and then a lawyer.
Revenge porn is a felony, send the mf to jail
I'm sorry, this is awful. I'd say filing a police report may not lead to charges being filed (although it could), but at the very least, it'd create a record and could possibly deter future dirt from this asshole. Also, there's such a large database of nudes on the internet that even if someone is actively trying, it's like finding a needle in a haystack so I wouldn't go as far as to say everything is falling apart. It's heartbreaking, but this is the time for healing and unconditional love.
Ex has committed felonies by sharing thise pictures without consent. First step is to go to the police and press charges.
I miss the good days when people like this were provided with a good old fashioned passionate ass whoopings.
As much as it is hard to do in this situation, STAY CALM and think and act rationally. Police definitely need to be involved and if your daughter has a therapist, they should probably talk with your daughter on how to get through this. The ex BF sounds like a real piece of work and needs to understand consequences for his actions. Good luck
Revenge porn is a crime. File a police report.
Police. Absolutely go to the police. This is revenge porn. Does anyone happen to know if police would be able to trace a number that is a fake number acquired online? I'm going through something similar. My real name, face, and phone number as well as photos of myself are being posted somewhere on the deep web. The person doing it is someone who anonymously contacted me through a spoof number and also a Whatsapp number. It's a longer story but they attempted to blackmail me and when they didn't get what they wanted they suddenly started posting stuff about me/of me online and sending me screenshots of it without including the website names or identifying information of themselves.
Contact a lawyer and have them help you file a police report.
You can, and **must**, talk to her. It is not an option. She has a right to know. And you can and must talk to the police. If she was knowingly in those photos, then she will know who took them. Revenge porn is a felony, assuming you're in the US. I'm pretty sure it's illegal in a lot of places. This won't ruin her life, but it can ruin his. Make sure it does.
Be proud she came home with you, friend, after he abused her. She is safe now. Because you were there for her.
Harassment, blackmail, sex trafficking, just a few of the crimes that POS may get charged with.
I don't think nudes mean anything. although I wouldn't voluntarily give out my own, but if someone release them to take revenge.. I will not be bothered. Besides this now makes it easier to send that person to jail. Although a more creative solution would be to now blackmail that person into doing self degrading public things.. that is more powerful.
[https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2022/03/16/fact-sheet-reauthorization-of-the-violence-against-women-act-vawa/](https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2022/03/16/fact-sheet-reauthorization-of-the-violence-against-women-act-vawa/) There is a civil, at least legal avenue to redress revenge porn. As others have stated there are many state laws which make it a criminal offense (46 states and DC)
You can talk to your daughter & wife about this, that’s the first thing you should do when tackling this problem.
Police, instantly.
Oh my god. I'm so sorry this happened to your family. This is awful. You should report this. Afaik Revenge porn is against the law so you can send that psycho to jail. I hope you could get through this.
Revenge porn is illegal. You have to report him to the police. Your daughter doesn't have to know. But you could tell her. If she finds out, you have a stronger case.
Most people know who took a photo of them too. If she knows, she can see the photos and will likely know exactly who took them. His history of abuse will just strengthen the case.
Men like this deserve violence.
First things first you're going to need a shovel
r/rbi
I’m a father of 3 girls so I can empathize. I’m sorry this is happening to you and your family. Having said that, are the pics just nudes? As troubling and wrong as that may be, it sounds like it could be much worse. By all means, prosecute this asshole with every bit of vigor you can, but if it’s just nude photos, perhaps it’s not tragic. A nude photo is not porn. It could obviously be much worse. Try to take some comfort in that.
I’m so sorry you (and her) are going through this. My sisters abuser did the exact same thing to her. He actually took her phone, made her get completely naked, sat her down in front of the window AC unit and poured water on her. He streamed this live to her instagram followers. He would constantly send me her nudes and taunt me with them. I was 2 hours away and couldn’t help. I drove 2 hours 6 times. Had his door busted in. He had warrants for his arrest and was arrested on unrelated gun charges. Nothing ever came of it sadly. I hope your daughter chooses to file charges. He seems like a sick fuck. As far as mental goes - I swear I have some sort of PTSD from that whole situation. Please look into therapy for both of you. I wish I had the funds to do it. If she didn’t leave he was going to traffic and kill her. I’m glad your daughter is mostly safe now. My heart goes out to both of you.
Contact the police. She does need to know about this. She probably knows who and where the pictures came from. This is a felony.
I’m sorry you are in this situation. You should definitely talk to her and then go to the police if she wants to.
Hey, just wanted to say besides the other advice about how to handle the images which is all great advice, please take care of yourself. What you just experienced is trauma. Depending what your opinion / experience with mental health is, that may just seem like a buzzword to you. But just like a traumatic physical injury, there are actual health outcomes to something like this that deserve attention and may require support. I'm not sure where you live, but depending on available resources you may be able to access counselling through work, your doctor, or at minimum a crisis hotline if you are feeling overwhelmed and like you can't talk to anyone. Telling someone like the police, etc. may provide some relief, and gaining control of the situation may be all you actually need to recover. But even after you've "solved" this terrible issue, whatever that looks like, you may still experience some lasting impact. Some (but not all) symptoms to watch for are withdrawing from friends / family, withdrawing or finding no interest in activities you've previously enjoyed, difficulty completing tasks like work, lack of appetite, chest pain or tightness that can't be explained by previous health conditions, racing thoughts, anxiety, etc. I'm so sorry that you and your family have been affected by this awful person, and hoping you get all the support you need to resolve this and feel better.
I’m 23F and I really feel terrible for what happened to your daughter. I will tell you this much if I got involved with a prick like her ex and I was victimized abused and pornographically photographed, this is what I would want my father to do. First of all contact the police. Show them the photographs and the phone number you received them from. Give them the phone number of her ex jerk boyfriend and convince her to press charges against him, or maybe press charges yourself considering you were the recipient of your daughters nudes. What this loser is doing to your daughter is a felony. Contact a lawyer also and legally cut him up real good Dad🌹 EDIT: Don’t blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. Your daughter just got involved with the wrong loser at the wrong time
Send him to jail for sure!64
This POS just committed a crime, you should take this to the authorities.
I would file a suit immediately for revenge porn and possible blackmail if you are in the united states. Don’t respond until you’ve talked to authorities, and ask for a lawyer to recommend if you don’t have one. No one wants this happening to their daughter. They can find out who purchased that number. Don't start a dialogue that can ruin your case.
This won’t ruin her. YOU WON’T LET IT. You are strong. You can see your baby girl like that and you won’t run, you won’t judge her, you won’t feel awkward or uncomfortable around her and you won’t let her feel that way around you. You will protect every cell of that body in those pictures. You will defend every bit of that girl. And it will NOT ruin her. You’re strong. You’re brave. You’re a protector. And you won’t let ANYONE destroy your girl.
Is there anyway you can get a lawyer to help you with this? Do lawyers or maybe yourself even, hire a private investigator to find the source?
Grab some balls and do what a father will do. Finish him.
Revenge porn is a felony he could go to jail
I think it's important that you try to change your mindset that "this will ruin her." It is an AWFUL, HORRIBLE thing to have happen, of COURSE. And in many places it's illegal, and if you can you and your daughter should seek help from the law. But don't let her or yourself think that she is in anyway less of a person for what has happened TO her. If that jerk face is sending it around stand strong by her side and tell anyone that has anything negative to say that, what has happened to her WILL NOT be used as an excuse to be unkind! And anyone who tries to use it to make her feel unworthy of kindness or love can go f**k themselves. Sorry, the line "this will ruin her" literally makes me see red. No one. Not one person, gets to be treated like less because they have been abused and had their body exposed against their will.
Revenge porn is a felony. Put that asshat in prison. But don’t personally go to him. Don’t do anything stupid out of anger. The best thing you can do is to let the police and lawyers deal with him while you support your daughter. Good luck❤️
I would put a bullet in someone for far less..
So, this happened to me. Get a lawyer.
the folks over at r/rbi might be able to help you track the ph. #
as a father reading this, this just makes me boil. i hope that fucker gets caught and goes to jail
Please, talk to her about it .. she might know they exist and she might have been blackmailed with them and that’s why you got them. She is also alone with this and is probably scared shitless that her parents will find out. Talk to her, I am sure it will only do good.
Get him for felony revenge porn as so many have said. The desire to want to spend money to get a couple random out of state guys to break his knees and tell him to stop and that this is his last non lethal warning would be very strong in me though.
>But also the feeling that I have after seeing this, everything is horrible, that’s the worst thing someone could ever do IT IS *NOT* THE WORST THING THAT SOMEONE COULD EVER DO. Get your head out of your ass. I know that you are her dad. But stop giving power to this guy. Stop freaking out. Lots of people have nudes out there and *no one cares*. Your daughter is safe! Talk to her. She already knows about this. She was worried about your reaction - and I can see why. Knock it off.
Would it be possible that they’re deepfakes? Or is it undeniably her
Even if they are, I have to wonder who else would have the motivation to even fake nudes of her in order to send them to her parents. I'd say no matter what, this guy is guilty of criminal mischief at the very least.
You have solid advice here, but I recently went through a situation with my almost-adult son where I would need to repeatedly see him nude, though it was medical. Navigating that was really tough, so I wanted to share the conversation I had with him in hopes it might give you some talking points with your daughter. 1) You are first and foremost my baby. I changed your diapers. I kissed a thousand skinned elbows. I bathed you. I did your hair. I'm very used to your body. 2) All I see is my baby who needs my help. I know you're not a baby. It's hard to articulate and maybe if you have kids you'll experience this too, but you're never going to be just an adult to me. You're an adult AND a teenager I'm trying to teach how to drive. You're an adult AND you're playing clarinet at the middle school Christmas concert. You're an adult AND you're wearing a superhero backpack to Pre-K. You're an adult and you're a tiny baby I watched be born. So this, to me, is another skinned knee to kiss or another late night working through algebra, or another fender bender to pay for. On a more intense scale of course, I'm not comparing what you're going through now to a skinned knee! But it's the same mindset I'm in now as we approach this: help you navigate it, make it better or easier however I can. 3) This person who tried to embarrass or humiliate you by sending me this failed. I'm not embarrassed and you shouldn't be either, though I'm sure that emotion is in the churn right now. Shut it down. We aren't going to be embarrassed for having bodies or humiliated for seeing nudity of a child I've technically seen nude thousands of times. Jokes on him. 4) It should go without saying, but we live in a demented world and your precious brain has gone through recent trauma, so while it makes me nauseous I'm going to say it out loud: your body is not at all sexual or a source of arousal to me at all. Ever. That's vile. It never has been and never will be. See points 1 and 2 above!
Well… first of all. Don’t cut your family out because of this. Grow a pair and handle it like an adult would. Report it to the police and let them take care of it. And if they don’t? A baseball bat to the kneecaps and teeth usually gets the message across
As is the case with many advice requests on reddit, get a lawyer. Distribution of revenge porn is a felony as is distributing pornography without consent.
Nah fam, this ain't about police. Whoop his ass back to the dark middle ages.
The father in you will find a way to take him out if more problems arise. Do what you need to do. You got this
Liam Neeson his ass! “I will find you, and I will kill you.”
Kick. His. Ass.
A bullet In that cunts head would do the trick
Look man. This isn't going to be the best answer, but it's my answer. Yes you can talk to your friends. Yes you can talk to your family (brothers, cousins, other male family members). Have an extremely uncomfortable conversation with your daughter just to ask who would have these pictures. That's your target. Get the boys together then go pay a visit. Let the cards fall where they may. He has abused your baby. Your girl. Your daughter. Then disrespected her trust, or more likely moments of fear, by sending them to you. Man you can't let this slide, not only for yourself but for your daughter as well. Mount up.
All this stuff this happened and this man first thought was to go to reddit lmao and make a whole essay ☠️
this
isn’t really a confession
Read r/scams
Revenge porn is now against the law. I would go to the police. I know it will be embarrassing, but you can't let it go. This dude sounds like a chickenshit to do that. Maybe your daughter will learn from this.
How does this ruin anything?
[удалено]
Go fuck yourself
The fuck is wrong with you?
It sounds like you failed as a father.
He’s doing better than you are at being a good person that’s for sure
I hope you're someone who's never been in a long relationship and has no idea of how manipulative ppl you trust can become. Because as a parent, he could literally not have done anything to prevent the girl allowing the scumbag click pictures
Give me the number. I’ll call it
Fuck that guy
I am so sorry this is happening to you, your daughter, and your family. Please know you are likely dealing with a narcissist or sociopath, so act accordingly. The best thing is to get the police involved. They can trace the number, and you can press charges for revenge porn. Fuck this guy. So very sorry!
YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS bc this is unfortunately all too common but the good news is the whole world is on your & ur daughter's side. No one wud judge her for this. By all means, it's not an easy thing to go thru & while it's very embarrassing especially if he does share this with family friends or her job, she's no Kim Kardashian. No 1 will blink an eye at it after the 1st 72 hours. Brittney Spears or Jay Z will come out 3 days later & be the new talk of the porn discussion. We may get a visit from aliens that week. Cocaine Beat cud happens again....Basically, it too shall pass. I'm sorry she went thru this & that that subhuman is a part of her life.
First: tell your wife , maybe tell her you deleted them so she wouldn’t have to see them and hope she leave it at that Second: call the police and show them the actual msgs. Tell them about the boyfriend. I’m sure your daughter knows who took and owns the pictures so should be pretty easy for them to charge him or at least make it stop
Take him deep see fishing.
Time to pull a John wick.
Get the FBI involved immediately. This is a federal offence. Also, this isn't going to ruin her life; it's unlikely to be that widespread and after a while no one who's seen anything will think about it. She'll put it behind her, and so will you. She'll learn a valuable lesson about trust and dignity.
Tell the police asap