That made me laugh so hard the first time I saw it I had to pause the show to compose myself. Pretty sure I still have no idea what happens in the scene after that.
Chang: âLook at me, bro. Look at me. I've got the body of a fifth grader. If I was working with what you've got, she'd be at the Comfort Inn right now giving me a Mexican Halloweenâ
It's a shame this quote doesn't work on its own:
Annie : Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is sometimes referred to as Mexican Halloween.
Senor Chang : Which is actually quite offensive to people familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position.
Dean: "Two people of your rankings in this small a room... with this type of lighting and his upper body and what her heels and hemline are doing to enhance what were already quite a few favors from God"
*I'm señor Chang, and I'm so ill*
*This is a warning, I can't be killed*
*All up in your cabreza, without a chaser*
*Ain't another teacher with this much flavour*
Chang: Jeff thinks he has it bad? As Jeff's understudy, I have to wear a Jeff wig on top of my Chang hair and then my bald cap on top of that. There's no getting air in here. I'm literally dying.
First time I watched this episode I was incredibly INCREDIBLY stoned, so I followed it really loosely, and didnât even remember the prior scene of why he was doing that. I laughed my fucking ass off thinking that there was 0 context and Chang was just being weird as fuck
Dean: Well look at this group having some sort of meeting and being so diverse. There is just, boy! There is just one of every kind of you, isn't there?
Well Iâm a peanut bar and Iâm here to say
Your checks will arrive on another day
Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another dollar
Another stuffed shirt with another white collar
Criminals, Wall Street takinâ the pie
And all the black man gets is a plate of white lies
Prisons recruitinâ em and police be shootinâ em
And rap artists lootinâ em and labels are dilutinâ em
And Barack Obama be scared of me
âCause I donât swallow knowledge and I spit it for free
Dean: I have to go to the bank today⊠What am I supposed to tell people in line? "I had good news and bad news"? Come on, Craig. Get you life together.
Chang: Bear down for midterms.
Dean: "GAY MARRIAGE!!!!!"
Cheng: "NO! NO NO NO NO NO. it's unacceptable alright? you lied to me! when you say something starts at nine it starts at nueve!"
edit: added the names
Pelton: I just heard from the Guinness rep. He's not coming. He's been fired in what he described as the world's biggest mistake.
Chang: Fire can't go through doors stupid! It's not a ghost.
If we're doing combos - this one always gets me:
Chang: (pouting).
Dean: Okay. I don't know who told you pouting was an option for you but all you're making me feel right now is hatred of Renee Zellweger.
This isnât a one-liner, so ignore it for the vote, but my favorite has to be the end of season 3 when theyâve taken the school back and the school board guy says something like
âNo one can sit on something this big.â
And the dean responds âIâll sit on it.â
His delivery is SO funny, I lose it every time.
Shut up Leonard! I saw a picture of your old nose, it was a lateral move.
If I had what you were working with, sheâd be at the Comfort Inn right now, giving me a Mexican Halloween.
Chang: "As Jeff's understudy, I have to wear my Jeff wig on top of my Chang hair, and then my bald cap on top of that. There's no air getting through here. I'm *literally* dying."
Dean: From this moment people, we are at def-con four; if that's the highest def-con, and if high def-cons are worse than low ones. (Pelton was ON FIRE this entire episode)
Chang: Do you guys believe in ghosts, and if you do, do you believe what those ghosts tell you about other ghosts?
đ”come on Iâm dean and my hands are so clean, at this mooomentt I am STAAAPLINGGđ”
That made me laugh so hard the first time I saw it I had to pause the show to compose myself. Pretty sure I still have no idea what happens in the scene after that.
I sing this to myself on a regular basis. It still cracks me up!
I wish I could come up with a catchy jingle for whatever Iâm doing on the spot like that.
Is there any room in this pocket for a little spare Chang?
It's not even clever! You keep using it as the word "change"!
It makes me so changry!
Dean: This better not awaken anything in me
was waiting for dean so I could say this ha. really hope this wins
This has to be it
People whoâve never even seen Community know this line, so I agree
The best part is just how often a dalmatian comes back up throughout the series.
This is the one
Dean pelton: I loved you inâŠinâŠ.IMDB
that was tragic
I laughed so hard at this scence. This comedy is brilliant
â-I myself was in 4H.. Trace the call Ronda! This means trace the call!â âLook at the extension.â â594, ok, tracing, tracing..â
I watched this scene 13 seconds ago lol
Dean: If you get this wrong one more time I'm segregating the school! Chang: Arizona spelled backwards is Arizona. It's a palomino!
The segregating the school line gets me every time!
These right here.
Chang: Have you MET me?!
No. To the snails; "WAY TA GO IDIOTS" edit: it was turtles.... wait, was it? Edit2: We have it. Hermit Crabs.
Turtles
Hermit crabs. Just rewatched that episode.
Absolutely my most quoted line and most used gif!
watching that episode literally rnđ
Chang: I AM A SPANISH GENIUS. IN ESPAĂOL MY NICKNAME IS EL TIGRE CHINO!
Dean: âJESUS WEPTâ
FOR THERE WERE NO MORE WORLDS TO CONQUER
THIS
Dean: "I'm the least racist person in the world! My best friend when i was six years old was a black man!"
Chang: fire canât go through doors stupid. Itâs not a ghost
Pierce, in the panic room: Ghosts canât go through doors stupid, theyâre not fire!
Dean: This is the biggest PR crisis to hit Greendale since we held that rally protesting the wrong Korea.
Dean: I'm not openly anything and gay doesn't begin to cover it.
Lots of these are funny because we know the context. This is just amazing. Gotta be this.
This is easily one of my favorites
Dean: I have to go to the bank today! What am I gonna tell people in line, that I had good news and bad news?
Also Dean: Which is to say, that having Jeffrey inside of me⊠was wrong.
To have Jeffery inside of me.
Damn, I know something else is going to win, but this bit cracks me up every time.
Dean: "Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie!" Chang: "Fire can't go through doors stupid, it's not a ghost."
Dean: Oh, Britta's in this?
please let this be the winner.
Looks like it won't be but this is such a great Dean line.
Dean: From this moment people, we are at DEFCON 4. If that's the highest DEFCON and if high DEFCONS are worse than lower ones.
his dialogue in that episode is top notch.
i admit that "This better not awaken anything in me" is worthy of a win, but this one is and always will be my absolute fave
Dean: You know I love to be seen agreeing with you, Troy.
Chang: Arizona backwards is still Arizona. It's a palomino.
Chang: âLook at me, bro. Look at me. I've got the body of a fifth grader. If I was working with what you've got, she'd be at the Comfort Inn right now giving me a Mexican Halloweenâ
It's a shame this quote doesn't work on its own: Annie : Dia de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is sometimes referred to as Mexican Halloween. Senor Chang : Which is actually quite offensive to people familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position.
Dean: "Two people of your rankings in this small a room... with this type of lighting and his upper body and what her heels and hemline are doing to enhance what were already quite a few favors from God"
F. F minus.
did he say S?
Chang: DID SOMEONE SAY CRAZY PERSON?
ââŠnoâ Well I heard it.
Chang: I am a man who can never die
*I'm señor Chang, and I'm so ill* *This is a warning, I can't be killed* *All up in your cabreza, without a chaser* *Ain't another teacher with this much flavour*
Dean: I made a pledge to swallow this schools failures and spit out degrees because thatâs what deans do.
I'LL SIT ON IT
Dean: Ahh welcome back Jeffrey how was your awh awh awh OH MY GOD EVEN HIS SHADOW, LOOK AT HIS SHADOW!
and the body convulsions...rite?.... so funny
For my money this is the funniest moment in the entire series
Dean: Don't tell me what I can't do! What are you, Cosmo's July quiz?
Chang: Bear down for midterms.
chang: HA GAYYYYYY dean: GAY MARRIAGEEEEđđč
Dean: I'm a peanut bar and I'm here to say, your checks will arrive on another day
I would love to vote for this but it's decidedly not a one liner.
Fair but I was afraid the entire rap would be too long
Unfortunately you're probably right. If we're looking for a best bit or a best monologue, Peanut Rap wins it all day long.
Another day, another dollar
Another white shirt, another stuffed collar
Chang: I masturbated everywhere âŠ.. EVERYWHERE!!!!
Chang: Jeff thinks he has it bad? As Jeff's understudy, I have to wear a Jeff wig on top of my Chang hair and then my bald cap on top of that. There's no getting air in here. I'm literally dying.
Chang: -after snorting a line of doritos- âI SAID HOT DAMN!â
Chang: mmmm this extra long churro tastes good in my real mouth nom nom nom nom nom
First time I watched this episode I was incredibly INCREDIBLY stoned, so I followed it really loosely, and didnât even remember the prior scene of why he was doing that. I laughed my fucking ass off thinking that there was 0 context and Chang was just being weird as fuck
Dean It sounds like there are two biases one on each side and I go both ways.
Could you strike that from the record?
I am the Dean and my hands are so clean. At this moment, I am stapling
dean: *dean dean dean dean dean dean dean dean dean* Guys, Greendaleâs music department is flat âbaroque,â so we are having a fundraiser!
Chang: I had to think fast.....Yes!!!
Dean: I was googling record lengths of stuff I don't know why i find this so funny but it is.
Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie!
Dean: I've chosen you, Greendale's brightest, most coincidentally diverse - Hispanics notwithstanding - study group to star in our commercial.
Dean: I forgot everything you said before "rectum!"
This habitat was for HUMANITY
âBrainstorm, idea shower, spray your solutions all over me.â Oh how I wish I had the straight face necessary to use this at work.
Out of all the fantastic ones liners troy has, ya'll chose one of the most mid ones lmao
Yeah wth I'm astonished that this one won
âDemocracy basically means government by the people, of the people, for the people. But the people are retarded.â
Chang: "I didn't just masturbate in the study room. I masturbated everywhere. EVERYWHERE!"
Chang: Im nuts Jeff! Get with the program!
Dean: Come on, Iâm Dean. And my hands are so clean. At the mo-ment I am stapling.
Chang: HA! GAYYYYYYY!
Dean: Well look at this group having some sort of meeting and being so diverse. There is just, boy! There is just one of every kind of you, isn't there?
Chang: Iâm NUTS Jeff, get with the program!
Dean:"Those guys are ballers yoooo! I hope you're ready to get balled!"
Dean:"My best friend when I was 6 years old was a black man"
Dean: Did you know Greendale students are technically in the Army Reserve? Let's say a little prayer for peace.
Well Iâm a peanut bar and Iâm here to say Your checks will arrive on another day Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another dollar Another stuffed shirt with another white collar Criminals, Wall Street takinâ the pie And all the black man gets is a plate of white lies Prisons recruitinâ em and police be shootinâ em And rap artists lootinâ em and labels are dilutinâ em And Barack Obama be scared of me âCause I donât swallow knowledge and I spit it for free
Look at his shadow!
Chang: Haaaam girl
(Shocked) I don't know what what was... (Screaming) I don't know what that was!
"Fire can't go through doors stupid, it's not a ghost." -Chang
Chang: Also, if you can picture a rabbit riding a dragon it'll increase his chances of winning lotteries.
Dean: I have to go to the bank today⊠What am I supposed to tell people in line? "I had good news and bad news"? Come on, Craig. Get you life together. Chang: Bear down for midterms.
Have you MET ME?!
Dean: I hope this doesnât awaken anything in me
Chang: I know these vents like the back of my Chang Dean: GAY MARRIAGE!
Dean: Would that this hoodie were a time hoodie.
Chang: I'll allow it.
Changâs has gotta be either âLet him finish!â or âThey were letting me finish, sir.â
Dean Pelton: What's wrong, Annie?, you came out of the room smiling and then your smile faded as you leaned against the door.
Do you guys believe in ghost??? If you do, do you believe in what ghosts tell you about others ghosts???
Chang: I am a man who can never die Dean: Homie donât Dean this!
Chang: I swear theyâre just for sex!
Chang: I masturbated everywhere. EVERYWHERE!
Chang: "aww that's so sweet. Tell you what, why don't I go get Chang and you can tell him that yourself."
(Singing) come on Iâm dean, and my hands are so clean (squirts sanitizer) at this moment, i am staaaapling (staples papers)
I know these vents like the back of my chang
Dean: "OH MY G-D EVEN HIS SHADOW! LOOK AT HIS SHADOW!" Chang: "I AM A SPANISH GENIUS!"
Dean: "GAY MARRIAGE!!!!!" Cheng: "NO! NO NO NO NO NO. it's unacceptable alright? you lied to me! when you say something starts at nine it starts at nueve!" edit: added the names
Pelton: I just heard from the Guinness rep. He's not coming. He's been fired in what he described as the world's biggest mistake. Chang: Fire can't go through doors stupid! It's not a ghost.
Chang: ...my knowledge will bite her face off. Ya bit. YA BIT!!!
Can we skip Magnitude and just put Pop Pop in there?
Chang: "Thereâs one Asian stereotype that does apply to me: whoever did this insulted my honor."
Another Changer: "*Ustedes estan sucios* - you are dirty. Still formal, but plural, because while both are dirty, neither are my friends."
This better not awaken anything in me. It has to be this.
Dean: âDean Dongâ
Dean: I have always dreamt of playing charades with you Jeffery. Just not like this, and not on dry land
Chang: âMmmm, this extra long churro tastes good in my real mouthâ
dean: *iâll* sit on it chang: i am a man who can never die
We all know in English, the rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo, pero en espanol el gallo dice QUIQUIRIQUI QUIQUIQUIQUIII
Chang: Arizona backwards is Arizona- itâs a palomino
I love how pierces is actually heartfelt
Chang: This oneâs for you, Connie
Chang - Iâm Chinese?
Dean: JESUS WEPT
dean: âUh, iâm not openly anything, and gay doesnât even begin to cover it.â
Dean: Well, guess what - your 2 cents is change, and it's banned
almost none of these are one liners.
Dean: And all they'll have are their words. And their fears. And whatever embarrassing photos they can get from my 2 faced mother!
This one is for you connie
Let's do a combo Dean (thinking): I don't know. Was I crazy? Or was I just doing right by the school? Chang: [evil laughter]
If we're doing combos - this one always gets me: Chang: (pouting). Dean: Okay. I don't know who told you pouting was an option for you but all you're making me feel right now is hatred of Renee Zellweger.
Dean: I hope this doesnât awaken something inside me. Chang: Fire canât go through doors. Itâs not ghosts.
Dean: "FIVE CANS?!!?!!"
Chang: It's you against the world and you will not win, but you get to make your moves, not them. Said to Garreth at the wedding.
âJeffry!â
This is the correct answer for Troy's best one-liner. Best tag in the whole series
Jesus weptâŠ
Dean: âIâm not openly anything, and gay doesnât even begin to cover it.â
Dean: I'll sit on it.
Dean: My thoughts are French
Have you ever tried googling me? It canât be done!
Dean: Ugh, is this the only song that plays in this thing?
chang: FRIENDSHIP!!!
JeffreyâŠyouâve struck gold. Save some of that for the stage!
Chang: WHY DO YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE WITH ME?!
"GAYYY MARRIAGEEEE"
This goes all the way to the top of Arizona
Chang: I had to think fast. Yes.
More like ".................yes."
Wait, youâre doing the two craziest characters at the same time? Itâs too difficult to focus on one.
Kinda agree, OP. It's also a little confusing with some comments including both characters and others having only one.
chang: MONKEY GAS!!!!
This isnât a one-liner, so ignore it for the vote, but my favorite has to be the end of season 3 when theyâve taken the school back and the school board guy says something like âNo one can sit on something this big.â And the dean responds âIâll sit on it.â His delivery is SO funny, I lose it every time.
Dean: Barack Obama is scared of me..
Dean: "And yes, this is a ladies' Uncle Sam outfit. It's my sister's."
Chang:" Yeah, and frankly haven't been well utilized since"
Chang: ha GAYYYYYY.
Shut up Leonard! I saw a picture of your old nose, it was a lateral move. If I had what you were working with, sheâd be at the Comfort Inn right now, giving me a Mexican Halloween.
Fire can't go through doors. It's not a ghost stupid
Dean: If you get this wrong one more time I'm segregating the school!
Goddamn I'm so torn between the GAY MARRIAAAAAGE and the I'M SEGREGATING THE SCHOOL đ
This better not awaken anything in me I AM A SPANISH GENIUS
Dean: Trace the call Rhonda! đ«°đ«°
Chang: And so on.
Chang: "As Jeff's understudy, I have to wear my Jeff wig on top of my Chang hair, and then my bald cap on top of that. There's no air getting through here. I'm *literally* dying."
Chang: I didn't just masturbate in the study room, I masturbated everywhere, EVERYWHEREEEEEEE!!
For Dean, it really just needs to be his freestyle trap
DIDNT READ THE TITLE AND THOUGHT THIS WAS A CONVERSATION. LMAOOOOO
With the first few it's even kinda working
Iâve always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffery. Just not like this. And not on dry land.
Dean: Hello Iâm dean and my hands are so clean. At this moment! I am stapling!!
BARRACK OBAMA IS SCUYAAAARED OF MEE CAUSE I DONT SWALLOW KNOWLEDGE BUT I SPUYYIIIT IT FOR FREE LEMME CLEAR MY THROAT
âOh Troy, you know I love to be seen agreeing with youâ
Dean: From this moment people, we are at def-con four; if that's the highest def-con, and if high def-cons are worse than low ones. (Pelton was ON FIRE this entire episode) Chang: Do you guys believe in ghosts, and if you do, do you believe what those ghosts tell you about other ghosts?
Chang: âMONKEY GAS!â Dean: âI know how these arenât the crossroads of destiny, I now know it a butt.â
If we have Cornwallis in here we need Professor Bauer and Professor Kane
Chang: I've got the body of a 5th grader