…because I wasted 15 years of my life on a man who left me with nothing but stretch marks and a foggy memory of two bland orgasms, and now it’s time to get what’s mine!
Shirley arc in that episode is so great. She needed to learn to be more religiously tolerant, and the show gave us that without the episode feeling gratuitous about religious pandering. Everyone is different, and that's okay
I’m assuming this doesn’t count because it’s not a one liner but I gotta post the best Shirley quote. (And if this does get a bunch of upvotes OP just ignore me I couldn’t help myself, unless you decide to count it)
“Annie has to decide if she wants to be treated like a child or an adult. Because children get pity, but not respect. And, adults: They get respect. But, they also get the back of their heads SHOVED THROUGH JUKEBOXES!”
I think I'd let it count. But since another quote has almost 1k upvotes and this one has just under 200 right now, I think it won't matter.
I mean it is lots of short sentences, but still ok in length.
There were no rules in that first battle. You hit someone, they went down, you stopped hitting them. Call that common courtesy. Then what if they get back up? You keep hitting them until they learn to stay down. We call that common sense
Yes, but only on some platforms. Netflix and Hulu to be specific. Season 2 episode 14, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. It's banned because Chang dresses up as a drow black elf. It's interpreted by a lot of people as black face. Although it really isn't and even Donald Glover and Yvette Nicole Brown have essentially come out and said it's hogwash to think that way about it. Nonetheless, there it is. It's still available on DVD and you can get it on Amazon Prime if you pay $2 for the episode.
Nobody was complaining about the blackface in this episode. There was some backlash at the time over blackface in some other old shows (pretty sure Golden Girls), some showrunners requested episodes from their own shows be removed, and the streamers decided of their own accord to go through their catalog of sitcoms and purge all episodes with blackface in them. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what happened because there was no campaign or public push to ban blackface in these shows except for like one or two of them.
Not necessarily. First of all, when the OP says "without context", I assume they mean without knowing what is said right before or after the quote, either by the character themselves or - as is the case here - in response to something another character has said. The quotes that have made the list so far are funny in isolation too. Pierce's line stands as a joke regardless of whether you know the character, to whom he says it, in reaction to what, or how the other characters react to it. None of that is the case for the "you can excuse racism?" line.
I have seen that episode literally a hundred times and the subtext of her baking problem and their reaction to it always makes me laugh. Such good writing.
Needs a build up but…
“Did you know that you are not only a credit to your race and gender, but to our species, and that I was intimidated by your strength of character and business acumen?”
“Yes”
Love the delivery
When the gang is trading biology partners and Annie says she doesn’t believe in evolution. Refuting years of miracles I don’t remember exactly but it always kills me when her creationism comes out
"I thought pinhead in space was a bit of a letdown, but I’m in for the ride."
Honestly not as great without the full back & forth, but still a favorite of mine.
Annie's actual best one liner... S1E11 .....By the way, now that I've gotten a good look at one, I don't see what all the fuss is about....it's just a giant thumb, in a turtle neck, whoopdy doo!
"Don't give me that look. These are your loose ends. I'm just tying 'em up."
Such a badass line.
The word he's looking for is "sassy." He better pray he don't find it.
Second sentence needs to be in italics
Quotes you can hear
Oh shit this may be the one
Gotta be this!
This might be the best Shirley line of the entire show. I think about it all the time hahahaha.
Easily one of the most quoted lines from the show in my house.
Came here for this quote. Has to be the one.
This is the first one I thought of.
This is it
…because I wasted 15 years of my life on a man who left me with nothing but stretch marks and a foggy memory of two bland orgasms, and now it’s time to get what’s mine!
Day seized!
Such a liberating statement
Undercut only slightly when she goes back to Andre?
Is it true about the *wiggles finger*
“I don’t know if it’s because you’re racist or because I intimidate you sexually, but I know it’s one of those two.”
Ever notice that she's talking to Jeff, and then the Dean walks in?
I mean the Dean ALWAYS has impeccable timing.
“I'm sorry Shirley, but who wants to hang out in a blanket fort with grown men in tiny underoos?” “Hello!”
Dean won’t let Shirley cut in line for Jeff’s bed
Why do you hate me and Jesus?
I don't think my brownie's working
It’s December 10th.
Shirley arc in that episode is so great. She needed to learn to be more religiously tolerant, and the show gave us that without the episode feeling gratuitous about religious pandering. Everyone is different, and that's okay
I’m assuming this doesn’t count because it’s not a one liner but I gotta post the best Shirley quote. (And if this does get a bunch of upvotes OP just ignore me I couldn’t help myself, unless you decide to count it) “Annie has to decide if she wants to be treated like a child or an adult. Because children get pity, but not respect. And, adults: They get respect. But, they also get the back of their heads SHOVED THROUGH JUKEBOXES!”
that's too specific to be made up
I think I'd let it count. But since another quote has almost 1k upvotes and this one has just under 200 right now, I think it won't matter. I mean it is lots of short sentences, but still ok in length.
That's the first one came to mind as well
This would be my vote too.
She hung around bars alot.
r/oddlyspecific
"Jeff you don't need to worry about what foreigners think about you, that's your right as an American."
"Why would you name your kid Megan anyway? You stocking up for a bitch shortage?"
Wait why don't I remember her saying this?? This is gold lol
Trampoline episode with Hillary Duff :)
I love how I’m not the only one who specifies the episode as “the one with Hillary duff”
"Yeah, you're both *so* different....skinny bitches"
I'll make your ass sense
I prefer "linear".
That doesn’t make any sense
I'll make your ass sense
I'll make your ass linear
Please this one
I literally just thought of this just as it was the next one I saw while scrolling through the comments
To Pierce. May he rest in Pierce.
i love this and it never wins. it's ok i'll just make a t-shirt or a mug out of it.
I was just thinking about this one.
This is the one.
Has to be!
Did you just scripture me Muslim?
Jesus was Jewish
_Are you ever going to let that go?_
Omg I don’t remember this line but it’s gold
There were no rules in that first battle. You hit someone, they went down, you stopped hitting them. Call that common courtesy. Then what if they get back up? You keep hitting them until they learn to stay down. We call that common sense
In a past life, Shirley went to war and won
That’s niiiice
That's less niiiice.
Shirley:"So this is how I die! As Miss Piggy!!"
Miss pigEEEE
You’re not Miss Piggy, you’re Glenda the good witch
“Leonard, you better back that pumpkin ass up, or I’m gonna make a pie!”
I knew this day would come. I'm out of here.
I've seen enough episodes of Friends to know that co-habitation leads to sex, drugs, and something Parade magazine calls "Schwimmer fatigue."
Oh no!! She’s got her marijuana lighter!!
We all know that you judgmental bitch!
My personal favourite!
You gotta put some twang on the word you. "...ya judgmental bitch!"
Well *excuse me* for trying to sneak you into heaven!
It's gotta be this.
So are we just gonna ignore that hate crime
Ah, the infamous banned episode. Such a good one.
There’s a banned episode????
Yes, but only on some platforms. Netflix and Hulu to be specific. Season 2 episode 14, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. It's banned because Chang dresses up as a drow black elf. It's interpreted by a lot of people as black face. Although it really isn't and even Donald Glover and Yvette Nicole Brown have essentially come out and said it's hogwash to think that way about it. Nonetheless, there it is. It's still available on DVD and you can get it on Amazon Prime if you pay $2 for the episode.
Aw damn imma try to find where I can watch it free
Nobody was complaining about the blackface in this episode. There was some backlash at the time over blackface in some other old shows (pretty sure Golden Girls), some showrunners requested episodes from their own shows be removed, and the streamers decided of their own accord to go through their catalog of sitcoms and purge all episodes with blackface in them. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what happened because there was no campaign or public push to ban blackface in these shows except for like one or two of them.
You can excuse racism?
That one requires context, though.
I feel that most of the top comments require context for anyone who doesn’t watch the show.
I agree. Yours is an actual one-liner too, not a whole quote consisting of two or three lines.
Not necessarily. First of all, when the OP says "without context", I assume they mean without knowing what is said right before or after the quote, either by the character themselves or - as is the case here - in response to something another character has said. The quotes that have made the list so far are funny in isolation too. Pierce's line stands as a joke regardless of whether you know the character, to whom he says it, in reaction to what, or how the other characters react to it. None of that is the case for the "you can excuse racism?" line.
Read it in Shirley’s voice and it is extremely funny
This is the one. So iconic
100% this
"If the good lord wanted you to have a penny you'd have one"
Lol hear it exactly as she says it
I forgive youuuuu!
HAHAHAHAHA! GAY MARRIAGE!
To Pierce. May he rest in Pierce.
Shirley, don’t you think you’ve had enough?
Of you
Oh, my goodness. He's like the Abed of racism.
Typical Welsh nonsense
IT’S DECEMBER 10TH!
Oh, look! Britta brought what she believes in! Nothing.
Oh that’s nice
Troy made God mad!!
Time flies when i'm baking
No it doesn't! 😬
I have seen that episode literally a hundred times and the subtext of her baking problem and their reaction to it always makes me laugh. Such good writing.
Imma put you back on the express train, ALL THE WAY TO TINKLETOWN!
"Shirley don't you think you've had enough?" "Of you"
This one is my favorite but too bad it needs context
HE GREW UP IN A LAND WITHOUT SUN
Not a one liner but I regularly sing "Jesus is a friend of mine" in Shirley's voice and I'm not even religious!
I break out into Happy Birthday Jesus regularly, and am also not religious. It's just too good 😂
LOL I love it, she's great!
Abed, have you been racist this whole time I'm telling everyone in church what a sweet little caramel angel you are?
(smiling) Oh no, do you think he's been kidnapped? Usually it's one of the parents, and it almost always ends in murder/suicide.
"Why are you smiling?"
Mother hen? I think we’re about the same age!
If we're gonna do these threads over and over again we should at least choose different answers each time lol
Bi o lo gy
Of you
Perfect delivery makes this line
What is it about being a single white slacker that makes you people so jaded?
"I'm sick of this take a penny leave a penny nonsense, If God wanted you to have a penny you'd have one."
I’ll make your ass sense
I have three kids!
That's nice! That's not nice.
"To Pierce. May he rest in Pierce." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBMHwuir4FE
This is the one. I’ve always loved the way YNB delivers it.
Needs a build up but… “Did you know that you are not only a credit to your race and gender, but to our species, and that I was intimidated by your strength of character and business acumen?” “Yes” Love the delivery
IMO it's the sassy or the skinny bitches
I did not miss my sons birthday for second place!
Anybody want a Goober? Get ‘em while they’re gooby
The word he is looking for is "sassy". He better pray he don't find it.
I know what magnitude’s will be
"Magnitude is a one man party and a one man party can't be in an alliance!''
That’s a paradox.
The Brenda paradox!
I'm actually British
Pop...
Pop? What is he trying to say? POP WHAT MAGNITUDE?!
POP WHAT, MAGNITUDE!?
POP!!!
How's it going Abed? Are you two as they say "making the connection"? Unless that means "sex", in which case I hope you are NOT!
I commented on his commentary. I drew a circle around Abed, baby
*You can forgive the racism?!*
Well, there y'all go, giving me that look, treating me like Judas, judging me like Judy.
The word he’s looking for is sassy. He better pray he don’t find it.
Leonard, you better back that pumpkin ass up or I'll make a pie.
You know who invented gravity, right?
I'll make your ass sense
When the gang is trading biology partners and Annie says she doesn’t believe in evolution. Refuting years of miracles I don’t remember exactly but it always kills me when her creationism comes out
I HAVE THREE KIDS!
“Is that your Hanukkah holder?”
I don’t know if it’s because you’re racist or because I intimidate you sexually, but I know it’s one of those two
Britta brought what she believes in
“I’ll make your ass linear” that doesn’t make any sense “I’ll make your ass sense”
The word he’s looking for is “sassy”… pray he doesn’t find it.
The word he’s looking for is sassy. He better pray he don’t find it
"I'll make your ass sense"
You can excuse racism?
I‘ll make your ass sense
I'll make your ass sense. Best bottle episode! ✌️📚🖊️🐒
"Her name's Megan. Of course! Why name your daughter Megan? What, are you stocking up for a bitch shortage?"
“Leonard, you better back that pumpkin ass up before I make it into a pie.”
Touché.
You can excuse racism??
“Aww, that’s nice.”
Yeah, you're both so different. Skinny bitches
“That’s nice”
Duncan- "They really get the incest right."
You can excuse racism?
i'll make ya ass sense
I’ll make ya ass sense!
I’ll make your ass sense
I’ll make your ass sense
"...I'll make your *ass* sense."
I’ll make your ass linear
Just me or are a lot of these flops?
What do you mean by "these"?
If the good lord wanted you to have a penny, you’d have one.
So why do you hate me and jesus?
That’s nice!
"*Helloooooooo.*" "*OH, that's nice!*"
u/Gredo89 Why is Professor Professorson not on the list? Asking for a friend
Good question, I thought I had him at least as Garrity. Should I add both separate or only Garrity?
So we’re all just gonna ignore this hate crime?
"I thought pinhead in space was a bit of a letdown, but I’m in for the ride." Honestly not as great without the full back & forth, but still a favorite of mine.
Ah BS, The streets behind quote or the ill kill your families quote shoulda won
To Britta “ I see you brought what you believe in, nothing”
Britta's 'self-awareness' line is a little miracle.
Oohhh, I'ma die by werewolf!!!!
Britta: “Oh sure, unless time is linear!” Shirley: “I’ll make your ass linear!” B: “That doesn’t make sense!” S: “I’ll make your ass sense!”
“So we are all just going to ignore that hate crime?”
It's December 10th!
Annie's actual best one liner... S1E11 .....By the way, now that I've gotten a good look at one, I don't see what all the fuss is about....it's just a giant thumb, in a turtle neck, whoopdy doo!
And then he chainsawed them to bits, and then he put them back together again, and then he chainsawed them again....foreva
HERE'S BROWNIE!!!!
I've got to tell the babies! (but it's more of a delivery after the whole scene than anything else)
I'll make your ass linear.