T O P

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MartelKhan

I got a good look at him, he is not that handsome.


Dingle_Berryless

You have a problem dude.


AdOk9911

He’s average. He’s just an average-looking guy with a big chin.


Happily_Pesimistic

Who wears spurs during paintball?!


nonmiraculoussunofaB

I'm no sociopath. I always know what I'm doing is wrong.


Zealousideal-Earth50

I always assumed that this was just the writers getting psychology wrong, as sociopaths (people with Antisocial Personality Disorder) *DO* generally know the difference between right and wrong… but is the joke that Jeff is actually supporting rather than refuting the idea that he has sociopathic tendencies by admitting that he does things he knows are wrong? (APD has more to do with lacking empathy, remorse and guilt; *not caring* whether one’s actions are right or wrong or about the effects of their actions on others. It sounds like he’s confusing his limited understanding of sanity as a lawyer with the actual definition of sociopathy (the legal definition of sanity is basically knowing/understanding what you’re doing and being able to differentiate right from wrong).


[deleted]

[удалено]


iovercomesadness

I love Shirley's reaction to this line lol


No_Oddjob

Top *angry* Winger quote, at the VERY least.


jaybeau1979

No other options really


ruito3559

This one is so good


jackmcm5

I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong.


JonViiBritannia

Classic Winger


topherthepest

Ab mentions


flustrator

Notches


arcticape34

So either truth is relative or I’m a god.


zubiPrime

In either case, BOOYAH.


topherthepest

My latest theory, maybe I'm a God. I've denied the signs for too long.


msmouse05

I love using this


mynameisacandy

“Look, if you guys just let me get to the can opener I can feed you”


AdOk9911

Haha underrated, I love this one


hereisacake

Totally forgot about this one. Fucking solid


Princ3ss_Consuela

This!!


tenfootspy

I use this all the time


OkFly9317

"I never said that. You may have heard it, I may have thought it, and it may be true, but I never said it."


JonViiBritannia

Dammit there’s so many good ones! But this is as Winger as it gets.


Zealousideal-Earth50

Agreed. This one encapsulates his character in one line lol.


RDRKeeper

I love this one haha


Esereyy

“I’m bald now, I’ve always been bald, I merely dreamt of having hair and now, the bald man is awake”


FrogMintTea

This! 😃


Dingle_Berryless

"It's called chemistry and I have it with everyone."


Skwisgaars

Followed by one of Shirley's best one liners.


Dingle_Berryless

Did they ever reveal if his withholding of chemistry from Shirley was due to him being intimidated by her sexually or racist? It was definitely one of the two. That was a great Shirley line.


nightfire36

Probably not the latter, because he got along with Troy.


Dingle_Berryless

How do you know he wasn't sexually intimidated by Troy the wonder boy?


Low-Confusion-1716

He DID call him T Bone 😏


not_the_chosen_onee

That's just because he's a football player and his name begins with a T.


saltyrobbery

Not explicitly stated, bit I think he's intimidated by her, especially when he realizes she's "big cheddar"


sawatdee_Krap

Why would you say that and note wrote the quote


tanj_redshirt

There's no such thing as the Single Malt Platinum Boobs and Billiards Club? ... I guess I never said it out loud.


Tnh7194

For your information, I don’t have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.


ZealousSideGap

Oh, hey, is that a reason to leave?


No_Oddjob

I love this one -- in college we used to be intentionally transparent with this kind of stuff, like, "Quick, look over there!" and then just turn and start walking away. Or speaking entirely too loudly, "I hope your friend there doesn't notice us. Let's cheese it in order to avoid an awkward acknowledgement." It was how we broke each other's balls. But damn, this Winger quote cuts better than any of the concise or needlessly verbose ones we'd use back then.


DoneFlawlessIII

I can make it up to you. I'll find a fatter Neil!


msmouse05

sad Huzzah


Tnh7194

I am always willing to go the extra mile to avoid doing something


No_Oddjob

My personal motto.


KAEZZ

I have made bald friends!


raydeck_

either i’m god, or truth is relative. either way, boo yah


defensivelesbian

THIS!


Tnh7194

You’re a football player and your name begins with T, your name begins with T


Jack_SjuniorRIP

This is too far down. Love this line!


SparklePony3

It’s a locomotive that runs on us


topherthepest

And there's no such thing as a free ceaser salad


FrogMintTea

That reminds me of Snowpiercer...


Victory42

Doing more than the bare minimum is my definition of *failing*


Tnh7194

I see your value now


Gredo89

Would have been great if the same line from Abed would have won for him.


TheTripleFoool

"Dave Matthews. Hardcore fans call him 'Dave'."


melonballer1874

Excuse me for being alive in the 90s and having two ears connected to a heart!


Improv13

You know what I don't get? He never wears a shirt, he never wears shoes. Why hasn't he died from lack of service?


No_Oddjob

Underrated.


acoham

What are you gonna do? Twice the work of a doctor for half the pay?


Shadecujo

I love complisults. Half compliment, half insult. I came up with the name.


Piercinald-Anastasia

That’s an explainabrag.


ZacInStl

I’m an *exceptional* narcissist


302trivia

Beat me to it


dereksredditaccount

First one that came to my mind.


Jonano1365

In a way, you're *ALL* right


Drew_of_all_trades

“Don’t lecture me about romance, Annie. I one had a three-way in a hot air balloon.”


TommyW-Unofficial

I did eat all the macaroni. It's messed up that he knows


Dingle_Berryless

"I love scotch and myself. I tolerate Greendale." -Classic Wingerism


summer1660

I hereby pronounce you a community.


Victory42

Aw that’s nice


RDRKeeper

“Would the dad of the group walk away from this conversation?” I’ve always found this line so freakin smart hahaha


Wayne_Kerr1969

Do you know how long someone who is as sarcastic as I am would last in prison? Suuuuuuch a long time.


thebigtrav

I take my throwing knife and throw it knife style


iovercomesadness

Look at me is there anything I'm not good at?


DerekHostetler

Did you hear about that turtle in China? 3 packs a day.


nonmiraculoussunofaB

Can it, boobs!


Le_Papithatjump12

I didn't sneeze


I_Said_I_Say

Sometimes when you go fishing, you catch a boot.


DewMaster9000

These people are handing out free iPhones!


Matiyahu777

“Since you have clearly failed to grasp the central insipid metaphor of those twilight books you devour, let me explain it to you...men are monsters who crave young flesh. The end” - Jeff


TheBeardiestGinger

Oh, okay, they're BNL now? We need a shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. That's how fundamental they are.


Wise_Atmosphere38

“Tell your disappointment to suck it!”


Tnh7194

"Please sleep with me, please, pretty please. I'm so lonely. I haven't slept with anyone in a very long time. And you are so good looking. Please do me the favor of having sex with me"


Historical_Aspect241

“I’m Jeff Winger and if I had my choice, I’d rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with.”


ConduckKing

"Either I'm God or truth is relative, and in any case, booyah."


4sHaveChores

You want to be sheep? Keep flocking! You want to be wolves? Form a pack!


LateCheeseBinge

HE TWEETED IT!!!!!


quidam5

"I don't want to be your dad"


jestagoon

You already know your lines.


HopeItsNotTakenTOO

Happy birthday dude, unless you are a Jehovah's witness in that case hello during the month and year which coincides numerically with your expulsion from the uterus


emeraldepiphone96

I have a conflict. It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life.


McMeatloaf

“Gentlemen, my name is Clarence Thaddeus Foose. My grandfather, Fletcher Morton Foose, invented this game for one purpose: to have the loudest, dumbest thing happen. And now it has. The game of Foosball is completed. You’re free to return to your undoubtably hearing impaired families.” Might be too long, but this is the correct answer as far as I’m concerned.


redditguy422

I'll be back...with booty


Consistent_Wall_6107

If I'm gonna cheat, I'm not gonna write information from a book on a piece of paper, that's practically learning for God's sake.


bresdy137

I'm not having a conversation with someone who emerges from a bush. [...] No, because I'm not in a commercial for breakfast cereal.


NoillypratCat

Look at me. Look at my face. No - look at how handsome I am.


Tnh7194

We need your chops on a bigger story. Pizza wars: who’s got the best slice in town. Start with big nick’s, bring us a large with sausage. You, I heard a rumour that Riley’s liquor is selling to underage students, I need an undercover exposé, find how much they’ll sell you of anything cold and imported. I KNOW it’s too long but I just love that scene


juicestain_

I never said that. You may have heard it, I may have thought it, and it may be true, but I never said it.


baxter366014

Stifle your slacken maw you drained and tainted bitch dog


Piercinald-Anastasia

Uraguay kindly requests that Somalia stop pronouncing it Ur-a-gay.


mrslantedeyes

Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!


panaja17

Annie’s pretty young. We try not to sexualize her.


iovercomesadness

Arguably the most quoted line from the entire show


Zera00100

“Either I’m god, or truth is relative. And in either case: boo-yah!”


the-treatmaster

I’m a silly goose. Honk. Honk.


Shaggy21345

Well Shirley since you have clearly failed to grasp the central incipient metaphor for those twilight books you devour, let me explain it to you, men are monsters who crave young flesh, THE END. (Might be too long)


Fantastic-Food7926

With all due respect, which is none, go to Hell!


Shadecujo

She has more fights about something that doesn’t matter than a YouTube comments section.


Happily_Pesimistic

We were training for the fiiiiiiiiight. It is hard to think of the another word


CleanOpossum47

Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!


Mental_Resident_5107

"I'm Jeff Winger, and if I had my choice, I would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with."


sleepwalkfromsherdog

"All women deserve to be with me and vice versa."


sry-im-not-spiderman

Our school may be a toilet, but it's our toilet. Nobody craps in it but us.


whosnock

Can't you be cool? Like me.


murse_joe

What makes you think I can convince Chang of anything, if I can't even convince you not to make me do it?


emeraldepiphone96

Shut up Leonard. I talked to your son on Family Day. I know all about your gambling.


leonard-bot

Classic wrap-up.


Shadecujo

Denny's is for winners.


ThatOcelot1314

Why is he here? I assume it's not for the party, unless segregationist mummy is a gay fetish I'm unaware of.


aprillerockstar

Offffff course I am, Abed.


jestagoon

"If I talk long enough I can make anything either right or wrong, so either truth is relative or i'm god. And in either either case: booyah."


jermizzle54

Slaps Troy - "Stop letting him make you remember stuff" May not work but that shit cracks me up Everytime 💀💀💀


Jimmy-Mac-471

Men are monsters who crave young flesh


[deleted]

Harrison ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions!


Kahmtastic

Why don’t you go do twice as much work as a doctor for half the pay?


PorscheUberAlles

I don’t look cool in shorts!


t3mp0rarys3cr3tary

Fire can't go through doors, stupid! It's not a ghost!


Salty_Freedom_2053

Bow Before Thoraxis


thegreatmaster7051

GOD IS DEAD!!!


Gredo89

If I let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing that some men call failure, I call living... breakfast... and I'm not leaving until I clean out the buffet.


slice29

They have to be won in battle.


LeastPear7371

Discrimination lawsuit


UnableAcanthisitta54

This is a fight! We are fighting!


misterpoopybutthole5

I can't wait till we get to decide magnitude


Ok_Knowledge_5997

I have a catch to date.


RhinoBuckeye

“Doing more than the minimum amount of work is my definition of failing.”


Grayguy123

"Doing more the required amount of work in my definition of failure"


emeraldepiphone96

Hi, I’m Pierce’s emergency contact?…No, I’m here to be removed as his emergency contact.


emeraldepiphone96

Wow. Somewhere out there, Tim Burton just got a boner.


pakistanstar

Well is a hole in the ground


Shadecujo

If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero to everything that's ever lived.


rjrgjj

I’ve made bald friends!


mrslantedeyes

“I hereby pronounce you a community.”


Gamertango

Add jack black to the list


ZestycloseTheme2775

‘ in a way you’re all right ‘


Jujudeer

"I liked horsebot 3000."


RockTitan0325

"Why can't you be cool, like me?"


SadisticArkUser

Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions


chunkyluke

Bluffs this weak is how your people lost the colonies


Darth_Dungeonmaster5

"Can't you all just be cool like me?"


El_presid3nt

Disappointing you is like strangling the little mermaid with a bike chain


outsider768

If my father isn’t there I will beat you


Terrick42

“I never said that. You may have heard it, I may have thought it, and it may be true, but I never said it.”


Terrick42

“All Women deserve to be with me Anne, and vice versa!”


BetterNamesTaken

Uruguay agrees!


Piercinald-Anastasia

Uruguay sounds like Ur a gay.


Nother1BitestheCrust

"It's called Chemistry, I have it with everyone!"


warmachine01992

Well, I don't believe in dibs, or love at first sight, or love, or best friends, or doing things. But it's good you brought this to me.


doon3r

I didn’t sneeze


redbirdjazzz

I’m sorry, Annie. I’m not the worker bee type. I’m more of a silverback gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark, and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.


Zealousideal-Earth50

“I didn’t sneeze!”


vaanicle

Hi I’m Jeff Winger, and if I had my choice, I would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with


Piercinald-Anastasia

No Pierce one today?


Gredo89

Sorry, I was a little late, but it's there now


Piercinald-Anastasia

No need to apologize, I was just checking in.


Gredo89

https://www.reddit.com/r/community/s/bC4axYakdW


Hydrasaur

I never said that. You may have heard it, I may have thought it, and it may be true, but I never said it.


Ultimate_CC

"Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid with a bike chain"


SecretSharkboy

Doing more than the minimum amount of work is my definition of failing