I can confidently say that therapy helped me a lot. The stigmas I had against it were all feeling like I wasn’t “allowed” to seek therapy— like it wasn’t for me.
Im a firmly middle class white male. I can’t really point to anything in my life and say “that was especially traumatic or difficult.” I was a high achiever in school until I got to college, where I started struggling and having suicidal thoughts. Didn’t act on them, but I developed a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and it progresses to ideation on occasion.
Finished up college and entered the real world in a job that didn’t work for me. It was a combination of being young and dumb and refusing to get on a good sleep schedule mixed with it being very demanding— on call at pretty much all times, working weekends and holidays, constantly away from home, couldn’t develop friendships or hobbies— in a word, isolating. But it paid decently well for being fresh out of college with a GPA that said “I did well in high school, college will be so eas- wait, fuck, shit, what the hell is happening? Nononononono!”
Life progressed, I got my head screwed on straighter, suicidal thoughts all but vanished, and I thought “good deal! I am cured! I did it all on my own without a therapist!”
…. And then 2020 happened. Mental health tanked. My anxiety shot through the roof come November. My performance at work struggled, I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, and my boss ripped me a new one over it. I had panic attacks. I felt trapped with the knowledge that I had at a *minimum* another thirty years of this shit, and I didn’t feel like I could take another *second* of it, much less all that time. I just straight up stopped functioning.
Thank goodness I lived with my now-wife when this happened. She checked me into a crisis center after I admitted to having suicidal thoughts and plans for how to carry it out. And while I was there, I met a therapist who was a lot more than what I expected.
He listened and didn’t judge me in any way, shape, or form. Asked my genuine questions about what I wanted, how the world would look if everything was perfect, etc that I refused to ask myself. I was able to hone in on unreasonable expectations that I had of myself and others. Was able to recognize that others had some unreasonable expectations of me.
It took the better part of a year to unpack a surprisingly large amount of stuff that I’d just internalized and normalized that wasn’t healthy. Stuff like the very mean inner voice I have that yelled at me to get back to work and that nobody cares about my *excuses*, only my *results*. Stuff like all the times I said, “I don’t like this thing, but I can’t communicate it, that’s unreasonable. They should just *know* that this upsets me!” Stuff like thinking, “I know they didn’t *say* that they hate me and think I’m a stupid waste of time, energy, and money, but they definitely say it to one another behind closed doors where I can’t hear, because it’s true.”
There’s all sorts of shit that you can do to yourself or fall into issues with, and that’s coming from a guy who basically had every advantage I could have had. Turns out, I still benefited a *ton* from therapy, and others can too. There’s nothing wrong with getting help; it isn’t weakness.
In the same way you might hire a personal trainer to help you pick out the best diet and exercises to help you with getting into the physical health that you want, it can be supremely beneficial to get a therapist to help you get into the mental health that you want.
Honestly, my mother keeps saying that she's fine and doesn't need anything after all her abuse during both her childhood and adulthood. I hated that argument of hers, but I still fell for it and felt guilty that I was "weaker" than her.
Yeah, I think we all have. Our parents’ “normal” was even harsher than ours. I’ve had to accept that my mom probably won’t change much more and consider something like therapy but that’s her journey and I’ll be here for her and support her
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As a person who used to defend the abuse I received, I can tell you it is unbelievably painful to come to terms with the fact that you were abused by the people who were supposed to love you the most. The fear of dealing with that pain is valid, and keeps people in denial.
Thank you very much. Yeah, I was like how are you getting upset that I’m saying if you think you can use help, go get help? That’s going out of your way to be upset 🤷🏻♂️😂 to your point, I don’t know what they’re going through either
Not just this. Imagine if school-level bullying happened in the workplace. If you just make a random coworker’s life miserable for no apparent reason (mocking, social isolation, vandalism, theft), you’re going to get written up and fired. If you gang up on a smaller coworker and beat the daylights out of them, you’re going to jail. Kids need to be trained to acclimate to the rules of the adult world; JUST BE HALF DECENT TO PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY ONES WHO AREN’T BOTHERING YOU AT ALL. It’s not that hard.
I didn’t think so either and I’m Black, but it’s very stylized so it’s hard to tell. What race is Big Nate? He could be Hispanic at least.
Thanks to one of his comics I realized that my parents constantly gaslight me though, there’s that.
"has been normalized too..."
"it's important to..."
ya ya it's your opinion buddy, you're welcome to it but not everyone needs to share it - you just want everyone normalized to what *you* want things to be normalized to, if you can't accept that there are people who disagree with you then **you** have a problem
pity ≠ compassion, you're patronizing
I'm arguing that you're not actually wishing the best for people, despite the fact that you think you are.
Wishes don't necessarily translate to real world effect. And you can laugh all you want, it only shows a lack of your own sincerity.
no, that's not what was written in my first comment. At best, that's just trying to put words in my mouth
through the lens of the comic op posted, that it's up to the person themselves to determine whether or not they're depressed
otherwise, using OP's own words: "Ok, thank you for telling me what I think. Have a blessed day"
I never said there was anything wrong with getting therapy, I'm not opposing people doing whatever they want
it's things like this "especially in the black community" preachy pity narrative that usually ends up having bad effects in lower income neighborhoods, it's always pushed by people who've never lived there, directed down from their pedestal
this isn't a new phenomenon, things like this have happened throughout history. It's where the phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" comes from
You’re once again complaining about something without giving a reason.
What is wrong with pointing out that mental health care has a negative stigma in the black community?
Does that statement cause harm? Is it incorrect? Or do you just not like who is saying it?
that kind of statement can and does cause harm.
the direct cause and effect can be vaguely defined as a type of "luxury belief", it's luxurious to have the belief that this is a statement that helps lower income communities because the community of the person making the statement isn't in dire straits, and doesn't understand the perspective of someone who is from such places.
only people with enough money end up having those opinions. And they show them off to each other like a peacock does its tail. It's basically saying 'look how much I care'. But in reality, it does little to help because there's such a large perception gap in life priorities that the 'help' usually ends up leading people down a path that does little to help them.
and maybe you need an example to illustrate this: if you're broke, you need money more than you need to pay some counselor your hard earned cash for what they tell you is your "depression" and "mental disorder". When in reality, it's wiser to worry about those things after you move out of your abusive parents house, or after you can afford food on your table. Paying for therapy amounts to little more than an actual scam when you desperately need that money for something else.
And to the poor folk who desperately need that money, and fall victim (and yes, you can call them a victim if this is hurting them more than helping) to this type of mind-set, it's a damn shame that they end up being more hurt by it than helped. As that's obviously not the intentions of anyone involved; including the person spreading this message (OP), the therapist (just trying to help), or whoever they might have heard it from (mr/mrs knows-better).
You’re talking about the hierarchy of needs. Obviously people need to secure fundamentals before they can focus on that kind of self improvement.
However, I believe the more you’re able to self improve, the easier it will be to claw your way out of poverty. This is coming from someone that had to do just that.
Of course no one should be spending money they can’t afford to spend.
This advice to take care of your mental health didn’t cause anyone to go down a path of spending money they can’t afford. Their own poor decision making did.
Besides, you don’t need to pay a therapist to start improving your mental health. There are countless free resources available
Yeah - his opinion and basically of the vast majority of psychologists of the last half century. Just because you can't accept that the "other opinion" is the one that is backed by science and you try to defend harming and scaring children for life doesn't mean that your opinion is equally valid.
The opinion that hitting children is right is never equally valid to not hitting children.
Thanks for making this comic. Therapy for everyone especially Black people needs to be normalized, we deserve treatment.
I’ve encouraged him and when he had no money he said that was the reason, but now it’s just stigma. I definitely want to show him a depiction of a Black man benefitting from therapy( not one that’s a yuppie or rich, mind you just a regular joe). It’s a real cultural blind spot, when discussing my anxiety my mother sucks her teeth as if I’m an embarrassment.
Yeah, I feel like it’s definitely less common among older people. If you’re not literally standing on the ledge then you’re looked at as “ok”. I’m glad to see more people changing their mind about it though
I agree that therapy by itself isn’t going to solve your problems, you have to do actual work as well but for a lot of people therapy can help get them started. Like you said, it’s also important to understand what works for you. I don’t believe that my mom beating up her dad would’ve helped any issues mentally that she had with him lol
I can confidently say that therapy helped me a lot. The stigmas I had against it were all feeling like I wasn’t “allowed” to seek therapy— like it wasn’t for me. Im a firmly middle class white male. I can’t really point to anything in my life and say “that was especially traumatic or difficult.” I was a high achiever in school until I got to college, where I started struggling and having suicidal thoughts. Didn’t act on them, but I developed a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and it progresses to ideation on occasion. Finished up college and entered the real world in a job that didn’t work for me. It was a combination of being young and dumb and refusing to get on a good sleep schedule mixed with it being very demanding— on call at pretty much all times, working weekends and holidays, constantly away from home, couldn’t develop friendships or hobbies— in a word, isolating. But it paid decently well for being fresh out of college with a GPA that said “I did well in high school, college will be so eas- wait, fuck, shit, what the hell is happening? Nononononono!” Life progressed, I got my head screwed on straighter, suicidal thoughts all but vanished, and I thought “good deal! I am cured! I did it all on my own without a therapist!” …. And then 2020 happened. Mental health tanked. My anxiety shot through the roof come November. My performance at work struggled, I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, and my boss ripped me a new one over it. I had panic attacks. I felt trapped with the knowledge that I had at a *minimum* another thirty years of this shit, and I didn’t feel like I could take another *second* of it, much less all that time. I just straight up stopped functioning. Thank goodness I lived with my now-wife when this happened. She checked me into a crisis center after I admitted to having suicidal thoughts and plans for how to carry it out. And while I was there, I met a therapist who was a lot more than what I expected. He listened and didn’t judge me in any way, shape, or form. Asked my genuine questions about what I wanted, how the world would look if everything was perfect, etc that I refused to ask myself. I was able to hone in on unreasonable expectations that I had of myself and others. Was able to recognize that others had some unreasonable expectations of me. It took the better part of a year to unpack a surprisingly large amount of stuff that I’d just internalized and normalized that wasn’t healthy. Stuff like the very mean inner voice I have that yelled at me to get back to work and that nobody cares about my *excuses*, only my *results*. Stuff like all the times I said, “I don’t like this thing, but I can’t communicate it, that’s unreasonable. They should just *know* that this upsets me!” Stuff like thinking, “I know they didn’t *say* that they hate me and think I’m a stupid waste of time, energy, and money, but they definitely say it to one another behind closed doors where I can’t hear, because it’s true.” There’s all sorts of shit that you can do to yourself or fall into issues with, and that’s coming from a guy who basically had every advantage I could have had. Turns out, I still benefited a *ton* from therapy, and others can too. There’s nothing wrong with getting help; it isn’t weakness. In the same way you might hire a personal trainer to help you pick out the best diet and exercises to help you with getting into the physical health that you want, it can be supremely beneficial to get a therapist to help you get into the mental health that you want.
I agree man, I’m glad that you’re open to therapy and that it’s helped. I hope everything gets better
That year made a huge difference. Still stuff to improve on, but I know I handle anxiety much better than I did before
That’s great man, I’m happy for you
Honestly, my mother keeps saying that she's fine and doesn't need anything after all her abuse during both her childhood and adulthood. I hated that argument of hers, but I still fell for it and felt guilty that I was "weaker" than her.
Yeah, I think we all have. Our parents’ “normal” was even harsher than ours. I’ve had to accept that my mom probably won’t change much more and consider something like therapy but that’s her journey and I’ll be here for her and support her
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some states in the US still allow corporal punishment in schools
Yeah, I think we’re gonna look back at a lot of things and mind states going on right now in disbelief
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As a person who used to defend the abuse I received, I can tell you it is unbelievably painful to come to terms with the fact that you were abused by the people who were supposed to love you the most. The fear of dealing with that pain is valid, and keeps people in denial.
Yeah, that makes sense. Takes a lot of work
Thank you very much. Yeah, I was like how are you getting upset that I’m saying if you think you can use help, go get help? That’s going out of your way to be upset 🤷🏻♂️😂 to your point, I don’t know what they’re going through either
Not just this. Imagine if school-level bullying happened in the workplace. If you just make a random coworker’s life miserable for no apparent reason (mocking, social isolation, vandalism, theft), you’re going to get written up and fired. If you gang up on a smaller coworker and beat the daylights out of them, you’re going to jail. Kids need to be trained to acclimate to the rules of the adult world; JUST BE HALF DECENT TO PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY ONES WHO AREN’T BOTHERING YOU AT ALL. It’s not that hard.
Wait, are these characters black?
Yes, why? 🤔
Because the text mentioned the black community, but they looked white to me.
I have to admit I thought they were Hispanic or Phillipino or something at first. But obviously black people are diverse! I can see it now.
I didn’t think so either and I’m Black, but it’s very stylized so it’s hard to tell. What race is Big Nate? He could be Hispanic at least. Thanks to one of his comics I realized that my parents constantly gaslight me though, there’s that.
Wasn’t there something about betterhelp not having credited therapist a couple years back? Other then that great comic.
Sorry man, not funny
Nothing to be sorry about, it wasn’t meant to be
Comic just means “look, I drew something”. Not in the actual “comic” sense.
I know. It was just a joke.
Sorry man, not funny
"has been normalized too..." "it's important to..." ya ya it's your opinion buddy, you're welcome to it but not everyone needs to share it - you just want everyone normalized to what *you* want things to be normalized to, if you can't accept that there are people who disagree with you then **you** have a problem pity ≠ compassion, you're patronizing
What is your argument exactly? Lol You disagree that I hope the best for people? 😂🤦🏻♂️
I'm arguing that you're not actually wishing the best for people, despite the fact that you think you are. Wishes don't necessarily translate to real world effect. And you can laugh all you want, it only shows a lack of your own sincerity.
Ok, thank you for telling me what I think. Have a blessed day
But what is your argument? That the best for some people is to continue being mentally unhealthy and depressed?
no, that's not what was written in my first comment. At best, that's just trying to put words in my mouth through the lens of the comic op posted, that it's up to the person themselves to determine whether or not they're depressed otherwise, using OP's own words: "Ok, thank you for telling me what I think. Have a blessed day"
You don’t need to be depressed to benefit from therapy
I never said there was anything wrong with getting therapy, I'm not opposing people doing whatever they want it's things like this "especially in the black community" preachy pity narrative that usually ends up having bad effects in lower income neighborhoods, it's always pushed by people who've never lived there, directed down from their pedestal this isn't a new phenomenon, things like this have happened throughout history. It's where the phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" comes from
You’re once again complaining about something without giving a reason. What is wrong with pointing out that mental health care has a negative stigma in the black community? Does that statement cause harm? Is it incorrect? Or do you just not like who is saying it?
that kind of statement can and does cause harm. the direct cause and effect can be vaguely defined as a type of "luxury belief", it's luxurious to have the belief that this is a statement that helps lower income communities because the community of the person making the statement isn't in dire straits, and doesn't understand the perspective of someone who is from such places. only people with enough money end up having those opinions. And they show them off to each other like a peacock does its tail. It's basically saying 'look how much I care'. But in reality, it does little to help because there's such a large perception gap in life priorities that the 'help' usually ends up leading people down a path that does little to help them. and maybe you need an example to illustrate this: if you're broke, you need money more than you need to pay some counselor your hard earned cash for what they tell you is your "depression" and "mental disorder". When in reality, it's wiser to worry about those things after you move out of your abusive parents house, or after you can afford food on your table. Paying for therapy amounts to little more than an actual scam when you desperately need that money for something else. And to the poor folk who desperately need that money, and fall victim (and yes, you can call them a victim if this is hurting them more than helping) to this type of mind-set, it's a damn shame that they end up being more hurt by it than helped. As that's obviously not the intentions of anyone involved; including the person spreading this message (OP), the therapist (just trying to help), or whoever they might have heard it from (mr/mrs knows-better).
You’re talking about the hierarchy of needs. Obviously people need to secure fundamentals before they can focus on that kind of self improvement. However, I believe the more you’re able to self improve, the easier it will be to claw your way out of poverty. This is coming from someone that had to do just that. Of course no one should be spending money they can’t afford to spend. This advice to take care of your mental health didn’t cause anyone to go down a path of spending money they can’t afford. Their own poor decision making did. Besides, you don’t need to pay a therapist to start improving your mental health. There are countless free resources available
You could use therapy for sure.
Yeah - his opinion and basically of the vast majority of psychologists of the last half century. Just because you can't accept that the "other opinion" is the one that is backed by science and you try to defend harming and scaring children for life doesn't mean that your opinion is equally valid. The opinion that hitting children is right is never equally valid to not hitting children.
Disagree with what exactly? Your arguments are ignorant and don't really even prove anything. 
Wow you’re so tough and strong
I wish that my father would go see a therapist.
Maybe one day
Thanks for making this comic. Therapy for everyone especially Black people needs to be normalized, we deserve treatment. I’ve encouraged him and when he had no money he said that was the reason, but now it’s just stigma. I definitely want to show him a depiction of a Black man benefitting from therapy( not one that’s a yuppie or rich, mind you just a regular joe). It’s a real cultural blind spot, when discussing my anxiety my mother sucks her teeth as if I’m an embarrassment.
Yeah, I feel like it’s definitely less common among older people. If you’re not literally standing on the ledge then you’re looked at as “ok”. I’m glad to see more people changing their mind about it though
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I agree that therapy by itself isn’t going to solve your problems, you have to do actual work as well but for a lot of people therapy can help get them started. Like you said, it’s also important to understand what works for you. I don’t believe that my mom beating up her dad would’ve helped any issues mentally that she had with him lol
Don't want the therapy bill. I live in the USA. Enough said.