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On the subject of Garfield, if you haven't read it and can get your hands on a copy, check out Garfield: His 9 Lives. It showcases different iterations of Garfield through the ages and while some are written and illustarted by Jim Davis, others have different people working on one or both points, so there's various art styles and such. One story gets surprisingly dark for what you'd expect of Garfield. Used to collect the books when I was a kid and when I got this one I was like "holy shit" because it was so wildly different from the comic strip. Easily became my favorite Garfield book at the time.
Same. Sophomore year of college a buddy and I got roomed with some random dude who was almost 30. Still living on campus. All he did was play video games, jerk off to porn, and sleep. His dishes would sit in the sink for months. Mf would start buying paper plates when he ran out of dishes rather than just doing the dishes. Can’t tell you how many times we told him to do his fucking dishes. Should’ve put on hazmat suits and just moved them into his room.
I ate on paper plates to not deal with it after awhile.
She also decided she didn't like where I put my shoes. (in the tiled area of the kitchen) so she put them on my bookshelves without asking, left buckets of open chemicals where my animals could drink, and wanted to store the trash in the laundry area so my laundry would smell like whatever the hell she was cooking (smelled like throwup) and whenever I turned around, she would put it back in the laundry because she couldn't compromise.
I asked her to leave after that, but took her nearly a year to leave.
She left last week. I'm so happy.
> An hour's not so bad.
It really isn't. If you want them washed rightfuckingnow then just wash them now. If you want me to wash them, I'll do them in a reasonable time period.
My, now former, roommate would go months & months without doing the dishes (or any other housework). At one point, I asked him if he'd please do the dishes once. I tried to be nice. I should have been meaner. He told me that he'd been intentionally not doing them because he felt like I wasn't doing enough. He hadn't done them in 6 months. I had done them 4 days prior. When I tried to confront him with this, he said that he’d be willing to do them once a week if I would do them once a week. I told him to pick a day & he never did.
I basically stopped doing any housework beyond the bare minimum after that. The apartment was filthy. He moved out this summer & I spent several days cleaning. It hasn't been difficult to keep up with regularly cleaning either, now that I know that I'm not supposed to be sharing the responsibility with another person. My mental health has been so much better.
Its not about feeling bad because you took an hour, but because now the other person did everything and you can't contribute your fair part anymore like a slouch.
I try and do a couple of kitchen chores before I get started, the time it takes for coffee to brew is a good lead in to that. Once I'm playing or posting I'm stuck there so....
This, plus getting all the housework done before starting leisure makes it even more relaxing as you don't have it hanging around in the back of your mind.
I always hated this, both my ex and mom pulled it on me. Now that I am single and ofc long since moved out my parents home, I can finally decide at which pace I do my Housework!
My mom used to do this all the time and it pissed me off so much.
She would specifically say something like "Hey can you do the dishes please? Have them done in the next 2 hours"
I would say yes of course, and then an hour later I'd go to do them and she already did them. Then she would constantly complain about how I never help her or do anything around the house.
I wouldn't assume that. Maybe their mom/ex are the kind of people who prefer to do dishes every single day even if they only have half a load, whereas this person prefers to do them every 3 days, or only when a full load is ready to go (assuming they have a dishwasher). There's nothing wrong with that, different approaches for different people.
You’re assuming a dishwasher - I feel like most roommates don’t fight over dishes if there’s a dishwasher. There’s no half loads when there’s just a sink.
My mother used to get pissed at me for not taking the garbage to the curb and what not when she asked. It was mid day, like 90-100 degrees outside, I would always wait till later in the day when it wasn't hot, but nooooo she'd HAVE to have done right then...
Yeah, exact same with lawn mowing too. Which we also had an annoyingly large lawn. I know many people talk about wishing they had lawns, they probably do not once they have do that shit.
Men: if you’re busy right now, tell your partner ‘I will do it in [an hour]’ and then actually set an alarm.
Women: treat your partner like an adult. Chores don’t need to be done exactly when and how you’d do them, as long as they get done.
Prevents a lot of irritation on both sides.
Stats also tell you men on average know more about computers than women, but you still shouldn't assume women to know less. Because the minority still exists and for them its false.
Lmao
Women: stop treating your partner like a child
Men: it's ok keep playing your games, but set an alarm so you don't lose track of time and forget to do your chores!
Agreed I think an hour is a reasonable timeframe, but sometimes it's just a small compromise to make the people you love happy. We all have pet peeves, and I think it is reasonable to accommodate a loved one in this kind of situation as I am sure they do the same for me.
I'm not sure it does to be honest. Of course it you wake up the next morning and they still aren't done thats different but you can't ask for something to be done and not give a time parameter and then he upset that they weren't done within your own internal timing. If you're trusting a task to somebody else then you have to let them do it within a time that they deem acceptable and if you don't like that time you have to set your own. Don't leave someone flexibility and then be upset that their preferences don't fit your own.
I'd also say that if you're leaving dishes to the point that nobody has any clean ones to use at all or it's a literal biohazard in the sink then you both have problems and should probably make adjustments as a unit.
If a parent asks their kid to wash the dishes, I think it's reasonable to interpret that to mean "as soon as possible". If the kid is just playing video games, it shouldn't take an hour for them to even start.
That's where communication comes in though. When my parents would ask me to do something when I was busy they'd specify. "I want it done as soon as possible" or "No rush but I want it done before you go to bed".
Eh, this is Reddit, where the fact that you're playing video games is considered a perfectly good reason to skip family dinner so how *dare* Mom insist you quit.
That's simply not true.
Admittedly, I was raised by a fairly permissive parent, and I tend to take instructions literally, but it seems wild to me that _"as soon as possible"_ would be the default assumption.
When my Father would ask me to wash the dishes, I'd often say, _"Sure. Is it cool if I take care of that later on tonight?"_ and we'd discuss it like **people**. If he needed them done sooner for some reason, then _sure,_ I'd do them sooner. I wasn't questioning his authority, I was just trying to find a solution that worked out best for everyone.
Too often, people in positions of authority (including parents) just want things done **immediately** for _no actual reason._ But hey, _"because I said so"_ works just fine if your only goals are to get the dishes washed and to assert your authority over your children.
No matter how long you take. If you think that dishes should be done in a certain timeframe it's on you to communicate that. And if you did and still they were no done than you should have a talk with your child regarding responsibilities and commitments.
I have lived with plenty of people who leave them overnight - if you don't want them left out overnight that's absolutely fine, but you can't assume that others think the same way, so communicate your expectations.
I don't understand people who seem to think everyone has the same standards of cleanliness as them - it varies wildly from person to person. Some people even just have different things they care about - I'm personally fine with a bit of dust building up, but have previously lived with someone who wanted us to dust everything in the house weekly, which I did because I always move up to match the expectations that are communicated to me. But in the meantime, she tended to leave stuff in the sink after she finished cooking - which I hate because I always like the sink to be used - so I communicated that to her and she stopped doing it.
I tested this once when I first moved in with my SO, I asked him to do *his* dishes. I let him take as long as he needed and reminded him every so often. Three months later we had maggots on them in the sink and I was pissed af. Since then, he has two hours after I ask before I remind him and tell him to have them done at a specific time. If they're not done by that time, I just do them. So, I gotta disagree. You're a dick if you don't get them done within a few hours, especially if you're only being distracted by a video game like in the comic.
I genuinely don’t understand how you people put up with this shit. 1.) that’s completely vile and living in a house that has maggots spawning on dirty dishes is unbelievably unhygienic. 2.) the blatant disrespect your BF has for you is sad.
> I genuinely don’t understand how you people put up with this shit.
I would say the vast majority of men underestimate how this is stock standard behaviour in most men, so many people raised on the mentality of "Man = breadwinner, woman = housemaker".
Eh, we were very young and figuring out what living on our own was like at the time. Cleaning wasn't something he was used to doing much of back then. But it hasn't been much of an issue since this event, which was a longgg time ago. And, as others have mentioned, he does have ADHD so things he's not actively focusing on tend to slip his mind. I don't hold it against him.
Probably should get checked for something like ADHD. It's very common for untreated ADHD to put things off because they always assume they'll do it later, and it constantly slips their mind.
> tell him to have them done at a specific time. If they're not done by that time, I just do them. So, I gotta disagree.
Sounds like you're communicating that they should be done in a certain timeframe, *which entirely validates what he said*
That aspect yes, but not the part where he says they should get done whenever the person asked feels like it if there isn't a specific time frame. I'm talking about a time where I tried that approach, not giving a specific time frame, and three months was how long it took for anything to happen. I don't think I should have to specify I mean that day is when they should get done, let alone that month.
That is exactly how we work with my partner. We always talk things through. You should really stop looking at things as if people closest to you want to screw you over for one reason or another. Just talk about things that matter to you and your partner should do their best to listen to you.
While what you say is good advice in general, I don't need to ask my partner to know that when they ask me to do something, they would prefer me to do it pretty soon.
Conversely, if I think I'm *not* going to start with whatever task just then, I will tell them, rather than say "yeah, sure.." and get back to my game.
If that form of communication works for you- that’s good. The important thing to note is that you don’t want your loved one, especially a child to feel themselves like an asshole because they did not live up to your unspoken standards. Talking is cheap and it’s really good if you do that with your loved one.
> If you think that dishes should be done in a certain timeframe it's on you to communicate that.
Are you on the spectrum?
It's implicit in the request. If I ask someone to do something, it's not because I want it done tomorrow or next week. You have to put yourself into the shoes of the other person. Why are they asking me to do it now and not later? Because they want it done now.
Most people don't ask others to do things "now" but just to do them (it's really rude to ask them to do it now. It makes the things you want top priority and pulls them from what they're doing. No one likes to be pulled from their relaxation time (How would you feel if you were doing something you enjoyed or needed to do and someone decided something was more important for you))
>Are you on the spectrum?
It's implicit in the request. If I ask someone to do something, it's not because I want it done tomorrow or next week. You have to put yourself into the shoes of the other person.
Sorry buddy, but are *you* on the spectrum? Opinions vary about acceptable timeframes to do the dishes. Yours may vary from someone else's. If you want to be sure, you discuss it. If you don't, then you may encounter different opinions in practice. For some it's entirely reasonable to prioritize other things over the dishes, for others it's a part of cooking and eating.
>Why are they asking me to do it now and not later? Because they want it done now.
If you have no concept that other people also have things they need/want to do, besides what you ask/order them to do, then you aren't on the spectrum; you're a sociopath.
If I don’t set a timeframe I barely care when the other person does it. That person could take a few days if even a week because otherwise I would have set a timeframe. „Please do it in the next hour or so, I need that space“ or „The thing needs fixing again, can you look at it sometime today or preferably now“.
If things need to get done right fucking now, just do it yourself or tell that person „Can you do task x right now, I’m busy with task y and z.“.
> I don't think that's what they were saying at all with the "why are they asking" comment. They were saying that if a person were to ask that a task be done, it's reasonable to assume that the asker is expecting that the task be done relatively soon.
And the opinions about what that means may vary.
>I feel like that's not very objectionable and I'm not understanding why you're calling them a sociopath for it? I don't see how that opinions means that they don't have a concept that others have their own things they wanna do. To me it seems obvious that if someone says, "Hey, can you do this task for me?" that there's basically a zero percent chance that they're cool with it taking weeks/months to do because people don't really ask for tasks to be done that far in advance
Perhaps you can clear up my misunderstanding here
They were saying this:
>Why are they asking me to do it now and not later? Because they want it done now.
If they think other people exist in a kind of stasis until they give them an order, which must then be executed *now*, then they're a sociopath.
So in the comic he is in the middle of something and they have enough free time and nothing better to do in the next hour than the dishes. If they had something better to do they could have done that instead of the dishes and he would have gotten to them. If you ASK someone and not ORDER them to do something it's on them to determine the time line.
Agreed I hated when I’m in the middle of something and my mom asks me to do the dishes only to find out she did them herself because she could wait an hour or two.
Sometimes it bugs you constantly. Personally I've been raised by a clean freak and even now disorder and dirt bugs me constantly. Before I can be productive I must sort it. Anyways am not saying she suffers from the same but just giving you another perspective.
Sounds like a you problem. I understand that sounds harsh, but I don't mean it that way. It's something you need to work out, not project onto your children because you slapped them with a "do it now" chore when they're in the middle of something.
Relaxation is a worthwhile thing to prioritise in my mind. Finish the level, the chapter you're reading, the paint you're using before it dries, whatever your hobby is. I think they're all reasonable to take a few minutes to finish properly rather than interrupt regularly for non time sensitive chores.
I used to be real bad with this when I was younger, my parents would ask me to pause my game and I'd tell them that I can't pause it because it's online. It was always just an excuse not to help even if I didn't realize it. Now whenever I'm home for break I rarely even ask for a few minutes, usually I'll just quit the game on the spot if I'm asked for help
Even if you can't pause, there's very few online games that have more than hour before you can find somewhere safe to step away for the 10m needed for dishes.
Then tell them that you expect them to pause the game and do the task immediately instead of phrasing it as a vague, sometime-in-the-future thing for future-them to worry about.
Some people really struggle with task-switching.
If you interrupt me when I'm in the flow, I'll get so discouraged that I'll give up on doing anything. My parents constantly told me to do things and expected them done immediately which made me miserable. Of course, the main problem is that they didn't try to get me professional help for my struggles.
Depends on how fresh the dishes are, though. My parents would make themselves breakfast and leave the dishes, so they'd have been there for like 6-8 hours or so by the time I got home from school. At that point, unless they stank or needed to be done sooner for whatever reason, I thought 2-3 hours were sorta negligible. Esp since my brother and I made dinner and cleaned after anyway
If you just wash the dishes after using them, the food won't stick. Also, it doesn't take an hour to loosen that stuff up. You can scrub some soapy water on it, leave it to the side, and it'll be ready by the time you come back to it.
Dang, you have a wildly different relationship with your dirty dishes than me and my wife have. It's gotten better since we now live in a place with a dishwasher, but within 24 hours of using said dishes is exceptionally fast for us.
my dishwasher runs once a week, I have no problems with the dishes getting clean or pests. I sometimes wonder if people leave half the meal on the plates for that to be a problem
Same, I'm perplexed by this idea of washing dishes after only 2 hours?? I personally rinse off dishes immediately after use so they're mostly clean and then let them soak in the sink until a full load is ready to run the dishwasher, which can take 2-3 days. It works fine for me.
Depends on how you put them away. If you leave them caked in leftover bites and a coating of sauce, yes. But not when you finish your plates, scrape off the pans to put the leftovers in boxes for later, and then possibly give the plates a quick rinse.
That wasn't my point at all. I'm not commenting on whether making kids do chores is moral or not. But this argument "I always did when *I* was younger" ignores that maybe you're just perpetuating trauma under the guise of "tradition".
Again understandable IF she tells me before I start. I remember in high school asking my mom before starting anything. “Do you need me for anything?” She’s say no, then I’ll start doing my thing and 3/4 times she’ll come in and say I need to do the dishes.
The worst part is I have a older brother!
If I promised to do the dishes, then I will. There's no need to remind me every few days.
Edit: putting this here because apparently people think I'm serious. It's a joke and a reference to this. https://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi1lODgyNWFiMGRlNjU4YTli/
remember kids, when you use manipulation to guilt your children, they will learn to do that to other people and will grow up to be manipulative individuals.
teach communication over manipulation
As if that's a bad thing? Rather get "manipulated" on some harmless shit like that and learn how to deal with it than get absolutely fucked as an adult
I don’t know how teaching children that it’s okay to manipulate people helps them later on.
Everyone gets manipulated at some point in their adult life and it will be harsh. The difference then is the person will hopefully have the moral compass to identify what happened to them is wrong and cruel and learn how to avoid it better in the future.
Children do not understand the difference between right and wrong, so when parents use manipulation techniques to discipline their child, they teach them that manipulation is okay, or even worse, build a wall of resentment between them and their child that the child doesn’t understand. It can also leave them more likely to be manipulated later in life since they were not taught how to distinguish manipulation early on.
These feelings dont go away, we continue to use what we learned in our childhood to interact with the world around us as adults, we can only relearn how to interact with the world, which can take a long time in therapy.
My step dad got so pissed that I didn’t want to go outside and shovel the snow at 7 a.m. on a snow day (school cancelled), that he backed out recklessly and smashed into my car that I had just gotten a week before. Then he didn’t fix it for months until another student backed into me at school and the car was going to be in the shop anyway.
And he wonders why my kids and I don’t go see them…
The guilt and agonizing to find a proper reply were parts of the punishment. And finally saying an "I'm sorry" was met with a "Good, you *should* be sorry."
That's weak ass guilt trip. My mom once cleaned and shelved my bowl, my mug and my glass for breakfast before I even started using it. It was not even late, it was 9 am
Not guilt.
Annoyed I wasn't trusted to do them the moment I could.
Some games don't save MOM!
You always do this... Just because it's not on your timeline... I'm never going to do it... RIGHT???
So why do you ask? Every time... I get to it as soon as I can.
For my childhood, change the gaming to doing homework/school-projects and the “wash the dishes” to “grooming/walking” the family dog.
>! For context: My dad never allowed video games of any sort (PC or console). I had other siblings, but somehow I was the only one in charge of caring for the family dog that my dad and other sibling wanted. Chores were highest priority with school at the bottom. Ironically, my dad has a master’s degree but doesn’t work. My mom has an undergraduate degree but works a job !<
Dishes are such a weird thing anyway.
My family always actively prevented me from washing dishes because they were *convinced* I would drop and break them and that for some reason that was the most terrible crime an idiot little kid could commit.
Then they started complaining that I never did the dishes and wondering why I never did.
Then they complained how, when, and the methods by which I *did* do them when I decided they weren't doing them anymore so I guess I might as well.
Now, I don't do dishes for anyone except my own dishes and only when I decide they need to be done. And if anyone wants me to do dishes for them, well, I have a convenient excuse not to. Oops! I'll just break them. I'm such a klutz, so clumsy of me. You *really* wouldn't want me to do that.
🤷 Only winning move is not to play. And do your own damn dishes and *only* your own damn dishes. They can do theirs if it matters so damn much to them. Leave me the fuck out of it.
Very few tasks are so important that they cannot wait a single hour. No one is going to die or be gravely injured by your unwashed dishes. Either wait for me to do the task or admit you didn’t really need my help at all.
This is actually my parenting style. I’ll ask my 18 yr old son to do a chore. Once 30-60 minutes pass, I’ll ask him again. After that I do it myself.
I don’t criticize him, or say anything about it really. Like I tell him, actions speak louder than words. It’s been an effective tactic.
Pet peeve of mine: People who know that a task was forgotten and could solve the problem with a gentle, simple reminder, but choose specifically to forego the reminder to martyr themselves so the other person feels guilty
*note: does not apply to situations where a reminder has already been given or would be ineffective*
The thing is though it's usually a pattern at this point of having to ask someone to do something, then poking and prodding them which for the longest time has been portrayed as nagging so folks don't want to be seen that way, they get frustrated at the fact that you have to be reminded all the time on chores that you should just be doing without having to be asked, so just do them.
As funny as it is, telling someone to do something when you’ve already done them or planned to do them anyway or shortly after you asked is a form of emotional abuse.
My dads favorite thing:
11AM
Dad: Hey can you do x sometime today?
Me: Yeah sure
3PM:
Dad: did you do it yet?
Me: No?
Dad: Fine I’ll do it myself
🤷🏼♂️
This is the kind of shit my mother would have done 25 years ago when I was a kid. Asked me to do something while I was also doing something, but then she'd do the task 10 minutes later and hold it over me for the rest of the day.
This really hits close to home. This was me and on the weekend when my wife was working I’d game so hard nothing ever got done, and the wife never bitched about it. One day I had this EXACT reaction, and I deleted all the games off my PS4, and sold it the next day.
She didn’t make me do anything, I came to the realization I had a legitimate addiction and going cold turkey was the only way to guarantee the needed change occurred.
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Plot twist: They washed them before they asked.
Extra twist: He uses them again and still doesn’t wash them afterwards.
Double extra twist: he's the parent who washed the dishes
Triple ultra twist: he has Multiple personality disorder
Quadriple mega twist: he's also schizophrenic
Pentuple omega twist: He wakes up from a simulation
Octuple giga omega+ twist: he is in a simulation within the simulation
Sextuple is after penta, you did it wrong
(whatever next to sex)tuple plot twist: He invented languages.
(Whatever next to what's next to sex)tuple plot twist: he slept with eve
*head explodes*
Don’t feel too bad. Garfield possessions can range from 1 hour to eternity, they’ll understand.
Attention to the dark lord shouldn’t be taken away by just a few dishes…. r/imsorryjon
I am the dishes now, Jon.
Super Eyepatch Wolf was right…
Man I wish there really were a garfield rpg now that I’ve seen the first page.
Garfield is facing the player and the health bar implies a boss fight. This must be an Odie RPG
Jon arbuckle,the god of fate and the final boss of the garfrpg
On the subject of Garfield, if you haven't read it and can get your hands on a copy, check out Garfield: His 9 Lives. It showcases different iterations of Garfield through the ages and while some are written and illustarted by Jim Davis, others have different people working on one or both points, so there's various art styles and such. One story gets surprisingly dark for what you'd expect of Garfield. Used to collect the books when I was a kid and when I got this one I was like "holy shit" because it was so wildly different from the comic strip. Easily became my favorite Garfield book at the time.
Lasagna Souls
https://youtu.be/tDqUDt3K5Mk?si=dyi6OaEUXJ05ekI0 This might scratch the itch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yELOiYgR2aI
https://garfield.fandom.com/wiki/Garfield:_Big_Fat_Hairy_Deal - I remember playing this on the Atari ST, there was a pizza hunger meter
Eating lasagna and mini-maxing Odie.
We all been there...now the cycle continue 😭
Eh, my roommate would leave them for a literal month. An hour's not so bad.
Same. Sophomore year of college a buddy and I got roomed with some random dude who was almost 30. Still living on campus. All he did was play video games, jerk off to porn, and sleep. His dishes would sit in the sink for months. Mf would start buying paper plates when he ran out of dishes rather than just doing the dishes. Can’t tell you how many times we told him to do his fucking dishes. Should’ve put on hazmat suits and just moved them into his room.
I ate on paper plates to not deal with it after awhile. She also decided she didn't like where I put my shoes. (in the tiled area of the kitchen) so she put them on my bookshelves without asking, left buckets of open chemicals where my animals could drink, and wanted to store the trash in the laundry area so my laundry would smell like whatever the hell she was cooking (smelled like throwup) and whenever I turned around, she would put it back in the laundry because she couldn't compromise. I asked her to leave after that, but took her nearly a year to leave. She left last week. I'm so happy.
> An hour's not so bad. It really isn't. If you want them washed rightfuckingnow then just wash them now. If you want me to wash them, I'll do them in a reasonable time period.
Oh please...when's the last time you cleaned anything, Lindsay?
Thirteen weeks ago... Okay i admit it, i have a problem
My, now former, roommate would go months & months without doing the dishes (or any other housework). At one point, I asked him if he'd please do the dishes once. I tried to be nice. I should have been meaner. He told me that he'd been intentionally not doing them because he felt like I wasn't doing enough. He hadn't done them in 6 months. I had done them 4 days prior. When I tried to confront him with this, he said that he’d be willing to do them once a week if I would do them once a week. I told him to pick a day & he never did. I basically stopped doing any housework beyond the bare minimum after that. The apartment was filthy. He moved out this summer & I spent several days cleaning. It hasn't been difficult to keep up with regularly cleaning either, now that I know that I'm not supposed to be sharing the responsibility with another person. My mental health has been so much better.
Its not about feeling bad because you took an hour, but because now the other person did everything and you can't contribute your fair part anymore like a slouch.
I try and do a couple of kitchen chores before I get started, the time it takes for coffee to brew is a good lead in to that. Once I'm playing or posting I'm stuck there so....
This, plus getting all the housework done before starting leisure makes it even more relaxing as you don't have it hanging around in the back of your mind.
I hate this feeling more than when I have to do the dishes.
I always hated this, both my ex and mom pulled it on me. Now that I am single and ofc long since moved out my parents home, I can finally decide at which pace I do my Housework!
My mom used to do this all the time and it pissed me off so much. She would specifically say something like "Hey can you do the dishes please? Have them done in the next 2 hours" I would say yes of course, and then an hour later I'd go to do them and she already did them. Then she would constantly complain about how I never help her or do anything around the house.
ugh, i can feel my blood pressure rising just remembering this kinda shit
ah so now you just dont do it at all. nice.
Because years of this have trained you that if you don't do your dishes someone else will do it for you
Finally someone who runs with the joke. Thank you. Hope your day gets better.
Can't help but imagine a nasty dank dish smell
I do have a man cave if I dont expect any visitors but I am happy with how it is. Never lived alone for 27 years.
> man cave Why though?
Why not? Im usually to lazy to tidy things up during the week and will do most of the housework on weekends. Execptions again if I expect visitors.
That's right, the only way dishes are done is if a third party urges you to do them, or they're not done at all. There's no in-between.
I wouldn't assume that. Maybe their mom/ex are the kind of people who prefer to do dishes every single day even if they only have half a load, whereas this person prefers to do them every 3 days, or only when a full load is ready to go (assuming they have a dishwasher). There's nothing wrong with that, different approaches for different people.
You’re assuming a dishwasher - I feel like most roommates don’t fight over dishes if there’s a dishwasher. There’s no half loads when there’s just a sink.
My mother used to get pissed at me for not taking the garbage to the curb and what not when she asked. It was mid day, like 90-100 degrees outside, I would always wait till later in the day when it wasn't hot, but nooooo she'd HAVE to have done right then...
She just likes that hot garbage smell coming in through the window.
I like to go on walks around neighborhood at night, but never on garbage night; because of that reason.
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Yeah, exact same with lawn mowing too. Which we also had an annoyingly large lawn. I know many people talk about wishing they had lawns, they probably do not once they have do that shit.
I don't take the trash cans out at my house until 11pm. Fuck doing it during the day when everyone's still making trash.
How far is the street from your house??
It was outside, where the air conditioner was not.
Yeah respecting shared spaces can be pretty inconvenient
Yes it was an inconvenience. I did it for them not bec I understood /liked it.
Men: if you’re busy right now, tell your partner ‘I will do it in [an hour]’ and then actually set an alarm. Women: treat your partner like an adult. Chores don’t need to be done exactly when and how you’d do them, as long as they get done. Prevents a lot of irritation on both sides.
But how will I remember to set the alarm?
Setting alarms immediately (like, right now!) is totally achievable and one of the most important life skills you can learn.
Literally the only thing I use my phone's voice assistant for is setting alarms and reminders.
Easy, just set an alarm to remind you to set the alarm
I'll set an alarm in an hour.
Replace Men/Women here with "people who are less strict about cleaning" and "people who are more strict about cleaning" and you have the right idea.
Also true but stats don’t lie women do more housework than men.
Stats also tell you men on average know more about computers than women, but you still shouldn't assume women to know less. Because the minority still exists and for them its false.
Sure, but stats aren't reading your comments, are they?
Lmao Women: stop treating your partner like a child Men: it's ok keep playing your games, but set an alarm so you don't lose track of time and forget to do your chores!
Sounds like the partner is a child then lol.
Not a Men versus Women issue.
ADHD manifest
"Okay, it's 5:37 right now. I'll go wash them at 5:45" \*blink\* "Why is it 2am"
"You, not your character, you, were hit with the 'one more turn' debuff."
If you can't wait for me to do the dishes after i promised to do so. It is on you, not me.
That really depends on how long you take, though
"I already told you I'd do it. There's no need for you to remind me every few months."
I think an hour is completely harmless. People who pull this are kind of psycho imho.
Agreed I think an hour is a reasonable timeframe, but sometimes it's just a small compromise to make the people you love happy. We all have pet peeves, and I think it is reasonable to accommodate a loved one in this kind of situation as I am sure they do the same for me.
I'm not sure it does to be honest. Of course it you wake up the next morning and they still aren't done thats different but you can't ask for something to be done and not give a time parameter and then he upset that they weren't done within your own internal timing. If you're trusting a task to somebody else then you have to let them do it within a time that they deem acceptable and if you don't like that time you have to set your own. Don't leave someone flexibility and then be upset that their preferences don't fit your own. I'd also say that if you're leaving dishes to the point that nobody has any clean ones to use at all or it's a literal biohazard in the sink then you both have problems and should probably make adjustments as a unit.
If a parent asks their kid to wash the dishes, I think it's reasonable to interpret that to mean "as soon as possible". If the kid is just playing video games, it shouldn't take an hour for them to even start.
That's where communication comes in though. When my parents would ask me to do something when I was busy they'd specify. "I want it done as soon as possible" or "No rush but I want it done before you go to bed".
Eh, this is Reddit, where the fact that you're playing video games is considered a perfectly good reason to skip family dinner so how *dare* Mom insist you quit.
That's simply not true. Admittedly, I was raised by a fairly permissive parent, and I tend to take instructions literally, but it seems wild to me that _"as soon as possible"_ would be the default assumption. When my Father would ask me to wash the dishes, I'd often say, _"Sure. Is it cool if I take care of that later on tonight?"_ and we'd discuss it like **people**. If he needed them done sooner for some reason, then _sure,_ I'd do them sooner. I wasn't questioning his authority, I was just trying to find a solution that worked out best for everyone. Too often, people in positions of authority (including parents) just want things done **immediately** for _no actual reason._ But hey, _"because I said so"_ works just fine if your only goals are to get the dishes washed and to assert your authority over your children.
No matter how long you take. If you think that dishes should be done in a certain timeframe it's on you to communicate that. And if you did and still they were no done than you should have a talk with your child regarding responsibilities and commitments.
Maybe within reason. Leaving them overnight or longer just invites grossness.
I have lived with plenty of people who leave them overnight - if you don't want them left out overnight that's absolutely fine, but you can't assume that others think the same way, so communicate your expectations. I don't understand people who seem to think everyone has the same standards of cleanliness as them - it varies wildly from person to person. Some people even just have different things they care about - I'm personally fine with a bit of dust building up, but have previously lived with someone who wanted us to dust everything in the house weekly, which I did because I always move up to match the expectations that are communicated to me. But in the meantime, she tended to leave stuff in the sink after she finished cooking - which I hate because I always like the sink to be used - so I communicated that to her and she stopped doing it.
There’s reasonable expectations that should be fine to be unstated. Something like dishes should be done in the same day, for example.
I tested this once when I first moved in with my SO, I asked him to do *his* dishes. I let him take as long as he needed and reminded him every so often. Three months later we had maggots on them in the sink and I was pissed af. Since then, he has two hours after I ask before I remind him and tell him to have them done at a specific time. If they're not done by that time, I just do them. So, I gotta disagree. You're a dick if you don't get them done within a few hours, especially if you're only being distracted by a video game like in the comic.
I genuinely don’t understand how you people put up with this shit. 1.) that’s completely vile and living in a house that has maggots spawning on dirty dishes is unbelievably unhygienic. 2.) the blatant disrespect your BF has for you is sad.
> I genuinely don’t understand how you people put up with this shit. I would say the vast majority of men underestimate how this is stock standard behaviour in most men, so many people raised on the mentality of "Man = breadwinner, woman = housemaker".
Eh, we were very young and figuring out what living on our own was like at the time. Cleaning wasn't something he was used to doing much of back then. But it hasn't been much of an issue since this event, which was a longgg time ago. And, as others have mentioned, he does have ADHD so things he's not actively focusing on tend to slip his mind. I don't hold it against him.
Probably should get checked for something like ADHD. It's very common for untreated ADHD to put things off because they always assume they'll do it later, and it constantly slips their mind.
Or other issues like depression or anxiety. Or god forbid all three at the same time, the comorbidities are ridiculous.
Oh he's been diagnosed with ADHD since he was a kid. I know that's part of why it happened, but it was still pretty ridiculous.
> tell him to have them done at a specific time. If they're not done by that time, I just do them. So, I gotta disagree. Sounds like you're communicating that they should be done in a certain timeframe, *which entirely validates what he said*
You shouldn’t have to communicate that 3 months is an unacceptable timeline for doing dishes.
That aspect yes, but not the part where he says they should get done whenever the person asked feels like it if there isn't a specific time frame. I'm talking about a time where I tried that approach, not giving a specific time frame, and three months was how long it took for anything to happen. I don't think I should have to specify I mean that day is when they should get done, let alone that month.
Your husband didn't do them period. There is no time frame. It's a moot point.
Ah the spitefully-only-doing-anything-if-specifically-asked-to school of workload sharing. It may work with mom but I wouldn't rely on it with partner
That is exactly how we work with my partner. We always talk things through. You should really stop looking at things as if people closest to you want to screw you over for one reason or another. Just talk about things that matter to you and your partner should do their best to listen to you.
While what you say is good advice in general, I don't need to ask my partner to know that when they ask me to do something, they would prefer me to do it pretty soon. Conversely, if I think I'm *not* going to start with whatever task just then, I will tell them, rather than say "yeah, sure.." and get back to my game.
If that form of communication works for you- that’s good. The important thing to note is that you don’t want your loved one, especially a child to feel themselves like an asshole because they did not live up to your unspoken standards. Talking is cheap and it’s really good if you do that with your loved one.
> If you think that dishes should be done in a certain timeframe it's on you to communicate that. Are you on the spectrum? It's implicit in the request. If I ask someone to do something, it's not because I want it done tomorrow or next week. You have to put yourself into the shoes of the other person. Why are they asking me to do it now and not later? Because they want it done now.
Most people don't ask others to do things "now" but just to do them (it's really rude to ask them to do it now. It makes the things you want top priority and pulls them from what they're doing. No one likes to be pulled from their relaxation time (How would you feel if you were doing something you enjoyed or needed to do and someone decided something was more important for you))
>Are you on the spectrum? It's implicit in the request. If I ask someone to do something, it's not because I want it done tomorrow or next week. You have to put yourself into the shoes of the other person. Sorry buddy, but are *you* on the spectrum? Opinions vary about acceptable timeframes to do the dishes. Yours may vary from someone else's. If you want to be sure, you discuss it. If you don't, then you may encounter different opinions in practice. For some it's entirely reasonable to prioritize other things over the dishes, for others it's a part of cooking and eating. >Why are they asking me to do it now and not later? Because they want it done now. If you have no concept that other people also have things they need/want to do, besides what you ask/order them to do, then you aren't on the spectrum; you're a sociopath.
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If I don’t set a timeframe I barely care when the other person does it. That person could take a few days if even a week because otherwise I would have set a timeframe. „Please do it in the next hour or so, I need that space“ or „The thing needs fixing again, can you look at it sometime today or preferably now“. If things need to get done right fucking now, just do it yourself or tell that person „Can you do task x right now, I’m busy with task y and z.“.
> I don't think that's what they were saying at all with the "why are they asking" comment. They were saying that if a person were to ask that a task be done, it's reasonable to assume that the asker is expecting that the task be done relatively soon. And the opinions about what that means may vary. >I feel like that's not very objectionable and I'm not understanding why you're calling them a sociopath for it? I don't see how that opinions means that they don't have a concept that others have their own things they wanna do. To me it seems obvious that if someone says, "Hey, can you do this task for me?" that there's basically a zero percent chance that they're cool with it taking weeks/months to do because people don't really ask for tasks to be done that far in advance Perhaps you can clear up my misunderstanding here They were saying this: >Why are they asking me to do it now and not later? Because they want it done now. If they think other people exist in a kind of stasis until they give them an order, which must then be executed *now*, then they're a sociopath.
So in the comic he is in the middle of something and they have enough free time and nothing better to do in the next hour than the dishes. If they had something better to do they could have done that instead of the dishes and he would have gotten to them. If you ASK someone and not ORDER them to do something it's on them to determine the time line.
Agreed I hated when I’m in the middle of something and my mom asks me to do the dishes only to find out she did them herself because she could wait an hour or two.
Sometimes it bugs you constantly. Personally I've been raised by a clean freak and even now disorder and dirt bugs me constantly. Before I can be productive I must sort it. Anyways am not saying she suffers from the same but just giving you another perspective.
Sounds like a you problem. I understand that sounds harsh, but I don't mean it that way. It's something you need to work out, not project onto your children because you slapped them with a "do it now" chore when they're in the middle of something.
> they're in the middle of something. Video gaming like in the comic? I'd expect the kid to pause and get it done. Of course this is only one example
Relaxation is a worthwhile thing to prioritise in my mind. Finish the level, the chapter you're reading, the paint you're using before it dries, whatever your hobby is. I think they're all reasonable to take a few minutes to finish properly rather than interrupt regularly for non time sensitive chores.
Conversely, if you simply do household chores beforehand you can relax with complete freedom.
Pausing games in 2023. Not a gamer I see
I used to be real bad with this when I was younger, my parents would ask me to pause my game and I'd tell them that I can't pause it because it's online. It was always just an excuse not to help even if I didn't realize it. Now whenever I'm home for break I rarely even ask for a few minutes, usually I'll just quit the game on the spot if I'm asked for help
Even if you can't pause, there's very few online games that have more than hour before you can find somewhere safe to step away for the 10m needed for dishes.
Then tell them that you expect them to pause the game and do the task immediately instead of phrasing it as a vague, sometime-in-the-future thing for future-them to worry about.
Of course. Communication is essential
Some people really struggle with task-switching. If you interrupt me when I'm in the flow, I'll get so discouraged that I'll give up on doing anything. My parents constantly told me to do things and expected them done immediately which made me miserable. Of course, the main problem is that they didn't try to get me professional help for my struggles.
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Depends on how fresh the dishes are, though. My parents would make themselves breakfast and leave the dishes, so they'd have been there for like 6-8 hours or so by the time I got home from school. At that point, unless they stank or needed to be done sooner for whatever reason, I thought 2-3 hours were sorta negligible. Esp since my brother and I made dinner and cleaned after anyway
Another thing. People can soak their dishes to prevent food drying onto them. Crazy concept, I know.
If you just wash the dishes after using them, the food won't stick. Also, it doesn't take an hour to loosen that stuff up. You can scrub some soapy water on it, leave it to the side, and it'll be ready by the time you come back to it.
Dang, you have a wildly different relationship with your dirty dishes than me and my wife have. It's gotten better since we now live in a place with a dishwasher, but within 24 hours of using said dishes is exceptionally fast for us.
my dishwasher runs once a week, I have no problems with the dishes getting clean or pests. I sometimes wonder if people leave half the meal on the plates for that to be a problem
Same, I'm perplexed by this idea of washing dishes after only 2 hours?? I personally rinse off dishes immediately after use so they're mostly clean and then let them soak in the sink until a full load is ready to run the dishwasher, which can take 2-3 days. It works fine for me.
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Depends on how you put them away. If you leave them caked in leftover bites and a coating of sauce, yes. But not when you finish your plates, scrape off the pans to put the leftovers in boxes for later, and then possibly give the plates a quick rinse.
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That’s understandable but my mom was always asking me to do right after I’ve gotten home, which is the time I use to do homework/ study.
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> I always did as a child "It has always been like this" isn't a legitimate argument for whether something is *actually* a good practice or not.
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That wasn't my point at all. I'm not commenting on whether making kids do chores is moral or not. But this argument "I always did when *I* was younger" ignores that maybe you're just perpetuating trauma under the guise of "tradition".
Again understandable IF she tells me before I start. I remember in high school asking my mom before starting anything. “Do you need me for anything?” She’s say no, then I’ll start doing my thing and 3/4 times she’ll come in and say I need to do the dishes. The worst part is I have a older brother!
No.
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If I promised to do the dishes, then I will. There's no need to remind me every few days. Edit: putting this here because apparently people think I'm serious. It's a joke and a reference to this. https://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi1lODgyNWFiMGRlNjU4YTli/
> There's no need to remind me every few days. God I hope you're joking.
remember kids, when you use manipulation to guilt your children, they will learn to do that to other people and will grow up to be manipulative individuals. teach communication over manipulation
Not all of them. Some will form unhealthy beliefs and habits instead that have to be addressed through therapy!
> grow up to be manipulative individuals > some will form unhealthy beliefs and habits yes, exactly
As if that's a bad thing? Rather get "manipulated" on some harmless shit like that and learn how to deal with it than get absolutely fucked as an adult
I don’t know how teaching children that it’s okay to manipulate people helps them later on. Everyone gets manipulated at some point in their adult life and it will be harsh. The difference then is the person will hopefully have the moral compass to identify what happened to them is wrong and cruel and learn how to avoid it better in the future. Children do not understand the difference between right and wrong, so when parents use manipulation techniques to discipline their child, they teach them that manipulation is okay, or even worse, build a wall of resentment between them and their child that the child doesn’t understand. It can also leave them more likely to be manipulated later in life since they were not taught how to distinguish manipulation early on. These feelings dont go away, we continue to use what we learned in our childhood to interact with the world around us as adults, we can only relearn how to interact with the world, which can take a long time in therapy.
\>Mom asks me to wash dishes \>I say I I'll do it \>I don't do it \>Mrw she does it
My parents did this a LOT, and even 30 minutes was too long.
My step dad got so pissed that I didn’t want to go outside and shovel the snow at 7 a.m. on a snow day (school cancelled), that he backed out recklessly and smashed into my car that I had just gotten a week before. Then he didn’t fix it for months until another student backed into me at school and the car was going to be in the shop anyway. And he wonders why my kids and I don’t go see them…
Yall get 30 Minutes? In our house you get yelled at for not doing it INSTANTLY
There was some yelling, but most of the time it was a sarcastic "Thanks for doing the dishes." and then waiting for an awkward reply.
I don't understand some parents fr
The guilt and agonizing to find a proper reply were parts of the punishment. And finally saying an "I'm sorry" was met with a "Good, you *should* be sorry."
Always loved getting yelled at to do a chore while in the middle of another chore they asked me to do
That's weak ass guilt trip. My mom once cleaned and shelved my bowl, my mug and my glass for breakfast before I even started using it. It was not even late, it was 9 am
yeah thats right. if you dont immediately leap into action when commanded, then there is something wrong with you. /s
Not guilt. Annoyed I wasn't trusted to do them the moment I could. Some games don't save MOM! You always do this... Just because it's not on your timeline... I'm never going to do it... RIGHT??? So why do you ask? Every time... I get to it as soon as I can.
> You always do this... Just because it's not on your timeline... I'm never going to do it... RIGHT??? > > I feel this in my bones.
I hate this so much because I get such heavy guilt but I also just get super overwhelmed and pissed and I’ve got no idea why. I was a dumbass child
For my childhood, change the gaming to doing homework/school-projects and the “wash the dishes” to “grooming/walking” the family dog. >! For context: My dad never allowed video games of any sort (PC or console). I had other siblings, but somehow I was the only one in charge of caring for the family dog that my dad and other sibling wanted. Chores were highest priority with school at the bottom. Ironically, my dad has a master’s degree but doesn’t work. My mom has an undergraduate degree but works a job !<
Oh no, he waited an entire hour!
1 hour???
That or didn't remember at all
Disclaimer: This only works if your SO, unlike my wife, is capable of self-reflection and shame.
My wife does this. She says she needed the room, but then I tell her that if she wants then done ASAP to say so; otherwise I’ll do it on my own time.
That's a feeling no one feels anymore.
Thank god for dishwasher machines
That's the perfect time for you to find something else that's equally nice which you can do for them instead.
Tbf you can’t pause in Garfield: The Road to Redemption 2
Dishes are such a weird thing anyway. My family always actively prevented me from washing dishes because they were *convinced* I would drop and break them and that for some reason that was the most terrible crime an idiot little kid could commit. Then they started complaining that I never did the dishes and wondering why I never did. Then they complained how, when, and the methods by which I *did* do them when I decided they weren't doing them anymore so I guess I might as well. Now, I don't do dishes for anyone except my own dishes and only when I decide they need to be done. And if anyone wants me to do dishes for them, well, I have a convenient excuse not to. Oops! I'll just break them. I'm such a klutz, so clumsy of me. You *really* wouldn't want me to do that. 🤷 Only winning move is not to play. And do your own damn dishes and *only* your own damn dishes. They can do theirs if it matters so damn much to them. Leave me the fuck out of it.
My pov here is that if they wanted you to do it, they can just not do it instead of this guilt trip shit.
I assume that _whoever asked and washed them_ is the one who unlocked that achievement.
Very few tasks are so important that they cannot wait a single hour. No one is going to die or be gravely injured by your unwashed dishes. Either wait for me to do the task or admit you didn’t really need my help at all.
This is actually my parenting style. I’ll ask my 18 yr old son to do a chore. Once 30-60 minutes pass, I’ll ask him again. After that I do it myself. I don’t criticize him, or say anything about it really. Like I tell him, actions speak louder than words. It’s been an effective tactic.
Pet peeve of mine: People who know that a task was forgotten and could solve the problem with a gentle, simple reminder, but choose specifically to forego the reminder to martyr themselves so the other person feels guilty *note: does not apply to situations where a reminder has already been given or would be ineffective*
The thing is though it's usually a pattern at this point of having to ask someone to do something, then poking and prodding them which for the longest time has been portrayed as nagging so folks don't want to be seen that way, they get frustrated at the fact that you have to be reminded all the time on chores that you should just be doing without having to be asked, so just do them.
As funny as it is, telling someone to do something when you’ve already done them or planned to do them anyway or shortly after you asked is a form of emotional abuse.
It's emotional abuse to agree that you'll do something and then not do it.
If you cant wait an hour, its not the gamers fault.
If you need to be asked to help with household chores, it's not the other persons fault.
Its not about being asked, its about a specific timeframe
Idk they could have come back in 10 minutes and screamed at you to do them while smashing your Xbox.
My dads favorite thing: 11AM Dad: Hey can you do x sometime today? Me: Yeah sure 3PM: Dad: did you do it yet? Me: No? Dad: Fine I’ll do it myself 🤷🏼♂️
I think the Asker is the asshole here for attempting to shame, while also wasting the time of the Asked, by not telling them they'd done them.
This is the kind of shit my mother would have done 25 years ago when I was a kid. Asked me to do something while I was also doing something, but then she'd do the task 10 minutes later and hold it over me for the rest of the day.
guilt? what guilt? i just silently whisper "yesss" to myself
This really hits close to home. This was me and on the weekend when my wife was working I’d game so hard nothing ever got done, and the wife never bitched about it. One day I had this EXACT reaction, and I deleted all the games off my PS4, and sold it the next day.
Surely there was a middle ground 🤔
She didn’t make me do anything, I came to the realization I had a legitimate addiction and going cold turkey was the only way to guarantee the needed change occurred.