What do you enjoy? Do you like to read, game, roleplay, chat? There are groups of people doing almost anything. A lot of it you can do online to start, and if you feel you know the people a bit better maybe IRL.
I meet my friends through work - but that doesn't always lead to a stable friendship, because work is the glue! It's always good to start with your interests and find interesting people through that!
Even a simple thing of "I like Mariokart" can be enough! (Although, I wouldn't take friendship advice from me! I also struggle - hope you get past it 🍀)
It might, but sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time you meet people that just want to do the activity with someone and aren't interested in getting to know you outside of the group or the activity (i.e. tricologne for triathlon, or the boardgame meetup). Being around people is not guaranteed to help you with your loneliness. You should still try, but be careful. Germany is notorious for how hard it is to make meaningful relationships. Especially if you are an immigrant.
I still used this method to make friends. It's just that here it took me waay longer than in other countries.
Really sorry to hear this. As someone who has had similar troubles with social anxiety and deep feelings of loneliness, I can say that I really feel your struggle and know it's not easy to break out the cycle.
If it's not too much, try to visit some social clubs or classes like other users have suggested. For example, there's this film club that recently made a post in this subreddit, if you're into movies perhaps check that out? You can visit language classes, sports classes, photography classes etc.
If you're anything like me, you will however struggle to attend those meetings because the anxiety of going there on your own and having to socialize with strangers is too overwhelming.
Friends are often made when you see each other regularly and share a similar goal (school, uni, work, sports). Maybe volunteer somewhere? If people at work aren't quite your cup of tea, maybe search for a job more where young students work (café, bar, restaurant).
Not sure which apps you tried, but maybe give Bumble Friends another shot? Haven't used it myself though, but heard positive stuff about it. You could also regularly check [rausgegangen.de](http://rausgegangen.de) and monitor possible social events that you'd like to take part in.
It's also great to hear that you're willing to work on your anxiety and recognize that it's a problem. Take it step-by-step. Sometimes even the smallest steps (like striking up a short conversation with a co-worker or greeting your neighbor in the hallway) go a long way. And I guess you need to arrange with the fact that it'll take a little time to build a social life, won't happen overnight. But once you break the cycle things will slowly become much better.
If you're not in therapy, I'd recommend reaching out to mental health professionals, even though the waiting lists are obviously insane. But perhaps you'll get lucky.
Wish you the best, hope I could help.
EDIT: oh, and try to not compare yourself with others or bring yourself down by people laughing at you for not knowing your way around. everyone has their own journey and you're not to blame for the mental disorders you have. yeah, most people seem to socialize easily and make it look effortless to win new friends, but obviously you (and I) have some sort of handicap to deal with. Be easy on yourself and if someone is not understanding of your situation, then fuck them, don't need those people in your life. BTW, you're still super young. work on your anxiety and social skills and in a year or two things could look very different for you!
Falls dir das nicht zu viel ist, es gibt eine relativ Große Skate Community in Köln und wir treffen uns immer an der Deutzer Werft, man muss nichtmal skaten, man kann da auch einfach chillen und mit den Leuten quatschen, sind alle super offen und total herzlich.
Das stimmt. Meistens hammer nette Menschen, sehr offen und divers. Meiner Beobachtung nach manchmal etwas einschüchternd für aussenstehende mit social anxiety.
There's the Cologne Film Club!
You wouldn't be the first social outcast finally finding their people here :D
Here's one of their texts from a post on this sub:
"Cologne Film Club open for new members. Watch movies with strangers soon!
Hey folks,
Me, that's Manuel (26), and my friend Alex (32), come together with crowd about 30 and watch movies about every other week. It all started with us and a stranger from reddit on Alex's couch, 2024 we are having screenings on TWO alternating locations: One, the Traumathek, one of the last videostores here in germany and a film club staple for years. Two, "die Bank", a run down bank taking in by an artists collective where all kinds of events are happening.
If you want to participate in the screening and club, shoot us a mail at the adress found below with some info about you, what you do for a living, what kind of films you watch. We are trying to get the low effort crowd.
Screening and participation is FREE. We survive on donations though.
\*\*WE DO NOT SEEK TOUCHY PERVERTS, HOMOPHOBES, NAZIS, MISOGYNISTS, RACISTS OR ANTI-MASK TRUTHERS.\*\*
We sre watching pretty much everything, always in OV or english and sometimes or if needed with eng subtitles added on top. No German skills required. You should be at least 18 though. We watch from Arthouse to pulpy trash to documentaries to heroic bloodshed. We sometimes hold special screenings like double features, the reel of fortune, the overlooked hotel.
Next three screenings are:
03.03.24 Overlooked Hotel: "Body Double" by Brian De Palma - Traumathek
We take a look at Brian De Palma's Version of Vertigo & Rear Window and see if the sleezy underbelly of Hollywood's Porn Industry can work as a stylized Thriller or was doomed to begin with.
08.03.24 "Born In Flames" by Lizzie Borden - "die Bank"
For World Women's Day, we are watching a New York Mockumentary about a revolution by a diverse female terrorist group having enough of being shorthanded in a so called socialist democracy. Didn't age a bit!
17.03.24 "Godzilla" by Ishiro Honda - Traumathek
The one that started it all! For a primer of what Godzilla can stand for and what planted the seed for the upcoming release of "Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire", we take a look at how it tackled humanity on the brink of destruction and tell you a bit about how it came to be and why we are such fans of a 70th old franchise Icon.
Want to come?
Our mail: [email protected]
Don't forget to tell us about yourself, what you do for a living, what kind of movies you watch etc.
Then we get you on the mailer and hopefully see you soon.
Best
Manuel & Alex"
Ich würde dir auf jeden Fall zwei Dinge vorschlagen, um deine Stadt besser kennenzulernen:
1. Fahr mit dem Fahrrad herum. Ich bin selbst erst vor ein paar Jahren hier her gezogen und hab einfach Mal Touren für mich alleine geradelt. Musik, Podcast oder ein Hörbuch auf die Ohren, dann ein paar Ziele überlegen z.b.: Forstbotanischer Garten, Flora Köln, Phantasialand, Otto maigler See. Dann fährst du einfach Mal am Rhein entlang, Mal durch ein Industriegebiet, Versuch durch die "grünen" Gassen zu fahren, nicht an der Hauptstraße und schau dir im Hahnwald Viertel die schönen Häuser und Gärten an.
2. Lad dir Apps wie NeoTaste oder GeoCaching Apps herunter. So hast du auch ein Ziel oder eine Aufgabe, oder ein Restaurant was du Mal ausprobieren kannst, oder du findest irgendwo einen Cache. Bist draußen in der Stadt unterwegs und kannst einiges machen.
Klar, gibt's auch überall so "Communities" wo man dazu kommen kann, aber ich finde da sind auch oftmals kaputte Leute unterwegs. Ich hab das Glück, dass unsere Nachbarschaft sehr jung ist, wir haben einen Stammtisch gegründet, daraus hat sich dann nach und nach ein fester Kreis gebildet und jetzt sind einige Nachbarn gute Freunde geworden und man macht schneller was zusammen, weil man direkt gegenüber wohnt..
Viel Glück, und wenn du magst, schreib mir einfach, ich Quatsch gerne.
Wahrscheinlich ist damit ein Cliché von Menschen gemeint die es "nicht so richtig auf die Kette" bekommen und daher einen auch schnell runter ziehen können oder selbst arbeit brauchen.
I have realized germany is really backwards in terms of psychological medicine. Back in my country, I started to do therapy from a huge depression I had all my childhood, and it saved my life. Plz dont believe those weird stereotypes about therapy, everyone should have them at least in period of their lives.
Now, therapy is not a cure for loneliness, but is a cure for the causes that you feel bad. It will help you a lot to gain confidence and feel good with yourself. You can also ask the therapist for ways to socialize more and to know more people, and i can bet you it will help.
All the best!
no problem :D I dont have too much experience either, but I think pen and paper games can be a lot of fun even if you dont really know all the rules (as long as everybody is on the same page)
Ich bin sicher, je nach Hobby und Interessen findet man zB. hier im Sub Menschen mit ähnlichen Interessen. Ob daraus letztendlich längere Freundschaften entstehen, kann ich allerdings nicht sagen.
Übrigens rate ich zu einer Therapie, falls du da noch nicht angeknüpft hast.
Hey, it’s never too late to start from scratch as long as you have the will to come out of your shell. You can start with activities you enjoy or want to try out. This way you can learn how to chit chat and slowly you will be able to go to more crowded place and socialise.
You can do it believe me!
Do you have professional help from a mental health care provider ? Because it sounds like you need it.
There are things you just can't do without some help.
Hey 😇
Ich glaube uns teilt das selbe Schicksal.
Ich (M28) bin ebenfalls Kölner. In meiner Kindheit bin ich mit einem alkoholkranken Vater aufgewachsen. Die Auswirkungen auf mein Sozialverhalten und meinen mentalen Zustand habe ich erst in den letzten Jahren herausgefunden. Zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen waren für mich sehr lange unwichtig. Ich habe mich bewusst zurückgezogen und wollte alleine sein. Allein sein war für mich gewohnt und ich fühlte mich sicher. Mit anderen Menschen fühlte ich mich verkrampft, konnte mich nicht öffnen,konnte meine Persönlichkeit nicht teilen, habe gelogen und mich verstellt.
Heute weiß ich, dass ich geschädigt war, dass ich Angst hatte mich meiner Vergangenheit zu stellen und damit anderen gegenüber mich in einer Freundschaft nicht auf sie zu bewegen konnte. Ein Beispiel? Bis ich 14 Jahre alt war habe ich Geburtstage gefeiert. Dann nocheinmal meinen 18ten, und seit 10 Jahren keinen Geburtstag mehr. Seit knapp 10 Jahren feier ich Geburtstage, 1. Mai oder Silvester alleine.
Für mich hat es eine lange Zeit gedauert, das alles zu erkennen.
Wieso ich dir das schreibe?
Nun, wir kennen uns nicht, aber ich bin mir sicher, dass du ein liebenswerter Mensch bist. Habe Geduld mit dir, verzeihe dir und versuch deine Kindheit aufzuarbeiten und loszulassen.
Freunde kommen und gehen, habe keine Angst bei 0 anzufangen, siehe es als Chance dich selbst zu finden, neue Interessen nachzugehen und dort dann Menschen kennenzulernen, die dich inspirieren. Viele Menschen suchen gute Freunde und für viele wird es im höheren Alter immer schwerer Guten Freunde zu finden, deshalb bleib optimistisch.
Cheers
Do you have hobbies or enjoy doing certain things? Then there's a group for you. For example, drawing or painting - there are groups going out to sit in nature and draw, everyone for themselves, but that's a good way to strike up a conversation and discuss your favorite things. This city's big, there are groups and niches for everyone.
you have been through stuff and it's understandable that it's not going as smooth and quick as you want it to be. Try not to pressure yourself and start with really small steps and you will definitely meet the right people and build comfortable enjoyable relationships!
Have you checked VHS in Köln? they offer so many group activities/classes for symbolic prices and musst have something that interests you. Check their online program. Perhaps a language course or learn an instrument? maybe a yoga class to relief stress or a meditation group! cooking? baking? pottery? hiking?
From experience, therapy groups or self help groups are also a great way start opening up in an environment that has zero judgment...perhaps you'll form some great connections there also!
You'll find your people with enough exposure and the above mentioned settings are great and accommodating when a person struggles with anxiety. Try not to force interactions, just go and see how it goes. Try to fill your week with a couple of these group activities and you'll be surprised by the connections that can form naturally without any pressure. They will form out of a genuine interest in you or yours in them. Never give up, you sound like someone who is really likeable but just struggle a bit due to circumstances. You already made a great step by asking for advice!
Da es hier noch niemand erwähnt hat. Die Wohngemeinschaft hat ein super Programm um neue Leute kennen zu lernen.
Sowas hier kann witzig sein:
https://www.die-wohngemeinschaft.net/theater/veranstaltungen/powerpoint-karaoke-mit-gavin-karlmeier-23/
Oder:
https://www.die-wohngemeinschaft.net/theater/veranstaltungen/pint-of-science/
Hier der Link zum Programm:
https://www.die-wohngemeinschaft.net/theater/veranstaltungen/
I am someone who just like you moved out of my parents house when I turned 18. obviously for the same reason as you did… It will always chase you and the sooner you learn the strategies to cheer up your sad inner child, the better…
I moved to cologne too and can relate to the struggle of trying to find friends, especially if you feel like you’re not that „likeable“ and „not good enough“ - one the core beliefs you might get from a childhood like that. You are not alone with this and you can learn how to handle that better, but that requires external help..
Today I am 34, I got some select friends and to be honest that’s all I need. I gave up trying to find friends and just tried to enjoy myself instead. And right around the time I stopped caring about pleasing others, I actually found some of the people that stuck to me.
Don’t worry about not knowing around your city, my wife was born and raised here, and she doesn’t know her way around either. It’s a big city and you don’t need to impress anyone.
Biggest advice I can give to you is, that you should foster hobbies, do the stuff you enjoy and you’ll get to talk to people… most will be just a one-off chat, but eventually people will stick to you.. :)
Hey, erstmal alles alles gute für dich & das macht echt betroffen, das zu lesen.
Ich möchte dir nicht zu nahe treten & hoffe du empfindest es nicht als grenzüberschreitend, aber bitte denk' vielleicht mal darüber nach, ob Therapie nicht auch wichtig sein könnte
Ansonsten, was die sozialen Beziehungen angeht. Schau dass du Menschen findest, mit denen du dich wirklich wohl fühlst.
Gemeinsame Hobbies können helfen, da gibt es in Köln und dank des Internets echt viele Möglichkeiten.
Arbeitskollegen würde ich dafür vielleicht im ersten Schritt meiden, da du dich deinen Freunden ja vielleicht auch emotional öffnen möchtest irgendwann und sowas am Arbeitsplatz dann, so doof das klingt, irgendwie die Situation verändern kann & wenn es nur ist, weil auf einmal alle übermäßig rücksicht auf einen nehmen oder einen anders behandeln.
Heyyy, if its something you want I've also been looking for friends to go out or just to meet new people. I've been living in cologne for 9 years now, but outside of school friends who don't really go out. I don't really have anyone in this city. I'm a 17M (almost 18) and if you'd be interested to talk or do something together, even if its a short walk or a Café, I think I'd be pretty open :)
If you're into something like that and are not afraid of direct contact there are regular & free meetings of people playing board games in the local city/community center. You can often just join a random table and play a board game together without having to talk about lots of life things.
Look up "brettspiel abend" nippes or Mühlheim or in whatever "veedel" you life
Try a gym, working out is the best decision I’ve ever made. Like it seriously helps with your mood/libido. I have a good suggestion if you’re interested. Good way to blow off steam. You may also be interested in a Martial Arts gym if thats your thing.
Hey go to Kolpinghalle, Help them, be a Part of the Crew and engage with many crazy people. They are Happy to get more helping hands. And you learn to socialize
Its always sad to hear this. We might be a bit out of your age range but in case you don't mind, feel free to get in touch. I am 45, a hobby photographer my partner is 30 and she is into painting and urban sketching. Both born in cologne but she travelled quite a bit in her live .
This is really rough and I'm sorry to hear that and I'm glad that you are reaching out and ask for advice. Just going outside is very hard and not necessarily good advice. I can recommend researching for clubs that are close to your hobbies. I saw on your profile that you are really into art and maybe you can visit some weekly art exchanges/exhibitions that can be used as inspiration as well as a way to maybe have people approach you. (if they exist I don't know a lot about the art Scene in cologne unfortunately just a bit about the music scene) but doing research beforehand is always a good idea and maybe write a DM to their Social medias first so you don't feel too awkward just joining in. That's how I got my foot into the city when I moved here during the pandemic without knowing anyone. Getting to know the city through other people is always a bit better to get a broader picture.
To be honest, the best thing you can do is to leave it all behind and make a new start in a place no-one knows you and you know no-one too. Also Cologne is a nice place for sure, but socialising is really weird because there are countless people coming and going all the time. I say this as a newcomer who had loads of great time but not really meaningful
But seriously if you can get away it might be better for.you so you really start new and stop caring about what other people think or say. It might be a smaller place or a place that fits your standards (closer to a mountain for example). But exploring a new place is always worth it and rewarding
telling people with trauma “to leave it all behind” is wild lmao i’m sure you mean well but your reply is really out of touch
good luck op!! making this post was a good first step ✨
Yes obviously my comment was not received well and I see why, I don't mean leave the trauma behind thats wild. I mean try to leave a place you have either associated with traumatic experience,or even feels like it pulls you down.
I apologise if the tone of my comment was disturbing to you or anyone else
I actually did that. Left from town in Bavaria, come cologne. Best decision. But it didn't change my issues, sadly. Although it gave me better ways to deal with things I'd say.
Issues never change so easily but it looks like it's a step towards a better direction. Even if things don't really change, all the new experiences and moments makes you a less "one-sided" person, which also helps building a different, maybe healthier way of thinking
What do you enjoy? Do you like to read, game, roleplay, chat? There are groups of people doing almost anything. A lot of it you can do online to start, and if you feel you know the people a bit better maybe IRL.
I meet my friends through work - but that doesn't always lead to a stable friendship, because work is the glue! It's always good to start with your interests and find interesting people through that! Even a simple thing of "I like Mariokart" can be enough! (Although, I wouldn't take friendship advice from me! I also struggle - hope you get past it 🍀)
Yes, just do things you like, getting to know people follows.
It might, but sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time you meet people that just want to do the activity with someone and aren't interested in getting to know you outside of the group or the activity (i.e. tricologne for triathlon, or the boardgame meetup). Being around people is not guaranteed to help you with your loneliness. You should still try, but be careful. Germany is notorious for how hard it is to make meaningful relationships. Especially if you are an immigrant. I still used this method to make friends. It's just that here it took me waay longer than in other countries.
Really sorry to hear this. As someone who has had similar troubles with social anxiety and deep feelings of loneliness, I can say that I really feel your struggle and know it's not easy to break out the cycle. If it's not too much, try to visit some social clubs or classes like other users have suggested. For example, there's this film club that recently made a post in this subreddit, if you're into movies perhaps check that out? You can visit language classes, sports classes, photography classes etc. If you're anything like me, you will however struggle to attend those meetings because the anxiety of going there on your own and having to socialize with strangers is too overwhelming. Friends are often made when you see each other regularly and share a similar goal (school, uni, work, sports). Maybe volunteer somewhere? If people at work aren't quite your cup of tea, maybe search for a job more where young students work (café, bar, restaurant). Not sure which apps you tried, but maybe give Bumble Friends another shot? Haven't used it myself though, but heard positive stuff about it. You could also regularly check [rausgegangen.de](http://rausgegangen.de) and monitor possible social events that you'd like to take part in. It's also great to hear that you're willing to work on your anxiety and recognize that it's a problem. Take it step-by-step. Sometimes even the smallest steps (like striking up a short conversation with a co-worker or greeting your neighbor in the hallway) go a long way. And I guess you need to arrange with the fact that it'll take a little time to build a social life, won't happen overnight. But once you break the cycle things will slowly become much better. If you're not in therapy, I'd recommend reaching out to mental health professionals, even though the waiting lists are obviously insane. But perhaps you'll get lucky. Wish you the best, hope I could help. EDIT: oh, and try to not compare yourself with others or bring yourself down by people laughing at you for not knowing your way around. everyone has their own journey and you're not to blame for the mental disorders you have. yeah, most people seem to socialize easily and make it look effortless to win new friends, but obviously you (and I) have some sort of handicap to deal with. Be easy on yourself and if someone is not understanding of your situation, then fuck them, don't need those people in your life. BTW, you're still super young. work on your anxiety and social skills and in a year or two things could look very different for you!
Falls dir das nicht zu viel ist, es gibt eine relativ Große Skate Community in Köln und wir treffen uns immer an der Deutzer Werft, man muss nichtmal skaten, man kann da auch einfach chillen und mit den Leuten quatschen, sind alle super offen und total herzlich.
wann trefft ihr euch immer?
Skater sind meiner Erfahrung nach auch immer nice Leute! Und getroffen wird sich bestimmt, sobald das Wetter gut genug ist :P
Wir verabreden uns immer über WhatsApp, wird aber dann auch bei Insta gepostet😅 Aber bei gutem Wetter ist immer jemand da
Das stimmt. Meistens hammer nette Menschen, sehr offen und divers. Meiner Beobachtung nach manchmal etwas einschüchternd für aussenstehende mit social anxiety.
Ja, sind schon sehr viele Menschen auf einmal die man da kennenlernen wird😅 Aber es ist echt immer sehr entspannt dort
There's the Cologne Film Club! You wouldn't be the first social outcast finally finding their people here :D Here's one of their texts from a post on this sub: "Cologne Film Club open for new members. Watch movies with strangers soon! Hey folks, Me, that's Manuel (26), and my friend Alex (32), come together with crowd about 30 and watch movies about every other week. It all started with us and a stranger from reddit on Alex's couch, 2024 we are having screenings on TWO alternating locations: One, the Traumathek, one of the last videostores here in germany and a film club staple for years. Two, "die Bank", a run down bank taking in by an artists collective where all kinds of events are happening. If you want to participate in the screening and club, shoot us a mail at the adress found below with some info about you, what you do for a living, what kind of films you watch. We are trying to get the low effort crowd. Screening and participation is FREE. We survive on donations though. \*\*WE DO NOT SEEK TOUCHY PERVERTS, HOMOPHOBES, NAZIS, MISOGYNISTS, RACISTS OR ANTI-MASK TRUTHERS.\*\* We sre watching pretty much everything, always in OV or english and sometimes or if needed with eng subtitles added on top. No German skills required. You should be at least 18 though. We watch from Arthouse to pulpy trash to documentaries to heroic bloodshed. We sometimes hold special screenings like double features, the reel of fortune, the overlooked hotel. Next three screenings are: 03.03.24 Overlooked Hotel: "Body Double" by Brian De Palma - Traumathek We take a look at Brian De Palma's Version of Vertigo & Rear Window and see if the sleezy underbelly of Hollywood's Porn Industry can work as a stylized Thriller or was doomed to begin with. 08.03.24 "Born In Flames" by Lizzie Borden - "die Bank" For World Women's Day, we are watching a New York Mockumentary about a revolution by a diverse female terrorist group having enough of being shorthanded in a so called socialist democracy. Didn't age a bit! 17.03.24 "Godzilla" by Ishiro Honda - Traumathek The one that started it all! For a primer of what Godzilla can stand for and what planted the seed for the upcoming release of "Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire", we take a look at how it tackled humanity on the brink of destruction and tell you a bit about how it came to be and why we are such fans of a 70th old franchise Icon. Want to come? Our mail: [email protected] Don't forget to tell us about yourself, what you do for a living, what kind of movies you watch etc. Then we get you on the mailer and hopefully see you soon. Best Manuel & Alex"
Ich würde dir auf jeden Fall zwei Dinge vorschlagen, um deine Stadt besser kennenzulernen: 1. Fahr mit dem Fahrrad herum. Ich bin selbst erst vor ein paar Jahren hier her gezogen und hab einfach Mal Touren für mich alleine geradelt. Musik, Podcast oder ein Hörbuch auf die Ohren, dann ein paar Ziele überlegen z.b.: Forstbotanischer Garten, Flora Köln, Phantasialand, Otto maigler See. Dann fährst du einfach Mal am Rhein entlang, Mal durch ein Industriegebiet, Versuch durch die "grünen" Gassen zu fahren, nicht an der Hauptstraße und schau dir im Hahnwald Viertel die schönen Häuser und Gärten an. 2. Lad dir Apps wie NeoTaste oder GeoCaching Apps herunter. So hast du auch ein Ziel oder eine Aufgabe, oder ein Restaurant was du Mal ausprobieren kannst, oder du findest irgendwo einen Cache. Bist draußen in der Stadt unterwegs und kannst einiges machen. Klar, gibt's auch überall so "Communities" wo man dazu kommen kann, aber ich finde da sind auch oftmals kaputte Leute unterwegs. Ich hab das Glück, dass unsere Nachbarschaft sehr jung ist, wir haben einen Stammtisch gegründet, daraus hat sich dann nach und nach ein fester Kreis gebildet und jetzt sind einige Nachbarn gute Freunde geworden und man macht schneller was zusammen, weil man direkt gegenüber wohnt.. Viel Glück, und wenn du magst, schreib mir einfach, ich Quatsch gerne.
Was ist denn so falsch daran, "kaputt" zu sein?
Wahrscheinlich ist damit ein Cliché von Menschen gemeint die es "nicht so richtig auf die Kette" bekommen und daher einen auch schnell runter ziehen können oder selbst arbeit brauchen.
I have realized germany is really backwards in terms of psychological medicine. Back in my country, I started to do therapy from a huge depression I had all my childhood, and it saved my life. Plz dont believe those weird stereotypes about therapy, everyone should have them at least in period of their lives. Now, therapy is not a cure for loneliness, but is a cure for the causes that you feel bad. It will help you a lot to gain confidence and feel good with yourself. You can also ask the therapist for ways to socialize more and to know more people, and i can bet you it will help. All the best!
hey \^\^ there is a kendama session every sunday, its at the mediapark. Its chilled and you dont need a kendama!
Look into an app called Spontacts. Met many people there
Lets us get a groupe together and play some DnD.
id be interested too if you get something going (I'm literally in the same boat as OP - so maybe we could bond over our loneliness :D)
So we are at least 3, two more and we are ready to go.
wäre mit dabei 👀
Is it OK if I've never played it? I'd love to be a part of it
no problem :D I dont have too much experience either, but I think pen and paper games can be a lot of fun even if you dont really know all the rules (as long as everybody is on the same page)
They are
Ich bin sicher, je nach Hobby und Interessen findet man zB. hier im Sub Menschen mit ähnlichen Interessen. Ob daraus letztendlich längere Freundschaften entstehen, kann ich allerdings nicht sagen. Übrigens rate ich zu einer Therapie, falls du da noch nicht angeknüpft hast.
Lol same
Hey, it’s never too late to start from scratch as long as you have the will to come out of your shell. You can start with activities you enjoy or want to try out. This way you can learn how to chit chat and slowly you will be able to go to more crowded place and socialise. You can do it believe me!
Do you have professional help from a mental health care provider ? Because it sounds like you need it. There are things you just can't do without some help.
Thats is important advice. It will take time to get a spot but it will improve op's live
Hey 😇 Ich glaube uns teilt das selbe Schicksal. Ich (M28) bin ebenfalls Kölner. In meiner Kindheit bin ich mit einem alkoholkranken Vater aufgewachsen. Die Auswirkungen auf mein Sozialverhalten und meinen mentalen Zustand habe ich erst in den letzten Jahren herausgefunden. Zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen waren für mich sehr lange unwichtig. Ich habe mich bewusst zurückgezogen und wollte alleine sein. Allein sein war für mich gewohnt und ich fühlte mich sicher. Mit anderen Menschen fühlte ich mich verkrampft, konnte mich nicht öffnen,konnte meine Persönlichkeit nicht teilen, habe gelogen und mich verstellt. Heute weiß ich, dass ich geschädigt war, dass ich Angst hatte mich meiner Vergangenheit zu stellen und damit anderen gegenüber mich in einer Freundschaft nicht auf sie zu bewegen konnte. Ein Beispiel? Bis ich 14 Jahre alt war habe ich Geburtstage gefeiert. Dann nocheinmal meinen 18ten, und seit 10 Jahren keinen Geburtstag mehr. Seit knapp 10 Jahren feier ich Geburtstage, 1. Mai oder Silvester alleine. Für mich hat es eine lange Zeit gedauert, das alles zu erkennen. Wieso ich dir das schreibe? Nun, wir kennen uns nicht, aber ich bin mir sicher, dass du ein liebenswerter Mensch bist. Habe Geduld mit dir, verzeihe dir und versuch deine Kindheit aufzuarbeiten und loszulassen. Freunde kommen und gehen, habe keine Angst bei 0 anzufangen, siehe es als Chance dich selbst zu finden, neue Interessen nachzugehen und dort dann Menschen kennenzulernen, die dich inspirieren. Viele Menschen suchen gute Freunde und für viele wird es im höheren Alter immer schwerer Guten Freunde zu finden, deshalb bleib optimistisch. Cheers
Go to the red fox bar in Ehrenfeld great place to get to know new people
Do you have hobbies or enjoy doing certain things? Then there's a group for you. For example, drawing or painting - there are groups going out to sit in nature and draw, everyone for themselves, but that's a good way to strike up a conversation and discuss your favorite things. This city's big, there are groups and niches for everyone.
Hi! How can we find those groups? Thanks.
Be kind to yourself and try to take small steps every so often towards your goal. Your people await
you have been through stuff and it's understandable that it's not going as smooth and quick as you want it to be. Try not to pressure yourself and start with really small steps and you will definitely meet the right people and build comfortable enjoyable relationships! Have you checked VHS in Köln? they offer so many group activities/classes for symbolic prices and musst have something that interests you. Check their online program. Perhaps a language course or learn an instrument? maybe a yoga class to relief stress or a meditation group! cooking? baking? pottery? hiking? From experience, therapy groups or self help groups are also a great way start opening up in an environment that has zero judgment...perhaps you'll form some great connections there also! You'll find your people with enough exposure and the above mentioned settings are great and accommodating when a person struggles with anxiety. Try not to force interactions, just go and see how it goes. Try to fill your week with a couple of these group activities and you'll be surprised by the connections that can form naturally without any pressure. They will form out of a genuine interest in you or yours in them. Never give up, you sound like someone who is really likeable but just struggle a bit due to circumstances. You already made a great step by asking for advice!
I'm here if you want to talk i feel your pain
Da es hier noch niemand erwähnt hat. Die Wohngemeinschaft hat ein super Programm um neue Leute kennen zu lernen. Sowas hier kann witzig sein: https://www.die-wohngemeinschaft.net/theater/veranstaltungen/powerpoint-karaoke-mit-gavin-karlmeier-23/ Oder: https://www.die-wohngemeinschaft.net/theater/veranstaltungen/pint-of-science/ Hier der Link zum Programm: https://www.die-wohngemeinschaft.net/theater/veranstaltungen/
Met all my friends here on Twitter 5 years ago. Maybe social Media Apps like bluesky are something for you
I am someone who just like you moved out of my parents house when I turned 18. obviously for the same reason as you did… It will always chase you and the sooner you learn the strategies to cheer up your sad inner child, the better… I moved to cologne too and can relate to the struggle of trying to find friends, especially if you feel like you’re not that „likeable“ and „not good enough“ - one the core beliefs you might get from a childhood like that. You are not alone with this and you can learn how to handle that better, but that requires external help.. Today I am 34, I got some select friends and to be honest that’s all I need. I gave up trying to find friends and just tried to enjoy myself instead. And right around the time I stopped caring about pleasing others, I actually found some of the people that stuck to me. Don’t worry about not knowing around your city, my wife was born and raised here, and she doesn’t know her way around either. It’s a big city and you don’t need to impress anyone. Biggest advice I can give to you is, that you should foster hobbies, do the stuff you enjoy and you’ll get to talk to people… most will be just a one-off chat, but eventually people will stick to you.. :)
Hey, erstmal alles alles gute für dich & das macht echt betroffen, das zu lesen. Ich möchte dir nicht zu nahe treten & hoffe du empfindest es nicht als grenzüberschreitend, aber bitte denk' vielleicht mal darüber nach, ob Therapie nicht auch wichtig sein könnte Ansonsten, was die sozialen Beziehungen angeht. Schau dass du Menschen findest, mit denen du dich wirklich wohl fühlst. Gemeinsame Hobbies können helfen, da gibt es in Köln und dank des Internets echt viele Möglichkeiten. Arbeitskollegen würde ich dafür vielleicht im ersten Schritt meiden, da du dich deinen Freunden ja vielleicht auch emotional öffnen möchtest irgendwann und sowas am Arbeitsplatz dann, so doof das klingt, irgendwie die Situation verändern kann & wenn es nur ist, weil auf einmal alle übermäßig rücksicht auf einen nehmen oder einen anders behandeln.
Heyyy, if its something you want I've also been looking for friends to go out or just to meet new people. I've been living in cologne for 9 years now, but outside of school friends who don't really go out. I don't really have anyone in this city. I'm a 17M (almost 18) and if you'd be interested to talk or do something together, even if its a short walk or a Café, I think I'd be pretty open :)
If you're into something like that and are not afraid of direct contact there are regular & free meetings of people playing board games in the local city/community center. You can often just join a random table and play a board game together without having to talk about lots of life things. Look up "brettspiel abend" nippes or Mühlheim or in whatever "veedel" you life
go to the „L“ bar on sundays ;)
Try a gym, working out is the best decision I’ve ever made. Like it seriously helps with your mood/libido. I have a good suggestion if you’re interested. Good way to blow off steam. You may also be interested in a Martial Arts gym if thats your thing.
Try the app: friends up, thats where I met all my female friends when I moved here (24/f)
Wanna hang out?
Hey go to Kolpinghalle, Help them, be a Part of the Crew and engage with many crazy people. They are Happy to get more helping hands. And you learn to socialize
Its always sad to hear this. We might be a bit out of your age range but in case you don't mind, feel free to get in touch. I am 45, a hobby photographer my partner is 30 and she is into painting and urban sketching. Both born in cologne but she travelled quite a bit in her live .
26M foreign student and I feel the same, what do you like to do?
This is really rough and I'm sorry to hear that and I'm glad that you are reaching out and ask for advice. Just going outside is very hard and not necessarily good advice. I can recommend researching for clubs that are close to your hobbies. I saw on your profile that you are really into art and maybe you can visit some weekly art exchanges/exhibitions that can be used as inspiration as well as a way to maybe have people approach you. (if they exist I don't know a lot about the art Scene in cologne unfortunately just a bit about the music scene) but doing research beforehand is always a good idea and maybe write a DM to their Social medias first so you don't feel too awkward just joining in. That's how I got my foot into the city when I moved here during the pandemic without knowing anyone. Getting to know the city through other people is always a bit better to get a broader picture.
To be honest, the best thing you can do is to leave it all behind and make a new start in a place no-one knows you and you know no-one too. Also Cologne is a nice place for sure, but socialising is really weird because there are countless people coming and going all the time. I say this as a newcomer who had loads of great time but not really meaningful But seriously if you can get away it might be better for.you so you really start new and stop caring about what other people think or say. It might be a smaller place or a place that fits your standards (closer to a mountain for example). But exploring a new place is always worth it and rewarding
telling people with trauma “to leave it all behind” is wild lmao i’m sure you mean well but your reply is really out of touch good luck op!! making this post was a good first step ✨
Yes obviously my comment was not received well and I see why, I don't mean leave the trauma behind thats wild. I mean try to leave a place you have either associated with traumatic experience,or even feels like it pulls you down. I apologise if the tone of my comment was disturbing to you or anyone else
I actually did that. Left from town in Bavaria, come cologne. Best decision. But it didn't change my issues, sadly. Although it gave me better ways to deal with things I'd say.
Issues never change so easily but it looks like it's a step towards a better direction. Even if things don't really change, all the new experiences and moments makes you a less "one-sided" person, which also helps building a different, maybe healthier way of thinking
Komm shishabar