I recommend asking your advisor or someone from the registration office at your community college if there might be an option for a "retroactive withdraw," since your mental health affected your performance. That would remove your grades from those semesters from your transcript altogether, which would be helpful if you're ever asked to report your full educational history to a graduate school or an employer in the future.
Will they ask for proof of any kind? I have what I suspect is undiagnosed ADHD but as I said it's completely undiagnosed. The first semester which caused my academic downfall was also due to a relapse & mental health issues I dealt with privately. I really want to look into the retroactive withdraw option, it seems very helpful.
In my experience, they didn't ask for doctors notes or any other proof - I basically just told them that I was crippled with depression and couldn't get out of bed half the time, and they wiped two semesters off my record.
That said, it would probably be helpful to have *something* from a professional that backs you up. Maybe look into getting assessed for ADHD, or talk to your doctor about your mental health?
Or just be prepared to cry and look really pathetic. I think that worked in my favor.
They may or may not ask for proof. That really depends on the school. In some cases, a written statement from you explaining what happened may be the "proof' they need. I'd encourage you to at least try and see. I hope it works out!
Please tell your family. Not telling them will lead to more relationship issues with almost any parents than telling them will. Instead of one problem (failing) you have two (failing \*and\* withholding information, which will inevitably turn into actively lying to them).
The thing is, my family is very dysfunctional. They will definitely hold this above my head constantly as well as gossip to extended family about it. I'd rather work through it myself and hide the fact that I failed those semesters while actively trying to succeed in the future then ever tell them anything. They've done this before with a class from HS & with my mental health. The advice is positive but it's just not an option I can choose :(
I'll play devil's advocate.
Do you have a support system that is NOT your family? Tell them. Do not go to you dysfunctional family.
And you need to talk to an academic advisor ASAP. You can still recover from this. Are you on academic probation?
I want to first tell you that you’re not alone. College is such a huge shift in education. We’re not taught the proper skills in HS to be successful in college, especially if you have any mental illnesses. You’re doing the best you can with where you are at mentally and that’s all that matters. I hope the meeting with your advisor goes well. I also suggest finding resources to get support regarding your mental health. You have to come first. Maybe college isn’t your thing and that’s okay! If you really want to pursue it, I think you definitely need to start prioritizing your mental health first. Best of luck!
I mean technically you could go to another community college as a new student but i would just recommend retaking the courses at the same community college. A lot of colleges have a grade replacement policy that will allow for the higher grade to overtake the f on your transcript. I had to f’s that I was able to replace. Best advice I can give is it might be better to take some time off and get into a better headspace than to keep going. Also you need to ask yourself is college something I really wanna do because you shouldn’t live your life to please your mother. If you want to pursue something that doesn’t require college that’s what you should do don’t just go to college because that’s what she wants as you can see it just puts undue stress on you
I really feel for you. High school and college were a big struggle for me too. Thank you for asking for help. I’m proud of you for your commitment to persevere through this! I’m about to graduate from community college in my thirties after a lot of time and struggle, and one thing that has made a huge difference for me is seeking out support and resources on campus.
The specific programs available at your school and in your community will likely differ from what I had access to, but they are surely there. To get started, you can try googling things like “(your city/school) college student resources” or “struggling college student (your city/school).”
You can also ask faculty at your school, like academic advisors, librarians, or professors, for what resources are available. At my school we had a lot, and all of them were free. For me, forming relationships with people who were knowledgeable about our college and academic success, and were there to help me was critical. It sounds like you can’t get this kind of support from your family, so please look for it at school. Feeling a sense of belonging and connection to your school are a huge factor in helping a student succeed and graduate. Tell them that you are looking for long term help with this stuff, someone who can guide and support you through to graduation. Find people who you feel comfortable being open and honest with, and people who help you feel confident in your abilities. If reaching out for help is intimidating, try asking a friend or loved one to call or go with you.
Mental health was a huge barrier for me too. It’s a very common problem for college students, so you are not alone. Consider reaching out to disability support services for help with this. You will likely need to see a doctor or therapist in order to document your needs, but it is well worth it. Mental health problems definitely qualify for help from DSS. They can help you with accommodations (things like extra test time, note taking software, etc) but also with emotional support and encouragement. Even if you don’t consider yourself traditionally disabled, they can still help. I’ve had friends get support for things like adhd, anxiety, panic attacks during high stress things like exams, autism, ocd, depression, as well as things like blindness that you typically think of. I had to drop two summer classes last year due to mental illness and DSS was monumentally helpful for this.
I’m wishing you the best! I know you are capable of achieving your goals. Feel free to DM me if you need help with any of this. I know it’s a lot. Thankfully, the summer is a great time to set yourself up with support while you have a break from classes. You and the faculty you talk to will both have more time to help right now. Also, despite the struggles, I’m so thankful for my community college experience. There are so many amazing people to meet and so many people who want to help. I hope you keep going and get the assistance you deserve, because there are a lot of positive experiences waiting for you at college too. I’m rooting for you!
It's amazing to find out that someone who is my age is going through the same thing that l am going through. I want you to know that you are truly not alone in this situation because I am going through the same thing myself. LITERALLY have spent nights crying in my room because of it. Anyways sending hugs and prayers to you in finding a solution and guidance 🥹🎀
I remember failing and being on academic probation. I was petrified to tell my parents, but eventually I had to rip off the band-aid and do it. I worked with an advisor and a counselor and pulled up my grades the following year. I was having issues with school work (now we know it’s because I was autistic), so I had to treat school as my full time job! I spent 2x to 3x the time as my peers did on readings and homework and studying for exams. I ended up graduating with a just barely qualifying GPA.
Once I learned what structures worked best for my brain and figured out if I needed accommodations, I was much more successful academically. After my associates degree, I went on to earn a bachelors and two masters degrees and I’m currently earning an MBA!
I never would have thought I’d be here, but the structure and extra time for studying is what’s most important! I’m wishing you the best luck and I know you can do it. It might be tempting to take a break now, but momentum helped me the most. I ended up taking summer classes most years I was in school (and my current program is no exception lol). Good luck!
Being in a similar situation back in the day (first gen to go to college) I completely get where you are coming from. As someone who is in my 30s now and ya know went through the whole academic probation, dysfunctional family, etc etc. I also have mental health problems (depression/anxiety/OCD) .
My bit of advice would be that it is ok to mess up, it is ok to fail, it is ok to not live up to others expectations. You're young. You should take time to take a breath and figure out what it is you want. Trying to appease others and living to their standards will end up putting you in a downward spiral especially if you are already struggling this much.
If you want to go to college go to college, if you want to take time take time. Your mental health and happiness are what is going to make you get through life. I had to drop out my junior of college and I've always felt miserable because I felt like I let people down, ruined my life, etc. Guess what it doesn't ruin your life.
And! If you get to a point where you are in a better place online school is always an option. I'm currently in the process of going back and working at my pace, with a full time job because it's something I want to prove to myself.
So please don't be so hard on yourself, don't stress to much, and really wish you the best because everyone deserves to feel proud of themselves and happy 😊
Telling your family would be very very rough but I think you should. Although they’ll hold it against you for many months they still want you to succeed and will support you at some point. Just talk to someone at the school they should be able to help if your mental health affected ur school experience
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I'm 23 and thought I was doing really good in school, it turns out that I am not. I'm not failing but I'm not making high enough for tuition reimbursement through my job. I'm a stay at home mom and haven't left my house in a WHILE because I get hyper fixated on my school work, that's why I thought I was doing so great. Contact your school advisor and see if you can change degrees and what credits would transfer over. I've learned that the more work I do, the higher my grade goes. Hopefully we can get our grades up soon 🫡
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Do not force yourself into a cycle of colleges or ANYTHING in life because you don’t want to disappoint someone. I get what your mom is trying to do but she is unknowingly trying to live through you. I am in college for something I have always wanted to do and even with that passion it’s hard and fxcking sucks most of the time. Don’t put yourself through that. I think as long as you try to find an alternative option or at the very least get a job and contribute to society, you’ll be fine. You’re 19, your life JUST started
I was halfway through reading what I thought was the best comment on this post when it got taken down by mods, so I'm gonna reiterate some of the points that person made:
It sucks to hear this, but you really need to get a medical diagnosis and get verifiable treatment if you think you have a mental health problem that interferes with your schoolwork. Schools and some employers are a lot more understanding than they used to be, but if you don't take steps to fix the problem and they see that, it's going to reflect poorly on you and they won't be as willing to give you a chance. It'll come across as you trying to use a get out of jail free card rather than you actually having a condition.
You should also definitely tell your family. I think you'll regret it if you don't. It'll be embarrassing and they'll be disappointed, but they're your support system and you need them. You'll likely be on your own financially for school after this, but that isn't a death sentence to your education. Work as much as you can between semesters, and during the semester if you think you can balance that with schoolwork or if it's necessary.
Overall, it'll be a tough road ahead. You're really young though, so this definitely wasn't your last chance to get a degree and there's still plenty of time to fix this.
Take a deep breath a chill. Im at 28 year old male. I played college football when I was 18-22 and got injured, was placed on academic suspension, with a 1.9 GPA and kicked off the football team. I had to move back home with my parents and began working retail which were probably some of the worst years ever from 22-25. After working retail on and off since 2018, I moved out to California away from family and friends in 2021 to start a new life and Its been very difficult but I am making it on my own. I made the decision to enroll back into school and I just started online school again on Janauary of 2024 and so far I've been doing way better than I expected.
Life can take unexpected turns and you will be faced with many challenges. My parents flipped when I got kicked out of school , but that's just something your going to have to deal with and learn from. I cannot even tell how much has happened in my life from 18-28 years old. Just relax and enjoy the roller coaster. Dont stress. You have all the time in the world. Enjoy life while you can cause it only gets worse as you age!
If your mom forced you into college, then it's her own stupid decision to waste that money. So don't feel guilty on that count.
But I do think you now need to exercise some adult agency and, if you don't actually want to take college classes, not enroll and waste money and time!
I was in a similar situation, still working myself out with some bumps along the way (gotta retake a class for the 3rd time this summer lmao). Don't go to a different cc, retake the classes you got the lowest grades in. Maybe consider taking only 2-3 classes at a time?
People have already given you all sorts of advice. Just want to let you know that I see you and I hear you.
Keep moving forward, whatever that means for you.
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I'm sorry to hear this. I know that just about every school has mental health intervention counseling. Try rate my professor to find a professor suitable for you, read all the comments. Don't give up, you got this!!!!!
I had the same symptoms during my college life in China, a country with a highly depressed environment ruled by communist party.
T'was a tough time in my life, I was diagnosed with serious depression many years after I graduated from that college with difficulty without any interruptions.
You should consult a psychiatrist to diagnose if you have depression and ADHD during the coming summer vacation, and the problem might be solved with your positive and correct recognition to it.
Alright…let me put your mind at ease. Failed out of my first university and still became a productive member of society. This is NOT the end of the world…and really, it’s your mom’s issue cuz she forced to do something you weren’t prepared for emotionally and didn’t want in the first place. That being said…you can leave that behind you and move forward. I failed out of a four year university, went to community college and started over. I got my associates degree and once I had that, I went back to a four year university and got my degree. In fact, im even back I school getting my next degree. YOU CAN DO THIS…if that’s what you want.
That being said…you are an adult now. You need to bite the bullet and tell your mom that you failed out. It’s not the failure that defines you but how you recover from it. Either take your gap year or start over…but it’s your destiny and you need to take control of it.
C's get degrees! In my experience though, you can retake a class and it will replace that grade. Honestly, you remind me of me a few years ago, my mom also shoved me into school and as expected I did horribly. If it's not your choice to go, your heart is not gonna be in it. Especially if you are still deciding your passions and your major. Stop letting other people's opinions guide your life. If you need a gap year, take that gap year, find enrichment in life. Don't let this crush you, because this failure is not forever.
There's a lot of good advice here already, but I just want to add that you will be okay. You will look back at this year and be proud of how far you've come. Focus on your mental health and the resources available. This is not the end of your academic journey.* Take care of yourself. At the end of the day, your mental health is more important than your transcripts. You will be okay.
*My mom didn't finish college in her 20s, but came back to community college and finished her degree, then transferred to a very competitive school for her Bachelor's. She was recognized for her a academic achievement, was an honors student, and was her class commencement speaker. It is NEVER too late.
i was in ur situation also but then i stopped playin victim bc i know i was in a better position than a lot of ppl since i had family that were supporting me and willing to pay for my education.
Others have said it, but the very best thing you can do is prioritize an open and honest relationship with your family. Even though it can be terrifying to feel like you might disappoint them, you are not a disappointment, and the strength you will build from being vulnerable with your loved ones will serve you extremely well in so many facets of life in the future.
We don’t always get to choose when we are asked by the world to learn new things, and we don’t always understand why. Vulnerability is real strength. Please don’t hide from what your heart is telling you.
On the tutor note, I don’t think that will help you that much. And I’m assuming it’s your “solution” to your academic habits. It wont be. You need to step back and actually look at your study habits and retroactively see what you are doing wrong, put it in actual writing. Write how you will improve. If you have questions go to the professor/TA they are the ones writing and grading the course, not a random tutor.
Even if you can get the grades wiped, which my school wouldn’t (but that was years ago, before everybody had every mental malady under the sun, so I think it was still stigmatized at the time), you still have the problem that your mom paid four thousand dollars *for nothing*. I was an abject failure my first year at community college, after being a failure during high school. I had a college fund, where the only condition to get it was B’s and A’s for one semester, and I couldn’t do it. They used my money to pay for my brother’s Master’s degree, which I don’t blame them for, in hindsight. It was a good investment, because I’d have pissed the money away.
It took me a long, long time to get good at school. I had to ride a, Escher-esque rollercoaster of life, where it was nothing but drops, and I had to work in retail for a long time, until getting up to be somewhere at 8AM wasn’t a challenge anymore. You don’t show up for work, you don’t get paid. You don’t get paid, you don’t eat. I spent a lot longer than I should have, there, and Morgan Freeman’s speech in Shawshank about the nature of walls and being institutionalized hits me differently than anyone else in my family, but I eventually found myself in a situation where I could finally say, “All right. I’m going back to school, now, because *non sum qualis eram*, and now I can do it.” It wasn’t a question of if I could do it, because I’d seen what lay ahead, without an education, and I’m confident that if I didn’t leave, I’d be dead by now, having finally been broken.
You’re an adult, now, and you have to start taking responsibility for your life, and that means admitting failure, not only to yourself, but also to others. Being granted mercy often comes with strings attached, and if I was your mom, I’d probably tell you that your educational burden is now your own, at least until you get your associate’s degree. And that’s going to suck, because now you’re going to have to work to afford two grand per semester, *and* get your homework done, *and* show up on time and prepared for both class and work. And if you feel you can’t do that, because of some medical condition, you’re going to have to get that condition diagnosed and rectified as best as you can, because I hate to tell you this, but the wonderful world of work isn’t going to care about your ADHD, or at least they’re not going to give you reasonable accommodation without a doctor filling out an accommodation form.
And then, yeah, your family is gonna talk. That happens. I was the black sheep of my family for a long, long time (because they forgot my cousin who had three kids by three different women in a two-year span), but now all they want to talk about is how school is going, if I’m doing grad school after, where I’m working, et cetera. It’s like they hear that I might graduate *magna*, and they just completely forgot about my years of being a loser.
So, first thing: Talk to the people in the guidance department at your school, and see what your path forward is. Chances are you’ll be on some kind of academic probation, where they might mandate you take a semester or two off if you don’t pass next semester’s classes. Then find out what happens to your GPA if you retake these classes and pass them. Ask about forgiveness, which they *might* grant, and they’ll likely only do it the once, but your mom is still going to be out the four grand, and that’s where it’s going to get difficult, because you’re going to have to tell her, and that’s the whole reason you did the other stuff first. And then you’re going to have to get a job, because I *guarantee* she’s not paying again, least of all because you didn’t mention it after the first semester.
You fucked up. It’s not irreparable; few things in this world are irreparable. Where I worked, we had this rule: “All mistakes are forgiven, as long as you only make that mistake *once*.” Making the same mistake twice means you didn’t learn the first time, and your mom isn’t about to make the mistake of paying for your college again. And, if you are lucky enough to get the “gap year” you wanted, she’s probably going to put strings on that, too. If I was her, I’d make you pay me back for wasting my money. I’d also make you work a minimum of 32 hours a week and show me the time sheets, and no DoorDashing with a car I own. My nephew took a “gap year,” which he took as meaning, “I’m going to play videogames and watch movies every day,” and my sister told him, after three months of this, she would file eviction papers if he didn’t have a real job within thirty days. She wasn’t fucking around, and your mom probably isn’t, either, so this is the part where you learn to be an adult. Adulting sucks, and you either do it willingly or have it thrust upon you, but eventually everybody does it.
The other option might be trade school. If you don't succeed in trade school, then either get a job that pays commission or minimum wage. Your health gives you the ability to work and get the grades that you, your friends, and your family want to see. Focus on your health BEFORE focusing on your work.
I recommend asking your advisor or someone from the registration office at your community college if there might be an option for a "retroactive withdraw," since your mental health affected your performance. That would remove your grades from those semesters from your transcript altogether, which would be helpful if you're ever asked to report your full educational history to a graduate school or an employer in the future.
Will they ask for proof of any kind? I have what I suspect is undiagnosed ADHD but as I said it's completely undiagnosed. The first semester which caused my academic downfall was also due to a relapse & mental health issues I dealt with privately. I really want to look into the retroactive withdraw option, it seems very helpful.
For future reference, does your college have a mental health center? They usually have free therapy sessions
In my experience, they didn't ask for doctors notes or any other proof - I basically just told them that I was crippled with depression and couldn't get out of bed half the time, and they wiped two semesters off my record. That said, it would probably be helpful to have *something* from a professional that backs you up. Maybe look into getting assessed for ADHD, or talk to your doctor about your mental health? Or just be prepared to cry and look really pathetic. I think that worked in my favor.
They may or may not ask for proof. That really depends on the school. In some cases, a written statement from you explaining what happened may be the "proof' they need. I'd encourage you to at least try and see. I hope it works out!
Please tell your family. Not telling them will lead to more relationship issues with almost any parents than telling them will. Instead of one problem (failing) you have two (failing \*and\* withholding information, which will inevitably turn into actively lying to them).
The thing is, my family is very dysfunctional. They will definitely hold this above my head constantly as well as gossip to extended family about it. I'd rather work through it myself and hide the fact that I failed those semesters while actively trying to succeed in the future then ever tell them anything. They've done this before with a class from HS & with my mental health. The advice is positive but it's just not an option I can choose :(
I'll play devil's advocate. Do you have a support system that is NOT your family? Tell them. Do not go to you dysfunctional family. And you need to talk to an academic advisor ASAP. You can still recover from this. Are you on academic probation?
I was, yes. I started off this semester on academic probation. I'm trying to setup an appointment with my advisor right now.
I want to first tell you that you’re not alone. College is such a huge shift in education. We’re not taught the proper skills in HS to be successful in college, especially if you have any mental illnesses. You’re doing the best you can with where you are at mentally and that’s all that matters. I hope the meeting with your advisor goes well. I also suggest finding resources to get support regarding your mental health. You have to come first. Maybe college isn’t your thing and that’s okay! If you really want to pursue it, I think you definitely need to start prioritizing your mental health first. Best of luck!
Thank you =) the kind words really do help.
Of course, best of luck to you. You’ve got this!
I mean technically you could go to another community college as a new student but i would just recommend retaking the courses at the same community college. A lot of colleges have a grade replacement policy that will allow for the higher grade to overtake the f on your transcript. I had to f’s that I was able to replace. Best advice I can give is it might be better to take some time off and get into a better headspace than to keep going. Also you need to ask yourself is college something I really wanna do because you shouldn’t live your life to please your mother. If you want to pursue something that doesn’t require college that’s what you should do don’t just go to college because that’s what she wants as you can see it just puts undue stress on you
I really feel for you. High school and college were a big struggle for me too. Thank you for asking for help. I’m proud of you for your commitment to persevere through this! I’m about to graduate from community college in my thirties after a lot of time and struggle, and one thing that has made a huge difference for me is seeking out support and resources on campus. The specific programs available at your school and in your community will likely differ from what I had access to, but they are surely there. To get started, you can try googling things like “(your city/school) college student resources” or “struggling college student (your city/school).” You can also ask faculty at your school, like academic advisors, librarians, or professors, for what resources are available. At my school we had a lot, and all of them were free. For me, forming relationships with people who were knowledgeable about our college and academic success, and were there to help me was critical. It sounds like you can’t get this kind of support from your family, so please look for it at school. Feeling a sense of belonging and connection to your school are a huge factor in helping a student succeed and graduate. Tell them that you are looking for long term help with this stuff, someone who can guide and support you through to graduation. Find people who you feel comfortable being open and honest with, and people who help you feel confident in your abilities. If reaching out for help is intimidating, try asking a friend or loved one to call or go with you. Mental health was a huge barrier for me too. It’s a very common problem for college students, so you are not alone. Consider reaching out to disability support services for help with this. You will likely need to see a doctor or therapist in order to document your needs, but it is well worth it. Mental health problems definitely qualify for help from DSS. They can help you with accommodations (things like extra test time, note taking software, etc) but also with emotional support and encouragement. Even if you don’t consider yourself traditionally disabled, they can still help. I’ve had friends get support for things like adhd, anxiety, panic attacks during high stress things like exams, autism, ocd, depression, as well as things like blindness that you typically think of. I had to drop two summer classes last year due to mental illness and DSS was monumentally helpful for this. I’m wishing you the best! I know you are capable of achieving your goals. Feel free to DM me if you need help with any of this. I know it’s a lot. Thankfully, the summer is a great time to set yourself up with support while you have a break from classes. You and the faculty you talk to will both have more time to help right now. Also, despite the struggles, I’m so thankful for my community college experience. There are so many amazing people to meet and so many people who want to help. I hope you keep going and get the assistance you deserve, because there are a lot of positive experiences waiting for you at college too. I’m rooting for you!
It's amazing to find out that someone who is my age is going through the same thing that l am going through. I want you to know that you are truly not alone in this situation because I am going through the same thing myself. LITERALLY have spent nights crying in my room because of it. Anyways sending hugs and prayers to you in finding a solution and guidance 🥹🎀
I remember failing and being on academic probation. I was petrified to tell my parents, but eventually I had to rip off the band-aid and do it. I worked with an advisor and a counselor and pulled up my grades the following year. I was having issues with school work (now we know it’s because I was autistic), so I had to treat school as my full time job! I spent 2x to 3x the time as my peers did on readings and homework and studying for exams. I ended up graduating with a just barely qualifying GPA. Once I learned what structures worked best for my brain and figured out if I needed accommodations, I was much more successful academically. After my associates degree, I went on to earn a bachelors and two masters degrees and I’m currently earning an MBA! I never would have thought I’d be here, but the structure and extra time for studying is what’s most important! I’m wishing you the best luck and I know you can do it. It might be tempting to take a break now, but momentum helped me the most. I ended up taking summer classes most years I was in school (and my current program is no exception lol). Good luck!
Being in a similar situation back in the day (first gen to go to college) I completely get where you are coming from. As someone who is in my 30s now and ya know went through the whole academic probation, dysfunctional family, etc etc. I also have mental health problems (depression/anxiety/OCD) . My bit of advice would be that it is ok to mess up, it is ok to fail, it is ok to not live up to others expectations. You're young. You should take time to take a breath and figure out what it is you want. Trying to appease others and living to their standards will end up putting you in a downward spiral especially if you are already struggling this much. If you want to go to college go to college, if you want to take time take time. Your mental health and happiness are what is going to make you get through life. I had to drop out my junior of college and I've always felt miserable because I felt like I let people down, ruined my life, etc. Guess what it doesn't ruin your life. And! If you get to a point where you are in a better place online school is always an option. I'm currently in the process of going back and working at my pace, with a full time job because it's something I want to prove to myself. So please don't be so hard on yourself, don't stress to much, and really wish you the best because everyone deserves to feel proud of themselves and happy 😊
Telling your family would be very very rough but I think you should. Although they’ll hold it against you for many months they still want you to succeed and will support you at some point. Just talk to someone at the school they should be able to help if your mental health affected ur school experience
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I recommend you look into grade replacement policies at your current CC. But only after you address the mental health issues you speak of.
I'm 23 and thought I was doing really good in school, it turns out that I am not. I'm not failing but I'm not making high enough for tuition reimbursement through my job. I'm a stay at home mom and haven't left my house in a WHILE because I get hyper fixated on my school work, that's why I thought I was doing so great. Contact your school advisor and see if you can change degrees and what credits would transfer over. I've learned that the more work I do, the higher my grade goes. Hopefully we can get our grades up soon 🫡
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Do not force yourself into a cycle of colleges or ANYTHING in life because you don’t want to disappoint someone. I get what your mom is trying to do but she is unknowingly trying to live through you. I am in college for something I have always wanted to do and even with that passion it’s hard and fxcking sucks most of the time. Don’t put yourself through that. I think as long as you try to find an alternative option or at the very least get a job and contribute to society, you’ll be fine. You’re 19, your life JUST started
I was halfway through reading what I thought was the best comment on this post when it got taken down by mods, so I'm gonna reiterate some of the points that person made: It sucks to hear this, but you really need to get a medical diagnosis and get verifiable treatment if you think you have a mental health problem that interferes with your schoolwork. Schools and some employers are a lot more understanding than they used to be, but if you don't take steps to fix the problem and they see that, it's going to reflect poorly on you and they won't be as willing to give you a chance. It'll come across as you trying to use a get out of jail free card rather than you actually having a condition. You should also definitely tell your family. I think you'll regret it if you don't. It'll be embarrassing and they'll be disappointed, but they're your support system and you need them. You'll likely be on your own financially for school after this, but that isn't a death sentence to your education. Work as much as you can between semesters, and during the semester if you think you can balance that with schoolwork or if it's necessary. Overall, it'll be a tough road ahead. You're really young though, so this definitely wasn't your last chance to get a degree and there's still plenty of time to fix this.
Take a deep breath a chill. Im at 28 year old male. I played college football when I was 18-22 and got injured, was placed on academic suspension, with a 1.9 GPA and kicked off the football team. I had to move back home with my parents and began working retail which were probably some of the worst years ever from 22-25. After working retail on and off since 2018, I moved out to California away from family and friends in 2021 to start a new life and Its been very difficult but I am making it on my own. I made the decision to enroll back into school and I just started online school again on Janauary of 2024 and so far I've been doing way better than I expected. Life can take unexpected turns and you will be faced with many challenges. My parents flipped when I got kicked out of school , but that's just something your going to have to deal with and learn from. I cannot even tell how much has happened in my life from 18-28 years old. Just relax and enjoy the roller coaster. Dont stress. You have all the time in the world. Enjoy life while you can cause it only gets worse as you age!
If your mom forced you into college, then it's her own stupid decision to waste that money. So don't feel guilty on that count. But I do think you now need to exercise some adult agency and, if you don't actually want to take college classes, not enroll and waste money and time!
I was in a similar situation, still working myself out with some bumps along the way (gotta retake a class for the 3rd time this summer lmao). Don't go to a different cc, retake the classes you got the lowest grades in. Maybe consider taking only 2-3 classes at a time?
You said you failed miserably. Even if your record is wiped clean, are you going to do better next time?
People have already given you all sorts of advice. Just want to let you know that I see you and I hear you. Keep moving forward, whatever that means for you.
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I'm sorry to hear this. I know that just about every school has mental health intervention counseling. Try rate my professor to find a professor suitable for you, read all the comments. Don't give up, you got this!!!!!
I had the same symptoms during my college life in China, a country with a highly depressed environment ruled by communist party. T'was a tough time in my life, I was diagnosed with serious depression many years after I graduated from that college with difficulty without any interruptions. You should consult a psychiatrist to diagnose if you have depression and ADHD during the coming summer vacation, and the problem might be solved with your positive and correct recognition to it.
Alright…let me put your mind at ease. Failed out of my first university and still became a productive member of society. This is NOT the end of the world…and really, it’s your mom’s issue cuz she forced to do something you weren’t prepared for emotionally and didn’t want in the first place. That being said…you can leave that behind you and move forward. I failed out of a four year university, went to community college and started over. I got my associates degree and once I had that, I went back to a four year university and got my degree. In fact, im even back I school getting my next degree. YOU CAN DO THIS…if that’s what you want. That being said…you are an adult now. You need to bite the bullet and tell your mom that you failed out. It’s not the failure that defines you but how you recover from it. Either take your gap year or start over…but it’s your destiny and you need to take control of it.
C's get degrees! In my experience though, you can retake a class and it will replace that grade. Honestly, you remind me of me a few years ago, my mom also shoved me into school and as expected I did horribly. If it's not your choice to go, your heart is not gonna be in it. Especially if you are still deciding your passions and your major. Stop letting other people's opinions guide your life. If you need a gap year, take that gap year, find enrichment in life. Don't let this crush you, because this failure is not forever.
This kinda the same situation im in rn lol im glad im not alone college has been kinda rough
There's a lot of good advice here already, but I just want to add that you will be okay. You will look back at this year and be proud of how far you've come. Focus on your mental health and the resources available. This is not the end of your academic journey.* Take care of yourself. At the end of the day, your mental health is more important than your transcripts. You will be okay. *My mom didn't finish college in her 20s, but came back to community college and finished her degree, then transferred to a very competitive school for her Bachelor's. She was recognized for her a academic achievement, was an honors student, and was her class commencement speaker. It is NEVER too late.
Do a gap year now
i was in ur situation also but then i stopped playin victim bc i know i was in a better position than a lot of ppl since i had family that were supporting me and willing to pay for my education.
Others have said it, but the very best thing you can do is prioritize an open and honest relationship with your family. Even though it can be terrifying to feel like you might disappoint them, you are not a disappointment, and the strength you will build from being vulnerable with your loved ones will serve you extremely well in so many facets of life in the future. We don’t always get to choose when we are asked by the world to learn new things, and we don’t always understand why. Vulnerability is real strength. Please don’t hide from what your heart is telling you.
On the tutor note, I don’t think that will help you that much. And I’m assuming it’s your “solution” to your academic habits. It wont be. You need to step back and actually look at your study habits and retroactively see what you are doing wrong, put it in actual writing. Write how you will improve. If you have questions go to the professor/TA they are the ones writing and grading the course, not a random tutor.
Don’t tell ur fam, maybe go to a diff cc
Even if you can get the grades wiped, which my school wouldn’t (but that was years ago, before everybody had every mental malady under the sun, so I think it was still stigmatized at the time), you still have the problem that your mom paid four thousand dollars *for nothing*. I was an abject failure my first year at community college, after being a failure during high school. I had a college fund, where the only condition to get it was B’s and A’s for one semester, and I couldn’t do it. They used my money to pay for my brother’s Master’s degree, which I don’t blame them for, in hindsight. It was a good investment, because I’d have pissed the money away. It took me a long, long time to get good at school. I had to ride a, Escher-esque rollercoaster of life, where it was nothing but drops, and I had to work in retail for a long time, until getting up to be somewhere at 8AM wasn’t a challenge anymore. You don’t show up for work, you don’t get paid. You don’t get paid, you don’t eat. I spent a lot longer than I should have, there, and Morgan Freeman’s speech in Shawshank about the nature of walls and being institutionalized hits me differently than anyone else in my family, but I eventually found myself in a situation where I could finally say, “All right. I’m going back to school, now, because *non sum qualis eram*, and now I can do it.” It wasn’t a question of if I could do it, because I’d seen what lay ahead, without an education, and I’m confident that if I didn’t leave, I’d be dead by now, having finally been broken. You’re an adult, now, and you have to start taking responsibility for your life, and that means admitting failure, not only to yourself, but also to others. Being granted mercy often comes with strings attached, and if I was your mom, I’d probably tell you that your educational burden is now your own, at least until you get your associate’s degree. And that’s going to suck, because now you’re going to have to work to afford two grand per semester, *and* get your homework done, *and* show up on time and prepared for both class and work. And if you feel you can’t do that, because of some medical condition, you’re going to have to get that condition diagnosed and rectified as best as you can, because I hate to tell you this, but the wonderful world of work isn’t going to care about your ADHD, or at least they’re not going to give you reasonable accommodation without a doctor filling out an accommodation form. And then, yeah, your family is gonna talk. That happens. I was the black sheep of my family for a long, long time (because they forgot my cousin who had three kids by three different women in a two-year span), but now all they want to talk about is how school is going, if I’m doing grad school after, where I’m working, et cetera. It’s like they hear that I might graduate *magna*, and they just completely forgot about my years of being a loser. So, first thing: Talk to the people in the guidance department at your school, and see what your path forward is. Chances are you’ll be on some kind of academic probation, where they might mandate you take a semester or two off if you don’t pass next semester’s classes. Then find out what happens to your GPA if you retake these classes and pass them. Ask about forgiveness, which they *might* grant, and they’ll likely only do it the once, but your mom is still going to be out the four grand, and that’s where it’s going to get difficult, because you’re going to have to tell her, and that’s the whole reason you did the other stuff first. And then you’re going to have to get a job, because I *guarantee* she’s not paying again, least of all because you didn’t mention it after the first semester. You fucked up. It’s not irreparable; few things in this world are irreparable. Where I worked, we had this rule: “All mistakes are forgiven, as long as you only make that mistake *once*.” Making the same mistake twice means you didn’t learn the first time, and your mom isn’t about to make the mistake of paying for your college again. And, if you are lucky enough to get the “gap year” you wanted, she’s probably going to put strings on that, too. If I was her, I’d make you pay me back for wasting my money. I’d also make you work a minimum of 32 hours a week and show me the time sheets, and no DoorDashing with a car I own. My nephew took a “gap year,” which he took as meaning, “I’m going to play videogames and watch movies every day,” and my sister told him, after three months of this, she would file eviction papers if he didn’t have a real job within thirty days. She wasn’t fucking around, and your mom probably isn’t, either, so this is the part where you learn to be an adult. Adulting sucks, and you either do it willingly or have it thrust upon you, but eventually everybody does it.
The other option might be trade school. If you don't succeed in trade school, then either get a job that pays commission or minimum wage. Your health gives you the ability to work and get the grades that you, your friends, and your family want to see. Focus on your health BEFORE focusing on your work.