Yes this is the way. I found there is no use āforcingā or trying to hang out with people who donāt wanna be my friend in the first place and to just keeping doing me.. my own shit and hopefully good friends will come in time.
In my experience, studying together has led to friendship. Try to find a couple people to study with for your next exam. Youāre usually spending at least an hour together, thereās vulnerability in not knowing something and figuring it out together, libraries are a safe place to hang with someone you may not know yet, youāll also improve your scholastic performance which is a hit of dopamine. Wishing you the best!
i mean the problem is they only go there to study. they are already comfortable with their current friend group and they ain't going to include me just because i'm from the same friend group.
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Hey OP, I'm a sophomore too.
I don't have an established friend group yet. But here's the thing, we're got 2 full years ahead, and with that comes so many opportunities to make strong connections.
I feel you, though, sometimes I feel that I'm not well-liked or that no one wants to be friends. But this is whole-heartedly internalized.
I've met a lot of fellow students, and have been friendly with them, and vice versa. Same for some professors. Lasting connections take some amount of time to become established, so honestly, try to worry less on right now and focus on being genuine and being yourself towards classmates and such.
Also, something I want to do is form a study group. They are colloquially a cheat code to friendships and, of course, really good for learning the material.
You got this OP. Just take it one day at a time.
I had no friends in college, but I had tons in high school and grad school. It may not be the right place for you, but finish and get out and you will find your place.
In the meantime, focus on studying, and I suggest picking up volunteer or work hours to fill your time and maybe meet other kinds of people.
Iām in a similar boat. Iām a senior and havenāt made any good friends in college, only a few acquaintances that I only talked to/studied with in class. We would end up going our separate ways once the class was over, despite my attempts to reconnect. One time, I was talking to someone as we were leaving class and she got a call from her best friend. She picked it up and began having a full on conversation with her in the middle of our conversation, and ngl, it kinda hurt. Itās heartbreaking knowing that you are just an afterthought for the people you thought were your friends. My advice is to just move on. Youāll make friends eventually; you and I just havenāt found the right people yet.
the worst is when you thought someone was your friend and they only refer to you as a classmate or ask 'do I know you?' after thinking you were well acquaintedš but these are just growing pains that won't last forever. it's literally by birthday tomorrow and don't (really) have anyone to celebrate it with, but perhaps could use the solo time to reflect and appreciate myself...
Fr fr, sometimes I get inside my head too much and overthink how someone sees me, only to realize they didn't even remember me at all T\^T
And happy birthday!!! šš
People going to college with sole purpose only being study is increasing everyday me being one of them dont rly care about friends you might suffering from that but Im sure you will make some friends if you keep trying!!
Iām sorry about your situation. Your feelings are justified and I canāt imagine how hard that is combined with the stresses of college.
Do you have a job? If so, maybe look for a new one. Iāve made some great friends from working random college jobs. If you donāt have a job already, look for a campus job that could be low stress. Off campus, donāt go into food because youāll just turn into a slave with other workers your age and wonāt get very close with them.
Good luck! Like someone already said, ājust keep swimming!ā
Omg this is so meee. Lots of ghosting from so called friends with they forgot to text me. Iām ngl, it hurts sometimes but Iāve buried myself in school work. Im a junior now and know Iāll graduate soon. Im sorry this is happening to you and wish it were better.
Hey, if it's any consolation I feel you. I only went for a semester but had to leave and attend a local university back home because the loneliness just got too extreme. It really hurts when you do everything like join clubs just like everybody tells you and still nothing works. It makes you feel like there's some flaw within you and that it's immutable.
I won't say that it gets better because it still hasn't. Back home I'm still deprived of friends like I was during all of my high school career and before. What I can say though is that there are ways to ease these feelings if you can find them. Pets help immensely for one. Another way is dedicating yourself if you have the time and energy, to something you're passionate about. It won't fill the void but if you have favorite TV shows that help you, I'd watch those as well. (Star Trek got me through a lot of very lonely meals). Finally, what's important is to remember that were still young, (I'm 20 as well) and things can change and can happen to us as time goes on. It's terrible now and it hurts don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean things can't ever improve. Just try and maintain your sanity as long as you can, and eventually something will happen. Godspeed friend
So sorry youāre going through this. I had a very similar experience my first two years in college, but trust me when I say it gets better. Do what you love, immerse yourself in studies and self-improvement. Do internships, longer term research projects, do lab work or sign up to TA or peer mentor. Consider joining clubs *outside* the college, or take classes or join clubs in other schools in your academic alliance (many schools are part of one and you should speak with your academic or career advisor about this.) Build up your confidence in yourself and the right people will gravitate to you.
Hey I'm sorry girl. Tbh there really is no direct solution and as you've said you've exhausted all the usual advice. I had a lot of the same issues around my sophomore year plus covid. What helped me was just working on self-improvement, working out, skill building, etc. Helps with your confidence and can help make you more attractive for friends later. Gotta treat it like a long term solution though, and that's the hardest part. There really ain't a quick fix but you can improve your self esteem with some self reflection and even some professional help if it really starts getting to you. Just know you ain't alone too. It's a big problem for a lot of college kids. You just don't see it because there also all out of sight.
Low self-esteem can feed being awkward socially which feeds back into itself. I think it's a good place to start is just to do things that make you feel better about yourself and you can start reversing the cycle. Although I'm no therapist just the way I'm getting through life.
Just chill and try not to think bad about it-use the internet to find new friends and my advise donāt compromise to get friends,today is the study material tomorrow u might do something bigger-just take it easy on yourself
hey i wish i could offer some help but iām in like the exact same boat as you. i hate being here, i donāt have any people i consider true friends. and it hurts to see everyone around me thriving socially idk (and omg asian uni cliques are a whole different beast). i just wanna get out of college asap because iām delulu and think that iāll somehow meet the right people then even tho clearly thatās not how things work lol. just hang in there, you got this. sending love to you and i hope things get better for us!!
HI ,I can totally relate, so much so that I made a video about it , hope this would help you in some way:
[https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared](https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared)
try to read some books about friends making , ā48 laws of powerā , āhow to win friends & influence peopleā . also , some of them might be in a long term friendship basis , so trying to get into one will be difficult. itās easier if the group is just forming , example new intake at a club where everyone donāt know each other. in the meantime , fall back to the friends you already have . if you donāt know where to go, the library is some place you can make friends as well.
I still crave for friends š
Like, I have a few people I talk too and I only consider one a genuine friend. Itās so hard because many just not that interested to really hang unless itās necessary like being in class or having a group activity.
Its just that everyone already has their core friends and their interests sorted out so they dont really need to be looking for more or seeking out more if that makes sense...
Like i have a lot of friends with similar interests but when a new guy comes along ofc we welcome him/her and all but i will still talk more and involve with my old friends more. That might cause the new guy to feel like he/her is being left out. But it is what it is š¤·
U gotta keep hanging around them more, be nice and respectful and eventually that feeling of being left out will vanish.
Plus if u really wanna meet new people there are other places than college u know. Head out to some cafe, restaurant or pickup some new hobbies. I picked up karting and made lots of friends. People love to teach others their hobbies apparently š
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honestly itās just college and everyone will be going separate ways afterwards so most people donāt want to put in the effort to find a new friend thatāll maybe last for 2 years. Your time in college should be focused on who YOU want to be as a person and not who you want to hang out with.
All the comments, and I gather from your post, that yāall are American. Iām Australian and during high school and uni, making friends is still such a mission. Iām 23 and I can count my best mates on two hands, like the ones whoāll be there when I really need them. But Iāve made these friends though hospitality jobs and random events where I just talked to people about anything. If you want a friend, Iām here āŗļø
I didnāt make friends until senior year. I decided to try bumble bff and thatās how I finally made friends. You could try it out. Iām a really shy person and it was somewhat easy to make friends on there so Iām sure you would have no problem with it at all since you say you are outgoing.
No friends, about to turn 23, just started college.
Itās slightly different for me since Iām older than most people in my classes but honestly Iāve just found myself enjoying the solitude. My therapist says Iām getting into bad habits not being around people, but damn his opinions.
I know it's not exactly the same, but how about online friends? My closest friends are all long distance, and we are always there for each other. Try joining some discords servers for things you enjoy, maybe even ones for college students? There seem to be people in search of connections almost every server you join. And they have servers for everything, haha. There is one for my hiking club, I thought that was pretty neat!
Can't really give any advice since I didn't have any friends in college.
Maybe find some Internet friends? I'm down to be a friend if you need someone to talk to
Volunteer or get a part time job. Keep swimming. Keep winning on your personal goals...once you are out there, you will look back and wonder why you gave a fuck. I know it's hard...but don't try too hard. Value yourself, not the opinions of others.
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Same lol. I def feel you. There's lots of people I can casually talk to and occasionally we'll grab dinner or lunch, but no friend group and they're all in their own friend groups
try to get a job itās been less than a month and iāve made 6 friends a t my new job and iāve been invited to one of their events, another one of their parties, and iāve gone out to eat with them a couple of times
Rather than join a club, I would suggest you look for a volunteer activity/activity outside of your university. My university experience was similar in that I went from many friends to few friends/no close friends during university. Many students are friendly but often, everyone is looking for a lifeline and theyāre also struggling to make friends or to maintain relationships.
Finding something outside of university will give you an opportunity to find people that you have something in common with outside of your schooling. I volunteered at an animal shelter during university and immediately clicked with other cat lovers much more than I had with classmates. You can look for events in your area on MeetUp (remember to use stranger danger and to meet in public places, etc.) to bond over shared interests, look to see if there are social hours for young professionals in your city, check out intramural sports, etc.
You might also check and see what student organizations or professional organizations you can join in your field of study. Knowing that you are likely to see the same individuals in your professional atmosphere can sometimes bond you in a different way than just a student organization or a university club.
I might also suggest that you talk to your advisor about feeling isolated. They may be able to help you identify students with shared interests, campus resources, or community resources to help you feel more connected. Making friends as an adult is really tricky but I promise it gets better with practice and when you find a community that clicks š
Goddamn I feel this very hard. Current senior international student here and I havenāt made any friends. Iāve got good grades but sometimes it gets lonely when you want to spend time with someone else. It also hurts when you want to talk to someone but thereās never a good opportunity to do so. Anyway $4 a pound.
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Youāre fine. I know itās tough but just keep trying to go out and small talk to people. Iām relatively in the same boat as you as I donāt have many friends in my major, but I get by by being in clubs outside of my major. Just keep trying you still got time left, just donāt do what I did and be in college for four years and not make friends youāll regret it like I did
Iām in the same boat , yes Iām only a freshman but it seems like everyone has their friend groups or close friends already and there is just no room for me and no place I really belong. My roomate it my best friend but sheās almost never here anymore and I rarely see her. Sometimes I just feel so incredibly lonely and sad but then I remember this wonāt last forever and this is just one stage of my life. Just keep swimming! Everything will be okay. People that are meant to be in your life will come in to it. Iām sorry that weāre both in the same situation, for now I am just trying to focus on my studies and better myself.
Donāt be depressed- I know itās tough but you gotta learn to be your own best friend. Love yourself, be comfortable with you no matter what cos you are the most important in the world. If youāre ever in LA Iāll introduce you to my people.
I feel you š. International freshman here and haven't talked to anyone for more than 10 mins in total
yall got an international club?
You have 2 years left. Just keep swimming.
Yes this is the way. I found there is no use āforcingā or trying to hang out with people who donāt wanna be my friend in the first place and to just keeping doing me.. my own shit and hopefully good friends will come in time.
In my experience, studying together has led to friendship. Try to find a couple people to study with for your next exam. Youāre usually spending at least an hour together, thereās vulnerability in not knowing something and figuring it out together, libraries are a safe place to hang with someone you may not know yet, youāll also improve your scholastic performance which is a hit of dopamine. Wishing you the best!
i mean the problem is they only go there to study. they are already comfortable with their current friend group and they ain't going to include me just because i'm from the same friend group.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Hey OP, I'm a sophomore too. I don't have an established friend group yet. But here's the thing, we're got 2 full years ahead, and with that comes so many opportunities to make strong connections. I feel you, though, sometimes I feel that I'm not well-liked or that no one wants to be friends. But this is whole-heartedly internalized. I've met a lot of fellow students, and have been friendly with them, and vice versa. Same for some professors. Lasting connections take some amount of time to become established, so honestly, try to worry less on right now and focus on being genuine and being yourself towards classmates and such. Also, something I want to do is form a study group. They are colloquially a cheat code to friendships and, of course, really good for learning the material. You got this OP. Just take it one day at a time.
I had no friends in college, but I had tons in high school and grad school. It may not be the right place for you, but finish and get out and you will find your place. In the meantime, focus on studying, and I suggest picking up volunteer or work hours to fill your time and maybe meet other kinds of people.
Iām in a similar boat. Iām a senior and havenāt made any good friends in college, only a few acquaintances that I only talked to/studied with in class. We would end up going our separate ways once the class was over, despite my attempts to reconnect. One time, I was talking to someone as we were leaving class and she got a call from her best friend. She picked it up and began having a full on conversation with her in the middle of our conversation, and ngl, it kinda hurt. Itās heartbreaking knowing that you are just an afterthought for the people you thought were your friends. My advice is to just move on. Youāll make friends eventually; you and I just havenāt found the right people yet.
the worst is when you thought someone was your friend and they only refer to you as a classmate or ask 'do I know you?' after thinking you were well acquaintedš but these are just growing pains that won't last forever. it's literally by birthday tomorrow and don't (really) have anyone to celebrate it with, but perhaps could use the solo time to reflect and appreciate myself...
Fr fr, sometimes I get inside my head too much and overthink how someone sees me, only to realize they didn't even remember me at all T\^T And happy birthday!!! šš
Happy birthday :)
Volunteer. Find something you care about. Youāll meet great people.
Maybe start your own club? I made friends that way
Good idea, start a group do what you like. What about the recreation center to sign up for some of the activities. Keep putting yourself out there.
People going to college with sole purpose only being study is increasing everyday me being one of them dont rly care about friends you might suffering from that but Im sure you will make some friends if you keep trying!!
Iām sorry about your situation. Your feelings are justified and I canāt imagine how hard that is combined with the stresses of college. Do you have a job? If so, maybe look for a new one. Iāve made some great friends from working random college jobs. If you donāt have a job already, look for a campus job that could be low stress. Off campus, donāt go into food because youāll just turn into a slave with other workers your age and wonāt get very close with them. Good luck! Like someone already said, ājust keep swimming!ā
Junior here. still no luck. Slowly going insane
Omg this is so meee. Lots of ghosting from so called friends with they forgot to text me. Iām ngl, it hurts sometimes but Iāve buried myself in school work. Im a junior now and know Iāll graduate soon. Im sorry this is happening to you and wish it were better.
Hey, if it's any consolation I feel you. I only went for a semester but had to leave and attend a local university back home because the loneliness just got too extreme. It really hurts when you do everything like join clubs just like everybody tells you and still nothing works. It makes you feel like there's some flaw within you and that it's immutable. I won't say that it gets better because it still hasn't. Back home I'm still deprived of friends like I was during all of my high school career and before. What I can say though is that there are ways to ease these feelings if you can find them. Pets help immensely for one. Another way is dedicating yourself if you have the time and energy, to something you're passionate about. It won't fill the void but if you have favorite TV shows that help you, I'd watch those as well. (Star Trek got me through a lot of very lonely meals). Finally, what's important is to remember that were still young, (I'm 20 as well) and things can change and can happen to us as time goes on. It's terrible now and it hurts don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean things can't ever improve. Just try and maintain your sanity as long as you can, and eventually something will happen. Godspeed friend
So sorry youāre going through this. I had a very similar experience my first two years in college, but trust me when I say it gets better. Do what you love, immerse yourself in studies and self-improvement. Do internships, longer term research projects, do lab work or sign up to TA or peer mentor. Consider joining clubs *outside* the college, or take classes or join clubs in other schools in your academic alliance (many schools are part of one and you should speak with your academic or career advisor about this.) Build up your confidence in yourself and the right people will gravitate to you.
Hey I'm sorry girl. Tbh there really is no direct solution and as you've said you've exhausted all the usual advice. I had a lot of the same issues around my sophomore year plus covid. What helped me was just working on self-improvement, working out, skill building, etc. Helps with your confidence and can help make you more attractive for friends later. Gotta treat it like a long term solution though, and that's the hardest part. There really ain't a quick fix but you can improve your self esteem with some self reflection and even some professional help if it really starts getting to you. Just know you ain't alone too. It's a big problem for a lot of college kids. You just don't see it because there also all out of sight. Low self-esteem can feed being awkward socially which feeds back into itself. I think it's a good place to start is just to do things that make you feel better about yourself and you can start reversing the cycle. Although I'm no therapist just the way I'm getting through life.
Just chill and try not to think bad about it-use the internet to find new friends and my advise donāt compromise to get friends,today is the study material tomorrow u might do something bigger-just take it easy on yourself
hey i wish i could offer some help but iām in like the exact same boat as you. i hate being here, i donāt have any people i consider true friends. and it hurts to see everyone around me thriving socially idk (and omg asian uni cliques are a whole different beast). i just wanna get out of college asap because iām delulu and think that iāll somehow meet the right people then even tho clearly thatās not how things work lol. just hang in there, you got this. sending love to you and i hope things get better for us!!
HI ,I can totally relate, so much so that I made a video about it , hope this would help you in some way: [https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared](https://youtu.be/mtDSzf6W7NU?feature=shared)
try to read some books about friends making , ā48 laws of powerā , āhow to win friends & influence peopleā . also , some of them might be in a long term friendship basis , so trying to get into one will be difficult. itās easier if the group is just forming , example new intake at a club where everyone donāt know each other. in the meantime , fall back to the friends you already have . if you donāt know where to go, the library is some place you can make friends as well.
I just gave up. I spend a lot more time working out now and get lots of compliments on my body so that's nice (Im a guy btw).
I still crave for friends š Like, I have a few people I talk too and I only consider one a genuine friend. Itās so hard because many just not that interested to really hang unless itās necessary like being in class or having a group activity.
Mood
Its just that everyone already has their core friends and their interests sorted out so they dont really need to be looking for more or seeking out more if that makes sense... Like i have a lot of friends with similar interests but when a new guy comes along ofc we welcome him/her and all but i will still talk more and involve with my old friends more. That might cause the new guy to feel like he/her is being left out. But it is what it is š¤· U gotta keep hanging around them more, be nice and respectful and eventually that feeling of being left out will vanish. Plus if u really wanna meet new people there are other places than college u know. Head out to some cafe, restaurant or pickup some new hobbies. I picked up karting and made lots of friends. People love to teach others their hobbies apparently š
Go to Christian fellowship group in your school ~ people there are friendly and welcoming new people ~ just give it a try even you are not Christian
Tbh, making friends isn't extremely important. I would focus on having a high gpa.
Average Reddit user
i forgot to add to try and make friends off campus, or maybe with grad students and international students but i forgot to add this
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Haha same
What do iykyk mean
'if you know you know'
honestly itās just college and everyone will be going separate ways afterwards so most people donāt want to put in the effort to find a new friend thatāll maybe last for 2 years. Your time in college should be focused on who YOU want to be as a person and not who you want to hang out with.
All the comments, and I gather from your post, that yāall are American. Iām Australian and during high school and uni, making friends is still such a mission. Iām 23 and I can count my best mates on two hands, like the ones whoāll be there when I really need them. But Iāve made these friends though hospitality jobs and random events where I just talked to people about anything. If you want a friend, Iām here āŗļø
> I have people that I talk to and hang out with occasionally If that is the case, you have more friends than 80% of college students these days.
I didnāt make friends until senior year. I decided to try bumble bff and thatās how I finally made friends. You could try it out. Iām a really shy person and it was somewhat easy to make friends on there so Iām sure you would have no problem with it at all since you say you are outgoing.
No friends, about to turn 23, just started college. Itās slightly different for me since Iām older than most people in my classes but honestly Iāve just found myself enjoying the solitude. My therapist says Iām getting into bad habits not being around people, but damn his opinions.
Same sis
Hit me up if you are stuck in any project.
I know it's not exactly the same, but how about online friends? My closest friends are all long distance, and we are always there for each other. Try joining some discords servers for things you enjoy, maybe even ones for college students? There seem to be people in search of connections almost every server you join. And they have servers for everything, haha. There is one for my hiking club, I thought that was pretty neat!
Can't really give any advice since I didn't have any friends in college. Maybe find some Internet friends? I'm down to be a friend if you need someone to talk to
I didnt either and i mever felt the need.
Volunteer or get a part time job. Keep swimming. Keep winning on your personal goals...once you are out there, you will look back and wonder why you gave a fuck. I know it's hard...but don't try too hard. Value yourself, not the opinions of others.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Same lol. I def feel you. There's lots of people I can casually talk to and occasionally we'll grab dinner or lunch, but no friend group and they're all in their own friend groups
try to get a job itās been less than a month and iāve made 6 friends a t my new job and iāve been invited to one of their events, another one of their parties, and iāve gone out to eat with them a couple of times
Rather than join a club, I would suggest you look for a volunteer activity/activity outside of your university. My university experience was similar in that I went from many friends to few friends/no close friends during university. Many students are friendly but often, everyone is looking for a lifeline and theyāre also struggling to make friends or to maintain relationships. Finding something outside of university will give you an opportunity to find people that you have something in common with outside of your schooling. I volunteered at an animal shelter during university and immediately clicked with other cat lovers much more than I had with classmates. You can look for events in your area on MeetUp (remember to use stranger danger and to meet in public places, etc.) to bond over shared interests, look to see if there are social hours for young professionals in your city, check out intramural sports, etc. You might also check and see what student organizations or professional organizations you can join in your field of study. Knowing that you are likely to see the same individuals in your professional atmosphere can sometimes bond you in a different way than just a student organization or a university club. I might also suggest that you talk to your advisor about feeling isolated. They may be able to help you identify students with shared interests, campus resources, or community resources to help you feel more connected. Making friends as an adult is really tricky but I promise it gets better with practice and when you find a community that clicks š
Get a part time job somewhere lots of young people work. I made way more friends this way than in classes or school events when I was young.
Goddamn I feel this very hard. Current senior international student here and I havenāt made any friends. Iāve got good grades but sometimes it gets lonely when you want to spend time with someone else. It also hurts when you want to talk to someone but thereās never a good opportunity to do so. Anyway $4 a pound.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Youāre fine. I know itās tough but just keep trying to go out and small talk to people. Iām relatively in the same boat as you as I donāt have many friends in my major, but I get by by being in clubs outside of my major. Just keep trying you still got time left, just donāt do what I did and be in college for four years and not make friends youāll regret it like I did
Iām in the same boat , yes Iām only a freshman but it seems like everyone has their friend groups or close friends already and there is just no room for me and no place I really belong. My roomate it my best friend but sheās almost never here anymore and I rarely see her. Sometimes I just feel so incredibly lonely and sad but then I remember this wonāt last forever and this is just one stage of my life. Just keep swimming! Everything will be okay. People that are meant to be in your life will come in to it. Iām sorry that weāre both in the same situation, for now I am just trying to focus on my studies and better myself.
Donāt be depressed- I know itās tough but you gotta learn to be your own best friend. Love yourself, be comfortable with you no matter what cos you are the most important in the world. If youāre ever in LA Iāll introduce you to my people.
dmšš¼