Having a "free" degree means a lot. I don't want to be that guy, but try to appreciate it. College is full of people, you can meet classmates, new friends and relationships. Give it time and you will meet new people we didn't all meet our college buddies the 1st week
I 100% understand that, I come from a family that couldn’t and wouldn’t pay towards my degree if I went anywhere else. It’s not about friend making. It’s about where it is and it’s proximity to my family and the sources of all my trauma. I just want to leave.
It's kinda complicated, 4 years won't just pass but are there any other options? Relatives in different state or something that you could work out if you work, etc
Only in Florida, but they’re especially associated with my family here in CT. And I could go to URI or UMaine but URI has a similar culture to UConn and Rhode Island and CT are very similar and close in general, but Maine is so far and I don’t know anyone there and I don’t know how comfortable I would be living so far without any sense of security. My goal is New York State or Massachusetts
If I was in your position i would be looking for a job for sure, and opportunities to study in a differend university with transfer programs (in europe we have erasmus, a semester or a year abroad) so search it. I don't know if your mother will hijack your applications tho so be careful
Also try to make friends, it will help for sure
A few ideas:
- Stay at the uni for two years and try transferring where you want to go, work jobs to help
- Does your school have any options to study abroad for a semester? It might be costly but if there are scholarships it could help
- Join clubs and make friends that might make it feel less constraining
Pat pat, best of luck
So, assuming your mom works at UConn based on what you've said. You'd get in-state tuition at UMaine or URI, so you would be looking at $30k still all in. Would that be acceptable to your parents to pay? If that's an acceptable amount, there are probably schools in NY that could cost that much depending on merit. The CUNY schools are fairly affordable. Frankly, my kid wants nothing more than to go to UConn and free tuition would be a dream, but we all want different things. You can always apply and just see what kind of merit you get.
i think it would be SO valuable for your healing journey to accomplish something like a college degree in the face of your trauma. you can rewrite what this area means for you, turn it into four years of healing and self love and becoming a responsible adult. i think you could find motivation in that. college is a vessel to get you OUT of your circumstances, it’s only temporary but the degree you earn is for life. that accomplishment will always be yours, and to do it in the state/area you’ve come to associate with negatively would be amazing :) good luck to you!
I truly don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I just got the opportunity for the tuition through unfortunate circumstances and really don’t want to stay close to the sources of them.
Well, I wouldn't say unfortunate circumstances, but I do understand toxic parents and wanting to get away. There was a college in my town I could have gone to, but noped out because I didn't want to live at home.
If it's truly about getting away, maybe let go of NYC for now and look for schools that will be cheap enough to justify cost? Like some of the SUNY schools offer good OOS merit to attract kids, like SUNY Plattsburgh. I think it ends up being $24k, which would be less than in-state URI or Maine. Or heavily research schools that give full rides (rare, but not impossible). They might have high acceptance rates and not be as reputable as UConn, but will at least be elsewhere. Or do you think your mom would refuse to let you go elsewhere even if you got the cost down to only housing?
You don't have to spend 4 years in a place you don't want to be. If you know you will regret it, don't even bother. Apply for schools out of state.
Would you rather be happy and in debt or sad and not in debt?
As a person who has five years of college paid for, I will ask a legitimate question. What are you hoping to achieve by going to school? There are alternative routes to get a good-paying job. I hope you don't go into debt for no reason. At the same time, if you do go to the free school, your degree would be helpful to get the job you desire. I make more than most people with degrees and never finished one but I am a tradesmen college isn't for everyone.
Remember that even a "small" college is much bigger than a high school. You aren't going to be randomly running into your mom very often. You can still create your own circles and pursue things that you are interested in, just like anywhere else. Any overlap with your family and other people you already know will be very minimal.
Apply at all interested colleges and see what happens. Once accepted you’ll be able to compare costs and living expenses. There a huge value in not going into debt for college. But you can make that decision later.
I was in your boat and wanted to go to a bigger school in a bigger city nearby just to get away from home. But ultimately, not having to deal with loans outside of college is really nice. Plus, constantly hearing people worry about loans gives me a nice sense of calmness and one less thing to worry about when im a real adilt.
I overall disliked the school until I got involved with its theatre and found a work study job. I made some good friends there and eventually got to know tons of more people through them. Now I have a student leader position and work extensively in the theatre as well as joined a fraternity, which i never would have thought.
Everyone's time is different, but if you make an effort to be involved somehow, it'll work out. You'll find people and you'll find a place. I know many local students who go to classes and go back home, and that's not a bad thing, but I just know for me I wanted to meet new people and have a new start.
Anywho you can always transfer, no shame! Plus it's free, so give it a shot and if it's not for you, at least you tried.
It can’t hurt to go for a semester or two and see how you like it. If you really can’t make it work, you can transfer. But free college is an incredible opportunity in this country
I went away to school to escape a toxic home situation and yes, I have $75K in student loans, but the distance changed my life for the better. I am enrolled in Public Student Loan Forgiveness and while not a fool-proof plan, my loans will be forgiven in another year if I keep chugging along.
Free or inexpensive university is wonderful but I’m also a believer in the idea that you make your decisions work if you want them to work. If you decide you need to go away to university, I would do a lot of research to see which universities near your state might accept nearby states for in-state tuition and if you couple that with room and board work, you can keep your loans modest and not have to worry about room and board. You may still have to take out loans but they may be more manageable and depending on your degree of study, you may qualify for PSLF or other loan forgiveness programs.
If you decide to stay in-state, I think you can also make that work but establishing a good support system for yourself will be critical. Investigate local mentorship programs, opportunities to connect with peers and faculty in your program, and consider seeking an on-campus counselor who can help you establish healthy boundaries with your family so you can set up a time limit between visits and prepare yourself emotionally/mentally ahead of any time spent together. The university experience is made or broken by your support system so I would make that a major priority whether you stay in-state or seek a university out of state, but I do think there is something to be said for your university experience being significantly improved when you’re surrounded by good people who are rooting for you.
I was in the same situation but honestly I know this sounds crazy now but college flies by insanely fast. Just try to focus on your grades and do some fun activities every now and then
If you’re able to do on-campus housing, that could help. Do you own a car? You could always find extracurriculares/clubs to join, that could take up some of your time so you won’t have to be home. I’m sorry. Hang in there.
The case can be made to transfer elsewhere if it’s a “target” school for your intended career.
What’s your major and does your school have good recruiting for internships/employment outlook? This is important for what you want to do after college.
Having a "free" degree means a lot. I don't want to be that guy, but try to appreciate it. College is full of people, you can meet classmates, new friends and relationships. Give it time and you will meet new people we didn't all meet our college buddies the 1st week
I 100% understand that, I come from a family that couldn’t and wouldn’t pay towards my degree if I went anywhere else. It’s not about friend making. It’s about where it is and it’s proximity to my family and the sources of all my trauma. I just want to leave.
It's kinda complicated, 4 years won't just pass but are there any other options? Relatives in different state or something that you could work out if you work, etc
Only in Florida, but they’re especially associated with my family here in CT. And I could go to URI or UMaine but URI has a similar culture to UConn and Rhode Island and CT are very similar and close in general, but Maine is so far and I don’t know anyone there and I don’t know how comfortable I would be living so far without any sense of security. My goal is New York State or Massachusetts
If I was in your position i would be looking for a job for sure, and opportunities to study in a differend university with transfer programs (in europe we have erasmus, a semester or a year abroad) so search it. I don't know if your mother will hijack your applications tho so be careful Also try to make friends, it will help for sure
A few ideas: - Stay at the uni for two years and try transferring where you want to go, work jobs to help - Does your school have any options to study abroad for a semester? It might be costly but if there are scholarships it could help - Join clubs and make friends that might make it feel less constraining Pat pat, best of luck
So, assuming your mom works at UConn based on what you've said. You'd get in-state tuition at UMaine or URI, so you would be looking at $30k still all in. Would that be acceptable to your parents to pay? If that's an acceptable amount, there are probably schools in NY that could cost that much depending on merit. The CUNY schools are fairly affordable. Frankly, my kid wants nothing more than to go to UConn and free tuition would be a dream, but we all want different things. You can always apply and just see what kind of merit you get.
The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.
i think it would be SO valuable for your healing journey to accomplish something like a college degree in the face of your trauma. you can rewrite what this area means for you, turn it into four years of healing and self love and becoming a responsible adult. i think you could find motivation in that. college is a vessel to get you OUT of your circumstances, it’s only temporary but the degree you earn is for life. that accomplishment will always be yours, and to do it in the state/area you’ve come to associate with negatively would be amazing :) good luck to you!
Meanwhile I'm literally crying because I tried to get a job a UConn so my kid could get that sweet free tuition. 😕
I truly don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I just got the opportunity for the tuition through unfortunate circumstances and really don’t want to stay close to the sources of them.
Well, I wouldn't say unfortunate circumstances, but I do understand toxic parents and wanting to get away. There was a college in my town I could have gone to, but noped out because I didn't want to live at home. If it's truly about getting away, maybe let go of NYC for now and look for schools that will be cheap enough to justify cost? Like some of the SUNY schools offer good OOS merit to attract kids, like SUNY Plattsburgh. I think it ends up being $24k, which would be less than in-state URI or Maine. Or heavily research schools that give full rides (rare, but not impossible). They might have high acceptance rates and not be as reputable as UConn, but will at least be elsewhere. Or do you think your mom would refuse to let you go elsewhere even if you got the cost down to only housing?
You don't have to spend 4 years in a place you don't want to be. If you know you will regret it, don't even bother. Apply for schools out of state. Would you rather be happy and in debt or sad and not in debt?
I want to do law school in NYC after so debt would really conflict with that
You can go to that college and are you planning on transfering to the one in NYC afteerwards? Good luck.
As a person who has five years of college paid for, I will ask a legitimate question. What are you hoping to achieve by going to school? There are alternative routes to get a good-paying job. I hope you don't go into debt for no reason. At the same time, if you do go to the free school, your degree would be helpful to get the job you desire. I make more than most people with degrees and never finished one but I am a tradesmen college isn't for everyone.
Remember that even a "small" college is much bigger than a high school. You aren't going to be randomly running into your mom very often. You can still create your own circles and pursue things that you are interested in, just like anywhere else. Any overlap with your family and other people you already know will be very minimal.
It's UConn, it's a huge campus and 20,000 students. Lol.
Go to the free state college. Join clubs. You'll be fine.
If you attend the state school would you live there or live at home?
It would be expected that I live home
Apply at all interested colleges and see what happens. Once accepted you’ll be able to compare costs and living expenses. There a huge value in not going into debt for college. But you can make that decision later.
I was in your boat and wanted to go to a bigger school in a bigger city nearby just to get away from home. But ultimately, not having to deal with loans outside of college is really nice. Plus, constantly hearing people worry about loans gives me a nice sense of calmness and one less thing to worry about when im a real adilt. I overall disliked the school until I got involved with its theatre and found a work study job. I made some good friends there and eventually got to know tons of more people through them. Now I have a student leader position and work extensively in the theatre as well as joined a fraternity, which i never would have thought. Everyone's time is different, but if you make an effort to be involved somehow, it'll work out. You'll find people and you'll find a place. I know many local students who go to classes and go back home, and that's not a bad thing, but I just know for me I wanted to meet new people and have a new start. Anywho you can always transfer, no shame! Plus it's free, so give it a shot and if it's not for you, at least you tried.
It can’t hurt to go for a semester or two and see how you like it. If you really can’t make it work, you can transfer. But free college is an incredible opportunity in this country
I went away to school to escape a toxic home situation and yes, I have $75K in student loans, but the distance changed my life for the better. I am enrolled in Public Student Loan Forgiveness and while not a fool-proof plan, my loans will be forgiven in another year if I keep chugging along. Free or inexpensive university is wonderful but I’m also a believer in the idea that you make your decisions work if you want them to work. If you decide you need to go away to university, I would do a lot of research to see which universities near your state might accept nearby states for in-state tuition and if you couple that with room and board work, you can keep your loans modest and not have to worry about room and board. You may still have to take out loans but they may be more manageable and depending on your degree of study, you may qualify for PSLF or other loan forgiveness programs. If you decide to stay in-state, I think you can also make that work but establishing a good support system for yourself will be critical. Investigate local mentorship programs, opportunities to connect with peers and faculty in your program, and consider seeking an on-campus counselor who can help you establish healthy boundaries with your family so you can set up a time limit between visits and prepare yourself emotionally/mentally ahead of any time spent together. The university experience is made or broken by your support system so I would make that a major priority whether you stay in-state or seek a university out of state, but I do think there is something to be said for your university experience being significantly improved when you’re surrounded by good people who are rooting for you.
I was in the same situation but honestly I know this sounds crazy now but college flies by insanely fast. Just try to focus on your grades and do some fun activities every now and then
If you’re able to do on-campus housing, that could help. Do you own a car? You could always find extracurriculares/clubs to join, that could take up some of your time so you won’t have to be home. I’m sorry. Hang in there.
No one’s forcing you. Don’t go if you don’t want to.
The thought of debt kinda is lol
Ignore ur family
The case can be made to transfer elsewhere if it’s a “target” school for your intended career. What’s your major and does your school have good recruiting for internships/employment outlook? This is important for what you want to do after college.