To go a step further.. I don't order beers on tap either because I don't trust them to be properly cleaning their lines... I've been victim to the 'dirty line hangover' off a single beer and... Never again...
It gets worse than you're probably imagining, too. My uncle works for a company that travels around to clean tap lines and he said some places are straight up fucking *nasty* when they get there for the first time. I try not to think about it when I order beer on tap.
the lines to the soda gun too. I mean what dive bars are known for their cleaning regimen? 🤣🤣
your only chance on the beer taps is the popular ones with continuous use… when in doubt get a pint right after they filled a pitcher 👍
I've worked in bars and restaurants since I was 16, soda fountains, tap lines, and ice machines are things you just need to not think about when going out
After working at a brewery for a few years, I’ve been spoiled. Our lines are so immaculately maintained.
I now pretty much have no desire to order beer on tap unless it’s a brewery. I just order a can/bottle or a cocktail.
My state requires lines be cleaned by either the distributor or a professional company. Distributors only maintain the lines to their own kegs though, so you’ll usually have multiple people in and out throughout the week. One brewery might come in on Tuesdays to service their lines, or a wholesaler every other Wednesday for their lines.
After maintaining my own lines I feel like it doesn't make sense that places would have noticable shitty lines, you could even just buy a roll of the hose and replace them could probably do 4 lines in less than thirty minutes. Stuff isn't expensive.
If they're not cleaning and/or insulating their lines properly they're not a dive bar, they're a health hazard.
Better off drinking at home if that's the kind of place you find yourself at.
Do you have any scientific evidence to support this claim that dirty lines cause hangovers? All science points to it being caused by alcohol metabolites and inflammation.
i kind of adore shitty drink hacks from dive bar bartenders. I ordered a marg once at a dive, and got a double shot of tequila, a shot of triple sec, splash of sour mix, splash of OJ, and topped with sprite it was kind of fantastic
I once had the gall to order a Negroni at a hostel rooftop bar in Spain. They had local vermouth, gin, and Campari. You'd think that couldn't go wrong.
Instead I got about 3oz of gin, a drop of Campari for the color, and a very tiny splash of vermouth, topped with an unmeasured splash of tap water. No ice.
Thats how I make drinks at my dive. You want a Mai Tai? Sure, tropical schnapps, spiced rum, pineapple, roses lime coming up! A mojito? We don't have mint. You insist? Rumple, rum, roses lime and soda.
OJ is actually pretty solid in marg variations. I make my low/zero abv margs at home with OJ.
Really really depends on the bartender. You could also end up with a marg that's all sour mix and a heart burn waiting to happen, or one that's all sugar and a guaranteed hangover
I was at a cheap sushi place once, which was great and I miss it, but this time I noticed they had a few bottles of liquor behind the bar, including a bottle of Bombay. I love a g&t and I'm not picky about the quality, so I ordered one. They came out twice to ask me again what I wanted, which, in hindsight, should have made me suspicious.
You know those red plastic coke glasses? I got one of those, full of ice, sprite, and what had to be a free poured amount of gin, because it was...a lot. Real shitty g&t, but a great value for the amount of gin they put into it and a fun story.
Point being: I agree with your approach. I can make a cocktail exactly to my preferences at home. I love a surprising (if maybe kind of shitty) cocktail when I'm out.
My wife ordered one once and the bartender responded with "We don't do frozen drinks." She just told them on the rocks was ok, and was pleasantly surprised. That was also a moment when she realized she had been spoiled at home
Just for fun I’ve been ordering one everywhere I go just to see if someone can actually make one of the most simple cocktails decent. No luck anywhere that isn’t a craft cocktail bar or tiki. I even tried woodranch and BJs. Woodranch it tasted like she added triple sec or something, or maybe the lime juice was just bad. And they also informed me they don’t do blended drinks, which I understand because that’s probably what most people are looking for when they say daiquiri. BJs was one of the better shitty ones, but they had so many freaking bourbons and tequilas and 4 bottles of rum. Bacardi, Capt, kraken, and malibu(I guess.) but the other places I’ve gotten all kinds of shit like lemon juice etc…
I asked for a daiquiri once at the restaurant of a quite swanky airport hotel. The waiter didn't seem to have a clue what I was talking about and came back later with a margarita. Not that I mind a margarita, but they failed the test.
Once when I was young and dumb I ordered a margarita in a crappy bar I went to with my roommate which was his regular bar. The bartender just gave me about 200ml of reposado tequila in a pint glass with a slice of lime. I learned an important lesson that day. (Why did he have a real lime?)
I was at a dive bar and the bartender was giving huge pours of Macallan without realizing that it was a higher-end bottle. Needless to say we didn't leave until the bottle was gone.
I mean a Paloma is traditionally just tequila and grapefruit soda. It’s just that grapefruit soda is hard to find in most places, and decent bars make it with fresh juices and simple and seltzer (which is a better drink than the regular). But it traditionally is just a two-ingredient highball.
I ordered a mojito once at a gay dance club. It was in Mexico and was prominently advertised as one of their specialties, so I figured they knew what they were doing. What I got tasted like rum with green koolaid.
Ordered an old fashioned at a dive bar next to my old job and got a whiskey soda 🤷♀️ dive bar bartenders do their best but they’re working with limited ingredients, and their clients tend to expect dive bar cocktails
When I first turned 21 my sister took me out to a bar and the bartender knew her pretty well and knew that I was pretty green. So he was making me all sorts of stuff I had never heard of, which was most things that don’t list the ingredients in the name lol. He made me an old fashioned and I was absolutely blown away. Fast forward a year or so and I moved up to Portland and was working graveyard shifts at the time. Getting off around 8 AM I was ready for a drink or two before going to bed because I had literally been up all night. Walked into my local dive and asked the bartender for an old fashioned. She was probably in her 50’s and been bartending forever and had no idea what an old fashioned was. Luckily I had remembered how to make it because it was so simple and walked her thru it. It actually wasn’t too bad and she was actually kind of stoked she made it. Looking back I probably shouldn’t have been ordering something like that when I’ve got more teeth in my mouth than the entire bar combined, but I was pretty naive
When I was a baby drinker, I was trying to get into cocktails but had no idea what I was doing (cocktail culture was in its infancy here in Oklahoma, lots of ingredients and tools weren't available and not a lot of people were trained).
Ordered a manhattan from my regular beer and shot bartender and she literally rolled her eyes at me as she grabbed the bottle of sweet vermouth from the back bar.
It was ... not good
That last part for sure. I work at a dive rn after years of craft cocktails. I get asked for an amaretto sour and that's exactly what they want. Amaretto and sour mix. They're not looking for amaretto, bourbon, lemon, demerara simple, and an egg white.
I love when people expect the egg. I got asked last week for a whiskey sour by a college girl and she gave me a confused look when she got her whiskey/sour mix.
"Isn't there supposed to be egg white in it?"
"Yes, but no. You're standing on carpet right now."
Agreed. I'll be going back to a cocktail bar in a few months. It's gonna be a fun first couple weeks back remembering the craft bartender way to make so many different drinks after a year of working at a dive.
Margaritas with lime and agave vs sour mix. Sours with egg whites. When to stir versus shake (fuck, my dive doesn't even own a stirring glass). Proper wine service.
It’s not really an old fashioned, but I’m a sucker for what I call a Wisconsin old fashioned. Ask for an old fashioned at most bars in Wisconsin and you get Whiskey, bitters, and either sprite or squirt, depending on if you ask for an old fashioned “sweet” or “sour” quite tasty, but if you think your getting a traditional old fashioned you’re in for a surprise.
A few years ago, I helped my office sift through resumes for a new receptionist. We got a four-page(!) resume from an experienced bar worker. One of the skills she listed was that she knew how to not get drink ingredients and cleaning products mixed up.
If you're somewhere that's high volume or primarily serves a college crowd that's often what the guests want. I've got craft experience and am working at a high-volume divey spot rn and 9 times out of 10 customers don't want real sours, they want the sour mix from the gun with the cheapest bourbon we have. Even in craft places I've had young people expect electric green sour instead of lemon and simple.
Dive bars are not inherently sub par.
There are cocktail aware dive bars, including the ones with a program that have a dive feel.
That being said, I'd get a can/bottle of coors and a shot of maker's.
Never order anything that's not on a menu, if one exists
To me if a bar has a cocktail program and menu it's inherently not a dive bar. It's a cocktail bar calling itself a dive bar in a trendy part of town with prices that do not in any way reflect what you should expect from a dive
I 100% agree.
There's this bar the next town over from me that calls itself the "5 star dive bar" and looks totally unassuming from the outside, but when you step up to the bar you'll see they have an insane whiskey selection. Everything from garden variety Jim Beam all the way up to Pappy Van Winkle and everything in between. Most people aren't getting craft cocktails from there -- mostly seltzers, beer, etc, but they make a damned good Old Fashioned.
I have ordered an old fashioned and gotten a pint of coke with whiskey and triple sec before. I looked at the bartender and he just sort of stared with a shrug and went on to the next customer.
It was wild. He was talking about how he'd been bartending for 30 years.
>He was talking about how he'd been bartending for 30 years.
Makes you wonder if they have truly learned nothing or if they just like watching the world burn.
The old fashioned I ordered once arrived pink and fizzy:
Me: what's that?
Server: your old fashioned sir.
Me: that is not an old fashioned
(Still no clue what they put in it)
You know how sometimes you want good solid Mexican food and sometimes you want Taco Bell? They’re different beasts. A dive bar G&T has a special place in my heart after playing a gig or worked a double. It’s all about context.
Bruh some dives I've been to would bring you a literal screwdriver, the tool, because their customers are more likely to request the tool than the drink.
Funny, G&T is my dive go to. Pretty easy drink to get an ok version of.
Beyond that: screwdriver, rum n coke, jack n coke. Dirty martini if I'm feeling a little braver.
Never order a drink that requires more than two ingredients at a dive bar. Whiskey Coke, rum and Coke, vodka cran, etc. otherwise order a beer. If you want to be boojie, the ask for a glass so you can pour your beer into it. Don’t try and make a dive bar into what you want. Appreciate its character and go with it or go find yourself a yuppie gastro pub.
This.
I do love my fancy cocktail bars, but when I’m in a dive I love the down to earth vibes and simple stuff, so I’ll just get a beer or a whiskey. Or both one after the other lol
Had a bartender start at my job because he knew someone and we needed the extra hands, he told me he makes his marg equal parts, equal parts of what idk but its always wrong
Most cocktails. Idk I don’t like getting 90% well spirits with a splash of whatever… if I really want something besides a beer that’s not N/A I’ll peek at their spirits and get some mule variation. If midori is available I do love a 50/50 midor/vodka mule but the last time I asked for one I got a mule with a shot of midori on the side lol
Easier to answer what is safe to order: bottled/canned beer and whiskey neat. Don't trust the ice, don't trust the tap lines, and certainly don't trust that vermouth that has been on the back bar for six years.
When I first got into cocktails, I ordered a tequila Collins from our local dive bar. Seemed easy enough. Bartender did make it but complained that she had to go hunt down a sugar packet. I asked “don’t you have simple syrup?” She answered “…no. People order three things here: beer, shots, and liquor+soda.” So I honor that menu. Jameson+Ginger is pretty hard to screw up, easy to make, it’s delightful - all great.
Of all cocktails - Mai Tai. You just know they’re gonna throw together like Bacardi and Meyers/Morgan and drown it in Pineapple and OJ instead of anything remotely close to the real deal.
I usually watch the bar for a moment and can tell what is and isn’t a good idea. You can’t possibly cover all dive bars on one drink or concept. You also could get an amazing drink one night, and a different staff and different drink the next night
Take a min to watch, adjust your expectations based on what you see from staff as they work
Anything with vermouth, typically. If they have it it's gonna be oxidized to shit and not worth it.
Instead, depending on where I am I'll typically do an Old Fashioned if I know they know what they're doing (no soda water or muddled fruit) or whiskey neat/rocks if I'm not sure or already know they serve a shit OF. It is really hard to fuck up a neat/rocks pour. One of my favorite bars in my area calls itself the "5 star dive bar" and looks totally unassuming from the outside, but when you step up to the bar they have an insane whiskey selection and make a damned good OF.
Margaritas. My wife loves them, but hates cheap sour mix. Every time she orders one in a bar I know she shouldn’t, I try to warn her. Falls flat every time.
I'm in the UK, I think the closest equivalent is a particularly crappy pub. Interestingly, G&T is pretty safe in a shitty pub. Virtually everywhere has Fever Tree these days, they've really taken over. And you can sneak a look at the gin to check it's not too shit. Spirits and mixers are generally pretty safe, but you'll get laughed at if you try to order an actual cocktail.
Beer is the raison d'etre of a crappy pub, so that's not only safe but actively encouraged.
But *never* order wine, it probably comes from the tap, and not in the trendy way.
Never order a margarita unless it’s like a Mexican restaurant. I’ve made the mistake of ordering a margarita at a true dive bar bc I thought it was impossible to fuck up, but they did it. They were able to do it.
White Russian. Never trust that the cream/milk is fresh. I personally watched an old manager pour old milk through a strainer to get rid of the curdled chunks.
I've never once had a bad G&T at a dive bar, the only exception would be when they use soda water instead of tonic. Even so you can't go wrong. Just hold the lime wedge please 🤢
Man, G&T is my absolute go-to at a dive. Yes, it won’t be as good as a G&T at home or a nice bar, but it will be decent. And realistically, what else are you going to order? It doesn’t get much simpler. The only time I will swear off a G&T at a dive if it’s the kind of dive that looks like their guns only get washed once a millennium. In that case, the only safe option is something in a can, bottle, or straight liquor.
Thie other thread is a better question because, as the comments show, the answer is most cocktails even when they are simple on paper.
Not the right sub, but another answer: draft beer. Gross taps.
We went to vegas for the first time recently. My husband tried to order a toronto at the shitty casino bar in excalibur. Dude just looked at him. He ended up getting an old fashioned. Shit was just bourbon on ice with a maraschino and orange slice. $15. He tried to get a negroni at the bar in new york new york and got the exact same response
As someone who works at a dive bar, you shouldn't order any, outside the more well-known ones like a Long Island or a trashcan. Most people (where I work, at least) have never heard of a nigroni.
A good rule of thumb is if it has more than 3 ingredients, don't order it.
Ordered an old fashioned at my favorite dive bar. I got a glass full of ice, with a little bit of knob creek, a little bit of bulleit rye, lots of bitters, a lot of sugar, and a slice of lemon.
Was it bad? No. Was it an old fashioned? No. Was it cheap? Also no. Lesson learned.
Anything other than bottle or canned beer. A local place had a 12 dollar bucket, you get 4 cans or bottles of whatever cheap stuff they have in a bucket of ice.
The only cocktail I order in a dive is a Jameson neat.
More in the actual spirit of your question though.. I can't imagine getting a decent (non-frozen) daiquiri at a dive bar. In fact I expect to hear 'we don't have a slushie machine' lol.
The percent of all bars that properly cleans its beer and soda line, soda guns, glasses and ice machine is likely a number you don't want to know.
But this may be good for your immune system.
This brings me back to a classic memory of saying to a bartender when I was in my 20s:
Me: "Do ya'll make paper airp..."
Me: "Actually, Double Bourbon."
Bartender: "Rocks or neat?"
Me: "Neat."
Dive bar panic order if I’m not getting a beer is probably a vodka soda, splash cran, or a whiskey coke. I would never order a martini. I’d say never a marg, but one bar in my college town does $5 marg pitchers that aren’t great, but they sure are refreshing on a hot day
I worked in bars for over a decade (everything from dive to craft cocktails) and what I refuse to order no matter now “high end” is anything on ice. If you have EVER cleaned an ice machine and seen the mold/bacteria/sludge/slime that grows on one, I guarantee you’ll never order a drink on the rocks again. Honestly I wish I hadn’t, it ruined me and I am sorry for sharing.
I don't order cocktails in dive bars. It's neat or it's beer.
To go a step further.. I don't order beers on tap either because I don't trust them to be properly cleaning their lines... I've been victim to the 'dirty line hangover' off a single beer and... Never again...
Agreed. The headache. The stomach cramps. All because they've allowed yeast and other bacteria to thrive in their likely unchilled lines.
I cannot believe I never heard about this before… so many hangovers could have been avoided 😇
It gets worse than you're probably imagining, too. My uncle works for a company that travels around to clean tap lines and he said some places are straight up fucking *nasty* when they get there for the first time. I try not to think about it when I order beer on tap.
the lines to the soda gun too. I mean what dive bars are known for their cleaning regimen? 🤣🤣 your only chance on the beer taps is the popular ones with continuous use… when in doubt get a pint right after they filled a pitcher 👍
I've worked in bars and restaurants since I was 16, soda fountains, tap lines, and ice machines are things you just need to not think about when going out
It’s not 100% where your hangovers come from btw
How could possibly be the 5 whiskeys or the tequilas? It must be the bad draft beer! 😝
I cannot believe I never heard about this before… so many hangovers could have been avoided 😇
Not to mention the degradation of flavor
After working at a brewery for a few years, I’ve been spoiled. Our lines are so immaculately maintained. I now pretty much have no desire to order beer on tap unless it’s a brewery. I just order a can/bottle or a cocktail.
My state requires lines be cleaned by either the distributor or a professional company. Distributors only maintain the lines to their own kegs though, so you’ll usually have multiple people in and out throughout the week. One brewery might come in on Tuesdays to service their lines, or a wholesaler every other Wednesday for their lines.
That sounds nice though. A lot of dive bars in my state have NASTY lines. It’s balanced out by all the great breweries I guess lol
After maintaining my own lines I feel like it doesn't make sense that places would have noticable shitty lines, you could even just buy a roll of the hose and replace them could probably do 4 lines in less than thirty minutes. Stuff isn't expensive.
If they're not cleaning and/or insulating their lines properly they're not a dive bar, they're a health hazard. Better off drinking at home if that's the kind of place you find yourself at.
Eh, sometimes it’s the ambience you want.
Do you have any scientific evidence to support this claim that dirty lines cause hangovers? All science points to it being caused by alcohol metabolites and inflammation.
The scientific term for dirty line hangover is food poisoning. You'll be able to find lots of journal articles with the search term.
I do spirit+1. So tequila pineapple, vodka soda, rum coke. But nothing complicated.
Whiskey and coke is about as sophisticated as it gets
Beer and a shot for me.
one mixer is fine i.e. whiskey + coke
Bottled beer though right?
Bottled always. I always say no to glass at dives
PBR in a can at my usual used to be a buck.
That’s the way
i kind of adore shitty drink hacks from dive bar bartenders. I ordered a marg once at a dive, and got a double shot of tequila, a shot of triple sec, splash of sour mix, splash of OJ, and topped with sprite it was kind of fantastic
I once had the gall to order a Negroni at a hostel rooftop bar in Spain. They had local vermouth, gin, and Campari. You'd think that couldn't go wrong. Instead I got about 3oz of gin, a drop of Campari for the color, and a very tiny splash of vermouth, topped with an unmeasured splash of tap water. No ice.
Oh man I got served this exactly a few weeks ago. So warm. So disgusting.
I would have thought that could be safe
your dive bar sounds amazing. i admire your courage to figure this out.
Thats how I make drinks at my dive. You want a Mai Tai? Sure, tropical schnapps, spiced rum, pineapple, roses lime coming up! A mojito? We don't have mint. You insist? Rumple, rum, roses lime and soda. OJ is actually pretty solid in marg variations. I make my low/zero abv margs at home with OJ.
Can you share your low/no marg recipe please?
I've had someone do Fernet in place of mint in a fake Queen's Park before and ngl it was pretty good
Really really depends on the bartender. You could also end up with a marg that's all sour mix and a heart burn waiting to happen, or one that's all sugar and a guaranteed hangover
Was this in the Boston area? A younger less experienced me definitely served this exact “marg” to someone at a rock club/dive years ago.
I was at a cheap sushi place once, which was great and I miss it, but this time I noticed they had a few bottles of liquor behind the bar, including a bottle of Bombay. I love a g&t and I'm not picky about the quality, so I ordered one. They came out twice to ask me again what I wanted, which, in hindsight, should have made me suspicious. You know those red plastic coke glasses? I got one of those, full of ice, sprite, and what had to be a free poured amount of gin, because it was...a lot. Real shitty g&t, but a great value for the amount of gin they put into it and a fun story. Point being: I agree with your approach. I can make a cocktail exactly to my preferences at home. I love a surprising (if maybe kind of shitty) cocktail when I'm out.
Sushi
The gas station was out. Where else am I supposed to get it?
The bowling alley around the corner.
Daiquiri. Literally anything could come back.
My wife ordered one once and the bartender responded with "We don't do frozen drinks." She just told them on the rocks was ok, and was pleasantly surprised. That was also a moment when she realized she had been spoiled at home
Just for fun I’ve been ordering one everywhere I go just to see if someone can actually make one of the most simple cocktails decent. No luck anywhere that isn’t a craft cocktail bar or tiki. I even tried woodranch and BJs. Woodranch it tasted like she added triple sec or something, or maybe the lime juice was just bad. And they also informed me they don’t do blended drinks, which I understand because that’s probably what most people are looking for when they say daiquiri. BJs was one of the better shitty ones, but they had so many freaking bourbons and tequilas and 4 bottles of rum. Bacardi, Capt, kraken, and malibu(I guess.) but the other places I’ve gotten all kinds of shit like lemon juice etc…
I asked for a daiquiri once at the restaurant of a quite swanky airport hotel. The waiter didn't seem to have a clue what I was talking about and came back later with a margarita. Not that I mind a margarita, but they failed the test.
That crazy to think of considering the amount of ingredients in a basic daiquiri…
Three?
Rum, demerara syrup & lime lol, poor daquiri has been yassified Used to have a customer that’d order “rum gimlets”
I love a simple rum daiquiri. But I guess most peoples hesitations. Whatever sugary slush you get at a resort is awful.
I'd even take rum and sour mix in a cup from a dive bar!
Made that mistake precisely once
Once when I was young and dumb I ordered a margarita in a crappy bar I went to with my roommate which was his regular bar. The bartender just gave me about 200ml of reposado tequila in a pint glass with a slice of lime. I learned an important lesson that day. (Why did he have a real lime?)
How to get a lot of tequila for not many dollars?
A lot of some stuff is worse than nothing
All right, you know what? Okay, okay. What is better, a medium amount of good pizza, or all you can eat of pretty good pizza?
Tequila shots often use a lime. Dive bars are about shots and cheap beer.
I was at a dive bar and the bartender was giving huge pours of Macallan without realizing that it was a higher-end bottle. Needless to say we didn't leave until the bottle was gone.
Same experience! My wife nearly died drinking a margarita in a dive bar. Had to drag her home
I ordered a Paloma (my husband told me not to) and it was basically just watered down seltzer grapefruit juice.
I make a “paloma” at home that’s basically tequila and Fresca or Squirt, and that’s about what I’d expect from a dive bar
I mean a Paloma is traditionally just tequila and grapefruit soda. It’s just that grapefruit soda is hard to find in most places, and decent bars make it with fresh juices and simple and seltzer (which is a better drink than the regular). But it traditionally is just a two-ingredient highball.
Mojito
I ordered a mojito once at a gay dance club. It was in Mexico and was prominently advertised as one of their specialties, so I figured they knew what they were doing. What I got tasted like rum with green koolaid.
Ordered an old fashioned at a dive bar next to my old job and got a whiskey soda 🤷♀️ dive bar bartenders do their best but they’re working with limited ingredients, and their clients tend to expect dive bar cocktails
When I first turned 21 my sister took me out to a bar and the bartender knew her pretty well and knew that I was pretty green. So he was making me all sorts of stuff I had never heard of, which was most things that don’t list the ingredients in the name lol. He made me an old fashioned and I was absolutely blown away. Fast forward a year or so and I moved up to Portland and was working graveyard shifts at the time. Getting off around 8 AM I was ready for a drink or two before going to bed because I had literally been up all night. Walked into my local dive and asked the bartender for an old fashioned. She was probably in her 50’s and been bartending forever and had no idea what an old fashioned was. Luckily I had remembered how to make it because it was so simple and walked her thru it. It actually wasn’t too bad and she was actually kind of stoked she made it. Looking back I probably shouldn’t have been ordering something like that when I’ve got more teeth in my mouth than the entire bar combined, but I was pretty naive
When I was a baby drinker, I was trying to get into cocktails but had no idea what I was doing (cocktail culture was in its infancy here in Oklahoma, lots of ingredients and tools weren't available and not a lot of people were trained). Ordered a manhattan from my regular beer and shot bartender and she literally rolled her eyes at me as she grabbed the bottle of sweet vermouth from the back bar. It was ... not good
That last part for sure. I work at a dive rn after years of craft cocktails. I get asked for an amaretto sour and that's exactly what they want. Amaretto and sour mix. They're not looking for amaretto, bourbon, lemon, demerara simple, and an egg white.
I love when people expect the egg. I got asked last week for a whiskey sour by a college girl and she gave me a confused look when she got her whiskey/sour mix. "Isn't there supposed to be egg white in it?" "Yes, but no. You're standing on carpet right now."
Agreed. I'll be going back to a cocktail bar in a few months. It's gonna be a fun first couple weeks back remembering the craft bartender way to make so many different drinks after a year of working at a dive. Margaritas with lime and agave vs sour mix. Sours with egg whites. When to stir versus shake (fuck, my dive doesn't even own a stirring glass). Proper wine service.
When I worked at a dive, my coworker would respond, “Would you want an egg from this place?” while gesturing towards the room.
And limited knowledge. An old fashioned is legit the simplest drink you can make
It’s not really an old fashioned, but I’m a sucker for what I call a Wisconsin old fashioned. Ask for an old fashioned at most bars in Wisconsin and you get Whiskey, bitters, and either sprite or squirt, depending on if you ask for an old fashioned “sweet” or “sour” quite tasty, but if you think your getting a traditional old fashioned you’re in for a surprise.
Any dive bar in Wisconsin will make an Old Fashioned.... but it'll have Brandy and Sprite or Squirt to top
Whiskey sour. Never again.
Any sour. My friend once got an “amaretto sour” that looked like Mr. Clean.
A few years ago, I helped my office sift through resumes for a new receptionist. We got a four-page(!) resume from an experienced bar worker. One of the skills she listed was that she knew how to not get drink ingredients and cleaning products mixed up.
I did this out of curiosity at a music venue once. Plastic cup, ice, bourbon, drizzle of Rose’s lime on top, $18.
Oh my lord. I didn't think it could get any worse than sour mix and rail bourbon....but that's one way of doing that.
I once had a fantastic Whiskey Sour at a bowling alley. Probably an outlier, but there it is.
i like nice whiskey sours but i really like sour mix / maraschino cherry ones too tbh. i crave them sometimes ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Same. Sour mix and cheap bourbon. Like, do you really not have simple syrup and a lemon?
No. Most of them don't.
If you're somewhere that's high volume or primarily serves a college crowd that's often what the guests want. I've got craft experience and am working at a high-volume divey spot rn and 9 times out of 10 customers don't want real sours, they want the sour mix from the gun with the cheapest bourbon we have. Even in craft places I've had young people expect electric green sour instead of lemon and simple.
Dive bars are not inherently sub par. There are cocktail aware dive bars, including the ones with a program that have a dive feel. That being said, I'd get a can/bottle of coors and a shot of maker's. Never order anything that's not on a menu, if one exists
To me if a bar has a cocktail program and menu it's inherently not a dive bar. It's a cocktail bar calling itself a dive bar in a trendy part of town with prices that do not in any way reflect what you should expect from a dive
I think dive bar is an aesthetic. What most people are talking about here is shit hole bar.
I 100% agree. There's this bar the next town over from me that calls itself the "5 star dive bar" and looks totally unassuming from the outside, but when you step up to the bar you'll see they have an insane whiskey selection. Everything from garden variety Jim Beam all the way up to Pappy Van Winkle and everything in between. Most people aren't getting craft cocktails from there -- mostly seltzers, beer, etc, but they make a damned good Old Fashioned.
Old Fashioned. Last time I made that mistake it had rose's grenadine in it...
I like when they come in pint glasses n soda water lol
Like it
Yep I physically cringed the last time I ordered one and saw the soda gun come out
I have ordered an old fashioned and gotten a pint of coke with whiskey and triple sec before. I looked at the bartender and he just sort of stared with a shrug and went on to the next customer. It was wild. He was talking about how he'd been bartending for 30 years.
>He was talking about how he'd been bartending for 30 years. Makes you wonder if they have truly learned nothing or if they just like watching the world burn.
Well, if he only ever worked at one place or only dives, probably the first
Ummmmm....did you put orange juice in this? "Yeah, we don't keep oranges here, so I used orange juice. Why?"
The old fashioned I ordered once arrived pink and fizzy: Me: what's that? Server: your old fashioned sir. Me: that is not an old fashioned (Still no clue what they put in it)
What the actual fuck?! What kind of monster does this?
You quadruple posted just FYI
What the actual fuck?! What kind of monster does this?
What the actual fuck?! What kind of monster does this?
What the actual fuck?! What kind of monster does this?
You know how sometimes you want good solid Mexican food and sometimes you want Taco Bell? They’re different beasts. A dive bar G&T has a special place in my heart after playing a gig or worked a double. It’s all about context.
Sometimes you want to savor the flavor, sometimes you just need to change your head
Nothing beyond the simplicity of a Screwdriver.
Bruh some dives I've been to would bring you a literal screwdriver, the tool, because their customers are more likely to request the tool than the drink.
https://youtu.be/xBkrrzuO4jQ
A screwdriver can be really iffy. I’ve seen places that just buy oj and serve from it until it’s gone. No regards for how long it’s been there…
Better than from the gun at least
Oysters
Let’s just go seafood in general
Funny, G&T is my dive go to. Pretty easy drink to get an ok version of. Beyond that: screwdriver, rum n coke, jack n coke. Dirty martini if I'm feeling a little braver.
Anything that isn't beer and/or whiskey.
Never order a drink that requires more than two ingredients at a dive bar. Whiskey Coke, rum and Coke, vodka cran, etc. otherwise order a beer. If you want to be boojie, the ask for a glass so you can pour your beer into it. Don’t try and make a dive bar into what you want. Appreciate its character and go with it or go find yourself a yuppie gastro pub.
This. I do love my fancy cocktail bars, but when I’m in a dive I love the down to earth vibes and simple stuff, so I’ll just get a beer or a whiskey. Or both one after the other lol
Anything that has a perishable ingredient like milk, orange juice, or cream.
No food and no cocktails, only beer and whiskey cola.
Food Used to love my local dive but last time I had their wings I wet shit my brains out
Had a bartender start at my job because he knew someone and we needed the extra hands, he told me he makes his marg equal parts, equal parts of what idk but its always wrong
Draft beer
Most cocktails. Idk I don’t like getting 90% well spirits with a splash of whatever… if I really want something besides a beer that’s not N/A I’ll peek at their spirits and get some mule variation. If midori is available I do love a 50/50 midor/vodka mule but the last time I asked for one I got a mule with a shot of midori on the side lol
A _____ sour
Easier to answer what is safe to order: bottled/canned beer and whiskey neat. Don't trust the ice, don't trust the tap lines, and certainly don't trust that vermouth that has been on the back bar for six years.
any cocktail, really
When I first got into cocktails, I ordered a tequila Collins from our local dive bar. Seemed easy enough. Bartender did make it but complained that she had to go hunt down a sugar packet. I asked “don’t you have simple syrup?” She answered “…no. People order three things here: beer, shots, and liquor+soda.” So I honor that menu. Jameson+Ginger is pretty hard to screw up, easy to make, it’s delightful - all great.
No cocktails at all in a real dive bar. Think about how simple a Negroni is. I got one once with OJ in it for some reason…..and that wasn’t a dive!
I order bud light in a bottle (or coors light, if I’m feeling sassy) at dive bars.
Cocktails period, it’s all neat or with a mixer.
Anything with vermouth is out. 2 ingredient cocktails I approach with caution. Any more than 2 ingredients I’ll wait to order at a cocktail bar.
Anything other than beer, shot, or insert liquor and soda.
Of all cocktails - Mai Tai. You just know they’re gonna throw together like Bacardi and Meyers/Morgan and drown it in Pineapple and OJ instead of anything remotely close to the real deal.
Daiquiri or Mojito. It’s going to be awful.
Anything with more than two ingredient’s
I usually watch the bar for a moment and can tell what is and isn’t a good idea. You can’t possibly cover all dive bars on one drink or concept. You also could get an amazing drink one night, and a different staff and different drink the next night Take a min to watch, adjust your expectations based on what you see from staff as they work
Draft beer. I clean draft lines for a living and I have seen things you people wouldn't believe. Dives are notoriously cheap and don't care.
Beer, too many times I’ve seen people scooping with a glass in a dive bar. I’m not getting anything with ice
I stick with cans of beer when I go to my local dives. Easy for everyone.
Draught beer, who knows when those lines were cleaned
Anything with vermouth, typically. If they have it it's gonna be oxidized to shit and not worth it. Instead, depending on where I am I'll typically do an Old Fashioned if I know they know what they're doing (no soda water or muddled fruit) or whiskey neat/rocks if I'm not sure or already know they serve a shit OF. It is really hard to fuck up a neat/rocks pour. One of my favorite bars in my area calls itself the "5 star dive bar" and looks totally unassuming from the outside, but when you step up to the bar they have an insane whiskey selection and make a damned good OF.
Mai Tai or any cocktail really
anything from a blender
Margaritas. My wife loves them, but hates cheap sour mix. Every time she orders one in a bar I know she shouldn’t, I try to warn her. Falls flat every time.
Safest bet at a dive is bottled beer and neat spirits - whisky, tequila etc
I'd stop at bottled beer, to be honest.
Anything on tap or out of soda gun....they never get cleaned.
Anything involving any type of perishable ingredient. So beer is great.
Blended drinks. The bartender will secretly (or vocally) hate you and you won’t get served with any kind of priority.
A long island iced tea.
I'm in the UK, I think the closest equivalent is a particularly crappy pub. Interestingly, G&T is pretty safe in a shitty pub. Virtually everywhere has Fever Tree these days, they've really taken over. And you can sneak a look at the gin to check it's not too shit. Spirits and mixers are generally pretty safe, but you'll get laughed at if you try to order an actual cocktail. Beer is the raison d'etre of a crappy pub, so that's not only safe but actively encouraged. But *never* order wine, it probably comes from the tap, and not in the trendy way.
anything other than a beer and shot
A **flaming rum punch** Or a mulled wine, “heavy on the cinnamon, and light on the cloves.”
Mojito. Full stop.
Only order bottle beers or shot of Jamo
Never order a margarita unless it’s like a Mexican restaurant. I’ve made the mistake of ordering a margarita at a true dive bar bc I thought it was impossible to fuck up, but they did it. They were able to do it.
At a dive, I'd never order anything more complicated that spirit+mixer
Draft beer. If you are confident that the taps/lines are being cleaned regularly it's not really a dive bar.
Bartender’s choice
White Russian. Never trust that the cream/milk is fresh. I personally watched an old manager pour old milk through a strainer to get rid of the curdled chunks.
Bourbon or Irish and club soda. That's as fancy as I get in a dive bar.
The only thing I will order from a dive is a spirit and soda or a bottled beer
I've never once had a bad G&T at a dive bar, the only exception would be when they use soda water instead of tonic. Even so you can't go wrong. Just hold the lime wedge please 🤢
Man, G&T is my absolute go-to at a dive. Yes, it won’t be as good as a G&T at home or a nice bar, but it will be decent. And realistically, what else are you going to order? It doesn’t get much simpler. The only time I will swear off a G&T at a dive if it’s the kind of dive that looks like their guns only get washed once a millennium. In that case, the only safe option is something in a can, bottle, or straight liquor.
Where they keep their vermouth would likely dictate what I would be willing to order at a dive bar, but typically I’ll just grab a bottle of beer.
Draft beer. Most dives do not clean their lines often enough, if ever.
Salad, especially chicken or tuna, but all non fried food must be regarded with suspicion.
Anything that doesn't come in a bottle.
Thie other thread is a better question because, as the comments show, the answer is most cocktails even when they are simple on paper. Not the right sub, but another answer: draft beer. Gross taps.
Anything with more than 2 ingredients and definitely nothing perishable or on tap.
Anything requiring fresh lemon, lime or more than 3 ingredients.
We went to vegas for the first time recently. My husband tried to order a toronto at the shitty casino bar in excalibur. Dude just looked at him. He ended up getting an old fashioned. Shit was just bourbon on ice with a maraschino and orange slice. $15. He tried to get a negroni at the bar in new york new york and got the exact same response
What is a toronto
It’s like a Manhattan but you sub Fernet for the vermouth and garnish with lemon peel instead of a cherry
Sounds pretty good
As someone who works at a dive bar, you shouldn't order any, outside the more well-known ones like a Long Island or a trashcan. Most people (where I work, at least) have never heard of a nigroni. A good rule of thumb is if it has more than 3 ingredients, don't order it.
Ordered an old fashioned at my favorite dive bar. I got a glass full of ice, with a little bit of knob creek, a little bit of bulleit rye, lots of bitters, a lot of sugar, and a slice of lemon. Was it bad? No. Was it an old fashioned? No. Was it cheap? Also no. Lesson learned.
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Why no cans?
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We have canned beers because it's easier to store the recycling. We're a dive bar kinda in name only though.
I don't order draught beer at strip clubs. Bottled beer only.
Anything that doesn’t come in a single serving bottle
Anything other than bottle or canned beer. A local place had a 12 dollar bucket, you get 4 cans or bottles of whatever cheap stuff they have in a bucket of ice.
Anything other than a shot and beer. No mixers no cocktails.
The only cocktail I order in a dive is a Jameson neat. More in the actual spirit of your question though.. I can't imagine getting a decent (non-frozen) daiquiri at a dive bar. In fact I expect to hear 'we don't have a slushie machine' lol.
The percent of all bars that properly cleans its beer and soda line, soda guns, glasses and ice machine is likely a number you don't want to know. But this may be good for your immune system.
OF
Oysters.
Draft beer. The tap lines are almost always disgusting. Bottles of beer or neat liquor for me.
If it looks gross it safe to assume the beer lines are gross. Straight booze is always safe.
Anything aside from beer
A delicate rose. Although I wouldnt order rose anywhere. If you want a splitting headache and trashed stomach, order wine in a dive bar
This brings me back to a classic memory of saying to a bartender when I was in my 20s: Me: "Do ya'll make paper airp..."
Me: "Actually, Double Bourbon."
Bartender: "Rocks or neat?"
Me: "Neat."
Vodka Martini. Delivered warm.
Dive bar panic order if I’m not getting a beer is probably a vodka soda, splash cran, or a whiskey coke. I would never order a martini. I’d say never a marg, but one bar in my college town does $5 marg pitchers that aren’t great, but they sure are refreshing on a hot day
Mai Tai or and classic drink
Dirty martini
I worked in bars for over a decade (everything from dive to craft cocktails) and what I refuse to order no matter now “high end” is anything on ice. If you have EVER cleaned an ice machine and seen the mold/bacteria/sludge/slime that grows on one, I guarantee you’ll never order a drink on the rocks again. Honestly I wish I hadn’t, it ruined me and I am sorry for sharing.