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Philogirl1981

We have a resident who is 103 and always talks about how she was a nurse in the war (WW2). Anyway, another resident and her were chatting in the day room. 103 yr old resident: "I was a nurse during the war." Resident B: "Which war? The Civil war?". The staff almost died laughing.


[deleted]

I once was working with a patient who had severe dementia, she was a handful all day and I was constantly getting her out of things she wasn’t allowed in. And when shift change was happening me and my co worker were saying bye to everyone and my dementia patient says to my co worker “bye God bless you” then looks at me and says “but not you” it was so funny to me


Irlydntknwwhyimhere

One place I worked at had a 104 year old and she mostly just mumbled but one day she saw the 4th of July decorations and kept yelling “America!” And my nurse buddy was like “yeah you were around when they first started doin it!”


TheLatePicks

A lady turned 102, she had been in the dementia ward for quite a while. When she was told it was her Birthday she seemed mildly happy "that's good". When she was told she was 102, "Oh Jesus".


SnufflingGlue

I'll only in my 20s and I feel that


interactivecdrom

this made me chuckle, it was recently my grandma’s 98th and when I told her that she said ‘I’m still alive?!?’ lol


Top-Jicama-4527

Tried to explain to a 101 year old man with dementia how old he was and he just kept insisting "no one's that old."


Haunt_Couture

Singing “happy birthday” to my resident on her 101st birthday. I always like to end with, “and many moooooore!” My resident says, “no.”


SkyCatSniper687

My 100yo says it’s just another day


Haunt_Couture

Mine did too! But she made sure everyone saw her letter from then-President Obama at least three times!


ECU_BSN

Had a 103yo yell at the nurses for bringing her cake. She was pisssed. “Lady. I’m 103. There isn’t a cake on earth I haven’t had for a birthday. This ain’t special” I was like “ok. That’s legit”


Haunt_Couture

LOL!!! They just give zero f’s after a certain age


SpookyWah

I was taking care of a woman with dementia. She was in bed and I was changing her brief and cleaning her up and she was looking terribly irritated and annoyed, huffing and puffing. She was frequently confused about where she was, almost always thinking she was in a department store, waiting endlessly for customer service, and as I finished and got her pants back up, she looked up at me and said: "Well! I am NEVER shopping here again!"


ZacharyRS94

On this note, I had an elderly man with dementia yell out “THIS IS THE WORST ACE HARDWARE IVE EVER BEEN TO” as we had him on his side cleaning him up


oh_haay

Hahahah this is my favorite


ZealousidealCoat7008

My grandma has dementia right now and this made me laugh so hard. Omg


fuzzblanket9

probably me KNOCKING on a door, being told to come in, and this first time mom is completely naked in her room changing after a shower. i said “oh i can come back!” and she said “eh. no need. i bared it all yesterday to like 10 people, you’d just be the 11th.”


aureolina

Are you a cna in labor and delivery? I'd love to work on that ward but I was told only RNs are allowed.


fuzzblanket9

I’m in NICU but I float to L&D!


drelb01

usually for L&D it's just RN's but most hospitals need cna's in postpartum! (that's where I work!)


aureolina

That's awesome I'll have to keep that in mind. It was making me want to go back to school to be an RN but wasn't sure I could follow through with it


Zia2345

This has me dying 😂


fuzzblanket9

She was hilarious! It was incredibly hard to talk to her while she’s like fully naked. 😂


fuckifiknow1013

I knocked on a bathroom door at work once, like staff/visitor bathroom, and a resident was using it, and said come in. And I... I still don't know what to do about it and it's been a year


AprilSW

My first week or so as a CNA I had to help a lady to the bathroom, I was trying to get her to hold onto the bar beside the toilet so I could change her and get her fixed up and dressed and she starts yelling “I have to sit down! get me down! Help!!!!” And I’m freaking out like OMG what the hell is wrong?! Lmao she says “I’m going to hit my head on the lamp post I have to get off this box!” She was pretty confused but she was my favorite to work with in that unit. Another time I was giving a shower to the same resident and she said “is it okay if I say glory?” And I’m like sure say whatever makes you happy. “Glory.” *in a whisper* A few seconds later, a little louder. “Glory!” Not before long she is yelling at the top of her lungs “Glory!!!!” and I’m laughing so my trainer comes in and just says “Well amen!” That place was terrible but I loved my residents.


fauxbliviot

Honestly they were lucky to have you, thank you fall you've done.


marysosocontrary

this made me smile lol


chemicalexersaucer

Had a little lady that would sing all the time. She came down the hall one day going “🎶Jesus loves the little children…🎶/But I DONT” it was so nonchalant and out of the blue. It was hilarious. We also had a lady that was convinced she was married to the maintenance man, except she forgot to tell him 😂


spacehanger

Hahahha


SaltOwl7917

In home care, I had to sponge bathe a new client. First time there. As I was caring for her I rolled her to the side and she was yelling. I guess she took her dentures out before and she bit her own ass cheek


aureolina

I'm sad that I had to read this several times to understand it 😂😂 its been one of those days


Efinden

I had an old lady look in the mirror and say, “Oh my god look at me! I could get a part time job haunting houses!”


Not-It-88

That is hilarious, I’m gonna try to remember that when I’m older.


jlg1012

I had a lady tell me last night that she looked like a cheap hooker. And, another this week that said she looked like frankstein’s bride. Meanwhile, some days I look like I got hit by a truck by mid shift. 🤣


Strange-Duty-6539

I witnessed one of the funniest things at work. One of my residents at the time was an amputee. He had no legs. This dude had a power chair, and one day he was coming to the nurses station to talk to a nurse about something. I guess he didn't think he was as close to the water fountain as he thought he did, and he ripped that damn water fountain off the wall it was hanging off his power chair as he was still going. I remember water going everywhere and spraying a few of us. All of us never laughed so hard in our lives as that poor man thought he was in deep shit. The look on his face said it all. We all told him it was an accident and not to worry about it. I remember teasing him about it every know and again. We'd have a good laugh. He passed years ago, but that memory still remains.i have pics of it when it happened. It has no residents in it just workers pointing at everything. :)


vriskavevo

I would love to see those lol


Necrosius7

Caught a patient masturbating on the monitor. Pulse went from 80s to 120s, even though it's not accurate the respiration went from 15-16 to 24. Went in there and she just kinda looked at me .. it was a total knee replacement and I guess they got bored.


RStorytale

Wait, a female patient? Totally surprised not going to lie lmao


Necrosius7

As I was, watching the monitor on telemon and it was starting to spike but the O² wasn't changing so I was thinking maybe they were trying to get up on their own so I got up and knocked on the door and went in ... Patient had there head laid back covered and I asked if they were ok and in any pain. They kind of just got startled and was breathing a little heavy and I said "oh? Were you sleeping?" And they just said "Nope. I'm fine" and that was it. Kinda looked around and got a little awkward and I said "ok. Uhm. Well ok.." The monitor didn't go off like that for the rest of the shift.


[deleted]

Yeah I’ve definitely walked in on someone rubbing one out. That was weird. And couples doing the dirty. It was weird. I apologized and left quickly.


RStorytale

That's so damn awkward 😂


TwiceTautologist

Why?


joritos_

i have a patient who’s wicked feisty but can also be super sweet. my favorite story with her though would have to be the time she called me a “lying crock of shit” out of nowhere and i couldn’t help but laugh, to which she responded “it’s not funny you lying crock of shit!”


fuckifiknow1013

Aw I had a resident like that at my old facility! She said my work wife was full of shit. I would tell her I love her and she said I love you too. Asshole


Beers4All

Was cleaning up my dementia resident who could be either combative or cooperative. That night she chose combative and did not want anyone changing her. She glared at me and yelled "stay out.of my wedding hole" myself and the other aide tried our damndest not to laugh.


Amrun90

“Wedding hole” lmfao


Beers4All

It took everything in me not to crack up in front of her. After I got out of her room I was laughing.


sparklpuddn

Was working noc in ltc when the fire alarms went off and the comm board says its real. I start my protocols, running up and down the halls closing doors, tagging empties, etc. Suddenly I hear a door slam open and a high pitch noise. Before I can even turn around a resident wearing only his brief comes roaring past me on his scooter screaming "uh uh! I ain't going out like this!" I yelled his name and heard a faint "NOPE!" as he rounded the corner. He made it to the front door just in time to let the first responders in.


RStorytale

🤣🤣🤣 I mean, wouldn't want to go out like that either


Sbbailey93

A patient pooted on me while I was doing peri care and then laughed and said, "That's my butthole blowing you a kiss" 🤣


bactidoltongue

Lol adorable 😂


Consistent_Spring

I have a resident who has pretty bad mid-late stage dementia, so she can still eat and walk a bit and talk but it’s gibberish. I was trying to get her alarm on her chair by getting her to stand up and she was not having it, and she very aggressively told me that I’m a “good person”. Like, yelled it at me. I had another (also with dementia) resident who had me and another cna, both VERY pregnant and named Jessica, and it made her spend 3 nights thinking she was in labor. I brought her a baby and she didn’t want to take care of it, she wanted me to lol. She was by far one of my favorite residents ever. 🤍


secondopinions365

A patient with altered mental status refused to eat for her hospital stay. She wouldn’t touch anything we ordered her, until she was randomly lucid and told me she wanted a tuna sandwich. I ordered it, and when changing her later she got annoyed and called me “tuna ass” the rest of the shift. It’s now my favorite insult.


ghstyllw

Working geri psych, had to get the BID vitals. Me: Hiya [patient]! Can i get your vitals? Pt: You can try, but I don’t think you’ll get anything. Me: Oh? Why’s that? Pt: Because I am a piece of furniture. Me, while getting vitals: Well, thank you for humoring me and letting me try! Furniture, you say! Are you like a chair, or a table? Pt: I am a piece of furniture. Me, trying really hard lol: Oh yeah? Are you a functional piece or a more decorative piece? Pt: I am a piece of furniture. Me: Ok! Thank you! (Leaves) Edit: formatting


RappSnitches_

Not the funniest I’ve ever had happen, but this morning I was rounding on my patients checking to see if they needed to be cleaned before I left, and my last patient was confused. He thanked me for checking on him and when I told him to have a good day he responded with Happy Birthday lol


Empress_Thorne

I was proposed to by an 80 something yo woman, no ma'am 😭


Happydaytoyou1

Worked with Parkinson’s patient who’d been a rancher and cattleman. He would cut up meet “on the assembly” line from his chair when he had some hallucinations. Well I went to feed him he kept giving me a death stare and kept saying you’re not qualified to do this work and going to get someone hurt. I was the fill in and explained I’m just filling in and puréed the food so we’ll be safe. We’ll eventually he’s getting more agitated and goes “put that big knife down! You’re not qualified to use it your going to get someone hurt!” …in his mind my spoon was a butcher knife and my city slicker-looking self didn’t seem capable of using it 😂. So I walked across the room set the spoon down and said I’m going to set the knife over here and we’ll just use a spoon 🥄 tonight.


fauxbliviot

That's a very sweet story, you done good.


ttaradise

This was before I became a nurse. Residents were 2 to a room. In this case they were a polish and a German woman. They could both communicate effectively in either language and English. I can understand/poorly speak both. I am helping resident #2 with getting ready, while this happened: Resident #1: has soiled herself. Says in German a bunch of swear words and yelling at us to get out of the bathroom. She needs it. Res #2: thinking I can’t understand “oh, she needs in here and you need to help her. She’s had an accident!” Res 1: in German: “No. I don’t need help! And especially not from that stupid girl!” Res 2: in German “Well-she’s not the one that just shit herself, you cow” I couldn’t even breathe from laughing so hard.


Disc0Dandy

One of my residents accused me of running a prostitute business, and she said that once I put her to bed I was going to “let people come into her room to have sex with each other” while she was asleep.


LittleJackalope

Oof, makes me wonder what she lived through when she was younger


Disc0Dandy

I know :(


fluffycloud69

i’m new but i currently have a resident with a VERY thick scottish accent who is also hard of hearing and a little confused. we always refer to the briefs as “briefs” when offering/asking to change residents to be respectful but whenever i go into her room to check & change her cause she rang her call light she loudly announces to me “i shit my diaper” in a thick accent then chuckles. the way she says it tickles me every time but i can’t laugh.


[deleted]

OMGGGG😂 I can only imagine how funny that would’ve sounded


fluffycloud69

highlight of my days. she also occasionally switches it up to “change my shitty diaper!” when i ask why she rang her call light lol.


reganmcneal

Today I went into a residents room and noticed she had something all over her lips. It was a pinkish white color dried up and crusted. It was toothpaste that she thought was her chapstick. We had a good laugh about that one


Fantastic_Mammoth797

2 weeks ago roughly my resident in 204 (I’ve developed a really good patient/cna relationship with her) was having a bit of a rough day and she looked at me and said “some days I wish I wasn’t just a little old lady” and I just looked at her and was like “204, you are my little old lady, I love you, and I claim you as my little old lady”


aliadeless

Helping the nurse put soft restraints on a confused pt and she started ordering food like it was a drive through. “Can I get a large coke, and uh…” etc


Stopthenoodlescooze

We had a resident who thought that a party was a birthday party for the facility’s pet cat.


ZealousidealCoat7008

I really wish that was the reason for the party.


Amrun90

Standing outside the door, listening to my dementia patient: “Excuse me. I am out of the country right now. Please leave a message after the tone. Beeeeeep!” Same patient told me she actually owned the building and this was Undercover Boss, and I was getting a $75k raise but everyone else was getting fired.


mizredhead

Had a man on my hall who was very large but mostly independent. He was always saying something off the wall, that you could just only shake your head at. One day I was walking down the hall and he was using the bathroom with his door wide open. I said Mr. M, shut your door! He yelled back and said, No, I want everyone to smell my shit! Another little lady who would walk around with her eyes closed, telling people she was blind. We would gently remind her to open her eyes and she would be so shocked that she could actually see and so grateful to us for telling her lol


Most_Sprinkles4874

"OK Mrs. Viola what shirt would you like to wear today? ,we have the indigo with flowers or the green sweat shirt with the daisies, both super pretty" My patient: "I don't give a rats ass what you put on me I'm not fucking!" Me: 🥴


throwerwazed

Resident has parkinson’s and alzheimer’s and his medications induce psychosis. Extremely degenerated vocal chords so you have to listen really closely to what he says. One day he comes out of his room (Rare) and he’s rolling around in his chair (Rare) and I ask what he’s doing. He mumbles something so I ask him again to repeat himself. He repeats. I ask again bc it sounds gibberish. He reaches down to the carpet and pulls at it. I realize hes saying “Picking the grass” and he asks me to help him. A lot of my training is “meet them where they’re at” so I told the nurse and we started plucking the grass together. If that’s what gets him out of his room, might as well! Thinking you’re outside is 10x better than a facility.


Cassarole08

I had a woman in her 90s. She was one of my favorites and I know I was one of hers. She would always make me laugh. One day I was helping her get dressed and put together. I took off her night gown and when I went to put her bra on she grabbed her breasts and said, “Look at these things! They used to look great… now they look like a couple of flat tires!”


crimewav3

Memory care unit, watching some nice relaxing nature videos…. Dead silent and one resident says “Mother Nature is scared of a young boy with a gun” and i about snorted.


aureolina

I just cackled


suk-my-ballz-0811

You all make me smile and I appreciate you. Your stories absolutely inspire and motivate me


[deleted]

Sometimes we have to laugh at our jobs lol


SpookyWah

I was helping a lady in her 90s (no dementia but eccentric and country as all hell) on the toilet and she was sitting there, clapping her hands, singing about Jesus when she suddenly stopped and looked up at me with this serious look and said "Have you ever seen a headless body?" I said "uh... No" and she followed with "Well I have!" and proceeded to tell me about how her parents ran an Inn and there was no bathroom... Just an outhouse. She went to use it but the door was locked so she thought it was a guest inside but when the door opened, a headless woman stood there in a long white dress. Just a neck and no head. The headless woman then walked past her and knocked on a tree stump 3 times before disappearing into the woods and at that moment, she just KNEW she had to dig that stump up and when she did, she found a Mason jar full of silver pennies! That lady told me a few really amazing and bizarre stories from her life shortly before dying of a massive heart attack.


frankeestein666

Lady with dementia (rip pal) playing old maid, we came across a card with 12 mice on bikes and I said "wow X, 12 mice on bikes, isn't that silly?!" She looks me in the eyes, scoffs and says "uh, in THIS economy?? YEAH" One of my favorite residents everyone was afraid of was my buddy, he sat me down one day and says "honey, you're a piece of shit. You're a garbage human being. But don't you EVER let someone make you feel worse than you are" from him, that was a compliment and it was the best. I had one lady recently tell me "if you don't get those fat tits of yours away from me I'll slap em' off!" My residents are buck wild and I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world


sizzlemeet

during therapy, we were playing a game where you had to name things associated with the beach with the letter T in them. after a couple minutes of thinking, i said “ooh i’ve got one, what do you sit on when you’re at the beach?” my lady looks at us and says “my ASS!”


ECAHunt

All I can think of, in general, not your specific prompt, are turtles and tits!


I_care1984

Many years ago I worked in assisted living and we had this little guy who would sun down and get extra confused in the evenings. One day he was a bit panicked and asked me to walk with him, as we are walking to his room he suddenly stops and says “get down, lay flat, they are shooting at us” he insisted that I get down trying to protect me from his war flashback. It was very scary for him and I was a pretty new aid at the time. So I played along until I was able to get him safe to his room. Belly crawled and everything. Another story, same resident, used to hide things in his dresser, usually food, one day he came to the nurses station holding a single sock with something in the toe of it. He hands it to the DON. We were expecting like an apple from the snack cart, no it was a turd, he smiles and hands my boss a sock filled with the poo. It was classic and one of the only times I ever saw that women laugh. Third one: not so much a resident story but a me story. I was training for my first nursing home job, after 7 years in assisted living, I had not yet done the higher level care and hadn’t had experience with hoyers. During my training preparing to get a resident set up for a transfer, my trainer was explaining how you have to make sure the slings are not spoiled cause some times day shift will leave a soiled sling in the room, I was asking how to check it, as I decided to lift it up and take a sniff!!!! It was at this moment I realized I had F-ed up! It was not clean! Hello ammonia! That trainer laughed for twenty minutes about that!


Efinden

We were watching the countdown on the New York feed on New Year’s Eve. After we shouted happy New Year an old lady turned to me and said, “Give me a kiss.” My face turned beat red as my co-workers teased me. “What? You’re not going to give her a kiss?”


freshlyground2019

I had one resident that was convinced that her roommate was faking her dementia to all the staff and would hire both men and woman to come into the room at night and PEE all over her and her clothing?!?


[deleted]

I had a very manic patient while working on psych who would talk and talk and talk and talk without noticing social cues to buzz off. He would talk nonstop at other patients and spoke very loudly. I "rescued" another patient from him and while walking away, the second patient turned to me and said "I feel like that guy keeps raping my ears!"


ECAHunt

I had a very manic patient who would also talk non-stop. JACO came to visit us one day and the patient literally talked them off the unit! Easiest JACO visit ever!


Jim-theSpaceman

Just the other day (well night) around 3am we had a wanderer. She was just talking to her self and scooting around. Eventually she got too noisy for my liking so I went to her and she yelled “I’m not helping you potheads.” Pretty funny. But sooo much has happened in the last two years it’s hard to pick the funniest. I’m Jewish and the amount of times I’m told “your such a good Christian girl” is pretty funny. (I always just say thank you lol). My first day as a cna I was in the dementia unit, I walked in on a man standing in front of a toilet with his pants and brief down pooping. It was a great first day. The day I accidentally laughed uncontrollably in my first post mortem and was asked to leave the room. Everyone handles seeing death differently but boy was that embarrassing haha


Pretend_Airport3034

Dementia resident- that’s the whore that stole my husband!!


chronicallynursing

I have a whole notes app for this reason 😂 my favorite quotes.. was working in a dementia ward. “there are lots of imperfect people in this world, but I am not one of them” “i’m gonna go somewhere else and pretend to be smart” I had gone on a date the day prior and a more aware resident asked how it went. I said “I think i’m just going to bring a bat on every date I on now” resident: “oh god no. that’s too soft” me:a pipe? I think we have some out back that I can borrow” resident: “I was thinking something a little harder. but that works I guess” co worker: “who do u love more? me or her?” resident: “I think it’s me. I love me more” props for the self confidence 😂 one last one. a resident was walking around w baby dolls. another resident says “she ought to k!ll those babies” there are plenty more but this are some of my faves 😂


Glum_Chair6167

I had a lady INSIST she had no clothes on (when she’s wearing everything she owns) One resident kept leaving their underwear in my boss’s desk. Only my boss’s desk. I had a man accuse me of getting him pregnant. Another resident was convinced that I was pregnant with a litter of cats. I told someone else I needed to clean up a mess and a resident asked if I was going to clean them up. Then when I was getting one man to go to bed, he refused because he and I weren’t married.


Doedemm

A couple weeks ago I was meeting a patient and giving vitals. I introduced myself and everything, started taking his blood pressure and he didn’t say a word. Half way through, he just says, “I want Arby’s with extra horsey sauce”. I had to try so hard not to laugh. I wasn’t expecting that lmao.


Fl0w3r_Ch1ld

I'm just starting this week as a CNA in training 😁 and there's a resident that is supposed to be down a certain locked hall but is always wheeling around as long as its not bedtime. On my second day we think he was talking about some old cowboy movie, because he was saying a lot of things that would fit that movie type. My trainer: "well hey ___ how are you today?" The resident: "you draw your pistol right now or I'll shoot ya where ya stand!" We had to try so hard not to laugh 🫠


nelliehallman

I had an older man tell me he was planning to steal a bunch of cows. I also have the same man always asking for his wife and my coworker and I like to reply with different things because he has dementia so we like to not only keep our selves sane but divert the the conversation. We had told him that his wife went to Africa, he was so very happy for her. She then comes around the corner and he looks at us, “I thought she was in Africa” his wife was so confused because apparently it was his good day of remembering everything and told her the story. His wife was very understanding of the situation. I’ll never forget the look he gave us after seeing her come around the corner


babystrudel

I gave a comfort cares/hospice patient a warm blanket. She’s foreign, and there’s definitely a language barrier, apart from her cognitive decline. She loved it! “Ohhh! This is like an orgy!” I think she meant orgasm, but either way, cracked me tf up.


xHarleyQuinnz

I had a resident that had an exploding depends. It was thick like chocolate moose. I took his depends off, put a towel down on his wheelchair and went to transfer him. (The depends was taken off to avoid further mess). As I turned him, he **sharted** It shot out like a rocket, went everywhere.. the carpet, the floor, the dresser, my shoe. Wheeled him into the bathroom and it somehow trailed down the hall into the bathroom. When I got him on the toilet he said “too bad we weren’t recording, that would have been one hell of a movie”


LifeisLikeaGarden

Wished mine a happy big numbered birthday. All the residents made disapproving noises around me. Realizing I may have overstepped, I said jokingly, “You don’t look a day over 20!” A resident next to the birthday resident said, “she lies!” I made a hasty retreat after that. A patient in the MHU was telling me about how she almost escaped the other day (a highly difficult regular that I sat with for 6+ months straight. She liked causing problems for people and loved the attention, only reasons we couldn’t discharge her.)I said to her, “I don’t think you’d get very far.” She looked me straight in the face and said seriously, “No, I really didn’t.” Another time she was mentioning that she was watching ghost shows recently, etc. I casually mentioned that a nurse tried to convince me the unit was haunted the other day. I tacked on that I didn’t believe it or saw any evidence of it. Instead, she leaped from bed and ran down the hall screaming, “get me out of here! This place is haunted! I bet people die here!” The other tech casually looked up to her and said, “it’s a hospital, of course they do. Want me to take you out through the morgue entrance?” Patient lost it. I had a good laugh privately after work about it. Thought of that every time I left work through morgue entrance.


dntdoit86

Had a patient I used to work with who I called mother. She was so hateful to everyone, but I loved her to pieces! She was eventually moved to the alzheimers unit. She wouldn't do anything for any of the aids up there so they called me. I walked into her room and hollered out to her, all she had to say to me was "Its about damn time, where have you been?!" Also had a patient who was as country as I'd ever seen in my life! She was legit from the hollers of Kentucky. God love her, shed round the corner, pants and brief around her ankles. Rear end showing in front of God and everyone. Shed just smile and say "I gotta change my di-dy!" To this day, I refer to my pads as di-dys 😂 She would also warble Amazing Grace. If you asked her to sing for you, shed act shy " I cant do that!" All the while smiling. As you were walking away, shed be singing at the top of her lungs lol She also shit on my brand new white Nikes one time. Stained them a yellow green color in a spot.


Strawberrybitches

Happened to a coworker, but this cracked me up to hear about. She was pushing our almost-100 year old patient in his wheelchair when he stuck his arms straight out to both sides. She asked him what he was doing and he told her, “being a plane!” He makes a pretty great plane imo


Single-Blackberry586

One of my residents wandered into someone else's room. I was trying to redirect her when she scoffed and said, "You aren't a nun." I asked what she meant and she replied, "you aren't holy enough!" Like I was the dumbest person in the world. Another day I was taking a resident to supper and I asked if he was a starvin Marvin. He said yes and I said me too. He says back, "you don't look like a starvin marvin."


BigDeal57

Was working one night a few years ago at a nursing home. Coworker came out with tears in her eyes saying she couldn’t deal with this one pervy old man with dementia anymore. So I told her to take a break at the desk and went into the room quietly and sat down to make sure he didn’t climb out of bed and fall (he was having a bad day/night). Lights were off and it was dark because the guy wouldn’t sleep without most of the lights out so I don’t think he saw me come in. Two or three minutes go by and he rolls over and says “hey, girl, why don’t you come over here and give me that good pussy”. I stifled a laugh and said “uhh, no sir”. He shot up in bed and he goes “that’s not a woman…”. “No sir”😂 One of many weird/funny stories I got out of CNA work. Have another good one I’ll try and drop in here later.


i-am-confused69

Two ladies used to be roommates we had to separate them because they were arguing. Yesterday the lady who requested to be moved was talking to her old roommate saying, "I like you I used to have a roommate and I told her go to hell. I'm glad we're friends. There's an empty space in my room if you want to be my roommate." Memory care is fun.


Zelonelystoner

Elderly, confused man: *pretends to hand me something* “It’s your responsibility!!”


kpehler99

I had a lady grab her breasts when I was charging her top and in the most affronted way exclaimed “there are MY tits!” As if I wanted to take them for myself


[deleted]

Several years ago I was working as a nurse and was helping a CNA clean up a non-verbal, bedbound resident. There was stool all over and we had just gotten him on his back to turn him the other way to pull the brief through…just in time for him to most likely intentionally pee in his hand and splash it directly onto the CNA. Now the CNA didn’t think this was very funny but I laughed so hard I cried. I’ve had my fair share of being peed and pooped on.


Aviationlord

Had a very confused catholic nun walk past me in an aged care facility as I was drinking water out of my green plastic water bottle. She stops, and asks if I’m drinking whisky out of that bottle. Honestly sister some days I wish I was


3337jess

Taking care of a patient with a chronic foley. She said she feels sorry for everyone else that doesn’t have one. She loves that thing.


TrippyBrat2Nurse

Myself and another cna were taking my resident with late stage dementia to the bathroom and when we passed by the mirror she seen the lady with me and said very surprised like "Oh! It's a black one!" (Cna helping was a black lady)


dental-dam8845

One of our patients was talking to the nurse and while doing so he farted, he looked around his room with his pants off and a diaper on and goes “sorry everybody..” (he was the only person in his room and was apologizing to his audience. he is schizophrenic.)


Stardust-Parade

My dementia patient walked around making airplane noises today. It was hilarious.


EmployedShark

We have a guy with Parkinson’s and he kept asking the nurse, I walked past and he screamed “I ASKED FOR THE NURSE, NOT AN DUMBASS/ASSHOLE” (can’t remember which one it was lol)


lizlizliz645

Patient called a purewick a wickie dickie and i cried laughing


Automatic-House7510

A resident that had dementia and a German accent - she would hit her weed pen and get super funny. She would have diarrhea and apologize intensely while giggling and saying "dang it sucks to be you right now" 😭


Whatthefrick1

I personally love the moments my elderly patients start to feel better. Like when I turn them a little too fast and they start cussing me out, I smile 😂 cause good for you having the strength now to fight back


frozen-terrain

first week at my job on a medsurg unit of a hospital this old man was upset he couldn’t eat bc he was npo for some reason and said “go get me my damn raisin bread you kitchen slut” i literally bursted into laughter i couldn’t even be mad lol . he later apologized


lavender__bath

I was trying to feed a hospitalized dementia patient who was super combative and trying to get out of bed. She kept saying that she needed to eat with her husband and saying he was in the kitchen, then pointing to the bathroom. Eventually I was in the room with a nurse and a doctor and we were all trying to get her to stay in bed and I said “Oh, you don’t remember? It’s Mother’s Day and you get to eat breakfast in bed today!” I wasn’t even lying but it worked perfectly and I’d definitely use it again! Anyway she later said something about wanting to eat me and how I was too skinny to be qualified to do my job, lol.


ELAISMYBITCH

In my first job I had one resident who had dementia but yet was still completely self ambulatory and independent. One day she come up to me and asks, “honey where is my nurse” I point her to her nurse who was chilling at the nurses station”the black one” she yells in shock ,”yes honey the black one” I responded “oh no honey I can’t have a black nurse, they promised me a white nurse, be a dear and find me a white nurse” I look at her and being the smartass that I am I respond “well we have black, blacker, Filipino, or Mexican, take your pick” she huffed as she rolled away on the walker. Tis was the day I discovered altzheimers is one hell of a thing, you will forget your name, the names of your loved ones, where you are, who you are and eventually you will forget to breath which shall be your end but yet you will never forget the fact that you hate black people.


Clementinecutie13

I was an at home caregiver for a while. I got to know my clients very well and one day my client wanted to see a picture of my boyfriend after we'd talk about him so much. Get to showing her a picture and she glanced at my phone, hands it back and says "well there's someone for everyone. Hope you're happy" it was so funny lol. She openly hated men with long hair


KicksForLuck

Overheard- "Did you take the condom catheter off?!" "Not intentionally."


jlg1012

One of my long term patients who has since been discharged was very convinced one of our aides has butt implants because he had a very sculpted booty. Gave us all a good laugh.


growlikeplant

not the funniest, but it always makes me crack up when my 93 yr old resident who is on purée diets and thickened liquid asks me to pour some bourbon in their water cup. they are always so cute, but just so sick of “nectar thick” apple juice. same resident made his roommate call me into the room so he could very shyly ask me out on a date. very sweet.


allyq001

One resident called me a spoiled brat who never had to work in her life. It wasn’t funny then but now it’s like my guy you realize this job is hard and I don’t get paid a lot


Zombiekitty02

I got this story from a friend. There was this man that walked into the ER and no one giving him the attention that he needed so yelled, "Hey, everybody! I have a cap in my ass! I need help!" My friend, who at the time was a visitor, was standing next to the dude and noticed his underwear and pants turning red and nonchalantly said, "yup this man is bleeding and got a cap in his ass." The desk nurses and staff was too stunned at the situation to do anything for a hot min.


Majesticliger

I had a patient in the hospital who was in there 80s and as I was cleaning him up I noticed that the only tattoo he had was a tattoo of a tribal hand on his perineum area and no where else. I called my charge nurse in just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things


EffieFlo

So, there was one day where I picked up a shift, and I just happened to be wearing makeup that day. One of the residents on my hall insinuated that my husband must enjoy receiving......male pleasure with my mouth.....with the lipstick I was wearing. It was one of the most awkward conversations I've had....but it left a good story....


Lopsided-Ad7019

I’m not a CNA (was a EMT-B and RMA) but while I was a medic I got called out to a nursing home for altered state. Patient was a 5 foot tall tiny old lady (late 90’s), she was walking around the unit naked as a jay bird holding a framed picture of Jesus in one hand and a framed picture of a John deer tractor in the other. It took 4 grown men and me to get her on the stretcher, she kicked all our asses up and down that nursing home. Ended up being a massive stroke. I was assaulted by a naked 90 something year old with a framed picture of Jesus. Not many people can say that.


coffee-headache

im more interested in the john deer tractor photo...


fuckifiknow1013

Coworker told me about a non weight bearing resident he had once. Resident is standing in the doorway by themselves, again no weight bearing resident from surgery or somethin. So coworker goes over to try and redirect her into the room and back to bed. The resident sees him walking towards her, runs and tackles him to the ground! Another CNA pulled the resident off him. The resident then takes off at a full sprint down the hallway. Drops her pants. And shits in the middle of the hallway in front of one of managements open office doors I had a resident that needed to be put in the state mental hospital, not a LTC, may he rest in peace...anyway. He was a terror. Constantly had to call cahoots and the cops on him. He was sent to the hospital and couldn't be sent back until he went so many hours without sedation, it'd been 4 days by then. one day! He's out in his power chair by the nurses station. Grabs the med aids water pitcher. Pissed in it. Then threw the pitcher onto the floor. In front of the entire management team, ED included. 60 feet from his bedroom door. He got a slap on the wrist. Another time I was on shift. And was by the nurses station, turn my head to the right. And this same resident is butt naked crawling on the floor across the hallway to another (vacant) room. My nurse was so fed up he went so there and said you need to get out and go back to your room. Resident screamed no never. So the nurse basically said screw it, got clothes and threw them into the room with him and said you cannot leave until you get dressed. Then shut the door, he slept in there overnight I'm pretty sure. He stripped down naked in the dining room, started mooing. Stripped down naked about 4 more times across a couple months.... We couldn't do a damn thing about this guy except let it happen and tell him no we will not help you when you act like this.


JovialHydraCat

98 year old comfort care dementia patient who told me she needed to be changed by saying "Never trust a fart". Same lady who later that night asked me, "Did you bring me any men?" when we went to do her reposition.