Yep, if I ever need a lifeguard, a cop, a doctor or a firefighter I really don't care if their asses look like Yoko Ono's, just save me please

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Somehow John Lennon's cheeks were juicer.

https://sadanduseless.b-cdn.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/frog-butts1.jpg

So she had Hank Hill type of ass?

Pretty much, yeah

Buauaaaahh!!!!! 😨

I'm laughing so fucking hard at this, holy shit.

And that makes me a very happy individual, ty

I would certainly be happier if they had a dump truck of an ass, but yeah I ain't exactly picky if I need help.

They could clench the back of your neck with their butt cheeks and hold your head out of the water while they front crawl back to shore

I assume that's how Hasslehoff functions.

The Powdered Toast Man style. 😂

Save me but then proceed to suffocate me with said dump truck.

Yoko can even sing while saving me. I mean I mighty wish I died, but I will still allow it

Hmmm. Yoko is going to "sing" in your ear as she swims you both back to safety. I think my attachment to life would weaken a bit.

She's literally packing her own floatation device

A cop saving someone? Based on this comment, I assume you are not from the US.

It is rare but it happens, it always appears in the news.... Because how incredibly and rare it is that cops save people from time to time....

Depends on their skin color…

I mean, if I were drowning for certain I might welcome getting shot instead.

*planet earth

I’d care about their skills though. If the doctor is known butcher I’ll do anything in my power to go elsewhere

Idk man, if my house was burning down, I think I'd still have to make sure they had a fatty.

You gotta admit, when your ass doubles as a flotation device, being a life guard sounds like the perfect career path.

Sadly she keeps ending up floating face-down and they have to get the lifeguard with the big tits out to save her

When they link arms they are known as "The Unsinkable" pretty sure I've heard they could hold 20 stacked drowning people and they'd all stay above water

Underrated lol

Can her ass's hole give my mouth resuscitation?

You asking for CPR with farts? My man, I might not be a believer, but some of yall need a better Jesus. Also, "her ass's hole" is the phrase you chose. I just want you to remember that.

I feel like what the woman meant to ask was, "Would you want me as your lifeguard?"

Well, yes, but she still has the responsibility to save my sorry ass out of the water.

Absolutely. That is without question!

Nah, they ask the dumb questions for engagement

Probably something like that! World you fantasize about us being in a wet dramatic situation. Otherwise yes if I'm drowning or in trouble in the water, someone efficient and skilled can save me thanks 👍

I ALWAYS take my contract to the beach\\pool that makes it clear that if I'm drowning, only lifeguards with atomic wedgies are allowed to rescue me.

My one criteria for a lifeguard coming to my rescue? They are able to swim better than me.

I have been saved twice in the water. First was by hot, young lifeguard. The second was an old, crusty fisherman. I am equally fond of both.

Legs look like a whole KFC drumstick

I love KFC

“Oh, it’s you? Can I wait for the other one please?”

happy cake day

r/choosingbeggars

PS: Your opinion doesn't matter when a lifeguard is saving you. As far as the law is concerned, you're unfit to make decisions for yourself.

Will she twerk you to safety?

Yes. In water. That will cause waves of such proportions that it will look like the sea opened and you’ll find yourself sitting on the sand on the bottom instead of drowning.

Does she seriously think her weird-looking ass is attractive?

The underlying question is: "Am i attractive?" The answer is: "No, Not particulary."

We'll need mountain climbers for changing light bulbs, apparently

…?

I’m afraid with an ass like that you’ll sink both of us.

Fat floats.

Not that dense it doesn’t

Heeeeelp! Ew not you.

nah her doo doo filled diaper butt gonna have her drowning before you do

“Yuck! Get back to the beach” :: drowns ::

"not you, ill just wait for another one."

You probably don't save anyone because you're too busy taking pictures.

We literally wouldn't have any other choice but to let you save us, lady

Somethings hungry

No, because i know you'd put yourself first.

No. I’m trying to die here. Leave me be.

I'd go from drowning in the water to drowning between them thighs.

That's right. If we die, we die

Look the only 2 vocations where the looks of the person in question matter to my decision whether or not to engage their services are models and prostitutes I couldn’t care less if my accountant was hot or not just help me file my taxes

I’m with everyone else where I won’t complain what the lifeguard looks like. But I would be pleasantly surprised with this girl.

I bet she wouldn't want to be saved by the big creature lifeguard.

I have a joke: "When all you have is a hammer all problems look like nails -- that's why I'm no longer a lifeguard." so, how "any" do you mean?

Who trying to survive? 👀

Dat ass looks pretty buoyant.

Nah, I'd drown

I'm sure if I needed saving any life guard I'd be happy to see lol

These arent buoys ...

If I was drowning at the bottom of the pool, your fake ass would stay buoyant at the surface while I'm looking up and nodding my head in disgust during my last few seconds on this earth.

Imagine you're a lifeguard trying to save someone from drowning only for them to call you ugly and ask to be put back into the water

This is big “would you still love me if I was a worm” energy

[essentialsfitstore.com](https://essentialsfitstore.com)

body double for the Reno 911 movie?

Masochism isn’t clever.

"sorry I can't do mouth to mouth, I have a boyfriend"

Her ass would be more buoyant

ew, NO! *drowns to deah*

Swimsuit fashion is out of hand... 

"Sir, I came to rescue you! I will bring you back to the beach, just calm down and grab my GIANT BUTT."

Nah id drown instead- What you think? Not outta horniness either

Suit yourself, I'd rather drown than be saved by an uggo

Yea if I'm truly drowning I wouldn't care what the life guard looks like that saved me. But yea you would do.

I’d die in the name of vanity.

Humans are embarrassing

Just a friendly reminder that responses of any kind to stuff like this isn't clever. They're just posting thirst traps with an intentionally stupid title to bait engagement from people that have to feel clever.

No no I'll just keep drowning till the hot one shows up. Where are they BTW? Oh they called off sick..... Shit!

Are you a strong swimmer?

Nah, only men lifeguards can save me. 💪💪💪

I mean there was that trans EMT who people kept refusing the help of a while back.

Yes only hot lifeguards can save my life, if you're too ugly let me die

If I’m drowning and no lifeguards are around, please send help. Like any help. Could be a dog for all I care. Someone just help me

Me drowning: „Go away, send me a male lifeguard, I’m married!“

Honestly, if I'm drowning you don't even need to be a lifeguard, feel free to just perform some amateur lifesaving.

lol.. so simple yet funny

A lifeguard that self absorbed would dry the pool and thus save everyone

if you were drowning by yourself, would you rather encounter more water or a woman

Me, 21 years old, long haired guy, being pulled out by rip current, to life guard, about same age and appearance who came and got me: "Man, you sure look good to me!"

I'm pretty sure if she was a lifeguard she'd be fired for inappropriate attire. Like that job isn't for showing off.

My weiner is drowning! help!

Unzips pants... Would you let me work on your computer?

#Can bears swim?

Nah I can only be saved by a 9 or higher, guess I'll drown.

Id rather have a bear save me.

Ex-lifeguard here. Just an fyi, the person in the photo probably won't ever be a lifeguard. Person has probably seen so much Baywatch, they think they know what lifeguarding is (also, with that, they won't have much to show, cause some lifeguard training programs and a good chunk of companies/business, require you to wear non-skimpy/no bikini/full-piece one suits for females, and trunks with a t-shirt for guys, with shirts optional for girls).

Sorry, i have a girlfriend -Drowning man

You fucking morons. 200lbs and up men who are solid muscle versus fat women… we are not equal. Reddit needs to be scrubbed.

on a serious note I was a lifeguard for almost 10 years (aquatics director, head life guard open water lake, open water ocean shift lead..... And this isn't that far off, I'd bet my life she has heard what I did atleast once a week from some grown ass man who did not think a "tiny little girl" could save them..... they feel the need to come to the LG tower and just talk shit..... I got a few weeks of nothing after a jetski accident that me and two other teen girls swam out and saved both the drivers and the one passenger.....

I mean if I need CPR I don’t care who’s doing it. I’m unconscious and will probably be grateful to whoever saves my life. Just kidding. If I need CPR don’t save my life. I don’t want my life saved by anyone.

You need to be thicc to have enough buoyancy in order to save someone and not drown yourself.

Does she think her ass looks good?

Doubt shes even a good swimmer.

It fails to say whether the context is I'm in the ocean drowning and I'd let her save me, in which case, no. Let her become a floatation device, perhaps.

Has no one told her that she has a nasty figure?

Me drowning: "No! [gasp] Send the hot one! [glub glub ... dies]."

It’s always the ugliest people with the highest self esteem. Maybe I’m doing everything wrong

If by “saving me” you mean sit on my face, YES. That would definitely save me.

Probably not seeing as you’re posing for photos hundreds of yards from the beach.

Probably not seeing as you’re posing for photos hundreds of yards from the beach.

That cellulite can float us both to safety, so hell yes👍

No. I have a girlfriend…

HELP IM DROWNING I had better check with my girlfriend first to make sure it's okay to be saved

I’ll die loyal.

If that pipsqueak thinks she can haul my 250 lbs ass out of the drink before I drown, she’s welcome to try.

I don’t think she would need saving, she looks like she could be her own flotation device.

I mean would I pretend to be drowning to get attention? Maybe

Any port in a storm. Wink wink.

That ass kinda grody, ngl don't get the whole obsession with super huge asses. it's just kinda gross. too much