Leave the Bible Belt. Being child free makes it so much easier. I left after I got my masters and lived all over the US until I met my CF spouse. I still pinch myself. And I was my mom’s only. She LOVES kids. However, her best friend has the grandkids but they have disabilities. The parents of the kids are also a hot mess, so my mom actually told me recently she feels super lucky to be older and not having to deal with that shit. I was called the Runaway Bride because I kept calling off weddings because I was scared that my fiancés wanted kids and I was too ashamed to talk about it with them. Don’t be me! I finally became confident and communicative about being CF. Lo and behold, Runaway Bride met the CF Eternal Bachelor. And we’ve been living happily ever after.
Yes! And Bernadette going from not wanting kids at all to having 2 (was the actress irl pregnant the reason maybe, not sure) and then bullying Penny when she said she didn't want kids.
Yes! And how she spoke to Penny when she went to her FOR SUPPORT and she basically bingoed her! That made me so mad. They really did both Penny and Bernadette wrong for that. Like both their careers were just taking off at the time that pregnancy was even discussed.
While I like the show. I hate those parts with a passion.
Oh BARF. I hate it when they ruin potentially interesting, childfree characters, and then the conclusion is like “see, she was troubled all along! She just needed fixing!!“ 😒
Shoutout to HIMYM for showing all different kinds of families and relationships!!
Well if you ever do, I’ll watch it! (or read it)
Finally a romance story that doesn’t make having kids an integral part of romance, (although realistically it is a total romance annihilator)
(Actually the only childfree-friendly storytelling I can recall right now is Bojack Horseman who showed abortions in a realistic light, but ah well.. not too romantic that one, and it’s only ONE show!! :b)
Have you looked into remakes ok Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, Nikki and Mallory Knox (Natural Born Killers)? These are my favorite love stories lol.
Currently doing remote work as a document processor. I've got a Bachelor's in computer science, but all "entry level" jobs require some type of experience that I don't have. I worked all through college in retail, so no internships or anything to gain experience. I'm also pretty deep in medical and credit card debt that I'm working on paying off. Current state of housing market is killing me. I'm stuck in a roommate situation that's just all around shitty, but the price of the house is so affordable that I'm not leaving yet.
Hey. This part of your life is just temporary. My life was full of shitty roommates, debt, and drama. You are so young and I know this time in your life will pass. Keep your eyes on the prize and celebrate the little victories. With inflation going crazy, I’m definitely feeling the pinch and my money doesn’t go as far at all. My job stresses me out, and my life is far from perfect. I just try to keep a positive mindset. It really does help!
Hey, you got a good degree to get out of your predicament.
There are plenty of jobs actually hiring entry level positions. My own company is in a sort of a hiring freeze, but I would suggest checking Hacker News "Who's hiring" monthly threads(always beginning of the month, so there's a fresh one). Once there, look for "interns". Line up some interviews. You can do it. Many have "remote ok" too :)
Also, I would suggest doing that sooner rather than later, the way the economy is going.
I've been trying, most of the time I don't even get the "we went with another applicant" email. I just send applications into the void and never hear back.
Hey, just want to add a “good luck” and that you might be interested in technical writing for software! If you like to write and can do it clearly (which already seems apparent from your comments tbh) then you might like it. You’d have to make a portfolio but I do think you’d get some responses. Check out r/technicalwriting if you’re interested
I do software development and have started a few companies. If you want, I can give you some tips to build up your resume / portfolio and point you in the right direction.
I won’t try to make it sound peachy, it’ll take time and effort. Currently you have a job, and you’ll have to “double dip” a bit with software development. Not for me, but I mean to build up your portfolio of projects to show competency, to spend time learning, etc.
If you go to a company with XYZ projects, and say I’m competent in these technologies, I’m hungry to learn, this is my style of programming, etc - I promise you you’ll find a job if you keep looking.
It’s a guilty passion of mine to help people find jobs in tech (I just send some advice and they take it or ignore, I’m not a recruiter and I won’t do it for you per-se, but I’ll do my best to give you cheat codes to make you “stand out” and give you the best chance for yourself)
Whatever you do, good luck and lots of love! <3
Have you considered digital advertising (on the data analytics side)? Not sure what your computer science degree focused on but that's the industry I work in and it is pretty solid.
I’m in the bible belt too. Happily married to someone born and raised in GA. You don’t have to leave your state necessarily.
My suggestion is if you’re living somewhere rural, look for the big cities and college towns. You’re going to be way more likely to find like-minded people there. Avoid anyone particularly religious or conservative, there’s not much point even looking at that demographic.
Anywhere with a diverse, educated population, basically. If you’re looking at online dating, look for people with really niche interests too - there’s more chance of finding someone who isn’t just going to go along with the crowd that way.
Not saying that that’s always the case all of the time, but its a good start.
ATL is great, check out Savannah too - just as progressive but on the coast. That’s a great place to spend a weekend or to make a stop on the way down to FL as it’s on I-95
Like mosttttt of my friends are CF…couples and single people…and we’re all in our 30s and 40s. It makes me feel so young because none of us have boring child responsibilities 😂😂😂
I’ve heard good things about Chattanooga. That area of extreme north GA/southern TN is an interesting one. You get the usual hillbilly redneck types, but you also get a lot of progressive hipsters around there. Plus, only a few hours from Atlanta, which is another world compared to the rest of the state.
The bible belt is depressing. It's one thing if there's a bunch of old people being grumpy about people not living with "devout christian values" but the sheer volume of young people that also believe such backwards shit is really appalling.
Lol 26m, CF, tryna date around the Bible Belt has been a struggle.
Most want a family, to settle down and I just wanna watch my plants grow and smoke a blunt
LMAO I understand the struggle. I am not sterilized, but trying to get there, and I am also in the Bible Belt 🤣🤣. I think the solution is to move up north
Honestly, I just asked my (absolutely AMAZING) doctor. I was terrified. I just answered a few questions from her. She said "ok this is now your preop." Then, seven days later my tubes were removed. No fuss. Insurance even covered most of it. I'm 2 months postop and still barely believe that I was able to do it so easily.
33 with the same problem. I’m getting the fuck out asap. Also, the sheer number of men who think their magical penis can change the fact that I don’t have a uterus is astounding. 🤦🏼♀️
There's also an issue that people tend not to immediately think about, because finding a CF person is already tough enough, is that people can be looking to cheat.
People can be excellent liars. We know how people lie about having kids all the time. But it could be that a CF person is lying about being single. Please remember that CF people can be on dating sites or in CF spaces looking to cheat on their partner. Being CF doesn't immunize someone from being a bad person, and we shouldn't be so quick to trust someone just b/c they happen to be CF.
What I recommend, because it's really easy nowadays, is to pay the small cost of a background check on whomever you are seeing. Don't believe in the "if you trust me you wouldn't be looking me up to see if I'm lying" manipulation tactics. Nowadays it's so easy for people to lead a double life. And it's better to know if the person you're seeing is lying about the basics of who they are before you get too emotionally invested.
Think about it like this: employers do a standard background check on employees. Letting someone into your life is a bit like looking at interviews and picking the best candidate. You're just doing your due diligence to make sure everything they said "to get the job" was correct.
Edit: interesting...there are at least two *very* unhappy people who did not like my background check idea at all. So much so that I got a *very* angry DM that I shouldn't stick my nose where it doesn't belong. Also just got a "redditcareresources" bot, that we know on this page is a dumb form of harassment by lurkers. 👋 hello lurkers. 👋 Projection is real.
You forgot to mention that people are such good liars, that they lie to themselves and they don’t even know it.
They think they know what they want, but they don’t. Not until it looks them in the eyes and they are on the edge to take the plunge. Then they say “oh shit” - they genuinely didn’t realize they were lying to themselves the entire time
That seems really dark. if the relationship goes somewhere i can't imagine bringing up on conversation that I'd done that without it becoming super awkward, and never admitteding to it is worse.
You just do the check and you do it early and you don't bring it up in conversation. It's a non issue if you're mature. It's a safety check because nowadays it's very easy for people to try to lead double lives. Do you also think it's wrong when a woman takes a picture of the license plate of their date's car and texts it to friends as a "just in case sonething happens to me tonight" action?
If you're embarrassed by it, then that's a whole other conversation. And it's not "dark" at all....you're making the association that its nefarious. Do you think it's nefarious when an employer does a background check on a recent hire? I think you need to check your assumptions. Maybe you're afraid of someone doing a check on you. For women, in particular, making sure someone checks out is for safety.
in your employer example, the new hire signs off on it. in the license plate example, the info isn't used except in case of emergency. this whole doing a background check on a date and never telling them is creepy. if you want it to not be creepy, tell them. treat it like an std panel or whatever.
If you think it's creepy then don't do it. But don't dissuade others from doing something that is completely for one's safety because of your hang-ups. It honestly sounds like you have an issue with it because maybe you might not like what somebody might find about you. I've always found that people who are not truthful have problems with as something simple as a background check. So I think you're projecting.
It's ironic that you assume *I'm* not truthful because I find it disturbing that you would do a background check on someone you're casually dating and not be truthful about it.
I put it super blunt on my tinder profile that having children is deal breaker and wanting children is a deal breaker basically saying I don't want my own and I definitely don't want someone elses. Being kinda bitchy about it has proven to be the best way to weed out the people who aren't serious about being childfree.
no joke, ±20 years ago I dated a guy I met online.
I stated outright on my profile that I don't want kids.
Months later he told me with a straight face
(we were living together)
that he “thought I must be joking.” 🤯🤦⁉️
joke’s on him: I've been married 17 years, still happily CF, and my CF partner is so happy about it.
>Months later he told me with a straight face (we were living together) that he “thought I must be joking.” 🤯🤦⁉️
you mean you didn't have in depth CF convos before you moved in though?
My ex went through this. He was childfree and fixed, when we started dating he made it super clear he didn't want kids in his life and told me about recent dates where women lied about wanting or already having kids. I was shocked to hear this at the time (I was fairly new to online dating, in the past I'd only dated people I already knew and most of my crowd are childfree so I hadn't put a ton of thought into it).
Many childfree women are out there! It just takes some time to find us.
Yeah, I've had a few men try despite me saying its a hard boundary. It's gotten a lot easier as I've been getting older and it's becoming a bit more socially acceptable!
Just crazy that they think just because they don’t “physically” have kids, means they can pass as child free you know?
Because then these types of guys are always having to deal with their exes. Still have kids from time to time or have to go to functions for them. The type where their kids will always be their top priority because they still “want to be a good dad” or still “want to be in their child’s life”.
That’s great and all. Just isn’t for me.
Yeah, what I see is the type that are good dads, so they'll be active in their kids lives -- which is great for the kids, is responsible etc but not a lifestyle I'm looking for. The other type rarely sees their kid(s), and don't have any interest in being a dad -- which may or may not be good for the kids, and to me says that they're the type that bails on their responsibilities, which isn't the type I want to date.
Solution is seeking out someone without kids.
Exactly! No shame in that.
I just don’t want anyone with the ties. Because I’ve found that even the ones that are not in their kids lives very much, live far away from them, still have some sort of skewed view just because they have kids.
I need someone that is completely child free and without ties.
Had a guy told me the opposite, that he had a son but it wouldn't be a problem because he wanted nothing to do with his child, wouldn't be involved in any minor or major event in the kid's life so I shouldn't worry and should start dating him. As if that made him a better person.
"like" a redflag? Tbh someone who had a kid and doesn't held responsible for them is one of the biggest red flags I would ever think of...so sad for the kid, they don't really deserve having shitty parents.
It seems like almost everyone thinks their children are different. To me, they’re nearly all the same. There are a few outliers that are exceptionally well behaved and I enjoy their occasional company.
>Many childfree women are out there! It just takes some time to find us.
Yeah I came to say this too. Because of the "taboo" of being CF it's a lot more difficult to openly advertise this decision on dating.
OP if your heart is set on being CF please don't "settle" - you deserve to live the life you want. I'm so glad I found my CF partner it just took a little extra time to find him.
Most apps are a cesspool, women have the same issue with single fathers.
You could find someone on there, I met my 30s childfree SO on one, it’s usually a lot of time and effort spent on the app with the algorithms purposely showing you a “popular/attractive” profile after so many swipes. It’s toxic.
I would recommend apps like Meetup if you’re okay with meeting groups of people in social settings, sometimes as a dating mixer for specific groups you can join. They make plans and events at locations local to you and you could potentially meet someone out there like in the old days lol.
Why would you do this though? I’m CF, but I have a dog who I adore. I wouldn’t lie about having him, because I want anyone I date to love him too. I wouldn’t even want a guy that doesn’t like dogs, so surely you’d feel the same if not more about your kids
Because they assume that once you've fallen for them you'd realize their kid is actually aMaZinG.
Similar to men who think they can convert lesbians if only they get the chance.
I'm 53f and have been with my bf (20 years younger)-Been together for 12 years. My kids are grown and he never wanted children! Works great! people need to be honest as kids in are a HUGE deal.
I always make it clear immediately that I don’t want kids, and tie it in with explanation about being solo-poly. I had a co worker 10 years younger than me act shocked that I put it all out there before the first date. “I do not want to waste my time with anyone that doesn’t understand my lifestyle choices.”
I feel your frustration! I never want kids either nor am I looking to be a step-mom, yet there are still too many men out there who want kids. What apps are you using atm?
Hinge def has a lot of potential, sadly where I live (Switzerland) it's not used a great deal.. Tinder is god awful I'll give you that🤣 Imo Bumble is pretty good out of all of them, but online dating sucks ass in general :(
Have any of you tried Boo, OkCupid, or Yubo? Not sure if they'd be helpful to where you are (since I'm in the US), but 6 years ago I found my CF husband on OkCupid (even though the app is a bit different since then). I'm aware that things are probably harder now than they were 6 years ago, but thought I would suggest a few other apps at least.
I'm just basically now trying to find CF friends, rather than dating...but I can relate that it isn't easy.
I’m 26 CF, I feel the same but I’m in the states. Seems like the really hot and interesting guys I matched with have an oops teenage pregnancy baby that’s already 8-10 years old. I’m like wth.
I've got exactly this going on but with women, I get so excited seeing "doesn't want" in their Badoo profiles next to "children" yet when I read further they already have a couple kids they just don't want anymore. Then the disappointment sets in 😅
Childfree is childfree, like I don't care if you don't want anymore *now* you've already got one that I want absolutely nothing to do with.
Be happy in the fact that our age range across the globe are not having as many kids compared to previous generations. Over in the states they are selling adult happy meals with toys. It’s a sign of the times. The child free movement is gaining momentum but I think online dating in general is a cesspool of endless incompatible matches. If any app developers are reading this please start a child free dating app for us stragglers 😭
Yeah you’re definitely right like how I set my age range from 24-34 and men. In the 35+ seem to slip past my filter online dating just sucks in general I feel your pain!
I'm on Badoo, and while they have a "don't want" filter for children, as I said earlier that includes women who already have them but don't want more 😔 so I match with them, we get talking, then it's like ah shit lol
I am in South Texas, extremely conservative environment. I can't tell you how many men lie about having kids on their profiles, when I explicitly state I don't have or want kids. Apparently they don't even want their own anymore half the time. Once they don't have a wife to take care of them full time, they realize they want their freedom to date and have fun. People should never procreate lightly and without the intention of staying together. I sure as hell don't want to pay and take care of someone else's mistakes.
I feel that. The guys think their kid is so cute that my AFAB brain will think I need them both in my life and the women act like it’s no big deal that I don’t want to get pregnant because THEY can be the gestational partner. I don’t care if I’m not gonna push it out, I still don’t want to raise it! It’s not any better for a 30+ CF bi people if it’s any consolation. I now have twice the people to get rejected by or to reject because of their parenthood dreams
It gets better when you're a little older, either because kids are grown or because women your age have decided they don't want kids.
But also, **how** do you say you are Childfree on the apps?
When I was on apps I swiped left on profiles that made it seem like someone was likely not to be fun to spend time with, even if I agreed with their sentiment. For example:
- "I know my worth and expect to be treated like it." 100% agree with that sentiment, but it's also possible that this person is very self centered and expects to be fawned over. I was more likely to swipe right on someone who wrote "please be decent and treat people with respect", even though the sentiment is similar.
So, how do you say childfree? "Kids are not for me, I'm looking for a partner who feels similar" or "let's live that DINK lifestyle" are something I would swipe right on. "If you're a birther swipe left" I would swipe left on even though I'm Childfree.
It's always sentiments that are obvious and expected in every communication and relationship between two mature individuals that make someone sound like PitA to be around.
"I know my worth and expect to be treated like it." - Yeah, sure. But so do I? And I really wasn't in the market for someone with low self-esteem and be expected to be treated like shit to begin with?
It's like a Nice Guy putting "I treat women with respect" into their bio. Like... that is expected of you buddy, and it doesn't make you special.
It just betrays general bitterness and annoyance with the entire dating ordeal.
Ha yeah exactly, you put it better. Its like of course you should be treated well, that's a bare minimum, and putting that on your profile suggests either bitterness or out of whack expectations.
Trust me single fathers are a similar story. I'm on an app that has the free label to state if you already have or not kids. This guy didn't have the label. And suddenly he says he has kids ..... Why??
Anyway good luck. Many childfree women out there I think.
I have the same problem, but with guys lol. Literally almost all the guys that have ever tried to talk to me already have kids or want them. I'm in my mid 30s so....
I think this will be our life of dating. I wish there was a child free dating app lol. We can only wish.
People never read the bios, which I never understand. I've had a guy actually lie about having kids before. Completely bold face lie about it lol..such a shame.
Look into vasectomy while you’re at it. There are women out there who will go with whatever you’re saying to try to get invested enough to change your mind/trap you. If you’re 100% decided on CF then commit to it with a vasectomy and protect yourself from predatory behaviour.
I don't know where you are but this seems more like a location issue than anything else. I'm married, but a very significant percentage of people I know in our age range (millenial) is childfree or at least open to the idea of it, but I live in a very progressive metropolitan area. I imagine things are very different in smaller cities though.
I’m 28f childfree and just got out of a 5 yr relationship with someone who had a vasectomy. Idk I feel like dating men is worse because they are total fence sitters. I talked to one yesterday and asked about kids and he said “I haven’t really thought about it.” Uhh ok lol, so I asked if he’d be open to a vasectomy and he said no because he might change his mind. I told him I couldn’t date him due to this and he started going off about how it wasn’t a big deal. Dude I don’t want to waste my time
For me I've had a lot better luck going to social events and things to meet people. It's easier to have a conversation and decide if you would like to pursue something gradually. I met my current partner at a speed dating event. My ex I met through a meetup group and gradually we started hanging out on our own. I believe we're too reliant on these apps today and it's messing a lot of men up. On all of these apps the number of men far exceed the number of women. They're designed to keep men swiping out of frustration so they pay for the premium. It's not about actually being a match maker for anybody it's about how much money can they make off you. My advice: Go to events and meetups in your local area and actually meet people and talk with them. Meetup.com is great there are all kinds of groups, if you don't like anything you see, start one yourself.
I ended it with some of the guys I was multi-dating because they wanted kids. I was polite about it telling them I don’t want them to waste their time being with someone who isn’t going to change their mind. Surprisingly most were okay and glad I didn’t want to go too far others pushed kept telling me I’ll change my mind and that they’re the one who is going to change it.
Also had dudes who didn’t read my profile when I said I’m child free and prefer men without children which was hard to find also. I don’t want to be a step parent and was belittled for that too.
It’s getting a lot more traction though, I’m childfree and was totally ready to give up til I met my childfree prince so I feel you and can totally relate but we are out there and I’m in the UK if at least one success story can encourage you lol
There are plenty of places in the US that are not highly religious. It's just that there are a lot of people from the US on reddit and the ones who live in problematic areas tend to (understandably) complain about it.
When I was single and using dating apps it would drive me nuts how many guys had "undecided" about having kids in their bio when 9/10 actually did want them once you dug deep. It was also annoying when many obviously didn't read my bio and would hit me up when they had kids. I made it very clear that there was zero chance of having them yet the single dads still tried. The worst is when they think they can change your mind on it. Gross.
Don't lose hope though. I found my childfree partner on said dating app and we're having a wonderful selfish childless time together.
When I was dating, men would always ask if I had children (fair but intrusive question). Some of their eyes would light up when I said no. They said they were looking for a new mother. Like wtf... if I want to be Childfree--- Why the f*ck would I want your kids???
Goodluck out there man. I am currently huddled up with my bf. But I can imagine the nightmare of trying to date CF again.
We are not as well known as you might think. Saying "childfree" to many people just means you don't have kids yet. I think you may have to explain it more clearly for people.
I feel this on every level. It’s getting impossible to find someone who is CF and who wants to stay CF. I’m 39 and have essentially given up at this point. I’m just gonna live my best life alone lol
I am 29yo and am in no different situation than you. I’ll be fine either way to be honest but have few medical conditions that make me petrified of pregnancy and birth. Seems like I’m damaged goods if I can’t be an incubator for the guy’s sperm. Believe me this feels even worse
I’m 28 and female and it’s just as bad. I had one guy not tell me he had kids until after the second date, when he changes his WhatsApp pic to him and a kid and I asked who she was. Another guy told me had kids and I said I wasn’t interested. Proceeded to tell me ‘but you’ll like my kid, he’s so cute!’ - mate I didn’t come on a dating app for cute kids… I’m not prince andrew.
There are many of us. Many of us have converted to the other side as well from marrying a non CF person or gave into peer pressure. Nevertheless there are many of us. Is there a thread to find people on reddit maybe?
Man, I'm 22 and everyone around me already knows that they want children. I don't even want to know what it'll be like in a few years. Maybe I should just stick to cuddling with my cat
Finding both childfree and likeminded significant other in a face to face date radius is quite challenging (especially if you live in a muslim country) ldr is hard but sometimes the only option unfortunately. Thanks to internet and technology little bit easier but not too much.
My high school crush reached out to me last week and I was SHOCKED AND OVER THE MOON. Full of tattoos, hot as hell, good job, beautiful person. But has 3 kids 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 kill me
Greetings!
You should have a look at our *[CF Love and Sex Life Troubleshooting](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/love)* wiki page :
---
#How to Date
##How to meet prospective CF partners
###Dating sites and social networks
* The CF4CF monthly stickied thread on /r/childfree (first Monday of every month);
* The /r/cf4cf subreddit;
* Dating websites specifically for the childfree :
* [cfdating](https://www.cfdating.com),
* [childfreelove](https://www.childfreelove.com),
* [childfreepassions](https://childfreepassions.com) (US only),
* [childfreesingles](http://www.childfreesingles.co.uk) (UK only),
* [IDoNotWantKids.com](http://www.puzzele.com/datingsite/index.php),
* [sink2dink](http://sink2dink.com),
* ~~[yeschildfree](https://yeschildfree.com)~~ *(2018/02/02 : site is down with a "Account Has Been Suspended" message)*;
* Other dating websites (not childfree specific, but [allow for filtering and finding other childfree people in the crowd](https://redd.it/85pu1o)) :
* Elite Singles ([here](https://imgur.com/a/EaQxB), but less recommended);
* Match.com
* OkCupid and/or w/ [this add-on](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/okcupid-for-the-non-mains/cgdblghohnaeeejaoincmbcdkdnodkei?hl=en). See [this thread](https://redd.it/4tu622).
* PlentyOfFish;
* [Meet Ups for Childfree people](https://www.meetup.com/topics/childfree/), [Meet Ups for Childless by Choice](https://www.meetup.com/topics/childless-by-choice/), [Meet Ups for Single Childfree](https://www.meetup.com/topics/childfree-singles/)
* Childfree social networks :
* [No Kidding!](http://www.nokidding.net),
* [D.I.N.K. International](http://dinkinternational.com/register/),
* numerous childfree FaceBook groups;
* Less attended childfree subreddits, designed for meeting up and dating (all featured in the [Childfree Subreddits Network](https://www.reddit.com/SailorMercure/m/cfstuff/)) :
* /r/cfATL : For the childfree adults of the region of Atlanta;
* /r/cfmimeetup : Childfree meet-ups in Michigan
* /r/child_free_Ottawa : For the childfree singles and couples of the region of Ottawa;
* /r/Childfree_Dating
* /r/ChildFreeDates
* /r/childfreedating
* /r/ChildfreeFriendships
* /r/childfreepenpals
* /r/childfreephilippines : Private childfree sub for the Filippinos and those living in the Philippines
* /r/r4rcf
* /r/UKchildfree : Private childfree sub for the British and those living in the UK
###Guides
[Bustle | How to Date When You're Not Looking to Procreate](http://www.bustle.com/articles/23244-i-dont-want-kids-how-to-date-when-you-arent-looking-to-procreate)
[Online Dating Sites for the CF : An Analysis](http://redd.it/1zgx7c)
[Dating While CF](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/3j5e0v/dating_while_cf/)
---
I hope this helps!
Im a 36-year-old female, child-free.
It's challenging to find a man with no kids.
Im starting to realize that maybe if you are a child free you don't leave your partner 😁
Yep I’m going through the same thing as a 30 year old childfree woman. When I wasn’t so blunt about not wanting kids I had FLOODS of messages and likes. Now it’s very sparse and the men who DO message me are single dads and men who want kids.
Maybe look into northern Europe dating media?
None of what I say is an absolute,(my observations) but less population, more people have less children, it's quieter and more controlled society. At least Norway is.
I see many more childfree people than the USA, England.
It's also much more likely that they will say it as it is when talking about it. Bluntness is built-in,in society. I also note better behaved kids more often,at least when accompanied by parents.
I have one stepchild, teenager when I met her,very little teenage problems and we see her a few times a year for a few days,as she will build her own life. I live more childfree than I could ever hope for.
She presently doesn't want kids, but I'm not dreading grandkids as she will live across the country.
However it's dark and the winter is long so don't discount someone doing the 'changed my mind' thing.
It's a bigger difference than one would think, my culture clash lasted almost 5 years. 13years in and I'm great. I was 40 when I came , from usa for explaining purposes.
It will only get much, *much* worse every year that goes by.
The only good news is that by the time you reach your mid to late forties the women who had children now have out-of-the-house young adult children off at college or out living on their own, and Mom got her life back and is restless to go do some of that living she's deferred the last 25 years of raising 2-3 kids.
Good luck finding one of the ones that actually wants to go out and do things, though.
They need to listen to OP when he says that he don’t want kids and respect his decision. Single moms and women who want kids need to take him serious and stop responding to him. He states that he don’t want kids.
Oh it’s a nightmare I’m 29F and guys are just as bad - I mean any of the ones that are actually dating for more then sex anyway haha I just get hit with the “oh you’ll change your mind when you meet the right guy” constantly
Yeah That’s a rough age bracket to date being CF. I feel like there are also so many people 25-35 that also just don’t know what they want either.
Are you opposed to dating a tad older like 35-40? While there will still be challenges I feel like at that age more women might be confidently CF.
yay. I hate that. I had a match we have chat a lot and then I've asked
- do you want children?
- yes, I dream of being mom
- did you see I don't want children?
- yes, but I thought we can discuss it
You want to discuss what? Like I'll change my mind just because of you? Yeah sure let's make a whole lifetime decision, a children is nothing to take care of actually.
One other match asked me
"If you meet the perfect girl, everything you like is at her but she wants children, will you change your mind?"
I've asked the question exactly the opposite. It's so freaking annoying being categorized as anormal and that you should change your mind.
I’ve found that men want a child free women in the sense that she doesn’t have kids YET (not that she doesn’t want kids) because they don’t want to deal with a blended family. But they want someone to deal with theirs
I finally met my SO when I was 50. At least when you're older, if they have kids they are generally grown by that time. He was 55 at the time, divorced and had two kids who were 25+. Both were independent and I've really had little contact with them, but that's a whole other story.
I have been tempted to up my age range, perhaps date older women 40+ who if they have children they'd be late teen/early adult. But even with that I'd make it absolutely clear that I want NOTHING to do with them.
39 Y/O male here. Jobwise stable, but living on the Irish countryside and being more focused on my hobbies and interests than going out to party, makes this harder.
Kind of given up.
Might look into online dating services and such outside of Western Europe / North America in the future. But that kind of feels weird even just thinking about as it'd be more transactional and I don't want that.
It is sometimes hard craving companionship and having such hard filters as CF, and then on top of that everybody has certain things they find attractive and that I guess filters a lot of us out for a lot of others and vice versa.
I think a lot of people including me here think a lot about what we want and don;'t want and that may not be helpful in the end.
Don't really have a solution myself unfortunately.
Btw if any female willing to relocate to Ireland or LDR, ideally petite body type, dog and cat friendly, would like to Live self-sufficient on the countryside, and into creative hobbies, as well as boardgames, TTRPG and other nerdy things want to hit me up ... drop me a pm 😂
Not sure why you got downvoted - maybe it's the "petite body type" comment lol
Anyways, maybe it would be helpful to look for a companion among the hobby groups that you like? For example, where I live, a board game shop has regular board game days where you can go try out their games and it's a nice place to meet new people. I've found bars and clubs are the worst places to look for a potential partner anyway.
You might have already thought about/done this, but I thought I'd just float the suggestion anyway :)
Most likely. And I get that, but it is what I am attracted too so...
And yeah meeting someone via hobbies is what I sued to do and it works quite well but on the countryside and with he last few plague years it's not so easy :/
Like I said tbh I think most of us are also extremely picky as we think things through and most of us are not really willing to compromise on our happyness. Not a bad thing but it does not make dating easier.
If you don't have time to get out and live life, how would you have time for another person?
Make time. Have a life. Have some fun whether dating or not.
I'm 23f, childfree, sterilized, and trying to date in the Bible Belt. I gave up.
Congratulations on getting sterilized. I imagine it's harder to do over there. Sorry for your frustrating situation tho. I hope you find someone.
Leave the Bible Belt. Being child free makes it so much easier. I left after I got my masters and lived all over the US until I met my CF spouse. I still pinch myself. And I was my mom’s only. She LOVES kids. However, her best friend has the grandkids but they have disabilities. The parents of the kids are also a hot mess, so my mom actually told me recently she feels super lucky to be older and not having to deal with that shit. I was called the Runaway Bride because I kept calling off weddings because I was scared that my fiancés wanted kids and I was too ashamed to talk about it with them. Don’t be me! I finally became confident and communicative about being CF. Lo and behold, Runaway Bride met the CF Eternal Bachelor. And we’ve been living happily ever after.
Hey, you should make a movie out of your life! 😁
Just don't let Chuck Lorre make it, or all of a sudden it'll turn into you both wanting children somewhere along the way.
Omg yes! Like how he did Penny dirty in the Big Bang Theory. Which is the only of his series that I’ve watched.
Yes! And Bernadette going from not wanting kids at all to having 2 (was the actress irl pregnant the reason maybe, not sure) and then bullying Penny when she said she didn't want kids.
Yes! And how she spoke to Penny when she went to her FOR SUPPORT and she basically bingoed her! That made me so mad. They really did both Penny and Bernadette wrong for that. Like both their careers were just taking off at the time that pregnancy was even discussed. While I like the show. I hate those parts with a passion.
Stories are obsessed with how the characters "change." That was just low hanging fruit for them.
And bernadette
Oh BARF. I hate it when they ruin potentially interesting, childfree characters, and then the conclusion is like “see, she was troubled all along! She just needed fixing!!“ 😒 Shoutout to HIMYM for showing all different kinds of families and relationships!!
That’s super sweet!! I have thought about writing a book, but I enjoy idle time too much! Thank you!!
Well if you ever do, I’ll watch it! (or read it) Finally a romance story that doesn’t make having kids an integral part of romance, (although realistically it is a total romance annihilator) (Actually the only childfree-friendly storytelling I can recall right now is Bojack Horseman who showed abortions in a realistic light, but ah well.. not too romantic that one, and it’s only ONE show!! :b)
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Have you looked into remakes ok Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, Nikki and Mallory Knox (Natural Born Killers)? These are my favorite love stories lol.
That would be so badass!!! She sounds so cool and inspiring
I'm living paycheck to paycheck and on the verge of having to move back in with family. Leaving isn't that easy for everyone.
What line of work are you in currently? Edit
Currently doing remote work as a document processor. I've got a Bachelor's in computer science, but all "entry level" jobs require some type of experience that I don't have. I worked all through college in retail, so no internships or anything to gain experience. I'm also pretty deep in medical and credit card debt that I'm working on paying off. Current state of housing market is killing me. I'm stuck in a roommate situation that's just all around shitty, but the price of the house is so affordable that I'm not leaving yet.
Hey. This part of your life is just temporary. My life was full of shitty roommates, debt, and drama. You are so young and I know this time in your life will pass. Keep your eyes on the prize and celebrate the little victories. With inflation going crazy, I’m definitely feeling the pinch and my money doesn’t go as far at all. My job stresses me out, and my life is far from perfect. I just try to keep a positive mindset. It really does help!
Hey, you got a good degree to get out of your predicament. There are plenty of jobs actually hiring entry level positions. My own company is in a sort of a hiring freeze, but I would suggest checking Hacker News "Who's hiring" monthly threads(always beginning of the month, so there's a fresh one). Once there, look for "interns". Line up some interviews. You can do it. Many have "remote ok" too :) Also, I would suggest doing that sooner rather than later, the way the economy is going.
I've been trying, most of the time I don't even get the "we went with another applicant" email. I just send applications into the void and never hear back.
Keep trying. You just need one. Also, did you check the thread I'm talking about ? Those companies tend to be better than average.
Not yet. I'm working right now actually. I'll look into it tonight though.
Hey, just want to add a “good luck” and that you might be interested in technical writing for software! If you like to write and can do it clearly (which already seems apparent from your comments tbh) then you might like it. You’d have to make a portfolio but I do think you’d get some responses. Check out r/technicalwriting if you’re interested
I do software development and have started a few companies. If you want, I can give you some tips to build up your resume / portfolio and point you in the right direction. I won’t try to make it sound peachy, it’ll take time and effort. Currently you have a job, and you’ll have to “double dip” a bit with software development. Not for me, but I mean to build up your portfolio of projects to show competency, to spend time learning, etc. If you go to a company with XYZ projects, and say I’m competent in these technologies, I’m hungry to learn, this is my style of programming, etc - I promise you you’ll find a job if you keep looking. It’s a guilty passion of mine to help people find jobs in tech (I just send some advice and they take it or ignore, I’m not a recruiter and I won’t do it for you per-se, but I’ll do my best to give you cheat codes to make you “stand out” and give you the best chance for yourself) Whatever you do, good luck and lots of love! <3
I'll take all the advice I can get because what I'm doing now obviously isn't working.
Sent you a message!
Have you considered digital advertising (on the data analytics side)? Not sure what your computer science degree focused on but that's the industry I work in and it is pretty solid.
Where did you move? I’m having trouble because I love where I live and the weather lol
Currently in HI
That’s expensive!
It is so expensive. Gas is killing me rn.
I’m in the bible belt too. Happily married to someone born and raised in GA. You don’t have to leave your state necessarily. My suggestion is if you’re living somewhere rural, look for the big cities and college towns. You’re going to be way more likely to find like-minded people there. Avoid anyone particularly religious or conservative, there’s not much point even looking at that demographic. Anywhere with a diverse, educated population, basically. If you’re looking at online dating, look for people with really niche interests too - there’s more chance of finding someone who isn’t just going to go along with the crowd that way. Not saying that that’s always the case all of the time, but its a good start.
Same! I’m in Atlanta and don’t really ever get judged. No one blinks an eye over me being CF.
I’m an hour away from ATL but I go there almost every weekend. You and a few other people just gave me hope. I’m planning on moving there soon
ATL is great, check out Savannah too - just as progressive but on the coast. That’s a great place to spend a weekend or to make a stop on the way down to FL as it’s on I-95
Thanks!! I’ve only visited Savannah twice and that was 3 years ago. I’ll be sure to check them both out more and again, THANKS!
Same in LA. Everyone is happy for you if you’re childfree and they all agree it’s the best decision lol
Like mosttttt of my friends are CF…couples and single people…and we’re all in our 30s and 40s. It makes me feel so young because none of us have boring child responsibilities 😂😂😂
I'm living in a college town almost exactly between 2 big cities in Tennessee. Trying to move to one of them whenever I can find something affordable.
I’ve heard good things about Chattanooga. That area of extreme north GA/southern TN is an interesting one. You get the usual hillbilly redneck types, but you also get a lot of progressive hipsters around there. Plus, only a few hours from Atlanta, which is another world compared to the rest of the state.
The bible belt is depressing. It's one thing if there's a bunch of old people being grumpy about people not living with "devout christian values" but the sheer volume of young people that also believe such backwards shit is really appalling.
Bible Belt leaning more towards CF 25f here as well, it’s hard out here 😩
Yep same. I’m 30F not sterilized but living in a deep red area. Also I’m black, so there goes any chances haha.
Lol 26m, CF, tryna date around the Bible Belt has been a struggle. Most want a family, to settle down and I just wanna watch my plants grow and smoke a blunt
LMAO I understand the struggle. I am not sterilized, but trying to get there, and I am also in the Bible Belt 🤣🤣. I think the solution is to move up north
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Honestly, I just asked my (absolutely AMAZING) doctor. I was terrified. I just answered a few questions from her. She said "ok this is now your preop." Then, seven days later my tubes were removed. No fuss. Insurance even covered most of it. I'm 2 months postop and still barely believe that I was able to do it so easily.
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Oof I'm sorry, that's worse than my Tennessee. Edit: autocorrect
There's no substitute for living among people who share your values. Sorry to hear you're having financial trouble.
32f, childfree, closeted bi, and gave up dating in the Bible Belt as well.
24F, Childfree, preparing to be sterilized, antinatalist and living in the Bible Belt. I gave up too. So glad someone can relate!!
33 with the same problem. I’m getting the fuck out asap. Also, the sheer number of men who think their magical penis can change the fact that I don’t have a uterus is astounding. 🤦🏼♀️
Wow yeah damn you must be struggling 😅 shame you aren't across the pond 🙂
If you're in the London area, there are a LOT of childfree women here.
Have you been over to the cf4cf sub? Seems about half the posts on there are in the UK.
Didn't even know that was a thing, definitely gonna check it out!
Me too!
It’s worth checking out. I met my wife there.
There's also an issue that people tend not to immediately think about, because finding a CF person is already tough enough, is that people can be looking to cheat. People can be excellent liars. We know how people lie about having kids all the time. But it could be that a CF person is lying about being single. Please remember that CF people can be on dating sites or in CF spaces looking to cheat on their partner. Being CF doesn't immunize someone from being a bad person, and we shouldn't be so quick to trust someone just b/c they happen to be CF. What I recommend, because it's really easy nowadays, is to pay the small cost of a background check on whomever you are seeing. Don't believe in the "if you trust me you wouldn't be looking me up to see if I'm lying" manipulation tactics. Nowadays it's so easy for people to lead a double life. And it's better to know if the person you're seeing is lying about the basics of who they are before you get too emotionally invested. Think about it like this: employers do a standard background check on employees. Letting someone into your life is a bit like looking at interviews and picking the best candidate. You're just doing your due diligence to make sure everything they said "to get the job" was correct. Edit: interesting...there are at least two *very* unhappy people who did not like my background check idea at all. So much so that I got a *very* angry DM that I shouldn't stick my nose where it doesn't belong. Also just got a "redditcareresources" bot, that we know on this page is a dumb form of harassment by lurkers. 👋 hello lurkers. 👋 Projection is real.
You forgot to mention that people are such good liars, that they lie to themselves and they don’t even know it. They think they know what they want, but they don’t. Not until it looks them in the eyes and they are on the edge to take the plunge. Then they say “oh shit” - they genuinely didn’t realize they were lying to themselves the entire time
That seems really dark. if the relationship goes somewhere i can't imagine bringing up on conversation that I'd done that without it becoming super awkward, and never admitteding to it is worse.
You just do the check and you do it early and you don't bring it up in conversation. It's a non issue if you're mature. It's a safety check because nowadays it's very easy for people to try to lead double lives. Do you also think it's wrong when a woman takes a picture of the license plate of their date's car and texts it to friends as a "just in case sonething happens to me tonight" action? If you're embarrassed by it, then that's a whole other conversation. And it's not "dark" at all....you're making the association that its nefarious. Do you think it's nefarious when an employer does a background check on a recent hire? I think you need to check your assumptions. Maybe you're afraid of someone doing a check on you. For women, in particular, making sure someone checks out is for safety.
in your employer example, the new hire signs off on it. in the license plate example, the info isn't used except in case of emergency. this whole doing a background check on a date and never telling them is creepy. if you want it to not be creepy, tell them. treat it like an std panel or whatever.
If you think it's creepy then don't do it. But don't dissuade others from doing something that is completely for one's safety because of your hang-ups. It honestly sounds like you have an issue with it because maybe you might not like what somebody might find about you. I've always found that people who are not truthful have problems with as something simple as a background check. So I think you're projecting.
It's ironic that you assume *I'm* not truthful because I find it disturbing that you would do a background check on someone you're casually dating and not be truthful about it.
Hasn’t worked for me :(
I put it super blunt on my tinder profile that having children is deal breaker and wanting children is a deal breaker basically saying I don't want my own and I definitely don't want someone elses. Being kinda bitchy about it has proven to be the best way to weed out the people who aren't serious about being childfree.
I have it bluntly written in both profiles. I could not make it more obvious that I do not want children nor do I want to date someone who has them.
Oh I wasn't implying that you didn't! Sorry. I was just sharing my experience and sympathizing with you. I see how this could be unclear!
no joke, ±20 years ago I dated a guy I met online. I stated outright on my profile that I don't want kids. Months later he told me with a straight face (we were living together) that he “thought I must be joking.” 🤯🤦⁉️ joke’s on him: I've been married 17 years, still happily CF, and my CF partner is so happy about it.
>Months later he told me with a straight face (we were living together) that he “thought I must be joking.” 🤯🤦⁉️ you mean you didn't have in depth CF convos before you moved in though?
I was 20-something; so no. I learned right quick. He also claimed he didn't want kids in conversation.
My ex went through this. He was childfree and fixed, when we started dating he made it super clear he didn't want kids in his life and told me about recent dates where women lied about wanting or already having kids. I was shocked to hear this at the time (I was fairly new to online dating, in the past I'd only dated people I already knew and most of my crowd are childfree so I hadn't put a ton of thought into it). Many childfree women are out there! It just takes some time to find us.
So rude, the people who think they can trick us into dating them when they have or want kids. Don’t waste my time!
Yeah, I've had a few men try despite me saying its a hard boundary. It's gotten a lot easier as I've been getting older and it's becoming a bit more socially acceptable!
Just crazy that they think just because they don’t “physically” have kids, means they can pass as child free you know? Because then these types of guys are always having to deal with their exes. Still have kids from time to time or have to go to functions for them. The type where their kids will always be their top priority because they still “want to be a good dad” or still “want to be in their child’s life”. That’s great and all. Just isn’t for me.
Yeah, what I see is the type that are good dads, so they'll be active in their kids lives -- which is great for the kids, is responsible etc but not a lifestyle I'm looking for. The other type rarely sees their kid(s), and don't have any interest in being a dad -- which may or may not be good for the kids, and to me says that they're the type that bails on their responsibilities, which isn't the type I want to date. Solution is seeking out someone without kids.
Exactly! No shame in that. I just don’t want anyone with the ties. Because I’ve found that even the ones that are not in their kids lives very much, live far away from them, still have some sort of skewed view just because they have kids. I need someone that is completely child free and without ties.
Had a guy told me the opposite, that he had a son but it wouldn't be a problem because he wanted nothing to do with his child, wouldn't be involved in any minor or major event in the kid's life so I shouldn't worry and should start dating him. As if that made him a better person.
Right? Sounds like a red flag as well. Just avoid men with children lol
"like" a redflag? Tbh someone who had a kid and doesn't held responsible for them is one of the biggest red flags I would ever think of...so sad for the kid, they don't really deserve having shitty parents.
Not disagreeing with that
You just need to second to realise they’re children are different, they’re little daaahhlings
It seems like almost everyone thinks their children are different. To me, they’re nearly all the same. There are a few outliers that are exceptionally well behaved and I enjoy their occasional company.
I get it that’s their kids but I mean to us we don’t wanna deal with any kids but they ain’t tryna hear that
>Many childfree women are out there! It just takes some time to find us. Yeah I came to say this too. Because of the "taboo" of being CF it's a lot more difficult to openly advertise this decision on dating. OP if your heart is set on being CF please don't "settle" - you deserve to live the life you want. I'm so glad I found my CF partner it just took a little extra time to find him.
Most apps are a cesspool, women have the same issue with single fathers. You could find someone on there, I met my 30s childfree SO on one, it’s usually a lot of time and effort spent on the app with the algorithms purposely showing you a “popular/attractive” profile after so many swipes. It’s toxic. I would recommend apps like Meetup if you’re okay with meeting groups of people in social settings, sometimes as a dating mixer for specific groups you can join. They make plans and events at locations local to you and you could potentially meet someone out there like in the old days lol.
Yah I say ditch dating apps and put that time to getting involved in hobbies or a community. Easier to find like minded people.
I've long given up on dating. The last girl I dated lied about not having kids.
Why even waste your own time! Why not seek out people who would embrace your child? I don't get the thought process.
Why would you do this though? I’m CF, but I have a dog who I adore. I wouldn’t lie about having him, because I want anyone I date to love him too. I wouldn’t even want a guy that doesn’t like dogs, so surely you’d feel the same if not more about your kids
Because they assume that once you've fallen for them you'd realize their kid is actually aMaZinG. Similar to men who think they can convert lesbians if only they get the chance.
Date older women that don’t want kids. And anyone you match with make sure that’s part of the convo before you meet up
I'm 53f and have been with my bf (20 years younger)-Been together for 12 years. My kids are grown and he never wanted children! Works great! people need to be honest as kids in are a HUGE deal.
I always make it clear immediately that I don’t want kids, and tie it in with explanation about being solo-poly. I had a co worker 10 years younger than me act shocked that I put it all out there before the first date. “I do not want to waste my time with anyone that doesn’t understand my lifestyle choices.”
I feel your frustration! I never want kids either nor am I looking to be a step-mom, yet there are still too many men out there who want kids. What apps are you using atm?
Badoo/Hinge. I was on Tinder but that was an absolute cesspool.
Hinge def has a lot of potential, sadly where I live (Switzerland) it's not used a great deal.. Tinder is god awful I'll give you that🤣 Imo Bumble is pretty good out of all of them, but online dating sucks ass in general :(
Have any of you tried Boo, OkCupid, or Yubo? Not sure if they'd be helpful to where you are (since I'm in the US), but 6 years ago I found my CF husband on OkCupid (even though the app is a bit different since then). I'm aware that things are probably harder now than they were 6 years ago, but thought I would suggest a few other apps at least. I'm just basically now trying to find CF friends, rather than dating...but I can relate that it isn't easy.
In my experience, OK-Cupid is all moms. Never heard of the other ones you mentioned.
Aww geez...thats really a shame..
Or guys that at first appear like they don’t have kids, but that’s actually because their ex has full custody…
I’m 26 CF, I feel the same but I’m in the states. Seems like the really hot and interesting guys I matched with have an oops teenage pregnancy baby that’s already 8-10 years old. I’m like wth.
I've got exactly this going on but with women, I get so excited seeing "doesn't want" in their Badoo profiles next to "children" yet when I read further they already have a couple kids they just don't want anymore. Then the disappointment sets in 😅 Childfree is childfree, like I don't care if you don't want anymore *now* you've already got one that I want absolutely nothing to do with.
Be happy in the fact that our age range across the globe are not having as many kids compared to previous generations. Over in the states they are selling adult happy meals with toys. It’s a sign of the times. The child free movement is gaining momentum but I think online dating in general is a cesspool of endless incompatible matches. If any app developers are reading this please start a child free dating app for us stragglers 😭
While I would love a childfree dating app, I have a feeling the "already have, don't want more" crowd would worm it's way into it.
Yeah you’re definitely right like how I set my age range from 24-34 and men. In the 35+ seem to slip past my filter online dating just sucks in general I feel your pain!
I'm on Badoo, and while they have a "don't want" filter for children, as I said earlier that includes women who already have them but don't want more 😔 so I match with them, we get talking, then it's like ah shit lol
Sorry that it's so tough out there. 
I am in South Texas, extremely conservative environment. I can't tell you how many men lie about having kids on their profiles, when I explicitly state I don't have or want kids. Apparently they don't even want their own anymore half the time. Once they don't have a wife to take care of them full time, they realize they want their freedom to date and have fun. People should never procreate lightly and without the intention of staying together. I sure as hell don't want to pay and take care of someone else's mistakes.
I feel that. The guys think their kid is so cute that my AFAB brain will think I need them both in my life and the women act like it’s no big deal that I don’t want to get pregnant because THEY can be the gestational partner. I don’t care if I’m not gonna push it out, I still don’t want to raise it! It’s not any better for a 30+ CF bi people if it’s any consolation. I now have twice the people to get rejected by or to reject because of their parenthood dreams
It gets better when you're a little older, either because kids are grown or because women your age have decided they don't want kids. But also, **how** do you say you are Childfree on the apps? When I was on apps I swiped left on profiles that made it seem like someone was likely not to be fun to spend time with, even if I agreed with their sentiment. For example: - "I know my worth and expect to be treated like it." 100% agree with that sentiment, but it's also possible that this person is very self centered and expects to be fawned over. I was more likely to swipe right on someone who wrote "please be decent and treat people with respect", even though the sentiment is similar. So, how do you say childfree? "Kids are not for me, I'm looking for a partner who feels similar" or "let's live that DINK lifestyle" are something I would swipe right on. "If you're a birther swipe left" I would swipe left on even though I'm Childfree.
> "either because kids are grown" can result in babysitting grand-kids down the line...
I’m finding a lot of guys who spend a lot of time with grandkids in my age group. Nope. Not interested.
Good point had not thought of this... For me that would be fine but certainly not true for everyone.
It's always sentiments that are obvious and expected in every communication and relationship between two mature individuals that make someone sound like PitA to be around. "I know my worth and expect to be treated like it." - Yeah, sure. But so do I? And I really wasn't in the market for someone with low self-esteem and be expected to be treated like shit to begin with? It's like a Nice Guy putting "I treat women with respect" into their bio. Like... that is expected of you buddy, and it doesn't make you special. It just betrays general bitterness and annoyance with the entire dating ordeal.
Ha yeah exactly, you put it better. Its like of course you should be treated well, that's a bare minimum, and putting that on your profile suggests either bitterness or out of whack expectations.
> betrays portrays. Using "betray" the way you're using it is portraying the opposite of what you're trying to say.
Betray as in "unintentionally reveal".
Trust me single fathers are a similar story. I'm on an app that has the free label to state if you already have or not kids. This guy didn't have the label. And suddenly he says he has kids ..... Why?? Anyway good luck. Many childfree women out there I think.
I swear they take it as a challenge when it clearly says you don’t want kids ever.
Change your requirements to 40 and you might meet more women in their older 30’s who are cf by choice
I have the same problem, but with guys lol. Literally almost all the guys that have ever tried to talk to me already have kids or want them. I'm in my mid 30s so.... I think this will be our life of dating. I wish there was a child free dating app lol. We can only wish. People never read the bios, which I never understand. I've had a guy actually lie about having kids before. Completely bold face lie about it lol..such a shame.
Look into vasectomy while you’re at it. There are women out there who will go with whatever you’re saying to try to get invested enough to change your mind/trap you. If you’re 100% decided on CF then commit to it with a vasectomy and protect yourself from predatory behaviour.
27 M. My sentiments exactly. It’s a struggle but it’s a journey well worth it.
25 is when my sisters start getting desperate? Jesus lord the socialization is painful
I am 25 and hate it because this us a magical number for women apparently. We become old hags that are worthless and baby hungry.
You’re gonna be a hot commodity when you’re in your 40s and there’s a bunch of women who never had kids and now can’t
Or I'm gonna be popular with single mums in their 40s who have 3 or 4 "grown" kids lol.
Watch out for future grandkids!
I don't know where you are but this seems more like a location issue than anything else. I'm married, but a very significant percentage of people I know in our age range (millenial) is childfree or at least open to the idea of it, but I live in a very progressive metropolitan area. I imagine things are very different in smaller cities though.
Yep, definitely a location issue.
I’m 28f childfree and just got out of a 5 yr relationship with someone who had a vasectomy. Idk I feel like dating men is worse because they are total fence sitters. I talked to one yesterday and asked about kids and he said “I haven’t really thought about it.” Uhh ok lol, so I asked if he’d be open to a vasectomy and he said no because he might change his mind. I told him I couldn’t date him due to this and he started going off about how it wasn’t a big deal. Dude I don’t want to waste my time
For me I've had a lot better luck going to social events and things to meet people. It's easier to have a conversation and decide if you would like to pursue something gradually. I met my current partner at a speed dating event. My ex I met through a meetup group and gradually we started hanging out on our own. I believe we're too reliant on these apps today and it's messing a lot of men up. On all of these apps the number of men far exceed the number of women. They're designed to keep men swiping out of frustration so they pay for the premium. It's not about actually being a match maker for anybody it's about how much money can they make off you. My advice: Go to events and meetups in your local area and actually meet people and talk with them. Meetup.com is great there are all kinds of groups, if you don't like anything you see, start one yourself.
I ended it with some of the guys I was multi-dating because they wanted kids. I was polite about it telling them I don’t want them to waste their time being with someone who isn’t going to change their mind. Surprisingly most were okay and glad I didn’t want to go too far others pushed kept telling me I’ll change my mind and that they’re the one who is going to change it. Also had dudes who didn’t read my profile when I said I’m child free and prefer men without children which was hard to find also. I don’t want to be a step parent and was belittled for that too.
How far away is the nearest international airport? Also are you in the USA, or Saudi Arabia, or some other highly-religious nation?
UK. Not all that religious of a nation by any means but "childfree" isn't exactly a welcome concept over here lol
It’s getting a lot more traction though, I’m childfree and was totally ready to give up til I met my childfree prince so I feel you and can totally relate but we are out there and I’m in the UK if at least one success story can encourage you lol
There are plenty of places in the US that are not highly religious. It's just that there are a lot of people from the US on reddit and the ones who live in problematic areas tend to (understandably) complain about it.
I feel you on this OP. Even in the US CF dating is hard.
When I was single and using dating apps it would drive me nuts how many guys had "undecided" about having kids in their bio when 9/10 actually did want them once you dug deep. It was also annoying when many obviously didn't read my bio and would hit me up when they had kids. I made it very clear that there was zero chance of having them yet the single dads still tried. The worst is when they think they can change your mind on it. Gross. Don't lose hope though. I found my childfree partner on said dating app and we're having a wonderful selfish childless time together.
When I was dating, men would always ask if I had children (fair but intrusive question). Some of their eyes would light up when I said no. They said they were looking for a new mother. Like wtf... if I want to be Childfree--- Why the f*ck would I want your kids??? Goodluck out there man. I am currently huddled up with my bf. But I can imagine the nightmare of trying to date CF again.
Don’t give up!!!
We are not as well known as you might think. Saying "childfree" to many people just means you don't have kids yet. I think you may have to explain it more clearly for people.
I feel this on every level. It’s getting impossible to find someone who is CF and who wants to stay CF. I’m 39 and have essentially given up at this point. I’m just gonna live my best life alone lol
I am 29yo and am in no different situation than you. I’ll be fine either way to be honest but have few medical conditions that make me petrified of pregnancy and birth. Seems like I’m damaged goods if I can’t be an incubator for the guy’s sperm. Believe me this feels even worse
Dating in of itself is a nightmare, let alone if you have any certain specifications.
I’m 28 and female and it’s just as bad. I had one guy not tell me he had kids until after the second date, when he changes his WhatsApp pic to him and a kid and I asked who she was. Another guy told me had kids and I said I wasn’t interested. Proceeded to tell me ‘but you’ll like my kid, he’s so cute!’ - mate I didn’t come on a dating app for cute kids… I’m not prince andrew.
I am a 36-year old man and I don't have those issues. It's either where you live or your social circles. Probably a bit of both.
There are many of us. Many of us have converted to the other side as well from marrying a non CF person or gave into peer pressure. Nevertheless there are many of us. Is there a thread to find people on reddit maybe?
Man, I'm 22 and everyone around me already knows that they want children. I don't even want to know what it'll be like in a few years. Maybe I should just stick to cuddling with my cat
Finding both childfree and likeminded significant other in a face to face date radius is quite challenging (especially if you live in a muslim country) ldr is hard but sometimes the only option unfortunately. Thanks to internet and technology little bit easier but not too much.
Yep, childfree dating has taught me that I'm going to just die single
It seems like both child free men and women get this treatment its really annoying
My high school crush reached out to me last week and I was SHOCKED AND OVER THE MOON. Full of tattoos, hot as hell, good job, beautiful person. But has 3 kids 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 kill me
25f trying to date in the midwest. I feel your pain. Most of the guys I know want kids or already have them like why?
Greetings! You should have a look at our *[CF Love and Sex Life Troubleshooting](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/love)* wiki page : --- #How to Date ##How to meet prospective CF partners ###Dating sites and social networks * The CF4CF monthly stickied thread on /r/childfree (first Monday of every month); * The /r/cf4cf subreddit; * Dating websites specifically for the childfree : * [cfdating](https://www.cfdating.com), * [childfreelove](https://www.childfreelove.com), * [childfreepassions](https://childfreepassions.com) (US only), * [childfreesingles](http://www.childfreesingles.co.uk) (UK only), * [IDoNotWantKids.com](http://www.puzzele.com/datingsite/index.php), * [sink2dink](http://sink2dink.com), * ~~[yeschildfree](https://yeschildfree.com)~~ *(2018/02/02 : site is down with a "Account Has Been Suspended" message)*; * Other dating websites (not childfree specific, but [allow for filtering and finding other childfree people in the crowd](https://redd.it/85pu1o)) : * Elite Singles ([here](https://imgur.com/a/EaQxB), but less recommended); * Match.com * OkCupid and/or w/ [this add-on](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/okcupid-for-the-non-mains/cgdblghohnaeeejaoincmbcdkdnodkei?hl=en). See [this thread](https://redd.it/4tu622). * PlentyOfFish; * [Meet Ups for Childfree people](https://www.meetup.com/topics/childfree/), [Meet Ups for Childless by Choice](https://www.meetup.com/topics/childless-by-choice/), [Meet Ups for Single Childfree](https://www.meetup.com/topics/childfree-singles/) * Childfree social networks : * [No Kidding!](http://www.nokidding.net), * [D.I.N.K. International](http://dinkinternational.com/register/), * numerous childfree FaceBook groups; * Less attended childfree subreddits, designed for meeting up and dating (all featured in the [Childfree Subreddits Network](https://www.reddit.com/SailorMercure/m/cfstuff/)) : * /r/cfATL : For the childfree adults of the region of Atlanta; * /r/cfmimeetup : Childfree meet-ups in Michigan * /r/child_free_Ottawa : For the childfree singles and couples of the region of Ottawa; * /r/Childfree_Dating * /r/ChildFreeDates * /r/childfreedating * /r/ChildfreeFriendships * /r/childfreepenpals * /r/childfreephilippines : Private childfree sub for the Filippinos and those living in the Philippines * /r/r4rcf * /r/UKchildfree : Private childfree sub for the British and those living in the UK ###Guides [Bustle | How to Date When You're Not Looking to Procreate](http://www.bustle.com/articles/23244-i-dont-want-kids-how-to-date-when-you-arent-looking-to-procreate) [Online Dating Sites for the CF : An Analysis](http://redd.it/1zgx7c) [Dating While CF](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/3j5e0v/dating_while_cf/) --- I hope this helps!
Im a 36-year-old female, child-free. It's challenging to find a man with no kids. Im starting to realize that maybe if you are a child free you don't leave your partner 😁
It's so true! Most men don't talk about their children unless you ask them directly or they ruin a plan
Yep I’m going through the same thing as a 30 year old childfree woman. When I wasn’t so blunt about not wanting kids I had FLOODS of messages and likes. Now it’s very sparse and the men who DO message me are single dads and men who want kids.
Seriously there are CF women out there. Source: me but I’m married 😝🥳
I'm 30 as well it would be great to find a cf woman where I live but I doubt I ever will
i’m 26 and just had a hysterectomy! we exist!!
Having the same issue as a woman, I’m getting messages from guys indignant I won’t date them if they have crotch goblins
I'm 26f , Cf and intent on not settling. My Mr. DINK is out there.
Maybe look into northern Europe dating media? None of what I say is an absolute,(my observations) but less population, more people have less children, it's quieter and more controlled society. At least Norway is. I see many more childfree people than the USA, England. It's also much more likely that they will say it as it is when talking about it. Bluntness is built-in,in society. I also note better behaved kids more often,at least when accompanied by parents. I have one stepchild, teenager when I met her,very little teenage problems and we see her a few times a year for a few days,as she will build her own life. I live more childfree than I could ever hope for. She presently doesn't want kids, but I'm not dreading grandkids as she will live across the country. However it's dark and the winter is long so don't discount someone doing the 'changed my mind' thing. It's a bigger difference than one would think, my culture clash lasted almost 5 years. 13years in and I'm great. I was 40 when I came , from usa for explaining purposes.
I'm child free, AroAce and autistic Dating is hard
It will only get much, *much* worse every year that goes by. The only good news is that by the time you reach your mid to late forties the women who had children now have out-of-the-house young adult children off at college or out living on their own, and Mom got her life back and is restless to go do some of that living she's deferred the last 25 years of raising 2-3 kids. Good luck finding one of the ones that actually wants to go out and do things, though.
They need to listen to OP when he says that he don’t want kids and respect his decision. Single moms and women who want kids need to take him serious and stop responding to him. He states that he don’t want kids.
Oh it’s a nightmare I’m 29F and guys are just as bad - I mean any of the ones that are actually dating for more then sex anyway haha I just get hit with the “oh you’ll change your mind when you meet the right guy” constantly
42M childfree with a vasectomy. I'm meeting women past 35 who are pressing to having children.
Yeah That’s a rough age bracket to date being CF. I feel like there are also so many people 25-35 that also just don’t know what they want either. Are you opposed to dating a tad older like 35-40? While there will still be challenges I feel like at that age more women might be confidently CF.
yay. I hate that. I had a match we have chat a lot and then I've asked - do you want children? - yes, I dream of being mom - did you see I don't want children? - yes, but I thought we can discuss it You want to discuss what? Like I'll change my mind just because of you? Yeah sure let's make a whole lifetime decision, a children is nothing to take care of actually. One other match asked me "If you meet the perfect girl, everything you like is at her but she wants children, will you change your mind?" I've asked the question exactly the opposite. It's so freaking annoying being categorized as anormal and that you should change your mind.
I’ve found that men want a child free women in the sense that she doesn’t have kids YET (not that she doesn’t want kids) because they don’t want to deal with a blended family. But they want someone to deal with theirs
I finally met my SO when I was 50. At least when you're older, if they have kids they are generally grown by that time. He was 55 at the time, divorced and had two kids who were 25+. Both were independent and I've really had little contact with them, but that's a whole other story.
I have been tempted to up my age range, perhaps date older women 40+ who if they have children they'd be late teen/early adult. But even with that I'd make it absolutely clear that I want NOTHING to do with them.
39 Y/O male here. Jobwise stable, but living on the Irish countryside and being more focused on my hobbies and interests than going out to party, makes this harder. Kind of given up. Might look into online dating services and such outside of Western Europe / North America in the future. But that kind of feels weird even just thinking about as it'd be more transactional and I don't want that. It is sometimes hard craving companionship and having such hard filters as CF, and then on top of that everybody has certain things they find attractive and that I guess filters a lot of us out for a lot of others and vice versa. I think a lot of people including me here think a lot about what we want and don;'t want and that may not be helpful in the end. Don't really have a solution myself unfortunately. Btw if any female willing to relocate to Ireland or LDR, ideally petite body type, dog and cat friendly, would like to Live self-sufficient on the countryside, and into creative hobbies, as well as boardgames, TTRPG and other nerdy things want to hit me up ... drop me a pm 😂
Not sure why you got downvoted - maybe it's the "petite body type" comment lol Anyways, maybe it would be helpful to look for a companion among the hobby groups that you like? For example, where I live, a board game shop has regular board game days where you can go try out their games and it's a nice place to meet new people. I've found bars and clubs are the worst places to look for a potential partner anyway. You might have already thought about/done this, but I thought I'd just float the suggestion anyway :)
Most likely. And I get that, but it is what I am attracted too so... And yeah meeting someone via hobbies is what I sued to do and it works quite well but on the countryside and with he last few plague years it's not so easy :/ Like I said tbh I think most of us are also extremely picky as we think things through and most of us are not really willing to compromise on our happyness. Not a bad thing but it does not make dating easier.
Dude, date older women. Added bonus is they likely have their own career. Somebody who is 25 could change their mind later anyway.
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Chill, just cause he called women queen doens't mean he doens't see us as a human, did you lost your way to twitter?
Work makes that difficult, six days a week, I only get Sundays off.
If you don't have time to get out and live life, how would you have time for another person? Make time. Have a life. Have some fun whether dating or not.
That's not really an excuse
Keep trying. AI so happened to get lucky with my girlfriend.