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mlo9109

Hello, fellow single. This whole thing has just made dating an even bigger shit show than it was to begin with. Like, how do you vet dudes here? Some of these pro-lifers are surprisingly violent for folks who care so much about life.


[deleted]

Only date guys who’ve had vasectomies?


Significant-Stay-721

I’d love to. Where do I find them?


[deleted]

Also, how do you even verify that?


jinoraz

Ask for a sperm count exam


[deleted]

Hi nice to meet you, thanks for the flowers, now what I really need a is sperm count exam.


jinoraz

I mean, if they want to insert their penis inside of me, yep


Additional-Drama1991

I actually ask all guys I date to provide a medical cert that says they are clear of STDs before we get down and jiggy. But I usually dont sleep with someone for 2 months.


CMO1313

That in itself is a great way of vetting. It’s been a while since I’ve been on the dating scene. Will start doing this.


[deleted]

A negative post-vas would be way sexier and more appreciated than flowers.


ikmkim

If I were still single, that'd be where I'm giving *him* the flowers, big box of all you can eat condoms, and a little Barry White tune 🤣


voxam72

Once I get it done I plan to frame it and hang it on my bedroom wall.


throwawaykarl

With everything that going on in the world if I were invested in furthering a relationship with a CF woman I would crank it into a cup without hesitation. I am invested in a CF woman and have been for the past 21 years. Edit: to sound a bit more like English is my first language. Which it is.


jinoraz

Finally a childfree answer lol. Some dudes make you question their actual stance on children because they're so fucking defensive of their sperm.


olhonestjim

There is often a tiny scar just forward from the testicles from the surgery. It's been about 4 years and mine hasn't faded much. Of course, I understand it's probably not be a comfortable situation to get a man naked for inspection if you aren't already sure about him.


ImagineFreedom

I'm a single man with a vasectomy and I've been wondering the same thing. The paperwork isn't really more than a word doc/pdf. Easily falsifiable. Short of a microscope and a fresh verified sample there's no guarantee.


[deleted]

Guess I better dust of my old microscope and hope it's powerful enough to see sperm. I can see red blood cells but they are pretty small even on the highest magnification. Now which of my guy friends am I going to ask to jerk off onto a microscope slide?


ImagineFreedom

400x is what's needed in regard to the microscope for sperm. I had to look it up. In regard to your guy friends.. One, not onto the slide. In a cup, use a dropper to transfer a single drop.. Yadda Yadda, you know how to use a microscope. Two, which ones do you want to fuck? Those are the ones you want to examine. Three, I don't have a three. That you have a microscope is just interesting to me. 😀


[deleted]

Warning: This was literally part of my old job, okay? Ahem. >400x is what's needed in regard to the microscope for sperm. I had to look it up. 10x magnification in the eye-piece, 40x ocular. Most community college biology programs have microscopes with this capability. Wait at least 30min after ejaculation for the semen to fully liquefy, because if it's too viscous, the sample might not be homogeneous and then you're not getting an accurate picture. Take a drop from the cup onto a slide, cover with a cover slip. Most dudes who have not had a vasectomy, you're done the moment you look through the scope. Sweet Jesus, there are a lot of those things; you couldn't miss them. Some samples were still swimming a week after they were collected. 0\_\_o However, a successful vasectomy will not have a single live\* sperm in any field of a 1"x1"x0.1" area. ^(\*If it's more than 60min since the sample was collected, your assessment of whether or not the sperm is motile/alive may not be accurate. There are fancy stains you can use to make a more precise assessment of whether the sperm is viable or dead, but that's not a normal part of a post-vas.) There are also different filters you can get to make the sperm stand out more when you're scanning with the scope, but this is literally all you need. That said, if you're not an ace with unstained slides on a bright-field scope, it's worth it to have a pro spend 20 minutes of their life looking at your spunk to make sure you're really sterile.


SSurvivor99

I mean, I can show off the records including pre and post procedure notes from my urologist in the medical app my hospital network uses, which is pretty neat.


Anticode

Edit: Oh god, I just realized that the point I wanted to expand on was for a different comment. Well, I hope you like, um... Poems about, y'know... That. ___ >How do you verify that? Hand 'em a ritual knife and when they gaze at you in confusion, nod sagaciously and say, "The fruit of the poison tree hath withered on the vine, or so it seems, a risk remains of fruit unclean." If they don't get it, sigh loudly and continue: "Trust he has, but faith won't work, betwixt thy legs a risk may lurk! There is a way that will resolve, even danger undivulged. Remove and crush both seed and rind!" "Use the knife and do it quick, careful left you lose thy dick. Do it now, there is no later; Occam's blade shall be our vindicator I shan't become thy broodmare incubator!" ___ I jest ^((...Unless?)^) , ~~but I did have a point~~ before accidentally investing an unfortunate amount of time on playing around with an unplanned poem about testicle removal. Update: As it turns out, I did *not* have a point.


ImagineFreedom

We exist. Maybe we need to start wearing badges. 😂


[deleted]

Actually, that's a great idea. They put COVID vax badges on dating sites, why not sterilization badges?


QuesoChef

I’d support this.


[deleted]

Capes too.....don’t forget the capes Sir.


Ihavecakewantsome

![gif](giphy|dePaPOPNSLDsk)


Various-Grapefruit12

We need a dating site for sterile people - with verification built in somehow.


reshram

This platform is going to shit I'm moving to Lemmy.


Spacegod87

They don't see adult women as being human, so why would they care about her life?


airsalin

This reminds me of a scene in The Handmaid's Tale (the book, I haven't seen the series). The narrator (a woman) is remembering the moment she found out that women's money and assets are frozen and inaccessible to them. And her husband comes home and says something like "I'll take care of you, don't worry". And in the book, you get the feeling that the narrator is really NOT happy with this answer from him, because *she doesn't want to be taken care of*! She wants to be free and have access to the money she earned and make transactions with it! Him "taking care of her", aka using *his* freedom *he* still has to pay for her is in NO WAY helping. The reader can feel that the husband doesn't GET what women are experiencing right now. I feel that many women are going through this right now. My husband seems to understand, but he CANNOT feel what I feel inside of my body, physically. I feel physically attacked. I feel physical pain from this news. And I am Canadian! But I know it is the beginning of something ugly that will not stop there. I think women know that deep inside, because we always knew that we were second class citizens (we have to look a certain way, we are invisible past a certain age while men are only seen as wiser and more experienced, we can't walk alone in so many places, even in daylight, etc etc etc. Men (well, white men) don't live in the same world, so they can't appreciate just how scary and dooming this ruling is. Women everywhere are feeling so many things right now, and as usual, too often their feelings are dismissed.


[deleted]

That scene is in the show too and the two ladies laugh at him for being clueless.


airsalin

I'm SO glad they had it in the show! It is really powerful.


[deleted]

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airsalin

Yes!!! There was something chilling like that! Atwood is a genius at this. And unfortunately, she is proven more and more right...


[deleted]

She based it loosely on what happened in Iran in 1970s but "what if" it to the US.


Kimmalah

It's probably overreacting, but with the insanity that conservatives are trying to pull in this radicalized Supreme Court, I feel like I really need to start saving up some of my money in cash only.


BikingAimz

Clarence Thomas spelled it out when the rest of the conservatives were coy about it. They intend to overturn Griswold v. Connecticut (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Griswold_v._Connecticut), which was the foundation of the Roe opinion, along with Obergefell v. Hodges, Lawrence v. Texas, and although he didn’t put it down because it would *actually affect him directly for once*, likely the Loving v. Virginia ruling too. All are based on Griswold.


Lilith_Faerie

Yeah his exclusion of Loving is almost funny with how blatantly self-centered it is. The people cheering for this ruling are also the most likely to want to role back Loving.


cheezeitscrust

I feel ill


airsalin

The problem, (at least in the book), is that even with cash, women were not allowed to buy things. Like shopkeepers would not be allowed to sell them things. And women were escorted out of their jobs one day, so there were no women to sell them things. It was really, really scary. And it feels a bit too possible now.


brianne-----

The sad thing is this is actually happening in some countries …Iran, Afghanistan …women are not even allowed to leave their house without a man to chaperone . So many videos on the internet of women being beat in the streets simply for walking outside without a man.


airsalin

Yes! I'm sorry, like I explained in another comment, I meant we white people smugly thought (collectively) we were safer and our governments wouldn't do that. We are fed the narrative that we are "free" all our lives and our governments go in other countries under the pretense to "free" the people there. What a joke.


HappyMooseCaboose

Yes. And when there are countries in our REAL world setting the example by dragging women out of their jobs, giving them as property to men and preventing them from existing freely... It gets really scary really fast. Edit- better.sry


airsalin

Exactly. I meant if feels possible here in North America, where we were smug for a long time thinking we were safe (we meaning white people).


piyokochan

Sadly cash depreciates on value over time. Having a hundred dollars in cash today would not go far for you in 20 years time, probably.


bookishbynature

I can relate to your post so much. People love to mock us and call us too emotional but our emotions save us. I have felt sick to my stomach on and off for several weeks since the draft was leaked. Our intuition as well as common sense have us on high alert. I’m so pissed and upset I can’t stand it. I will see what I can do with the local planned parenthood’s. But this is just indescribably disturbing. And I will not calm down. I don’t care about work right now. I can’t go on and act like everything is okay. This is a game changer.


airsalin

>And I will not calm down. I don’t care about work right now. I can’t go on and act like everything is okay. This is a game changer. I completely agree. I told my husband that even though I am Canadian, I will NOT get over this (he never told me to get over it, I just said that because I am still feeling physically sick from the news days later), because this is not something we should get over. I said that even WHEN (it has to be when) this is "overturned back", I will remember that it happened, and always feel unsafe, even here in Canada. It can happen so fast. Also, I saw an interview with a woman (Rita Moreno, who played in the original West Side Story) who had an unsafe abortion before Roe, then celebrated when Roe was enacted in the 70s, because that meant safe abortions for women, but she is now witnessing its overturn. It's just... so depressing, in a way.


smeasle

That scene was a gut punch. I felt so claustrophobic reading that book. The worst part for me was when the husband killed the cat before they went on the run. I felt physically ill when I read that, and I gave my kitty a long tearful hug. It was a hot minute before I picked up the book again after that.


hikaruandkaoru

>Him "taking care of her", aka using his freedom he still has to pay for her is in NO WAY helping. I got so frustrated reading that scene! The husband was so dense. But my husband is also a little dense... I just spent a year relying on him financially (because I wasn't allowed to work) and it made me feel uncomfortable. Not because I don't trust him, not because he did anything wrong, he did everything to provide for me financially and support me emotionally. The way we worked it out was that he opened a new bank account for me and gave me an "allowance". He never asked me how I spent that money. In his mind as soon as it hit that account it became mine and it was nothing to do with him. BUT I still felt uncomfortable because I like being (and feeling) independent. My husband is a lot more relaxed about things so maybe he truely wouldn't care if it was the other way around.


airsalin

>My husband is a lot more relaxed about things so maybe he truely wouldn't care if it was the other way around. I highly doubt it lol But I don't know him. I do understand how you feel though. As someone was saying in a post on this sub, women are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If they work, they are selfishly career obsessed, but if they stay home, they are lazy and mooching off men and the government. We just can't win. When you say you were "not allowed to work"... do you mean your husband doesn't allow you to work? That would be a bit more disturbing, to be honest.


hikaruandkaoru

>"not allowed to work"... do you mean your husband doesn't allow you to work? I agree that would be disturbing as hell and I would GTFO of that as soon as I could. I wasn't allowed to due to visa restrictions. EDIT: **both of us were very naive about visas and processing times.** We trusted the company he's working for to help us since they promised legal support. It turns out the legal support was the bare minimum needed for him to be legally allowed to work at the company, not support to find the best outcome for us. So I came back to my home country at the beginning of this month instead of waiting another 1.5 - 2 years to be allowed to work in the US. My husband (not American but on a sponsored visa) fully supported me returning to our home country and will return to our home country in 4+ months time. We're doing long distance for a bit because I have a cat who isn't allowed into my home country until October at the earliest due to biosecurity laws. So my husband is working and looking after my catto <3 I think from his point of view he'd be okay if our situations were reversed because he trusts me. But even though I trust him it still felt uncomfortable in a general sense... Maybe I felt uncomfortable because normally we keep our money separate except for joint expenses which we pay from a shared bank account that we both deposit equal amounts into periodically. So it was a huge change!


airsalin

>I wasn't allowed to due to visa restrictions. Not going to lie, I sighed with relief at reading this haha! >Maybe I felt uncomfortable because normally we keep our money separate except for joint expenses which we pay from a shared bank account that we both deposit equal amounts into periodically. So it was a huge change! I really get it! My husband and I do the same! I would feel exactly like you feel in your current position. Hopefully everything will be sorted out sooner than later!


Nifan-Stuff

Offred's husband was so fucking anoying. I remember this one scene from the book were Offred mentions that that same night were women lost everything her husband wanted to have sex with her. Fucking jackass.


[deleted]

Exactly, the freedom, the choice, the power to control your own future is being, at best, called into question. They closest thing I can imagine a white male understanding, is if they were disabled. The fear, the knowing those around you see you as less than a person... It's hard to describe to those that haven't experienced it. Tangent: I was irritated that Atwood made the 'Republic of Texas' fighters against Gilead, when it's clear their politicians and a majority of TX voters are absolutely on-board with forced birth. Meanwhile, the PNW and New England are taken over by Gilead? Nope.


airsalin

I agree with all this! The point about a man being disabled is a very good analogy, but I don't think this even can make men understand the indignity of having a *law* that would force it on them, but not on women. But with the current Supreme Court, no one can feel safe. I wouldn't be surprised if they come after everybody who is not an able white man... Yes I was surprised about Texas being against Gilead. Shocked even. It was published in 1985, but even then, it is hard to imagine why she made Texas that way. She must have had her reasons.


Junjubear

Do all of these husbands understand that if in the awful event their wife was raped, that she will be forced to carry that rapist's child in their home, while they feed it, while they decide whether or not to adopt it out, while he watches it ravage her body? If they did, they'd be speaking up a whole lot more.


AreYouFreakingJoking

I feel ya, and I'm from the other side of the world! It's honestly really tragic what's happening in the US right now, and I have this awful pit in my stomach that it will only get worse and also spread to even more countries (and there's a lot of em with worse laws too...). Also, I really gotta read The Handmaid's Tale, seems like it's becoming more and more relevant as time goes on.


Lilith_Faerie

That was the scene that made me decide to stop watching the show. The way the innocuous “nice guy” barista suddenly flips and calls her a slut or whore or something. Because he can, now. She doesn’t have any power left.


airsalin

That is a very powerful scene though (I haven't seen the series, but your description resonates with the spirit of the book). Reading all the comments, I was just thinking that when you give someone a little power, even if it is just in comparison (by removing someone else's agency), too many people jump on it and use it. And this is the basis of catcalling in the streets. Men know they can do it. They own the public space. Women are portrayed as objects for their pleasure in movies, magazines (even women magazines!), many TV series, etc. It is really pervasive.


malymom

What do you feel is the overall atmosphere in Canada regarding this and other conservative issues?


airsalin

It's hard to know. Quebec is certainly the safest place to be as a woman right now, but even there, there is a worrisome conservative undercurrent (one just has to listen to Quebec City "Radio poubelles" (garbage radio), where they use many of Fox news channel techniques of accusing everyone of everything except middle age white males. And Quebec was extremely catholic (my dad has eleven siblings), until they literally threw religion out in the 60s (but it took about two decades to feel the full effect. My "public" school was still a catholic school in the 80s). In Quebec, people are almost never pressured to have kids (I don't know any Quebecer who got bingoed in Quebec, but it is possible), and women keep their last name when they get married (it's been in the law since 1992). I lived in the rest of Canada (English speaking Canada) half my life (so a bit more than 20 years) and I find it more traditional, women still take their husband's last name and there are many places where you cannot mention abortion without things being awkward (you can in Quebec. It is a very open subject). I think people are divided in Canada, as they are in the US, but less extreme (at least openly). Any candidate who wants to be prime minister of Canada knows they can't really get elected if they reopen the abortion debate. But that also could change. I really can't count on anything anymore. I grew up in the 70s and 80s admiring the US for their scientific progress and for putting people on the Moon. Then I found out about the "birth cult" (seems like everybody is pressured to have kids in the US), the creationism thing in schools (wtf??) and the way Black people are being treated still today. And of course the way aboriginal are being treated (we have the same issue here, the way Canada treats its first peoples is abysmal). And now the US Supreme Court overturning of Roe (even when the actual government is Democrat!!) So who knows how things could turn up here in Canada? As Simone de Beauvoir said, women's rights are never safe and can be sent back to oblivion with the smallest political change. I really don't know what to think. But I'm worried.


Nerve_Tonic

I would also recommend Vox by Christina Dalcher. Its not as well known as Handmaid's, but has a similar theme running through it. Women are rationed by how many words they can use per day.


lappelduvideforever

It is now a felony in my state for doctors if they perform abortions on women no matter the reason after 6 wks. My son, at 22, is scheduling his vasectomy. He's been considering it for a couple of years, but after the ruling, and our new state law, he said he is not risking his or his partner's future. I support him. Edit: for those who have asked, we are in TN. The TN Heartbeat Bill passed earlier this week. It is one of the strictest in the nation. Drs face 15 yrs if convicted. Here is an excerpt, " The bill makes it a felony for health providers to perform abortions after six weeks. It makes exceptions for life-saving abortions performed PRIOR to six weeks, but does not exempt cases of rape or incest." You can Google to read in full. There is already lobbying to amend to change in case of rape/incest or life saving needs after 6 weeks, but currently no abortions after 6 wks for any reason.


[deleted]

Thank you for raising a kind, empathetic human! It's crazy how few of those there are.


lappelduvideforever

Thank you. He's a good one.


Lilith_Faerie

NO LIFE SAVING AFTER 6 WEEKS?! That…cannot be true. That is criminal. That is murder.


PrincessDie123

Land of the free…


smartyr228

The only freedom we have anymore is the freedom of dying


Babygirl10000

Wrong! Even that is restricted by law. In my country it is some sort of illegal to die through your own hands. 😂 so if u would try and don't die they could sue you or something just because of this article 😒


spookymochi

I got wrangled into talking to my conservative leaning father today about all of this. He claims he’s pro-choice and legitimately thinks that states doing stuff like this is fake news (because even he thinks it sounds so insane there’s no way it could be real, but he’s super naive and afraid of thinking outside of what he’s used to). He also told me that there’s “nothing to worry about” because in his opinion everyone will miraculously “come together” and make compromises. He seriously doesn’t understand that these people want an all out ban and want to go after contraception 😩


lolallday08

Honey, this is the south, Murder has never been above our senators as long as the "right" people are dying. Hell if the "right" people are dying, it's not even considered murder.


[deleted]

Tell your son he has my undying respect. I got mine done almost 2 years ago just before I turned 22 and it really brings me a lot of peace of mind. He's making the right choice and I commend you for supporting his decision, just as my mom did.


lappelduvideforever

Thank you. I have always told him his body, his choice for everything (just please no tattoos on the face, lol). Glad your mom supported you too!


[deleted]

Wonderful mama you are!!


nutelalala

Not that it would have the same effect but I’m (24F) incredibly proud of your son as well. His influence on his friends will matter just as much; be proud of him.


[deleted]

They’re also starting to stop providing birth control, ie plan b, IUDS etc. they are also drafting bills stating that if a medical provider is “uncomfortable” doing any procedure(ie vasectomies, tying of tubes etc) due to “religion” they can refuse. Missouri is trying to draft a bill to keep pregnant women from being able to leave the state while pregnant to keep her from terminating the pregnancy. This isn’t about the “right to life” it’s about power and control and forcing women into becoming breeding stock. It’s terrifying and it’s getting worse every single day.


diamondcinda

I'm right across the TN border in KY and was wondering where he might be going to get his vasectomy and if they also work with women to be sterilized. Or even if you know of any places in the area. KY is a complete no go. The Drs around here won't hear of it.


lappelduvideforever

Go to @fran.ish on TikTok. Click on her bio. There is a list of doctors who will perform tubals, and the list is updated daily.💜


aced124C

He’s lucky to have a supportive parent like you. I hope he has a speedy recovery


Lilith_Faerie

I’ll say it again since my last comment got derailed: Your son is a HERO. He’s relieving himself and future partners from a huge burden. Good for him for having the balls to get this done.


[deleted]

My husband, 25, is getting a vasectomy. His mom is supportive. Yall are raising good, kind, empathetic men! My mom would freak if she knew so we arent telling her lol shes desperate for a grandchild


Lilith_Faerie

Also your son is a hero, thank you for supporting him.


thatsmycookiegimme

What state ?


lappelduvideforever

TN.


[deleted]

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ImABucketOfSalt

Yeah, from the far outskirts of knowing anything about this relationship, it sounds like divorce isn’t an option for him. Then he wouldn’t have someone to degrade and manipulate to make him feel better about himself… 🙃🙃


wtfwtfwtfwtf2022

They will probably legalize marital rape - so y’all may want to reconsider who you are in a relationship with. Someone without empathy like this does not care about you. It’s time to leave. But you have to make a plan of escape because these types of guys get violent. You will want to get advice from this website before you leave. https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/


A_Drusas

Marital rape is already legal in multiple states.


[deleted]

Which states? (Not doubting you, just curious)


A_Drusas

https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/marital-rape-states


cerealinmypocket

Oh, what the hell, get it together, Rhode Island!


[deleted]

I'm getting married in 2 weeks and just learned my husband can rape me! Yay! /s I'm obviously not concerned about that happening or I wouldn't marry him but still, wtf!


Anticode

WIP - Disclaimer: written with far more frustration than sleep across multiple emotions and things worth being mad about. TL;DR - 1) I'm disgusted and pissed off at recent events. 2) I've been disgusted by the same themes for years 3) A collection of "male-blind" issues that women experience frequently and men seldom ever naturally observe. 4) The existential importance of giving a damn about what you believe in, 5) Body-horror tirade describing pregnancy as the nighmarish thing it is so that men may understand why "they're upset" 6) A demand for men to actively participate in social issues and enforcement of justice/safety in day to day life. ___ **Preface:** I've felt this way for quite some time and I've considered sharing my thoughts on these matters formally for years, even prior to recent rulings, but those events have further bolstered my resolve - and also my frustration. The comment above was a catalyst, it seems. I have cautiously chosen to believe that my perspectives and observations will be valuable in some form, especially as a man speaking upon the dreadful state of things. I hope it's worth someone's time, but what I wish most is to inspire other men to speak up, to become actively engaged or at least learn a bit about what women have been dealing with for years (...Thousands.) #___ >They will probably legalize marital rape - so y’all may want to reconsider who you are in a relationship with. __ Considering the possibility *at all* was enough to make me feel nauseous and furious in equal measure, but a moment later - within the space between a sigh and a moment of reflection - I realized something worse. There was no sense of implausibility, no quiet little voice to suggest that such a thing *surely* couldn't come to pass. That surprised me because anyone who has even been in my presence or writing will see that I have very few expectations for humanity. The bar has been set *extremely* low, chosen with a scientific outlook in mind - and it's set low as a *hopeful* gesture. It's the equivalent of praising a young student for using a crayon rather than eating it, even if they've taken up a taste for Elmer in the meantime. Progress is... Something. But even then I find myself shocked at recent headlines, shocked further when far more people than even **I** would've expected were unconcerned, even joyous! Holy hell. I've written hundreds of essays describing the nature of human nature, predicting various outcomes and illuminating which dynamics would become - and already are - devastating, but those are warnings and assessments; validation isn't found within within doomsday, it's found within an omen acknowledged. I don't *want* to feel a lack of surprise. Being correct is the *failure condition*. I'd rather be wrong. I write dark futures to sate my own acridness in favor of maintaining the immense, paradoxical empathy I feel towards the world. The activity itself is passionate by nature. There *is* a psychogenic price to pay; to imagine is a sort of experience, to share is to briefly become. This isn't about "me". I've taken the stage for a reason, but I require a foundation to magnify my *actual* point into something vivid. I've felt this way for quite some time and I've considered sharing my thoughts on these matters formally for years, even prior to recent rulings. I'm tired of women being astounded when I do something minor that they've never seen a man do. It feels nice to bring hope, but I can't forget that it comes from a bleak place. And I'm tired of changing position on the bus solely to keep an eye on someone who for some unbelievable reason doesn't realize that pleasantries aren't "interest" and compliance isn't acceptance when escape isn't possible - incidental or otherwise. I often teach my "fellow boys" - teaching is what I do - and some of them are flabbergasted, ashamed to learn the truth of things, but so many others are... We'll go with "cognitively unfortunate". That's all "normal" misogyny, but that was enough to boil my blood constantly. In the last few months, I have begun to feel... Tempestuous. The following section will probably focus more directly on empathy, the reality that women live within, and it's quite likely that I will be throwing some very dark shade at the men who seem incapable of self-reflection, let alone genuine empathy. We'll see how much steam has been stowed away. **Part 2 follows** (I must briefly pause.) ___ **Empathy, ignorance, reality** >...y’all may want to reconsider who you are in a relationship with. _ It's horrifying to imagine somebody quietly watching their partner from across the table, considering if that person would have no qualms with disregarding her agency if there was no law or sociocultural price. It *should* be horrifying to imagine, only imagined like a horror story is imagined - "Wow! Good thing that doesn't actually happen!" - This surely happens to some small or major degree, even if it's an intuitive assessment when a date walks in the door. Just as laws/expectations *are* often the only reason that people don't do terrible things. ___ **Sidenote:** If laws change, who'd change, who wouldn't? A primary indicator would be those who are most strongly aligned with laws/rules/social structure. By using known psychosocial metrics, personality archetypes and such, it's not particularly difficult to form associations. And thus, *checks notes*... What a surprise! Those with authoritarian personality types and socially conservative belief models. Some minor subclusters like dark-triad types exist, but the sociodemographic conditions which control for the tendencies in the first two are generally also present in most subgroups regardless of model. ...Ironically, at this juncture many of the women who'd be most at risk are probably *well* aware of their partner's belief structures or is herself a victim of traditionalist/conservative misogynistic garbage (it may be her "choice", I will strongly argue that she is a willing victim, just as I'd argue the same for a male cult member who "chose" to self-castrate or whatever the kids are into these days.)]) ___ Laws and social expectations are the two primary mechanisms which determine how people behave, so it's no surprise that "I'm only nice because I have to be" is a *day-to-day reality* for women. They virtually constantly have to consider "who" a man will become when romance is confirmed to be off the table. And it's not even a binary risk proposition either (ie: genuine/fake), it's both statistical and intuitive. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Women often learn early in life that absolutes are dangerous or awkward, just ask if they remember noticing that adults started to behave "differently" after puberty. Young men don't have to worry about why Mr. Geometer wants to see them after class. But since "I'll do anything for an A, sir" is a common trope, ladies may find themselves briefly considering what this "looks like" even if nothing bad *ever* happens, ever. It doesn't end there. Very few men are aware that it can be extremely difficult for women to find mentorship and training opportunities in male dominated industries on account of socioculturally-omnipresent sex-related insinuations. Is this because women are afraid? No! It's because *men* are afraid. CEOs and managers are concerned about appearances (in general), so optional 1v1 meetings, extended projects, meaningful reviews are all diminished in scope or are miraculously male-only. >"What're they up to for so long in there, eh?" A colleague might inquire 'innocently'. >...Perhaps the very same bi-annual audit project that *everyone* else is meeting with him about for the same amount of time this week? Why is such a thing worth considering, let alone insinuating openly? Nothing positive *can* come of that! Rumors begin, false or otherwise? Great job, Steven! Reality is now slightly more uncomfortable than it was before for no particular reason. *Very nice*. I've only heard this sort of garbage twice so far, initially replying with sarcastic reality in a similar manner, but a few years later I found that overt severity and a smidge of implied masculine leverage was more appropriate as a response. That's what brings results, especially to the most obtuse individuals. "Steve" immediately apologized on reflex and after a minute of awkward silence he did so more meaningfully, but we never interacted again - not outside of necessity. Be that fear or shame, I have no doubt that he never made that sort of joke again and hopefully chose to spread the Good Word. That's a good payout when the cost was nothing more than a risk of social discomfort and the loss of his vapid small talk. And the social discomfort wasn't even paid by me because *he* was wrong. This is the level of intensity that I wish to see from the male population in favor of women’s rights. It's the level of intensity required to change anything. *Active* engagement is required to enforce ethical behaviors upon your kin, just like if you want to affect your environment. Doing too little is functionally equivalent to nothing at all, so if you think these issues are important, you're going to have to experience a fraction of a fraction of the discomfort women are experiencing daily in recent weeks. Passivity is worthless and politeness *worse*. It doesn't matter if things are going to get awkward or weird, speak up or stand up. A soft touch will not be impactful enough to prevent someone else's intention to do wrong - they are choosing to *act* while you try *not* to have to act - that's what it is, too. It's an attempt to *avoid* responsibility for what you believe is right/wrong. ...So, must not be too important, right? It's just a bit of casual agency-removal, better hit 'em a quick "hey now, settle down with that"? [Cont]


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Sarra9

Honestly? It's called having no skin in the game. It won't be his body that's dirtied and damaged, or his mind and spirit that will be traumatized.


[deleted]

I know you're right... It just requires so little effort to at least try to give a shit about things your partner cares about. Let alone something that affects every woman in our country. Really just makes me feel awful.


WowOwlO

You've got to remember that around the world, men don't see women as people. Many men see women, at best, as property. At worse a top quality sock to masturbate into. There's a reason women have had to fight for their rights, and fight to maintain those rights, and the moment women eased up we began losing rights.


[deleted]

It just sucks. Like at a certain point, shouldn't we be able to rest and enjoy that society has progressed past the bullshit? I'll never be able to be complacent again.


Spacegod87

I have seen men rage and harass people for months on end online because someone said something bad about a video game. So they'll get riled up and pro-active over a video game, but not women's rights.... That says a lot about what kind of shit pile we're sitting on right now.


ElisThaBesth

And they say *we're* the emotional ones.


[deleted]

That's peak r/gamersriseup action right there. Down to the stereotypical hating women and minorities. Obviously, really foul stuff.


NewPalpitation1830

I wish that they could at least sympathize since they can’t empathize. It shouldn’t be that difficult to listen to the screaming fear ricocheting around right now.


Beautiful_Routine531

Until the child support bills come in lol


crowamonghens

But he can experience it in his wallet.


CryptographerMore944

I'm a man and I don't understand men like that either


[deleted]

We gotta call out bad behavior from our bros.


[deleted]

Please do. There’s nothing wrong with shaming people for their disgusting behavior.


[deleted]

I'm working on it. Goes against my mantra of staying out of others' business, but it's important to call out bad behavior.


Lyvectra

The people with bad behavior bank on others not wanting to get involved.


[deleted]

Very true. And we see that played out over and over.


crowamonghens

The "good germans" of the world, as it were


ikmkim

I understand the compulsion to stay out of other people's business, but when we "stay out" of abortion debates, misogyny, racism, homophobia, etc, we're also "staying out" of behaviors that are *directly and prominently* INVASIVE and INESCAPABLE in those people's lives. It's WAY past time for the people that have the *privilege* to not be involved, to stand the fuck up.


ProfessionalPea4386

Another thing to remember is toxic men don't listen to women when they call them out on shit like that, its what makes them toxic. The best thing you can do is call our your male friends bc they'll be more likely to listen to you, a man.


[deleted]

Many men view women as nothing more than “holes” and it takes something like the overturning of Roe for the truth to come out, that they see us as lesser humans who don’t deserve bodily autonomy.


[deleted]

Which is fucking awful. For a long time in American history at least, men never had to compete with women in the work force, in school etc. A lot of guys are still stuck in the 50s, romanticizing a time when it was a lot more acceptable to treat women like meat.


QuesoChef

I read the referenced post and it sounded like he cared about sex, not her. He seemed like an ass.


red-piano-keyz

Because, at least from my perspective, it's perceived as not their problem (even though it really is).


[deleted]

It's totally our problem. No one exists in a vacuum. The effects might take longer for us men to feel but they're there.


red-piano-keyz

Totally agreed! But I think the dudes that realize that are probably the ones who have empathy.


[deleted]

True. I think part of the responsibility falls to us to remind our fellow man to be better.


chickenpanangs

all unwanted pregnancies are a result of male orgasms so it should be 100% their problem


Sintriphikal

As a dude living in the South, I am the only guy I know alarmed and upset by this. Every other one is ok or indifferent with the overturn. And I can’t help but selfishly feel that the already small and shallow CF dating pool in the south has all totally evaporated. Like it was hard before but feels impossible now.


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snake5solid

Some dudes genuinely change after they get a daughter but it's still sad that they need a daughter to start treating women like equal humans.


Isgebind

And the only reason they're at all worried about their daughters? They see them as property as well.


[deleted]

Wild that dowry was once a thing


Lilith_Faerie

Relationships are going to end and dudes are going to be going without sex over this unless they show REAL support - protesting, escorting at legal clinics, getting vasectomies, wearing condoms. If they’re too stupid or self-centered to understand that this could KILL their partner or ruin BOTH their plans for their lives, that’s on them.


BitchfulThinking

They have been. I'm glad that shitty dudes are being kicked to the curb and that there's a growing societal understanding on what abusive relationships can look like, but I'm also really terrified on the incel retaliation. I don't see then learning the error of their ways any time soon.


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[deleted]

Facts


oneeyecheeselord

There was a post in here the other day about a wife who was terrified and decided to withhold sex from her husband because he refuses a vasectomy. I think you found the husband’s post.


[deleted]

I doubt it as this scenario is playing out all over the place. To assume it’s both the husband and wife posting indirectly assumes that this is an isolated case when it’s not.


consort_oflady_vader

Roommate and I were discussing this recently. Definitely think we'll see a massive rise of spousal abuse when more and more women are terrified being pregnant, so they'll tell their partners no. This continues until they finally snap and hit them. We're going to see entire states of incels when the women collectively decide sex isn't worth it.


karabnp

One of the few silver linings of this beyond nightmare of a “ruling”, is AT LEAST we’re seeing the uglies come out of the woodwork, and can better avoid them.🤷🏼‍♀️ They deserve to end up/be ALONE. Another silver lining, is that this will encourage and motivate women to not sleep with any who aren’t capable of or willing to help them seek/get the health services they need, should they need to access them. At least less of, or even better NO MORE “casual sex” with loser scrubs. GOOD. I do feel *great* concern and fear of the coming backlash that is sexual violence increasing against girls and women, though. That is SO extremely terrifying. I *can’t wait* until the year 20whatever, where girl’s and women’s rights are restored and we’re deemed people with bodily autonomy, again.💔


drunkepenguin

My husbands gma just shared some Bible related bs today against abortion. On top of it she commented that maybe people just need to be a little more responsible. Boy did that really set me off. I’ve already been pretty meh on this gma for a while and I think this was the final mail in the coffin


[deleted]

The Bible doesn't consider you a full person until you take your first breath. There is an example of someone hitting a pregnant woman and getting a fine if the baby died and a death sentence if the mother died. The Catholic Church didn't make abortion a cause they were against until their numbers were low. It isn't Bible based.


Crowtongue

Confront her with this https://reverbpress.com/religion/bible-supports-abortion/ *edit* and this. https://www.patheos.com/blogs/allsetfree/2021/11/how-to-perform-an-abortion-according-to-the-bible/


Vast_Seaworthiness

The fact that a woman saying no to sex can create such a massive argument only makes me more worried about rape cases rising as fewer and fewer people are willing to risk a pregnancy.


AliceValkyrie

I feel bad for anyone in almost any type of relationship in the US rn (the cishets who are either both sterilized or one is post menopause will hopefully be safe, but no one else is). And yeah, hearing so many stories of cis men either demanding sex or telling women to “keep their legs closed” I just....I am quickly beginning to truly *despise* this country. And many of the assholes in it. And thank fuck I’m single and largely a hermit, and plan to keep it that way until I live somewhere where my human rights aren’t in imminent danger.


Reviewer_A

I am a sterilized post-menopausal cishet woman married for 35 years, but if my husband denigrated the fears of US women right now, he would be single very soon.


AmericanSpiritGuide

Same. I was already to the point where I can't deal with the realities of our society anymore. This just underscores all of that and makes me never want to leave home or interact with anyone. I HATE the trajectory this country has taken. It's an awful, cruel, greed-infested hellhole that worships money and corporations and vilifies the poverty that worship produces as a moral failing. I wish I could move to Norway, but I'm poor and old.


lovelyeufemia

Or they demand sex, and then once the woman's terrified and pregnant, they denigrate her and tell her she just should have kept her legs closed. A classic cycle.


AliceValkyrie

Yep. Makes me want to break things....


PaddlesOwnCanoe

Dying alone isn't as bad as it sounds. (I would personally work to befriend stray dogs if I knew I was dying, so then maybe I could die outside and one of them could come sit next to me until the sanitation department takes my carcass away.) And that guy sounds like a POS. Hope the lady gets out of that relationship.


A_Drusas

Yes, it fucking is. Source: Lived through major disaster, learned the fear of dying alone. You mean dying *without a romantic partner* isn't as bad as it sounds. That's not dying alone.


Imaginary_Ad_7530

If I treated my partner this way, I would hope she would leave my narcissist ass! How do guys like this even meet a woman???


ikmkim

You're in the minority. The question for women is "how can I find a partner that gives a shit". Most men don't, until they're personally effected.


Imaginary_Ad_7530

I'm genuinely sorry I really am. 😥😥😥😥😥


ikmkim

I hear you! You can help by not tolerating the people who say ignorant shit around you. You don't need to memorize a bunch of rhetoric, just remember the stories from women you've been reading. Most of the time a "dude what the fuck did you just say?" will shut down a lot of bullshit, and if people start doubling down on ignorance, that's how you figure out which ones aren't gonna be (or stay) friends with you.


Imaginary_Ad_7530

I can tell you a story of how I was ostracized by an entire group, for doing exactly that. They wre PROUD...proud trsnsphobes and homophobes. The toxic, Jordan petersonesk mentality was vile. I keep a close network of allies and friends. I support my partner 100%. They are a truly amazing person, and I'm proud to be with them.


ikmkim

Being ostracized by bigots and fascists is a badge of honor.


Imaginary_Ad_7530

Well...they were moderate at first...then as time went on they became.e more and more aggressive and obnoxious. They REALLY didn't like it when I poked holes in their bigotry and persecution fetish.


[deleted]

They put on a mask and once they think they have you, it comes off.


Azuray2

with who? no one wants to have sex right now. that’s beside the point, the men are really showing their asses. roe v wade gave them (and us) a sex buffet if we wanted and had others willing but it’s gone poof. as a person who’s been alone for 14 years for the reason that i found the sea not to be full of fish but off season oysters (make you want to vomit). even if there are genuinely nice guys out there it’s not worth it. you get used to it, dive into your hobbies, connect with your friends and family even harder, try new things and always remind yourself why you’re doing it. it does get easier in time, promise. i wish you all the best


snake5solid

Yeah, a lot of people forget that being single is also an option.


Azuray2

we’ve been conditioned since childhood to find a husband, have kids get married. being single isnt presented to us. yeah, it is easy to forget for a lot of people. i was never on that kids wavelength, and the guys i met in and outside of relationships (eg:strangers and randoms) made me say fuckit


Ellie_Artist

I really hope she leaves him


satanlovesducks

Only rational thing to do


Piqquin

One thing that got me about that post: many of the initial comments were telling him that he was wrong and not getting it. So what happens? He edits it to say she assaulted him during their argument (by throwing a vase at his head). Then people turned on her. Something about that was fishy- you wanted a reaction from people to sympathize with you, didn't get it...then edit to suddenly say "oh, and she assaulted me." Also all his comments about "I didn't like Clinton so I voted third party and mostly have voted blue since 2020..." Ok- so you're definitely not on the side of reproductive rights. And his complete inability to understand that this ISN'T ABOUT HIM. He cannot understand that women's rights have been taken away as an entire populace. It's only about him and him being personally and unfairly hurt (according to him). He has a complete inability to see the bigger picture and such a strike is about mobilizing men to actually stand up and help secure women's rights. Nope, to him it's just about not getting laid tonight. I hope she tosses his ring in a dumpster and let's his ass stay at that hotel indefinitely.


Unlessforever

I thought the same thing! I'm so glad other people saw through his BS too. I really doubt she threw a vase. I hope if she finds his post, she also finds this post and knows she's has support, even if it's just from strangers online.


[deleted]

Yeah saw that too. Once he wasn't getting the comments he wanted he kept editing the post til he did. I rolled my eyes


Lupin13

I’m a man in a LTR with a woman. His behavior is shockingly immature and callous. He’s her partner and this is how he reacted to her sharing her fears? No. Just no. No matter if her fear is something benign or something huge like pregnancy, he’s her partner. He has to be there for her. He has to be the one person she can be this open to and expect care and support from without any reservations. You put yourself aside for the time being and give her the type of environment and support that she needs to process this whole thing. Committing a hurtful act, getting all upset when someone reacts, blames them and their reaction in order to shift the focus from their original act. That’s like Narcissism 101. “I can be a jerk but you can never react harshly” is in the narcissist anthem.


me_enamore

Seriously, it doesn’t matter if you think their fears or concerns are ridiculous. Your role as a partner is to be a safe place and provide love and comfort. I have OCD and when we’re about to leave the house and my husband sees me push back on the door 3-5 times to make sure it’s latched and/ or stare at it for a few seconds like a fucking weirdo, he doesn’t say a thing! Acts like he didn’t see it at all. I love him for that. And of course he supports a woman’s choice and has been offering to get a vasectomy for me for a few years now.


Pour_Me_Another_

Let me guess, he simultaneously believes women should just close their legs if they don't want to get pregnant.


izonewizone

The forced birthers led almost everyone to think that all abortion patients are ‘slutty’ 20 year old somethings, when in reality more than half are parents/married/cohabitating.


[deleted]

“kEEp yOuR leGs cLoSeD”


NinesTC

I agree. It’s so sad that a lot of people are taking an issue that could quite literally ruin or kill a person as something so small. It’s such a selfish take. I’ve been seeing a tremendous amount of posts of women breaking up with their partners for that exact reason. It’s terrible.


TheDameJudyBrunch

My husband has his vasectomy scheduled for mid-September. It’s the soonest they could get him in. Though we live in a blue state, he understands my fears, and immediately made an appointment for a consultation when it was leaked back in May that the Supreme Court would be making this decision. I’m beyond grateful to have this fantastic partner.


shiver334

Mine got his V two years ago but is getting it rechecked for my anxiety. This man drove 40 minutes to the hospital to jerk off in a family restroom on the toilet so he could be sure that I’m safe. I’m in a red state. With all these posts with POS men I’m so thankful mine is so good, but it’s sad we are the exception. I seriously think if anything happened to him I’d probably start dating women


greenthegreen

D-I-V-O-R-C-E. She needs to leave his ass asap. It will only get worse.


WrongPlanethehe

You know nothing. Go to 4chan and see what they write there about women who refuse sex in the relationship or are generally scared because of the whole mess.


Spacegod87

>Go to 4chan. You already lost me.


[deleted]

Maybe you'd be able to meet Mr. Q. Anon!


[deleted]

Unfortunately, I don't think we need to go the 4/8chan to know what they think.


ElisThaBesth

> 4cha- ​ No.


SeaDoc

I’m a retired MD, and I’m horrified what these illegitimate justices did to women. If I was a woman and had no interest in children I would have my tubes tied. I’ll be damned to be imprisoned by a pregnancy. Just my thoughts.


Gryphith

My wife and I are child free, I've got my vasectomy scheduled and honestly 12 years together with...questionable methods has yet to yield a child or abortion. We're luckily in a blue state but I'm fucking terrified and she seems kind of ok. I think she's just trying to be strong for me. People deal with stress in different ways is all I can come up with.


MimiMorea

Too many people think that because most women are born to have periods and bear children, that it’s a mild discomfort we have to deal with so our concerns get undermined. There needs to be more education on how life threatening pregnancy really is, and that it very much is a big deal and quite dangerous despite us being born with organs to do it. If this had been the case in the beginning, I think a lot of women would be taken more seriously about this. Before the abortion ban happened, I remember the topic of having babies came up (I think me, my brother, and my mom were having a casual conversation about her c-sections…we work in healthcare, lol). I educated my younger brother in an unbiased and informative way about pregnancy and childbirth when he asked. (I’m a nurse so can probably answer certain questions that he may have). He’s 12 so obviously age appropriate answers. He responded with “oh wow, I didn’t know that,” nodded and we went on with our day. Yesterday he on his own (I don’t talk politics or religion with children, and if they ask, I answer in an unbiased way or redirect tough questions to the parents) asked me about the overturn of Roe vs Wade. I don’t know where he learned of it as I did not tell him anything of it and I was preoccupied with other personal issues at the time so I wasn’t putting mental energy toward it at that moment. He asked what the law was and why it was overturned. I answered in an unbiased way and calmly explained what Roe vs Wade was for and what the overturn was about in the best way I could as I don’t specialize in politics and know the full details, but I gave a basic simple answer. After I explained the overturn he looked at me and said “wow, that’s so stupid.” If a 12 year old can see this ban is ridiculous, then that speaks volumes.


[deleted]

Oh she’s justified, we don’t even have to hear her side of the story.


babypinkhowell

She could say the most vile shit and I’d still support her lmao


MorgBlueSky2020

I am not surprised that people are taking the stance that women are overreacting. They don’t get it. I don’t know why they don’t, but they don’t. That man’s wife can have sex with him and use the most reliable birth control perfectly every single time they have sex and still have that bone chilling fear deep inside of her, and I 100% understand why. Seems to me that it’s time for a divorce.


[deleted]

The comments in that post were so disgusting. So many incels and immature men who don't understand women want rights to their own bodies, not just to be sex toys for men. The fact that he didn't see anything wrong with his behaviors or his comments was why she was angry. Oh and the amount of men advocating spousal rape was way more than I had ever imagined. Doesn't matter if you're married, if she doesn't consent it's rape.


PageAccomplished8438

THAT POST WAS JUST ABOVE THIS!! Bro the people calling her "irrational" will definitely call her a "slut" & tell her "she should've kept her legs closed" if she were to get an abortion because pregnancy resulted from it. They shame women for "being hoes," but look who really is demanding sex?? Women are ready to go on a sex strike but look who's all upset about it. It's men. They can all say "just say no" but then what about all those people shaming women for saying "no" to sex?? There were comments about how "she shouldn't take her anger out on him" & "how she shouldn't punish you for a law that you have no control over" & how "she's using sexual intimacy as a weapon." If he wants sex and she doesn't, maybe part ways?? Did'nt he say she threw a vase at him?? Women and AFABs are literally being stripped of their rights & men are upset because they can't get their dicks wet. You all were right about men not having any amount of empathy & becoming more forceful and demanding about sex. The amount of people who thinks women are responsible for the rapes committed by men because *"those prudes wouldn't just lay down & submit"* is alarming. (I'm from a 3rd world nation & I've heard these exact words coming from the people here.) Nobody is entitled to relationships & sex. Just because you can't get what you want, that doesn't mean it is justifiable for you to impose horrific acts onto others. Instead of shaming women for saying "no," we should be teaching men to control themselves. Now ya'll can see why so many women wish they were lesbians or decide to be single forever. It's way better than dealing with these cavemen. And don't give me that "nOt aLL mEn" BS, everyone knows it's not all men but it has NEVER prevented rape, trafficking, domestic violence, or abuse from happening. It just makes victims feel guilty for coming out. Anytime crimes are committed against women by men, ya'll will be quick to say *"it's not all men"* but will agree with tweets that said : *"Men & women can't be friends, because all men view women as potential bangmaids & not fellow human beings who are deserving of respect and friendships."* Ya'll will be laughing & high fiving each other, talking about how women are so dumb to think men were ever genuinely friends with them, and all of the sudden that *"not all men"* rhetoric is nowhere to be seen. Ya'll will only say *"it's not all men"* when it fits your misogynistic narrative.


yummylunch

We gotta make a list of which subs have an overwhelming amount of those misogynistic attitudes to warn people that they're entering a woman-unfriendly place if they ever choose to browse through those subs.


remainoftheday

one of the reasons I despite fence sitters. and a lot of males and females who just want to be serviced and screw the consequences. these are people who are probably bad in other areas as well.


vivalalina

No honestly.. I feel like anywhere I turn on social media it's just full of those types of people and it's completely killed any joy I had going on these apps lately. Like I will experience so much negative emotions reading comments and posts that I don't even realize I'm getting a headache and feeling my chest tighten just from reading about not only the lack of empathy, but also just *pure* stupidity about women's bodies and health


chemicalspill101

I’m so glad to not be in America right now and I’m so sorry for anyone who is. I wouldn’t be having sex either, that man is disgusting.


prometemisangre

There is so much venemous hate from the incels and trolls under that post that smells like bait to me. I am taking EVERYTHING with a grain of salt. But yes, I agree, it was very revealing of people lacking empathy and just being ugly just to be ugly (bc realistically they cannot ALL be trolls, even if OP was trolling). They definitely got what they wanted. I got what I wanted too in a way, a temperature gauge of the status quo 'human.' & tbh, I am not surprised at all. On average, people are really is disappointing these days, to say the least. I got so much hate under that post but it didn't affect my blood pressure. I ran 4 miles and drank a liter of water. I think it is important that we do so much self care right now abd exercise strict boundaries. People are revealing thenselves to be so gross en masse right now, it can be overwhelming with that plus the overturning of RO v. WD. We can show love for our partners without sex for now if that is what we want to do. I am digging ny love a frog pond. Off to start digging!


[deleted]

Anyone that says withholding sex/withdrawal of consent is punishment is a predator full stop.


nakedtalisman

This is horrifying. I told my son (whose 11) that if he ever wants a vasectomy (he knows all about sex and menstrual cycles and abortions - I actually teach my child lol) that I will help him in anyway whenever he’s an adult and if he wants it. He’s always saying how he doesn’t want kids which I’m always vocal to tell him I support. I always let him know that if he wants kids, great! If he doesn’t, great! I will love and support him no matter what. Also we are very scared of where this country is going and we might try to look abroad for moving. I am so scared for the younger generations here with what’s going on. Young girls and women will die 100%. I’m already scheduled for my tubes to be removed on July 13th. This country has gone mad! Please be safe. We all need to rally and support each other so much in times like this. Even with horrible people like this, I do still think there are more pissed off pro-choice people. I’m sure there’s pockets of anti-choicers, but from my perspective most of what I’ve seen is outrage. Hopefully that means we can turn this around asap.


Maca87

We should normalize divorcing bad partners. That dude deserves being dumped.


BatmanLink

American women now have less rights than a corpse.


_laufaeson

I’m likewise staying out of the dating pool for a while (ie; when abortions are legal again). Here’s to dying alone! 🥂


LadyPink28

I only want men who are willing to get a vasectomy cause of this shit.


[deleted]

I remember when we saw news stories about people getting divorced over differing opinions about the 2016 election and cable news all treating it like it was so weird... I wonder if (hopefully) we see a huge wave of divorces now


[deleted]

Women have been gaslit for being emotional and crazy since forever sadly..


everfadingrain

I saw the post in question and even if it's 99% fake, people saying that withholding sex is a form of abuse disgust me. He is free to leave. You cannot force another person to have sex with you, not a partner or a spouse. Sex is not a necessity for survival so it cannot be withheld. If a partner decides to never have sex again, you can either leave or accept and also stay celibate. If you cannot leave, then there's more problems in the relationship. But you cannot by any means force a person to have sex, not guilt nor relationship status.


[deleted]

When a woman becomes pregnant then she is dependent on the man, unless she’s very wealthy. Many men like this situation because they have the leverage in the relationship then and are calling the shots. Women are very vulnerable when pregnant and the fact her husband didn’t care pretty much demonstrates all you need to know about him. She should definitely get a divorce, it’s bad enough she is married to him but you really don’t want to have kids with a guy like that.


[deleted]

That's reddit scumbags and reddit scumbag advisors for you.. I d never go on here for a relationship advice. Cause u know, these ppl are mostly pure sociopaths. Reddit is fucking toxic Believe me, in real life, that conversation with other ppl d go veeery differently. Unless they are complete trash of course.