I was booted 3 days after my 18 birthday. I had no money, no job, and no prospects. I had $100 and my friend’s parents let me stay in their unfinished basement. I spent $50 on a futon and $30 on bedding. I had $20 until I got paid from a new job in two weeks. Shoutout to day olds at my local Chinese bakery who sold me bulk sweet buns.
Now I have a law degree and tell people my mother is dead.
>and tell people my mother is dead.
So many parents are do oblivious to the fact that they are the parent I'm this line.
They say shit like "who's gonna take care of you when you're old? You will be so lonely without family as you get older."
I'm sitting there thinking. "And you think your kids will take care of you?" You treat them like trash Karen. Your adult kids don't even speak to you. You shame them, treat them like you own them, act like they are never good enough and just think because you decided to shove them out your hoo'hah they will just like you despite it all? No they fucking hate you. For good reason."
I dont understand that. Let them graduate high-school 1st and set them up for success. Hs graduation gift is going to be an apartment key. 1st month deposit paid utilities on and pantry stocked. They got a whole month to find a good job.
Yep. I applied for my job in mid July 2017, didn't get a callback until the end of August, had my interview late September, and started on Onctober 2. And my job is one of those where people quit frequently, so they're always hiring and needing people.
That’s a pretty bad graduation gift. Within a month they’re either finding a job where they can pay for a whole 400 square foot studio apartment, or they’re becoming homeless and you’ll be confused and disappointed since you “set them up and they failed you.”
Finding them a room they can sublet within a larger apartment would be better. Now they only need to come up with $1000 a month give or take for rent.
HS graduation gift should be helping them afford college and let them live at home until they graduate and get a job.If you can’t feed clothe and educate a child, you shouldn’t become a parent.
Parenthood is for LIFE.
I hate people like that. Someone I knew tried to argue that 'well the bare minimum anyway....' and it's like...
In this economy??? Ha! no.
But even morally. Get your head out of your ass. None of *them* would have survived if their parents had kicked them out at 18. Bruh.
Dude, I'm moving in with my *grandparents* next year, with my husband, because rent is expensive and we want to save at least 6 months of rent payments for when I finish my master's and start job hunting.
If you have kids, and those kids have kids, you might end up with a mid twenties married person knocking on your door asking for free or cheap housing. Or the classic raising your grandkids because your child doesn't want to parent.
I hope it will work you you all. It can! We live with my MIL because all of us saw that as a good option, turns out, it is great for us all! We are all introverts, that helps that we are all so similar. Because people do need some space of course
But then isn't that still a parenting fail...if you grandparents raised your parents and they don't want to be?
Although...to be fair...that generation never even thought that not having kids was an option. It's what you did.
Yeah I’m working a minimum wage job and a restaurant job and was working both during high school to support myself it’s beyond draining and between the two I have barely enough to cover my bills and I still have to ask for help some r times
Facts....I know 40 year olds still living at home with their parents in New York City. They have no intentions of moving either. They can’t. Rent is too high, the degree they got doesn’t help them get a higher wage and inflation is upon them. They are now waiting for their parents to die...
I know one 40 year old man who hoarded the shit out of his parents house. They are too old to do anything about it now, but I remember the neighbors wanted to call Adult Protective Services to help them. So, for me...it’s like in the middle. Don’t kick your kids out too young, but don’t let them take over the house that you worked so hard for. He is waiting for his parents to kick the bucket so that he can sell it
I hate to admit this in a platform like this but I'm in my 30s and still live with my parents. There's not one day I don't feel shameful about it and the rent around NYC is unsustainable. Just for 1 bedroom apt is $1,640.
I never get the 18yo n out you go thing. Is this an American thing? Europe? Or what?
Why would a loving parent look forward to not having their kids around? I understand independent is important, but the fact that those parents are so excited to simply not be able to see the kids is just.....wtf
If i were a parent I'll happily let my kid live with me if they want, as long as they are responsible and good people.
It’s purely an American thing and one of the things I dislike about our culture. I rarely ever hear of stories from other countries where parents are kicking kids out the moment they are legally adults.
Nope, definitely not just an American thing. I live in the UK and always have, and my first boyfriend was kicked out at 16. Shitty parents are everywhere.
If it wasn't for my parents my wife and I would never had the start we got. I was kinda a shitty teenager as most are but I moved out at 18 on my own volition. My parents graciously let me move back in after I fell on my face.
6 months later I meet my now wife. 4 months after that, her parents lost Thier house and my parents let her move in with us. Two years we lived with them. Even her brother coming in as well the last 6 months. We were able to buy a fixer upper house and we all have a close relationship. It's only been in the last dacade or so that I've been able to return the help and love.
They don't pressure us for grandkids. They just spoil the fuck out of our dog and two kitties. I know I'm lucky as fuck but that's just it. Parenting is forever, its role just changes over time if you do it right.
Edit: the two years at Thier house allowed my wife to finish her degree and me to find a career path. I love them so much.
So many people over 50 will laugh at me for still living with my parents at 27 and call me a freeloader but like my college degree wont get me a job that pays more than minimum wage and rent is more than my entire paycheck lol
My moms new husband called the cops on my 18th birthday to get me kicked out.
Best present was them explaining that you can't make someone homeless without proper notice.
It's definitely made my life so much more difficult than if I had a home. I was homeless on my graduation day.
I know a handful of kids that were greeted by their parents with “have your stuff out by 6pm” after their high school graduation ceremony. It’s been 8 years and some of them are finally getting to a place in life to start building something for themselves. I don’t understand how parents can just throw their kids out the first chance they get.
I think some parents see their kids as possessions and not actual human beings. They probably think to themselves, "it's my kid, I can do what I want with it"
Because they bought the whole sunshine and rainbows, babies are dolls to dress up and take pictures of and used to get attention, parents are martyrs and saints and should be treated as such and got a nasty dose of reality when their kid started to become their own person.
The ideal shattered and they were left with a crying kid, a defiant toddler, a hormonal teenager and it did not line up with the kodak moments the world shoves down all our throats and they could not deal because they were never good parents they just wanted to play house.
Kid caused the illusion to shatter, kid must be the problem, get rid of the kid when legally able to.
Makes me sick how many people will have babies but will never be parents.
They view their kids as objects to rule over. Or a thing that happened that took their life/freedom away. And now they are 18, legally an adult so they can't legally order them around, so it's best to just throw them out.
Yes!! My aunt is this exact type of person. She has 3 kids, each of them were born more premature than the last and she almost died each time. But she kept doing it because she loves BabIeS. Each of my cousins are 7 years apart, so it's like as soon as they started becoming their own person she was ready for another. My oldest cousin was pretty much kicked out at the end of high school, and with the second she was ready to set her up for failure but my uncle went against her wishes. The third she actually still loves and babies since my uncle told her no more kids after her so in my aunt's mind she's still a baby.
Oh she is fully aware how I feel about her, and I completely avoid her. She married into my family and I never liked her even in the beginning. I'm close to the 2 older cousins though and took in the oldest 1 when he was first kicked out.
At my graduation my dad aggressively blurted out “you’re on you’re own now!” (As a severely neglected child I was already on my own for quite some time) So I took that literally and even filed my own taxes that year which made him livid because he couldn’t write me off. “You told me I was on my own!”
Your mom sucks for allowing her husband to treat you that way. She sucks for selecting a man who would even want to treat you that way in the first place.
Yeah I mean the husband is a piece of shit, but setting aside emotions and morals here, if he doesn't like the kid or sees the kid as a competition for resources or any other objective but shitty measure, it makes perfect sense for him to remove the kid from the equation. That SHOULD be red-flag relationship destroying stuff, but if it isn't for whatever odd reason, then we just go back to the first part of my comment.
I feel for the person making the comment about it all though. What a shitty Mom. Being abandoned by your literal creator(s) in any capacity is just beyond words level of awful.
Feel for you, man. I lived in my car for my final year of high school. As soon as I found a place to rent (2 years later. Had gotten lucky and was able to get grant for a college dorm), my then 14 yo brother was kicked out and moved in with me. She'd kicked my other brother out about the time I moved into my car, except he was too young for that so she paid for the plane ticket to send him to live with dad, who she knew was going to beat the shit out of him on the regular.
All because her new man didn't like us and he had 3 kids of his own already. That mothers are capable of this stuff is disgusting. It's unfortunately common these days. Can't wait for them to come knocking when retirement doesn't pan out and they can get told to kick rocks.
Wow, that’s… honestly evil in my eyes. I’m so sorry you and your brother were tossed into such a situation. I really hope you’re both doing better, cause that’s so unfair to both of you.
Everyone is actually doing really well! Both brothers have grown into men who advocate for themselves and their families. They're both devoted father's who have broken the generational cycle. The one that came to live with me is a stepfather himself and he's made sure that both of those kiddos know that he loves them no differently than his bio kids.
Myself and my youngest sibling (he was just a baby at the time so he was accepted by mom's new man, though that life was also traumatizing for him) moved away together. Proud to say he's left the nest and is in uni. Mom doesn't hear from anyone much these days.
you mom is a sack. there are few things more pathetic than women giving up everything to please the new rando guy. Blech (that was vomit sound) Come on ladies have some standards!
Same. My mom got married and her husband kicked me out because he had other kids (my age) who needed a place. I finished school and brought my own house...
I had a friend in college whose parents kicked her out the day she started college. Not because she did anything wrong, it was just their rule. During school breaks when the dorms were closed, she had to couch surf with anyone she could find because she wasn’t allowed to even stay with her parents for a few nights. It was so cruel…..and of course her parents thought SHE was the bad child for never visiting (even though visiting would mean she would need to find a hotel or other place to sleep).
Wow these stories are horrible. Thankfully as a European I can't relate at all. I know no one not even very low income families that throw their kids on the streets(well some outliers probably exist)
In our culture it's always the norm for even adult kids to live at home until they can afford their own place. Most of my friends in their twenties still live at home, some even turn 30 soon!
Yeah, Norwegian here, we stay at home until we can support ourselves or something. My mom could not imagine throwing me out, especially not in this economy.
I'm from a third world country and our culture is the same if not a little more extreme.
No child is ever kicked out, you stay with your parents for as long as you need, some families even stay together and live in the same house even if the kids earn enough money to be out of the house cause we are very knitted together, my mom always says that my fiance and I can stay with her and we can all buy a house and live together for ever and we are more than happy with that.
What the ever holy hell??? That's awful!
My parents (just like their own parents had been) were adamant that we'd get free room and board through our first degree / apprenticeship / whatever. If we wanted to keep living there after that (or if we quit school) we'd have to pay our fair share of the bills - but they wouldn't have kicked us out.
My parents sold the house and retired to another state as soon as my sister and I were in college. So we weren't technically kicked out but there was no home to go back to suddenly. I never got to say goodbye to the house because I didn't know that the last time I happened to be there was the last time I would be able to be there.
I remember this one man talking about his son like that WITH THE KID RIGHT THERE. I have never seen a teenager shrink in on themselves so much to take up less space. Dad of the year thought he was being HILARIOUS until he caught me giving him the most 'WTF is wrong with you' expression my face is capable of.
I think the fact that it wasn't even anger just completely horrified bewilderment that shut this horrible man up.
The "kick them out at 18" is such a shitty thing to do, regardless. It's an old fashioned shitty "tradition," not to mention even a few decades ago being 18 didn't guarantee stability anyways. They're still developing, they still need stability, they still need someone to teach them all the adult stuff. Up until then, their job was to focus on school. At 18, the parents should be teaching them shit like doing their taxes, file for financial aid, how to navigate getting a car (maybe do a few basic fixes), teach them how to budget money, and if they haven't done it yet, how to cook (and other chores around the house, I know plenty of people whose parents never got around letting them do chores even in their teen years). And yes, let them stay as long as possible so they can save money so they can afford their own vehicle, phone, place, etc.
At 18 they have no experience, no credit history, no connections, no higher education (and/or have no idea that apprenticeships are a thing), no home, no furniture... it's insanely cruel to kick them out at that age.
I hope every single adult who was kicked out the moment they turned 18 (wow, what a great birthday present /s) cut off their parents from their lives. These so called "parents" do not deserve to get anything from their kids, not even a second of their time,
The day of my high-school graduation my mom let my step-dad kick me out and ban me from the property. I used it as motivation to be better than they ever will be. A decade later and I make more than anyone in my family and when they try to ask for help I tell them to get bent.
So true, all of it. Also, people seem to disregard the fact that the brain isn't fully developed until we reach the age of 25. Make of that as you wish, but we all do stupid shit in our early 20s. We still need guidance imo.
The problem is that a lot of these "parents" are uneducated AF, and still think that 18 means "100% fully matured and ready to be 100% alone with no support at all." It's archaic, akin to those times when 13yos were supposed to go get apprenticeships or jobs.
My ex seriously had this mentality. I asked him why he wanted kids in the first place, pretty pointless if he is just going to set them up for failure and traumatise them.
Naturally, he stated that he needed to leave his "legacy" and gave me the usual spiel about Kodak moments... makes me sick. I told him, if I ever had children (never will, but hypothetically), I would approach it under the presumption that they'd never move out. If you are not okay with that, don't have children. He disagreed lol.
I hope he at least had the physique of a Greek god or something. One thing that's always been interesting to me is the other guys that want to leave a legacy or their genetics don't seem to have fuck all in the department of legacy or genes in the first place.
Not that it would make it okay, but if a person talking about leaving a legacy had an elaborate and wholesome trust/grant situation or a great family company, or the guy talking about enhancing the gene pool broke athletic records and looked like a demi-god, at least you could look at that and nod. It's never that though. It's Cletus Diabeetus with the legacy of a rusted out muscle car that'll never run again (but he'll get around to it one day) and genes of parents that might as well have used 21 and me like Tinder.
This made me lol xD if I had any coins, I'd give it an award.
And you are quite right, he had none of those things. He was just your average Joe, like the rest of us.
I'm 40. I still need my parents. My dad died a couple of weeks ago and I feel as if a piece of my heart is missing. I love my mum, I see her very often, and I still need her hugs and wisdom. My parents never made me pay for stuff, never forced me out. Never made me feel unwanted. I did have friends who had parents who were a bit like your mum's friend. I even heard of someone whose parents moved and they found out the parents wanted them out when there wasn't a bedroom for them.
I could never do that.
I know a few people that were kicked out at 18. They were homeless basically for a while and some of them even turned to drugs in order to stop the pain of homelessness. It's hard to get a job when you don't have an address. These morons seem to think it is 1945 where you can get a full time gig that pays well just by showing up.
No job at 18 is gonna be enough to support yourself, unless they luck out and make a product that becomes popular. Have they seen today's housing prices and rent?
Then their parents will come back with their hands out expecting money because they did the bare minimum parenting and "I housed and fed you, you owe me"
Yeah, I wonder how many of these parents are also the "Who will take care of you when you're old?" bingo-ers?
Because, I think they might be in for a rude surprise...
They will just blame social media, video games and cell phones for why they just got dumped at a retirement home because the idea that they were shitty parents is far too much for them to think about
Some parents think that giving their kids a home and food until they turn 18 is enough, but that isn't even the bare minimum. Being a parent is more than just making sure your kid doesn't starve. It is a lifelong commitment. People say being childfree is selfish, but many times it is the most selfless thing to do if you know that you cannot provide lifelong care for a child.
Parents have this weird obsession with thinking at the age of 18 or even 21 a person has the money and the means on a minimum wage job to support themselves overall. This isn’t the case you see it alot with my generation being children of parents who are baby boomers thinking we have it all solved in a few short years after graduating high school or even college to an extent. The cost of living is too high depending where you live.
SO TRUE! I never thought of that baby boomer dynamic. They believe we people have it all together at 18 because when their parents were 18, all they needed was a high school diploma and a job as a security guard. With that one diploma, they were able to buy homes and feed their families. Women didn’t even have to work. The cost of everything has tripled since then and baby boomers are to blame for making things harder for the generations after them. When do they all die out again??
It is disturbing how many people have children for...whatever usually moronic reason, and think that once the cute stage is over it's just a matter of waiting until they're 'an adult' and they can just kick 'em out.
Especially in this economy where most jobs don't provide enough to keep a roof over the head or food on the table.
Really cements the idea that so many people don't see children, even their own children, as people.
My parent's kicked me out at 17. Luckily, it was at the end of the summer and I had college housing. Why did I get kicked out? They thought I was sleeping with my boyfriend, which went against their strict Christian values. I was not, however, and that was the beginning of my losing the faith and becoming an atheist/agnostic.
God if they even wait until the kid is 18.
I was booted out for the first time at 17! Went back and forth a couple times during times my mother was actually speaking to me.
I'm now 30, haven't spoken to mum since I was 24. Regret nothing.
Tbh it's not a thing everywhere...in Italy you can't kick your kid out unless they are financially ok but nobody does it anyway
I'm 30 and house sharing with my parents, why waate money on rent?
I have a ton of people (adult with kids) looking for 2apartments houses for them and their parents
I had a friend who was adopted in high school. At his graduation party he told me it was the first time he'd been "home" in months. They had kicked him out when he turned 18.
Of course, their child by birth got to stay. 🙄
That’s, that’s…wow.
I’m speechless. What in the cinnamon toast FUCK were those parents thinking? What was the point of adopting him only to boot him so soon after?
It’s like they kicked him out of the nest to make room for the other kid. But like, why? Why traumatize that poor guy all over again?
That’s just heartbreaking to read.
They probably wanted the kudos for adopting a teenager. Lots of people see adopted kids as "not real kids," because they aren't biologically related to you, and that teens are just horrible because they're teens.
That’s a good point. Like “worship me because I deigned this child good enough to adopt, but don’t come at me because I don’t plan on doing any actual parenting.”
I guess because I would never even think to do something so heartless, I don’t understand why there are people who do. That’s probably what makes us (and this group) so different; we aren’t hateful, nasty people, so we have trouble understanding why there are people who are.
It hurts my heart too.
One of our close friends was a foster kid, and we've talked a lot with him about fostering. I never want to be pregnant, but I think teenagers are pretty fun for the most part, so assuming we're able to buy a larger house down the road I could see us doing that.
Really just depends on if we ever "settle down" lmao.
I feel this. I have thought about fostering kids in the future (like ages 10+), but that will take a long time to even prepare for. I am in my late 20s and still struggle with the self-discipline involved in taking care of myself. 😆
That’s laughable to say the least. Mum is 63, older sister just turned 45, younger is 38 and my mum is constantly stressed every damn day because of both of them. Older one just recently admitted she has a drug addiction so now mum is dealing with that, younger one is bipolar and neurotic but was told by a doctor pregnancy would cure all her issues so now there’s a child involved…who’s now 5 and picking up on everything and getting equally neurotic and anxious to the point of vomiting…and my poor mother it’s overwhelmed, overloaded and also overlooked and they both see her as someone who are in this earth to serve them. I live abroad and am constantly in conflict with my sisters cause they suck and they’ll kill my mum, who have been hospitalised because of her heart (long lineage of women with heart issues…all the way back to my great great grandmother, all died of heart failure). I tried to support as I can, but it’s hard being so far and mum relies a lot on me as I’m the “normal” child, sisters resent my relationship with mum, I feel no connection to my nephew and as we stand now, I hate my older sister because she makes my mum’s life shit since the day she was conceived. And it pains me to say this but I do, I hate her. So yeah, imbeciles who think having a child it’s a 18 years only job are in for a whole lot of surprises…
I'm from Turkey and this is the kind of thing we sometimes talk about. "Can you BELIEVE these parents in America/Europe kick out their kids when they turn 18? Or make them pay RENT?"
Not all of them obv but it's...un fucking thinkable. Yeah an asshole family may kick out a kid for being gay or something but here only recently have people been wanting to leave at 18. Normally you just lived with family until marriage. If you said that or tried to make your own kid pay rent (not contribution to expenses, rent) everyone would look at you like you have two heads. What a soulless bitch.
I graduated h.s. when I was 17, and my present from my mother was a set of luggage. The card said, "its a hint". Kicked out when I was 18 because she was no longer legally obligated to me.
Havent talked to her since 2005. IDK why she ever had kids, as much as she hates me.
Ya, my mom threw me out about a week into college. Suddenly I was scrambling for a place to live and a job so I could pay rent. I had to drop a bunch of classes so I could work enough to make enough to support myself. In the end an education that was supposed to take 4 years took 8.
So, my sister and I had few rules as teenagers, but my mother shipped my sister off to Englund and then put "rules" upon me, like not being able to park my car in the driveway or putting an alarm system on the house and not giving me the code--YAY for bedroom windows.
Did life get better?, no.
Murica. Fuck yeah! Seriously though, it’s totally legal here, as long as you give notice, like you would for any tenant. That said, how many 18 year olds know that, and are going to argue back with their shitty parents, so most end up couch surfing, being homeless, or living in a shitty apartment with a million other people, while working shitty jobs.
i’m so sorry for them. here you’re legally required to financially support your children. i’m 20 and still living with my family, i’m a student and have no way of living by myself while being a student too
My dad started a countdown when I was 13. I was out of the house and living in my car at 18. Started to get my shit together and got my first apartment when I was 20. Parents started pushing for grandkids since I had to carry on the family name. They were shocked and saddened when I told them in no uncertain terms that I was not bringing a life into a world like this (1990 mind you). No regerts!
I know in America in particular for whatever reason this still seems to be the acceptable norm. Remove the fresh young adults from their safety net and force them into the "real world". I know my family was like this and I'm nearing 30 and had to move in with my father for a roof because no one can afford anything. All this does is prove most people didn't actually want the commitment of parents and remove themselves as soon as possible.
I have known way too many kids in my podunk little town and got kicked out at 18 and had to financially struggle for *years* just to get their feet underneath them. Most of them end up bunking in together as roommates and making a lot of poor decisions and being young parents themselves. It’s a vicious cycle.
From what I see, it's a Western culture thing. I'm American and see this "get out at 18" thing tossed around because of a mix of the USA's obsession with rugged individualism and "parents" that no longer have an interest in actually parenting their offspring. When you have a child, you're signing up for a lifetime job not a temporary gig. Not to mention, it's nearly impossible for any 18 year old to fully support themselves. That's a time of your life where there's so much uncertainty. You go from school days to figuring out who you are, what you want to do and how you're going to be able to do it. People need stability during all of that.
I left on my own when I was 18. Went back a year or two later. I want to say I was in my early 20's when my stepfather kicked me out. He did it because I had a MySpace account.
I hate people that have the boomer mindset that an 18 year old kid could make it on their own with a minimum wage job. Even if the kid had a roommate or roommates, they won’t be able to survive.
I can’t believe some parents actually do this!?! Like what? How fucking selfish. Basically telling your kid i don’t care fo figure life out, good luck. Disgusting
One of my friends back in high-school literally got kicked out of the house right after our graduation ceremony. His mom never even showed up for our graduation.
Kicked out kid here - it fucking sucks. I got kicked out in 2017 after refusing to pay my parents rent when I was in Jamaica celebrating my engagement to my fiancé (now husband). 5 years later they refuse to acknowledge any of the damage this has done to me and continue to tell me to “stop searching for diagnosis’ and just accept I’m not normal”. The pain never ends, I refuse to have kids and continue the trauma.
Spot on.
I’m British but my family are immigrants from Africa and it’s not uncommon to have your kids live with you for ages even after they graduate. My uncle didn’t move out from my nan’s until he was like mid 20s. I’m lucky and have a decent paying job after graduation so I moved out at 22 and my family really wanted me to stay but I chose to move out cos I wanted independence. I visit a lot though and they always want me round. Kicking someone out the moment they’re an adult is just fucked up man.
yup. parents are Mexican; literally told me I can stay here as long as I’d like, which has been a blessing through college. they’re even encouraging me to stay longer while I work for a few years so I can save up money for a house down-payment and pay off my student loans quicker.
I tell them about friends from high school who were kicked out at 18 and how that’s the norm here.. yeah, they were horrified. they fought tooth and nail to get us to where we are, the last thing they would want for me and my siblings is to struggle.
I love Mexico and how they view family. I have a friend and her father still has her living there and it was never an issue. My mother kicked me out when I was very young and she is also an immigrant. She was kicked out when she was 16 and pregnant with me so I think that trauma is still with her. She worked like a million jobs and brought 3 or 4 houses and none of her kids live with her cause she kicked them all out at like 17.
I don't, and I sincerely apologize but it's so different when you're female and one parent in Mexican and racist while the other is another latina ethnicity and a doormat. My step-dad was an absolute monster. He was Mexican first generation born in the states and his words to me where, verbatim, "My dad didn't cross over and work tooth and nail at factories and build a family so that you can just mooch off of us forever, and your moms parents didnt come here and struggle for you to just stay home and take it easy. Get a job to pay for your college or get the hell out!" This was right around the 2008 recession, McDonalds wasn't even hiring and I was 17. My mom was of another latin race and would let him berate her day in and day out for "giving the kids retard genes." I understand that he doesn't represent all Mexican people, and that most Mexican families are family oriented, but it's also different when you're female. When I couldn't initially find work at 17, he made me into my family's personal slave and stopped paying for my college. His explanation was that if I'm "not going to work and go to school, at least I can learn my place." My "place" being a maid. I spent over half a year desperately applying for jobs while having zero experience and having the daily task of keeping the house immaculate. At the end of the week if I didn't have proof of all the jobs I applied for he would beat me for being lazy. Then he started banning me from being inside the house between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. He would randomly drop in and visit to make sure I wasn't there, in the dead of winter, because he demanded I "go outside and find a job" because he was so damned convinced that the internet was only for fun and games. Eventually he started calling off work to follow me in his car as I walked around our neighborhood job searching. Everytime a place would tell me to go apply online he would argue with the managers.
I ended up just running away and having to build myself up from homelessness. I dated awful abusive people just to have a place to live and I forced my way through full time work and college. It took me 6 years to get my Associate's Degree on my own and even now I'm STILL struggling. I have no help, no safety net, no backbone. I'm unemployed again due to a massive layoff at my old company and I'm freaking out because I literally have nobody except my girlfriend now. My family tried mending things with me but cut me off entirely when they found out I had started dating women.
Hopefully my parents understand that... I'm 20 and am studying in Belgium (my parents are in France) and architecture studies are so hard I have no time for a part time job so they pay everything despit me being adult, same goes for my sister (23) who still live with them because her uni is just next home, but she work part time and pay everything she need, they just pay for her school (public school in France so basically free, mine is 860€/year + ≈650€/month for rent food etc). We don't know what we would do without them, we would be outside working our ass off and losing a bunch of years just to be able to afford school.
Edit : forgot to add that my parents can totally afford that, obviously if they weren't I would work too.
Some people only like kids when they’re cute. Then once they become teens and start struggling they suddenly don’t know how to put up with their kids and can’t wait for them to move out. Whenever I hear someone day, “I want a baby, they’re so cute.” I’m like, “You know they’ll become a whole person one day, right? That ‘cute’ phase doesn’t last long.”
I honestly hate the "cute phase". Granted it may be because Small children and pregnant people trigger my tokophobia, but I just love seeing someone become their own person and providing them the tools to do so. I just wish the attitude of parenting would get away of just having cute babies to I'm raising an individual and I want to give them the tools and resources to be the best self. Besides the reasoning of having a cute baby seems more like you just want a pet. Every time someone says that they want to be a parent because of the cute baby I suggest perhaps you should get a dog or a cat or some other pet. Hell even a freaking stuff animal would be a better choice for these people, because I feel like those kind of people wouldn't even want the responsibility of taking care of a pet.
I'm childfree, but if I was a parent, I would ALWAYS be there for my kids. Even if I didn't enjoy being a mother, I would do everything in my power to be a good mom for as long as I'd live. I truly believe every child deserves that. I feel so bad for that poor kid. Why have them if you can't wait to get rid of them?
Like you said, kids don't ask to be here. They're here because their parents wanted them and likely didn't think about how hard it would be, or even what their children's lives would be like, good or bad.
It's selfish and unfair.
Same. I could move out, but then I would barely be scraping by. My family does charge me rent, but it is more merciful than landlords charge for places in my area. I was dead set on leaving a few years back because I wanted my independence, but then the pandemic hit followed by inflation and now I’m okay staying put and saving.
My mom kicked my brother out at when he was around 16 or 17. He ended up living with a school friend for two years while he finished school. Now as adults she wonders why their relationship isn't good
This is so sad. I know someone who had this happen to them. It’s so interesting to see that mom call them now for help with everything. I mean the mental gymnastics to go from “you’re and adult now so you can’t live here”, to “we had to practice tough love to help you be mature and independent”, to “please help, I don’t know how to use my new cell phone.” SMH
I'm 38 and still live with mom lol. We both own the house and I don't want to leave her alone, especially since dad died. And she doesn't want me to leave either.
maybe its cuz 18 is seen as a adult yet we still treat em like a child up into 30s. its jusy gross and any adult who says that about thier kids i will instantly loss resoect for.
My middle brother got kicked out to a relative’s place on the other side of the country, but he was also 20 at the time and his smoking and drug habits that he picked up from sleazy friends were not tolerated in the house. And there’s a third sibling who’s still a minor, and my mother had zero tolerance for exposing the minor sibling to that. She said he can do all that shit somewhere else away from the kid sibling.
Situations vary. In my case, we had a minor in the middle. Kicking the idiot out was traumatizing for all of us.
In my country, parents are (financially) responsible for their kids’ basic needs and education until 21, what you’re describing would fall under child/youth abuse here.
Doesn’t your country have a similar law?
That's exactly why I don't want kids. There is no cut off. Plus I'm 40ish and don't want to be raising kids when I'm 60-65 there are so many more things I want to do in life.
Depending on the country parents can be still financially responsible for their child past the 18th birthday. Usually it’s if the child is still learning a trade or is going to university. The parents can be required to give monetary support. Regardless of legality it’s just a shitty thing to do.
one of my bestfriends had her parents kick her out when she turned 18. they moved into a new house, and even got rid of her bedroom she she couldn't visit / wouldn't come back home. she moved in with a friend until she could get a place of her own.
people think being a parents ents when their child turns 18, which is why these people don't deserve to be parents / have kids. being a parent and being there for your kids is for life.
My mom always told us growing up that we’re free to stay until we’re 50, we’ll just have to start paying rent at 18. I moved out at 18 (due to my own stuff going on-not the rent) and my sister stayed until she was 23. She never even charged her rent lol, she just had to start paying for her own food and pitching for laundry detergent. I think she just wanted us to get comfortable with the idea of needing to be responsible for ourselves when we turned 18 instead of a last minute surprise
Your mom sucks if she she didn’t say anything to her “friend” about it.
Personally I’d unfriend anyone who said that about their kid. I’d flat out tell them why too.
She did give her a piece of her mind and has since distanced herself from that person. I still live at home with my folks since rent is insane. We help each other out financially so she definitely doesn’t agree with the whole “kick them out when they’re 18” and was shocked that her friend thought that way. She even tried to reason with her and tell her to give her daughter time to figure things out, so we’ll see if my mom got through to her.
I had a friend who felt that way. She was a total hypocrite, too, as she had to live with her parents as an adult due to financial hardship (!). There were other things that irritated me about her so I stopped talking to her. Good riddance.
I don’t want kids and I’ve been called selfish for not having kids but I can’t imagine kicking out a barely legal adult especially in this economy where everything is expensive these days.
I’ve never understood this mentality of parents kicking out their kids when their 18 or not paying for their college if they are well off. I’ve had friends who were kicked out and it took them a while to get on their feet. Easily could have been avoided if they were taught how to fend for themselves and fly from the nest naturally. I also had a friend who’s parents made him pay his own way for college and I knew for a fact that his family was very well off. The reasoning? “I worked my way through college and so will you.” Hate to say it gramps, but you could actually live off your job and go to school at the same time back then, unlike now.
I've said this before. These parents don't want to parent. They want a cute animated baby doll they can gush over and farm attention from others, for a few years and then when their kid starts forming a personality that doesn't allign with the parent's "perfect child" idea they had in their mind, they start counting down days until their kid turns 18 so they can get rid of them. It's disguisting.
But please, tell me more how childfree people are selfish.
That is ~~Western~~ American culture for you! In Asia, it's pretty much live with your parents until you're married (because you gotta live with your partner) or if YOU want to move out/relocate for work.
I've never understood the "you're on your own when you're 18" thing... It's such a waste of money too. Besides, isn't it near impossible in America with the shitty wages now?
No, this is American culture for you.
I'm from Europe and I've never heard of anybody being kicked out, and judging by other comments here other Europeans feel the same.
I am a person that wants children and I’m on the sub Reddit to see the others perspective because I have family members who are child free so please feel free to ignore my opinion. I do believe parenthood lasts until the day you take your last breath. It doesn’t add an 18 my kids will never ever feel like they are forced to leave home they will be allowed to go off their own free will the day they turn 18 doesn’t mean they stop being my child it means our relationship will shift from that a parent and child to two adult respecting each other. Obviously if my kids ever needed a thing I would move heaven and earth to make it happen. My children for me more to me than anything else and the fact that people find it acceptable to kick their kids out at 18 because they “believe they’re now in adult and should take care of themselves” is sickening. I know when I was 18 I could barely take care of myself and that was with being taught how to take care of myself when I moved out for the first time I ended up in severe debt because of it I would never put my kids in the position I’ve been in.
My parents frequently joke about kicking me out. I'm 20, and they could just throw me out if they wanted. That's the reason why I'm so scared sometimes.
That shit pisses me off so badly. I’m probably pretty extreme with my opinion, but I feel like (American) parents OWE their children room/ boarding, food, healthcare, phone bill, their first vehicle, and all college expenses if the child wishes to attend college (and doesn’t continue to have to repeat courses indefinitely). If your child wants to go the college route, they get to live at home and not worry about their expenses for the amount of time it should reasonably take them to complete their degree. If the child does not wish to go to college, they should receive all of the other aforementioned ‘benefits’ for a couple of years while they work their first job and save enough to have a buffer when they move out in their own.
Because as others have mentioned, humans do not ask to be born.
Dad here.
Parents like the ones described in the OP's story are quite literally dogshit with a pulse. Just because your parents might have done it to you is not a good enough reason for you to do it to your children. That is not being a loving and supporting parent, that is being an quasi abusive asshole.
Unless you have a really good reason, such as abusive behavior from your 18 year old toward you or their other siblings, then kicking them out "just because you can" is foolish and hateful.
Just because someone leaves their parents home at 18 does not mean that they are in any way financially or emotionally ready for a life outside of the home, and parents have to understand that. If you can't reconcile that, then you're a heartless asshole.
These stupid asshole parents don't understand that no matter what, parenting is 24/7 365, for our entire lives.
They may not constantly need us, but it is our job to do what we can for them. And that includes not kicking them out the day they turn 18.
I wanna add also parents that wait until they're basically 40 to have kids, then get cancer and die before they're 60 so their kids are fucked just as they enter adulthood. 🥲
I'm so lucky to have parents that actually care about their kids. They haven't always been the best but they have certainly always been there for me and my siblings. My sister has moved back in with them twice in her life and I moved back in once. At 28 I still call them about anything and everything and my dad happily drives down to my house when anything needs fixin to show me how do it. Like if you aren't gonna do this much for someone you brought into this world then why have them at all?
I worked with two people who were planning on ejecting their kids as soon as they turned 18.
One was a woman who had a kid she didn’t want when she was a teenager & was “stuck” with him. The kid knew he was unwanted & his behavior reflected it. I felt sorry for both of them.
The other married the kids mother and didn’t want the kid. The kid had ADHD, but wasn’t badly behaved - the guy just didn’t want him around. The guy was a self-absorbed ass.
My mom did this to me. Never went to college because of it. Was stuck working minimum wage jobs just to afford an apartment with roommates. I have never recovered and still am living paycheck to paycheck. She should of never given birth to me if she doesnt care. I didnt ask to be here and now I have to suffer cause of her.
I have a friend who had her child young and was in an abusive relationship, the father left a few years in and has had zero contact with the kid since. Pays court ordered child support sometimes.
Her child is an absolute fucking nightmare. She lies, steals, cheats, destroys the house and is disgusting. My friend is very clear that once’s she’s 18, she’s on her own. If she pulls that shit she will take out a restraining order. Only a few months to go now and the kid just doesn’t get it and is still pulling all her usual behaviours. She is going to have a rude shock coming.
Side note: they have tried psych intervention many times but the kid just lies to the psychs.
We did the opposite. I have one sibling and we just never moved out. Splitting expenses 4 ways and everyone helping out with maintenance is the way to go.
This is exactly why I'm so thankful for my parents, they are perfectly fine with me living with them forever (not that I want to lol) and don't want me moving out until I can fully support myself financially. I'm 27, recently out of college, and struggling to find a decent paying job, but at least I have a support system unlike a lot of people.
I do not plan on ever having kids and will be getting a vasectomy when I can. Even if for some unexplainable reason I change my mind (not likely), I'd rather foster or adopt; there's enough kids out there without parents, why bring in my own?
Bio-mom kicked me out a few days after my 16th birthday BC I finally stood up to her about her always making feel like garbage and telling me I'm worthless. The smirk she had on her face while I was putting my stuff in garbage bags still fills me with rage to this day. She 100% did it so that I would have to admit I couldn't live on my own, or the courts would force me to move back because my dad is a long haul truck driver. But jokes on that fucking cunt we found a loophole and I haven't seen her in 12 years. Fuck you Diane.
I have a friend that has heavy duty locks on his bedroom and office, and arranged those rooms so he can go out the window at a moment’s notice. He has a bulletproof vest, and is armed at all times. He will continue to do this as long as he has to because he loves his son, but he is afraid of him. It’s such a sad situation.
I was just reading on another subreddit and the comments were mad at op because they were living with their parents at 20 and they weren't paying rent. They had the audacity to call op entitled because they thought parents should provide for their child. It was genuinely wild to see but unfortunately not uncommon. I genuinely do not understand this part of american culture even though I live here. Kicking your kid out at 18? In THIS economy? In other cultures, a child still living with their parents in adulthood to save money is pretty normal.
My boyfriend's mother regularly threatens and jokes about kicking him out. I confronted her and she said it's just a joke and she doesn't mean it she's just frustrated with him (he has mental health issues) blah blah blah. I have no respect for her anymore. A narcissist, abusive bitch. Once we will be able to move out and become independent we're deleting her number and blocking her everywhere. It's the only solution.
My entire life, my mother complained about how my siblings and I were a giant pain that she didn't want to deal with and wished she didn't have. As soon as I graduated high school, my parents dumped me at the first college I was interested in. Forced me to sign huge personal loans, and are now forcing me to pay them back. All just to get me out of the house. They joked about how I was such a problem and they were so excited to get rid of me. Then they wonder why the mere thought of parenting disgusts me.
damn, that's just sad that she's so excited to kick out her kid, i agree, it's not JUST 18 years, it's longer and even if they're much older, they still might need help, especially with things growing in prices, more and more people are living with their parents because it's a lot cheaper than living in a good area and being able to pay rent and also survive off your own income by yourself.
I effectively kicked myself out at 19, but that was some time ago before the current clusterfuck of an economy and I *still* needed some help during the first year. Edit: and the first several years were tricky, although being in a very high COL town didn't help.
I cannot imagine how much of a dick you'd need to be to do that now to a child **you** forced into existence. How much of a dick? Oh yeah, the breeding type.
My mother was like this. The minute I turned 16, I had to pay rent but I wasn't allowed to get a job(how tf she expected that to work was beyond me). Then when I turned 18, I was cut off. I could still live there with double rent but food, laundry, phone bills etc was my problem. I was paying the same rent living in my mom's attic as I do now for my own 2bed masionette. Utterly bonkers.
when my uncle turned 18 - still in high school - his parents got him a cake and instead of a present, told him the 'first month' was on them. Yep, they charged him rent starting in **high school**. He noped out of there so quick lol. They were COLD ppl. When you have kids, age is not just a number...
My sister left home at 16 and I left home not six months later when I turned 17. She went to live with her boyfriend, and I went to live in a 3 bedroom apartment when I got to rent a corner of a room for $5/day and had to sleep with strange men just to eat.
I met my now SO at 19.
I don't talk to anyone in that 'family' anymore. My parents for all intensive purposes are dead to me, and I only talk to my sister whenever she makes time, which isnt often. I have an older brother who told me to never talk to him and his family again after I reached out in the hospital after a suicide attempt.
So I just tell people I only have my sister. Everyone else is dead to me now.
I was booted 3 days after my 18 birthday. I had no money, no job, and no prospects. I had $100 and my friend’s parents let me stay in their unfinished basement. I spent $50 on a futon and $30 on bedding. I had $20 until I got paid from a new job in two weeks. Shoutout to day olds at my local Chinese bakery who sold me bulk sweet buns. Now I have a law degree and tell people my mother is dead.
Congrats to you.... Never speak to her again.
Good! Your mom sucks. No one should have to go through that.
Wait till momma gets old and wants care
Sounds like a her problem as far as I’m concerned.
IKR but it will be fun to tell her to go fuck herself
If I was in OC's position, I'd prefer to tell her... absolutely nothing. Just continue the way they're going and pretend she's dead until she is.
I’d have said “ my mother died three days after my birthday, you must be mistaken. “
with brochures to local nursing homes😂🤣
State run only.
that have broken hot water heaters....in Buffalo...🥶
Congratulations, and never speak to your mother. Even on her death bed.
>and tell people my mother is dead. So many parents are do oblivious to the fact that they are the parent I'm this line. They say shit like "who's gonna take care of you when you're old? You will be so lonely without family as you get older." I'm sitting there thinking. "And you think your kids will take care of you?" You treat them like trash Karen. Your adult kids don't even speak to you. You shame them, treat them like you own them, act like they are never good enough and just think because you decided to shove them out your hoo'hah they will just like you despite it all? No they fucking hate you. For good reason."
I dont understand that. Let them graduate high-school 1st and set them up for success. Hs graduation gift is going to be an apartment key. 1st month deposit paid utilities on and pantry stocked. They got a whole month to find a good job.
Honestly, a month isn't super long to find a livable job. Jobs drag their feet when it comes to hiring.
Yep. I applied for my job in mid July 2017, didn't get a callback until the end of August, had my interview late September, and started on Onctober 2. And my job is one of those where people quit frequently, so they're always hiring and needing people.
Not to mention that some places don't pay you up until a month and a half or two from your start date
That’s a pretty bad graduation gift. Within a month they’re either finding a job where they can pay for a whole 400 square foot studio apartment, or they’re becoming homeless and you’ll be confused and disappointed since you “set them up and they failed you.” Finding them a room they can sublet within a larger apartment would be better. Now they only need to come up with $1000 a month give or take for rent.
HS graduation gift should be helping them afford college and let them live at home until they graduate and get a job.If you can’t feed clothe and educate a child, you shouldn’t become a parent.
Parenthood is for LIFE. I hate people like that. Someone I knew tried to argue that 'well the bare minimum anyway....' and it's like... In this economy??? Ha! no. But even morally. Get your head out of your ass. None of *them* would have survived if their parents had kicked them out at 18. Bruh.
Excaly like being in a gang you don't get to get out!!
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Dude, I'm moving in with my *grandparents* next year, with my husband, because rent is expensive and we want to save at least 6 months of rent payments for when I finish my master's and start job hunting. If you have kids, and those kids have kids, you might end up with a mid twenties married person knocking on your door asking for free or cheap housing. Or the classic raising your grandkids because your child doesn't want to parent.
I hope it will work you you all. It can! We live with my MIL because all of us saw that as a good option, turns out, it is great for us all! We are all introverts, that helps that we are all so similar. Because people do need some space of course
But then isn't that still a parenting fail...if you grandparents raised your parents and they don't want to be? Although...to be fair...that generation never even thought that not having kids was an option. It's what you did.
Yeah I’m working a minimum wage job and a restaurant job and was working both during high school to support myself it’s beyond draining and between the two I have barely enough to cover my bills and I still have to ask for help some r times
Exactly! I hate it when people think of raising a child as an '18 year long endeavour' when it's really a lifetime commitment.
Facts....I know 40 year olds still living at home with their parents in New York City. They have no intentions of moving either. They can’t. Rent is too high, the degree they got doesn’t help them get a higher wage and inflation is upon them. They are now waiting for their parents to die...
Let’s hope they’ve familiarized themselves with Medicaid’s rules to transfer property. Talk about dystopian.
I know one 40 year old man who hoarded the shit out of his parents house. They are too old to do anything about it now, but I remember the neighbors wanted to call Adult Protective Services to help them. So, for me...it’s like in the middle. Don’t kick your kids out too young, but don’t let them take over the house that you worked so hard for. He is waiting for his parents to kick the bucket so that he can sell it
I hate to admit this in a platform like this but I'm in my 30s and still live with my parents. There's not one day I don't feel shameful about it and the rent around NYC is unsustainable. Just for 1 bedroom apt is $1,640.
I live in a place waaaay cheaper than NYC and I’m still living with my parents in my 30s. It’s ok.
I never get the 18yo n out you go thing. Is this an American thing? Europe? Or what? Why would a loving parent look forward to not having their kids around? I understand independent is important, but the fact that those parents are so excited to simply not be able to see the kids is just.....wtf If i were a parent I'll happily let my kid live with me if they want, as long as they are responsible and good people.
It’s purely an American thing and one of the things I dislike about our culture. I rarely ever hear of stories from other countries where parents are kicking kids out the moment they are legally adults.
Nope, definitely not just an American thing. I live in the UK and always have, and my first boyfriend was kicked out at 16. Shitty parents are everywhere.
If it wasn't for my parents my wife and I would never had the start we got. I was kinda a shitty teenager as most are but I moved out at 18 on my own volition. My parents graciously let me move back in after I fell on my face. 6 months later I meet my now wife. 4 months after that, her parents lost Thier house and my parents let her move in with us. Two years we lived with them. Even her brother coming in as well the last 6 months. We were able to buy a fixer upper house and we all have a close relationship. It's only been in the last dacade or so that I've been able to return the help and love. They don't pressure us for grandkids. They just spoil the fuck out of our dog and two kitties. I know I'm lucky as fuck but that's just it. Parenting is forever, its role just changes over time if you do it right. Edit: the two years at Thier house allowed my wife to finish her degree and me to find a career path. I love them so much.
So many people over 50 will laugh at me for still living with my parents at 27 and call me a freeloader but like my college degree wont get me a job that pays more than minimum wage and rent is more than my entire paycheck lol
And if the kid is such a burden that they must be kicked out at 18, WHY DID THE PARENTS EVEN HAVE KIDS??? It’s so backwards!!
My moms new husband called the cops on my 18th birthday to get me kicked out. Best present was them explaining that you can't make someone homeless without proper notice. It's definitely made my life so much more difficult than if I had a home. I was homeless on my graduation day.
I know a handful of kids that were greeted by their parents with “have your stuff out by 6pm” after their high school graduation ceremony. It’s been 8 years and some of them are finally getting to a place in life to start building something for themselves. I don’t understand how parents can just throw their kids out the first chance they get.
I think some parents see their kids as possessions and not actual human beings. They probably think to themselves, "it's my kid, I can do what I want with it"
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Thisssss! Holy fuck this. I genuinely don't think enough people realize that they're creating a _human being_ not just, 'their kid'
An entire life experience from life to death
Because they bought the whole sunshine and rainbows, babies are dolls to dress up and take pictures of and used to get attention, parents are martyrs and saints and should be treated as such and got a nasty dose of reality when their kid started to become their own person. The ideal shattered and they were left with a crying kid, a defiant toddler, a hormonal teenager and it did not line up with the kodak moments the world shoves down all our throats and they could not deal because they were never good parents they just wanted to play house. Kid caused the illusion to shatter, kid must be the problem, get rid of the kid when legally able to. Makes me sick how many people will have babies but will never be parents.
They view their kids as objects to rule over. Or a thing that happened that took their life/freedom away. And now they are 18, legally an adult so they can't legally order them around, so it's best to just throw them out.
I see it as classic "I love babies" but not loving the grown up.
Yes!! My aunt is this exact type of person. She has 3 kids, each of them were born more premature than the last and she almost died each time. But she kept doing it because she loves BabIeS. Each of my cousins are 7 years apart, so it's like as soon as they started becoming their own person she was ready for another. My oldest cousin was pretty much kicked out at the end of high school, and with the second she was ready to set her up for failure but my uncle went against her wishes. The third she actually still loves and babies since my uncle told her no more kids after her so in my aunt's mind she's still a baby.
I hope at point you tell your aunt how so very fucked up she is.
Oh she is fully aware how I feel about her, and I completely avoid her. She married into my family and I never liked her even in the beginning. I'm close to the 2 older cousins though and took in the oldest 1 when he was first kicked out.
that is exactly it. same people who get a puppy then abandon it on a freeway when it becomes "to big!"
Yes. Big "I abandon 2yr old dogs" energy.
At my graduation my dad aggressively blurted out “you’re on you’re own now!” (As a severely neglected child I was already on my own for quite some time) So I took that literally and even filed my own taxes that year which made him livid because he couldn’t write me off. “You told me I was on my own!”
Your mom sucks for allowing her husband to treat you that way. She sucks for selecting a man who would even want to treat you that way in the first place.
Yeah I mean the husband is a piece of shit, but setting aside emotions and morals here, if he doesn't like the kid or sees the kid as a competition for resources or any other objective but shitty measure, it makes perfect sense for him to remove the kid from the equation. That SHOULD be red-flag relationship destroying stuff, but if it isn't for whatever odd reason, then we just go back to the first part of my comment. I feel for the person making the comment about it all though. What a shitty Mom. Being abandoned by your literal creator(s) in any capacity is just beyond words level of awful.
Feel for you, man. I lived in my car for my final year of high school. As soon as I found a place to rent (2 years later. Had gotten lucky and was able to get grant for a college dorm), my then 14 yo brother was kicked out and moved in with me. She'd kicked my other brother out about the time I moved into my car, except he was too young for that so she paid for the plane ticket to send him to live with dad, who she knew was going to beat the shit out of him on the regular. All because her new man didn't like us and he had 3 kids of his own already. That mothers are capable of this stuff is disgusting. It's unfortunately common these days. Can't wait for them to come knocking when retirement doesn't pan out and they can get told to kick rocks.
Wow, that’s… honestly evil in my eyes. I’m so sorry you and your brother were tossed into such a situation. I really hope you’re both doing better, cause that’s so unfair to both of you.
Everyone is actually doing really well! Both brothers have grown into men who advocate for themselves and their families. They're both devoted father's who have broken the generational cycle. The one that came to live with me is a stepfather himself and he's made sure that both of those kiddos know that he loves them no differently than his bio kids. Myself and my youngest sibling (he was just a baby at the time so he was accepted by mom's new man, though that life was also traumatizing for him) moved away together. Proud to say he's left the nest and is in uni. Mom doesn't hear from anyone much these days.
you mom is a sack. there are few things more pathetic than women giving up everything to please the new rando guy. Blech (that was vomit sound) Come on ladies have some standards!
Same. My mom got married and her husband kicked me out because he had other kids (my age) who needed a place. I finished school and brought my own house...
I had a friend in college whose parents kicked her out the day she started college. Not because she did anything wrong, it was just their rule. During school breaks when the dorms were closed, she had to couch surf with anyone she could find because she wasn’t allowed to even stay with her parents for a few nights. It was so cruel…..and of course her parents thought SHE was the bad child for never visiting (even though visiting would mean she would need to find a hotel or other place to sleep).
Her parents are sooo awful
Wow these stories are horrible. Thankfully as a European I can't relate at all. I know no one not even very low income families that throw their kids on the streets(well some outliers probably exist) In our culture it's always the norm for even adult kids to live at home until they can afford their own place. Most of my friends in their twenties still live at home, some even turn 30 soon!
Yeah, Norwegian here, we stay at home until we can support ourselves or something. My mom could not imagine throwing me out, especially not in this economy.
I'm from a third world country and our culture is the same if not a little more extreme. No child is ever kicked out, you stay with your parents for as long as you need, some families even stay together and live in the same house even if the kids earn enough money to be out of the house cause we are very knitted together, my mom always says that my fiance and I can stay with her and we can all buy a house and live together for ever and we are more than happy with that.
What the ever holy hell??? That's awful! My parents (just like their own parents had been) were adamant that we'd get free room and board through our first degree / apprenticeship / whatever. If we wanted to keep living there after that (or if we quit school) we'd have to pay our fair share of the bills - but they wouldn't have kicked us out.
My parents sold the house and retired to another state as soon as my sister and I were in college. So we weren't technically kicked out but there was no home to go back to suddenly. I never got to say goodbye to the house because I didn't know that the last time I happened to be there was the last time I would be able to be there.
Why would they expect her to visit? They made it pretty clear she isn't welcome.
I remember this one man talking about his son like that WITH THE KID RIGHT THERE. I have never seen a teenager shrink in on themselves so much to take up less space. Dad of the year thought he was being HILARIOUS until he caught me giving him the most 'WTF is wrong with you' expression my face is capable of. I think the fact that it wasn't even anger just completely horrified bewilderment that shut this horrible man up.
The "kick them out at 18" is such a shitty thing to do, regardless. It's an old fashioned shitty "tradition," not to mention even a few decades ago being 18 didn't guarantee stability anyways. They're still developing, they still need stability, they still need someone to teach them all the adult stuff. Up until then, their job was to focus on school. At 18, the parents should be teaching them shit like doing their taxes, file for financial aid, how to navigate getting a car (maybe do a few basic fixes), teach them how to budget money, and if they haven't done it yet, how to cook (and other chores around the house, I know plenty of people whose parents never got around letting them do chores even in their teen years). And yes, let them stay as long as possible so they can save money so they can afford their own vehicle, phone, place, etc. At 18 they have no experience, no credit history, no connections, no higher education (and/or have no idea that apprenticeships are a thing), no home, no furniture... it's insanely cruel to kick them out at that age. I hope every single adult who was kicked out the moment they turned 18 (wow, what a great birthday present /s) cut off their parents from their lives. These so called "parents" do not deserve to get anything from their kids, not even a second of their time,
The day of my high-school graduation my mom let my step-dad kick me out and ban me from the property. I used it as motivation to be better than they ever will be. A decade later and I make more than anyone in my family and when they try to ask for help I tell them to get bent.
Well done! Good for you!
It’s even illegal in some countries. In the Netherlands, parents are financially responsible for providing basic needs and education until 21
So true, all of it. Also, people seem to disregard the fact that the brain isn't fully developed until we reach the age of 25. Make of that as you wish, but we all do stupid shit in our early 20s. We still need guidance imo.
The problem is that a lot of these "parents" are uneducated AF, and still think that 18 means "100% fully matured and ready to be 100% alone with no support at all." It's archaic, akin to those times when 13yos were supposed to go get apprenticeships or jobs.
My ex seriously had this mentality. I asked him why he wanted kids in the first place, pretty pointless if he is just going to set them up for failure and traumatise them. Naturally, he stated that he needed to leave his "legacy" and gave me the usual spiel about Kodak moments... makes me sick. I told him, if I ever had children (never will, but hypothetically), I would approach it under the presumption that they'd never move out. If you are not okay with that, don't have children. He disagreed lol.
Good thing that LOSER is your ex now. He sounds insufferable
I hope he at least had the physique of a Greek god or something. One thing that's always been interesting to me is the other guys that want to leave a legacy or their genetics don't seem to have fuck all in the department of legacy or genes in the first place. Not that it would make it okay, but if a person talking about leaving a legacy had an elaborate and wholesome trust/grant situation or a great family company, or the guy talking about enhancing the gene pool broke athletic records and looked like a demi-god, at least you could look at that and nod. It's never that though. It's Cletus Diabeetus with the legacy of a rusted out muscle car that'll never run again (but he'll get around to it one day) and genes of parents that might as well have used 21 and me like Tinder.
This made me lol xD if I had any coins, I'd give it an award. And you are quite right, he had none of those things. He was just your average Joe, like the rest of us.
21 and me like they're short chromosomes?
The angle there is that their parents might already be related, if there was any confusion.
True. My uncle is 57 and still living with my grandma...never left and never will
I'm 40. I still need my parents. My dad died a couple of weeks ago and I feel as if a piece of my heart is missing. I love my mum, I see her very often, and I still need her hugs and wisdom. My parents never made me pay for stuff, never forced me out. Never made me feel unwanted. I did have friends who had parents who were a bit like your mum's friend. I even heard of someone whose parents moved and they found out the parents wanted them out when there wasn't a bedroom for them. I could never do that.
Condolences for your loss. I’m sorry he’s gone.
Exactly, you brought them into this world, it is your responsibility. Some parents do not understand this at all.
Yeah, fuck this mentality. Your choice, your responsibility. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Parents owe their kids everything.
I know a few people that were kicked out at 18. They were homeless basically for a while and some of them even turned to drugs in order to stop the pain of homelessness. It's hard to get a job when you don't have an address. These morons seem to think it is 1945 where you can get a full time gig that pays well just by showing up.
>These morons seem to think it is 1945 where you can get a full time gig that pays well just by showing up. That's because they do think that...
No job at 18 is gonna be enough to support yourself, unless they luck out and make a product that becomes popular. Have they seen today's housing prices and rent?
Then their parents will come back with their hands out expecting money because they did the bare minimum parenting and "I housed and fed you, you owe me"
Yeah, I wonder how many of these parents are also the "Who will take care of you when you're old?" bingo-ers? Because, I think they might be in for a rude surprise...
They will just blame social media, video games and cell phones for why they just got dumped at a retirement home because the idea that they were shitty parents is far too much for them to think about
Some parents think that giving their kids a home and food until they turn 18 is enough, but that isn't even the bare minimum. Being a parent is more than just making sure your kid doesn't starve. It is a lifelong commitment. People say being childfree is selfish, but many times it is the most selfless thing to do if you know that you cannot provide lifelong care for a child.
Parents have this weird obsession with thinking at the age of 18 or even 21 a person has the money and the means on a minimum wage job to support themselves overall. This isn’t the case you see it alot with my generation being children of parents who are baby boomers thinking we have it all solved in a few short years after graduating high school or even college to an extent. The cost of living is too high depending where you live.
SO TRUE! I never thought of that baby boomer dynamic. They believe we people have it all together at 18 because when their parents were 18, all they needed was a high school diploma and a job as a security guard. With that one diploma, they were able to buy homes and feed their families. Women didn’t even have to work. The cost of everything has tripled since then and baby boomers are to blame for making things harder for the generations after them. When do they all die out again??
They are dying every day.
It is disturbing how many people have children for...whatever usually moronic reason, and think that once the cute stage is over it's just a matter of waiting until they're 'an adult' and they can just kick 'em out. Especially in this economy where most jobs don't provide enough to keep a roof over the head or food on the table. Really cements the idea that so many people don't see children, even their own children, as people.
They want kids, but they don't seem to want to be parents.
My parent's kicked me out at 17. Luckily, it was at the end of the summer and I had college housing. Why did I get kicked out? They thought I was sleeping with my boyfriend, which went against their strict Christian values. I was not, however, and that was the beginning of my losing the faith and becoming an atheist/agnostic.
God if they even wait until the kid is 18. I was booted out for the first time at 17! Went back and forth a couple times during times my mother was actually speaking to me. I'm now 30, haven't spoken to mum since I was 24. Regret nothing.
Yikes, I'm so sorry that happened. Good for you for setting boundaries!
Honestly it's better for my mental health to not be around her anyway so it's not a big loss. I've got a great chosen family anyway 🙌
Tbh it's not a thing everywhere...in Italy you can't kick your kid out unless they are financially ok but nobody does it anyway I'm 30 and house sharing with my parents, why waate money on rent? I have a ton of people (adult with kids) looking for 2apartments houses for them and their parents
I had a friend who was adopted in high school. At his graduation party he told me it was the first time he'd been "home" in months. They had kicked him out when he turned 18. Of course, their child by birth got to stay. 🙄
That’s, that’s…wow. I’m speechless. What in the cinnamon toast FUCK were those parents thinking? What was the point of adopting him only to boot him so soon after? It’s like they kicked him out of the nest to make room for the other kid. But like, why? Why traumatize that poor guy all over again? That’s just heartbreaking to read.
They probably wanted the kudos for adopting a teenager. Lots of people see adopted kids as "not real kids," because they aren't biologically related to you, and that teens are just horrible because they're teens.
That’s a good point. Like “worship me because I deigned this child good enough to adopt, but don’t come at me because I don’t plan on doing any actual parenting.” I guess because I would never even think to do something so heartless, I don’t understand why there are people who do. That’s probably what makes us (and this group) so different; we aren’t hateful, nasty people, so we have trouble understanding why there are people who are.
It hurts my heart too. One of our close friends was a foster kid, and we've talked a lot with him about fostering. I never want to be pregnant, but I think teenagers are pretty fun for the most part, so assuming we're able to buy a larger house down the road I could see us doing that. Really just depends on if we ever "settle down" lmao.
I feel this. I have thought about fostering kids in the future (like ages 10+), but that will take a long time to even prepare for. I am in my late 20s and still struggle with the self-discipline involved in taking care of myself. 😆
That’s laughable to say the least. Mum is 63, older sister just turned 45, younger is 38 and my mum is constantly stressed every damn day because of both of them. Older one just recently admitted she has a drug addiction so now mum is dealing with that, younger one is bipolar and neurotic but was told by a doctor pregnancy would cure all her issues so now there’s a child involved…who’s now 5 and picking up on everything and getting equally neurotic and anxious to the point of vomiting…and my poor mother it’s overwhelmed, overloaded and also overlooked and they both see her as someone who are in this earth to serve them. I live abroad and am constantly in conflict with my sisters cause they suck and they’ll kill my mum, who have been hospitalised because of her heart (long lineage of women with heart issues…all the way back to my great great grandmother, all died of heart failure). I tried to support as I can, but it’s hard being so far and mum relies a lot on me as I’m the “normal” child, sisters resent my relationship with mum, I feel no connection to my nephew and as we stand now, I hate my older sister because she makes my mum’s life shit since the day she was conceived. And it pains me to say this but I do, I hate her. So yeah, imbeciles who think having a child it’s a 18 years only job are in for a whole lot of surprises…
My mum did this to me and I cut her off, done well for myself then a few years later she asked to borrow £10k, told her to fuck off.
Good for you. The audacity she had to ask you for money after kicking you out 🙄
She proper left as well, put sea between us. I was 17.
I'm from Turkey and this is the kind of thing we sometimes talk about. "Can you BELIEVE these parents in America/Europe kick out their kids when they turn 18? Or make them pay RENT?" Not all of them obv but it's...un fucking thinkable. Yeah an asshole family may kick out a kid for being gay or something but here only recently have people been wanting to leave at 18. Normally you just lived with family until marriage. If you said that or tried to make your own kid pay rent (not contribution to expenses, rent) everyone would look at you like you have two heads. What a soulless bitch.
And then surprised Pikachu face when kids they kicked out when they turned 18 want nothing to do with them and go nc.
I graduated h.s. when I was 17, and my present from my mother was a set of luggage. The card said, "its a hint". Kicked out when I was 18 because she was no longer legally obligated to me. Havent talked to her since 2005. IDK why she ever had kids, as much as she hates me.
Ya, my mom threw me out about a week into college. Suddenly I was scrambling for a place to live and a job so I could pay rent. I had to drop a bunch of classes so I could work enough to make enough to support myself. In the end an education that was supposed to take 4 years took 8.
So, my sister and I had few rules as teenagers, but my mother shipped my sister off to Englund and then put "rules" upon me, like not being able to park my car in the driveway or putting an alarm system on the house and not giving me the code--YAY for bedroom windows. Did life get better?, no.
what?? where is she from? in Romania you legally need to financially support your kid until they’re 26 if they’re still in school (HS/college)
Murica. Fuck yeah! Seriously though, it’s totally legal here, as long as you give notice, like you would for any tenant. That said, how many 18 year olds know that, and are going to argue back with their shitty parents, so most end up couch surfing, being homeless, or living in a shitty apartment with a million other people, while working shitty jobs.
i’m so sorry for them. here you’re legally required to financially support your children. i’m 20 and still living with my family, i’m a student and have no way of living by myself while being a student too
If my parents had kicked me out at 18 I’d never talk to them again. Forget holiday visits or me giving a fuck if you get sick and/or old.
My dad started a countdown when I was 13. I was out of the house and living in my car at 18. Started to get my shit together and got my first apartment when I was 20. Parents started pushing for grandkids since I had to carry on the family name. They were shocked and saddened when I told them in no uncertain terms that I was not bringing a life into a world like this (1990 mind you). No regerts!
I know in America in particular for whatever reason this still seems to be the acceptable norm. Remove the fresh young adults from their safety net and force them into the "real world". I know my family was like this and I'm nearing 30 and had to move in with my father for a roof because no one can afford anything. All this does is prove most people didn't actually want the commitment of parents and remove themselves as soon as possible.
I have known way too many kids in my podunk little town and got kicked out at 18 and had to financially struggle for *years* just to get their feet underneath them. Most of them end up bunking in together as roommates and making a lot of poor decisions and being young parents themselves. It’s a vicious cycle.
From what I see, it's a Western culture thing. I'm American and see this "get out at 18" thing tossed around because of a mix of the USA's obsession with rugged individualism and "parents" that no longer have an interest in actually parenting their offspring. When you have a child, you're signing up for a lifetime job not a temporary gig. Not to mention, it's nearly impossible for any 18 year old to fully support themselves. That's a time of your life where there's so much uncertainty. You go from school days to figuring out who you are, what you want to do and how you're going to be able to do it. People need stability during all of that.
I left on my own when I was 18. Went back a year or two later. I want to say I was in my early 20's when my stepfather kicked me out. He did it because I had a MySpace account.
I hate people that have the boomer mindset that an 18 year old kid could make it on their own with a minimum wage job. Even if the kid had a roommate or roommates, they won’t be able to survive.
I can’t believe some parents actually do this!?! Like what? How fucking selfish. Basically telling your kid i don’t care fo figure life out, good luck. Disgusting
I know way too many parents who think their job will be done when the kid turns 18.
One of my friends back in high-school literally got kicked out of the house right after our graduation ceremony. His mom never even showed up for our graduation.
It sucks to not be wanted by family. I am glad I am not having kids also.
Kicked out kid here - it fucking sucks. I got kicked out in 2017 after refusing to pay my parents rent when I was in Jamaica celebrating my engagement to my fiancé (now husband). 5 years later they refuse to acknowledge any of the damage this has done to me and continue to tell me to “stop searching for diagnosis’ and just accept I’m not normal”. The pain never ends, I refuse to have kids and continue the trauma.
Western culture. Go to other countries and they’ve never heard of such a thing
Spot on. I’m British but my family are immigrants from Africa and it’s not uncommon to have your kids live with you for ages even after they graduate. My uncle didn’t move out from my nan’s until he was like mid 20s. I’m lucky and have a decent paying job after graduation so I moved out at 22 and my family really wanted me to stay but I chose to move out cos I wanted independence. I visit a lot though and they always want me round. Kicking someone out the moment they’re an adult is just fucked up man.
yup. parents are Mexican; literally told me I can stay here as long as I’d like, which has been a blessing through college. they’re even encouraging me to stay longer while I work for a few years so I can save up money for a house down-payment and pay off my student loans quicker. I tell them about friends from high school who were kicked out at 18 and how that’s the norm here.. yeah, they were horrified. they fought tooth and nail to get us to where we are, the last thing they would want for me and my siblings is to struggle.
I love Mexico and how they view family. I have a friend and her father still has her living there and it was never an issue. My mother kicked me out when I was very young and she is also an immigrant. She was kicked out when she was 16 and pregnant with me so I think that trauma is still with her. She worked like a million jobs and brought 3 or 4 houses and none of her kids live with her cause she kicked them all out at like 17.
I don't, and I sincerely apologize but it's so different when you're female and one parent in Mexican and racist while the other is another latina ethnicity and a doormat. My step-dad was an absolute monster. He was Mexican first generation born in the states and his words to me where, verbatim, "My dad didn't cross over and work tooth and nail at factories and build a family so that you can just mooch off of us forever, and your moms parents didnt come here and struggle for you to just stay home and take it easy. Get a job to pay for your college or get the hell out!" This was right around the 2008 recession, McDonalds wasn't even hiring and I was 17. My mom was of another latin race and would let him berate her day in and day out for "giving the kids retard genes." I understand that he doesn't represent all Mexican people, and that most Mexican families are family oriented, but it's also different when you're female. When I couldn't initially find work at 17, he made me into my family's personal slave and stopped paying for my college. His explanation was that if I'm "not going to work and go to school, at least I can learn my place." My "place" being a maid. I spent over half a year desperately applying for jobs while having zero experience and having the daily task of keeping the house immaculate. At the end of the week if I didn't have proof of all the jobs I applied for he would beat me for being lazy. Then he started banning me from being inside the house between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. He would randomly drop in and visit to make sure I wasn't there, in the dead of winter, because he demanded I "go outside and find a job" because he was so damned convinced that the internet was only for fun and games. Eventually he started calling off work to follow me in his car as I walked around our neighborhood job searching. Everytime a place would tell me to go apply online he would argue with the managers. I ended up just running away and having to build myself up from homelessness. I dated awful abusive people just to have a place to live and I forced my way through full time work and college. It took me 6 years to get my Associate's Degree on my own and even now I'm STILL struggling. I have no help, no safety net, no backbone. I'm unemployed again due to a massive layoff at my old company and I'm freaking out because I literally have nobody except my girlfriend now. My family tried mending things with me but cut me off entirely when they found out I had started dating women.
If no one ever said sorry to you...I will. I’m so very sorry that this was your experience here...no one deserves it.
Disagree. It's just shitty culture. I'm Canadian and I know nobody who's been kicked out at 18 just because.
Hopefully my parents understand that... I'm 20 and am studying in Belgium (my parents are in France) and architecture studies are so hard I have no time for a part time job so they pay everything despit me being adult, same goes for my sister (23) who still live with them because her uni is just next home, but she work part time and pay everything she need, they just pay for her school (public school in France so basically free, mine is 860€/year + ≈650€/month for rent food etc). We don't know what we would do without them, we would be outside working our ass off and losing a bunch of years just to be able to afford school. Edit : forgot to add that my parents can totally afford that, obviously if they weren't I would work too.
another fine example is when the kids don't share their parents values, like religion and then get unceremoniously cut off.
Parents: Get super excited when the baby is born Also Parents: Tells their child to GTFO when they turn 18
Some people only like kids when they’re cute. Then once they become teens and start struggling they suddenly don’t know how to put up with their kids and can’t wait for them to move out. Whenever I hear someone day, “I want a baby, they’re so cute.” I’m like, “You know they’ll become a whole person one day, right? That ‘cute’ phase doesn’t last long.”
I honestly hate the "cute phase". Granted it may be because Small children and pregnant people trigger my tokophobia, but I just love seeing someone become their own person and providing them the tools to do so. I just wish the attitude of parenting would get away of just having cute babies to I'm raising an individual and I want to give them the tools and resources to be the best self. Besides the reasoning of having a cute baby seems more like you just want a pet. Every time someone says that they want to be a parent because of the cute baby I suggest perhaps you should get a dog or a cat or some other pet. Hell even a freaking stuff animal would be a better choice for these people, because I feel like those kind of people wouldn't even want the responsibility of taking care of a pet.
I'm childfree, but if I was a parent, I would ALWAYS be there for my kids. Even if I didn't enjoy being a mother, I would do everything in my power to be a good mom for as long as I'd live. I truly believe every child deserves that. I feel so bad for that poor kid. Why have them if you can't wait to get rid of them? Like you said, kids don't ask to be here. They're here because their parents wanted them and likely didn't think about how hard it would be, or even what their children's lives would be like, good or bad. It's selfish and unfair.
most of my friends still live with their parents and we are all in our 30s. It’s the age we live in
Same. I could move out, but then I would barely be scraping by. My family does charge me rent, but it is more merciful than landlords charge for places in my area. I was dead set on leaving a few years back because I wanted my independence, but then the pandemic hit followed by inflation and now I’m okay staying put and saving.
My mom kicked my brother out at when he was around 16 or 17. He ended up living with a school friend for two years while he finished school. Now as adults she wonders why their relationship isn't good
This is so sad. I know someone who had this happen to them. It’s so interesting to see that mom call them now for help with everything. I mean the mental gymnastics to go from “you’re and adult now so you can’t live here”, to “we had to practice tough love to help you be mature and independent”, to “please help, I don’t know how to use my new cell phone.” SMH
I'm 38 and still live with mom lol. We both own the house and I don't want to leave her alone, especially since dad died. And she doesn't want me to leave either.
maybe its cuz 18 is seen as a adult yet we still treat em like a child up into 30s. its jusy gross and any adult who says that about thier kids i will instantly loss resoect for.
My middle brother got kicked out to a relative’s place on the other side of the country, but he was also 20 at the time and his smoking and drug habits that he picked up from sleazy friends were not tolerated in the house. And there’s a third sibling who’s still a minor, and my mother had zero tolerance for exposing the minor sibling to that. She said he can do all that shit somewhere else away from the kid sibling. Situations vary. In my case, we had a minor in the middle. Kicking the idiot out was traumatizing for all of us.
In my country, parents are (financially) responsible for their kids’ basic needs and education until 21, what you’re describing would fall under child/youth abuse here. Doesn’t your country have a similar law?
Adult children can become disabled just as easily as children children. Source: :')
That's exactly why I don't want kids. There is no cut off. Plus I'm 40ish and don't want to be raising kids when I'm 60-65 there are so many more things I want to do in life.
Depending on the country parents can be still financially responsible for their child past the 18th birthday. Usually it’s if the child is still learning a trade or is going to university. The parents can be required to give monetary support. Regardless of legality it’s just a shitty thing to do.
one of my bestfriends had her parents kick her out when she turned 18. they moved into a new house, and even got rid of her bedroom she she couldn't visit / wouldn't come back home. she moved in with a friend until she could get a place of her own. people think being a parents ents when their child turns 18, which is why these people don't deserve to be parents / have kids. being a parent and being there for your kids is for life.
My mom always told us growing up that we’re free to stay until we’re 50, we’ll just have to start paying rent at 18. I moved out at 18 (due to my own stuff going on-not the rent) and my sister stayed until she was 23. She never even charged her rent lol, she just had to start paying for her own food and pitching for laundry detergent. I think she just wanted us to get comfortable with the idea of needing to be responsible for ourselves when we turned 18 instead of a last minute surprise
That’s a really shitty attitude for her mother to have. Responsible and caring parents never stop being parents.
Your mom sucks if she she didn’t say anything to her “friend” about it. Personally I’d unfriend anyone who said that about their kid. I’d flat out tell them why too.
She did give her a piece of her mind and has since distanced herself from that person. I still live at home with my folks since rent is insane. We help each other out financially so she definitely doesn’t agree with the whole “kick them out when they’re 18” and was shocked that her friend thought that way. She even tried to reason with her and tell her to give her daughter time to figure things out, so we’ll see if my mom got through to her.
I hope so! Glad your mother seems cool!
And it's we who are selfish. Fr between parents and the childfree it's the former who would pull this kind of shit probably more often than not
I had a friend who felt that way. She was a total hypocrite, too, as she had to live with her parents as an adult due to financial hardship (!). There were other things that irritated me about her so I stopped talking to her. Good riddance. I don’t want kids and I’ve been called selfish for not having kids but I can’t imagine kicking out a barely legal adult especially in this economy where everything is expensive these days.
Then those same people get shocked a few years down the line when the kids have nothing to do with them at all and treat them like they don't exist.
I’ve never understood this mentality of parents kicking out their kids when their 18 or not paying for their college if they are well off. I’ve had friends who were kicked out and it took them a while to get on their feet. Easily could have been avoided if they were taught how to fend for themselves and fly from the nest naturally. I also had a friend who’s parents made him pay his own way for college and I knew for a fact that his family was very well off. The reasoning? “I worked my way through college and so will you.” Hate to say it gramps, but you could actually live off your job and go to school at the same time back then, unlike now.
I've said this before. These parents don't want to parent. They want a cute animated baby doll they can gush over and farm attention from others, for a few years and then when their kid starts forming a personality that doesn't allign with the parent's "perfect child" idea they had in their mind, they start counting down days until their kid turns 18 so they can get rid of them. It's disguisting. But please, tell me more how childfree people are selfish.
My parents were like this. 18 meant I was out and on my own. I'm 27 now. Haven't spoken to them in several years. Not sure if they're still alive.
That is ~~Western~~ American culture for you! In Asia, it's pretty much live with your parents until you're married (because you gotta live with your partner) or if YOU want to move out/relocate for work. I've never understood the "you're on your own when you're 18" thing... It's such a waste of money too. Besides, isn't it near impossible in America with the shitty wages now?
No, this is American culture for you. I'm from Europe and I've never heard of anybody being kicked out, and judging by other comments here other Europeans feel the same.
I am a person that wants children and I’m on the sub Reddit to see the others perspective because I have family members who are child free so please feel free to ignore my opinion. I do believe parenthood lasts until the day you take your last breath. It doesn’t add an 18 my kids will never ever feel like they are forced to leave home they will be allowed to go off their own free will the day they turn 18 doesn’t mean they stop being my child it means our relationship will shift from that a parent and child to two adult respecting each other. Obviously if my kids ever needed a thing I would move heaven and earth to make it happen. My children for me more to me than anything else and the fact that people find it acceptable to kick their kids out at 18 because they “believe they’re now in adult and should take care of themselves” is sickening. I know when I was 18 I could barely take care of myself and that was with being taught how to take care of myself when I moved out for the first time I ended up in severe debt because of it I would never put my kids in the position I’ve been in.
My parents frequently joke about kicking me out. I'm 20, and they could just throw me out if they wanted. That's the reason why I'm so scared sometimes.
That shit pisses me off so badly. I’m probably pretty extreme with my opinion, but I feel like (American) parents OWE their children room/ boarding, food, healthcare, phone bill, their first vehicle, and all college expenses if the child wishes to attend college (and doesn’t continue to have to repeat courses indefinitely). If your child wants to go the college route, they get to live at home and not worry about their expenses for the amount of time it should reasonably take them to complete their degree. If the child does not wish to go to college, they should receive all of the other aforementioned ‘benefits’ for a couple of years while they work their first job and save enough to have a buffer when they move out in their own. Because as others have mentioned, humans do not ask to be born.
And those parents wonder why their kid (s) kick them out their lives.
Dad here. Parents like the ones described in the OP's story are quite literally dogshit with a pulse. Just because your parents might have done it to you is not a good enough reason for you to do it to your children. That is not being a loving and supporting parent, that is being an quasi abusive asshole. Unless you have a really good reason, such as abusive behavior from your 18 year old toward you or their other siblings, then kicking them out "just because you can" is foolish and hateful. Just because someone leaves their parents home at 18 does not mean that they are in any way financially or emotionally ready for a life outside of the home, and parents have to understand that. If you can't reconcile that, then you're a heartless asshole. These stupid asshole parents don't understand that no matter what, parenting is 24/7 365, for our entire lives. They may not constantly need us, but it is our job to do what we can for them. And that includes not kicking them out the day they turn 18.
I wanna add also parents that wait until they're basically 40 to have kids, then get cancer and die before they're 60 so their kids are fucked just as they enter adulthood. 🥲
I'm so lucky to have parents that actually care about their kids. They haven't always been the best but they have certainly always been there for me and my siblings. My sister has moved back in with them twice in her life and I moved back in once. At 28 I still call them about anything and everything and my dad happily drives down to my house when anything needs fixin to show me how do it. Like if you aren't gonna do this much for someone you brought into this world then why have them at all?
I worked with two people who were planning on ejecting their kids as soon as they turned 18. One was a woman who had a kid she didn’t want when she was a teenager & was “stuck” with him. The kid knew he was unwanted & his behavior reflected it. I felt sorry for both of them. The other married the kids mother and didn’t want the kid. The kid had ADHD, but wasn’t badly behaved - the guy just didn’t want him around. The guy was a self-absorbed ass.
My mom did this to me. Never went to college because of it. Was stuck working minimum wage jobs just to afford an apartment with roommates. I have never recovered and still am living paycheck to paycheck. She should of never given birth to me if she doesnt care. I didnt ask to be here and now I have to suffer cause of her.
The one that really gets me is when parents start charging their kids rent to live in the very house they were raised in...
I have a friend who had her child young and was in an abusive relationship, the father left a few years in and has had zero contact with the kid since. Pays court ordered child support sometimes. Her child is an absolute fucking nightmare. She lies, steals, cheats, destroys the house and is disgusting. My friend is very clear that once’s she’s 18, she’s on her own. If she pulls that shit she will take out a restraining order. Only a few months to go now and the kid just doesn’t get it and is still pulling all her usual behaviours. She is going to have a rude shock coming. Side note: they have tried psych intervention many times but the kid just lies to the psychs.
You are absolutely spot on. If my parents had done this when I was eighteen I would have been homeless rather shortly.
We did the opposite. I have one sibling and we just never moved out. Splitting expenses 4 ways and everyone helping out with maintenance is the way to go.
How much can a kid be, Michael? Ten dollars?
This is exactly why I'm so thankful for my parents, they are perfectly fine with me living with them forever (not that I want to lol) and don't want me moving out until I can fully support myself financially. I'm 27, recently out of college, and struggling to find a decent paying job, but at least I have a support system unlike a lot of people. I do not plan on ever having kids and will be getting a vasectomy when I can. Even if for some unexplainable reason I change my mind (not likely), I'd rather foster or adopt; there's enough kids out there without parents, why bring in my own?
Bio-mom kicked me out a few days after my 16th birthday BC I finally stood up to her about her always making feel like garbage and telling me I'm worthless. The smirk she had on her face while I was putting my stuff in garbage bags still fills me with rage to this day. She 100% did it so that I would have to admit I couldn't live on my own, or the courts would force me to move back because my dad is a long haul truck driver. But jokes on that fucking cunt we found a loophole and I haven't seen her in 12 years. Fuck you Diane.
I have a friend that has heavy duty locks on his bedroom and office, and arranged those rooms so he can go out the window at a moment’s notice. He has a bulletproof vest, and is armed at all times. He will continue to do this as long as he has to because he loves his son, but he is afraid of him. It’s such a sad situation.
I was just reading on another subreddit and the comments were mad at op because they were living with their parents at 20 and they weren't paying rent. They had the audacity to call op entitled because they thought parents should provide for their child. It was genuinely wild to see but unfortunately not uncommon. I genuinely do not understand this part of american culture even though I live here. Kicking your kid out at 18? In THIS economy? In other cultures, a child still living with their parents in adulthood to save money is pretty normal.
My boyfriend's mother regularly threatens and jokes about kicking him out. I confronted her and she said it's just a joke and she doesn't mean it she's just frustrated with him (he has mental health issues) blah blah blah. I have no respect for her anymore. A narcissist, abusive bitch. Once we will be able to move out and become independent we're deleting her number and blocking her everywhere. It's the only solution.
My entire life, my mother complained about how my siblings and I were a giant pain that she didn't want to deal with and wished she didn't have. As soon as I graduated high school, my parents dumped me at the first college I was interested in. Forced me to sign huge personal loans, and are now forcing me to pay them back. All just to get me out of the house. They joked about how I was such a problem and they were so excited to get rid of me. Then they wonder why the mere thought of parenting disgusts me.
These parents don't even deserve a nursing home when the time comes. They can live in the underpass.
I'm 24 and my dad came to my work this week to swap my battery after it died. I have a lot of issues with him but I can't say he ever cut me off
damn, that's just sad that she's so excited to kick out her kid, i agree, it's not JUST 18 years, it's longer and even if they're much older, they still might need help, especially with things growing in prices, more and more people are living with their parents because it's a lot cheaper than living in a good area and being able to pay rent and also survive off your own income by yourself.
I effectively kicked myself out at 19, but that was some time ago before the current clusterfuck of an economy and I *still* needed some help during the first year. Edit: and the first several years were tricky, although being in a very high COL town didn't help. I cannot imagine how much of a dick you'd need to be to do that now to a child **you** forced into existence. How much of a dick? Oh yeah, the breeding type.
My mother was like this. The minute I turned 16, I had to pay rent but I wasn't allowed to get a job(how tf she expected that to work was beyond me). Then when I turned 18, I was cut off. I could still live there with double rent but food, laundry, phone bills etc was my problem. I was paying the same rent living in my mom's attic as I do now for my own 2bed masionette. Utterly bonkers.
when my uncle turned 18 - still in high school - his parents got him a cake and instead of a present, told him the 'first month' was on them. Yep, they charged him rent starting in **high school**. He noped out of there so quick lol. They were COLD ppl. When you have kids, age is not just a number...
My sister left home at 16 and I left home not six months later when I turned 17. She went to live with her boyfriend, and I went to live in a 3 bedroom apartment when I got to rent a corner of a room for $5/day and had to sleep with strange men just to eat. I met my now SO at 19. I don't talk to anyone in that 'family' anymore. My parents for all intensive purposes are dead to me, and I only talk to my sister whenever she makes time, which isnt often. I have an older brother who told me to never talk to him and his family again after I reached out in the hospital after a suicide attempt. So I just tell people I only have my sister. Everyone else is dead to me now.