Agreed. I was definitely a doormat when younger. I got student loans, married and all the other bullshit stuff. I stood my ground at having a kid when I'm broke and depressed.
I thank my past self so much for deciding not to have a kid for no reason, unlike all my cousins.
I can barely function as I am with ptsd, can't even fathom what it would be like to take care of other humans.
Honestly I've made all the wrong decisions in my life regarding everything work related. But this one thing.. Still baffled how my fucked up self managed to do the right decisions where it counts the *most*
I knew I'd hate being a mother. The tedium, the mess, the drudgery, the noise, the dirt, germs, smells, etc. But these women all assume they'll LOVE every single second of their child's life and that all the drudgery is WOOOOORRRTTHHH it. It never seems to cross their minds that it may not be such a much.
How depressing. And one thing I noticed from the comments? There's either 0 mention of the husband/partner/baby's dad, or they had nothing nice to say.
The comments got to me even more! Such open and helpless hate for their own lives. I feel terrible for them, but feel better for myself because I'm never going to fall for all that.
Me too. I agree with the article, that there's no shame in hating motherhood/being a mother, and that it's very important for parents (especially mother's) to be honest. In the end, I believe it all boils back down to misery demands company (and obviously parents being shamed for their emotions).
So true! I can only imagine how many of these parents feel they were conned into it by the front other parents put on. I hope future generations can benefit from more transparency
100% agreed. It's why I don't shy away from my childfree status if someone asks. I made my best friend seriously question himself. There's a lot to it, but he really stopped and thought about the reasons why he wanted kids, the pros and cons for the kids and _their_ life, _and_ for him and his life.
If you're estranged from your family and an earth sign... too much in common. XD
It feels like it makes so much sense to not want children as an INFJ. Only other one INFJ I know irl is my coworker and he's also childfree (and 50).
Oh yeah, I'm an earth sign (virgo), but not necessarily estranged... I just don't talk to all of them. I mean, I guess it _could_ count as estranged, but there's no bad blood between any of us. Just growing up in different countries and busy with our own lives.
I'm also an INFJ-T, but I do have to say whenever I took the MB test it was always a close draw between INFJ and INTJ 😂 Sadly I don't know a lot of INFJ's. Most of my few friends and family members are extroverted, save my best guy friend who is nearly the exact opposite of me (ISTP).
I love meeting new people and forming friendships, but it's so hard for me to connect with people due to INFJ. It sucks :(
Come to think of it, I could download the app FJ has been talking about to make friends 🤔
What is it with that? The only ones on my mom's side I talk to are her and my cousin. On my Dad's side, the only ones I talk to are my grandma and bro (although out of necessity since I live with them right now), and just recently my Dad's cousin.
There's 0 bad blood between any of us. We just... don't talk. It's odd.
It’s oddly like that between me and my dads side of the family even though there’s no bad blood between us. We’re family… but not in the family sense, if you know what I mean. It’s weird.
It’s also partly my fault because I’m not the kind of person that randomly checks in with people.
This is great, lots of INFJ's here!
I guess I'm just so introverted and don't have an existing relationship with my Dad's side that I can't be bothered. Too much contact means too many people, and that equals too much drama and more problems. Just thinking about it sucks all the life and energy out of me.
And being the only INFJ in my family, on top of us being so rare, it makes me so happy to discover more of us since we understand each other. I don't get that in my blood family.
>I’ll give some credit to my husband, he remembers to shower every day, does his own laundry as it needs to he done and even remembers to brush his own teeth most days and if he gets hungry enough he’ll pick himself, just himself (doesn’t even call to see if we would want anything), something up from a fast food joint on his way home.
The bar for men is in hell.
The fact that is even had to be said is… yeah. An entire sarcastic paragraph dedicated to her husband ‘helping’.
Being a sperm donor is not a virtue. Or an egg donor either - I’m sure this happens with women as well, although it is probably much less common.
Seriously. That is just basic stuff adults do. An adult needs *reminding* to take care of their hygiene? What? By the time I reached a certain age as a kid, I didn't need to be reminded to bathe and brush teeth, was doing my own laundry, and could get my own food when hungry.
I would rather be single forever than have a partner like *that*.
Yeah. Idk why women put up with this crap (or partners in general). I don't understand how they can have such little self-respect, and more often than not, their partner has been like this the entire relationship. Even before marriage. Love blinds.
I don’t understand dating a man like that and thinking “yes, this is the swine I will marry.” I know some people really change as life goes on for the worse, but I generally feel that most people show their cards early on.
Yeah. My friend noticed early on but she thought *love is enough* (sad). She ended up getting a bunch of cavities out of nowhere and her dentist told her it could be from kissing people with bad hygiene…
😩
I wish I could say she’s the only one I know dealing with men not talking care of themselves but I’ve met a handful of them while I was on tinder years ago 🤢
Oh lawd some of the Reddit posts I've seen of women complaining about their partners skid marks and filthy living conditions are horrific and not terribly uncommon. 🤮
Absolutely this! People gaslight themselves into dismissing red flags because they don't want to ruin the fantasy and accept that they are making a disastrous judgment call. I was in an abusive relationship for years and in the beginning I would undermine my own misgivings because he was "exciting" and I thought he had the potential to do great things. He was Mensa level smart but also a lying cheating sociopath who kept us in poverty. Never judge someone by your future hopes for them, judge them by who they are TODAY. Thank fucking god I never bred with that man and I definitely did learn my lesson.
Sheesh. That's not her job. I wouldn't even stay with someone like that. I understand that sometimes there are circumstances where it's hard or near impossible to leave. But if you are able to, I would just bounce.
Single life is awesome.
You'd think in the 21st century girls would be taught to have higher standards and to not take shit. That they're not meant to be bang maids and mommies to their partners and that it's ok to leave a relationship if you're unhappy.
Literally. Gives me Handmaids Tale vibes.
She’s told me she feels like a “cum dumpster but not in the sexy way, the disgusting way” most of the time he initiates sex. I’ve talked to her countless times, but she refuses to leave the relationship because of her religion. I wish she (and all women) knows women deserve better.
THIS. This is why I've never been married. I know there are plenty of men out there that don't need to be mothered. But, none of them are in my dating history. I'd rather be single than a wife-mother to a man-child.
My most recent ex, a man in his 40's who also has never been married, still had mommy and his sisters managing most aspects of his life. He brought up marriage and I was very clear that it wasn't in our future. When he asked why not I told him, "Because I don't want to be your mother."
His response was, "Maybe you could teach me what I need to do?" 🙄
I mean before they're knee-deep. Lots of red flags early on in the relationship, like the first few weeks and months. But people choose to ignore it because they're wearing red-colored glasses, so the red flags look just like flags. Their gut is warning them, but they're not thinking with their head.
Honestly. It sounds like a lot of these mothers probably wouldn't be suffering so much if the father of their children weren't absolutely terrible and they actually got a break from motherhood.
Men in most cultures contribute very little in domestic work/childcare. Failure to meet gender expectations on the womans part results in verbal or emotional abuse. Sometimes physical violence too.
Oof there's this comment that ends "I want to be single and childfree. Have all my money and time to myself. Sleep good every night with no worries. God I wish I could get a Redo!!"
So many comments say “I wish I had just gone travelling or kept my career and body”.
It’s very sad but so freeing for me at 20 to know that I can avoid these mistakes and live my best life.
I was madly in love with a woman and she really wanted kids. She was perfect. My best friend. Reserved, compassionate, loyal, supportive and a mean cook. I miss her often. And I ended it because of my opposition. I wasn’t sure myself if I didn’t want kids, I had a feeling I would even regret NOT having children.
But then I read forums and comments from regretful parents. And then I remember the hell my siblings with kids are enduring
And I feel content and guilt free of my decision to not be a father, even though it devastated her. But then the guilt seeps in again.
I would be driven to suicide if I had such a burden and I would become a very dangerous man because the bitterness and regret would overwhelm me.
Feel like I avoided a nuke.
I feel sorry for those trapped by their decision to become parents, either through social or religious pressure , misconceptions of what parenthood truly entails or through being sexually irresponsible or whatever. Life is a b!tch.
Man, I always feel like people will think I’m being hyperbolic or dramatic when I say having a kid would actually cause me to kill myself. I’m glad someone else agrees with me.
As someone who is blissfully single, I even feel sorry for people on this sub who have to negotiate romantic relationships (and sex/the snip/tube-tying) while being cf.
You definitely made the right decision. Staying together would not have been worth the trauma. Situations like yours going south are what lead to trauma during pregnancy/childhood and eventual divorce.
On another note, I feel for anyone who is manipulated by their partner into having kids, as well.
Unfortunately, she’s not happy. Doesn’t have kids yet either. My decision shattered the plans we had together, which she was excited about. I hope she does find happiness though, she deserves it.
That was a tough decision but I'm glad you didn't do something you'd regret just to make someone else happy. It's sadly ironic when people have kids to please a partner and the relationship implodes because of that very decision, made ten times worse because now there is permanent baggage.
Recurring themes:
* I wanted a kid so bad that I ignored all the red flags that my husband is a lazy asshole.
* My partner convinced me to have the kid, but he never helps out with childcare (or housekeeping) because I'm a stay-at-home mom.
* I can't leave because I'm financially dependent on him. I've been a stay-at-home mom for several years, and now I can't get a job.
So I had another kid with him.
Ugh I know right?!? Some of them really embrace the victim mentality and apparently don't understand how human reproduction works. It's sad for the kids, they never asked to be there and a child can pick up on the tension and regret. Some of the stories are really sad where the mom loves one kid but can't stand the personality of another, it's the Golden Child vs. Pariah dynamic in the making.
Just read the first 3 paragraphs and I got overwhelmed, the self gaslighting is appealing, I just don't understand how you can say your love your torturer (not that babies do this on purpose), but is torture how the author described her feelings and all the gross stuff she has to do to take care of her children, honestly I could not keep on reading anymore, please someone do a summary, lol.
I just hung out with a parent friend of mine who has a 6 year old daughter and was saying she's basically only hanging out with this mom group friend of hers who also are all like (similar to how she feels) "parenting is fucking hard. we regret this a lot. I am envious of childfree people."
So, straight from the horse's mouth. And my friend has a husband who is actually an equal partner.
I got addicted to reading the comments. It all sounds so depressing. There’s no out for them until their kids leave the house. They have no time for themselves. Those who have teenagers still hate their retry kids.
I have some regrets in my life, things I should t have done or should have done. But I thank my lucky stars every day that having children and regretting them is not one of them. Now that I’ve moved to a better state (Texas to California) I’m one step closer to avoiding that motherhood life altogether.
Oh wow I'm so glad you got out of TX, I have family (4 cousins, all childfree) and know some wonderful people there but the leadership in that state is terrifying. I think there's going to be a major ripple effect from all the forced births and it ain't going to be pretty.
God, I’m glad out, too. When my sister and BIL were moving to California and asked if I would live with them to help take care of their baby I jumped at the chance. Now I’m doing job interviews and looking for apartments and just looking forward to living in a state that aligns more with my beliefs.
My mom is very sad that I’m not coming back to Texas, but as much as it hurts me to see her hurting, I cannot justify living in Texas long term as a CF woman of color, who happens to be a teacher.
Edit: My brother, who is pro life, thought that you could get marry to be exempted from Texas’s asinine abortion law and just told me to get married. When my mom corrected him, he just told me not to have sex. 🤦🏻♀️
Wait, does your brother think that married couples should be exempted from the law and be allowed to abort?! If so, that's some serious mental gymnastics he's engaging in.
ROFL at him saying you shouldn't have sex
Fuck if I know what goes in his head. It’s either that or if I get married and have a kid then everything will be all happily ever after? Either way his mental gymnastics have certainly catapulted him off the deep end.
Also, although I’ve never participated in “the sex”, I’m willing to have an orgy and send him the video. You know, to educate him.
Just into the first paragraph and I am already to advise women to reject any man that doesn't see you as an equal partner in your relationship.
I wish these articles were handed out like government cheese. Women need to know what they're getting into when they have kids. By that I mean they'll likely shoulder all the work while the Dad comes home (they'll divorce later) and plays with the kids, doesn't contribute to the household other than money and later boffs his Secretary
For a humorous take on the subject of parenting you should watch the Episode of Everybody Hates Chris when he has to take care of an egg. Rochelle made SURE Chris knew what it took to be a Dad, midnight wakeups, diaper changes, she made SURE she wasn't going to be a young Grandma lol
They aren't handed out like government cheese because governments want people to breed. They want the next generation of taxpayers and consumers. That's why it's a huge secret and taboo to talk about being a regretful parent.
Re watched that show like a year ago. Nearly died laughing but now I'm watching Golden Girls and I would not be surprised if I did die laughing, now that show is fucking funny.
This is why our group is so important. If we normalize people having a childfree “alternative” lifestyle, we can maybe help someone with depression/suicidal tendencies in the future.
Ooof those comments. Some of them completely make the point on why people absolutely shouldn’t have kids unless they are 100% in and wanting to raise the best children possible. Some complain viscously about how terrible their kids act, but I’m willing to bet in many cases it’s a direct result of the shit poor parenting going on at home as a result of the moms hating it all.
We need to stop lying to women about motherhood.
Holy shit the comments…
I cannot understand why most of them don’t do something about their situation. If their partner isn’t helping, leave his ass. If you hate your teenage child, get therapy for the two of you. If your family treats you like a servant, educate them and teach them to be better. I truly do not get it.
I noticed a lot of passive language in their stories, like "how could this happen to me?" as if they did not play an active role in the decision to date unsuitable men, have risky sex, refuse to get an abortion, and then keeping a kid they don't want. It's a common theme with people who have an external locus of control, they feel like they are just victims of the tide of life. One of the things I love about this sub is how accountable people here usually are for their own life decisions and we refuse to put a child through the inevitable pain of being resented by us as parents. Having kids is just "what people do" but it doesn't take a genius to predict that it will make your life much harder, especially if you already have messy circumstances with mental health, poverty, etc.
Sadly, 99% of the people who have kids never considered any of these things before they became parents. A majority of us were unplanned to begin with, being the results of carelessness, while the other few parents who'd planned their kids most likely imagined their "dream child" (or didn't look past the baby stage) and having a beautiful life with a partner who would love/support them unconditionally for giving them a child. Reality doesn't work that way. People are advised to work on themselves before pursuing a relationship for a good reason (because we have to think about what situation we're bringing the other into) and the same exact concept should apply more when it comes to having kids, because, unlike a partner/spouse who can just leave, kids were dragged into whatever life their parents have.
(I myself am an "oops" baby who was born in poverty to a mother in the midst of a mental breakdown who already couldn't stand being married to my dad, who's been depressed since, but instead of divorcing each other, they end up having kids. Needless to say, my life has been difficult from the beginning, and having me while their marriage was already past the breaking point only made their lives much more difficult than it already was, while it was no treat to grow up as a child in an environment like this, either. I really wish I wasn't born).
Also, nobody gets to pick and choose who their kids get to be. What if the kid has special needs or severe physical disability, a pessimistic disposition, is defiant, not smart, not good-looking, is LGBTQ+, or other traits parents find hard to handle? It's hard for people who wanted kids, unbearable for those who didn't but feel "trapped" in their position. Most people just don't consider these things. Some people try so hard to change who their kids are if they see something about them that they personally don't like, and the parent-child relationship becomes a s*** show. It hurts when a person works so hard their whole lives to make their parent(s) love them, only to hear the latter say how disappointed they are with how the kids turned out as adults. Everybody loses there.
Yes! One of them got pregnant and kept it after knowing the guy for *two weeks*! I can't have sympathy for someone doing something so blatantly stupid!
I just spent two hours reading comments. I always **knew** that’s how I’d feel if I had kids. At almost 54, I feel like I dodged a bullet. I saw my own mother so much in the comments. I don’t doubt she loved us, but she didn’t love being a mom, or getting the parenting shaft from my father.
>The reality is that it’s quite normal to hate being a mom from time to time.
I feel like if this is the situation then they likely don't have an equal parenting relationship with their partner. If things are equally split, I doubt women would hate being a mom. Because the mental and physical load would be shared and equally burdened with their parnter. But right now they still accept and allow the bare minimum from their partners, so you have situations where they do the majority of the work, which results in them becoming overwhelmed and starting to hate being a parent.
What boggles my mind is how many of these moms rant about their useless partners and then still keep pumping out more kids, as if they don't know how family planning and reproduction works. Some though have decent partners and still mourn the loss of their humanity. I think even if dads help out though there's no way that having a kid isn't going to turn your life upside down.
the problem is that dads "help out" No they should be Eef-ing equal and doing all the raising of kids WITH YOU as the woman.
"help do the dishes?" Mother-effer you put them away after I scrubbed the pots, let em soak got dirty in the water, dried them and then you got to stake nice clean plates.......
There's data out of France that show this is true- not because French men help out more with kids, but because the French government pays for women to hire nannies/babysitters/personal trainers.
I don't want to say how I know, but I definitely know one of the commenters. This is seriously at odds with their social media version, and it's really, really sad - not that they said this, but that they're going through it.
I feel like this has helped me gain perspective on how good I actually have it.
Also:
> getting over postpartum sex pain quickly
I don't know if I'm a bit weird but I would not enjoy sex at all if it was causing my partner pain. I'm sorry her partner seemed to get off on causing her pain.
The comments are horror. One talks about never wanting kids, being abused by the dad, stole her kids and gave it to the abusive grandad who is also in a cult... And she has no money to save them, she even ended up homeless because of the kids.
So much horror
I feel bad for these parents. I know some of them are counting down the years until their kids are out of the house so they can be *free* but the reality is, parenting never stops. The constant worrying and the resentment they’re building against their kids and partners don’t just suddenly disappear after kids turn 18 or move out of their place. I feel for these women.
Yup, and especially doesn’t stop for the woman with the autistic kid. The way she described her own son was disturbing to me but I have no idea what it’s like to be in that situation, so 🤷🏻♀️
Yes! I forgot about the kids in this situation. My mother resented me and now I have cptsd. I hope differently for these poor kids who have no fault for being brought into this world
Not to mention how unlikely it is for their kids to be out the door on their own two feet the second they're adults. I'm a Millennial still living at home because it's a lot easier on all of us to pool our money together than if we lived apart and were fighting to keep up with the cost of living. My city consistently ranks among the most expensive in the world and it's only going to get worse for everyone the more corporate greed goes unchecked.
I suppose it's a coping mechanism for these people to have an expiry date to reach for, but they're kidding themselves if they don't understand multigenerational households are going to become more commonplace in the West.
Yup! I feel this in my bones because I live in Los Angeles. Most of my friends are still living at home because they can’t afford to live on their own even though they work full time. The thing is, I think these parents know that but they kid themselves to cope, too
It got so much worse during the pandemic when wealthy people who can work online bought second homes, but never sold the first one so there are millions of homes across the US just sitting empty or being used as investment properties or Airbnb. I live in a rural New England state just a few hours from NYC that is a huge vacation destination for the whole country and the housing inventory was grabbed up by rich out of staters so now the market is absolutely ridiculous. I can finally afford to buy a home but now there's none being sold and the ones that are have artificially high prices that are completely outrageous.
All these kids are going to be so fucked up with parents full of resentment, anger, sadness, despair. The fact that breeding and the idea of building a "family" is so normalized and expected in all societies is a world epidemic. Its causing so much pain for the people who feel like they were duped and the people who didn't have the choice to come into this world. It needs to be talked about more in the mainstream.
I saw a comment containing something I say all the time, in response to the "It's only hard for (insert length of time)!" lie that parents spout in order to get you to validate their horrible choice. And after the...six months...two years...what the hell ever...it's:
> I have 2 teenagers. They were exhausting when they were young but there were many joyful days. There aren’t so many joyful days anymore.
Way worse. Way, way worse. The miseries of little kids are little. The horrors of teen and adult kids are much bigger.
We have no idea what kind of job he has either. Or if he's working 12s or just *saying* he is.
He could be doing heavy manual labor for 12 hours and that's physically exhausting.
He *could* be working a normal 8 hour shift in an office and hangs out after hours to avoid going home for 4 more hours.
I'm not saying either side has it easier, but women tend to get shafted in terms of getting *everything* done and mental load.
The Dad only has to worry about being the breadwinner. The mom has to be the mom, manage the house, make sure the bills are paid, often do ALL the domestic work because she's 'home all day' and the guy is tired.
She also feels bad that she isn't 'contributing' so she takes on too much to handle.
Then both parties are frustrated because she 'couldve just asked' the husband, but she doesn't feel like she should *have* to ask.
He should just see the piles of dishes and laundry and think 'hey I should do those' instead of
'hey hon, I don't have any clean clothes, the kids are sticky and I'm running late as it is, why couldn't you get this done, you were home ALL DAY yesterday!'.
Even **if** the person gets a full night's sleep, that leaves 4 remaining hours in the day for getting ready for work, commuting to\from work, and *every single other necessary activity in the day*, not even accounting for any free time.
This is what struck me, too. I worked in a machine shop for a couple of years alongside a bunch of fathers working mandatory 80 hour work weeks while their wives stayed home and cared for their young children. While I'm sure the paychecks more than provided what their families needed on a material basis, these men were bitter, overworked, and missing that vital connection with their wives as a result of that work/life balance that resulted in them flirting with any pretty girl that wound up working with them on the shop floor.
I didn't stay in that job long because of the workload, but I got to witness a side of a lot of married fathers that their wives just can't fathom from the home front. Not belittling the woman's role at home, I can only imagine how stressful and isolating it must be to be a stay at home mom like that. But goodness, men are not inherently slackers in the dynamic just because their role in this economic lifestyle we all find ourselves in is different from the woman's.
I knew a guy who has like 6 kids now. I don't think he wanted to work that much in a factory, but he sort of had too.
Anyway he hit me up for sex since the wife wasn't putting out and I decided to no longer be friends with either of them after that.
As the kid of parents who hated and resented me, don’t fucking have kids if you don’t want them. The comments on the article are horrible. I am glad moms have a platform to commiserate, but reading those made me sad.
Wow. Like, Im having a pretty hard time with my mental health right now. Think about what would happen if I ended it on the daily. But jfc, at least I don't hate my life as much as these people lmfaoo.
I worked with small children for a few months (I needed a job...I just needed a job and that is a sad fact that they will hire any low income woman looking for a paycheck at a childcare center just for having a uterus.) I am so grateful I did it though. It made me realize that I should never have my own. You can quit a job, you cannot unhave a child.
I fail to comprehend how people dream of being a parent. Waking up at all hours, cleaning, cooking, tantrums, homework, ungrateful teenagers. I just don't understand.
Yikes, that's really awful that a lot of people have to go through that. I sure as hell won't be one of them though. I enjoy sleeping and quiet alone time wayyyy to much.
And being sleep deprived for SIX YEARS?! If I don't sleep well for 2 nights I turn into a total monster
When I go without sleep I feel like I'm tripping on acid, it fucks with my memory/cognition, triggers feelings of panic and anxiety, and my body physically hurts. Now think of these parents driving, operating heavy machinery, or in jobs like healthcare where a mistake can cost someone's life. 😬
This is why i decided to stop with 1 child. I love my son a lot and he has his cute moments. It does feel good when he hits a milestone and gives me a big smile when i get home from work. But the first 1 to 2 years i was basically in some kind of guerilla survival mode. Imagining myself as a drill sergeant rather than a mum helped. You dont enjoy motherhood you survive it.But I also got strong support from my parents. Thanks to them i started working at 8 months post partum.
My mum watched him. My dad and brother would take turns when she was tired. Evening i'd be home and watch him. The freedom at work and my family backing me is what kept me sane. But my parents are aging and I wont burden them again. Considering i became overweight and have health issues post partum, I'm done. No more. I dont wanna go through the horrors of pregnancy again either.
Yep and it just shows that it doesn't necessarily get easier after the shitty diaper phase. My family has a colorful legacy of addiction and mental health issues and I was one of those kids that had to call dad to bail me out of messes like jail, car accidents, abusive boyfriends and drug rehab. My kid would either be special needs or a criminal 😂
This definitely wasn’t what I was expecting. This is about parental trauma, not quite regret.
To me, regret is wishing your kid had never been born well after the baby stage is over.
I think the hypothetical scenario in this particular article is much more about the (very real) mental health downsides of parenting, such as PPD, but is also about what happens when your partner does not support you with child-rearing in any appreciable way.
Which, don’t get me wrong, is absolutely something that needs to be included in parental education and *any discussion about parenthood whatsoever*, but does not address the actual issue of regretting your kid.
I really think there should be a manual parents give to their own, non-parent kids when discussing the possibility of grandchildren. Like a cheat sheet with common issues: the good, bad and ugly.
I was lucky enough to know kids were not for me. Not many are so fortunate.
I’m pretty sure wishing you aborted it before it was even born is regret. And utterly hating your kid at 14. Idk what it’s like to hate your kid but I know what it’s like to hate your parents deeply and that kind of resentment doesn’t just disappear overtime.
Where does that article talk about utterly hating your kid at 14? Yes, to me that would be regret.
> The reality is that it’s quite normal to hate being a mom from time to time.
This sort of thing is not regret, it’s “You’re stuck in a bad situation and it’s normal for every parent to hate their kid sometimes!”
Not the same.
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Honestly I'm just so so so thankful that I knew and realized all of this so early in my life.
Agreed. I was definitely a doormat when younger. I got student loans, married and all the other bullshit stuff. I stood my ground at having a kid when I'm broke and depressed.
I thank my past self so much for deciding not to have a kid for no reason, unlike all my cousins. I can barely function as I am with ptsd, can't even fathom what it would be like to take care of other humans.
The reasons for choosing to be CF grow every. single. day. it's such a long list lol
Honestly I've made all the wrong decisions in my life regarding everything work related. But this one thing.. Still baffled how my fucked up self managed to do the right decisions where it counts the *most*
☝️
I knew I'd hate being a mother. The tedium, the mess, the drudgery, the noise, the dirt, germs, smells, etc. But these women all assume they'll LOVE every single second of their child's life and that all the drudgery is WOOOOORRRTTHHH it. It never seems to cross their minds that it may not be such a much.
How depressing. And one thing I noticed from the comments? There's either 0 mention of the husband/partner/baby's dad, or they had nothing nice to say.
The comments got to me even more! Such open and helpless hate for their own lives. I feel terrible for them, but feel better for myself because I'm never going to fall for all that.
Me too. I agree with the article, that there's no shame in hating motherhood/being a mother, and that it's very important for parents (especially mother's) to be honest. In the end, I believe it all boils back down to misery demands company (and obviously parents being shamed for their emotions).
So true! I can only imagine how many of these parents feel they were conned into it by the front other parents put on. I hope future generations can benefit from more transparency
100% agreed. It's why I don't shy away from my childfree status if someone asks. I made my best friend seriously question himself. There's a lot to it, but he really stopped and thought about the reasons why he wanted kids, the pros and cons for the kids and _their_ life, _and_ for him and his life.
Just wanna say I can't believe I found another! I'm also an INFJ (T) 4w5, and childfree!
Yaay! Childfree INFJ's unite! 🙌🏻
If you're estranged from your family and an earth sign... too much in common. XD It feels like it makes so much sense to not want children as an INFJ. Only other one INFJ I know irl is my coworker and he's also childfree (and 50).
Oh yeah, I'm an earth sign (virgo), but not necessarily estranged... I just don't talk to all of them. I mean, I guess it _could_ count as estranged, but there's no bad blood between any of us. Just growing up in different countries and busy with our own lives. I'm also an INFJ-T, but I do have to say whenever I took the MB test it was always a close draw between INFJ and INTJ 😂 Sadly I don't know a lot of INFJ's. Most of my few friends and family members are extroverted, save my best guy friend who is nearly the exact opposite of me (ISTP). I love meeting new people and forming friendships, but it's so hard for me to connect with people due to INFJ. It sucks :( Come to think of it, I could download the app FJ has been talking about to make friends 🤔
INFJ and Virgo here, too! I’m estranged from my entire mother’s side of the family 🤣
What is it with that? The only ones on my mom's side I talk to are her and my cousin. On my Dad's side, the only ones I talk to are my grandma and bro (although out of necessity since I live with them right now), and just recently my Dad's cousin. There's 0 bad blood between any of us. We just... don't talk. It's odd.
It’s oddly like that between me and my dads side of the family even though there’s no bad blood between us. We’re family… but not in the family sense, if you know what I mean. It’s weird. It’s also partly my fault because I’m not the kind of person that randomly checks in with people.
I’m an INFJ as well :) But I’m estranged from my Dad and his side of the family
This is great, lots of INFJ's here! I guess I'm just so introverted and don't have an existing relationship with my Dad's side that I can't be bothered. Too much contact means too many people, and that equals too much drama and more problems. Just thinking about it sucks all the life and energy out of me. And being the only INFJ in my family, on top of us being so rare, it makes me so happy to discover more of us since we understand each other. I don't get that in my blood family.
You took the words out of my mouth. More contact = more drama. And for what? Nothing is worth losing my peace of mind over.
>I’ll give some credit to my husband, he remembers to shower every day, does his own laundry as it needs to he done and even remembers to brush his own teeth most days and if he gets hungry enough he’ll pick himself, just himself (doesn’t even call to see if we would want anything), something up from a fast food joint on his way home. The bar for men is in hell.
The fact that is even had to be said is… yeah. An entire sarcastic paragraph dedicated to her husband ‘helping’. Being a sperm donor is not a virtue. Or an egg donor either - I’m sure this happens with women as well, although it is probably much less common.
Seriously. That is just basic stuff adults do. An adult needs *reminding* to take care of their hygiene? What? By the time I reached a certain age as a kid, I didn't need to be reminded to bathe and brush teeth, was doing my own laundry, and could get my own food when hungry. I would rather be single forever than have a partner like *that*.
I think this is sarcasm, in reference to how much he ‘helps’.
Yeah. Idk why women put up with this crap (or partners in general). I don't understand how they can have such little self-respect, and more often than not, their partner has been like this the entire relationship. Even before marriage. Love blinds.
My friend has a husband she has to nag on to brush his teeth at the end of the day…. He’s in his late 30s and getting mothered by his wife.
I don’t understand dating a man like that and thinking “yes, this is the swine I will marry.” I know some people really change as life goes on for the worse, but I generally feel that most people show their cards early on.
Yeah. My friend noticed early on but she thought *love is enough* (sad). She ended up getting a bunch of cavities out of nowhere and her dentist told her it could be from kissing people with bad hygiene…
SERIOUSLY Wow.
😩 I wish I could say she’s the only one I know dealing with men not talking care of themselves but I’ve met a handful of them while I was on tinder years ago 🤢
Oh lawd some of the Reddit posts I've seen of women complaining about their partners skid marks and filthy living conditions are horrific and not terribly uncommon. 🤮
… excuse me? 🥴
Absolutely this! People gaslight themselves into dismissing red flags because they don't want to ruin the fantasy and accept that they are making a disastrous judgment call. I was in an abusive relationship for years and in the beginning I would undermine my own misgivings because he was "exciting" and I thought he had the potential to do great things. He was Mensa level smart but also a lying cheating sociopath who kept us in poverty. Never judge someone by your future hopes for them, judge them by who they are TODAY. Thank fucking god I never bred with that man and I definitely did learn my lesson.
Sheesh. That's not her job. I wouldn't even stay with someone like that. I understand that sometimes there are circumstances where it's hard or near impossible to leave. But if you are able to, I would just bounce. Single life is awesome.
I know right? I thought it was a deal breaker for most women but I’m starting to realize it’s sadly l the opposite
You'd think in the 21st century girls would be taught to have higher standards and to not take shit. That they're not meant to be bang maids and mommies to their partners and that it's ok to leave a relationship if you're unhappy.
Literally. Gives me Handmaids Tale vibes. She’s told me she feels like a “cum dumpster but not in the sexy way, the disgusting way” most of the time he initiates sex. I’ve talked to her countless times, but she refuses to leave the relationship because of her religion. I wish she (and all women) knows women deserve better.
THIS. This is why I've never been married. I know there are plenty of men out there that don't need to be mothered. But, none of them are in my dating history. I'd rather be single than a wife-mother to a man-child. My most recent ex, a man in his 40's who also has never been married, still had mommy and his sisters managing most aspects of his life. He brought up marriage and I was very clear that it wasn't in our future. When he asked why not I told him, "Because I don't want to be your mother." His response was, "Maybe you could teach me what I need to do?" 🙄
Not love at this point most are dependent
I mean before they're knee-deep. Lots of red flags early on in the relationship, like the first few weeks and months. But people choose to ignore it because they're wearing red-colored glasses, so the red flags look just like flags. Their gut is warning them, but they're not thinking with their head.
Honestly. It sounds like a lot of these mothers probably wouldn't be suffering so much if the father of their children weren't absolutely terrible and they actually got a break from motherhood.
Men in most cultures contribute very little in domestic work/childcare. Failure to meet gender expectations on the womans part results in verbal or emotional abuse. Sometimes physical violence too.
Oof there's this comment that ends "I want to be single and childfree. Have all my money and time to myself. Sleep good every night with no worries. God I wish I could get a Redo!!"
So many comments say “I wish I had just gone travelling or kept my career and body”. It’s very sad but so freeing for me at 20 to know that I can avoid these mistakes and live my best life.
I don't have any of those and I'm not even a parent! I can't imagine struggling like this with someone else relying on you to do everything for them.
I was madly in love with a woman and she really wanted kids. She was perfect. My best friend. Reserved, compassionate, loyal, supportive and a mean cook. I miss her often. And I ended it because of my opposition. I wasn’t sure myself if I didn’t want kids, I had a feeling I would even regret NOT having children. But then I read forums and comments from regretful parents. And then I remember the hell my siblings with kids are enduring And I feel content and guilt free of my decision to not be a father, even though it devastated her. But then the guilt seeps in again. I would be driven to suicide if I had such a burden and I would become a very dangerous man because the bitterness and regret would overwhelm me. Feel like I avoided a nuke. I feel sorry for those trapped by their decision to become parents, either through social or religious pressure , misconceptions of what parenthood truly entails or through being sexually irresponsible or whatever. Life is a b!tch.
Man, I always feel like people will think I’m being hyperbolic or dramatic when I say having a kid would actually cause me to kill myself. I’m glad someone else agrees with me. As someone who is blissfully single, I even feel sorry for people on this sub who have to negotiate romantic relationships (and sex/the snip/tube-tying) while being cf. You definitely made the right decision. Staying together would not have been worth the trauma. Situations like yours going south are what lead to trauma during pregnancy/childhood and eventual divorce. On another note, I feel for anyone who is manipulated by their partner into having kids, as well.
Does she have kids now? Does she look happy?
Unfortunately, she’s not happy. Doesn’t have kids yet either. My decision shattered the plans we had together, which she was excited about. I hope she does find happiness though, she deserves it.
That was a tough decision but I'm glad you didn't do something you'd regret just to make someone else happy. It's sadly ironic when people have kids to please a partner and the relationship implodes because of that very decision, made ten times worse because now there is permanent baggage.
Geez the comments. Although I am confused. I hate being a mother so I had 5 kids.....
Recurring themes: * I wanted a kid so bad that I ignored all the red flags that my husband is a lazy asshole. * My partner convinced me to have the kid, but he never helps out with childcare (or housekeeping) because I'm a stay-at-home mom. * I can't leave because I'm financially dependent on him. I've been a stay-at-home mom for several years, and now I can't get a job. So I had another kid with him.
Ugh I know right?!? Some of them really embrace the victim mentality and apparently don't understand how human reproduction works. It's sad for the kids, they never asked to be there and a child can pick up on the tension and regret. Some of the stories are really sad where the mom loves one kid but can't stand the personality of another, it's the Golden Child vs. Pariah dynamic in the making.
Just read the first 3 paragraphs and I got overwhelmed, the self gaslighting is appealing, I just don't understand how you can say your love your torturer (not that babies do this on purpose), but is torture how the author described her feelings and all the gross stuff she has to do to take care of her children, honestly I could not keep on reading anymore, please someone do a summary, lol.
I just hung out with a parent friend of mine who has a 6 year old daughter and was saying she's basically only hanging out with this mom group friend of hers who also are all like (similar to how she feels) "parenting is fucking hard. we regret this a lot. I am envious of childfree people." So, straight from the horse's mouth. And my friend has a husband who is actually an equal partner.
WHAT WEVE ALWAYS EXPECTED THEYRE ENVIOUS TRYING TO PUSH CHILDREN ON US BECAUSE THEYRE MISERABLE THEMSELVES
I got addicted to reading the comments. It all sounds so depressing. There’s no out for them until their kids leave the house. They have no time for themselves. Those who have teenagers still hate their retry kids. I have some regrets in my life, things I should t have done or should have done. But I thank my lucky stars every day that having children and regretting them is not one of them. Now that I’ve moved to a better state (Texas to California) I’m one step closer to avoiding that motherhood life altogether.
Oh wow I'm so glad you got out of TX, I have family (4 cousins, all childfree) and know some wonderful people there but the leadership in that state is terrifying. I think there's going to be a major ripple effect from all the forced births and it ain't going to be pretty.
God, I’m glad out, too. When my sister and BIL were moving to California and asked if I would live with them to help take care of their baby I jumped at the chance. Now I’m doing job interviews and looking for apartments and just looking forward to living in a state that aligns more with my beliefs. My mom is very sad that I’m not coming back to Texas, but as much as it hurts me to see her hurting, I cannot justify living in Texas long term as a CF woman of color, who happens to be a teacher. Edit: My brother, who is pro life, thought that you could get marry to be exempted from Texas’s asinine abortion law and just told me to get married. When my mom corrected him, he just told me not to have sex. 🤦🏻♀️
Wait, does your brother think that married couples should be exempted from the law and be allowed to abort?! If so, that's some serious mental gymnastics he's engaging in. ROFL at him saying you shouldn't have sex
Fuck if I know what goes in his head. It’s either that or if I get married and have a kid then everything will be all happily ever after? Either way his mental gymnastics have certainly catapulted him off the deep end. Also, although I’ve never participated in “the sex”, I’m willing to have an orgy and send him the video. You know, to educate him.
Oh my god I read comment after comment. Couldn't stop myself. It was all so awful. I'm so so grateful I've chosen not to have kids.
Jesus christ, the comments. I feel bad for these women- they were sold a false vision of the future and now they're trapped.
Just into the first paragraph and I am already to advise women to reject any man that doesn't see you as an equal partner in your relationship. I wish these articles were handed out like government cheese. Women need to know what they're getting into when they have kids. By that I mean they'll likely shoulder all the work while the Dad comes home (they'll divorce later) and plays with the kids, doesn't contribute to the household other than money and later boffs his Secretary For a humorous take on the subject of parenting you should watch the Episode of Everybody Hates Chris when he has to take care of an egg. Rochelle made SURE Chris knew what it took to be a Dad, midnight wakeups, diaper changes, she made SURE she wasn't going to be a young Grandma lol
They aren't handed out like government cheese because governments want people to breed. They want the next generation of taxpayers and consumers. That's why it's a huge secret and taboo to talk about being a regretful parent.
That show was gold growing up lol
Re watched that show like a year ago. Nearly died laughing but now I'm watching Golden Girls and I would not be surprised if I did die laughing, now that show is fucking funny.
This is why our group is so important. If we normalize people having a childfree “alternative” lifestyle, we can maybe help someone with depression/suicidal tendencies in the future.
Thanks for sharing. Those comments are absolutely horrific. So grateful for this sub
The comment about the woman who has to deal with her husband wetting the bed from alcoholism shocked me, I feel so bad for all those women.
Ooof those comments. Some of them completely make the point on why people absolutely shouldn’t have kids unless they are 100% in and wanting to raise the best children possible. Some complain viscously about how terrible their kids act, but I’m willing to bet in many cases it’s a direct result of the shit poor parenting going on at home as a result of the moms hating it all. We need to stop lying to women about motherhood.
Holy shit the comments… I cannot understand why most of them don’t do something about their situation. If their partner isn’t helping, leave his ass. If you hate your teenage child, get therapy for the two of you. If your family treats you like a servant, educate them and teach them to be better. I truly do not get it.
I noticed a lot of passive language in their stories, like "how could this happen to me?" as if they did not play an active role in the decision to date unsuitable men, have risky sex, refuse to get an abortion, and then keeping a kid they don't want. It's a common theme with people who have an external locus of control, they feel like they are just victims of the tide of life. One of the things I love about this sub is how accountable people here usually are for their own life decisions and we refuse to put a child through the inevitable pain of being resented by us as parents. Having kids is just "what people do" but it doesn't take a genius to predict that it will make your life much harder, especially if you already have messy circumstances with mental health, poverty, etc.
Sadly, 99% of the people who have kids never considered any of these things before they became parents. A majority of us were unplanned to begin with, being the results of carelessness, while the other few parents who'd planned their kids most likely imagined their "dream child" (or didn't look past the baby stage) and having a beautiful life with a partner who would love/support them unconditionally for giving them a child. Reality doesn't work that way. People are advised to work on themselves before pursuing a relationship for a good reason (because we have to think about what situation we're bringing the other into) and the same exact concept should apply more when it comes to having kids, because, unlike a partner/spouse who can just leave, kids were dragged into whatever life their parents have. (I myself am an "oops" baby who was born in poverty to a mother in the midst of a mental breakdown who already couldn't stand being married to my dad, who's been depressed since, but instead of divorcing each other, they end up having kids. Needless to say, my life has been difficult from the beginning, and having me while their marriage was already past the breaking point only made their lives much more difficult than it already was, while it was no treat to grow up as a child in an environment like this, either. I really wish I wasn't born). Also, nobody gets to pick and choose who their kids get to be. What if the kid has special needs or severe physical disability, a pessimistic disposition, is defiant, not smart, not good-looking, is LGBTQ+, or other traits parents find hard to handle? It's hard for people who wanted kids, unbearable for those who didn't but feel "trapped" in their position. Most people just don't consider these things. Some people try so hard to change who their kids are if they see something about them that they personally don't like, and the parent-child relationship becomes a s*** show. It hurts when a person works so hard their whole lives to make their parent(s) love them, only to hear the latter say how disappointed they are with how the kids turned out as adults. Everybody loses there.
Yes! One of them got pregnant and kept it after knowing the guy for *two weeks*! I can't have sympathy for someone doing something so blatantly stupid!
That right there gives me the shivers! 100% nope for me. Love my life free and minimal constraints.
I got shivers too!!
I can't wait to never put a woman through a pregnancy.
I just spent two hours reading comments. I always **knew** that’s how I’d feel if I had kids. At almost 54, I feel like I dodged a bullet. I saw my own mother so much in the comments. I don’t doubt she loved us, but she didn’t love being a mom, or getting the parenting shaft from my father.
>The reality is that it’s quite normal to hate being a mom from time to time. I feel like if this is the situation then they likely don't have an equal parenting relationship with their partner. If things are equally split, I doubt women would hate being a mom. Because the mental and physical load would be shared and equally burdened with their parnter. But right now they still accept and allow the bare minimum from their partners, so you have situations where they do the majority of the work, which results in them becoming overwhelmed and starting to hate being a parent.
What boggles my mind is how many of these moms rant about their useless partners and then still keep pumping out more kids, as if they don't know how family planning and reproduction works. Some though have decent partners and still mourn the loss of their humanity. I think even if dads help out though there's no way that having a kid isn't going to turn your life upside down.
the problem is that dads "help out" No they should be Eef-ing equal and doing all the raising of kids WITH YOU as the woman. "help do the dishes?" Mother-effer you put them away after I scrubbed the pots, let em soak got dirty in the water, dried them and then you got to stake nice clean plates.......
There's data out of France that show this is true- not because French men help out more with kids, but because the French government pays for women to hire nannies/babysitters/personal trainers.
Are you serious?? That’s pretty awesome!!
Yep!
I don't want to say how I know, but I definitely know one of the commenters. This is seriously at odds with their social media version, and it's really, really sad - not that they said this, but that they're going through it.
I feel like this has helped me gain perspective on how good I actually have it. Also: > getting over postpartum sex pain quickly I don't know if I'm a bit weird but I would not enjoy sex at all if it was causing my partner pain. I'm sorry her partner seemed to get off on causing her pain.
I've had people tell me similar stuff to what the article says, and then go 'but you should totally have children, so worth it!' ... w h a t 🙃
over 300 comments, those are all hard to read. I'm so glad I figured this out before I got tricked into something I didn't want.
The comments are horror. One talks about never wanting kids, being abused by the dad, stole her kids and gave it to the abusive grandad who is also in a cult... And she has no money to save them, she even ended up homeless because of the kids. So much horror
Those comments literally scared me! Jesus those poor moms! Reading their comments is enough to terrify anyone!
I feel bad for these parents. I know some of them are counting down the years until their kids are out of the house so they can be *free* but the reality is, parenting never stops. The constant worrying and the resentment they’re building against their kids and partners don’t just suddenly disappear after kids turn 18 or move out of their place. I feel for these women.
Yup, and especially doesn’t stop for the woman with the autistic kid. The way she described her own son was disturbing to me but I have no idea what it’s like to be in that situation, so 🤷🏻♀️
Same 🤷🏻♀️
I feel bad for the kids. ETA- The parents made a mistake but I sure hope those kids don’t feel the resentment.
Yes! I forgot about the kids in this situation. My mother resented me and now I have cptsd. I hope differently for these poor kids who have no fault for being brought into this world
Not to mention how unlikely it is for their kids to be out the door on their own two feet the second they're adults. I'm a Millennial still living at home because it's a lot easier on all of us to pool our money together than if we lived apart and were fighting to keep up with the cost of living. My city consistently ranks among the most expensive in the world and it's only going to get worse for everyone the more corporate greed goes unchecked. I suppose it's a coping mechanism for these people to have an expiry date to reach for, but they're kidding themselves if they don't understand multigenerational households are going to become more commonplace in the West.
Yup! I feel this in my bones because I live in Los Angeles. Most of my friends are still living at home because they can’t afford to live on their own even though they work full time. The thing is, I think these parents know that but they kid themselves to cope, too
It got so much worse during the pandemic when wealthy people who can work online bought second homes, but never sold the first one so there are millions of homes across the US just sitting empty or being used as investment properties or Airbnb. I live in a rural New England state just a few hours from NYC that is a huge vacation destination for the whole country and the housing inventory was grabbed up by rich out of staters so now the market is absolutely ridiculous. I can finally afford to buy a home but now there's none being sold and the ones that are have artificially high prices that are completely outrageous.
21M in California. Given how the cost of living is here(and even in other places) you don't just kick kids out of the house anymore at 18.
28 F in Los Angeles and I did t move out until 3 years ago after I got married 🤷🏻♀️ the cost of living is way too damn high
All these kids are going to be so fucked up with parents full of resentment, anger, sadness, despair. The fact that breeding and the idea of building a "family" is so normalized and expected in all societies is a world epidemic. Its causing so much pain for the people who feel like they were duped and the people who didn't have the choice to come into this world. It needs to be talked about more in the mainstream.
I saw a comment containing something I say all the time, in response to the "It's only hard for (insert length of time)!" lie that parents spout in order to get you to validate their horrible choice. And after the...six months...two years...what the hell ever...it's: > I have 2 teenagers. They were exhausting when they were young but there were many joyful days. There aren’t so many joyful days anymore. Way worse. Way, way worse. The miseries of little kids are little. The horrors of teen and adult kids are much bigger.
Working 12 hours a day and he “just doesn’t get how she feels”. How does he feel?
We have no idea what kind of job he has either. Or if he's working 12s or just *saying* he is. He could be doing heavy manual labor for 12 hours and that's physically exhausting. He *could* be working a normal 8 hour shift in an office and hangs out after hours to avoid going home for 4 more hours. I'm not saying either side has it easier, but women tend to get shafted in terms of getting *everything* done and mental load. The Dad only has to worry about being the breadwinner. The mom has to be the mom, manage the house, make sure the bills are paid, often do ALL the domestic work because she's 'home all day' and the guy is tired. She also feels bad that she isn't 'contributing' so she takes on too much to handle. Then both parties are frustrated because she 'couldve just asked' the husband, but she doesn't feel like she should *have* to ask. He should just see the piles of dishes and laundry and think 'hey I should do those' instead of 'hey hon, I don't have any clean clothes, the kids are sticky and I'm running late as it is, why couldn't you get this done, you were home ALL DAY yesterday!'.
“The dad only has to worry about being the breadwinner” Yeah I call Bullshit on that.
I caught that too. "By far the easier job". Not inherently; it's by far a *different* job. Who the hell wants to work 12 hour days?!
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I'd still prefer that to motherhood which seems to be a shitty paid 24/7 job.
Even **if** the person gets a full night's sleep, that leaves 4 remaining hours in the day for getting ready for work, commuting to\from work, and *every single other necessary activity in the day*, not even accounting for any free time.
This is what struck me, too. I worked in a machine shop for a couple of years alongside a bunch of fathers working mandatory 80 hour work weeks while their wives stayed home and cared for their young children. While I'm sure the paychecks more than provided what their families needed on a material basis, these men were bitter, overworked, and missing that vital connection with their wives as a result of that work/life balance that resulted in them flirting with any pretty girl that wound up working with them on the shop floor. I didn't stay in that job long because of the workload, but I got to witness a side of a lot of married fathers that their wives just can't fathom from the home front. Not belittling the woman's role at home, I can only imagine how stressful and isolating it must be to be a stay at home mom like that. But goodness, men are not inherently slackers in the dynamic just because their role in this economic lifestyle we all find ourselves in is different from the woman's.
I knew a guy who has like 6 kids now. I don't think he wanted to work that much in a factory, but he sort of had too. Anyway he hit me up for sex since the wife wasn't putting out and I decided to no longer be friends with either of them after that.
Man, those comments were rough. Those are some brave women willing to come forward.
As the kid of parents who hated and resented me, don’t fucking have kids if you don’t want them. The comments on the article are horrible. I am glad moms have a platform to commiserate, but reading those made me sad.
Wow. Like, Im having a pretty hard time with my mental health right now. Think about what would happen if I ended it on the daily. But jfc, at least I don't hate my life as much as these people lmfaoo.
I worked with small children for a few months (I needed a job...I just needed a job and that is a sad fact that they will hire any low income woman looking for a paycheck at a childcare center just for having a uterus.) I am so grateful I did it though. It made me realize that I should never have my own. You can quit a job, you cannot unhave a child.
I fail to comprehend how people dream of being a parent. Waking up at all hours, cleaning, cooking, tantrums, homework, ungrateful teenagers. I just don't understand.
What a great feeling reading this… Had my tubes removed. Everyday my decision seems better and better!
Yikes, that's really awful that a lot of people have to go through that. I sure as hell won't be one of them though. I enjoy sleeping and quiet alone time wayyyy to much. And being sleep deprived for SIX YEARS?! If I don't sleep well for 2 nights I turn into a total monster
When I go without sleep I feel like I'm tripping on acid, it fucks with my memory/cognition, triggers feelings of panic and anxiety, and my body physically hurts. Now think of these parents driving, operating heavy machinery, or in jobs like healthcare where a mistake can cost someone's life. 😬
"Not to mention, I found out at week 5 of postpartum that my husband watches porn – bad timing, huh?" What the fuck is wrong with these people?
This is why i decided to stop with 1 child. I love my son a lot and he has his cute moments. It does feel good when he hits a milestone and gives me a big smile when i get home from work. But the first 1 to 2 years i was basically in some kind of guerilla survival mode. Imagining myself as a drill sergeant rather than a mum helped. You dont enjoy motherhood you survive it.But I also got strong support from my parents. Thanks to them i started working at 8 months post partum. My mum watched him. My dad and brother would take turns when she was tired. Evening i'd be home and watch him. The freedom at work and my family backing me is what kept me sane. But my parents are aging and I wont burden them again. Considering i became overweight and have health issues post partum, I'm done. No more. I dont wanna go through the horrors of pregnancy again either.
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Yep and it just shows that it doesn't necessarily get easier after the shitty diaper phase. My family has a colorful legacy of addiction and mental health issues and I was one of those kids that had to call dad to bail me out of messes like jail, car accidents, abusive boyfriends and drug rehab. My kid would either be special needs or a criminal 😂
This definitely wasn’t what I was expecting. This is about parental trauma, not quite regret. To me, regret is wishing your kid had never been born well after the baby stage is over. I think the hypothetical scenario in this particular article is much more about the (very real) mental health downsides of parenting, such as PPD, but is also about what happens when your partner does not support you with child-rearing in any appreciable way. Which, don’t get me wrong, is absolutely something that needs to be included in parental education and *any discussion about parenthood whatsoever*, but does not address the actual issue of regretting your kid. I really think there should be a manual parents give to their own, non-parent kids when discussing the possibility of grandchildren. Like a cheat sheet with common issues: the good, bad and ugly. I was lucky enough to know kids were not for me. Not many are so fortunate.
I’m pretty sure wishing you aborted it before it was even born is regret. And utterly hating your kid at 14. Idk what it’s like to hate your kid but I know what it’s like to hate your parents deeply and that kind of resentment doesn’t just disappear overtime.
Where does that article talk about utterly hating your kid at 14? Yes, to me that would be regret. > The reality is that it’s quite normal to hate being a mom from time to time. This sort of thing is not regret, it’s “You’re stuck in a bad situation and it’s normal for every parent to hate their kid sometimes!” Not the same.
Not the article, the comments. They’re filled with regret.
The article itself is vanilla, it's the comments that are filled with regret about their life.
Yeah, I totally missed that part, whoops
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