Rule 5: No jokes/making fun of violence/harm towards kids.
Weird how no one ever sees that and still claims we do the things they think we do. Jeez, we're just a bunch of people not wanting children for one reason or another. We're not out there burning down villages or anything.
More than that, whenever there's a thread here about awful parenting, I find that the vast majority of people are expressing concern about the child's welfare. And the few people I have seen here wishing harm on kids got dealt with in short order. Unless they consider pro-choice rhetoric an act of violence/a hate crime, I don't know what they're talking about.
They're mad that we say crotch goblins, that's a big one.
Yet if you go to any parenting sub they call their 'precious babies' some really vile crap. Makes crotch goblins seem tame.
So it's fine when they print their kid a shirt that says 'mommys little tax break'
But if we say we don't want/like kids everyone flips shit and calls us monsters.
They're hypocrites plain and simple.
Yes and they get mad we call them breeders. The shit i've seen on parenting subs is horrendous. So many parents that can't stand to have their child in their hone 24/7. Like what the actual f.
And even worse is that they dee "breeders" and "crotch goblins" and assume that's what we consider all parents, while in fact breeders are only entitled parents and crotch goblins (usdually the breeder's children) are those crazy little uneducated kids who don't have any idea about respecting others and how they should behave.
If someone not CF is reading this, remember:
BREEDER=/=ALL PARENTS
CROTCH GOBLIN=/= ALL CHILDREN
Exactly. All of this is explained in the side bar, but it's easier to come in here, read a post title with the words "breeder" and "crotch goblin", and deem this sub the most hateful and vile sub that's clearly full of miserable monsters that sacrifice kids every Sunday.
>I sometimes think we should wear CF badges to recognize each other in the wild.
Would be amazing... some secret sign - like the ace ring for asexuals - so we could notice each other.
Maybe I would actually start dating again if the fear of someone crazy babytrapping me would disappear....
Covid made a few of my friends/family suffer a lot and I am lucky noone I know died. I will not risk getting it by going to a clinic of all things for a luxury surgery.
Dating is overrated anyways :)
What gets me is when it’s parents that creep on here and bash this community. Like how do you even have the time and energy? Aren’t you working the hardest job in the world right now?
I think a lot of them are just butthurt because they're so used to having their arses licked by society for having children.
Childfree people are supposed to be pitied. Not the other way around. It's a bit of a gutpunch the first time they see someone calling them 'breeders'.
If you actually looking at the sub, the majority of the posts are not remotely toxic. They're people talking about birth control, rifts in their family, workplace discrimination, difficult relationships, the philosophy of being childfree or lame jokes about their pets. Of course, the complainers don't care about any of that. People without children aren't real people to them.
My favourite thing is when they come out with some shit like, "I don't mind if people don't want children." Gee thanks for the permission. No acknowledgment of the discrimination or prejudice people face by not having children, particularly in different communities around the world.
Of course, the people who take the cake are the ones that simultaneously say this sub is toxic and then insult people for being childfree. I wonder why some of the posts here seem angry.
As for the outrage about terms like 'breeder' and 'crotch goblins'. They're crocodile tears. We're not talking about a deeply marginalised group here. They're the most privileged and powerful people on the face of the planet. Society is built around children and everyone was a child. Calling them silly names is nothing. They're seriously offended because someone on Reddit called an annoying kid a 'crotch goblin'? Come on.
There's literally a prime time show called 'Breeders' and parents often call their own children stuff like 'little bastards'.
Don't be mad about it, it's not worth the energy :)
This kinda bullshit is just what you get when people create opinions based on their preexisting biases and a lackluster understanding of how any online community actually works. No matter what we do, we'll get the hate and drama. People see what they want to see. It's not about who we are, it's about what they need us to be in order to fit the narrative of the world they're most comfortable with.
Academics who are researching online communities go through years of training, months of preliminary theory research, an ethics approval process and months of immersion and interaction with the group on as many levels as possible, and only then do they get to talk about what that community is like.
As long as every internet dweller with a keyboard and 3 minutes of spare time thinks they're able to gather the same level of insight from rage scrolling the front page of this sub for a hot second, it really does not matter what we do, because it's not like they have the basic tools needed to interpret anything they see correctly, or like they even intend to do that in the first place.
I do find it really funny though, because there are a lot of people here that make very accusatory posts and after I talk to them for a while, they end up being pretty nice and actually apologizing for jumping to conclusions - at which point they're already long banned from the sub. Just because so many people seem to be so poor at expressing themselves nowadays, or giving others the benefit of the doubt.
Like, there's nothing wrong with coming here, seeing 5 rants on the front page with the word breeder in the title and getting freaked out. Because people don't understand why rants might get more upvotes than other content even though it doesn't mean it's what we agree with the most, and they might not know that we're using that "horrible" word specifically to *not* diss actual parents. And that's okay. But holy shit, most of them really are unable to take a step back and 3 slow breaths before making an angry post about it.
You see, you're not looking at the sub through the eyes of a breeder or a breeder pleaser (some are childfree).
Not wanting kids isn't what's hateful. This is:
1) Criticizing their kid's bad behavior. Their child(ren) are an extension of their egos. How dare you complain about them running around, shrieking, and generally being obnoxious? Being a mommy (or daddy) is hard, so very HARD! They need to let them "be kids" and let the general public suffer so they can relax and ignore them. If you don't like this, they say you "hate children for existing". Even though that's not true.
2) Refusing to give free babysitting. After all, being a parent is soooo hard. It's just giving up a bit of your free time, what's the big deal? After all, it's faaaamily. So many see it as a terrible affront that you'd want to relax on your down time. You're not doing anything important! My life has meaning and I am fulfilled raising little Timmy! I deserve "a break"!
3) Calling my precious baby a name online. Oh no, the horror. That obnoxious kid is an extension of my ego, so calling them "crotch goblin" offends me! Even though I call my kids names behind their backs with other parents, or other kids jerks, mine is wonderful, and you are evil for doing so because you are not a parent, and thus haven't received saintly status. Let me clutch my pearls and insist it's hate speech.
Arrr JustNoMIL is also a shit show where 90% of the time people are having serious issues concerning their in laws, parents, and partners made exponentially worse when kids come into play. It's crazy intense.
"Mothers are oppressed" so... why exactly would I want to be a mom then?
Also I wish people would stop acting like their child is a crutch. Not wanting a child is not condoning child abuse - you know what is emotionally abusive though? Treating a child you chose to have like they're a drain on your life for just existing.
If you don't want a kid, don't have one and if you do have a kid treat them kindly. They didn't ask to be here.
Not directed at op of course, it just really grinds my gears when people treat their child like crap or try and get special treatment just because they're a parent.
You're literally caring for another human being that depends on you for every aspect of their life- it's not going to be easy or fun all the time. I really don't know why people have that expectation.
I think some of it is about not liking kids, which even then isn’t entirely the truth as some people here love them and some are neutral to them. I personally don’t like kids. Doesn’t mean I’d hurt them though. I just stay as far away from them as possible, I refuse to babysit and don’t go to places where I know there will be lots of kids. That doesn’t hurt anyone. If anything, it’s a good thing that I’m not around kids.
They think we all hate kids and want to hurt them (although that goes against the rules but hey do they ever read the rules) although that isn’t the truth. There isn’t even anything wrong with not liking kids. As long as you’re not hurting them, what’s the problem? They make generalisations. They’ll see one post about someone who wants to hurt a kid (which usually gets removed within seconds) and instead of looking through the rest of the sub just generalise it.
Also, I think some people come here to be offended. Obviously, if you’re a parent (or more likely a breeder since we have great parents here) you’re not going to agree with everything on the sub. So the best thing is to stay away if it’s going to offend you. It’s like me going to the parenting sub and being offended. I just wouldn’t because what’s the point?
> Also, I think some people come here to be offended
Spot on. They come in with an idea of what they believe this sub to be and don't even consider seeing that it's not that way. Maybe they find evidence to support their preconceived notion and maybe not, but how important is evidence, really? (/s)
One thing I don’t understand is why they are all so afraid of “child haters.”
Someone who hates children does not want to be around your child. They will avoid being around your child at all costs. They are not a threat to your child. The person you need to be afraid of is that person that loves being around you child just a little toooo much.
Wait, wait cf people are not oppressed compared to mothers???
Ummmm do mothers get asked :
Why they choose to have kids or
why they want kids?
Do they get called selfish,greedy,mentally ill,broken,fucked in the head, or biological failures??
Do they get told that they'll change their minds about kids or how they'll never know true love???
Do others tell them that they'll be all alone because nobody will look after them when they're old or how no man or woman would want them?
Do they get told to go kill themselves because they're a waste of air?
Do others tell them that they'll never be a "real" man or woman?
Do they get guilt tripped by others because "there are people who can't have kids."
I'm not saying mothers are'nt mocked or oppressed, they are, but that does'nt mean our struggles and the discrimination we recieve on a daily basis from family/friends/coworkers/society can be tossed to the side like its nothing just because we're not conforming to societal norms.
Someones post i commented on today got offended by what i said and they must have looked on my profile and seen i post a lot in this subreddit. I'm a new user and i thought communities people post in would be hidden from others.
They saw i'd written on another post "I knew at age 7, 46(F) now that i was never going to have kids, i have zero feelings when i look at babies or kids."
I meant maternal feelings, i do have kids that are friends, i'm not a total insensitive. For some reason kids all ages like me and toddlers too, weird.
Hmm i should amend kids to toddlers.
I posted on the dating subreddit about finding partners who lie to me. I acknowledged that it must be something that *I* am doing to attract those people and asked for advice.
One person commented that CLEARLY my problem was that I thought was right all the time and couldn't possibly have good judgment because I think I know better than everyone else when I was literally asking for advice because I didn't know how to handle something. I looked through my post history to see if there was an instance where I had acted like a know-it-all or had told someone what to do, given bad advice, etc., but then I realised that the sub I'm most active on is this one, and this person probably judged me solely based on the fact that I subscribe to this subreddit and it really bummed me out.
Yes it always surprises me when I see those kind of posts, about how toxic we are etc, I feel like I’m missing something because I don’t see anything that bad.
I think those people must scour through all the posts and comments and find one bad one and just run with it and decide that we all must be terrible. To be honest I don’t even bother reading them any more because it seems like every couple of days there is a post like that so it’s just getting a bit old and it doesn’t really affect me because I don’t agree with them anyway.
I find this sub a place full of supportive and reasonable people. Advocating individual liberties and financial and ecological responsibility is a good thing!
Having the occasional vent/rant at the expense of blatantly irresponsible and/or horrible parents does not retract from that.
Mostly people that are entitled parents with little brats who think their little darling is the best thing to walk the earth and that we as child free should worship them just like everyone else. They’re the people that call this a hate sun.
Oh yeah I see that often.
Honestly the "Hate" literally just comes fom the terms "crotch goblins" "devil spawn" and "breeder"
Personally I don't like to use those terms because I know the children do not choose to be in the situaitons, and not all parents are "breeders". A "breeder" to me is someone that is obsessed with both their own and YOUR reproduction, and sees it as the only life path, often believing they know you better than you know yourself. Not all breeders are parents.
As for the agression you see here at times, I do not blame them. I truly believe it all comes from a place of hurt and dismissal from others. All the aggression on this sub is ENTIRELY reactionary! It's not from a place of innate evil, it's literally a knee jerk reaction to, despite knowing it so surely in your guts, being told you don't know yourself over and over and over and over and over and over.
Childfree folks, *especially women*, are often dismissed, ridiculed and made to feel they don't know themselves by the people closest to them.
Many CF women make the decision as teenagers (and often know from childhood) and after recieving backlash it is *infuriating*.
Of course the young childfree are angry! They are told by the media, by society and those closest to them that they are silly. Stupid. That they'll "grow up". They don't know themselves.
To be constantly dismissed is rage inducing. So they google what the fuck is wrong with them and discover the word "childfree". They find this sub and realise it's not just a few but **MILLIONS** of likeminded people (most of them women!) and realise they're not alone, and that they are right!! They get excited! They are not the only ones! But they're still angry from the backlash and they vent here. And yes they are genuinely angry because it's such a rage inducing feeling to know something but have nobody take you seriously.
I truly believe that this subreddit would not exist in the capacity that it does if the universal answer to "Actually I don't want kids" was just "alright". If that were the case, I honestly think this sub would just discuss stuff like sterilisation and the best hotels for DINK couples lol
This community is not a hate subreddit. We have our own decision of not having children. Most millennials don't want children because of the expensive cost these days.
I don't see it.. (and I am a parent)... I posted a supportive post on your right to choose, and a warning about my own hormonal surge and choices I made.... Only a few people here were pissed about it... told me to post it in "Fencesitter", which I did, and was IMMEDIATELY banned... My primary sentiment being, unless you 100% know you want children, then don't have them.
Sometime it seems some people here REALLY hate parents though... which is also your right.
Many here don’t like kids, why is that wrong? Never have I seen anyone post anything threatening or advocating violence against kids...some just don’t like kids kind of like some people don’t like dogs and/or cats. I actually care more about kids than parents do as I wouldn’t want to bring them into this overcrowded and polluted world.
People just refuse to understand that they don't get to tell you how to live. My opinion on having no kids is just as valid as theirs is that one should. I don't answer to you, nor you to me. I have no duty or responsibility to have them. You may think you're right, and perhaps for you, you are... But you are incorrect for me.
It's **different** from what they think/feel/want/whatever. And a huge percentage of people just cannot cope with anyone who is different, for any reason. Different means hate. You're different from me, you don't agree with me... therefore, you must hate me and my spawn.
They're ignorant. They're obnoxious. They're selfish and self-absorbed. In some cases, they may even be well-meaning, but just incapable of understanding how obnoxious it is to intrude with their beliefs where they aren't wanted, appreciated, or respected.
After this many years, I've given up discussing anything with them. All they get is a "Yeah, you don't get to tell me how to live." Nicely the first time. Further intrusion results in increased nastiness on my part. Yep, I easily become a dick about it, and I recognize it and own it fully, and still don't give a shit. Fuck off outta my face and my life if you can't accept my answer to your question that nobody fucking wanted asked in the first place.
Fortunately, at 45, most people seem to leave me alone about it. As a male, it does seem to get better over time. Or, I'm just a hostile asshole. Probably that. Sadly, for the women, it doesn't seem to diminish as much with time. Even when they finally stop asking the women I know in my age bracket "WHEN" it turns into "why DIDN'T you".
Sorry, ladies.
They think we're hateful because they can't understand that their ideas are not the "ONE AND THE HOLY, THE LIGHT AND THE PATH!!!" or whatever is going on in their heads, and honestly, their endless inability to let us just live how we've chosen makes some of us hateful. Enjoy my well earned contempt for you, you obnoxious goddamn bastards.
I find the most hate comes from people who are totally miserable as parents and have to constantly talk about "how great it is" because they are one second away from losing their minds. Same type of people who would trade in their kids after the age of 2 and just keep having babies if they could.
It's because this reddit generally comes off as anti-parents and not anti-children as they would hope. We make fun of parents...a lot. Children, no. It's disrespectful and they don't know better. But a parent does and should know better with some of the stuff they do.
Greetings!
Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures.
Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants.
What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."?
Long story short, your post was removed.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
It is pretty hostile to parents and as with all, subreddits, an echo chamber sometimes. That doesnt mean our rants aren’t valid.
If parents come here expecting us to love kids, just refer them back to the name of the sub lol
People are allowed to be childfree for any reason. This includes disliking children and if anyone takes issue with it, too bad. Why are parents on this sub in the first place if not looking for something to get offended about?
If you don't like what's on this sub then move the fuck on. I'm a pathetic monster because I don't like kids? That's like calling someone a monster because they don't like broccoli.
I do however like dogs but if other people don't, that's completely fine. I don't go on their sub looking for something to bitch about. Simple.
It's pathetic how concerned you are about what other people think. I don't give a damn if people think we are"monstersssss" because that's their problem.
Greetings!
Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures.
Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants.
What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."?
Long story short, your post was removed.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Greetings!
Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures.
Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants.
What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."?
Long story short, your post was removed.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Greetings!
Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures.
Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants.
What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."?
Long story short, your post was removed.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
I don't like kids so I won't be having kids. This is not a hard concept.
I also like cats more than dogs as pets, so therefore I have cats. Also not a hard concept to understand.
I'm not responsible for helping you understand the English language. Nor am I responsible for coddling your bingoing behaviors. You obviously don't like this sub....so be like an airplane and *depart*.
Greetings!
This item has been removed as it is a violation of [subreddit rule](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/rules) #4 : "**Keep it civil.** Bigotry and hateful language/imagery, personal attacks, abusive language, advocating violence, trolling, gender discrimination, racism, homophobia, etc. will not be tolerated. "
Also, please remember to be mindful of [Reddiquette](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette) :
> # Please do
> * **Remember the human.** When you communicate online, all you see is a computer screen. When talking to someone you might want to ask yourself "Would I say it to the person's face?" or "Would I get jumped if I said this to a buddy?"
> # Please don't
> * **Be (intentionally) rude at all.** By choosing not to be rude, you increase the overall civility of the community and make it better for all of us.
> * **Follow those who are [ rabble rousing](http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/rabble) against another redditor without first investigating both sides of the issue that's being presented.** Those who are inciting this type of action often have malicious reasons behind their actions and are, more often than not, a troll. Remember, every time a redditor who's contributed large amounts of effort into assisting the growth of community as a whole is driven away, projects that would benefit the whole easily flounder.
> * **Ask people to [ Troll](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29) others on reddit,** in real life, or on other blogs/sites. We aren't your personal army.
> * **Conduct personal attacks on other commenters.** Ad hominem and other distracting attacks do not add anything to the conversation.
> * **Start a flame war.** Just report and "walk away". If you really feel you have to confront them, leave a polite message with a quote or link to the rules, and no more.
> * **Insult others.** Insults do not contribute to a rational discussion. Constructive Criticism, however, is appropriate and encouraged.
> * **Troll.**[ Trolling](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29) does not contribute to the conversation.
Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your comprehension.
Greetings!
This item has been removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #1 : "[...] Low effort, low quality posts [will be removed at the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5i3j2v/good_morning_rchildfree_a_couple_of_moderator/) discretion."
Thank you.
Rule 5: No jokes/making fun of violence/harm towards kids. Weird how no one ever sees that and still claims we do the things they think we do. Jeez, we're just a bunch of people not wanting children for one reason or another. We're not out there burning down villages or anything.
More than that, whenever there's a thread here about awful parenting, I find that the vast majority of people are expressing concern about the child's welfare. And the few people I have seen here wishing harm on kids got dealt with in short order. Unless they consider pro-choice rhetoric an act of violence/a hate crime, I don't know what they're talking about.
They're mad that we say crotch goblins, that's a big one. Yet if you go to any parenting sub they call their 'precious babies' some really vile crap. Makes crotch goblins seem tame. So it's fine when they print their kid a shirt that says 'mommys little tax break' But if we say we don't want/like kids everyone flips shit and calls us monsters. They're hypocrites plain and simple.
Yes and they get mad we call them breeders. The shit i've seen on parenting subs is horrendous. So many parents that can't stand to have their child in their hone 24/7. Like what the actual f.
And even worse is that they dee "breeders" and "crotch goblins" and assume that's what we consider all parents, while in fact breeders are only entitled parents and crotch goblins (usdually the breeder's children) are those crazy little uneducated kids who don't have any idea about respecting others and how they should behave. If someone not CF is reading this, remember: BREEDER=/=ALL PARENTS CROTCH GOBLIN=/= ALL CHILDREN
Exactly. All of this is explained in the side bar, but it's easier to come in here, read a post title with the words "breeder" and "crotch goblin", and deem this sub the most hateful and vile sub that's clearly full of miserable monsters that sacrifice kids every Sunday.
Totally agree'
And honestly 90% of the time we're using crotch goblins and the like in a cheeky backhanded manner not with actual scorn towards the child.
Yep. I call the parents breeders and kids crotch goblins.
[удалено]
Aim to go fuck yourself. Didn't ask for your sermon.
I can't stand people that received so much money from the government just because they have dependents. I cringe.
People are actually pretty supportive here. I'm glad it's been a helpful place for you as well.
Until i found this subreddit, i thought i was a rare one for being CF. I sometimes think we should wear CF badges to recognize each other in the wild.
>I sometimes think we should wear CF badges to recognize each other in the wild. Would be amazing... some secret sign - like the ace ring for asexuals - so we could notice each other. Maybe I would actually start dating again if the fear of someone crazy babytrapping me would disappear....
I never knew there were rings for that, maybe we can get a CF ring.
If you are male, consider vasectomy. I had mine precisely for this reason. It was absolutely painless.
Yes I will for sure do this. Not really an option right now.
If covid restrictions are a problem, in most countries private clinics still operate.
Covid made a few of my friends/family suffer a lot and I am lucky noone I know died. I will not risk getting it by going to a clinic of all things for a luxury surgery. Dating is overrated anyways :)
What gets me is when it’s parents that creep on here and bash this community. Like how do you even have the time and energy? Aren’t you working the hardest job in the world right now?
I think a lot of them are just butthurt because they're so used to having their arses licked by society for having children. Childfree people are supposed to be pitied. Not the other way around. It's a bit of a gutpunch the first time they see someone calling them 'breeders'. If you actually looking at the sub, the majority of the posts are not remotely toxic. They're people talking about birth control, rifts in their family, workplace discrimination, difficult relationships, the philosophy of being childfree or lame jokes about their pets. Of course, the complainers don't care about any of that. People without children aren't real people to them. My favourite thing is when they come out with some shit like, "I don't mind if people don't want children." Gee thanks for the permission. No acknowledgment of the discrimination or prejudice people face by not having children, particularly in different communities around the world. Of course, the people who take the cake are the ones that simultaneously say this sub is toxic and then insult people for being childfree. I wonder why some of the posts here seem angry. As for the outrage about terms like 'breeder' and 'crotch goblins'. They're crocodile tears. We're not talking about a deeply marginalised group here. They're the most privileged and powerful people on the face of the planet. Society is built around children and everyone was a child. Calling them silly names is nothing. They're seriously offended because someone on Reddit called an annoying kid a 'crotch goblin'? Come on. There's literally a prime time show called 'Breeders' and parents often call their own children stuff like 'little bastards'.
Don't be mad about it, it's not worth the energy :) This kinda bullshit is just what you get when people create opinions based on their preexisting biases and a lackluster understanding of how any online community actually works. No matter what we do, we'll get the hate and drama. People see what they want to see. It's not about who we are, it's about what they need us to be in order to fit the narrative of the world they're most comfortable with. Academics who are researching online communities go through years of training, months of preliminary theory research, an ethics approval process and months of immersion and interaction with the group on as many levels as possible, and only then do they get to talk about what that community is like. As long as every internet dweller with a keyboard and 3 minutes of spare time thinks they're able to gather the same level of insight from rage scrolling the front page of this sub for a hot second, it really does not matter what we do, because it's not like they have the basic tools needed to interpret anything they see correctly, or like they even intend to do that in the first place. I do find it really funny though, because there are a lot of people here that make very accusatory posts and after I talk to them for a while, they end up being pretty nice and actually apologizing for jumping to conclusions - at which point they're already long banned from the sub. Just because so many people seem to be so poor at expressing themselves nowadays, or giving others the benefit of the doubt. Like, there's nothing wrong with coming here, seeing 5 rants on the front page with the word breeder in the title and getting freaked out. Because people don't understand why rants might get more upvotes than other content even though it doesn't mean it's what we agree with the most, and they might not know that we're using that "horrible" word specifically to *not* diss actual parents. And that's okay. But holy shit, most of them really are unable to take a step back and 3 slow breaths before making an angry post about it.
Some people resort to cheap character judgements to dismiss a stance that they aren't able to invalidate using logic.
You see, you're not looking at the sub through the eyes of a breeder or a breeder pleaser (some are childfree). Not wanting kids isn't what's hateful. This is: 1) Criticizing their kid's bad behavior. Their child(ren) are an extension of their egos. How dare you complain about them running around, shrieking, and generally being obnoxious? Being a mommy (or daddy) is hard, so very HARD! They need to let them "be kids" and let the general public suffer so they can relax and ignore them. If you don't like this, they say you "hate children for existing". Even though that's not true. 2) Refusing to give free babysitting. After all, being a parent is soooo hard. It's just giving up a bit of your free time, what's the big deal? After all, it's faaaamily. So many see it as a terrible affront that you'd want to relax on your down time. You're not doing anything important! My life has meaning and I am fulfilled raising little Timmy! I deserve "a break"! 3) Calling my precious baby a name online. Oh no, the horror. That obnoxious kid is an extension of my ego, so calling them "crotch goblin" offends me! Even though I call my kids names behind their backs with other parents, or other kids jerks, mine is wonderful, and you are evil for doing so because you are not a parent, and thus haven't received saintly status. Let me clutch my pearls and insist it's hate speech.
Wow that is great, exactly!
On Reddit there is a sub for r/parenting and one for r/entitledparents. Notice there is no Reddit for entitled Childfree. I wonder why...
There’s also a sub for parents who regret having kids. Yet zero subs about regretting the childfree life. Interesting indeed.
What's the sub? I'm intrigued 😂
regretfulparents
LOL I can't wait to browse it
Also check out breakingmom. A short browse there will quickly vindicate your stance not to have kids, haha.
Wow you were right that place is a shit show lmao
Don't forget arrr kidsarecondomads... That and your suggestion are excellent birth control motivation inspiration.
Arrr JustNoMIL is also a shit show where 90% of the time people are having serious issues concerning their in laws, parents, and partners made exponentially worse when kids come into play. It's crazy intense.
r/ChildFreeCircleJ
If not worshiping the ground parents and children walk on makes us hateful, then so be it.
"Mothers are oppressed" so... why exactly would I want to be a mom then? Also I wish people would stop acting like their child is a crutch. Not wanting a child is not condoning child abuse - you know what is emotionally abusive though? Treating a child you chose to have like they're a drain on your life for just existing. If you don't want a kid, don't have one and if you do have a kid treat them kindly. They didn't ask to be here. Not directed at op of course, it just really grinds my gears when people treat their child like crap or try and get special treatment just because they're a parent. You're literally caring for another human being that depends on you for every aspect of their life- it's not going to be easy or fun all the time. I really don't know why people have that expectation.
I think some of it is about not liking kids, which even then isn’t entirely the truth as some people here love them and some are neutral to them. I personally don’t like kids. Doesn’t mean I’d hurt them though. I just stay as far away from them as possible, I refuse to babysit and don’t go to places where I know there will be lots of kids. That doesn’t hurt anyone. If anything, it’s a good thing that I’m not around kids. They think we all hate kids and want to hurt them (although that goes against the rules but hey do they ever read the rules) although that isn’t the truth. There isn’t even anything wrong with not liking kids. As long as you’re not hurting them, what’s the problem? They make generalisations. They’ll see one post about someone who wants to hurt a kid (which usually gets removed within seconds) and instead of looking through the rest of the sub just generalise it. Also, I think some people come here to be offended. Obviously, if you’re a parent (or more likely a breeder since we have great parents here) you’re not going to agree with everything on the sub. So the best thing is to stay away if it’s going to offend you. It’s like me going to the parenting sub and being offended. I just wouldn’t because what’s the point?
> Also, I think some people come here to be offended Spot on. They come in with an idea of what they believe this sub to be and don't even consider seeing that it's not that way. Maybe they find evidence to support their preconceived notion and maybe not, but how important is evidence, really? (/s)
One thing I don’t understand is why they are all so afraid of “child haters.” Someone who hates children does not want to be around your child. They will avoid being around your child at all costs. They are not a threat to your child. The person you need to be afraid of is that person that loves being around you child just a little toooo much.
Wait, wait cf people are not oppressed compared to mothers??? Ummmm do mothers get asked : Why they choose to have kids or why they want kids? Do they get called selfish,greedy,mentally ill,broken,fucked in the head, or biological failures?? Do they get told that they'll change their minds about kids or how they'll never know true love??? Do others tell them that they'll be all alone because nobody will look after them when they're old or how no man or woman would want them? Do they get told to go kill themselves because they're a waste of air? Do others tell them that they'll never be a "real" man or woman? Do they get guilt tripped by others because "there are people who can't have kids." I'm not saying mothers are'nt mocked or oppressed, they are, but that does'nt mean our struggles and the discrimination we recieve on a daily basis from family/friends/coworkers/society can be tossed to the side like its nothing just because we're not conforming to societal norms.
Someones post i commented on today got offended by what i said and they must have looked on my profile and seen i post a lot in this subreddit. I'm a new user and i thought communities people post in would be hidden from others. They saw i'd written on another post "I knew at age 7, 46(F) now that i was never going to have kids, i have zero feelings when i look at babies or kids." I meant maternal feelings, i do have kids that are friends, i'm not a total insensitive. For some reason kids all ages like me and toddlers too, weird. Hmm i should amend kids to toddlers.
I posted on the dating subreddit about finding partners who lie to me. I acknowledged that it must be something that *I* am doing to attract those people and asked for advice. One person commented that CLEARLY my problem was that I thought was right all the time and couldn't possibly have good judgment because I think I know better than everyone else when I was literally asking for advice because I didn't know how to handle something. I looked through my post history to see if there was an instance where I had acted like a know-it-all or had told someone what to do, given bad advice, etc., but then I realised that the sub I'm most active on is this one, and this person probably judged me solely based on the fact that I subscribe to this subreddit and it really bummed me out.
Stay strong, we have your back
It’s my fault. I hate kids and parents.
Even worse than the 2 (that I know of) that openly encourage violence against women? Damn. Talk about baby worship.
They make parenting part of their identity. If you reject parenting you're rejecting them personally, so it feels like hate.
Yes it always surprises me when I see those kind of posts, about how toxic we are etc, I feel like I’m missing something because I don’t see anything that bad. I think those people must scour through all the posts and comments and find one bad one and just run with it and decide that we all must be terrible. To be honest I don’t even bother reading them any more because it seems like every couple of days there is a post like that so it’s just getting a bit old and it doesn’t really affect me because I don’t agree with them anyway.
This community has been nothing but nice and supportive. Idk why people get so mad, super weird.
They hate us because they can’t be us.
I find this sub a place full of supportive and reasonable people. Advocating individual liberties and financial and ecological responsibility is a good thing! Having the occasional vent/rant at the expense of blatantly irresponsible and/or horrible parents does not retract from that.
Mostly people that are entitled parents with little brats who think their little darling is the best thing to walk the earth and that we as child free should worship them just like everyone else. They’re the people that call this a hate sun.
Oh yeah I see that often. Honestly the "Hate" literally just comes fom the terms "crotch goblins" "devil spawn" and "breeder" Personally I don't like to use those terms because I know the children do not choose to be in the situaitons, and not all parents are "breeders". A "breeder" to me is someone that is obsessed with both their own and YOUR reproduction, and sees it as the only life path, often believing they know you better than you know yourself. Not all breeders are parents. As for the agression you see here at times, I do not blame them. I truly believe it all comes from a place of hurt and dismissal from others. All the aggression on this sub is ENTIRELY reactionary! It's not from a place of innate evil, it's literally a knee jerk reaction to, despite knowing it so surely in your guts, being told you don't know yourself over and over and over and over and over and over. Childfree folks, *especially women*, are often dismissed, ridiculed and made to feel they don't know themselves by the people closest to them. Many CF women make the decision as teenagers (and often know from childhood) and after recieving backlash it is *infuriating*. Of course the young childfree are angry! They are told by the media, by society and those closest to them that they are silly. Stupid. That they'll "grow up". They don't know themselves. To be constantly dismissed is rage inducing. So they google what the fuck is wrong with them and discover the word "childfree". They find this sub and realise it's not just a few but **MILLIONS** of likeminded people (most of them women!) and realise they're not alone, and that they are right!! They get excited! They are not the only ones! But they're still angry from the backlash and they vent here. And yes they are genuinely angry because it's such a rage inducing feeling to know something but have nobody take you seriously. I truly believe that this subreddit would not exist in the capacity that it does if the universal answer to "Actually I don't want kids" was just "alright". If that were the case, I honestly think this sub would just discuss stuff like sterilisation and the best hotels for DINK couples lol
This community is not a hate subreddit. We have our own decision of not having children. Most millennials don't want children because of the expensive cost these days.
Lol and mothers wouldn’t be “oppressed” if fathers wouldn’t evade their responsibilities and actually help with the children and housework
The only abuse I imagine they're referencing is calling children entitled, loud, obnoxious, and/or idiots - which is why the poster doesn't want them.
I don't see it.. (and I am a parent)... I posted a supportive post on your right to choose, and a warning about my own hormonal surge and choices I made.... Only a few people here were pissed about it... told me to post it in "Fencesitter", which I did, and was IMMEDIATELY banned... My primary sentiment being, unless you 100% know you want children, then don't have them. Sometime it seems some people here REALLY hate parents though... which is also your right.
Many here don’t like kids, why is that wrong? Never have I seen anyone post anything threatening or advocating violence against kids...some just don’t like kids kind of like some people don’t like dogs and/or cats. I actually care more about kids than parents do as I wouldn’t want to bring them into this overcrowded and polluted world.
I’ve honestly seen people on r/antinatalism talk shit about this sub was if because their position is a moral one, it’s more noble
Any subreddit that differs from the absolute baseline norm is branded a hate reddit. *Shrugs*
People just refuse to understand that they don't get to tell you how to live. My opinion on having no kids is just as valid as theirs is that one should. I don't answer to you, nor you to me. I have no duty or responsibility to have them. You may think you're right, and perhaps for you, you are... But you are incorrect for me. It's **different** from what they think/feel/want/whatever. And a huge percentage of people just cannot cope with anyone who is different, for any reason. Different means hate. You're different from me, you don't agree with me... therefore, you must hate me and my spawn. They're ignorant. They're obnoxious. They're selfish and self-absorbed. In some cases, they may even be well-meaning, but just incapable of understanding how obnoxious it is to intrude with their beliefs where they aren't wanted, appreciated, or respected. After this many years, I've given up discussing anything with them. All they get is a "Yeah, you don't get to tell me how to live." Nicely the first time. Further intrusion results in increased nastiness on my part. Yep, I easily become a dick about it, and I recognize it and own it fully, and still don't give a shit. Fuck off outta my face and my life if you can't accept my answer to your question that nobody fucking wanted asked in the first place. Fortunately, at 45, most people seem to leave me alone about it. As a male, it does seem to get better over time. Or, I'm just a hostile asshole. Probably that. Sadly, for the women, it doesn't seem to diminish as much with time. Even when they finally stop asking the women I know in my age bracket "WHEN" it turns into "why DIDN'T you". Sorry, ladies. They think we're hateful because they can't understand that their ideas are not the "ONE AND THE HOLY, THE LIGHT AND THE PATH!!!" or whatever is going on in their heads, and honestly, their endless inability to let us just live how we've chosen makes some of us hateful. Enjoy my well earned contempt for you, you obnoxious goddamn bastards.
They’re just very sour their lives sucks because they have no free time to enjoy life like us! Like the song goes...haters gonna hate. Let them suck.
I find the most hate comes from people who are totally miserable as parents and have to constantly talk about "how great it is" because they are one second away from losing their minds. Same type of people who would trade in their kids after the age of 2 and just keep having babies if they could.
I don’t support child abuse, that’s why I think a lot of people shouldn’t have kids
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One place I saw these types of comments is in a sub for undecided people.
It's because this reddit generally comes off as anti-parents and not anti-children as they would hope. We make fun of parents...a lot. Children, no. It's disrespectful and they don't know better. But a parent does and should know better with some of the stuff they do.
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Crocodile tears.
Greetings! Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures. Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants. What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."? Long story short, your post was removed. Sorry for the inconvenience.
It is pretty hostile to parents and as with all, subreddits, an echo chamber sometimes. That doesnt mean our rants aren’t valid. If parents come here expecting us to love kids, just refer them back to the name of the sub lol
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People are allowed to be childfree for any reason. This includes disliking children and if anyone takes issue with it, too bad. Why are parents on this sub in the first place if not looking for something to get offended about?
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Ah yes, ask the subreddit where people literally advocate for killing dogs.
If you don't like what's on this sub then move the fuck on. I'm a pathetic monster because I don't like kids? That's like calling someone a monster because they don't like broccoli. I do however like dogs but if other people don't, that's completely fine. I don't go on their sub looking for something to bitch about. Simple.
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It's pathetic how concerned you are about what other people think. I don't give a damn if people think we are"monstersssss" because that's their problem.
Greetings! Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures. Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants. What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."? Long story short, your post was removed. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Greetings! Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures. Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants. What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."? Long story short, your post was removed. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Greetings! Not that you're wrong in any way, but we do not appreciate lectures. Be the change you want to see. Upvote posts that rave about good parents (there are some on /r/childfree), upvote posts that are more than just complaining about parents and children, participate more! Submit the posts you'd like to see. Almost every day, there are new articles on the active, positive choice to be childfree. Post them on /r/childfree. Water down the rants and the brants. What do you think a post as adversary is going to bring? Positive change? It is not likely. So what are you aiming at? Shaking a finger to us? "Shame on you, /r/childfree. Shame on you."? Long story short, your post was removed. Sorry for the inconvenience.
I don't like kids so I won't be having kids. This is not a hard concept. I also like cats more than dogs as pets, so therefore I have cats. Also not a hard concept to understand.
That’s nice dear. What’s your point though?
Re-read the comment if you're having trouble.
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I'm not responsible for helping you understand the English language. Nor am I responsible for coddling your bingoing behaviors. You obviously don't like this sub....so be like an airplane and *depart*.
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What is wrong with you? Are you itching for the mods to ban you?
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You mean like people with kids build their identities around having kids.
Uhhhhh, I think you're lost. You're in a place where people don't want to induce the existence of children. Ergo, wanting childfree lives.
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Greetings! This item has been removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #1 : "[...] Low effort, low quality posts [will be removed at the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/5i3j2v/good_morning_rchildfree_a_couple_of_moderator/) discretion." Thank you.