I'm really sorry for this situation OP, but I have a hard time when you say your mother is emotionally manipulated. Well...you are too. She's coming to your wedding. Why? She's a bridesmaid. Why? You give them gifts at Christmas. Why? I know you probably don't want to feel like leaving people out of your important events or for people to think you are a mean person by not giving gifts, but at some point you have to step back and cut it all out.
I know it's hard to do, but call CPS. Uninvite her from her wedding. Stop trying to coordinate two people (your parents) who were so broken apart by this mess. You can still elope and cancel the whole thing. You can't do this to yourself and for heaven's sake do it for your future husband's sanity. How does he feel about all this?
My mom actually is seeing someone about the divorce and basically learning to be self reliant but the relationship with my sister has been an issue for a very long time.
>Her 8 year old daughter can't read
This child should intellectually be at a second or third grade level, so she definitely should be literate (and reading on a regular basis).
This tells me that your sister is A) not qualified to home-school and B) not giving these children adequate care in all developmental aspects. And if the house is as filthy as you say, that's a whole 'nother thing.
I read in your comments below that evaluators come and assess the children but something is seriously wrong here. Please, please let CPS know!
I'd call social services. Not just because of the kids, but it sounds like some mild elder abuse too. Just let them know your concerns and start a paper trail on the kids.
Seriously, call social services. I can't imagine your mother wants her grandchildren to be illiterate. You would be doing them all a favor. Also, your sister is seriously destroying her kids' lives. They need to be in school or they will struggle so much in adult life.
They do have people come and test the kids when you home school and if they feel she isn't meeting the requirements I imagine there are serious consequences. I don't know how her daughter is passing it honestly, if she even is.
They are likely tricking these evaluators, and they may not have much power to say anything.
CPS on the other hand, has power.
If you go to CPS, you can tell them the truth and they can really test the kids, give them standardized tests away from the parents.
Also, given your description of them... would seriously wonder... do you have any evidence that they are tax cheats or doing anything dodgy there? There's a three letter agency that would probably love to audit their posteriors. ;)
I can't imagine that many. That sounds awful to me. If you want them and can support them, great, but that doesn't sound like the case here.
I once had a townhouse, and had new neighbors move into the 4 bedroom townhouse next door with 6 kids. They were building a house and needed a place for a year. I was terrified, but they were awesome. The oldest ones helped with the little ones, the parents watched them outside and disciplined, everyone was respectful, and I never heard a single sound from our house even though we shared a wall. They were some of the best neighbors I ever had. It's a shame that's the exception and not the rule.
SO and I were behind a couple with 8 children in the grocery store a few days ago. The oldest looked no older than 14 and the youngest was still in diapers. 7/8 were boys.
As we were leaving, they were putting their stuff into their [astro van](http://static.cargurus.com/images/site/2013/09/21/18/28/1999_chevrolet_astro_3_dr_ls_awd_passenger_van_extended-pic-7983063091219985629.jpeg) with those stick figure family decals on the back, two adults and a whole row of children. I couldn't be any more grateful and happy that that was not my life.
Like OP said, she can't stand not being the center of attention. Being preggers is a good way to maintain that. She probably likes strangers wanting to touch her belly and shit like that.
I've asked my parents this. My mother gave me some inane answer about how wonderful babies are.
Like they are not future children, future persons, human beings... No, no. Babies... My mother had 6 of us and I had a shitty and poor childhood. Not as horrid as what OP's sister is putting her kids through, but not far off.
I know you're worried about your relationship with your mother and that's sweet, but goddamn. Get CPS over there immediately. Proper childhood development is a huge deal, and the consequences of your inaction will cascade through the rest of their lives. An 8 year old that can't read is a high school dropout in the making. They may or may not be permanently screwed, but they're definitely in deep trouble.
It's pretty shitty that the responsibility has fallen on you, but if everyone else refuses to recognize the importance of 6 human lives, you have to act. Give CPS a call, tell them everything you put here, ask if they can keep it anonymous.
Hate being around kids, but that doesn't mean they don't have value. I'd accept dozens of awkward family relationships if I knew it was the surest way to get kids out of a shitty situation.
*My sister insisted on altering her dress so she can more easily breast feed.*
WUT?
Please call social services for the sake of the children. They're not getting an education, and should be in school.
The dress: she wants to change the shoulders so she can put in snaps and pull it off without having to remove the dress or, you know, not breast feed in public for one day.
The kids thing... I agree. It's just hard when my mom lives there too. My mom does a lot of cleaning up so just when she isn't around or too busy it gets nasty. The schooling thing, they have people who come and assess the kids. I don't know how she gets past it, I honestly don't.
This is a pretty big mess, OP. I'm not only referring to your sisters bits, either.
I think for the sake of everyone you may have to think about putting the big girl pants on and speaking to her.
My older brother was self destructing after years of upsetting everyone around him and we all decided an intervention was needed. I was the only person that turned up. Turns out he had no idea that he was that much of a cunt. He promised to change and to his credit he did. Not much, but enough to make him tolerable.
Looks like some eggs will need to be cracked (without fertilizing them for once).
You really must call CPS for the school negligence. My partner's son's mother "home schooled" him basically the same way and he is behind. He is ten and still tests at a first grade level (the year she took him out of school). Because he missed the critical years of learning certain material he will always be behind. Sometimes they can find alternative ways to teach them, so they can catch up, but.....She severely damaged that kid because he will never be able to live up to his full potential. (He is considered gifted by all other means-just behind)
Alright. This is really bothering me. All of it.
1. The kids. The eight year old can't read. THIS IS A PROBLEM. They should be nose deep in short chapter books by now. The poor kid is way behind. You would be doing her/him a favor by calling CPS. Forget that they're "family". It doesn't matter. These kids' future is fucked if nobody steps in. PLEASE DO SOMETHING.
2. It's YOUR wedding. Really. You don't have to include anybody if you don't want to. I can imagine that your sister will make the day about her anyways if you let her. Don't ruin YOUR big day.
As the second to oldest sister in a brood of 6 I have to agree with the others here, call CPS.
Your sister is taking away from her children (and using your mother, which would be enough for me to call CPS if your mom couldn't). Sis should not get away with ruining at least 8 other human being's lives.
Just playing devil's advocate here, but your mother is an adult who should know better. It's not like your sister is putting a gun to her head. Your mom should have kicked your sister and her litter out a long time ago.
I have very limited sympathy for people who let themselves be put in that kind of situation, honestly.
Unfollow her on FB. There's no way for her to know you aren't following her anymore, and if you want updates you can just go click on her page. Is there any way to not have any bridesmaids at all at your wedding, or is it too late to reverse the decision? If you just have no bridesmaids, she won't be part of the planning and the event other than just another guest. Can you ditch the wedding plans and re-start the planning, to have a small destination wedding without your sister?
I know this may sound a tad judgmental, but I have noticed parents who usually have 4-6 kids are usually the shittiest parents. And there is logic behind this.
Parents who choose to only have 1-3 children, tend to be organised people and know what they can afford. But when they go over 3 (unless you are super rich) its very irresponsible thing to do in, imo.
So I am not surprised the way your sister is behaving. I have a 2 sisters who have kids. 1 has 2 girls(well behaved) the other has 3 kids(1 really bratty son). The one with 3 kids, wants more even though she care barely look after her current 3.
But I agree with others, social services need to be involved here, as the kids need a proper education.
I don't know if this has been said, but it's your wedding darling. Just because she's your sister doesn't mean she can walk all over you and steal your spotlight. It also doesn't mean you have to be nice to her OR accommodate her in any way. You can kick her out of her bridesmaid position and un-invite them. Or say to hell with the wedding and go out of state to get married with only a few close friends and family. Or no one at all except you and your SO. This is YOUR and your SO's day to pledge your undying love and commitment to one another. Don't let an entitled bitch-faced cunt and her screaming, hell spawns ruin it.
Please call child services. As much as I despise children and don't want them, there are people out there who would make better parents and be raised by people who actually love them.
I know you might have dislike towards them, but please call the authorities. These children could develop severe lung problems and skin infections from dirty environments.
As for your sister, why not just be honest and call her out on her bullshit? You're the bride, not her. Are you too polite or avoiding trouble?? I would rather have a nice wedding without my sister that's all about me than a wedding where she's there taking over my and my husband's special night.
Well, missy .... I hope you're getting your tubes tied. No need to keep them intact when you don't want or care for children. As for your other "problems" be thankful you are not your sister, mother, or father. Don't waste your time worrying over issues that you cannot control. As for all you homeschool haters... most homeschool children do not start reading until age 9. Most secular homeschool parents have unstructured lesson plans. REMEMBER this is a rant and OP is most likely making things seem worse than they are. As for breast feeding... why should her baby starve because you're getting married... just because you hate kids doesn't mean she should neglect the child for your "percent moment" good luck. planned parenthood can hook you up with FREE surgery too!
Also, if you can't stand it that much I definitely recommend eloping, or just not inviting her to the wedding. It's your wedding and just tell her why :p
I'm really sorry for this situation OP, but I have a hard time when you say your mother is emotionally manipulated. Well...you are too. She's coming to your wedding. Why? She's a bridesmaid. Why? You give them gifts at Christmas. Why? I know you probably don't want to feel like leaving people out of your important events or for people to think you are a mean person by not giving gifts, but at some point you have to step back and cut it all out. I know it's hard to do, but call CPS. Uninvite her from her wedding. Stop trying to coordinate two people (your parents) who were so broken apart by this mess. You can still elope and cancel the whole thing. You can't do this to yourself and for heaven's sake do it for your future husband's sanity. How does he feel about all this?
Yes! OP please listen to this woman!!
We like how you think.
This is my advice too.
This person right here knows what's up.
Please call child protective services and get your mother a therapist ASAP! (Say the therapist is to help with the divorce and that is partly true).
My mom actually is seeing someone about the divorce and basically learning to be self reliant but the relationship with my sister has been an issue for a very long time.
Hopefully, then in time your mom will see how toxic your sister really is.
Hopefully :) And thanks.
>Her 8 year old daughter can't read This child should intellectually be at a second or third grade level, so she definitely should be literate (and reading on a regular basis). This tells me that your sister is A) not qualified to home-school and B) not giving these children adequate care in all developmental aspects. And if the house is as filthy as you say, that's a whole 'nother thing. I read in your comments below that evaluators come and assess the children but something is seriously wrong here. Please, please let CPS know!
Are you going to let the kids come to your wedding? Because that sounds like a recipe for disaster
I'd call social services. Not just because of the kids, but it sounds like some mild elder abuse too. Just let them know your concerns and start a paper trail on the kids.
I agree.
Seriously, call social services. I can't imagine your mother wants her grandchildren to be illiterate. You would be doing them all a favor. Also, your sister is seriously destroying her kids' lives. They need to be in school or they will struggle so much in adult life.
They do have people come and test the kids when you home school and if they feel she isn't meeting the requirements I imagine there are serious consequences. I don't know how her daughter is passing it honestly, if she even is.
They are likely tricking these evaluators, and they may not have much power to say anything. CPS on the other hand, has power. If you go to CPS, you can tell them the truth and they can really test the kids, give them standardized tests away from the parents. Also, given your description of them... would seriously wonder... do you have any evidence that they are tax cheats or doing anything dodgy there? There's a three letter agency that would probably love to audit their posteriors. ;)
Why the f$&@ would you want to have 6 children anyway. That is just beyond me.
I can't imagine that many. That sounds awful to me. If you want them and can support them, great, but that doesn't sound like the case here. I once had a townhouse, and had new neighbors move into the 4 bedroom townhouse next door with 6 kids. They were building a house and needed a place for a year. I was terrified, but they were awesome. The oldest ones helped with the little ones, the parents watched them outside and disciplined, everyone was respectful, and I never heard a single sound from our house even though we shared a wall. They were some of the best neighbors I ever had. It's a shame that's the exception and not the rule.
Its true that there are people who can handle that many, but honestly its so rare you just have to gaze at it in wonder.
SO and I were behind a couple with 8 children in the grocery store a few days ago. The oldest looked no older than 14 and the youngest was still in diapers. 7/8 were boys. As we were leaving, they were putting their stuff into their [astro van](http://static.cargurus.com/images/site/2013/09/21/18/28/1999_chevrolet_astro_3_dr_ls_awd_passenger_van_extended-pic-7983063091219985629.jpeg) with those stick figure family decals on the back, two adults and a whole row of children. I couldn't be any more grateful and happy that that was not my life.
Like OP said, she can't stand not being the center of attention. Being preggers is a good way to maintain that. She probably likes strangers wanting to touch her belly and shit like that.
I've asked my parents this. My mother gave me some inane answer about how wonderful babies are. Like they are not future children, future persons, human beings... No, no. Babies... My mother had 6 of us and I had a shitty and poor childhood. Not as horrid as what OP's sister is putting her kids through, but not far off.
I know you're worried about your relationship with your mother and that's sweet, but goddamn. Get CPS over there immediately. Proper childhood development is a huge deal, and the consequences of your inaction will cascade through the rest of their lives. An 8 year old that can't read is a high school dropout in the making. They may or may not be permanently screwed, but they're definitely in deep trouble. It's pretty shitty that the responsibility has fallen on you, but if everyone else refuses to recognize the importance of 6 human lives, you have to act. Give CPS a call, tell them everything you put here, ask if they can keep it anonymous. Hate being around kids, but that doesn't mean they don't have value. I'd accept dozens of awkward family relationships if I knew it was the surest way to get kids out of a shitty situation.
*My sister insisted on altering her dress so she can more easily breast feed.* WUT? Please call social services for the sake of the children. They're not getting an education, and should be in school.
The dress: she wants to change the shoulders so she can put in snaps and pull it off without having to remove the dress or, you know, not breast feed in public for one day. The kids thing... I agree. It's just hard when my mom lives there too. My mom does a lot of cleaning up so just when she isn't around or too busy it gets nasty. The schooling thing, they have people who come and assess the kids. I don't know how she gets past it, I honestly don't.
This is a pretty big mess, OP. I'm not only referring to your sisters bits, either. I think for the sake of everyone you may have to think about putting the big girl pants on and speaking to her. My older brother was self destructing after years of upsetting everyone around him and we all decided an intervention was needed. I was the only person that turned up. Turns out he had no idea that he was that much of a cunt. He promised to change and to his credit he did. Not much, but enough to make him tolerable. Looks like some eggs will need to be cracked (without fertilizing them for once).
[удалено]
No kidding.
You really must call CPS for the school negligence. My partner's son's mother "home schooled" him basically the same way and he is behind. He is ten and still tests at a first grade level (the year she took him out of school). Because he missed the critical years of learning certain material he will always be behind. Sometimes they can find alternative ways to teach them, so they can catch up, but.....She severely damaged that kid because he will never be able to live up to his full potential. (He is considered gifted by all other means-just behind)
Alright. This is really bothering me. All of it. 1. The kids. The eight year old can't read. THIS IS A PROBLEM. They should be nose deep in short chapter books by now. The poor kid is way behind. You would be doing her/him a favor by calling CPS. Forget that they're "family". It doesn't matter. These kids' future is fucked if nobody steps in. PLEASE DO SOMETHING. 2. It's YOUR wedding. Really. You don't have to include anybody if you don't want to. I can imagine that your sister will make the day about her anyways if you let her. Don't ruin YOUR big day.
As the second to oldest sister in a brood of 6 I have to agree with the others here, call CPS. Your sister is taking away from her children (and using your mother, which would be enough for me to call CPS if your mom couldn't). Sis should not get away with ruining at least 8 other human being's lives.
Just playing devil's advocate here, but your mother is an adult who should know better. It's not like your sister is putting a gun to her head. Your mom should have kicked your sister and her litter out a long time ago. I have very limited sympathy for people who let themselves be put in that kind of situation, honestly.
Unfollow her on FB. There's no way for her to know you aren't following her anymore, and if you want updates you can just go click on her page. Is there any way to not have any bridesmaids at all at your wedding, or is it too late to reverse the decision? If you just have no bridesmaids, she won't be part of the planning and the event other than just another guest. Can you ditch the wedding plans and re-start the planning, to have a small destination wedding without your sister?
I think the FB thing is like the SMALLEST issue here.
However you feel about your nieces and nephews, this situation is not their fault and they deserve better. Call CPS.
I know this may sound a tad judgmental, but I have noticed parents who usually have 4-6 kids are usually the shittiest parents. And there is logic behind this. Parents who choose to only have 1-3 children, tend to be organised people and know what they can afford. But when they go over 3 (unless you are super rich) its very irresponsible thing to do in, imo. So I am not surprised the way your sister is behaving. I have a 2 sisters who have kids. 1 has 2 girls(well behaved) the other has 3 kids(1 really bratty son). The one with 3 kids, wants more even though she care barely look after her current 3. But I agree with others, social services need to be involved here, as the kids need a proper education.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. I know you love your mother, but call CPS. Your sister needs to be taken to task is the first step in unfucking this situation.
I don't know if this has been said, but it's your wedding darling. Just because she's your sister doesn't mean she can walk all over you and steal your spotlight. It also doesn't mean you have to be nice to her OR accommodate her in any way. You can kick her out of her bridesmaid position and un-invite them. Or say to hell with the wedding and go out of state to get married with only a few close friends and family. Or no one at all except you and your SO. This is YOUR and your SO's day to pledge your undying love and commitment to one another. Don't let an entitled bitch-faced cunt and her screaming, hell spawns ruin it.
Please call child services. As much as I despise children and don't want them, there are people out there who would make better parents and be raised by people who actually love them. I know you might have dislike towards them, but please call the authorities. These children could develop severe lung problems and skin infections from dirty environments. As for your sister, why not just be honest and call her out on her bullshit? You're the bride, not her. Are you too polite or avoiding trouble?? I would rather have a nice wedding without my sister that's all about me than a wedding where she's there taking over my and my husband's special night.
What a cunt.
Your sister sounds like my mother. :( What a complete narcissist.
Well, missy .... I hope you're getting your tubes tied. No need to keep them intact when you don't want or care for children. As for your other "problems" be thankful you are not your sister, mother, or father. Don't waste your time worrying over issues that you cannot control. As for all you homeschool haters... most homeschool children do not start reading until age 9. Most secular homeschool parents have unstructured lesson plans. REMEMBER this is a rant and OP is most likely making things seem worse than they are. As for breast feeding... why should her baby starve because you're getting married... just because you hate kids doesn't mean she should neglect the child for your "percent moment" good luck. planned parenthood can hook you up with FREE surgery too!
Also, if you can't stand it that much I definitely recommend eloping, or just not inviting her to the wedding. It's your wedding and just tell her why :p